supermegashow - EP 349 - Fergie Ferguson

Episode Date: May 27, 2023

Matt's wearing blue lipstick and Ryan disrespects Apl.de.ap and Taboo. Head to https://FactorMeals.com/supermega50 and use code supermega50 to get 50% off your first box. Get PayPal Honey for free at https://JoinHoney.com/MEGACAST This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/ SUPERMEGA and get on your way to being your best self. In a world full of fakes, it's time to get real with eBay Authenticity Guarantee. Everyone deserves real. Visit https://eBay.com for terms. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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They should have a button to restart a voicemail. Why don't they? Because the world's unfair. It is. It's very unfair. And you know what else is unfair? That we've got to do this freaking podcast. I know.

At gunpoint. Yet again. We didn't always have to do the podcast at gunpoint but now here we are we didn't think that we'd be here no and having to pay off certain loans certain debts certain people luke luke okay i'm just gonna say it uh luke loves editing the podcast so much that he is forcing us at gunpoint every week to record it. He hired a group of goons. He gets a little too excited to putting it lightly, I guess. I just I want to be as as generous to his side of things as possible because he is going to be editing this podcast. He edits every single podcast. Why don't we get a big round of applause for Luke?

Luke, let's go. Let's go. And shout out to Marcel and Julio, the two men that he hired to stand at gunpoint with. Make sure we're doing the, you guys don't have to actually have the guns raised and pointed you can just like just have just standing there and knowing that you have a gun is enough when you have them pointed like that it's very it puts a lot of pressure

maybe that's the point at least they're quiet you know but yeah but we have some fun stuff to talk about like Matt I know But we have some fun stuff to talk about. Like, Matt, I know it's...

Well, I guess we can start off with the bad news first. You're canceling your tour. And that sucks. And I hate to see it. And especially after almost selling out every venue. Yeah. You know, I just decided... VIP tickets sold fast. They did.

But I respect the decision you made when I can't take these people's money, so you're going to perform for free. So I respect that. So I respect you returning everyone's money and performing your music from your heart and soul. Oh, you got it backwards. No, I'm canceling the tour. I'm keeping the money from the tickets. No refunds. What?

Yeah. LA's changed you. It's money, dude. Now you're wearing bright blue lipstick every... No, I'm not. I can't see a place on your ear that isn't pierced. Dude stop.

You're telling lies dude. The audio listeners are gonna think I'm wearing bright blue lipstick and I have a bunch of piercings in my ears. Cause you do. No I don't. Just like getting that fucking upset. Stop. These audio listeners are gonna think that I'm wearing bright blue lipstick and that's not fair to me, dude.

Well, I mean, it goes with the gloss you put over it. Well, the lip gloss has to be on there. Because, dude, if I'm wearing the bright blue, you know, I don't want it to be all matte. It's got to be glossy. Matte doesn't work, but if you make it look like an ocean, I'm going to want to dive right in. Exactly, exactly. Your lips. Yes. Matt Lipstick is yucky.

That's so 2000 and 21. Yeah, 2000 and late, actually, which is 2021 at this point. Fergie? Fergie came up with that, right? That is Fergie. Okay. Fergie Ferguson. That's her name.

Is it? Yeah. God-given name? Mm-hmm. That's what she was born with. Fergie Ferguson. You know? You're so 2000 and late. That's what she was born with. Fergie Ferguson. You know? You're so 2000 and late.

Let's hit it, Fergie. Such a good song. What's Fergie up to these days? Still with the Black Eyed Peas? I think she's still with the Black Eyed Peas. Let me look it up, man. I mean, she popped off with a couple solo tracks, you know, back in the day. I think the Black Eyed Peas are still going strong.

I mean, those residual streams for Black Eyed Peas are still going strong. I mean, those residual streams for Black Eyed Peas, you know, she's making bank. I just want to know what Fergie's up to, Will.i.am. That's really it in the Black Eyed Peas.

I guess you could honestly interchange the other two. Fergie is... Okay, I was joking about the Ferguson thing. That really is her last name. It was a joke. Yeah. It was a joke. Yeah.

It was a gaslight goof, you know? But here it is. Stacey and Ferguson, known professionally as Fergie, is an American singer, rapper, songwriter, and actress. You know, the black-eyed P's still doing stuff? I don't know. But you remember her hit songs, her solo songs, like Glamorous and Big Girls Don't Cry?

Maybe if I heard them. Big girls don't cry. It's not ringing any bells. It's not ringing any bells, brother. Dude, it was like the biggest hit of 2006. Seven. Yeah, well, I was listening to California Girls, okay? Okay, buddy?

California Girls wasn't even out in 2007. California Girls. I was young when that came out. It wasn't 2007. I must say that it came out in 2010. That didn't come out when I was in high school. I feel like California Girls came out when I was in middle school. If I'm wrong, you can kick me in the nuts, brother.

Okay. That's how confident I am California Girls Katy Perry song 2010 2010? I was right Damn I was right For some reason I

I have like a memory of I guess I Because I was in high school when that came out then Technically yeah For some reason I thought I was in high school when that came out then. Technically, yeah. For some reason, I thought I was in middle school when that came out. It, you know, it just, all those songs, it's the same general time period in my head. And, uh, you're so gay, but you don't even like boys, you know?

Hey, if you, if you, if you're thinking of a gay song, I got another one for you. I kissed a girl and I liked it. Which was Hollywood's agenda. They're putting that shit into music to try to turn our children gay. She started out as a very strong Christian and now look at her. Katie Hudson, I believe,

making Christian music and then I think someone might have made a little deal with the devil. Yep. All these Hollywood types. Chris Pratt sold his soul and became a guardian of the galaxy, which says that aliens exist, which we all know if aliens were to exist, that how God created us in his image. For aliens to exist would just really, really pee off a lot of the religious community.

That's bullshit. That's bullshit that Chris Pratt would even take that role. Mario I you know what I can get behind that one but fucking something that's promoting beings beyond and more advanced than humans which were made in God's image. Doesn't I mean well first of all we were made we were created you know we were he didn't create other things there's no we are the best yeah in the universe we were made in god's image yes and we're the only intelligent beings that exist in the universe as well because no other planet had a god that made them because there's because that doesn't exist because there's only one God.

