Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 332 - Cam MacLeod
Episode Date: July 28, 2014Cam MacLeod returns to talk beach burgers, kitchen disasters, and Dragon's Den....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 332 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is enjoying the cool breeze that today has brought.
Mr. Dave Shumka.
It's a rare cool day in the summer and yet I still felt the need to bring a fan down here.
Yeah, I like it.
Let me just paint a mental picture for everyone.
Yeah.
You're totally mental.
We're picturing you naked.
We're here in this room.
There's an oscillating fan.
Graham is in the middle between myself and the guest,
who we will not introduce yet.
Nope.
We refuse.
And Graham is getting much more of the fan breeze than the rest of us.
Feels good.
Here's the thing.
I just was wondering, how many people are listening to this naked right now?
Oh, boy.
Well.
Half?
Half of them are listening on it?
Remember that song, People Are Having Sex?
No.
People are having sex.
People are still having sex?
Okay.
And it was just about how nomads, It was like a Eurotrans dance song
With like a spoken word part
About how everywhere in the world
Someone's having sex right now
Somebody's having sex right now
Well no, not during the recording
But during while you're listening
Oh okay
No one's having sex during the recording
In the world
Our guest today
Returning guest
Very funny man
He is the curator of the vancouver hero show
and uh and we're glad to have him back mr cam mcleod hi guys welcome thanks for having me
well thanks for coming back thanks for giving me a very small amount of this oscillating fan oh
come on you're getting no more than me no less than me it's a perfect amount yeah you were saying
you were uh you were comparing it
to sitting in the middle seat
in a minivan
in a van of some sort
on a road trip
when we were complaining
about the heat
you were acting like
we were crazy
yeah you said more heat
yeah keep the heat coming
we're crazy from the heat
like David Lee Roth
should we get to know us?
sure
get to know us.
Cam, you declared this when you walked in the door
tonight, that this is the summer of Cam.
Very catchy.
Because it rhymes
with the summer of Sam, which was
that one year that that murderer had everything
going. His mind has no murder in it.
No? Zero. Well, it's
not over yet. Yeah, that's true. You've got a whole
month of August ahead of you. Is that a Spike Lee joint? Zero. Well, it's not over yet. Yeah, that's true. You've got a whole, you've got the whole month of August ahead of you.
Who, is that a Spike Lee joint?
Yeah.
Summer of Sam?
Summer of Sam.
Was it John Leguizamo involved?
Yep.
He was, he played the pest.
So what, the Summer of Cam, I saw it coming because I bought Calendar this year.
I bought Calendar this year.
It's in your iphone calendar as well yeah
it's uh uh like civic holiday and then just all of july and august yeah labeled summer of sam
when you look at your phone you're like why do i have appointments every day
how do i turn off these alerts I'm just saying. Every day at 6 a.m.
Don't forget, summer with Cam.
Now, you're Cam.
Yeah.
It's summer.
Yeah.
What's going on?
Yeah, what's happening?
Well, because of a motor vehicle accident I was in in October.
Sorry to hear.
No, it's terrible.
It's fine.
It was a rear ender.
It's all good.
I went into some back injuries, and I've been in some physio.
But because of that, my full-time job that I've been working for three and a half years,
which was like a nine to fiver and took out a lot of my time.
Yeah.
I had to leave due to injury.
Right.
Why don't you just sit on one of those balls? Yeah.
Why don't you sit
on a yoga ball?
It was too expensive.
Far too expensive
for this business.
No, and so,
yeah,
so I've kind of
been unemployed
and like doing like
some contract work
here and there.
All right.
And I'm like doing,
you know,
now I've got a job
that's like three days a week,
but I'm really taking my time
getting back
into the full-
Is your back okay now?
Well, I'm still-
For insurance purposes.
Yeah.
You look awful.
Yeah.
You're wearing a neck brace.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You came in here with two crutches, but then you did a funny dance, so I don't know if
you need those crutches.
Did you see that viral video of that old man throwing away his crutches and dancing at
like a wedding?
No.
That's pretty great.
I didn't see it either. I don't have time for every goddamn viral video of that old man throwing away his crutches and dancing at like a wedding? No, that's pretty great. I didn't see it either.
I don't have time for every goddamn viral video people send to me.
But yeah, so I've got all this time off, so I'm just like hanging out at the beach a lot.
Wow.
And, you know, just doing lots of fun stuff.
Take us through a typical cam summer day.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I'm waking up still early, 9 o'clock, 9.30.
Really?
I'm sure.
Yeah.
Which is early, right?
That is early.
Catching the second half of Live with Kelly and Michael.
For somebody who doesn't have a job, that's pretty early.
That is early.
Every day you're waking up at 9?
Yeah, about that.
Wow.
Every morning there's a something in the something.
And I wake up to that song.
I listen to it all the way through.
Shut the door, baby.
Don't say a word.
And then I read a little bit.
I've been reading a lot of books.
Oh, yeah?
I'm reading the Rolling Stones interviews from like 1967 to 93 right now.
Whoa, that's so many years.
Well, it's like, you know, it's not all of them, obviously.
How will he Iacocca?
It's 1,300 interviews.
Oh, I thought it was just the rolling stones
okay what more a lot of repeat answers in here uh yeah it's about uh you know that feeling of
satisfaction i'm gonna skim over the how you guys get started question
the same favorite color oh it's changed over the years.
What's been the best Rolling Stone interview?
Oh, since what I've read so far, the John Lennon one about when the Beatles broke up.
And it's like when he's just released his new album.
I think it's like pretty close to when he got assassinated.
Right.
Any foreshadowing in there?
Oh, yeah. There's definitely foreshadowing.
We were talking about JFK and how that really weirded him out
Oh there it is
And how America scares him
Wow
Scary
But there's also a really good one
With Pete Townsend
From The Who
Where he talks about
Breaking his guitar
And the interview he does
Is right after the show
That he doesn't break his guitar
And he's just like
I didn't want to do it
That's all there is to it
Yeah
Well once you get stuck in that That's your gift Oh he didn't break his guitar. And he's just like, I didn't want to do it. That's all there is to it. Yeah, well, once you get stuck in that,
that's your gift.
Oh, he didn't break it.
It wasn't that
he couldn't break it.
No, he didn't want to.
Someone is a prankster.
You gave him
an unbreakable guitar.
It was like he was Gallagher
and he didn't want
to smash the watermelon.
Right.
He also has written
some nice songs.
Yeah, Gallagher's a little.
Gallagher has. Yeah. I was... He also has written some nice songs. Yeah, Gallagher's Gallagher has.
Yeah.
I was watching,
I watched a documentary
last night about
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Heroes on a Half Shell?
Turtle Power.
And the guy...
Was it on Netflix?
It's on Netflix.
Okay.
I've seen that.
I haven't watched it,
but I watched it.
The guy who directed
or produced the movie,
his credit before that was being Gallagher's,
the guy who put together Showtime specials.
That was his credit going into the movie.
So he was responsible for the tarps for the front row.
Tarps.
Mallet, weight, and size.
Watermelon freshness.
Strength of the chair or stool that he uses
have you ever seen those they're like a uh i think they're japanese but they you can get them over
here the square cube watermelon oh i've never and they're like 300 and they're like they seriously
are wow and they're like a novelty item novelty item and they don't taste any better.
I think it's not even genetic.
I think it's just like they're raised in a cube.
In a cube, yeah.
I think Gallagher's ever smashed one of those.
I'd make it harder to smash.
Is there a Gallagher interview in this book?
I haven't gotten to it yet.
That might be like the secret interview of the end.
Oh, yeah.
It's like some blank pages.
How come books don't do that?
A secret chapter.
A hidden chapter?
Well, it's just a bunch of blank pages.
I guess it's done.
It's in the end.
Whoa!
On a hidden groove.
I was just watching this documentary about Action Park.
Have you ever seen this?
No.
It's about this park.
It was like an amusement park.
There was a water amusement park that was in the 80s, I think.
Okay.
And it was in the States.
Oh, in so many injuries?
Yeah.
Was it in New Jersey?
Yeah.
It was known for the most injuries and just having the loosest safety requirements.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
In the interview, the guy who's the son of the owner, they're like, yeah, so we heard
there was some drownings at the park.
And he's like, oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
We had some drownings.
Drownings?
I would have expected
like broken bones.
He's like,
he's pretty unavoidable
at a water park.
He's like,
our water,
our,
our wave pool
bigger than any other wave pool.
There are other people
with wave pools,
but our wave pool,
the first day that we got that going,
a lot of people,
at least a hundred people
got taken out by the ambulance.
Just like,
slightly bragging
about these things. Oh, wow. Well's like, slightly bragging about these events.
Oh, wow.
Well, yeah.
I mean, we have a regular playground, and kids choke on wood chips all the time.
They die.
Yeah.
It's just, you know what?
It's the result of kids trying to have fun.
That's not our problem.
Wow.
And it's no longer open, this action park?
No.
Apparently, well, they had to shut down
Due to some
Court
Things
Right
The law
Yeah
But apparently
He now has
The original park
Because all the parks closed
There's a bunch of them
That opened
Right
The original park
He now has the lease on again
He's reopening it
Yeah
With safety
As a
Major concern
Safety park
But with one sign that says, hey, don't drown.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, no running.
Don't run.
There's also, in the documentary, there's a photo of like, classic, like, looks like
it's someone's backyard that has acreage, but it's like a tube, like a, you know, like
the black hole water slides are just like a full tube.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like that.
And it goes down like probably like three stories and then just has a full loop.
And then it comes out and it doesn't even come out into a pool.
It just comes out to like a water, like a water slide kind of thing on grass.
Oh, man.
And the way they tested it was using a mannequin.
And the mannequin came out in pieces.
And then they let a bunch of people go down it.
So they tested it and they're like,
yeah, it's fine. Good enough.
All the pieces came down.
We just don't want you to lose your arm in it. We don't mind if you lose your arm
in it as long as you can find it.
Yeah, they closed it down
later that day when there was a bunch of
nosebleeds and people
breaking bones.
I imagine they would do it with computers and engineers.
