supermegashow - EP 299 - The Boiling Water Incident

Episode Date: June 11, 2022

We talk about Matt’s little accident, Scientology, and that goofball Bill Clinton! Get started with Curology just like I did with a free 30-day trial at https://Curology.com/SUPER Go to https://BuyRaycon.com/supermega TODAY to get 15% off your Raycon order!  Get started with Chime today. Get started at chime.com/super Go to https://Keeps.com/SuperMega to get your first month of treatment for free. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish.

Or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly. Which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I.com. Scoop da poop. Scoopity poop. Is that Kanye's song? Yeah. Ow. One and only. Yeah. I heard that he actually, Drake wanted that beat, and that's why he did that. He bought the beat. Who knows the real story?

He just put out a fresh fucking beat that took the world by storm, baby. Yeah, they say. All those years ago. Well, they say that basically Drake wanted that beat really bad, so Kanye made a joke song over it, so Drake couldn't use it. Good. Drake said some some disrespectful things about kim kardashian yeah he did yeah he said a couple discs and about nikki minaj

well welcome everybody to episode 299 that's right super mega cast almost almost at the big three zero zero can you believe it ladies ladies and gentlemen? God, so close. One away. Just one away. That is... Matt is now shirtless. It's hot in here, man. Maybe it's just me.

Is it stuffy in here? Uh, it doesn't feel all too bad. I mean, I am wearing a tank top and shorts and... Maybe I could afford to take these puppies off.

My little... Yeah, take those Crocs off, baby. My Crocs. No Crocs. Like, you don't need Crocs on the couch. Oh. Yeah, let those little puppies off, baby. My crocs. No crocs. Like, you don't need crocs on the couch. Yeah, let those little puppies breathe. I need to clip my toenails.

They're getting pretty fierce. No, dude, grow them out. Okay. Until they curl downward or upward or whatever. It's white boy summer again, you know? It's always white boy summer, baby. Well, it's beautiful black woman summer as well. Yeah, so one episode until 300.

Yep. And we're sitting in our fully deconstructed podcast set right now. It looks awful. It was perfect. And then it got fully deconstructed for some reason. Well, Layton needed to iron the damn curtains. Well, he's been needed. Well, I've been asking him to iron the damn curtains well he's been well I've been asking him to iron the damn curtains for months

and then he said well he can't iron them because they're too hard to iron he's gonna listen to this and it's gonna break his little heart I know and then he had to hire a company to come steam them tomorrow I don't think that's happening anymore the steaming? I think he heard some advice

and something about a something about um wallpaper remover when and then how that'll be that's the secret trick and that he's gonna do that what and you have to do it while you put them up so that's why they're on the couch or something okay i have no clue. I have no idea. Do you want to, do you want to hear him explain it himself? No, not really.

Okay. You know, I, that, that's going to be a whole thing and take a whole five to 10 minutes. Yeah. And I'm not going to understand a single bit of it. Yeah.

So, well, he usually speaks in a different language for some reason when he's telling us. Is it Yiddish? What is it? I don't know reason when he's telling us stuff. Is it Yiddish? What is it? I don't know. Maybe he learned Unilog and he's trying to impress you. Would you recognize it if he was talking it to you?

I haven't brushed up in a while. I'm a little bit rusty at Unilog right now. How rusty is your Japanese? It's pretty rusty. Is it? Yeah. You can still hold a decent conversation, you'd say?

Yeah, enough of it's like deep burned into my memory at this point just from trying to learn it for so long that like, there's a lot I just don't think

I'll ever forget. Yeah. Like a lot of the basic stuff. And like reading it and writing it for like a good portion. Being obsessed with it. Yeah.

That really helped me out. Like taking graph paper and just practicing each character over. Yeah, that really helped me out. Like taking graph paper and just practicing each character. Well, that's what you have to do. That's what we did when we were kids and we were learning to write our alphabet. Except it's a lot easier to draw the letter C than it is to do a 27-stroke Chinese character.

Well, they wanted to be all fancy with it. Yeah, they chose to write like that. It's fucking ridiculous. Who the hell can read that? Not me. Not me. Have you even seen Arabic? Oh my, don't get me started on that one, dude. Bunch of squiggles. And some dots here and there. Yeah, they

just throw dots wherever they want. Like those damn Russians. But at least I can understand some of the shapes in Russian. Some of the shapes in Russian make sense, but the backwards in and the backwards are, that's messed up. That throws me for a loop every time. Is it R? Is it in? What the hell is it? Who knows? What sound does it make?

Nice! Yeah, dude. That's right. Fucking tag those Russians, baby. I have skin peeling off of my arm and hand as we speak. Look at that. that's disgusting yep matt came on himself this time though it was a bit of a hot bit someone call it a boiling substance shot from his from his cock do you see this i am yeah um i came on my belly and uh burn myself a little bit yeah they say, I told you cum was warm.

Well, I knew it was warm. I just didn't realize that it was going to be that hot. How was the first time masturbating? Honestly, I guess I think I hyped it up too much in my head. Still better than sex. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely better than sex. Especially if you're all nice and like a dry hand.

Yes, a dry hand is the way to go. It's like a rough, calloused hand. But basically, I have all the skin is peeling off my arm. Third degree birds. Actually, they're fourth degree. I have to go to the hospital. Actually, I got to go right now. It's infected.

Your skin's bubbling still well it's it's fucking shiny it's fucking shiny and like peeling off because i had a so there's a do you hear this gafon yeah i hear something it's distracting me i hear a fucking bunch of screaming and giggling outside don't they know when we're recording the podcast they need to shut it like completely they need to go in their separate little fucking boxes, close it, lock it, and we'll come in and unlock it when we're done. It's quiet reading time. Yes.