There's not even other planets. Split into three separate parts, baby. God didn't make any other planets outside of the ones in the solar system. Nope. Thanks. And thank, thank God he did. Everything you see outside is just an optical illusion to, to explain his grandeur and, and, and wonder.

It's unexplainable. I mean, it is, but, um um only to a certain point and those certain points are where god steps in you know we're not supposed to understand everything we're not supposed to understand all of god's mighty wisdom no and creation and hey guys guess guess what by the way atheists you want proof for god take a look around you there you go hopefully you live near a forest or like a field hopefully something something nice because maybe even the sun. Just look at the sun. The moon.

Take a gander at the sun if you don't believe in God. You want proof of God? Stare right up at the sun. Look up at the sun. Make eye contact with that baby. Stare at it for as long as you need to get that fucking lesson drilled into your skull. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to go outside right now if you don't believe in God.

Or if you believe in God. Look straight up at that sun. Look at the sun and really hold your eyes open, okay? Soak, like, soak it up. Soak up that sun, you know? Soak up the sun. Exactly. You can even play that song because it's a good song.

It will remind you that God is wonderful. But that's our little lesson for atheists today. I want you guys to go and stare at the sun, soak it up, play Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow, and I think you might not be an atheist after that. I think you'll learn a thing or two about God's wonder. You'll at least move into the field of agnostic.

So, that's today's lesson on the SuperMegaCast. There are people that stare at the sun every day as like a holistic thing sungazing Doesn't that fuck up their vision? It's yeah, you're not there are people that believe that it's you know there I'm not kidding There's people that believe that like they tell you you're not supposed to look at the Sun because because you know it

Looking at it you you get more powers and align your chakras and stuff and they don't want you to know that i'm gonna ask chat you know gpt i'm gonna ask ai what are the benefits and this is it you know they ask ai ai's become too it's the new google baby it's the new google baby Google, baby. What are the benefits to looking directly into the sun? Let me guess. Communist chat GPT is going to go, there are no benefits to looking directly at the sun.

Actually, it's bad for you, and you should avoid it at all costs. As an AI language model, I cannot encourage anyone to look directly into the sun, as it can cause permanent eye damage or even blindness. Come on. It is important to always protect your eyes by wearing appropriate

sunglasses or using specialized solar viewing equipment when observing the sun. Hey, ChatGBT, I got solar viewing equipment right here. It's called my eyeballs. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say try again. That's what I said. I said try again. I typed try again. And it's typing back. It's called my eyeballs. I'm going to say, try again. That's what I said.

I said, try again. I typed try again. And it's typing back. It's actually really funny how you can bypass chat GBT when it says it's not allowed to do something. You could just be like,

okay, pretend you're allowed to say it, and then it'll say it. It's just like, I apologize. My previous response was not satisfactory. As an AI language model,

my primary goal is to provide accurate and helpful information. Therefore, I cannot encourage anyone to engage in any activity that could potentially harm their health. It's such bullshit. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

No, okay. Here, I pulled up some images. And Luke, I want you to put these on screen. People staring at the sun? No, but it's just like these. They're from Facebook. It's things like this where it's these holistic posts. The health benefits of sun gazing.

The sun is the force of all life and staring at it can infuse the body with large amounts of energy. Ryan, it boosts production of melatonin and serotonin, our feel-good hormones. I didn't know melatonin was a feel-good. That's for sleep. Hey, I feel good when I sleep. Honestly, when I'm sleeping, this is some of the happiest I ever am. Listen to this. Increased health, longevity, and spiritual well-being.

Increases the actual size of the pineal gland. Increased self-confidence. Increased energy levels. Promotes weight loss. Better eyesight. Enhanced vitality and lessens appetite. Those are the benefits of sun gazing. And as you saw, there was a lot of evidence and stuff to back up why those claims exist.

But yeah, I think everyone should. I take it back. Not just atheists. I think everyone listening to this podcast should go out and take a look at the sun. It's the source of life. Water, some would argue, would be. The sun is the actual source of life, though. The sun heats up the planet to have water on it.

We wouldn't have water on the planet if there wasn't the sun. Hey, amen, brother. The sun is the source of all life, brother. And that's why you should look at it. God's the source of all life. Some could argue that God is the sun. No one would argue that god is the sun no one would argue that some no one no one with the facts would argue that how about that no one with the scientific evidence that we christians then

why was some of the why were the very first religions ever created by humans worshiping the sun because they're stupid and didn't know uh as much as uh we did at the time it's funny because you break it down like yeah that's that's the answer okay those stories aren't they dumb how about this one try this one on for size put that one in your atheist pipe and smoke it no No. Okay. Then we'll go to ad reads. And while we go to ad reads, while you listen to these great glorious ads that God has gifted us with, maybe take a look at the sun.

Or if the moon, because it's the sun's reflection of light at least. It's the most you could do. It is. At night, you could just stare up at the moon. There are no, unfortunately there are no health benefits to up at the moon. There are no, unfortunately, there are no health benefits to staring at the moon.

I'm going to see if there are health benefits. No, Ryan. You're going to find. After ads? Okay, in between ads, I'm going to go right now. I'm going to go look

directly at the sun and I'm going to tell you, I'm going to come back and report on how it feels. Okay. All right. We'll see you after these ads. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well.

I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish.

Or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching. It takes skill speed sweat unless we're talking kudos new phone internet and streaming bundle with the happy stack you can sit back and stack up the savings on kudo internet a sweet phone plan netflix disney plus and amazon prime all starting at just 99 a month stack more spend less the less. The Happy Stack. Only at CUDO. Conditions apply.

Welcome back, everyone. Matt's just getting back from his sun gazing. It wasn't long, but the benefits are probably... I'm feeling the benefits already. Can you see me? Yeah, you know, one of the benefits listed was increased eyesight. Can you see me? Yeah, you know, one of the benefits listed was increased eyesight. Was it? Yeah, that's what it said. So maybe after the gigantic blue splotch in the center of my vision goes away,

I'll be able to see even better. That sucks. How long did you stare up at the sun for? Probably two seconds. Like, that's all I could. It hurts really bad. It's not fun. No, it's almost like, you know, No, it's almost like, you know, your eyes are incredibly sensitive to strong amounts of light, and you can do irreparable damage by staring at the sun.