Actual physics involved.
Oh yeah, let's get the momentum and put some numbers down on paper.
I guess physics always existed in the time of water parks
there was one they were trying to open for this summer that was going to be the steepest
slide and they couldn't it's just the tests were no good no good they were just had to keep
keep people away from it there's the one that was like it's the highest one and then it had
like a big like bump in it yeah yeah the one that was like, it's the highest one, and then it had like a big bump in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The thing kept on flying off.
Yeah.
The old Sears mannequin.
Department store.
Look at that pelvis go.
But yeah, there's a part where people were just flying off.
Well, not, you know, whenever they tested it, they couldn't keep people on the thing.
And then, so it's this
summer not no good for this summer that's the only time as a water park oh yeah if you miss
summer you're not going to cash in on christmas i mean no maybe if you live in a uh sunny area
or if you have an indoor water park like great wolf lodge right never been would love to go I went last year What's the Review
Humid
Yeah
For an indoor thing
You go
You enter the pool room
And you just get
You get enveloped
In steam
But those slides
Are great
Great slides
And
A lot of kids
And a lot of like
Hey
Warnings about
Hey don't
Pee and poo in the water Like A lot I think a lot of kids and a lot of like, hey, warnings about, hey, don't pee and poo in the water.
Like, a lot,
I think a lot of people leave with infections.
Yeah, that's part of the water
park experience. If you don't,
a week after, if you don't have something
rash that won't go away or a scrape that's
not healing.
A scrape that's growing to a bigger
scrape. Yeah, you're like, wait a minute.
That was like, I don't think I ever went down any water slide without ending up with some
sort of scrape.
I don't know.
The back, the back ridges.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You go down and you'd like, I remember seeing a guy at Colts Lake water slides, walking
around like really good farmer tan at the. And then like turning around and then just like every bone in his spine was just like shaved off because he went down.
Went down.
He went down.
He did it.
I remember there was one, I think it was at Splashdown Park in Tawasin.
And you would get, you would land in the, and it was just too shallow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My heels would get cut up every time just going into the...
It would be like impact.
You'd feel it on your heels, and then you would also have scrapes.
I feel like all the good physicists, they work on roller coasters and whatnot.
And space.
Yeah, and then the kind of the guys who
barely graduated they get to design water well the guys they don't quite like they got the basics
but you know yeah i mean water is slippery well what if we put oil too expensive we went over the
margins it's not gonna work this is all happening in a garage where they just have a bunch of plumbing pipes that they're putting together.
That's what the one that I used to go to, which was the recreation center that had one that, it was all indoor, but it had one part that went outside.
Then you went back in.
It was so cold when you went outside.
Oh, really?
Because it was just out in the element.
Was it in the winter?
Yeah, in the winter.
It was a year-round because it was indoor.
But it was covered.
You weren't outside.
No, it was covered, yeah,
but you were technically outside of the building
just in a flat fiberglass tube that had no insulation.
That's great.
So it would just be like, indoor, indoor.
No, you're outdoors.
It's freezing cold.
And the tube was open?
No, no, the tube was closed.
It was enclosed, but it was freezing.
Yeah, it wasn't heated.
Like, would there be little spots of ice at the top
where not very much water was traveling?
Just you go through and just break.
There's just always icicles.
Yeah.
Just a part that's always frozen
when you come around the side.
Ow!
Yeah.
But the bottom of the pool
is all like jaggedy,
you know.
Andy?
Why don't they make it smooth?
Like I think in their mind
they're like,
they need grip.
They need some sort of grip
to walk around.
Yeah, because they're going so fast.
If we make the bottom smooth, people will slide into the next dimension.
Oh, man.
These aren't good physicists.
Yeah, we got to keep all of our people at this water park in this dimension.
If people reach 88 miles per hour
they will travel back
and their parents
won't meet.
I've been on
good authority.
So you
during your
summer of cam
We've only got it up
to the book reading.
Yeah.
You wake up
9 a.m.
You read a book.
Read a book for a bit
then I make myself
Mr. Noodles for breakfast
because summer of cam is pretty cheap. Noodles for breakfast Because Summer of Cam
Is pretty cheap right now
Yeah
Summer of Cam
Does what Summer of Cam wants
I'm going to save my money
For fun stuff
Sure
And then
You know
Ride my bike to the beach
And then go for a swim
And
Alright
Lie out
And
You know
Or
Do some writing
Work on some projects
You know
Try and be
Try and write some creative stuff
You ever get on a beach volleyball game or something like that?
Throw a football around in the water, anything like that?
I haven't gotten to that point yet.
With this back, it's like I can't really get to be too agile, the most agile of my life.
Where are you going?
Are you swimming in the ocean or what are you doing?
Third Beach.
Just right on down to Third Beach.
And what is that?
What's that body of water?
What are you swimming in?
English Bay?
It's like past English Bay, out a little bit farther from like, I don't know any of the,
I've lived here my whole life.
I don't know any, well, like, I don't know where one, but it's all the same water.
It's all the Pacific Ocean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not the Pacific Ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not in the river.
Yeah, yeah.
This is saltwater.
Saltwater.
And it's on the.
It's cold.
It's on the most, like, northwest corner of Stanley Park.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
So now, I mean, at the beginning of the season, because of all the, all the, all the water
coming down from the mountains and all the silt and all that.
The water's really brown.
Oh, okay.
And you're walking on your knees and you can't see your feet.
But now you can see your feet.
Ah, pretty cool.
Yes.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't hear that on the news.
What's the silt?
Silt reports.
How clear?
You can barely see two feet in front of my face.
Yeah, I never considered that.
I just assumed, you know, sometimes it's muddy.
Who cares?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I never knew what caused it.
This is the prime.
I was talking to some friends.
Already this summer, I've spent a few minutes standing waist deep in the ocean while eating an ice cream sandwich with three friends, which was great.
This sounds, that's, now you're really, now you're on my way.
Sounds like a nature's circle journey.
You just have one ice cream sandwich in the middle.
So you're waist deep, you're eating an ice cream sandwich.
Waist deep, so you're cool from the waist down and then you're hot, but you're eating an ice cream sandwich. So you're cool from the waist down
and then you're hot,
but you're eating an ice cream sandwich
and that's cooling you off up top.
So it's a burn out.
That relief of an ice cream sandwich
from my whole torso.
But we were just talking about
how we used to get cheeseburgers
and we were so excited about the cheeseburgers
and being at the beach a few years ago
that we'd run into the water, dive in, keeping the cheeseburger above the water,
and then take bites of the cheeseburger and swim underwater while chewing,
keeping the cheeseburger above the water.
Before?
Yeah, why is this for you?
Did you steal these cheeseburgers?
And defy some gods?
Yeah, this was like our style of getting bottle service.
Like this is us being playboys.
Let's go way out and eat some cheeseburgers.
Did you ever think of putting on a snorkel mask and just eat the cheeseburgers through
that?
Stuffing it down?
Yeah.
I'm sure that works for fries.
It's hard for a cheeseburger.
Wow.
I've never eaten a cheeseburger in the ocean.
I've never enjoyed the ocean that much.
Yeah.
How many days have you spent at the beach this summer, Grant?
Oh, zero.
Zero.
Zero.
That'll bring my grand total of beach time I've spent since I've lived in Vancouver to one.
I don't you know it's
okay
it's great
everybody in Vancouver
is in great shape
you're doing great
keep showing off your butts
good for you
but then
then I just get hot
and I just
I gotta get out of here
I just gotta get out
I'm not
participating
the dog enjoys it a lot
I know that
that's something I
that's the only time
I go to the beach
it's like
if we get if we get there now uh the tide will be out really far and the dog can go running
and uh chase crabs and stuff yeah dogs like to rub themselves into the crazy smells of the ocean
yeah yeah yeah so do humans um what do you always go to the same beach or do you tour around?
I usually just go to third beach cause it's a nice ride and it's, uh, usually not too
busy if you go at the right time.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cause like, I remember I used to like put up a poster.
Well, now it's going to be busy if you.
Yeah.
No one go to third beach is the worst.
Yeah.
You just blew up your spot.
Cheeseburger beach.
As we, as we know it.
Free cheeseburgers.
As long as you agree not to get them wet.
But I had to put up posters, and I used to have to put up posters around Kitsilano,
and I'd walk along Kits Beach, and that plate, that's zero.
It's all people.
There's no way.
It's like a whole beach just made of people.
There's no sand in sight.
You can't play Frisbee.
Yeah.
No, you can't play it.
Because everyone gets in your way.
Yeah, everything. You can't do any beach activities. So that's no sand in sight. You can't play Frisbee. Yeah. Because everyone gets in your way. Yeah.
Can't do any beach activities.
So that's no good.
I don't spend time at Kitsby Beach.
Who does, though?
So many people do.
People that are super fit.
Oh, is that?
Maybe that was my problem.
Maybe that was my exposure to the beach was Kitsby Beach. I remember I used to.
Everybody's so fit.
I used to listen to talk radio, and there was a host who was talking.
It was something about welfare cheats or people who are not working for their money,
and they're spending their days at Kitts Beach with the strippers.
I guess that's where strippers do go to just kind of unwind.
Because I go to the strip club.
Where do they go? That just kind of unwind. Because I go to the strip club. Where do they go?
That's how I unwind.
Oh boy, you go to the strip club, get them wound.
Because they're like, I'm not allowed to sleep with the clients.
I'm not allowed to sleep with the clients.
They're all pretty attractive.
They're all wearing their nice track pants.
They see you and it really pushes them over the edge.
Oh, I got to unwind now.
What woman could tame him?
Maybe he'll be at Kids Beach.
Oh, yeah.
Probably putting up posters.
Have you ever gone to Vancouver's famous nude beach?
Wreck Beach?
You know what?
I've only gone three
times all right there we go but this is this is over like a several number of years but the first
time i ever went was i had just gotten back from uh like a year trip that i was on and i was in
the best shape of my life nice and i went with went with two friends of mine, these two girls, and we went down there.
And it's like, you know, like when you live in a city, like now there's no way I'd do it because like, you know, you know too many people.
