Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 480 - Meags Fitzgerald
Episode Date: May 29, 2017Improviser and graphic novelist Meags Fitzgerald joins us to talk trapeze stuff, glue masks, and pedicures....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 480 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who there ain't no valley wide enough.
There ain't no river wide enough.
There ain't no mountain wide enough to keep me from him, Mr. Dave Shum.
You have no problem with width.
No, no, no.
Yeah.
Height, though.
Yikes.
So what's it really?
Ain't no mountain high enough.
Oh, boy.
That was height.
Ain't no valley low enough.
Ain't no river wide enough.
Yeah.
What about a deep river?
Boo.
I guess you wouldn't need, you'd stay, you stayed towards the top of the river, regardless
of depth.
Yeah.
And also.
The moment you get down in that low, the low part of the river. Ooh of depth. Yeah, and also. The moment you get down in the low part of the river,
ooh, you're already dead.
Yeah.
Newsflash, you're already dead.
And we live in Canada where there's beavers on the river,
walk across the top of a dam.
Ta-da!
Ta-da.
Anyways, that's the end of the show.
Our guest today, first time guest on the podcast.
She is an improviser.
She is an illustrator.
She is a graphic novelist and some sort of trapeze artist.
Megs Fitzgerald is our guest.
Hello.
Hello.
Thanks for having me.
Hi, Megs.
I'm too excited, Dave.
Hi.
Should we get to know us?
Yeah Yeah
So Megs
You were just doing
An improv festival
Yeah that's right
Where was that?
In Victoria
British Columbia
What's that like?
It was beautiful
Everything was in bloom
And like
I got off the airplane
And it was just The smell of flowers in the air.
And flowers at the airport.
They give you like a, like a lei.
Yeah.
It was confusing.
I thought I was in Hawaii, but it was just Victoria.
No, it was, it was so lovely.
I live in Montreal and I think we have like nice air.
And I live right beside the base of the mountain, Mount Royal.
Ooh.
Isn't that like a fancy?
That's a fancy part of Montreal.
Is that where Montreal gets its name?
Mount Royal?
What?
We all knew that.
We're playing dumb.
But you know what?
This is a little bit of Canadian history.
Everyone knows.
Is it happening out there?
Is it blooming?
Well, no.
There's just not like the trees don't have flowers on them.
Ever?
Very different.
Rarely,
very rare.
So.
What do you got out there?
Leaves?
Yeah,
mostly.
You got leaves,
you got grasses.
You got fruit?
No,
you don't got fruit.
You,
you,
they don't have like just downtown cherry trees?
No.
Montreal?
Cigarette trees?
Yes,
it's very Montreal.
Yeah.
Wine trees.
Wine trees.
Um, and, uh, how long have you been living in the montreal four years four years and my four-year anniversary on april 13th okay what are you
gonna do or what did you do i guess i don't know smooch the city a whole bunch no i wrote like i
did write like a sentimental facebook post about how much I love the city
and I'm going to live there for a long more time.
Now, what is the sentiment on Facebook most of the time?
What's the major Facebook sentiment?
Is it rage?
I think it's either,
help me, I'm sad.
Help me, I need to find a thing.
No joke answers, please.
Yeah.
That seems to be the major yeah yeah and uh you know i find
like a lot of posts about like because i'm facebook friends with people i don't i don't
know like real life oh okay and so then i'll see a thing that'll be like she said yes and i'll be
like who is this yeah whenever something like that shows up like
i'm i just should unfollow you yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm in too deep with this person i'm happy
to stay your friend but i cannot know about your life anymore um how many likes did your post get
oh i think lots yeah probably more than 100 what on facebook yeah i got a lot of friends
well so do i but people don't like my Facebook status.
See, the trick to getting lots of likes is putting a lot of emotion in your posts.
Because people are like, oh, this is not just me.
Now, what is the major emotion on a fake?
Oh, sorry.
Did we do that?
Yeah.
100 likes.
Jeez Louise.
I guess you'd have to really spill your guts.
Yeah.
To get 100.
Yeah.
So, like, what?
It's a post with a story arc
you know she didn't know where she wanted to live before she found this place she found herself
oh did you find yourself in montreal i think so yeah oh that's weird yeah it's a real coming of
age but like what were you doing there before you got there well i lived in six cities before i moved
to montreal and i spent two years traveling.
So I like really was a floater.
So I think people are really excited that I settled down.
Oh, that you settled down.
Yeah.
Even for their own peace of mind.
When you were one of these people, you grew up, as soon as you could get out of the house, you just hit the road.
When I was like starting at 14, I was saving my babysitting money and buying dish sets at Ikea.
Because I was like, one day I'm going to move out and I need to have a dish set.
Oh, boy, that is advanced thinking.
Yeah, yeah.
Because, you know, at 14, I think I still would have packed a lava lamp.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, in my one suitcase.
Yeah.
Well, the suitcase doubles as a chair.
Yeah.
I'll need a knife.
I'll need a lava lamp.
Better bring a change of shirt.
I mean, I like this Mr. T one a lot, but.
And so is the second you could, you out the door?
Pretty much, yeah.
Graduated high school, moved away.
Moved to Calgary.
Moved to Calgary.
And what did you do in Calgary?
I went to art school.
Did you go to SAIT?
No, but I went to the art school that's kind of attached to SAIT.
ACAD.
Oh, ACAD.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alberta College of Art and Design.
And with any idea in mind of what was to be?
I just wanted to be an artist, which now I am a professional artist.
And what did you do when that dream died?
Yeah.
Well, there were a lot of crises along the way.
Crises?
Yeah, crises.
That's my sign, actually.
Are you a crisis?
I'm a crisis, yeah.
I can tell.
The smugness.
I'm always pulling my hair out.
So, let's talk more about your trapeze art.
Sure.
What is that?
So, full disclosure to our listeners you are a guest who was suggested by another past guest yes we have not met you before but
then we immediately went to your uh social media and we're like huh she seems to do that uh thing
that pink does yeah i uh googled uh megan Fitzgerald. That's a fitness coach from Chicago.
Is that you?
No.
And I was like, this is a weird suggestion, but I'm on board.
Maybe she's great.
I don't know.
But then I saw that you do your training.
Are you going to run away with the circus?
That's literally what I'm doing.
Yeah, I do aerial arts.
Aerial arts.
Stuff in the circus that is in the air. That's all what I'm doing. Yeah, I do aerial arts. Aerial arts, explain.
So stuff in the circus that is in the air.
That's all aerial arts.
Yeah.
So you don't do it just like as a means of staying fit.
You do it to perform?
I am an amateur with aspirations of performing.
So I'm training to perform, and I train like three to five times a week.
So like more than a person who like really likes tennis. Now Montreal is a circus place it is yeah it's the best city in the world to do what i
do is it yeah yes what about like prague ooh one day i'll do a show in prague i always just picture
like a training play being out in the you know in a desert that seems like a place that a circus
know in a desert that seems like a place that a circus would end up or um some small town that doesn't want them there or that guy from the man on wire who just seemed to train in a field in
france all day long have you thought about that um these are great suggestions yeah i appreciate
them very much i do have i do have a pretty strict training regime set up. So take us through it.
What's the regime?
And we'll compare our training regime.
Sure, sure.
Well, I do a lot of ab and core work, so a lot of conditioning.
Okay, I don't do any of that.
Wait, wait, conditioning.
I do a lot of that.
Yeah, you've got luscious locks.
I do four times a week I condition, yeah.
Yeah, I'll
condition every day. Sometimes I'll skip over
shampoo, just go straight to conditioning.
I do a lot of core work, too.
It's one part of the apple I never eat.
Yeah, yeah. Always
considering the core.
That's a joke
for children. Yeah.
So what is that?
Because, pretend I'm a guy who's never worked on his car.
It take me through.
How do you work a car?
Lots of like V sits.
Like flat on the ground.
Pretend I don't know.
But you know the alphabet, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
So your butt is the bottom, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so your butt is the bottom, right?
Yeah.
Right.
And then you just hold it?
You go back and forth like you're a fan opening your body, pinching at the waist.
And how long do you do that for?
Yeah, and Dave is trying it right now.
But I'm in a chair.
I do lots of reps, so I'll do that for maybe a minute, and then I'll switch to another core exercise to use different muscles and then switch back.
And you do a minute a day.
Is that right?
That's what I do.
For core stuff, probably like 20 minutes a day.
20 minutes a day.
For the core.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So is everything in the aerial world, is it all core?
It's pretty much core.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Hardcore.
It's hardcore.
Oh God. Well well you know what
he went apple core you went hardcore we're all in the same place we're all having fun now do you
think the earth is in so much trouble right now because it doesn't work on its core yeah yeah
or maybe it's us it's hard to say we'll see oh yeah we'll find out in the end yeah um what uh
because i mean i think think I always kind of thought
of joining the circus.
Yeah.
But I never
did any of the work.
Just in an imaginary sense.
I feel like the animals
have such an easy time
with the circus.
No.
Well,
like they don't need
to work on their core.
No.
Yeah,
they got another way
of a hard time.
No,
no.
The life of a circus animal.
That's the life for me.
What led you to wanting to be circus folk?
Well, I used to do acrobatics.
I did gymnastics as a kid.
Acrobatics is the most natural extension of floor gymnastics.
Okay.
Is that parallel bars?
No, you're on the ground, you're doing like
tumbling and flips and
of all sorts of things.
So I used to do acrobatics, but I was always injured
because you're like landing really hard on things and
twisting things and pulling things. Can you do a flip?
Yeah.
Okay, let's move the table.
I got to correct you though, because when people say a flip,
a flip means nothing.
Well, it means a lot to me.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
This is Graham's birthday.
You forgot to do a flip for him.
Because what people say when they say flip, they either mean front handspring or front tuck.
Those are different things.
Okay.
But I can do those things.
Okay.
So you can do, is front tuck from standing position into a flip?
Yeah, into a flip.
Again, yeah.
It's in a tuck and you roll.
So this part of it, the thing I'm calling a flip, is a tuck.
Yeah.
What's a flip?
Can you do an ollie?
No.
My expertise has not gotten into that realm yet.
So is a flip not even a thing?
I mean, flip is people, it's layman's terms for a front handspring or a front tuck. Oh, this isn't
industry. That's why it's confusing, right, because it could
mean two things.
Did you cheer in high school
like I did? Did I
cheer in high school?
Actually, I have a funny story about
how I didn't cheer in high school. Tell, okay, please.
I was going to try out for my
high school's cheerleading team
and because I had a gymnastics background, I was like, I think I can get on this.
And it was like, it was a new school, grade nine.
I was like thinking like, yeah, like this is my way to make friends.
I'll join cheerleading.
Yeah.
And then I had made like one friend on the first day of school, this woman named Sydney.
I'm going to say, this was a girl at the time.
I don't need to call her a woman.
A guidance counselor.
She was my one friend.
No, so she was a girl at the time.
We were both girls.
And she was...
