supermegashow - EP 287 - The Bicycle Pump Fiasco

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

Matt and his friend discover true friendship with a bicycle pump. There are other conversations too. Right now, when you purchase a 3-month Babbel subscription, you’ll get an additional 3 months for FREE. Just go to Babbel.com and use promo code SUPER. Go to blublox.com/SUPERMEGA and use coupon code SUPERMEGA to save 15%. Get started with Curology just like I did with a free 30-day trial at Curology.com/SUPER Make your first good decision of the new year, and join over 10 million people using Chime. Get started at chime.com/super. Right now, SuperMegaCast listeners can get 15% off their Raycon order at BuyRaycon.com/supermega Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Like, this is something that's always bothered me. Like, you give a woman a compliment. Yes. And she gets, uh, irate? Emotional or upset about it. Okay. Like, if I'm on the street and a beautiful woman walks by and I admire her beauty. You go, hey, baby.

Yeah. I mean, it's a goddamn woman walks by and I admire her beauty. You go, hey, baby. Yeah. I mean, it's a goddamn compliment. Nice, nice, nice cheeks. Women just need to learn to take compliments. Hey. Yeah. You're complimenting two parts at the same time. And then I flip her a quarter. Hey, the quarter's a nice touch.

Exactly. You know? But yeah, it's just frustrating, man. Cat calling is such a bad fucking. Ooh. Okay. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Super Megacast. Yeah. It's episode frustrating, man. Cat calling is such a bad fucking. Okay. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Super Megacast.

Yeah, it's episode 287. Yeah, that's not great. That is that is fantastic. Almost at 300. I know we're so close. Yeah, we are. So bloody far. Yeah.

Bloody far aren't we? I was hoping we hit a million subscribers by then. No, no. Our sub growth has been we got it we last month has been a thousand three hundred new subscribers and that's our fault obviously right now we've only posted the podcast because we've been dealing with some shit

behind the epic scenes but we are returning very soon can we say the date here we said it on Patreon do we feel comfortable in saying where our official comeback date. Don't call it a comeback of. More consistent up. Super Mega Season five.

Yeah. Will be the 12th. 12th. The 12th. March 12th. And don't like expect like big fireworks or anything. We're coming back with consistent uploading. We're not. And don't like expect like big fireworks or anything. We're coming back with consistent uploading. We're not like coming back with like a feature length movie or anything.

Really? I'm trying to keep their expectations down. So when we do release the feature. Okay. I was about to say, are you really backing out right now? Okay, cool. Just waiting on the MPAA for that one. I think they'll make it in time.

They're slow, man. Yeah. I don't know. Those guys suck. Well, don't keep that one. I think they'll make it in time. They're slow, man. I don't know. Those guys suck. Well, don't keep that in because if they hear me saying they suck, then they'll give our movie a bad rating. Exactly. Definitely are.

Do we need to talk about how maybe there's at least a few people out there that might be expecting a feature-length movie? That's their problem. That's their fault. That's their fault for being so fucking gullible that's that's like

that's not on that's not on us at that point okay like if they if they're up if they're mad that there's not

a feature length film dropping in in a week then uh not a week like in a few days then a few days from the release

of this podcast yeah oh true tomorrow this is the last podcast well tomorrow like a few days from the release of this podcast. Yeah. Oh, true. Tomorrow. This is the last podcast. Well, tomorrow, like a few days, when this comes out

beforehand for audio and then YouTube gets it. I think Layton just walked through the front door. I just heard the front door shut. Oh God, is he looking at us? Is he looking through the door? Is he looking through the door? Did you just polish him?

I smell that new nail polish. Oh yeah, that's strong. It's still wet. Layton, get it on? I smell that new nail polish. Ooh, yeah, that's strong. It's still wet. Layton, get it on your pants. It's wet still. Okay, yeah, use your elbow for the door. Yeah, no, I can smell him from here. Yeah, he wants us to see his nail.

It's a little bit on the door. I like the shade, though. It's very pretty. There's some on the glass. We'll take care of it. They're pretty heavy. They are. Are those French tips? I like the shade though it's very pretty there's some on the glass we'll take care of it they're pretty heavy they are they're pretty heavy are those french tips

gave somebody some french tips hey okay okay hey alright good luck with those just watch the door please go blow on those

for a bit yeah go blow on something else alright penis yeah he's definitely he's talking about penis

cause he's gay damn the nails though they did look really nice smell yeah i do like the smell of nail polish just i'm free like one of the i think one of the are you talking about the tucking of course i always know you because that's the one that's like the penultimate one that that's the joke i think I think that's the funniest. Or was that on the podcast? It was Sekiro, I think. Or Resident Evil.

It was where Tucker came in halfway through the Let's Play and sat with us on the couch for a bit. And then when he left. Was it a podcast? Who knows? No, no, it wasn't a podcast. It was a Let's Play. And then were you like, so, uh. No, you said it.

Oh, it's like. Are we going to talk about the dress? Dude, like I couldn't stop from laughing. Like every time I think back at that, because it's one of those pranks that we do where we we talk shit about somebody in such a like just a way that's just weird. It's just nothing that's bad. It's not like, oh, man, he smelled bad. It's not like, oh man, he smelled bad. It's like, I mean,

the dress fits him well. Yeah. I just don't, I don't understand why he's wearing it. And, uh, like what we did with Jim or apparently Eddie Burback. Jim's mom.

Well, Jim's mom. Right. Uh, but just like also holds the same views as his mom, which is pretty disgusting. Yeah. I had to stop inviting him,

um, to like social gatherings he makes it pretty apparent yeah I can't blame you on that one yeah well he comes off nice at first and you think he's just like this cool dude and you know next thing you know he starts talking about you're having

hey hey Jim hey exactly he's just joking, guys. You have to check who's walking behind you down the street just to make sure. Oh, Jim, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. Just leave it at home, you know? Just leave the politics at home, man.

