THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.34 - ADAM & JOE

Episode Date: December 25, 2016

(Mainly) festive waffles from Adam & Joe including a few bits from their recent 20th anniversary live show at the BFI Southbank. Watch the jingle videos at adam-buxton.co.uk Thanks to Seamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support. Happy Christmas and all the best for 2017! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening. I took my microphone and found some human folk. Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke. My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man. I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey, how you doing, podcats? A merry, seasonable area to you. Welcome to this year's festive podcast, featuring various Adam and Joe related bits and pieces,

which I, Adam Buxton, have bundled up for you in a Christmassy pod sack. You're welcome! It's Christmas Eve as I speak. I'm in a field, trudging after my dog dog, Rosie. She's up ahead, bothering elves and fairies. And this is the first time I've been outdoors for a few days. You may be able to hear that I have a bit of a cold situation ongoing. I think like a lot of people, it's quite an unusual and tenacious strain, characterized mainly by a very persistent tickly cough,

which has been driving me crazy. And it's one of those things where you cough... Whoa, it's David Blowey. You cough so much, and then you think, oh, maybe I'll never stop coughing. And then you start to get faint. You have to hold on to something. And also, it feels as if you're getting a workout. You know, the stomach muscles are really working.

So you may have had a really bad cold for a couple of weeks but by the end of it you think well i'm probably going to look like peter andre or joel domit with a six-pack there from coughing i don't know if that's how it works anyway the other thing of course uh that's been happening in my world over the last few weeks is getting ready for the show I did with Joe on the 15th of December at the BFI, celebrating 20 years since we did our first TV show, or rather since our first TV show,

The Adam and Joe Show, was broadcast on Channel 4 in December 1996. Lovely audience. We had a good time. And I hope we're going to do another similar show at some point in a larger venue so more people can come along next time. It was a bit of an experiment. But I already had a cold when we did that show.

And as soon as it was over, I think it was a case of my body thinking that it had spotted a nice little window in the diary for a bout of illness, and I was properly plunged into the arena of the unwell thereafter. But luckily, I'm a trooper, so I didn't let you down podcast-wise. I'm not a trooper. I didn't let you down podcast-wise. I'm not a trooper. I don't like being ill.

And it's one of the very, very few things I'm not really very good at. And not only did I get ill, let me tell you, everyone in our family got ill. Except Rosie, she's been all right. She felt a bit weird one day, but she just ate some grass and puked it up, and now she's fine. So anyway, it's been a challenging few weeks, but hey, that's Christmas. So this podcast, what can you expect, listeners? Well, there's a few live nuggets from the 20th anniversary Adam and Joe live show, some related to the Adam and Joe TV show, some not, some sort of general in nature. Towards the end of the podcast, there's a few appearances, old and new, from the Queen of Lara Lara. It's going to be confusing for people who have never listened to the

Six Music Show before. You'll be all and uh and there's some other bits of waffle recorded the day after the live show at the bfi when i went into joe's office at big talk productions in london where he's working currently and uh there we exchanged a couple of shameful meltdown stories. I told Joe about how doing silly accents can get you in trouble. Joe read out a few eggcorns that people had submitted on my blog. Thanks very much, by the way, to everyone who submitted stuff for the live show. I'll be doing some shout-outs at the end of the podcast.

And Joe also shared a few film recommendations from 2016 uh so there's hopefully more than enough to keep you entertained for the next hour and a bit while you're peeling brussel sprouts uh digesting mince pies taking a break in your nutty room as you decompress from a particularly cataclysmic Christmasy set to with a member of your family. Whatever you're doing, thanks for choosing to do it in my company and Joe's company. So, oh, I should do a language warning, I guess. Well, it's Christmas, isn't it? So most of the language bombs, the really dangerous ones, have been defused. But there may still be the odd squib. So tread carefully.

But for now, let's join Joe and myself talking about TV, going through Joe's favorite channels by number. Well, you know, we had to warm up, didn't we? Here we go! Ramble Chat, a Christmas ramble chat. We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that. Come on, let's chew the fat and have a ramble chat. Put on your fluffy winter coat and find your Santa hat.

Yes, yes, yes. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho Christmas comes very fast, doesn't it? And before you know it, it's over. So you've really got to enjoy the build-up, don't you think? The anticipation. Absolutely. Well, it's like life, isn't it? Yeah, you've got to wallow in the build-up. Because the actual moment is very transient.

So you're not the kind of person that gets annoyed when the Christmas lights go up very early and the ads start coming on TV? Yeah, no, I do get annoyed about that. Oh, do you? Yeah. But I don't tend to watch much TV anymore. I'm very modern. Are you?

Yeah, that's the thing to say these days, isn't it? Oh, I don't watch TV. Oh, I don't watch TV. Yeah, that's every, like, if you're modern, that's what you say. Yeah, but then you just watch loads of stuff on the internet. No, I tend to switch over when the commercials come on if I'm watching telly. Right. So I just avoid the commercials entirely.

So wait, are you watching TV or are you not watching TV? I am, but I'm very specific on what channels I watch. Oh. Okay? So I go one, two, four. Yeah. Genuinely. Yeah.

Then I go 15. This is on Freeview. 15, what's on 15?. Yeah. Genuinely. Yeah. Then I go 15. This is on Freeview. 15. What's on 15? Film four. Film four. 32, which I think might be movies for men. What?

Stories about testicular cancer? No. Just movies. Old MGM movies. It's like 80s movies. Movie mix. It's called movie mix. It's just got all good old, good 80s movies.

Mm-hmm. So I go one, two,c4 then i go uh then i go 15 then i go 32 then i go 70 the horror channel seriously then i go 81 talking pictures tv right what's on talking pictures tv it's old movies really good interesting old movies non-stop around the clock so it's not nerds talking about films? No, no. They do an hour of cruise ships between about five and six, but otherwise it's really good old films.

What's an hour of cruise ships? They sell. They do an hour of selling you cruises because it's for the elderly. Oh, I see. It's mainly for the elderly, but they do show amazing old black and white movies. It's not films set on cruise ships. No, but they do have those as well. Yeah, yeah. The Captain's Table. Right. That that sort of thing it's very hip channel 81 at the

moment is it yeah mark gators tweets about it a lot right uh but genuinely channel 81 is usually my first port of call but there you go that's the tv i watch and when the commercials come you can usually jump from 81 back up to 32 yeah if 32's got commercials hop up to 15 there are times though when it's just a big commercial valley align yeah and you can't get out of it at the top of the hour well then you go to 102 for bbc2 or 101 for bbc1hd did you watch the thing about disney the two-parter i did not know was that good it was pretty solid was it yeah what was its angle on disney oh it was very good. It was pretty solid. Was it? Yeah, it was interesting. What was its angle on Disney? Oh, it was very balanced.

They had a lot of different cultural commentators putting his work in context. It was just an overall history. Yeah. I didn't see the whole thing, so I may have missed a little bit where they deal with some of his more unsavoury political associations. But I think they did deal with that. Did they? And they also, I mean, it was just a fascinating story of someone who was so ahead of his time. Fathkenarting. What? Fathkenarting. That's how you say fascinating. Fathkenarting. It was absolutely Fathkenarting. You've got a

terrible cough at his blotters.ters I know now I can't laugh anymore all I do is cough if I find something amusing I start coughing you're going you're full tramps formation the final tramps formation

it's like the fly but it's the tramp the tramps former the tramps former jingles Christmas jingles where's the bells for the jingles? Who need the jingle bells?

So look, before we go any further, while you're adjusting to how old we look, let's have a little chat about something related to the Adam and Joe show, specifically the Adam and Joe show theme, which begins with a piece of music by this man, Shuby Taylor, also known as the Human Horn. And this is the piece of music we use. Blacks, let's not forget where we came from.

Let's learn to love and respect each other. This is the bit we didn't use in the show. Shuby Taylor. Shoo-soo-soo-wah, shree-dah, shrah-la-la-wee, wee-doo-sah, shrah-la-la-ha. So Shuby was a man who loved to scat, but he was not really a professional scat singer. He was somewhat deluded. He was not unlike a kind of Florence Foster Jenkins figure.

Right. And he created a whole lexicon of scatting, this insane scatting and he recorded an album a lot like florence foster Foster Jenkins. There's a film about Florence Foster Jenkins out at the moment. And she was a socialite in New York who was very wealthy, but she was a patron of the arts. This is a good bit. Sorry, thanks.

It's all good, to be honest. It's just one of my favourite bits. And so she was a kind of outsider musician, Florence Foster Jenkins, in the same way that Shuby was. And she did a sort of vanity musician, Florence Foster Jenkins, in the same way that Shuby was, and she did a sort of vanity project, recorded her own record, which became a hit, was passed around at parties, and everyone was like, oh, have you heard this?

And people thought it was funny, but Florence Foster Jenkins herself was entirely serious about what she was doing, in the same way that Shuby was, even though Shuby was aware that people thought he was a little bit ridiculous. Was he a sort of drifter, a hob a hobo no he was never a drifter he was a postal worker in new york but he was by no means rich you know he always lived on the bread line never made any money out of his scat singing and um before we did the adam and joe, Louis Theroux passed us a tape. Who?

He does, he's a bit like Michael Moore. Right. He's sort of like the working man's John Ronson. Exactly. Yes. He's like the poor man's John Ronson. That's what I meant. Working man?