A woman from the cafeteria.
I'm going to make friends.
I'll join the cheerleading team.
So she wanted to try out for the improv team,
but she refused to try out by herself.
And she was so sure she was going to make the team
because she had done improv at a summer camp.
And she's like, you should try out for the team. And really, Whose Line sure she was going to make the team because she had done like improv at a summer camp and she's like,
you should try it for the team.
And really like
Whose Line Is It Anyway
was my favorite show
but also it was 14
so don't judge me on that too much.
And I was like,
you know,
I really want to try it
for cheerleading.
The improv practice
or the improv audition
was at the same time
as the cheerleading audition.
And Sydney was like,
well,
if you want to be friends with me,
you have to come
to the improv audition.
And I needed this one friend real bad.
Wait a minute.
Yeah.
You wanted, the story started with,
you wanted to make friends by trying out for cheerleading.
Yeah.
But you decided to keep your one manipulative friend.
Yes.
And then get no more friends.
So we both auditioned.
I was not nervous at all because I, like I didn't care about getting on the improv team.
I just assumed I wouldn't.
Oh, I know how this story is.
And then guess what?
Sydney didn't get on.
And I did.
I was the only ninth grader on the team.
And so was that the big rift that was the end of your and Sydney's short-term friendship?
She and I continued to hang out for a while but she yeah she turned out to be a real bully
and did a lot of
shoplifting
so
oh really
yeah we kind of
parted ways
where is she now
she lives here actually
I hope she's not listening
I hope she is
oh well yeah
no this only broadcasts
if she's here
Dave open the door
ladies and gentlemen
Sydney
Sydney from high school
but I do
I do owe her
a huge thank you
you know
if it wasn't for her
I wouldn't have done improv and that's been like my whole life, so.
I wonder who she would thank.
Yeah.
You owe her a big thank you.
Who does she owe a big thank you to?
The woman at the Gap that caught her shoplifting.
Oh, set her on the straight path.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you never, you did improv instead of, you never did any cheerleading?
No.
Thank God.
My school didn't, I lied before.
My school didn't have cheerleaders.
No?
You couldn't even just freestyle if you were at a game?
You know, really get everybody's spirits up?
Yeah, okay.
I guess I could have freestyled.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Burr.
It's cold in here.
If someone should readjust the thermostat.
Yeah. Yeah. But my high school
I went to an arts high school
So we like seriously had a cheerleading team
We had four different teams for four different kinds of cheer
But only one time to audition
Yeah
But no they traveled internationally and competed
And like won all these competitions
And we had a teacher at our school whose only job was to coach cheerleading
Oh geez
Yeah and she was also the Edmerton eskimos uh like the football like cheerleading coach too
uh so now did you have any sports teams at this arts high school in a really sad way
in a really sad way yeah no the cheerleaders just existed for themselves yeah oh they didn't
like there was no sports to cheer on now see i feel like that
much like the flip and the tuck conversation if you're not leading a cheer you shouldn't be called
cheerleading you should be called a freestyle yeah and shouting yeah freestyle pyramid artist
yeah um is that i guess that's what they do right i've seen them on espn doing just cheers for nobody
yeah yeah they don't do that as sort of human pyramid that that like you would try to do now
where everyone gets on their hands no no no and it's all standing flipping and standing
well i mean they're they're tucking yes thank you thank. Handspring. Yeah, sure. Round off. Now, is there, I'm assuming there's some sort of school you're going to to learn this.
It's not just a French cat in a park.
And it's not just every, I think every Montreal gym just has trapeze stuff.
Yeah, trapeze bar in the corner.
That's actually not that far off the truth.
Um, that's actually not that far off the truth, but, uh, yeah, I trained at a few different like recreational amateurish circus schools in Montreal where professionals also train.
It's kind of, yeah, it's kind of a munchpunch, but there's the thing is there's like actually selection.
So I can train at like four places.
Really?
What's the equivalent here?
Yoga?
Like there's so many places.
Yeah.
Yoga.
Like I couldn't think that there would be more than one place that had trapezes here maybe bartitsu yeah maybe i feel for a while maybe uh
what do you call it bar like stripper bar oh yeah pole's considered an aerial arts as well it is
yeah it's a close cousin but it's on the ground i know but it's a lot of the
same muscles that you use so it's just muscle muscle based yeah yeah it's all core so it's
from use your muscles and point your toes yeah that's the rule oh yeah yeah is that the golden
rule yeah all right we don't have to be we don't have to treat people like we'd like to be treated
but as long as we point our toes oh i can I can do that. Yeah. I think I might be an aerial artist.
And then, so it's not just trapeze swinging back and forth.
You also do the silks.
Yeah.
That one seems like the scariest one because it's just a thing of silk.
It's less scary because if you fall, you can catch yourself as you fall.
Whereas if you do trapeze and you fall, you fall.
Right.
Is it like if you die in your dreams, you die in real as you fall. Whereas if you do trapeze and you fall, you fall. Right. Is it like if you die in your dreams,
you die in real life.
Also,
it puts a lot of stress on you as you're falling to be like,
oh,
this is all your fault,
man.
Yeah.
Like you could be stopping this.
You're like,
at least with the silks, if you fall,
like you can say,
I meant to do that.
Cause I,
I caught it.
And so like
Like
With stuff like that
I assume that
When you're starting out
It's all terror
All the time
Yeah
There's a lot of terror moments
But you also
They start you out so gently
That you feel really accomplished
They just give you a silk shirt
To wear around
Yeah
You just touch yourself
And you're like
Oh yeah
I'm getting used to this
Yeah this is good.
This is nice.
With silks, it's tricky because you have to be really good at tying knots, which is like
never something I was good at.
Because you're constantly like tying different configurations of knots around your body so
that they'll unravel in a certain way, but then catch you when you drop.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I do go home and have like long pieces of silk just to practice my knots.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't know that I of silk just to practice my knots. Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know that I know any.
Well, Windsor.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Poor in hand.
Oh, Graham hanged himself.
Yeah.
Well, Windsor's good because it's a real silk knot.
That's a real good silk knot, but it doesn't, this unraveling part is the part that I can't
get my head around.
So it's sort of nautical.
Yeah.
A little bit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I bet if you were like a lifetime long sailor, your skills would be transferable.
Huh.
Well, that does explain a lot of where, you know, our retired Navy does end up in the
circus.
I never put that together.
Why?
Yeah.
Now, they get shot out of cannons, that's also something.
They know how to load it properly.
And that's why they always sell fish at the circus.
And crab.
That would be very difficult.
To sell fish in a circus?
Yeah, well, I know.
Wait, you feel like people are already hungry?
Well, no, if it's part of the culture.
There's no reason people eat popcorn, except that it's already been established that we eat popcorn at the circus.
Yeah.
But now, the thing, did you go to the circus when you were
a kid no not really yeah so it's it feels like it was on the decline and then but before Cirque du
Soleil started so that would have been when you well I guess Cirque du Soleil existed when you
were growing yeah but definitely wasn't as popular as it is now right you know so there was a period
of time when it was like how did anybody get involved in the circus?
Yeah.
You're born into it, right?
And that's like circus families are a real thing because you have to, like professionals train.
The Walendas.
Yeah.
Eight hours a day, right?
So they like, if your parents are training, then as soon as you can walk, they're going to like teach you how to do a handstand.
Right.
Teach you how to juggle.
So you just get born into it. and then probably those teenagers are like my parents
give me no other skill set so this is my only career path well there we go
grab that towel there buddy
this is uh uh for the home listener Meg's has
In some of her classic Italian
Gesticulating
She has
In all the skill and poise that I have as a circus artist
With all the control of my body
Oh boy if only that glass of water had some silk
To catch it on it's way down
I think we're gonna be fine guys
Yeah we're fine
I did knock over a full glass of water, but it didn't touch any electronics.
Oh, no.
Yeah, no.
We have a system here.
Yeah, yeah.
I would have dove in front of it.
And then you would have seen some real aerial work.
Well, it's been wonderful meeting you, Megs.
And we'd love to have you back.
No big deal.
Everyone be cool Yep
Oh good
Oh guys
Am I going to win
This wet t-shirt contest
Or what
Is that an aerial art
Wet t-shirt contest
That's more related
To pole dancing
Oh sure
Yeah yeah yeah
But it's all about core
It's all about your core
It really is
What is
Now are kegels
Core exercises No Oh darn it You've been is it? Now, are kegels core exercises?
No.
Oh, darn it.
You've been wasting your time working on those kegels.
I'm wasting my time.
I can knit while I do them.
Yeah.
Now, surely a set of parents that are circus folk, they're happy that their kid's getting into the circus.
Oh, sure.
How about your folks?
Are they circus adjacent?
No, but I've,
I,
this winter holiday
made my whole family,
they were so thrilled about this.
I made my whole family take
a recreational circus class.
Oh!
Yeah, for fun.
That's kind of a fun,
I mean,
unless it wasn't.
It was.
Was it fun?
It was terrifying for everyone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So,
I'm glad they did it
and it meant a lot to me.
But also, I wouldn't recommend you tell your families to do that.
Like, that's not a good idea for a bachelor party?
No.
Let's get wasted and go tumble?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, like, people kind of had fun, but then everyone was sore for, like, four days after.
Not you, though.
So it ruined a big chunk of the holiday.
Not me.
But everyone else. But I guess it ruined a big chunk of the holiday. Not me, but everyone else.
But I guess it's no different than people going skiing.
Like you end up hurting after a day of that.
That's true.
Now, here's the other thing that I noticed when I looked at the Instagram.
Notice that you did the aerial work.
Yeah.
I knew that was the term at the time.
I'm not just repeating it back as I learned it here.
But also, in addition to working on the car, there's some pictures of your abs.
You got abs.
Thanks.
Jeez, Craig.
Rude.
Rude.
No, no, no.
It's on there.
People want to be acknowledged for their abs.
If I had them, Dave, I wouldn't be wearing a shirt right now.
And I'd be scrubbing stuff on them.
But you also get very calloused hands from doing this.
It's pretty tricky.
And so I've noticed mostly with the guys in show business, very soft hands.
I know I have liquidy soft hands.
Oh, yeah.
Do you notice that when you're shaking show business hands that you're like a gruff?
That you've got a worker's hand?
So when I go to shake a hand, the other person just raises their eyebrows and I'm like,
I don't kick that.
Would you say you have the most kind of work in the hands of any of the comedians, you know?
Sure.
You know, I'm not doing like a lot of palm reading or intimate hand holding.
I thought you were doing circus work.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't think I touched, like I shook your hand. I didn't feel, yeah. I don't think I touched. Oh, like I shook your hand.
I didn't feel.
No, I didn't feel it either.
I was hoping for a real, you know, trucker hand.
Yeah.
But not.
What are the, like a drummer?
Drummers get calloused hands.
You know, but, you know, something that somebody does a lot of stuff with rope, I assume, gets very calloused hands.
Yeah, a fisher man.
