THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.183 - TASH DEMETRIOU

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

Adam talks with English-Cypriot actor and comedian Natasia Demetriou about subjects including eggs, wigs, BAFTAs, theatre trauma and ass milk.This episode was recorded face to face in London on 31st April 2022Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for conversation editing and production supportPodcast artwork by Helen GreenSee Adam and Rosie welcome you to Adam's YouTube channelADAM'S WEBSITE RELATED LINKSELLIE & NATASIA  - 2022 (BBC i-PLAYER)ELLIE & NATASIA (GUARDIAN REVIEW by Rachel Aroesti) - 2022 (GUARDIAN)DAN HAWKINS ON LINE BASS LESSONS AND BESPOKE BACKING (YOUTUBE)HOW TO BE ED SHEERAN by Steve Terreberry - 2020 (YOUTUBE)WHO KILLED THE KLF? Documentary directed by Chris Atkins (RENT ON YOUTUBE) A BIT OF A STRETCH - DIARIES OF A PRISONER by Chris Atkins - 2020 (PHYSICAL COPY VIA WORLD OF BOOKS)BLOWING A HARD BOILED EGG OUT IT'S SHELL - 2014 (YOUTUBE) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey Rosie. Look at you, Bill Burr. You're covered in little burrs.

Whoa, where have you been? Hang on, stay still, let me get these out. Running my hands through Rosie's luxuriant coat trying to extract the buzz checking for the ticks is that a tick under your tummy there oh no that's just a nipple. I apologise. Go free! Run! Explore! Hey, how you doing, podcats? Adam Buxton here.

Taking a walk with my dog friend in East Anglia, UK. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are. Hey, if you're one of the people that listen to the ad I put up last week about bug shows and you bought tickets to come along to the BFI last Friday, thanks so much for coming along. I hope you had a good time. I enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to seeing some more of you in a couple of weeks

yeah, on the 15th at the BFI when we'll repeat the show thereafter I'll be at the Brighton Comedy Festival and Blue Dot Festival details on my website adam-buxton.co.uk I'll put put a link in the description. No, that's okay, you're welcome, it's fine. Anyway, Shush, I know you just want to get to Tash Dimitriou.

For those of you not so familiar with Tash, let me just give you a short introduction to her and some of her achievements thus far, career-wise. Tashfax Natassia Charlotte Dimitriou, currently aged 38, I believe, was born and raised in North London, the daughter of an English mother and a Greek Cypriot father. Her brother is actor and comedian Jamie Dimitriou, with whom she performed in the sketch troupe Comedy Biscuit while studying at Bristol University. In 2009, Comedy Biscuit made their Edinburgh Fringe debut

and quickly garnered positive attention. Tash did some solo shows in the years thereafter at Edinburgh, but by 2015, Tash and Jamie were appearing in a pilot for a comedy sketch show called People Time on BBC3 TV, along with past guests Ellie White and Claudia O'Doherty, as well as comedians Liam Williams, Alastair Roberts and Darren Johnson. In 2018, the first series of Jamie Dimitriou's sitcom, Staff Let's Flats, about a family-run estate agent, started airing on Channel 4, with Tash playing Stath's sister, Sophie,

and Ellie White as Sophie's friend, Katya. Stath Let's Flats won three BAFTAs in 2020 following its second series. Since 2019, Tash has starred alongside past guests Matt Berry and Kay Van Novak as Nadia, a Greek-Roman-y vampire in FX horror comedy What We Do in the Shadows, created by Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi, based upon their 2014 film of the same name. Also in 2019, Tash and Ellie White starred in and wrote a pilot

for a BBC Three sketch show called Ellie and Natassia. A series was commissioned, which has just started airing on BBC Three as I speak. Link to the iPlayer page in the description. The Guardian's Rachel Aroesti says, from its scalpel-sharp satire to the minutely observed character comedy The Guardian's Rachel Arowesti says, Good review, and I've put a link in the description to that. Rosie, don't roll around in the thing! Oh, you donkey. Wow, she's having a good old roll.

What are you rolling in, though? I don't want to know. What is it? Oh, it's the remains of a dead bird. Maybe it's the new sexy smell in the animal world. From Yves Saint-Ledoc, try the new exciting fragrance of Loiseau-Mort. The smell that reminds you that now you may be flying high,

but one day you will be on the ground with a dog rolling on top of you. Loiseau Moore My conversation with Tash was recorded face to face in April of this year, 2022 We got together in London

and it was very good to see Tash again after a while hadn't seen her face to face since before the pandemic We talked about why actors don't want It was very good to see Tash again after a while. Hadn't seen her face to face since before the pandemic. We talked about why actors don't want their wigs glued down, whether Tash had fun at the BAFTAs, why her new sketch show isn't just called Ellie and Tash, why one of the things you have to watch out for if you go to the theatre is the cauliflowers,

what it's like being away from home for long periods to film what we do in the shadows in Canada, and the relative merits of ass milk. And I mean there was more than that obviously but that's just some of the things. We skidded around quite a bit as you will hear which gave me an opportunity to put in far more jingles than I normally would. But I began by setting up the microphones and, in classic sound person style, asking Tash what she had for breakfast in order to test the levels. And that led to some colourful egg chat. I'll be back at the end for a tiny bit more waffle and some recommendations.

But right now, with tash dimitriu here we go I boiled it myself. I put some pepper on the egg and I ate it up. What's your egg boiling technique? You're going to take it out of the packet. You're going to put it in a pan. You're going to pour the water around the eggs, not onto the eggs. Because you pour them onto the eggs, you're going to crack that egg.

And then you leave it in there for as long as you feel and then you um take them out put some cold water on it pop them back in the carton put it in the fridge and it really annoys your flatmate because they think that there's fresh eggs in there and they try and crack them and they not they hard hang on a second you you can't just put them in there for some unspecified amount of time. We've started and I'm done. I'm back. I'm back on the podcast and I'm talking about eggs. Yeah, this is, it's egg chat because everything else as talking points is too problematic. So I'm trying to keep it light because the world's so gnarly.

Yeah, no, I totally get that. As I said, I sent you a thing before we started saying the only things I will discuss, eggs, soup, chickens, alive chickens, chicken sort of personalities. Yes, not the eating of chickens. Can I admit to you at this point that I've done no preparation because I thought, well, we're at the point now. This is your fourth appearance on the podcast. And I felt like we're beyond preparation. Cut to this being the last podcast I do because there's nothing to talk about. No, we don't need to preparate.

We don't need to prepare. Preparate. We don't need to preparate our conversation. All right. I think we're good to go. Wow. I mean, we already had about three or four promising conversational avenues there let's barrel through them quickly i started by asking

you as a mic check what you'd had for breakfast you told me you had eggs yeah and i asked you what your preparation technique was um for me i really like i think with cooking it's so instinctual and for me when it comes to egg it's just something that just speaks in my heart i have an inner egg timer and it just it's like she's ready the egg is ready you know really you just do you feel it oh god i feel it yeah i mean i feel it by going wow that's been 45 minutes if those eggs aren't boiled and they're at that is one sloppy chicken are you going for hard boiled eggs then oh yeah i can't deal with the yolk oh well that's the question i should have asked originally of course you're not timing it you're just leaving them in there and going about your life yeah no that's oh god i can't be doing with this it gives

me it literally thinking about it gives me a headache it's so thick and yellow. It's so on. It's like, what is the flavor? The flavor to me is like headache. Like the flavor to me is like pain mixed with paracetamol, mixed with like room temperature water you found in your room to take some. It's like. And when people are like, a lovely jammy yolk. But then a lot of people don't like boiled eggs though a lot of

people find boiled eggs too backpackerish well stinky i tell you who's getting further backpackers because they're walking ages and you're just sat at home with your like jammy eggs sat down and you're lazy assholes what what are you doing how are you eating the boiled egg then are you slicing it up are you putting a bit of mayonnaise on there some salt and pepper a bit of sriracha oh yeah sriracha i like pepper no i'm not turning it into egg mayonnaise because it's an entire different meal i'm just going i need protein um i'm eating too many potatoes on the hour every hour. Let's take out a potato. Let's pop in an egg. And I'm having it with some salad.

