The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 44
Episode Date: June 20, 2022Amber Heard Supporters, Throwing Away Perfectly Good Shit, Tattle-Tale Journalists...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, it looks great.
Now that's a show.
Okay.
What else are you going to do?
It's the internet.
Andy, you look great.
Thanks for rating us with your fans.
Are you charging money for that?
You're sending me $100, right, Vito?
I would pay you more than $100 for these rates, I tell you what.
You got to start monetizing this.
This is a whole new revenue stream.
Yeah, well, you're giving it away to Lewis and a
British girl and everybody. No, I know
who they are.
I love
stuff. I'm surprised that you kept the
bitterness in for like 12 seconds.
The second the camera was fixed, out it
flows like spice.
Alright, are you guys ready to start this show? Yes,
I'm ready. Andy, you don't have all fucking night. I know. You're a
busy guy. You are a guy that never stops. I was just tweeting Are you guys ready to start this show? Yes, I'm ready. Andy, you don't have all fucking night. I know. You're a busy guy. You are a guy that never stops.
I was just tweeting for you guys, so I at least said I love.
I'm so ready to do this, Dick.
Tell me what we're doing.
Well, we're about to do the intro music, which you might not be able to hear.
I don't know.
Is it in the mix?
I think so.
You can trim all this.
You know that trick, right, Dick?
Yeah, we know how to trim.
Vino just told me about that.
Yeah, actually, Dick was like, I can't edit stuff out of the middle of an episode.
I'm like, yes, you can.
What are you talking about, you idiot?
I was like downloading it and doing a premiere
and doing it all shitty.
Okay.
It's like nothing ever went wrong.
It's perfect.
Here we go.
Let's do it.
That's nice and toasty.
What's the name of the show, Dick?
Ooh!
What's the name of the show, Dick?
It's the biggest problem in the universe!
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe!
The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from manufactured hate to jailing the straight.
Ooh!
Justin.
That's a good one.
I'm your host, Nick Masters.
And joining me as always, Vito Giugualdi.
Hey, Nick.
Happy to be here.
And via satellite, let's say, for a very special guest is Andy Signore.
Wow.
God, you got a special guest with the worst quality.
It's like I'm going through a drive-through on that video.
Jesus Christ.
Well, from our perspective
it looks good but we have it doesn't look no it doesn't look good compared to us like you can see
the grease coming out of our pores you can you can taste what we had for dinner just on my cameras
you're so high resolution no it's it's the the problem is that we're jack we're taking your
google video and we're jacking it and we're jacking up the video. And we're jacking it. And we're jacking up the size of it.
We're jacking it up.
It looks good on the Google, but it doesn't look good anyway.
You don't want to be HD on these shows, I've learned.
I'm going to win no matter how I look, guys.
Well, you do have a certain segment of the voting audience on your side.
And that's an exciting part of the show.
The incel audience?
That some of your audience might not know.
Not incels.
The incel.
No. Right? No. of your audience might not know. Not incels. The incel, all right. No,
people who believe in truth and say a little bit.
Well, I want to let people know at home that a part of the
show is that you can vote on the
problems we're going to give here today. You vote by
super chatting. Yeah, well, some of the people
watching might know that's not how you vote.
You don't have to donate $100.
Me, Dick, and Andy.
Someone already paid you $100 for my crew.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Ouch.
I hope it's not the guy I said I would name my dick after him if he donated $100.
But I guess I will.
Well, we will be visiting the Super Chats at the end of the show.
Yeah.
But I do feel like we should explain the format real quick for all the new people
because there's like
2,000 new people.
I know you love explaining things.
I do love explaining things.
It's helpful to people.
You love leaving people
in the dark
and assuming everybody
knows everything about your life.
Point is,
Biggest Problem in the Universe
is a show
where each guest
brings in a problem
which we will be arguing
is the biggest problem
in the universe
and you, the fans at home,
get to go to
biggestproblem.show
and vote on who brought the biggest problem to that week's episode.
Yeah.
And I think we have the results from last week's episode, Dick.
Check this out.
This was actually two weeks ago.
Hate hoaxes.
Hate hoaxes.
Yeah.
What do you think about hate hoaxes, Andy?
Yeah, those are a problem well juicy
remember him yeah i mean it's gonna be similar to as is it does that now carry over to this one
oh it's his aunt did uh amber heard do a hate hoax well was that hate it is a hoax of sorts
yeah you can't really say you hate women oh it's not the same you know it's not yeah it's not a
hate crime domestic violence is not a hate i don't know is misogyny a hate crime. Oh, it's gonna be interesting. It's not the same. You know? It's not a hate crime.
Domestic violence is not a hate crime.
I don't know.
Is misogyny a hate crime?
It should be.
Domestic violence
is the only hate crime.
Yeah.
You know?
It's like,
God, I fucking hate you!
That one is one
that is truly fueled
by hate.
Well, Dick is the winner
with hate hoaxes.
Then we had
criminalizing heterosexuality.
That was mine.
Which is ironic
that you are worried about heterosexuals being criminalized.
Oh, because I'm a bisexual man?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Everyone's always surprised by that veto.
I don't know why.
Look at me.
You think I won't sleep with anything that moves?
Come on.
I'm desperate.
Suction cups came in third.
Quite progressive.
Suction cups?
Yeah, that's an important one.
Because they don't work.
Have you had any dealings with suction cups this week?
After that?
Anybody?
I avoid suction cups most of the time.
Andy, when's the last time you had a good
suction cup?
When I put my Garfield on my car.
Did it stick, though?
Did it fall off?
No.
Actually, no.
See?
They never work.
They never work.
It's bullshit.
And then Cannon Cops, which was Vito complaining about Star Wars.
People complain about Star Wars Cannon because the cannon is not broken.
It's fine to care about cannon, but you can't complain about every little thing breaking
the cannon when it doesn't break the cannon.
Yeah.
And we understand this.
Although that Star Wars show
sucks, right Andy?
Oh my god, yes. It's not good.
Okay, here's some comments about last
week's Vito only show.
And then we're going to get into the problem.
That's right. I did a very special call-in episode
where callers got to present
their problems and Dick has yet to tell me
whether or not he approved
of the concept well
veto texted me on monday night saying hey uh do you think that should be an episode and i said i
don't know i haven't i haven't watched it and you said well people loved it and i said okay
and uploaded it yeah and then i went back and read the comments here was the comments are really
snazzy raz says honestly i'd rather haveito fail and learn than him just not try new things on the show.
Love the episode.
There you go.
So that was a positive for me.
JJ says, surprisingly good episode.
All right.
And Raven Miller says, this was so much better than I thought it would be.
Wow.
Why are you laughing?
That's all good.
Well, why did she say that?
Well, because everybody's comment in the chat before I did
because Dick was out of town, so I had to do a solo
episode, and I said I'll do a call-in show,
and the first 20 minutes in the chat was just everyone
going, Vito's going to screw this up, and it's going to
be a disaster. Vito's an idiot.
And then I pulled it off swimmingly.
Yeah. Someone said you put porn
on for like a half a second. There was a half a second
that someone... They did a
great... Alright, Andy. It was a caller and
I could see the callers because it's a stream
yard or whatever. And there was a person
who just looked like a regular old man.
I was like, oh, I can't wait to talk to this individual.
And the second I switched it over,
it turned to two animated characters
having butt relations.
And I went, well, that was a good... They got me
good with that one. Pride, man. I had one.
We were doing a self-help show, my Hugging the Cactus channel channel and i was with my female co-host and we were like taking calls
like all right anybody got a problem and i opened up the zoom video and it was a dude helicoptering
and it was so weird because i was like i was like this disgusted for my co-host the female
and i was like i'm so sorry but then i was like wow what a perfect person to talk to on this self-help show.
So that boy, I was like, sir, I'd love
to talk to you, actually. Why are you doing this?
Why did you feel the need? And I talked
to him long enough that he got less
erect. So it was an actual guy?
He didn't send a gift?
It was the actual dude
running the helicopter?
Wow.
Luckily, I didn't have it on live.
I had it so I could check it first.
So it wasn't on YouTube, but my God, it was
really funny. So Vito didn't learn that lesson
that there could be a guy helicoptering his wiener. I knew there could
be, but I was very quick, alright?
Now, did I watch it a little bit
to correct the form? I was like, alright, that's
pretty good, and then I turned off. Yeah.
We got to the callers. A lot of people had a lot
of fun. Have you ever tried to helicopter your dick like that?
No.
Andy, have you?
Would you, Vito?
Yeah, would you?
Would I?
Yeah.
Could you is the question.
I could.
You want to see who can helicopter their dick more?
No, I don't want to do.
I don't.
Not at all.
This is not an important contest.
What about if there's money involved?
I don't care.
I don't.
How much?
How much?
How much?
Oh, the inertia.
What about all the super chats?
And the swinging.
I already don't like the swinging.
We'll get a stripper to verify who swung their dick around consecutively.
Sure.
Why don't we just make that the show then?
The biggest helicopter in the universe.
That's what all the fans want.
It's a good bonus content.
It's a good bonus content.
This is bad bonus content.
Nobody wants this.
Andy's the fucking money man.
Andy, is that good bonus content or what?
Yeah, good.
Andy has been pestering me to make a video where I shave my pubes for like a year.
Oh my god.
Dick.
Tell me it would not be a good video to watch Vito learning how to shave his pubes.
He refuses to shave his pubes.
Why would I shave my pubes?
My pubes are fine.
One, it'll make the junk look bigger.
Yeah.
How does it make it look bigger?
Two, anybody who goes down there will
appreciate it. That's a negative.
It's a proud
pillow down there. I'm not
touching it. It's a proud,
dense Italian forest,
and it needs no trimming.
How about the loser of the helicopter penis?
Do you trim your pubes?
Only in other people's bathrooms
like if i'm in someone else's bathroom if they have and they leave their scissors out like a
slob i'll trim my pubes just to make a mess you know because andy what do you have do you have
the whole manscaped like production kit or whatever well i actually used my uh my lady
has a one of those like uh raz. It's like the waterproof one.
Using your woman's razor to sculpt your boobs?
Yeah, but I'm saying does she know how to put it back?
Yeah, I got that one. It's great.
Oh my God. I don't want to be a forest down there.
My God, Vito. My poor lady has to use the same
razor used for pubes on her face.