Some people just can't do that. Like Layton. Yeah, exactly. He said, check that shit at the door. But, you know, sometimes employees don't listen. No. But how's everyone doing haha i can't hear you idiots fucking got him dude and i don't care oh shit dude and ratio

and suck my balls and no bitches no bitches i love that meme dude I saw a I've been like making bootleg versions like L plus ratio I'm gonna come by and visit LA maybe and they don't have dates I'll send like a meme where it says no dates and it's the face I saw someone did like an excellent or no connection

if one of my friends is lagging online oh okay nothing but lag yeah you got to send that one to him a lot gotta upgrade that internet man it's funny wi-fi no uh i saw a funny one uh the country of oh god i don't know the name it's the one in europe that has two names like herzia and boswa hey you know what i'm talking about I don't Herzia and Bots not Botswana that's in Africa

God dude Botswana it's not Botswana it's Bos not Bosnia it's Heragotia and Bosnia

there's a country with two names yes and another country cut they had a they had a beach border

and the other country is shaped like this and just goes all the way up the beach just tiny little sliver, just to cut. Like a banana curve? Yeah, but really thin, just to cut that country off from the shore. Okay. And I saw a fake,

I think it was fake, their Twitter at the other country and it said no beaches. And I was like, that's funny, that's funny. I mean, I gotta figure out what country I'm talking about because this is really bothering me. I think it's like an Eastern European country. Is it one of those shithole countries? Yes.

I mean, Ryan, I don't even know its name. Okay. All these shithole countries. Countries starting with H. Dude. What? Sorry. Think he's going to be coming back next election?

Not Johnny Bravo, Donald Trump. Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking about Donald Trump. I was confused. Hey, pretty much the same person in my mind. Yeah. There's a country called Holy See with 801 people? The hell?

Okay, doesn't start with an H, I guess. It's... Oh, there it is. Okay. What is the name? Bosnia and Herzegovina. So Bosnia was right. It was, yeah.

I just always thought Bosnia was its own country, but it's joined with... That's weird to have a country where it's two names. Bosnia and Herzegovina. I also don't think it's very nice to have a South America. We should just be America. Yes. They should just be called Mexico or something.

That's, dude, fucking yes. That's the problem, dude. Or it's all Peru. What? When you do. Or Brazil. Go to South America and tell me, oh, is this America? No, it's not.

No. No. No. Not even close. North America smells like freedom, baby. Should be America? No, it's not. No. No. No. Not even close. North America smells like freedom, baby. It should be the only America, in my opinion. I think that we should annex Canada. I'm serious.

We should take Canada. So. By storm. The way that Russia is invading Ukraine and just kind of taking it and the whole world's watching, like, what would happen if America one day just like took Canada? Like America's just like, we're taking Canada for, it's going to be American.

And every other nation's just like putting sanctions like, oh, shame on you, United States. Would they? Like as hard as we were with Russia. If we're like bombing Canada. Yeah.

If we're bombing Canada. Yeah. They're just like bad. Well, Canada's, well, here's where it's confusing. Canada's a NATO ally and the rules,

article five, Ryan of NATO states that if one member of NATO, if one NATO country is attacked, then every other country within the alliance must take it upon themselves to help that country militarily. So if a NATO member attacks another NATO member, what are they going to do? They kick us out of NATO. I'm sure the aggressor would be the one that would be attacked upon because then them attacking all of a sudden excludes them from being in NATO. Because it's not

an alliance anymore and they made that decision. So do you think like Russia and China would be on our side if we did that? No. Because I know they're never really on our side. But like if we did something badass, like take Canada. Badass. You know, they would probably be happy because we would be out of NATO. And then China and Russia would be like, ooh.

There's whenever you get like three bullies with a bunch of power, one of them eventually is going to want to be like, but'm the one in charge right i'm the one that makes the calls i'm pretty sure i'm the one that's been doing most of the shot calling here it's actually why uh engrams broke up there was a third guy and it just didn't yeah well they didn't break up but it was was bad for a while yeah yeah i don't think aaron wants us to mention him. Man, but it, we should, there should just be a new global alliance. Fuck NATO. Fuck the EU.

Fuck the UN. All that stupid pansy bullshit. We should start a new country alliance that's just the badass countries. Like, just the ones that are like, like, just like,

damn, that's badass. You know? Like who? Like, Canada's not badass. Ireland's not badass. Saudi Arabia's badass. You know? Like who? Like, Canada's not badass. Ireland's not badass. Saudi Arabia's badass. Saudi Arabia's pretty badass. Yeah.

Like, I'm thinking of countries like, like North Korea, they suck, but they're badass, right? Like, that's pretty cool. Like, that's insane. Put them in it, too. You just want the cool. I don't know if they're badass. Ryan, they're launching fucking missiles and shit

and telling and telling they made their own nuclear program not that not that aspect yeah but you know it's not a black and white issue everyone makes things so black and white North Korea can still be badass

I'm talking dude he made it illegal for people to get the same haircut as him because okay that's pretty yeah that's fucking badass that's awesome right banned haircuts

he got he made it illegal for people to get the same haircut that he has dude imagine just like imagine being able

to do that yeah I was just about to say like imagine just literally being able to be like yeah uh I don't want people copying my haircut. So if they get it,

put them in a labor camp. Snap your fingers and it's done. It gets even like, I don't want people saying mean things about me. That's where it starts. Now Putin made. They don't want their image to be tarnished because they always want to be seen as intimidating.

That's actually crazy that there are so many countries where it's illegal to like talk shit on the leader. Thailand is really, if you talk shit about the king, it's very bad. Poop on the king. Stop.

Stop. They throw foreigners in jail for it. For pooping on the king? He is ugly as hell, though, I will say. You can't say that about the king. Especially after pooping on him. You want to see what he looks like, dude?

He looks sad and malnourished. It's just like some white dude from New York. I'm the king of Thailand. King Ralph. I'm the king of Thailand. Hey, King Ralph. I'm the king of Thailand. He like sits up on a big fucking golden chair. And everyone's just like, okay. It's cool.

Thailand's the only country in Southeast Asia that never got colonized. So they're very proud of that. And so that's why they have a monarchy still. Even though they have like a government, they still have like kind of like the UK. But the king actually is in charge. His name is really hard to pronounce. Everyone liked his dad. His dad was the cool king.