It's a great snack. Actually, because I'm vegetarian, I, with Ellie, who I write stuff with, our snack would be, we'd buy a scotch egg. She'd have the meat and I'd have the egg. How does she do it? You slice it in half. She's actually actually vegetarian now so this is blasphemous this is in the olden days

this is in the olden days before I was proved right you would slice it in half and you suck out the egg and then she gets to work on the and I do suck I do suck the hard boiled egg it's a really great way of eating it

it gets right in your throat right into your stomach and comes out whole do you do that thing where my son showed me on the internet the other day where they where they roll it around so the shell is all fractured and then they blow through it and the whole egg shoots out i have never tried that but you know what you know how this girl's spending her jubilee. I think I'm right in saying that. Did I imagine it? That's like a Greek, that's like,

so in for Cypriot Greek Easter, they do a thing where they blow the egg out of the egg and then paint the eggshells. And it was always so disappointing where it was like, it's Greek Easter. And I was like, great, more chocolate. But it was like, no, here's an eggshell that stinks of egg and you can paint it.

Congratulations, happy Christmas. but it was like no here's an eggshell that stinks of egg and you can paint it congratulations happy but yeah no we would buy the egg rip the meat off because a lot of times we'd be like out and about you know just like writing or just so such greedy pigs that we were so hungry we'd go to the co-op buy a couple of scotch eggs rip the meat off she'd get a little sachet of helminth mayonnaise she'd be you know putting that on the meat and i was just popping an egg and also i don't really like the yolks i would often be like taking popping the yolk out popping the egg white but weren't you appalled by the wasn't there any kind of meaty residue on the egg flesh uh no and that's the beautiful thing about a scotch egg. If you're getting them cheap enough, the meat is almost like a jelly that keeps itself to itself and is leaving that egg well alone. Right, it's like spermicidal jelly in the scotch egg.

Wow, a scotch egg is really, when you think about it, it's quite a philosophical quandary. It really is. There's a lot going on with the scotch egg, but it was a great snack. She got something out of it. Zero waste, apart from me throwing the yolk away sometimes if I felt a bit too egg bound. And literally, thinking about doing this podcast again, I was like, this time you're going to go on. You're going to talk about some really great things come across as really philosophical. We can do that later. And stoic.

And we are straight. We can do it. No, we really philosophical. We can do that later. And stoic. And we are straight. We can do it. No, we shouldn't. We can do it. Blowing egg through shell. All right, I'm Googling blowing a hard-boiled egg out of its shell, listeners, just to prove to myself that I wasn't imagining it. I'll put the link in the description of the podcast, but hereash is what you're dealing with oh god it's in slow motion

so he's basically rolled the hard boiled egg around so that the shell is all soft and fractured the lungs of an athlete though there yeah that is it's so hard these days isn't it is it impressive because you i think a lot of things get get put into impressive when they should be in um what a what a complete pointless waste of the sacred gift of life yes well god i mean you're basically getting rid of the whole internet if you start going down that route well you're getting rid of me basically because my entire life is blowing an egg through a shell we are yes we're sort of um well we're talking about it on a podcast which in itself is a sort of inessential enterprise i'm just reading about i'm reading the details because i wanted to get

it right there is a thing on eas. It's really weird because I identify, probably I identify myself as adjacent to a sort of egg and also probably a red egg. And I just was like thinking about that in my head when we were talking. I was like, it's funny to me, right? Because you do really feel like a bit, like a sort of an egg sometimes.

And then I remembered there was a game on Greek Easter called the red egg game, cookie navgagar and they're dyed with onion skins wow god greek people love to stay medieval don't they there's nail varnish these days guys there's opi red big apple red for god's sake they're painting the shells not the they're not and the red color symbolizes the blood and sacrifice of christ on the cross and the egg symbolises the rebirth. They're very symbolic eggs, obviously. Which is why I relate to them. I'm quite a symbolic shape of person. The first rogue egg that is dyed is considered to be the egg of the Virgin Mary

and is saved in the home for protection against the evil eye until the next year when a new egg is dyed. Mic drop. From the red egg. So what I might do in this podcast it depends how it goes like recently i've been having conversations that are more or less coherent so that i use less jingles but i feel like this might be a nice opportunity to use more jingles cover cover the cracks and just have random chat nuggets you do whatever you want and i know for a fact as i know a lot of people who adore you it's the jingles

they're coming back for the jingles man they didn't come back for the chat yeah i don't care what these idiots have to say it's true isn't it although i do feel bad that i make less new jingles because ever since i got this recording contract i keep saving every new bit of music as a potential album track. But then I was looking on the Internet recently, and I think the YouTube algorithm knows, obviously, that I'm a nerdy indie music white man tit face. And so it sends me other people of my own kind. Yeah. You know what I mean? Beautiful.

So all I get in the sidebar is little American nerd boys deconstructing music. Oh, of course. Analyzing it. But there's lots of people I've noticed who are just incredibly talented doing these shows about, here's how you become Ed Sheeran.

Here's how Ed Sheeran songs work. And they analyze them and play typical chord progressions sing like ed sheeran then do a parody song i'm thinking of one guy in particular guy called steve something berry i'll put a link in the description and it's amazing though like they're so good wow these parodies, and he's really talented. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, one of this guy's parody songs is better than anything that I'm going to put on a record. No, it's subjective. Yeah, I guess. It's subjective.

Anything, I don't really have any sage words to make you feel better, but it's subjective. And you were talking then, but I was sleeping because everything you're saying was boring me so much what you couldn't hear was I this is what we had to hear this while I was asleep when you were telling me that I was like everything you said I thought I couldn't give a shit I was wondering if you were thinking that because that's what you look like I couldn't I can't I was like everything you said I was wondering if you were thinking that because that's what you look like. I couldn't, I can't, I was like, everything you said, I was like, there's my accent.

Nah, he's moved on. He's saying something about a chord progression. I don't, get back to the eggs. Get back to the eggs. This amazing song just flopped into my mind today. Like I was channelling Paul McCartney and Beyonce. I just recorded it and it's turned out perfect. Making timeless music's usually hard, but this was easy.

This song is so great that it makes everyone feel good. And that means monetization opportunities for me magic music moment thanks for choosing me now they'll want to use this song on tiktok and tv magic music moment i'm such a lucky guy. Because everyone is gonna love this fucking song. I'm gonna make

a giant pile of money. But that's the thing with television on the whole, I think. I'm going to jump in and make a really boring, depressing thing. There is so much stuff being made. It's too much choice. It's too stressful.

