Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 481 - Tanyalee Davis

Episode Date: June 5, 2017

Comedian Tanyalee Davis joins us to talk roller skating, petting zoos, and the symphony

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 481 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who looks so trim and fresh with his new haircut, Mr. Dave Schumann. Yeah, I weighed myself yesterday and I was like, I do not look trim. Oh no, you do. You do, Dave.

Oh no, you're very kind, Graham. Oh no, you're very kind. Oh no, you look no. You're very kind, Graham. Oh, no. You're very kind. Oh, no. You look great. No, you know what? Can I cut your hair? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, let's switch bodies.

Yeah, okay. Like a Freaky Friday? No. No. No, I want something deeper. Oh, okay. Like what? How does that work?

I don't know, but's it's gonna there's gonna be cutting i'm gonna wear the flesh oh i see oh a buffalo bill i am it isn't it isn't buffalo bill is the original freaky friend i haven't seen that movie uh well he no you've seen silence of the lambs i have not seen silence of the lambs really it's seemed too freaky oh it's very scary yeah yeah it came out when I was 10. Yeah. Still scary. When am I supposed to go back and see every movie from 1990?

Our guest today, first time guest on the podcast, a very funny comedian. You can see her in Portsmouth, England, coming up June 6th? June 9th. 9th. 9th. Damn. At the New Royal Theater in Portsmouth, England. It's Miss Tanya Lee Davis

or Mrs. Ms. We're engaged but we're not married. Okay. With my name. Maybe, yeah, I don't know. Ms. has a nice ring to it too.

Yeah. Well, you're never in, like, comedians aren't generally introduced as on stage. Right. Misses. Yeah. Everybody give a round of applause for the married lady.

Thanks for joining us. Yes. Good to be here. Now. Do you want to get to know us? Oh, yes. Get to know us. Now you, we were just talking, you've just moved over to England?

Or how long have you been in England? September of last year. Oh wow, so it's fresh. Yeah, but I've been working there for 14 years and been there every other month for the last 14 years. So it's, you know, it... Why every other month? Do you like to commute?

Yeah. Well, yeah, that was a huge commute. Well, because, um, at the time I was, when I first started, I was living in Vegas. I had a husband, so I had to go back and visit him. Um, and then, um, you know, just going back and forth and then I was in North Carolina. So I had to go back and visit Kevin and, uh, yeah, I had to get away. I had to go visit the sun. and yeah, I had to get away I had to go visit the sun visit the sun every month

and like you lived in Vegas for many many years yeah, I lived in Vegas for 7 years and I miss it terribly, if I could live anywhere right now, it's Vegas because I've only ever been on the one street in Vegas, so what's good about Vegas outside

does the strip have a name? it's just the strip oh, Does the Strip have a name? The Strip It's just the Strip? The Las Vegas Strip? Oh, it doesn't have a street Yeah, like a street name It's not like Las Vegas Boulevard Oh no, it's Las Vegas Boulevard, yes What do you miss about Vegas?

Well, as somebody with osteoarthritis I miss the desert climate It's very dry I love it I don't mind the heat Somebody with osteoarthritis. I miss the desert climate. Wow. Very dry. Love it. I don't mind the heat. It can be the day that we moved was 119 degrees Fahrenheit. However, when you're in the shade, it's like 100. As long as you're drinking water and stuff like that, like, you know, don't direct sunlight.

You know, it's great. But, you know, joint problems. And then I love the fact that it was 24 hours. Like, if you want to do your grocery shopping at 5 o'clock in the morning, you can do it. And places to eat at all hours of the night. My ex-husband was working shift work, poker dealers. So when he'd get off at, you know, whatever, 3, 4, or 5 in the morning, then we'd go grocery shopping, go for breakfast, and then go to bed, sleep till 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And that was.

So you're missing most of the day that way. Yeah, I guess. Clever. But it was a night person. I'd always go out at 8, 11 o'clock at night and get home at 6, 7 in the morning. Were you doing comedy there? I was doing. I would do the occasional show.

But being on the road for four to six months in the UK and then coming back, I just like to chill and get catch up with my friends. Like a lot of friends that were performers. So they'd work nights and I'd go to the piano bars. I'd go visit comics that were in town. Uh, and then occasionally, yeah, do gigs,

get booked at the various clubs. Um, like that's what I always pictured Vegas to be is it's all gamblers and, and performers that are hanging around. Is that, am I right? Well, yeah. Also pawn shop owners. Yeah, when you're on the strip, for sure.

When you're on the strip, it's just like any regular city. Oh, really? You have accessibility to these late night, you know, all night grocery stores and all this kind of stuff. But, yeah, a lot of my friends, you know, would start work 9, 10 o'clock at night and work till three in the morning. So I go watch them do their dueling pianos or, you know, I could get into almost any show I wanted on the strip because I knew somebody that worked on behind the scenes or, and. What was the worst show on the strip?

The, oh, there's not too many bad shows. I guess not, right? I mean, you've got to be of a major caliber. So, um, I can only attest to my favorite show, which is Absinthe at Caesar's Palace. It's a gigantic, it's outside. It looks like a big circus tent. Okay. It's a Spiegel tent, which like London has a Spiegel tent.

At the Edinburgh Festival, they put up a Spiegel tent. And so it's very vaudevillian. Like an old timey tent. Yeah, yeah. So it's really like you go in there and it's hard to believe that they just threw this up, because it's so intricate inside with all the various hoo-ha things they've got up on the walls. What's the show? And then the show is a variety show.

Like, they have trapeze singers, burlesque. Trapeze singers? Well, trapeze Oh, comma, singers No, no, I'm on your team Well, I don't know, why not? Yeah, why not a trapeze singer? People on roller skates, this couple

where they're on this like round stage that's sloped and they're wearing roller skates and the two of them spin around to the velocity. I've never seen human beings. And he's holding her by her hair at one point and she's like, you know, and he's spinning her around and you just think if he lets go, we're all going to be taken out.

But also don't hold on to her hair. Yeah. That's true. That's caveman. That's caveman. Yeah. It's some sort of like contraption she has around her neck. Oh, that's what they want you to think. It's caveman. Yeah, it's some sort of contraption she has around her neck. Oh, that's what they want you to think.

It's Caveman. Yeah, it's also a good ad for like a Pantene. Oh, yeah. Who let everybody in the shampoo? Her hair is so strong. Anyway, it's just, they have this really cool host. They should try it with like competitors' shampoos. See?

Here, this lady's hair all fell out. Yeah, she's flying throughoos. See? Here, this lady's hair all fell out. Yeah. She's flying through the Spiegel tent. And so, like, you would be able to go to any show you wanted? Well, pretty much. I mean, like, I knew somebody that could hook me up with tickets. Did you ever go to Carrot Top's show?

Yes. It's fantastic. Like, I'm obsessed with Carrot Top. He's great. Yeah. Absolutely. I get really upset when other comedians like him off. Yeah.

Because he is one of the hardest working people. He's very humble. And he's always. You've met the top? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Top, I would introduce him as. Is he married?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suggested that we do a scene where he gives birth to me and i'm baby carrot i love this went and why did he say no to this well he actually seemed pretty cool about it but then the end just never never seemed to evolve now just do some sort of mini carrot you know we come out on stage but anyway it didn't happen that sounds it could still happen if you're out there listening oh he's a big fan. Yeah. Garrett's always writing to us.

Yeah, he listens while he pumps iron. Yeah, he's not as big as he once was. Oh, I think he's chilled out on that. That was, there was a point where he just looked, whoa, dude, tone it down. Yeah. What happened there? With the plastic surgery, I think. Did he get plastic surgery?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I guess. I heard his eyebrows are tattooed on get plastic surgery? I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. I heard his eyebrows are tattooed on and stuff like that, which is fine. Cool. Yeah. But it's just, you know, yeah, it just looks a bit weird when you're kind of certain skin tone.

But he's a lovely fella. And he, like I said, he works hard. Yeah. And his show is fantastic. Now, like, he's, the weird thing about a guy like his career is he does, he's like, whatever, five shows a week or whatever. Yeah. All in the same spot, and people come to him. He doesn't have to travel around.

