Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 480 - Meags Fitzgerald

Episode Date: May 29, 2017

Improviser and graphic novelist Meags Fitzgerald joins us to talk trapeze stuff, glue masks, and pedicures....

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 480 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who there ain't no valley wide enough. There ain't no river wide enough. There ain't no mountain wide enough to keep me from him, Mr. Dave Shum. You have no problem with width. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Yeah. Height, though. Yikes. So what's it really? Ain't no mountain high enough. Oh, boy. That was height. Ain't no valley low enough.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Ain't no river wide enough. Yeah. What about a deep river? Boo. I guess you wouldn't need, you'd stay, you stayed towards the top of the river, regardless of depth. Yeah. And also.
Starting point is 00:01:03 The moment you get down in that low, the low part of the river. Ooh of depth. Yeah, and also. The moment you get down in the low part of the river, ooh, you're already dead. Yeah. Newsflash, you're already dead. And we live in Canada where there's beavers on the river, walk across the top of a dam. Ta-da! Ta-da.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Anyways, that's the end of the show. Our guest today, first time guest on the podcast. She is an improviser. She is an illustrator. She is a graphic novelist and some sort of trapeze artist. Megs Fitzgerald is our guest. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Thanks for having me. Hi, Megs. I'm too excited, Dave. Hi. Should we get to know us? Yeah Yeah So Megs You were just doing
Starting point is 00:01:54 An improv festival Yeah that's right Where was that? In Victoria British Columbia What's that like? It was beautiful Everything was in bloom
Starting point is 00:02:02 And like I got off the airplane And it was just The smell of flowers in the air. And flowers at the airport. They give you like a, like a lei. Yeah. It was confusing. I thought I was in Hawaii, but it was just Victoria.
Starting point is 00:02:15 No, it was, it was so lovely. I live in Montreal and I think we have like nice air. And I live right beside the base of the mountain, Mount Royal. Ooh. Isn't that like a fancy? That's a fancy part of Montreal. Is that where Montreal gets its name? Mount Royal?
Starting point is 00:02:31 What? We all knew that. We're playing dumb. But you know what? This is a little bit of Canadian history. Everyone knows. Is it happening out there? Is it blooming?
Starting point is 00:02:42 Well, no. There's just not like the trees don't have flowers on them. Ever? Very different. Rarely, very rare. So. What do you got out there?
Starting point is 00:02:50 Leaves? Yeah, mostly. You got leaves, you got grasses. You got fruit? No, you don't got fruit.
Starting point is 00:02:55 You, you, they don't have like just downtown cherry trees? No. Montreal? Cigarette trees? Yes, it's very Montreal.
Starting point is 00:03:02 Yeah. Wine trees. Wine trees. Um, and, uh, how long have you been living in the montreal four years four years and my four-year anniversary on april 13th okay what are you gonna do or what did you do i guess i don't know smooch the city a whole bunch no i wrote like i did write like a sentimental facebook post about how much I love the city and I'm going to live there for a long more time. Now, what is the sentiment on Facebook most of the time?
Starting point is 00:03:32 What's the major Facebook sentiment? Is it rage? I think it's either, help me, I'm sad. Help me, I need to find a thing. No joke answers, please. Yeah. That seems to be the major yeah yeah and uh you know i find
Starting point is 00:03:49 like a lot of posts about like because i'm facebook friends with people i don't i don't know like real life oh okay and so then i'll see a thing that'll be like she said yes and i'll be like who is this yeah whenever something like that shows up like i'm i just should unfollow you yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm in too deep with this person i'm happy to stay your friend but i cannot know about your life anymore um how many likes did your post get oh i think lots yeah probably more than 100 what on facebook yeah i got a lot of friends well so do i but people don't like my Facebook status. See, the trick to getting lots of likes is putting a lot of emotion in your posts.
Starting point is 00:04:28 Because people are like, oh, this is not just me. Now, what is the major emotion on a fake? Oh, sorry. Did we do that? Yeah. 100 likes. Jeez Louise. I guess you'd have to really spill your guts.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Yeah. To get 100. Yeah. So, like, what? It's a post with a story arc you know she didn't know where she wanted to live before she found this place she found herself oh did you find yourself in montreal i think so yeah oh that's weird yeah it's a real coming of age but like what were you doing there before you got there well i lived in six cities before i moved
Starting point is 00:05:03 to montreal and i spent two years traveling. So I like really was a floater. So I think people are really excited that I settled down. Oh, that you settled down. Yeah. Even for their own peace of mind. When you were one of these people, you grew up, as soon as you could get out of the house, you just hit the road. When I was like starting at 14, I was saving my babysitting money and buying dish sets at Ikea.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Because I was like, one day I'm going to move out and I need to have a dish set. Oh, boy, that is advanced thinking. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, at 14, I think I still would have packed a lava lamp. Yeah, yeah. You know, in my one suitcase. Yeah. Well, the suitcase doubles as a chair.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Yeah. I'll need a knife. I'll need a lava lamp. Better bring a change of shirt. I mean, I like this Mr. T one a lot, but. And so is the second you could, you out the door? Pretty much, yeah. Graduated high school, moved away.
Starting point is 00:05:58 Moved to Calgary. Moved to Calgary. And what did you do in Calgary? I went to art school. Did you go to SAIT? No, but I went to the art school that's kind of attached to SAIT. ACAD. Oh, ACAD.
Starting point is 00:06:10 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alberta College of Art and Design. And with any idea in mind of what was to be? I just wanted to be an artist, which now I am a professional artist. And what did you do when that dream died? Yeah. Well, there were a lot of crises along the way. Crises?
Starting point is 00:06:26 Yeah, crises. That's my sign, actually. Are you a crisis? I'm a crisis, yeah. I can tell. The smugness. I'm always pulling my hair out. So, let's talk more about your trapeze art.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Sure. What is that? So, full disclosure to our listeners you are a guest who was suggested by another past guest yes we have not met you before but then we immediately went to your uh social media and we're like huh she seems to do that uh thing that pink does yeah i uh googled uh megan Fitzgerald. That's a fitness coach from Chicago. Is that you? No. And I was like, this is a weird suggestion, but I'm on board.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Maybe she's great. I don't know. But then I saw that you do your training. Are you going to run away with the circus? That's literally what I'm doing. Yeah, I do aerial arts. Aerial arts. Stuff in the circus that is in the air. That's all what I'm doing. Yeah, I do aerial arts. Aerial arts, explain.
Starting point is 00:07:25 So stuff in the circus that is in the air. That's all aerial arts. Yeah. So you don't do it just like as a means of staying fit. You do it to perform? I am an amateur with aspirations of performing. So I'm training to perform, and I train like three to five times a week. So like more than a person who like really likes tennis. Now Montreal is a circus place it is yeah it's the best city in the world to do what i
Starting point is 00:07:49 do is it yeah yes what about like prague ooh one day i'll do a show in prague i always just picture like a training play being out in the you know in a desert that seems like a place that a circus know in a desert that seems like a place that a circus would end up or um some small town that doesn't want them there or that guy from the man on wire who just seemed to train in a field in france all day long have you thought about that um these are great suggestions yeah i appreciate them very much i do have i do have a pretty strict training regime set up. So take us through it. What's the regime? And we'll compare our training regime. Sure, sure.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Well, I do a lot of ab and core work, so a lot of conditioning. Okay, I don't do any of that. Wait, wait, conditioning. I do a lot of that. Yeah, you've got luscious locks. I do four times a week I condition, yeah. Yeah, I'll condition every day. Sometimes I'll skip over
Starting point is 00:08:47 shampoo, just go straight to conditioning. I do a lot of core work, too. It's one part of the apple I never eat. Yeah, yeah. Always considering the core. That's a joke for children. Yeah. So what is that?
Starting point is 00:09:03 Because, pretend I'm a guy who's never worked on his car. It take me through. How do you work a car? Lots of like V sits. Like flat on the ground. Pretend I don't know. But you know the alphabet, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Okay. So your butt is the bottom, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so your butt is the bottom, right? Yeah. Right. And then you just hold it? You go back and forth like you're a fan opening your body, pinching at the waist. And how long do you do that for? Yeah, and Dave is trying it right now.
Starting point is 00:09:36 But I'm in a chair. I do lots of reps, so I'll do that for maybe a minute, and then I'll switch to another core exercise to use different muscles and then switch back. And you do a minute a day. Is that right? That's what I do. For core stuff, probably like 20 minutes a day. 20 minutes a day. For the core.
Starting point is 00:09:55 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So is everything in the aerial world, is it all core?
Starting point is 00:10:01 It's pretty much core. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. Hardcore. It's hardcore. Oh God. Well well you know what
Starting point is 00:10:06 he went apple core you went hardcore we're all in the same place we're all having fun now do you think the earth is in so much trouble right now because it doesn't work on its core yeah yeah or maybe it's us it's hard to say we'll see oh yeah we'll find out in the end yeah um what uh because i mean i think think I always kind of thought of joining the circus. Yeah. But I never did any of the work.
Starting point is 00:10:30 Just in an imaginary sense. I feel like the animals have such an easy time with the circus. No. Well, like they don't need to work on their core.
Starting point is 00:10:39 No. Yeah, they got another way of a hard time. No, no. The life of a circus animal. That's the life for me.
Starting point is 00:10:49 What led you to wanting to be circus folk? Well, I used to do acrobatics. I did gymnastics as a kid. Acrobatics is the most natural extension of floor gymnastics. Okay. Is that parallel bars? No, you're on the ground, you're doing like tumbling and flips and
Starting point is 00:11:08 of all sorts of things. So I used to do acrobatics, but I was always injured because you're like landing really hard on things and twisting things and pulling things. Can you do a flip? Yeah. Okay, let's move the table. I got to correct you though, because when people say a flip, a flip means nothing.
Starting point is 00:11:24 Well, it means a lot to me. Yeah, sure. Yeah. This is Graham's birthday. You forgot to do a flip for him. Because what people say when they say flip, they either mean front handspring or front tuck. Those are different things. Okay.
Starting point is 00:11:35 But I can do those things. Okay. So you can do, is front tuck from standing position into a flip? Yeah, into a flip. Again, yeah. It's in a tuck and you roll. So this part of it, the thing I'm calling a flip, is a tuck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:50 What's a flip? Can you do an ollie? No. My expertise has not gotten into that realm yet. So is a flip not even a thing? I mean, flip is people, it's layman's terms for a front handspring or a front tuck. Oh, this isn't industry. That's why it's confusing, right, because it could mean two things.
Starting point is 00:12:10 Did you cheer in high school like I did? Did I cheer in high school? Actually, I have a funny story about how I didn't cheer in high school. Tell, okay, please. I was going to try out for my high school's cheerleading team and because I had a gymnastics background, I was like, I think I can get on this.
Starting point is 00:12:26 And it was like, it was a new school, grade nine. I was like thinking like, yeah, like this is my way to make friends. I'll join cheerleading. Yeah. And then I had made like one friend on the first day of school, this woman named Sydney. I'm going to say, this was a girl at the time. I don't need to call her a woman. A guidance counselor.