A fisher man. Some sort of. Yeah. Fisher man. Yeah. Fisher man.
Some sort of cow man.
Cow man.
Yeah.
You know, any kind of.
Rope factory worker.
Yeah, rope.
Thank you.
You know, assistant manager at rope factory.
Yeah.
CNC rope factory.
I don't know.
Chain. Any kind of thing where you hold a chain. Oh, boy. Well, you got to glove it up with chains. Yeah, yeah. CNC rope factory I don't know Chain
Any kind of thing
Where you hold chains
Oh boy
Well you gotta glove it up
With chains
Yeah yeah
But you can't wear gloves
When you're doing this stuff
This has gotta be
No
You need the calluses
Yeah
That's what helps you
Yeah
Yeah yeah
So do you aspire to one day
Like full time
Be a circus folk
Yeah
Ultimate job
Dream job
Well so
Blue sky
Here we go
The thing is
I have my dream job.
So I'm really lucky.
So quit everything else.
You'll never work a day in your life.
Yeah.
So I write and draw comics all day, which is really nice and very privileged and a very like Montreal thing to do.
I spend half the time doing comics and the other half time doing circus.
How do I make it work?
How do I make time to smoke?
How do I make it work?
How do I make time to smoke?
So my aspirations are to get good enough at circus that I can perform on a semi-regular basis.
But I don't ever want it to take over my whole life.
No? Right.
You don't want to tour with the circus?
I would tour for like six months.
Oh, just for half a year.
Yeah.
Half the year circus, the other half of the year comic book.
Yeah.
And so you say that you're an illustrator and a graphic novelist.
Yeah.
Are these true to life stories?
Yeah, I write.
I don't write fiction usually, sometimes just for like fun, short stuff.
But I mostly write either about my own life, memoir stuff, or oh okay yeah what's your favorite era oh um we'll all go around
yeah yeah okay well if i had to pick a favorite era i'll say
there's so many good areas okay graham, Graham goes first. You know, cowboy. Cowboy era.
Yeah, the cowboy era.
Sure.
Sure, mine's like, yeah, so you're Back to the Future 3.
I'm Back to the Future 1.
That's my era.
55.
Okay.
All right, well, I was going to say 1920s.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just the nice outfits of the 20s.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Free the women of the corset, you know?
It's a big thing. Oh, is that what was up with that?. For sure. Yeah. Free the women of the corset. You know? It's a big thing.
Oh, is that what was up with that?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And then, huh.
Is that?
Yeah.
Okay, you got your flappers.
Yep.
Right, your flappers.
Your Gatsby's.
Oh, his shirts.
Oh, the shirts.
You know.
Who else?
Gangsters?
No, they came later. Oh, there were some gangsters. No, they came later.
There's some gangsters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The prohibition era.
People were like trying to smuggle alcohol.
Yeah.
Speakeasies.
Speakeasies.
Yeah.
Nucky.
Nucky.
Spats.
Nucky was there.
I feel like cigarette holders.
Uh-huh.
People in good era.
Yeah.
Good era.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You nailed it.
My era is probably pretty smelly. Yeah. As it goes. Everyone would have Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you nailed it. My era is probably pretty smelly.
Yeah.
As it goes.
For sure.
Everyone would have had bad teeth.
Yeah.
But you know what?
Murder was a real, everybody had a chance.
Everybody had a chance to be a murderer in the old way.
Yeah, you could get away with it, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As long as you said, you know, he shot my pa.
Uh-huh.
He had it coming. Uh-huh. I staked my claim and said, you know, he shot my pa, he had it coming.
I staked my claim and he, you know.
Yeah, I was reconnoitering the ridge.
And like, yeah, like the Old West is kind of like the early days of the internet.
I don't know if anyone's made that analogy, but there were no rules.
And old man Al Gore, he invented the Old West.
They say his ghost still rides on that information superhighway.
Oh, it's very well put together.
A little chunk there.
How many graphic novels have you written?
Two.
And how many have you read?
Oh, 200.
Oh, wow.
Probably more.
Probably more than that.
What's your fave?
Favorite era?
Favorite graphic novel?
Yeah.
Well, Serious Answer,
Fun Home by Alison Bechdel.
It's been recently,
not recently,
two years ago,
it's turned into a musical
on Broadway.
Won a bunch of Tonys.
Cool.
It's really good.
I just recommend it.
All right.
I put that out there.
Yeah.
I never heard of it.
So there you go.
You've heard of it. Have I heard of it? You've heard of the Be there. Yeah. I never heard of it, so there you go. You've heard of it.
Have I heard of it?
You've heard of the Bechdel test?
I've heard of that, but I haven't heard of that graphic novel.
Yeah, check it out.
And what happens, like you write a graphic novel, then you go on a book tour?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Is that fun?
It is fun.
So I'm in the middle of book tour stuff right now.
That's what you're doing now.
Kind of.
Your publicist is really dropping.
No, I'm flying to Ottawa right after this for some stuff and then to Toronto right after that.
And the name of the graphic novel is?
My second book is called Long Red Hair and it just came out in French.
So I'm also touring it for French.
Oh, okay.
Yeah. And what's it called in french uh long cheveux yeah there you go there you go does that
check dave yeah and is this uh because you you have red hair but not long red hair no not anymore
was what's your favorite era of red hair yeah yeah oh yeah. Oh, gotta be like Anna Green Gable. Oh, for me, it's the 80s.
Okay, sure, sure.
Yeah, those are both good.
Anything involving Cynthia Nixon is my favorite.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
She's in some new movie, isn't she?
I feel like she's in some new movie that I saw an ad for.
And you're here promoting that?
Yeah, yeah, you bet.
What is it about?
I have not read this graphic.
Is it too heavy?
No, it's just...
That's all I talk about on BookTour.
Imagine that this is a BookTour show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can practice for a real interview.
Yeah.
It's going to get so awkward and heavy in the room when I tell you guys.
It'll be more awkward than when I spilled this glass of water.
That was not awkward.
That was the highlight so far.
That was my favorite era of history 10 minutes ago.
It's a queer coming of age story about my life as it entwines with references to witchcraft in popular culture and in history.
Witchcraft?
Mm-hmm.
Is that something you were drawn to as a youth?
Yeah.
I feel like that was a real, maybe it's not now that the internet exists.
You said this was going to be heavy and I feel like maybe we were not treating it with
the heaviness.
No, no, no.
But like, we're going to be like, do you like the craft?
Yeah.
I mean, that's where I was going.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's where I was going.
Yeah.
Because as soon as you said witchcraft, I was off to the races.
Did you do any spells?
Yes, I did. I mean, how effective they are is still yet to be determined.
Potions?
Yeah, I would make potions out of my mom's perfume and stuff like that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But, I mean, not for drinking.
Just for going out on the...
Just for having my magic.
At what age were you a potioner?
Probably pre-teen.
Sure.
I was a late bloomer, so I stuck around with a lot of these interests well past...
But, no, teenagers are Ouija board kids.
Yeah, I feel like teen is exactly when you should
be going through your witch and warlock phases and then but because their society has decided
that you can stay a teenager forever uh now people are you saying yeah exactly people are witches and
warlocks well into their uh their 40s and 50s um do you do uh like you ever look back on that and think oh i
miss i miss my witching times or i still do pretty witchy stuff like what what so yeah go oh like
uh yeah this isn't vulnerable at all um no i have i have like an altar in my bedroom. Oh. So I like will do little ceremonies and stuff like that, light some candles.
You burn bundles of herbs.
I have a little colander.
It's like made of cast iron.
And like, oh, God.
You mean like in the church style?
No, it's more like if you imagine a giant cartoony old-timey witch
had a cauldron where she was like Eye of Newt and Leg of Hoth.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That but miniature.
Did you say cauldron or colander?
Well, you said colander at the beginning, and that's why I was picturing.
Yeah, I'm a very legit witch, guys.
I drain spaghetti
in my bedroom.
I mean, I saved some chance over it, but
I'm glad you caught that.
Yeah, I caught it with the spirit of ragu.
Speak to me, Chef Boyardee.
Yeah, it's deep stuff.
It's my religion, so please don't make fun of me.
Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry.
Oh, boy.
Are you a Wiccan?
Are you a registered Wiccan?
I'm not.
My mom is a practicing witch.
Is that right?
Yeah.
My parents are pagan, and we do all these sort of voodoo-y,
it's not voodoo, but witch rolls.
Like, we don't celebrate Christmas.
We celebrate the winter solstice.
Aren't we all a little bit pagan, though?
I think so.
Yeah.
Like Easter bunny.
Yeah, wasn't the tree, isn't the tree the big, that all a little bit pagan though? I think so. Yeah. Like Easter bunny. Yeah.
Wasn't the tree, isn't the tree the big, that's a pagan thing, right?
Yeah, for sure.
So you still did tree?
Yeah.
We still did tree.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah.
So I guess basically that's what I would celebrate at Christmas.
Yeah.
You like the tree.
Yeah.
I like the tree.
I like pine, the scent of pine.
What else?
What else goes in on a pagan?
Staying up really late.
Oh, sure.
I love that.
Because you're celebrating that it's the shortest day of the year and that the sun's going to start to return again.
So you stay up late.
Do you drink?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, this is all the things that I like.
Yeah.
All wrapped up in one perfect little holiday.
Yeah.
What do you call it?
What's it called?
Winter solstice.
Winter solstice.
Yeah.
All right.
Huh.
Well, I don't think I've ever met anybody whose parents are involved in that.
Yeah.
My parents are, like, for years when other people's parents were probably going to, like, I don't know, whatever they do at the Christian churches.
Speaking tongues.
Stuff like that.
Yeah.
As a hand of snakes.
No, but there's,'s like a baby Jesus pageant
yeah there's a crash
and they do like a
you know
whatever those are called
scenes
oh yeah
yeah
nativity
nativity scenes
no they do a passion play
yeah
that's right
is that where they get the kid
they throw jam all over him
yeah
well our
my parents
their church instead
do like
like my dad would dress up as the sun king,
like the sun returning and like walk in a spiral.
In the middle, there was a symbolic fire.
What does the sun king look like?
He got a beard?
He wears a long gold cloak and he's got a mask of a sun.
I saw a true detective scene in season one.
Oh, is sun king in that?
Is he the yellow king?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm saying a thing.
Everyone's mad at me now.
But did he, does he wear a crown?
No, it's a mask, a sun mask.
All right.
I'm learning.
This is all, I'm unfamiliar with this whole world.
That's why I came on to this show.
Right.
To teach you.
To talk about my books and to teach you.
A little bit about.
About, so far you've taught us about Ariel.
You taught us about everything.
Yeah. You taught us that, you know what? Not to cry far you've taught us about Ariel. You've taught us about everything. Yeah.
You taught us that,
you know what,
not to cry over spilled water.
Uh-huh.
I was about to.
You thought that
a lesson we needed to learn.
No,
this is all very fascinating.
This is fascinating.