Absolutely, absolutely. Would you like that? Or do you like the travel? Well, I did have my own show in Vegas for six months, and I could have extended my contract, but I was going going through my divorce and I just needed to get out of town. And then where do you go? Emotionally. Yeah, I was just bopping between Canada, UK and Vegas pretty much. My show was in an amazing theater. It was 100 seats. It was perfect.

They were movie theater type style seats, but it was in Debbie Reynolds old casino, which is called the, um, uh, well, it was actually the Clarion hotel had bought it and it was just off the strip and it was over by the,

um, convention center. Okay. And so there was just trying to get people off the strip was so difficult. It was like doing an Edinburgh Friends show. You're like, come on, come on. Oh, like you had to go. You know, trying to flyer and get people out.

So my, you know, I did okay, but it wasn't like I didn't make any money on it. But it was fantastic. It was great having my own show, but it was just bad timing with my emotional. The one time I went to Vegas, there was a lot of flyering, but it was all for prostitutes. Yeah. Little with stars on their nipples. And the slapping the cards together. Porn flappers, we call them.

Yeah. Porn flappers. Well, why are they slapped? Just to create noise and drive you crazy. Yeah. And they'll give you a card with a lady's picture on it. It's not the lady you end up getting. That's a voice of experience.

that's a voice for experience. Um, uh, so like, uh, was it just a stand, stand up show? Um, it was,

I basically, I'd taken two of my Edinburgh shows and combined them. So it was like, I had no opening act to come in. I had a set, I had a little chair and a table and I had a lot of visual, I had some visual cues. Um, like I had a disco ball. So at one point when I was talking about

In the 80s going roller skating You know put the disco ball in And put like Careless Whisper on You know just to put people in the mood Did you roller skate in the 80s? Oh my gosh who didn't? Oh every Saturday night Saints Roller Rink in Winnipeg

That's where you could find me Saints Roller Rink Yeah doing the snowballg. That's where you could find me. Saints Roller Rink. Yeah, doing the snowball. What's the... Snowballs when boys on one side, girls on the other. And because no... And then the slow dance. So they usually...

I guess... I don't know how... The DJ? Well, the DJs, but they had two people that would be on the roller skating rink to make sure that there was no problem. Oh, kind of like bouncers? Yeah, rolling. Yeah, rolling, yeah, rolling bouncers. Chaperones probably

more appropriate. So they would pick a guy and a girl and then you would skate across and pick somebody to slow dance with and then eventually they... And they'd swing you around

by your hair. This is where it all started. I get it. And then something, the life would change and then you would break up and then you'd go pick people of the opposite sex

to skate with. Anyway, nobody ever picked me. So the guys, the roller skating bouncers would always pick me first so that I could go over and pick somebody. Nice. Then sometimes they would refuse. Oh, this is a sad tale. This is a tale of woe. I'm sorry.

I'm a stronger woman for it. Did you ever like, because when I went to roller skating rinks when I was a kid, the big thing was making a request. That was like, if you got your request plate, that was, oh, you did something right. Right. What was your go-to request? Well, I could never, the bouncers could never see me over the big walls. Sorry, I mean, the DJ could never see me over the big walls. So I never did make any requests.

No? From what I can remember. I don't know. What would you have requested? I was all about, well, I, so I never did make any requests. No? From what I can remember. I don't know. What would you have requested? I was all about, well, I mean, I'm an 80s girl, so, I mean, I just love, oh, God. I listen to Corey Hart all the time. Tragically Hip. Yeah.

You know, all the good Canadian bands. Yeah. What did you, like, we're not from a roller skating era, you and I. No, but it was an easy thing to do for a kid's birthday party. Yeah, because there was, you know, it's like a communal activity. There's good vomit control. Did you go roller skating at vomit control? That was my favorite local rink.

They had a chain of them. Yeah, vomit control. Vomit control. And, you know, like it's set up for kids. There's video games. Yeah. You know, hot dogs. Yeah.

Popcorn. And so, but the big thing was getting the, was it salt and pepper? Let's talk about sex. Oh, boy. Oh, yes. Of course. That was the big, if you could get that played because it had the word sex. Right. And the moms would be going crazy. Cover your ears, boy. Oh, yes, of course. That was the big, if you could get that played because it had the word sex. Right, and the moms would be going crazy.

Cover your ears, kid, running after kids on roller skates. And, like, they were still the, like, the leather roller skates. Yeah. Back. Oh, yeah, with the orange wheels. Yeah, like, I don't know. I had my own. I had my own, and I had a pom-pom on them.

They were white. Wow. With red wheels and a blue pom-pom with a bell. Thank you very much. So people could hear you coming. Yeah. I was a diva. Um, did you roller skate outside of the rink?

Yeah, that was a little bit more, you know, like when you're on pavement, it's concrete's a little bit more difficult. You need a lot more push to my legs. I tried, but, you know, I need the flat surfaces were good for me. Yeah, yeah. There's a lady here in town called Roller Girl. She'll like, have you ever seen her? No. You lived here for a while.

Yeah. She's big on like calling out bad drivers and stuff. Real. Yeah, and she's on the old school roller skates. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for her. But she goes on the asphalt, and I always thought, oh, boy.

Yeah, that's hurting your legs. Yeah. But you can do it. That's great. I feel like the roller skate trend was replaced by rollerblading, and that lasted for three years. Yeah. And then nothing. Although there's a-

Well, I guess there's the- I guess it depends where you live, though. Like in LA, people that go to the Venice Beach and stuff like that, people are rollerblading like crazy. It's a great physical sport. But in a city like this, where do you go? There's a full-time rollerblading store on Main Street. That's right. That's weird.

To get new wheels and to get roller... So somebody's rollerblading somewhere. I'm going to take it up again. Yeah? You've convinced me. After how many years of a long hiatus? Let's see. I was, okay, maybe 24 years?

Good luck with that. Right around the time I didn't see Silence of the Lambs, that's when I took up rollerblading. Yeah, yeah. I think I took up rollerblading the moment I realized it existed. Yeah, well, it was sold to kids as of, like, this isn't your mom and dad's roller skates. This is the new generation. You're going to be flying everywhere. Yeah. I never did it.

Too scared. Never? Not once? No, I couldn't. I wasn't a great skater, so I couldn't think translating that to the road was going to be any better. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But did you have a roller blade?

No, no. I don't think that would have worked for me. The blade being too long. Yeah, I don't know. I think it worked too tippy or something. Yeah. I did ice skate when I was younger. I played ringette.

But the problem was every time I fell down on the ring, my coach would have to come up and pick me up because, you know, being short with my type of dwarfism, very short arms. So if you put extra, you know, six inches of whatever underneath my feet, I'm not going to be able to pull my, I can barely get off the ground as it is. So he would pick me up. I'd skate a little bit, fall down. He'd come home, pick me up.

So, yeah, I need roller skates I was a little bit more steady on. But your parents were like, go be in sports anyways, even if you're going to do, if you're going to fall over and all that stuff. Yeah, they didn't have a choice. I was very much a go-getter. I loved, I played baseball. My strike zone was very small. Right. I never got struck out.

I always got walked to first base and then I'd be lucky if I made it. I don't think I ever made it home because they'd always catch me on one of the bases. But I tried. I ran track and field and they had this gigantic field and it had two big hills and a lake. So they, the kids would run around and then they run around the park and then they'd go up to around the lake, up the two hills and then back around. And I would just do one circle. And then I'd basically, by by that point they'd be coming up on me and i'm like chariots of fire you know it's like yeah okay but yeah i just did everything i

did probably so much like everything i just did it to my own ability yeah yeah so yeah i was very active as a kid and uh you grew up the whole time in Winnipeg? Yep. Unfortunately. Yep. Why unfortunately? Well, I guess I shouldn't say that.

Winnipeg gets a bad rap. Winnipeg's a good place to be from. I think people still like to go there. I don't know why, but I mean,

I go for the comedy festival. It's one of the best comedy festivals ever. They got nice theaters there. Yeah.