I don't like the sound of him. He's like the lazy poor man's John Ronson. Yes. He's only got two weapons in his armory and they are saying, meaning. And what's the other one? Just silence, intimidating silence. That's right, staring. Slagging off Louis is going down very well.

Strange. We can do more of that later on. But Louis, who, you know, spiritually is linked to the Adam and Joe show in lots of ways because he gave us

lots of ideas for bits and pieces. And one of the things he passed us was this tape of Shuby. And so we included a little bit in the show just at the very beginning there

of the Adam and Joe theme. Here's a little bit of Shuby Taylor on Live at the Apollo. This is the only TV appearance he ever made. It's only very short. Looks like little bit of Shuby Taylor on Live at the Apollo. This is the only TV appearance he ever made. It's only very short. Looks like Bruno Mars to me. Shuby Taylor! How you doing, Shuby?

Fine, fine, fine. You know, they call me the human frog, but I understand they call you the human horn yes that's correct because that's what I do I blow me well that's great and just keep it to yourself now going out there So the audience start booing very quickly. They don't like him at all. They don't think he's funny.

They just think he's useless. Flavor Flav. Yeah, so you get that Flavor Flav character at the Apollo who comes and yanks people off, as it were. And so that was Shuby who was crushed after that appearance because he loved what he did. He had a sense of humor about it, but he wanted to be taken seriously to some degree what i'm building up to is the fact that our friend garth jennings because he used to watch the adam and joe show um got into shooby taylor and he used that track in his film sing which is coming out this big

blockbusting um animation that so that means some royalties for Shuby. For Shuby's son, Shuby Jr. Shuby's son will be receiving a cheque. But that's because of us. I'm saying... What you're saying is because if we... No, this is really moving, so I don't know why you're laughing. If we hadn't done what we'd done,

Garth wouldn't have done what he'd done, and then that wouldn't have done what that done, and then someone would have died. You put it more movingly than I ever could. That's very moving. I mean, you could say that the story began with Louis, but I don't want to... No.

No. Who says Shuby doesn't believe? There we go. That was a bit from our live show, as you probably figured out. And we thought it would be nice to start by paying tribute to Shuby there in a slightly self-serving fashion. The other people who should have got a mention, however, were Doug Stone, a filmmaker from New York,

who I think was responsible for turning Louis onto Shuby in the first place, before Louis then passed that tape on to me, and Erwin Chusid, who has championed Shuby and other outsider musicians for years. His book, Songs in the Key of Zed, features a terrific series of profiles of Shuby, The Shags, Daniel Johnston, Harry Parch, Florence Foster Jenkins and many other musical heroes of the left field. I recommend it. Erwin Chusid, Songs in the Key of Z. But now it's back to Joe's office for some attempted gift giving. Here we go. But listen, I did email you last night and I said, is there anything else you'd like me to prepare?

Yeah. And you didn't mention, and I'm not saying this in an accusatory way, but you didn't say, oh, bring some prezzies. Did I not? Because I would have if you'd said it. Don't worry. So I am going to give you some Prezis. Oh.

But they're just going to be things around the office. Oh, that's good. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So shall I start by giving you a Prezi? Sure.

Okay, here we go. So here's your Prezi. It's a new MacBook Pro. With a touch bar that's like a rainbow. But here's the twist. What's the twist? It's empty. Oh. There's no MacBook Pro. With a touch bar that's like a rainbow. But here's the twist. What's the twist? It's empty.

Oh. There's no MacBook Pro in it. Because you've got it. Because I've got it here. Yeah. But the thing about Macintosh packaging is it's so wonderful, isn't it? This is something I'm going to treasure forever. You could do an unboxing video.

And you haven't even left any of the instructions or the no it's empty or the power cable or anything in there it's just the box yeah with the white plastic not a very good present molding inside i've had worse i think you might end up cutting this bit out it just feels a little bit hollow it is literally hollow how is the new macbook pro it's very problematic. Is it? Why? It's got shit battery life. Oh.

It's got no... You have to have this external dongle. They're not even mini display. They're new. It's got no USBs. Why do you get it? Because I'm an idiot. Right. And that's one of the reasons I wanted to give you the gift of the box.

Thanks. To warn the listeners not to buy the new Apple MacBook Pro. Yeah. And the battery life, it says up to 10 hours. Yeah. It does six and a quarter. That's okay. In the old days, they used to say up to eight hours,

and actually, realistically, it was two. Do you think that's good enough? Yeah. Because I called the Apple helpline. Oh. And I got quite shirty with the man. Did you? I said, look, it says up to 10 hours,

and it's only giving me six and a quarter. And he said, well, it's an estimate. It's an estimate because it depends on... And then he said it says up to. And I said, well, that means it could give me two minutes. Does that mean it could give me two minutes of battery life? I mean, that's up to 10 hours. What if it gave me a second?

That's up to 10 hours. Is this what you said to him on the phone? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe not that. I didn't go down to a second, but it was to that effect. Yeah. And he got really angry with me.

Did he? He did, yeah. He's supposed to be absolutely... He said, look, I've told you three times. Seriously. So I just put the phone down. I might have said a sweary word to him and slammed the phone down. It was not a healthy conversation between two

human beings i'm sure if we met and just had a talk about other things we'd be very friendly but there were many difficult psychological barriers between us the fact that i'd spent all this money on this computer right the language that i'd been that had been used to sell it to me the language that had been used to sell it to me, the language he was using, the fact that he was working in an Apple call centre. Did the sweary word from you come right at the end? Oh, right at the end. Yeah. Yeah.

And I have to say, I haven't done that for years. I was going to say, I don't associate you with that sort of technique. No, I really haven't. I'm the king of that behavior. Have you done that recently? I'm not proud of it. No, I really haven't. But I'm the king of that. Have you done that recently? I'm not proud of it. I'm ashamed. I haven't done it on the phone.

Weirdly enough, I did it IRL, face to face. No, that's daring. I really have to stress that I'm not proud of it. Of course. It gave me about three or four hours of real self-loathing after I'd done it. I'm sure, yeah. I really felt for the guy.

I mean, it's not his fault. I know. Can you imagine the amount of morons he's got to deal with? He was not... I have to say, his manner wasn't brilliant. Well, this is the thing. I've told you three times now. Yeah, he shouldn't be saying that.

He should be keeping... I felt scolded. Sometimes they're like that at the Apple store. They get a little bit too real. It wasn't at the store. It was at one of the telephone help centre line areas. I mean, that's got to be a horrible job. But having said that, don't do the job, I think,

if you aren't prepared to deal with absolute morons. Like me. Like Jacob. And do it with a smile on your face. Another professional group that have to deal with a lot of wallies, a lot. Hang on, who did you swear at? Well, there are people who work in train stations. Yeah.

Because you've got a lot of stressed out people coming through those places. Everyone is in a state of high anxiety, rushing for a train, getting angry when their train gets cancelled, feeling badly treated by the train companies, etc. You want to vent some steam. You want to vent some steam. If the trains were still steam-powered, you could literally just stuff them full of venting commuters.

Maybe that's the secret plan. Yeah. Just shove a lot of angry... That's right. Power it by commuter fuel. They tell you it's all run on electricity. It's not. It's run on frustration.

It's still steam. Fury. Yeah. So what happened with me was this was about, this must have been about September this year, 2016, and I went to Euston Station. I was getting a train up north to Manchester. The Northern powerhouse.

Yeah. And I went to, I just said, yeah. And I moved. Yeah. I was on my bike, right.

I'm on my Brompton pink foldy bike. And usually what I would do when I'm going to retrieve my ticket from the ticket machine, put my code in, et cetera, is I wheel my bike over with me because I'm mindful of the fact that, you know, you're always encouraged to keep your belongings with you at all times in those places. I can understand why. So I want to oblige. So I go over, but it's really busy this morning and it's about nine 30 in the morning and all the machines are occupied.

And so there's not enough room for me to lean my bike up against the machine. You see what I'm saying? So I think, OK, I don't want to get in anyone else's way. I'll lean it up against something right near the machine. So I see this big display about, you know, three feet away from the ticket collection machine. Lean it up against there. Move over. And I'm retrieving my ticket.

And it's just printing out. against there. Move over and I'm retrieving my ticket and it's just printing out when suddenly this voice in my left ear just says is that your bike? Like that. Instant, you know, instant sort of aggro

telling off voice. Put your heckles up. Yeah. And my heckles go right up. All the way up. Boing. The heckles. The buckles, huckles. Now is it heckles or hackles? My heckles are up. You keep talking, I'll find out. I think it might be hackles. The buckles hackles. Now, is it heckles or hackles? It's heckles. My heckles are up. You keep talking, I'll find out.

I think it might be hackles. Anyway, so either my heckles or my hackles are up. Both of them are up. You're right, it's hackles. Right. My dander is up. My buckles hackles. And I look over and it's a bloke.

He's got to be late 40s, smartly dressed in a uniform, rail uniform. He's a concourse security guy. And his name is, I won't say his name, but he's an Italian gentleman, right? And he's saying, is that your bike? I said, yeah. Don't leave your bike unattended. I was like, oh, well, it's not unattended.ended i'm right here i'm just getting my ticket you don't leave your bike unattended i was like why are you talking to me like that i say and he's like because you have been told uh you should know not to leave your bike unattended it is very dangerous like don't be ridiculous i'm right here i'm getting my ticket and so i'm immediately just enraged. Like, why is it the default position of this guy to talk to me like a little child miscreant?