Yeah.
Now,
this altar.
Yeah.
Just describe it.
I don't know,
I don't have a lot of altars
in my life.
Yeah.
You know, I feel like there's a lot of altars in my life yeah you know i feel like a lot of altars in catholicism right yeah you put a picture of mary and then maybe some candles and then an incense i feel like is it just a stick
this is a post no no i mean like an altar it's like a it's like a little shelf maybe with doors on it. Does it have doors?
No, like mine is kind of contained, most of the objects for it are contained in this ceramic dish that I painted that have hands on it.
Okay.
Yeah, really into hands.
Okay.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
So it's just, anyone can make an altar of anything.
You could just say, I really like these dried flowers, or I like these bird feathers I found.
All right.
These rocks.
And you just chill out with those objects and think about nice things.
All right, cool.
Yeah.
So it's like a thing that you focus on?
Yeah, like I'll set intentions,
and then you can write little wishes and then burn them in your colander.
Yeah.
Do you ever sage your room?
I don't. Gwyneth sage your room? I don't.
Gwyneth says it works.
I don't like the smell of sage.
Well, you could probably burn other things.
Yeah, I have burned other things.
Newspapers.
Yeah.
Erasers.
I did that a lot in high school.
What were your big burnings as a child?
Oh, bus shelter windows that had plexiglass with a lighter.
Because I was never a smoker.
I never carried a lighter.
I did all my burnings in the fireplace.
I think I really liked burning things like newspaper was a very satisfying burn.
Goes real fast.
And then you can still see the text as it burns.
It just switches from black on white to white on black.
Also a really fun thing to burn.
Doesn't smell good, but take it like unspooling a bit of cassette and then lighting that on fire and watching it go into the cassette.
Oh, sure.
Real cool.
I still sometimes burn the hair on my hands.
Yeah, yeah.
Like when I'm cooking.
Yeah.
And you really get a whiff of that.
I don't have any.
Hairless hands.
Oh.
I know, look at that.
I'm trying, now I'm just thinking of what I would put in an altar if I had one.
I mean, I don't even have a couch at home, but, you know.
I have a change dish that I think is kind of like an altar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not too precious about my altar.
Sometimes it does, like, it's like, this is where my dirty socks are going to go today. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not too precious about my altar. Sometimes it does like, this is where my dirty socks are going to go today.
Right.
Yeah.
And I sort of think about, you know, my intentions of what I'm going to do with this change.
Parking meters.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I should do something like that.
Because right now my place is all just still, everything's in boxes.
Yeah.
I should pick an area and be like, this is where I'm going to put
stuff I like.
And everywhere else,
garbage.
Well, thank you for sharing.
Yeah.
And you know what?
I think you're going to be fine
on your book tour.
Yeah.
Thanks for preparing me.
Yeah.
The way that you ducked
and weaved our question
is exactly what
an audience wants.
Yeah,
the midday CBC
radio audience.
Whoa,
she's really ducking
this question.
Yeah.
Oh boy,
she really
went heavy
with the witchcraft.
Oh,
Dave,
what's going on with you?
Oh,
guys,
well,
got the wettest jeans right now.
Yeah, how come they never do that?
They never do wet pants content.
Always t-shirt.
No, they're dry.
I'm just joking around.
I'm sorry.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Here's what's going on with me.
Not a heck of a lot.
Last night, Abby and I So there's this thing
We talked about
A few weeks ago we did
We put on those Korean paper masks
Oh, you mean the
For your
For your skin
For young making on your face
Yeah
And we did that at our live show with John Doerr
We put those on.
Huge laughs. Huge laughs.
Burn my face. Yeah.
And we didn't leave them on long enough.
Have you ever done this? No. Oh, you'd love
it. You see a lot of
mostly ladies.
You see them on Instagram.
I've seen the pictures. Yeah.
Looks very scary. Looks like somebody's
been burned and they're in some sort of ward.
Yeah, I believe I said it looked like a luchador mask made out of a blister.
But the other thing I've been seeing a lot on Instagram is these charcoal masks that you put on. Right. That are just like, well, they're like a goop that you put on that are just like,
well, they're like a goop that you put on your face
and that are jet black.
Right.
You put them on your face and they dry.
You peel them off and they take all your blackheads out.
Oh, yeah.
Like those Biore pore strips.
Yeah.
Have you ever done those Biore pore strips?
I have.
Yeah, I did one once. Yeah. Have you ever done those Biore pour strips? I have. Yeah,
I did one once.
Yeah.
Do you like it?
It wasn't nearly as satisfying
as I wanted it to be.
Right.
I wanted to see so much
on that strip.
Oh,
I saw a lot
when I did it
in like high school
at peak,
like peak blackhead.
Yeah.
That's where me
and my dad
used to go hiking
every summer.
Ain't no mountain high,
you know. And, so, yeah, And that's where me and my dad used to go hiking. Ain't no mountain high enough.
And so, yeah.
And my problem with that was as soon as I pulled them off my pores, my pores just filled up again.
Yeah.
I figured that everything that's going on, it's all there's some sort of purpose.
You know what I mean? I feel like there's not a thing that your body's doing that's's some sort of purpose. You know what I mean? Like, you feel like there's not
a thing that your body's doing
that's just like extemporaneous.
But,
I would gladly
just turn this podcast
into Dave Reviews Skin Products
now and forever.
Because it's,
it's,
it's,
I don't think they do anything,
but they're so much fun.
Oh,
they're so much fun.
A little makeover.
Yeah.
So,
Abby and I got these charcoal things, this charcoal mud mask thing that you pull off.
And before I put them on, I looked them up.
So wait, do you have to, is this a thing that you have to, you just take it right out of
the package or do you have to heat it?
No, you take it right out of the package.
It comes in a little packet.
Oh, it's like, okay.
Yeah.
And you squirt it out and you put it on.
Right.
And there's enough to cover your whole face.
But Abby was like,
I'm just going to put it on my chin and my nose.
And I should have done that as well
because if you put it on your whole face,
you look racist.
Yeah.
I did notice that when I was like, a lot of people posting these pictures.
I'm like, you do know what this looks like, right?
And I took a picture of us and I was like, can't post this.
This can be used against me later when I'm at the Friars Club.
And it automatically goes to the cloud.
Yeah.
So I looked up these things.
I looked them up online to see if they're, you know, what they are.
And all the, like, expert opinions were, these are garbage.
Like, don't use them.
Use them once for fun.
But don't make them part of your regimen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which, my regimen, every day I do 20 minutes of core work.
20 minutes?
Yeah, that's why we got this core.
Yeah.
Because apparently these things are basically charcoal and glue.
Well, yeah, that's what I always figured.
Do you have a skincare regimen?
I just wash my face with a face cloth.
Face cloth and soap, maybe?
Yeah.
A light cleanser.
Now, because this is one thing that I've always wanted.
Are you regularly wearing makeup?
Yes.
Because that's what I always think is probably the thing,
is putting this makeup on your face every day.
Probably very hard on the old skin.
A skin arena, yeah.
Yeah, so that's why there needs to be all this other stuff, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So it's like the industry's creating their own boogeyman, you know?
Yeah, well, good for them.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's business, man.
Yeah, man.
So I put this on.
Yeah.
And you wait 20 minutes, and your face gets very tight.
Yeah.
And then you pull it off, and no blackheads went with it.
And then you notice
the next day
it puts them in?
Yeah.
Well,
because it's charcoal.
But I,
like,
it was fun.
It was a fun thing to do.
Did your skin feel
nice and smooth after?
Yeah,
it always does.
Well,
but like,
it was the end of the day
so I had stubble.
Yeah.
So,
it's like,
not going to take
any blackheads.
If I have blackheads, they're not as noticeable as the hair,
black hair growing out of my face.
And then when you pull this off, does it come off all like one face piece?
No.
No, this comes off in like dribs and drabs?
Yeah, like it dried in different amounts in different places.
Of course you want it to come off in one face piece
so you can hang it on your wall.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
Yeah, and the wall of your child.
The baby's bedroom.
This is what I did last night.
Yeah.
Good morning.
Oh, the boogeyman comes in the day, too.
Oh, the boogeyman came last night
and he left this for you.
And I put it in a glass case
like a hockey jersey
like an expensive sports jersey i won at an auction anyway sweet dreams
um so that's me i did a uh or a face mask that's uh mud mask mud mask mask mask mask yeah That's Mud Mask. Mud Mask. Mask. Mask. Mask.
Mask.
Yeah.
Jamie Kennedy's The Mask.
Oh, son of a mask.
And next week?
Yeah, next week, I'm going to Prince George for the debaters.
And I'm debating, as is often the case, they give me a topic to debate where you wouldn't think that i would be the guy debating
for the side that i'm debating uh-huh so i'm doing mani pedis and one of the the kind of condition
not conditions but they one of the recommendations was you should go and get a mani pedi before the
debate so i'm gonna go do that and uh i've done it once like a long time ago, but I kind of don't remember what.
Because they knocked you out for it?
Yeah.
I don't think I was sober.
I kind of don't know what, like I know the broad strokes, but I kind of don't know what to expect.
Have you mani-pedied?
No.
Never?
Because I hate feet.
Oh, you're one of those.
I'm one of those people who knocks over glasses of water and hates feet.
You're very focused on hands.
You love hands.
I do love hands.
The subject of my next book is about hands.
Really?
I really do love hands.
Oh, they're hard to draw.
They're the best thing to draw because they're so hard and expressive.
Yeah, but those feet.
Ooh, you have a big toe.
Little toe.
Gross.
Other little toe.
Gross.
You got to use two sizes of nail clipper yeah yeah i uh i never want anyone to touch my feet no i i don't particularly either and i don't like
the thing that i remember about it was that i don't like and it's the same with massages or whatever. I don't like feeling like you there.
Oh, it is a like colonialism.
Yeah, yeah.
Like it does feel.
There's a very icky feeling to that.
And it's more, it's compounded by the fact that, you know, there's like other people there that don't feel that way at all.
That people are like, I earned this.
And you're like, this feels weird.
Yeah.
Have you done a manicure?
No.
A profession?
But I wouldn't be against it.
Okay.
All right.
I just got like other things to spend my money on.
Sure.
No, no.
Yeah.
But it's like one of these things that I feel like people will do.
If they love it, they do it all the time.
But it feels like a thing you should do once.
Sure.
It's a real gender role reversal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We got a woman here who's got hands that get calloused.
Yeah, yeah.
And we're all getting our face masked.
Dave, it's 20-something or other.
I don't know.
We record these pretty far in advance.
Yeah, it could be 20.
Who knows by now?
But yeah, so I'm going to get that done, but I'm not.
When was it last done?
Oh, this, I probably, it was like a decade ago.
Can I see your hands?
You already have very soft hands.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The nails need work.
Yeah, the nails aren't good.
I can admit to that.
But neither are mine.
Let's see your nails.