We have so many endless choices. I film what we do in the shadows in Toronto, which is a place where a lot of stuff is filmed because of their tax breaks. That little ka-ching sound effect. No. I just hit the microphone. You can do cha-ching. effect no I just hit the microphone you can cha-ching

so lots of stuff is filmed there and like the amount of productions that the like because a lot of the crew on the show will have done like

a million other productions during the year or be doing dailies on other productions and you're like oh you know the show The Cups for instance

oh they're doing a spin-off show called The Spoons and you're like what I didn't even know The Cups was they made a show called The Cups they're like yeah no-off show called The Spoons. And you're like, what? I didn't even know The Cups was... They made a show called The Cups. They're like, yeah, no, it's about a family of superhero cups. They use milk to kill baddies.

That is good to go, that show. It's good to go. I can imagine it. There's the snooty wine glass, the champagne flute. They live next door, the wine glass and the champagne flute. Yeah, the sort of old Scottish whiskey glass. There's the hipster guy who is just an old jam jar. A really annoying activist who's a reused Coke can.

He's like, guys. There's the Starbucks cups. They come along. Oh, fucking hell, this is good to go. This is really good to go. Come on, Pixar. This is what I mean. I'm surprised I'm not getting a call right now saying,'s make it because we just gotta make loads of tv and i think a lot about the amount

of wigs that are out there because i used to do hair and makeup i could spot a wig from a mile off and i'm like wow like she's just wearing a wig that's really similar to her actual hair but she probably just can't be bothered to wash it you know she's got really early starts she's made 25 other tv shows this year so she said get me a And you're like, where's the hair coming from? There's going to be a shortage because you can't have acrylic wigs really for like proper gritty TV. It needs to look real. So that hair has come from someone's head. Where are the wigs coming from?

Where does the hair normally come from? Real hair. Long wigs, like long, you know, like long wigs. Yeah, but still women go and they have their, or men with long hair, go and they have their hair cut off. Yeah, but we're talking, like, usually people go for a trim on average, right? People aren't going and getting 21 inches cut off. I remember I had to get a wig for Stardust. I was in the film Stardust.

Oh, I remember. Oh, I loved that film. And I was shocked by how expensive the wig was. It was they made me a wig, real hair, et cetera. And I don't know what the et cetera is for. It's just real hair. And afterwards, I said, oh, can I buy the wig? Because I'd love to use it for a character I'm doing for live stuff. And they said, it'll be 1500 pounds oh god yeah so i'm just thinking when the prices are so high you could presumably just go to someone who has very long hair and say hey look do you want 200 quid and cut off all your hair that's what they're doing that's exactly

what's home but also that person's then got to knock that hair into some net to plonk it on your head yeah yeah we've gone down an avenue to do it with wigs. It's not that fruitful, but I just think it's just, it's about like, you know, forget wigs is literally the tip of the headberg of actors in TV shows. So much TV being made. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 my friend was well my friend was in a relationship with quite a big film director. Steven Spielberg. Yeah, obviously. And he was doing a sort of sci-fi, high CGI type show film. And so, you know, when you go into one of those like special effects units, buildings, businesses, they have all the films they're working on at the time.

And they had his film and like, you know, Star Wars type films, like big sci-fi type things. And the other, one of the posters was of It's Complicated with Meryl Streep. That was all CG. No, but it was so much CG too. And a lot of older actors will say to you, don't let them cut your wig lace because then they have to go in and CGI your forehead. And like while they're there, they may as well take out some wrinkles.

What's wig lace? So we're back to wigs. When you have a professional like wigs have a lace front. So when they glue it to your head, you can't see it. So if it's like a wig with no fringe. Right. Sadly, I've said this now, it's probably going to ruin films for everyone because you can always see it always see it i think yeah you definitely can yeah i'm thinking as you're saying it like oh yeah i know what you're talking about i see it all the time yeah so it's like you glue it especially on

beards exactly so that's how a lace front wig is like the most expensive wig because it's it gives you those natural edges but you have to glue down a bit of the wig right and um a lot of actors have given me advice of the year saying don't let them glue it down it sort of sticks up so then you obviously have to they have to cg either out you just go no no i don't want the glue the glue hurts my skin well what are you supposed to do it's just going to be flapping around if you don't glue it down yeah and then they have to go in and touch it up like you know it does it won't it's lace it's like oh right so you're trying to get some cg on on your face to get some cg it's it won't it's lace it's like oh right so you're trying to get

some cg on on your face to get some cg it's like don't let them glue it down because then you get that cg then you get some cg attention unless you don't you know because i watch a lot of tv shows and films where i just think that is a bad beard job yeah in fairness the makeup artists my people my my my gals my boys it's hd they didn't consult the lace industry the wig lace in 4k for 4k it's 8k in the movies isn't it something like it's a load of k too many k it's a lot of special k the other thing though is tvs that have that terrible setting that makes everything look like home video do you know what i'm talking about i think i do is it that thing where you're like why does it feel like i'm in the room with like yeah is it like i'm watching my dad like

pass me a bowl of crisps like no no no it's really weird i would say a lot of the progress in technology is actually regressive and we were just talking about that with 3D headphones. I don't need it. No, thanks. Just let the song play. Let it live. Yeah. I do not get the 3D audio thing at all. That is absolutely insane. Joe was talking about it. He was getting his vaccination just before Christmas and he was watching the Beatles thing, Get Back, and he had his 3D audio on his headphones. Wait, that's a lot of things to be doing at once. Watching the Beatles documentary, getting vaccinated, and listening to stories.

Yeah, exactly. And he, this is such a boring story, it's not even a story. I'm going to walk away from it. If you're at all interested, listeners, then check the Christmas podcast. I think it stayed in there, but it's coming out of this one. The story is, it was the first time he'd listened to 3D. I'm not telling the story. Yeah, he didn't like it.

Is that the punchline? He just thought, oh, it sounds like I haven't got my headphones on. Because that's what 3D audio does. It localises the sound to the source. It sounds like I didn't have my headphones on. Yeah. Ba-dum-bum-tsch. Sorry, but where was he getting vaccinated?

In a sort of fancy cinema? He was watching it on his phone. Sitting in the... But the vaccination takes seconds. No, he was in the seconds now he was in the holding area where you have to sit and wait and check that you're not going to fall off your perch and just have a massive embolism after getting the perfect perfect vaccine perfect i see okay sorry i was imagining him like being massaged having his like no i didn't explain it very well it's one of the many reasons that it's not a good story.

Because you weren't listening to it in the first place. That's the story I'm going to lead off with on my Netflix special. My new Netflix special. Trashing the culture wars. Pushing buttons. Dealing with woke culture and telling the classic 3D audio story. behind your arse. Hey! I'm important! I need to travel faster! How can you walk so slowly?

I'm very important! You are a walking disaster! BAFTAs. Please, please, please. Did you embarrass yourself at the BAFTAs? Yeah, just by going it was an embarrassment. But did you get drunk and try and snog Benedict Cumberbatch or anything like that? He wasn't there, so there was no harm of that.

No, just sort of saying things to people that you've never met before, like the landscape of British television would look the same without you, and you met them two minutes ago. Did you actually get some FaceTime with Ant and Dec? No, sadly not. No, I did a lot of just very sincere, deep chats with people whose names I don't know.

But that's what happens when you get free Prosecco cocktails. The bubbles do the talking. And next year, of course, you'll be there because you'll be nominated for your show that you've just done with Ellie.

Nice, nice segue. Nice segue. Good segue. Thank you. Yes. Yes. I mean, we're not doing it for the awards. What's it called, your show? Weirdly, it's kind of controversial.