Vito has never
trimmed it once, Dick. You gotta
try it. Give it a shot.
I'm like, wait a minute, you've sucked a cock
to see if you like it, but you won't shave your pubes?
It's not that.
Am I crazy or should Vito
try to manscape a little bit?
At one point, I think I shaved off
all my body hair one time and
that was awful oh that's too much that was too much you could put the little wario w in your
pubes then i got i got i got crazy i broke out in crazy hives when you shave all your hair your
body's like yeah we should have warned all the people from popcorn planet this is the after dark
show this is definitely a dark show tune out sorry it is 10.30 here, but it's going to get a little more debauchery.
It's going to be a little crispy for you.
Okay.
You know, somebody should shave Amber Heard's crying face into their pubes.
Tell you what, super chat a couple more hundos in there,
and maybe we can trim the pubes as a bonus episode.
Okay.
Andy, would you please start us off today?
Thank you to Master Sasamaru, who did give us that Super Chat for $100,
saying pouch.
Pouch.
Is that a common joke?
Well, it's my sponsor.
I'll sponsor yours, too.
His sponsor is Sheath Underwear.
Guys, you need to get a Sheath Underwear.
It's got a dual pouch system.
Andy was telling me about the pouch underwear that he likes.
It's got a pouch for your balls,
and then it's got a separate little hole for your shaft.
What the fuck?
You can actually separate it,
and it makes it way more comfortable, dude.
I'm not kidding.
See, I'm wondering if this is good.
I'm almost sold.
It's legit good.
When they wanted to sponsor, I looked at it,
and I'm like, oh, God, this looks odd.
No, this is going to be ridiculous.
But it's soft and comfy.
But guys have different size beans and balls.
How do they...
Is it a one size fit all?
Get your pair, Beto.
I'm going to get Sheath and send you a pair.
All right, send me a pair.
Maybe I'll love it.
You're a sweet thing.
By the way, I got to say...
I'm pouring a checkout to save 20%.
Andy, it's really incredible to see you rocking these huge streams.
Last time you were on my show, it was like four years ago, five years ago, and now you're on top of the fucking world.
Was it that long ago?
It was a long time ago.
It was like pre-code.
It was like Andy Dufresne had to crawl through that sewer of shit from
Screen Junkies to finally go to Zewat and Ayo and talk about the Tony Depp
trial.
And now you're destroying Screen Junkies, which is hilarious.
They can't get traffic for anything.
And I should say that people watching both Dick and Vito were supporters of
mine through all that whole craziness.
Yes. That's why I appreciate the folks back and now we are reaping the rewards finally god this this long horse bed finally pays off all right start us off andy what is your i
know that you've been fired up about this amber heard stuff why don't you yeah lead us off what
is your biggest problem in the universe?
To me, it's not Amber Heard.
It's the people supporting
Amber Heard after the trial
verdict. Amber Heard supporters
are the worst, biggest
problem in the universe.
Who are these people who are
supporting her? What type of people are
they? Me too, activists,
feminists,
annoying liberal journalists that just don't care about facts they want to just continue to stir things up what's crazy is
like amber heards like the cult leader right yeah i i i could i'm gonna give her some credit here
because i'm supposed to start now right is this how the show works yeah yeah just give us what
you're doing a little bit the cult leader i can appreciate some like all right this woman's a kind
of a manacle genius right and leading this cult like at least they got it together and they started
the cult but the cult followers to me they're just so dumb they're just like the lemmings of society
and i'm just like they have no rhyme or reason to what's right or wrong and they're just like the lemmings of society. And I'm just like, they have no rhyme or reason to what's right or wrong.
And they're just allowed to help be in control of this population.
No, these people are insane.
And I'm going to debate them throughout this show.
Well, I mean, people who supported her at first, you almost understand, right?
Because a woman comes out and says, I've been abused. You go, okay, abused you go okay well let me dick's going no i don't believe women ever i go listen
i'm willing to lend an ear of course but then as this whole trial has come out obviously there was
like no evidence in her favor in fact the evidence seemed to be against her yeah so you kind of have
to fault these people for they're just ignoring it and they have their fingers in their ears, right?
Like, what has been the most damning thing that has come out during the trial that you go, how do you still support this woman?
Audio tape of her admitting to slicing his finger off, which she denies.
And then audio tape after this alleged bottle being shoved, you know, in her area that I don want to say, get too explicit. And nurses and doctors
are there, and they're not
tending to her. You've done that consensually, Dick.
Please. I mean, we were drunk.
I don't know. Can you consent when you're drunk?
All right. Okay.
We're going to get canceled ourselves.
I saw her 60 Minutes thing,
and the best line was,
well, Johnny Depp
admitted a lot of of stuff that he did
do you think you fucked up by not admitting
like some of the bad stuff you did and she said
uh
not really
you still can't
you can't admit anything and none
of your followers can admit anything
ever like that's your whole thing
is you can just never admit it and all of us
have to give you all of us have to give you, all of us have to
give you these little piecemeal
consolations and surrenderings
forever to get you to participate
in anything like breadcrumbs. Like, okay,
well, yeah, you thought you were
doing something good, didn't you? Like, no, they
didn't. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, I did. Like, you're
luring them out like a rat. You know what I mean?
Who's she? She's luring them out?
All of them. They're all the same. They all
look at her and they're like, God, I wish I was her.
Yeah. Oh, God.
It's like looking at my own life.
They think that they're an equal
victim to Amber Heard. Yeah.
They have suffered through some guy
yelling at them or whatever else.
Well, that's
what do you call it? That's kind of
been the thing is I think that people look at this and they go, yeah, I got
yelled at by a guy once.
I'm the ultimate victim because we live in this victimhood culture where you go.
People yell at each other, man.
That's been the thing.
Even like big time news commentators.
And I've seen them.
They hit each other, too.
Yeah.
A lot of a lot.
Like a quarter of relationships have some physicality in them.
Right. Oh, my God. I was like, yeah, I mean, go watch an episode of Cops some physicality in them.
Right.
Oh, my God.
I was like, yeah, I mean, go watch an episode of Cops.
It's not great.
It's not good that it happens. But as long as, you know, people, you make amends for it, and hopefully you didn't go over the line, you can definitely go over the line.
But we don't even have any evidence.
What was said that Johnny threw a cell phone at her, you know?
Yeah.
And she goes, I had a bruise on my face.
And you go, you got any pictures of that?
She goes, not really.
I have one where my skin's a little red.
And I have a cracked lip.
And you're like, all right, well.
I don't know.
It's not like Johnny took this woman and threw her down a flight of stairs, you know?
So do the people who support amber find you
andy and harass you still yeah they're but the people who support her are also the mainstream
media another group of people that need to be thrown off a cliff to watch samantha guthrie
sit there and not ask tough questions when her own husband works has done promotion for johnny
deb's legal team so she's there pretending to fake like she's
not feeling what she is and she has to sit there and like promote this abuser who lost through a
jury verdict and uh just be like oh yeah sure she pushed a little bit but man i could throw her off
the cliff too because all the mainstream media these activists these fake feminists these people
who are labeling us misogynistic because we believe Johnny
and all the evidence.
A lot of people are going to be like, I'm not here
because of Johnny. Johnny's made a lot of
shitty movies, okay? I'm sorry, guys.
He did.
Every Johnny Depp movie is perfect,
Andy. I have no...
I'm not here standing Johnny Depp.
So much better than the original.
I trust the man. I think the guy is a good guy.
I really do. I think he means well. I think he gives to charity. All that stuff. standing johnny better than the original i trust the man i think the guy is a good guy a good guy
i really do i think he means well i think he gives a charity all that stuff but these people will
just label us as johnny depp stands and that's why we're believing him i don't get that's not
why i'm doing it i'm doing it because this woman's a psycho and she's a cult leader and these
supporters of her are basically flat earthers and they to me are the biggest problem in this
universe because they're dumbing us all down yeah they really are there's still people that believe that juicy that something
happened to him the black lives matter movement thinks juicy smuley is telling the truth yeah
they put out a statement and you're like oh blm i wanted to support you so bad but now you're saying
no we think juicy actually got attacked by two guys in MAGA hats. We live in a fiction.
A lot of people choose to live in a fiction.
Yeah.
Where they refuse to look at clear and direct facts because it goes against their narrative.
Two guys who broadcast in front of only toys and movies are telling me about living in a fiction.
Is that what I'm hearing?
Yes, exactly.
Me and Andy are the only true people.
We surround ourselves with toys to remind us of the line between fiction and reality.
Andy, what do you think it is about the stands?
What do you think it is that calls to them about Amber's cult?
Because it's so specific.
And these celebrities that lie, they seem to be embraced by the same crowd of people,
and I don't understand them.
I don't know the mentality behind it,
but you've been studying it for a lot longer than me,
so I don't know what you do.
I just think they're stuck in their own ideologies, right?
They refuse to back down from their own, you know, viewpoints
because it would crush their whole narratives
of how they've defined their whole social media existence,
which is to just shit on guys, believe women, and women and you know mainstream media is the way to go and how did fuck joe rogan and
all internet you know guys don't know what you're talking about uh it's like it's all connected in a
crazy way and let's be honest below it blows my mind that that community is rallying for amber
herd uh because amber is literally one of the worst people you could probably support.
She's the domestic abuser.
If you care about stopping domestic
abuse, you don't go, which one of them
cut off the other one's finger?
That's the one whose side I'm on.
Even if they both hit each other, it's like, bitch, you cut off his
fucking finger. That's way over
the line. Way over the line.
That's a million times worse than anything, Johnny.
And these people, they're monetizing off of it.
And they're getting mad at us for monetizing Johnny Depp coverage
while monetizing their own hate.
I mean, the Washington Post op-ed, how much money did they make off of that?
Yeah, no shit.
They're coming after YouTubers in our super chats
and trying to publicly shame us all.
I don't know if Dick has seen this, but a lot of the mainstream media is going,
look at these guys like Nick Ricada and Andy Signore.
They made all this money talking about the trial.
And I'm like, so they're the news.
They're doing exactly what he's talking about.
They're being the news.
You get paid to report on stuff.
No, but they're lying to you because they made so much money.