SSR. It seems like it's stopped. Okay. Thank God. When I hear our employees filled with joy, it makes me go, that doesn't sound like work. We're doing something wrong. Yeah. But basically, there's a stain by my bed on the carpet from a protein shake.

It's not cum. Protein shake. No, it's a protein shake. Protein shake. And it's hardened because it's protein. So I'm like, fuck. So I got like a carpet cleaner to get it out with, which I filled up with water, took it upstairs.

Then I boiled a pot of water because I was going to put boiling water on it, kind of like break it down. I go over to the pot. It's bubbling like crazy. I pick it up and I want to get to my room as fast as possible while the water is as hot as it is. I start walking. There's a little quarter-sized drop of water on the floor from the machine.

And I just fucking cut like banana peel slip and then splash the entire pot of boiling water all over, like straight down my arm and my right hand. It's insane. And it's weird though. You, uh, it's like all like I can see your tendons and stuff. It burned through.

I'm surprised you haven't gone to the hospital. Yeah. Like actually if I move this little part right here, you can see the bone through it. Yeah, okay. It's like a little bit of like a translucent, like skin thing. Also, it's cool.

You don't realize like when you move your fingers, how much actually happens inside your arm. But now you can see that. Yeah, you've grown an appreciation for it. Like when I move these two fingers, those tendons all the way in the back of my arm move. Yeah. But yeah, it hurt pretty bad, but, uh, as burning oneself with,

with scalding water would, would, would go, it was boiling. It was still bubbling in the pot when I slipped. Well, thank God you didn't get any serious, like, yeah, I got, I got very lucky because honestly, like I could have, if I had splashed myself in the face with my eyes open, if you told me you spilled boiling water on yourself and I could have if I'd splash myself in the face with my eyes open. If you told me you spilled boiling water on yourself and you show me that I'd be like, no. You got some you got some good skin. Got some like turtle like shell skin. Yeah. Well, I think I think because it was a quick splash like.

Yeah. And it was such a quick exposure that man, it sucked sucked too because it felt hot when it happened, but I think I was kind of in shock of the concept of what was happening. Usually at first you don't feel it at all. I felt the splash and it was hot, but in my mind there was that shock of, oh fuck, because I knew exactly what was happening as it was happening. I was like

fuck! And I jumped up and I grabbed my arm and I shook it off and it was all over my pants and shit. And off and it was all over my pants and shit. And you held it under cold water and put it in a tub? And I was like, oh my god, this is going to hurt in like five minutes. So then I had to go put it in semi-cold

water for like 30 minutes. And I think that was the main thing that helped it. So I just plunged it in and I kept it there. What do they say if you if if if you get burned or something run it under cold water immediately asap baby yeah and i just did that and uh thin jim got me some stuff at cvs and i wrapped my arm up last night last night it fucking sucked it hurt very bad but today it's you know it's fine. It's better. I didn't expect it to heal this quickly.

So that's an update on my life. Hold on. Shift around in the chair a little bit. That's not me. The squeaking. Yeah, what is that? That's what I'm trying to piece together. Y'all can't hear it.

Trying to piece together. Y'all can't hear it. Is it a bird outside? Maybe. What the hell is that? A cricket? In our walls? Well, it's not doing it anymore.

Yeah, it's not the chairs. It's like a high-pitched squeak. Wait, mic stand? No. I think it is my chair. Something in your chair, maybe. This is very entertaining. Yeah.

Just like, I'm shaking my chair. I was trying to figure it out. Oh, well. Oh, well. Yeah.

Y'all can't hear it. Sucks to not be able to hear it. Or maybe they can. Yeah. Maybe they can. Or maybe you, when you're listening, you're convincing yourself.

You can hear this thing of the pickup, Michael Jackson's high notes. Yeah. So, yeah. And those are a little bit,. This thing of the pick up Michael Jackson's high notes. Yeah. So. Yeah. And those are a little bit not as high as the squeak we're hearing right now. Yeah. So.

It's, it's, uh, maybe we have like a little mouse. Oh, God. Dude, I wish we had a little mouse and it was like the type in the cartoon where like the baseboard of the floor, there's like that little like archway entrance. Like a little hole. Yeah. There should be like a little wooden door he comes out of. There's a little curtains. We just put like a little piece of cheese in front of it and he comes and gets it.

I would love that dude. And he nods his head in appreciation and goes back in and feeds his wife and children. If I ever have to build a house, if I'm ever forced to build, construct a house, I'm going to put one of those in. And I'll put like a little mini living room behind it. I'm remembering some family guy,

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse bit. Yeah. What was it? I feel like it, like there's like visually just because of the whole mouse thing, but in my head makes it feel like it's, they're like fighting. Yeah.

They're fighting or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's like off color or something. I'm like, hmm. Because Mickey and Minnie would never do that. You know?

You just could not picture them in that situation. So when Seth MacFarlane puts them in such, it is shocking. Oh, yeah, it was definitely green. Boy, let me tell you, he was eyeing that drip the whole time. Caught him in the act. God, people make

the darndest things. Was that a family guy edit? Yeah. Man, the rest of the podcast, like, after episode 300 should just be us. Just,

so there's, I think that there's this one family guy clip. I mean, like, five minutes of trying to find it on YouTube and then just like, oh, never mind.

