Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 333 - Paul Anthony
Episode Date: August 4, 2014Paul Anthony joins us to talk about Arsenio Hall, B.O., and The Expendables 3....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 333 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who prefers the number 666, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Oh, because I like devils.
Yeah, devils.
Yeah, I have all this cool devil knickknacks around the house.
My grandkids get them for me.
I have a lot of sweatshirts with kittens as devils.
I like evil.
I like Satan.
I'm a big fan of just the total annihilation of all mankind,
and I just kind of want to live on a lake of fire.
I want to have really good real estate.
Yeah.
I want to be the George Clooney Lake Como on the lake of fire.
Well said.
All well said.
Thank you.
And God, or sorry, Satan bless your grandchildren.
And our guest today is a comedian, host of Talent Time, which has now got a new home starting on September 4th.
And he's also a man who's not as dumb as he used to be, Mr. Paul Anthony.
Correct.
Thanks for being our guest.
Oh, man.
I'm happy to be here.
So, tell us about...
First, let's get to know us.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
Get to know us.
So, you're moving shop. Yeah. if people don't know what talent time is
right because when were you last on the show is years ago okay so in at least three years ago i
think and talent time is your your monthly show yep that is also it's a live show. It's like a variety show in the purest sense of the word.
Yes.
Like it's not, it's not a, hey, let's see this.
It's crazy bad thing though.
It's like.
It's things that I like.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's why I put my name in front of it.
It wasn't just to be like.
It's just my taste.
That is my usual reason.
And it is, it's a live, and it's a televised show.
Yeah.
On a, well, it's on multiple cable networks.
It's on Shaw TV and the Novus Network.
Yeah, it used to just be on the Novus Network.
Yeah, moving on up.
Nice.
Nice.
And that is, okay, so yeah, now you're moving it.
Yeah.
What's that about?
Yeah.
Moving to the Rio Theater,
and it's going to be the first Thursday of every month.
And the Rio is just, it's bigger.
I like the Bill Moore because I like the energy that we can get in there.
It's just so much fun.
It's intimate.
It's beautiful.
But I just figured, like, to start the seventh season, I wanted to be scared to death.
Right.
Sure.
You were going to host it on a roller coaster.
Yeah, you're going to have the new host as the Crypt Keeper.
Okay, cool.
Let's see.
What else is going on?
Yeah.
Well, no, I think that's uh because what don't like advice
gurus say like do something every day that scares you yeah but not every day no every day you get
you hire somebody to pop a balloon when you least expect it when you're shaving
can it be the same thing every day that scares you yeah do one thing every day that scares you? Yeah. Do one thing every day that scares you and it's a balloon?
Yeah.
Or it's a vampire.
Because you're just scared of vampires, so you just hire a guy.
Yeah.
Right?
Like whatever.
Because you're not going to be... To bite a balloon.
Ooh, yeah.
A balloon full of blood.
So much cleanup.
I feel like I'd be more scared every day filling a balloon with blood than the vampire coming and biting it.
That's a lot of blood.
Wouldn't he be better off sucking it?
Yeah, suck it.
Like the way you or I would suck helium?
Yeah, I guess.
But he's got a flair for the dramatic.
Does he lick the floor?
It's just a messlair for the dramatic. Yeah. And then just, does he lick the floor? Like, it's just a mess after he does that.
He's a, he's a, he's a party animal.
So, you're doing a thing that scares you, which is great.
Yeah.
According to advice books.
Like, it's too big.
The Rio is too big.
Like, we did a one-off in the summer, and it was like, this is huge.
Yeah, it's like a big, it's like a movie theater size.
Yeah, it's a movie theater.
The movie theater is, the screen is 40 feet tall.
So that gives you an idea of how massive it is.
Are you going to use the screen?
We are.
But when we did the thing in the summer,
we did like the live feed on the 40 foot screen.
Oh, wow.
And so it was like the rolling stones or no way newer reference
do you ever go to a movie at a movie theater and they have like you're at the little atm box
those the whatever the finger touch yeah touchscreen touchscreen box
at the old movie theater
and they have all the movies
and they have like
an opera
oh yeah
like broadcast from
from you know
Vienna
or they'll have
wrestling
yeah they'll have wrestling
or
what else do they
I think they might do
concerts as well
or they have
sometimes they'll have like yeah like this American life live in, you know, whatever.
I went to one of those once and it does not, does not translate.
Does not, it feels like you're, like you're like, I could have just watched this at home.
Like there's no advantage to seeing this with a group of people in a movie theater style.
I feel like the,
yeah,
the opera one is weird.
Yeah,
like what are you going
to take out
your opera glasses
and be like,
look at it,
it's super huge.
Like who around you,
who do you know
in the world
who goes to opera?
There's a pair of teenagers
behind you
making out the whole time.
Yeah,
like people are eating
that gross,
those gross nachos with the plastic melted cheese on them.
Yeah.
Like,
would you dress up to go to the movie?
And then some guy's got a giant big gulp.
Yeah.
It's not wearing his Avengers.
Yeah.
Tidy way.
His pants fell off at some point.
He doesn't know when.
Oh man. Oh, man.
No, I've never gone to one of those.
You?
Have you ever gone to a simulcast?
A wrestling?
No, but I think the sound would be amazing.
I think that's probably why people don't.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
There you go.
And it's bigger than watching it on your iPhone.
Yeah, it's true.
More immersive.
And I guess it's a thing.
That doesn't stop me from taking my iPhone out
and watching something else during the opera.
So are you going to do that for the show?
It's going to be projected?
Yeah, it's going to be projected,
but we found that it just turned into,
you know that video feedback
where it just goes on and on and on?
Oh, yeah.
It was kind of,
and then the stage lights
kind of drowned it out
at the bottom anyways.
So what we're doing
is we're building a set
that goes eight feet tall.
So all the shots behind people
will be this thing
that we're creating
that looks like
the Merv Griffin set.
It's incredible.
That's amazing.
Where does that kind of,
do you have to like
store that at your,
where do you store it?
They are letting us store it under their stage.
For $10,000 a month.
It just has to break down to get through the door.
Have you ever gone in the backstage area there?
There's some crazy stairs down to a vault.
I've only been up, which is not as scary.
Oh, down in the basement is super scary.
Yeah, it's all like cobwebby and spooky.
There's dead bodies there.
Oh, there is?
Yeah, yeah.
Like fresh?
Yeah, fresh and old.
Preserved and...
Oh, well, a good mix.
Yeah.
Today's favorites and yesterday's greatest.
All the hits from yesterday.
The 60s, 70s, 80s, and today.
The 90s.
Yeah.
A lot of 80s corpses
with their dumb leg warmers.
Killed during an aerobics course.
On the shoulder pads.
Couldn't save them.
It was an aerobics simulcast.
Yeah. It was with aerobic simulcast. Yeah.
It was with Jane Fonda's tape.
We're the big aerobics tape.
It was a...
Alyssa Milano.
Really?
She had one.
Whoa.
That would have been my go-to.
Oh, I loved her.
Did you?
Yeah.
Still to this day.
Yeah.
I won't pass up a chance To get a No To get a look
No
When she walks past me
I look
Yeah absolutely
Whenever I see her
At my
At the bylow near my house
When did we see her last
In Charmed
Yeah
Maybe
Uh
In like
Maybe like some
Commercial for something
Like
Like vitamins or something
Yeah or
No she did some
What do you What do you put on your some what do you put on your face paint
that you put on your face that women do war paint yeah that's the grease paint uh cream cheese
i used to love her though i had a i i with the vhs i taped whenever she came on who's the boss
you would stop it during the other time? Yeah.
I paused it.
I got no time for you, Danny Pintora.
The tape is ridiculous because it's just her saying lines.
But it's like I taped it over like a run of years of the show.
So it's like a six, eight hour tape, but it's just her.
Well, Graham was talking a couple weeks ago about someone made a YouTube video of just every time Cody from Step by Step was on screen.
Yeah, and I watched the whole thing.
It was an hour and a half long.
Just his lines, no context.
And sometimes not even the audience reaction to his lines.
Wow.
And you, were you, did you like it the whole time?
No, but you know, you get 45 minutes into something and then you really want to see through to the other you had a goal yeah and he was like uh like alissa milano's
character was never was she funny what was she like a sassy teenager she got a hickey once
yeah right did she have to wear a scarf yeah spoiler alert did she move her head to one side oh yeah did she say she was doing some sort
of cool new dance yeah i like i watched so little of that show but i remembered like tiny bit i
remember one episode where she immediately she got jeans and immediately ripped them up in front
of tony like hey it's the style yeah tony was the character played by Tony. But what was funny about that
show?
Was it just
that horny
Mona would
come in?
Yeah.
What happened
to the horny
old lady in
sitcoms?
That was a
thing.
Well, here's what
was funny about
the show.
Yeah.
Break it down.
He would
vacuum the
drapes.
One time he
took off
Jonathan's sweater and put it
inside. This is all in the intro.
One time he and
Angela wore the same
pajamas, but she wore the top
and he wore the bottom. Wait a second.
They were camping or something.
Then he slid into home during that baseball game.
He drove a van.
None of this is funny.
Who's the boss will be right back, so stick around.
Yeah, I don't remember.
Oh, what was really funny about it was it was taped in front of a live studio audience.
There's a path worth taking.
The choice is up to you, my friends.
Samantha was his daughter.
Samantha.
But Jonathan was her son?
Yeah, the boss's son.
Oh.
Yeah.
And then who was Mona?
Was that her mom?
That was Angela's mom.
Angela's mom.
Mona.
And didn't she live in the garage or something?
No, she lived in a crypt.
Angela's mother. Mona.
And didn't she live in the garage or something?
No, she lived in a crypt.
And to call the old woman who loves sex Mona is just a little great.
It's just good writing.
That's all that is.
So you missed the horny old lady in TV shows?
What else?
What about Hot in Cleveland?
That was just all for horny four i never i guess i never saw
maybe i just haven't watched a tv show since then yeah what were your favorites mona the golden
girls golden girls i guess just blanche was the horny one yeah she was the samantha yeah not who's
the boss that's actually samantha samantha i loved family ties there's no Was there no Horny character No Family Ties
I guess Skippy
Was kind of horny
Do you know
They tried to make
A spin off
Of Family Ties
That was
What was the
Older sister
Mallory's
Boyfriend
Nick
Nick
Oh he was so good
Scott Valentine
Yeah
He was in Playgirl once
Really Oh I think we talked about this Yeah we talked about it Many times Because when you See it again Nick Oh yeah He tried to make a show Scott Valentine Yeah He was in Playgirl once Really?