What do they do on a man's
manicure? Man's
manicure? Well, I know one of the big things
and I've done it at home and I think
it's pretty cool is buffing the nails
because then they get super shiny.
That's fun. Will they put a clear coat on?
I'm going to ask them to put colors on everything.
Really? Your brightest colors
I'm going to ask them to put colors on everything. Really? Your brightest colors I'm going to ask for.
Like a rainbow?
Yeah, yeah.
Rainbow, something neon.
But not one color?
Like different colors on different fingers?
Maybe.
It depends.
I'd go for a sparkle.
I'd go for a gel if they got some gels.
I don't want gels.
Huh?
Have you had gels?
You want French tips?
No.
Yeah, French tips. Maybe I'll get French tips. Huh? Have you had gels? You want French tips? No. Yeah, French tips.
Maybe I'll get French tips.
That's pretty good.
Why no gel?
Because I think you got to go back and they take them off like with a special chemical.
Oh, no.
They don't just like, you don't just take them off.
And then you have to get new gels.
It's like you're, it's like.
Oh, yeah.
It's like this whole makeup and face wash cycle.
Yeah. No, I just go home and scratch them off on bark like a deer does with the, you know, the velvet on their antlers.
You scrape it against the tree and then your gels are gone and the tree's all pink.
I think I learned a lot about deer.
I also learned that, do you know that moose like shed their antlers every year? and then they grow back bigger depending on how old they are.
So are there just antlers on the ground?
Yeah, like predators eat them.
What?
Yeah, because they have blood vessels in them because they have this velvet on them when they first form.
That falls off.
It looks super gory because it's all bleeding everywhere.
And then the antlers, they bump them up against trees and stuff,
and they just fall off.
It's painless.
It's like baby teeth.
Yeah.
Wow.
Except every year.
Imagine if you lost your teeth every year.
Oh, boy.
It'd be hard to date.
Half a new set coming in.
Yeah, you've got that awkward face for a couple months every year.
Or you've got some adult teeth, some baby teeth that haven't fallen out yet.
But, like, if you live with someone long enough, your teeth cycles kind of sync up.
So it's not, you go through it together.
Oh, that is, I think it would be great
actually
yeah it would be pretty great
because you would just be like
for a month
I just eat ice cream
yeah
that's true
oh you could
eat all the forbidden foods
and then
you never have to see
the dentist
because it's like
oh you know
you only get one set of these
for your life
ah
ah um yeah so like to see the dentist because it's like, you only get one set of these for your life. Ah.
Yeah, so like that's insane, right?
That's the thing that happens?
But yeah, if your teeth came in all gory, that would be pretty bad.
Oh yeah, if they just started
spontaneously bleeding.
You lost your tooth velvet.
What?
And what about your feet?
You're going to get your pedi done?
Yeah, I'm going to get the whole nine done.
I'm going to get the...
You only have nine toes?
I'm going to get all nine toes done.
And that's combined.
So, yeah, I just...
I don't know.
I'm worried about it.
Because I don't like people touching my feet either, really.
It's the social interaction that's the worst.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's like, if it became okay, like if I read an article that was like, hey, men should start wearing foundation.
I'd be like, yeah, okay, I'll do that.
except i would feel awkward anytime i like if i like you know a bunch of you know abby's wife's
oh wait no abby's other friends husbands right were there and they're like oh we don't wear foundation i'd be like oh no i forgot you're real men what that's how i would feel about
getting my nails done what celebrity would you need to endorse wearing Men Foundation in order to get on board?
I don't know why, but the first guy that I thought of was the lead singer of Blink-182.
If I found out he was wearing Foundation, then I'd be like, fine.
They have two lead singers.
Which one?
Tom DeLonge.
Oh, the alien one.
Yeah, I don't know why, but I feel like if he's on board, I'm on board.
For me, it would be Mark Hoppus.
The other least secret fliquidity.
I remember Kat Von D had her tattoo makeup, tattoo covering makeup.
And if I was a big face tattoo guy, that would be the one for me.
And she, Kat Von D, is now like just regular old makeup.
She's like a huge multi-billionaire dollar earning makeup lady.
I have some Kat Von D lipstick.
Yeah.
People love her lipstick and eyeshadow, I feel like.
Yeah.
Well, do they have fun names, right?
I think so.
I just went to Sephora and they sold me a bunch of stuff that I didn't go in there for.
Also, what is Sephora?
It's a makeup store.
It's a giant makeup store.
That's where I got our face masks.
Oh, yeah.
But, like, is there any, like, if I'm just a fella that wants to go to Sephora.
You'll be the only fella.
I'll be the only fella in there, right?
There's nothing, there's no.
I think there's a lot of tag along boyfriends and also husbands looking for charcoal masks.
No, when I went, I was the only one there and it was there, like the employees were all over me.
They were like, oh, what you're looking for is over there.
And by the time I walked over to that side of the store,
another employee had been radioed about me.
Whoa.
Oh, wow, really?
Like, it was such an event.
Mm-hmm.
But isn't there anything, you know, like when you go to the dentist office or the bank or whatever, they got toys for kids, you know?
Isn't there, like, a thing to give for the fellas?
Yeah, there's a fish tank.
Yeah.
Yeah. Anyway, so I'm going to do that.
All right, when?
Not this coming Monday, but the Monday after.
All right.
So will you have nice nails when you go do the show?
Yeah, yeah.
So that's the kind of, well, the big reveal is going to be like the fantastic toenails and the flip-flops, you know.
Well, the big reveal is going to be like the fantastic toenails and the flip-flops, you know.
But it's really like, it's going to be difficult emotionally to go get this done. How long does it take, do you think?
I don't know.
I figure it's like a thing that's probably done in an hour.
No, I think you're going to give yourself more time.
Are you sure?
My sister just did just a mani that took her like three hours.
It was like a real big process.
Wow. What's wrong with her hands? hours. It was like a real big process. Wow.
What's wrong with her hands?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lobster claws.
It didn't know where to paint.
It was just confusing.
And they're like, do we heat these up until they're red?
To the wrist.
Is that screaming or just air escaping?
I am three hours
like I feel like
it should be longer
than a haircut
it's because she went
to a place that just opened
and like no one knew
what they were doing yet
and they kept fumbling
and like getting the wrong color
and having to go back
and then
anyway
it was a whole bit ordeal
there's like also
things that people do
that are like
it's like a spa
yeah they can soak them
yeah and you saw like I'm just going in for a wham bam polish them ma'am Things that people do that are like, it's like a spa. Yeah, they can soak them. Yeah.
And you saw, like, I'm just going in for a wham, bam, polish them, ma'am.
But yeah, I don't, three hours?
No, that can't be right.
I think for your toes and fingers, I'd give yourself like a good two, three hours.
You thinking Prince George?
I think.
Are you doing it there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not going to get some, I want to show off what you made your appointment yet.
No, I guess I should do that, eh?
I should do that.
Yeah.
They're not going to be booked up on a Tuesday during the day.
Maybe.
Yeah, I should probably call it.
But I don't even know.
I don't know what to look for in a spa, salon, saloon, parlor.
I think you Yelp it.
Yeah, yeah, Yelp yeah yeah um anyway so yeah go do that well that's exciting yeah um i'm trying to think there was something else nah forget
oh no i the other thing that went on this week uh i, I went to this thing with Alicia Tobin.
We went to like a historical talk at the,
uh,
she loves history.
I do.
I do.
Yeah.
It was about,
uh,
history of BC.
So it was all local,
uh,
kind of stuff about like this,
this was a company town and this kind of stuff.
Anyways,
it was this,
I've never heard any local history that wasn't about haunted places.
There was some good haunted stuff.
Do you know there's only one person who legally was allowed to be buried in Stanley Park?
And she's a First Nations poet.
And she's the only one who was ever granted that.
And I guess you can go visit her grave, but I didn't know about that.
That's ghosty um anyways
it was this a woman was doing this lecture and it was a lecture it was not a bar this was at a bar
in an afternoon kind of it was fun it was like a fun thing to do on a sunday um but at one point
she was talking and then a guy put up his hand and like, did a, like a, well, actually during, I was like, it was so gross because it wasn't, it wasn't.
Does anybody have any questions or if at any point, if the spirit moves, you put up your hand and it was a lecture.
It was, it was very frustrating.
Because the thing that he said, too, not interesting.
It was something about fish migration.
Oh, boy.
Why can't fish just stay in one place?
Just got to show off that knowledge.
Yeah.
There should be a word for when a man says the thing.
Yeah.
Man spreading?
No.
No.
Dude talk.
Yo.
Chum speak.
Chum speak.
Because that works because of the fish migration.
Now, those fish that do the pedicures, do they migrate to other spots?
To other feet?
Other spots? Anyways, yeah.
So I learned about some ghost towns.
And yeah.
But yeah, I didn't, like, I don't know anything about the history of the city that I've been living in.
Yeah.
You know, I know the history from when I've been living here. Yeah. You know, I know the history from when I've been living here.
Yeah.
Forward.
Yeah.
Yeah,
that used to be a future shop.
Oh,
I should give a guy
a tour
of stores
that this used to be.
Yeah,
and this used to be a bakery
I really liked.
The Blockbuster.
Yeah,
oh yeah,
there's a huge,
it's now a real estate office but
it was huge two-story blockbuster uh two flew too close to the sun there is uh one corner near where
i live where there are two churches across the street from each other and it used to be a church's
chicken next to it three churches now it's an enterprise rent-a-car. There's a...
Was that a church's
chicken? Yeah.
I've never been to church's chicken.
That's why it went out of business. I know.
No, it's still
very much a business. Just not at that little
case. They got corn on the
cob. So that's a...
What other fast food place has corn on the cob?
Maybe Popeye's.
Maybe
Chicken and Waffle place.
But that's not fast food.
But the thing is...
That's down down.
Fried chicken, no matter where I go,
I don't feel good afterwards.
Even if it's a good place.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like I only ever had bad fried chicken.
In my time of eating meat, I don't think I ever had like the stuff that everybody talks about when they talk about fried chicken.
I had this fried chicken in Philadelphia and the Food Network had named this like the best fried chicken in America at this one place.
Whoa.
And it really was like so much better
than you could ever imagine fried chicken would be.
Oh, really?
It lived up to, yeah.
It really blew our minds.
Is there anything in particular?
You ever had popcorn chicken?
Yeah.
It was almost as good as that.
I don't even know how to describe it.
It was just the best chicken I'd ever had.
And it was also probably served with the best
mac and cheese I'd ever had.
And I, air quote, collect mac and cheeses i like i like no like what i got i'm like really seeking
out the best mac and cheese oh i see and keeping tabs of where they're gonna fill it up your altar
no yeah i i used to go to kfc i haven't been in years but i I've always felt like they had, because they had two types of chicken.
They had original recipe and the other type was called extra tasty crispy.
You'd be a fool not to order that kind, but I feel like that was maybe not as good as original recipe.
Well, you know what?
They've been doing the original recipe for longer.
Exactly.