Starting point is 00:12:41 She was my one friend. No, so she was a girl at the time. We were both girls. And she was... A woman from the cafeteria. I'm going to make friends. I'll join the cheerleading team. So she wanted to try out for the improv team,
Starting point is 00:12:58 but she refused to try out by herself. And she was so sure she was going to make the team because she had done improv at a summer camp. And she's like, you should try out for the team. And really, Whose Line sure she was going to make the team because she had done like improv at a summer camp and she's like, you should try it for the team. And really like Whose Line Is It Anyway was my favorite show
Starting point is 00:13:08 but also it was 14 so don't judge me on that too much. And I was like, you know, I really want to try it for cheerleading. The improv practice or the improv audition
Starting point is 00:13:16 was at the same time as the cheerleading audition. And Sydney was like, well, if you want to be friends with me, you have to come to the improv audition. And I needed this one friend real bad.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Wait a minute. Yeah. You wanted, the story started with, you wanted to make friends by trying out for cheerleading. Yeah. But you decided to keep your one manipulative friend. Yes. And then get no more friends.
Starting point is 00:13:43 So we both auditioned. I was not nervous at all because I, like I didn't care about getting on the improv team. I just assumed I wouldn't. Oh, I know how this story is. And then guess what? Sydney didn't get on. And I did. I was the only ninth grader on the team.
Starting point is 00:13:56 And so was that the big rift that was the end of your and Sydney's short-term friendship? She and I continued to hang out for a while but she yeah she turned out to be a real bully and did a lot of shoplifting so oh really yeah we kind of parted ways
Starting point is 00:14:09 where is she now she lives here actually I hope she's not listening I hope she is oh well yeah no this only broadcasts if she's here Dave open the door
Starting point is 00:14:16 ladies and gentlemen Sydney Sydney from high school but I do I do owe her a huge thank you you know if it wasn't for her
Starting point is 00:14:24 I wouldn't have done improv and that's been like my whole life, so. I wonder who she would thank. Yeah. You owe her a big thank you. Who does she owe a big thank you to? The woman at the Gap that caught her shoplifting. Oh, set her on the straight path. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Yeah. So you never, you did improv instead of, you never did any cheerleading? No. Thank God. My school didn't, I lied before. My school didn't have cheerleaders. No? You couldn't even just freestyle if you were at a game?
Starting point is 00:14:52 You know, really get everybody's spirits up? Yeah, okay. I guess I could have freestyled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Burr. It's cold in here. If someone should readjust the thermostat. Yeah. Yeah. But my high school
Starting point is 00:15:07 I went to an arts high school So we like seriously had a cheerleading team We had four different teams for four different kinds of cheer But only one time to audition Yeah But no they traveled internationally and competed And like won all these competitions And we had a teacher at our school whose only job was to coach cheerleading
Starting point is 00:15:23 Oh geez Yeah and she was also the Edmerton eskimos uh like the football like cheerleading coach too uh so now did you have any sports teams at this arts high school in a really sad way in a really sad way yeah no the cheerleaders just existed for themselves yeah oh they didn't like there was no sports to cheer on now see i feel like that much like the flip and the tuck conversation if you're not leading a cheer you shouldn't be called cheerleading you should be called a freestyle yeah and shouting yeah freestyle pyramid artist yeah um is that i guess that's what they do right i've seen them on espn doing just cheers for nobody
Starting point is 00:16:06 yeah yeah they don't do that as sort of human pyramid that that like you would try to do now where everyone gets on their hands no no no and it's all standing flipping and standing well i mean they're they're tucking yes thank you thank. Handspring. Yeah, sure. Round off. Now, is there, I'm assuming there's some sort of school you're going to to learn this. It's not just a French cat in a park. And it's not just every, I think every Montreal gym just has trapeze stuff. Yeah, trapeze bar in the corner. That's actually not that far off the truth. Um, that's actually not that far off the truth, but, uh, yeah, I trained at a few different like recreational amateurish circus schools in Montreal where professionals also train.
Starting point is 00:16:56 It's kind of, yeah, it's kind of a munchpunch, but there's the thing is there's like actually selection. So I can train at like four places. Really? What's the equivalent here? Yoga? Like there's so many places. Yeah. Yoga.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Like I couldn't think that there would be more than one place that had trapezes here maybe bartitsu yeah maybe i feel for a while maybe uh what do you call it bar like stripper bar oh yeah pole's considered an aerial arts as well it is yeah it's a close cousin but it's on the ground i know but it's a lot of the same muscles that you use so it's just muscle muscle based yeah yeah it's all core so it's from use your muscles and point your toes yeah that's the rule oh yeah yeah is that the golden rule yeah all right we don't have to be we don't have to treat people like we'd like to be treated but as long as we point our toes oh i can I can do that. Yeah. I think I might be an aerial artist. And then, so it's not just trapeze swinging back and forth.
Starting point is 00:17:50 You also do the silks. Yeah. That one seems like the scariest one because it's just a thing of silk. It's less scary because if you fall, you can catch yourself as you fall. Whereas if you do trapeze and you fall, you fall. Right. Is it like if you die in your dreams, you die in real as you fall. Whereas if you do trapeze and you fall, you fall. Right. Is it like if you die in your dreams, you die in real life.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Also, it puts a lot of stress on you as you're falling to be like, oh, this is all your fault, man. Yeah. Like you could be stopping this. You're like,
Starting point is 00:18:19 at least with the silks, if you fall, like you can say, I meant to do that. Cause I, I caught it. And so like Like With stuff like that
Starting point is 00:18:28 I assume that When you're starting out It's all terror All the time Yeah There's a lot of terror moments But you also They start you out so gently
Starting point is 00:18:37 That you feel really accomplished They just give you a silk shirt To wear around Yeah You just touch yourself And you're like Oh yeah I'm getting used to this
Starting point is 00:18:44 Yeah this is good. This is nice. With silks, it's tricky because you have to be really good at tying knots, which is like never something I was good at. Because you're constantly like tying different configurations of knots around your body so that they'll unravel in a certain way, but then catch you when you drop. Oh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:00 So I do go home and have like long pieces of silk just to practice my knots. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't know that I of silk just to practice my knots. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that I know any. Well, Windsor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Yeah, sure. Poor in hand. Oh, Graham hanged himself. Yeah. Well, Windsor's good because it's a real silk knot. That's a real good silk knot, but it doesn't, this unraveling part is the part that I can't get my head around. So it's sort of nautical.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I bet if you were like a lifetime long sailor, your skills would be transferable. Huh. Well, that does explain a lot of where, you know, our retired Navy does end up in the circus.
Starting point is 00:19:42 I never put that together. Why? Yeah. Now, they get shot out of cannons, that's also something. They know how to load it properly. And that's why they always sell fish at the circus. And crab. That would be very difficult.
Starting point is 00:20:03 To sell fish in a circus? Yeah, well, I know. Wait, you feel like people are already hungry? Well, no, if it's part of the culture. There's no reason people eat popcorn, except that it's already been established that we eat popcorn at the circus. Yeah. But now, the thing, did you go to the circus when you were a kid no not really yeah so it's it feels like it was on the decline and then but before Cirque du
Starting point is 00:20:35 Soleil started so that would have been when you well I guess Cirque du Soleil existed when you were growing yeah but definitely wasn't as popular as it is now right you know so there was a period of time when it was like how did anybody get involved in the circus? Yeah. You're born into it, right? And that's like circus families are a real thing because you have to, like professionals train. The Walendas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Eight hours a day, right? So they like, if your parents are training, then as soon as you can walk, they're going to like teach you how to do a handstand. Right. Teach you how to juggle. So you just get born into it. and then probably those teenagers are like my parents give me no other skill set so this is my only career path well there we go grab that towel there buddy this is uh uh for the home listener Meg's has
Starting point is 00:21:25 In some of her classic Italian Gesticulating She has In all the skill and poise that I have as a circus artist With all the control of my body Oh boy if only that glass of water had some silk To catch it on it's way down I think we're gonna be fine guys
Starting point is 00:21:42 Yeah we're fine I did knock over a full glass of water, but it didn't touch any electronics. Oh, no. Yeah, no. We have a system here. Yeah, yeah. I would have dove in front of it. And then you would have seen some real aerial work.
Starting point is 00:21:55 Well, it's been wonderful meeting you, Megs. And we'd love to have you back. No big deal. Everyone be cool Yep Oh good Oh guys Am I going to win This wet t-shirt contest
Starting point is 00:22:10 Or what Is that an aerial art Wet t-shirt contest That's more related To pole dancing Oh sure Yeah yeah yeah But it's all about core
Starting point is 00:22:20 It's all about your core It really is What is Now are kegels Core exercises No Oh darn it You've been is it? Now, are kegels core exercises? No. Oh, darn it. You've been wasting your time working on those kegels.
Starting point is 00:22:29 I'm wasting my time. I can knit while I do them. Yeah. Now, surely a set of parents that are circus folk, they're happy that their kid's getting into the circus. Oh, sure. How about your folks? Are they circus adjacent? No, but I've,
Starting point is 00:22:46 I, this winter holiday made my whole family, they were so thrilled about this. I made my whole family take a recreational circus class. Oh! Yeah, for fun.
Starting point is 00:22:56 That's kind of a fun, I mean, unless it wasn't. It was. Was it fun? It was terrifying for everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So,
Starting point is 00:23:04 I'm glad they did it and it meant a lot to me. But also, I wouldn't recommend you tell your families to do that. Like, that's not a good idea for a bachelor party? No. Let's get wasted and go tumble? Yeah. Yeah, no, like, people kind of had fun, but then everyone was sore for, like, four days after.
Starting point is 00:23:22 Not you, though. So it ruined a big chunk of the holiday. Not me. But everyone else. But I guess it ruined a big chunk of the holiday. Not me, but everyone else. But I guess it's no different than people going skiing. Like you end up hurting after a day of that. That's true. Now, here's the other thing that I noticed when I looked at the Instagram.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Notice that you did the aerial work. Yeah. I knew that was the term at the time. I'm not just repeating it back as I learned it here. But also, in addition to working on the car, there's some pictures of your abs. You got abs. Thanks. Jeez, Craig.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Rude. Rude. No, no, no. It's on there. People want to be acknowledged for their abs. If I had them, Dave, I wouldn't be wearing a shirt right now. And I'd be scrubbing stuff on them. But you also get very calloused hands from doing this.
Starting point is 00:24:06 It's pretty tricky. And so I've noticed mostly with the guys in show business, very soft hands. I know I have liquidy soft hands. Oh, yeah. Do you notice that when you're shaking show business hands that you're like a gruff? That you've got a worker's hand? So when I go to shake a hand, the other person just raises their eyebrows and I'm like, I don't kick that.
Starting point is 00:24:28 Would you say you have the most kind of work in the hands of any of the comedians, you know? Sure. You know, I'm not doing like a lot of palm reading or intimate hand holding. I thought you were doing circus work. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I touched, like I shook your hand. I didn't feel, yeah. I don't think I touched. Oh, like I shook your hand. I didn't feel. No, I didn't feel it either.