Oh I think we talked about this
Yeah we've talked about it
Many times
Because when you
See it again
For some reason
When you Google me
What?
I put a picture of him
In Playgirl
In the episode
One of the episode recaps
Oh five years ago
And now when you Google me
That's one of the pictures
That comes up
That's so great
At any time at a festival Did they they just like think that that was...
Yeah, we'll just grab a photo of you off the internet.
Please.
Yeah.
Oh, this was the number two option.
Whipped cream on your nipples.
Was he wearing a bow tie in it?
I can't remember.
Anyways.
And no shirt?
Yeah.
I think you're just thinking of Chippendales.
When am I not?
The Rescue Rangers.
I wonder what the... Because that was a brand, right? Chippendales. Why am I not? The Rescue Rangers. I wonder what the...
Because that was a brand, right? Chippendales?
Chippendales dancers?
Cartoon too, right?
What's that? Never mind. I got confused.
Cartoon squirrels? The squirrels. Never mind.
What came first?
The strippers, I think.
No. Really?
I guess that would make sense why chip and dale was like
way back in like black and white cartoon days i feel like there are a yeah but chip and dale
might have been at like the name of the the dancers might be just like a famous name before
the dancer right oh yeah but i wonder like if there was was that a thing amongst women at the time where they're like, I like a guy that wears a tuxedo, but not all of the tuxedo.
Yeah.
Just parts of it.
Yeah.
Like the next side.
Some woman with x-ray glasses.
Yes.
Who went to a really fancy event.
Yeah.
She's like, guys, do I have a proposal for you?
Did you figure it out, Chippendales?
Chippendale may refer to an Australian botanist.
Really?
That's probably where it came from.
A cabinet maker.
Like, you're a real Chippendale.
The son of a cabinet maker.
A chain of clubs and troop of performers.
Chippendale, New South Wales, Australia.
Chinese Chippendale.
Oh, boy.
An architectural detail.
Wow.
Chippendale, two cartoon chipmunk characters.
So it's just like a catch-all term.
If you have a thing you don't have a term for, just Chippendales.
Yep.
That's Chippendale.
It's like putting Acme or like AAA.
It's your first in the phone book.
Oh, yeah.
Smart AAA.
So, yeah, there was no horny character on Family Ties.
Well, I think they were all more subtle.
Yeah, I mean, the parents had all those kids.
Yeah, that's true.
They kissed a lot.
Yeah. Was that a thing?. They kissed a lot. Yeah.
Was that a thing?
Wasn't the show supposed to be about them, and then it shifted, and then it was about
Michael J. Fox instead?
Yeah.
Because they were like, hey, people like this guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That happens a lot.
Yeah, I feel like sitcoms don't actually know what they're doing.
No.
I think most TV shows don't know what they're doing.
It's like, maybe this is...
When you create a TV show,
you're supposed to like
come up with like a Bible,
like the five,
the first five seasons
and how you envision it.
But no one is like,
oh yeah,
then Urkel becomes
super popular
and changes everything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They have a Bible
that's just
the advent of Urkelbot.
Why did you wait
four years for this?
Was he on for four years before Urkel showed up? No, no, but Urkelbot. Why did you wait four years for this? Was he on for four years
before Urkel showed up?
No, no, but Urkelbot.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I don't know how long
that took, but
Urkel was maybe
season two.
Too long, though.
Urkel wasn't in season one.
If I could be a fly
on a wall in any
writer's room,
it would be the one
where they came up
with Urkelbot.
Just the ideas, ideas.
Just throw it.
There's no bad ideas here.
Urkel ghost?
That's a little macabre.
Doesn't that mean Urkel's dead?
Oh, yeah, that's true.
What about Pirate Urkel?
What was the cool machine?
Was that the same thing?
The bot?
No, cool machine made him into Stefan Urkel.
Yeah.
That was sort of a nutty professor style thing.
That had to be his idea, right?
Like, I'm sick of playing the nerd.
Oh, yeah.
Someone just.
I want to be a sex symbol.
Because I remember seeing him on Arsenio Hall, and he came on.
He was just like, yo.
He was trying to be.
He was so straight.
He was playing against his character. Yeah. And he's just like, yo. He was trying to be... He was so straight. He was playing against his character.
Yeah, and he was just like, how much he loves playing ball.
He was a very good basketball player.
There was one episode where he played basketball.
And he was like really, really good.
The rest of the team got injured.
And finally they had to put Ergo on.
Did he wear suspenders?
Yes, he wore suspenders.
That doesn't make any sense.
Keep up your shorts.
Now, do you, at one point, you put together like an audition thing to be on the new Arsenio Hall show.
Yep.
Oh, that didn't work out.
It totally didn't.
But it did.
Well, I mean, it worked out for the best.
I just remember seeing a Facebook post that was like, don't watch tonight.
It didn't work out.
But you, part of the process was you unearthed like a video that you made when you were like a kid.
Yeah.
That was the cool part.
That was great.
Okay.
So start from the beginning for someone like myself who doesn't know anything.
Okay.
I heard, I mean, people started telling me that Arsenio was coming back
because they knew that I used to be a fan of the old show.
So I was like, I signed up for email things
like from the website.
Yeah.
And they sent one and they kept saying
they're having this contest to find Arsenio's biggest fans
to have them on the first week of the show.
And I just kind of kept watching them come in.
And then it was like two days before and I went to look at the submissions and they were
all like so horrible and there was only like three and they were going to pick like eight
people.
Oh, that's not good.
So I was like, I know I have this footage.
So I looked for it.
I found it.
And to my surprise, it made me laugh.
It was me.
It was so, it's so cute.
It's me, like, 11 and 12 and 13.
First, I just started, like, I used to tape the RCDO show,
like, audio tape, like, Ghetto Blaster against the thing.
And I was just lip syncing his monologue.
And I had, like, my sister and my cousins and stuff,
like pretend they were in the band, you know,
just like playing a ironing board and stuff, you know?
Yeah.
And I just like lip sync his monologue about,
it was always just stuff that.
What were the jokes about back then?
Clinton.
Yeah.
They weren't even, I couldn't even recognize the joke.
Was it Clinton or Bush back then?
Well, it was Bush, but Clinton came on and played saxophone on the show.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was.
In a star-making turn.
But for a long time, the only jokes about Bill Clinton were that he ate McDonald's and was fat.
And then he really gave up some grist for the middle.
Yeah.
In his second term.
No, there was, he was, I think he was always kind of like a horndog
before.
Because there were,
there was like,
who was it?
Like Jennifer Flowers
or...
Oh yeah,
there was like...
And someone covered
something up
or someone lied
and there was also
Whitewater.
Yeah.
Which was,
people love jokes
about real estate dealings.
Anyway,
go on.
You lip synced this, you found this tape of a lip-synced monologue so i basically
i made a video that was just hey i i was your biggest fan look at me i lip-synced your monologue
and then went from there like this show that i would i'd put on we'd put on a show like every
like christmas or or like every family thing would get together i'd always like put on a
variety show but turn it started off just by art i intimidate intimidating him yeah you better have
i sent him a toe in the mail
do you still have that by the way i want to get that back yeah so it was like it was me doing
that and then the video just showed it evolving into doing a variety show with using my grandma
playing like madonna and stuff like that to basically it just and then now i do a variety
show of my own and then just kind of showing from talent time. So it just showed this how as a kid I was inspired by him and now I do this show.
So that was kind of the gist of the video.
And yeah, I was pretty happy with the way it turned out.
Yeah.
And yeah, they called me up and said, we'd like you.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God you made this video.
Yeah.
Yeah, there was eight people there.
So I don't know.
There must have been a lot of last minutes.
One of them was Eddie Murphy.
Yeah, so they said, come down.
Did they pay your way down?
Yes.
But they were like, so where are you flying out from?
And I had to put an American address because they only accepted it. They were like, so where are you flying out from? Right.
And I had to put an American address because they only accepted it.
So I said, well, actually, I live in Vancouver.
And I just said, I'll pretend that I didn't hear that.
And don't ever tell anyone that again.
Right.
Where would you like to fly out of?
So I was like, Bellingham.
Yeah.
Nice.
And I had to. I'm in Vancouver, Washington.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
I should have done that.
I checked this.
Yeah.
Murder.
Well, you know what?
We could have consulted on it.
But you did fine.
You did fine.
I did fine.
We could have Cyrano de Bergerac your phone call.
Oh, we could have done a phone call.
You could have lip synced.
Yes.
So did you go and like
you got to like
watch a taping of it?
So they
they're setting up my flights
and they had like
the worst options for flights.
I guess it was
I guess the cheapest
or something.
No.
Catapult Airlines.
But it was like me
taking a bus
to Bellingham
and waiting a day
in Bellingham
and then fly to LA.
Well couldn't you
have just left later?
I know.
They said, we need you here on the whatever.
And it was two days before.
And they said they wanted to do something.
They wanted me to meet the writers and all this stuff.
So I was led to believe that we were doing something.
Right.
Signed the rights to the video and said,
we need you here early and
we're going to do some stuff.
So, then it was kind of embarrassing because like the CBC did a, TV did a bit on it.
Oh, really?
The Vancouver Sun did a bit on it.
I was heading down there.
And.
Don't tell anyone you're from Vancouver.
Except the local paper.
They were so mad I talked to the paper.
They said, you have no business doing press.
That's our job.
I was like, I don't know.
No one else in Vancouver knew Arsenio was coming back.
I can guarantee that.
So you made it down to la i got down there and
then you know the i literally was mad at you where did they where do they shoot the show was
what i was gonna say well of course it's gonna be la boston they have a lot of local yeah
um so you got down to la they take me to the hotel and um they're supposed to have a lot of local talent. Yeah. So you got downtown?
They take me to the hotel, and they're supposed to call me at the hotel.
Like, never did.
What?
That whole, like, full day that I was there.
And then the next day.
How long had the show been back on the air?
Just, like, a couple days.
Okay.
I was on the first week
I was supposed to be on the Thursday
And the show started on the Monday
Okay
So
I think what happened
It's the beginning of a show
No one knew what was happening
I think they just overbooked
And they decided let's not do this
But they didn't tell me
Were you in the hotel with other fans?