I was watching an old episode of Seinfeld
with Kenny Rogers
Roasters. That's not a thing
anymore, apparently. Like, it was bought
out by some grocery chain or something
and they used their products.
But, yeah, so
KFC's gotta be, like, still
the big dog.
Popeye's churches.
But Popeye's isn't everywhere. No, yeah. Like, if you see. Popeye's churches. But Popeye's isn't everywhere.
No, yeah.
Like if you see a Popeye's.
You're not going to find a Popeye's in Tokyo.
When I was in Vietnam, the only place, the only Western restaurants they had were Baskin Robbins and KFC.
And I was told that they had KFC because the colonel looked so much like Ho Chi Minh.
Really?
This may not be true.
Sounds like a real fact.
But.
My friend that used to live with his brother was living in Korea.
And they got in the city he lived in, an international house of pancakes.
And it was like, he said it was like the Oscars.
Like celebrities showed up and there was a red carpet.
Was Psy there?
Psy was probably there.
And, yeah, for an IHOP.
Because that was like a big...
We take them for granted over here.
I remember when they opened a Krispy Kreme in Delta, and people came from...
That's true, they did.
All over.
And why?
Those donuts are fine. Because it's a famous donut from tv
we've heard it mentioned on a show yeah yeah we're dumb we're dumb um should we move on to a bit of
this or over
life can be fun don't get carried away you to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day.
You got to shine your shoes.
You got to sweep the floor.
You got to clean your house.
You got to do some more.
Take care of business.
Hey, a little bit of business this week.
This is just, you know, your everyday average Jumbotron message.
And this is really, this is one for all the friends out there.
This is for Darla.
It's from Shalane.
We think it's Shalane.
Oh, yeah.
I meant Shalaley is what I was trying to say.
Right.
Graham got choked up a little bit.
He's so emotional when we get a Jumbotron.
Yeah.
Darla, Shalane says i wanted dave
and graham to tell you how amazing you are and how grateful i am to have you for the past over 25
years i love you more than peaches and sunshine forever and always my hetero life mate oh well
that's a nice uh you know and it's hard peaches are amazing i mean i had a peach
depends on weeks ago every year yeah oh i would trade that in for anything anything that i
currently have to have that peach back in my hand again all right yeah well okay that's all i'm
saying i mean you really throw away everything we have d, if you tasted this peach, you'd know it was right.
Dave, you know I'd never throw this away.
Not at all. Or any piece of fruit.
I had a good orange today.
Yeah.
Oh boy.
Eat it like, just like cut it up like, like soccer.
Soccer style.
Soccer style.
Then did you go outside, kick the ball around first?
Earn it?
Yeah, I kicked the ball for 45.
Then at the very end of eating them, I went, good game, good game, good game.
Aw, nice.
So if you, the listener, would like a Jumbotron message like that, where we kind of talk about
your thing, but then we mostly talk about fruit, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron
or slash Jumbo.
Either way.
You'll get there.
Yeah.
Now let's move on to Overheard.
What's Ben Affleck and or Drake up to?
What show should I be watching right now?
Should the rock run for president?
How about Oprah?
What's a great French film about lady cannibals?
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For answers to these questions and so much more,
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Overheard.
Overheard's a segment
where, you know,
we're lucky enough to have
good, solid ears that can
hear and eyes
that can see. And so we
use those two technologies
that were just born unto us.
And we see things out there in the world, we hear things, bring them back here. We use this other technologies that were just born unto us. And we see things out there in the world.
We hear things.
Bring them back here.
We use this other tool we got.
Uh-huh.
We talk about them.
Our mouth.
Yeah.
I'm not wild about my ears.
No?
Dave, I think your ears are nice.
Okay.
I was going to have them pinned back.
No, no, no.
Don't.
Don't.
You know what?
Don't change a thing.
Although you could use a charcoal mask.
Just a quick.
Just a quick charcoal mask
I might actually have my ears pinned
At the top so I can just like
Slip my glasses through a little hole
Oh that's a good idea
Thank you
No I take it back do that
When I get slapped on the back of the head by bullies
I thought about
Like your bully from school
The bully who gave you an encouraging slap on the neck
No, your bully from improv
Oh yeah
I heard a thing and I don't know that it's true at all
But that some magicians would get a flesh pocket made to hide keys and wires in and such
I thought about getting one of those
Oh yeah, well we've all thought about buying a flesh pocket online
A key I, I guess.
I guess a key.
Just in case you'd, yeah, you never want to be locked out of your house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, now it would have to be a bit.
Your phone, yeah.
Yeah, and you'd want, you know, like a fob.
Oh, sure.
You don't have to be big enough for a fob.
Yeah.
Anyways.
But those old-timey keys for those magicians are pretty big.
Yeah.
And, you know, putting a wire in there, I feel like I'd be afraid that it would just slip into the vein.
How do they make a flesh pocket?
They would take flesh from somewhere else, stitch it on you.
But then how do you prevent it from grafting onto, like...
Oh, I don't know.
Do you have to put a little bit, something in between there?
Like a plastic for a little while?
And you'd probably have to moisturize that.
Oh, God, your flesh pocket would stink
no you could clean it out like you clean out a belly button oh yeah it's kind of satisfied
but what if you're a hairy person and you have hair growing inside the pocket or and you just
have this one like flesh colored patch on and it it has no hair. Yeah.
Cause you took it from your hairless.
It's a great hiding spot.
You were like,
I use the flesh from my forehead,
my hairless forehead.
Or the palms of my hands.
Now,
Megs,
you have an overheard,
yes?
I do.
I have two. Megs, you have a overheard, yes? I do. I have two.
Megs, you have a flashback.
I mean.
You have two.
Do you want to do them back to back or do you want to do around the.
I'll do around the round.
Round the round.
One of them I just remembered because we're talking about feet and how I don't care for feet.
Yeah.
While I was taking the airplane to Victoria,
there was a woman ahead of me in line at the airport.
And, you know, everyone's taking their shoes off and everything,
putting them in the bins.
This one was probably like close to retirement,
but like still dressed like a dressy businesswoman in a friendly way.
Okay.
Like a 55-year-old, 60-year-old business lady.
And she had like loafers
that she took off
and put them in the bin.
And then she peeled off
her pantyhose socks
and put them in the bin too.
And I said to this woman,
like, no.
Like, no.
Like, I don't want your feet
on this floor. And like, you know, those pant your feet on this floor and like you don't those
pantyhose socks are not going to set the alarm off keep those on that's like a second skin
pantyhose socks are like little socks made out of pantyhose yeah but they go up to like your
you wear them with like dress shoes where you wouldn't want a full pantyhose because you don't
want to wear like right pantyhose under your pants. So they would just go up to your calf.
Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I would like the idea of somebody who's just undressing until the security says stop.
No, that's enough.
Your buttons aren't going to set off the alarms.
Sometimes I'm going through security and it's an airport where they're not a shoe airport
for whatever reason,
and they treat you like you're an idiot.
Like, hey, guy, keep your shoes on.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I've just been flying before.
I've been out of your podunk town.
Yeah.
No airport makes you go bare feet.
That's disgusting.
Yeah, you're right. Unless you're already bare feet. I mean, like, you know, where you. That's disgusting. Yeah, you're right.
Unless you're already bare feet.
I mean, like, you know, where you're wearing sandals.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then, yeah, if it's a sandal, they're not going to make you take it off.
Yeah, airports kind of aren't no shirts, no shoes.
I think the reason that you need to put your shoes in a bin is in x-rays, because a lot of times shoes look like a pump, but feel like a sneaker.
What is that? it's a song
you know what i'm talking about no i don't i don't think i do is it uh what is that what were
they called easy spirit shoes looks like a pump it feels like a sneaker and it was women the
commercial was women playing basketball in pumps yeah and pumps? Yeah, and not Reebok pumps.
I mean, but that would be so punishing on the everything.
The basketball court.
I mean, I feel like we've had this conversation five times already.
About playing basketball in high heels?
About this product, yeah.
I don't recall.
I don't recall any of these.
I was setting up that.
Looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker thing.
Expecting you guys
to carry me up
on your shoulders.
Dave, do you have an overheard?
You know,
suppose I do.
Yeah.
At the park the other day,
there were these
like 12, 13 year old girls.
Not 12 of them.
Girl gang.
Yeah.
It was a baker's dozen of, well, not a Girl gang. Yeah. It was a baker's dozen of,
well,
a regular dozen.
Yeah.
A baker's dozen of,
you with the baker's,
a regular dozen of people
with a baker's dozen of age.
Looks like a pump.
Feels like a speaker.
And one of the girls said to the other one,
there were not 12.
Did I mention that?
To the other one. Oh my God, your brother's turning into a freaking fuck boy.
He's flirting with everybody.
And the other girl said, oh, my God, that's my brother.
Yeah, because, you know, there's that weird, if you had a hot sibling, and I didn't, but not that they were uggos, but you know.
I think your brothers are very hot.
Someone's feelings were just hurt.
But you know, like, you know those people who went to three super hot siblings.
There it is.
And a pretty hot pair of parents.
Siblings?
Yeah, pretty hot. Oh, wow. Pretty hot pair of parents. Siblings? Yeah.
I got, uh, yeah, pretty hot.
Oh, wow.
I got, I have two older sisters and two younger brothers and I'd say everyone's above average.
Wow.
Nice.
Yeah.
Way to go.
Way to go.
You guys.
My parents are pretty hot.
Yeah.
Well, it's a Graham's, Graham's unhot brothers are dragging that average down.
Oh yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Uh, but like there were people in my school that they had siblings so hot that it was like, how did you, how did you and how did that gene pool tip?
Yeah, and I should say hot, I mean like hot for normal people.
Not like real hot.
Right.
Well, I don't know what that means.
Well, your siblings were all conceived under some weird pentagram.
Kind of.
We were all conceived and born on the same mattress.
For real.
Conceived and born on the same mattress.
Well, the joke is we say that, but my parents said they got a new mattress in that time span.
In the same room.
Wow.
Sure.
I just hope it was a Casper mattress.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, then you can send it back.
After you burn them.
Yeah.
A hundred days.
How many babies can you have in a hundred days?
One.
Well, no, I mean, if they're multiples.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eight is the maximum, I think.
Yeah, I'm sending this back, and I don't want any questions about what happened.
Yeah, I'm sending this back and I don't want any questions about what happened.
But I found this fascinating that it was your brother turning into a freaking fuck boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, when does a fuck boy become a fuck man?
Well, what is a fuck boy?
I feel it's like a slam.
It's a slam, yeah. So he's not necessarily a hot.
He's not hot.
No, like,
but I don't think
you can be a fuckboy
and be a,
there's no ugly fuckboys
in the thing.
I don't think so.
I don't know.
I don't think so.
Because I think
it can be derogatory too.
Oh, it's derogatory.
It's definitely derogatory.
but like an insult.
It's like,
but I thought it was an insult
like,
you're nothing but a fuckboy.