You know, rather than what's wrong with, excuse me, sir, is that your bike over there? Just, you know, just to say, please don't leave it unattended. You know, what about that? What would be wrong with that? Instead of instant tell-offs. And so that's what I wanted to communicate to this guy. But because the hackles were so high and the dander was up, I couldn't articulate it properly. And I immediately just got furious and frustrated. And so you go to a place that you shouldn't go to, which is being a dick.

And so I'm like, well, I'm going to teach you a lesson by being a dick myself. And the way I'm going to do that is to say to you, like, what is the point of your job anyway? And he's like, the point of my job is to keep people safe. And that is what I am trying to do by saying, I'm like, all you're doing is making life worse because you are not serving a practical purpose

by telling me off for leaving my bike just there where i can see it no one's going to come over and stuff a bomb in it at which point they they came scuttling along popped a pipe up your bum on another in your mouth attach the other end to the steam engine the 342 is now ready to depart powered by bucky lee's fury bucky lee's dickish indignation and i'm glad. Buckley's dickish indignation. And I'm glad to say that his dickish indignation is so powerful that you will arrive at your destination half an hour early today because of the sheer power of his spleen venting.

So what is the right way to handle that? Well, the right way to handle it would have been just to say, yes, sorry, I'll get my bike. Yeah, you're right. And the best way for me to handle my apple thing would have been to say uh well this is really annoying but it's not your fault and but it was like bye bye i couldn't i couldn't deal with it and i was feeling a bit beaten up you know i'd had a late night yes and it was a perfect storm of badness and yes i just

felt probably the same for him you were probably both carrying a lot of baggage right so you should take q-tips advice and just breathe and stop breathe and stop yeah and give it what you got of course you should and i'm getting better at it yes i very seldom have these kind of conversations yeah take a deep breath but here's the thing as i was admonishing with him if that's the right phrase and i was because i was trying to get my point across like Like, I know your job is difficult. I know you have to deal with a lot of wallies. But the way to do it is not to treat people like they're all dicks because then everyone is more antagonistic with each other. And it just really makes the world. Did it end happily?

No, no. Because as I was saying this, as I was telling the guy off, I was like, you know, you're not making the world a better place. I was being a, as I was telling the guy off, I was like, you know, you're not making the world a better place. I was being a prick. Right. And as I was saying all this stuff and he was being a prick right back at me. Let me tell you, there was no question of him being. He was like, well, you are behaving like a moron, too. You know, there was no question of him being.

Oh, my God. Sort of professional about it. You see, in my thing, I could slam the phone down and bring it to an end. There's no slamming a phone down IRL. No. And then check this out. This woman suddenly is in our vector. A woman?

Smartly dressed woman. And she was saying to him, just ignore him. Just ignore him. Yes. You're trying to do your job. Just ignore him. She Italian as well. She was Euro somewhere. She was siding with him. She job. Just ignore him. She Italian as well. She was Euro somewhere.

She was siding with him. She was siding with him. And with me right in front, sort of saying, ignore him. This guy's just an idiot. It was the implication, right? It was a living nightmare because I thought, well, clearly I am an idiot. I am a moron. I've lost control.

Everything about this situation is bad. And so I just, I walked off, right? Get my train. I've only got five minutes to get my train. I go there., I walked off, right? Get my train. I've only got five minutes to get my train. I go there, I'm shaking with rage. Shaking with rage. And indignation and injustice. Injustice.

Injustice. And then Oliver Stone comes over and says, hey, let's do a movie. Let's do a movie about this. Let's do a really bad movie about this. Let's do a movie. It's the greatest injustice since my movie Salvador. Well, I wish he had come because it might have stopped me going back.

No, you nutcase. I'm doing what? One more round. No. This doesn't feel very Christmassy. No. This story. That's the equivalent of me calling back the Apple Centre.

It is. It is the equivalent Could I speak to the man that I just told to F off, please? Because I've got a little more up my barrel What I was thinking of doing, right, this is why I went back I thought, I've got to do two things I've got to apologise Yes

Because I felt bad about how I behaved But I've also got to try and make him understand why I got so angry. Yes. So you can make the, so this doesn't happen to anybody else. So the world is a better place. So the world is a better place. Yes.

Yes. That's why you set up the Adam Buxton public confrontation charity. And this is what makes it so Christmassy. So that other people don't have to have public confrontations like that. And this is why this story is so Christmassy. It's an army of little hairy men on pink Bromptons who cycle around London. And whenever they see altercations like that. And this is why this story is so Christmasy. It's an army of little hairy men on pink Bromptons who cycle around London and whenever they see altercations,

they pop up. Yeah. And they have little hats on, little Santa hats. And they add a little pinch of scents and resin dust. A soothing herbal lozenger. So I see the guy and I go up and I say, excuse me, I just wanted to explain that the

reason we just had that unpleasant altercation you sound very under control i wasn't my voice excuse me i just wanted to say the reason we had that unpleasant altercation there was because and before i could even finish my sentence, he was right back in my face. And he goes, was because you were behaving like a total moron. Yes, wow. And it all just exploded again. But this time I realized there was no question of there being any happy resolution.

Crinkle crisps. So I just walked away, got my train. But I was physically in mourning do you know how you sometimes you get that rush of adrenaline yes and when it's combined with regret and then you crash you crash you have a crash i sat there with my head in my hands on the train for a while for like an hour cbt just thinking it's what you need yeah but a cognitive cognitive behavioral therapy get it come, let's have some. Come on.

Are you going to get me that for Christmas? Yeah. Separate thoughts from emotions. It was terrible. I felt so awful. And then, this is the final part of the story. Yeah. Then I spent about half a day composing a letter to the guy.

Oh my God. Because I wanted to say. Weirdly, I've been thinking of writing a letter to Apple guy. Oh, my God. Because I wanted to say... Weirdly, I've been thinking of writing a letter to Apple. Have you? Yeah. Yeah, but it's never going to be real. But there is a little bit of my idiot brain that has been composing that letter. A psychologist would probably easily be able to identify

all the bad things that are compelling me to do these things. You know, sort of vain arrogance, a desire to control everything. But I genuinely felt like I wanted to say sorry to the guy. But I did want him to understand where I was coming from, at least, you know, to say, like, come on, it does matter the way you talk to people and the way you treat people. And it makes a difference to how they feel. I understand you've got a difficult job. But then in a a way that's what he could be saying to you uh-huh well listen i write the letter takes me a while yes and then i get my wife to read it read it my wife will you read the letter i just wrote to the man with you tell me this whole story an altercation yeah yeah what did

she say she read the letter just ripped it up put it in the bin she said don't send that letter yeah it's a good that's a good technique is to write the letter and then just not send it yeah delete it delete it or at least sleep on it and then realize um she said don't send that letter you know you don't know anything about his life he's got a difficult job yeah you behave like a prick and that's pretty much all there is to it she's a sensible lady Yeah. You behave like a prick, and that's pretty much all there is to it. She's a sensible lady. Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho Oh, mate. Just enjoying a little coffee there. Now, as I said before, we got lots of messages sent in via my blog for the live show, many of which we read out that night.

But here's a few egg corns that we got round to the next day in Joe's office. You know about egg corns, right? That's the name given to a mangled phrase or word that often has its own internal logic in its wrongness. I had a jingle for this in the Christmas podcast last year, but it wasn't very good. So I thought that it would be a nice opportunity to use something that was recorded specially by Black Squadron member Ellen Ray, who did this lovely version of Joe's Retro Textination theme. So you just have to imagine that retro textination this week was on the subject of egg corns and it'll all be fine. Here's the jingle. Thanks, Ellen.

I like to listen to Adam and Joe. I listen to the podcast, not the live show. I used to feel acute frustration when I couldn't join in with text the nation but now my troubles have disappeared because retro text the nation's here and now my letter might be read out instead of thrown in the trash and forgotten about Hit me with some of your best egg corns. Ross McMahon. An egg corn from my five-year-old daughter Molly. I recently asked her if she would like some crisps as a snack. Yes, please, Dad, came the answer. OK, what kind would you like, I asked.

Her answer, red and salted red and salted crisps you can get red crisps can't you like like uh vegetable chips vegetable chips yeah you can yeah would they be salted yes they would red and salted they are red and salted so next time she says that give us some beetroot chips throw some vegetable chips in her face in her face you could throw crisps quite hard into a five-year-old's face without causing much damage, could you? Could you? Yeah.

I mean, you want to watch for the eyes in case there's a shot. You shouldn't do that, should you? No. I've changed my mind just in the middle of thinking about it. Could you detect when the switch happened, when the safety brakes came on? When the fat controller slammed on the safety brakes? But were you running through a scenario sometimes

it's fun with an adult to throw something really like that will not hurt them at them for instance if you're opening a package and there's loads of polystyrene bits you could get a handful and really violently throw them at someone and it would be a way of getting out you're getting letting off your steam but it would be an entirely harmless exercise that's a very specific example though of something that would be entirely harmless polystyrene bits yeah but also pretty much anything else i could throw a handful of crisps at you and it would be consequence free i mean that's such an offensive thing to do isn't it really yeah the mess and no but it would be fun and the contempt but it would be fun i'd be doing it with a big grin on my face to And then if you did it to a child.