No, it's very artsy. It's Canada's coldest city. Yeah. It's it's very artsy. Canada's coldest city. Yeah. Windy. Canada's most racist city. Murder capital. Murder capital of Canada

and the most per capita slurpee drinkers. Oh, that's right. Wow. Yeah, they're very proud of that slurpee thing.

I never heard that one. That's a new one to me. Well, and you're from there. You should be keeping track of these type of things. Well, I'm really blocking out.

Then did you move from Winnipeg to Vancouver? So, okay. I graduated from U of W in 1993, and I really wanted to move out to Western Canada because I wanted to do more acting. So I wanted to get out to Vancouver because it was North Hollywood. Yeah. And I made it as far as Calgary. Had to move back in with my parents, my mom and her husband and my sister, which after you've lived out on your own and you have to move back in with your parents is hell.

So wait, you wanted to come out to Vancouver, but you only made it to Calgary. How are you traveling? Well, I made it financially. Oh, financially. You know, like I just, I couldn't sustain moving to Calgary on my own. So I basically said, hey, guess what? I'm going to go to University of British Columbia, and I'm going to be a counselor.

So, hey, Grandma, I need money for university. And so I basically moved my way to Vancouver, moved into UBC, into residence, and went for two years, basically just partied like a rock star, dropped a bunch of courses, started back in with comedy, the scene here, and then just went from there. This is, I like this as a movie. Somebody that goes to study to be a guidance counselor, just parties. Guidance counselor?

Social worker. Oh, social worker. Why did I think guidance counselor? You said counselor. Yeah, and then I left to guidance. Yeah. Social worker. I don't think any of my guidance counselors had any training. Oh, no, I'm sure mine didn guidance. Yeah. Social worker. I don't think any of my guidance counselors had any training.

Oh, no. I'm sure mine didn't. Yeah. I remember I needed one of my guidance counselors just to send off a thing, and he never did. Wow. He was busy smoking. Yeah. And also probably, you know, he probably had a comic book that, you know, Spider-Man deals with peer pressure or something.

Oh, he would give you a comic book? Yeah. Do you think I meant a comic book that he wrote? Well, I don't know. He had a comic book. I don't know where you're going with this. He gave you a comic book about Spider-Man going through puberty or something? Or, and I like the idea of he's like, hey, I wrote this comic book.

And like you to read it. Yeah. It's about you to read it. Yeah. It's about you. It's called Peer Pressure Boy. Oh, boy. So, university was a blast? Yeah, it was fun.

UBC was amazing. And, yeah. And then I got into the comedy scene here. Yeah. And I met another comedian named Pam Ledwar. I don't know if you remember her from way back. Really tall, heavy girl, big knockers. I'd remember that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, she crushes a beer can between her ta-tas. Really? Yeah. And you guys want to put your dick between there? No, I don't. I never said that. Who said that? Yeah, who told you that?

Graham was saying Off air That's all he wanted to do But you were not Supposed to mention that No she did this on stage She would Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah An empty beer can Yeah yes Okay Because you ruined your shirt Yeah It was great for recycling So yeah

I met her When we hit it off And she wanted To be a screenwriter I wanted you know clearly do stand-up so we thought well um let's move to los angeles so the two of us were like thelma and louise in the middle of the night crossing the border at uh not peace arch but one of the smaller ones and we had a cat in the microwave in the front seat the guy's like

barely looked up from his paper it you know this was 1997 Where you girls going? We're just going to play bingo The car was rammed full of her stuff And there was a cat in a microwave? Is that what you said? A cat and a microwave At one point she let the cat out Of it's cage

And of course it was terrified being in the car So we're on the freeway We're in the states And the cat jumps, in front of her while she's driving. And she's trying to, like, pull the cat down because it's trying to jump out the window. And she's getting shredded in the car. It's like, you know, oh, my God, it was terrifying. This is a real Spade and Farley joint. Pretty much.

Yep. So then we moved down to L.A. And what, when she was driving with the cat on, like, what were her boobs like? What's going on with those things? Bleeding. Oh, yeah. At that point. So you guys went down there, no papers or anything like that?

No. You just went down? Yeah, no, no. Just illegal crossing the border. Wow. And basically just, you know, started doing the open mic scene down there, sitting on the pavement outside the Laugh Factory for eight hours to get three minutes of material.

And I got passed to the comedy store, I think, within two months, something like that. Oh, wow. And, yeah. So you had to line up during the day? At the Laugh Factory, I think it's still the same. On Tuesdays, you basically line up to join the day. At the Laugh Factory, I think it's still the same. On Tuesdays, you basically line up. They come out at 6 p.m., and people, comics would start lining up at 10 o'clock in the

morning to form a line outside the Laugh Factory to get their names on the list because it was so competitive. But, like, is it only the first 10 people or whatever? Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, you'd show up and be like, well, there's already 10. They're not going to be the 11th. I guess there maybe would be some drop-off for bathroom.

Yeah, well, that's it. People would come in and say, oh, I put my name on the list and then I'm going. Somebody saved my spot because they would create their own list first. It was very, it was so bizarre. It was so bizarre. The line would create its own list?

It was sometimes a serious mutiny. I mean, the drama that was involved in this, it was unbelievable. Would people brag about being on the list, the line list at the Laugh Factory? Like, I haven't been in the Laugh Factory yet, but I've made it. On the line list. I've made that line list a couple times.

But I met some great comics that I'm still friends with just from meeting them on the sidewalk outside the Lab Factory. So, you know, it was a bonding experience. That's what it used to be at the old Yuck Yucks here. You had to show up. It wasn't that early, but you had to show up at like 6 for the show that started, I guess, at 8.30 or whatever. For the amateur night or whatever? For the amateur night.

And you just sat there. They let us sit in the club. Right. But we just sat there. And then they would just really come out and randomly, you, you, you, you, and you. Oh, wow. Everybody else, see you next week kind of thing. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, it was really. So it's that same thing, though. The people that I sat there with, I still know those people. Yeah, yeah. Even though none of them do stand-up anymore. It's still like. They're all dead. They're all dead. They're all dead. You still know them. Yeah, I still know those people. Even though none of them do stand-up anymore. They're all dead. They're all dead. You still know them. Yeah, I still know them. I still contact

them via Ouija board. But yeah, that's like a weird thing to do, but it's something you would do when you're young. We'll go, we'll just hop in a car, we'll go to LA. I think that's what clubs should do for the weekend shows, too. Like, hey, who wants the headline?

Get in line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who wants it the most? Yeah. Yeah, the Hunger Games of comedy. So how long did you live in L.A. before you were like? Seven years. Okay.

Did you eventually get any paperwork or illegal? Well, the thing is, I ended up getting married. I met a guy, and we were chatting online and hanging out. And basically, yeah, the comedy set got passed to the comedy store. And he was like, oh, I started to panic because they wanted my social security number. Just make one up. Yeah, Marty and I. One.

Marty and I had only been dating a couple of months. And he said, you know, would it be better if you got married? And I said, well, that would help. And so we ended up getting married. Oh, wow. And getting all my paperwork done. Now, when you got married, was it like a let's go to City Hall and we'll just get the— No, we actually had a proper—my family came down.

We had a really nice marriage in the park. Yeah, no, it was great. Cool. I mean, it was—you know i we were married for 13 years so you know i our relationship grew you know i we were only together for four or five months before we got married so i loved him more like you know a couple years later than i did on our wedding day it was one of those things maybe that's the way to do it get to know each other yeah get married early yeah i'm just like i'll grow on you well you know you there's you'll just

stand on a street corner on one knee and whoever comes along yeah whoever lines up at the apm you. You never come back. Well, that's a pretty good story as it all goes. And then you decided, let's go. We're going to move to Vegas. No more Los Angeles. Yeah, I was just getting, it was just getting so difficult because I was working in the UK. And every time I came back to LA, I just, LA can be very angry.