And then the son that's the king now, everyone hates him. He's like a dictator, from what I've seen. He grew up rotten and spoiled. He makes his bad talkers disappear. And then he built a crematorium next to the national palace when he became king. And then when his. When someone would disappear and smoke. Yep.

Yeah. So like. I've seen that somewhere. Basically, I probably just told you. I probably just told you. And I'm probably telling the same story I've told three times already. But yeah. Well.

It's like an intimidation. Obviously, if I'm having trouble recalling it,'ve told three times already. But yeah, it's like an intimidation. Obviously, if I'm having trouble recalling it, like I need it to be retold. Because it is an interesting story. That's a pretty big power move, you know? Did you know? Did you know? Yeah, North Korea, though, is badass in a couple ways.

The haircut thing, dude i sometimes i just like forget some of the laws north korea has or not even the laws some of the like things that they presented as fact like they said they had the world's only unicorn and they were gonna keep it from everyone else were they the ones that said that like kim golf the perfect game like everyone was like a hole-in-one every single shot was a hole in one. There's some shit. Was that him? Or was that like Putin? That was, that was,

that was Kim Jong Il. Okay. Also that, also that he doesn't have a butthole. Every single shot was a hole in one. That's so fucking good. Dude, I'm just imagining that shit. Like,

like picture Kim Jong Il, like the way he looks in his pantsuit and his big glasses, just shooting a hole in one for 18 shots, like 18 holes. Ah, team America moment you know still haven't seen it

really I love those guys though it's worth watching Trey Parker and Matt Stone are heroes of mine you know American heroes

American aren't they no they're not Canadian they're from Colorado yeah nice dudes you know I've never met them oh really yeah oh American. Red blooded. Aren't they? No, they're not Canadian. They're from Colorado. Yeah. Nice dudes, you know.

I've never met them. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh. Funny. Yeah. I've hung out with them before. Yeah.

Was it when they did the episode with PewDiePie? That's how you got the connects? No, no. They just liked my stuff. Doubtful. Well. Take it up with them, man. Oh, wait.'t because you don't know them yeah they're uh they're pretty cool guys you just have to like if you if you hung out with them you'd see yeah they're both married right not to each other no like are they're they're

married they're married men yeah they have wives yeah what are their wives names because you've been over to their house man i've that would be rude to me to say that yeah you know they have kids right yeah yeah i mean i mean that's public knowledge you know i don't remember the kids well I know the kids names obviously they actually I'm the godfather of Matt's boy but honestly in this day and age Ryan

who's who's who's you know who's what who's really choosing the parents like

doctors it's not it wouldn't be my place to say their child's gender basically you know that's their decision yeah they have to wait for the child yeah to understand the complexities doctors. It's not, it wouldn't be my place to say their child's gender, basically, you know? That's their decision.

Yeah, they have to wait for the child to understand the complexities of gender. I'm going to become a Fox News comedian where I'm going to have one of those comedy shows. Like, remember that one guy that we watched that one time? The Greg dude? The Greg dude? Yeah, dude.

And he's real smug. And like, he like, he's kind of like, like a bad Jon Stewart for conservatives Greg Gutfeld yeah yeah yeah like there's a like a video of Hillary Clinton talking he's like oh yeah I'm gonna need a bucket make that

too and then everyone laughs yeah he has this kind of like smug smuggly he looks like a it looks like a like just if he just took a kid off a playground just kind of blew him up. Like you just made him into a Blew him up?

Just made him into a grown man instantly. Not blew him up like explode him. Bicycle pump or anything? That would be you know what that's honestly you look at him it's kind of what he looks like. A bicycle pump? Not a bicycle pump. Like if you blew him up with a bicycle pump.

Oh. Like, I just remembered a story. I don't know. I don't know if I should tell it. Okay, I will. After these ad breaks. Is it Little Red Riding Hood? No.

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So I don't want to expose this person for this story. Because imagine just goofing off with your friends as a kid and then you move on 10 years later. And it's like, wait, my old friend said what about me on a public podcast? Would people be able to... No, no. But basically...

I said he's a father, so that kind of narrows it down. Or maybe I'm just... Want to start over? No. He doesn't care. But basically, I remember seeing this video of this, like, Russian dude or something. He stuck a bicycle pump up his ass and he, like, pumped it a bunch. And it made him fart?

Yeah. And many... Like, it's called, like, loudest fart ever or something, you know? Classic YouTube. Yeah. And I was like, that's a good idea. That's funny. So I went to my friend's house. I didn't go, like, for this. Like, I went just to hang out, but this a good idea. That's funny. So I went to my friend's house. I didn't go like for this.

Like I went just to hang out, but this came up while we were hanging out. I was like, oh, dude, this is gonna be awesome. So we got a bicycle pump. We went up in his bedroom and he shut the door and he inserted the bicycle pump into his ass. I didn't see it. Like he had his pants on. He was stucking in. And then I got to do the honor of pumping it.

Nice. And I did it like three or four times. And he suddenly started screaming. He's like, stop, stop. And he like rips the pump out of his ass. He's like, ow. And he runs out of the room into the bathroom down the hall. And he was in there for like an hour straight.

And I was like, dude, are you okay? And he's like, I don't know, man. I don't know what, it just really hurts. Like, like it feels like I have to poop, but I don't. And it just really hurts. And I just let him be there for like an hour. And then he came back out and that was, so never got the funny fart effect, but you know.

Yo, dude, you almost blew up your friend. He almost popped. Dude, if I had done one more pump, he might just... Like, just the insides just explode. Just literally, like, coat every inch of the wall in myself and just, like, guts and blood. Stop! Dude, that would have fucked me up.