Yeah.
Were you on the Arsenio floor?
I didn't meet them until we went to Arsenio.
And then I hung out with a friend afterwards.
I didn't go out with them.
But they were all pretty sweet, nice people.
Sure.
Like, just normal people.
They were just so excited that they were in LA.
One woman had never, like, been out of Ohio or wherever it was. Really? You know excited that they were in LA. One woman had never been out of
Ohio or wherever it was. Really?
You know, when she was in her 40s.
What a weird way to get out.
And on the way back from
not being on the show
in the shuttle,
they were talking about how this was the best day
of their lives. Wow.
Weird. So on the way back from
not being in the show, I feel like we skipped a part
where you weren't on the show.
So you
that first day, no one calls you.
Yeah. The next day?
Just like not until
like I was bugging
them and emailing them and then I finally
just got an email back saying there'll be someone
to pick you up at the hotel
at like, I don't know, whatever p.m.
It was in the afternoon.
Right.
And so they picked us all up.
We met everyone else in the lobby.
And they take us there.
And then we sit in a parking lot for, what, four hours?
Oh, no.
Like in cars or just on the ground?
No.
Just like, no, there was nowhere to sit.
Just standing, leaning against cars.
One lady asked for a bottle of water to take her medication.
And they said, no.
It took an hour and a half to get like a bottle of water.
Are you sure you can't choke it down without the water?
And in your mind, what was the segment going to be? I thought, I mean, I didn't choke it down without the water and in your mind
what was the segment
going to be
um
I thought
I mean I didn't think
it would be too much
I thought they would
just show the video
the footage is pretty
priceless
like a white kid
in Winnipeg
just like
mouth
with a flat top
yeah
totally
and I had a
let's get busy
t-shirt on
I was drowning in
and uh you know I thought they would just show a bit of it
and then talk to me.
For 45 minutes.
Talk to me for 45 minutes.
I thought maybe we would do something all together
when they wanted me there early.
And then when we just got there the day of,
I thought, okay, they'll hand us
and just ask one question of me,
maybe one question of this guy,
and just kind of
right
but not even
who here
forgot to take their pills
did you end up
even seeing the show
so no one
like
no one would even tell us
that we weren't
on the show
and like
what was going on
so they gave us a tour
of
where they shot the show
which was
extremely boring.
It's the back of the set.
You know what I mean?
You don't get to see the front.
And everyone else was like,
oh, wow, look.
Well, that's where the stars come out and stuff.
That's where the lights plug in.
Without light, you can't have television.
That's when the woman saw the water
and she went to grab it. And the woman, no, you can't grab. that's when the woman saw the water and she went to grab it
and the
the woman
no you can't grab
that's for the cast and crew
they wouldn't let her
take a bottle of water
it was horrible
they were so
I don't want to say mean
well I found out that
winning a contest
is definitely
the lowest form of VIP
you could ever
you could ever you could be
you could ever
hope for.
Yeah,
and here are some
contest winners.
Feel free to throw
your cigarette butts
at them.
Well,
there's a difference
between winning a contest
and winning a competition.
Right.
And this was supposed
to be like a competition.
I thought so, yeah.
Until eight people entered.
You weren't like
sweepstakes winners.
Right? Yeah. I thought so i thought is that show still no no it's done yeah done it's run why did they think that would be
bringing him back was it why did they think that was i don't know it's there was like when conan There was, like, when Conan O'Brien was fired from The Tonight Show,
it seemed like the late night, it was really sort of the old world.
Yeah.
But now there's, like, no one knows who, like, I don't know who gets better ratings.
I just know what clips I see on YouTube the next day.
But there's, like, you know, there's like four or five,
six,
seven channels that do late night shows
that I know
different people watch.
Yeah.
Although I know,
I never knew anybody
who watched either
Lopez Tonight
or Arsenio.
Arsenio was horrible
and sitting in the audience
was the worst.
So you did get to sit in the audience.
Yeah.
So we're in the parking lot
and then like
i'm you know i know the taping's supposed to start at four or whatever and it's like 3 45
they're bringing other people in there and we're still like if there's seats left we'll give them
to these people it's so freaking hot out there it was boiling and we're trying to find shade
what time of year was this?
Was it about this time last year?
No, no.
No, it was... I actually totally forget.
But it's always sunny in California, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
Like that.
It's summer.
And so we go in and they give us the front row.
So I'm thinking, okay, I guess I'll just...
Here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.
Now, just put these bags over your heads.
Trying to be excited for...
I was excited when they did the music and he first came out.
I was like, wow.
Yeah, yeah.
There's Arsenio Hall.
Arsenio Hall.
He's the host of show.
Arsenio Hall. He's the host of show Arsenio. He's the host of show.
His name is Arsenio.
His name rhymes with nothing.
Oreo.
And then he came out.
And who are the guests?
He was so bad.
He was so bad.
They never got to the guests.
Yes. I'm trying to remember
he just keeps riffing
for an hour
there's another thing
that makes me say
hmm
can't remember the first guest
but the last guest
and the only
now that there's
I've had a little bit
of distance from it
the only piece
that I can
I can watch
or I
I did watch I showed it on on talent time because it was like the only piece that I can watch or I did watch, I showed it
on Talent Time because it was like the only piece that
it's kind of funny with a little bit of distance
is they brought out
the guy that sings
Rub you the right way
brush
What is that?
He was in New Edition
all these things. Bobby Brown?
Ralph Tresvant.
No.
Rubby the Right Way.
Belbiv DeVoe.
One of the guys.
I don't know.
Who is he?
Ronnie Bobby, Ricky Mike.
The thing is, it was a song that was popular way back then, and they were super excited.
It was an unannounced guest that he burst in to sing his Rubby the Right Way song.
And they told everyone to get it.
Johnny Gill.
Johnny Gill.
Johnny Gill.
Oh, yeah.
So they get everyone to stand up.
And I'm in the front row.
And he's singing a song.
And I feel like I have to dance.
Everyone around me is dancing.
Oh, no.
I just do not want to dance.
I'm also laughing hysterically.
It was the only part of the show that I found funny at all.
It was me having to dance.
Did he go into the audience?
He got up real close to us, and he's pointing and stuff,
and Arsenio's right beside him dancing.
Why not?
Yeah.
Arsenio forgets what the...
He was playing air bass beside him. That's not? Yeah. Arsenio forgets what the... He's playing air
bass beside him. Honestly.
You gotta watch it.
All the great
hosts do that. If you watch old
Tonight shows, Johnny Carson gets
right in there with the band.
Yeah, gets the
drummer out. Does a solo.
Oh, man.
Wow. Wow. That's a tale tale that's a tale for all time and then
when we were heading back the people in the van were like i could just tell like this is this is
this was my moment stuff where i was like you were just in an the audience for a really bad show yeah
but i got to dance with john Gill. Johnny Gill was there.
But really sweet.
They were really sweet.
And if they don't have any sort of connection to showbiz,
then that is the best day.
Did the old lady get to take her medication?
No, she did.
She turned into a werewolf.
She died.
Her anti-werewolf feels.
It's happening.
I tried to warn you.
What if it was like a hidden camera prank show,
and then she, like, loses it during the taping of the episode.
Oh, yeah.
And, like, vomits blood everywhere. Yeah, tonight on Gotcha.
The only reason they brought back the Arsenio Hall show
was for this one prank.
On you.
Yeah, and it's also kind of on Arsenio and Johnny Kill.
What? This is going to be televised?
On the singing part.
We rode you the right way.
Oh, boy.
They had a meet and greet, too,
after our trip.
It was just really uncomfortable
of the people that weren't on the show.
And you met them and greta them?
Kind of.
They came up and they gave us...
Did you touch fingers with them?
I did.
I have a picture.
Well, I gave it away on talent time
because I hated it so much.
I gave away the whole...
Well, I auctioned off the package.
Come on.
Yeah, hey.
Community TV.
You gotta
give a little to get a little.
But I don't think he knew
even that,
I don't even think he saw the video.
No,
because
he was,
it was just one of those,
he,
sorry about that.
Did he know that he was back on television?
Maybe he didn't even know.
Maybe he just does that every night.
They were like, we should just turn the camera on him.
He still hosts the show.
Johnny Gale sings at his house every day.
Probably.
He gets various members of New Edition to sing their solo hit.
Hey, what are you doing this afternoon?
I'm not coming over to perform.
I don't know.
It's my prerogative.
Oh, man.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Not much.
Now, before we move on for Paul, anything else new since we last saw you?
Have a baby or anything?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You had a baby.
There's so much going on.
But, I mean, Arsenio, that's really it.
But, yeah.
It's funny when people feel like they have to ask you about their baby when they want to ask you
about something else
it was actually
oh I guess it was
I went in December
why was it so hot
no October
it was before the baby
was born
she was born December 18th
anyway
so when people
coming up to me
they'd always
they'd say one of two things
like congratulations
or I'm so sorry
oh no
and I had to guess
which was which
you know
yeah congratulations on the Arsenio thing.
Sorry about that.
Yeah, totally.
It sounded, I don't know about you,
but maybe because I wasn't,
we weren't planning on having kids,
although we talked about it and we're solid.
Don't worry, everyone.
Everything's great.
And we're very happy we did.
But when people said congrats,
it felt a little sarcastic for like
six to nine months.
Ten months when people...
Was it the way people were saying it?
It kind of was.
Hey, congratulations on your ten month of pregnancy.
That baby's really hanging in there.
It took me a while to just
take it legit.
Yeah, it's a thing, man.
It's great.
Do people say congratulations to you a lot? Yeah. Take it legit. Yeah. It's a thing, man. It's great. Do people say congratulations to you a lot?
Yeah.
Congratulations on that?
Oh, congrats, Dave.
I don't know if I...
Oh, it's fine.
It's fine.
I don't keep score.
I feel like, do you not save the congratulations for once the baby's on the scene?
Dude, there is so much that you could save.
Because people are like, oh, I haven't seen Abby yet.
I want to see her during her pregnancy.
Why?
Yeah.
We're going to have the baby for like 15 years.
And then it's off to military academy.
Military.
Just like pubes.
Didn't pubes went to military school?