And you're like, no, I think like again andy's a guy who
was talking about this case way before i even knew what the fuck was going on i'm like what happened
who did what to who and they're trying to claim that all these guys only jumped on it because
they they don't really care about the facts they're just in it for the money and i'm like no
that's you that's what you do the news like i think andy is a guy who genuinely does care about
the facts and that's why everybody's watching this show because there's a lot of evidence out there that shows that amber is fucking nuts and frankly i'm a guy
i try to be fair and i go what did you do well i want to i want to know if johnny did especially
when it hurts women no i look at the evidence regardless and i've said well what did johnny do
where's the evidence and there's like nothing there's some allegations that are bad yeah but
none of them are nearly as bad as literally cutting a dude's finger off.
And there's direct,
we can see it.
We see a slashed open finger.
It's horrifying.
You know what annoys me when people say like,
oh,
well,
this is going to have a chilling effect.
The victims aren't going to come.
You think a woman being wrong is going to shut them up?
Okay.
Disavow. Disavow.
Disavow.
We respect women.
As a misogynist, that really annoys me.
They're all misogynist
too? I've suffered for my craft,
okay? I've suffered for my misogyny
for years. These guys just don't get
to claim it all of a sudden because of one
court case. We believe women
here on the show. We just don't believe you as much as maybe some of you want to be believed.
Yeah.
It's not because here's the thing.
Believe women was always supposed to be like,
listen to, like, give them a chance to tell you what happened
instead of just instantly dismissing them.
Somehow it got turned into women have never lied.
We know that's not true.
Everyone lies, regardless of gender.
And I don't know why some of these activists can't wrap their head around this.
And they go, no, Amber's incapable of lying.
She's a woman.
What do you think's next for the Amber Heard fans?
What lie do you think they're going to jump on next, Andy?
How can they keep justifying what she's done?
Yeah,
it's interesting. I think
some of them are starting to wise up, but
I don't know. Do you think this
interview tonight will change any minds?
Did she slip up in any way?
I think they may not be as vocal
as they used to be, but I
don't think they can change. It's just like
I can't admit I'm wrong, just like Amber can't
admit she's wrong but again I feel like
it's so annoying it really is somebody
just can't tell you that they fucked
you over it's like it sits in you
forever but but Dick it's
like with Amber I can just sign
her off I'm like all right get it this is a complete
narcissist psychopath like
all right whatever we've all deduced that
but to see all so many people branching
off from her to lift her up, given all the evidence,
and still be like, no, she is a queen,
and what a brave woman to fight the misogyny
and the conservatives and blah, blah, blah.
It's like, that to me is even more frustrating.
And Andy, I think you're like me, too,
where we still, even though we shouldn't,
have this weird instinctual, like, I feel kind of bad for Amber Heard, and I don't know why.
I just want her to stop.
Because you've never dated someone like her.
That's why.
I don't feel bad at all.
But I'm like, look, she has a kid.
I don't want her to live in the gutter or whatever.
You feel bad for the kid.
Yeah, I feel bad for the kid.
And I don't know.
I just wish she could...
The thing is, people think we're horrible misogynists
and we don't care about women. Even now,
I'm like, I wish Amber Heard would just shut up,
walk some of this
stuff back, work out
a payment plan.
I don't want her to die in a gutter.
I want her to take care of her kid,
have a roof over her head. She deserves
basic human dignity.
Maybe I am
being too... Alright, alright. You think I'm
sucking up too much? Shut up.
She always has a place to stay.
Hey, I've said
I'd ride the roller coaster.
If Amber Heard needs a shoulder to cry on,
I'm right here, baby.
Okay, so biggest problem in the universe.
I gotta say, I kinda agree.
You kind of agree.
Because people are so...
Of all the problems, they're the biggest one.
Well, it's the hell that we live in is defined by the judgment of our peers.
Unfortunately, all these people are here who can never admit that they're wrong.
There's a lot of that.
Who will believe anything that satisfies some kind of
narrative that they're
predisposed to want to believe.
You know, that like, this
poor woman, and it's
honestly, it's because she's pretty. Like, if she
was some slob, if she was like
either a man or an ugly
woman, they wouldn't care. It's just
they want to be her so badly.
Like, it's this very sick, narcissistic
projection that half of our country's addicted to. It is true that a lot it's just they want to be her so badly like it's this very sick narcissistic
projection that half of our
half of our country is addicted to
it is true that a lot of the me too stuff
if you're an unattractive individual
it seems to hit you harder
oh yeah
did you see my DMs Vito by the way at some point
did I what now
I'll check your DMs yes
okay
do you want to go next Vito or do you want me to go next?
I can probably go.
Oh, also, Dick, read this.
Will I go next?
My biggest problem in the universe, Dick, is journalist hall monitors.
Okay.
Now, Andy, I think you've met some of these people.
These are people who, journalism is supposed to be an important profession, right?
Where you report on misdeeds and you muckrake, you uncover great, horrible things that are happening against the populace.
Try to make the world a better place, right?
That's the role of a journalist.
To sell ads, you mean.
Well, that's a big part of it, too.
These are journalists who think the best way to help society is to hang out on, like, Twitter and Telegram and Facebook
and wait for somebody to say something that's, like, a little not politically correct and go,
We got him, folks!
Lock it down!
One of these people, who Andy may be familiar with is the great taylor lorenz have you
heard of taylor lorenz andy yeah i mean she's part of uh my people the worst people in the universe
wes well supports amber taylor she does is a famous one of these tattletale journalists
these hall monitors who uh here's one of her many misdeeds.
There was a club, you know Clubhouse, that app, the audio-only app where you do roundtable
discussions?
Yeah, yeah.
There was a roundtable discussion about the GameStop stock kerfuffle that was going on.
Oh, yeah.
And she tweeted out, did you know that during this clubhouse meetup,
Silicon Valley investor Mark Anderson used the r-slur?
R-slur meaning, you know,
person of feeble mental abilities.
Oh, yeah, okay.
The problem being that...
The r- slur?
You mean at the end?
You can't...
No.
R slur.
Yeah.
You know where I'm going with this.
Spaz.
Mentally challenged.
Mentally challenged.
Yes.
So is hanging out in the Clubhouse app just waiting for one of these investors to use
a bad word?
Let's be clear.
First of all, this was a quote that they were reading from Reddit
where the people buying GameStop stock were referring to themselves
using the R slur, saying basically,
we're so stupid that Wall Street can't win.
It was their word you're saying?
Yeah, they're saying they can't stay solvent
as long as we can stay mentally handicapped.
Yes.
The problem was that the guy she accused of saying it
wasn't even the guy who said it.
It was like a different rando
because anyone could be in the Clubhouse app.
And this verified reporter is going on Twitter
and going,
well, actually, they used ableist language.
And is this what you're supposed to do as a journalist?
Just find people who are using bad words
and that's all you got?
Yeah. They keep doing that. They did that to pewdiepie okay yeah it's um it's a very sick kind of clout chase they're just
sitting around waiting for you to like slip it's like okay i can understand that it's bad if it's
like a pattern of behavior for somebody to be using slurs yeah but they'll be digging into like
10 year old news story or like
tweets. There was like some kid who just
got a football scholarship or something or
I think he got signed to a major team and they go
well did you know 10 years ago he used the
F slur on Twitter? How old was
he? And they're like 14. You're telling
me when he was 14. What are you doing?
What is this hall monitor behavior? We all use it every
day. I mean
some of these words are getting tossed around.
It's locker room talk.
It's not fodder for journalistic discussion.
Now, most recently.
It's the scalping.
It's their need to call the ranks, to be the ultimate liberal,
to be better than any other.
Yeah, and then getting all the clicks based on that.
Get all the clicks by being a shining example well we saw this this week and this was this was crazy did you guys
see what happened with the washington post this week no okay so there was a there's a uh washington
post writer named david weigel who retweeted a joke yeah he did not tweet the joke he did not
write the joke himself he saw a funny joke on Twitter and he hit the retweet button.
I'm going to give you the joke and you guys let me know if this shocks you to your core.
This was a joke written by Cam Harley.
She says, every girl is bi.
You just have to figure out if it's polar or sexual.
Is she bipolar or bisexual?
It's kind of funny because they're the same.
It's a groaner.
They're the same.
Yeah, the bipolar girls are the bisexuals.
It's not funny.
All right, well, I don't know about that necessarily.
Well, I do.
Okay, look, maybe it's a groaner of a joke.
There's a lot of them.
Okay, everybody's got problems regardless.
What's the worst thing in the world?
A journalist retweets a joke.
Well, this Felicia Sonmez, again world a journalist retweets a joke well this felicia
sanmez again a journalist at the washington post she tweets out horrified she goes i am so glad i
work at a news outlet where retweets like this are allowed allowed allowed to retweet a washington
post writer so not only did she get her fellow Washington Post writer suspended
for a month without pay
for a horrible retweet joke.
That sounds a little bisexual,
if I'm honest. Sounds a little
bipolar. It's sexist that only the
man was punished in this situation. Well, actually,
she did finally, the Washington Post had to
step in because she wouldn't shut up about
it for the next week.
For a week. Never shuts up.
I don't know if you guys saw.
It was crazy on Twitter.
All these news outlets were like,
what is going on at the Washington Post?
Because they were all just going,
the Washington Post is a beacon of toxicity and violence
because they allowed this joke.
Jesus Christ.
It's just a joke.
And then one other Washington Post person said,
well, hey, let's not disparage our paper.
It's a very proud place to work. And they went, you're contributing to it. And another Washington Post person said, well, hey, let's not disparage our paper. You know, it's a very proud place to work.
And they went, you're contributing to it.
And another Washington Post writer, this was the best, was Felicia Sonmez, again, the person who initially complained.
She went on like a 12-tweet rant just being like, the toxicity levels at our paper are through the roof.
And people of different whatevers are marginalized, blah, blah, blah.
And finally, another Washington Post lady just went, please stop.
And it had
like hundreds of thousands of retreats
because they're like, what are you doing?
Until finally the Washington Post has stepped
up and fired Felicia Sonmez.
Oh, really? Yes. They said,
what is wrong with you?
All you did for a week was tweet about how our
paper is awful and hates the
marginalized and is toxic.
Like, how is this good for, how does this help us?
Can you imagine having a job at Taco Bell and every day before you get to Taco Bell,
you stand outside with a sign for an hour and go, Taco Bell kills puppies.