You know too many people.
But I'd just gotten back and I was like, I don't know anybody, even though I still knew people.
But yeah.
So we went down there and I went full naked.
Yep.
And they were fully naked and we just kind of like lied down.
And then when we got up
to go swimming
Sure, of course.
The bottoms were put back on.
Oh, okay.
But that's the only time
To go swimming?
Yeah.
Why?
That's not fun.
That's weird.
I don't know.
I would just take them off
to go swimming
and put them on in the dry land.
Yeah, exactly.
Which is weird
because I don't want to
get pee on them.
Was it okay?
Did you run into anybody
that you knew?
I thought the story
was going to end with you running into your English teacher.
Or the Prime Minister.
My anatomy teacher.
You got it all wrong.
You've got yours upside down.
Oh, no, wait.
Sorry, that was the slide.
It was very uneventful.
We just were naked
And that was the first time
Where I really like
Tanned my D up
Yeah
First
The first of many
I find it really embarrassing
When there's
Tan lines on it
From
I put a little bikini top on
Yeah
He rested on a grill
Yeah That's my thing Is that I went Put a little bikini top on. Yeah, he rested on a grill.
Yeah, that's my thing, is that I went when I was first here in Vancouver.
I didn't do the naked thing, but every year since, I'm like, there's just more people I know.
Yeah.
That would, you know, potentially be naked. Would you do naked with a t-shirt?
Yeah, but that's the top.
It's just the top.
Which is, I think...
Which is something that happens.
What?
That is something that happens down there.
What, where dudes are walking around with just the top?
Oh, yeah.
That's the worst look for a guy.
Oh, yeah.
The worst possible look.
Sexiest look for a girl.
Unsexiest for a girl.
Well, I mean, a sports jersey.
Yeah, that's right.
Or a guy just walking around with a sports jersey. Yeah, that's right. Or like, what's the other thing?
Girls will do like a, not real girls, but in photo shoots.
Yeah.
Like, just like a, what would you call it?
A button up shirt?
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe an elusive necktie.
Yeah.
Guys doing that at Rec Beach.
He's just looking for help.
He's just like, ah, somebody stole my pants.
I'm a businessman.
I came down here for a meeting
and these guys stole my pants.
And my briefcase. It was a setup.
And now they're taking pictures of me.
I'm going to give them to my associates.
Oh man, that would be the greatest prank to pull out a businessman.
It's a prank they pulled on Pete Townsend once.
Oh, wow.
Well, it sounds like you got summer well in hand.
Like, at least you're taking advantage of the beach and all the things.
I don't feel like I have to.
Well, I know I need to get, like, a serious job soon enough really well i mean a job what about summer consultant oh yeah hey and i could
travel with summer that way yeah yeah yeah absolutely oh yeah go go south in the winter
if there's any eccentric billionaires out there Needing a summer consultant. Needing a summer consultant. Wouldn't you love to meet, like, I feel like one time I almost had that with, like, somebody who was, like, crazy rich.
And I used to work at this coffee shop, and the guy really liked the way that I prepared an espresso.
And he was like, yeah, we're doing a film shoot or whatever in Switzerland or something.
He's like, and if the budget is what I think it's going to be, I'm going to offer you a job to come.
Just make him coffee.
Wow.
The budget didn't come.
The short end of that story is it never happened.
But can you imagine being just like, yeah, this guy really likes the way I fit his shirts or whatever.
He drinks one cup of espresso a day.
Yeah. And it has to be prepared just so.
Your 15-minute work day.
Yeah, yeah, right?
And then I just, yeah.
And then it's the winter of cam.
I had a friend who worked for a really rich guy who was his personal interior designer or something.
Pretty much all he did was go around with this guy's credit card
and buy him $3,000 rugs for his house.
Wow.
That's pretty good.
It didn't last.
No, because once the rugs are all bought,
he's not burning them.
Bring me rugs for my crazy fireplace
that only burns rugs.
It's insatiable.
I'm crazy, and I made this deal with the devil um yeah ah like yeah there should be a website that goes on the pairs
eccentric billionaires with people who want with people with a low work ethic yeah yeah or or people with a crazy idea you know that need an eccentric billionaire
or like yeah people who like medically need 23 hours of sleep a day
oh that would be amazing you if if there was a person that medically needed 23 hours of sleep a day, I would nominate that we put them in a zoo.
And then, you know, people can watch him and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Watch him slumber.
Yeah, yeah.
I just downloaded this new app for my phone that records my voice or records any sounds I make while I'm sleeping.
Is that right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it, what's it called uh i have so many things
to remember to do before bed now do you talk a lot in your sleep well i abby says that when i do talk
it has been very funny in the past but she is a very sound sleeper so she doesn't notice it's
called sleep talk this app sleep talk um and uh most for the most part, I don't talk in my sleep.
It records basically the whole night, but it only saves when there's noise.
So you'll wake up in the morning and it'll say, 12 recordings.
And it'll be the time you got up and rolled over or the time you went to the bathroom.
You listen to it and it's some other guy's voice?
What?
There's some dude singing to me.
I do impressions in my sleep.
I have the world's greatest sleep borax.
But yeah, no, so far it's a bust.
Yeah, for me
For me that would
Just be farts
Oh yeah
That's what I do
Oh yeah
I want to know
How many times
I fart in my sleep
But it's this
Would it pick
That up
I don't want to
Have this conversation
Yeah
Guys
I got to tell you though
Oh god
I'm sorry
But part of
Summer of Cam
Is I'm single For the first time in like five years.
All right.
Are you ready to mingle?
I'm pretty ready to mingle.
I've been mingling.
Oh, you're mingling.
Okay, yeah.
I don't like that this is going to end up with a fart.
I know.
It's pretty embarrassing.
I'm ready.
I was at a girl's house.
Just chatting?
Just chatting.
And we were falling asleep.
We were falling asleep.
Sure.
And I was like, we were talking, and I was like, falling asleep while we were both lying there.
Right.
And then I woke up to myself letting out the hugest fart.
And I woke up startled.
So startled.
This is like the first time i've ever
like hung out with this girl sure and i wake up so startled not the last and i was like
what was that was that you she's like no that was you it's like oh okay luckily you scared off The robber that was breaking in Yeah But she laughed
She laughed it off
It's all good
Oh good
Oh good
Nice
Yeah things are good
Oh boy
That was stressful for me
Sorry Dave
I know you were like
Dave was literally cringing
With his head between his knees
In the corner
Yeah
I went off to the corner
I'd be interested to see
I ate a nice big sandwich
With my buds
To see what I do You know off to the corner. I'd be interested to see. Eat an ice cream sandwich with my buds.
To see what I do,
you know,
in my sleep. Yeah,
that's why I got it.
I was like,
what am I saying?
But I feel like
if I set up a video,
I'm practically
inviting a poltergeist
into my house.
Right.
That's true.
Anything that's like
night vision.
Yeah,
yeah.
If I set up a camera,
I'm just asking for
either that
or I just find out, you know, one of my roommates is coming out and resting his balls on my head every night.
You know what I mean?
Every night.
And like for a very long time because it's like one of those time lapse.
They need their rest.
Yeah, you have to fast forward through it.
You're like, God, it's only a five-hour tape.
Yeah, the only thing, I don't think the app works great i think what
if you make a noise that wakes it up and it starts recording but um i haven't noticed like
but i don't think it catches that first noise you made and that could be the goal because there was
one time i woke up and i was
like oh this i woke up in the middle of the night um and i'm like oh the app app definitely caught
what i just did because i was having a dream and i was like half awake and i have a dream
dream that i punched a cop oh wow and i went uh oh sorry and i and i woke myself up because I was like, oh, I literally said sorry out loud.
And it wasn't on the app.
Oh, you know, if it was, you could put that online and be like, this is how a Canadian sleeps.
This is how a Canadian punches a cop.
Sorry.
What's going on with you, Dave?
Besides your sleep app.
Oh, yeah, sleep apnea.
I have a breathing machine.
I want one of those.
Yeah, they're real fun.
It's like the one, the nose that hooks up to your nose.
Yeah.
The nose hose.
Nose hose, yeah.
Here's what's going on with me.
Not much.
I've been, we've got house guests.
Yeah. We've had them uh for
well i'd say a couple weeks sure um off and on and um those are the guests off and on
they're real funny uh
uh anyway uh so um i've been not doing much, um, but, uh, I've been cooking a little
bit and, uh, had some, uh, cooking disasters.
Oh, really?
Lately.
Uh, last night I was making steaks on the barbecue and.
Kitchen nightmares.
And the, uh, the steaks, uh, had these big, they were New York steaks.
And so they have like a big strip of fat along one side.
Yeah. They're all bragging about of fat along one side. Yeah.
They're all bragging about how good it is there.
Yeah, they're all.
It's going to be so crispy when it's cooked.
They're bragging about how good the pizza is there.
How real pizza is thin crust.
Yeah.
Can't get a good bagel in Los Angeles.
Anyway, New York steak stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
The water's different.
And they, so I put them down.
The fat was so thick on these guys.
So I put them down fat side first.
Yeah.
And I went inside to get my meat thermometer
and came out and they were on fire.
Yeah, because, wow.
And like neighbors were like,
are you okay over there?
Like there was so much smoke.
And people were outside, too.
No one was, like, Dave, there's three levels of fire in your barbecue.
Because the steaks are on fire, and the little drip pan is on fire.
Oh, wow.
And there's a drip pan below that that's on fire.
And it's kind of plasticky.
Like, it's...
I don't know what it was about the
the lowest drip pan but it made the steak sticks like you're eating plastic but they were cooked
perfectly otherwise like spot on medium rare yeah flamboyant yeah and the other uh cooking
disaster i had was i saw this article online.
I think it was a BuzzFeed post about if you have a rice cooker and you can mess with it.
Throw a steak in there and see what that is.
And mess with the settings, you put some pancake batter in there.
Okay.
And it will cook one big pancake.