That was off air. Call back from the kitchen
Yeah
So yeah
What's going on
Well
We're in the middle
Of a heat wave
Oh boy are we ever
And people are going crazy
Yeah
I feel like
I was in line today
A few times
I didn't even take
The bus today.
I can only imagine how terrible it was.
I can confirm that suspicion.
But it feels like it's been hot for four days and people are like surrendered to B.O.
They're like, oh, I'm never going to defeat this B.O.
You know what?
I'm not going to change clothes ever.
I'm just going to stink. Yeah. Surrender to B.O. B.O.? You know what? I'm just, I'm not going to change clothes ever. I'm just going to stink.
Yeah.
Surrender to B.O.
B.O.
Horrible deodorant commercial.
Yeah, I feel like that's,
that's people,
they give up in their own unique ways.
Oh, it's nice to see it happen too.
Yeah, like just
wearing crazy outfits, crazy people clothing.
Well, I was in line at the liquor store buying these very beers you're drinking.
Very delicious.
Yeah, we're drinking a summertime thingy.
Yeah.
Guitar sitting in a hammock.
It sounds like you're making up a fake beer label.
It's literally a guitar sitting in a hammock. It sounds like you're making up a fake beer label.
It's literally a guitar sitting in a hammock.
But I was in line behind this guy and he had a dog.
And it was like a nice liquor store.
It wasn't a government liquor store.
And he, I had finished my thing, but he was still blocking my way out of the store.
And he was saying to his dog, hey, how about you want a treat?
Do you want a treat?
And he's in my way and I can't get around him.
And I muttered to myself, he can't hear me say this.
How about you get the fuck out of my way?
But he turns around and looks at me like he heard, like was perfect timing for like what did you just say but i didn't say it out loud right i'm i'm like you know i i moved
my lips to it but it didn't come out but it definitely for a second i was like do i say that
out loud uh but no he was like oh i'm sorry am i in your way but but not in the sense that he heard me
he looked at me like oh i'm in everyone's way yeah do you think my dog wants a treat
um uh yeah and the other thing that uh super crazy thing that happened uh yesterday was abby and i
were walking our dog down the street and uh there was this little kid, I'd say five years old, four years old, on one of those wooden bikes.
What?
Have you seen them?
Oh, yeah.
They're balanced?
Yeah, they're balanced bikes.
They don't have pedals.
They're small enough that when you're riding, your feet are just pushing you forward like a Flintstone.
Do they have adult versions of this, and why not? When you're riding. Like your feet touch it? Your feet are just like pushing you forward. Right, okay. Like a Flintstone. And.
Do they have adult versions of this and why not?
Because they would be really heavy, I think.
I guess, eh?
And they're like, where would you wear?
They do, yeah.
Be heavy, cumbersome.
So I, Abby and I are just walking the dog.
We notice this kid across the street.
We pay no attention. And then we're about just walking the dog. We noticed this kid across the street. We'd pay no attention.
And then we're about to turn the corner and the kid has put down their bike.
I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl.
I wasn't wearing my glasses.
Because
it pulls down its pants
and like
bends over
at, like with their butt
facing us. And I couldn't see if it was like, with their butt facing us.
And I couldn't.
You were getting mooned.
I couldn't see if it was a boy or a girl.
Sure.
And we were like, we probably shouldn't.
Is that happening?
We shouldn't look at this.
But we weren't getting mooned.
Oh, no.
The kid was, like, checking out their own body.
Oh.
On a lawn somewhere.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But butt in the air facing us.
And we were like, do kids even know, does mooning exist?
Once it does, it never doesn't.
Oh, yes.
You know what I mean?
Like the second that you find out that like pulling down your pants and showing your butt
is a thing.
But is that even part of our culture anymore?
Hard to say.
It was when I was a kid.
I feel like it was a culture, part of the culture when we were kids
because
there was like
it was a 70s prank
right
now they have the internet
so no one gets to moon anymore
yeah
no that's
we used to do
everyone's doing
the cinnamon challenge
did you ever do like
on a school bus
like pressed ham
where you
I'm aware of it
yeah
but I didn't do it
I did it
it was cold
it was cold gold or cold cold it i did it it's cold it's gold gold or
cold cold because those windows yeah it was cold but it was worth it it was you get dared to do a
pressed ham you would do it everybody would salute you and congratulate you for the rest of the day
salute you yeah i went to a military academy i'm sorry i'm worried about the physics of it, or the mechanics of, like,
how do I make sure the front's covered?
How do I make sure I don't bend over too far?
Oh, yeah.
I fall over.
Usually, like, I don't know, the mooning, like, it was a quick action thing.
Like, you wouldn't stick your butt out.
Unless you didn't have the person's attention.
Like sometimes you'd start mooning and then be like, hey, look over here.
So then your butt would be out for a while.
What was the, there's a movie where someone moons like a crowd of people from a car.
And then they just park the car.
And the person has to get up.
I feel like it's a Chris Farley thing.
But yeah, I don't know.
I think, I don't know if mooning's still a thing.
That's one of those things.
We'll have to take a survey of kids.
Yeah, I'm interested in knowing, too.
Well, no, you can't take a survey of kids, because you'll be influencing the outcome.
Oh, that's true.
Because as soon as you tell them what it is,
they'll do it.
You go from school to school spreading the moon culture.
You get banned so fast.
There's some guy just going,
do you guys show people your butt?
Do you guys ever show people your butt?
All right, everyone put your hand up in the air
if you've shown anyone your butt.
Keep your hand up if you've known that was a funny prank.
Yeah.
It is funny to get somebody's attention like that they're not looking and then they look over and they see a butt.
That's the most golden opportunity.
I feel like my timing would be off and I would moon.
The person I meant to be mooning wouldn't notice,
and they'd walk away, and then some old blue-haired dowager would come by.
Yeah, and she'd go, she'd wolf whistle at you.
No, suddenly, I'm married to this dowager.
I'm going to inherit her estate.
Yeah, how did you meet this kid?
Well, he showed me his butt at the park.
Also, is that indecent exposure?
Could you get arrested for that?
If an adult does it, yeah, for sure.
That's, I think, why he's indecent exposure.
Laws exist to keep your pants up in every way, shape, or form.
Can you be tried as an adult if you're you're a teenager if you have pubes yeah depends how adult your butt looks
what about like because streaking was a thing in the 70s and not really wasn't like the only, nobody
reeked anywhere
when I was a kid or a teenager. Well, that is like the
worst idea because you're like,
you need to have an escape plan.
Yeah, oh yeah. And you need to have two sets
of clothing. One for
your depart
and one for your destination.
Yeah, you just need a
like, I don't know, like once in a while it. Yeah, you just need a... Like, I don't know.
Once in a while it'll happen.
You know, somebody will get on a sports field or something.
And I'm like, well, how did they...
They're not that old that it would have been from their childhood.
I know, but the music of Ray Stevens knows no age.
That's true.
I remember there was a guy who did it at a hockey game.
Oh, yeah, and he bailed really quick.
He bailed because it was ice.
Yeah.
And so he fell down and hit his head,
and so he had to be taken off on a stretcher,
and he was lying on the ice naked for a long time.
He was really drunk.
No, that's a streaker's dream.
Maximum exposure.
Everybody had to look at it for the whole time i was
and you can't put a towel on it no no the streaker's code it's streaker's rights
i who like ah i wonder if they ever discuss that like if there's a streaker today
we're drawing straws,
and whoever gets the short straw has to catch the streaker.
Well, I would grease myself up so no one could catch me.
You want to be caught, though, as a streaker, right?
You want to be a part of...
It always ends in a pile-on, too, which is weird.
You tackle the guy, and then everyone jumps on top.
But it never, like, nobody ever successfully streaks and then, like, puts their clothes on back in the crowd.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, he got away, guys.
Like the Riddler.
Yeah, like he got into the crowd.
Well, that's out of our jurisdiction.
He's wearing clothes now.
I didn't see his face.
Oh, man.
Yep.
So, yeah.
Kids getting mooned by kids.
Getting mooned by kids on a hot summer afternoon.
Just BO everywhere.
Yeah.
Guys, you stink.
Just everyone take a shower every day.
Every day.
Sometimes twice a day. When it's hot, take a shower every day. Every day. Sometimes twice a day.
When it's hot, when it's really hot.
Yeah.
I mean, women, less.
Yeah.
No, you know.
But just like men, also change your shirt.
Change your shirt every day.
Oh, that is more important.
Yeah.
Definitely.
You say that like it's a new tip.
Yeah, but we go on the bus.
I say, this is not day one of the show.
I think that is more, I think that
contributes more to
BO.
I think you could
change your shirt
every day and
shower every other
day and you'd be
fine.
Do people wear
shirts more than
I do?
Yeah, there's some
grubby, grubby
grubbers.
I guarantee you
people wear underwear
more than once a
day.
No.
How can you
guarantee this,
Dave Shumka?
I've seen a lot of
moonings.
Those are
yesterday's. You moonings yeah those are yesterdays
you mooned me in those yesterday um yeah there's definitely like the guys that like frequent the
building behind me i think they wear the same outfit every day and they're uh the guys that
frequent the building beside you though don't seem seem like. They're not, they're not maybe
a sample of society
as it were.
I have,
I don't,
the one thing I don't
wash every time
is pants.
Yeah.
And I own a lot of pants
and sometimes
I'll wear them
and I'll be like,
I haven't worn these
in weeks.
I probably haven't
washed these in months. Are they okay? They smell like the I haven't worn these in weeks. I probably haven't washed these in months.
Are they okay?
They smell like the drawer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Drawer's fine.
Yeah.
Drawer's fine.
Drawer's a good smell.
Yeah.
As long as you haven't worn them like today and then tomorrow and then the next.
That's, you got to have a higher rotation in the summer than in the fall.
Or just change your underwear three times a day.
It feels great.
Oh, man, changing your underwear midday.
It's a whole new lease on life.
It really does.
It's like restarting your day.
You can live longer by doing that.
All those mistakes are in the past.
It's true.
Yeah.
Good call.
Do it.
Two underwear in a day.
I mean, you know, we're talking about rich people who have that much underwear to spare.
Like people who own two pairs of underwear.
Oh, man.
So much time.
Graham, what's going on with you?
Well, one thing.
The building beside where i live i thought i thought i had a pretty
good beat on who was there yeah like i thought i knew all the all the characters that were coming
and going and then today there's two new guys in the mix that were both like bodybuilders and i
can't i can't figure out how they fit into the whole. This is the building of crack?