And you go, well, I'm just trying to make it a better workplace, man.
I'm just trying to elevate above the margin in the house and save the marginalized or whatever else.
What is this behavior that is in their head that they go, I have to tattle on everyone.
It's attention.
Including my closest colleagues and people I'm forced to work with every day.
They're nuts.
They need attention.
Yes.
Like, attention is the only currency that they trade in.
To the point where they will eat their colleagues and try to get their own people fired.
Yeah.
You're like, don't you want, shouldn't your paper,
shouldn't you go to Washington Post, a great place to work,
and everybody, you know, you want people to read your stuff
and respect your newspaper as opposed to,
the place I work is shit and it's full of bigots.
Thanks for coming by.
Terrible marketing strategy.
Do a bunch of guys now think that, like, oh, yeah.
Do a bunch of guys think that women are Not bipolar now After this was done
Well I don't know we haven't heard from David Weigel
Because again he's been suspended for a month without pay
Has apologized for retweeting a joke
On the internet
You can apologize for retweeting it
That's fine
I'll give him that
What's he even to apologize for
It's not a very funny joke
If you're a woman that works
there and you see that, it's kind of like
that makes
me uncomfortable.
The weird sexualness of it
makes me uncomfortable and the casualness
Okay, but you know all those jokes that you always
see that's like men will literally do
this instead of going to therapy
making fun of the mental conditions of men?
They retweet that all the time
now it's the sexualness of it
though that makes me uncomfortable
does it infer that bisexuality is bad
it just brings
bisexuality is good
it's totally inappropriate to bring
somebody's sexuality
at work I think to me
I'm sensitive to that
is Twitter your work
you're oppressing dick you agree with dick at work, I think, to me. Is Twitter your work?
I'm oppressing dick right now.
You're oppressing dick? You agree with dick?
No, because I hate, like,
I've seen a lot of business settings where guys, like, they start
doing that elbow shit. They'll see each other
from, like, across, like, across
the street. Like, you know the guy, and they'll start
elbowing already, and they're like, here we go.
We're gonna meet and do, like, a big inappropriate
elbow thing and start making everybody uncomfortable, and you And they're like, here we go. We're going to meet and do like a big inappropriate elbow thing and start making everybody uncomfortable.
And you can feel like women go like.
What do you mean elbow thing?
Like ribbing each other?
Like nudging.
Like, oh, yeah.
And you know, have you ever seen like an ass on a woman?
Yeah, okay.
Oh, man, that ass gets right up on the butt.
But Twitter isn't the workplace.
Twitter's like a whole whatever.
It's like a throwaway.
It literally is just this wild west of you just
throw shit up and you offend a bunch of people and then you apologize you're talking about like a
reporter there's no reason for him to be doing well maybe reporters shouldn't be on twitter
maybe that's the big problem yeah but i i do think that uh i don't think that well that's you know
what that is kind of the problem that i was was almost getting at is maybe you're right.
Maybe all these reporters are just acting.
It's reporters acting like children on the internet.
You're supposed to be like, and you're right, maybe that does include retweeting jokes.
The new media does this too where every time a Star Wars comes out, they'll go like,
oh, can you believe that there's a black elf or something in this?
And they'll start freaking out about every
little thing. It's just like
it's just too much media. It's too much
journalism. Because there's not that
many things that happen, so they have to make
nonsense out of so many other
like how many things will happen
every year that it's worth covering?
Well, the Amber Heard trial, of course.
Amber Heard course i'm still
confused what veto is fighting for i'm fighting for journalists should act should should report
on real stories instead of this little that's not what you call the beginning you've shifted like
four times i said your thing makes no sense just log off twitter and your problem is solved it's journalists it's journalists
feeling like they need to police our language and our speech and that it's worth reporting on
and raising a big fuss over when there's like so many other issues that we could be talking about
that have actual bearing on the world like the election fraud like no not shut the fuck up
there's no election fraud.
Goddamn, we're going to get demonetized again if you keep doing that.
You motherfuckers.
The election in Russia. The election, yes.
All the Russian election fraud.
You should have picked Pixar. That would have been
a better one. Pixar is the biggest problem in the
universe? Yeah.
I could argue that for an hour. My God.
Have you heard about Lightyear? I haven haven't seen light year but you did tell me
that it's this big my god my ear chose to focus on the gay kiss instead of sending
his light year to space
wait what this is a galactic ranger to infinity and beyond yeah and instead he just stays on a barren planet
all day, and he's got to protect the
black lesbian.
And because of that, they can't have aliens
in the movie because Disney's so progressive.
We've got to have a gay kiss for 10 seconds.
They have a 10-second kiss?
They actually have
a space adventure.
If a gay kiss was longer than 10 seconds,
it would be gratuitous.
They'd be moving in together.
No big deal kiss. It was insane.
Vito, I'm going to give you 100 problems more
than your dumb thing.
I always bring in nerd problems.
My problem is great.
Everyone who's listening knows what I'm talking about.
Your problem is just so overdone.
It's like, oh, yeah.
I know it's overdone, but I didn't want to do it.
Everybody always gets mad if I bring in nerd problems. There's other things in life. No, there isn't. There's overdone, but I didn't want to do it. Everybody always gets mad if I bring in nerd problems, so what am I going to do?
There's other things in life. No, there isn't. There's just
food, using the toilet, and
nerd stuff, which are my three
category of problem.
And complaining about the culture.
I've got a lot of my audience over, and I think they just wanted to hear me
talk and yell, so I just decided to take it.
Okay, I got it.
That was my problem.
Journalist Hall Monitor is a great problem, and the audience will vote at biggestproblem.show.
Yeah, vote it down.
You can vote down if you hated my problem.
I'm offended by David Corona saying I'm using Just For Men beard coloring.
I do not color my beard.
This is proper gray coming in.
My God.
You're not doing a very good job coloring it.
You're not coloring it at all?
I know. I don't color all. I'm letting it go.
I don't believe you.
You got to be calling her a little something.
Okay.
I have the time or energy to color my beard.
You got more time and energy than anyone on this fucking planet.
Andy, like you're streaming every day.
You're going on wild vacations with the family.
I got that. You got everything. You got all this energy. You got more energy wild vacations with the family. You got
all this energy. You got more energy
than me. I love your shirt.
Johnny Depp is innocent. Big block
letters. No styling at all.
Yeah, that's how you communicate a message.
We saw a lot of them.
That looks like my kitty.
What's your cat's name?
Cookie. Is there
naming rights for the cat on Super Chats?
Yeah, how much to name the cat?
I mean, I'm sure if you gave me $1,000, I'd change the name of my cat.
You can't do that.
You know what?
If you give us $100, we'll call the cat something else on this show.
Look at that cat.
How come your cat's never on the stream?
She usually bites me, but no one's home.
I'm here alone this week.
Now she's desperate for love.
Yeah, she just wants food. She only loves me when she wants food sorry go ahead no you're such a pretty kitty okay you're here what is the biggest problem the universe you're here alone you're at
your home alone all week yeah right andy he is okay i'm assuming the woman is out then
all right well then you're not gonna this is the one week of your life where you're not going to encounter
this problem. Is someone
throwing your perfectly good shit away?
Yeah.
Yeah, I can relate.
Why? What happened to you,
Dick? I get my girlfriend to help me
ship some t-shirts for my store.
Sure. Right? And I get
them all packaged up. I get the postage
on. We put them in garbage
bags to take them to the post office. Oh, no.
And drop, right?
And we spent all, like, an hour or two packaging
shirts, right? Yeah. Okay, very
I'm explaining this process to her, like, okay
and, you know, there's the hint of, don't fuck
if you fuck this up, it's gonna, you know
Yeah. You're never gonna hear the end of it, alright?
So we get them all in the bags,
we take them to the post office,
and then we drop them off,
and she takes the garbage bags
and throws them in the trash.
Said,
those were perfectly good garbage bags.
Those were perfectly good garbage bags.
Those are three perfectly good garbage bags
that you just threw.
Well, Dick,
but they touched T-shirts.
Right into the trash. She said, well, they were all stretched out. I said Dick, but they touched t-shirts. Right into the trash.
They were all stretched out. They were not
stretched out at all.
They were perfectly fine.
There was no reason to throw.
Do you know how expensive garbage
bags are? Right. There's no reason
to get rid of it. I don't, but
they're not free.
But this has been a common thing, of course, is that you always
hear from people that their mom
threw out all their great stuff for no reason.
What happened to the carton of lettuce that was in here yesterday
that I know had another...
Well, the Best Update said it was yesterday.
Oh, the Best Buy.
It says Best Buy, not, you know...
Best.
Best.
I'll take second best.
Slightly less than best the day after.
I'll take second best. Slightly less than best the day after. I'll take stretched out.
The last place I want to be is needing a garbage bag and not having any garbage bags.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Not a stretched out garbage bag, but absolutely no garbage bags.
I think Cookie agrees with us.
Is that Cookie was the name of the cat?
That's a beautiful cat.
I got some stats for you. 30 to 40%
of the food supply is thrown away.
You think women are doing that?
Oh no, just anyone could be doing it.
I guess I shouldn't
assume that we're blaming women for our problems on this show
but it just seems like...
Who's doing the shopping?
Who's buying the food and needs
to have the food look perfect?
Food waste is a big problem.
Yeah.
It is interesting that we even have a hunger problem because so much food is thrown out
every year.
10% of the food supply is thrown out by my girlfriend, personally.
Yeah, your girlfriend's doing it specifically.
The average American throws away 65 pounds of clothes every year.
You know what?
How about that?
I have a bunch of clothes that I need to donate, and they've just been sitting around, and
I'm going, why don't I just throw them out?
You know?
Like, who would know?
How would anyone find out?
She threw away clothes.
She threw away clothes.
Yeah.
See, but I feel guilty when I throw stuff away, because I go, someone could have used
that.
Yeah.
You should feel guilt.
Yeah.
But they don't.
The people throwing these clothes away Which could be anybody
Not me
Not you
Andy, do you ever throw out clothes?
Throw in the trash
Do you ever donate things?
Do you ever take stuff to the Goodwill?
Yeah, I'll donate things
I haven't done that in a long time
We have a smash room, do you guys have that by you?
A smash room
I start collecting things When I go back to the smash room. Do you guys have that by you? A smash room. Yeah, we do.