But there is this one that, where Peter, he gets like a helicopter, you know? And he calls it the Petercopter. And I'm trying to find it. Yeah. Yeah, I might. This one time, one of my Yeah, I might... I can't find it. This one time, one of my cousins,

I went over to his house and he came in a corner. It's pretty weird. Yeah. Pretty crazy. Are you referencing my whole... Yeah. I can't get that out of my head.

Not just that. Wait. No. You came in a corner. Your cousins came on a dresser or on a wall. They had a cum wall. This kid I knew from college. His cousin.

It wasn't my cousin. But you came in the corner. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Dude, I came in socks. Used to. So I thought that you had to jerk off with a sock on your penis. No.

That's like what I thought. So I tried it and I was like, this hurts. No. Like I just used it like I would a fucking... I thought in middle school that you were supposed to just put it over your dick. That would hurt. It did hurt. That would feel weird.

It did. It was not comfortable. And they were like cheap-ass Walmart socks, too. Ugh. Well, they were my dad's socks. Crusty socks, eh? Eh, yeah.

Man, dude, this is disgusting. My arm right now. I know. It's just kind of off-putting. It looks like you didn't put any antibiotics on it at all. No, it's pulsating.

It's like crusting around the perimeter of the burn. Yeah, well, I think that's healing. But it looks like a dry foam, like a dry yellow foam. Oh, I think the immune system is pretty... That's probably just something it does. Yeah, I mean, your body wants to fix itself. Yeah, yeah.

I definitely think it's doing that. Because it wasn't not... See how where I'm not hurt, see how I can see the blood vessels and they're black? And they're slowly... I've noticed that the blackness is going further up my arm now. And I think that that's... I don't think that's bad. No?

I think it's fine. As you said, body heals itself. And if the doctor, well, you didn't see a doctor. I don't need it. They're fucking crackpots, dude. They just want to get you on. They want to hop you up on Ritalin. They want to put me on Ritalin and Oxycontin and then fucking charge me seven grand.

When you got kids on Ritalin. We've got kids on Ritalin. Adults on Oxycontin. You know, I want to live in a world where there are no pharmaceutical drugs and people don't have to take these drugs to feel good. Yeah, so does everyone else. Yeah, we can live in that world

if we take away the pharmaceutical drugs. Listen, you got kids on Ritalin? Tom Cruise impression. Does he say that? Yeah. Something of that ilk Wait is he saying Taking away the pharmaceutical companies Everyone will suddenly just be happy

There will be no depression or anxiety He's saying people should not take antidepressants and such Well they should just be happy like him Yes Exactly He found a way to be happy By being a millionaire Who

Belongs to The biggest yes man corporation happy by being a millionaire who belongs to the biggest yes man corporation to exist for rich celebrities. Yeah, so if the rich celebrity says be happy, honestly. Sorry, religion. Religion.

Man, we should join Scientology, dude. I've been saying this for a while. I'm kind of interested. Do you think they're going to make a sequel going clear again? Have they done more? They've had to have done more shit that people just aren't aware of. Oh, yeah, definitely.

Well, I'm sure more is going to come out in the future about Scientology. What? That squeaking is killing me, man. I know. I don't know what it is. Is it the table? No, but see? When I'm moving to my chair, it's not happening.

Yeah. But it's always when I'm talking. What the hell? Trying to shake my leg like I do. What? Dude, this sucks. The squeaking episode. This is the episode with the phantom squeaks There are phantom squeaks going on in this room It's like, it sounds like bicycle

Yeah Yeah, that's fucking weird, dude Maybe the room is bugged Sounds like a bed frame When I'm with your mom Only that many times, too Hey, you know, pumper and dumper That's what Jim says only that many times too hey you know pumper and dumper

that's what Jim says that is what Jim says and he is good at it too oh yeah he pumps and dumps like there's no tomorrow that boy does not ever use I don't think he's ever used a condom once in his life doesn't need them damn it my penis fell off

okay we'll go to ad breaks then Angie has made it easier than ever Damn it, my penis fell off. Okay, we'll go to ad breaks then. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs, projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's in everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.

Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly. means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil.

Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. Where'd my penis go? Hold on. Well, look

deeper under the couch. Your cock's... It must have gone under the couch. Oh! Shit. It just fell out of my pocket. Oh. Yeah, in your pocket yeah silly goose okay well welcome back well hold uh welcome back every well hold up gotta get this thing on uh is this thing on that's what jim does to to women in the grocery store he pulls out his erect penis and he taps on the tip of it and goes, uh, is this thing on?

Jim is like a type 5 whenever I see him. What's a type 5? You go up on like a like on stage, like a comedy club you get five minutes. Oh, I didn't know that's what that was. Yeah, Jim's always delivering his stand-up jokes to people on the street

when he walks by him he just throws them out at him. He doesn't ask. No, he kind of just throws them out. He goes into it. Some of the bits are good, I will say. He needs to work on some with the epithets. Yeah, and the Native American one.

I've told him not to do that one with the impressions and stuff. That's the main one, yeah. That one, I'm like, Jim, that doesn't go up. But he does it. He jumps around on the sidewalk. He's like, I'm 1% Cherokee. We're like, okay, Jim. I don't know if that gives me... Like a mother That one, I'm like, Jim, that doesn't go up. But he does it. He jumps around on the sidewalk. He's like, I'm 1% Cherokee. And we're like, okay, Jim. I don't know if that gives me...

Like mother like son, I guess. In this instance. Apple doesn't fall far from the racist tree. But that's Jim, you know? Jim's going to Jim. Jimmy's going to Jim. Jimmy! Jimmy!

Are you ready for the last half? It's coming July... 11th. 11th, okay. It's coming July 11th. It's a little over a month away. Better Call Saul, the final six episodes. July 11th. We haven't talked about Better Call Saul in a hot minute. But because we can't.