Starting point is 00:24:47 I was hoping for a real, you know, trucker hand. Yeah. But not. What are the, like a drummer? Drummers get calloused hands. You know, but, you know, something that somebody does a lot of stuff with rope, I assume, gets very calloused hands. Yeah, a fisher man. A fisher man. Some sort of. Yeah. Fisher man. Yeah. Fisher man.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Some sort of cow man. Cow man. Yeah. You know, any kind of. Rope factory worker. Yeah, rope. Thank you. You know, assistant manager at rope factory.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Yeah. CNC rope factory. I don't know. Chain. Any kind of thing where you hold a chain. Oh, boy. Well, you got to glove it up with chains. Yeah, yeah. CNC rope factory I don't know Chain Any kind of thing Where you hold chains Oh boy Well you gotta glove it up
Starting point is 00:25:28 With chains Yeah yeah But you can't wear gloves When you're doing this stuff This has gotta be No You need the calluses Yeah
Starting point is 00:25:33 That's what helps you Yeah Yeah yeah So do you aspire to one day Like full time Be a circus folk Yeah Ultimate job
Starting point is 00:25:40 Dream job Well so Blue sky Here we go The thing is I have my dream job. So I'm really lucky. So quit everything else.
Starting point is 00:25:48 You'll never work a day in your life. Yeah. So I write and draw comics all day, which is really nice and very privileged and a very like Montreal thing to do. I spend half the time doing comics and the other half time doing circus. How do I make it work? How do I make time to smoke? How do I make it work? How do I make time to smoke?
Starting point is 00:26:12 So my aspirations are to get good enough at circus that I can perform on a semi-regular basis. But I don't ever want it to take over my whole life. No? Right. You don't want to tour with the circus? I would tour for like six months. Oh, just for half a year. Yeah. Half the year circus, the other half of the year comic book.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Yeah. And so you say that you're an illustrator and a graphic novelist. Yeah. Are these true to life stories? Yeah, I write. I don't write fiction usually, sometimes just for like fun, short stuff. But I mostly write either about my own life, memoir stuff, or oh okay yeah what's your favorite era oh um we'll all go around yeah yeah okay well if i had to pick a favorite era i'll say
Starting point is 00:26:58 there's so many good areas okay graham, Graham goes first. You know, cowboy. Cowboy era. Yeah, the cowboy era. Sure. Sure, mine's like, yeah, so you're Back to the Future 3. I'm Back to the Future 1. That's my era. 55. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:12 All right, well, I was going to say 1920s. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the nice outfits of the 20s. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Free the women of the corset, you know? It's a big thing. Oh, is that what was up with that?. For sure. Yeah. Free the women of the corset. You know? It's a big thing.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Oh, is that what was up with that? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then, huh. Is that? Yeah. Okay, you got your flappers. Yep.
Starting point is 00:27:34 Right, your flappers. Your Gatsby's. Oh, his shirts. Oh, the shirts. You know. Who else? Gangsters? No, they came later. Oh, there were some gangsters. No, they came later.
Starting point is 00:27:45 There's some gangsters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The prohibition era. People were like trying to smuggle alcohol. Yeah. Speakeasies.
Starting point is 00:27:52 Speakeasies. Yeah. Nucky. Nucky. Spats. Nucky was there. I feel like cigarette holders. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:27:59 People in good era. Yeah. Good era. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You nailed it. My era is probably pretty smelly. Yeah. As it goes. Everyone would have Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you nailed it. My era is probably pretty smelly.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Yeah. As it goes. For sure. Everyone would have had bad teeth. Yeah. But you know what? Murder was a real, everybody had a chance. Everybody had a chance to be a murderer in the old way.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Yeah, you could get away with it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you said, you know, he shot my pa. Uh-huh. He had it coming. Uh-huh. I staked my claim and said, you know, he shot my pa, he had it coming. I staked my claim and he, you know. Yeah, I was reconnoitering the ridge. And like, yeah, like the Old West is kind of like the early days of the internet.
Starting point is 00:28:37 I don't know if anyone's made that analogy, but there were no rules. And old man Al Gore, he invented the Old West. They say his ghost still rides on that information superhighway. Oh, it's very well put together. A little chunk there. How many graphic novels have you written? Two. And how many have you read?
Starting point is 00:29:03 Oh, 200. Oh, wow. Probably more. Probably more than that. What's your fave? Favorite era? Favorite graphic novel? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:11 Well, Serious Answer, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel. It's been recently, not recently, two years ago, it's turned into a musical on Broadway. Won a bunch of Tonys.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Cool. It's really good. I just recommend it. All right. I put that out there. Yeah. I never heard of it. So there you go.
Starting point is 00:29:24 You've heard of it. Have I heard of it? You've heard of the Be there. Yeah. I never heard of it, so there you go. You've heard of it. Have I heard of it? You've heard of the Bechdel test? I've heard of that, but I haven't heard of that graphic novel. Yeah, check it out. And what happens, like you write a graphic novel, then you go on a book tour? Mm-hmm. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:29:39 Yeah. Is that fun? It is fun. So I'm in the middle of book tour stuff right now. That's what you're doing now. Kind of. Your publicist is really dropping. No, I'm flying to Ottawa right after this for some stuff and then to Toronto right after that.
Starting point is 00:29:55 And the name of the graphic novel is? My second book is called Long Red Hair and it just came out in French. So I'm also touring it for French. Oh, okay. Yeah. And what's it called in french uh long cheveux yeah there you go there you go does that check dave yeah and is this uh because you you have red hair but not long red hair no not anymore was what's your favorite era of red hair yeah yeah oh yeah. Oh, gotta be like Anna Green Gable. Oh, for me, it's the 80s. Okay, sure, sure.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Yeah, those are both good. Anything involving Cynthia Nixon is my favorite. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. She's in some new movie, isn't she? I feel like she's in some new movie that I saw an ad for. And you're here promoting that? Yeah, yeah, you bet.
Starting point is 00:30:43 What is it about? I have not read this graphic. Is it too heavy? No, it's just... That's all I talk about on BookTour. Imagine that this is a BookTour show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can practice for a real interview.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Yeah. It's going to get so awkward and heavy in the room when I tell you guys. It'll be more awkward than when I spilled this glass of water. That was not awkward. That was the highlight so far. That was my favorite era of history 10 minutes ago. It's a queer coming of age story about my life as it entwines with references to witchcraft in popular culture and in history. Witchcraft?
Starting point is 00:31:23 Mm-hmm. Is that something you were drawn to as a youth? Yeah. I feel like that was a real, maybe it's not now that the internet exists. You said this was going to be heavy and I feel like maybe we were not treating it with the heaviness. No, no, no. But like, we're going to be like, do you like the craft?
Starting point is 00:31:43 Yeah. I mean, that's where I was going. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's where I was going. Yeah. Because as soon as you said witchcraft, I was off to the races. Did you do any spells? Yes, I did. I mean, how effective they are is still yet to be determined. Potions?
Starting point is 00:32:00 Yeah, I would make potions out of my mom's perfume and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, not for drinking. Just for going out on the... Just for having my magic. At what age were you a potioner? Probably pre-teen. Sure.
Starting point is 00:32:15 I was a late bloomer, so I stuck around with a lot of these interests well past... But, no, teenagers are Ouija board kids. Yeah, I feel like teen is exactly when you should be going through your witch and warlock phases and then but because their society has decided that you can stay a teenager forever uh now people are you saying yeah exactly people are witches and warlocks well into their uh their 40s and 50s um do you do uh like you ever look back on that and think oh i miss i miss my witching times or i still do pretty witchy stuff like what what so yeah go oh like uh yeah this isn't vulnerable at all um no i have i have like an altar in my bedroom. Oh. So I like will do little ceremonies and stuff like that, light some candles.
Starting point is 00:33:11 You burn bundles of herbs. I have a little colander. It's like made of cast iron. And like, oh, God. You mean like in the church style? No, it's more like if you imagine a giant cartoony old-timey witch had a cauldron where she was like Eye of Newt and Leg of Hoth. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:35 That but miniature. Did you say cauldron or colander? Well, you said colander at the beginning, and that's why I was picturing. Yeah, I'm a very legit witch, guys. I drain spaghetti in my bedroom. I mean, I saved some chance over it, but I'm glad you caught that.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Yeah, I caught it with the spirit of ragu. Speak to me, Chef Boyardee. Yeah, it's deep stuff. It's my religion, so please don't make fun of me. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Oh, boy. Are you a Wiccan? Are you a registered Wiccan?
Starting point is 00:34:09 I'm not. My mom is a practicing witch. Is that right? Yeah. My parents are pagan, and we do all these sort of voodoo-y, it's not voodoo, but witch rolls. Like, we don't celebrate Christmas. We celebrate the winter solstice.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Aren't we all a little bit pagan, though? I think so. Yeah. Like Easter bunny. Yeah, wasn't the tree, isn't the tree the big, that all a little bit pagan though? I think so. Yeah. Like Easter bunny. Yeah. Wasn't the tree, isn't the tree the big, that's a pagan thing, right? Yeah, for sure. So you still did tree?
Starting point is 00:34:30 Yeah. We still did tree. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. So I guess basically that's what I would celebrate at Christmas. Yeah. You like the tree.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Yeah. I like the tree. I like pine, the scent of pine. What else? What else goes in on a pagan? Staying up really late. Oh, sure. I love that.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Because you're celebrating that it's the shortest day of the year and that the sun's going to start to return again. So you stay up late. Do you drink? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, this is all the things that I like. Yeah. All wrapped up in one perfect little holiday.
Starting point is 00:34:59 Yeah. What do you call it? What's it called? Winter solstice. Winter solstice. Yeah. All right. Huh.
Starting point is 00:35:06 Well, I don't think I've ever met anybody whose parents are involved in that. Yeah. My parents are, like, for years when other people's parents were probably going to, like, I don't know, whatever they do at the Christian churches. Speaking tongues. Stuff like that. Yeah. As a hand of snakes. No, but there's,'s like a baby Jesus pageant
Starting point is 00:35:25 yeah there's a crash and they do like a you know whatever those are called scenes oh yeah yeah nativity
Starting point is 00:35:32 nativity scenes no they do a passion play yeah that's right is that where they get the kid they throw jam all over him yeah well our
Starting point is 00:35:39 my parents their church instead do like like my dad would dress up as the sun king, like the sun returning and like walk in a spiral. In the middle, there was a symbolic fire. What does the sun king look like? He got a beard?
Starting point is 00:35:53 He wears a long gold cloak and he's got a mask of a sun. I saw a true detective scene in season one. Oh, is sun king in that? Is he the yellow king? I don't know. I don't know. I'm saying a thing. Everyone's mad at me now.
Starting point is 00:36:06 But did he, does he wear a crown? No, it's a mask, a sun mask. All right. I'm learning. This is all, I'm unfamiliar with this whole world. That's why I came on to this show. Right. To teach you.
Starting point is 00:36:18 To talk about my books and to teach you. A little bit about. About, so far you've taught us about Ariel. You taught us about everything. Yeah. You taught us that, you know what? Not to cry far you've taught us about Ariel. You've taught us about everything. Yeah. You taught us that, you know what, not to cry over spilled water.
Starting point is 00:36:28 Uh-huh. I was about to. You thought that a lesson we needed to learn. No, this is all very fascinating. This is fascinating. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Now, this altar. Yeah. Just describe it. I don't know, I don't have a lot of altars in my life. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:51 You know, I feel like there's a lot of altars in my life yeah you know i feel like a lot of altars in catholicism right yeah you put a picture of mary and then maybe some candles and then an incense i feel like is it just a stick this is a post no no i mean like an altar it's like a it's like a little shelf maybe with doors on it. Does it have doors? No, like mine is kind of contained, most of the objects for it are contained in this ceramic dish that I painted that have hands on it. Okay. Yeah, really into hands. Okay. Oh, sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:20 So it's just, anyone can make an altar of anything. You could just say, I really like these dried flowers, or I like these bird feathers I found. All right. These rocks. And you just chill out with those objects and think about nice things. All right, cool. Yeah. So it's like a thing that you focus on?