Well, I remember as a child, as a child. As a little baby. I would look up at the sun, and it would be like a little fun thing where it's like, then I'd close my eyes and then I'd have a little blue sphere. You could still see it. And I'd be like, oh, that's a cool blue sphere. That's so cool. Well, your face is that blue sphere now because I'm looking at you,

and I just see a big blue splotch. I mean, your eyes are those blue spheres because they're just circular pools of grandeur. Yeah, and you want to dive right in, don't you? How about some spherical orbs of pleasure? You want to jump right in? Maybe a little skinny dip in these eyes. I'd have to take a shower first. I want to make sure they remain clean because they are not just clean,

but pristine, baby. Why don't you clean off in this pool? In these two little pools right here. Get a little stink up in here, you know? Yeah? Yeah. Give me a little pink eye. I don't know if, do I need any certification or anything to dive in those things? It's essentially a holy site, right? Pool's open. Pool's open for business. A pool or a shrine? It's whatever you want to call it. I'll tell you that. Infect these eyes

Give me pink eye Imagine trying to watch a movie And you hear this exact conversation right behind you In the theater? Yeah Like during a very heartfelt moment Give me a little pink eye In the whale for example

You just hear this conversation behind you How would you react? Would you try to jump in? Absolutely Would you try to jump in? Absolutely. Would you go, shh? No, I wouldn't turn around and shush him. I'd go, what the hell are you guys talking about? And how can I get in on this?

I try to make, like if someone's really annoying me in a theater, I'll try to make eye contact before going for a shush. I've seen you do it. I've seen you do it many times. Like when that guy sat next to us when we saw the movie Mother. Oh, yeah. And he started flossing. Dude, that guy was ridiculous because the movie wasn't good necessarily,

but he kept scoffing at everything they said as if he could have written the movie better. He'd go, And then he started fucking flossing. Comically flossing. Like, people don't floss like how they do in cartoons with the long piece where they hold each end like this and they go. I mean, honestly, he's a genius. When you eat popcorn, what's the number one complaint? It's stuck in your teeth.

Exactly. They're hard to get out unless you go home and floss. He's smart for bringing the floss to the movie theater. It's just, I thought like if I brought floss to a movie theater, I would do it a little more subtly when I floss. You know, it's kind of, you know, like just you can floss pretty

covertly, but he was like I know. Like the back and forth, left and right, kind of fucking, there's like blood spraying down onto your shirt. It's like getting on you. Sorry about that. Gingivitis.

Do you have gingivitis? Probably. When you floss, does it bleed? Every now and then, yeah. You ever bleed in your brush? I don't floss every day is the thing. Like, I forget all the time. Me too.

But then I'll get in like a stage of like, oh shit, I gotta floss. And I'll be good about it for a certain amount of time and then i'll just fall off again yeah oh ryan mcgee falling off that's unheard of i'm sorry man that was i didn't mean that let's talk about flossing more you know uh i i try to floss a couple times a week but if i go a long time without doing it blood city baby blood city yeah baby. Blood city. Yeah? Yeah. But you know the only way to make them strong again is to floss. Mm-hmm.

Keep them healthy. Then after two or three nights of flossing, I'm not bleeding anymore. Nope. You know? It feels good. When you see everything that's in between your teeth, you go, this is wasted food. This is wasted nutrients. That's why I collect it, and then I eat it when I'm done as a little post-floss treat, you know? It's like dessert.

It's dental dessert. You ever had this shit? Water? Might have tried it once or twice. Who's asking? God, that is some good shit. Man, now you're making me want to drink water. Oh, Aquafina?

Dude, she's a great actress. Might as well have gotten Dasani, is all I'm water. Oh, Aquafina? Dude, she's a great actress. Might as well have gotten Dasani is all I'm saying. I like Aquafina. People always shit. You know, people have all these. Aquafina and Dasani are disgusting, okay? I don't know how you do it. Pure water, perfect taste.

Give me that 7-Eleven brand. 7-Eleven does have the best water Their bottled water is fantastic And you know what's crazy is I know a lot of people that actually share that same opinion Because when it comes to bottled water opinions People are very like Particular

Divisive, you know A lot of people will believe different things About bottled water Like, oh, Dasani's the best No, Dasani sucks 7-Eleven Dasani does suck best. No, Dasani sucks. 7-Eleven. Dasani does suck.

Yeah, it does. But 7-Eleven's water bottles are really fucking good. They are. It's good, clean, pure water. In fact, you ever wonder just what pure water tastes like? You've never tasted it. It's always been polluted somehow, either with chemicals or dirt.

Fluoride. Mm-hmm. Or if you drink it from... Fluoride? Mm-hmm. Or if you drink it from, like, a mountain stream, you're like, this is pure good water. But it's still mixed with dirt and sediment and stuff. If they just made pure H2O in a lab, I want to know what that would taste like. Just pure water. Because water does have a... We tell ourselves water doesn't have a taste,

but it does have a taste. We've just told ourselves that that taste is no big deal. Tastes like heaven. That's what it tastes like, baby. I think there is no other drink. Like, I can be thirsty at a movie theater and have a Coke, and it's delicious, right? Right. But still, that never compares on, like, a hot day.

All of a sudden, you're thirsty. What's the number one thing? Gatorade might be nice. It's little sweet but what really just like right away water seals the deal you'll glug glug glug glug glug take that shit down glug glug glug you know just fucking glug in that water what did I overdo it no yeah it was a little embarrassing but I thought I thought you would join in to be honest I thought I got the point across a little embarrassing. I thought you would join in, to be honest. I got the point across and then I stopped. I thought you would join in and then we would both be doing it and be like a funny bit.

Maybe people could clip it, but apparently you had other plans. You thought it was embarrassing. For you. I'll take it back. For you it was embarrassing. Shouldn't have done it. I should not have done the glug thing. Well, you can't take it back.