I start collecting things when I'm going to go back to the smash room with my kids
and then you gear up and then you get to get baseball
bats and axes and
smash all your stuff. That's my new
favorite thing to do. What the heck? I've not heard of this.
Where do they have this?
Downtown. And what, you just bring your
stuff and they let you break it for fun?
You can buy stuff right there or
you can bring your own stuff to smash.
Do they look over your stuff to make sure?
How strict are they about what you can break?
What do you mean?
Whatever you want.
You can bring like a bag with a person in it?
Yeah.
Yeah, can you bring a corpse?
You have a corpse in the, what do you call it, in the garage.
You have the dead body.
All I know is you guys really suck at your own show,
and I feel like I destroyed both of you.
What are you talking about?
These are both good problems.
These are very good problems.
When's the last time?
I thought I'd win, but my God.
Just because you got topical and had the hot button issue.
Yeah, bring in Amber Heard fans a year from now.
Wow, what is this?
I will take up your challenge,
Dick.
We try to give the guest a give me
and we're like, yeah, you can...
2023, you invite me back to this
show and I will absolutely do it
again. Next time we do this show, I'm
going to hear what your problem is and then I'm going to go first
and I'm going to steal it and then you're going to have to figure out what to do on the fly. Alright time we do this show, I'm going to hear what your problem is, and then I'm going to go first, and I'm going to steal it, and then you're going to have to figure out
what to do on the fly. Alright, we gave you
a gimme with the Amber Heard stuff, you idiot.
Take the gift.
600,000 perfectly good
aborted fetuses are thrown away.
Okay, well, that's...
No. No.
That's not how that works.
That's perfectly good.
Annie Vito called me.
He's like, oh, hey, call me.
Andy's coming on.
And, you know, his audience is like, they're following Amber Heard.
They're, you know, maybe a little less.
We're doing a show.
Tone it down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't worry.
I'll tone it down a little bit.
I didn't say tone it down.
I just said they might have different tastes in comedy.
I love watching Vito get nervous.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to get banned from YouTube forever.
How are you going to get banned?
I don't know.
You're going to do something, and it's going to get us all banned.
I don't know what it is, but it'll happen at some point.
Do you see that guy that docks all the youtube uh people
or just said oh the act the act man yeah the act have you been covering that at all andy
the act man i've heard about it through veto's chats and stuff i haven't actually gotten deep
into it but it seems like there's more to it the act man is a guy who uh was rightfully upset with
another youtuber and then they were like well we can't do anything about it. And he was like,
oh, well, then I guess it's okay for me to
dox YouTube employees
as like a sick joke.
And you're like, yeah, YouTube's gonna love
hearing that joke. So they
banned his monetization.
Oh, so they banned me because I'm talking shit about this other YouTuber.
Then I go, no, we banned you because you said
you're gonna dox our employees. Like, you
fucking moron. So
not a smart guy.
Dude, Vito, you could have picked Ezra Miller as well.
Well, I thought about bringing in Ezra Miller.
I just didn't know.
What would I say?
Dirty hippies who kidnap children?
And he's also, think what he's doing to the trans community by overusing the pronouns
and making it hate crimes.
Well, we had our entire Pride Month special.
We've covered a lot of gay problems already.
You know what?
I've come around.
I love Pride Month now.
Pride Month is great.
It pisses off all the right people.
Well, man.
The amazing thing I learned about Pride Month
is the fact that Target will put their rainbow stuff all over
and they'll profit off of
Pride Month and then the higher ups
at Target will go pay for anti-gay
things.
Are you actually buying
Pride stuff from department stores
and the Pride sections at Target
and people don't even realize
or connect the fact that Target is
of course going to end up sporting anti-gay
initiatives too. Have you been to Target during Pride Month, Dick?
I've never gone to Target.
I refuse.
The best thing is you go to the pet area, and they're like, wouldn't your dog love the fucking rainbow flag handkerchief?
They have a rainbow cat tunnel for my gay cat to run through.
I like it because it's like like juneteenth is now like
uh fourth of july yeah but for liberals there's a pride section wait i can't it's all blurry
what is it because yeah because your connection sucks oh whatever just describe it to me
can i text it to you vito i can't show. Just tell me what it is! Use words! It's a podcast, Andy!
People are going to listen to this in audio format.
Demi Lovato Records
That's being
sold as the big Pride Month
item to pick up.
Let's see.
Pride is Power Pillows.
Well, Pride is Power Pillows.
No, it says Pride is Power
on the pillow.
There's a queer mug mug and then there's a
queer magic candle and then there's a bye-bye binary book for babies bye-bye binary imaginary
binary and a bunch of uh yeah like yeah i saw a shirt that just had a bunch of pronouns all over
it and i'm like what what what do you get out of wearing that shirt? Just that pronouns exist?
Yeah, pronouns.
Pronouns. I'm celebrating pronouns.
Words.
Like, what is even happening?
Yeah.
I hate that.
And, man, they started using, you know that flag with the yellow and the purple circle,
which was like a joke?
Yeah.
The intersex flag?
Yeah.
I think they got tricked into using it seriously.
They started using it.
Yeah.
I saw a pride flag that was ludicrous speed.
It was all zooming in.
Oh, it was all like-
It was all the colors zooming in.
Yeah.
I thought, well, that's got to be it.
That's the one forever.
At what point is there enough stuff on that flag?
Yeah.
Can we design a new pride flag and make it really popular?
I guess.
You can make a lot of money if they like it.
I just think there's got to be a better design out there somewhere.
That pointy one is so shitty.
It's so bad.
And I'm like, there's a lot.
You can do...
The rainbows are fun.
I love rainbows.
You can do something with a rainbow.
Now they're dated.
I don't know what we do.
Did you see that...
As a graphic designer, I love
pride and celebrating it and everything
else. I just hate
that flag with the triangle.
They're throwing away something perfectly
good. They threw away a perfectly
good pride flag design that
it endured for... How long was that
rainbow flag around? Like 30 years
or something. When did it become gay?
And then one day they go, well, how come there's no black people on it?
You go, well, no, they're on it.
It's just, it's the gay black.
They're like, we're the brown people.
And you're like, it's not a race thing.
Is that really?
That was really an issue?
Yeah, that's why it has black and brown triangles on it now.
They put black people on.
What did you think the black and the brown was for? I don't even know. Wait, so the new pride flag has triangles on it now. They put black people on... What did you think the black and the brown
was for, Andy? I don't even know. Wait, so
the new pride flag has triangles on it?
You haven't seen... Shut the fuck up. You've seen
it. It's got like a arrow.
Oh, I see it. Oh my god. No, I haven't.
That's the first I've ever seen it. What are you talking about? It's all over
that Target stuff. You were in the
Target. No, it was not.
Dude, I've been to the Target and they have the
black and brown triangle
on everything brown lines and now there's a blue oh my god they added a triangle to the side
yeah with uh trans are redesigns the lbg deep rainbow flag to be more include oh my god now
the rainbow is not inclusive no it's not there's not enough colors in a rainbow which has every color in it ah who's purple i'm confused purple is the intersex
pedophile oh no not pedophiles i thought they were on it no they're not on it you're telling
me the colors and the pride flag actually represented certain things well if the rainbow
represents everyone then yes the original pride flag each stripe represented like an emotion or
something or like you know it represented an idea regret no not regret that's not on the pride flag each stripe represented like an emotion or something or like you know it represented an
idea regret no not regret that's not on the pride flag straight regret is on the right is on there
because they're missing out on all the fun yes they're not missing out on all the fun and then
blue sadness no blue is not sadness sadness is not part of the pride flag oh that's inside out
okay that's separate yes that's the inside out what color is prep but then somebody said how come there's no black or brown people on the
pride flag no one said that no one said that's literally what changed it though black people
are gay as shit how come they're not here no one said that like well how come the white people
aren't on there and they're like because we don't need it with the way they're a part of every it's
so complicated i had no idea. This is so weird.
I have no idea how you haven't seen this. It's literally like on all
the stuff.
I live in Florida. Yeah, I guess you guys
are a whole
different thing. It hasn't hit us yet. I'm looking
at no. Oh, okay. There is a circle
with more colors. Yeah.
Well, there's like so many different variations.
Wow. Florida.
Big DeSantis. Throwing away perfectly good stuff. Well, if's like so many different variations. Wow, Florida. DeSantis. Throwing away perfectly
good stuff. Well, if you'd listen to the Colin episode,
someone's girlfriend was trying to throw out a perfectly
good chair. There you go!
All they want to do,
people,
some people, is go through
your house, take your shit,
throw it away, get new stuff.
That's it. Like, every eight months
they just want to go on a tour in your house.
Oh, well, this piano is kind of old.
Let's throw it away.
It was a female caller and her problem was male hoarders.
And she said.
It's not hoarding.
I've been called a fucking hoarder by everyone I've ever dated.
Oh, you're like a hoarder.
Bitch, don't fucking.
Don't you stigmatize my frugal, my frugality with your bullshit.
You got all sorts of stuff, though. It's a normal stuff in the house. Shouldn't you throw out some my frugal, my frugality with your bullshit. You got all sorts of stuff though.
It's a normal stuff in the house.
Shouldn't you throw out some of your stuff for no reason?
And then they praise you for it too.
Like if I throw out a shirt, I will get, oh, you're such a good boy.
Like, oh, look at you.
You're clearing out.
You're a little good boy nuggets.
Look at you.
Now I can use this drawer.
You're just like growing up into such an adult man.
Yeah.
Look at you throwing this stuff away.
Andy, does your girlfriend ever try to make you throw stuff out?
Oh, my God, yes.
And I'm talking about hoarders.
Look at all the toys.
I'm a hoarder because I collect toys.
Yeah, and it's all good stuff.
No, they're on a shelf.
Yeah, it's all organized.
It's on a shelf.
It's not hoarding.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm hoarding because my stuff is scattered all around my apartment like a fire hazard.
That's my problem.
Throwing perfectly good stuff away.
Perfectly good stuff.
My problem was journalist hall monitors.
Andy, your problem was...
Amber Heard supporters.
I believe those supporters.
Those are our problems.
And the best thing you can do is after the show,
don't forget to check out Biggest Problem That Show
and vote on the problems.
You can vote them up if you like them.