I think it would have fucked a lot of people up if they pumped their friend to death. Could you do that? Like, what if you, like, what if I cut myself, like, on my leg and then I stuck a pump up into the wound and then I pumped it with, like, my leg inflate? You know? I don't think so. Where would the air even go? There'd be no no there's no like

empty space in your body when you cut your leg it's not like super secured in there and like tight yeah for some air will escape

there's uh there's no empty place in your whole body except uh Ryan's uh skull hey hey right

yeah pretty good right pretty good one yeah do you wanna go see Larry David I don't know who that is is he a friend of yours yeah he's gonna be here Hey, right? Yeah. Pretty good, right? Pretty good one. Yeah. Do you want to go see Larry David? I don't know who that is. Is he a friend of yours?

Yeah. He's going to be here in April and I just want to know if you want to maybe go hang out. He's cool. You'd like him. He's older, but he's cool. Like how much? Like, is he, how much older are we talking? I think, I think he's in his mid thirties.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. We'll get, um, we'lls. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. We'll get some dinner or something. Yeah, dude. Is there anything specific? Anywhere that he'd like to go? Hookah, for sure. Big hookah guy.

We'll do some hookah with Larry David. Larry David's a cool guy, man. Hookah, man. Sorry, I'm just trying to remember his name, so I'm saying it. Larry David. Larry David. Pretty easy name to remember I'm saying it. Larry David. Larry David. Pretty easy name to remember.

Two first names. It is. That's always funny. Yeah. Like Ryan McGee. I don't think McGee's a first name. It can definitely be a first name. I don't think it.

If I go on Facebook right now and I search McGee, I'm going to find some dudes with McGee as their first name. But it's usually a last name. Or it's typically a last name. It's a family name. And it was McGee originally. Because some people still have McGee. Little McGee. You know?

They have the most Irish last name. Just kidding. It's not like O'Connery or something. Or Sean Connery or something. I just changed my last name to McGeoteen. Oh, that's sick. Do you think that would make me badass? changed my last name to McGeoteen. Oh, that's sick. Do you think that would make me badass? That sounds really cool.

McGeoteen? What's up, I'm Ryan McGeoteen. Hey, man, that's a rap name right there. Ryan McGeoteen? That's sick. Shit, I got so many. We got Ryan McGoggins. It is.

Ryan McGeoteen. It's pronounced guillotine, but, you know, same thing. Yeah. Potato, potato, right? Yeah. And we're back. How'd you like that? I like them apples a lot, buddy.

I really like them apples, you know? When did that phrase start? How do you like them apples? Was it just, you think it was like one guy? Some guy probably did something bad to an apple and handed it to his friend. He's like, how do you like them apples? Yeah, he probably like put poop on it or something. Yeah, it smeared feces all over.

And his friend didn't, poor guy didn't even notice. Took a big old bite. Yeah, how do you like them apples? You son of a bitch. He was a basket of apples covered in shit. And he was like, oh, he threw the first one. He grabbed another one to see maybe this one's better. And it was the same thing.

The first time it was, how do you like them apple? Or how do you like that apple? But it didn't catch on. Yeah. He's like, it was after he took the second bite of the second apple. We said, how do you like those apples? And then that still didn't quite sound right. But then he said, then how do you like them apples?

Yes. And then it stuck. Yeah. How do you like them apples, Ben? That's going to be my, my next album's name. How do you like them apples? I hope it is, but it's not. You don't think so? No. Why?

You don't think it's a good name? I don't think you'll commit to it. I said I like the name, I just don't think you're gonna make it the album name. I could make a little project called How You Like Them Apples. See, now you're moving it to a little project. Told you. Well, a little project could be just a little EP could

be called an album, technically. I could do a three little, a little EP could be called an album. Technically I could do a three song EP called how do you like them apples or two song EP, which doesn't people who don't usually do, but I can, you can do it. Yeah. But are you going to a two song album called how do you like them apples? Yeah. Are you, I have to, I think I will. Okay. Do it. I mean, what, what what what is it gonna what do you think it would be i don't know just music it's your music okay it's whatever you want it to be how do you like them apples okay by matt watson or matthew watson or matt matt watson or watson we're just settled Watson gang. Hmm. Gang gang. Dude. Watson and the Crips? Sorry, I'm just

thinking about my friend Pete. Is he okay? Kanye's harassing him still. Oh. He's just trying to relax with the love of his life. You're telling me. Yeah, dude. Fucking you tell me about that I haven't

talked to Kanye uh since all that started I thought about reaching out to see if he was like hey you okay man but yeah every time I've done that in the past it's just I don't really get anything good in response tells me stuff just talks about god and stuff pete's getting real annoyed pete i imagine so pete is honestly he's it's kind of being a little bit of a cry baby pete yeah but i can understand the frustration yeah i mean uh i mean when your girlfriend's kim kardashian and her ex kanye west is is making stop-motion music videos of of cutting off your head and burying you alive you know i'm sure that could get to someone's psyche yeah it's a mine if kanye honestly i think it was funny dude i mean legit like how do you think you'd respond if all of a sudden kanye just started going against just Ryan McGee

from Super Mega am I with Kim Kardashian in this no it's just you just wake up tomorrow see then that would just be pure hilarity would you be kind of

scared though I would be scared personally I wouldn't be scared he's got crazy fans there's so many of them and he's crazy himself and he's powerful too

yeah but I don't think he's I don't think he would use that to attack me I mean he made the music video you know what Kanye does all that shit he attacks everyone actually regardless yeah there's a long list

I still think my general reaction would be it's hilarious yeah it'd be funny a little too much and i'd be like okay joke's over like i'm sure that's exactly what pete's probably thinking to himself right now after he's after he's done having he's like intercourse with kim kardashian with his big dick because i've heard that apparently he has a very big dick after he's done swallowing a lobster hole maybe two if he's feeling And he finishes his gold flake

espresso martini. After he's rubbed one out onto Kim Kardashian's stomach, he just really thinks about the Kanye West And that was, they just had sex too. So he had sex, he ate dinner, and then he masturbated. So he's able to go.

Exactly. How many dudes can do that? Have sex, eat dinner, and then pop another load off, right? Like that soon after? No, that doesn't happen.