I feel like it's the male equivalent
of a basic bitch.
Yeah.
Like,
you just,
you just do,
you know,
whatever the popular thing is.
You know,
you're just a cookie cutter.
I thought a fuckboy
was like,
kind of like a bimbo guy.
Oh.
That's what I,
that's how I read it.
That he's only good at fucking.
At fucking.
Your brother's such a.
No, I don't think so.
Well, I don't know.
I don't know her brother.
You only know your own brother.
That's right.
Who are solid fours.
Look, it's just nothing.
I just won't say my brothers are hot.
I won't.
Okay, which of your brothers is hotter?
Me.
Zing zang.
I can't operate on this guy.
I'm too hot.
I'm a fuckboy.
Graham, do you have an overheard?
Mine was an overseen.
It was a guy who, if I didn't see him in real life and I saw it in a movie, I would be like, that's too ridiculous.
Nobody will believe that a guy would look like that.
So I don't know that he was uh homeless but he certainly could pass uh for
homeless yeah he was wearing a uh uh kind of like i don't know what kind of shirt but he was wearing
like a robe that you would wear in a house that had uh dancing cows on it uh and he got on the bus
and he sat on the he sat on an open seat but he sat on a guy's hand and he apologized whoa i
didn't see your hand there sorry fella and then pulled out uh like one of those ziploc sealed
bags of beef jerky like a jack links and offered him to the guy who was not impressed and he
offered him to everybody oh boy i mean they've all seen I have this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, you know, I follow the rules.
Sorry, did he offer them to everybody on the bus individually?
Yeah, he was going around, and then he made kind of a gesture to the rest.
Did anybody take them?
No, no, sir.
I feel like maybe that bathrobe and the jack links all came from the same bin.
From the same cow.
Yeah.
So, anyway,
so that's what I saw.
A local eccentric.
Boy.
Now you had another one.
I like a jerky.
Yeah, what kind of jerky?
Oh, I guess a beef.
Yeah.
I don't know,
lots of people talk about turkey.
Sure.
Just because it feels good to say.
Yeah.
Turkey jerky.
I think it's probably... A turkey jerky? I think it's probably a good source of nutrients.
You think?
It's good if you're in a desert.
Yeah.
Oh, sure.
Well, not as good as wet meat would be.
I mean, if there's no wet meat option and you're stranded in a desert and you got some beef jerky, you're going to be real glad to have it.
Yeah, but you're like, I'm so thirsty.
I could really eat some wet meat.
Yeah, yeah.
In this desert.
Like something like a sea lion meat.
Something like that.
Sure.
Something that's real blubbery.
Throw it at me.
Give me that marinade.
Now you have another overheard?
I do.
Allegedly.
I have one from a long time ago of the kids of the darndest nature.
Okay.
This was years ago when I was living in Calgary.
And it was a beautiful summer day.
I was sitting on this bike path on a bench.
And there was this little boy who was probably like four years old.
And he was rollerblading for the first time.
So he had rollerblades on and then
he also had knee pads on and then he also had uh like wrist guards on so he wouldn't fall on his
wrists and then he also had elbow pads on and this boy is like two and a half feet tall so he was
mostly just pads oh and he had a helmet too and he was his dad was watching him on like the bench
beside mine and the boy was just like walking in rollerblades the width of the sidewalk like not going very far and with him he had the cutest little sister who
was probably like two and she was walking alongside of him and like had just like this look of
admiration for her big brother and like this is an amazing thing you're super hot big brother
and um and he just said to his little sister in this like
very knowing way i'm always safe than sorry i always say then sorry i think i think it's a good
policy yeah yeah be safe then then be sorry yeah i'm always safe and sorry um i think whenever i
was told that i had to wear a helmet to ride a bike,
stopped riding bike.
Yeah.
When I was like,
I'm not going to do this anymore.
This is lame now.
Thanks a lot in 1991.
But I realized that,
yeah,
anything,
any kind of like mandatory safety measure.
I'm out.
I just won't do the thing.
That's why I won't play professional hockey.
Oh yeah. They need you to wear pads and I just won't do it. They keep why I Won't play professional hockey Oh yeah
They need you to wear pads
And I just won't do it
They keep coming knocking
And you keep turning them away
Yeah no
Sorry guys
You still have that dumb rule
Could you play
Without a helmet
No
If you
No
An absolute
No when I was
When I first started
Watching hockey
There were like
Ten guys
Who didn't have a helmet
I remember
They were grandfathered in
Randy Carlisle Doug Wilson Guyfleur, Craig McTavish.
He was the last of them.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Who else?
Doug Wilson?
Did I mention Doug Wilson?
Yeah.
Okay.
What about Randy Carlisle?
Did I mention Craig McTavish?
They were all men, right?
Were there any women in the league back then?
But goalies didn't have to wear...
Ron Duguay.
Did goalies always have to wear masks?
Or were they the ones
who had to wear masks?
They were the originators.
There was a time
when they didn't wear masks,
which is crazy.
Crazy, yeah.
What's the famous,
you know,
the famous photo
of the guy's face?
Jacques Blanc?
Yeah, Jacques Blanc.
He looks like a horror movie. Yeah. Because he just has stitches and scars everywhere on's face. Jacques Blanc? Yeah, Jacques Blanc. He looks like a horror movie.
Because he just has stitches and
scars everywhere on his face.
I guess there's a point where you have so
many broken face
bones that you're like, meh.
I'm not gonna... That's not what your friends
like you for anyway.
Or maybe. Yeah, I'm friends with
the guy who scares away everybody.
Franco Stein there.
Yeah, you know, we have him over. guy who scares away everybody. Franco Stein there. Yeah.
Yeah, you know, we have him over.
He's got a flesh pocket on his face.
You can keep your pens in there.
Yeah, stick a gum.
Yeah.
You know what?
Pantyhose are kind of like a flesh pocket.
They're not.
Not.
Yeah.
I've, uh, there's, is there, is there a male equivalent?
Harold Snipes, another helmetless player.
Sure, there you go.
They're all going to come back to you.
Mm-hmm.
Is there a male equivalent of the Pantyhose?
We never, I guess not.
We're just allowed to be hairy and gross everywhere?
Yeah.
What do you wear under your shorts usually?
Nothing.
Well, now they, a lot of of people wear workout tights under their
shorts. Yeah. Like a compression
thing. I'm fine with that.
I'm fine with people keeping everything
tight, compressed. Exactly.
Do you think
Guy Fieri wears a
girdle? I was watching
Diners, Drivers, and Dives
just in a bar,
but he like,
because I'm fat.
While someone was trying to give a talk on history, I was like,
move out of the way.
Well, actually...
Guy's eating some sort of sausage.
But he's got
the upper part of a fat guy
and then it just drops off.
That's got to be a girdle.
Well, I'm going to need to see some photographic evidence.
I'll send you some.
Do we call it a girdle anymore?
Is it still a girdle or is it Spanx?
Well, I don't know that Spanx could do this much.
I don't know what.
Well, you know, the corset went out in the 20s.
That's what I learned today.
True facts.
Yeah, I've seen advertised in the Montreal metro system.
They advertise these like elasticy
girly things for people but the models who wear them in these ads or have like
hot body yeah yeah you know and you're like that's not who if you've got a
solid six-pack sure you're not wearing something to hide that silhouette from
your tight t-shirt. All the ads for like
denture cream are
people who clearly are wearing
just have beautiful, wonderful teeth.
Yeah, but that's young people.
You wouldn't want to be sitting around with
your family eating stew
and then see a real
denture wear
jamming
in his
denture. Oh, yamming in his denture.
Oh, they're not fitting.
I can't just show her.
It feels so good today.
And my girdles overfit.
You want some beef jerky?
Oh, boy.
No.
We also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. This is new. No, no, boy. No. We also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world.
This is new.
No, no, no.
This has always been happening.
No.
Yeah.
I'm not prepared.
Hit me with another helmetless hockey player.
I thought you'd have one.
I didn't.
No.
They'll come out as soon as I get them.
Okay.
If you want to send one in to us, you can can send it into spy at maximum fun.org uh this
first one comes from ashley m did i say doug wilson yeah i think doug wilson what about al
secord no i might be wrong about that um this is ashley m from columbus ohio today at the thrift
store there was a man in his 70s browsing through shirts in the next aisle.
His friend came over to see what he found, so he held up a Hawaiian shirt and asked,
Is this good?
And his friend said, Well, if you're on an island somewhere, alone.
Burn! Burn to your future shirt!
I like that the two old guys are shopping together for Hawaiian shirts. I mean, what else do old guys wear? Yeah, yeah. Burn to your future shirt. I like that the two old guys are shopping together.
Yeah.
For Hawaiian shirts.
I mean, what else do old guys wear?
Yeah, exactly.
If you're not allowed to just wear a Hawaiian shirt all the time when you're an old guy.
Where was this overheard from?
Columbus.
Was it from the Tommy Bahama in the airport?
You don't see...
Rick Middleton maybe
But what was
Helmuth was on the Bruins
Okay
Did he have a mustache
Yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
That's all the protection
They need
Yeah
Uh
This next one
Comes from James
In Tallahassee, Florida
Uh
Now this is
Goes way back
This is
This is uh
Rod Langway
Rod Oh yeah That's a good hockey name Mmhmm Do you remember what number he was Now, this goes way back. This is an old- Rod Langway.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good hockey name.
Do you remember what number he was?
I think it was five, maybe, for the Washington Capitals.
Born in Taiwan.
Wow.
I'll stop.
This was in 1998 or so when I was in high school. But I remember it like it just happened.
I was on the school bus.
The driver was apparently in the middle of adopting a child and was talking to some students near the front about how expensive and time consuming the adoption process is.
He was interrupted by a girl, probably around 15 or 16 16 who said in a voice loud enough for the whole
bus to hear that's dumb they'd sell a lot more kids if they didn't charge so much oh yeah
i mean i and um man kind of is true though right like there's plenty of kids who need a home. No, that's a different system.
It's true.
It's true.
Yeah, but that's, you probably, by the time you're 15 or 16, would know how the adoption system works, wouldn't you?
I don't.
Well, you got to put it in a form.
I know that from the show Friends.
But then there's also, like, fostering kids as well.
Foster to adopt. Oh, but isn't there just fostering kids as well. Foster to adopt.
Oh, but isn't there just fostering straight up where you're just like.
Yeah, but there's also adopting like, you know, from China or adopting newborns.
Yeah, or zoo-borns. Zoo-borns as well.
Oh, boy.
Give me that fennec fox.
Look at those big ears.
That's a long conversation to have
with your significant other.
Do we want to adopt
a zoo-born?
Do we want to adopt a kid
or a zoo-born?
You gotta go zoo-born.
It's true. An anteater?
Oh boy, so cute, so hairless when it's born.
And so useful if you got
ants all over your house.
Oh, man.
Ah, you will.
We're all out of ants, so hit the bricks.