Vote them down if you don't like them.
And let us know what is truly the biggest problem in the universe okay
we got voice link biggest problem dot show and okay god make sure you guys all go there and
actually do this thank you the problems will be up after the show but bookmark that and another
great link to bookmark is our patreon at patreon.com slash biggest problem where we actually have our monthly
bonus episode up. The biggest
problem in the universe. Pride
edition. With gay people. Is it
okay if I call it the gayest problem in the universe?
I'm not gay. You can't.
I have no. But the problem is
gay related problems. Vito is gay.
Yeah, well I'm bisexual.
Wow. Yeah, it's
basically. Not really. it's like gay plus
all right well we're gonna play
some boys have you been with versus girls
in your life
at this point it's like an even
split okay then yeah
I think it counts really
yeah I've been a little lot of
it was like one or two and they had like dozens
of the other I'd say it's a whole
thing guys are wild, man.
They want to go nuts, man.
There's like so many of them.
And they're very cool with not being on.
Do you go on the guy or you let the guy go on you?
I'm not doing any butt.
Wait, what is that?
What do you mean, Andy?
If you're worried about that.
Does your mouth go on dudes?
Occasionally.
On their assholes?
More often or equal, joint, same time?
I'd say less often.
I'm typically the
top
in the situation.
You're in demand!
More than you do it to the dudes is what I'm getting at.
Yes, yes.
Maybe I take it back. Then he's not.
What kind of guy do you like?
It's a complicated...
It's not complicated. I can easily tell you what kind of guy do you like? It's a complicated... It's not complicated.
I can easily tell you what kind of girl I like.
A very...
Well, but the problem is that I like, like, feminine guys, you know?
What's like a celebrity guy we can visualize?
Celebrity guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How come you can never answer these questions?
You're supposed to be proud of this stuff.
It's pride money.
Who's your male celebrity question?
Because I don't look at any celebrities.
Because I mostly look at look at this be the
bonus show can we have a bonus show where we prod veto on his gay uh likes this is amazing i also
don't know like so like i don't get i don't think i can do this easily amanda z fried but that's the
thing is i don't he's hot oh bam i would go like you ever watch chloe dick oh no what was that
chloe it's a movie where she makes out with
Julianne Moore.
She ends up screwing...
She screws Liam Neeson, and then
she has to go screw his whole family. His son,
his wife. Wow.
Yeah, you gotta go watch it.
I gotta see that.
That girl from The Blonde
that has messed up eyes from Euphoria.
Her also.
No problem. No, not Zendaya.
What is her name?
My girlfriend would know her name.
Something.
She's got the big...
Euphoria.
Isn't it Zendaya that's on that show though, right?
Yeah, but there's a girl with more messed up eyes.
I don't know.
Is Timothy Chalametet type of guy?
Which one was he?
He looks like what?
Oh, yeah. Chalamet.
Yeah.
Tom Holland? I was going to actually say
Tom Holland would be a good...
Spider-Man?
I'd have to dress him up. A Spider-Man?
No, not a Spider-Man.
He needs to grow his hair out. Let's be clear. How much? Like a woman-man no not a young boy you know yeah right he needs to grow his hair
out let's be clear how much like a woman yeah like a lady okay would you feel like oh shoot you're
wet would you be mary j or you'd be doc octopus would you say call me doc octopus i'll talk
call me doc cock spider-man tip tom holland i think that could be fun. Like that? Yeah. Wow.
I don't think about it a lot.
What?
What do you mean you don't think about sex with men a lot?
It's more, what do they call it?
They call it like, you can be bisexual, but I mostly engage, I'm mostly looking for women.
Okay.
You know?
Yeah, aren't we all?
Flexible, they call it.
Heteroflex women. Okay. You know? Yeah, aren't we all? But flexible, they call it. Heteroflexible, you know?
Okay.
Where I'm like, I want, I would, you know, these beautiful women is like the preferred
thing, but guys are fun too, you know?
That's kind of what it is.
Wow.
So most of the time, if I'm fantasizing, I'm fantasizing about a woman.
About a woman.
But then you are gay.
Not even close.
No, but I'm saying I'm open to...
You don't fantasize about a man?
See, this is why I don't talk about it, because everyone says you're cheating.
On what?
No, I typically would not fantasize about a man.
Huh.
But transgender women, that's a whole other bag of worms, but they're great.
Okay.
All right.
It's like the best of both worlds.
Well, yeah, it is the best of both worlds.
Happy Pride Month. It's half of both worlds. Hey, no clippers here? Okay. All right. It's like the best of both worlds. Well, yeah, it is the best of both worlds. Happy Pride Month.
It's half of both worlds.
Hey, no clips in here.
Okay.
Here's...
Imagine you could take a woman and she wanted to have sex as much as a guy does.
That'd be awful.
That's what trans women are kind of like.
I feel like you...
Vito, you got to be honest.
You're going to answer honest?
You promise?
Sure.
Ezra Miller, you clearly want to do him uh i
think ezra miller is a very attractive individual but he's way too crazy to uh do anything with
so in the gay community is crazy guys not good i just think i think ezra miller is like a murderer
oh wow i think ezra miller is gonna murder someone the way he's been acting they've been
acting all right but i definitely think ezra miller is gonna murder someone the way he's been acting they've been acting all
right but i definitely think ezra miller is attractive yes okay here's some here's some
voicemails i'll even say ezra miller is hot good for you that fucking that sexy cowboy picture i'm
like well he is a good looking sexy cowboy did you watch that fucking crazy benedict cumberbatch
and the other guy do you
think they were hot no i haven't seen that one yet yeah you'll like it i don't like benedict
cumberbuckle he's a weird looking guy okay here's uh from the call-in show hi dick tv is mr neil
here so you guys had a call-in show last week i guess i missed it i hope it's not too late for me
to submit a problem uh My biggest problem in the universe
is people who go above
your head when you're a partner on something.
Let's say you have a podcast
and they decide one week
when you're out of town, they go,
look at me. I'm half this show.
I can do this on my own.
Then they do the show without you and it kind of sucks.
It really sucks.
Anyway, actually I have
another problem, totally unrelated.
Dickless episodes.
Bye. I did see some
people complaining. They said, well, Dick's not there.
There's no point in listening. Look, here's
the option. Then just don't listen. Here's the
option, audience. You could have either had a
week with no episode
or a little fill-in
thing that a lot of people liked i think it could
even we could do i could do another call-in show maybe we'll figure it out because people liked it
enough people did enough people liked it that it could and there wasn't enough hate to dissuade
you from right like we will never have another mr girl episode we know that at least not me and
mr maybe he could come in when you're here
to help guide the thing.
But that was a fucking disaster. I think we're too similar
me and Mr. Girl. Yeah, maybe.
But don't say you're too similar
to Mr. Girl. You're going to get in all sorts of trouble.
No, I just mean specifically
the pedophile stuff. Okay, well...
Regardless, great call-in stream
from me. I knocked it out of the park and uh let's listen all right
hi andy how you doing biggest problem in the universe is all these fucking remakes and
remasters that are coming out in the whole video game sphere re4 remake and it's gonna make it
more serious and less campy and fun leon says women verbatim twice in this fucking game and he's not
going to do it in the remake and then the last of us is getting a remaster that just looks a bit
better but both of these things are completely unneeded both games play completely well
remakes and remasters are for shit like jout or some shit that you could completely reimagine
stop spending the same ip again god damn it see this is another one that
i would have brought in but i'm like i've been doing too much nerd shit but andy you're not a
big video gamer though no i mean no well here's the comparison andy can you imagine taking a movie
that was made 10 years ago and remaking the exact same movie like exact same plot and characters
like do you know how ridiculous that would be?
Pretty ridiculous. And that's what they're doing
with video games. They're taking Last of Us,
which I think is like eight years old,
and they're like, we're remaking it.
You mean you're updating the graphics? They're like, no.
We're remaking it from the ground up.
What does that mean?
They're literally just looking at the original game
and then just another programmer is
making it look exactly
the same but slightly better
for a modern audience. Yes, it's a
wish they do that for movies
like go back to like the Polar Express
Matrix Reloaded like
fix some of the bad CG. Yeah,
I kind of agree with that. I don't know
why I like George
Lucas fucking around with the special edition sucked
but he did make some quality of life improvements that were like genuinely better
Like some of the Death Star CG was better added like some stuff and then but then he added all these like, you know
Monsters pooping on the ground because he thought it was funny and you're like look George
It's not it doesn't mean the same thing the movie doesn't mean mean the same if it's been changed
Even if the time has passed. Yeah.
Like, that amount of time.
This is not, the story is not relevant anymore.
I think if you're the creator, that you have full control over your creation to continue
needling with it till the end of time.
I have no problem with that.
Okay.
Here we go.
Hey, Dig.
Hey, Vito.
Your old pal, DP.
The biggest problem in the universe is fucking steampunk anything.
They have ruined cool fucking fantasy.
We got, you know, fantasy over there.
Like, hey, what are you guys talking about?
Oh, well, we're, like, talking about killing dragons and shooting fireballs
and, like, fucking big titty princesses.
What about you, sci-fi? What are you into?
I'm into space lasers and going out
in the universe and fucking aliens
or four tits. That's cool fucking
shit. That's neat
imagination, adult imagination.
In walks the trans community
of fucking fantasy and
make-believe.
I didn't listen this far.
They walk in the room and ruin it for everybody. Hey, guys,
I like mustaches and
putting gears on everything.
Why is steampunk trans?
Hey, can you leave the room? You're kind of
killing our vibe here. No!
I like Victorian era shit
and blimp!
I like mustaches
and putting goggles on that never
go on my face. Fuck you, you
fucking weirdo! Never go on my face. Fuck you, you fucking weirdos.
Never go on my face.
You know who else likes fucking steampunk shit?
The goggles are always up here.
Pedophile.
Oh, yeah, all the time.
Like I said, they're the trans community.
All right.
I don't know why he's calling them the trans community.
It was fine without that component.
I don't know if he was trying to make some sort of weird metaphor I wasn't getting.
Okay, here's the last one.
Last one.
And then we'll do super chats.
Hey, Vito. Hey, Dick. I'm calling
because I heard Vito
on the Dick show last week
and he was once again
complaining that he needs to lose weight.
So I figured I'd offer
a proposition.