Starting point is 00:37:36 Yeah, like I'll set intentions, and then you can write little wishes and then burn them in your colander. Yeah. Do you ever sage your room? I don't. Gwyneth sage your room? I don't. Gwyneth says it works. I don't like the smell of sage. Well, you could probably burn other things.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Yeah, I have burned other things. Newspapers. Yeah. Erasers. I did that a lot in high school. What were your big burnings as a child? Oh, bus shelter windows that had plexiglass with a lighter. Because I was never a smoker.
Starting point is 00:38:06 I never carried a lighter. I did all my burnings in the fireplace. I think I really liked burning things like newspaper was a very satisfying burn. Goes real fast. And then you can still see the text as it burns. It just switches from black on white to white on black. Also a really fun thing to burn. Doesn't smell good, but take it like unspooling a bit of cassette and then lighting that on fire and watching it go into the cassette.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Oh, sure. Real cool. I still sometimes burn the hair on my hands. Yeah, yeah. Like when I'm cooking. Yeah. And you really get a whiff of that. I don't have any.
Starting point is 00:38:47 Hairless hands. Oh. I know, look at that. I'm trying, now I'm just thinking of what I would put in an altar if I had one. I mean, I don't even have a couch at home, but, you know. I have a change dish that I think is kind of like an altar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm not too precious about my altar.
Starting point is 00:39:02 Sometimes it does, like, it's like, this is where my dirty socks are going to go today. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not too precious about my altar. Sometimes it does like, this is where my dirty socks are going to go today. Right. Yeah. And I sort of think about, you know, my intentions of what I'm going to do with this change. Parking meters. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:14 I should do something like that. Because right now my place is all just still, everything's in boxes. Yeah. I should pick an area and be like, this is where I'm going to put stuff I like. And everywhere else, garbage. Well, thank you for sharing.
Starting point is 00:39:36 Yeah. And you know what? I think you're going to be fine on your book tour. Yeah. Thanks for preparing me. Yeah. The way that you ducked
Starting point is 00:39:44 and weaved our question is exactly what an audience wants. Yeah, the midday CBC radio audience. Whoa, she's really ducking
Starting point is 00:39:53 this question. Yeah. Oh boy, she really went heavy with the witchcraft. Oh, Dave,
Starting point is 00:40:01 what's going on with you? Oh, guys, well, got the wettest jeans right now. Yeah, how come they never do that? They never do wet pants content. Always t-shirt.
Starting point is 00:40:16 No, they're dry. I'm just joking around. I'm sorry. It's fine. It's fine. Here's what's going on with me. Not a heck of a lot. Last night, Abby and I So there's this thing
Starting point is 00:40:28 We talked about A few weeks ago we did We put on those Korean paper masks Oh, you mean the For your For your skin For young making on your face Yeah
Starting point is 00:40:40 And we did that at our live show with John Doerr We put those on. Huge laughs. Huge laughs. Burn my face. Yeah. And we didn't leave them on long enough. Have you ever done this? No. Oh, you'd love it. You see a lot of mostly ladies.
Starting point is 00:40:58 You see them on Instagram. I've seen the pictures. Yeah. Looks very scary. Looks like somebody's been burned and they're in some sort of ward. Yeah, I believe I said it looked like a luchador mask made out of a blister. But the other thing I've been seeing a lot on Instagram is these charcoal masks that you put on. Right. That are just like, well, they're like a goop that you put on that are just like, well, they're like a goop that you put on your face and that are jet black.
Starting point is 00:41:31 Right. You put them on your face and they dry. You peel them off and they take all your blackheads out. Oh, yeah. Like those Biore pore strips. Yeah. Have you ever done those Biore pore strips? I have.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Yeah, I did one once. Yeah. Have you ever done those Biore pour strips? I have. Yeah, I did one once. Yeah. Do you like it? It wasn't nearly as satisfying as I wanted it to be. Right. I wanted to see so much
Starting point is 00:41:52 on that strip. Oh, I saw a lot when I did it in like high school at peak, like peak blackhead. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:00 That's where me and my dad used to go hiking every summer. Ain't no mountain high, you know. And, so, yeah, And that's where me and my dad used to go hiking. Ain't no mountain high enough. And so, yeah. And my problem with that was as soon as I pulled them off my pores, my pores just filled up again.
Starting point is 00:42:16 Yeah. I figured that everything that's going on, it's all there's some sort of purpose. You know what I mean? I feel like there's not a thing that your body's doing that's's some sort of purpose. You know what I mean? Like, you feel like there's not a thing that your body's doing that's just like extemporaneous. But, I would gladly just turn this podcast
Starting point is 00:42:32 into Dave Reviews Skin Products now and forever. Because it's, it's, it's, I don't think they do anything, but they're so much fun. Oh,
Starting point is 00:42:41 they're so much fun. A little makeover. Yeah. So, Abby and I got these charcoal things, this charcoal mud mask thing that you pull off. And before I put them on, I looked them up. So wait, do you have to, is this a thing that you have to, you just take it right out of the package or do you have to heat it?
Starting point is 00:43:02 No, you take it right out of the package. It comes in a little packet. Oh, it's like, okay. Yeah. And you squirt it out and you put it on. Right. And there's enough to cover your whole face. But Abby was like,
Starting point is 00:43:15 I'm just going to put it on my chin and my nose. And I should have done that as well because if you put it on your whole face, you look racist. Yeah. I did notice that when I was like, a lot of people posting these pictures. I'm like, you do know what this looks like, right? And I took a picture of us and I was like, can't post this.
Starting point is 00:43:35 This can be used against me later when I'm at the Friars Club. And it automatically goes to the cloud. Yeah. So I looked up these things. I looked them up online to see if they're, you know, what they are. And all the, like, expert opinions were, these are garbage. Like, don't use them. Use them once for fun.
Starting point is 00:43:57 But don't make them part of your regimen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, my regimen, every day I do 20 minutes of core work. 20 minutes? Yeah, that's why we got this core. Yeah. Because apparently these things are basically charcoal and glue. Well, yeah, that's what I always figured.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Do you have a skincare regimen? I just wash my face with a face cloth. Face cloth and soap, maybe? Yeah. A light cleanser. Now, because this is one thing that I've always wanted. Are you regularly wearing makeup? Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Because that's what I always think is probably the thing, is putting this makeup on your face every day. Probably very hard on the old skin. A skin arena, yeah. Yeah, so that's why there needs to be all this other stuff, right? Yeah, yeah. So it's like the industry's creating their own boogeyman, you know? Yeah, well, good for them.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Yeah. Yeah, that's business, man. Yeah, man. So I put this on. Yeah. And you wait 20 minutes, and your face gets very tight. Yeah. And then you pull it off, and no blackheads went with it.
Starting point is 00:45:06 And then you notice the next day it puts them in? Yeah. Well, because it's charcoal. But I, like,
Starting point is 00:45:13 it was fun. It was a fun thing to do. Did your skin feel nice and smooth after? Yeah, it always does. Well, but like,
Starting point is 00:45:19 it was the end of the day so I had stubble. Yeah. So, it's like, not going to take any blackheads. If I have blackheads, they're not as noticeable as the hair,
Starting point is 00:45:30 black hair growing out of my face. And then when you pull this off, does it come off all like one face piece? No. No, this comes off in like dribs and drabs? Yeah, like it dried in different amounts in different places. Of course you want it to come off in one face piece so you can hang it on your wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:47 That's what I was thinking. Yeah, and the wall of your child. The baby's bedroom. This is what I did last night. Yeah. Good morning. Oh, the boogeyman comes in the day, too. Oh, the boogeyman came last night
Starting point is 00:45:59 and he left this for you. And I put it in a glass case like a hockey jersey like an expensive sports jersey i won at an auction anyway sweet dreams um so that's me i did a uh or a face mask that's uh mud mask mud mask mask mask mask yeah That's Mud Mask. Mud Mask. Mask. Mask. Mask. Mask. Yeah. Jamie Kennedy's The Mask.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Oh, son of a mask. And next week? Yeah, next week, I'm going to Prince George for the debaters. And I'm debating, as is often the case, they give me a topic to debate where you wouldn't think that i would be the guy debating for the side that i'm debating uh-huh so i'm doing mani pedis and one of the the kind of condition not conditions but they one of the recommendations was you should go and get a mani pedi before the debate so i'm gonna go do that and uh i've done it once like a long time ago, but I kind of don't remember what. Because they knocked you out for it?
Starting point is 00:47:06 Yeah. I don't think I was sober. I kind of don't know what, like I know the broad strokes, but I kind of don't know what to expect. Have you mani-pedied? No. Never? Because I hate feet. Oh, you're one of those.
Starting point is 00:47:24 I'm one of those people who knocks over glasses of water and hates feet. You're very focused on hands. You love hands. I do love hands. The subject of my next book is about hands. Really? I really do love hands. Oh, they're hard to draw.
Starting point is 00:47:36 They're the best thing to draw because they're so hard and expressive. Yeah, but those feet. Ooh, you have a big toe. Little toe. Gross. Other little toe. Gross. You got to use two sizes of nail clipper yeah yeah i uh i never want anyone to touch my feet no i i don't particularly either and i don't like
Starting point is 00:47:55 the thing that i remember about it was that i don't like and it's the same with massages or whatever. I don't like feeling like you there. Oh, it is a like colonialism. Yeah, yeah. Like it does feel. There's a very icky feeling to that. And it's more, it's compounded by the fact that, you know, there's like other people there that don't feel that way at all. That people are like, I earned this. And you're like, this feels weird.
Starting point is 00:48:28 Yeah. Have you done a manicure? No. A profession? But I wouldn't be against it. Okay. All right. I just got like other things to spend my money on.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Sure. No, no. Yeah. But it's like one of these things that I feel like people will do. If they love it, they do it all the time. But it feels like a thing you should do once. Sure. It's a real gender role reversal.
Starting point is 00:48:49 Yeah. Yeah. We got a woman here who's got hands that get calloused. Yeah, yeah. And we're all getting our face masked. Dave, it's 20-something or other. I don't know. We record these pretty far in advance.
Starting point is 00:49:03 Yeah, it could be 20. Who knows by now? But yeah, so I'm going to get that done, but I'm not. When was it last done? Oh, this, I probably, it was like a decade ago. Can I see your hands? You already have very soft hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:19 The nails need work. Yeah, the nails aren't good. I can admit to that. But neither are mine. Let's see your nails. What do they do on a man's manicure? Man's manicure? Well, I know one of the big things
Starting point is 00:49:32 and I've done it at home and I think it's pretty cool is buffing the nails because then they get super shiny. That's fun. Will they put a clear coat on? I'm going to ask them to put colors on everything. Really? Your brightest colors I'm going to ask them to put colors on everything. Really? Your brightest colors I'm going to ask for. Like a rainbow?
Starting point is 00:49:47 Yeah, yeah. Rainbow, something neon. But not one color? Like different colors on different fingers? Maybe. It depends. I'd go for a sparkle. I'd go for a gel if they got some gels.