You knew what this was.
Mm-hmm.
And this last one comes from Seth R. Parts Unknown.
Oh, Seth Rogen.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, Los Angeles.
Yeah.
I thought this is a bunch of kids say overheards.
I'm not going to read them all.
This is my brother and sister-in-law.
Also involves adoption.
This overheard adopted a child.
And by contract, they have to submit photos and documents of the kids progress every week.
So that's something that you have to do in adoption.
So shortly after they adopted, they discovered that they were pregnant. So they's something that you have to do in adoption. Um, so shortly after they adopted,
they discovered that they were pregnant.
So they have two kids.
Gross.
Uh,
anyways,
these two kids,
they love,
this is one of the great things about kids is they'll love some boring ass
thing that you're like,
why do you like this thing?
So these kids like,
uh,
on trash days, the kids are excited to watch a flag
truck go down our street first and wait for the other three trucks come out to empty our can
this last week the recycling trucks seem to be missing or at least on a different schedule
when it didn't come a little boy said maybe they're getting snacks. That's good. Adorable.
Kids only understand
snacks and time in
between snacks. Oh,
kids of all
stripes like trucks.
Yeah, that's true.
Identifying different types of trucks.
Taking a kid,
this is something I've seen a lot of parents doing
is that they'll stop at a construction site and the kids will just like.
That's like a free amusement park.
Yeah.
For watching.
Yeah.
For watching.
Get in the crane, kid.
Amusement park for the eyes.
Go get daddy some rivets.
There's this book called Good Night, Good Night Construction Site that, that I've heard about.
And so I bought a, bought a thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Bought a version.
That I've heard about.
So I bought a thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Bought a version.
And on Amazon, now they just sent, apparently it's this whole world of like you can get like toys and cards and different.
Oh, of this construction?
Yeah.
I found a little book.
That's pretty good.
It's because there are too many people in universities.
So they need this future generation to get rid of back into the trades.
It's true.
Start them young.
Yeah.
I wish I was a plumber.
Yeah, me too.
I wish we had a plumbing business.
We should start one.
Yeah.
Two guys who don't know plumbing started a plumbing business.
It's very charming.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're not.
We refuse to do anything with shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've ruined your carpets.
Well, technically you were the one.
Yeah. You're gross.
I didn't do that.
That's not mine.
I do mine in a ditch.
Oh, well.
Oh, is that everything?
That's everything.
That brings us up to speed.
So, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.
And if you want to call us with one of your overheards,
you use your phone and you type in this number.
1-844-779-7631.
That is one.
SpyPod 1.
Like these people have.
Hi, this is James from Regina, calling in with an overheard.
I was at a local microbrewery
and there was a lady sitting beside me and then a fella sat down with her and
started eating some food from a local vegetarian diner down the street and at
one point he just goes ah and you know she kind of waits a second and he
obviously wants her to ask and then eventually She asks what's up And he's just like
This is constant craving
This is my shit
A real Katie Lang buff
Yeah
That's a good song
That is a good song
It's a good album
Oh
That whole album
They put out a whole album
Yeah yeah yeah
Just that one song
Yeah yeah yeah
Different covers of it
Constant craving song yeah yeah different covers of it uh constant craving looks like a pump feels like a sneaker
um you guys katie lang fans it's i'm she's a wonderful voice yes um I don't really I didn't catch that reference
Oh okay
Totally oblivious
She
You know who Katie Lang is
I know who she is
Yeah
I mean I've heard of her
She's Canada's best singer
Probably Canada's best singer
Probably Canada's best singer
Yeah
Who would you say is Canada's best singer?
Based on just vocals?
Don't say The Weeknd
It's The Weeknd
No
It's The Weeknd, isn't it?
My first instinct would be Alanis.
Oh, no. You're
way off.
She's Canada's 400th best singer.
But it depends on
how you're judging. I'm judging by
quality and listenability.
Yeah, sure.
What about
Alanis' voice
Puts her in the top of the list
Well it's just really distinctive
Yeah that's true
You know even if she was covering
Like a generic Christmas carol
You'd be like
Oh that's Alanis Morissette
Singing Silver Bells
Why is Alanis doing this?
Sure
Why Alanis?
Well she hasn't come out
With a new album in a long time
Why wouldn't she contribute
To a Christmas album?
Yeah that's true
Alanis
You can't do that in podcasting.
Is that us?
Here's your next
overheard. Hi, Graham and
Dave and probable guests.
This is Katie from Oakland. Katie Lang?
I am calling in an overheard.
I was just at Target, and
there were two little girls looking at
some drinking glasses, and
one of the drinking glasses said, happy hour.
And one of the girls said, happy hour?
I'm always happy.
Just a real positive person.
Yeah, I'm always happy.
Every hour is my hour.
Or maybe she just means that she drinks a lot.
She never pays for drinks, that's why.
Yeah, that's a good way to live a life.
Although I'm very suspect of people who are always happy.
Yeah, you got to have the lows that will make the highs so sweet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's true.
So that when you write those Facebook posts that are real sentimental,
people know they're coming from a real place.
Yeah, yeah.
That's why I always do that.
I can't wait to read those Facebook posts, by the way.
Yeah, sure.
That's going to be my first thing I do when I go home.
Once every three weeks, I put a post together that people are going to like, ugh.
Oh, you put it like a real.
I schedule it.
No, I don't.
A real heart-wrenching post.
Once every year, I celebrate my anniversary in a city and I post the same post every year.
Yeah, yeah.
What is it?
What's the post?
Oh, Montreal's great.
The streets are cobblestone-y sometimes.
The drivers are crazy here
anyway montreal i salute you and here's your final over to the week hey david graham this is austin
south florida calling them overheard for you it's just at my local whole foods market and uh
little kid and his mom probably about 10 years old uh walking by me
and uh a little kid and a and i was telling his voice goes oh my god they have sparkling wine
that's it
whoa yeah how do they make it sparkle the kids probably just imagining like
wine filled with glitter.
Yeah, glitter wine.
Oh, yeah.
Which I guess is kind of what Goldschlager was.
It was kind of like the glitteriest.
But like sparkling wine is, I know people will say, you know, it's a thing because you can't call it champagne.
Right.
But it's a coup.
It's a marketing coup because it sounds so cool
uh sparkling yeah sparkling wine sounds i mean if you don't know what champagne is
champagne sounds bad yeah uh it's got pain in it yeah and sham yeah uh but and yet a sham wow sounds amazing That's true Sparkling water
Holy cow
That really dresses up a glass of water
It's true
I was at
I was at Subway
You know
Maybe a couple times this week
They have
You know SodaTron
Oh they do? You can
program your soda? Yeah, yeah.
Are you a hacker? You can hack your soda?
Yeah, I hacked it and I made a soda
they didn't even know.
It was a tit soda.
Okay, you're
on your own here. No, listen.
In this room, we respect women.
Well, no, no. I'm a hacker.
I have no gender.
Are you Black Hat Hacker? Yeah, no, no. I'm a hacker. I have no gender. Are you Black Hat Hacker?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I asked just for like a glass for water, and I thought it was my only option was just plain water.
Also soda water.
Woo.
That's.
That's pretty good.
To me, that's like.
In the SodaTron.
In the SodaTron.
In the SodaTron.
You say water, please.
Yeah.
You have to speak in a soda voice.
Make with the. Robot voice. You have to speak in a soda voice. Make with the robot voice.
You call it H2O.
That's the only way it recognizes.
Dispensing H2O now.
Cannot dispense love.
No, yeah.
Robots will feel love before they figure out H2O.
Because they're not given to water.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. But you can fall in love with them. And they're not given to water these. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
But you can fall in love with them.
And they can fall in love with each other, I assume.
I don't know anything about robots.
Have you seen Westworld?
No.
Do they fall in love?
They fall in love with each other.
But mostly they're good for having sex with.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's where it starts.
Now, Megs. This is the end of the show right so this is a good time if you got
projects you want to plug you've got a book or two you don't want to even talk about the books
so let's pretend it doesn't exist that's just all i talk about uh you wrote a book which is that's
it that's andrew i wrote two books oh doesn't want that's a... And drew a book. I wrote two books.
Oh, doesn't want to talk about it all of a sudden.
Can't stop talking about it.
Okay, book number, let me just promote these for you.
Book number one.
It's about photo booths called Photo Booth Book by Megs.
Yeah, that's right.
Book number two, Long Red Hair by Megs.
Two languages, go.
Yeah.
Yeah, done.
Other things to promote.
You should really check out my Instagram account.
You're going to see a lot of great pictures.
A lot of abs.
A lot of abs.
A lot of abs.
I'm shameless.
Um, uh, yeah, I'd like to say I'm humble about it, but I'm clearly not.
What is your Instagram account?
Megs Fitzgerald.
Uh, that's it.
Just Megs Fitzgerald.
But, uh, Megs is spelled in a bit of a funny way.
It's spelled M-E-A-G-S.
And I'm on Twitter.
You know,
it's not a funny way because you invented it.
Yeah.
No one else has that name.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh,
yeah.
Meg Fitzgerald on there.
Instagram,
Twitter,
uh,
Facebook.
Uh,
I also have a professional page.
You can follow bigger posts that I post on there.
And the names of the books are, the real names are.
Photobooth of Biography is the first one.
And the second one really is Long Red Hair.
Long Red Hair.
Yeah.
And if you can only read a graphic novel in French, guess what?
Yeah.
L'Anche Verue.
Yeah.
Your time has arrived.
Photobooth of Memoirs.
And you know what?
I'm going to go home, set up some sort of mantle.
That's what I'm going to do.
That's not what it was.
An altar.
Altar, yeah.
That's all right.
I'm going to set up a mantle.
Get a mantle.
Put an altar on.
Put a colander on.
I'm going to go home and set up a lectern.
What are you going to do from that?
You know, just sort of, you know, preach.
Oh, yeah, yeah, preach.
I'm saying that to you all the time.
Yeah.
And thank you very much for being here again.
Thanks so much for having me and letting me spill water all over you.
Well, that wasn't part of the original deal.
Yeah, I didn't let you.
Yeah.
There's no consent.
You kind of renegotiated it.
Thanks for letting me punch you in the face.
What?
I didn't expect that.
And you out there listening, if you like the podcast, you should head over to MaximumFun.org.
Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this here podcast.
Some hell-less hockey players.
Oh, yeah.
Doug McFlunston.
Doug Wilson.
Dirk.
No Dirk.
No Dirk.
Doug.
Dogman. An old old Dugs and Dirks
I was in the
Glenn
Lincoln
Um
Spark
Parkland
We can put pictures
Of your hot sisters
Sure
Sure
My eldest sister
Would love that
Just send me some
Okay
Yeah
And uh
Uh
You know what
This has been a lot of fun.
And if you want to have more fun, listen to another episode of this podcast.
And you know what?
If you like the podcast, tell some of your friends.
And you know what?
Come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Bye.
Bye. MaximumFun.org
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