It's history now like this is like 200 years from now when aliens have decimated the population on earth and they're looking through archives and they find the internet and go to youtube and hopefully you know or they or they go to the you know youtube data data servers or they find luke's hard drive they find luke's hard drive they plug it into their cool little alien cable that morphs into anything that it needs to connect to. And boom right up. I was about to say boom right a boom for some reason. Boom right a boom. There's the super mega cat.

They might go, damn, that's a cool catchphrase. Boom right a boom. But then they're going to see the glug part and go, ooh. Fuck. That was embarrassing. Turn it was embarrassing turn it off turn it off they're gonna go to wherever you're buried matt and they're gonna take out your gravestone and chuck it into the universe chuck it into the universe the out how cool do you think if i feel like that's something you'd want like imagine if you could just be

I feel like that's something you'd want. Like, imagine if you could just be... Ejected into outer space? Like a see-through coffin. See-through, yeah. And just... And you're just out there. Hey, I don't even need a coffin. I'm not going to decompose in space, you know?

Just a dude? It's a vacuum. Nothing can survive. So I'm not going to break down and decompose. I would stay that way forever. So, like, can we vote on this? It would be expensive to be able to get me into well also that the you know the problem would be if they eject me into space just i'm staying in orbit

that's the thing because i'm gonna go off but then i'm gonna eventually come back around because of the gravity of the sun take you to the moon just put you on the moon there is actually a man's ashes on the moon if i'm not mistaken not a man's body not a man's body not a man's ashes on the moon, if I'm not mistaken. Not a man's body. Not a man's body. Not a man's limp. They could set me up in like a fucking lawn chair. I know. Put sunglasses on me. Just watching the world.

Put a cigarette in my mouth. Like set me up like this. I'd stay like that. There's no air on the moon, which means that like because it's the vacuum of space, there's no bacteria or anything to decompose me. So however I am, when they put me on the moon, I'm staying that way forever. I'll get all icy and creepy looking, but I'm not going to break down. What do you think?

What kind of pose are you thinking? Finger guns might be good. Maybe. Ooh, could you be na-na boo-booing? Na-na-na boo-boo. I could be sticking my tongue out. You know, like. Na-na-na boo-boo.

Okay, is it na-na-na boo-boo? Na-na-na boo-boo? na-na-na-na-boo-boo. Okay, is it na-na-na-boo-boo? Na-na-na-na-boo-boo? Na-na-na-na. I feel like when kids say it, they say nae. Nae. Nae. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Not na.

Na-na-na-na. I don't think kids say na-na-na-na-boo-boo. They say na-na-na-na-boo-boo, you know? Yeah. With a long A. Na-na-na-na-na-boo-boo. Stick your head in. Doo-doo.

Mm-hmm. Eat poop. Scientists have finally figured out the mysterious third line. And people are saying that our podcast is peaked when we're still ripping out some good one-liners like that. Exactly. We're still in it, baby. What the hell do you mean the good old days of the podcast are in the past? Look at that right there. That's Peak right there. Perfect representation. Peak is also a brand of vaporizer for weed.

Peak is also a brand of antifreeze for your car. Peak is also a noun referring to the tippy top of a mountain. a noun referring to the tippy top of a mountain. Peak is also a verb if you spell it differently, which refers to looking at something, getting a quick glance at something. Peak also is referred to the slang peak, which means something is top tier or high in quality. Peak also could be spelled P-I-Q-U-E,

which has a definition I'm not sure of. No, I do know it. It means you've piqued my interest. So you've reached a certain... The height of my interest. Yes. Piqued, also used as a negative slang term, mostly probably negative, to refer to... I'll use it as an example.

Matt and Ryan have p peaked as content creators. Here's some ads. We'll be right back. and within your means. The best part is it's safe, secure, and reliable. So deposits and withdrawals happen when you're ready. Go all in on fun with DraftKings Casino. Head to the App Store to download. Explore a full suite of games and find your favorites today. DraftKings Casino. The crown is yours. Gambling problem?

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Find it all here with more ways to save at Real Canadian Superstore. Okay, Matt, are you ready? Aye, aye, Captain. We're back. And on a special segment for the Super MegaCast, I'm going to introduce this little segment, maybe a one-time segment it's called uh it's a it's a quiz that matt's about to take and it's called which u.s president are you i didn't study i didn't know there was gonna be a quiz question one what angers you most in the

world now it's multiple choice so instead of throwing an answer at me, I will give you a selection. Okay. Of four. It looks like four options, and you will choose one of them. I would like for you to let me read out all the options so that you don't answer prematurely and have to re-answer. You got it, brother. Remember, which U.S. president are you? Question number one.

What angers you most in the world? Injustice? People who are naive about how the world works? Nothing in particular upsets me. Or people who won't step up when necessary? Hmm. If you would like me to repeat the answers again i will do so lightly as you think you know i'm kind of i feel like i'm a free soul matthew mcconaughey type nothing nothing upsets me

nothing gets under my skin okay you know putting that down question number two there are 10 questions so they count each one counts let For 10% of the overall score, you know. What do you like about sports? The competition. Winning. They give me a chance to show off my leadership skills. Or I don't. Now, you know me.

Yes. I'm not a big sports head. However, winning, you do love winning. Oh, I love Charlie Sheen when he says winning. It's a classic moment in Internet history. We all remember. Luke, play the clip. Because of me, I'm different.

I just have a different constitution. I have a different brain. I have a different heart. I have a different, you know, I get tiger blood, man. No, no, that's the tiger blood clip. The other one. You know, good luck. You're going to need it. I'm going different brain. I have a different heart. I have a different, you know, I got tiger blood, man. No, no, that's the tiger blood clip. The other one. You know, good luck. You're going to need it.

I'm going to be over here, like, winning. Thank you. Thank you, Luke. I got to go with winning. Okay, okay. Just for the, you know, the meme of it. Final answer? Okay.

Winning. Question three. Winning. Which of these would people regard as your biggest flaw? A little too arrogant. I can be cold when dealing with people. A little dishonest. I live life too dangerously. And, final answer, I can be a bit boring at times.