Starting point is 00:49:59 I don't want gels. Huh? Have you had gels? You want French tips? No. Yeah, French tips. Maybe I'll get French tips. Huh? Have you had gels? You want French tips? No. Yeah, French tips. Maybe I'll get French tips. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:50:10 Why no gel? Because I think you got to go back and they take them off like with a special chemical. Oh, no. They don't just like, you don't just take them off. And then you have to get new gels. It's like you're, it's like. Oh, yeah. It's like this whole makeup and face wash cycle.
Starting point is 00:50:24 Yeah. No, I just go home and scratch them off on bark like a deer does with the, you know, the velvet on their antlers. You scrape it against the tree and then your gels are gone and the tree's all pink. I think I learned a lot about deer. I also learned that, do you know that moose like shed their antlers every year? and then they grow back bigger depending on how old they are. So are there just antlers on the ground? Yeah, like predators eat them. What? Yeah, because they have blood vessels in them because they have this velvet on them when they first form.
Starting point is 00:51:03 That falls off. It looks super gory because it's all bleeding everywhere. And then the antlers, they bump them up against trees and stuff, and they just fall off. It's painless. It's like baby teeth. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Except every year. Imagine if you lost your teeth every year. Oh, boy. It'd be hard to date. Half a new set coming in. Yeah, you've got that awkward face for a couple months every year. Or you've got some adult teeth, some baby teeth that haven't fallen out yet. But, like, if you live with someone long enough, your teeth cycles kind of sync up.
Starting point is 00:51:41 So it's not, you go through it together. Oh, that is, I think it would be great actually yeah it would be pretty great because you would just be like for a month I just eat ice cream yeah
Starting point is 00:51:54 that's true oh you could eat all the forbidden foods and then you never have to see the dentist because it's like oh you know
Starting point is 00:52:02 you only get one set of these for your life ah ah um yeah so like to see the dentist because it's like, you only get one set of these for your life. Ah. Yeah, so like that's insane, right? That's the thing that happens? But yeah, if your teeth came in all gory, that would be pretty bad. Oh yeah, if they just started
Starting point is 00:52:18 spontaneously bleeding. You lost your tooth velvet. What? And what about your feet? You're going to get your pedi done? Yeah, I'm going to get the whole nine done. I'm going to get the... You only have nine toes?
Starting point is 00:52:33 I'm going to get all nine toes done. And that's combined. So, yeah, I just... I don't know. I'm worried about it. Because I don't like people touching my feet either, really. It's the social interaction that's the worst. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:50 I don't know. It's like, if it became okay, like if I read an article that was like, hey, men should start wearing foundation. I'd be like, yeah, okay, I'll do that. except i would feel awkward anytime i like if i like you know a bunch of you know abby's wife's oh wait no abby's other friends husbands right were there and they're like oh we don't wear foundation i'd be like oh no i forgot you're real men what that's how i would feel about getting my nails done what celebrity would you need to endorse wearing Men Foundation in order to get on board? I don't know why, but the first guy that I thought of was the lead singer of Blink-182. If I found out he was wearing Foundation, then I'd be like, fine.
Starting point is 00:53:38 They have two lead singers. Which one? Tom DeLonge. Oh, the alien one. Yeah, I don't know why, but I feel like if he's on board, I'm on board. For me, it would be Mark Hoppus. The other least secret fliquidity. I remember Kat Von D had her tattoo makeup, tattoo covering makeup.
Starting point is 00:54:01 And if I was a big face tattoo guy, that would be the one for me. And she, Kat Von D, is now like just regular old makeup. She's like a huge multi-billionaire dollar earning makeup lady. I have some Kat Von D lipstick. Yeah. People love her lipstick and eyeshadow, I feel like. Yeah. Well, do they have fun names, right?
Starting point is 00:54:27 I think so. I just went to Sephora and they sold me a bunch of stuff that I didn't go in there for. Also, what is Sephora? It's a makeup store. It's a giant makeup store. That's where I got our face masks. Oh, yeah. But, like, is there any, like, if I'm just a fella that wants to go to Sephora.
Starting point is 00:54:44 You'll be the only fella. I'll be the only fella in there, right? There's nothing, there's no. I think there's a lot of tag along boyfriends and also husbands looking for charcoal masks. No, when I went, I was the only one there and it was there, like the employees were all over me. They were like, oh, what you're looking for is over there. And by the time I walked over to that side of the store, another employee had been radioed about me.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Whoa. Oh, wow, really? Like, it was such an event. Mm-hmm. But isn't there anything, you know, like when you go to the dentist office or the bank or whatever, they got toys for kids, you know? Isn't there, like, a thing to give for the fellas? Yeah, there's a fish tank. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:27 Yeah. Anyway, so I'm going to do that. All right, when? Not this coming Monday, but the Monday after. All right. So will you have nice nails when you go do the show? Yeah, yeah. So that's the kind of, well, the big reveal is going to be like the fantastic toenails and the flip-flops, you know. Well, the big reveal is going to be like the fantastic toenails and the flip-flops, you know.
Starting point is 00:55:51 But it's really like, it's going to be difficult emotionally to go get this done. How long does it take, do you think? I don't know. I figure it's like a thing that's probably done in an hour. No, I think you're going to give yourself more time. Are you sure? My sister just did just a mani that took her like three hours. It was like a real big process. Wow. What's wrong with her hands? hours. It was like a real big process. Wow.
Starting point is 00:56:05 What's wrong with her hands? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lobster claws. It didn't know where to paint. It was just confusing. And they're like, do we heat these up until they're red? To the wrist. Is that screaming or just air escaping?
Starting point is 00:56:23 I am three hours like I feel like it should be longer than a haircut it's because she went to a place that just opened and like no one knew what they were doing yet
Starting point is 00:56:32 and they kept fumbling and like getting the wrong color and having to go back and then anyway it was a whole bit ordeal there's like also things that people do
Starting point is 00:56:41 that are like it's like a spa yeah they can soak them yeah and you saw like I'm just going in for a wham bam polish them ma'am Things that people do that are like, it's like a spa. Yeah, they can soak them. Yeah. And you saw, like, I'm just going in for a wham, bam, polish them, ma'am. But yeah, I don't, three hours? No, that can't be right. I think for your toes and fingers, I'd give yourself like a good two, three hours.
Starting point is 00:56:58 You thinking Prince George? I think. Are you doing it there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to get some, I want to show off what you made your appointment yet. No, I guess I should do that, eh? I should do that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:09 They're not going to be booked up on a Tuesday during the day. Maybe. Yeah, I should probably call it. But I don't even know. I don't know what to look for in a spa, salon, saloon, parlor. I think you Yelp it. Yeah, yeah, Yelp yeah yeah um anyway so yeah go do that well that's exciting yeah um i'm trying to think there was something else nah forget oh no i the other thing that went on this week uh i, I went to this thing with Alicia Tobin.
Starting point is 00:57:45 We went to like a historical talk at the, uh, she loves history. I do. I do. Yeah. It was about, uh,
Starting point is 00:57:52 history of BC. So it was all local, uh, kind of stuff about like this, this was a company town and this kind of stuff. Anyways, it was this, I've never heard any local history that wasn't about haunted places.
Starting point is 00:58:05 There was some good haunted stuff. Do you know there's only one person who legally was allowed to be buried in Stanley Park? And she's a First Nations poet. And she's the only one who was ever granted that. And I guess you can go visit her grave, but I didn't know about that. That's ghosty um anyways it was this a woman was doing this lecture and it was a lecture it was not a bar this was at a bar in an afternoon kind of it was fun it was like a fun thing to do on a sunday um but at one point
Starting point is 00:58:42 she was talking and then a guy put up his hand and like, did a, like a, well, actually during, I was like, it was so gross because it wasn't, it wasn't. Does anybody have any questions or if at any point, if the spirit moves, you put up your hand and it was a lecture. It was, it was very frustrating. Because the thing that he said, too, not interesting. It was something about fish migration. Oh, boy. Why can't fish just stay in one place? Just got to show off that knowledge.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Yeah. There should be a word for when a man says the thing. Yeah. Man spreading? No. No. Dude talk. Yo.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Chum speak. Chum speak. Because that works because of the fish migration. Now, those fish that do the pedicures, do they migrate to other spots? To other feet? Other spots? Anyways, yeah. So I learned about some ghost towns. And yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:55 But yeah, I didn't, like, I don't know anything about the history of the city that I've been living in. Yeah. You know, I know the history from when I've been living here. Yeah. You know, I know the history from when I've been living here. Yeah. Forward. Yeah. Yeah, that used to be a future shop.
Starting point is 01:00:12 Oh, I should give a guy a tour of stores that this used to be. Yeah, and this used to be a bakery I really liked.
Starting point is 01:00:21 The Blockbuster. Yeah, oh yeah, there's a huge, it's now a real estate office but it was huge two-story blockbuster uh two flew too close to the sun there is uh one corner near where i live where there are two churches across the street from each other and it used to be a church's chicken next to it three churches now it's an enterprise rent-a-car. There's a...
Starting point is 01:00:46 Was that a church's chicken? Yeah. I've never been to church's chicken. That's why it went out of business. I know. No, it's still very much a business. Just not at that little case. They got corn on the cob. So that's a...
Starting point is 01:01:04 What other fast food place has corn on the cob? Maybe Popeye's. Maybe Chicken and Waffle place. But that's not fast food. But the thing is... That's down down. Fried chicken, no matter where I go,
Starting point is 01:01:17 I don't feel good afterwards. Even if it's a good place. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I only ever had bad fried chicken. In my time of eating meat, I don't think I ever had like the stuff that everybody talks about when they talk about fried chicken. I had this fried chicken in Philadelphia and the Food Network had named this like the best fried chicken in America at this one place.
Starting point is 01:01:41 Whoa. And it really was like so much better than you could ever imagine fried chicken would be. Oh, really? It lived up to, yeah. It really blew our minds. Is there anything in particular? You ever had popcorn chicken?
Starting point is 01:01:54 Yeah. It was almost as good as that. I don't even know how to describe it. It was just the best chicken I'd ever had. And it was also probably served with the best mac and cheese I'd ever had. And I, air quote, collect mac and cheeses i like i like no like what i got i'm like really seeking out the best mac and cheese oh i see and keeping tabs of where they're gonna fill it up your altar
Starting point is 01:02:16 no yeah i i used to go to kfc i haven't been in years but i I've always felt like they had, because they had two types of chicken. They had original recipe and the other type was called extra tasty crispy. You'd be a fool not to order that kind, but I feel like that was maybe not as good as original recipe. Well, you know what? They've been doing the original recipe for longer. Exactly. I was watching an old episode of Seinfeld with Kenny Rogers
Starting point is 01:02:48 Roasters. That's not a thing anymore, apparently. Like, it was bought out by some grocery chain or something and they used their products. But, yeah, so KFC's gotta be, like, still the big dog. Popeye's churches.
Starting point is 01:03:03 But Popeye's isn't everywhere. No, yeah. Like, if you see. Popeye's churches. But Popeye's isn't everywhere. No, yeah. Like if you see a Popeye's. You're not going to find a Popeye's in Tokyo. When I was in Vietnam, the only place, the only Western restaurants they had were Baskin Robbins and KFC. And I was told that they had KFC because the colonel looked so much like Ho Chi Minh. Really? This may not be true.
