The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 46

Episode Date: July 2, 2022

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Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Well, yeah, you saw that it's July 1st. I already got rid of the pride icon. I actually did see that! Yeah, like immediately. I logged in to schedule the stream and I said, Oh, that fucking Vito! Here he is with gay shit! I can't wait to rag on him! And then I logged in here to start the stream and it's gone! Like, we're back in Dubai, gone.
Starting point is 00:00:19 Exactly. Saudi Arabian Vito, that's what they call him. When pride month ends, the logos must go. Are you ready? No. Get it all out of your system. Are you allergic to Kimball? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:35 You got some kind of dander in you, Kimball? Are you exuding some sort of a dander? Are you allergic to THC? I might be too much. No, I don't think so. Kimball walks in. Hey, is it all right if I vape in don't think so. Kimball walks in, hey, is it alright if I vape in here?
Starting point is 00:00:47 Maybe that's my biggest problem in the universe. Actually, that might be, Kimball. Is it alright if I vape in here? You're kind of making me the asshole if I say no right away. What are you going to do? I don't know. I don't know the long-term effects
Starting point is 00:01:02 of vaping on my furniture and my studio and shit. Anything could happen. You're making me say no. Nah, go for it. Go, I guess. I know you can't smoke cigars. No, I threw up last time I tried to do that.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Are you ready? Oh, really? Yes. You're not supposed to inhale. Oh, yeah, no. That cigar smoke will hit you. Yeah. Oh yeah, no, that cigar smoke will hit ya.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from burning under the Sun to Vito Not Having Any Fun. That's from Jake Shelton. I'm your host, Dick Batches, and joining me as always is Vito Giswalti. Hi, Jake. Happy to be here. And here is a, I don't know how to describe you, Kimball, artist, filmmaker, Maxwell Kimball, the Silver Hammer. Yeah, I'm very glad to be here. I got to beat out Mr. Big Shot Nick Rackets as the first one on. No, he was already on here. Where the fuck? I screwed that up very quickly.
Starting point is 00:02:12 That's the only material I had planned. He was on here while they were fighting. While he and Vito were having a big fight, he came on. We were never fighting. Me and Nicky Ricketts are best friends. You should have doubled down. I've always remained that you should double down sh shitting on him. Yeah, I mean, but it's funny. He's like a fake
Starting point is 00:02:28 lawyer who pretends he knows anything about the law. It's like a fun goof. I like it. He's got a great character going there. Kimball's responsible for the letter reading. You read Maddox's, what was it, his breakup letter to a bunch of girls and got
Starting point is 00:02:44 their live reactions. Oh, I remember remember that bit that's a good bit that was brutal uh most of them did not think it was a good idea to send a breakup letter you're also responsible for uh I don't know you did other stuff too right yeah you haven't just been you haven't just been doing nothing with your the last six years of your life have you no, I definitely haven't been wasting it. Yeah, kicked out of his radio station. That's not good. He's a shock jock. I must have been good at your job then. Isn't the mark of a true shock jock
Starting point is 00:03:14 getting eventually banned from the station for going too far? The mark of any job is that you got fired. That means you're good. Dick, do you want to center yourself and go slightly to your right? Okay, sure. That looks good. You want to center yourself and go slightly to your right? Okay, sure. Yeah, I think you're off.
Starting point is 00:03:25 That looks good. You want to talk about how you got fired? Yeah, for people who don't know, I was racist, apparently. Apparently. It could happen to anybody. Anybody in this space, it could happen to anybody. Apparently, Chinese people do get offended. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:40 They are considered real people. I did not know this. Well, within the context of what they're talking about. How many Chinese people do you think you're worth, Kimball? Vito brought this up last episode. Well, how many turn-of-the-century Chinese peasants do you think you're worth? Yeah, how many? I think it was the 1930s.
Starting point is 00:03:55 How many Chinese people do you think you could easily replace? If you have an insurance policy and it paid you back in Chinese peasants from 1913, how many would it take to make... Three. Three. Okay. That seems pretty reasonable. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:04:09 It's low balling. Yeah. You have negative self-esteem. Well, some people were shitting on me. They are Chinese. I don't know if you pulled any of those comments where they go, Vito thinking he could plant more rice than anybody is comical. I still maintain I think I'd be pretty good at it.
Starting point is 00:04:24 You're fast with your fingers. I'm fast with my fingers. From video games. Yeah. And just I would have basic agricultural knowledge. Most of the rice they planted they planted it too deep. We're playing Stardew Valley. Exactly. And Harvest Moon. Yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your advantage
Starting point is 00:04:40 over a turn of the century Chinese farmer is your agricultural knowledge? Yes. That's the one thing that you don't have over them. Everything else you have. I think I could easily obtain that knowledge. With the internet?
Starting point is 00:04:54 I think if you gave me a week, like we're going to send you back in time to China, you've got a week to prepare. Oh, you're dead. No, no, no. I think I'm going to be- Walk me through it. What's your plan? I'm going to their king in a minute You got
Starting point is 00:05:06 You got 20 You have 20 minutes You have 20 minutes And I'm banishing your ass Back to 1905 Mong Outer Rim Or the Outer Steppes
Starting point is 00:05:14 Mongolia What are you looking at? Tell me what your Google is This is a good What is my Google? Yeah let's go You're wasting time Bullshitting right now
Starting point is 00:05:22 You could be looking shit up Okay Cash crops Cash crops. Cash crops? God, they're a communist system. Hold on. Are they? Do you know that?
Starting point is 00:05:32 In 1920? Let me see. Mao. Might have been a little later. But this is all I can all look up. So the Russian Revolution was 1917. I thought it was 1923 for the Chinese. Am I completely off? Oh, you could pick whatever time you want. Well, I got it was 1923 for the Chinese. Am I completely off?
Starting point is 00:05:45 Oh, you could pick whatever time you want. Well, I got to figure out when they become communist. I don't know how you rise to the power of communism as a fat white guy in China. You just have to feed yourself, buddy. Maybe I'd be such a novelty. All right, I just got to survive? Yeah. All right, well, I'd figure out what regions bore, you know.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Yeah. Well, no, because that's like time travel hindsight. What Funko Pops are you taking back with you? Which Funk pops are you taking back which funko pops which one's your favorite i just need solid agricultural things uh understandings no i'd work my way into the inner party okay that's the real that's the real win oh god i have an announcement to make first yes it's a big one i am now the owner of the biggest problem in the universe trademark wow the trademark tm the trademark registered with where so u.s the u.s government trademarks yeah the final authority unless you're in china yeah i. I am now. So we're, what I'm saying is we're totally safe.
Starting point is 00:06:47 And if anybody is out there infringing upon my trademark, I am going to rain down upon them with furious anger. Well, hold on. You're saying if anyone else were to be using the mark illicitly or without my permission,
Starting point is 00:07:04 yes, you have the ability to interfere I have no choice you have no choice I have to defend it but I'm the owner now me I didn't think anything could feel better than women losing their abortions but here we are well Dick I'm sure the audience is wondering do you have any plans for any actions They're abortions. But here we are.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Well, Dick, I'm sure the audience is wondering, do you have any plans for any actions of enforcement of this trademark? I have to look. I have to be a responsible trademark owner. You have to do some research and see. Yeah, but you know me. Yeah. I know there's a lot of imitators. I'm usually a nice guy. Yeah, usually.
Starting point is 00:07:40 Except when it comes to breaking the law. Yeah. So if you see any imitators out there, maybe let us know. Let me know. A lot of bootleg merch, a lot of bootleg podcasts. Podcasts are the biggest you. Yeah, exactly. People are always trying to rip us off here on The Biggest Broom.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Okay, here we go. Influencer culture. Good. Is that right? Yeah. You won? Yes, I won. With that shit? Influencer culture. Good. Is that right? Yeah. You won? Yes, I won. With that shit?
Starting point is 00:08:08 Influencer culture? No, because it was a great rant that spoke to the heart of the depravity in today's culture. And some people came at me and they're like, Vito's just complaining that he doesn't make enough money on YouTube. That it had nothing to do with it. Is it part of it? It is, but no, not even. Oh, okay. that had nothing to do with it. Is it part of it? It is, but no, not even. It's that I think, well, I mean, I would be happy if,
Starting point is 00:08:28 I would be happy if we rewarded more interesting things with money rather than the most vapid possible entertainment, sure. Like what? I don't know. Like a baseball game where all the players stuck a bat up their ass to play? That's interesting. Sounds like a Twins game. Baseball's pretty... I got no problem
Starting point is 00:08:46 with the sporting events. You are in Chauncey. I don't know, man. But regardless, some people were trying to come at me, but I think most people understood and empathized with my problem, which is why I'm the winner. Because they're all bitter that other people are making money, too. There's always going to be people who are bitter. It's not the money,
Starting point is 00:09:02 it's the culture. It's that young people are inspired to do nothing with their lives what are you inspiring them to do i'm inspiring them to go out and write stories and create that's just sitting on your ass you just don't like the way other people sit on their ass no art has value it's important and uh i think i think we should value that in our society. Or go be a doctor or a lawyer. I don't know. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:29 No. I don't think we need more lawyers. I guess that's true. Extreme heat events came in second. Then sticky resealable deli meat bags. A lot of people agreed with that. That should have been higher. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Well, I didn't realize that they were replacing the Ziploc ones. Yeah, because they're cheaper. Because they don't work. Can you not get the Ziploc? What about the ones that come in like a little Tupperware container? They're not getting rid of that, though. No, but only the shitty meats come in those. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:55 Like only the family size. I don't buy a lot of deli meat. You're buying a lot of deli meat? Yeah. What, do you make sandwiches? Sometimes. I just... What do you eat sandwiches? Sometimes. I just. What do you eat?
Starting point is 00:10:07 Pasta? That's a good question. I want to know that. I'll just have a place make me a sandwich. You got to make your own food. Save some money. Whatever. We're all going to die anyway.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Who cares? I make hot dogs. I got some hot dogs. If I go to Costco for those. That's true. A Costco hot dog is legitimately better than most hot dogs you can make yourself. Then event wristbands. That came in dead last, which is a shame. That's the worst one.
Starting point is 00:10:30 Yeah. Especially now. Yeah, they're just terrible. Yeah. I think that says that the only people voting are loser incels who don't go to festivals. Who don't go to events. And they don't understand. Do they have a wristband at Anime Expo?
Starting point is 00:10:44 That looks terrible. This is my COVID band. Yeah. You go to events. And they don't understand. Do they have a wristband at Anime Expo? That looks terrible. This is my COVID band. Yeah, you have to have a special band just for COVID. And isn't it like, you can't ignore it. Every once in a while, you're like, oh yeah, that fucking thing's still on my wrist. Bite it off. Do you have to keep that on for the entire four days?
Starting point is 00:10:57 Like they won't give you another one? Yeah, they won't give you another one. Well, I don't want to see that fucking line again. I'm not going to tell them if I get COVID. I'm still going to go to the Expo if I have COVID. I was told that COVID line again. I'm not going to tell them if I get COVID. I'm still going to go to the expo if I have COVID. I was told that COVID line because you're an anime expo. How long was the line to get the COVID wristband?
Starting point is 00:11:12 Maybe like a half hour. I got there earlier. Half hour. So other people are waiting like an hour just to get a stupid fucking wristband. Yeah. Oh, my God. I could have Photoshopped it, too. I got a test like an idiot.
Starting point is 00:11:22 I could have just Photoshopped a negative test. You know what? My friend had to go to Dubai, and they said their policy is they only accept tests that have a QR code. Okay. None of the, like, a QR code isn't, this is Dubai, right? Right. Because they're fucking dumb.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Like, as dumb as our government is, they're, like, very bottomed up. They think it's, like, some kind of super encrypted thing. Like, oh, just like a computer thing. Nobody can make a QR code. So he made one just to be safe because none of the tests have them. He made a QR code and printed it on his test. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:52 And sure enough, he went there and said, here's the official test on my app. And they said, no, no, I need QR code. He goes, here's the other test. And they said, okay, that looks good. Just because it has a random QR code on it? Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Okay. it has a random QR code on it? That's funny. Okay, Dio Brando says,
Starting point is 00:12:06 Great episode. They should take away even more rights if this is the content we get when they do. People like depressed Vito, I found out. Yeah. Yeah, they were like, Oh, this is great. Vito being miserable is my medicine.
Starting point is 00:12:19 ZephyrDog says, You just want to be as popular as those people doing your art the way you want instead of what people want. Perfect way to sum it up. Well, I mean, you just want to be as popular as those people doing your art the way you want instead of what people want. Perfect way to sum it up. Well, I mean, not just me. Like, I see great artists who have, like, no following. Name ten.
Starting point is 00:12:37 I am surprised that I have more followers than Brad Neely on YouTube. Who's that? Brad Neely would make the, what is it, Baby Cakes cartoon. Do you remember that? Really? You're going to go with Baby Cakes? Are you watching the funniest things I've ever seen in my life? Baby Cakes.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Baby Cakes is not Baby Cakes. It's, you know, Professor Brothers. Okay. That guy should have had like 10 million followers. Oh, yeah. Mixquilio. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:01 That guy should have had like a million followers on YouTube. But he had that show and it was like unpronounceable. Dipo Pazipo, Meepo Pazipio. Yeah, he said, I don't know why I did that. I was high or something. But that guy is so talented that I go, even if he has screwed up a couple times, like keep letting him have a bite at the apple. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:21 Or they'll look at like bands that I know that I love, you know, and it'll be like, they might be giants, like 100,000 followers. I agree with you. They should have way more followers. They're so... What is happening? What are these kids listening to? They might be giants, only has like 100,000. Let me tell you, what do you think about this? Welfare
Starting point is 00:13:38 has made entertainment dumber because stupid people have money to spend on shit that appeals to their stupid sensibilities so like all these people who give free money from the government that they turn around and spend on movies and music that movie that market wouldn't exist except for welfare so that you fucking voted for it is what i'm saying i mean it's a bit of a stretch but i see what how is it a stretch?
Starting point is 00:14:06 What else do they spend their money on? They're poor and dumb. I don't think art became vapid because specifically poor people got enough money to live, but I think there would have been people who were making a living regardless still consuming trash. What about Sam Hyde? He doesn't get enough credit. Well, he just bought Happy Punch. But that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:22 I mean, Sam Hyde, I think, has some money. I don't know if it's all because of his investments or whatever. He should have more, though. Like, honestly. Yes, he should have his own TV show. He should be late night TV. It should be, every night should be late night Sam Hyde. I don't understand why, like, the most talented people of our generation are just, like, pushed in a corner.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Tim Heidecker should be in prison for that. Okay, well, I like Tim Heidecker, though. Okay. You'd like him in prison. We have no proof that Tim Heidecker, well, I like Tim Heidecker though. You'd like him in prison. We have no proof that you'd love it too, I bet. I was actually watching Tim Heidecker's stand-up today before I came over. I'm sorry. No, it's good.
Starting point is 00:14:52 It's funny. He does stand-up. It's like ironic stand-up where he gets up and stands on his head. Yeah, you nailed it. Yeah. That's pretty much what it is. It's pretty funny. And then argues with people who call Eric Wareheim a pet.
Starting point is 00:15:08 I do have to respect Tim and Eric. I've been watching a lot of their content lately. Okay. Cardinal Cardinal says, Vito just keeps getting better and better. I just hope he can stop bringing up good problems and justifying them in a way that I somehow disagree with by the end of them. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:15:24 Yeah, people go, you brought in a good problem, and then you fucked it up. And I go, well, what can you do? Here's one from Alexis. My husband and my life insurance policies will be able to cover you coming to our funeral when one of us dies. We will write up our wills and see if you'll outlive at least one of us. How about that? Yeah, because I told her.
Starting point is 00:15:44 She had responded to me. I said, $10,000. I will play your funeral. I'll do 10 minutes of standup and I'll mingle with the guests. I'll do 30 minutes. I'll fuck one of them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:53 How about that? And you don't get to pick. I do. And I can say that I will do some standup cause I did some standup as you saw. And it went swimmingly. Thank you. I'm proud of you. So to Chrissy Mara's stupid Booker husband, who said,
Starting point is 00:16:09 Vito, that's a big in. That's a big in. That group. Okay, well then he shouldn't have said I'm not a real comedian, and I'm willing for him to admit he was wrong. Look, no, no. Put yourself in his shoes. His wife's famous and hot
Starting point is 00:16:25 He's feeling threatened by you All these men are always coming in and being on a show and laughing Maybe he's feeling a little threatened and emasculated Probably by you So of course he's going to say something like that You have to have compassion Alright Well he went at me on Twitter
Starting point is 00:16:43 He said, well Vito's not a real comedian because he doesn't do stand up. I said, well, I've done stand up. I just haven't done it in a while. And then he was like, I don't think you've ever done stand up. So I posted a picture of me doing stand up and he goes, you know, a lot of people after a stand up show will just get on the stage and take a picture of themselves. And I'm like,
Starting point is 00:17:00 cocksucker. And I had to send him like a clip. He's got you. No, he didn't got me and then I fucking finally he's got you I sent him like a two second quote cause I don't want him listening to my ten year old stand up joke and he's like alright I guess you've done stand up
Starting point is 00:17:15 and your Truman Show joke killed and I thought that joke was horrible I was gonna make I pulled the clip of you being like that's a terrible joke or whatever you said that's a Robin Williams movie, right? Yeah. No, not Robin Williams. What's his name?
Starting point is 00:17:29 Okay. The other guy. Jim Carrey. I'm too young for that. They had to CG Robin Williams in because he killed himself during the making of that movie. The belt marks really showed, I heard. Because you on this show, you said, do some stand-up right now. And I said, do you ever think about if your Truman show would have got canceled?
Starting point is 00:17:49 And you and Josh Denny went, never mind, you're not funny. And I said, no, this kills with an audience. It did. And then I posted a clip and it kills with an audience. They love that premise. Okay. Maybe I'll do more stand-up. If anyone's in the LA area, let me know.
Starting point is 00:18:04 You want to do more stand-up? Well, I got to get people to show up. Maybe I should do more stand-up if anyone's in the LA area let me know I wanna you wanna do more stand-up I wanna get something well I gotta get people to show up maybe I should do it I wanna do Patty C Cups as stand-up
Starting point is 00:18:10 but good like the same exact words but make it kill I keep I wanted to do a night of stand-up of me
Starting point is 00:18:20 you and I don't know I wanted to do when VidCon was in town but nobody comes to VidCon anymore well yeah if we did but that's the thing I don't know. I wanted to do when VidCon was in town, but nobody comes to VidCon anymore. Well, yeah, if we did, but that's the thing. I don't think all these YouTube people realize.
Starting point is 00:18:30 I'm like, why are we not putting on the shows? Yeah. If we got a bunch of YouTube guys to tour around the country or something or do like a week of dates or even just in LA. Yeah. Come out for two nights. I don't know. You got to fight.
Starting point is 00:18:43 There's got to be a fight. Yeah. Maybe if Ralph fought somebody at the stand-up show. I think't know. You got to fight. There's got to be a fight. Maybe if Ralph fought somebody at the stand-up show. Well, that's the other thing I think. I'd like to see that. It's a roast of Ethan Ralph. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:18:51 I would fucking put that together in a second. We should be all the... Oh, man. That would be a fucking event of a lifetime. We could have Medeker Skype in
Starting point is 00:19:03 and make his shitty fucking pig jokes getting swatted was so funny it wasn't funny this wasn't funny uh regardless you know what's funny though the cops explaining the medica how many of them there were it's like what is medica like a five siren grand theft auto they had a fucking they had a riot shield and then they're hiding behind a tree. And when they're swatting Mediker, Mediker has, he has this whole, like he has video of the whole thing. Two cops and the one cop doesn't have a riot
Starting point is 00:19:33 shield and he's like kind of like trying to hide behind the other cop. He's like, hey, can I get some of that riot shield? How many cops were there? Like, they had like 15 cars and ambulances. They had the whole precinct out. Cops are fucking so stupid, dude. Anyone can call up the cops and say, oh, I just killed all these people.
Starting point is 00:19:52 And the cops just immediately, they can't go, yeah, all right, buddy. Why don't you go investigate? It was a robot voice who said he was disabled, so he had to use a robot, and that he had two guns for each hand. Each of his hands was super... He said his hands were guns? Oh, my God. I gotta look into this.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Like that Radcliffe movie? Mr. Medeker. Like what? Like that Daniel Radcliffe movie where he has the gun? Yes, yes. This is a... Dude, one riot shield and he's leaving his penis wide open. And then the other cop's like, well, let me get...
Starting point is 00:20:21 Can I get some of that blanket? Come on. A disabled man with two guns for hands comes out of the house and starts spraying yeah american cops man getting it done the potato thing wasn't funny though what potato someone dropped potatoes off at his house that wasn't funny he's only laughing because of the way i said it yeah yeah because he is a potato is that now because he's irish or something i don know. There's a lot of this going on. There's a lot of this nonsense.
Starting point is 00:20:45 Can you pull up Medicare's Docs real quick? No. All right, you remember you wanted the bit was Vito pitches something every show? Okay, go ahead. Here's the pitch. Okay. Stop with the boxing matches, and we start an actual wrestling league. Yeah, the Intercontinental.
Starting point is 00:21:02 Like, why does Boogie want to fight ralph when the two of them could be wrestling it'd be infinitely better i don't want to we don't want storylines we could have heels and faces yeah we could be that's already podcasting what you're describing i know but like i think that the amount of drama we have with the storylines and whatever else like why are we not filming this like a WWE and ringside behind the— I don't want to see a one night of boxing. I want a month of build-up and events. I'll tell you why.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Because I'm the most fit man in podcasting, and I ripped my bicep off of my arm bowling. That's why. Bowling's a very complicated sport. You have one of these events that you're describing, it will be, everyone will have two torn ACLs. I don't want to see Boogie and Ralph box. I want a money
Starting point is 00:21:53 in the case match where they gotta climb a ladder and get a briefcase or whatever. I want a steel cage. Yeah. I think that would sell so much more. Dangling Ralph pushing Boogie off Helen's cell. Yes! Helen is, yeah, Ralph climbing a cage and jumping on Boogie. And like, oh, Dick comes out of the crowd with a steel chair.
Starting point is 00:22:13 There's so much more there than doing these straightforward boxing matches. Yeah, but it requires physical fitness. No, no, no. It's going to be great how terrible it is. Boogie didn't even have the strength to brush his own teeth. I don't know how Boogie's going to end up fighting Ralph. He's not. He's lying. I know Ralph He's not, he's lying I know He's already starting
Starting point is 00:22:28 I was talking to my doctor About it Here, now I'm Boogie I was talking to my doctor about it And he said, you know, if you really must And I said, I must And he said, it's a long road And he's like, God, shut the fuck up
Starting point is 00:22:43 I believe in you, Boogie. Get that fight. Make it happen. I hope Ralph avenges Frank Hassel and puts Boogie in the fucking ground. Well, that's what I'm saying. If it was a wrestling-style thing, Frank Hassel would show up mid-match.
Starting point is 00:22:56 Steel chair shot? With a steel chair. And then Boogie would pull a gun in the ring, and you go, it's happening again! It's happening again! Life's a bitch, now so am I. There's so much to do there. Dick, as the winner, I've brought in a problem. Something you might
Starting point is 00:23:12 call the biggest problem in the universe and that problem is protesters blocking freeways. I sanction your usage of that. Oh, thank you. My trademark holder. Yeah, I sanction your usage of that. Let's be clear, on the show that is helmed by two hosts only one of them holds the trademark and therefore holds all the power yeah i don't fuck around i don't
Starting point is 00:23:31 know if you know about i don't know if you know anything about me but i don't leave a lot to chance so sorry but that's the way it is fair enough dick has full control of the biggest problem in the universe, property. And I'm just here to... Look, Vito, when shit goes down, who do you want to be in control? You know what? Both of us are just made. I'm staying out of any legality or whatever the hell. I want no part of it.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Dick, why are these protesters... Why are they doing those things? Why are they on the freeway? Well, here's the thing. We live in LA. Yeah. It's a town of many freeways, and those freeways are often congested. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:09 People just want to get home. Rush hour, my God, even with six, eight lanes. Yeah. It's hard to just get around. I don't know how you guys do it here. This is my first time being in LA. I would kill myself if I had to deal with this kind of thing. Well, Dick, you don't go anywhere, right?
Starting point is 00:24:23 Nowhere. I don't go anywhere. Nowhere. You I don't go anywhere. You just don't go anywhere. If you go anywhere, you're playing the game wrong. The purpose of LA is to hole up in your house. It's a major status move. Make them come to you. Ansel and Gretel. Major. My buddy's
Starting point is 00:24:37 always pulling that on me. He's like, you should come over to my neck of the woods. And I'm like, you should come over here, buddy. My dad does that. He's like, I'll meet you halfway. And I'm like, the location you gave me is the gas station closest to your house halfway yeah that's pretty much to get in the car it's not the same might as well meet there point is why would you block a freeway how does that get your message across let's be clear the only people who can hear your message are the people at the front of the line of cars. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:05 You know. The people in the back. The people in the back are not seeing the signs or hearing the chants. Right, right. All they know through word of mouth is a bunch of disgusting hippies are blocking the entire line of traffic. Yeah. Not to mention that as we've discussed, these protests are so stupid. Right now they're because of Roe v wade which is a legitimate uh issue to protest not really well you love killing babies veto i do love killing
Starting point is 00:25:32 babies well they're not protesting in like alabama well that's the problem why are you blocking an la freeway where 90 of those people in those cars either voted on your side or agree with you they're on their way to get an abortion yeah some of them might have already had multiple abortions yeah based on the stats what are you accomplishing by uh by blocking their their free travel what do you think you think it should be legal to just run them over i think it should be 100 legal to run over anyone who gets in a freeway yeah yeah. Yeah. I saw a video. So if you, like, kill somebody, you bring them onto the freeway and then throw them in front of your car?
Starting point is 00:26:09 Yeah. Why? It's coming right for us. No, get out. Free money. As long as they're trying to be on the freeway and block. Okay. Because it's a danger.
Starting point is 00:26:18 We see these things where these protesters will surround these cars, start beating on the windows, start trying to drag the people out of them. At that point, you definitely have the right to just hit the accelerator and go for it. That's what happened to that Proud Boy with Heather Heyer, wasn't it? Who was that? Are you talking about Charlottesville? No, no, no, no, no, no. What do you mean? No.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Why? What happened? The one who went to prison for killing that lady? Yes, she was on his car Oh my god And he floored it I saw what she was wearing She was asking for it
Starting point is 00:26:51 No No What happened then? What happened was He seems to have gone to the rally With the express intent Of hitting people with his car Only her?
Starting point is 00:27:04 There's a whole rally and you only hit one fat lady? He hit a couple different people, but there was a lot of people. She was the one who got most critically injured, but I think he hit a bunch of them. Because she was on his car. Because she was climbing on his car. I feel like this was a different situation. I feel like it is important for the biggest problem in the universe trademark to distance itself from the events of Charlottesville.
Starting point is 00:27:27 I don't know. I just heard that's why. That's just what you heard. You're allowed to have an appeal. Yes, he can fight it out in court. I feel like it does not apply here. I mean, I don't know. When I see somebody on a car getting hit, I'm like, well, you know.
Starting point is 00:27:43 What are you doing on the car? What are you doing on that car? Okay, let's get off the Charlottesville for a second. How about we don't? And revisit, maybe visit a different angle of this problem. What's Kimball, what's the common man's view of that? What happened there?
Starting point is 00:27:59 What they did to Nick Fuentes as a result of what happened at Charlottesville is just deplorable in my opinion. Okay. Wait, was Fuentes at Charlottesville is just deplorable in my opinion. Wait, was Fuentes at Charlottesville? Yeah, and they ruined that poor man's career because of it. Oh, that's how that happened? That's how they got the ball rolling and then January 6th. No shit.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Okay, anyway. What was your problem? My problem was not anything to do with Charlottesville. Okay. It was liberals getting in front of cars. Protesters blocking traffic. Yeah. Blocking freeways. Because let's be clear, isn't the purpose
Starting point is 00:28:30 of a protest to protest the people with power? You know, you would take it to, I don't know, the steps of Congress outside a prominent judge's house. Trying to do that though. That was illegal. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:28:45 Funny how it works. I was illegal. Oh no. Oh my God. Funny how it works. I regret this problem so much. I used to agree with you, but now I think like, whatever gets on the news, just go. 100%. News always covers traffic jams. A traffic jam is the worst thing that will happen to that person. Traffic and weather together.
Starting point is 00:29:09 One's controlled by God. This one's controlled by fucking me yeah me and a bunch of my uh zimzer uh hairy armpitted mother antifa hardcore motherfuckers are linking arms getting out on the freeway and daring you to run us over that's based but i know no no it's not because i don't think anyone has ever looked at that and been like based i really support these guys like are you ever going to identify you identify with the man who's stuck in traffic every time you go god i your first thought whenever you see one of those protests is not oh i wish i was out there protesting with them it's i'm glad i'm not on the freeway right now yeah you are it's creating a situation where the audience instinctively whatever your message is yeah is going to side with the opposite so if you were smart you would actually go out there dressed in a bunch of like trump hats saying women are whores you don't deserve abortions
Starting point is 00:29:56 block the freeway sounds like a fun celebration and then they go hey hey yeah i hate those guys not only do they think that but they're blocking the freeway. They must be the bad guys. Yeah. I think if you block the freeway, you're automatically a bad guy. You know, I think what you're saying, because I've always... Please stop assuming what I'm saying, because so far you've said that what I'm saying... I just thought Charlottesville was the same thing. ...is Charlottesville was the same...
Starting point is 00:30:21 I thought it was up to certain extent. ...January 6th was a good time. Let's make less assumptions about what I'm saying, but go ahead and try. So, what you're saying is... No, no. Isn't it like...
Starting point is 00:30:31 I think it's a serious indictment of the human that they can't figure out to just dress like the other guys and act like assholes. Yeah, well... You would sit them all down and we can both sit here and say,
Starting point is 00:30:45 all you have to do is dress like the other people and go do a bunch of mayhem and chaos. You don't think Juicy ruined that, though? Juicy was too obvious. He was just one guy. I mean, like, en masse, right? Like, any time you go to a protest, your natural instinct should be to dress like the other guys.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Yeah. And own it. You can own it. You can be like, yeah, you know, I just really love this side today. Yeah. And it's causing me to act like a fucking idiot. Yeah. And it's like, oh, well, there you go.
Starting point is 00:31:12 I hate the fucking environment. I love Trump. And you won't get it right like 100%. You'll mess up some of the messaging. You're saying false flags are always fun. Why not go for a false flag? People don't do that automatically. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:28 Or at least, I mean, the smart thing to do is to find the craziest people in that group and just secretly fund them to keep being crazy. Yeah. You know, like there's a guy. With the FBI. Yeah. With Whitmer. The assassination of Whitmer.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Is this bad too jesus christ this is gonna be the first time i have to disavow my own problem on the biggest problem what do you think happened with whit with whitmer that governor which one's whitmer the michigan the one that they convinced all the people to kidnap aren't you no no i'm from minnesota at least you're not saying the grocery store shooting was a false flag. Don't look at me like that. Did you just jump off a cliff? The point is, guys, there are some states that are making it that if your car is surrounded by protesters, it is legal to drive through them.
Starting point is 00:32:21 What? They're working on it. And the Republicans are the ones who recognize that this is a... Open season. A bill granting drivers immunity for hitting protesters easily cleared an Oklahoma Senate committee on an 8-1 vote.
Starting point is 00:32:35 Yeah. So get out of the fucking road. There's plenty of ways to protest that are not as awful. I think it's just an awful, evil thing to do. Evil? Yeah. You got a guy, man, there's nothing.
Starting point is 00:32:48 Remember we had the problem of waiting, that waiting is the greatest torture of all? Yeah. If I had to wait at the back of a line of cars because you're mad at somebody who did something I didn't even vote for or have anything to do with. Yeah. It's for the greater good.
Starting point is 00:33:01 I want to kill you. It's not for the greater good. It's like getting a vaccine. It's the same thing. It's not for the greater good. It's the same thing It's not like the back. So yeah, the show is gonna be impossible to get through I feel between you two fucking We saw clearly it's though we're nothing bad Don't where everybody was just fighting for America.
Starting point is 00:33:26 Don't change what we said. Okay. Did she start the fight with the car? The woman? No, he turned down a street. He saw a bunch of people. And she was like Tim Taylor? And got hit with a car?
Starting point is 00:33:38 Heather Heyer was a hero who died. She's tying her shoe? I think she was just minding her own business. She wasn't even protesting there. She wasn't getting around his car. She was like, this street is blocked off. Just turn around and go the other way.
Starting point is 00:33:56 I'm not saying you can plow through a bunch of protesters. They're probably hammering his car. We're going to kill you. People panic. There is video of it. Pull it up think i don't want to do that to pull it up they were giving control we pull it up uh look if there was if there was good evidence that they were like smashing his window in he would have had a good claim but i think the point is they're
Starting point is 00:34:18 kind of how is that how it works yeah actually i mean the know about that. A lot of the Charlottesville judges, it seems like they did kind of want to send a message. The shaman guy's in prison for like six years. Don't bring that shit to our town. I do think the QAnon shaman got a pretty... The QAnon shaman is mostly being punished for being very good at cosplay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:38 He didn't do much more than most people, except he dressed up better. Yeah. But he did the same shit going into the Capitol walking around. I don't think he broke anything. Well, I mean, he broke Americans'
Starting point is 00:34:50 trust in democracy. Which is the worst thing of all. I mean, I think everybody should face some sort of charges, but I think most people could get some sort of probation.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Charges of what? Illegal parading? You're not supposed... They didn't let them in. Oh, yeah. They did let them in. They did let them in. They did let them in. They did let them in.
Starting point is 00:35:05 They did let them in. They did let them in for videos of smashing windows. For our windows. At a certain point, the cops were like... They only smashed the parts that we owned. They only smashed my part that I paid for. Is every episode of this show going to turn into the podcast that tries to justify January 6th? Justify?
Starting point is 00:35:23 We don't need a justification to protest! You should have drove a car into the Capitol and seen what happens. That would have been fun. Oh, man. What I've learned is to never bring up any protest-related problems again. But again, my problem was
Starting point is 00:35:39 protesters blocking freeways. Don't you think it's a good way to get attention? No. Just fuck up a freeway? Because it gets the wrong kind of attention. I think any publicity is good publicity. Yeah, I agree with that.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Well, like what? Well, like remember at the Netflix protest, all those protesters ended up looking like idiots even though they all got on the news. But we got publicity. Yeah, because we did it right. But if we had done it wrong, it would have been bad. And that publicity would have been bad for us and our cause that we got publicity. Yeah, because we did it right. But if we had done it wrong, it would have been bad. And that publicity would have been bad for us and our cause that we believe in. It's hard for me to disagree with a basic maxim of advertising, which is all publicity is good publicity.
Starting point is 00:36:16 But that's not been true. Because that would mean when Tylenol killed all those people, like, well, that was actually good because more people heard about Tylenol. Now they have a chance to apologize and say i don't know fucking aspirin did that there can be negative events that occur to your company that regardless of drawing attention to your company are negative if you go on the company like if you instead of protesting on the freeway you should just go molest a bunch of kids yeah i don't think i don't think that's helpful you guys you tried have you tried tom's ice cream all the ice cream that molested all those kids a bunch of kids. I don't think that's helpful. Have you tried Tom's ice cream?
Starting point is 00:36:49 Oh, the ice cream that molested all those kids? Yeah. I mean, I had to get some. I hadn't heard of it before. Honey, I don't think this is a good plan. He's like, no, there's no such thing as bad publicity. I'm fucking raping these kids. The name Tom's ice cream is going to be nationwide. How can we fail? Yeah, that
Starting point is 00:37:03 some publicity is good publicity. some some publicity is good publicity not all publicity is good not all publicity is good no it can go badly do you have a funny name for this problem like road blockheads or something like that yeah road block blocker road yeah that's not funny enough freeway protesters road road joker I'm trying to think of like a rhyme. Why don't you let us know in the chat with a super chat if you have an exciting name for this problem. Super chat. And make it a big one, not just two bucks. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Give us a good name for this problem. As of now, it is the freeway freaks, as you might call them. That's not bad. It's got nothing to do with protesting. Highway. Highway robbers? Harangers? What is that term? Highway hostages.
Starting point is 00:37:54 There's something there. Freeway protesters. Somebody else figure it out. My problem is bodegas. Bodegas! You see that poor masculine Chadad looking guy yeah walked into a bodega and realized that it's just a uh ramshackle shitshack infested with vermin and rodents had some kind of a problem with it and every fucking you know you know i you need to explain
Starting point is 00:38:19 these better for people who haven't seen it i hate new york give the full context so new york yeah new york is full of these, everywhere in the world, everywhere in America we have these establishments and we call them snack bars. They're at Little League games. They sell old hot dogs
Starting point is 00:38:35 and bubble gum and you pay a couple, they're run by a bunch of morons. Corner store. Domino's Pizza. They're not corner, instead of grocery stores in New York,
Starting point is 00:38:45 they carve out these little hovels that you can go to buy toilet paper and bubble gum and plungers and hammers. Just a bunch of... Commerce comes by. The ghost of J.P. Morgan drags his chains up and down the street in New York and just vomits crap, wares,
Starting point is 00:39:06 into these holes in the sides of buildings. And then all the poor people come down thinking they're on Sesame Street. You know Sesame Street? You know Mr. Hooper's store on Sesame Street? It's actually from a real place. Okay. It's like the opposite of that called a bodega in New York. Did you know that?
Starting point is 00:39:26 You said, well, was Mr. Hooper's store a bad place or a good place in real life it's a bad place in real life you can't live in a garbage can in the muppets you can but in a real world you can a lot of people live in garbage cans out there they're the taxi cabs of food stores yeah so bodega inega in New York is a nice, friendly neighborhood store where you can encounter a vibrant selection of individuals. Vermin, overcharge. You want to pay $17
Starting point is 00:39:55 for a two-pack of aspirin? Head on down to your local bodega. I'm not saying the pricing is always on point, but isn't that the excitement of living in a big city? Is all the... Dodging murders while you're trying to buy toilet paper because you ran out and wiped your ass with a nap?
Starting point is 00:40:11 Brands. You get to have the more personal local neighborhood bodega. This is what it is. Have you seen that guy Aki on Instagram? Do you know that guy? No, who's that? You've never seen the videos? He's this famous bodega owner, Aki.
Starting point is 00:40:25 No. And people come in, now celebrities, they come and they go, can you make me a ham and cheese on a blueberry pancake the Aki way? Yeah. And then he makes what looks like the worst fucking sandwiches I've ever seen in my life. Because it's all the worst. Millions of views. It's all the worst.
Starting point is 00:40:40 The best is Ralph's and Vaughn's. Target. Target. I don't know, actually. What we have in California New York doesn't have shit yeah when any anytime someone says well that's our culture it's because they're describing something that sucks and is unhealthy and dumb I think there could be some good bodegas out there you just gotta find your bodega you know the one where you could pet the cat every time i look for what the fuck is a bodega it's like yeah you go in you buy some lottery tickets and bubble gum and you pet the cat yeah bodega you don't follow bodega cats on twitter but i'm following for the cats not the bodega i think i think if anything is the one thing you cannot knock about bodegas is that every store in America should have a cat. I do agree with that.
Starting point is 00:41:25 No! It's disgusting! No, they're cute. They're so soft and great. We need to allow more animals into stores. I'm going to bring that problem some time. You guys don't live on Sesame Street. Pets should be allowed in stores.
Starting point is 00:41:36 It brightens up everyone's day, except for bad people. I want to see Snuffleupagus. I want to meet everybody's dog. That's in a bodega. Guy says, oh yeah, go in the back room. Snuffle up Because he'll stick his trunk in there Big fucking brown worm comes through
Starting point is 00:41:49 And you can give it a smooch And he pulls it back The other way So this tough jawed gentleman Moved to New York Made a TikTok video Saying look at these bodegas I'm just trying to find
Starting point is 00:41:57 A regular grocery store All I can find Are these weird corner stores Full of These shitholes Corner stores Full of rats and liquor. And of course, New York,
Starting point is 00:42:07 because they're all the worst people in the world. They're so far... They're so far up their own ass about everything. They all say how these shitty bodegas are like the best thing ever.
Starting point is 00:42:19 Like it couldn't be done with an app. It's Stockholm Syndrome. It is Stockholm Syndrome. Thank you, Kimball. This gentleman was fired from his exciting new job in New York because he posted a TikTok saying... He was fired? Yeah, he got fired.
Starting point is 00:42:31 You know, that's the reason I made the news was because he said, look at these bodegas. I can't find... He actually didn't say anything like really negative. He was just kind of like, I keep looking for a grocery store and this is all I can find. I don't know. I guess I'm just going to eat cup noodles for dinner and was kind of disappointed at the lack of selection. And people thought he was insulting New York. There's 8,000 bodegas spread across New York's five boroughs.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Fantastic. No one gives a shit about your five boroughs. You know? Okay. It's like, it's just so annoying. They all have their own unique culture. The only good thing I ever heard about New York was 9-11. Wow. Disavow.. Wow. Disavow.
Starting point is 00:43:06 Thank God. Somebody finally did something. Somebody finally shut these guys up for an hour and a half. Bin Laden went to the wrong bodega. I'm done with this whole town. I think that it's great. You know, I love... The health department only recognizes 7,000 of those bodegas. Which
Starting point is 00:43:23 1,000 are not recognized? Your guess is as good as mine. I would worry about the health standards. The department only recognizes 7,000 of those bodegas. Which 1,000 are not recognized? You're a guest. You're a guest. This is as good as mine. I would worry about the health standards, sure. What's a bodega cat? All New York City locals know. It's like they're all pretending to have this culture.
Starting point is 00:43:39 They do have a culture. I think bodegas are cool. I like... Have you lived in New York? What's cool about a bodega in new york i think what's cool about it is that it's hearkening back to before everything was corporatized and there was only one brand and you did only go to one grocery store back when it was like everybody could have it's small business it's the spirit of small business you open a
Starting point is 00:44:01 little place you sell arizona teas and sandwiches and liquor and cigarettes. And you have a cat and whatever. This is great. This is what America should be. Have cats at home. I like the idea that I go out and I can leave my house and I have a reason. And there's people playing dominoes outside. Telling their old stories.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Man, I don't want to be 10 miles within a domino game. That's my policy. Put it on the MLS. What's the nearest domino game? About four hours away. Sold. I don't approve of firing this guy because he was new to bodega culture, but I think he would have embraced the bodega culture.
Starting point is 00:44:41 You ever go to a liquor store? He was getting acclimated to it. I've been to a liquor store. I can't. I'm so happy this exists. This like little shithole of addiction and misery. No, I love liquor stores. They sell cigarettes and fake wiener pills.
Starting point is 00:44:54 They always got like weird shit you never heard of. You're like, what's a cruncho chip? You know, it's from like some fucked up country. Yeah. It's like weird Mexican novelties you've never seen before they exist to overcharge poor people yeah i mean well they got it they got more overhead because it's a small business but you're supporting the local community with lottery tickets makes no sense because one of my problem was supporting small business which i'm realizing i hate you might have a point
Starting point is 00:45:22 because you think it's sesame Street. That's why. Well, I want it to be like Sesame Street. There are some good bodegas, I think. But there are a lot of shitty ones. That'll make you like a great sandwich. And, you know, they got like some cool shit. They have sandwich stores for that. Yeah, well, a lot of bodegas are sandwich stores.
Starting point is 00:45:39 They're like sandwich shops. I don't know. Some of them got like a deli and everything else. They're a crucial part of the New York neighborhood landscape. I have this idealized version of what I want small businesses to be. Now, maybe bodegas are not my idealized version. I don't know. I haven't lived in New York.
Starting point is 00:45:58 Could you imagine being upset about like a type of business that people are going in and saying, that's gross that you have- I thought that's what you're doing no but they're offended by that like oh that business is really gross that you have to like oh I can't believe
Starting point is 00:46:11 you would call that business gross you just don't understand our culture oh no I definitely got it now I think the problem is there's an ethnic aspect of bodegas what?
Starting point is 00:46:20 which is uh yeah a lot of bodegas are owned by like Middle Eastern people, by Indian people, whatever else. Indian people who dislike bodegas are racist. I'm just, yeah, I think it is a bit of a racial,
Starting point is 00:46:36 or at least how they're trying to spin it. And also they're located in low-income neighborhoods, and maybe they're inhabited or frequented by people of color so you as a white person to come in and go oh i'm not white look at this black uh grocery whatever the you know why do we give them buses if not to go to the white people stores because they can't afford that whole foods so they can't even afford to get a i tried to get some shit from whole foods the other day it's expensive expensive, man. We have Sprouts. You don't have to go to Whole Foods.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Sprouts is still kind of expensive. You can't get on a bus or a subway to go a little bit more to get... Nobody wants to ride the bus. All the roads are blocked by protesters. The people in Beverly Hills don't have a sandwich right down the street. They have to drive for a little bit to go to the store. It depends. Oh,
Starting point is 00:47:26 what's that sound? All right. Well, that's my, I think that bodegas, there's a certain energy there, you know, it's exciting.
Starting point is 00:47:33 And, uh, I hope, I hope that guy, I just think they shouldn't have fired that guy. He might've learned to love his local bodega. It annoys me when people point out a very obvious and gross inefficiency in the system, and everyone reacts retardedly and racistly about the observation,
Starting point is 00:47:55 oh, wow, these bodegas are gross. It's inefficient to have one person sell all of this crap. There's a giant rat in here. Everybody fucking hates this, right? There's no rats because you got the cat. The bodega cat's taking care of it. I know because California has a better system with gigantic grocery stores.
Starting point is 00:48:13 What's better than walking into a Ralph's at fucking two in the morning with your arms totally outstretched on both sides and a fucking robe and pajamas buying a fucking carton of half and half this big where you don't have to deal with anybody. What is the worst thing in the world is dealing with people.
Starting point is 00:48:30 You want to go shopping in Cheers? Fuck you. Get actual friends. Don't require somebody to run a business that shit that takes advantage of everyone in your neighborhood just so you can pretend to have friends. AOC. That's all I'm saying. I think you got to watch these videos of this Aki guy and you can pretend to have friends aoc that's all i'm saying
Starting point is 00:48:45 i think you got to watch these videos of this aki guy and you're going to rethink your whole bodega stance he's gonna make you a chopped cheese with blue takis on it and shit sandwich between a red velvet pancake yeah everything you bring in food trends is a problem you know this is different it's different because it's a bodega? It looks terrible, but it did inspire me to buy two of those griddle cutters, you know? Yeah. Because I watched them chopping up meat on that
Starting point is 00:49:13 big griddle, and I'm like, why am I not doing that? Did you do it? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I took... What have I been chopping up? Onions? Onions. Yeah. You put onions on there or put a like hamburger meat and you just go chop and fold stuff into it.
Starting point is 00:49:30 What's the last thing you made? Uh, well, I did it with some leftovers. Uh, it was like, I had like leftovers. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:37 Yeah. But I'm trying to remember what it was. What was the leftovers that you were using a chop up griddle on? Oh, remember that meat we got from the German place? Oh yeah. Yeah. So I-up griddle on. Oh, remember that meat we got from the German place? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I took that. With the bread?
Starting point is 00:49:48 Well, I didn't use the bread. I didn't chop it up. But I chopped up the meat, and then I took some potatoes, and I chopped it up with the... Oh, I took some old... You know how French fries go stale and they suck? Yeah. So I'll take the old French fries, cut them up like crazy,
Starting point is 00:50:02 and make it like a crazy potato pancake kind of thing. Wow. That's a lot of seed oil. Yeah, well, if you've got a lot of... Don't. Don't start. But you know how old french fries, they're useless. But if you chop them up and add a little bit of oil and toss it around, you can make hash out of it.
Starting point is 00:50:18 Okay. So you're running a bodega out of your own house there, serving up recycled food. I've been looking at the videos of guys who have the full griddles outside, and I'm like, I kind of want that. My dad has one of those. It's great. It's clearly the best way to cook. It's better than pots and pans and everything else, just a giant surface.
Starting point is 00:50:39 Chop up your shit, scrape it around, whatever else. All right, Kimball, young man, would you like to do your problem? Young man. What year do you think I was born? I don't know, you're buying K-On! K-On! figures. What year were you born? 1998. No way, what?
Starting point is 00:50:58 Really? Wow, that's when I graduated high school. Oh my god. Alright, so my problem is too many licenses Mmm, okay. Um, it's way too easy for you to be driving a car. Oh, that way. Okay, like I don't know There's two people There's just too many people on the roads like I being in LA especially like this is like I don't know how you guys fucking You're saying the ease of obtaining a license. Yes, that Yes, that's what many are giving away. They should be
Starting point is 00:51:25 stricter. 100%. There should be like an IQ test. It's possible. You know what? If they gave an IQ test, like to everybody mandatory. Even if it was limited to 50, you'd still, everyone would fail. That would shut everybody up. If everybody, if you just had a
Starting point is 00:51:41 number, here you go, idiot, here's your IQ. Yeah. 100. That's your IQ. A hundred. That person would be forever blown out. They'd just be like, well, I'm not that smart. Maybe I just keep this one to myself. It's been hard for me to I think I have a lot of driving related problems.
Starting point is 00:51:58 I think a lot of people do. It seems like a common theme. People in the voicemails too. I try to find a way to encapsulate that. I think that it all comes down to there's too many fucking people on the road and it just needs to be only a certain class of people should be allowed to drive. Yes, yes, yes. A certain class. Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:52:15 I agree with that. I'm glad you chose class as the determiner. A certain socioeconomic group. It should be me, Nick Fuentes. No, no, no. Whoever the guy in Charlottes Fuentes. No, no, no, no, no. Whoever the guy in Charlottesville was. No, no.
Starting point is 00:52:30 He should have had his license taken away, I'm saying. I think he did have his license taken away. But before that. Yeah. Before that. Well, it does seem like there's a lot of people on the road who maybe probably are not suited for it. I see a lot of bad drivers these days. Don't you think if driver's licensing was really about, like, making good drivers and not just about tracking people and registering them, more people would fail?
Starting point is 00:52:55 Like, they always say, well, you have to, driving's not a right, so you have to get this license to show that you're good, except everyone gets one. Like, nobody gets rejected. The test is, like, I remember when i got it i think this was in california where it's like you got to go do this like multiple choice test right yeah and if you get it wrong they go all right well you can only take it two more times today and i'm like is it the same test and they're like yeah and i'm like how does anyone fail if you get
Starting point is 00:53:24 three tries at the same test because that's a lie it's just about tracking people and making you register with the government because i think i was off by like one question because there's like some weird questions on there like if it's raining and you're under an overpass like what are you supposed to do or some shit what do you do with your horses yeah what do you do with your horses i was like shit i don't fucking know and so i was off by one question like oh you're, oh, you're going to have to wait a whole other 10 minutes to take it again. And I was like, alright, well that seems like it should be pretty easy to
Starting point is 00:53:49 knock out of the park the second time. Yeah. So yeah, it seems like they just kind of hand those licenses out. Yeah, they fought it tooth and nail too when they came out. People were like, why the fuck would I need a driver's license to drive my fucking car? Don't even devote
Starting point is 00:54:06 for sure. It's all not. What do you think about that? Should you have a license to vote? Yes. Really? I'm okay with voter ID. Oh, wow. Especially if it was hard to get licenses, it should absolutely be allowed. I think that's one of those situations where the left just lies
Starting point is 00:54:22 and they go, it's literally impossible for poor people to get identification it's like you can just drive them there yourself and you will do they're still able to get evt they're still able to get other things yeah i don't know i think that would be uh pretty devastating to the to the democratic party i don't think it would be i think we have the same fucking level yeah you might have a point with demographic replacement yeah you think that if there you had to have an id to vote the democrats would lose all the elections yeah probably i don't think so i think they would just get these people i think you just get people ids you'd go okay well i guess we got to get everybody ids you can get them non-govern you can get them non-drivers
Starting point is 00:54:57 lenses you just get them a governmental id yeah but they're gonna go like no mass uh identification signups you think black people don't want to have identification? Yeah. I don't want to have identification, but I have to. And I'm cool, and black people are cool. Well, they already got a social security number. You're just adding a couple steps on top of that associated with a name and give it a card or whatever the fuck.
Starting point is 00:55:22 You think it would have no impact? Why can't you use your social security number as identification? Because it would be too devastating for the Democrats. One side's always pushing for it, right? People don't know where their social security card is? I don't know. I don't know. I never understood why voter ID was such a big problem for people.
Starting point is 00:55:39 And I think it would affect people on both sides regardless. Why would Republicans also not be able to find their ID? But they are. Like, they're fine with it and pushing for it. Yeah. And Democrats aren't. It's got to be either... I don't think it's the crisis that Republicans say it is.
Starting point is 00:55:54 Like, oh, there's a million dead people voting. I don't know. If you take a look at that election list, I think there definitely was some irregularities. Where? In the last election, without a doubt. Which last election? The last presidential election, where they stole the election without a doubt which last last presidential
Starting point is 00:56:08 That one what a right what irregularities we think happened in Arizona when I did winnings Well, that was the regular. Why would they board up all those windows? Why would they do that? Okay, so your evidence is that they boarded up window. Why would they board them up? Well because people were like yelling at, like peeking in there and shit. Oh, they don't want people peeking. Well, there's official poll observers who are allowed to be there from both parties, and they were in there. How many?
Starting point is 00:56:38 So you had poll observers. How many from both sides? I think it was, I don't know what the number was, but it was, you know, that was the agreed upon terms of the elections. You can have poll observers. You just can't have 100 people outside screaming, they're stealing the votes! Stop the count! Stop the count! It makes it a little hard to work.
Starting point is 00:56:59 And so they were like, listen, you guys are disrupting our polling operations. We have official poll watchers who are agreed upon by both parties. It's like you guys are disrupting our polling operations we have official poll watchers who are agreed upon by both parties it's like you guys sent them here yeah but it's like one guy both parties didn't agree there was the number of guys that were prescribed okay so because
Starting point is 00:57:18 they put up some things because a bunch of redneck fucktards were going and they're like maybe we can put up some like redneck fucktards were going, that's telling Darren to vote! Maybe we could put up some paper over the window so they stop screaming at us. That just proves they didn't dare to vote!
Starting point is 00:57:34 That's not like if you said, hey, who's that guy texting your phone and your girlfriend put a piece of paper on it? You'd say, that's weird. Why did Trump not steal any votes? What, is he an idiot? Because he's already fighting the deep state. a piece of paper on it and you say that's weird why didn't why did trump not steal any votes what is he an idiot because he's already fighting the deep state no he's fighting the deep state not smart he's there there's kids in cages underneath there's tunnel systems underneath you would think
Starting point is 00:57:54 if these guys had all this access they would like you know what guys easily like q or whatever else. Q? He's posting again. He's back. Why, if they have such deep state access, can't they just come out and name like one or two people who supposedly orchestrated this scam? It had to be done this way. Who orchestrated the scam? Name one of the 2,000 mules. There's 2,000 of them, right? Yeah. Okay, let's go? Name one of the 2,000 mules. There's 2,000 of them, right? Yeah. Okay, let's go talk to one of them.
Starting point is 00:58:28 There were a significant amount of affidavits, I believe, when that issue happened. Yeah, there was affidavits. Oh, there's affidavits. Rudy had tons of them. He was talking about it all day while he was sweating. Yeah, Rudy. What happened to him? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:58:39 Why is Rudy selling Crocs on Twitter? That's nothing to do with election fraud. That's a good product. Next you're going to say that Trump's steaks are shitty. What do you mean? Who cares that he's selling Crocs on Twitter. That's nothing to do with election fraud. That's a good product. Next you're going to say that Trump's steaks are shitty. What do you mean? Who cares that he's selling Crocs? Well, if you had evidence of democracy being stolen, I would focus entirely on that rather than
Starting point is 00:58:53 selling footwear with promo code How about the price of gas? That's my evidence of democracy being stolen. Seven bucks a gallon. I don't know. I don't know how you guys do it here. When I saw the gas prices here, I shit myself. I'm like, fuck. Why don't know. I don't know how you guys do it here. When I saw the gas prices here, I shit myself. Why don't you just... Here's what blows the hole in every
Starting point is 00:59:10 election fraud. You know there's been election fraud in the past, right? Mike Lindell should listen up. Why don't you just take this money you keep sinking into stupid-ass documentaries and bullshit and just go, we will give
Starting point is 00:59:24 1 million American dollars to anyone who comes forward and admits that they were part of election fraud. And then once Trump is reinstated, he will pardon you fully for cooperating with democracy. Cause then people are just going to confess falsely. No, they would have to bring the evidence. You're saying all this. Yeah, but you don't believe in any evidence.
Starting point is 00:59:48 We just gave you a bunch of evidence. You didn't give me any. You haven't given me any at all. What about the graphs? He said the affidavits. There's graphs. Okay, give me the name. The graphs?
Starting point is 00:59:57 Give me a name. Give me a name of who committed election fraud. They want to stay anonymous. Just while they did it. Vito stole the election. I was the steal. Okay. Is that your problem? Yeah. It's just like...
Starting point is 01:00:11 Too many licenses over on the road? Way too many people on the road. What about too many hairdressers licenses? Too many vet licenses? Not enough licenses, We gotta protect our cats. Hairdressers' licenses. I don't like all these. It's just driving.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Honestly, all roads should be private toll roads. Once again, the government getting involved has fucked it all up so everybody can use it. And they have no right or ability to use it. Well, we have FastPass. Yeah, you have to pay for that. It's a start.
Starting point is 01:00:43 Well, that's what Tick wants. That's a start. Well, that's what Tech wants. That's a start. You shouldn't even be allowed to walk on the road for free. Isn't that what your problem was about, Vito? I think Elon Musk should make more tunnels, and then everything would be fine. Okay. Our problems were bodegas, too many licenses, and road people. I don't know. Freeway protesters.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Freeway fanatics. I think someone in the chat said road shodes. Road shodes ain't bad. Road shodes? Okay. Freeway fart bags. We'll figure it out. Are we going to do our gifts after?
Starting point is 01:01:18 Because I have to bring up the gifts. Yeah, let's make them wait. Because we always forget. We'll do them at the very end. We'll do them at the very end. Very end. After Super Chats. Yeah, after Super Chits.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Okay. Can you behave yourself until then? No. Hey, guys. I can't fucking do it. I'm listening to this last episode, and I just want to punch Vito. Yes. That's a fucking asshole.
Starting point is 01:01:36 I mean, don't get me wrong. We love you. You're our liberal cuck. We choose you. Okay. But fuck it, eh, dude? Like, don't start your day with all this righteous bullshit disavowing all the comedy that is dick and all this other shit and then get called out for not doing whgp and then a few
Starting point is 01:01:55 minutes fucking later someone says that nobody wants to work that they're sick of it and not want to do their jobs and shit and not that you're saying that that's what people are doing and you agree with it. No, you're bitching about it. Someone who didn't go do their fucking job and then, okay, okay, okay. W-H-E-P's not your job, right? You know what it was?
Starting point is 01:02:15 It's not my job. Going to Bitcoins to network and you still skip that, you lazy, fat fuck? I was tired. Oh my God, Dick. You hit fucking gold when you found Vito. Maddox 2.5. I didn't sleep the night before, and I was, like, too sleepy,
Starting point is 01:02:32 and then I slept all day. WATV is not my job, and I will go on WATV again, like, podcast. Yeah, but Carl had it all set up, so Carl was doing you a favor by making it like all about Maddox. So he could have pushed that next week. Then he has to start over doing other clips and like ask somebody else to come on.
Starting point is 01:02:55 Carl, I'm sorry I ruined Who Are These Podcasts. I'm a real piece of shit. Regardless, he got you. You made it happen. You own the trademark. You do the fucking legwork.
Starting point is 01:03:10 You promote the fucking show. I don't know shit. Hey, sorry, Dick. I'm calling back. I need a bitch about Vito some more. Oh, fucking Christ. Dick got to his problem? It was 45... Don't get me wrong. I love long shows. I'm not one of those people
Starting point is 01:03:26 that bitches about that. Whatever you give me, I'll take. But fucking Christ, Vito. I took too long to get to my problem. Shut the fuck up about your placating so that everyone like... I don't know what he's talking about now. You fucking predicted all this shit. Shut the fuck up. You're a big old fucking Navy
Starting point is 01:03:41 flip-flop, you bitch. I'm the Nostradamus of this show. I've predicted all human events. Wow. And thank you for your call. I'm glad he added a part two. Okay, here's another one. Vito, you son of a bitch.
Starting point is 01:03:55 When you make a commitment to be on somebody's fucking show, you fucking do that. Not because you're a fucking fat fucking tired motherfucker. Just do it, dude. Come on on what are you doing i normally do and you were sleepy i mean you just can't make the show dude come on man oh my god this is gonna fucking ruin everybody's life that i didn't go on WATP. I'm very professional!
Starting point is 01:04:29 Have some sense of professionalism. Carl has a fucking show, man. He's got a fucking itinerary because he's some weird-ass dude who's beyond, like, organized for some dumb ass fucking reason. Carl has a neurological problem. What are you doing, man? What are you doing? Come on.
Starting point is 01:04:45 Guests cancel on shows all the time. It happens. You think a late night show never had a guest cancel and you got to scramble and you find a reply? It's part of the thing. That's a nightmare, scrambling. Okay, well, I gave him, what, five, four, five days notice. Hey, actually, I can't do the show.
Starting point is 01:05:04 I agreed to do it and then i i i guess i just can't because i i was going to go to this convention and then i was sleepy and i didn't do anything which is also the part that pisses people off lick man i i've talked about on this show i just have sleep issues i don't know what it is and uh okay it's just one of those days where i was not awake uh there's i don't know what it is And uh Okay It's just one of those days Where I was not awake Uh There's I don't know why A lot of people
Starting point is 01:05:27 Are calling about you This week Cause they love me Okay Boo hoo Vito Can't have gay marriage anymore Oh no
Starting point is 01:05:36 Wow I like how you're like Real upset that Gay marriage was voted against By a majority In California Back in 2010 Or whatever that was
Starting point is 01:05:43 Okay And now you're like, can you believe the Supreme Court's going to overturn this thing that everyone democratically elected for or against, rather? Oh my God, Vito. Are you a totalitarian now?
Starting point is 01:05:55 You don't want the majority opinion expressed? Yeah, do you not? You inconsistent liberal fuck. At least Dick is anti-life. Be like, inconsistent. You're just a fucking loser. Fuck you. At least Dick is anti-life he like yeah you're just a fucking loser at least dick is anti-life this is consistent this is a situation where based on equal treatment
Starting point is 01:06:15 under the law if a man can marry a woman why can't a woman marry a woman otherwise a man can wear marry a woman why can't I? Well, you have to give equal treatment under the law. Yeah. So if you're saying it's okay for some people to marry a woman,
Starting point is 01:06:30 then it's okay for everyone to marry a woman. I agree. So that's not a thing you can vote on. It's just that is the constitutional... Whatever.
Starting point is 01:06:38 What is equal... Bill of Rights or something? No. It's a tribe and something. But there's... You can't protect one group and not another you have to have yeah they're protected you as it's a gender-based issue you can't discriminate based on gender under the law is it the 14th amendment is it the slavery amendment it's some it might be but regardless you can't discriminate against gender so if it's okay for men to do a
Starting point is 01:07:03 thing then it's also okay for women to do it. Yeah. And that's the same reason we have transgender protections. We don't actually have to codify under the law, but it also qualifies under gender. It's like if a woman is legally allowed to wear a dress, a man is legally allowed to wear a dress. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:21 It's all gender-based protections, which are... Unfortunate, but......alterable. That's the which are uh unfortunate alterable that's unfortunate it's fine i have no problem wear whatever you want marry whoever you want uh okay we don't vote on it because these are protected class traits here you go me just because your license says that you're a female doesn't mean you have to cry like one on the show over a whole roe v. Wade thing. It's really embarrassing. It's a little disgusting. Why is it embarrassing? It's quite, frankly, revolting.
Starting point is 01:07:49 You disgust me. And you fucking suck. Fuck you. Bye. Oh, I can't wait until, like, Biden, like, just makes these fucking abortion factories on federal land. And we're just, like, processing 100 times more abortions than ever before. Drinking out adrenochrome?
Starting point is 01:08:04 Yeah. Bottles of adrenochrome? Yeah, exactly. It's going to be great. This is going to bite you guys so bad. We're going to have so much more abortions. You guys? I'm pro-abortion.
Starting point is 01:08:14 Well, why is the audience only coming after me? Because you think it's funny. Because I'm pro-death, like that guy said. I'm anti-live. Once the abortion factories are back online, everything's going to be hilarious. I don't think I'm a good guy. That's the difference. I also want to make, I won't get into it.
Starting point is 01:08:33 Eugenics, not that bad an idea. You know, let's take a look at it. Okay. There's some pros and some cons. You can't go too far with it. Or else what? It's effective? No, you need genetic diversity in the population
Starting point is 01:08:45 but i mean i see all these autistic kids and i'm like do we need this many kids you know can make cool shit out of legos i feel like we could start breathing that out okay one more um how about this one hey how's it going video and dick uh Dick? This is Cub from Vermont calling up. And man, you guys were just talking about Vito had that problem about what I'll call internet egocentrists. I mean, people call them influencers or creators. But man, I've got a band myself called the Brand New Luddites. And we're like a rejection of this weird inner age where people are driven by this like fake egocentric bullshit that somehow has caught on with people. And it's exactly what you guys were saying.
Starting point is 01:09:34 It's like it's some kind of voyeuristic thing mixed with like an ego thing. I mean, I'm so convinced that the Internet has just made everybody's ego fly off the fucking rails. I mean, it's like these guys who like make themselves like life gurus overnight. And all they need to do is find all these other schmucks who call themselves life gurus who were life gurus overnight. And they all just have like their own little fantasy online. And it's all about numbers and follows and all this shit. But it doesn't amount to shit but that's bleeding into fucking real life with all these cons these these like you know video cons and shit like that and it's yeah it's it's like intellectually and
Starting point is 01:10:15 artistically bankrupt and it's it's funny because i'm 35 you guys are a little bit older but like i feel like i'm double my fucking age talking about this from like I don't understand it I do not fucking get it and I don't think It doesn't look good from my angle. I'm like, where does this fucking lead? I mean Vito was nailing it right on the head. Thank you. I don't think Looking at themselves in the fucking mirror so other people can feel good looking at themselves in the fucking mirror. And it doesn't lead to anything artistic or intellectual or thoughtful or really it's not even like, you know, Vito was saying it's about like people and like their personality. They don't even have a personality.
Starting point is 01:10:59 The whole thing is fucked. So I totally am there. That's a really good fucking problem. Nice one, Vito. And they're all young babies. Nice one, Vito. Get the fuck yourself. Thank you. Me?
Starting point is 01:11:08 Yes. See, the Vito fans are a very nuanced bunch. You know, you get these guys calling it, oh, Vito, go fuck yourself, because I have two brain cells in my head and I don't understand most of what you talk about. But then you get some of these learned individuals with their kind of band, did he say, that he has? What was the band's name? Shadows of Death.
Starting point is 01:11:28 You don't remember, do you? Well, I was too busy listening to How Great I Am. But I'm sure. He didn't do the thing. Whenever you plug something, you got to say it twice. Yeah, that's true. That's the key in life. You got to sing it once.
Starting point is 01:11:38 You got to sing it too. And you got to say it at the end. Yeah, make a little jingle out of it. Yeah. But we're going to find that band, and I'm going to listen to them because I'm sure that it is music for the learned man who's done with this fakery on the end. Yeah, make a little jingle out of it. But we're going to find that band and I'm going to listen to them because I'm sure that it is music for the learned man who's done with this fakery. Should I play the band's name? If we get a super chat
Starting point is 01:11:51 to play it again, I'll play the band's name. Somebody let us know the band's name. Well, maybe somebody else is paying attention. And if we get a super chat that says don't play the band's name, I won't. Whatever's more. Dick's really playing the super chat game these days. Whatever gets super chats. Well, guys, what a great show. I want to thank our guest, Kimball.
Starting point is 01:12:08 Kimball. Thank you. I would like to thank Kimball for all the work he's done over all the years. I'm going to have to give Kimball a list of- Being one of the few guys who gets it always. Thank you. Very rare. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:12:19 Very rare. Can I say, can I send a message through the ether and go, Kimball will get it. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah, I got it. Kimball will get it. That's fine. Yeah, I got it. You guys are two peas in a pod. No, we're straight. Talking about all these.
Starting point is 01:12:33 I'll have to give Kimball a list of all the stuff I wanted from Anime Expo because I couldn't get a pass. Normally they give like an, you know, I use my influencer privilege and I go, oh, I have this many followers. For the anime show? Yeah show i worked last year what were you gonna do hot glue some figurines i go look video games figures and stuff but the line for the adult section was stacked i didn't even bother standing in line oh i'd love to dig through the doujinshi as him. You sure you don't like the yaoi? Hentai manga. No, not too much yaoi. What's the... I stick to the...
Starting point is 01:13:08 No, I shouldn't joke about that on this show. How much lolly is at the show? Lolly! Yes! Do they have? I don't think they have lolly at the show. I want a whole suit, like a whole mech suit, made in like lolly porno comics,
Starting point is 01:13:22 like all around. No, no. Stomp around no no like i think i think they even get worried the vendors at the show with the hentai manga that they're gonna get in trouble the law is very unclear about no it's not it's a fucking drawing well well that's the thing is you would think that but there's never been any court decision uh anytime it's got and there have been court decisions against guys who were
Starting point is 01:13:48 selling like hentai manga where they just took a settlement at the end cause they're like I don't even want to deal with it are you anti lolly people um sure I'll just say yeah yeah you should say yeah kill them all that's safe that's safe have you heard of this movie cuties I'm disgusted by it
Starting point is 01:14:04 well thanks everybody who super chatted here on the biggest problem in the universe. Don't forget to vote at biggestproblem.show. And we're going to be recording a bonus episode today. Dick, do we tell them the theme of the bonus episode? America. The biggest problem. The biggest problem in America. The biggest problem in America.
Starting point is 01:14:18 A patriotic tribute to the greatest nation on Earth, which I imagine we'll post on July 4th. I think it would be the day to post it. Yeah, that's a good idea. I think that's a good idea. So July 4th, Biggest Problem in America will be available at patreon.com slash biggestproblem. And a reminder that that is a copyrighted term, so if you have been making your own illicit podcasts or merchandise. You better fucking knock it off.
Starting point is 01:14:42 Turn it over. Fork it over. Fork it over. Fork it over. There's going to be big, big consequences. There's going to be URLs. Do you fuck with mine? Are there any URLs out there? I haven't looked.
Starting point is 01:14:51 I just got it. There might be some Spotify feeds. Dot orgs. Dot nets. I'll be very upset. We're going to see. AAC. It's Riley for two.
Starting point is 01:15:00 Says this is exactly what I needed tonight. Max versus Vito. Hell yeah. In the ring heads head i think we found common ground what common ground did you find no actually we didn't find any think about it tab mock 99 for 10 for veto to lose weight it's all about portion control if you have i know what you're doing if you have a choice between a one beef patty or two beef i'm just gonna read this one if you have a choice between a one beef patty or two beef. I'm just going to read this one.
Starting point is 01:15:26 If you have a choice between a one beef patty or two beef air on the side of caution. I suck. And just get the one. That was clever. That was pretty good. Bloodman for 98. Bloodman 98 for 10. Sorry, Vito.
Starting point is 01:15:38 Please never go to Greenland. We love you. We'll see if I get my $20,000 back from Voyager. And if not, go on a greenland god yeah you gotta sue them right now i'll do it when i get do not pay sue them sue them right now it's all in it's all in u.s dollars i didn't have it in crypto so it's supposed to be fdic insured i know but that's what they say but i don't believe i don't know if i believe them voyager has uh suspended all withdrawals from the platform that's a good sign kind of well it means that they are aware of the problem they're aware there's a problem there i don't know it could go
Starting point is 01:16:15 either way yeah i'm optimistic that i don't have twenty thousand dollars that it's about to go to but who cares i lose all my money anyway stock Stock trader Vito is here. Stock tip Vito. All I do is lose money and I'm going to Greenland if it continues, but thankfully all of you have been supporting the show. Literally,
Starting point is 01:16:35 you're the only one, you're the only positive income in my life is this show, so thank you. Do you own any Miladys? Do I what? Do you? Do you?
Starting point is 01:16:43 I'm not going to clarify what I do right now. Oh, do you? I want a fucking Miladies so bad. I'm trying to get Ryder Rips to call in on Sunday. They're cute. They're punk rock. They are punk rock.
Starting point is 01:16:51 I have no idea what you guys are talking about. They're racist NFTs. Well, I don't have any of those, sadly. And my flerks are not exactly taken off either. Those are a long hold. Well, yeah, I'm holding my flerks. I got one that looks like Frank Castle if anyone wants to buy it from me.
Starting point is 01:17:08 PopQuiz for 20 says, here's the money I owe ya. I don't know who that's directed at, but thank you, PopQuiz. Thanks. JS Langford 10 says, Maxwell Kimball reminds me of Danny McBride in Pineapple Express,
Starting point is 01:17:21 not in Eastbound and Down. What does that mean? Don't give him a 10. That's $9.99. That's not 10. He didn't give 10 bucks. He gave $9.99. I don't understand why some people are able to give $9.99.
Starting point is 01:17:33 Because they're cheap. Because you have the option. You're right. From now on, I'm going to just read it as a 9. Yeah, don't say 10. Say less than 10. I'm going to say 9. All right?
Starting point is 01:17:43 Because the other 99 cents don't count. You round down. Reek for 10. Hello, Kimball. I've still got the dreidel. I'm gonna say nine Alright Cause the other 99 cents They can't Round down Reek for 10 Hello Kimball I've still got the dreidel You tossed into the crowd There you go I busted a guy's tooth
Starting point is 01:17:52 Did you know about that? That sucks At the Dallas show I busted some kid's tooth With the dreidel How? I mean how is it broken? I think it hit the tooth front teeth
Starting point is 01:18:02 Maybe I think that's what it was Did it chip off? Oh my fuck. He had to go to a dentist and stuff. He reached out to me on Twitter. I'm like, do you want me to pay for any of this? I'm like, he's like, no, it's fine.
Starting point is 01:18:11 You can't replace my teeth. No. I can't afford that. How hard were you throwing them? Well, hard enough. Was it a big dreidel? Like one of the thick chunks? No, it was like those ones right there.
Starting point is 01:18:20 It was one of those. How the fuck would that chip someone's teeth? Oh, that poor guy. You fucking ruined his life he'll be fine for a lifetime yeah well continuing reek says it's so annoying to have a chip tooth sorry veto i have chip teeth and you deal with it dick when are you burning the coffin is a question i think i'm gonna take it to burning man forget burning warning of environmentalism uh yeah as i said that corpse is made of like pure rubber, right? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:18:48 I don't know pure. Just whatever. When you light that thing on fire, please keep a safe distance from it because you're just going to inhale fucking plastic fumes and die. I'll put it in the temple. It says forget Vito's warning of environmentalism. And did you mean Sleepio Pipio? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:04 Scorpio Pipio, whatever. I whatever i did terrible name for a show i wanted to like his china illinois but i don't know i have some theories on where brad neely went wrong his original animations were just fantastic and that guy is an american treasure eric wong for five says waifu wars near automata edition Are you going to make one of those things where you talk about to be the character from your automata? This is like the 20th time you guys have brought up near automata. It's not going to work. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:33 Sorry, Eric. I prefer to be she's I got it. I get it. All right. Never happening. Megan man for two says the N word, but spells out the N-word rather than posting. She spelled it out.
Starting point is 01:19:47 Yeah. Didn't post. She did not post the N-word, but posted the N-word. Which one? Nigeria. John Ripstra. No, I mean, do you mean she spelled the N-word or? She put the N-word as her super chat.
Starting point is 01:20:06 Right. Do you know what's she? Well, it says Megan. I thought it said Mega Man. I guess it could be Mega Man. Oh, my. Yeah, I guess there is no N. We're wasting time on this one.
Starting point is 01:20:17 John West for five. Standing in traffic is literally asking for it. I agree. Bloodman 98 for five. It's not literally asking for it. Protests are stupid. It's figur literally asking for it. I agree. Bloodman 98 for five. It's not literally asking for it. Protests are stupid. It's figuratively asking for it. Just accept the terrible things that happened to you.
Starting point is 01:20:31 Spider Eternal for two says, Sith, Sith, Sick, Sith, Sick, Sick. And I have pronounced that word correctly every time. David Gomez for two. Road Chodes. How do we feel about that? I put Road Chodes on. Put fucking Road Chodes. Who who cares unless we get a better one reek for five that guy should start his own supermarket chain the brodega yeah that's funny benjamin cohen for 4.99 which we are interpreting
Starting point is 01:21:00 as four cheap just round up cheap 99 means. Bodegas are fronts for gangs. Small dick having motherfuckers. They only keep up appearances with groceries. All the real business happens in the bank. I was reading a tweet that said there was a mafia pizzeria that was originally just a front, you know, for mafia business. Yeah. But they got so good at making pizza that they just quit being the mafia and just became a pizzeria. And I was like, that's a good premise for a movie yeah a mafia guy and they're like will you stop making the pizza so good and he's like i don't know i'm just like my dream
Starting point is 01:21:34 i'm really into it i love pizzas we're getting too much attention we're getting national news so they're gangs huh they're gang mafia, no. It's just small independent business owners trying to make a living. It's stupid, though. While selling cocaine out of the bank. Oh, no. Now you're talking. Get it the hockey way. Now you're talking my language.
Starting point is 01:21:53 I'm going to show you some hockey videos later. CG for four. Vito's defense of bodegas boils down to a bodega YouTuber sold me on a QVC slap shop. It's not even a slap shop. It's just like the nice little paddles, you know? They're like spatulas, you know? Can you bring them in next week? I'll bring them in.
Starting point is 01:22:11 Make something at my 4th of July party. You need a big griddle, though. I have a griddle. You have a griddle? Where? What do you mean? What, is that going to prove or disprove? Yeah, I have one.
Starting point is 01:22:20 Well, I'm just saying, have I seen it? It goes on the grill. I don't think so. It goes on the grill. Yeah, it goes on top. Dude, I'll be griddle master of your July 4th, and you will be amazed. Okay. I've been making smash burgers.
Starting point is 01:22:32 You do the smash burger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Press it down real fucking hard. You're frowning at smash burgers? No, smash burgers. Do you want dry burger? It's not dry. It gets this perfect crust because it's so flat.
Starting point is 01:22:44 I'm a perfect grill master and i'm the guy at the party who's always watching the guy who's made himself grow master going he's gonna fuck it up and you know what half the time they do fuck it up i watched this guy cook a bunch of burgers into fucking these little like charcoal hockey pucks and i kept i kept going you should probably take those off the grill he's like oh i just want to make sure they're cooked all the way through you should barely i was so mad that i He's like, oh, I just want to make sure they're cooked all the way through. I was so mad that I didn't just. Ten seconds tops each side.
Starting point is 01:23:11 I should have asserted myself as grill and said, you know what? Just let a guy care. Now you can do whatever you want at my party. I care about meat. Okay. Do you respect meat, Dick? No. I respect meat. I can't do grills.
Starting point is 01:23:20 Really? Nah, because I'm too drunk and I'm walking around. I'm like, oh, yeah yeah that reminds me of a story one time i was in a tunnel that was going to the moon yeah and then i like all this i had these girls they had marinated like chicken breast but they didn't like cut it in half it was this huge thick piece of chicken they're like yeah just put it on the grill i'm like no no no no we're gonna cut those into like little uh fillets so that they cook evenly. Sounds good. Do it. You got to take your meat seriously. Okay. Evan, like
Starting point is 01:23:48 for five, glad to see Equal Rights Veto crying about abortion, but never once cried about child support slavery. Equal Rights Veto. If we get divided, they do too. Yeah, well, that's why I want abortion is so you don't get enlisted into child, whatever
Starting point is 01:24:03 slavery, child support slavery very true RIP Ralph CG for four says 14th amendment guarantees equal protection under the law
Starting point is 01:24:13 and thanks to liberals it doesn't apply to white people anymore thanks Vito I didn't do it that's what I thought it was the 14th amendment Evan like for five
Starting point is 01:24:20 under the articles of confederation including article 2B shut the fuck up. I'm so done with this shit. Any other super chats for me here, Dick? I don't know. Under the Articles of Confederation,
Starting point is 01:24:31 under number 2B, the thing is... That's it. 2B, 2B, that's it, Dan. We have a special gift. Oh, yeah. Anything you want to say, Kimball? Kimball, plug if you have a plug, of course. Check out cozy.tv
Starting point is 01:24:45 slash Nick. That's your plug? Follow me on Twitter at not Ted Kaczynski. I highly recommend Dr. Kaczynski's work as well. Nick Fuentes is all over Judge Report today. Did I have you edit part of one of my videos?
Starting point is 01:25:01 Yeah, I think you posted it ever, though. It was a ghostbuster. I'm going to post it in October for Halloween. Oh, okay. Next October or this October? This October for Halloween. We have a gift from who? Well, the card was in the thing.
Starting point is 01:25:14 There's a card? A gift for you. It's an Amazon card from Adam Smith. And it has a little note. One for each of you heathens so you can stop abusing whiskey bottles and tomato sauce jars. For grease. Oh, these are grease. Okay.
Starting point is 01:25:34 And then you can reuse the... Oh, I can actually use this. For reusing my cooking oil. Oh, it is? Yeah. For reusing it? It's for reusing it. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:25:44 Because otherwise you would have to throw it out every time. Oh, it is? It's for reusing it? It's for reusing it. Because otherwise you would have to throw it out every time. Oh, I see. It's got like a strainer on it. It strains all the little bits out so you can reuse your cooking oil. Wow. Because that's what a restaurant does. They don't dump their oil every time they cook your food and you reuse it. Wow, great. Thank you. Who was it?
Starting point is 01:26:00 This is actually useful. I believe it was Adam Smith. Adam Smith? Okay. I swear there was another present around here, but I don't know where it is right now. Well, if we find it, we find it, I suppose. All right. Patreon.com slash biggest problem. Go vote on the problems. July 4th.
Starting point is 01:26:14 Biggest problem in America will be hitting you. Bonus episode. Goodbye. Pick me up some lolly from that anime. I'll see what I can find. We need no lolly in the studio. I don't need any questions
Starting point is 01:26:26 from I'm tired it's just art it's just art how about that Podesta art oh what of all that's good stuff
Starting point is 01:26:34 a picture of Bill Clinton wearing like the red high heels oh I know that was Epstein yeah that was Epstein Podesta on
Starting point is 01:26:40 yeah get it right or pay the price it's time to pay the price Goodbye everybody

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