Oh, no, it's fine. It's fine. It's absolutely fine. You said it in the first place anyway. You rewind this. You were the one who said it. I was just merely making you feel better about being a psychopath. We're not seriously suggesting that it would be a good idea to throw crisps in a child's face.

That was a good egg con though from Ross McMahon. That was great. Wasn't it? How are you pronouncing his surname? McMahon. Yeah, there you go. I probably said, actually, McMahon. You said McMahon.

McMahon. McMahon. I like to pronounce all the letters. Otherwise, what's the point in having them? I agree. This is from Michael Carter. He says, When things get too noisy in our house,

my four-year-old boy will ask for a piece of quiet. And then he continues, you didn't ask his name, but his name is Sam, Sammy, Sammy, Sausage, Sammy, Sausage, Sandwich, Sammy, Sausage, Sandwich, City. Good day to you. Good day to you. And he gives a little kiss at the end. That's good.

I had that one as well. A piece of quiet. Give us a piece of quiet. A piece of quiet. Just give me a piece of quiet. Just one piece of quiet. I don't want all the quiet. That's good. I had that one as well. A piece of quiet. Give us a piece of quiet. A piece of quiet. Just give me a piece of quiet. Just want a piece of quiet. I don't want all the quiet. That was delicious.

Thank you. Thanks very much. Can I have a little piece of quiet? You could throw that in his face. Come and slice a quiet and shove it right in his face. Rub it in his face. You don't rub it.

No. No, just throw it. Throw it. Love it. There's nothing there. It bounces right off him. That's a good one, Michael Carter. And that was a very good one.

Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, Sausage, Sammy, Sausage, Sandwich, Sammy, Sausage, Sandwich, Sissy. This is from Luke Fowler. He says, Hi Adam and Joe, I have a very quick egg corn to reveal that much to my dismay I never heard first hand and only knew about after being told by two long time friends who I met a bit further down the line in secondary school.

One of the friends went through quite a large portion of his childhood mispronouncing the term cat amongst the pigeons as cat monkey pigeon i now also replace cat amongst the pigeons with cat monkey pigeon whenever the opportunity arises and it still makes me laugh thanks merry christmas let's put the cat monkey pigeon that doesn't even work does it now i don't think you you wouldn't do the build-ups if that if you're in that situation where someone had put the cat amongst you can't just say cat cat amongst the pigeons cat monkey pigeon cat monkey pigeon cat monkey pigeon cat monkey pigeons that's a good one luke fayre thank for that. That's now in my lexicon. Have you got one? Yeah, here's one from Prue from Oz Squadron.

Oh, mate. Now, Prue, the question is, am I going to read your message out in an offensive Australian accent? What do you think the answer is? Yes. Let's see if you're right. Dear Count Buckley's and Dr. Sexy, according to my mother-in-law,

my father-in-law's prostrate is in good health since the radiotherapy. That's a common one. People going for prostrate. Yeah, I do that. I did that the other day. And do you know what the definition of prostrate is if you're lying prostrate? Yes, to like be supine. I think supine is the opposite of prostrate.

Oh my God. I think if you're supine, you're on your back. If you're prostrate, you're on your back. If you're prostrate, you're on your front. Supine, a person lying face upwards, failing to act or protest a result of moral weakness or indolence. There you go. Whereas what is the other one? Prostrate,

you're either on your hands and knees or you're face down. I actually still don't know how to spell either of those words. So I can't even look them up. So I'll just agree. Pro. Yep. St strata don't want to know i saw someone with a t-shirt in the street the other day uh in in barcelona this was and it was a young woman walking down the street with a t-shirt that said don't know don't care that's a good attitude what the shit is going on there she's just a really thick woman but she didn't look it.

She looked like a perfectly normal, intelligent person. Don't know, don't care. Don't know, don't care. It's good attitude, good attitude, good attitude. What? Here's another one. Do you want another one? Yeah.

This is from James Bamkin. Bamkin? Bamkin, I think. Bamkin. No, Bamkin. Unless I've typed it in wrong, I'm going to select all and enlarge to 200%. And it's Bamkin

B-A-M-K-I-N he says and now I'm going to have to select all and reduce again to 125 he says this may well be a common egg corn but my colleague Gemma calls post-it notes post-ics which is a significant improvement and avoids copyright infringement

when using generic brand sticky notes post-ics could you pass me a post-ic please P-O-S-T-I-C-K-S a post-ic Which is a significant improvement and avoids copyright infringement when using generic brands. Dicky notes. Postix. Postix. Could you pass me a Postix, please? P-O-S-T-I-C-K-S. Postix. A Postix.

A Postix. They have a Postix. That's perfect, Ed Korn, because it's got an internal logic to it. It's like... I would even think of launching a rival brand. Right. Of Postix called Postix. It's better than Postix. It's better than Postix.

It's more memorable. A Postix. It sounds like Poo-stix. You could get the A.A. Milne people to allow you to license a state to license Winnie the Pooh sticks. Postics. And then there could be an advert where Winnie the Pooh's throwing paper into a stream. People would love that. He would be throwing little notes into the stream.

Little notes into the stream. Then it would end with a picture of the stream all bunged up with postics and dead fish. And then it would be Winnie the Pooh being arrested by the Environmental Protection Agency. Yes, by the National Trust. Yeah. But then the Environmental Protection Agency using post-its to remember certain details about his arrest. We thought it all through. We thought it all the way through.

Thanks very much, James Bankin. Aaron Davey says, One time we were playing Super Strongbow versus Special Brew Football for a friend's birthday. I assume that's the empty plastic bottles, like a can versus a Strongbow bottle, maybe. Or maybe one team is absolutely hammered on one and the other team is staggering around on the other. That's true. I would have thought the Strongbow would lose. Don't you think? Yeah.

Cider versus Special. Both pretty strong. One time we were playing Super Strongbow versus Special Brew Football for a friend's birthday and my friend Emma said, put a willy in it instead of put some welly in it. We had a good laugh when she didn't get what was funny and had always thought that was what it was. Come on, put a willy in it. Come on, mate.

Put a bit of willy in it. It's not something you want to go around saying, really. It could get you in a difficult situation yeah that or a suddenly pleasurable situation is not cool that is not cool hey hey come along smh anna bowen my friend recently emailed his boss describing how a work-related scenario had the potential to escalate into a bum fight his boss replied to say that while he was intrigued by the prospect of a bum fight he was pretty sure he meant bun fight. Undeterred by this polite correction, my boyfriend shot back that he was confident that the expression is bum fight.

Because I've been saying it my whole life. A bum fight. Sure. How would a bum fight work? Well, you just slam your naked buttocks into someone else's naked buttocks. And you can't use hands. No, no, no. It's just purely a bum-based fight.

And the winning move would be to knock the other person over and sit on their face. Oh, mate. Maybe you'd have trousers on for that. Because obviously there's a lot of potential for the bum fight to get sexy, depending on who you're fighting. Not really. What? Your backs are to one another.

Yeah, but come on. What would you end up doing? Come on, you're rubbing your naked bottom against someone else's. Oh, well, no, I had the jeans back on because of the face sitting. Maybe you have to put the jeans on if it comes to face sitting. No, but then how could you possibly make, you know, make your final move be part, because I'm thinking that's the... Oh!

Oh, it sat right on him. He's not getting up from that one. Wriggling around. You know, a big side swipe with the mass hey i think i think you do have to have trousers jungle groove do you like the jungle yes of course Watch out for the Tim Pines. T-H-E-A-D-A-M M-C-H-A-O-E E-O-D-C-A-S-T

That's the podcast groove, baby. House groove. Do you like it in the house? No. Then maybe you shouldn't be living here! I have this theory, right, that if you're a certain level of famous, you have a catchphrase.

But if you're sort of sewn into level of famous you have a catchphrase but if you're sort of sewn into the culture you have a catch noise a non-verbal catch noise noise so does ken have a catch noise there you are that is a catch noise so i'm going to say some words to you and i want you to do the catch noise oh are you ready okay hannibal lecter noise oh are you ready okay hannibal lecter darth vader oh no peter sarafinowicz does it like this doesn't he he does it better than that tim allen marge simpson Marge Simpson. Tarzan.

Donald Duck. I don't know. What does he do? Beavis and or butthead. This is a good theory, right? This is good. Can I say I'm acing it as well, except for Donald Duck. I was nervous when I started,

but now I'm confident. Do more. I got one more. Pierce Brosnan. Ugh. Ugh. Yeah. That's him really trying to act powerfully.

Ugh. Ugh. And, of course, Bronholm's actual word catchphrase. But the word catchphrase is kind of in the lavy now after this year, don't you think? Post-Brexit. What? Someone suggested,

you should do a Bronholm T-shirt with maybe you shouldn't be living here on it. But then it was pointed out, quite rightly, that post-Brexit, going around with a T-shirt that says, maybe you shouldn't be living here... That's true. ..doesn't really align you with the... That's very true.

..most desirable set. I thought of that. He's so ahead of his time in every way, Bronheim. Carry on with the noises. I've only got two more. Eddie Murphy. Finally, the horse from War Horse. The horse from War Horse.

Yoda's a good one. That would be Yoda, right? That's like Tim Allen. Tim Allen. Well, they're all the same. There's only a certain range of noises. Basically, it all comes back to Tim Allen, doesn't it? It's true.