Ellie and Natasha. Oh. And how are you spelling Natasha? OK, we had this conversation earlier. It's spelt as my name is spelt which is my name which is natassia but the reason why i don't ever refer to myself as natassia or ever expect i would say is because what's the name that you said to me earlier nastassia exactly which sounds like as you said nazis and stasi two bad organizations organisations. To me, Natassia sounds like a type of onion.

Like on a gardening show, they'd be like, and here are the Natassias. The leaves have a very strong oniony smell, strangely more oniony than the onion itself. And that is why I don't like that name. But it is my name. Yeah. What about Ellie and Tash, you could have called it? So this is your opening account of Worms here, because that's obviously what Ellie was like. Just call it Ellie and Tash you could have called it so this is a you're opening a can of worms here because that's obviously what Ellie was like just call Ellie and Tash and Ollie Cambridge our amazing producer he was like obviously Ellie and Tash I have strong feelings about this Tash is a nickname

was given to me by people I never said call me Tash and I love it I don't mind I don't care you could call me anything I don't care but the thought that I would refer to myself as Tash makes me feel sick. Oh, right. In an official capacity. Yeah. Like it's like if you call this like the ads podcast. Got you. It just makes me cringe.

It really makes me cringe. And we had so many. They're like, you're overthinking it. You're being an idiot. It's so much quicker. Ellie and Tash. Not Ellie and Natasha. But I just was like, if anyone in the world. It's's I think maybe it's just because I'm a judgmental hog.

But like if someone comes up to me, maybe and is like, yeah, yeah, call me D or like, hey, right, right. K or something. I'm like, no, it's not. What's your name? I'll decide if I want to be close to you and call you that. Yeah. So you're not having nicknames. No, I don't mind like i if i

like like i have lots of friends i know what you mean who i'm close to who i like i call ellie ellis or els or smell face ellie was supposed to be here but she's keeping covid alive yeah i'm sorry to hear that she got covid but she's um says she can't be here and she's very she's a very sad girl because she really wanted to come. Well, we'll get you both back after you win that BAFTA. Yeah. And we can both, like, open our bum cheeks and part into the microphone, which is what we've always wanted to do together on a podcast.

By then I will have rebranded and it'll be called Chat Time with AdsBads. That used to be one of my nicknames. AdsBads. A-Bot. Wait, to be one of my nicknames. Adspads. A-bot. Wait, Buckles. Everyone calls you Buckles. I'm more or less, I think I probably gave that nickname to myself. Yeah, see you loser.

It's possible that came from listeners when we were on Six Music, me and Joe. And people used to give us funny names there. And maybe that was one. Ellie and Natassia. And it's a sketch show. Oh, big time. Yeah, yeah. More than anything and it's a sketch show oh big time yeah yeah more than anything it's a sketch show you've got a whole host of characters music videos amazing cameos from some of our favorite people in the world so that's very exciting good one come on let's have

some names i don't know if you've heard of a little tall guy called jamie dimitri he's in there he's in there my wonderful flatmate and one of the strangest best men on earth, Daniel Barker. Lots of very lovely people. And I just, I was away. Was I away? I think you probably went to your junk, the email. You've got to get on top of your junk.

Oh, right. Yes, yes, yes. No, we didn't have any parts for... You just banned everybody aged over 35. How old are you now? 46. 46. Is that real melody?

Heavy's in my phone charger? I left it right there. Did you see it? Have you got it? Where's my charger gone? Where's my phone charger? The battery's about to die. It was on the table.

Round and round in their heads go the chord progressions, the empty lyrics, and the impoverished fragments of tune. And boom goes the brain box at the start of every bar. At the start of every bar at the start of every bar boom goes the brain box what are your evenings like when you're doing what we do in the shadows, for example?

You're out there in… Toronto. Toronto. I imagine working on a show like that in a foreign city would be quite lonely. You get off set and what do you do? I mean, are there people sort of hanging out or what's your routine? Well, we film at night time because it's a vampire show. Vampire show.

That is horrible. Of course, I hadn't even properly considered that. Maybe we talked about that before and I just forgot. But what a nightmare. I've only ever done one week of night shoots in my short acting career. And it was a surreal torture session. Oh, it's really intense. It's very intense like luckily and i'm

not just blowing smoke up the ass of this microphone it like luckily i'm very good friends with the cast so like it's you know you get through it get through it bloody hell but you know like it's intense it's definitely intense the most intense thing for me though is like i don't mind doing nights i don't. It's just being away from home. What's your average day like then? When I film what we do in the shadows? Yeah, what's the routine? Wake up late because you got in late.

What time? I'd say around 11. Then I, because I'm on my own, like my boyfriend's not there, my flatmate's not there, I like to put on the TV and the TV is my boyfriend. there i like to put on the tv and the tv is my boyfriend yeah and i i'm putting on anything from sort of a 90s tv crime drama like murder one i love that show or are you staying in a hotel or sort of flats so you stay in these like corporate type i don't know like they're sort of like self-catered departments self-catered apartments basically yeah we're in one of those and actually when we filmed series

three it was like in the height of covid so it was completely everything was shut down we were literally told don't go out on the weekends it's too risky and i turned my flat into kind of like a tiki cocktail bar with just like ice and you know like loads of like cocktail things and we'd have like you know the weekend was literally just in one of these apartments and we were having these just like mad nights where we were just like going stir crazy in these apartments so you had a few good cocktail nights with cast and oh yeah we are god we have a good old boogie we make the most of it but yeah it's just intense being away from home and like my dad has alzheimer's so it's like there's that thing in your head where you're like, oh God, am I going to get back

and he's going to think I'm a shoe. How's he doing your part? He's like, you know, doing what Alzheimer's people do, like getting worse, but in that way, but he's just, he's such a positive person. Like he was mad. It's really hard with his Alzheimer's because he's always been mad my whole life so it's sometimes very hard for me and Jamie to be like

is it the Alzheimer's or is it his personality yeah but he was the one that taught me just laugh like if it's hard if it's stressful or crunchy the best thing you can do is make a joke about it and laugh. Because how else do you get through life? Because on the whole, life is probably like more of a pile of shit than it is like a wonderful slide. It's basically a wonderful slide. With some shit on it. With some shit on it. And you can't help it. And so I think.

And you're heading towards it. And you can see it's there. So a toddler's done one further down. Yeah. There's nothing you can do to avoid it. Yeah. towards it and you can see it's it's there's a toddler's done one further down yeah there's nothing you can do to avoid it yeah there's nothing you can do the shit's gonna come at you like no matter who you are where you're from what your background is is there's gonna be a shit sandwich along the way and you're gonna have to gobble it up I think he was the one because his life has been absolutely insane like so much tragedy and pain but he's like anytime you say to him how's your day been and you're like i know that you've sat in a chair not really being

able to remember where you are what you're doing or like you know you've you've cooked an egg and forgotten it's on or you've cooked and it's turned into dust and you go have you had a nice day dad you go oh absolutely fabulous no complaints here thank you dad? You go, oh, absolutely fabulous. No complaints here, thank you. So I don't want to be negative about it or be like, oh, woe is me, poor, poor. You know, it is very sad, but he's dealing with it like an absolute genius pro and he's just always loved. I'm going to get emotional, but yeah, he's just,

he's a, yeah, he's a very special person. So he has got Alzheimer's and it's very hard and being away from him is very hard. But he is absolutely always, as always, just loving life. And you're like, are you thick? Like, you've got Alzheimer's. He's like, bloody marvellous, innit? Having a lovely time.