You have to, like, you're always stuck in traffic. The public transport system is very difficult, Uh, you have to, like, you're always stuck in traffic. Yeah. The public transport system is very difficult, especially if you have accessibility issues. I heard about this one bus that couldn't go under 50 miles an hour or it would explode. There's a thing I heard about in Los Angeles. A real. That's a real thing. It's a real life story. Yeah.

Um, are we allowed to say bad words? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Um, yeah, I'd never been told to fuck off more than by bus drivers in LA. What?

It was so bizarre. They had accessible buses, yet they were running behind schedule. So they were like, no, it's not working. I'm like, prove it. And they go, no, fuck off. And I was just like, how is this even possible? So anyway, it was just to get around the frustration of la you have to part a pay to park everywhere you know and then my best

friend pam who i moved down with uh to la a friends of ours had just moved to vegas the housing market was super cheap uh renting was cheap so pam decided move. So then we decided to move and, um, yeah, already got a job at the Mirage dealing poker. It was great. And I loved it. I loved living in Vegas. And now you live in a place that has a castle. I do. We live in Norwich, England.

Uh, I'm now divorced. I'm with Kevin who I dated before. For the home listener. He's sitting right here. Yes. My lovely honey is sitting here. I dated before. For the home listener, he's sitting right here. Yes, my lovely honey is sitting here. We dated before I was with Marty, like a couple of years before that. And then we

drifted apart. And then a year and a half after my divorce, we started talking again on Facebook. And now we've been together four and a half years. Nice. And now you live in the fairy tale town of Norwich. I feel like Norwich is like a real fairytale town. It is beautiful. It is very, yeah, it's very English. There's a lot of really cool buildings. You know, and then they've got the...

What are the fairytale towns? Oh, Notting Hill. Transylvania. Yeah, Transylvania. Notting Hill Forest. Sherwood Forest. Sherwood Forest. Sherwood Forest, yeah. You think Robin Hood is a fairy tale?

Is he a real guy? Well, he's not Cinderella. No, he's no Cinderella. Yeah, that's always the kind of, because I've been to Nottingham, right? That's a town. Nottingham, yes? That's a town. Nottingham, yes. Nottingham Shire. Yeah, that's it.

Oh, look at you, Dave. They just add shire to anything. Yeah. They love it over there. Is Robin Hood, is he a real thing? Is he a real guy? There's statues of him all over Nottingham. He was the Prince of Thieves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm aware of the... But I thought he was... Is he a real... I think he may have been, you know... Like an actual guy? Yeah. Huh. Huh. What about Friar Tuck? Yeah, yeah.

You're a real guy? Yeah, one of my good friends in the UK, Jonathan Mayer, he... John Mayer, the thing? Jonathan Mayer. Very talented guitarist, yeah. Very different person, very different.

Jonathan, his husband is the former Sheriff of Nottingham. Oh! Yes. Oh, there you go. Kevin just reminded me. Pretty good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, that's got to be a competitive... It's pretty cool. Yeah, we you go. Pretty good. Oh, man. That's got to be a competitive job.

It's pretty cool. Yeah, we all know they line up. Just to get my name on the list would be the Sheriff. Oh, yeah, because that's Sheriff of Nottingham and Sheriff of Tombstone. Those are the two. What's that? The movie Tombstone? Did you see the Tombstone movie either?

I didn't see movies between, well. What are you, a Hutterite? I think the first movie I saw was this true story about a bus that could not slow down. It was called Fastie. Fast. Did you never see Tombstone? Don't like the old West. Okay.

Got no time for it. Oh, wow. Who's in it? It's Kurt Russell. It's, what's his name from Top Gun? Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer. Who else?

Kevin. Oh, Sam Elliott. Oh, Sam Elliott. And then And the other guy Oh sure I can't remember the other guy Steve Buscemi

Yeah it might have been Steve Buscemi Could have been Christian Slater Oh okay Do you remember who it is? No You can't remember But it's good Yeah

It's one of the best westerns Oh I love best westerns I always stay there I will not go to a Radisson. La Quinta can bite my ass. Tombstone's for me, because it's one of the best Westerns. Yeah, I mean, I guess if you don't like... Do you like Westerns?

Tombstone is literally probably one of the only ones that I don't like Do you ever see Unforgiven? I have but it's been so long Yeah that was real If you don't like westerns you really hate that one That was one of the most western westerns that ever has been made

What's that one with Seth MacFarlane Oh A Million Ways to Die in the West Yeah that was pretty funny We just watched the, what's that one with Seth MacFarlane? Oh, A Million Ways to Die in the West? Yeah, that was pretty funny. Yeah, I saw that. Was it all right? It was all right.

Yeah, like, I mean. It's got jokes. It's got jokes. Sure. I mean, it's ripe. It's ripe for. Why is Charlize Theron in some random movies? Why is she in that?

Why is she in the new Fast and the Furious? Really? Yeah. Yeah, she's I don't know. She's an interesting She's really grasping, isn't she? Well, she, I feel like she can do a lot. Yeah. Yeah, clearly. You know, she was in Mad Max.

Pretty unrecognizable. She was, didn't she, it was her that played Eileen Varos or whatever the serial killer. Yeah, she won an Oscar for that. She was phenomenal in played Eileen. Varos or whatever. Yeah. The serial killer. Yeah, she won an Oscar for that. She was phenomenal in that.

Yeah. She packed on the weight. Yeah, she was great. And then she's like funny on Arrested Development. Oh, yeah. She's multifaceted. Yeah. Yeah, she's all right.

Yeah. No, I've got no problem with her. It just seems weird that she's, you know, making out with Vin Diesel in this movie. You know, speaking of which, The Rock is starting to talk about that he maybe wants to be president. Now, Graham, by the time this episode comes out, he'll already be president. At this point, anything can happen. President The Rock Johnson. Oh, boy.

I mean. What's that? What's the name of the. Idiocracy? No, the insult dog from David Letterman. Triumph? Triumph. Yeah, he could be president.

Like, I mean. Oh, yeah. But I think, like, if The Rock ran, then he would win. Right? Boy. I mean, apparently apparently the celebrities are lying that Oprah wants to do it. Mark Zuckerberg.

Oh, yeah. I guess he's not really a celebrity. I'd recognize him if he came in a club. Right? You'd be like, what are you doing here? You don't belong here.

Yeah, exactly. Do you own this club? Coke. Who else? Yeah, Oprah's always kind of been floating it that she would really yeah because you know yeah she i she would tear it up yeah and like i mean i don't know if she'd do a good job but people would definitely like i don't know if anyone would vote for her though you think i don't know like she started her own channel and no one got it. Yeah, but it's like...

We're not going to follow you past your four o'clock time slot. Most people don't vote, so you take them out, and then you're left with the people who are going to vote this way or the other way. And all the people that are not going to vote for her anyways aren't going to vote for her. Well, they might. Yeah, maybe. She does have appeal. If she decides, if she says everybody's going to get a new car. Yeah.

Old people love cars. Or look under your seats at home. There's a DVD of... Tombstone. There probably, most people at home Probably have a DVD Under their couch somewhere They haven't watched in a while Oh my god

Oprah put it there Yeah it's all scratched up Oh that would be such a great If it was Santa at Christmas The Easter Bunny at Easter And then somewhere in the summer Oprah puts a DVD

Under your couch The Tooth Fairy Yeah Oh boy Yeah Dave what's going on with you? under your couch. The tooth fairy. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, well, this week was a big week for me. Yeah.

It's been like, I mean, you're here on a terrible day. Yes. Sunwise. But the weather started getting good about a week ago. Yeah. Yeah. And so I have a two-year-old and a four-month-old. Oh my.

And we took them, I mean, the four-month-old doesn't care. She's a prop. We took the two-year-old to a petting zoo. Oh yeah. For I think the first, no, maybe not the first time. I think we took her once to like a kangaroo zoo. Cool. But we went to Maplewood Farm up in North Vancouver.

Yep. And she pet goats. she petted goats. She petted rabbits. I mean, it's just hard to try to convince a child that the rabbits fall. Oh, a snack? Yeah, after like 50 kids have already given a rabbit a carrot. like maybe the 51st kid is going to be disappointed. Yeah. They should swap out rabbits on the hour every hour.