Not a flat pancake, but one like just like pancake yeah like a stack of
pancakes without any separation oh like it like literally like a little cake huh uh i that sounds
like it's somebody at the office playing a trick but they had all these pictures of them and they
looked so good photoshop yeah photoshop they just took a regular cake and whitened it.
Or they just took one pancake and just tripled it.
Oh, yeah.
They just stretched it out in Photoshop.
Yeah.
And so I did that.
We have a rice cooker.
Or I should say we had a rice cooker.
Oh, no.
And I put pancake batter in there.
It's got to have that somewhere in the instructions not to do that.
And what I did next is I turned it on.
It was good for a while.
Sure.
It started bubbling.
Yeah.
And then turned off.
And our pancake or our rice cooker.
Pancake maker.
Pancake maker doesn't have any settings on it.
It's just on or off.
It turns itself off when it's too hot, which means the rice is done.
Right.
Or when it feels like something weird is going on.
Someone's pulling a fast one.
Yeah.
And so this, the pancakes were not done.
The pancake was not done.
The pancakes were not done.
The pancake was not done.
So what I did is I took something heavy and I just had it hold the on switch down.
While I prepared other things.
Like cut up berries to put on my perfect pancake.
Oh, man.
And it worked great.
It worked great for a while. Like the pancake was really coming together. It was happening, man. And it worked great. It worked great for a while.
It looked like the pancake was really coming together.
It was happening, yeah.
And then a lot of blue smoke.
Blue smoke?
Blue smoke of, like, electronics failing.
Oh, sure.
Electrical fire.
Yeah.
Not an electrical fire, but just, like, everything inside being like,
all the fuses are blown.
We're not doing this anymore.
I am now a hunk of junk and a little the pancake was a little burnt wow but also completely uncooked
wow but let me ask you this how tall did it become um it uh knee high to a grasshopper. It's not like a regular pancake.
Yeah.
No, uh, it was, it grew a bit, but it wasn't like it.
It wasn't like a quiche size.
No, bigger than a quiche.
It all depends how much, uh, batter I put in.
I put in plenty.
Wow.
Wow.
Uh, so don't do that unless, I mean, what's a rice cooker cost? 50 bucks? 30 bucks? I don't know. I don't know. You got a rice cooker to get rid of. Wow. So don't do that. Unless, I mean, what's a rice cooker cost?
50 bucks?
30 bucks?
I don't know.
You got a rice cooker to get rid of.
Yeah.
This one was a gift.
So I don't know what a rice cooker costs.
That's what, my rice cooker was a gift as well.
Yeah.
Do you have any idea what a rice cooker costs?
No, no idea.
I don't cook rice.
What if I found out they were $500?
This was a Dyson rice cooker.
Yeah.
The first one that doesn't use a fork.
Why, the only thing that could break it is if somebody tried to do something stupid like make a pancake in it.
That's the Dyson guy.
That's the Dyson guy?
He's Southern now?
Yeah.
Weave engineer.
Oh, hey there. no rolling ball technology wow well i i commend you for trying a well i'm a trier yeah trying a dicey experiment new things um yeah so yeah and then i
just uh made more pancake batter and fried them up. Yeah.
Like a regular.
Yeah, just had some hot cakes.
Yeah, flapjacks.
I don't know, they were fine?
Yeah.
Where does flapjacks come from?
I don't know.
I don't know where hot cakes comes from either.
Well, I mean, you can use some context clues.
Yeah, I mean, sure.
They hot?
Maybe.
Are they cake-like?
Yeah.
Yeah, Sort of.
Although, pancake, like, they're not really like cake at all.
Well, they are.
They're sweet and delicious.
Yeah, well, that's true.
Well, they're not sweet on their own.
You have to put stuff on them.
They're not as sweet as cake.
It's not like eating a cake.
Well, no.
Like a cupcake, for sure, that's a cake.
But a cake, you have to put icing on.
Would you eat a cake on its own?
Yeah, absolutely, I would.
But that's only because of the way I was raised.
How often have you eaten a cake with no icing on it?
With no frosting?
Not often, but I would.
Like, you know, sometimes you get, like, from the store, like, a Bundt cake or whatever.
A Bundt cake.
Yeah, you can eat that.
My sister makes wedding cakes for a living.
And to do fancy shapes and stuff, sometimes she has to shave off some sides. cake. Yeah, you can eat that. My sister makes wedding cakes for a living and to
do fancy shapes and stuff. Sometimes she has to
shave off some sides and there's like
extra cake around. Does she just bring like
cake sides? No, she doesn't bring me anything.
But sometimes I'll be over there
and I'll be like, can I
have some of this? And she's like, of course.
I was going to throw it away. Oh, you should ask her
to keep all her cake filings.
What for? For eating.
I'm not struggling to eat.
No, I know,
but it's delicious.
It's not a depression.
It's not as delicious
as something I could have instead.
Oh, I see.
No, you could do, though.
You'd take all those cake filings,
like a couple cake filings worth,
and then just, like,
bring them to a potluck.
Mm-hmm.
Like, in a bowl.
And never be invited to a potluck again. I heard bowl. Never invite it to a potluck again.
I heard if you put enough cake filings in a rice cooker, you could make a wedding cake.
Yeah, you could make a wad of cake and then make your own ice cream sandwiches.
You could actually use vanilla cake, chocolate cake, all different types of cake.
All sorts of cake.
Make your own little marble cake.
Put some marbles in there. Homemade yeah homemade marbles i'd like to think those marbles
are peanut m&ms in my mind yeah sure oh sure fine you can do whatever you want is there like uh is
there any candy that resembles a marble like with like a cat's eye oh like a gobstop like a glass
oh like a glass marble. Oh.
Yeah, you know.
No?
Of course there is.
Because that's what you want to bite into when you're eating a cake is a gobstopper. Well, I just want to fool someone.
I just want to fool a kid.
Yeah.
You want a nice piece of marble candy?
No, it's a marble.
Or like you're playing marbles with the kid all afternoon, and then you just eat one all
of a sudden, and the kid's like, whoa.
I could eat a marble.
Yeah.
As long as I don't have to chew it no you gotta chew it dave you gotta chew it 29 times or else uh on both sides on both sides oh i don't have that kind of time
was your were your parents big on forcing you to chew a lot before you swallowed no no my mom was
my uh everything we ate was just It was like Goo
Yeah we just ate goo
In a
What do you call that
When you pour something
Into something else
A trough
A funnel
Funnel thank you
Funnel goo
Yeah
Oh funnel cake
Oh you could make funnel cake
In your rice cooker
Yes Graham
So yeah
Yeah Well good for you For trying some things I think Trying new things Yes, Graham. So, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, good for you for trying some things, I think.
Trying new things, trying to burn down my house with steaks.
Yeah.
Graham, what's going on with you?
Here's the thing.
Uh-oh.
Not a... Uh-oh.
I was at...
I did comedy all weekend and then, uh, uh, in between, for some reason
on Netflix, uh, I've been watching the television show Dragon's Den, uh, which is a, uh, in
the, in the States, I think it's called Shark Tank.
Yeah.
And in Britain, it's called Dragon's Den.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, you've seen it.
You're watching the Canadian version?
Yeah, absolutely.
But why?
Yeah, I've been asking myself that in the last...
Would you watch it if you had cable?
No.
No.
And technically, Netflix has more options than cable.
Just technically, though.
And I don't know why.
Like, because every episode's the same.
Mm-hmm.
So it's something you can watch and not really pay attention to.
Some jerks come in with their dumb ideas, and then some bigger jerks tell them why they're jerks.
Yeah.
And then they try to rip them off.
Yeah.
And then they say.
You're familiar with the show, Cam?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So, like, I don't know.
A lot of jerks.
But I've watched it.
I've watched so many episodes.
And like once in a while, there's a product on it that you're like, oh, yeah, I've seen that thing around.
That was a thing that kind of made it.
Like sex cereal?
Yeah.
Well, there was one called candy called OMGs or something.
And they're around.
I've seen that at the grocery store or whatever.
But it doesn't say dragons down on it like it so it actually became like a thing without dragons then being involved no with afterwards yeah no with them being involved
but then there was this one product that i was like that's the dumbest goddamn product they have
a lot of stupid products on the show but there was one where it was a lady that had eye
like eyelashes that you put on your uh uh your car on your car on your headlights have you seen
this yes flip up headlights like only where have you seen it someone just today who was it posted
it on instagram um on a uh a Mini Cooper had them.
Because I literally saw one yesterday
like just in the wild
with like a lady
eyelashes on the headlights
and they told her like this is the dumbest
this is never going to sell this is
a ridiculous idea. And they didn't buy it?
They didn't buy it but then it's like one of the
only ones that I've actually seen
as a thing.
So were they on like the flip up style headlights or just on a regular?
Just on a regular headlight to make it look like the car is a lady, like a pretty lady. But like usually I think circular headlights.
This was on just regular rectangular and it was weird.
It was weird.
It would work better on on the Volkswagen Beetle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But those are all ladies.
All of those cars are ladies.
Well, yeah, obviously.
You would have to go the other way.
You'd have to try and make it look like a man.
Give it big zernard, big bushy eyebrows.
Yeah, what do you do to a-
A big Marx Brothers mustache.
What do you do in the morning to make your eyes look more manly?
I bush them.
I get a branch.
Usually I get a branch from the night before and I keep it in the bathroom overnight.
So I don't have to go outside and get a branch.
I just rustle them around.
I get a branch up in my eyebrows and rustle them around.
And then I just leave whatever's in there, you know.
And then I get my brow wax out,
my brow mousse, and I apply that.
Not wax, you don't wax it.
No, no, no.
I put wax in them to make them bigger.
Oh, like a pomade.
Like a pomade.
Exactly.
Or a cream.
And then I do a mousse, and then the hair dryer comes out.
Uh-huh.
And that fluffs them up.
And that's just the first half.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's just before the shower.
Yeah.
And then what do you do?
Then I get out some grease paint.
Uh-huh.
Run some grease paint through each one.
Uh-huh.
Then I get my eyebrow comb.
Tell me the next part.
Then I go, I get the powder out.
I get my eyebrow powder.
Okay.
I put that in there.
And what does that do?