Yeah.
Crack or meth.
Could be meth.
But definitely drug people coming and going all hours of the night, all hours of the day.
They're pretty keep to their own building for the most part.
And not a lot of fights or anything.
But then today today these two
bodybuilder guys coming and going and i couldn't yeah i could not figure out fights even now like
i don't want to fight with a bodybuilder guy do you think the guy expanded into steroids and that
maybe like he's got a new line of phlegm though or uh you can work out on amphetamines and maybe
that thing yeah it's just yeah these guys look too in shape to be...
I feel like if you do enough workouts...
It's like people who do anything a lot.
They're like,
oh, man.
Like people who have a lot of sex.
They're like,
well, let's try it on these drugs.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Let's try listening to this band
on these drugs. Let's try listening to this band on these drugs.
Let's try working out on these drugs.
Yeah, maybe that's it.
Maybe they're just like, they're just seekers.
They're just looking for a new muscular high.
But anyway, so those guys are new in the hood.
We'll see what happens.
So this is very recent.
This was today.
This was today they showed up.
And how long were they there?
All day.
Okay.
Hanging out in the alley all day.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
Hacky sack.
Yeah.
You know, free weights.
I feel like muscle guys don't have a lot of time to hang out.
They feel like this is wasted time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because if you're not growing, you're shrinking.
That's true.
That is one of their mottos.
Yeah, no, they were there most of the day hanging out.
Yeah, it was weird.
It was weird.
It was weird, new dudes in the neighborhood.
And so that's one thing.
And did you talk to them?
No, no.
Yalling from around here, huh?
I make eye contact with everybody over there.
So I'm like, just so you know that I know that you exist.
Like, you're not in the shadows.
I can see you.
I know what you're doing.
Have I ever seen you in my backyard?
I have nicknames for all of you.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, do you still do that segment?
The neighborhood nicknames?
Yeah.
No, do you have one?
No.
Oh, fine.
Also, here's the thing that I feel like I'm surprised I only found out about this in the last couple days,
but there's a third Expendables movie coming out.
And Kelsey Grammer is in it.
Whoa. third Expendables movie coming out. And Kelsey Grammer is in it.
Whoa.
And I didn't know that until I saw a bus ad.
And now there's like 20 people in it.
Oh, yeah. It's like the whole length of the bus.
Yeah, exactly.
I went to a movie the other day, and I was like, this is a city block.
And they're all life-size, and it's just you're walking.
And it's like, hey, Jet Li.
Oh, hi, Dolph Lundgren.
It's like they haven't been killing them off.
Yeah, it's like they're not at all expendable.
And I don't understand how Kelsey Grammer got in the mix.
He's the narrator.
Oh, that would be amazing.
But you see him.
Yeah, he just, yeah, at the beginning of the movie, he's in front of a fireplace. Yeah, you paid for him, you want to see him yeah he he just yeah at the beginning of the movie he's in front of a
fireplace yeah you paid for him you want to see him yeah let me tell you about my crazy group of
friends um but he like in the poster he's wearing he basically looks like he's going on a fishing
trip like he's wearing like a hat and a fishing vest so what is he doing in the movie he's not gonna
action in the movie have you seen i saw the first one some of them die so fast i yeah like like
there's so many of them and the movies are 84 minutes long that they all get about 20 seconds
of screen time and then sylvester stallone's in the rest. Yeah. Yeah, like... Like, they're young. Like, they're not all just, like, old action guys anymore.
There's, like, Keldon Lutz.
Who's Keldon Lutz?
I don't know.
Sounds cool.
He's one of these people with a modern name.
Sure.
Cord Overstreet.
Yeah.
But, yeah, how did...
I just want to know, like, does he hang with one of them expendable guys i guess so i imagine he was at the
uh in the early 90s it was a lot of planet hollywood openings
oh kelsey grammar's in the audience gonna appear to sing a song yeah sing play harmonica
but uh anyways i guess i have to see it now just to see what Kelsey Grammer does in The Expendables.
Isn't Harrison Ford in it, too?
Really?
I don't know.
I think he is.
The poster, I just zeroed in on Kelsey Grammer, and that's kind of all I saw.
It's him in his funny fishing hat.
I wonder at this point, what old action star is holding out for Expendables 4?
Oh, that's a good question.
Is there anybody that hasn't?
Like is Charles Bronson dead? holding out for Expendables 4. Oh, that's a good question. Is there anybody that hasn't?
Like is Charles Bronson dead?
They just bring him back as a CG.
Yeah.
Is Schwarzenegger making movies again?
Yeah, he's in them.
He's in the Expendables.
Van Damme's been in them.
Has Seagal?
I don't think Seagal's been in them.
Because no, apparently he's like such a nightmare to work with that even probably the action
guys are like, let's count.
He only had one good action movie.
What do you mean?
Steven Seagal?
He had a dozen.
Can you name four Steven Seagal movies?
Oh, can I name one?
Well, okay.
Not Hard to Kill.
Nope. Not Hard Target. Nope. Not On Deadly Ground. No. Oh, no. well okay um hard not hard to kill nope not hard target nope not on deadly ground no oh no on deadly ground i think is him uh oh under siege under siege okay under siege too i saw one there
was one movie of his that was on tv a few uh months ago that i watched that was fun. He was in one with DMX, I believe. Oh, yeah. No exit.
Yeah.
Did you just take out a bottle of soy sauce?
It looks like a bottle of soy sauce.
No, sorry.
It's just water, but with chlorella in it.
Sorry, guys.
What's chlorella?
It's like, Natalie, my lady, she said that it's like deodorant
For your insides
Oh man, that sounds pretty good
My insides smell like B.O.
It makes water taste a little bit better
I don't mean to
No, it's interesting because it's in like a very
You have kind of like a fancy bottle
It looks like a wine bottle
But it looked black, I guess it's green now
But it did, yeah, in fairness
It did look like
you just brought out
a bottle of soy sauce
like you were gonna
do a prank
chug it
time for my
patented soy sauce
chlorella
I've never heard
of such a thing
or is it chlorophyll
might be chlorophyll
is that a thing
chloroform
maybe it's chloroform
we're looking for baby names
and I like chlorella
that is a nice name um
yeah maybe i'm at the break we'll see if chlorella is the okay um so what do i wait
so yeah muscle guys kelsey grammar muscle guys where they don't belong kelsey grammar
where he doesn't belong within a group of muscle guys steven
seagal made 12 great movies yeah um he was in 12 angry men the remake he played six that's
basically what the expendables is 12 yeah that's pretty good um and then you know i've been avoiding
the uh summertime heat by staying inside and watching Netflix.
Okay.
What is it?
Last week it was Dragon's Den.
I watched all of the Dragon's Dens that were available.
Because you ran out of Netflix.
So I started watching the show Hannibal.
Yeah.
Because Netflix said based, I don't know what I watched.
If you like anything.
Yeah.
If you like Dragon's Den, this is based on a book called Red Dragon.
Well, when you search for something, on Netflix Canada anyway, the selection is quite limited.
Yeah.
And if you search for something that they don't have, they'll just suggest something that has a similar name or something that has one of the words.
They'll just suggest something that has a similar name or something that has one of the words.
So if you're looking for a hard target, it would be like the music of Target.
Yeah. Or if you watch The Grocery Store.
If you watch Mad Men, you would like Mad About You.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So Hannibal, obviously, it's Hannibal Lecter right yeah and uh it starts
Mads Mikkelsen yeah he's really he's really good as like you know crazy crazy guy that nobody knows
is crazy but I'm like how would you not know how would he not be the first person everybody suspects but he uh he's a cannibal uh-huh and uh i think i don't know
if the show is trying to make cannibalism look it is super tasty because uh i when i was in la i
went to this restaurant called cannibal bazaar by jose andres okay and he's he's the spanish
um like celebrity chef that does all this sort of molecular gastronomy.
Right.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
And he also is the food supervisor on Hannibal.
Oh, because, man, does it look good.
Yeah.
Like the food, that show, I've never seen a TV show that's focused so much on the food.
Except the food show.
Yeah.
But it's all Except the food show. Yeah, that's right.
But it's all supposed to be... Wouldn't it be great if Hannibal was played by Guy Fieri?
Oh my God.
Nobody would go to dinner at his house.
And nobody would go to him as a psychiatrist.
I ate his liver with some fava beans.
And then a gallon of blue cheese off of my flip-flop.
Yeah, so anyways, if the idea is to make cannibalism look super delicious.
That is the goal.
Yeah, mission accomplished.
Because as soon as, yeah, like every time he makes a dish,
it's from somebody that he's killed.
And it's, somebody that he's killed.
And it's, but it looks.
Like, and I don't even think, I don't even think they're using dead bodies.
I'm not even sure that it's human bodies.
Do you even eat meat, Grant? No, I don't.
But all of a sudden I was like, you know, after watching like, you know, eight hours of this in a row, I was like, oh yeah, I could really get into.
Paul, do you eat meat? No. You guys must think I in a row. I was like, well, yeah, I could really get into Paul.
Do you know me?
No,
you guys must think I'm a monster only because you eat that human guy. Yeah.
Humans that you kill.
Well,
it's your way of honoring them.
I use every part of the human I kill.
Mostly I use the wiener to brush my teeth. We're dumb
Oh, that feels good
Oh, well, it's
Let's move on to overhearts
Hi everybody, I'm Justin McElroy.
I'm Dr. Sidney McElroy.
Oh, look at you, Dr. Sidney.
You told me to say it that way.
We have a medical history show called Sawbones right here on Maximum Fun,
where we talk about all the dumb, hurtful, damaging ways that we've tried to fix people over the years.
Have you ever tried to put mercury on a syphilis shanker?
Or maybe you tried to drill a hole in your head because you heard it would reduce your blood brain volume?
That was dumb.
But if you want to know exactly why and know about all the other people that try to do the same dumb thing you did,
you can listen to our show every Friday right here on MaximumFun.org.
Are you on the bus?
Are you in public?
Do you have a boring desk job where your boss doesn't mind if you have headphones in?
Are you a stowaway in a boat?
Are you a hobo on a boxcar who somehow got a hold of an iPod?
Want to hear people speaking English?
Jordan and Jesse are waiting just for you,
and they've brought along some of their hot friends from the world of comedy.