Uh-huh. Because they probably have a lot of them, right? Well, yeah, they breed. Yeah, yeah. They're notorious breeders. And then, you know, just bring in a hungry rabbit for the four o'clock shift. A less burned out one. Yeah, and then

let the other rabbit go have carrot diarrhea somewhere. Carrot diarrhea, by the way, is underrated. I hate when comics take down carrot diarrhea. It's one of the hardest working diaries in Las Vegas. Used, overused from us. But then we walked past, there was a girl having a birthday there, and she got a pony ride.

And my two-year-old, Margo, never has had any interest in horses or ponies or anything. She saw this, and she's like, I'm next. That's my birthday now. So we told her, you're not next. I'm next. That's my birthday now. To be sure we told her, you're not next. Mostly because we know she wants to sit on it. She doesn't want to ride.

Right. But so I think we are now going to get a pony. Oh, good. I think we're going to be pony people. Are you going to just set it up in the backyard and just let it be a backyard pony? I guess so. Inside outside pony? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, I guess we'll give it inside privileges. You could get one of those half doors. Oh, yes. Get a dwarf pony. Oh, yeah. Have those dwarf ones. Why not? Are those the ones that wear shoes?

Do dwarf ponies wear shoes? What are the ponies that wear, like, sneakers? I have not seen this. Oh, wow. Google sneaker ponies. Wait. I thought you could Google anything. Yeah. Google sneaker ponies. Oh, wait. I thought you could Google anything. Siri, Google sneaker ponies.

Now, Margo's got like a real adventurer spirit. How so? Well, she broke her leg on that slide that one time. At least that's what they told the police. Police never investigated it. Yeah. They were full with this, these pony murders.

But she, she will see something and then want to do it, right? So, because as a kid, like I would see in Calgary,

growing up in Calgary, seeing a kid ride on the back of a sheep. That was a big thing that they would have. And would you see it and want to do it? No. Oh. No, no.

I would see it and just say a tiny little thankful prayer that my parents never made me ride on a sheep with my hockey helmet on. That's what they would do with these kids during the stampede. Have you ever seen that? No. Well, I haven't been to the stampede. No, unfortunately. They put little kids. I haven't been to the stampede. No, unfortunately. They put little kids.

I haven't either, but people send me videos. Yeah, they put a little kid on a sheep. And it's like a Bonko breast busting kind of thing. Bonko? Yeah, my Uncle Bonko. Uncle Bonko. And they would always wear these hockey helmets. And then they would time them to see how long they'd stay on the sheep.

And it's hilarious. I mean, it is very funny. But when I was a kid, I was just like, oh, I'm so glad that my parents aren't like, well, you're five. Get on the sheep. No son of mine is going to wuss out on this. Your rite of passage. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Get on the sheep. No son of mine is going to wuss out on this. You're right of passage. Yeah, exactly. We've been keeping the sheep.

Do the sheep like it? I don't think. What are sheep like? Oh, boy. They're afraid of everything. Aren't sheep afraid of everything? Are you thinking of fainting goats? No, but I feel like I've seen videos of you know somebody like surprising a sheep and then them

all running away. I guess so. Aren't they easy to herd? Well does that mean they're afraid? I guess so. Yeah I don't know. But so did Margo ever get to get up on the horse? No. No. No we're not doing that. So yeah that was fun.

And then. And she wasn't afraid to pet these animals either? She wasn't into it Like the look on her face was like I guess I'll do it But she did it She was into feeding the The rabbits

Right And then there were some animals that she was like Why can't we get closer Like there were chickens And she was like well let's get in there Those are just to look at I want to hug a peacock And she was like, why can't we get closer? Like there were chickens. And she was like, well, let's get in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, those are just to look at. Uh-uh.

I want to, you know, hug a peacock. Oh, man. So that was a fun adventure. And the other thing with the nice weather is our grass just started growing. Right. After a winter. And it's just full of weeds. Yeah.

And so I've just been like digging out weeds and yanking on them. I'm like trying to pull them out by the root. What's your gardening outfit like? Shorts. Yeah. Hat. Some sort of hat.

Tube top. See, once you get this horse though, then you can, the horse. Exactly. Yeah. That horse is going to pull its weight. But I forgot. There's a phenomenon that I notice every year

When you pull weeds for like an hour It's like playing Tetris Where you know when you're done playing Tetris You close your eyes and you see the pieces I see like the roots of a weed Right For a few hours afterwards Um

No I've never done I think maybe this is some kind of sixth sense i'm developing yeah i don't know if it's of any use to anyone maybe that's the green thumb yes yeah maybe you're developing the green thumb it's like the shining yeah i'm not sure a green thumb is like just pulling weeds i don't I think a green thumb is making things grow. Oh, sure. But I've never done any gardening of any description. What's your gardening outfit?

Non-existent. Oh, right. Yeah. Naked. Are you a gardener at all? No. I got way better things to do, like sleeping and stuff. Sure.

But you can't sleep all the time. Yeah, I know, but gardening, we live in an apartment, so I don't have to worry about that. And then, yeah, previously, you were in the desert, so... Cactus don't need weeding. What do they? I don't know.

You don't want to yank on a cactus. No, that's true. Don't tug on Superman's cape. Don't yank on a cactus. So, yeah, that's... Are you planting anything? No. Oh yeah, kind of cactus. So yeah, that's... Are you planting anything? No. I mean, no. Every year we have sort of an herb garden.

We get like a couple herbs. Yeah. Herbs? Herbs. Herbs? What do you say? Herbs. Herbs. Herbs. Eleven herbs and spices. I'd like some herbs. But like, pass me the herb. Stop it.

I don't think your weed smoking character is very believable. Pass me da herb. Herbivores? Herbivores. Yeah, I wouldn't say herbivore. I would say herbivore. I would say herbivore. Damn it.

Herb Alpert. Herb Alpert. Yeahivore. Damn it. Herb alpert. Herb alpert. Yeah, that makes that work. Yeah. Herb tarlick. Anyway, yeah, we plant like, you know, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme. The big four. Nothing grows.

And then we starve. And then we starve. Yeah, because that's the thing, too, is, like, you know, I know people that garden that are pretty, like, hardcore about it, that they, you know, do vegetables. And they know, like, the, you know, the window of growing a particular kind of flower and you need this type of soil and all that stuff. It seems like a real, it's like, it's like the oldest nerdy thing that you could have been nerdy about. Right? Like where you know all this information and there's like, you know. I guess it's nerdy,

but it's like things that you can use to survive. Yeah, yeah. It's food. That's true. But I always, like I thought, like fishing I also thought was kind of nerdy. I don't know. Am I wrong? I love to fish also thought was kind of nerdy. I don't know. Am I wrong?

No, I love to fish. Do you? Yeah, yeah. What kind of fishing are we talking about? Well, okay. So when I was younger, my grandparents lived on Trout Lake in Ontario. So clearly Trout was the big thing up there in the freshwater. And then my.

Is there one lake in the world called Trout Lake and this is it? Well, I don't know. Oh, okay. All right. And, uh, then my dad's sister, I had a, um, a company, a logging company up in BC and they lived on a, um, uh, a log barge and we would go up there, like way up the coast and go salmon

fishing. So like. My record was 13 salmon in one morning. Really? Yeah, and, like, we would catch them and put them in the pan. Oh, so good. With a net or a hook? No, like, proper fishing.

In a boat on the shore? In a boat. In a boat. Always in a boat? Yeah, for me it was much easier in the boat. Right. But we'd get up at 4 o'clock in the morning and take the skiff out and, yep. Really?

Yeah, it was amazing. Because I know nothing of fishing. You can't even eat fish? I can't eat fish. Allergic to fish. Really? Yeah, yeah. Sucks.