At the end of the day. It's true. I think we should end that segment on that note. That's a good segment, man. Thanks, man. That's it from me. That is strong. This year, why not spend Christmas with the unique voice of a generation?

Have yourself a merry little Christmas Bob Dylan brings you your favorite Christmas classics as you've never heard them before Frosty the Snowman, he's the frozen water guy He's got an icy heart and he cannot fart Cause the heat would make him die Bob Dylan, back to his brilliant best, says Mojo magazine. Could you lend us tenp for a cup of tea For the sake of old Lang's house

This is the first time these festive classics have been available on one album. Ding dong merrily all high, the Christmas bells are ringing. Ding dong merrily all high, something, something singing. Let Bob Dylan into your house this season, because Christmas without Bobbles just isn't Christmas. Joanna's got a shell suit. Bobbles, speaking of legends, coming up to Bowie's birthday and death day, of course. And I'm sure you can expect quite a few Xavier related bits and pieces taking place in various media in January. But I just wanted to flag a couple of big British castle offerings.

Mary Ann Hobbs will be doing a special Bowie show on Six Music that goes out on the morning of the 8th of January, which would have been Bowie's 70th birthday. And I think they may be repeating my Bowie radio ramble from 2013 on that day too, a two hour kind of personalized documentary that I did about Bowie. And the night before, on the 7th of January 2017, at 9 p.m. on BBC Two, you can see a documentary called David Bowie, The Last Five Years. It's directed by Francis Whatley, and he made the 2013 doc about David,

which was just called Five Years, and focused on five separate important years in Bowie's career. And that, for me, was just about the best thing I've seen about Bowie, certainly on TV. Brilliant archive, amazing interviews with Carlos Alomar and many of Bowie's key collaborators. So I'm really looking forward to this new one, the last five years. On the 7th of January, 9pm BBC Two. So there you go, that's Bowie. My dad, of course, passed away just five weeks before Bowie last year. And just a couple of months after that, I talked to comedian Cariad Lloyd for her podcast, which is called grief cast and she interviews

comedians only at the moment about their experiences of grief in various forms i know sarah pascoe's done another one and she's got several others there i think i was in the first one talking about losing my pa um and it's a mixture of you you know, it's not all miserable, I hope. But I tried to be as honest as I possibly could. And I talked to my brother and sister. They listened to the program before it went out. I didn't want to betray any confidences because I came out of the podcast feeling that I'd been very honest

and maybe a little too honest about how I felt. But I'm glad i did it and cariad's really a great person to have a conversation with and i i really recommend that grief cast but right now other recommendations from cornballs this time for films that you may have missed in 2016 may have missed in 2016. All night garage, all night garage, Christmas shopping at the all night garage, all night garage, all night garage, Christmas shopping at the all night garage. So Joe. Yeah. I thought it would be fun to hear some of your cultural highlights from the year.

Give us a few recommendations for the podcast because you're often into interesting stuff. Well, that's very kind of you to say. And yeah, I wrote a big list of stuff and I tried to, I was thinking that like this year was a bit shit. Well, that's very kind of you to say. And yeah, I wrote a big list of stuff and I tried to, I was thinking that like this year was a bit shit. Well, yeah. And that seems to be the popular opinion, isn't it? Because of so many famous people passing away and various difficult things happening in the world. But actually when I sat down to write a list of all the fun business, I realised it was actually quite wicked. Some good stuff. Some really good stuff. So I would, I'd rattle off some films, right?

Yeah, do it. And these are not like big Hollywood films. These are like films that are a bit out of the way. But I'd say Son of Saul by Laszlo Niemes. What's that all about? It's a concentration camp film, but it's really good. Son of Saul. Sing Street.

I loved Sing Street. I loved Sing Street. Yeah, it's very sort of straightforward and slight. Fantastic. John Carney. Yeah, absolutely feel good. Garth Jen sort of straightforward and slight. Fantastic. John Carney. Yeah, absolutely feel good. Garth Jennings recommended that to me. I think the happiest I've been in the cinema this year

was watching Sing Street. Especially if you're an 80s kid. Yeah. Or somebody who was a sort of bit of a theatre pons at school or a music pons at school. And a quick synopsis. It's a sort of love story. It's about a kid forming a band at school in the 80s.

In Ireland? Yeah, in Ireland. And watching Top of the Pops and basically copying all those new romantic bands. That's all you need to know. Going through all the different looks. And yeah, it's like a love letter to 80s pop of all different kinds.

Yes. Yeah, that was great. There's a movie called Little Men. Little Men, what's the one? Directed by Ira Sachs. Is it about... Set in New York. Is it about gnomes? It's not about gnomes. It's a movie called Little Men. Little Men, what's it called? Directed by Ira Sachs. Is it about... Set in New York. Is it about gnomes?

It's not about gnomes. It's not about gnomes, I'm sorry to say. It's very good. You just need to watch it. It's a little sensitive drama about two kids. Oh, I have heard about it. Yeah. Yeah.

And I really recommend it. I recommend Things to Come, directed by Mia Hansen-Love. Things to Come? Yeah. I've never even heard of that one. I know there's an old sci-fi movie called Things to Come but this is a French film

about the woman who teaches philosophy. That is a very offensive accent. It probably is. It is. But she's really good, Mia Hansen-Love. She made Eden,

which is an excellent film all about dance music. She also made a couple of other films. She's really good. I recommend everything Mia Hansen Love does, but Things to Come is excellent. Things to Come, what's it about, though?

It's about a woman that teaches philosophy in Paris. Oh, did you say that? Yes. I wasn't listening to the words you were saying. It's not a particularly compelling hook, but I'm not going to tell you much about these films. You just check them out. You can put them into the internet.

Right. See if they tickle your fancy. But they're really good. They're like, I don't know, something this year about uh films that are about like you know real things and proper people and things that people really feel human interaction yeah have been really hitting home with me yeah man i've been feeling a bit less compelled towards the big old pizzas explosions and special effects yeah i've felt that way for

quite a while yeah and i found it really cool and rewarding to actually watch films about real, relatable emotions. So you haven't seen Fantastic Beasts? I'm trying to do the accent. Your Eddie Redmayne accent. He kind of does a sort of special weird voice plus their Eddie Redmayne way of speaking on Fantastic Beasts. I think what you have to do to do the Eddie Redmayne accent is to stiffen your top lip

and then be quite posh. But that's classic. Stiffen the top lip is a Radcliffe move, isn't it? Harry Potter. And you have to kind of talk like this and you have to mumble quite a little bit as well. You're making it sound really good. Before we go back to your

left field cultural list, can I just ask you about the whole Fantastic Beasts? I have to say, I haven't seen Fantastic Beasts. I do want to see it. I mean to see it. Well, I watched it with my kinder. They enjoyed it greatly. However, my stupid linear logic brain makes it almost impossible for me to enjoy these things anymore.

Because, and I love magic, and I understand there's a certain amount of suspension of disbelief that needs to take place for you to enjoy yourself in these kinds of movies. However, when they were going into some big magic office block thing in this movie, right? There's loads of magic

things happening everywhere you look. It's exactly like Mr. Majorium's Wonder Emporium. It's exactly like Mr. Majorium's Wonder Emporium. Which is also in Mr. Majorium's Wonder Emporium. Which is also in New York. Is it? Yeah. Run by Dustin Hoffman.

Sure. And one of the things you see in this magical place plays. Big marble floors, right? And you see a couple of mops. Oh, cheeky, naughty mops. Unattended by humans or any other creature. Mopping themselves. Just like the Sorcerer's Apprentice. Just like the Sorcerer's Apprentice.

Exactly, like the Sorcerer's Apprentice. Magic mops. All right, if you can magic mops to mop up a large expanse of marble flooring, why can't you just magic the marble flooring clean? Because you still need the utensil. What? To do the mopping. No, you don't.

You just magic to mop a floor. No, no, no. You're animating something. You're bringing it to life. Yeah, but in this film... Animatatus mopinta, for instance, might be the spell. And you're bringing the mop to life. You're giving it sentience.

And then it does its job because it's a mop. And that's what its raison d'etre is. Right. You can't say to a floor, clean yourself. A floor's job is to provide solidity. Like if you animated a floor, all it would do is go, get off me.

Get off me. Stop standing on me. Or maybe because it's... Ouch. No, it would go, please walk on me. Oh, it feels nice to be stamped on. Sit with,

sit on me with your bottom. Oh, bottoms. That's what the floor says. if you'd actually you dropped some things i caught them for you no because it's got no hands i know but i caught it on my face it caught it on your face i've got a very wide big face i don't know what's on the other side like the moon i never thought the moon but no but unless you you see it's not like you're giving it if you gave it a mouth and eyes then it could it could lick itself clean but no one's giving shit mouth and eyes right no the mops don't have mouths and eyes they just they just become animated have i cleared this up for you a little bit however how do you deal with this that's good that's a good that's a very good

line of reasoning thanks very much but in other areas in the film, for example, buildings get destroyed and streets get absolutely trashed. Yes. Then they just magic them back together and all the bricks fly backwards. Yes. So what exactly is at stake in this world? Nothing.

I mean, everything is... No, everything is reparable. Yeah. There's some big sort of cloud of evil or something, someone told me, over the city or something. I'll tell you what they've got. They've got the plug-in of evil. It was written very fast.