It just darkens it.
It makes them more prominent.
And that prepares you for the next step.
Which is you go and you take a brow liner and you draw in at the bottom of the brow and the top of the brow.
Wait, are you just goth?
No, no, no.
This is just eyebrows.
I don't do anything else.
I don't wear, not anymore. I don't wear, not anymore.
I don't wear leather
outfits anymore. That's
old Graham.
This is new Graham. I put on a nice suit
with my power eyebrows.
I go to the office
with all the lady cars. One more time, take me
through everything you did.
There was something called sex cereal
that I've seen in stores
which I believe
came from that show.
And is it like...
It is.
It comes in a bag.
All right.
I'm listening.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like...
I think I've seen this too.
It's like granola
and I guess estrogen.
It's just pills?
Granola and's just pills?
Granola and then just pills?
Yeah, yeah.
And it's got the female,
it's like different cereals for a man and a woman.
Oh.
And the female version has a sexy lady on it, or maybe that's the man version.
Oh, what if you, in the middle of the night,
you go for just a bowl of cereal.
And you're like, I'm attracted to sexy ladies,
so I'm going to eat this one.
And then you wake up with breasts um i yeah and then the men's one has uh like a shirtless dude on it yeah
and i think they're supposed to i don't know enhance your your boners yeah stimulate your
genes yeah there's a lot of ideas on it that are like they're like
even the ideas that they jump on are ideas that are just okay like they're the like there's one
where there's like a car service that'll come to your place and change your tires at your place
and you're like yeah that's fine that's fine there's no but they've done it for like seven
seasons and that nobody was like, you know,
cure for diabetes.
Like nobody ever came up with anything super useful.
Um,
and it,
but it's like,
it's stuff that's already a business.
No one's coming with like,
I have this idea for stuff,
but I don't know how to make it.
No,
that's totally people like that.
Oh,
come on.
Like no prototype.
Yeah.
There was,
there's people that have come on with a shirt made out of pizza.
They've come up with an prototype. Yeah, there's people that have come on with a shirt made out of pizza. They've come on with an idea.
And I guess they're just like, the producers must be like, okay, you got to tear this guy to shreds.
Because this guy's just coming in.
He's asking for $150,000 for 5% of his company that does nothing.
He's like, you know, but he's like, Oh, if you guys, once you guys invest, like
this is really going to take off.
That's the pitch that always gets the thumbs down.
And where does the money come from?
Is it their own money?
Their own money.
Yeah.
And like the, there was one guy that was, that he was out for the whole season.
He never made one deal deal he was out on every
single thing he'd say i don't have anything to add to this and i wasn't sure what he did like i was
like but what what is your specialty because they had enough yeah crazy kooky things that came
through he's like i can't add anything to this i'm like but what why are you here then like if
you don't want to buy into crazy kooky ideas ideas. Was he just, like, good on TV?
Yeah, maybe, yeah.
He was just, like, a handsome guy.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But, like, unless you want to invest in, like, crazy sex cereal or whatever.
Like, unless that's what you want for your money.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's not crazy sex cereal.
That would be an instant seller.
So, I don't know why I've watched
so many episodes
I feel like that would be
if you're
if you are dating
like
someone
and you go to their house
for the first time
and they have sex cereal
I feel like that's a red flag
that's what they serve you
for dinner
come over to my place
for dinner
oh man
sex cereal
and just like yeah just Jaeger shots.
Yeah.
I don't know why you think I'm up to something.
I'm just running over here for some cereal and shots.
Now finish your shots.
Look, it technically doesn't matter if you did the sex cereal.
I did it earlier.
I guess do it isn't what you're supposed
to do with cereal
do that sex cereal
oh yeah I did some
Captain Crunch earlier
I'm riding high
um
but there's no cereal
that can make you good
at sex though right
we can all agree
you know there's nothing
that can make me good
at sex
but there is
uh eyelashes
that can make your car
into a pretty lady
yeah which will make you more attractive to other cars.
I'm happy that before Dragon's Den existed, the inventor that invented the cow print seat cover.
Yes.
I mean, those blew up.
They didn't need Dragon's Den to do that.
Yeah.
That is true.
Well, truck nuts are in the same family as the eyebrows, eyelashes.
Yeah, and they were, like the eyelash thing was laughed.
They laughed her out of there.
And I was like, yeah, it's as good if not better than truck nuts.
Eyelashes for lady cars.
People love ruining their cars.
That's how you should start a pitch on Dragon's Den.
People love ruining their cars. Like bumper stickers never come off. No like that's how you should start a pitch on drag's day people love
ruining their cars like bumper stickers never come off no that's true and like that's true
five years ago i had never seen any of those would you just paint over a bumper yeah you do that
uh five years ago i had never seen any of those flags that people put in their cars and now
like every other car has one.
Yeah.
For whatever sports team or country or.
Whatever's happening that week.
Yeah.
On TSN.
Yeah.
If they went in there with that, they would say nobody's going to put flags on their car.
That's ridiculous.
And then, yeah, like exactly.
So cow print, all these fucking dumb things that people, like you say, people love ruining their cars.
I remember when my friend painted his car with house paint.
It wasn't a very good car to begin with, but.
What happened?
It just looked bad?
And then it came off?
Yeah, and then it slowly came off over the course of the winter.
It doesn't bind to the car the way that it would to a wood yeah and then do
they sell car paint in stores or do you have to go to a car paint shop i guess i guess you could
yeah you uh i don't know if they sell it in stores but for sure this guy just painted his car with uh
with house paint and uh we all thought it was really funny when he did it because it looked really bad
what color was it it was black oh that's cool yeah well they now i see a lot of cars that are
painted matte black and it kind of looks like house paint yeah yeah yeah yeah that's kind of
what it looked like except with broad brush strokes sure it looked like a real diy kind of you know outhouse kind of project
anyways i didn't get that clear coat so you know if anybody uh has of the three of you has a
dragon's den idea i've totally we've had ideas on this show before we just forget them all the time
yeah we should we should go in with the pizza shirt. Yeah. Be like, why not?
Because one of the guys is Boston Pizza.
He's like the guy who founded Boston Pizza.
Be like, sell this at your...
This is who we're looking for as a partner.
I think our shirt's too good for Boston Pizza.
And Boston Pizza's
been going in some real weird directions.
Tell me more. They've got tacos there now.
Okay. They've got...
They're like pulling a white spot. Oh, shit. They're like branch there now. Okay. They've got, they're like, they're like, they're pulling a white spot.
Oh, sure.
Where they're like branching out into like all these ethnic foods.
Yeah.
It's like, just stick to what you know.
Because where else can you get ethnic foods?
Yeah.
There's no restaurants that are primarily of that.
Although I guess if you live in like a rural area, you only have like, uh, in a small town,
there'll be a Boston Pizza or a White Spot.
They won't have, you know, every ethnicity of food.
That's true.
How did Boston Pizza become a thing?
Like, nobody, you know, like, you could see certain things,
like Swish LA or whatever, being, like,
your favorite place to go get chicken, I guess.
But was it, Boston Pizza was nobody's favorite place to go get chicken i guess but was it
boston pizza was nobody's favorite place to get pizza no i've never had pizza there yeah like
what how did it i don't know we used to go on dates there they had team pitchers there i remember
that that's where i like first drank underage when i was 16 at boston because they had team
pitchers that were like it's like three pit yeah team oh no it's like teen not teen team pitchers that were like three pitchers. Yeah, team. Oh, no, it's not team.
Not team pitchers. Teen pitchers that were like three times the size of a regular pitcher.
And you would just.
And we'd go in like being a bunch of my buddies that were all 16
and be like, oh, yeah, that was a big game that we just finished.
We got a pitcher for the table.
They're like, well, they're the team.
We have to serve.
Yeah, we don't need ID. We just need you to be wearing a uniform. The law for the table. They're like, well, they're the team. We have to serve them. Yeah, we don't need ID.
We just need you to be wearing a uniform.
The law is the law.
You guys look like you worked up a sweat.
But in a lot of smaller towns, Boston Pizza is the place that stays open the latest.
Oh, I was up in Kelowna this past weekend for a wedding, and they have two Boston pizzas within six blocks of each other.
Wow.
What is the franchisee who's opening the second?
He's like, I just got to siphon off the business from the first one.
It works for Starbucks.
It can work for us.
Yeah.
Kiddie corner from each other.
One person goes and has a whole pizza, a Boston pizza, and walks out.
Hey!
The kitty corner Starbucks aren't here anymore.
Yeah.
I know.
It's a shame.
There are still ones that are a block apart, though.
Yeah.
But like a Boston, like a pizza.
But it's not even, like, pizza's not even their strong suit.
They don't have a strong suit.
Have you tried their Boston?
What is their thing that they do?
I don't understand.
Yeah, I don't know where they got the name.
Like, Boston is not known for pizza.
No.
And the business has nothing to do with the city of Boston.
No, it started in Edmonton.
Frankly, it's got nothing to do with pizza.
Yeah.
But I can see team pitchers being a thing.
Yeah.
And being the... Yeah. That's what wrote me in. I know in know in like South Surrey, it's the place that's open latest as well.
Yeah, so that's like...
Oh boy, this is real regional.
But there's got to be chains in the States that people are like, who goes to these?
But they're everywhere.
Because, I don't know, I've ended up at Boston Pizzas a lot of times.
I never, you never, maybe that should be their slogan.
You never plan to end up at Boston Pizzas.
Well, when we went down for our Northwest tour, we stopped at our first ever Applebee's.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
I assume it was an Applebee's.
It might have been a Chili's it might have been any of these other
what's the Australian one?
Montana's Steakhouse
nope
Outback?
Outback Steakhouse
yeah I think they're all just identical
yeah they're just kind of like a place
that has food and weird things on the wall
what's your specialty? sadness mediocre food Yeah, they're just kind of like a place that has food and weird things on the wall.
What's your specialty?
Sadness.
Mediocre food.
Diabetes.
And bottomless pops.
Yeah.
That's true. The bottomless pop things.
Non-stop pop.
Yeah.
Is that Boss Pizza?