But Pete, it does. I would be, I would, I'd be like, okay, I get Kanye, like his whole thing is,

you know, he goes a little crazy, but I'd be like, all right, now this is starting to get a little, a little too much. Like his, his mute,

like Kanye's like rapping about it in his music, like about the divorce. And I think that Pete Davidson and me might still have sex. Dude, Kanye instead of threatening him should just start like like very strongly coming on to Pete. I mean, that's it. That would change it up, right? I mean that would change it up right I'm looking for the the Kanye homosexual

arc where he's homosexual for a year it's not gonna happen dude he's not a gay fish to make Jesus 2 or whatever the album was called this album was not called Jesus what was it called? Jesus whatever

no the album with all the church music what was that one called? Yeezus. Whatever. No, the album with all the church music. Oh. What was that one called? I fucking forgot. Jesus. Must not be that famous if I can't remember it. It's called Jesus. Well, when he makes Jesus 2 is when he's done with the homosexual.

I could see that very reasonably happening. Kanye has a gay arc for a year and then he says some stupid shit publicly publicly like i repented you know it's like i was i was wrong that was full i was full of sin but now i'm on the right path i could see that totally happening or uh like you know because they're like kanye no i think he knows what he's doing obviously to an extent to an extent i think he actually is like really mentally ill of course and manipulative yeah but like actually is like really mentally ill, of course. And manipulative. Yeah, but like when you're that mentally ill, but you're that big and have like everyone does exactly what you say,

like no one has control over you. So it's like, he's not going to get it. He's been medicated, but he's off the meds now as he announced. He threw away his normal pills. Yeah, he said they're making them too normal. I do find it funny though. I'm Kanye West.

That's how he opens up Donda 2, actually. Is it? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. No, it's not. Yeah, he goes, I'm Kanye West. And then it goes.

Up. Me and Pete, my still has sex. His, his, his, uh, but you got a big prime is over,

right? Kanye's is what his prime. Do you think he can come back and make something like, whoa, the thing is the

prime. I think the you could, you could define it in two ways. Prime is in like when he's the most famous and like

well-known, which could arguably maybe right now, but I don't ways. Prime is in like when he's the most famous and like well-known, which could arguably be maybe right now. But I don't consider... Or prime is in like his craft. His craft. Yeah. Prime of his craft. Yeah, I think it's already definitely passed.

Yeah. But hey, this still gets the clicks and still gets some attention. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's staying very relevant and writing himself into history. Yeah, he's staying very relevant and writing himself into history yeah he's just crazy man it's kind of sad I wonder what's up with him like what he actually

suffers from like probably a super severe bipolar because he has those like episodes but you know what's funny I've noticed he really only has these episodes right before he releases a project. See, I was thinking that it was just he had COVID or something.

That's why he was acting strange. No, it's because he got vaccinated. That's why he's acting strange. See, that makes more sense. I told him not to. I said, come on, dude. You really gonna get the jab? Really? You don't know what they put in that shit, dude. You're really gonna let another man inject Really? You don't know what they put in that shit, dude. Like, what, you're just going to let,

you're really going to let another man inject you? Could be me, Kanye. He had to, though. Some stupid bullshit. Hollywood. Yeah. The left. They forced the coastal elites,

forced him to get it. Which he is a coastal elite himself, but they, some weird pact they all signed. Yeah. I saw the new Batman. Okay. Cause I'm tired of talking about Kanye West.

And I'm probably going to be tired of talking about Batman pretty quick too. Cause it was like, for me, it was like borderline average. I would say it was fine it was entertaining i had a decent time but i feel like for the most part it was lackluster lackluster there there are certain where the where certain actors were coming across as a little over the top sometimes

for the tone that was currently set that always throws me off and I'm always like and I can kind of feel like I don't want to say cringe because I love a lot of that they're a little too theatric maybe it was a little too theatric and it wasn't the best take used potential

for the performance of some of the lines. How was Robert? Robert was great. Always is. I loved this Batman. I liked the fact that it was a film noir-esque Batman, like detective type shit. Yeah, yeah, that is cool.

I just thought the second half of the movie was like pretty. There's a big lull. I saw with your mother. I did in theaters. Did did she talk a lot? How did she like she but she did go Jesus a lot. So that's something she really liked it. Oh, OK.

You know, my mom does the same thing like we'll be watching like we'll be on the couch like watching a movie cuddling and she'll be oh

mm-mm like I remember watching Breaking Bad with her and it'd be like very tense scene she'd be like no yeah

hmm huh I remember there was this one time when I was like 14 and I was in the living room watching a movie with my mom and I guess she had like a glass of wine and I was getting so angry

it was like every five seconds we were watching like a documentary and she was like oh no oh I still remember the maddest I've ever been at my mom in a movie oh when she didn't finish you she made you get all the way there but then stopped but it was um when i was i finished reading the road in high school and then it was like one of my favorite books right and then there was a

movie coming out the movie came out we go see the movie you're excited for this i'm excited for this we're sitting down i would say and this is the time my mom has like a blackberry so blackberries are around at this point i think or she still has one for some reason she hasn't moved over to the new generation yeah and just every every like five minutes she'd just be on her blackberry not even concealing it not even concealing it that's the worst man i'm just sitting here i'm like i'm paying attention to the movie and sometimes i'm like and it takes you out of it takes me out of it i'm like mom pay attention let's enjoy this movie like i mean i've checked my phone during movies before but i always make sure it's like kind of like in my pocket still real quick i have to i like do it under the shirt type style yeah because

i feel like I'm annoying everyone else if I like like you notice it I put my head in my shirt and my I put my hand up up the

guy on the security camera is gonna be like that guy's masturbating yeah but there's I go to movies where people this is so common

like middle of the movie just pull their phone out just like right in front of their, and you can literally see it. They're just scrolling through Facebook. Yeah, just scrolling through Instagram. Just going through, yeah, Instagram, looking at pictures. And it's like, bro, this isn't your fucking home.