They had a choice to do that or Ricky Gervais' Flannamalt. All right, man, take us back to your cultural highlights. OK, I'm rattling off films. Our Little Sister by Hideo Kurida. He's fantastic, Japanese filmmaker, really good. Our Little Sister, what have we got in there? You've got these... Monst monsters fighting each other in Tokyo. You've got these sisters who discover they've got another

sister and she comes to live with them and it's really good. Patterson, Jim Jarmusch. Did you watch that yet? No, not yet. Love that. I'm not usually the biggest Jim Jarmusch fan. Me neither, but this one's really good. Right. Yeah, it's a little puzzle box of a film. It's really good. And that's Adam

Driver, isn't it? That is Adam Driver, yeah. He's very talented, isn't he? Wolfen Sheep? Wolfen Sheep? Yeah, Wolfen Sheep. Is that a bloke? It's not the sequel to Wolfen. Franz Wolfen Sheep. Wolfen Sheep. It's a film about children goat herders in Afghanistan. And that doesn't sound good, does it? But it's

excellent. It doesn't sound action-packed. It's really good. Wolfen Sheep is directed by Shabanu Sadat. Uh-huh. And I highly recommend it. All these movies are on iTunes. And then in terms of American business, I quite enjoyed The Conjuring 2. Oh, right.

Quite enjoyed it. Set in Britain, based on the Enfield poltergeist. Ah, yeah. There's some quite good twizzly-twazzles in it. Right. Twisty-turny jump scares. Ah, yeah. There's some quite good Twizzly Twazzles in it. Right. Twisty Turny Jump Scares. Okay. Yeah. And also other American stuff I enjoyed this year was Hacksaw Ridge. I saw that. Oh boy. Mate. Loved it. I mean, we're big fans of Apocalypto, right? I think Apocalypto is terrific.

Yeah, me too. And Hacksaw Ridge, boy oh boys. And some people would blanket boycott that kind of thing because of Gibbons, right? Well, no, we all make mistakes. Look at me on the Apple helpline. Look at me on the Euston concourse. Look at Mel Gibbons in his car on the road. Spouting anti-Semitic nonsense. But Hacksaw Ridge, man, you know, it's quite sort of over the top and melodramatic. And it reminded me of like the first time I saw Platoon

or Brian De Palma's Casualty of War, like those really meaty 80s and early 90s war films that had massive, chunky moral quandaries at the centre and knew exactly what they were about and weren't afraid to just grab this ethical dilemma by the throat and slam you in the face with it for an hour. And the sequence on Hacksaw Ridge itself is relentless and brutal and excellent. It's very exciting.

I mean, it is like war porn at certain points. Yeah, but it's allowed to be because that's what it's about, isn't it? It's about it showing you in no uncertain terms what kind of business went on. Yeah, no, it's definitely, but that's the thing about Mel Gibbons in his new incarnation. He's not, it's like the character from Lethal Weapon was actually directing films. It's like he's taken that slight sort of...

Manic intensity. Manic intensity, exactly. And it's actually informing his films. And in something like Passion of the Christ, it was a bit unsettling. Because Passion of the Christ is quite an extreme weird, almost like The Exorcist in places, like properly done with such conviction and faith,

it's almost disturbing. And there's the same little seam of irrational, just crazy conviction in Hacksaw Ridge. But man, I loved it. Go to the toilet, take your time Holiday time Part of the live show with Joe recently featured a few audio clips that had been sent in by Black Squadron member Stephen Reed. They featured myself and Joe talking on the radio several years ago about various things that seem to have come to pass

in a way that suggests we may have special powers of foresight here for example is joe suggesting some possible new directions for video game company nintendo a full eight years before the arrival of pokemon go and word on the street is they're gonna announce some big innovation but i thought we could try and you know one up them or spoil the whole thing by by out guessing them on this show because all All the Nintendo people listen to this show. Absolutely. Have you been speculating on what that innovation might be then, Joe? I have.

And it basically has cameras mounted on the outside that scan in the real world, but it translates them into cute little animals. All you see is turtles and mushroom men and little pink. Can I ask you, Joe, at what time did you think of this idea? Ten minutes after I'd taken the LSD. That was Joe talking in 2008, and you could hear Garth Jennings giggling there in the background.

He was filling in for me in London because I was coming down the line from a broom cupboard in BBC Norwich because my daughter Hope was about to be born. because I was coming down the line from a broom cupboard in BBC Norwich, because my daughter Hope was about to be born. And on that same show, we played a track by TV on the radio. And afterwards, I appeared to predict the whole concept of commentating on TV programmes as entertainment. Has anyone ever done that? Like a TV show with people just commentating on the television programme?

A radio show, rather. That's a good idea. So you'd have a radio station that was non-stop commentary on what's on the telly. That's a very good idea. It's a great idea. It'd save you having to actually watch it. Five years later, in 2013, Channel 4 TV in the UK broadcast the first episode of Gogglebox, the BAFTA award-winning show in which groups of families and friends are filmed watching a selection of the week's TV and commenting on it.

Eerie or totally unrelated? I think we all know the answer to that. I like Gogglebox, even though I was one of the people who initially felt dismayed by the concept of sitting in a room watching a TV show in which other people sit in rooms watching TV shows. But I quickly realised that of course the fun was in forming a familiarity with the groups of people on the show and looking forward to being entertained or irritated by what they had to say. I know Joe likes Gogglebox too,

so during the live show at the BFI I showed him in the audience a picture of nine Gogglebox regulars and asked how many he could identify. One of the pictures was of the Moffat family, whose daughter Scarlett took a break from commentating on other people in TV programmes and became one of those people herself when she was crowned Queen of the Jungle in reality show I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Scarlett's appearance on I'm a Celebrity provided Gogglebox with the dilemma of to what extent it should journey into its own fundament and show the Goggleboxers commenting on a TV show that featured one

of their own. In the end, they didn't show many clips of I'm a Celebrity in the three weeks that it was running, but when Scarlett won the show, it would have been weird if they hadn't done. Even so, Gogglebox viewers were not satisfied. Here's a news story from the sun. The Gogglebox families were branded fuming and jealous after they were seen reacting to Scarlet Moffat's I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here win. Viewers of the Channel 4 program had been questioning why Scenes from the Jungle had not been aired. This is news. Everyone knows this, right? But on Friday, producers chose to include footage

of Scarlet being crowned Queen of the Jungle. However, fans of the reality show were left disappointed by the reactions of the tele-watching families, who did not appear impressed by the results. Were they angry that they were forced to watch one of their own? People did not think that the Gogglebox families were showing Scarlet the proper respect and enthusiasm.

And they got on social media. But the Gogglebox people are like you. They're worried that there's some sort of black hole will open because they're viewing one of themselves. Yeah. It's like Interstellar. Exactly.

Isn't it when he prods the bookshelf from the other dimension? Like if she watched that, she would turn inside out and all her guts would be on the floor. It's not safe. Here are some of the social media comments. A bit disappointed by the reaction to Scarlett Moffat

winning I'm a Celebrity by her fellow Goggleboxers. Hashtag Gogglebox. That's what really rams it home. The hashtag. Do you want the Gogglebox challenge, Jake Horne? How many of those Gogglebox families can you name? Beginning, top, left. None of them.

Absolutely none of them. Come on, you can name the top left. What's happened to the weird ones with all the cats? The ones with the cat the like the couple and the woman's in the chair and oh yeah i haven't got i could only fit nine on the screen these are my nine favorites slash most annoying and the top right that the top left sorry is that's of course the moffats and then in the middle you've got steven and chris i love them They're pretty reliably hilarious, I think. Don't you, Stephen and Chris? They're my favourite guys.

I don't know, they've all got a bit self-conscious, haven't they? Yeah, well, of course. It was bound to happen. It was bound to happen. I like the middle ladies because they're Brixton and I live in Brixton. They haven't been in the series recently. The Gilbees, what the Gilbees do

is just describe what is happening on the screen. That's their MO. Like, if they're watching Planet Earth, they'll go, Oh, the cat has crawled happening on the screen that's their mo like if they're watching planet earth they'll go oh the cat's crawled up on the side and now he's come down yeah but there's something he thinks he's gonna get the mask but he's not there's something reassuring about that because it's telling the public that we're all seeing the same things because the world is life is very abstract and it's reassuring i know the buffalo's got a tiger on his back oh no he's trying to shake it off but he can't and now he has

that's what the gbees mainly do. Sandy and Sandra are operating in their own universe and they haven't been around for this series. Apparently they just hang out, like you can go to the pub in... Yeah, yeah, I've seen her in Brixton. Yeah, yeah. The one on the right. The Siddiquis are probably the best. I mean, they're the ones that make you least sad about the state of...

Yeah, they're dry. Of Britain, yeah. And then you've got the Michaels. I'm not so sad about the state of... Yeah, they're dry....of Britain, yeah. And then you've got the Michaels. I'm not so sure about the Michaels. Well, they're very self-aware, like I say, and... He's, yeah, I mean, not that it's a political thing, but Mr. Michael is a UKIP member, but the son, I can't deal with his voice.

He's just like, everything's fine. What's he doing? What's he doing? He can't do that. That's not cool to mock someone's voice, is it? No, I'm staying out of that. I'm staying passive in this item. Oh, I love her.