Jordan Jesse Go is here for you.
Call us and let us say things you'll like to hear.
Call us and let us entertain you.
Call us. We're laying on our beds wearing our college sweatshirts.
Jordan Jesse Go. Every week, free at MaximumFun.org.
Rest assured, the podcast doesn't have this creepy tone.
It's normal, like a normal conversation.
Plug your headphones in.
We want to chat.
Overheard.
Overheard's a segment in which you out there, or you in here, you hear things out on the street and then you bring them back.
You report them here live in the podcast.
And we always like to start with the guest.
And you came prepared.
You're ready to go.
I did bring one.
I put it in my phone under overheard.
So I just had to press in overheard and this is it.
This is it.
Easy peasy.
This is on the bus.
Sorry, what?
I put it in my phone under overhead.
Do you have an app?
I just thought I might need an overheard at some point.
Oh, so when does this date back?
This is, oh, 2012.
August 15th, 2012.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
The Ides of August. At 4.14 p.m. Okay. 4.th, 2012. Oh, wow. Wow. The Ides of August.
Huh.
At 4.14 p.m.
Okay.
4.14, okay.
It was on the, I believe, the 22 or the 19, like it was on Pender.
It was like downtown.
It was a bus.
It was a bus.
One guy says, I thought you were a vegetarian.
And the guy says, I am.
And he says, but you're eating a burger.
He was eating like a big smelly burger on the bus.
And the guy goes, do you see any vegetarian restaurants around here?
And the guy says, where is it?
Wendy's have some vegetarian options. And the burger guy says where is it where is it Wendy's have some
vegetarian options
and the burger guy
says gross
I'm not going to eat
a salad at Wendy's
I hate being forced
to eat something
I don't want to
and I'm a vegetarian
I'm a vegetarian
but I have my limits
yeah
that's true
that's pretty great
not even a Wendy's salad
yeah
with their square lettuce
square everything they do square everything yeah well they know they do different Yeah, it's pretty great. Not even a Wendy's salad. Yeah. With their square lettuce.
Square everything.
They do square everything, yeah.
Well, they know they do different Tetris shapes, but it's always four squares. I saw, what was it, walking past Church's Chicken, and they had a poster in their window
that they have a veggie wrap now.
I was like, what?
Who under?
Why?
Who would ever?
I want to know the more questions you're asking
where why when and what but like nobody would ever go to church's chicken for the
i mean if it was the if you were a vegetarian and it was the only restaurant for a thousand miles
yep that's true if it was yeah
if it was out on a deserted highway and even then you'd probably forge in the field see what you
could find some dandelion greens i bet it's hard to be a vegetarian in space like like nobody can
hear you scream yeah but like no i don't even mean in a real world. I just mean like in movies when there's like those intergalactic filling stations.
You eat what they have.
Yeah, that's true.
I guess if I ever went to an intergalactic filling station, I'd just eat whatever.
Actually, I'd want to eat whatever the aliens ate, you know, to get the experience.
Oh, I don't eat animals from my planet.
Yeah, I will gladly eat your Zorbatrons.
Pretty good.
Pretty good alien name on the fly.
It's a Greek restaurant.
Dave, do you have an overheard?
I have a couple of overseens.
Ooh.
And I'll do them both at the same time here.
Well, not both at the same time.
I'm not going to throw my voice.
No.
That would be amazing.
But they were both just trucks.
Different companies from around town that I had never seen before,
and they had their trucks with their logos and their slogans and stuff.
And one of them was this, I think it was called Aqua Unlimited,
and it was a plumbing company.
Okay.
And their logo on the side of the truck was the Greek god Poseidon.
But instead of holding a trident, he's holding a monkey wrench.
Wow.
That's pretty good.
That was pretty good.
Yeah.
And then the other one was, I don't even know what this company is, but it was outside the business next to my dentist the other day.
And it was so loud, this truck.
And the company was called Pacific Bark Blowers.
Bark, compost, or soil blown anywhere you want.
Up my butt, please.
Weird hippies.
Yeah, what a super specific job that is.
Like I blow compost into anywhere you want me to blow it.
Yeah.
Into your neighbor's pants
for his 40th birthday all over his lawn yeah we're gonna fly some people down
to the arsenio hall show and we're just gonna blow bark in their faces
oh that would have been better oh man yeah i wonder if that's fun like a fun job blowing bark probably yeah i mean i mean
as as outdoor jobs go tree hugging must lead to something right guys
i mean it is probably fun to just like fill an area with crap. But not for eight hours.
No, that's true.
I played with like a packing thing one time.
That wasn't supposed to be, but like it's, they have all the packing materials in a giant thing and it comes out of a tube.
You got to break the little bubbles?
No, like you turn it on and like it's to fill like multiple boxes.
Like a suitcase?
Yeah. A suitcase? Yeah.
A suitcase?
Yeah.
It's got socks and underwear and toothpaste in it.
Oh, so you push the thing and it fills with styrofoam?
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
It was great.
Like peanuts?
Little peanuts?
Little peanuts, yeah.
Whoa.
Super fun.
That would be great.
Super fun!
It only lasted for about 10 seconds before somebody said hey what are you doing
you're filling your pants so if you walked over there with some some jogging pants
open up the elastic set all right all right let's let's talk peanuts peanuts meet peanuts Oh, man. Graham. Yes.
My overheard is, it was from when I was in Toronto.
And I passed a lady on the street talking on her phone.
And she was being very incredulous to whoever was on the other end of the line.
Because all I caught was, oh, really?
How long does it take to peel a potato?
So somebody was like, I was just peeling a potato.
I was so late.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I was so late.
Oh, sorry.
Peeling a potato.
Sorry I couldn't be there during your childhood.
Peeling this potato.
And you know how that goes.
I'm half done.
Yeah, but I thought I'd come back and see your teenage years. See your graduation.
Then it's off to tater that tot.
Oh, I had overheard actually just the other week.
I don't remember.
It was an ESL teacher, obviously, trying to explain what the phrase in a nutshell means to one of her students.
Just amazing.
Like the words, they escaped me.
But just her just really intently trying to go like,
it sums things up and there aren't actually nuts involved.
She was trying so hard.
Like that's something that I understand what it means,
but I could not tell you the origins.
No.
Neither could this teacher.
It doesn't make any sense.
Because you would never call something a nutshell.
Right?
Like you would call them peanut shells.
But you would never just call like whatever you took off of a nut.
A walnut shell.
Yeah.
But then just like, oh, somebody sweep up these nutshells.
These assorted nutshells.
Yeah.
Right?
But yeah.
It's just a word I only know from that.
She was explaining something.
She was like, and then in Austin Powers,
he was like,
help him in a nutshell.
It went on for a while.
Didn't help.
Then in Austin Powers 2,
there was Fat Bastard.
He was kind of a stretch.
And then boy,
that third character
he came up with.
That gold member.
He still talks about
doing another
Austin Powers sequel.
I don't...
Why? Like, what?
For whom?
It's the same people that are ordering the veggie
wrap at Church's Chicken. Also.
Austin Power 4
merchandise, please.
I also heard that there was maybe
a Wayne's World 3 in the works.
Are they old? That's kind of good.
Those characters... What if they weren't? What if they old? That's kind of good. Those characters,
some things. What if they weren't?
What if they were?
Because they were supposed
to be like 19
when they were 30.
They were?
Yeah.
I think they were supposed
to be older guys,
weren't they?
Because they had
a cable access show.
They're old guys.
Rockin' night.
No, when he was just on WTF
and he was talking about
how he was trying
to create this world
of this sort of like,
like how in Pee Wee's Big Adventure, you're like, is this the 50s or the 80s?
These are guys from the early 90s, but they're singing Bohemian Rhapsody in a 1974 car.
And they're supposed to be like some indeterminate teenage thing living with their parents.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
But like, I don't know.
It's just like, it's like when they made the fourth Indiana Jones.
It was just like, there wasn't more story to tell.
No.
Wayne's World, I think it's different.
These guys, like they have a cable access show.
And they're like rock guys.
I know this is close to you.
I know.
I know.
I love it. But they're like, but do this is close. I know. I know. I love it.
But they're like,
but do you love it as it stands?
Do you feel like you need another chapter?
I would watch those characters again,
being older in a new world.
Even the second movie
isn't about the cable access show anymore.
It's not like I was a huge Wayne's World fan.
I just want to see those guys.
I can buy those guys
as older guys
in the new world
where some stuff
you're just like,
it was so...
They have a web series.
They have a podcast.
They tweet.
You know what I mean?
It's like Modern Seinfeld,
that Twitter.
It's pretty great.
What's the movie
that's coming out this year?
Dumb Dumber.
Dumb Dumber.
The sequel to Dumb Dumber.
Is that real?
I thought that was a fake. I was hoping you didn't answer that. I thought that was a fake trailer. No, that's coming out this year uh dumb dumber dumb and dumber the sequel is that real i was
hoping you didn't i thought that was a fake trailer no that's real yeah no they're really
like it's actually a they're gonna complete the trilogy that's right from uh dumb and dumber to
dumb and dumber to whatever this one is to yeah so yeah the sequel wow yeah for some reason for some reason i don't again i
don't know it wasn't uh well it's it's like do teenagers know who jim carrey is do you like
yeah like that's a good question did if you're someone who goes to movies every weekend and you
know has no other responsibilities,
do you remember Dumb and Dumber, the first one?
No, but you would know him from, he was in Lemony Snicket or whatever.
He was in that movie.
And if you were a kid.
Then why make a remake of that one then?
That's a good question.
Why don't they just make a movie one year and then remake it the next?
I remember that.
Yeah, yeah. That was pretty good remake iron man 3
i don't know why they keep remaking these perfect movies from last year
yeah some of these movies are just timeless they don't need to be updated
oh but some of them do kind of like when you see an old movie and it's, like, obvious that they're standing in front of a projector screen showing cars going backwards or whatever, you're like, yeah, you could update this.
Go ahead and reshoot something that, you know, couldn't be fully realized in 1930.
Sure.
Go ahead.
You know, keep going.
Yeah, put a bunch of dumb computer stuff in there. Sure. Go ahead. You know, King Kong. Yeah, put a bunch of
dumb computer stuff
in there.
Yeah,
like,
we'll make a
majestic,
magical world
that,
oh,
who cares,
that you see
for five seconds
and then we're
back to the Senate.