If you're going to pull out your phone during a movie, at least make it be for a purpose. Like, oh, I have plans after the movie. If you're checking the time, that's fine. If you have to text someone make it as less like turn the brightness all the way fucking down first of all all these people their brightness isn't turned down i've started just uh i think it's because most people don't think to do that i think your average phone user doesn't think to change brightness a lot where like me i'm very particular about the brightness throughout the

day like i will change it throughout the day like I will change it throughout the day depending on like where I like the room I'm in or if I'm out you know outside and stuff mine automatically does yours do that where it automatically sets it but if you're like in the sun outside it yeah but you can still adjust it after yeah I adjust it in bed usually

if it's like too bright I'll be a like sometimes if I'm reading on my phone I'll make it so the background's black on the Texas way. And then I'll drop the brightness all the way down. And sometimes it still feels too bright. Like when I'm in bed trying to really like, let's get a little less bright. Yeah. But those options, right?

In the middle of the day, if you use that zero brightness, it's abysmal. Yeah. Dude, I bet your phone would stay alive for so long, like on one charge, if you kept the brightness all the way down that it would suck but yeah you wouldn't be able to see much throughout the day yeah like with the sun i noticed like sometimes when i'm out i can see the screen 100 most of the time there are other times i can barely see it no matter how high the brightness is dude i don't understand like the difference. Cause like, I feel like there have been times where I'm in direct contact with the sun

coming down on the phone and I can see perfectly fine. I don't think it's the sun on the phone. I think it's, uh, how much light is your eye is taking in. So it's like, so, so you're,

you're, you know, you're taking in a lot more light than normal. So like the phone screen, even if it brightens all the way up, it's like exposure on a camera. It's like that's so much that you can't see that anymore. And that's if you do this, you can see it.

I wonder if they're going to make someday phone screens and stuff be like... I'm sure they're going to be beautiful in 20 years, but you can probably see it in the brightest conditions, like crystal clear. They're going to make it super crazy technology. I really like the foldable. Oh, the new like foldable. The Samsung's.

Yeah. Those are really cool. Do you think Ian has one? Do you think Apple is going to go the direction of creating a. No, I don't think the foldable thing because it's the foldable thing feels like it's just like a trend, trend you know like remember do you remember when with 3d phones for a bit where a thing where it was like uh the phone was 3d without 3d glasses like it was when the 3ds got big and uh you could take 3d pictures and videos

with it i remember the 3d phones and that was like everyone's like apple's gonna make a 3d phone it's like no it's just just like a flash in the pan. Do you remember back before the iPhone was a thing, going on the internet and seeing like what phones will look like in the... Yes! And it's like a bunch of antennas and like keyboards. Yeah, but it's like six keyboards and like three screens. I bet I can go on YouTube and find like what phones will look like and find a video from like 20 years ago.

That would be... Not 20 years ago, but 15. And then they have the one I used to do. The ones that I do the most are like the consoles. Yeah. The Xbox 720. Yep. The next PlayStation, how it might look.

And you're like, oh, damn. The Wii 2. Ooh. Yeah, dude. The Wii U more like. Dude, the game sphere. I was jealous. Part of me as a kid thought the GameSphere was somewhat real.

Oh, yeah, yeah, dude. I remember looking it up and being like, is this something that I can get? Is it a rare console? Is it something that Nickelodeon will be releasing soon? How do I get this? The Nintendo DS2? Just a joke on the GameCube.

Back then, it was always like a sequel. It would be like... I remember seeing ones where it was like the PlayStation 3 yeah and now we're gonna look back like dude remember I mean PS3 remember PS7 PS5 PlayStation does it right ah dude do you remember PS7 naming convention yeah dude like it was it was uh shit like this you have it was like super sleek and like just looks so impractical the future of smartphones 2010 to 2015 and beyond that's what this article is the from from february 16th 2010 now they're all just screens that's it it's just a screen in years, the concept of a smartphone

will change dramatically. They were right. Yeah. The rumored Google phone not only came out in the form of a new operating system, but the actual Nexus One as well. Touchscreens,

GPS-based location awareness. They're changing the market entirely. I mean, this guy's right. The primary change will occur over the next few years as smartphones start behaving more and more like laptops. You know? I mean, we got internet capabilities. A big gaming market is on here.

A lot of workflow apps are included on here. There's a lot of work being done from the iPhone itself. With these fast processors, smartphones will finally run full-blown apps such as Adobe Photoshop. And not just with the limited features offered in the current Photoshop app. Taking, oh dude, taking large high-res images and videos. Yeah, it's crazy. Like your phone really is like a crucial part of your day every day, pretty much.

Like I think if I want a day like where my phone was missing or something, I'd be so stressed out. Because it's kind of like your connection to the rest of the world, you know. There are days though, like if you get a new phone or if like your battery runs completely out. Or sometimes if I watch a movie, I just turn off my phone and throw it across the room. It just feels nice it does because it's almost like taking you back because they're you and I existed before the obsession of cell phones like I didn't get a cell phone until probably like late middle early high school I think I was in eighth grade something around there so like I like even though I was a kid and for

the longest time when you and i had cell phones they weren't at this capability like the internet was almost impossible to connect to you had to have a separate plan actually to get on the internet from like yeah and you couldn't use it at the same time as the phone and the browser was the starting browser was like the singular.com browser that you'd start off. And a lot of sites didn't have mobile versions. So it was really almost impossible to navigate through a lot of the sites. I remember taking the AOL trial disks from Blockbuster every time I went. I thought they were cool. Ryan, this is what cell phones looked like the year you were born.

Yeah, I remember my mom like having like that shit. It looks like a fat calculator so like i can remember i can remember a time where you didn't have that you would have to like go to the computer and that what that was the addiction for the longest time was like who has control over the family computer right now everyone wants to be on the internet. Because that was the only place to like get that shit because your phone, I remember like early, shit, early touchscreen phones,

like my first like early touchscreen Android I had, had like an internet app where you could browse the internet, but you had to pay for it. And it was like the worst, slowest like navigation system. And you can only see really like use Google pretty much. If you went to like YouTube, it wouldn pretty much. If you went to like YouTube,

it wouldn't work. If you went to, you know, now mobile, mobile, that's the way to, that's the way to browse pornography. Absolutely.

Dude, the mobile phone revolutionized pornography completely. Man. I can't remember the last time I used a computer to, to half cock it. Really? Into your mom's back pocket, her butthole. All right, Marshall Mathers. Fucking.