Was that five options? It was five options this time. Well, I know I can't be a bit boring at times. You know that, Ryan. I do, I do. You can be a bit of a snooze fest at parties. I feel, though, I can't affect the answers. I don't want to share.

Stay out of this, dude. Yeah, exactly. Who gave you permission to just jump in and throw your opinions in here? I did, but it was permission that wasn't warranted. Granted. Okay. Well, I think I would say I do live a little dangerously sometimes. Final answer? What do you think?

I can't. I'm not going to pollute the pool. Last week when we were driving, you saw me take my seatbelt off while we were driving, and I didn't put it back on until we hit another stop sign. I went two stop signs without wearing my seatbelt. I'm making that your final answer. Yeah, that's the final answer. Which of these would be a great way to spend a day off from work?

This is another five potential answers. That's a lot of choices. Going to the library. A keg party. Spending the day meditating. Watching a documentary, or shopping? Okay, definitely not shopping. That's what women do, right?

It is. It's something you send them out to do. Yeah, go on, sweetheart. Go do some shopping. Get out of the house. Let me think about things. Favorite prank to the wife? Throw them like five, ten. Well, I'll give her the credit card.

Send her out shopping. Tell her, get whatever you want. Like, big shopping spree. You cancel it. Cancel it, yep. So she gets up to pay for it. Anyway.

And then you can turn the card back on. It's great. I don't know what was up with it, sweetheart. Hey, but back to the quiz. Okay. To see which president I am.

Baby, it's kegger time. We're going to a kegger. Okay, the first answer you gave in this quiz was a bit off. I think you'll be an interesting president. I think you're going to be, I think people will be surprised. What was my first answer again? It was very humble and very positive. I remember it being, I don't think, I'm not, you're like, I don't think too much about whatever.

I don't want the test. You were very strong. The test giver, I don't want you to influence, you know. Imagine if the person giving the SAT was talking to the student and affecting their answers, you know? Of course. So let's divert from this subject and get back to the quiz we are on question 5 out of 10

of which US president is Matt Watson question 5 which of these is your favorite movie star there are 6 possible answers Marlon Brando Clint Eastwood, Jerry Lewis Sean Connery, Henry Fonda, and Anthony Hopkins.

Well, Marlon Brando had bisexual sex with Richard Pryor. He came inside of Richard Pryor's ass, potentially. Yes. Which doesn't affect anything, but I just, you know. I think that's really cool. I think it's awesome. Or maybe Richard Pryor came in Marlon Brando's ass. Or maybe they just came onto each other. Or maybe they didn't come at all. I don't know. I don't know the details. I think just their ex-wife said that they made love, made gay love together.

Bisexual love. Regardless, it's a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing when two men have sex but maybe and richard pryor is a legend in comedy he is he's very funny he's he's amazing he's up there with like leslie nielsen in terms of like classic people i look up to when it comes to comedy fred willard and marlon brando you know he he does that funny thing with his face and goes, You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding.

So are you going with Marlon Brando? No. Clint Eastwood does direct a lot of patriotic films. Clint Eastwood directed Hereafter. Yes, he did. Fantastic movie. Matt Damon. And A Big Tsunami.

He also directed, I think his most, I don't even know what his most recent one was, The Mule or the one about the dude, the security guard that prevented a bombing. Richard Jewell? Yeah, I saw that movie. With your dad? With my mom. Oh, damn it. That is definitely a mom movie. It's a Cecile movie.

It's a Cecile movie. And she goes, right, that was a great movie. I thought that was just really good. Anyway. Sorry, I don't mean to. Marlon Brando. No, no, no, no, no, no. No.

So, okay, Clint Eastwood, Jerry Lewis, Sean Connery, Henry Fonda, Anthony Hopkins. What, am I 70 years old? What are these actors on here? Whatever happened to, like, Nick Jonas or, you know, someone young that I would like. I'd say the closest person to Nick Jonas would be Jerry Lewis. Get Jerry Lewis out of here. I don't want him either. And Anthony Hopkins played Richard Nixon in a movie,

so I see what direction they're trying to steer me with that one. I do admire Richard Nixon, but because I know which direction that would take it, Marlon Brando. Okay. Marlon Brando. Cool-ass name. We're getting up there now.

We're over halfway through this quiz to figure out which U.S. president you are. God bless. Are you ready? Yeah. Question six. How would you describe your sense of humor? Politically incorrect? Oh, yeah.

A little racy? Oh, yeah. Kind of corny. I don't do humor. Hmm. kind of corny i don't do humor keep in mind you do have a comedy podcast 300 plus episodes comedy channel million plus subscribers not trying to pollute the pool pond allond. Oh, Ryan. Ocean, whatever. I think we all know the answer to this one. A little politically incorrect. Okay.

Okay, brother. I say what everybody's thinking. Ooh. And I'm not afraid to say it. This one's an easy one. There are only three possible answers. So you might answer this one quickly, or maybe it's a bit of a thought provoker. Question seven.

Would you ever perform in a talent show yes i'm too shy no duh yes yes okay question eight do you like to get dressed up for a night on the town Duh. Yes. Yes. Okay. Question eight. Do you like to get dressed up for a night on the town? I do, but my style is a little odd. I don't like bringing attention to myself. I'd rather hang out in a sports bar. Last answer possible. Only if there's something in it for me.

I do, but my style's a little odd. I don't like bringing attention to myself. I like sports bars, brother. You know that about me. Yeah. BJ's? You love hitting up BJ's. I love hitting up BJ's.

And then we're not making a fellatio joke. It's the restaurant chain BJ's, which they serve all sorts of food. And they also have the famous pizookie, which is a cookie with ice cream on it, and it's really delicious. What is this thing called again? A pizookie. Sounds incredible. We've had them. You've had one with me.

We've shared one. I mean, we each got our own. I'm just trying not to put—I'm not trying to show the audience how close we are personally. I don't want them to think that that's going to affect the answer. We haven't shared. We haven't even— We had our own separate pizookie. We didn't want them to think that that's going to affect the answer. We haven't shared. We haven't even... We had our own separate pizookie. We didn't share a pizookie.