Because spoilers. I know. We've been watching. 34 days. 34 days. I have that countdown app that I put things so I can... Every now and then if I need a boost of positivity, I can just be like, look at it and look at all the things

that I'm excited for I need to do the same thing I have one for when my when I want my album to come out you can color code them too see look at all this stuff I got this

the widgets on the phone screen ooh so uh you can just see it all it's beautiful but basically um yeah

I'm thinking Arby's ooh i could go for arby's right now are you serious no okay i just had food that sounds disgusting arby's like i know it's the meme that it sucks but like it actually sucks yes like like i know it's not good it's like this funny shrek meme how can you be in the mood for arby's you can't dude it's disgusting it's like the funny Shrek meme. How can you be in the mood for Arby's? You can't, dude. It's disgusting. It's like when you think of fast food, like roast beef sandwiches just don't come to mind for me. The Arby's Corporation. Is this the hill you really want to die on?

Sue us. Yeah. We dare you. Pussies. Yeah. Arby's. If you want to prove you're not pussies, go ahead and file a lawsuit. Yeah.

And to prove, and honestly honestly it'll be an easy case All we'll have to do is eat one of your sandwiches on the stand Judge like banging down his gavel It's like someone's like choking down an Arby's sandwich Your honor Objection That's the most disgusting sandwich my clients ever tasted Overruled Your Honor, objection. That's the most disgusting sandwich my client's ever tasted.

Overruled. Fuck. Yeah, how's your back stuff? It's going. I mean, I still wake up kind of like in pain. I forgot to take my pain medication. Really? I'm going to take my pain medication. All right I'm going to go take my pain medication.

All right. I'll keep him entertained. Okay, you better. Ooh, tell them how your sister's doing. Okay. Hey, guys. My sister, Sam, she's doing great. She works in Dallas, Texas.

She works in Dallas, Texas. She works in finance. So maybe some of you, when you go to the bank, you might unknowingly be talking to my sister. Who knows? She's married. No kids. Just got her first house. Her and her husband. Very, very proud of them.

You know, something they worked for for a very long time, and now they've done it. And I couldn't be happier. Not at all. It might not sound like I'm that enthralled, but I really am. Sometimes my tone doesn't match the way I feel on the inside. Because right now it's overwhelming glee. But my tone on the outside, you know, sounds semi-depressed or just apathetic, I guess you could say.

Well, I'm not. I'm happy. I'm very happy. And I'm more happy that Ryan's back now. I just mocked Layton I heard you I heard someone mocking Layton's voice I actually thought it was Layton though I thought it was Layton saying something yeah

it was you mocking him nice I just have to put him in his place sometimes yeah you really gotta make fun of his appearance and voice to put him in his place our employees step out of his appearance and voice to put him in his place. Yeah. If our employees step out of line, you know what to do. Oh.

Cough. Cough. Yeah. You know, my arm's all burnt, but I don't need pain medication. Okay, buddy. I'm more into eastern medicine. Just take a warm bath.

Solves all your problems. Just do some Pilates. I actually do what Team Star recommended. Just have a couple sips of beer. Oh, I actually have a question for the audience. Since so many want to help me out with my physical ailments. Am I just not supposed to go see a movie in a movie theater or be comfortable playing video games? Like,

do I just need to be comfortable with that fact for a while? Is that just something that I have to be like, all right, well, not seeing a movie in the theaters for a bit. Or is there a secret device that y'all use that you ordered off of Amazon or, or you went to Walmart and got or Rite Aid? I don't know where you shop. That's like, this is the secret tool where I can, I can sit down for two hours with my sciatica. You could, I mean, you could just like stand up every now and then, but just seeing like a dude stand up in the movie theater. Like, but I'd always have to get a backseat and I'd make sure it's right under the projector too. Just, it's unsettling when a man just quickly stands up in the movie theater.

I start pacing back and forth. What is he doing? I start walking up and down the steps. The guy comes in with a flashlight. Sir, are you okay? Yeah, just my back. Oh, okay. Because the pain, when I sit, the pain usually goes into three areas it would be my ankle my hamstring then my

upper glute my neck my back my pussy and my crack so i have a lumbar fucking support thing for my car is there any special device or special creams or medications that might help me be comfortable so i can enjoy the things that make me happy once again. If not, that's fine. If it's just suck it up and deal with it, unfortunately, for a few months. You just had an MRI. Yeah, but I don't have any results from it. They gave me a CD and said, this is your MRI.

And I'm like, okay. The doctor will call you in a few days to give you his interpretation. They gave you a CD and said CDs nuts. They didn't because she was too old to know of this. I'm sure if she was younger, she would have said that she would have cracked it quick. Yeah. That's the problem with that.

Putting old people in these positions that need to be filled by young people like politics. We need more young people like Madison Cawthorn in politics. Also, the ENT still hasn't gotten back to me. So my septum still fucked. Yeah. Your septum is absolutely fucked. You have to have that surgery, dude. It's like, when you look up your

nose, which I do very often, it's like actually sticking out. Like, your septum is blocking one of your... It's like it's broken. But right now they're haggling with insurance. Does it hurt? Like, when you touch it? No. Fucking haggling with insurance, dude. They said it would be like three days

and it's been fucking forever. Our goddamn healthcare system is so epic. My veteran, like the vet I have for Lego is more responsive than like the actual doctors I go to. Yeah, man. Doctors and lawyers,

they're all going to burn in hell together. Yeah. Yeah. Just, I want to Bill Clinton's big promises. I just want to be fixed. Like a dog? They're going to cut your nuts off. One of Bill Clinton's big promises when he was in office that he campaigned on.