And then my mum, in series four, my mum went up to get the Christmas tree down, fell off a ladder and broke her back. Oh, mate. So that was like, and then on that same day, I found out I was getting evicted from my flat and I was like. When was this? November, December to last year when I was filming Series 4 of Shadows. How's your ma doing?

She's amazing. She's swimming. She's swimming that back, back to hell. Is she, yeah? Yeah. It was very stressful. It was a very, very, very stressful day. That is not

would you get an email or a phone call it was like the hellish thing that you know you live in fear of especially when you have like mad at parents like we do but jamie calling me going hey tash yeah uh i don't need to panic but mom's in hospital and you're like oh no the worst that was a sad day just being like i want to go home and see my mom. Yeah. But we've got to make television. You've got to make what we do in the shadows. The vampire jokes have got to be filmed.

Because otherwise, what are the nerds going to do at the next nerdcom? No, but like, as I said, life is a shit slide. And you have to choose which shit you embrace, which shit that you get angry about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You better go for the best quality shit. But laugh. Just laugh all the way down. I'm telling you, it makes things so much easier. Yes.

Yes, please. Yep. yes please yep yes I went to see Jerusalem the play the other night oh yes yes and I went with a good friend so that is

I always like to just explain everything in case someone sat out there going I don't know what Jerusalem is it is a play in London I guess to me it's about that thing in like english culture that's sort of like out on the outskirts and it's kind of about a man who embodies all of that that's sort of like pagan-y storytelling weird stonehenge-y

that's this is all things that i've interpreted from it on this on the it's just about a guy who lives in a caravan, who lives in the forest, and they want to demolish it so they can build some flats. Jez Butterworth is the playwright. And Mark Rylance has become associated with the role of Johnny Rooster Byron. Yes, he's the guy. And it does feel a bit like when you're watching it,

like in the way that you might be like, oh, I got to see Freddie Mercury. That performance is absolutely amazing. And I hadn't seen it when it was first out of my flatmates it's his favorite play and he was like you've got to buy tickets so I got tickets um and I took my friend and the play is very good however there is something about theater audiences my flatmate says it's a room full of cauliflowers meaning like when you look over the tops it just looks like a cauliflower patch just like like curly white oh i see oldies yeah like just like angry old people because there's a load of bloody cauliflowers but it was the

cauliflowers were on fire so basically in the it's three parts, 50 minutes, then 60 minutes, then 50 minutes. And in the first half, a woman behind me's phone went off. And the woman next to me went, and rolled her eyes at me. And I was like, yeah. And then carried on watching it. And then in the second half, the phone went off again. Same woman. Same woman's phone went off again behind me.

And you heard, and I was like, you know, it's just, I don't think she, anyway, I was just like, you know, I'm not going to tart. Like, what's the point? It's just making more noise. Then the phone went off again. And the woman next to me went, turned around and said to the woman, and it was that very intense, went, excuse me, can you learn how to use your phone properly, please? Learn how to use it. Not just turn it, can you learn how to use your phone properly, please? Learn how to use it. Not just turn it off, but learn how to use it properly.

And the woman whose phone went off, who I thought would be like, I'm so sorry, like, I'm sorry, comes over. And they were having this argument in my ear over my right shoulder. And she went, please don't assume I don't know how to use my phone. I know how to use all the things i can do the torch i can turn off bluetooth with just a couple of taps i can do copy and paste i can do airdrop if i wanted to i could airdrop a couple of photos of me flipping you the bird very easily with just two taps but just so then then the second half ends and you have five minutes to like stretch your legs so her phone's gone off three times by this point three times so it could the second half comes when you're able to stretch your legs and the woman in front of us turned around to the woman next to me and went what woman had her phone going off woman come on

sisters i know i know i mean come on and uh and then the woman next to me when it was her behind us and then the woman whose phone went off leader this is all happening so close to my ear and i was crying with laughter at this point because it was a really sincere moment of the play and they're having this like heated breathy argument and then the woman behind me goes i would like the chance to explain myself and so so the woman next to me goes, go on then, try me. And she goes, well, the thing is, I have two young sons and they're at home with

a babysitter and I know you're not supposed to have your phone on in the theatre but I had my phone set that only if they called would it ring. And that obviously happened in the first half and it wasn't good. I get that. But then we were in the second half and I could tell we were coming to the end of the second half. So I simply turned my phone on again and all my alerts came through.

So that's what happened. Please don't assume I don't know how to use my phone. Wow. I mean, she kept it together pretty well. And I was so flabbergasted at that because it was like me lighting a cigarette going, don't assume I don't know I'm not allowed to do this. Please don't assume I don't know I'm not allowed to do this. Please don't assume I don't know I'm not allowed to smoke.

No, what happened is I wanted to. So I wanted a cigarette, so I lit it. So for me personally, I wanted a cigarette, so I did it. So please don't assume I don't know that this is against the rules of this establishment. Then my friend, who was also struggling with it, establishment then my friend who was also struggling with it he then and then the final straw was he was like i need to go and have a get some fresh air outside and then he was just like hovering on the stairs just waiting for me like literally waiting 30 seconds for me to like get my bag and stuff and then this man shouted him well if you're going to go then go whoa and that sent us over the edge and we left

you left before the end well i just was like i can't with this stress next to me these like angry people yeah and um i booked tickets to see it again that sounds like you got unlucky i went to the theater a few times uh recently or at least more than normal, because I met a playwright called Alistair McDowell. And we went to see, I've got a theater buddy. And every now and again, we'll say, should we go back to the theater? Let's go to the theater. And he's more proactive than I am. And he took us to see, well, the best, the thing is that he took us originally to see Network, the stage production of Network with Bryan Cranston. Oh, come on. And Network is one of my favorite films anyway.

And this theater production was just phenomenally good. And so I think I read some reviews where they said, oh, no, it's not proper theater because there's too much tricksy tech stuff going on and it breaks the fourth wall and they use lots of cool video effects and things like that. Oh, well, they used television and film and it made the theatre better. Hmm, what a surprise. Wow. But it was so good and intensely enjoyable and stimulating and memorable. And so after that, we were like, let's go and see lots more theatre. So we've tried to go and see and memorable. And so after that, we were like, let's go and see lots more theatre. So we've tried to go and see more theatre.

And we went to see a couple of Alistair's plays, but they were at the Royal Court. So I don't know if you've seen anything at the Royal Court, but that's not Cauliflower Central. No, it's sort of like urban, cool. It's Guardian Reader Central. Yeah, oh, yeah. And it was good though actually part of the

reason i like alistair's plays is that they're not that long yeah i mean what are you looking at for jerusalem 10 years oh 10 it was i think 9.5 to be fair to the play but it's yeah 9.5 years so you've got to take a full decade off any sort of life at least you're getting breaks every hour or so yeah every hour they give you a break. But it's a commitment. But, you know, that's theatre. Yeah. Also, I mean, it is legendarily amazing. And Mark Rylance is...