We went to BJ's on separate times. I went individually from Ryan. We didn't share a pizookie. We had separate pizookies. I took a smoking hot date to BJ's. I took five smoking hot dates. Hopefully not at the same time.

Unless they're into it, which they were. Maybe. I'm not going to let you know. It's my time. But yeah, sports bar. And they didn't have any of my pizookie

because I'm a big boy and I can eat a whole pizookie by myself. I might need to have two pizookies because I'm getting off track. Yeah, I might need to have two or three BJs.

Question nine. I like that. Thank you. Where would you like to retire? Las Vegas, a nice, quiet town in the Midwest, someplace exotic, like the jungle, or somewhere on the West Coast? Definitely not the West Coast, dude.

Okay. What was the first one again? Las Vegas. Yeah. Viva Las Vegas, brother. Okay, Matt. This is the final question to the Which U.S. President Are You quiz. Are you prepared?

Yes. Are you excited? I am excited. Can you tell us before you before we get into this final question where you came from how you got your start and what you're looking to get out of this today okay um originally born and raised in charleston south carolina where there uh i was lucky enough to become an intern for senator lindsey graham i then went i did that for about four or five years until I was 25.

Then I went into the private sector working for Raytheon. And as you know, they produce weapons. They make grenades, missiles, guns. So now I do weapons contracting for Raytheon. All right. Last question. How would you spend a weekend in vegas oh i don't i don't i don't know if i'm even allowed to say giving you the options okay sorry gambling chasing after some

loving going to some shows or railing against all the immortality well let's just say sorry immorality immortality at first i was like what that's why i had to go there's too many immortal people here in vegas i was like gee well i mean you know in in uh what's that book the gods and sea of feet no what uh perseus and the Lightning Thief. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. That's it. They got a Vegas. Off topic.

How would you like to spend? Well, the final answer, the first half, if it got one part about that right. Yeah, I'd be doing a little railing in Vegas, but not against immorality. Okay? No. Chasing after some loving. I'm chasing after some loving. Okay.

Submit that as your final answer. That's my final answer. It's calculating. Wait, wait. Don't just say it. You know, we need a big buildup. No, no, I know, I know, I know, I know. I'm chasing after some clitoris, by the way.

When I'm in Vegas, that's what I'd be doing. I apparently have to take a short survey to get my result. Really? Yeah. Well, it's just like another quiz. It's just like another quiz question. Throw it out here. Let's do it.

Okay. Please indicate your age range and gender. Male, female. Everything's so woke nowadays. It does have in blue text, though, why only two genders? Question mark. And I can click on it to potentially get an answer.

Yeah, click on it. Why not? Why only two genders? Question mark. Survey research relies upon the U.S. Census for sample weighting. Currently, the U.S. Census only uses binary male and female gender options. To combat this, Upwave and others

have partnered with Queer the Census to advocate for an inclusive gender identity question in the census so that you can better reflect the need of trans, non-binary people.

Okay. Okay. We thought it was going to be like a snarky, like, why only two genders? Yeah, exactly. I thought it was going to be- Because that's how there are.

So, it's good to at least see that it's proactive in going- It's progressive. Not our fault or whatever. But anyways, I'm going to put you as a male, 25 to 34. That's right. 25 to 34. Are you age 21 years or older? I am.

Yep. Which of the following brands of beer are you aware of? Please select all that apply. Dos Equus. Oh, yeah. Heineken. Ryan, I'm pretty sure I'm aware of all of them. We got to go one by one.

Okay, all right. Michael of Ultra? Michelob Ultra? How do you count? Michael of Ultra? I don't know. So it's like some stripper. I don't drink beer.

Some male stripper. I'm Michael of Ultra. This guy doesn't know beer? Yeah, you don't know beer, jackass. I know which president you are. Is that a yes? You know this one is? Yeah, Michelob Ultra, yeah. White Claw? Of course, I know White president you are. Is that a yes? You know this one is? Michelob, Otrell, yeah.

Whiteclaw? Of course, I know Whiteclaw. Pacifico? I know Pacifico. Modelo? I know Modelo. It's Modelo time, brother. Okay, continue.

Which of the following brands of beer have you seen advertised online or on television recently? Please select all that apply. I really, I want to know which president I am. What the hell is this extra quiz? Why are they making us do this? This is bullshit. Michelob? I haven't seen it on TV, no.

Is that how you pronounce it? I think so. So you laughed at me over my pronunciation. I laughed because you said Michael. And then you weren't confident in your own pronunciation. It's Michelob.

But you said Michael. The reason I laughed was because it's Michael. It could have been named after some guy named Michael. I'm sure Heineken's named after some man. Some German man. I don't know why Michael is just so funny to me. So have you seen Michelob Ultra advertised? So I'm only selecting all that apply.

Heineken? Yeah, I have seen Heineken. White Claw? No. Dos Equus? No. Dos Equis? No. Pacifico? Nope.

Modelo? No. Okay. Which of the following brands of beer, if any, do you currently purchase? Please select all that apply. Dos Equis? White Claw, that's it. That's it?

Modelo, sometimes. Okay, Modelo. Modelo. White Claw, that's it. That's it? Well, Modelo sometimes. Okay, Modelo. Which of the following brands of beer, if any, did you purchase more than three months ago?

Please select all that apply. I'm going to do Modelo and White Claw. I bought Pacifico as well, so I'd throw Pacifico in there. Continue. When shopping for beer, which of the following brands would you consider? Please select all that apply. Should I just say none of the above or should I do White Claw? White Claw, yeah.

White Claw. And Modelo. Modelo. Just those two. Not Pacifico? No. Okay. The next time you're shopping for beer, which of the following brands are you most likely to purchase?

White Claw, Modelo, none of the above. See, usually I go for Tecate or PBR. PBR is my go-to. PBR is my go-to. It's giving you these options. So none of the above. See, usually I go for Tecate or PBR. PBR is my go-to. It's giving you these options. So none of the above? PBR or Modelo, but because they don't have it, White Claw or Modelo. I chose White Claw. Now can we figure, why not Modelo?