It's so great. Oh, my God, no! Then you've got Jenny and Lee. I really like Jenny and Lee. They're in the caravan in Liverpool or wherever, I don't know. And then these guys... Where? Sorry?

Hull. I apologise. Racist. And then you've got the Verdenwebels. The Verdenwebels. I didn't even know they were called the Verdenwebels. There was a boy that has vanished, right? Yeah, there was a guy who never used to speak who would sit there. He had funny hair, then he radically changed his hair, then he vanished.

The Verdenwebels. I do like him he sits there this is the big giant german guy with his vape yeah he's totally inscrutable you can't really tell which way he's going to go on whatever he's watching he wears this look of kind of permanent disgust or amazement it's a bit like bod um which way is he going to go? Strawberry milkshake, chocolate, and at the end he's like, That's so brilliant, I love it. I love it, it's so brilliant. Or maybe it'll be,

That's terrible, they should not be allowed to do that. It's not a good impersonation. And you're missing Funny Cat Lady. This is the family with the big pile of donuts. no there's just two of them there you go oh the posh ones very yeah they're quite posh the house is huge and there's only two of them in it the guy who calls his wife nutty charles and mary there we go it's becoming frustrating for the audience this is never a problem on the radio because you're muted. But now that they're actually alive and in the room,

you can really feel the anger at the level of ignorance on the stage. If we were worried about Civilization ending when Gogglebox started, now we are commentating not only on Gogglebox, but it's not even moving. It's still images of the people on Gogglebox, but it's not even moving. It's still images of the people on Gogglebox. Thank you. Attention. But I was in a voiceover session speaking of accents the other day. Quite a long one, three hours.

And we take a break halfway through because I wanted to send this large file and I knew they had fast Wi-Fi. And one of the producers in the voice session was this Austrian guy, right? Hadn't worked with him before. He was very nice. He looked a bit like Jeremy Renner with a sort of neat beard. And lovely looking. And a bit more tan. Yeah, he's nice looking.

Lovely looking. He's Austrian, so he's got a nice Austrian, you know, kind of Germanic accent. Oh, yes. And he pulled me up on something I'd suggested in the voiceover. We were talking about wild camping, and he said, it would be nice to have a bit of a joke here. And I said, well, you could say something like, and you don't even have to be wild or camp to enjoy it.

And he said, hmm, sounds maybe a little bit homophobic. Yes. I said, no, no, it's the opposite, because it's like I'm saying you should be wild and camp, but if you're not, it's okay. We slide i don't know i'm with jeremy renner are you anyway so he's so he's he's he's a nice guy and uh halfway through the session i go out and i use the wi-fi right in the in the to download a couple of illegal movies uh no i was sending a right sending a podcast um it was very fast though and i saw how fast the file was going. And do you get excited about super fast speeds?

No. I do, because I live in the country, so it's a novelty for us. And I'm right in front of the producer guy. He's sat over there on his laptop. And so I start saying to myself, oh, my God, look at how fast this Wi-fi is in that voice in this voice because it's one of my silly voices right yes it's sort of austrian well right yes so i'm doing this voice are you near an open microphone no he was right in front of me oh he's in front of you yeah he's

in front of me in the room and i'm looking down at the computer i'm saying to myself like oh my gosh look how fast this file is going. I can't believe it. It's the most amazing Wi-Fi. It's blowing my mind with the speed of this thing. So, yeah, it's kind of generic Euro voice. But it's one of my, like, four or five voices. Yeah, it's tricky, though. I can see the situation might be a bit tricky.

So I look up. Because as I'm doing it, suddenly I think, oh, he's Austrian, isn't he? Because as I'm doing it, suddenly I think, oh, he's Austrian, isn't he? And I look up and he is staring at me with his mouth agape. Agape, agog. Yeah. Just with a look on his face like, what is your problem? Yeah.

And so I go, sorry, did you think I was taking the mick out of your accent or something? And he said, that's not what you were doing. Yikes. I was like, no, no, it's not. I was just doing like a silly voice. Oh my God. It's like a Ricky Gervais sketch. It really was. He said, oh, a silly voice like mine.

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. No. This is awful. It really was. I said, no. It's like, you know, I've got like five or six kind of accents that I do when I'm reading out YouTube comments and stuff in my live shows. You should take your wife everywhere you go. I know.

I told her this story and she couldn't. She had to go out of the room and come back. I know. Oh, gosh. So I spent like, you know, and so i kind of laughed it off and i was very aware of the need because it was entirely unconscious there was no question that i would ever take the mic out of his voice yeah yeah yeah you want to give people the benefit of the doubt but it is tough like when i'm in america sometimes american people enjoy they slip into britishisms i've noticed that

like they'll say say jolly good. Yeah, right. And stuff like that. Piss pit. Yeah, it's just enjoyable. Yeah, yeah. But it's a bit like... You don't get upset though, do you?

You don't get offended. Not at all, but it's very broad. Yeah. Like defining somebody by their nationality is not... No, I know. Obviously like in your... Like it's like me going, oh, that's really great. Like if I had an American friend round, it's just a bit reductive.

Yeah. Would be the word. But it's very easy to do. I mean, are Australian accents aren't like that at all? No, mate. Aren't they? They're not offensive. They're not offensive. They're not supposed to. We discussed this on the radio, though.

Yeah. There's something about. But maybe they are offensive. That's the thing. Maybe they. But there are people. they're so bad. But there are people who would be offended and who would just be annoyed and who would just go, why are you doing that stupid accent?

What's funny about it? The world is changing very fast. It is. And we are being left behind. But this guy. And I kept on... The dinosaurs. I kept on digging myself in deeper,

trying to explain the situation. How many days between the railway incident and was a long time a long time good i mean there was no there was no anger here and this guy was absolutely fine and we left we parted on entirely amicable terms and i think he did believe me at a certain point that right there was no i was like i'm not insane i'm not gonna like start taking the mick out of your accent to your face why would i do that i mean i know essentially that's what i've done in your eyes but that's not what i meant to do at all and i don't think there's anything inherently stupid about this accent i just like doing the accent and then i started saying stuff like you know because why would i take the mic out of someone with an accent

every time i hear someone with an accent all i I can think is, wow, you can speak one more language than me at least. And that's impressive. That's good. I told my wife about that bit of peddling and she was not happy with that. I just think I just definitely think cognitive behavior therapy. A lot of it. That's the message. I can't you see where I am coming from? I can't you see where I am coming from? I can't choose where I am coming from.

At the end of the podcast, I'm going to give some shout-outs to the people who made little videos for some of our old Adam and Joe 6 Music jingles, many of which we played during the live show recently. But there's also a few people who, over the years, have taken snippets of conversation between myself and Joe from various things we've done, and provided animation for them just off their own bat. There's a guy who calls himself Sketchy Magpie, for example, who's posted some great ones on YouTube.

But musician and illustrator Jamie Lenman made a brand new one for the live show recently, featuring Joe and me talking on BBC Six Music in April 2011, the week before Prince William was married to Kate Middleton. It was an opportunity for our friend, the Queen, to pay one of her regular visits to the Six Music studio. There's a link to Jamie Lennon's video on my blog, as well as many of those other jingle videos. He's done an amazing job with this Queen conversation.

But here is that original exchange followed by joe at our live show telling me for the first time about a genuine royal encounter that i never knew he'd had shortly after the release of his film attack the block waiting in the antechamber through the whole uh show with an enormous retinue of security guards and bodyguards it's been an enormous palaver here this morning at the castle. We're very honoured to welcome into the studio the Queen. Laura, Laura, blinded death. So lullay, lullay, good boy.

Nice and easy, goody. Now, Your Majesty, there's a big event coming up next week, isn't there? Oh, blinded death. So Laura, Laura, lullay, good boy. It's a Laura, Laura, lovely couple again. We're sitting in a wheelie. Katie, it's a nice, nice blind date. Laura, Laura. It's a wedding, isn't there?

It's a nice wedding. Look, look, lovely wheelie. And what are you going to get the royal couple for their wedding present? I heard you might be getting them some bedding. A lovely, lovely, some bedding. A lolly, lolly, lolly bit of bedding. What? For the wedding. Wedding bedding.

That's a nice couple of lolly people getting married. Katie, Willie getting married. Got some wedding bedding, Laura, Laura. And I hear they and I got a lolly lolly finger couple in the toaster face on the toaster

cat on the toaster that's good good news with the face on the plate for the willy cat cat face on the plate and I'm gonna give it to Are you upset that the royal couple didn't actually meet on an episode of Blinder Data? You seem a little bit angry, Your Highness. What kind of place will you buy? A new loli couple, it would have been nice, but you can't have everything, blinded data.

You seem a little bit angry, Your Highness. No. Are you tense? I'm happy, I'm happy, loli couple. Are you all right? I'm happy. Do you need to go? No, no, you've got to go. We kept you waiting too long, didn't we?

Loli couple, blinded data, bye. There she goes. Wow, that't we? Lonely couple, blinded by... There she goes. Wow, that was an interview with the Queen, a slightly irritable Queen, but then it is a very tense... She's got a lot on her plate. She's got a lot on her collectible plate. Jamie Lenman is responsible for that. And now, Joe, you have a royal-related story, though.