What is, because I've seen people do it, you cast, then you just sit, or do you, is there something that you're doing in the meantime to kind of like? Well, I guess it depends on, you know, if it's fresh water, like still water or running water, like you can slowly reel it in. So it depends on your bait. Right. You know, to make the lures jiggle so you can, you know, reel it in and draw the fish. Did you always use live bait? I can't remember for the salmon if it was live bait, to be perfectly honest.

I think it was lures because, I mean, oh, this is a good story. My sister, when we were fishing the same thing, all of a sudden she thought that she got grounded, like caught on some seaweeds. Like the line was not moving and they were pulling it and pulling it and it was bending the rod, the whole shebang. And then finally something came loose and my aunt is reeling it in because it was super super tough reeling it and reeling it in and it was a uh 15 pound ling cod which is the one of the ugliest fish you'll ever see big googly eyes the thing is she never caught the ling cod she caught a much smaller fish and the ling cod came and he refused to let it go and we got him in the boat.

That shows you what's the lesson there. Greedy, greedy. Is that going to rhyme? Greedy, greedy chicken deedy. What? Were you asking if it was live bait or lures because you were trying to prove that it's super

nerdy no because there's people that fish that they would never use anything but live bait they're crazy about live bait and then there's uh what are you talking about? Mostly about Paul Bay. Okay. About who? Comedian Paul Bay. He's a big, big fisherman. Loves fishing. Loves that live bait. Yeah, loves that live bait.

But yeah, I don't know. I know nothing of fishing. Grew up in Calgary. There was nowhere. I grew up here. I don't like boats. I don't love fish. So there you go.

So, you know, what's going on with you? Not much. I was trying to think of what was going on with me during the week. My folks came into town for an evening and went out to, I thought it was a fancier place than, like, have you ever been to a place and thought, wow, this is really fancy, and then gone back and you're like, what was I thinking? Milestones? Are you talking about milestones? No, it was a spaghetti place. But I guess there's only so fancy a spaghetti place can be, right?

What's this place? You don't want to blow up their spot? Oh, yeah, I don't want to blow up their spot. Oh, you were almost going to say the name of it. What does it rhyme with? The Bold Spaghetti Factory? Yeah. What does the name of it rhyme with?

The Bold Spaghetti Factory? Yeah. But they were in town for a night because they're going on a cruise. Ever been on a cruise? I was, a guy that I dated was an executive chef on the Disney Cruise Line. And so I got on board the Vancouver to Alaska. That's what they just went on. Yeah. Yeah.

My mom's going in on Sunday. This Sunday she's going on a Disney cruise. Are your parents on a Disney cruise? No, they're not on a Disney. Yeah. My mom's going on like some other. So what happens on a Disney cruise that doesn't happen on a regular? Well, for one thing.

Okay. So I'm dating a guy that's clearly working and I'm a single. And so then I'm now a single person on a ship full of children. And that's all. It's just children's activities. So I just kind of met some of the other girlfriends and spouses of some of the employees. And we just kind of met on the ship. And then I'd sit in the bar with a glass of wine getting shit-faced by myself.

Yeah. And then like some other guys drink it with you. And it turns out he's goofy during the day or something. Because are there? He's Goofy's girlfriend. Are there those mascots and stuff? Oh, yeah, yeah. They've got everything there.

Every night's a different theme, like a whole pirate theme. And it's pretty extravagant what they put on for the children. Yeah. If you've got kids, that's definitely a good thing. But as a person that's not a fan of children i uh i was reading this thing in the new yorker it's like really fancy fancy restaurant had a day where it was just kids and uh it sounded so funny because they served them like fancy food but that the kids would like. Did they do this for like YouTube?

A viral thing? I think they did it for, yeah, it's a publicity thing. Was it for Cordon? But it's funny that like kids, you know, you could give them scrambled eggs or you could give them like the best thing in the world.

Same, same diff. Do you have chicken fingers? Yeah, yeah. And so it's, they probably go to a lot more work than they have to you know what i mean yep they could just give them like a room full of

cardboard boxes use your imagination oh yeah that's so true look at this rabbit feed him as many carrots feed him carrots it'll explode so you saw your parents i saw my parents they're cruising they're cruising so uh and then yeah the rest of the the week it was it's like the first week where it's like nice out so i saw my first uh dude do you know well yeah and a dude wearing flip-flops so i saw my first men's feet of the year and uh every year i like to take a little time out to tell guys, knock it off. Knock it off with your gross feet. Put on some socks or go get your feet fixed. But would you even notice if a guy had fixed feet?

Did you go get your feet fixed? Did you get, last time you were talking about your feet? No, that's next week. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go get a pedicure. Do you ever do that? I don't really have because my feet are like

little sausages. My toes are little sausages. I don't have a lot of toenails and stuff. Right. Because I walk directly on the toes. My feet are very soft

and I don't have callousy feet. Right. I don't have a... What about manicure? I have manicures once in a while. Yeah.

It's the blue moon. Do you like that procedure? I mean, I love it. It'sure? I have manicures once in a while. Yeah. It's a blue moon. Do you like that procedure? I mean, I love it. It's very relaxing. I'd rather go for a massage. Like, that's my thing. Oh, I don't think I could ever go for a massage. Really?

Oh, that's so fantastic. No, I'd be worried about the person like, oh, what am I touching? Yeah, the person being like, oh, what have I done to deserve this? Exactly. Just making all sorts of... Whose body did he switch with?

You know, making noises. Oh. Oh. So, oh, and then also this week I went to the symphony. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you? Yeah, who am I? Spaghetti onephony. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who are you? Yeah, who am I?

I get spaghetti one night. Fancy restaurants. Yeah. Symphony. You've changed. Oh, yeah. I've got real champagne taste now. So tell me about the symphony.

It's just like people in the tuxedos playing music? That's exactly it. Playing a bunch of moldy old songs? Well, okay. There was this one. Oh, boy. that's exactly it playing a bunch of moldy old songs well okay there was this one oh boy they brought out a person who had written a brand new song concerto whatever you want to call it

I don't know it was open mic night yeah first five conductors this lady came out and she was All right, first five conductors. This lady came out, and she was describing her process writing this, and she had the most, like, if you were doing this character on SNL, they'd be, like, too broad.

She had the most actually nerdy, like, when I was writing this, I could not stop laughing so that's not good what circumstance led you to go to the symphony oh it was date so yeah you don't go tinder I'm at the symphony anybody else

want to sit with me and you know it's fine they play songs that you're like i love that one you didn't go on may 4th did you no god no but then they uh they do this weird thing and i don't know if they do this at symphonies all the time because i haven't been but they play like everybody comes on stage and it's like a big production that everybody's warming up right and then they play one song and then by singer songwriter mozart then it's this big shuffle on stage where they're taking away chairs and moving in more chairs.

They move a piano on stage. I'm like, why didn't they do that? Why would they do the one number that didn't need all of that stuff? Did they not do soundcheck? It was like watching an hour of soundcheck. Because they did the one song and then they reshuffle all these chairs. How long a shuffle? Like at least 20 minutes.

Between songs? Yeah. Oh my God. And are you told to stay in your seat? Yeah, the doors are locked. Yeah, it's a murder-suicide date. But it's not, is it like an intermission or do people get up? No, no.

Then they played the song that was by the woman and then there was an intermission. So in that 20 minute where they're rearranging stuff, they pipe in a little bit of pop music? Yeah, a little bit of pink. Yeah. Just like they're still in the mood

for music. Yeah, it was... What's your favorite symphony song? Oh, I don't know. Oh, sure. That one. Did you get everyone?

Was there someone with the timpani? Yes. The big drums? Oh, yeah. I played the timpani. Really? In band, believe it or not. What they did is, so they tuned it, and then they put a piano bench across, so I was able to stand on the piano bench.

Nice. And sort of run back and bing, bing. Except I hit the timpani, and it bounces bounces back because they're big foam thingies. And I smacked myself in the head. I just fucking knocked myself right off the piano table. This is before YouTube. You would have been an overnight sensation. Absolutely.

The lady that was doing the timpani during the crescendo, oh boy, she really looked like a gorilla. She was really good. She was really, yeah. It was really funny. So that's what I got away from it. So, yeah. Did you dress up? No, no, no. No, I mean I wore a nice shirt.