Yes, it's a must. Pretty good. I think, yeah, there are certain things, aren't there? There are certain pieces of art and stuff that sort of transcend anyone's taste. And you just go, well, that's objectively absolutely brilliant. Because in my heart, obviously, I'm pro theatre. Your story, unfortunately, will probably have put a few more people off theatre. Oh, I had a dream I was back at school

Putting on a play with my friends It was the opening night But I did not know my lines. We had spent months and months painting sets and making costumes and posters for the play. But we had not rehearsed the play. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. know what I was supposed to say. And yet the rest of the cast knew all of their words and their moves and the songs in the play. And they were shaking their heads as the curtain went up. And I was still asking what I should say. And suddenly I knew what to do.

I sat on stage and did a pool. How are you doing? I'm good. Do you need a toilet break? No. Are you emotionally fraught? No. How's your mental health?

How's my mental health? That's a very deep, very big question. No, I'm absolutely fine. This room's beautiful. I was just thinking of if ellie had been here this probably would have been a lot funnier but what can you do no you're fine you're good i'm already doing the calculations and we've already gone past the oh good yeah very good very good ellie was like just text me saying are you talking about the show have you talked about the

show enough and i was just like oh god have i I what? Is there anything else you need to say about the show? You've done the whole she's brilliant. She's the funniest person I know. Yep, tick. You've explained what it is. It's a sketch show. It's starting on the 21st of June. And so there's lots of funny anecdotes.

One thing we did learn is obviously when you're in a writer's room and you're just like tapping away sometimes you just write stuff in the script to make each other laugh and like an entire sketch was completely unusable because we couldn't think of an ending for it and our producer ollie who actually actually saying that he did he added additional material and wrote a couple of the sketches so that was unfair for me to say that it was just me and Ellie. But yeah, he was the only other person that wrote on it. Ollie, we couldn't think of an ending. And he went, well, just trap Dora about one of the characters.

Well, just trap Dora the character. And we were like, ha, ha, ha, really made us laugh in the moment. Cut to us being on set and we hadn't changed it on a very low budget. What's trap Doring mean? You don't know what trap Doring means? No. You know, like when someone like, you know, like a trap dooring mean you don't know what trap dooring means no you know like like when someone like it's like you know some like a trap door opens and you fall in

that's literally it so like you know like a comedy thing to me is like i say something really bad on this show and you trap door me oh okay right you like press a button the door a bit like being yanked off the stage by the crook of the neck but it's like you know not mackenzie crook but no not by mackenzie crook he's also in. But it's like, you know. Not Mackenzie Crook. No, not by Mackenzie Crook. He's also in Jerusalem. He's also in Jerusalem. You know, like right now you'd press a button and the trap door would be released and I'd fall down it. And then you cut. We were on set with an entire crew of people.

Actors being like, and them being like, we couldn't get the floor to turn into a trap door because we have 50p to make this sketch. Okay, how can we do it and just like trying to improvise and then obviously the sketch was completely unusable because the ending was trap door her that was the punch line that's a cg job surely yeah but we're talking about bbc comedy sketch show like come on but they just you know like ollie was like cycling around east london trying to find a green screen so we could get this trap door to work then it was like pressing the button in the camera i mean it was it was a what that was just a stupid joke that ollie said that made us laugh we put it in forgot to take out oh so those are screenwriters write what you want in the show not what's going to make you laugh in the read

through yes that's my say you need someone with a practical head on to say that i think that was always my job i think when we were doing the adam and joe show was joe coming up with a crazy fun ideas and me saying i just can't believe that we'll ever be able to do that yeah yeah it's a bit boring no i was i'm definitely i think i'm probably more of that with my me and ellie like i remember she wrote a sketch about someone doing the limbo and by the end of it the person turns himself into a piece of paper and i was like right okay you know great idea funny ha ha ha hardy ha how are we going to turn this person to a piece of paper and then you feel like a horrible sort of mean like miserable sort of again i would refer you to the world of computer graphics and technology.

Because they can do all sorts of things now. Have you seen Star Wars? You left social media, didn't you? Yeah. You made the big exit. I did, yeah. Well, I see your brother. I'm in the trenches with you.

When did you go? I went after summer 2020, I think, around then. I like, basically, I was getting my flatmate, who is a wide open door into my life, sadly, because he so overly likes everyone and trusts everyone and is friends with everyone and very chatty and if he gets a dm from someone he's responding and that sort of thing it turned out he was getting catfished by a number of people to try and get to me and that was really scary and like yuck so what's that um i sort of know what catfishing people pretending

to be someone else to yeah i mean i guess it's not cat i guess it would just like you know profiles of quite attractive looking girls were liking or following lots of boys that i follow and trying to use the weakness of the penis to the weak nature of a penis to get somehow invited to come to my flat. OK. So the penises were seeing the nice profile pictures. Well, this is the thing. The penises were seeing the nice profile pictures. Most of them were saying, well, this is odd.

This person's posted like three photos. You know, why am I going to respond to this mad message? But my beautiful, darling flatmate, wide open door was like, hey, how are you doing? Come to a barbecue. And we were doing our daily hour of walking and he was taking loads of photos of our local park. And I was like, what are you doing?

We've been here like, and I was like, who are you sending these been here like and I was like who are you sending these to and he was like well you're gonna be you're gonna say it's a bad it's a bad idea but um I've connected with a lovely girl in America and I'm just showing her you know where I live and I was like oh that's that's fine you know it's bloody we're in a pandemic like get joy wherever you can get it and I was like let me see her and I was like oh bloody hell she's you know she's out of your league she's wearing gamer headphones so she's your dream person wow and then I was like some of these photos I was like she doesn't got many they're there's something off about this and she he was like yeah and he was like she's a big fan of yours and I was like oh okay and then um I was like, yeah. And he was like, she's a big fan of yours. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I was like, let me just have a look at her profile.

And so I was looking at it and I was like, why does she follow that boy I went on a date with like five years ago? Like, why is she following my friend? Who's like, you know, like if she follows my brother, whatever, he's on television, fine. Or, you know, someone else, Kay Van or something. And I was like, it's weird that she's following these people and he was like god that is really weird i'll just message her um

because they were in constant contact and had been for a couple of weeks and he had invited her to stay in london no way and then she like turned on him you know like why are you asking me these questions who the hell do you think you are and And by the way, I said I was a fan of Natasha, but I actually hate her and I think she's really ugly. Whoa. And so then we like, he'd been speaking to her on the phone. So we reversed, did her number, because I've watched the show Catfish. So I did what they did.

And we tracked it to a car dealership in Houston, Texas. What? And I think we found her photo and she was just a much older woman. What was she hoping was going to happen though? I don't know. I have no idea. But like come to the flat,

like be best friends. I mean, I'm looking for some friends. So yeah, weird. And there was just stuff that happened a couple more times. Because yeah, my flatmate was just, I mean, he was going through COVID. He was just looking for any sort of happiness he could get. And that became really weird. Like, that was like, oh, like, yucky.

Like, I don't know. I would imagine a problem that generally happens to women rather than men. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I know my brother gets a lot of mad, mad messages. Well, he gets more things where it's sort of like, hey, man, just letting you just like, sorry, just thought I'd swing this by your way. I'm going to make a show about Sophie and Al from Staff.

Yeah, I was thinking like it'd be really good if you could give me some ideas for it. Sorry, God, it's just I've got this this great idea so I'm just gonna make it like cheers man and you're like okay we're doing a new series of staff let's flats I don't know if you do you want to play you could play the main guy yeah oh yeah like honestly like whatever like I'm sure I could you out a bit of cash for it like I don't know I just bumped into you at the supermarket I was backing out of a parking space

and I hit your car I'm sorry I didn't mean to but you're angry now very angry now and that's making me very angry too no fuck you.