Well, when I made my film, I got invited to this thing in LA that BAFTA did where we met Willie and Katie. No. So it was this thing to promote British film in Hollywood, and people who'd made really light films were invited to it, and so we went to this big theatre, and we got taken into this little antechamber and and a royal uh what would you call it foot servant uh person said okay this is what

you got to do this is how you got to behave like look people here have met who here has met one of the royal family has spoken to the royal family there's one gentleman there like quite a few people and you get told how to behave right you're not allowed to ask them questions you have to respond you've got to do certain like handsh, right? You're not allowed to ask them questions. You have to respond. You've got to do certain handshakes and shit. You're not allowed to get selfies? You're not allowed to get selfies, no. You're not allowed to flick the nips.

It's tempting, but you're not allowed to. Sure. Anyway, so there was this big build-up, and eventually Willis and Katie came in, and they're much bigger, taller. They're very tall. I could look Prince William in the eye, which is bigger taller they're very tall like I could look Prince William in the eye which is unusual because I'm quite tall and she's almost as tall as him mostly

famous people are much smaller than you think they are but they were huge sort of genetically modified like enormous I was standing next to a producer and the foot servant said and this is Joe Cornish he's a director this is so and so-and-so, he's a producer. And Prince William said, and what's the difference between a director and a producer? Oh, that's a great question. Is it? Because I was puzzled.

I thought, like, you work with the media a lot. And I had this theory that I discussed with various friends, like, is that a purposely dumb question, that royalty deliberately go into a situation and ask something really dumb just so the conversation can't get anywhere vaguely interesting or controversial and then because i'm very sophisticated i read the london review of books and there was an article by andrew o'hagan who watches that series the crown right and in this article he has a little story about meeting the queen and he says i don't think the queen liked me she'd seen it all before the snooping anti-monarchist with the new

tie so she simply passed me to her husband who asked me does a novelist write books and i formed a connection between my experience and andrew o'hagan's experience and and so this must be the deal right this must be the deal, right? This must be the way that you deal with public interactions. Like it's one or the other, right? Either it's a premeditated strategy or they're thick. Or they've got snooty radar and they correctly identified you as a big snootbag.

Like Andrew O'Hagan. What do you mean by a snootbag? Just someone who's a little bit clever, clever. Probably, you know, he's made a film. It's all right. I told Prince William when it was coming out on Blu-ray. He didn't seem impressed. He said, I haven't seen it.

I want to get to the bottom of this, and I wondered if I could ask the Queen. Right. Can I ask the queen right can i ask the queen i wondered if it was possible to actually ask the queen herself this question your majesty would it be possible to ask the queen the question of the queen wow this is really like a kid's party J.R. There we go. Laura, Laura, joke on, compas.

Oh, it's a nice, it's a nice filming, it's all right. It's not too bad, but I'll tell you when the thing is, when you meet a lot of people, I mean, you know, some nice people and some nice people and some not so fucking nice. And, Laura, sometimes you've got to like blind or dead to kind of keep a conversation a little bit neutral, isn't it?

And so you have to kind of keep it nice and nice, but don't get upset about it. There's no reason for it. Why do you do that? Carry on. I don't like your it. There's no reason for it. Why are you doing that? Carry on. I don't like your film. It's boring. But you've seen it, though.

Yeah, yeah. All right, shut up, Your Highness. We've had enough of you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, the Queen. And now, my lords, ladies and gentlemen, performing her own special musical tribute to the happy couple, her royal madge highness, the Queen. Once upon a time in a lonely university

Lived a lonely couple called Willie and Kate They fell in love when Katie showed her pants at a party And then they went on telly to appear on Blinder Data. If you were a princess, what kind were you, boy? I'd be a really lovely one, I promise you, your majesty. I won't fix introductions for suitcases of money. Or do a sketch on Red Nose Day, even if it's really funny. Hmm, thanks a lot, lot Chuck That sounds good to me

Graham slide the curtain back I think we'll go for Katie Willy and Katie Katie and Willy You're going to have a lot of lully life Just don't be silly Kate and Prince are willies Will and Princess Kate are

Just follow my instructions please I am the head of Stata Don't get a stupid butler who rifles through your pants. He'll end up in the jungle with Declan and the ants. Stay clear of Piers Morgan and Douglas Lizzie Benn.

Don't wanna see Andy Morton or Martin Bashir again. Sometimes the life of a princess can be a royal pain in the parts Oh, lollygagy Meeting boring people Asking what they do

Pretending that you're interested Smiling for the cameras too When all you want to do is say you're all boring farts Willy and Katie Katie and Willy welcome lully Katie

to a happy family Katie and Prince are willies Willy and Princess Katie Laura Laura lully go pull out a blinded data Katie Katie Katie Willy Willy Wills This is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success.

The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional. I love browsing your videos and pics, and I don't want to stop. And I'd like to access your members area and spend in your shop. These are the kinds of comments people will say about your website if you build it with Squarespace, just visit squarespace.com slash Buxton for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch, use the offer code Buxton to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes.

It's Bluster Keaton. There we go. That's the royal wedding song. It's a Christmas classic from 2011. Well, you know, the Queen is Christmassy, right? In a way. That's pretty much it for the podcast for 2016. We made it! Group hug! Thanks very much indeed to Joe Cornish for his continued friendship, loyalty and good humor. Thanks, man.

And thanks to all my guests on the podcast this year. As far as this podcast goes, I hope the plan is for it to return around March or April of 2017. And then it will appear on a more regular basis thereafter. And there's plans to get things more organized, provide you podcasts with more of what you really need. Speaking of which, I got merch! Yeah. As I speak, it's just Adam and Joe merch,

t-shirts, mugs. Not machine washable currently, the mugs. So don't put them in the dishwasher or they'll go weird. Tote bags, put them in the dishwasher, etc. And I'll post a link to the shop in the details for this podcast. And on my blog where, here's the address for the blog. There you go. And I'll also do my best to link to some of the wonderful jingle videos that were made specially for the Adam and Joe live show at the BFI on the 15th of December. And I would like to take this opportunity to thank everybody who submitted bits and pieces for that show in the form of messages

via my blog, but especially the people that made videos. And I would like to give them a shout out by name right now which I will do in a kind of football style the way that I imagine football people speak so here we go thanks so much to Nick Murray Willis Adam Butcher Fern Bailey Chris Salt

the Salt Man. Jamie Lenman. Michael Obtan-Medidi. There's not much variety to my football voice, is there? It's basically all the same sort of intonation. Matt Partridge. Is this what football commentators still sound like? Oh, Chris Randall.

Holly Veer. Nice. Harry Dwer. Nice. Harry Dwyer. Love it. Ben Sharman. Tanya Scott. Steve Kirby. Tommy Norm.

Nick Page. That was my wife. She was just calling to say that Rosie was home. She buggered off a while ago. Quite right, it's freezing. Anyway, let me just finish these shout-outs. Where did we get to? Jesse Collett.

Harry King. Moose Alleyne. Woo-hoo! Hayley Akins Mark Rodriguez Ed Barrett and Tom Gran the Granary Man

I apologise if I mispronounced any of those names no disrespect but thank you so much to all of them whoa it is really Vinim Winders. For their hard work. Thanks also to Seamus Murphy Mitchell,

who continues to provide invaluable production support. Thanks to ACAST, who host this podcast currently. And thanks to you. Oh, I've just come over the brow of the hill and the wind has lulled that's nice yeah thanks for listening to this podcast and recommending it to other people and uh enabling me to do more or encouraging me to do more and for the opportunities that doing the podcast provides me. I really enjoy doing it and I'm looking forward to doing lots more in various forms next year,

which I hope will be as peaceful and as prosperous as possible for you all. Went kind of sincere and croaky there, didn't I? Hey, listen. Take very good care of yourselves. Until next we are together. In sound space. I love you.

Bye! Bye! Oh, that was a mistake. It's Ben Lynn time. Not currently sponsored by Ben Lynn. See ya. Thank you. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Nice like a fan for me, thumbs up. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Nice like a fan for me, thumbs up. Subscribe.

Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Give me a smile and a thumbs up. Thank you. I'm a funny person. I often make up jokes. My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks.

When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree. Come on, you're all invited to a made-up joke party. Samuel Hutchinson says, I've been publishing film-themed jokes on my blog recently. Question, why didn't James Bond Roger Moore? Answer, he had a pierced Brosnan. So can you just break, why didn't James Bond, does that mean like bond with, like make friends with?

Say the whole thing. Why didn't James Bond Roger Moore? Why didn't James Bond Roger Moore? Why didn't James Bond Roger Moore? I don't think Bond has any other meaning other than it's just his name. He's just asking, why didn't... Yeah, but then it doesn't make any sense as a sentence. Well, you're familiar with the concept of rogering, right?

Oh, I see. I really didn't. I really didn't. I was looking for that same connotation in the word bond. I mean, because that's definitely been made before, the Roger Moore. I was looking at the stars while you were in the gutter. I mean, that is a good one. I saw that one.

That made me chuckle. He's got a Pierce Brosnan, even though it's unpleasant because it makes you then think about his pierce brosnan and it makes it makes you feel sad that no he can't shame he can't roger more so look this guy as you can see here moderates jokes on a kids jokes website and then he compiles he archives them on a Tumblr. It used to be a Tumblr. Does that even exist anymore? Facebook, wherever, on the computer. A master.

He titles them. What do you... This is the voice I use to read out bad kids' jokes. What do you call a master who likes cheese? Cheese master!