Starting point is 01:03:26 Sounds like a real fact. But. My friend that used to live with his brother was living in Korea. And they got in the city he lived in, an international house of pancakes. And it was like, he said it was like the Oscars. Like celebrities showed up and there was a red carpet. Was Psy there? Psy was probably there.
Starting point is 01:03:48 And, yeah, for an IHOP. Because that was like a big... We take them for granted over here. I remember when they opened a Krispy Kreme in Delta, and people came from... That's true, they did. All over. And why? Those donuts are fine. Because it's a famous donut from tv
Starting point is 01:04:07 we've heard it mentioned on a show yeah yeah we're dumb we're dumb um should we move on to a bit of this or over life can be fun don't get carried away you to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You got to shine your shoes. You got to sweep the floor. You got to clean your house. You got to do some more. Take care of business.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Hey, a little bit of business this week. This is just, you know, your everyday average Jumbotron message. And this is really, this is one for all the friends out there. This is for Darla. It's from Shalane. We think it's Shalane. Oh, yeah. I meant Shalaley is what I was trying to say.
Starting point is 01:04:58 Right. Graham got choked up a little bit. He's so emotional when we get a Jumbotron. Yeah. Darla, Shalane says i wanted dave and graham to tell you how amazing you are and how grateful i am to have you for the past over 25 years i love you more than peaches and sunshine forever and always my hetero life mate oh well that's a nice uh you know and it's hard peaches are amazing i mean i had a peach
Starting point is 01:05:26 depends on weeks ago every year yeah oh i would trade that in for anything anything that i currently have to have that peach back in my hand again all right yeah well okay that's all i'm saying i mean you really throw away everything we have d, if you tasted this peach, you'd know it was right. Dave, you know I'd never throw this away. Not at all. Or any piece of fruit. I had a good orange today. Yeah. Oh boy.
Starting point is 01:05:54 Eat it like, just like cut it up like, like soccer. Soccer style. Soccer style. Then did you go outside, kick the ball around first? Earn it? Yeah, I kicked the ball for 45. Then at the very end of eating them, I went, good game, good game, good game. Aw, nice.
Starting point is 01:06:10 So if you, the listener, would like a Jumbotron message like that, where we kind of talk about your thing, but then we mostly talk about fruit, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron or slash Jumbo. Either way. You'll get there. Yeah. Now let's move on to Overheard. What's Ben Affleck and or Drake up to?
Starting point is 01:06:33 What show should I be watching right now? Should the rock run for president? How about Oprah? What's a great French film about lady cannibals? Who's stronger, Luke Cage or Iron Fist? For answers to these questions and so much more, come on over to PopRocket, a pop culture roundtable discussion that always has a fun, diverse panel
Starting point is 01:06:50 talking about the stuff we love. Catch us every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you decide to get your podcasts. I'm not going to judge. Mugs, shirts, stickers, patches, tanks, and more are yours for the purchasing at maxfundstore.com. Hey, you already love the podcasts, so why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch? maxfundstore.com. Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, you know, we're lucky enough to have good, solid ears that can hear and eyes that can see. And so we use those two technologies
Starting point is 01:07:42 that were just born unto us. And we see things out there in the world, we hear things, bring them back here. We use this other technologies that were just born unto us. And we see things out there in the world. We hear things. Bring them back here. We use this other tool we got. Uh-huh. We talk about them. Our mouth.
Starting point is 01:07:51 Yeah. I'm not wild about my ears. No? Dave, I think your ears are nice. Okay. I was going to have them pinned back. No, no, no. Don't.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Don't. You know what? Don't change a thing. Although you could use a charcoal mask. Just a quick. Just a quick charcoal mask I might actually have my ears pinned At the top so I can just like
Starting point is 01:08:10 Slip my glasses through a little hole Oh that's a good idea Thank you No I take it back do that When I get slapped on the back of the head by bullies I thought about Like your bully from school The bully who gave you an encouraging slap on the neck
Starting point is 01:08:26 No, your bully from improv Oh yeah I heard a thing and I don't know that it's true at all But that some magicians would get a flesh pocket made to hide keys and wires in and such I thought about getting one of those Oh yeah, well we've all thought about buying a flesh pocket online A key I, I guess. I guess a key.
Starting point is 01:08:47 Just in case you'd, yeah, you never want to be locked out of your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, now it would have to be a bit. Your phone, yeah. Yeah, and you'd want, you know, like a fob. Oh, sure. You don't have to be big enough for a fob. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:59 Anyways. But those old-timey keys for those magicians are pretty big. Yeah. And, you know, putting a wire in there, I feel like I'd be afraid that it would just slip into the vein. How do they make a flesh pocket? They would take flesh from somewhere else, stitch it on you. But then how do you prevent it from grafting onto, like... Oh, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:09:17 Do you have to put a little bit, something in between there? Like a plastic for a little while? And you'd probably have to moisturize that. Oh, God, your flesh pocket would stink no you could clean it out like you clean out a belly button oh yeah it's kind of satisfied but what if you're a hairy person and you have hair growing inside the pocket or and you just have this one like flesh colored patch on and it it has no hair. Yeah. Cause you took it from your hairless.
Starting point is 01:09:47 It's a great hiding spot. You were like, I use the flesh from my forehead, my hairless forehead. Or the palms of my hands. Now, Megs, you have an overheard,
Starting point is 01:10:03 yes? I do. I have two. Megs, you have a overheard, yes? I do. I have two. Megs, you have a flashback. I mean. You have two. Do you want to do them back to back or do you want to do around the. I'll do around the round.
Starting point is 01:10:16 Round the round. One of them I just remembered because we're talking about feet and how I don't care for feet. Yeah. While I was taking the airplane to Victoria, there was a woman ahead of me in line at the airport. And, you know, everyone's taking their shoes off and everything, putting them in the bins. This one was probably like close to retirement,
Starting point is 01:10:37 but like still dressed like a dressy businesswoman in a friendly way. Okay. Like a 55-year-old, 60-year-old business lady. And she had like loafers that she took off and put them in the bin. And then she peeled off her pantyhose socks
Starting point is 01:10:57 and put them in the bin too. And I said to this woman, like, no. Like, no. Like, I don't want your feet on this floor. And like, you know, those pant your feet on this floor and like you don't those pantyhose socks are not going to set the alarm off keep those on that's like a second skin pantyhose socks are like little socks made out of pantyhose yeah but they go up to like your
Starting point is 01:11:17 you wear them with like dress shoes where you wouldn't want a full pantyhose because you don't want to wear like right pantyhose under your pants. So they would just go up to your calf. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. And then I would like the idea of somebody who's just undressing until the security says stop. No, that's enough. Your buttons aren't going to set off the alarms. Sometimes I'm going through security and it's an airport where they're not a shoe airport
Starting point is 01:11:47 for whatever reason, and they treat you like you're an idiot. Like, hey, guy, keep your shoes on. Oh, I'm sorry. I've just been flying before. I've been out of your podunk town. Yeah. No airport makes you go bare feet.
Starting point is 01:12:04 That's disgusting. Yeah, you're right. Unless you're already bare feet. I mean, like, you know, where you. That's disgusting. Yeah, you're right. Unless you're already bare feet. I mean, like, you know, where you're wearing sandals. Yeah. Yeah. But then, yeah, if it's a sandal, they're not going to make you take it off. Yeah, airports kind of aren't no shirts, no shoes.
Starting point is 01:12:14 I think the reason that you need to put your shoes in a bin is in x-rays, because a lot of times shoes look like a pump, but feel like a sneaker. What is that? it's a song you know what i'm talking about no i don't i don't think i do is it uh what is that what were they called easy spirit shoes looks like a pump it feels like a sneaker and it was women the commercial was women playing basketball in pumps yeah and pumps? Yeah, and not Reebok pumps. I mean, but that would be so punishing on the everything. The basketball court. I mean, I feel like we've had this conversation five times already.
Starting point is 01:12:55 About playing basketball in high heels? About this product, yeah. I don't recall. I don't recall any of these. I was setting up that. Looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker thing. Expecting you guys to carry me up
Starting point is 01:13:07 on your shoulders. Dave, do you have an overheard? You know, suppose I do. Yeah. At the park the other day, there were these like 12, 13 year old girls.
Starting point is 01:13:19 Not 12 of them. Girl gang. Yeah. It was a baker's dozen of, well, not a Girl gang. Yeah. It was a baker's dozen of, well, a regular dozen. Yeah. A baker's dozen of,
Starting point is 01:13:30 you with the baker's, a regular dozen of people with a baker's dozen of age. Looks like a pump. Feels like a speaker. And one of the girls said to the other one, there were not 12. Did I mention that?
Starting point is 01:13:45 To the other one. Oh my God, your brother's turning into a freaking fuck boy. He's flirting with everybody. And the other girl said, oh, my God, that's my brother. Yeah, because, you know, there's that weird, if you had a hot sibling, and I didn't, but not that they were uggos, but you know. I think your brothers are very hot. Someone's feelings were just hurt. But you know, like, you know those people who went to three super hot siblings. There it is.
Starting point is 01:14:19 And a pretty hot pair of parents. Siblings? Yeah, pretty hot. Oh, wow. Pretty hot pair of parents. Siblings? Yeah. I got, uh, yeah, pretty hot. Oh, wow. I got, I have two older sisters and two younger brothers and I'd say everyone's above average. Wow. Nice.
Starting point is 01:14:33 Yeah. Way to go. Way to go. You guys. My parents are pretty hot. Yeah. Well, it's a Graham's, Graham's unhot brothers are dragging that average down. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:41 Yeah. Yeah. Uh, but like there were people in my school that they had siblings so hot that it was like, how did you, how did you and how did that gene pool tip? Yeah, and I should say hot, I mean like hot for normal people. Not like real hot. Right. Well, I don't know what that means. Well, your siblings were all conceived under some weird pentagram. Kind of.
Starting point is 01:15:07 We were all conceived and born on the same mattress. For real. Conceived and born on the same mattress. Well, the joke is we say that, but my parents said they got a new mattress in that time span. In the same room. Wow. Sure. I just hope it was a Casper mattress.
Starting point is 01:15:23 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, then you can send it back. After you burn them. Yeah. A hundred days. How many babies can you have in a hundred days? One. Well, no, I mean, if they're multiples.
Starting point is 01:15:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eight is the maximum, I think. Yeah, I'm sending this back, and I don't want any questions about what happened. Yeah, I'm sending this back and I don't want any questions about what happened. But I found this fascinating that it was your brother turning into a freaking fuck boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, when does a fuck boy become a fuck man? Well, what is a fuck boy?
Starting point is 01:16:01 I feel it's like a slam. It's a slam, yeah. So he's not necessarily a hot. He's not hot. No, like, but I don't think you can be a fuckboy and be a, there's no ugly fuckboys
Starting point is 01:16:11 in the thing. I don't think so. I don't know. I don't think so. Because I think it can be derogatory too. Oh, it's derogatory. It's definitely derogatory.
Starting point is 01:16:19 but like an insult. It's like, but I thought it was an insult like, you're nothing but a fuckboy. I feel like it's the male equivalent of a basic bitch. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:30 Like, you just, you just do, you know, whatever the popular thing is. You know, you're just a cookie cutter. I thought a fuckboy
Starting point is 01:16:39 was like, kind of like a bimbo guy. Oh. That's what I, that's how I read it. That he's only good at fucking. At fucking. Your brother's such a.