And your mother too. I was thinking of you recently, and I don't know exactly why. Maybe you can explain it to me better than I can. Because we went to Rome, me and my family. I'm very sexy in Italian. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been to Rome?

No, I haven't. That's pretty good. No, I haven't. I would love to go. First time to Rome. Now I haven't. It's pretty good. Now I haven't. I've never been. First time to Rome.

My daughter's obsessed with Roman and Greek mythology. And I should talk to her. Yeah. Anyway, so we went to Rome. It was good. It really does the job. It's pretty overwhelmingly impressive. There was a sad moment when I got ripped off by a guy.

There's lots of hustlers there who are sort of jumping up to you and acting all friendly and saying, oh, no, I don't want it. They got quite sophisticated now. No, I don't want to sell you anything because I was like, no, I'm fine. Thanks. As soon as this guy ran up. Oh, they're geniuses. And he's like, no, no, I don't want to sell you anything. I'm just happy. I'm just in a good mood, man. I just I like your trainers. I was like, oh, thanks. And I totally fell for it. And he was like, yeah, I'm just in a good mood. My wife just had a baby. This is all in an accent, right?

I'm not going to do the accent. But he's an Italian guy. And I was like, oh, congratulations. He's like, yeah, yeah, look. He showed me a photo of him with this baby on his phone. He's like, I'm just in a good mood. I want you to have this bracelet. I was like, no, I'm fine. He's like, no, no, I don't want money for it. Just have it.'m just in a good mood. I want you to have this bracelet. I was like,

no, I'm fine. He's like, no, no, I'm not. I don't want money for it. Just,

just have it. I'm in a good mood, man. And then like someone's flipped a switch, his face just changed. And he went, um, so could I have some money for the baby?

And so I was thinking like, I was so sort of upset because I felt so embarrassed that i'd been taken in completely and also indignant i was just like fuck off man what are you doing yeah okay i appreciate you need the money what life's tough but there's got to be better gigs than this sure yeah anyway so i i wasn't ready to have a big growl about i was embarrassed in front of my family i just wanted to get out of there so i reach into my gave the keys to your house pocket and all i had was a 20 euro note so i'd get that out and i was going to ask for change and he just sort of grabbed it and went off and that was the end of that thing oh man i do think though they

could do an amazing series of the apprenticerentice where they go around and find. Because the amount, like, when I went to Indra, the amount of times. And, like, it was the one thing that had been, like, I'm not going to get. They're not going to get me. Yeah. Cut to me being, like, getting a tuk-tuk somewhere. But you find yourself at three shops all selling the exact same thing. And you're, like, what?

How has this? What? How? Wait, I was going to and you're like what how has this what how wait i was going to a park like how was this and then like when i went to the taj mahal they know so well that everyone wants the diana picture they know that if you're english you want that sitting alone pondering such a beautiful building yeah and so you're like trying to take photos of yourself or with your friend or whatever and then they come up to you and they're like trying to take photos of yourself or with your friend or whatever and then they come up to you and they're like no let me take it i can take it and you're like oh thank you so much and they're like oh now you know now you could do a really fun one where you hold the top of it like it looks like you're holding the touch behind you're like oh that would

be really funny actually brilliant i'm holding theal and then like you've like honestly a hundred photos I've done a full photo shoot and then they're like a hundred rupees if you want your camera back oh come on mate and you're like

totally worth it that was the best photo shoot of my life you did a photo shoot where it looks like I made where the Taj Mahal is sitting in the palm

of my hand what more could I want as a human being? You're a genius. You're a creative genius. Have you ever heard of Rankin? Do you want me to set you up with some studio time in the UK? You made it look like I was squeezing the Taj Mahal between my hands.

That's what everyone wants. I was thinking of you, though, because we went to the Vatican. Oh, and I'm a big building. I'm a big old holy building. You're the most devout Catholic I know. Now, I don't know your spiritual status, but I was thinking of you because in there, it's pretty good, by the way. It's impressive stuff. Yeah, yeah.

Nice. They've amassed a lot of quite impressive treasure in there. They had the Emperor Nero's bath there. Come on. And it's like a big red marble bowl is what it looks like. It looks like a giant marble salad bowl. That's what I call my vagina. Big marble bowl.

And that's why I thought of you. Big, cold, red marble bowl. Come and put your salad in it. Oh, God. That's not why I thought of you. No, no, carry on. Although i don't exactly know why i did think of you that we had a guide she was brilliant and she was telling us all about the history of the place and what this means and what that means and she was telling us about nero's bath and she said Nero's wife used to bathe in there in donkey milk.

Here we go. Here we go. And famously, I call my poo donkey milk. I've always called my poo donkey milk. And I don't know why, but I thought of you when she was... Because I was thinking, that's disgusting. And I know, obviously, I've heard Cleopatra used to do the same sort of thing. How are they getting that much milk from a donkey?

Like, that is... Everything about it is bad. And are they warming it up? Or is it just, you know... Why would you do it? Donkey temperature milk. So apparently, and I said to our guide, like, why did they used to take baths in donkey milk or assis milk or whatever it was ass milk that's what i call my i think they don't really they she said donkey milk specifically

i think because she didn't want to say ass milk because that's too much i make a lot of ass milk in the morning after your coffee's just waterball ass milk. Maybe I was thinking of you because I know you're into sort of your beauty regimens, right? Oh, come on, Adam. I'm just a humble angel farmer. Yeah, but you used to buy all like crazy stuff off the internet. No, I'm obsessed with products. Right.

Changing my life. Yeah, yeah, I am 100%. So I was thinking if anyone's going to bathe in ass milk, it's going to be Tash. Oh, my God, yeah. So currently my housemate, he is, I'm a sucker for, you know, like with coxial Q10 and serial center space, you can get rid of your eyes.

If you don't want them, we can get rid of them. And I'm like, oh, my God, amazing. Whereas he's very into the, like, very natural products. And he's stopped using any sort of anything with chemicals in it. And he was in my sketch show and he came on set. I don't know why I'm telling this story. He came on set for the first day and it was a sketch with me, Ellie, and my brother and him in it. for the first day and it's a sketch with me ellie and my brother and him in it and he stanks much that my brother was like i've never said this before in my life but brother that is a deep stench

just before you're about to stop filming and it turns out he'd used this new soap that has like completely natural basically just like oil and resin or something. And he was using tallow oil, which is basically beef dripping for his skin. And he turned himself into like a steak dinner, basically a kebab. And it was a deep, dark stench. Horrible. Basically, this is me saying chemicals are great. Forget the natural stuff, man. You're going to stink.

Well, that's the thing. saying chemicals are great forget the natural stuff man you're gonna stink well that's the thing i mean i would think that nero's wife and cleopatra they they must have just smelt of extreme puke can we talk about this because donkey milk right you're looking at the donkey it's a hairy faced ass you know it's a hairy animal what was the thinking behind ah the but the milk hmm the milk well usually these innovations come about because of some sort of accident right i mean that's surely how everything got started originally was someone did something by accident and thought so it was her servant basically being like someone falls in getting this donkey getting this donkey's thoughts busting. Right.

And they get milk on their hands and it's like, my hands are very soft. So nice and soft. I can't believe this. It's so soft. I can't... Yes.

Oh my God. It's because... Beautiful and nice and soft with the milk. It's not because I've basically sandpapered them with the amount of work I've been doing every day with all the rocks. So I've taken away any lines. It's basically just open flesh.