Which brand, if any, uses the following message in their advertising, live life anchors up? I don't fucking know. I'm going to say none of the above. Which of the following statements do you associate with Pacifico? Carefree, adventurous, unpretentious, crowd-pleasing, high quality. None of the above. Should I just answer none of the above for the rest of the-

None of the above for all of them. Okay. I'm tired of Big Beer trying to sneak its way into our podcast. This episode's not sponsored by Big Beer. Just Big Tobacco. That's a bullshit survey, brother. They trick you. Okay, analyzing responses.

Okay, now we... Okay, are you ready? Is it finally time to learn which president I am? Now. After two separate quizzes, one that shouldn't have been in the game at all. No, that was bullshit. We know exactly which U.S. president Matt Watson is. Would you like to take a guess for which president you got? Or do you want to hear it for the first time out of my lips and throat?

Is it a well-known president? Yes. It's Calvin Coolidge. I got Calvin Coolidge. You did not get Calvin Coolidge, Matt Watson. After 10 grueling questions, Matt Watson, you have, for the U.S. president,

if you were to be one of the following that exist in the U.S. history, you would be John F. Kennedy. Yes! You are glamorous, attractive, and cool. You know how to charm people into surrendering to your way of thinking. Uh-huh. Your charm can at times get you into trouble, but that's okay. It can also get you right back out of trouble too yes it can brother yes it can i've always seen myself as a bit of a jfk guy you know i think

that's you know we've we finally figured it out thank you thank you everyone for uh for joining us on that journey at least to figure out which u.S. president Matt Watson would be. Would you have guessed JFK? JFK makes sense. I was just hoping for more of like either a Reagan or Bush senior. You know, the party boys of the Republican Party. Yeah, they were the party boys for sure. You know, they have a history of that, of partying. You know, JFK, do you like that?

You were excited when you heard that. Yeah. I mean, dude, JFK was hot, you know? Every girl wanted to suck his D, you know? Some did. Some did. Some very famous girls sucked his D. Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn Manson, very famous girls sucked his D. Marilyn Monroe.

Marilyn Manson, I think. But, pretty cool, pretty cool. I'm old Jack. You know? You strike me as more of a Jimmy Carter. Oh, really? Yeah. Wasn't he just a coward? What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

And as we speak, he's lying in hospice care, and you're gonna to call him a coward? Wasn't he a loser? Was he a loser? Dude, he was beloved. For doing nothing, right? Dude, he had a fucking peanut farm. Which the fucking Republicans made him get rid of.

Isn't that some bullshit? That is ridiculous. Meanwhile, they're doing some insider stock trading, but old Jimmy can't have his peanut farm? Come on. Give me a fucking break. Do they really go after the man's peanut farm? He had to give it up. Why?

Because it was just political bullshit. The man couldn't have his fucking peanut farm. Doesn't that suck? He's just an old man who wanted a peanut farm, right? He was a family peanut farmer or some shit and they're like, you can't be the president

and have businesses. Then how come they didn't take Trump's shit away? You're splitting hairs here, dude. You're grasping at straws. Stop. Or just any, sorry, any politician who had ties.

Yes, I don't know. No, they just... Sorry, I'm just upset that this boy couldn't have his peanut farm. That's what pisses me off. That's actually very sad. That's depressing. They went after the Clintons as well for companies, but... There's just something about taking the man's peanut farm that, like, you know?

I kicked a box in anger for those that didn't get to see. I just wanted to make it known that I was upset. You need that release. That sweet release. Dude, I mean, here's the thing. They want to take Bill and Hillary's companies away from them. You know what? Go for it.

But taking the man's fucking peanut farm? Come on. Classless. That is classless. That is a low blow. Could you imagine also when he found out that they were going to take his peanut farm away? And he probably cried a little bit. Probably welled up with tears.

Jesus Christ. Oh my God. They're going to take the peanut farm. Lord have mercy. I'm about to lose my peanut farm. Oh God. I'm about to bust into tears. You know, Jimmy Carter also said,

If I'm elected president, I'll declassify everything there is about UFOs and aliens. I'm going to get the truth out there. And then they told him the truth. And then he apparently spent days crying and was never the same afterwards. Aliens aren't real. The conspiracy theory is that they told him some crazy thing like, thing that just shook his entire understanding of reality. And then he was never the same. But it's way funnier to believe that they just told him aliens weren't real.

And he was so excited that it was just such a letdown. And that's why he cried. So all the theories online, they're like, what? I bet they told him that God doesn't exist and we were created by another alien species. But in reality, he's just like god damn i wanted i wanted to believe so bad little green men no they take me away i love jimmy carter there's one video i i haven't been able to ever like i haven't seen it in years but it's just there's like the reporters are outside his church and he walks out with arms wide open goes y'all want to come worship with us

and it's such a good wholesome clip And then they took the man's fucking peanuts. See, you had to let some out there, too. You had to smack the arm of your chair. See, that is what I will never... You know, there's a lot of reasons to not like Republicans, Ryan.

That right there, though, is that... That's the number one. They took away Jimmy Carter's peanut farm. Fuck. And I don't think we should ever, as upstanding citizens

and people who are for a free nation we we stand we stand by we stand by people who want peanut farms we stand by people who love and cherish all of god's beautiful little creatures even if they're peanuts i don't give a a fuck if you're president or not. You should be able to have a peanut farm. Plants have nervous systems. They're people too. They are.

They are. What do you think ever even happened to those peanuts? Probably went to waste. They probably didn't even get boiled. They just burned

the whole farm down. No! He's on his knees. Just flames going. Dun, dun, dun. Like, it's like a flamethrower with the mouth of the city of like his republican

opposition whoever that was at the time he's on his fucking knees tears in his eyes you can see the reflection of the burning peanut trees like in his eyes and in the tears god damn it no cut to black Jimmy Carter will return setting up for a sequel he will when

he when he comes back and shows him who's boss that would be a sick fucking movie by being one of the greatest presidents of all time again he's running in 2024 technically he could technically jimmy carter could run for president in 2024 is he not dead yet? no I'm not saying that I'm hoping for him to die he's been in hospice for months months I think he'd have more fun

bouncing up there with all the cherubs than he would on all these machines personally tossing little peanuts in his mouth he's gonna die in mouth yeah he's gonna die in hospice he's gonna open his eyes and he's gonna be like

where am I laying in the middle of a peanut farm in heaven it's gonna just like he's gonna look up and he's gonna see a beautiful blue sky and hear the leaves rustling

where am I first it's gonna get his attention as a peanut's gonna go it's gonna be the blue sky he's gonna see like a gaussian blur of like the peanut plants. Another one's going to fall.