Starting point is 01:16:50 No, I don't think so. Well, I don't know. I don't know her brother. You only know your own brother. That's right. Who are solid fours. Look, it's just nothing. I just won't say my brothers are hot.
Starting point is 01:17:05 I won't. Okay, which of your brothers is hotter? Me. Zing zang. I can't operate on this guy. I'm too hot. I'm a fuckboy. Graham, do you have an overheard?
Starting point is 01:17:24 Mine was an overseen. It was a guy who, if I didn't see him in real life and I saw it in a movie, I would be like, that's too ridiculous. Nobody will believe that a guy would look like that. So I don't know that he was uh homeless but he certainly could pass uh for homeless yeah he was wearing a uh uh kind of like i don't know what kind of shirt but he was wearing like a robe that you would wear in a house that had uh dancing cows on it uh and he got on the bus and he sat on the he sat on an open seat but he sat on a guy's hand and he apologized whoa i didn't see your hand there sorry fella and then pulled out uh like one of those ziploc sealed
Starting point is 01:18:13 bags of beef jerky like a jack links and offered him to the guy who was not impressed and he offered him to everybody oh boy i mean they've all seen I have this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, I follow the rules. Sorry, did he offer them to everybody on the bus individually? Yeah, he was going around, and then he made kind of a gesture to the rest. Did anybody take them? No, no, sir. I feel like maybe that bathrobe and the jack links all came from the same bin.
Starting point is 01:18:41 From the same cow. Yeah. So, anyway, so that's what I saw. A local eccentric. Boy. Now you had another one. I like a jerky.
Starting point is 01:18:52 Yeah, what kind of jerky? Oh, I guess a beef. Yeah. I don't know, lots of people talk about turkey. Sure. Just because it feels good to say. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:02 Turkey jerky. I think it's probably... A turkey jerky? I think it's probably a good source of nutrients. You think? It's good if you're in a desert. Yeah. Oh, sure. Well, not as good as wet meat would be. I mean, if there's no wet meat option and you're stranded in a desert and you got some beef jerky, you're going to be real glad to have it.
Starting point is 01:19:25 Yeah, but you're like, I'm so thirsty. I could really eat some wet meat. Yeah, yeah. In this desert. Like something like a sea lion meat. Something like that. Sure. Something that's real blubbery.
Starting point is 01:19:36 Throw it at me. Give me that marinade. Now you have another overheard? I do. Allegedly. I have one from a long time ago of the kids of the darndest nature. Okay. This was years ago when I was living in Calgary.
Starting point is 01:19:52 And it was a beautiful summer day. I was sitting on this bike path on a bench. And there was this little boy who was probably like four years old. And he was rollerblading for the first time. So he had rollerblades on and then he also had knee pads on and then he also had uh like wrist guards on so he wouldn't fall on his wrists and then he also had elbow pads on and this boy is like two and a half feet tall so he was mostly just pads oh and he had a helmet too and he was his dad was watching him on like the bench
Starting point is 01:20:21 beside mine and the boy was just like walking in rollerblades the width of the sidewalk like not going very far and with him he had the cutest little sister who was probably like two and she was walking alongside of him and like had just like this look of admiration for her big brother and like this is an amazing thing you're super hot big brother and um and he just said to his little sister in this like very knowing way i'm always safe than sorry i always say then sorry i think i think it's a good policy yeah yeah be safe then then be sorry yeah i'm always safe and sorry um i think whenever i was told that i had to wear a helmet to ride a bike, stopped riding bike.
Starting point is 01:21:07 Yeah. When I was like, I'm not going to do this anymore. This is lame now. Thanks a lot in 1991. But I realized that, yeah, anything,
Starting point is 01:21:17 any kind of like mandatory safety measure. I'm out. I just won't do the thing. That's why I won't play professional hockey. Oh yeah. They need you to wear pads and I just won't do it. They keep why I Won't play professional hockey Oh yeah They need you to wear pads And I just won't do it They keep coming knocking
Starting point is 01:21:28 And you keep turning them away Yeah no Sorry guys You still have that dumb rule Could you play Without a helmet No If you
Starting point is 01:21:35 No An absolute No when I was When I first started Watching hockey There were like Ten guys Who didn't have a helmet
Starting point is 01:21:42 I remember They were grandfathered in Randy Carlisle Doug Wilson Guyfleur, Craig McTavish. He was the last of them. Yeah. Oh, boy. Who else? Doug Wilson?
Starting point is 01:21:52 Did I mention Doug Wilson? Yeah. Okay. What about Randy Carlisle? Did I mention Craig McTavish? They were all men, right? Were there any women in the league back then? But goalies didn't have to wear...
Starting point is 01:22:05 Ron Duguay. Did goalies always have to wear masks? Or were they the ones who had to wear masks? They were the originators. There was a time when they didn't wear masks, which is crazy.
Starting point is 01:22:15 Crazy, yeah. What's the famous, you know, the famous photo of the guy's face? Jacques Blanc? Yeah, Jacques Blanc. He looks like a horror movie. Yeah. Because he just has stitches and scars everywhere on's face. Jacques Blanc? Yeah, Jacques Blanc. He looks like a horror movie.
Starting point is 01:22:25 Because he just has stitches and scars everywhere on his face. I guess there's a point where you have so many broken face bones that you're like, meh. I'm not gonna... That's not what your friends like you for anyway. Or maybe. Yeah, I'm friends with
Starting point is 01:22:42 the guy who scares away everybody. Franco Stein there. Yeah, you know, we have him over. guy who scares away everybody. Franco Stein there. Yeah. Yeah, you know, we have him over. He's got a flesh pocket on his face. You can keep your pens in there. Yeah, stick a gum. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:56 You know what? Pantyhose are kind of like a flesh pocket. They're not. Not. Yeah. I've, uh, there's, is there, is there a male equivalent? Harold Snipes, another helmetless player. Sure, there you go.
Starting point is 01:23:09 They're all going to come back to you. Mm-hmm. Is there a male equivalent of the Pantyhose? We never, I guess not. We're just allowed to be hairy and gross everywhere? Yeah. What do you wear under your shorts usually? Nothing.
Starting point is 01:23:21 Well, now they, a lot of of people wear workout tights under their shorts. Yeah. Like a compression thing. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with people keeping everything tight, compressed. Exactly. Do you think Guy Fieri wears a girdle? I was watching
Starting point is 01:23:39 Diners, Drivers, and Dives just in a bar, but he like, because I'm fat. While someone was trying to give a talk on history, I was like, move out of the way. Well, actually... Guy's eating some sort of sausage.
Starting point is 01:23:57 But he's got the upper part of a fat guy and then it just drops off. That's got to be a girdle. Well, I'm going to need to see some photographic evidence. I'll send you some. Do we call it a girdle anymore? Is it still a girdle or is it Spanx?
Starting point is 01:24:09 Well, I don't know that Spanx could do this much. I don't know what. Well, you know, the corset went out in the 20s. That's what I learned today. True facts. Yeah, I've seen advertised in the Montreal metro system. They advertise these like elasticy girly things for people but the models who wear them in these ads or have like
Starting point is 01:24:32 hot body yeah yeah you know and you're like that's not who if you've got a solid six-pack sure you're not wearing something to hide that silhouette from your tight t-shirt. All the ads for like denture cream are people who clearly are wearing just have beautiful, wonderful teeth. Yeah, but that's young people. You wouldn't want to be sitting around with
Starting point is 01:24:55 your family eating stew and then see a real denture wear jamming in his denture. Oh, yamming in his denture. Oh, they're not fitting. I can't just show her.
Starting point is 01:25:09 It feels so good today. And my girdles overfit. You want some beef jerky? Oh, boy. No. We also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. This is new. No, no, boy. No. We also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. This is new. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:25:29 This has always been happening. No. Yeah. I'm not prepared. Hit me with another helmetless hockey player. I thought you'd have one. I didn't. No.
Starting point is 01:25:38 They'll come out as soon as I get them. Okay. If you want to send one in to us, you can can send it into spy at maximum fun.org uh this first one comes from ashley m did i say doug wilson yeah i think doug wilson what about al secord no i might be wrong about that um this is ashley m from columbus ohio today at the thrift store there was a man in his 70s browsing through shirts in the next aisle. His friend came over to see what he found, so he held up a Hawaiian shirt and asked, Is this good?
Starting point is 01:26:13 And his friend said, Well, if you're on an island somewhere, alone. Burn! Burn to your future shirt! I like that the two old guys are shopping together for Hawaiian shirts. I mean, what else do old guys wear? Yeah, yeah. Burn to your future shirt. I like that the two old guys are shopping together. Yeah. For Hawaiian shirts. I mean, what else do old guys wear? Yeah, exactly. If you're not allowed to just wear a Hawaiian shirt all the time when you're an old guy.
Starting point is 01:26:34 Where was this overheard from? Columbus. Was it from the Tommy Bahama in the airport? You don't see... Rick Middleton maybe But what was Helmuth was on the Bruins Okay
Starting point is 01:26:47 Did he have a mustache Yeah Yeah yeah yeah That's all the protection They need Yeah Uh This next one
Starting point is 01:26:55 Comes from James In Tallahassee, Florida Uh Now this is Goes way back This is This is uh Rod Langway
Starting point is 01:27:04 Rod Oh yeah That's a good hockey name Mmhmm Do you remember what number he was Now, this goes way back. This is an old- Rod Langway. Oh, yeah. That's a good hockey name. Do you remember what number he was? I think it was five, maybe, for the Washington Capitals. Born in Taiwan. Wow. I'll stop.
Starting point is 01:27:25 This was in 1998 or so when I was in high school. But I remember it like it just happened. I was on the school bus. The driver was apparently in the middle of adopting a child and was talking to some students near the front about how expensive and time consuming the adoption process is. He was interrupted by a girl, probably around 15 or 16 16 who said in a voice loud enough for the whole bus to hear that's dumb they'd sell a lot more kids if they didn't charge so much oh yeah i mean i and um man kind of is true though right like there's plenty of kids who need a home. No, that's a different system. It's true. It's true.
Starting point is 01:28:14 Yeah, but that's, you probably, by the time you're 15 or 16, would know how the adoption system works, wouldn't you? I don't. Well, you got to put it in a form. I know that from the show Friends. But then there's also, like, fostering kids as well. Foster to adopt. Oh, but isn't there just fostering kids as well. Foster to adopt. Oh, but isn't there just fostering straight up where you're just like. Yeah, but there's also adopting like, you know, from China or adopting newborns.
Starting point is 01:28:36 Yeah, or zoo-borns. Zoo-borns as well. Oh, boy. Give me that fennec fox. Look at those big ears. That's a long conversation to have with your significant other. Do we want to adopt a zoo-born?
Starting point is 01:28:52 Do we want to adopt a kid or a zoo-born? You gotta go zoo-born. It's true. An anteater? Oh boy, so cute, so hairless when it's born. And so useful if you got ants all over your house. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:29:08 Ah, you will. We're all out of ants, so hit the bricks. You knew what this was. Mm-hmm. And this last one comes from Seth R. Parts Unknown. Oh, Seth Rogen. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Los Angeles.