And I only know this because some lady told me this out of the blue. I don't even remember where I was recently. She was like, you know, I remember. Oh, it was a creator clash. It was one of the doctors that was checking us out. She's like, I remember Bill Clinton. One of his big campaigns was he was going to make medical stuff have way less paperwork. And he was campaigning for less paperwork.

And that just never happened. And I think about that a lot. That's a really interesting thing to campaign on. Yeah, well, Bill Clinton's a pervert. No, he's not, Ryan. Did you know that Bill Clinton... Did you know gaming on Bill Clinton? Did you know?

Bill Clinton got his cock sucked. He got that sloppy toppy in the Oval Office. I want to see with the sidebars of the Did You Know game Bill Clinton got that sloppy toppy in the Oval Office. He did. Bill Clinton committed sexual assault in the Oval Office.

That man, well see, he never stimulated the woman. He was stimulating himself. And when they said, did you have sexual relations by that definition and he said no i did not but i had that definition in his mind he was not lying because he had the definition of sexual relations as him stimulating her i technically did not have sexual relations with this with that woman technically yeah he says it really quiet. I did not. And they're like, you lied.

It's a playback. Look. Technically. Did not have sexual relations with that woman. Monica. Can you cut out with the B sound? On live TV? Can you guys cut out the stutter?

No. Or almost called her a bitch Oh Well now I went and did it Dude Bill Clancy Oh Bill what have you done? Oh Bill you silly goose Just like

Betraying him as this oaf Like this dope Is so counterintuitive to like The shit that he actually did In like In the Oval Office as president. I blew up an aspirin factory. God damn it.

I thought there were terrorists there. He was just making out. Fuck. Oh, Hill. Oh, today's been a doozy. Oh, Hill, I messed up bad. Oh, don't look at the news, Hill. What did you do now, Bill?

You blew up an aspirin factory in the Middle East? I told you not to look up the news. Now you're just going to be mad at me. Bill, three children are dead. I'll go stand in my corner. Yeah, I'll just go sit in the corner. Don't forget your dunce cap. Dunce?

Yes, Hill. He did He blew up an He said that there were Terrorists and weapons there And they They drone striked it And blew it up

Turns out it was just an Aspirin factory Aspirin It was an aspirin factory An aspirin factory I don't know why I can't say aspirin today I keep saying aspirin Why don't they just

English honestly like You know how like It kind of just simplifies As time goes on yeah instead of becoming more complex it's just like why would it become more complex

yeah point of language is to get your idea across in as little time as possible well I'm saying they just need to start cutting the bullshit out of a lot of words like aspirin aspirin

you know just like cut things down cut the fluff out of the words where you going today just talk like that you know it's like take like cut things down, cut the fluff out of the words. Where are you going today? Yeah. Just talk like that.

You know, it's like, like you just basically, it's less tongue work. I'm going to 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven. I go 7-Eleven, you know. I go 7-Eleven. It makes sense though. Okay. Dude, a lot of languages, it's like, if you break it down, it's literally just like, I

go 7-Eleven. It's so, it's so stupid that it's not english i know just to make americans sound even dumber than they already do yeah well before you know it joe biden's gonna make the uh national language arabic these dumb fat americans these stupid dumb fat americans eating their cheeseburgers on their way to France. God damn it. You know what's not able to speak another language? You know what they call it in France?

You know what they call a quarter pounder in France? A Royale with cheese. I have to take a shit. Go take a shit. We'll have another ad break. Oh, I really got to take a shit. Yeah, go take that shit, buddy. Order up for Damien. Hey,

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Well, that was nice. Yeah? Yeah. Took a nice little kerplop in the toilet. Yeah, I guess you could say that. Maybe some sludge. Was it more like a waterfall of sludge or some kerplops intermittent? Yeah, somewhere in between.

You know? Okay. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's all I'll say. I'll leave the rest up to the imagination. That's what I'm fucking talking about. That's what you'll say. I'll leave the rest up to the imagination. That's what I'm fucking talking about. That's what you're fucking talking about, man. And, yeah.

What's new with Ryan McGee? I haven't been doing much besides coming to work, going home, resting, going on walks. Like I said, I can't really do much shit. Just kind of been lazing about, going on walks, going on drives here and there to go to the grocery store or whatnot. Very basic stuff. I just want to be fixed so I can do things again and feel comfortable. I want to be comfortable coming over to your place and just hanging out. Just standing around, just sitting down in whatever position I want and be comfortable like coming over to your place and just hanging out. Yeah. Like just standing around, just sitting down

in whatever position I want and just being comfortable. It's the little things you take for granted. It is. You don't know what you got until it's gone. You know?

Yeah. Well, it's been going on since 420. Bum, bum, bum. Yeah, it looks like someone smoked a little too much pot. That's what happened.

Too much chronic. I only want to refer to weed as chronic from now on. That term isn't used enough. Yo, Ryan, you smoking chronic today? Yeah, I be smoking some green. I be smoking a little green. Hey, man, I'm hooked on chronic. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. A little chronic never hurt anybody. When's the last time you smoked some chronic? Last time I smoked some chronic... Probably a couple weeks ago. Ooh.

Probably like two or three weeks ago, I probably took a puff of some Chronic off of somebody. Maybe like Rav or you or Leighton. Yeah. Well, I ingested Chronic. Yeah. More recently, within the last week. I took the edible version of Chronic.