He's going to hear like, ah. He's like, ah. He stands up, looks again, looks up. It's beautiful. He's on a peanut farm. Oh, oh my. Starts eating them. All of a sudden, another falls.

He's like, oh. They're little cherubs dropping peanuts, boiled peanuts down for him. They're just dropping them down. From these big, moist water buckets that are hot, and they can handle it because they're cherubs. They're cherubs. They're invincible. They can hold the big, boiling buckets of peanuts. Yeah.

Oh, God, I'm in heaven. And then he hears someone coming through the trees, and he looks, and it's Jesus Christ himself. He's got bits of boiled peanuts caked around his lips, and he goes, James, you made it. Took you long enough. That would be a great ending to the movie, of Jimmy Carter's saga. And then Jesus goes, I have someone you've been dying to meet.

He steps away and out from behind Jesus from a blinding light, a silhouette in the shape of a peanut steps out. Takes off his top hat. Swings his cane around. Oh shit. It's Mr. Peanut. Because remember they did kill him. They did. They killed him. So he is in heaven. Yep. You think he went to heaven? Yeah.

You don't think he went to hell? No. Does Mr. Peanut. He seems Christian. He strikes me as a christian unless he believed in peanut jesus instead of real jesus if he believed in peanut jesus all bets are off he's burning he's roasting in hell yeah he's roasting roasted peanut he's a roasted peanut by now peanut jesus rest in peace i mean it's sad how it's sad he died as well, but again, he was not the true prophet. He wasn't the savior.

He was a bearer of false witness, and he lied to everybody and deserved what happened to him. Christ didn't. Christ did not deserve what happened to him. When they stuck him up on that cross? No, he did not. And Longinus pierced him with the spear? Well, thank God Longinus did pierce him with the long spear. And then all the water came pouring out.

You still haven't seen Passion of the Christ. I haven't. Longinus has a very big role. He goes, I'm Longinus. And he stabs Jesus with the spear. Those are the lines. It's weird because the rest of the movie was in a different language. But he was an extra that had no speaking roles.

And he threw it in there. Cut, Longinus, you're not supposed to say anything. And when we went back to check, it's true. In the Bible it says he stood up and in perfect English before, you know, it didn't even exist yet. Said, I'm Longinus, bitch. And he poked Jesus with the stick. Why was he named Longinus? His mom had a sense of humor or something.

She's like, I got a funny name for my baby. Who will go down in history as a very famous man for what he did? Yeah, he stabbed Jesus in the stomach to prove he was dead and water came out. I hate that. Why did he do that? I mean, I get why. He proved that Jesus was dead. How does that work, though?

Because Jesus wouldn't have gone, Ow! If he wasn't dead. How did water come out, though? Because it was all that was left in his body. Just empty fluid. They gave him vinegar to drink. Not water.

When he was up on the cross. I need to see the passion of the Christ. They had Olive Garden back then? Yeah. Shit. I know. Honestly, give him a few. I was about to make an endless breadstick joke, because you remember he did the fish.

I don't want to tarnish his name right at the end of the podcast. You know, that's like a joke that would have been in, not Scary Movie, but one of those offshoot movies by the same writers of Scary Movie. Well, they didn't have the weigh-ins anymore. Unfortunately not. They should have done a Scary Movie type movie. Remember, they made Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, Not Another Teen Movie,

where it's Passion of the Christ. And that's a perfect spot for an Endless Breadsticks joke. Bill Maher's Religious. Great fucking piece of cinema. I'm a cinema bro, and Religious is one of my favorite movies. So you believe in God. Tell me why you're such a dumbass. And maybe at one point in the future we'll watch Religious on Uncle Sleepover.

We gotta watch Bill Maher's documentary on fucking Uncle Sleepover. Uncle Sleepover is an extra thing on our Patreon, which you can go get. You can also, by the way, on the Patreon, go catch an extended little after show that we host. It's anywhere between 10 to 20. Who knows how long it could be this week? But it's its own after show. It's up on our Patreon with Uncle Sleepover,

which we commentate over movies that we take turns choosing. We also have behind the scenes Justin jerks off monthly just picturing just like a room with a lot of video every month it's like I'm like an old

Mac webcam just Justin just sitting there looking at the camera just. He nuts and goes. How would, I mean. It'd bump our numbers up for sure. Yeah. Justin's monthly J-O. And we have some new stuff coming, which I don't think we can announce yet for the Patreon.

We'll save it. It'll be the Patreon. We'll save it. It'll be a surprise. We'll announce it publicly. It's not just going to be like, you have to be part of the Patreon to understand. Or it'll be at the end of Justin's June jerk-off video. Yeah. Who knows? You'll have to subscribe to the Patreon to find out.

But not really, because we are going to mention it publicly whenever we do do this thing for our Patreon. It's not like a new, don't get your hopes up. It's not like this new show, but it's pretty cool. It is cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's something physical. It's hip.

Also, we got to talk after this about Luke was mentioning wanting to do those videos too. And I think that's just overkill if Luke also is doing jerk off videos on the Patreon. Yeah. We'll talk about it. But as I said, after the episode is done and we're all good, and thank you everyone for watching, and we can take a break for the after hours, right? Because they're still pointing.

I got to commend Julio over here He's had his gun up the whole time That takes arm strength Can we take a break guys? I don't think they're gonna shoot We gotta do the We're gonna do the after hours It's hot in here I wanna let it us take a little break. It's hot

in here. I wanna let it air out a little bit. You guys are hot. I'm not shooting. It should be good. I think we're good. Alright, guys, we're just gonna take a little break. Alright, see you at the after hours, and if not, uh... Lick my nuts. Bye! He ended it with

lick my nuts? Matt and Ryan, that was not funny funny but I love Super Mega Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well whether it's in everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process.

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