Vito, I will
pay you $1,000
if you can lose 70 pounds by Christmas.
I don't think it's doable.
By Christmas?
If you fail to do so, you have to give me $1,000.
No, well, then I'm obviously not going to accept it.
That's terrible.
We can either set it up that we have to lose 70 pounds by Christmas.
No, no.
Okay, what about if you lose the weight, you get money,
but if you don't lose the weight, you have to send a picture of your penis on the internet.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
How much money would that take?
No, no.
I don't want...
What do you mean no, no?
I'm not going to send a picture of my penis on the internet.
Well, then lose the weight.
Okay, well, I'll try to lose the weight, but there's no penis.
How much money would it take?
You need to think of a better thing than me
A thousand dollars?
The second my penis gets on the internet
All that happens is every time I try to say anything to anybody
They go, here's a picture of your penis
So you better lose the weight
God fucking damn it
What if you have to lose 20 pounds?
20 pounds by Christmas
No one wants to see my
25 pounds
Hairy Italian dork
25 pounds by Christmas?
Or you have to
And you get money
But if you don't I'd have to do a weigh-in.
Yeah. Think of a different thing
other than my dick. I don't want anyone to see my dick.
It does not have to be my penis.
It does not have to be
my penis. Andy, don't you think that's a good deal?
I mean, I think it's a motivator for Vito.
Wait, what do I get if I
lose the 25 pounds other than my
penis doesn't get shown? You get a bunch of, like, fucking
toys and video games. Well, like, fucking toys and video games.
Well, I do like toys and video games.
See, now you're speaking my language.
All right.
If you said, I'm going to buy you a copy of Die Hard Arcade on the Sega Saturn,
I might say, okay.
Oh, that's a good game.
That is a good game.
I don't know why I don't have a copy of that.
Guys, this has been the biggest problem in the universe.
Thank you, Andy.
Thank you to our guest, Andy Sign Signore for bringing in a great problem
and bringing his audience in to say hi to us.
Again, we have a bonus problem available.
If you want to listen to more of the show,
check out patreon.com slash biggest problem
to listen to the biggest problem in the universe,
Pride Edition, which was a very funny episode.
We argued about various pride-related things,
trying to defend our friends in the gay community who we love.
I have the superchips.
Wait, wait, look at this.
Look at what Andy sent me.
Oh, you're trying to get it on the screen?
I still can't see it.
Yeah, it's the Target Pride Shop online.
Put it up to that camera that's literally right next to you.
Is that working?
Who is that lady?
No, that's a guy.
Okay, that's pretty good.
I would say them, just to be guy. Okay, that's pretty good. I would say them just to be safe.
Oh, yeah, okay.
It's them with the mustache.
You always got to say them.
And it's got...
See, Andy, how it has the trans stuff in the middle?
I didn't realize that.
Now I saw.
That's the flag they had.
Yep.
Yeah, so it's got trans, which is white, pink, and pastel blue.
I don't know why they're baby colors.
They made it very gross.
I don't know, man.
To have baby stuff?
When did a single color come to represent a gender?
We've complained about this before.
There's like the agender flag and the asexual flag.
Do you need a flag?
Well, it used to be.
I don't have any flags.
Little boys used to be uh
pink yeah and then it swapped for some reason so maybe that's why transgenderism is the future but
then they have brown that i guess is me i don't really feel like i own brown though mexican but
then black is definitely african-american did we get a bunch of super chats before the show started yeah probably yes oh my god oh my god from june 17th that's
today right uh yeah well who's your co-host that girl that was uh yelling about amber heard when i
was watching the alternate stealth steph the alternate staff she was great she's fun yeah
she's from the uk uh where in UK? That accent is very thick.
What's it called? Chat, help me. What's it called?
I always say it wrong.
Wales?
No.
Shire.
Staines?
The Shire.
She's from the Shire, right? Yeah, she's from the Shire.
Yorkshire? Yorkshire. She is from a Shire. She's from the Shire, right? Yeah, she's from the Shire. Yorkshire?
Yorkshire.
She is from a Shire.
Yorkshire. I said it right, right?
Yorkshire, not Yorkshire. Yorkshire.
Well, guys, I've got some super chats here.
Are we ready to hear them? Yeah.
Turkey Sandwich for $4.99 says
in Jamaica, the average price of a meat pie
is $2.50, but in Bermuda
it's $3.25.
These are the
Pirates of the Caribbean.
Get it?
The Pirates.
I got it.
Pete Oxenham for five
says, can't just throw money at YouTube.
I see what you're doing.
I see it. What does it say?
It says e-fairies,
which have proceeded by the name of
the platform andy for you you probably don't know this but they try to play a game where they try to
get explaining again to say a certain phrase to win money and prizes they don't actually get
anything what's the phrase the phrase is you say it uh dick no what's the phrase veto no i'm not
gonna say it they have to try me it's so close you weren me you were nowhere close because veto always says he always says
to be fair for everything like how biden says to be clear and it's really annoying it's not
annoying it's a perfectly reasonable phrase and i would still be using it if we didn't turn it
into a little game with an appropriate sound effect when i say it yeah but it's like it kind
of brainwashes you into thinking that what you're saying is
fair. What I am saying is fair.
Everything I say is fair. Yeah.
To be.
I hear someone yelling at somebody.
Arthur Tomlinson for two says Kyle Rittenhouse
would not have waited an hour.
That's an argument. Nate Ring for five says
flip the cameras, you dingus. I think
the cameras were good, right? Yeah. Looks
good to me. Right up your
alley with $20, a little super
sticker says goal.
Lord, thank you for the 20
right up your alley. Lord Alderheart for five
says we want blood.
Guy Matthews for 4.49
euros. A little super
chat of a little. I have no idea what that is.
Thank you.
Grinder spoons for two.
Says Andy sent us over. I gotta give you a spoon. Lol. What are the spoons
Andy?
The grinder spoon.
Oh, grinder spoons. Yes. Is that a big
supporter of yours?
She called in today. She makes
grinder spoons. What is a grinder?
Weed? Yeah.
For weed. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was? For weed? Yeah, for weed.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I was going to say it sounds like a drug thing.
Chris Hoyt for 20 says,
Randos from Popcorn Planet are in the house.
Randos.
I know that's the Amber Heard name for all us jerks.
Life of Lee for 50 sec.
Let's get a new Megapint.
I'm sad that he didn't say my last comment, though.
I don't know if that was for you, Andy, or us.
Arianne Beattie for 10.
My husband is watching this downstairs while I'm upstairs.
This one's for him.
A true uncircumcised king.
What is that about?
Again, Master Sashamaru for 100 again says pouch from Master Sashamaru.
Thank you for the 100, Master.
Pouch.
Wait, what is pouch?
I don't.
Go to sheathunderwear.com and you'll see it.
Okay.
You're all obsessed with the sheath underwear now.
My sponsor today.
They paid me.
So, yeah.
Me0412045 says the biggest problem in the universe is clearly video conferencing software yeah it's pretty tbf pop quiz for 20
adding to the evil here's some money thank you pop quiz spider eternal for five says i'm sipping
my birthday highland park 18 i turned 39 earlier this Dick, what's your favorite scotch?
Oh, God.
Glenmorangie, 13.
Good luck finding it. And then he asks,
is Vito even a fancy liquor?
I don't know what that means.
Encyclopedia Faye for
10. Lol, your theme song needs to be a
parody of Tribute by Tenacious D.
I think me and you gotta cut an album, Dick.
Okay. I'm gonna be the Jack Black. I got the pipes.
You don't have the
cock swagger, though.
Oh, I absolutely do.
I think I can make it work.
Crystal Dayhart for one.
Thank you. Leo McCann for five. Not
going to lie. Watching on Apple,
it was really hard to find this channel now.
FYI. I wonder if
Apple has trouble
rating people andy have
you run into that at all yeah a lot of people are in the comments are explaining apparently i guess
if it doesn't happen right away they don't get rated later as part of the other problem
complicated well we're almost done here we won't keep you too long and you got like a thousand
people that was pretty good no yeah that's fantastic we normally get like 200 300 so we deeply appreciate i'm not complaining but we had well i think when we left it was 12 000
yeah but i was dreaming so yeah somehow 10 000 drop off it's usually pretty common i don't know
why that's uh i wonder if yeah well maybe a lot of people just are like done and they want to go
do something else i don't know earlier and they're not actually watching when you leave when you end
it's oh yeah it's possible they're AFK, maybe.
John Riffs for 5 says, Andy and Ralph
haters are
PDF files. I just want to make sure
we are clear on that.
Andy, do you hate Ralph?
I don't know, Ralph.
Andy tries
to stay away from Ralph.
Why can't I unite on our disdain of Matt Jarboe?
Oh, God, yes, I do. I hate
Matt Jarboe. You guys all really hate Matt
Jarboe. Because he's fat and retarded.
I'm just like, I'm too nice.
I always say, I'm like, well, Jarboe
never did anything to me. No, no, no.
I don't like saying his name anymore because
when you say his name, he gets an excuse to say your name.
That's true. And he just loves to say everybody else's
name. And all I'm sure
is he just despises my success right now.
I can only imagine.
Well, that's the thing is you guys are so much far above him
that why even worry?
I mean, you're both knocking it out of the park.
He also thinks I like doxed him to Ralph, which I never did.
And I'll just never forgive the insane.
He's very Amber Heard-esque in his like delusions and lies it's really he
stabs everybody in the back and then plays like everyone stabs him in the back it's a very weird
i can't make i can't make heads or tails of it i just think all this youtube comment theaters
there's too much infighting you know i think i think we all gotta get a video about how maddox
was right in suing me yeah but wasn't that like eight years ago?
Yeah.
Yeah, and you could hold that to your grave.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's why you don't cross dick.
That's why I know when I do eventually betray you,
it will be the worst decision of my life
because you will remember it forever.
David Gomez for 666 says the biggest problem is female exceptionalism.
Australian broad
copying the macho weatherman problem,
not getting kicked off and her doubling down.
Oh, someone came on the
call-in show and they said,
and again, it was a female caller, and they
said, you know, like when it's really cold outside
and a guy will be like, it's not even that cold.
And I go, see, I think we've done
this problem already. Yeah, macho weatherman. But he was mad because I was too nice about it. And I go, see, I think we've done this problem already.