But like,
King Kong was like
a good idea
for a remake,
right?
Because like,
you know,
the only other
King Kong
made it with
claymation
or whatever. It was a California? Because the only other King Kong made it with claymation or whatever.
It was a California raisin.
Why is King Kong wearing sunglasses?
What was the new Planet of the Apes all about?
I just saw it this past weekend.
And the one before it.
The one before it, the James Franco one,
that was about
these planets, like the rise of the Planet of the Apes. And the was about uh these planets are like the rise of the
planet of the earth and the one that just came out was like the dawn of the planet right so it's like
the prequel um to the original to the originals yeah but like yeah i guess so so the in the
earlier the one that came out like two or three years ago. Yeah. The apes sort of gain these human-like abilities to talk and communicate and use tools and stuff.
And then in this one, they've started their own society.
And there's this ape virus that has killed most of the humans.
Oh, right.
The ape virus.
The simian of uh
you know
virus
yeah
and uh
you know
there was originally
when it first came around
there was lots of rumors
about how the ape virus
was spread
but then
they you know
they finally got it
no AIDS
yeah you can't catch it
by hugging an ape
you can't get it
by sharing a toilet seat
with an ape
yeah
um guys we also have overheard sent into us no way by hugging an ape. No, you can't get it by sharing a toilet seat with an ape. Yeah.
Guys, we also have overheard sent into us.
No way.
Let's keep talking toilet seats.
If you want to send one into us,
you can send it in to
spy at maximumfun.org.
This first one comes from
Paco A.
Yeah, right.
Well, that is his,
unless... He went and he got the email address. he got he got the email yeah he got the email
just changed his name yeah that's uh it's more effort than i ever did this is overheard at the
dmv do we have an equivalent of the dmv what's ours called the icbc office yeah okay before you
get your driver's license uh this is a guy in line at the DMV saying, you know,
any other time in my life
I'd love to be sitting here
playing Candy Crush,
but being forced to?
Not that funny.
That's weird.
It's,
I've never played it.
Me neither.
I know that people get
like crazy addicted to it,
but.
That's why you won't try it?
Yeah, exactly.
I figure like I'm pretty low-hanging
fruit for the candy crush people um yeah it's super addictive is it like tetris addictive
i mean it's not like tetris but it's yeah i yeah i guess you could sort of like you know that
the that effect of you're not playing the game but you still see the game
like you it's the first thing you think of when you wake up um why don't i have tetris on my phone i just remembered hey i love tetris
yeah i don't know that's why you like helping people move yeah like it was exactly very good
at like yeah figuring out and people also you know they move three boxes and then a tiny one
stacked on top and then you're just waiting for that one long box on the side.
Come on, poster tube.
This next one comes from Izzy in Halifax.
Or is indeed.
The apartment I live in has rather thin ceilings,
so I'm usually able to hear everything going on above me.
The other day, my neighbors were having an argument, and this gem popped out in the midst of it.
You take your clothes off, you go to bed.
You wake up, you put your clothes on.
That's how the first world works.
Wow.
Yep.
As far as I know.
Yeah, that's the NATO pact.
Take your clothes off, go to bed.
Wake up, wear your clothes off.
What you've been doing, you've been getting dressed in your sleep.
That's like explaining to a kid that just wants to be naked all the time.
Like, you can't.
Just because you want to be naked doesn't mean that the rules are set.
You went to sleep with your boots on.
You ruined.
I got to wash the sheets now every night.
Oh, man.
Did you ever used to, when you were a teenager, fall asleep in your clothes ever?
Yeah.
I feel like that's a thing.
That's a very teenage thing.
How did you feel when you woke up?
Oh, great.
No, everything was twisted around like you know the shirt wasn't
and the pants were somewhere else and but like i feel now even in my most distressed state i'll
like undress before i go to bed like i won't ever just pass out even though like i'm super drunk
yeah like my adult the last thing my adult mind will do Is like Remember to take off your clothes Before you go to bed
I think that's why
I can't nap
Like do you
Take your clothes off to nap
But then you're
At the office
At your desk
So much commitment
I do it
I'm good at 10 minute
Just 10-15 minute
Power naps
Do you fall asleep?
Oh yeah
But just for 10-15
I can't
I like it
Love it
It's the same thing
As changing your underwear
Midday
It's a whole new day.
I'm living, Dave,
I'm living three lives a day.
It's, yeah, I feel like
you're an actor.
I feel like that ability
to turn your mind off
and just like become something else
would come in handy for napping.
Yeah.
Like that's, anytime I've ever tried to act i've been
like what am i doing this is stupid i'm not this other guy they got me confused with the wrong guy
do these people know what they're doing it's kind of better at pretending than i am
am i fucking up you just have to not like yourself so much
and then it's really fun to just disappear into other characters
ah it's a vacation
but then that's exactly
what happens when I'm if I ever try to take a nap
I'm like why don't I just get a cup of coffee
and I'll be awake again
oh no and I can like
the thing is that I over
I can over nap
I go too far.
I go 20 minutes plus.
And then that's all I want to do.
And then it's basically just sleep, right?
Yeah.
And I've just gone to bed at two in the afternoon.
What is the cutoff for a nap?
Like 20 minutes, that's a nap.
An hour, would that be a nap?
I've heard that 20 minutes is the optimal.
Ideal, yeah.
Yeah.
I love it.
That's like,
you're supposed to get
all the benefits
from having sleep,
but any longer
or any shorter,
you don't get them.
So, up to 20.
I can't fall asleep
in 20 minutes.
No?
Not even if you're really bored?
No, bored doesn't do it.
I have to be exhausted.
I do this, if you talk to your body, this is something do it. I have to be exhausted. I do this.
If you talk to your body.
Let's move on.
No, no, no.
I want to hear it.
I want to hear it.
I want to hear it from the man drinking the wine bottle of Scope.
Turn your pee green.
Just like I'll lie down.
I'll take my clothes off, get comfy.
And then it's, I can't really explain it.
You just like, let this thing wash over you where you just get more and more relaxed and you just breathe through your body.
I have to do that.
I can't, in order to shut off, I have to do this.
I don't know what it is.
Can you explain where In A Nutshell comes from?
All right. off. I have to do this. I don't know what it is. Can you explain where In a Nutshell comes from? Alright.
This last written in
Overheard comes in from
Robert N. in
Lexington, Kentucky.
Former Vancouver Canucks defenseman Robert
Nordmark.
Good snag.
This is while shopping at the local Kger's um grocery store yep uh this is
the the an overseen of like the you know the aisles have like what's in them vitamins uh
milk whatever uh this one just has uh two, incontinence and breads.
Sure.
Yeah, incontinence and breads.
They're both absorbent.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess maybe you're just like, there's got to be an area of the supermarket that they
haven't planned out.
Where do we put these?
The extra stuff?
Yeah, these don't fit anywhere.
The Wonder Bread and Depends.
I just put them in the same box.
Oh, no, I mixed them up.
I made a sandwich and Depends. I just put them in the sandwich. Oh, no. I mixed them up.
Made a sandwich in a diaper.
That'd be hard to make because it would keep absorbing all the mustard.
Yeah, but anyway, I guess you could put it in a panini press.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, I didn't think of it that way.
You could totally put it in a panini press.
You could definitely put a diaper in a panini press.
Could you wear bread as a diaper?
Oh, boy.
I mean. Oh, why have they done diaper? Oh, boy. I mean.
Oh, why have they done that?
Oh, it's probably because it's a terrible idea. Yeah.
I mean.
Well, you could get one of those bread bowls.
Yeah.
And then just make a couple leg holes.
Bread bowls with leg holes.
I'm a big kid now.
Yeah.
It's not bad.
Do you remember at the, there's an IGA in this neighborhood, grocery store, and they
don't do this anymore.
The aisles are now numbered, but the aisles used to have street names.
Oh, that's fun.
Yeah.
Where is, where do you keep the butter?
And then the guy has to remember.
He's like, is it on U Street?
Ontario Street.
Yeah.
Why would butter be in an aisle?
It's in the refrigerator section, idiot. Where is the butter? We're the only store that keeps it on the shelf? Yeah. Why would butter be in an aisle that's in the refrigerator section, idiot?
Where's the butter?
We're the only store that keeps it on the shelf.
Yeah.
Probably a bad thing.
In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.
Want to call us?
Hey.
Hey.
We're not going to stand in your way.
Yeah.
We'll be cool about it.
Yeah.
You want to call us?
Well, it's your prerogative.
We'll make it worth your while, though.
Let us rub you the right way.
Our phone number is 206-339-8328.
Hello, Dave, Graham, possible guest.
This is Sarah in Texas with Unoverheard.
I was at a baby shower here in Texas,
and the father and a couple of his friends were talking about tattoos. His buddy wants to get a tattoo. He's never had one.
He's asking all these questions. But then he tells us, yeah, if you want to see the
tattoo that I'm going to get, just Google tribal and patriotic.
And regret.
That would be a cool
way of getting a tattoo.
Google Christian
and Mingle.
Google Navi.
Here's the problem
are tribes still getting tribal tattoos
or do they feel like
boy these are blatant
yeah
yeah if you're a Maori
I think you've moved on to like
stylized barbed wire
yeah geckos
a series of geckos
and dolphins
um
any tattoos
no
but uh
the gecko
I never understood
the gecko tattoo
till I was
in Hawaii
and a gecko
crawled up my leg
and I wanted
it to live forever
so you think
that's where it came from
I was like
this is so cute
it's like
I understand now
why people get those tattoos.
But they're like, they carry disease and stuff.
Oh, really?
Like mice.
Oh, they're so cute.
I know, they're super cute, and they move in like a very appealing way.
Yeah.
Like they're super watchable.
Yeah, they are cute.
They're of the lizard family.
They're like top tier
Top tier lizards
I think I remember
Like of all the reptiles, lizards are the cutest
Yeah, that's true
Like snakes, come on
Yeah, snakes, very rarely cute
Unless you're a snake person
Or like those little cute little snakes
Are pretty cute
Yeah, I guess
You know what, the smaller the reptile, the cuter.
Worms are cute.
Like worms you have in your body.
Yeah, yeah.
Like it's just microscopic.
Tape worms, ringworm.
Yeah, those are all pretty cute.
The treaty of worms.
Was it a treaty?