Ooh. But... Little gummies? yeah little tiny little gummy but it hit me like a train is it like a five or ten ten oh man i'll tell you what dude that chronic had me fucked up nice yeah man that's fucking sick dude i'm so i'm so happy for you that's great yeah that shit had me fucked. That's fucking fire. Thanks, bro. I was lit. Yeah, okay.

It was good. Yeah, it was cool. Yeah. How about you? I mean, other than your fucking burns, anything going on with you besides housing people for the umpteenth time? Yeah. Everyone's hitting me up, too, like,

hey, can I come stay with you later this month? I'm just having to say no. Yeah. You're also going to be housing Justin soon. Yeah. I need to kick everybody out And force them to go live on the streets Get the fuck away from me

No I just want my studio that's all You know Don's in there snoring like a god I can hear Don I can hear him with both my fans on Through the wall snoring At night time He's in a completely separate room And I have two fans on and he's a loud snore

yeah i think he has sleep apnea dude the way he snores it seems like sleep apnea it's like it's like he's choking on his tongue but you know basically i've just been chilling like a villain yeah all right okay um and then i started working on a project that i've been kind of sitting on for a couple years and i finally have made like actual progress in it and that fanboys no not fanboys oh okay uh that's next year um all right it's uh it's a little it's a little something. You'll see. We'll see.

I don't want to, I don't want to say too much. Okay. I'm doing porn. Ooh. Masturbation videos. Oh shit. Yeah. Were you masturbating your mom?

No. Oh. Masturbating myself to my mom. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I was about to say,

you got to get Ann in this. Well, I have a picture of her. She's the one. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was about to say, you got to get Ann in this. Well, I have a picture of her. She's the one that needs the money. Yeah, I'm doing this for her. I want to buy my mom a house. She kind of gaslit you into it. She just said,

well, maybe if I go and stand on the streets, then maybe I'll get more money. You have to come in and save the day. Old Matthew saving the day again. Yeah. Yeah, but cut that out

because I don't want people to know what my secret project is No no of course Yeah but You guys will have to see In due time You know But my secret

Matthew's secret project Oh I'm sure Their fucking eyes And ears are tingling And maybe their nose If it's a 4D experience Hey I ain't saying nothing

You know You're not Well I mean you are saying You're saying some things I ain't saying nothing. You know? You're not. Well, I mean, you are saying, you're saying some things, but nothing to give away the surprise. It's a double negative. I ain't saying nothing. That means I'm saying something. Yeah.

Fucking double negatives, dude. What the hell? But you know what people mean when they say that shit. Yeah, every time the teacher would correct you. I ain't saying nothing. That's a double negative. So you're saying something. Shut up. It's like, you know, you know's like, you know what I mean.

Can I go to the bathroom? I don't know. Can you? Yes. I'm going to just piss right there in your pants. May you go to the bathroom. What are we having for lunch? Food? May I use the restroom? Can you?

I hated that shit. Isn't it the other way around? Yeah. I'm just trying to sow misinformation. How dare you? How fucking dare you? I hated that shit isn't it the other way around? yeah I'm just trying to sow misinformation how dare you how fucking dare you it's a good day to spread

some misinformation is it not? well I mean a good day as any other yeah let's spread some misinformation life's been pretty boring not gonna lie

outside of work. I can't really do much for work cause I have to like lay down most of the time, which is why we're having problems. We just got this fucking co-op set up, set up, but I, to be comfortable,

like we can, usually we can have recording sessions last two hours if we need it. And now we're having to take like probably 20, 30 minutes at a time and then take a break. Yeah. And then, you know, we have a,

we have a, we have a little guest in our, in our let's play room. Oh yeah. Rav, Ravioli. Yeah. He's sleeping in there.

We just need to make like a, an encampment for all these people to go to. We need to get a little guest house, the ones that you can make at Home Depot. Or the ones that you can get pre-built at Home Depot and just have people go in there. We should get one of those tiny little pre-built sheds at Home Depot. Get them a really nice Dyson fan. Triple bunk beds. Dawn on top, Rav on the bottom.

And, you know, it's perfect. It's a match made in heaven. You know what I'm saying? Justin can stay in there when he starts. Quadruple bunk beds, then. Stack them four high. Okay. You know? Let me just swallow some of my

spit and my boogers. Ew, dude. It just kind of stays in the mid throat That's disgusting Come on man you're swallowing some boogers baby That's gross that's really gross It's gross Boogers McGee They call him

Snotty McGee He has to lay down like an old person You have to lay down Go on little walks. So cute. Go on your little walk. Don't even talk to me. Yeah, man. I'm ready for your sciatica shit to be better.

Apparently it could take months. I'm gonna go beat your trainer's ass, dude. Yeah. I'm gonna walk. I'm gonna step into the ring with him. How dare you condense my boy like an accordion. I know, dude. He fucking squeezedense my boy like an accordion i i know dude he fucking squeezed you tight like a fucking accordion you made the same sound too i wish now you're crying like the sound of an accordion like expanding now and now is your i cry out in pain it's like every morning

i wake up and i'm like i don't feel too bad And then I move a little and I'm like, I'm like reminded every morning. Fuck, I'm still dealing with this shit. I was hoping it was like, you know, when you work out too hard and you get some sore shit. Oh, yeah. I know about that. Oh, hell yeah, brother. Well, it goes away after a while. Yeah.

This hasn't gone away. It's like that permanently. It's been about a month and a half while. Yeah. This hasn't gone away in almost, it's been about a month and a half now. Damn. Who knows, I might have many more months to go.

I mean, is it? I start physical therapy tomorrow. Nice, nice. So that's something. It's not like something though that could last your whole life, right?