Yep.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
They ate some beverages.
That's them.
That's what they got.
Pretty good.
But that guy who started that is telling people, your eyelash idea is dumb.
But if he was in there, I'm going to make a place called Boston Pizza.
They would have got laughed out.
How are you different from other restaurants?
We're not.
We're worse.
But we'll be everywhere.
That's our strategy.
We're going to make an interior in our restaurant in the early 90s that will stand through the test of time.
You want to see a hockey jersey in a case instead of on a pretty lady?
Or a nude man.
Let's move on to overheard please what's up my name is jasper red co-host of the goose down along with the lovely kimberly clark
and we want to invite you into the comfort and groove of our podcast
that encompasses the arts and
entertainment. You can check us out
at Maximalfun.org
also available on iTunes.
See ya.
This is Biz and I'm Teresa
and we host a show called One Bad Mother
a comedy podcast about parenting
not a parenting podcast.
Guess what? we both just had
babies again check out the show enjoyed by breeders and ballers alike on itunes or maximumfun.org
overheard uh overheards time for overheards. When you hear things out there in the wild, and then you report them here on the podcast.
We always like to start with the guest.
Cam, are you ready?
I've been thinking about this.
Oh, yeah?
There's two that I'm jumping in between.
Why don't you give us both?
The first one, this happened yesterday when I was at Third Beach.
And it was very cloudy, and there was no one on the beach.
We were down there at like six.
Still went swimming in the water.
It was very nice.
But there was this group of women that were down there that had, you know,
there was kind of like a one-year-old, a two-year-old.
There was like a couple six-year-olds running around,
and they kind of had set up on the beach.
Obviously, they had been there for the day and uh i was hanging out with my friend and we
just kind of overheard one of the women being like yeah i don't know i wouldn't call him slow he's
just you know he's in a he's in a grade lower than everybody else but he's like a year older so
you know he's doing good he's doing well and the teacher says that he's, uh, you know, pretty bright and everything.
And then one of the other women who just like,
it's carrying a baby.
She just goes,
I'm sorry,
but that kid is definitely slow.
Wow.
It was like really catty.
Like,
it was just like,
whoa,
like leave the kid alone.
Maybe he's just working.
Moms are mean.
Yeah.
It was,
it was rough.
Yeah.
I've, uh, yeah, I mean, we all, the subtext there was that that kid was slow.
She didn't need to come in and say it.
But also, I think that she has a problem with the kid's mom, obviously.
Yeah, right?
That's what it is.
She didn't bring, like, Rice Krispie Squares like she said she was going to.
When you, when's your birthday?
April 23rd.
Okay.
Because when you're born in the later part of the year, there's a question of like, should we put the kid in this grade or that grade?
Yeah.
And I was born in December and was in the grade of people born in the same year as me.
I could have been, I could have gone a year later to school.
And my mother always regretted it.
Oh,
really?
Because she was like,
oh,
Dave,
you could have had so much potential.
No,
I don't think that that was it.
I think she wanted me out of the house.
Yeah.
I don't think she regretted it.
As soon as possible.
As all,
at all.
Yeah.
Like it's, so what, you would have been more advanced.
Yeah, I would have been the biggest kid in the...
Oh, yeah, you would have been a bully.
Yeah.
Oh, you missed your bully opportunity.
Oh, boy.
You could have lived a real bully lifestyle.
I did have bully genes.
You could have been on Dragon's Den.
You could have been on one of them.
Yeah.
One of the dragons.
One of the people shooting down everyone's idea.
Yeah, I'm out. That's good. That could have been you. them. Yeah. One of the dragons. One of the people shooting down everyone's idea. Yeah. I'm out.
That's good.
That could have been you.
Let me see your business plan.
This is written on an app, Ken.
I'm in.
I'm a bully, not a businessman.
Yeah.
Dave, do you have one?
Yeah.
Mine's not technically an overheard because it was said to me.
Okay. But we do have these house guests. We'll not technically an overheard because it was said to me. Okay.
But we do have these house guests.
We'll allow it.
Abby's Aunt Sheila is staying with us.
She's great, by the way.
Yeah.
As great in person as you could imagine.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Listeners, you're missing out.
Yeah, absolutely.
And her family's here, including two kids.
And they're Swedish, these kids.
And so they're english
it's a little funky right but she speaks english to them every day so they speak
english but there's some stuff they know in swedish that i guess makes sense um and this
isn't really my overhead i have another one uh but just as an example yesterday yesterday, Albert, the seven-year-old, he said, hey, Dave, when you tell a joke, after you're done telling a joke, you should say, dig-a-dung-dung-dung-dung-dung.
He's not wrong.
Yeah, I guess, which I assume is like a Swedish rim shot.
Dig-a-dung-dung-dung-dung-dung.
I assume it's like a Swedish rim shot.
Ding-a-dong-dong-dong-dong-dong.
Anyway, so he told me a joke, and it was,
does anyone know why fish don't have libraries?
And then Sheila was like, Albert, that's a Swedish joke.
It's not going to work in English.
And he was struggling to come up with the English for this joke joke and he's like uh because there's too much smoke ding-a-dong-dong-dong-dong um that's not bad
but that's uh that's just an example of the adorable swedishness that's happening here
um but uh okay so albert got this watch for his birthday and it is a uh a watch with uh the uh
guy from the lego movie a lego character i haven't seen the movie ligament uh his name is emmet okay
and uh um uh yeah he he's like yeah i just got the regular Emmett on this watch. It's not the special Emmett.
And I was like, yeah, when I was in school, I was in special Emmett.
And he didn't get it.
It was a special ed joke, but why would he get it?
You guys didn't even get it.
Well, I was waiting for the thing that you say after a joke.
Well, I hadn't learned that yet.
Anyway, so he said, yeah, it's not Special Edmonton.
I was like, I was in Special Edmonton school.
And he just suddenly got really serious and looked at me and said, just pull it together.
Like, they've been here three weeks.
Yesterday, I just learned about ding-a-dong-dong.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's exactly. And then you're like, oh, no, there's so here three weeks. Yesterday, I just learned about ding-a-dong-dong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it's exactly.
And then you're like, oh, no, there's so much to do.
Yeah.
We have to go back and see all those things again.
Ding-a-dong-dong.
Oh, pretty cute.
Do you have a overheard?
I do have a overheard.
Mine is courtesy of some loudmouths at the diner.
Their loudmouths.
Soft.
Yeah.
Soften up that loudmouth.
I didn't catch the context of this.
You don't need it.
This was a guy saying to his friend, I guess, I don't know what the, I listened to the rest of the conversation but it didn't
provide any hints as to where this came from but the guy was saying to the other guys that uh after
my last relationship i'm all out of underwear so oh wow yeah what do you think happened there
do you think that he was in a relationship with somebody who stole his underwear he brought it
over and just left it or someone
who's constantly
leaving it there
or was it like crazy
it was so crazy
that his underwear
kept getting ripped up
oh like
yeah all his underwear
got ripped off
every time
yeah yeah yeah
just prepare
he was having that
sex cereal
yeah
it's just insatiable
she grows
teen wolf claws
yeah
she rips off the underwear and then she's like, I'm exhausted by ripping that underwear.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, you joke.
You riled me up and ruined my underwear.
Strike two, sex serial.
Yeah.
After my last relationship, I'm all out of underwear right it's a real because then i was
like oh that's when i tuned in to the conversation i was like oh this will he'll explain it he'll
explain why maybe he that's where it ended that well yeah then it was just whatever other kind
of talk maybe yeah she kicked him out of the house or one of those things where, like in a movie, where she threw all of his belongings in the street.
Yeah, except his underwear.
Or he only owned one pair of underwear and left it there while she...
Maybe it was the thing in that song, Cecilia.
He got up to watch his face and when he come back to bed, someone's taking his place.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
And his underwear.
He's wearing his underwear.
Yeah.
Walking around in another man's underwear yeah i don't know anyways i don't know walking around in another man's underwear um how many pairs of underwear should an adult man
have at any one time i think this comes down to the question of how often do you want to do laundry?
Ah, yeah.
I want to do it once a week.
Do you guys all want to write down the number of underwear you have?
I don't know.
I don't know the number.
I don't, I can't, I don't have, but like, should you have just a week's worth or like
more than a week's worth?
I don't know what the should is.
Yeah.
I probably have two weeks worth.
Yeah.
I definitely made a move about a year and a half ago
to getting two weeks worth.
The problem is-
You inquired.
I inquired another six pairs.
You were at the buyer's market.
Yeah.
The problem is when you buy a bunch at once,
they all wear out at once,
and then you have to buy another bunch all at once.
But you know, I feel like you guys can relate to this
where we obviously
have like those
really ratty pairs
of underwear
that are like
at the end of the week
that you shouldn't
even have anymore.
Graham used to have
a whole joke about it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah, about having them.
They were like,
they're not like
underwear anymore.
They're like an ass cape.
You see?
That joke still works.
It never won't work.
But, uh... When I say you used to have a joke about that, you might still have it.
Yeah, some once in a while.
It's solid.
Have you ever bought underwear just like one?
Just to make it to the end of the week?
No, no, no.
Like you've just gone and bought a pair of underwear.
Do you always just hit your tooth with a beer?
You all right?
I don't know.
I'll be fine.
Yeah. No.
See, I've only ever bought underwear
in a group. Yeah, three pack.
It's always a three pack. But they sell underwear
by the one. Who's buying one
pair of underwear? That's what I'm asking.
If you've ever done that.
I've bought individual.
You've bought an individual pair?
Yeah, like three individual pairs.
I mean, where they sell like just one like at a you know like a boutique you would buy one pair of underwear i will buy one pair of underwear a box with one pair of underwear in it
but three boxes oh okay you're buying your underwear three at a time whether it be singles
or as a yeah what i'll do is i'll throw away one pair of underwear, like one or two pairs of underwear,
then I'll buy like four and I'll be like, whoa, I'm in Fat City.
Now I'm flush with new underwear.
Have you ever deviated from a type?
No.
Or were you one type all the way down the line?
like from a type?