Ah.
Next phone call.
Hey, Dave Graham
Guest
This is Josh Cullen
From Delaware
I was just at
A video store
And a clerk
Came up to the woman
Next to me
And asked if he could help her
And she said
Oh I'm looking for
The nanny
And he said
Is that a Disney movie
And she said no
It's a TV show it's on every
day and it's hilarious
and I want it now
at a video
store weird yeah
yeah weird weird
Delaware yeah I guess
that
never been there.
Well, yeah, the fact that a video store exists,
the fact that you know this show's on TV every day,
but you have no idea how TV works.
Is it like a rental video store or is it like Best Buy?
And she just wants to get the complete series of The Nanny.
I missed yesterday's episode, so I got to buy The Nanny so that I could watch.
Do you know the plot to The Nanny?
No.
Yeah.
She was working at a bridal store in Flushing, Queens until her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes.
What was she to do?
Where did she go?
She was out on her fanny.
So over the bridge to Flushing, she was there to sell makeup, but her father's somewhere.
Not her father. No, herffield store. She was there to sell makeup but her father saw more. Not her father.
No, her father saw more.
She hopes.
She had style.
She had flair.
She was there.
That's how she became the nanny.
Oh.
Who would have guessed
that this girl we described
would have been just
what the doctor prescribed?
Now they're fancy little
and they're honing.
I couldn't remember that part.
The kids are actually smiling.
She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan.
The flashy girl from Flushing.
Wait, she was from Flushing?
Yeah.
Over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield.
Okay.
The nanny name friend.
Here is your final overheard.
Hey Dave
Graham guest. This is Kent
calling in with an overheard.
I was in a coffee shop today
and there was a woman sitting at a table
behind me. She's been
sitting there like reading
and I heard
somebody come and join her at her table
and a man's voice said,
Are you Mary? Hi, I'm Rimjob.
And she was like, Oh, hi.
And I had to see this person who identified himself as Rimjob.
So I turned around and looked, and it was a heavy metal looking dude with Rimjob tattooed on his forehead.
On his forehead!
Wow.
Yikes.
They work in a tire shop.
I don't get what everybody's
making a big deal about.
It's a good job.
It's got benefits.
Yeah.
That's not even what I meant.
Friends with benefits. benefits but like was she
were they gonna meet like
was it a Craigslist thing
where it was like
I'm gonna sell you a crib
my name's Ribjob
what do you look like
don't worry
you'll recognize me
you'll know when
I will be wearing a red carnation
and I'll have Rimjob
to have you coming for
yeah the I will be wearing a red carnation, and I'll have rim job tattoos on my forehead.
Yeah, the, what is going on with people and face tattoos?
It's getting crazy, huh? It's happening, right?
It's because nothing, like, is shocking anymore.
Yeah, so you got to get it.
James Addiction said it.
Yeah.
Way back then.
Yeah, so you got to get it. James Addiction said it.
Yeah.
Way back then.
I was at, I was walking into Starbucks the other day, and there was a guy with a face tattoo.
And I was like, oh, well, I'm about to be in line behind a guy with a face tattoo.
I'm sure that comes in handy anytime you're in a line, because no one's like, oh, I'm going to butt in line in front of a face tattoo guy.
Exactly.
And start a big thing.
And I get into Starbucksbucks and face tattoo guy
can't figure out where the line starts and i ended up in line in front of him
are you with us are you like he was he didn't look like he was even looking for a line
anyway now i'm uh yeah now i've committed a prison murder it's
it's like
Mike Tyson
he did a
one man show
on Broadway
what
and Spike Lee
filmed it
and made like
a movie out of it
and I just feel like
everybody was too afraid
to tell him
no
at every step
along the way
like
I'm gonna do
a one man show
okay great
this is great
we'll put it
at Carnegie Hall cause you're Mike Tyson you're the best Spike way like i'm gonna do a one-man show okay great this is great we'll put it in carnegie hall
because uh you're the best uh spike lee you should uh film this oh yeah yeah absolutely
yes sir it's uh it's weird i only watched about 15 minutes of it because he's not
uh a voice that you want to listen to. What does his voice sound like? That's not bad.
Those Herman Cain parodies, though,
that he did years ago when Herman Cain was in the...
Those were good.
Was that on Jimmy Kimmel or something?
I think it was on Funny or Die or something.
Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel's the Funny or Die of TV.
That brings us to the end of this here episode.
You have things you want to plug.
Of course, September 4th is the big...
Yeah, and it's going to be the first Thursday of every month.
I don't know about October.
There's something happening.
Definitely the first Thursday of the first month.
And then whenever.
In October, they have some things.
I don't know what's happening in October
Oh yeah, you can't compete with scary movies
But it will happen in October
Just maybe not on the first Thursday
Something like that
Or I might
End of September
I was going to do the data transfer
Like that internet show
Yeah, yeah
That I started
I was going to do that in the summer
But it looks like I ran out of time
So
Yeah
I might be doing that in October
Okay
Alright, so
And what is Tell people what Data Transfer is.
So it's an internet clip show.
It takes place in the present day, but it's the present day as imagined in 1994.
Okay.
So it's what we thought the internet would be.
Lots of 3D models of things.
Oh, geez, yes.
Yeah.
Lots of accessing the internet by going through a 3D model to find files.
Instead of just typing in the file name.
Just retrieving it.
Weird boobs.
That's all I searched for.
And where can people find that?
It will be a video podcast.
A vlodcast.
A vlodcast.
A vladcast.
Yeah, it's going to be really fun.
I like it so far.
It looks really cool.
I'm wearing silver and pink rollerblades, so what's better than that?
And where will people find it?
We'll be on iTunes once it's done, but if you Google data transfer Paul Anthony,
you might need to put my name in there, too.
But if you Google data transfer Paul Anthony, you might need to put my name in there too.
Speaking of rollerblades, I was looking up Sega Genesis games that only came out on Sega Genesis.
Right.
And it didn't come out on Nintendo of Super.
And one of them was called Skitchin'. And it's a rollerblading video game.
It takes place in Vancouver.
Ah, cool.
And you're rollerblading and then you've got to grab onto cars to get towed.
And then you're skitching.
Wow.
It took place in Vancouver?
The first level did.
Cool.
We'll talk about it later.
And Talent Time, where can people find that?
So Talent Time TV is a YouTube channel.
Talent Time dot TV is a YouTube channel. TalentTime.TV
is a website.
But yeah,
if you're in town
for September 4th
we have the world's,
they won the world's best
double Dutch,
their double Dutch skippers
from Japan.
Wow.
Yeah,
they won in 2008.
So maybe there's better ones
than the last six years.
Now, where am I going to be able to see them?
What if they all put on 500 pounds and now they're terrible at double dutch?
Saw them last week.
They're fantastic.
Wow.
Where did you find them?
That one was easy, actually.
I found them at the Robson Street Festival,
which isn't a street festival because they don't close down the street.
It's the jaywalking festival.
It's so weird.
They have people literally on the sidewalk
and the traffic's going.
It's a major
thoroughfare.
Yeah.
Is that
your headliner?
Yes. There's some
other... The other groups
haven't been completely confirmed yet.
But for sure, Double Dutch.
But, you know, like this season, we're going to have some really great cheerleading squads.
Some really great stuff.
It's exciting.
It's a fun show if you get a chance to see it live, do so, because it's a lot of fun to see it live.
And if you can't,
then you need to check it out online.
Check out some stuff.
There's some stuff online.
Do we have anything
we have to plug?
Vote for us
at canadiancomedy.ca
for the,
oh boy,
still don't know
the category name.
Best audio short.
Yeah,
no,
the best audio series
or something.
Wow,
they changed it
out of podcast? Yeah, we're now competing with radio. Wow, they changed it out of podcast?
Yeah, we're now competing with radio.
Oh, that's a different thing.
And silent films.
Nope.
No.
Radio plays.
Answering machine messages.
Yeah, really creative.
Ones that are like, that one where you call the person and they act like they're
answering the phone and but then they're not just kidding oh i got mike reno from lover boy to
record the outgoing message on my phone how uh well i interviewed him for i think it was terminal
city yeah it was i wrote a thing and uh i told him that i would give him 50 to his favorite charity
if he recorded the outgoing message what's his favorite charity i can't remember did you give the 50 i did i did i think it was red cross or something i think what happened
but i gave him a script it was all about turning me loose it was pretty good
that's pretty good um also i feel awful about this tickets are still on sale for our
but not many well i think there's only three left.
Oh, really?
Well, I don't know.
Snatch up them three last tickets to see us...
October 1st, right?
October 2nd.
2nd.
Yeah.
With John Doerr, part of the Northwest Comedy...
Northwest Podcast Festival.
Yeah.
Not to be confused with the Northwest Comedy Fest, which is happening else...
February?
Yeah.
Also, the Stuff You Should know podcast is going to be here
that should be fun that'll be fun um and you're going to be in other cities oh yeah august i'm
going to be in uh calgary the first weekend of august and then the next weekend after that i'll
be in your hometown winnipeg what are the names of these venues? One is called the Laugh Factory.
That's in Calgary?
Yep.
And the other one, or sorry, Laugh Shop is in Calgary.
Oh, my.
Laugh Shop.
And the Rumors is the place in Winnipeg.
Oh, yeah.
That's the first place I ever did comedy.
Really?
Where I did the whole amateur night, but I got a whole television crew to
come and pretend
that I was a big
thing.
I think I've told
you about it
before.
It's pretty funny.
Oh,
you got up to
some monkey shit.
No,
some monkey stuff.
Thanks for being
our guest.
It was a lot of
fun.
Oh man,
I'd love to be
here.
Thanks guys.
And if you like
the show,
tell your friends,
head over to
MaximumFun.org to
check out the blog
recap that Dave puts together each and every week.
Pictures and videos relating to the content of the podcast.
Yeah, we'll probably have rubbed you the right way.
Got it.
Oh, absolutely.
If we can find the Arsenio Hall clip, all the better.
Yeah, if that hasn't been taken off the internet.
Like his show has been taken off the air.
And then the theme from The Nanny, maybe?
Yeah, absolutely.
Or at least a picture of that hilarious cartoon they played at the beginning.
It really sets you up to be watching a cartoon show, and then it isn't.
And it's hilarious.
It's on every day, and it's the best.
If you like the show, tell your friends,
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