I don't know. Hope not. Whenever I bring that up, I'm like, to the doctors, my worry is that this is just something I'm going to have to be dealing with

for years and years down the road. And they're like, they usually just, oh, you're young, you'll be good. But a part of me is like, are you just saying I'm young now, so I'll suffer then and then I'll be better when I'm older? What do you mean by this?

Your body will heal. You'll feel better your cells regenerate better when you're young but if you have like a herniated disc that's pushing on your nerve cell regeneration isn't going to help that nope you know honestly dude if i gave you a good kick in the back pop that disc back into place honestly good work you know true well it's the swelling that happens around the whatever the fucking... Oh, it gets like inflamed. Yeah. And it pushes on. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Well, maybe they could give you like an anti-inflammatory medication you could take every day. I'm on that. Oh, you are? That's what the pain meds are. Oh. I also have muscle relaxers to take at night. Oh. I wake up dehydrated.

Yeah, I've always been kind of scared of taking muscle relaxers because I'd shit myself in the bed. Yeah. Like, just wake up. Luckily, that hasn't happened yet. Yeah. Yet. Crossing my fingers, you know?

Well, I remember I would give Banana muscle relaxers before going to the vet to calm him down. And the rest of the day, he would just slowly shit while walking around. Like, it would just come out of his ass. Ew. And I'd, like, find, like, pellets of shit. Little pellets of... God damn it, banana.

At least it's not little ice cream servings. No. It was just solid little, like, they would just be coming out of his ass because he, I guess, didn't know how to control it. You know? You know what sounds nice? Having a rabbit that goes around the house Like a small dog or a cat But you can't really

I don't think you can train A rabbit to poop in a specific area I know a guy that has that Like a rabbit that Roams around his house It's the guy that made the rugs on my wall He's got like a rabbit named Boogie That goes around his house

Named after Boogie2988. Of course. Gentle soul. Wasn't there a video of him with a gun and he like sends off a warning shot or something? He's like pointing it at the guy filming. And he's like, don't make me do this, man. Don't make me do this. It's such a good picture.

Boogie standing there with the gun in the doorway. Doesn't he have, doesn't Boogie also have a fucking... What is it called? A picture? What is it called? A mugshot? Did he get arrested for that? I thought I saw a mugshot of Boogie at some point.

Boogie is a character, man. Boogie is a man. He's a force to be reckoned with. That's for sure. Francis. You know? Boogie is a man. He's a force to be reckoned with. That's for sure. Francis, you know? Oh, Francis. Are you fine, Boogie?

There is a mugshot of it. Was that for the gun thing? I guess. Booked in Washington County Jail. September 2020. He's currently held on $5,000 bond How will he do this? Yeah Poor Boogie dude

Free Boogie Free my man Boogie Yeah Purposely displays a firearm In such a manner That creates a substantial Danger of death Or serious physical injury

To be fair The guy was like Trolling him And like flew across the country just to troll him and showed up at his house. But it's also just funny

that picture of Boogie with the gun. Ah, hey, make content for the rest of us, baby. That's all that matters, huh? Man,

it would have been good content if you pulled that trigger. I know. You know? That would have been great content. Damn it. I know.

Maybe we can go to his house. Maybe we can get shot. That's good content. Yeah. YouTube duo SuperMega killed by Boogie2988. Shoots both of us in the head. Execution style. Just get on our knees. I feel like to get the most out of it, one of us would have to survive

but be in a wheelchair. Oh, that's true. That's true. And then tell the story. But we're not actually like he can shoot me in the shoulder. I'll just be in a wheelchair just like on the news and stuff just to kind of gain a little more sympathy. Yeah. I'll die. I don't mind.

It's just eternal nothingness. I mean, I could take the bullet this time. No, I can die. It's fine. I mean, if you want to switch things up. I don't think I can leave that. We could switch things up. We can rock think I can leave that. We can switch things up. We can rock, paper, scissors it. Okay.

That seems fair. Best two out of three? Whoever wins lives. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I said one, two, three. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, I'm dying.

Yeah, it looks like Boogie's shooting you in the chest cavity. Fuck. He's going to blow your entire chest cavity just completely clean open. He's going to take a.44 Magnum and just blow my fucking head in half. And I'm going to go. And then he's getting, I'm going to be running away and he's going to shoot me in the back. And I'm going to end up in a wheelchair. He's going to shoot you in your ass.

Yeah, right in the ass. Like Forrest Gump. I got shot in the ass. Yeah, and then I'll live to tell our tale. I'll write a book about the whole ordeal. Good, good. I'll make a lot of money. I'll get like a...

You'll make money for us both. We'll get like a six, seven figure book deal. It all goes to you, but it's my story too. Exactly. It's in your memory. Not anymore. My memory doesn't exist. Half of my face is gone.

I'm just imagining Boogie pulling the trigger. Blowing my fucking brains out. Like Matrix-style camera movement of close up on Boogie's face, pull out. It's like hollow point bullets. Following this homemade hollow point bullet

that he made himself. That has Francis etched onto the side oh man boogie no more you can't boogie remember that wii game boogie no there was a wii game called boogie i know just dance it was like was like Just Dance. I love Just Dance. I remember the commercial had that song Boogie in it and it was fucking killer commercial. Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie. That's not how that song goes.

No, but you know, imagine a Louis style show with Boogie. Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie. Yeah, dude, I love that imagery Walking down a street in New York City Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie He has a fedora on

Boogie, boogie, you're gonna die That's not a death threat to Boogie That's just the lyrics of the song Yeah It's also an older song in a lot of shows Yeah, I think he just licensed it, probably For like what? Like five bucks?