Okay. Do people dress up? No. Really? This is Vancouver. No way, man. Maybe the opera people dress up. Yeah.

There's, it's surprisingly like... It's a real mixed bag. There's some people who are very dressed up, and then other people who are ruining it for those people. It doesn't sound like it was a professional night at the opera, or at the... Yeah, well, that rearranging thing was really odd. Yeah, because that's... That feels like it's a bit amateur now, right? Yeah, exactly.

Like, let's play that song at the end because... Yeah, do roadies come out? Yeah, and they're dressed in tuxedos. Really? Yeah. Is everyone on stage in tuxedos? Pretty much. Even the ladies?

The ladies are, yeah, they're wearing all matching tuxedo-like but long skirts. And this was a thing I've never noticed before is like a cellist, a violin. They don't applaud. Like when the conductor says something, he's like, you know, and so-and-so is going to Germany to join this orchestra. They don't clap. They just wave their bows.

Oh, that was very, it's like how hockey players hit their sticks on the boards. Yeah. And how, you know, gorillas. Yeah. I hit a, hit a bone on a rock.

So, yeah, that's what I did. Real culture vulture. Oh, yeah. Spaghetti and symphony. Yeah. The two S's. The two big S's of culture. Do we want to move on to some overheard?

Sure. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to move on to some overheard? Sure. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You got to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You got to shine your shoes. You got to sweep the floor. You got to clean your house. You got to do some more.

Take care of business. Spot Todd testing yourself. It's brought to you this week by Squarespace. Make your next move with Squarespace. Now, Squarespace, now this isn't a moving company, though. When they say make your next move, you could probably make a moving company website. There it is.

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Shrash. New episodes every month at MaximumFun.org. Oh no, Ross and Carrie. They show up so you don't have to. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world and then we talk about them here on the show. And then, you know what?

We all feel better about ourselves. I feel. We always like to start with the guest. You have an overheard, Tammy Lee? Yes. We were at Grandville Island the other day. I was talking with one of the participants I'm working on a project with. And just randomly, you know, we were in conversation and it just stopped and all of

a sudden at the next table all I heard was well you can't be born a chicken and it just was like then that's all I heard like I didn't hear the rest of it just it was like well I guess that's like maybe a chicken and the egg conversation or like is that you're hatched you You can't be born? Oh, yeah. But then I didn't know if it meant like, you know, when you call somebody a chicken, like don't be chicken. Oh, right. Right. Yeah.

So trying to learn it. Yeah. Yeah, like nobody's born a chicken. You get that through, you know, your parents tell you not to pet a pony. Not to ride a sheep. Are you a chicken? You know, I think I could be. I think I could be chicken about certain things.

You know, what am I chicken about? What are you chicken about? What are you chicken about? Is that aggressive? Yeah, a little bit. I am not too chicken. I am pretty outgoing. But when it comes to snakes, not good with reptiles.

Yeah. So I'm pretty chicken when it comes to snakes, not good with reptiles. Yeah. So I'm pretty chicken when it comes to that. And scary movies, don't do scary movies. Other than that, I'll do. You know, it's a great movie. It's this one. It's about this fast bus. Not too scary.

It was scary for me. Are you a chicken of anything? Yeah. Yeah? Like. Gardening. Phone calls. Yeah, phone calls are pretty intimidating.

Like, we were talking about back in the, a few weeks ago, we were talking about, you know, as a kid being too afraid to make prank calls. And now, like, as an adult, I'm too afraid to make legitimate phone calls. Oh, I got to call a guy at his job and ask him for a thing. I had to call somebody To ruin his day And I realized I've always had A pretty good phone manner

And it's It's pretty much That's going to waste In this texting era Oh so people answer phone Yeah Answer phone now Yeah yeah

Like I'm good I'm good on the phone Is what I realized This week Speaking Terrible Yeah Terrible. Yeah.

Terrible. Really? Well, with this high-pitched helium-sounding voice, people immediately, if they, you know, back when we had landlines, they'd call up and they're like, oh, your mom or dad home? And it's like, this is my apartment. Yeah. And then, as a matter of fact, my mom is right here. But you had no way of knowing.

People don't just seem to take me seriously Like it's just with this voice So are you pro-texting? I'm totally pro-texting Did you have a thing when you were When you were like a teenager Where people called and didn't know if it was you or your dad? Yes I had that too

Yeah pretty much right I never had that Just throwing it out there. This is Tony Lee's dad? Dave, do you have an over? Mine is an overseen. It was a sign that I saw while I was going into a restaurant. And it was the kind of like handwritten sign that they kind of made.

Like, it seems like the last minute that restaurants have that say uh you know no public bathroom oh yeah out of avocado yeah or something like that and it just said is this a restaurant called sushi yama a sushi restaurant and it says sushi yama doesn't have an official website so stop asking yeah if you can make that you know if you could get an email register they're getting that many questions about their official website well is it people coming in and saying like well it says on your website you do uh you know some kind of egg thing so it's not an official maybe someone's doing a you know yeah what Yeah, what's like a Sushi Yama fan site? Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. And they're the ones saying the special, but no, no, it's not on the official site. No, no, it's fan fiction. You're reading some fan fiction about our restaurant. Yeah, that fish only exists in the Harry Potter books. I wonder if SushiYama.com has taken. Listeners out there, this is your chance. Fake news. Yeah, buy it, sit on it, sell it to SushiYama.com has taken Listeners out there, this is your chance Fake news

Yeah, buy it, sit on it, sell it to SushiYama Yeah They must have looked into it by now They made a sign There's no way we can look it up Nope, well, I don't have the tools What's your overheard? Mine is from

There's a couple gals getting on the train. Now, I don't know if this is, because I don't know about this world at all. I know white people with dreadlocks is problematic. I know that. But are white people wearing the jewel on the forehead? Is that? Oh, that's Gwen Stefani. Yeah, I guess it's Gwen Stefani.

Was that called a bindi? Yeah, bindi. Is that okayani. Was that called a bindi? Yeah, bindi. Is that okay? Is that a thing that white people? I think less and less. It's okay for white people to do things. Okay. At all?

So it was these two hippie ladies, both with the bindi and just the hippiest looking clothes that you ever want to see. And they got on the train together and then they were sharing earbuds. And the one girl started snapping along to the beat. And I was like, oh boy, are you new to earbuds or what? Like they're supposed to so that I don't have to hear it. And then she said very, very hippie-ishly to her friend, oh, I can see why you like this. This beats really you.

Gross. I think the snapping along to half an earbud is just like, let the other person know I am enjoying this music. I'm from your planet. Yeah, we went and put crystals on our head together and we're friends.

This is what we do. Oh, boy. Yeah. Oh, boy. And, you know, was I on for just one stop with these ladies? No. Oh, sir. All the way to the end of my stop, they were there.

What's the age limit for friends being able to share earbuds? No age. It goes all from kids. I agree. Yeah, age 5 to 105 Sharing earbuds What could be romantic? More romantic

We share earbuds on occasion If we're on the train And we're going to watch a movie Oh yeah You know we have no choice really To watch it on the iPad It's fun You know we're not clapping along to it

Or anything like that Well if you get really excited Yeah a concert movie maybe Yeah Now we also have overheards flopping along to it or anything like that. Well, if you get really excited. Yeah, a concert movie maybe? Yeah. Now, we also have overheards sent into us by people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org or sushiyama.org slash bizza. We do not have an official website.

This is not a sanctioned website. Fake fish news. Fakefishnews.org This first one comes from Sean in St. Louis. So someone in the restaurant must have made the executive decision. We're getting too many... Yeah, we could just sign up a website. No.

No, I'll make a sign. This guy, Sean, on my way from St. Louis to Chicago, I stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere to use the restroom and found the best graffiti ever. I've changed the name, so it's not the name that he saw, but he changed it to Jim Sullivan. Okay. And it said, Jim Sullivan is the worst person in the world. One time, he licked a live cat's fanny, and he has an insane clown posse tattoo. Wow. I mean, better than a dead cat.