Yeah, it's not your weatherman.
But he was mad because I was too nice about it.
And I was like, well, because we don't get female callers.
I don't want to just boot her and call her an idiot.
You know, it's nice a lady called in.
We got to hold on to whatever female fan base we can get
after some of the crazy shit you say.
T-Talk Time says, for five, she would have bled out
if salted with a bottle because of the main artery
down there not go to sleep like nothing happened yeah i don't buy that i don't buy that oh she was
the story is that she was stabbed with a bottle no she doesn't know if the bottle was broken or not
she literally said that didn't she say she woke up and she like didn't want to move i felt the
pressure and then the dry tearing you know and then yeah she didn't want to move. I felt the pressure. And then the dry tearing.
And then, yeah, she didn't know.
And then she admitted to Camille that she was bleeding.
And there was a doctor and a nurse there.
It's all on tape.
You can listen to Australian audio.
And no one checks her out because she's not injured.
She's a complete psychopath.
I think she woke up next to some liquor bottles and she said,
well, obviously those have been inside me.
And you're like, you don't know that.
What are you talking about?
That's crazy.
I love that she can't escape this in a bankruptcy, too.
Is that accurate?
Like, she cannot declare bankruptcy and escape the money that she owes.
I think she can.
One guy said she could.
Oh, really?
I think that's true.
I think it's true.
She can't.
She can't escape.
I thought she couldn't escape the punitive damages.
Do you know who's paying her lawyers, Dick?
Who?
Her home insurance.
Her home insurance?
How'd she manage to make that happen?
Home insurance can cover defamation.
How?
You know, I know a friend of mine knew her from way back
and said Amber Heard was always freaking out
because her mom was in
and out of an eating disorder clinic.
Is that known?
I don't know.
Have you ever heard of that, Andy?
No.
When she first moved to Hollywood, she was always freaking out because her mom was in
and out of this bulimia anorexia clinic.
I was told specifically not to say it.
I don't know if it's true.
I think at this point you can say it. I think she
has some weird, bizarre
background that made her kind of nuts
and made her feel like she's an eternal victim
of all things. You can't recognize, hey, you're married
to one of the biggest movie stars on the planet? Shut
the fuck up and live a perfect life.
Like, what is your problem?
Oh my god, she had everything! I can't imagine.
Jacqueline Whitting
for $1.99 says, thanks, with a super sticker.
Now, RyeDog45 wants us to, we're going to have to roll back the tape,
maybe for next week, because he accuses me of saying,
I try to be F.
Oh.
I try to be.
All right, I'm going to give it to him.
You're going to give it to him.
I suck cocks.
I'll rewind it if it's not true.
Rewind it if that wasn't one, but you got a nice suck cocks out of it.
Damn it, why didn't I say it?
Rebecca English for $1.99.
She put a cigarette out on his face, too.
Is that true, Andy?
Yes.
We have proof that she put a cigarette out on his face?
I don't think it is, Dave.
Yeah, but that shit doesn't matter.
It's just that she wrote that big thing that got him canceled.
Okay, but the point is, you wouldn't write that thing if you knew you were lighting cigarettes on people's faces and cutting off their fingers.
Like, how crazy is she?
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Scrappy for five says, bipolar, bisexual, because it's whiplash.
Don't know what we want.
Take it out on you, LMAO.
Riley for two says, the biggest problem in the universe is getting new glasses the entire process.
I agree with that.
Christy Biz for two.
Andy, save this.
Delta Chamberlain for five.
Maybe the world should go back to the 40s when they only put a newspaper out once a week.
That would be an interesting experiment, actually.
Do we have too much news?
Yes.
This up to the date.
Constant inundation with everything.
Idempency for 10.
Happy birthday to my good friend, Mac.
He's 26 today.
Happy birthday, Mac.
Isaac.
He always almost gets me. to my good friend Mac. He's 26 today. Happy birthday, Mac. Isaac. Ah.
He always almost gets me.
His name's Isaac
and then the name of an animal.
What?
Isaac Cow.
I suck cow.
But not cow.
The other one.
Bull?
Cock?
Shut up.
Yeah, you got it.
Bull.
Whatever.
Ox.
His name is Ox.
Oh, okay. If I said it as one word, it would be me saying it. Well, whatever. Ox. His name is Ox. Oh, okay.
If I said it as one word, it would be me saying it.
Okay.
If the boomers raised the millennials and Generation X is raising Generation Z,
wouldn't every other generation be likely to be more similar than the one between?
Not even going to try to think about that.
R Monzo from 1994.
No, for $10.
Given what Andy has gone through smash rooms definitely
check out smash away Andy
get that rage out of you
you deserve it smash people
or because either way I think because you've
suffered undue
undue process against yourself
work it out however you need
to Chrissy Lynn for five thanks Andy for bringing us
over here best convo ever lol
new sub right here love you you guys. Thank you,
Christy Lynn. Beautiful.
Vito will bend over backward to
entertain whatever fantasy.
Yeah, you're a woman.
He'll say... What is this?
This is why people ask you.
Well, who do you like? What do you want to have sex with?
This is why I don't get into it.
Because it becomes this end of the speculation game.
Because your sexuality is interesting.
You're all fucking tight about your sexuality.
Well, because it's just fluid.
It's whatever strikes my fancy at the time.
I'm so progressive.
Do you see how he just used the word fluid so quickly?
It's fluid.
So if you say anything against me, it's a hate crime.
CG for five says the black slash brown is for people of color.
The trans colors are in a triangle for pdf
files like comet ping pong okay that's not true that's incorrect baron julius i've heard that
for two hey can we not talk about veto sex life i agree with no we have to riley for five says
you put a poll out should we talk more about a sex life how much sex i've been having in a time
of covid anyway i'm talking to one girl on the internet.
Are you on Grindr?
No, I'm not on Grindr.
No, I'm not on Scruff.
It's a gayer Grindr.
Scruff is a gayer Grindr.
That sounds pretty good, actually.
Riley for five says,
Sydney Sweeney played Cassie in Euphoria.
Sydney Sweeney.
That's the one.
She's a hot lady.
Oh, man.
I would break the law.
Don't say that.
Armand is...
For $2, the last message sounded like an incel.
I don't know which one he was responding to.
Velda Chamberlain for $2 says,
10 pounds a month is doable.
Thanks, I could lose 10 pounds in a month.
How many of these delicious monster energies am I allowed to drink?
It's your dick
on the line.
How much? What would be worth it?
Five grand?
For five grand, I would probably make something happen.
And your dick is on the line. You have to
post your dick. You have to send me a picture of your dick
and I will post it.
If you don't, I'll write a smart
contract to post your dick
if you do not weigh in. You're going to put it on the blockchain?
Yes, your dick will be on the block on
Ethereum forever. It will be an NFT.
Do I get to choose the dick pic? Do I get to
groom it out? Yeah, what do you think? You're going to
fucking trick everyone?
Will we see it through all the pubic hair, Vito?
Well, I don't know. That's kind of the problem.
Vito says he can turn his dick inside out, too.
Maximan in
Cheese for Five says it's someone who doesn't just ironically hate Vito says he can turn his dick inside out, too. Maximan in Cheese for five says,
it's someone who doesn't just ironically hate Vito.
Please keep gaining weight.
Thank you, Maximan.
Pete Oxenham for five,
don't read my real name on stream.
What the hell is your problem?
Don't donate with your real name.
What do you want?
And Claptrap the Destroyer for two says,
I hope Dick can flex again someday.
Me too.
Leo McCann for five.
She can't get out of the judgment.
Bankruptcy sure, but she will still owe the money to Johnny due to being guilty of malice.
Oh.
He adds for another five.
Also, Vito, I love you.
Well, I thought only the punitive damages would stay in place, and I thought most of
them weren't punitive.
I don't know.
That they were restorative.
You know, like the idea that this is the money you lost.
You get that back.
And then here's some on top because we hate you.
I want to see a movie where Johnny Depp takes on like a team of women.
Yeah.
He's like, he's just fucking armed with only backhands.
A movie of just johnny depp
yes yes well seth johnson looks like he's gonna close this out with the super chat for seven
dollars no message attached but this has been a great show with a lot of great fun the video i
sent you i want to see dick react to one last thing did you send it to me on twitter you sent
it to dick yeah send it to dick on Twitter right now. I just did.
Hold on. Let me bring it up. I want him to watch the best.
This is my favorite
on-air anchorman
moment ever from John Campia
who is a film pundit.
We hate John Campia, right?
I'm not a fan.
I hate him.
Let's see. We're going to have to add this to the stream.
You guys love to hear it. like to watch it but this is
you guys it's fine
as long as Dick gets to watch it
drag it on top of the overlay Dick
you just watch it
it's fine okay just play it with the audio
okay
okay okay I'm playing it right now
alright Smelly Negro
I love that name
which hockey movie chant I swallow knickers come no idea it right right now thank you like it all right uh smelly negro i love that name uh which uh
hockey movie chant i swallow knickers come no i smelly all right uh smelly negro i love that name
uh which i swallow knickers come no i no i don't uh which uh hockey movie chant I swallow nickers comes?
There's no better super chat prank.
No, I don't.
That is the best. You can't
beat it. Am I right? Yeah.
What are you doing?
I just real quick want to put on the screen
as we close out the show.
Oh, yeah. Thanks. There we go.
We want to thank all our biggest supporters,
including Smelly Knee.
Nope, not him.
Anyone but him.
I'm going to get Peter to say that, please.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not getting canceled.
I know they've gotten me, though.
I've been got.
I love that name.
Do it.
I love that name, says John Campion.
Well, thanks to all our top supporters,
all the dickheads and veto files.
Don't forget to check out patreon.com slash biggestproblem
to support the show and access
all the bonus episodes. Get all the biggest problem
you deserve as a fan.
Thanks for coming by. Thanks, Andy, for being
here with us. Thanks, Andy.
Very fun. I'll happily
come back, as long as you guys prep better.
I literally streamed for 10 hours
today and I still came and kicked your ass
yeah whatever I'll have better problems next week
you should have played to your strengths
next time next week I will
play to my strengths I'll do a stupid
nerd problem congratulations
and all your success Andy it's really great
to see you
thank you to Popcorn Planet we love you all
okay bye guys bye bye
I gotta piss