Yeah, dude, I switch between the two. Enjoy these ads. Hi, do you have guided tours today? We have today at 10.30, 11.30, 12.30, 1.30, 2.30, 3.30. Imagine having Europe all to yourself during the Air Transat off-season promo. Book your flights to Europe starting at $549 at airtransat.com. Conditions apply. Air Transat. Travel moves us. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils.

So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Anyways, you were saying you enjoyed... No. What were you talking about uh what were you talking about it's just I was just talking about like

I just snorted right after the ad read because I've been stuffy and I bet people out there like oh during the ad break he did cocaine yeah right um god allergies

pollen yeah it's just like I haven't seen it that God Fucking allergies Pollen? Yeah it's just like Is pollen out right now? I haven't Seen it that much But it Like my allergies Just started like a week ago Pretty much a week ago today

About a week ago Hey Uh yeah They just started like a week ago And I fucking I just woke up one morning My My

Started my throat My throat was really itchy and scratchy Like from the Simpsons Uh but my throat was like Really itchy and scratchy And I was like oh shit I thought I was getting stre. My throat was really itchy and scratchy, like from the Simpsons. But my throat was like really itchy and scratchy. And I was like, oh shit. I thought I was getting strep throat. I was nervous. And then my nose got clogged

and starts dripping and tingly. A little bit of semen in the back of the throat. Really? Your mom taught me that. What? My mom ejaculated in the back of your throat? She had a sore throat. And she said, Ryan,

if you come in the back of my throat, if I give you a blow job, if I put my lips around your penis and suck until you come into the back of my throat and it drips down where it's sore. Are you following me? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm fully following. Do I have to explain? I'm fully following. And I'm not only that, I'm visualizing it, which I don't know why I was making myself do that.

Your mom still doesn't listen to every podcast. No, no. She catches up every now and then. She catches up? Usually I don't visualize these things you tell me, but that one I was sitting there just like actually fully visualizing like a full color image in my head of my mom sucking you off and you coming in her mouth. Did it make you happy? I imagined you on like the edge of a bed and she's on her knees on the, on the floor.

But like your best friend's happy. Your mother's happy. You're clothed too. You just have your, your gym shorts down and you're doing this face. My hand won gym shorts. They're down by your ankles and you're going like that. And then what's your mom's face look like?

Well, it's buried in your genital area. Okay. You know, you're not picturing your mom's face. No, I see it. I can see it from the it's like a side profile. Well, now I just imagine from a POV and that that that's more upsetting. Dude, the way that it's stuck in my head. It's like intrusive.

It's stuck in my head right now. I now it keeps flashing in front of my eyes dude oh fuck my brain's like playing tricks on me and just like forcing me to see this like POV blowjob image of my mom on you sounds like heaven to me baby I ain't gonna lie it ain't too bad over here either you know it's uh

why's your brain do like the fact that like we've evolved to the point where like in my head i can just see an imaginary image of my mother giving you fellatio like that's pretty cool that my perspective that we've advanced that far yeah it looks like it's in my head it looks like my mom is sucking me off and actually the the location the room i just realized the room that it's in is uh uh, it's weird. It's kind of like, it's, it's, it feels like a mix of a hotel room. And then this one recording studio I went to once.

Okay. It just feels like a mix of that. It's kind of like, actually, uh, is anyone else in the room with us? No, it's just you guys. It's pretty big. And it's, it's dimly lit. And there is a nice, uh, there's a big credenza and my mom has her makeup and stuff uh on on on like a little vanity oh yeah and she's wearing more like like a silk kind of kimono-esque robe

interesting not a kimono but more like a high quality bathrobe okay right yeah and you have a baseball cap on and you're kind of you're kind of pulling your shirt up a little bit too am i back to my baseball cap phase it was a fitted actually so not a snapback but a fitted for the New York Giants and you are looking like you're just enjoying it and she's you know she seems to be into it as well I mean she's the one I'm not

forcing her yeah no I mean she was the one that had the idea exactly you know and then so now I'm picturing my mom and you laying in bed together smoking a cigarette afterwards are we sharing the cigarette yeah you're just passing it back and forth and I'm seeing it from like as if it's shot from the ceiling you know

you're both shirtless well she has the blanket over her chest passing the cigarette back and forth you picture your mom's breasts yeah of course you know what they look like yeah well I'm picturing them right now I'm having really bad intrusive thoughts today. Like it's my brain. It's just flashing.

Like my brain's like, Oh, good thing she's not visiting. You might have to act on them. Yeah. Oh, thank God. Thank the Lord,

dude. You know, that would be, but yeah. And when you're passing a cigarette and she says, uh, she, she rolls over and looks at me and she goes,

you know, my throat's feeling a lot better. And you go, I bet. I bet. rolls over and looks at you and she goes, you know, my throat's feeling a lot better. And you go, I bet. I bet. And then you guys order room service. Can I just say bet? Just say bet. And you're naked, but you still have

your fitted on. Your New York Giants fitted. And then you order room service and you get some bubbly delivered. A little, comes in like the champagne. Some bubble tea? No, champagne. Oh, okay. You know, where it, uh, comes in like the champagne bubble tea. No, uh, champagne. Oh,

okay. You know where it's, it comes on like the tray with like the ice bucket and it's in that. They just come in with like a silver tray with a gallon of milk on it. Mr. McGee, your milk, sir.

Yeah. There's one other thing you're missing, Bob. Oh, and then he pulls out another tray with cheese and cigarettes on it. Oh, I almost forgot, sir. Oh, he's got a cigarette. Please forgive me, sir.

You'll have to forgive me. This won't happen again. And then he gets down on his knees and he files your toenails and slides your feet into a brand new pair of and one slides. Hell yeah. And kisses each toe, each little piggy. Man, what life is this? I'm living in your head because I'd love to live in there rent free.

Well, you are right now. Hell yeah. So is my mother. My mom's probably, as we speak, doing some like humanitarian charity event. Is she? But she has no idea that her son is visualizing her

absolutely sucking the skin off my friend's dick. Sucking that meat, man. Really, really throwing it back? The tip is red as hell. It is. It is. There's a lot of suction power. Well, just a lot of suction power.