Yeah, that's true. Or is it? Yeah, I think so. But the insane clown posse tattoo really piles it on. Like, this person knows that that person doesn't want anybody to know that they have an ICP. I mean. Tattoo?

I guess. Like, I think it's all forgivable. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Well, isn't there a disease you get from cat poop that, like. That's. No, I think pregnant women aren't allowed to be around cat litter and cat poop. Oh, yeah.

Well, there goes my idea for a theme park for pregnant ladies. North America's only pregnant lady theme park. All the cats, cats of every stripe, even striped ones. If they make abortions illegal, then you can have this theme park. That could be their alternative. Oh, jeez. Oh, good lord. It took our fun theme park idea.

You borscht it up. You borscht it up. Oh, boy. This next one comes from Matt R. In Troy, New York. Hi, Troy. This is a local hair salon.. in Troy, New York. Hi, Troy. This is a local hair salon had a sign outside their establishment and appears somebody vandalized it by removing an L from the sign, which this is pretty clever. Whoever did this, they took the L out of welcome.

So it reads, we come facials. Very good. Yay. Nice. Well done, neighborhood teens. I mean, look, you go, everybody. Yeah, everybody have the best time. And finally, this one comes from Chris H. from Royersford, Pennsylvania.

My wife and I were at an outlet mall when we stopped into a shop that sells socks and hosiery. Inside the store was an exhausted mother with two young kids. Why would you bring two kids into a hosiery? I know. I love it. The little boy, probably five years old, was climbing on everything, and the mother said, Kyle, you know what happens if you mess around in the sock store, right? I'm going to call the police. Why are you bringing your kids to the sock store multiple times?

Oh, I know. And do you do you remember when your mom used to take you to the sock store? Yeah. Yeah. It was... I don't feel like there were stores just dedicated to socks. Now he's going to be a chicken, you know, who is traumatized by the sock store.

Oh, yeah. That's right. He'll never want to wear socks. He'll be a total sock chicken. Oh, yeah. He'll be like one of those... Yeah. Oh, he's wearing flip-flops.

Yeah, he's one of those guys. He's going to be one of those guys. Oh, boy. That's how's wearing flip-flops. Yeah, he's one of those guys. He's going to be one of those guys. Oh, boy. That's how those guys are created. Yeah. Dave, do we have other overheards? We do have overheards. If you would like to phone us with your overheard,

then you can do it by putting in some numbers into your phone. It's just that simple. Even an idiot could do it. And here's the number you got to use. It's 1-844-779-7631 that is one ugh spy pod one like these people have hey guys it's bart calling from memphis i just saw two girls dressed for a music festival walk out of their apartment. And one of them was rolling her eyes, said, ugh, my mom always thinks she looks so cute.

My mom thinks she looks so cute. Yeah. I don't know that my mom cared about that kind of, well, did she ever use the word cute is the question. Like, would it be weird if your mom came to you and said, do I look cute? Or your mom looked in the mirror and said, hey, you're i look cute yeah i'm cute um what do you think when you look in the mirror uh oh boy that's what i do the old fred flintstone go back to bed yeah oh boy

too early um what did fred flintstone use for a mirror? A turtle's shell. Yeah, that was really polished up. All right. Well, story checks out. Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave, Graham, and contemplative guest. This is Chris from Maine. Just calling in an overheard.

I was at a pharmacy recently, and waiting in line, and the people ahead of me was a mom and a daughter picking up a prescription. And when they finished, they rejoined their sister. The two girls are about maybe 8 and 10, and the 8-year-old getting the prescription holds up the prescription to her sister and says, Look, I got an inhaler. I guess back in the day, anything you could do to hold it over a sibling. I've got asthma. Look at me.

I'm better than you are. You are an asthmatic. Yes, I am. Is that a good term? Yeah, it's the proper term. Okay. Do your brothers have it? No. No, nobody else in the family's got the asthma. Was it cool to have

an asthma? Never. Never. I feel like there may have been a time when the Goonies came out, because wasn't there a character that had asthma? Didn't see any movies. Did you see Goonies? Yeah, totally, but I... I feel like there was a scene at the end. You've never seen Goonies?

No. Of course not. Wait, is that the one with the public transportation so fast? You're thinking of Money Train. Oh, boy, it's been stolen, you heard. Yeah, yeah. No, at the end of the movie, Goonies, the guy's going to take a hit off his inhaler and he throws it away. As if to say, don't make the choice to have asthma, kids.

This kid overcame his asthma. Sure. Dare to keep kids off inhalers. Here's your final overheard. Hi, guys. It's Lauren in Boston calling in with an overheard. Today at my job, I heard a girl on her phone say, so I called her and she was at the other water park

just going down a slide like it was no problem. She had her phone with her on the water slide? Do you answer the phone on the water slide? I'd be afraid of getting it wet. I guess maybe she's got one of those otter cases or something. Yeah. I mean. You got Susan as you're going down the slide.

Yeah. Go for Susan. What? Or maybe Bluetooth. Yeah. Oh, Bluetooth. That's true. Your friend has your phone down at the bottom of the slide.

Mm-hmm. No, I've never used a phone in any kind of water. Or like in a shower or a bath. No, of course not. You? No, no, no. No, you can't. No, but people always are taking pictures of their feet in the bathtub. So that's in, they're in water.

Yeah, but they're not going down a whirly boop. Is that a ride? Is that the name of a slide? Yeah, it's not outside of the possible names. Well, I mean, if you're in the tub, you know, you can take pictures. But when you're on a water slide, I mean, you're sloshing around. You're going to get wet. Yeah.

And it's going to get wet. But you're going to take some good pics. You're going to get a nice video. It's going to be worth it. And, yeah, it's going to be for the people that are watching it. They get nauseous as they're watching it. Yeah. Swirling down.

I mean, that would be pretty cool. Like the view from my office. Yeah. What was the name of the, the vomit, the vomit control? Is that the name?

Yeah. Good vomit control. Yeah. Um, well that, uh, brings us to the end of this year podcast. Uh, Tanya Lee, thank you very much for being our guest.

Thank you for having me, guys. It's a pleasure. Now, this comes out in June. We said you're going to be in, I can't remember. Portsmouth, England on September 9th. June 9th. June 9th. At the new Royal Theatre.

And if people want to find you online where do they go tanyaleedavis.com t-a-n-y-a-l-e-e-d-a-v-i-s and that's an official that's a sanctioned website absolutely official so you won't you don't have a shirt that says tanyaleedavis does not have a website yeah please do not ask about my website um and are you on uh your twitter i'm on the Twitter you can twat me at at Tanya Lee Davis I'm on Instagram as well

LIL comedian little comedian ah nice yeah and and well thank you so much for making time

fun thanks and enjoy your flight back to England I guess couple weeks yeah

and you listeners out there if you like the show you should head over and enjoy your flight back to England, I guess. A couple weeks. Yeah. And you listeners out there, if you like the show, you should head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap. It's our official website. Yeah, that's a sanctioned, this is a real website. You can look at pictures and videos relating to the content of this. Maybe this movie that you keep going on and on about.

Ah, Tombstone. Yeah. What else did we talk about? Oh, we talked about... Roller skating. Fishing. Fishing. We talked about the symphony. Oh, those ponies with sneakers.

Oh, yeah. These sneaker ponies. Stuffed rabbits. Yep. Oh, yeah, yeah. Rabbits. Rabbits. Carrots.

Yeah, eating too many carrots. And also, you know, coming up in the not too distant future, I will be in Toronto at the Toronto Fringe Festival doing a show called Graham Clark's Not Here. It promises to be real weird. Did you find

any sneaker ponies? There's a brand of sneaker called Pony and that's all I'm getting. No! No! No! Well, thanks a lot for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week. Oh my God.

Dave just showed me a picture of the sneaker ponies and it's real good. That's adorable. It's better than I could have imagined. That's a dwarf pony wearing sneakers. Sorry, I cut you off.

You were saying something? No, no. Nothing as important as this photo. This year's most important photo. If you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.