Probably, dude. That song sucks ass. License these nuts. Yes. You can't. Damn. You need to be like a lawyer that represents like entertainment firms. So like when someone comes to license like an artist.

I'm suing your client. Yeah, we'll sue these nuts. Oh! Bad news. Looks like we lost. By default. What? The case hasn't even started yet. He said

sue these nuts. Oh. Fuck. We can't. We can't. We've gone through with this. We can't. We'll look like fools. We're done. We're done. It's, we just have to call it quits. Fuck. Quit can't, we can't come through with this. We can't. We'll look like fools. We're done. We're done. It's, we just have to call it quits. Fuck. Quit these nuts. Oh, are we still listening?

Oh, fuck. I'm gonna have to disbar myself from ever representing law. Disbar these nuts. Get them out of the building! Get them out of the building! I just lost my bar license.

I can't serve anymore as a legal representative of the state of California. I need to come over and... I've been coming over to your place more. Because it's really just a hangout den now. Yep. It's really just a hangout den now. It's like a big ol' opium den without the opium. Oh, especially since Don's

there. Oh yeah. I need to clean my place up though. My place is getting pretty dirty. My place. I need to vacuum and get some shit done. Jim has been keeping it clean. Jim cleans up every day and that's very nice. See, Justin just like stomps dirt everywhere when he walks in. Please put your shoes on

I'm beginning to think it's an intentional thing yeah just fucking stomping around yeah well I okay I don't want to get him in trouble but I did last time we went over to your house we were walking up to the front door and it had rained there was like a puddle of mud and he went and like oh watch this

and he stomped around in it for a second and then he went inside his shoes were actually spotless before that the white jordans i was actually surprised he muddied them up so much i didn't want to say anything because you know he's he's he's a visitor and he acted all upset that he got his new shoes dirty yeah i don't know it's something to think about yeah i mean i mean, look, I've already said, you know, you and I actually, to squash the bit there, to end it, you and I are kind of in a setup right now that I was in when I was growing up

of going to a parent's house every other week type of thing. Or every week I'd switch off, except it's longer in his case each time. It's Justin, yeah. We're just trading him back and forth between our places. Yeah, he's gonna come stay with Uncle Matthew soon. And then he'll come back to Auntie Ryan. Yeah.

You might cook good for him, but he has more fun staying at Uncle Matthew's house. Oh yeah? You mean he doesn't have fun with a man who lies in bed and watches? What do you think I do all day? I take naps all the time now. Because my body's like, you're not doing anything. Shut off.

If you're already just laying down, the naps come naturally. It's funny. I was on TikTok, and all of a sudden I scrolled through, and Neil deGrasse Tyson pops up, and he's like, you know, if I want to take a nap, if I have time to sleep throughout the day, and I notice that I have time to sleep, I'm taking a nap. And right after that, I was like, yeah, I'm taking a nap. Damn, Neil.

So he's good for something. Yeah, good for something. Yeah, good for something. Other than sucking this cock. Dude. No, I won't be doing that. Now, what is it in this universe? There's probably a universe where I am sucking your cock. Does those fucking hand things.

Things with his hands and his goofy ass mustache. Oh, man. Neil deGrasse Tyson. What a goofball, man. What an asshole, too. He's just pretentious. I love the ending of Zoolander 2. I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson, bitch.

It's great. It's fantastic. Is that the tail end no but that's earlier in the movie that's like the climax when things are beginning better right

well they have his cameo earlier and then at the very end there's like an it just ends with like an explosion he pops up and then it's like

cuts to black on a green screen yeah does the green screen effect look better than when we saw it in theaters I don't know

you saw it twice I've only seen it once twice was four years ago i did watch anchorman again recently with justin though oh the first one yeah the second one's good yeah but like part of me is like the first one is so classic and the second one just tries to redo so many bits of the first one like that's the problem with sequels when it comes to comedies they just try to rehash the jokes again and it's like, I've seen

this before, but better. Which is not going to happen in the next Super Megabook. Oh, of course not. We will definitely not fall into that trope. No, especially since we'll probably be on a stricter writing schedule this time. And by that I mean less time.

No, we have more time than last time yeah but knowing us yeah I mean like it's true old habits die hard I would do my essays like the night before they were due and now we still do that same type of shit as adults but it's like writing a whole book the night before

yep so much time there's just so much stuff that like we've always like promised and shit in the past where it's because these things are stuff that we want to get done and we see that they're like get excited and we get excited we talk about it because we're excited about it and like i don't know we just can't do everything all it everything everywhere all at once you you know? Yeah. Seen that yet?

No, I haven't. I've been meaning to. This is the last movie I saw in a theater. I heard it's great. I saw it on like the 11th of March or some shit. Heard it makes you cry. Didn't make me cry. I'm a straight white man.

What themes do they have that'll make me emotional you know what dude they don't make enough movies for us I know for us straight white men the next one I can think about is probably not releasing for another few days Jurassic World Dominion big dinosaurs Dominions

it's got Dominions in it you know what I'm saying speaking of which the new Minions movie, Minions, the something of Gru. The castration of Gru. That was good. Dude, fucking, I like how they called it Dominion because it just sounds like Dominion. Yeah, you know?

It's like Jurassic World with Minions. It's not, though. Dominion. It's not. I It's like Jurassic World with minions. It's not though. Dominion. It's not. I'm just making a joke. Dominion meaning like. No, I know. I'm just making a joke though.

You know, it's not that serious. What? I just think it's going to be a good movie for all of us whites. I never said it was going to be a bad movie. See the cast? Whities, through and through. Honkies, left and right. Crackers, you could say.

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