Starting point is 01:29:22 Yeah. I thought this is a bunch of kids say overheards. I'm not going to read them all. This is my brother and sister-in-law. Also involves adoption. This overheard adopted a child. And by contract, they have to submit photos and documents of the kids progress every week. So that's something that you have to do in adoption.
Starting point is 01:29:44 So shortly after they adopted, they discovered that they were pregnant. So they's something that you have to do in adoption. Um, so shortly after they adopted, they discovered that they were pregnant. So they have two kids. Gross. Uh, anyways, these two kids, they love,
Starting point is 01:29:55 this is one of the great things about kids is they'll love some boring ass thing that you're like, why do you like this thing? So these kids like, uh, on trash days, the kids are excited to watch a flag truck go down our street first and wait for the other three trucks come out to empty our can this last week the recycling trucks seem to be missing or at least on a different schedule
Starting point is 01:30:17 when it didn't come a little boy said maybe they're getting snacks. That's good. Adorable. Kids only understand snacks and time in between snacks. Oh, kids of all stripes like trucks. Yeah, that's true. Identifying different types of trucks.
Starting point is 01:30:40 Taking a kid, this is something I've seen a lot of parents doing is that they'll stop at a construction site and the kids will just like. That's like a free amusement park. Yeah. For watching. Yeah. For watching.
Starting point is 01:30:52 Get in the crane, kid. Amusement park for the eyes. Go get daddy some rivets. There's this book called Good Night, Good Night Construction Site that, that I've heard about. And so I bought a, bought a thing. Yeah, yeah. Bought a version. That I've heard about.
Starting point is 01:31:03 So I bought a thing. Yeah, yeah. Bought a version. And on Amazon, now they just sent, apparently it's this whole world of like you can get like toys and cards and different. Oh, of this construction? Yeah. I found a little book. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 01:31:16 It's because there are too many people in universities. So they need this future generation to get rid of back into the trades. It's true. Start them young. Yeah. I wish I was a plumber. Yeah, me too. I wish we had a plumbing business.
Starting point is 01:31:29 We should start one. Yeah. Two guys who don't know plumbing started a plumbing business. It's very charming. Yeah. Yeah. We're not. We refuse to do anything with shit.
Starting point is 01:31:39 Yeah. Yeah. We've ruined your carpets. Well, technically you were the one. Yeah. You're gross. I didn't do that. That's not mine. I do mine in a ditch.
Starting point is 01:31:55 Oh, well. Oh, is that everything? That's everything. That brings us up to speed. So, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. And if you want to call us with one of your overheards, you use your phone and you type in this number. 1-844-779-7631.
Starting point is 01:32:12 That is one. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hi, this is James from Regina, calling in with an overheard. I was at a local microbrewery and there was a lady sitting beside me and then a fella sat down with her and started eating some food from a local vegetarian diner down the street and at one point he just goes ah and you know she kind of waits a second and he
Starting point is 01:32:41 obviously wants her to ask and then eventually She asks what's up And he's just like This is constant craving This is my shit A real Katie Lang buff Yeah That's a good song That is a good song It's a good album
Starting point is 01:32:55 Oh That whole album They put out a whole album Yeah yeah yeah Just that one song Yeah yeah yeah Different covers of it Constant craving song yeah yeah different covers of it uh constant craving looks like a pump feels like a sneaker
Starting point is 01:33:16 um you guys katie lang fans it's i'm she's a wonderful voice yes um I don't really I didn't catch that reference Oh okay Totally oblivious She You know who Katie Lang is I know who she is Yeah I mean I've heard of her
Starting point is 01:33:33 She's Canada's best singer Probably Canada's best singer Probably Canada's best singer Yeah Who would you say is Canada's best singer? Based on just vocals? Don't say The Weeknd It's The Weeknd
Starting point is 01:33:43 No It's The Weeknd, isn't it? My first instinct would be Alanis. Oh, no. You're way off. She's Canada's 400th best singer. But it depends on how you're judging. I'm judging by
Starting point is 01:33:57 quality and listenability. Yeah, sure. What about Alanis' voice Puts her in the top of the list Well it's just really distinctive Yeah that's true You know even if she was covering
Starting point is 01:34:09 Like a generic Christmas carol You'd be like Oh that's Alanis Morissette Singing Silver Bells Why is Alanis doing this? Sure Why Alanis? Well she hasn't come out
Starting point is 01:34:17 With a new album in a long time Why wouldn't she contribute To a Christmas album? Yeah that's true Alanis You can't do that in podcasting. Is that us? Here's your next
Starting point is 01:34:29 overheard. Hi, Graham and Dave and probable guests. This is Katie from Oakland. Katie Lang? I am calling in an overheard. I was just at Target, and there were two little girls looking at some drinking glasses, and one of the drinking glasses said, happy hour.
Starting point is 01:34:46 And one of the girls said, happy hour? I'm always happy. Just a real positive person. Yeah, I'm always happy. Every hour is my hour. Or maybe she just means that she drinks a lot. She never pays for drinks, that's why. Yeah, that's a good way to live a life.
Starting point is 01:35:07 Although I'm very suspect of people who are always happy. Yeah, you got to have the lows that will make the highs so sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. So that when you write those Facebook posts that are real sentimental, people know they're coming from a real place. Yeah, yeah. That's why I always do that.
Starting point is 01:35:20 I can't wait to read those Facebook posts, by the way. Yeah, sure. That's going to be my first thing I do when I go home. Once every three weeks, I put a post together that people are going to like, ugh. Oh, you put it like a real. I schedule it. No, I don't. A real heart-wrenching post.
Starting point is 01:35:32 Once every year, I celebrate my anniversary in a city and I post the same post every year. Yeah, yeah. What is it? What's the post? Oh, Montreal's great. The streets are cobblestone-y sometimes. The drivers are crazy here anyway montreal i salute you and here's your final over to the week hey david graham this is austin
Starting point is 01:35:55 south florida calling them overheard for you it's just at my local whole foods market and uh little kid and his mom probably about 10 years old uh walking by me and uh a little kid and a and i was telling his voice goes oh my god they have sparkling wine that's it whoa yeah how do they make it sparkle the kids probably just imagining like wine filled with glitter. Yeah, glitter wine. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:28 Which I guess is kind of what Goldschlager was. It was kind of like the glitteriest. But like sparkling wine is, I know people will say, you know, it's a thing because you can't call it champagne. Right. But it's a coup. It's a marketing coup because it sounds so cool uh sparkling yeah sparkling wine sounds i mean if you don't know what champagne is champagne sounds bad yeah uh it's got pain in it yeah and sham yeah uh but and yet a sham wow sounds amazing That's true Sparkling water
Starting point is 01:37:06 Holy cow That really dresses up a glass of water It's true I was at I was at Subway You know Maybe a couple times this week They have
Starting point is 01:37:21 You know SodaTron Oh they do? You can program your soda? Yeah, yeah. Are you a hacker? You can hack your soda? Yeah, I hacked it and I made a soda they didn't even know. It was a tit soda. Okay, you're
Starting point is 01:37:37 on your own here. No, listen. In this room, we respect women. Well, no, no. I'm a hacker. I have no gender. Are you Black Hat Hacker? Yeah, no, no. I'm a hacker. I have no gender. Are you Black Hat Hacker? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I asked just for like a glass for water, and I thought it was my only option was just plain water. Also soda water.
Starting point is 01:37:54 Woo. That's. That's pretty good. To me, that's like. In the SodaTron. In the SodaTron. In the SodaTron. You say water, please.
Starting point is 01:38:02 Yeah. You have to speak in a soda voice. Make with the. Robot voice. You have to speak in a soda voice. Make with the robot voice. You call it H2O. That's the only way it recognizes. Dispensing H2O now. Cannot dispense love. No, yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:18 Robots will feel love before they figure out H2O. Because they're not given to water. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But you can fall in love with them. And they're not given to water these. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But you can fall in love with them. And they can fall in love with each other, I assume. I don't know anything about robots. Have you seen Westworld?
Starting point is 01:38:33 No. Do they fall in love? They fall in love with each other. But mostly they're good for having sex with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where it starts. Now, Megs. This is the end of the show right so this is a good time if you got projects you want to plug you've got a book or two you don't want to even talk about the books
Starting point is 01:38:54 so let's pretend it doesn't exist that's just all i talk about uh you wrote a book which is that's it that's andrew i wrote two books oh doesn't want that's a... And drew a book. I wrote two books. Oh, doesn't want to talk about it all of a sudden. Can't stop talking about it. Okay, book number, let me just promote these for you. Book number one. It's about photo booths called Photo Booth Book by Megs. Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 01:39:16 Book number two, Long Red Hair by Megs. Two languages, go. Yeah. Yeah, done. Other things to promote. You should really check out my Instagram account. You're going to see a lot of great pictures. A lot of abs.
Starting point is 01:39:28 A lot of abs. A lot of abs. I'm shameless. Um, uh, yeah, I'd like to say I'm humble about it, but I'm clearly not. What is your Instagram account? Megs Fitzgerald. Uh, that's it. Just Megs Fitzgerald.
Starting point is 01:39:41 But, uh, Megs is spelled in a bit of a funny way. It's spelled M-E-A-G-S. And I'm on Twitter. You know, it's not a funny way because you invented it. Yeah. No one else has that name. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:54 Yeah. Uh, yeah. Meg Fitzgerald on there. Instagram, Twitter, uh, Facebook.
Starting point is 01:40:00 Uh, I also have a professional page. You can follow bigger posts that I post on there. And the names of the books are, the real names are. Photobooth of Biography is the first one. And the second one really is Long Red Hair. Long Red Hair. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:13 And if you can only read a graphic novel in French, guess what? Yeah. L'Anche Verue. Yeah. Your time has arrived. Photobooth of Memoirs. And you know what? I'm going to go home, set up some sort of mantle.
Starting point is 01:40:27 That's what I'm going to do. That's not what it was. An altar. Altar, yeah. That's all right. I'm going to set up a mantle. Get a mantle. Put an altar on.
Starting point is 01:40:33 Put a colander on. I'm going to go home and set up a lectern. What are you going to do from that? You know, just sort of, you know, preach. Oh, yeah, yeah, preach. I'm saying that to you all the time. Yeah. And thank you very much for being here again.
Starting point is 01:40:48 Thanks so much for having me and letting me spill water all over you. Well, that wasn't part of the original deal. Yeah, I didn't let you. Yeah. There's no consent. You kind of renegotiated it. Thanks for letting me punch you in the face. What?
Starting point is 01:40:59 I didn't expect that. And you out there listening, if you like the podcast, you should head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this here podcast. Some hell-less hockey players. Oh, yeah. Doug McFlunston. Doug Wilson. Dirk.
Starting point is 01:41:21 No Dirk. No Dirk. Doug. Dogman. An old old Dugs and Dirks I was in the Glenn Lincoln Um
Starting point is 01:41:32 Spark Parkland We can put pictures Of your hot sisters Sure Sure My eldest sister Would love that
Starting point is 01:41:39 Just send me some Okay Yeah And uh Uh You know what This has been a lot of fun. And if you want to have more fun, listen to another episode of this podcast.
Starting point is 01:41:50 And you know what? If you like the podcast, tell some of your friends. And you know what? Come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye. Bye. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

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