No. Or were you one type
all the way down the line?
I was a
tighty whitey man
up until
about grade seven.
Oh yeah.
Grade six, grade seven.
Then everyone got into
boxer shorts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We started snapping
girls' bras.
And they started
pulling up our boxer shorts.
It was a big field day.
There were literally
there was literally
like lunch hours
Where boys just
Stopped playing football
And girls stopped
Doing whatever girls did
And we'd chase each other
Around the field
Snapping bras
And wedging the boys
What if that became
A pro sport?
Would you
I would
Watching 11 year olds?
No
I mean you know
The 11 year olds They would aspire I mean, you know, the 11 year olds,
they would aspire
one day to be in the Olympics.
Uh,
and then,
round about,
um,
uh,
you know,
18,
19,
it's been boxer briefs
ever since.
Yeah.
Popular,
boxer briefs.
I'm,
I'm a boxer's man.
Oh really?
Oh yeah,
since grade five,
boxer's man.
Can't do the briefs.
Can't do the boxer briefs.
I can't do,
uh, I can't do boxers because they're crazy.
It just feels like wearing a bed sheet under there.
It's too wild.
I did it in high school.
I wore boxers, but then somebody was like, why not combine the two?
I don't remember when boxer briefs came out, but it was a revolution.
It was Marky Mark right after the Funky Bunch.
Yeah, that was big.
That was huge.
Have you seen the new,
I got a pair like free,
some sort of like,
it was like a free thing.
You don't have to explain yourself.
Just tell us about this underwear
you wear.
I don't wear it
because it's too weird,
but it's like a boxer brief
where the front of it
has like an extension
for your bulge.
That is like.
Bulge?
Just a slip that you put your junk into.
Oh, so it's like a separate chamber?
Yeah, it's a separate chamber that keeps it away from your legs and the rest of your body.
And it's holding it as a package out front.
I think my legs would miss.
I think it would miss it.
It's very uncomfortable.
It's been together for a long time. It's uncomfortable? It it would miss it. It's very uncomfortable.
It's been together for a long time.
It's uncomfortable?
It was weird.
Yeah.
It's weird.
It felt like wearing a wetsuit.
Do you wear underwear in a wetsuit?
I guess not.
Well, you would wear a bathing suit, I guess.
Yeah, I guess.
What's with that feeling of like, oh, you're generally renting a wetsuit.
The last guy, you better hope he wore underwear.
He just drops it off.
You just see him just walk.
Oh, man.
Renting a wetsuit.
I don't know if I would.
I don't know if I would.
Not trusted. I have a couple pairs of tighty-whities still, but that have got like a free or a novelty pair,
and I've tried wearing them.
It's just all wrong.
Is the elastic waistband all like lasagna noodle,
like uncooked lasagna noodle on you?
Lasagna noodle.
No, they're practically unworn by the time I get them.
No, I've worn them two or three times and been like, this is all wrong.
It just feels, yeah.
I don't like this one bit.
Do you feel like it changed your whole character?
Abby was in this running group, and it was operated out of a running shoe store in Vancouver,
running room.
Yeah.
And they had giveaways for this running group. And she won a pair of shorts that were men's shorts, and they had giveaways for this running group, and
she won a pair of shorts that were men's shorts, and they had the built-in underwear, and she
gave them to me.
Oh, boy, I did not like those one bit.
Like a bathing suit.
Like a bathing suit.
With a mesh, but it wasn't mesh.
Wow.
This is a bit of a throwback to the Third Beach thing, but yesterday when we were at Third Beach with my friend, a guy had rollerbladed to Third Beach, and he took his blades off, and he jumped down there, and he threw his blades on the unmanned lifeguard seat and took his shorts off, and he was wearing boxer briefs and jumped into the water and let out a very audible, like when he got into the water it was so cold by himself by himself don't like it and then and then
as he came out of the water there was like canadian geese like walking by and so uh my friend
katherine i was with was like oh god take a photo that she's like oh but i don't want that guy
thinking that i'm taking a photo of him and then she was like so she was looking at the geese and
the guy and i was kind of not paying attention and uh she of him. And then she was like, so she was looking at the geese and the guy, and I was kind of not paying attention.
And she took the photo and then she was like,
oh my God,
did you just see that?
It's like,
what?
It's like the tip of his dick was totally out.
The piece lit just the tip of his penis was out of his piece lit for like a
moment in boxer briefs in boxer briefs.
Wow.
Yeah.
But he,
he like quickly realized and slipped it in
like the ass like pushed his ass back so it slipped in wow the uh the human body is a nightmare
it is a nightmare god damn it also wonderland at times yeah yeah the human body is wonderland
it almost is almost never a wonderland though right it's mostly it's a
fright house of fright even when it is a wonderland it's like oh she's got a headache
a lot of these rides are down um we also have overheards that have been sent in uh by people
from all around the world if you want to to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.
And this first one comes from Kate B.
I didn't read any of these, but I oversaw them.
You're still reading overheards from March.
You bet.
Yeah.
So if anyone's worried that their overheard hasn't been read.
It still might not be.
Yeah, it still might not be.
But Graham reads most of them um uh this is uh from kate b and uh no no location mentioned
somewhere she's working as a tutor um i help out at a tutoring program on the weekends today
i overheard one of the english tutors explaining the plot of Romeo and Juliet to one of her students.
She wrapped up her summary of the events leading up to their deaths by saying,
See, if they had had texting, this never would have happened.
It's true.
It really is.
They didn't even have texting in the reboot
the
no
no
the
the DiCaprio Danes
they had guns though
the past was in that movie too
yeah
yeah
yeah
that's right
that movie had everything
guns
neon crosses
yeah
that beach hangout
yeah
they hung out
an ever clear song
did they call their guns swords they never changed
the words oh boy like i think they were the guns were like the brand name was sword we saw that
with unsheath your yeah yeah we saw that with our english class it was the coolest english class
ever got we went like to the theater yeah we went to the theater for uh We went to the theater. Yeah, we went to the theater for
We went to the theater for an English class
and it was
Another Baz Luhrmann movie?
He went to see Australia?
Yeah, exactly.
Went to see Moulin Rouge.
It was
What's the one where they burn witches?
What is that play called?
Oh, The Crucible?
It was only like three minutes into the movie,
and the guy who plays the Sarge from Police Academy is in it.
And my friend just kept making sound effect noises.
Oh, man.
Which guy from Police Academy?
The guy that has the... he's like the good guy.
He has like a fish, and he was like golfing all the time.
The guy who, he's like.
Commandant Lessard.
Lessard, okay.
Commandant Lessard.
Not the bad guy.
No, the good guy.
The good guy.
The good older guy.
What's the bad guy's name?
Well, why did I ask that?
No, I don't know.
Oh, well, write us in.
But yeah,
Commandant Lessard is in
Crucible, and it's hilarious.
How many, okay.
This is dumb.
How many Police Academy characters can I name?
I'm back!
Okay, there's Mahoney.
Oh, obviously.
High Tower. Yep. That was Okay, there's Mahoney. Oh, obviously. Whoa!
Hightower.
Yep.
That was Ed Too Tall Jones.
Yeah.
Zed.
Bobcat Goldthwait.
Yeah.
Oh, what is the guy that was...
This guy knows it.
I want to say there's a man named Honeysuckle.
Yep.
That's the girl that said, freeze, dirtbag, or whatever.
And then there was the guy with the big gun.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tackleberry.
Tackleberry.
And who is the lady?
The lady equivalent of Tackleberry.
The blonde woman.
Yeah.
Who takes advantage of the Asian cadet.
Blonde duck dong.
I don't remember her name.
Wasn't there, wasn't like the guy Sweetberry or something like that?
Who was Zegs?
Pinkberry.
Minchies.
Cold Stone Creamery.
I think that's all of them. I can't remember. That's all of them. that's all of them.
I can't remember.
That's all of them.
That's all of them.
Wasn't Janet Gretzky in one of them?
Maybe.
Was she the one?
She wasn't.
The blonde.
Oh, Kim Cattrall was in the first one.
Yeah.
She played Mannequin.
No, was Kim Cattrall the blonde woman?
She was the blonde?
No.
No.
She was Mahoney's girl.
Wait, but was that blonde woman the same blonde woman who played...
You know, she had the affair with Flavor Flav and she was in Beverly Hills Cop 2?
No.
You're thinking of the one from...
Bridget Nielsen.
An affair with Flavor Flav.
It wasn't an affair.
It was like a...
An affair with... It wasn't an affair.
It was like a...
It was Harris was the bad cop.
Harris.
I don't remember his brown noser guy.
Oh, because he always yelled it.
Yeah.
He would go like...
Oh, boy.
Why did I even bring that up?
Yeah, I don't know.
But, yeah, the blue oyster. That was from that movie. Mm-hmm. he'll go like oh boy why did I even bring that up yeah I don't know but uh
yeah
the blue oyster
that was from that movie
mmhmm
um
never forget
do we
that's it
nope
we got another overheard
I don't know
tiktok
from
Max C
Max C
in
parts unknown again
uh
I was in the supermarket
last week
when I spotted a mother and her two kids, probably aged around five and seven years old.
The kids were acting up a little bit and running around and being silly.
The exacerbated mom turned to the two kids and threatened them by saying,
If you two don't behave yourselves, you won't be getting any olives.
Are these Mediterranean children?
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I've never been threatened
with no olives, but if I really,
you know, if I wanted the salty taste.
I didn't even get a taste for olives until I was like 23.
Why? You're a prodigy.
It took a while. I need to water him down
I need to mix him with some kind of yogurt
I think the first time that I ate
I was in yogurt
Like a Greek yogurt
A plain Greek yogurt
With like a tapenade
A tapenade is just olives though right?
Yeah
You need some shredded olives with your olive.
Look, I make this-
I make a tapenade yogurt mix you put on a lamb burger.
It's dynamite.
Sounds pretty good.
But I like olive oil.
Yeah.
You ever have like a really nice olive oil and you're like, I could drink this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have a sip before breakfast, a sensible one. Yeah. You ever have like a really nice olive oil and you're like, I could drink this. Yeah. Yeah.