You know, the blood would hurt. No, it almost does. It almost does. Because's very sensitive it almost does because i'm not i mean i i mean i am cut well it almost hurts ryan it's very sensitive but it's at that point where it's like it kind of hurts but you know i'm kind of into it you know so that's that's what you're going through right now and you are cut um and when she when she actually when she removes the penis from her mouth and she's holding it in her right hand uh i could see it now.

It's red from the suction, but also I could see the circumcision scar slightly above, like about an inch above my mother's thumb. Okay. Where the penis kind of separates into two different colors, depending on how botched your circumcision was like mine. So when was the last time you've seen your mother in the nude well i mean there was a there was a date there's a specific date you know like same with you it's like we don't know that date but that date exists there's also the last time we've seen our dad's cock and balls which for you might be soon that was a lot more recent than the mom. Uh,

but you remember being in awe of like, damn, that's a big penis. Yeah, dude, younger and saw your dad. It felt almost threatening. I know it was like,

whoa, you look down at like, you're like, not like it doesn't. It's not. There's no function for your penis at that point. It's like a cranberry. Just, just chilling. You know, it's't, it's not, there's no function for your penis at that point. It's like a cranberry. Yeah, you're lit! Just, just chillin', you know, it's like

It's just chillin' there, it's not ready yet. It always, it always freaked me out. Like, whenever I saw my dad's penis because I was- Jesus! Yeah. Well, workaholics have a conversation about this, where they talk about, they're talking about dad dicks, and they're like, dad dicks are huge. Like, dad dicks are always, like, crazy.

Because they were talking about the exact same thing. When you see your dad's dick as a kid, it's fucking insane, dude. It's it's when you compare it because you're also like a person, you know, but there's there's some, you know, but there's some some guy out there right now listening. And this is the moment he realizes his dad just has a really small dick because like, oh, I never thought that. Oh, man, my dad must have a small cock. I have a bigger penis than my dad.

Like Chris Griffin. Chris Griffin has a bigger penis than Peter. Remember that episode? Peter was so jealous. He was pissed off that Chris Griffin had a big penis. Big old penis. I wonder if I can even find the measurements for it online. Like I'm sure there's a wiki page for it.

For Chris Griffin's penis. I hope so. I'm searching Chris Griffin penis penis yeah yeah yeah not pennies penis what episode does Peter see Chris's penis uh season five episode six prick up your ears directed by James Purdom and written by Cherry Cheva Pravat Dumrong. What episode did Peter get a penis enlargement and lottery fever? Gwynn Quagmire talks Peter Griffin and giving him a loan to invest in penis enlargement pills.

Might have to. But no official size on on Peter's or Chris's penis. Well. Here we go. I found a Reddit thread. Okay. Does Peter still work at the brewery? He's not real, dumbass. At least 10 inches based on the episode.

Peter's penis? Chris Griffin's penis. Oh, shit. At least 10 inches. That's a big fucking dick. That's a good honker. That's like Justin. Yeah.

Well, times two yeah well that's that's only girth yeah man that's fucking weird how his size is mostly girth I've never seen it before like a penis that looks like that no no I mean I'm not I'm

jealous but I also at the same time would say I'm not very jealous to a degree. It's like a... It's like a woven basket on his stomach. Or like a bucket. I would say a woven basket almost like a sweetgrass basket because of the texture of the skin

almost is, you know, in like a cross-stitching pattern. Like it looks like he'd had uh actual you know like cross-stitching done to his cock as a as a younger person and now this is what's healed uh but hey you know that's uh i'm trying to find here we go i found another reddit thread for uh does peter a small penis? I forgot the episode, but it's implied by Lois and Chris that Peter penis is small and Chris is big.

Someone went out of their way, they wondered about this so hard, they went on Reddit and were like, guys, do you guys know? Oh, wait. Did you find something? In the live action scene of Peter's crotch shot in Airport 07,

producer Danny Smith referred to Peter's penis as three and a half inches of swinging Irish man meat. But in the mock commentary by Brian and Stewie for Road to Rhode Island on the Family Guy The Freakin' Sweet Collection DVD, they start riffing on Peter actually having a tire swing of a penis and scaring a housekeeper with it. So we don't know. Here. Here's one thing, though.

The big penis account is coming from a baby and a dog. Those are small creatures. And when you're small, dad penises always look big. True, true, true. And the account of it being three and a half. Exactly. It's the dad penis complex. And when the grown man that commented said three and a half inches, he's not going to look at it and say, oh my God, that's the dad penis complex and when the grown man that commented said three and a half inches

he's not going to look at it and say oh my god that's a big penis he's you know he's going to exactly kind of know what he's seeing kids don't know how to especially dogs don't know how to measure out especially have you seen what dog penises look like yes

actually that's kind of like I would actually say Justin's is like the the red rocket hand woven basket yeah you know it looks like if you stripped the skin off of a penis what would

be hiding underneath and then stretched to be the circumference of like a basket or a bucket almost like a basketball yeah like a deflated like a half deflated basketball. Apparently it does work. He puts work into it. That man puts work into it. That man is, he is pumping and humping and fucking.

Yeah, he's dumping for sure. Fat loads. Fat fucking loads. I'm talking, I'm talking half a gallon of semen. That's probably enough. Thank you everyone for listening to the podcast. Yeah, that one was... You know the discussions in this were right up some people's alley.

Some people skipped this one. I can't blame them. Can you? Yeah, I can. True. It really pisses me off. Yeah, that you're not supporting us. They should be supportive no matter what the content is.

Yeah. F you, fans. Well, they can't even hear you, man. They stopped listening. What? My allergies are... Blow your nose. Thank you for...

I don't need to blow my nose. It's in the back of my throat, dude. Go blow your fucking throat. Anyways, thank you everyone for listening. And we'll be back next week with another one. And this week should be the continuation of shit going up hell yeah this coming week and me and pete might still have sex Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home it can be really hard

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