Must be the donkey milk. This is Cleopatra's genuine accent. Oh, I was being Cleopatra's servant. She's been captured from Greece. Yeah, that's what I was sort of interpreting it as. And then Cleopatra's like getting a massage from her. She's Egyptian, right? I don't even want to.

No, we won't go there. So I think that's what must have happened. By accident or design, someone discovered the beneficial properties of the ass milk for the skin. I think the guide said to us there's some sort of exfoliating property. It's Google time. Okay, I'm giving you a bet on the table next time we do the podcast someone will have created there will be a product on the market containing donkey milk it's surely not though it's not ethical oh ethical ethics okay here we go

why though why does the donkey need all its milk? Selfish. When milk sours, the milk sugar lactose is converted by bacteria into lactic acid. When alpha hydroxy acids such as lactic acid are applied to the skin, they cause the surface layer to peel off. I was right. Exfoliating, leaving new, smoother, blemish-free skinish free skin underneath knock knock i've got a question why does this not happen with cow's milk then you don't see why was she not bathing in cow's milk more donkeys maybe because they were drinking the cow's milk and the donkey milk was too it has the it still has the exfoliating properties, but to drink, it's going to make you spew. We use lactic acid.

Us beauty fans use lactic acid in a lot of our exfoliating products. Are we using donkey milk and it's being sold to us as lactic acid? Maybe. Can you drink donkey milk? Can you make a flan with donkey milk? Can you make a flan with donkey milk? Can you make a flan with donkey milk? Donkey milk has properties that make it a high quality addition to a healthy diet. It's very nutritious and people who can't tolerate cow's milk can often drink donkey milk. It can't replace prescribed medicines, but it may reduce certain symptoms like inflammation or uncontrolled blood sugar.

Okay, here we go. We're going to go all Sigmund Freud here. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, donkey milk, blah, blah, blah. Compared with milk from other dairy animals like cows, goats, sheep, buffalo and camels, donkey milk most closely resembles human breast milk. She's bathing in mama's wet juice. She's bathing in mama's white water. The white waters of mama's titties. Nature's champagne. Wait, this is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success.

Yes, success. The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional. I love browsing your videos and pics and I don't want to stop. And I'd like to access your members area and spend in your shop. These are the kinds of comments people will say about your website if you build it with Squarespace. Just visit squarespace.com slash buxton for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch,

use the offer code BUXTON to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes. Continue. Hello. Hello. continue hello hello hey welcome back podcats tash dimitri there thank you so much to her for her time and good humor as ever. As I said at the beginning, there are links in the description of today's podcast to her show with Ellie White on the iPlayer. I was really laughing watching it earlier today. And they're in handy bite-sized 15-minute chunks. It's the way the kids like it these days.

Little 15-minute fun bags. Is that a good expression? What else have we got in the links? There is a link to the YouTube channel of Dan Hawkins. Bass Supremo. He's a multi-instrumentalist. But long-time listeners will know that Dan occasionally helps me out with bass parts for some of my jingles. And it's a service that he provides for a small fee to anyone putting together a bit of music who needs some bass played by an actual talented human being.

But Dan also provides on his YouTube channel bass tuition and lessons and tips so anyway thanks very much to Dan oh yes I mentioned another music related YouTube video Steve Teraberry Teraberry T-E-R-R-E Terry and he is a young American man and one of those people that I was describing to Tash at the beginning of our conversation when she got so bored that she stopped listening who on YouTube does these comedy sketch slash tutorials about how to sound like a particular artist I've put a link to the video that he does about how to write an Ed Sheeran song. And the thing about Steve is that he's got energy to spare. So it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, no disrespect Steve, but it's a very strong flavor what he does and it's sort of superficially incredibly childish and inane and I'd go so far as to say annoying but he does it with tremendous

skill and when it comes to actually analyzing what makes certain artists tick. He's very insightful, and he's also extremely talented as a musician, so when he puts together his version of an Ed Sheeran song, kind of folk-pop or acoustic-pop song, it's really very plausible. But yeah, Steve Teraberry makes Weird Al Yankovic look incredibly chill and then the other links in the description are to do with the klf because last week i was talking to john higgs

the writer we talked about the klf and although i did put a link in the description i didn't actually say in the outro that there's a documentary about the KLF that came out fairly recently. It was on TV last night, in fact, I think maybe on Sky Arts. And it's called Who Killed the KLF? And it's really pretty good if you'd like to find out more about their career and what made them tick the burning of the million quid machine gunning the audience at the brit awards all the antics of bill drummond and jimmy cortey using lots of previously unheard audio interviews with both Drummond and Corti. I'll put a link to the trailer in the description, but you can rent it on YouTube, I think. Anyway, it's good. But watching that documentary

led me into the world of Chris Atkins, who was the director of Who Killed the KLF? of Who Killed the KLF? And I looked up what he'd done before. He's made a few documentaries, but most recently he has published a book called A Bit of a Stretch, which was about his time in prison in the UK. He got involved with a dodgy accounting scheme in the course of trying to raise finances for one of his films

called Star Suckers, about the media's fixation with fame and celebrity. Anyway, because he got involved with this dodgy accountancy scheme, he was busted, got given a five-year prison sentence and was sent to wandsworth prison one of the uk prisons with the very worst reputation for drugs and substandard living conditions and inefficiency and take your pick it It sounds bad. It doesn't sound fun. And Chris writes all about this. He kept a diary,

but as well as being a riveting read about how he coped with the experience of going to prison and being separated from his wife and young son, the whole book is a plea for prison reform, but very entertainingly told. Very sad as well when it comes to the way that mental illness is treated in prison and the way that the conditions and the nature of incarceration in the legal system just make it very unlikely that people are going to get anything positive out of the experience or be any less likely to re-offend. I think it was quite a big hit, this book, when it came out a couple of years back. I'm listening to the audiobook, which Chris reads himself.

He's quite sort of indomitable and upbeat, way more than I would be in that kind of situation I think but I recommend it it's a good interesting listen a bit of a stretch by Chris Atkins oh and finally finally don't forget to check out my YouTube channel there's a link in the description but you can get there easily from my website and have a look at my welcome video that I made with Rosie earlier this year. A few people commenting, wow he's really wrapped up considering it's mid-summer. Well that's just the nature of time. I actually made the video in January this year thinking that everything was going to be sorted with my YouTube channel by the time I started putting out new episodes. But, well, you know me. Things don't always move as smoothly

as that. But have a look and see. I think they've started putting out, when I say they, it is a company called Little Dot who are helping me with the YouTube channel and regularly uploading short clips with various guests, as well as some full episodes from the archives on my YouTube channel. And they will just keep on flopping out every few days. And eventually I'll get round to putting up some new little videos and bits and pieces as well. Maybe some more stuff with Rosie.

Okay, that's enough. Thank you very much indeed, once again, to Tash Dimitriou. Thanks to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for his work on this episode and general production support. Thank you, Seamus. Thanks to ACAST for their continued hard work and support with the podcast.

Thanks very much to you for coming back and listening. Hope you enjoyed it. Hope you can make it to one of those bug shows in the next few weeks. It would be very nice to see you. I'm going to propose a hug if you think that kind of thing is embarrassingly cheesy or lowbrow or just inappropriate. Then bye

and see you next time. But for the rest of you, come here. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Till next time, be careful, take it easy out there i love you bye Bye. Thank you. you