Have a sip before breakfast to sense the well-being.
I feel like that's something you would see in like a modern, you know, diet book.
It's like, just drink, you know, a shot of olive oil.
Just a shot of an ounce of olive oil.
It'll clean you right out.
It would, at the very least.
I don't know.
Put it down a water slide.
I wonder, you know what? I've't know. Put it down a water slide. I wonder,
you know what?
I've never done a shot
of any type of oil.
Mm-hmm.
Flax.
Coconut.
Coconut.
No,
I don't know
that I would,
but I don't know
that I wouldn't.
We'll do some shots
of olive oil after this.
Yeah,
we'll figure this out.
This last one
comes from Harry N.
Yeah. this last one comes from Harry N there was a smash mouth concert at a southern
Indiana university and upon seeing
a promotional poster for the event
a girl was heard to remark
oh I was really into them
during my Shrek phase.
I'm a believer.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's part and parcel.
I remember when Smash Mouth came out, they had like two hits on their first album.
Yeah.
Walking on the Sun and maybe... Superstar. All Star? All Star. That was their second Sun. And maybe.
Superstar.
All Star?
All Star.
That was their second album. All Star.
I'm talking about Fush You Meng.
I'm not talking about Astro Lounge.
My mistake.
Maybe it was Can't Get Enough of You Baby from the Can't Hardly Wait soundtrack.
And they, I remember thinking, I'm not going to buy this album.
But when they come out with their greatest hits, I'm definitely going to buy this album, but when they come out with their greatest hits,
I'm definitely going to buy it.
And I never did.
He was the guy, the lead singer was on.
Steve Harwell?
Yeah, he was on one of those,
like all the celebrities live together in the house.
What was that called?
Did he have an affair with Flavor Flick?
It's a real life?
It's a real life, yeah.
And his whole thing was that he had to lose weight.
But then he started that show, Diners, Drivers, and Diners.
He has a cookbook, and Guy Fieri is in it.
No way.
Really?
Well, they've been mutual admirers from afar.
Why not?
Yeah.
I like what that guy's doing.
been mutual admirers from afar why not yeah like what that guy's doing in addition to overheards that are written in uh some of our overheards are called in someone called me out on my
grammar disaster oh yeah um if you would like to call us our phone number is 206-339-8328
like these people here hi dave and gram and guest um This is Neil from Parts Unknown.
I was in Los Angeles this previous weekend
and driving around in Koreatown
found a liquor store
with the initials A period N period S period.
So read out loud.
It says anus liquor.
Great. Anus liquor. Bye it says anus liquor. Great. Anus liquor.
Bye.
Or an ass liquor. Is that what he said?
Anus liquor. Oh anus liquor.
Anus liquor. Yeah.
There's a, what was the place in Calgary
that used to be called liquor barn but like
from day one the R and the N
never lit up so it's just liquor bar
forever.
It feels like it feels in the same
ballpark yeah i mean poker in the front liquor in the rear or no liquor in the front poker
big johnson t-shirts is that what i'm talking about
what was that and where did it come from and how did kids get them
the happy fisherman do you guys remember the Happy Fisherman shirt? No, no. Oh, Jesus. Was that Big Johnson?
That was a Big Johnson t-shirt.
It was the Happy Fisherman, and it was on the front.
It was like a fisherman standing waist deep in water with a big smile on his face.
And on the back, it was like you saw underwater, and he just had a fish on his penis.
That would be horrifying.
Why is he smiling?
What a monster.
Fish never asked for that.
Wow.
But those shirts,
they were nowhere and then they were, and then they were nowhere again.
The only place you could find them was in roadside tent sales.
And there were so many of them. Yeah.
I had no idea.
I feel like they had them in every city as tourism shirts, but it was the same joke in every city.
It was like, oh, Cancun.
Cancun, get a
fish on your wiener.
Right beside
the one tequila, two tequila,
three tequila floor shirts, and also
a bunch of mice
in different sex positions.
Or skeletons.
Skeletons, or mummies if you're in Egypt.
Yeah. Or skeletons. Skeletons or mummies if you're in Egypt.
Yeah, whatever the local tourist attraction having sex is.
Here's your next phone call.
Hey Dave, Graham
and prospective guest.
My name is Colin from Los Angeles
calling in with an overheard.
I was listening to local radio
talking about a corrupt politician,
last name of Fernandez,
and they were interviewing one of the people
who worked under him.
He said, yeah, you know,
we called him the Fern,
you know, because he was so evil.
Thanks, Chris. The Fern? know, because he was so evil thanks Chris the fern?
yeah, his name was Fernandez
they shortened it to the fern because he was evil?
yeah, because he was still
and green
water
easy to maintain
some of you give someone
is that a housewarming gift?
do you have any plants?
In the house?
Yeah, in the house.
Houseplants.
I feel like we have a couple of succulents and maybe a, no, no cacti.
No.
You?
No.
Nothing.
You?
I got a couple.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I got a, what is that, money tree?
Oh, really?
Well, I mean, that's what it's called.
That's how you are supporting the summer of plants.
Zero money.
And then a couple other plants that I don't really know, but I've had them all for like five years.
You're very nurturing.
Yeah.
That means that you're ready for the next step.
You're ready to have a pet.
Yeah, plants are boring in the house.
Yeah.
No, it's true.
I don't know.
They're nice.
They're nice when you're in a house and they're in the house. boring in the house. Yeah. No, it's true. I don't know. Like, they're nice. They're nice when you're in a house and they're in the house.
We in the house.
But I wouldn't want to, like, have to deal with them.
But, yeah, it's not like you just leave it, right?
I guess.
I don't know.
I've never watered a plant in the house.
But a fern, you need to, like, pay attention to that, right?
A fern is, I feel like a fern is touchy.
Is a fern an indoor or an outdoor?
I feel like there's both.
Okay.
Listeners, if you're a fern, write us.
Or if your friends call you the fern.
Check what your last name is.
If your friend is like, hey fern.
If your friend's with Ernest.
He has a speech impediment.
Here's your final overheard of 2014.
Hi, fellas.
I'm calling in from...
Whoops, sorry.
I'm calling in with an overseen from Albany International Airport.
I was on my way to work today,
and at the intersection,
I was on my way to work today, and at the intersection, there was a guy pulling from the airport. And he had one of those children's Halloween costumes with the black robe with a cream mask on it.
And he had it pulled over his passenger side seat, so the mask was right at the headboard.
And I'm just wondering
what that guy's story is.
I thought at the very least
it was entertaining.
Thanks.
I have no idea what the other one is.
Yeah, I'm not sure it was entertaining.
Your phone call absolutely was entertaining.
Yeah, it was great.
All I could gather
that there was a scream mask.
That's all I got.
On the headboard of a passenger's side of a car.
That it was looking at the bus?
Is that what you said?
It was a bus?
I didn't even catch that it was in a car.
I thought it was in a headboard of a bed.
I couldn't tell if she said he was a guy or he was a goth.
That would make more sense.
Driving around with a scream mask on.
That was a great phone call.
So good.
Thank you so much.
Now that brings us to the end of this here show.
Cam, do you have anything that you would like to plug?
Any upcoming shows?
Perhaps a hero show?
Yes.
I have a hero show on August 7th.
What is the hero show for the listener?
The hero Show is a
solo comedy show
where the only rule
is no stand-up,
but it's all comedians
and improvisers
performing a one-man show,
only five-minute sets,
and they can do
whatever they want,
so it's weird characters
and monologues
and songs
and all kinds of stuff
you'd probably never see
at any other show,
but it's really great.
It's great.
Super great.
One of the best shows in town.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
And then also I'm doing, I'm very excited,
I'm going to be doing Rain City Chronicles.
Oh, cool.
Which is a true story night on August 9th,
and it's a theme of the great outdoors
where I'm telling a story about a tube. Having sex outside? No, it was a, it's a theme of the great outdoors where I'm telling a story about a tube ride that was supposed to be an hour long tube ride down a really nice river that turned into like a four hour ordeal where someone almost got decapitated.
No way.
A bunch of crazy stuff.
But their head only sort of fell off.
Yeah, it's not a full decapitation if there's still a little skin flap.
Better luck next time, nature.
Anyway, I hope they're fine.
They're great.
They're great.
Two events if you're in Vancouver in August.
Worth checking out.
Anything else to plug?
The Hero Shows at the China Cloud Theater.
Hero Shows at the China Cloud Theater. Hero Shows at the
China Cloud Theater.
It has been going as
the first Thursday of
every month for the
past year, but
starting in September
it's going to be the
second Thursday of
every month.
Cool.
So just keep that
in mind come September,
but other than that,
yeah.
It's a little
chillier outside.
No more beach time.
Summer of Cam is
over.
The fall of Cam
just began.
Oh no!
The fall of Cam. The Oh no The fall of Cam
The fall of the house of Cam
Do you have anything to plug?
Head over to
Canadiancomedy.ca
Register
Vote for us
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What is it?
Long form audio
Program of the year
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We haven't learned
The name of our category
And also But we would love to win We're lovers of winners Program of the year. Oh, boy. We haven't learned the name of our category.
But we would love to win.
We're lovers of winners.
We got an email that mentioned, you know, if you had room for a plug this week,
that this week on My Brother, My Brother and Me,
their guest is Elizabeth Gilbert from the book.
Eat, Pray, Love.
Eat, Pray, Love, which is, that's a get.
So, you know, go head over there.
Why not?
You're done at this episode.
Now go over there. And then come back to find out next week who decapitated that guy on the tube ride.
But, you know, thanks for listening, everybody.
Head over to MaximumFun.org
for a recap
of this episode
oh yeah
pictures and videos
of the things
we've spoken about
probably
Boston Pizza
Big Johnson
Big Johnson t-shirt
for sure
yeah absolutely
yeah Boston Pizza
ads
yeah
oh the action park
gotta get that action park
oh Dave's unbuttoned
his shirt
there you go.
Oh, but he's kept the top button very Cholo style.
This will not be in the recap.
Thanks for listening, everybody.
If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported