The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bon Jovi's Hair

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

Bobby can't believe that Jay thinks Sebastian Bach had cooler hair than Bon Jovi.

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of the Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire, with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. Oh my God. Sorry.

When I'm God, everyone dies. I know. I still like forward. Still fan of forward. Means everybody needs a little time. What? I tell you what though, that concert that you showed me, he just showed me the video of Marrow Manson in concert.

That looks fun. Yeah, that was the second tour I ever saw. He's dressed cool. He does the whole thing. Yeah. The first time I ever saw him, I didn't know anything about him, other than the song's sweet dreams. And he was like a weird thing, but the lights on went out

and then just stained glass, like lit up on the stage. And it was a giant stairwell. There's a video of that too. It's a, if you do, that's Camden, Camden, New Jersey. But he comes down and he's got the straps in his arms. I'll cut up on his chest and it's all like healed slices from other nights. And it just looked crazy.

I'm just gonna put on one of the greatest shows I've ever seen. Yeah, the cure looked like a lesbian picking apples. That's what his outfit was. And I'll bet the cure was that in the 90s. Never. No, no, I'm saying the cure was the same way they were the other night in the 90s. Oh, yeah, yeah. They've no, I was thinking that he would dress. Well, the stage show would be a little cooler than that. They seem weird, but it was just a regular old band. Typing the song Angel with Scab Wings, that might help. Oh no, 1995, that's what you do.

It was in there. It was in there. 1995. I think, yes, for sure. Yep. That was great. That's it, for sure. Yeah, look at the way he comes down

He's on what is he? This is Camden New Jersey. Yeah, I was 17 at the show. Where are you? What seats were you in? He's so creepy looking. Yeah, he knew how to do it It starts snowing in the building during this concert like He's so creepy looking. Yeah, he knew how to do it. Yeah. It starts snowing in the building during this concert. Why? He just has like a thing that made it snow for one of the... Wow. He does the big like...

Yeah, that looks like a fun concert. It's intense to say the least. And he's done. He's not coming back. Oh no, he'll perform again, but he's terrible No, he's Christine song. He's like a fall over chubby Well, I love the guitar player has what are those called Christine? What are those? Garter belts? Legons Garter belts. Why is that hot on the dude? It's still hot on a guy. Go towards the end. You can see where it's snowing

It's still hot on a guy. Go towards the end you can see where it's snowing. It must be fun to be in that band where you don't have to wear the stereo type of bullshit. You're just gonna put a dress on and go out and play bass. Other way the apple of sawdum is the song backwards. Yeah, go to the beginning of this song and just start snowing in the place. That's crazy. Oh, there you go. No, the beginning of it. Nope, you're at the end of it. That would be the beginning of it. It's getting uncomfortable. Do something resembling anything. Anything, Christine. I mean before Jacob yells at you, Christine. Yes, pretty great. Just start snowing in the place. Yeah, right. Christine. Oh

Christine Give her a second. You're doing good, Christine. That showmanship is lost in a lot of music now. Hey, a vague, I do. I think Dan Cook has to do a Marilyn Manson-esque tour with his song forward. I do, I think this is kind of like gone. Well, because you know what? You can't, like, there's no more, like, outside of hate rock, you can't get parents upset with music anymore.

Well, plus it's so cheap to just go with what they got at the stadium. You know, lighting a whole set. I mean, you're traveling with how many trucks? All that, that setup that he's got, he probably made half the money he would have made. Oh, yeah, for sure. When I was at with corn at one point for the first week of the tour, they had a big oil rig that had fire that went up the middle of it. And by the second week, it wasn't there.

And I was like, hey, worth, where the oil thing go? They were like to done paying for that. No, we really cares that much in the audience is like, no, in the audience was going like, whoa, the online feedback wasn feedback wasn't much they were like get rid of that thing. Yeah, you know thing the next bird tour that stuff Danimal Burke guy running around is gonna be history How much do we pay him? 200,000 goodbyes shout out Owen Owen kicking ass. Yeah, dude starts snowing it, but I said this was funny cuz like I

Wouldn't have described myself as into this kind of music very much. I wasn't all kinds of music, but this was... He's bleeding. Is he bleeding? Yeah, yeah, he cut himself already there. What does he cut himself every night? He cuts himself every... Well, he was at a point. By that second when I showed you, when he comes out on the cross, he wasn't cutting himself

anymore. I want to be that skinny where I can wear that outfit and use my hips. Well, there's the thing. Now he can't. Bring up a video of him performing today. No, don't ruin it. It's like Sebastian Bach. You just see a clunky lumbering oaf. It's just unconditioned hair. But you see when he came out of the one where he's like the way he moves and it's just gone. Yeah.

He just can't anymore and it looks so bad now. When he blew that snot rocket, that was the end for me. Oh, it's snowing inside the arena. That's wild. Oh, yeah, the big silhouettes. He's got those big, long fingers, those witch fingers. He used to man. I used to look forward to this show like a Super Bowl every year.

No shit. When he was coming around, yeah, I didn't do like a follow him around, but I'd go see him in like when they came Jersey and Philly as much as I could yeah Yeah This is the same song this is the first song I ever heard him sing ever Yeah, they just go with a regular riding crew that's a that's a that's like an 80 500 all the lighting package No, they get the fucking not even the set design it was He just sucks

Okay, no, no No, he doesn't You could you couldn't scream with very little effort and they can enhance it very well, so you never know that he's not Can't see what does he look like though There's not he's just a rock and roll guy now Yeah, it's just over then hold him to speak of him is cold. No one's afraid. He isn't scared anybody anymore. Yeah He's not he's not doing that weird interesting unique shit with his body He's just going over to the guitar playing hug and I'm singing into the microphone together

What's what I say about Sebastian Balkan sing when you watch him at Wembley Stadium Performing I remember you is one of the What's one of the god damn it. He is awful. Oh, it was she's what is this? It's a couple years ago. Yeah, I always got a big knife mic. I just trying to be edgy with the microphone now It just doesn't work. It doesn't work anymore. You can't be 57 years old in this. Hey, he's wearing a vest. You know you're done with your rocker wearing a vest. But you're still putting on all the make-up. It doesn't make sense any of it. I think you surround yourself with young guys who still are doing that thing cool.

Now, Porkerstein, God bless her. She would come out of those concerts with me and go, it was good. And I go, no, wasn't use what's a fat guy roll around the stage for two hours to mess. That's what Don said when I showed I just did a horror movie. I just showed her that she was it was good. The story was fun. Hello.

That's not a good. Yeah. It's not every day. It's all right. It's rough at it. It's got some edits coming. The story was fun. What? Hello. That sounded good. Yeah, it's not every video. Sorry, it's rough at it. It's got some edits coming down. It was a fun, it was a romp. It was a fun romp. I'd still go see this guy.

Of course, I'll see him every time he comes around if I can. Let's go see him. He's my favorite ever. Yeah. But it's just, it's not what it was, man. And I don't think he's Done his part to either retire or you got to pull it together Well, he's got to get hair plugs or something. You can't just go up with that head It's not even that. He's just heavier than that. I don't know. He's just

Party he also keeps trying to make new music, which is awful He's jubby dudes. It's. It sucks when rock guys get fat Because it's a different fat. It's not like my fat. I was just a mess That's like his buttons on his vest are popping. Well, it's funny was they show that picture if you could find it like Marilyn Manson becoming his father His father like his father, Hugh Warner. Yeah. Marilyn Manson now looks like his father who passed away,

but like he looks just like him. And it's like an older Jewish-looking gentleman. You have a go-over girls house, and then you see a picture of her mother, and you're like, oh, shit, I'm out. Yeah, remember we look Christine's mommy yesterday. Oh, yeah, their mom's pretty. Except for the hundreds of stuffed animals on her legs.

Yeah, except you fucking just tried to disguise her like ET in your closet. I think Christine's mom is beautiful. Christine's gonna age well. I can see it right now. Christine's beautiful. She's beautiful. I used to call her that. She didn't earn it.

She didn't work for it. Don't call me that sometimes. She didn't work for it. Don't call me that sometimes. She didn't work for it enough. I text it. You text beautiful? Yeah. You don't say it? No, no, I'm saying like I definitely text all of it.

What the fuck is that? That's Marilyn Manson and his father. Holy wow. But now he looks much more like his father. So his father dresses like that all the time too? No, no, no, no. I think that was his manager or something. Oh really?

Wow. Cheers. Maybe. It is funny that most rock stars are just old Jewish guys. You know what I mean? Well, he's not Jewish, Marilyn Manson. Well, a lot of rock and roll guys are just, you know, when they get older, it's like, hey, come on in.

Yeah. Oh, like was it different time? Yeah, kiss, kiss or a bunch of old Sephardic Jews. Yeah, come on in. Have a schmere, and then I'll put in my demon blood. This is my wife and my kids. Uh, uh, uh, uh. How many tickets do you want?

I can do a couple. Is that right? You're gonna come to my bottom line. I gotta charge you for a few. Friends and family discount to side. Why aren't sucked your dick to get into your concert? I'm not gonna get fleeced because you're on pee. Sucked my shmackle.

25 years ago. Oh, I remember her. Peggy. Look at him. I wish girl, right? Wet mouth. Little cold though, if I'm being honest. She wouldn't leave. Keep talking. Hands were't leave, kept talking.

Hands were rough, voice like velvet. But she was a nurse. She was a nurse. So you keep her around. You keep her around just in case. I gotta go do a show. I'll be right back. Man, Sebastian Bach.

Show him a Wembley Stadium for a second and then show him now playing at some kind of fucking pig festival in Idaho where It's just terrible. I gotta tell you Sebastian Bach back in the day was one of my favorite favorite bands. When I was in Al Mnemonke's We would come out to monkey business. Oh, yeah, that was our song Al Mnemonke's me and Dane and Al Dobeni a lot of people We're saying you guys were this skid row of comedy we were Just bringing me start singing we just jump to the end where he's wailing

Just for two seconds. Yeah, I don't want to Where where this is skid row from when when we stadium opening for guns and roses on a monster's rock tour Wow, this is I watched this all day right before I met him and then he was such a con. How about was he? A calm talk. Rockstar, fuck it the best. One of the best front-ends. Oh, do you get so hard for this part, Luke? Here he goes. Here he goes. Protect your nuts. Huh. I remember. I remember. Wow.

I mean, Jesus. Now show him lumbering around with fucking ribs falling out of his pocket They paid me a cash man they paid me and and ribs dumplings and cash Dude time is undefeated. Oh shit Is this I remember you Cut to the end when he hits the that wretched note Who's that a talking? Never stops. Yeah, cuz you got it getting to bring your heart rate down in between songs Christine Yeah, no shit. Yeah

No, this is youth going wild. Can you do something else? I was saying you got to try to hear, you got to play me hits the note of I remember you now. Do you notice something right now that I said before? What? He's wearing a vest. Oh yeah. It is the go-to old rocker fucking cool.

He's cool. The greatest belly in the world now. He's got the worst. His stomach in that, and when we stayed him, he had a flat stomach with a little trail, the little hair from the little trail goes to his fucking dick that it goes down to where you want to be baby the pleasure center it goes down to fucking batch stage passes bitch oh yeah ah look he's guys these guys are as annoyed to play with Sebastian Bach as Corey Felman's band is. Look at the boat Nick Riverside Park grants.

Oh, shit. He has a track going too, right? There he goes. He's not even singing. No, he is. His voice isn't like crushed, but it's just like, look at the way he walks. Dude, there's a track.

This guy did this in Wembley Stadium effortlessly and now he's dying in front of the Botanic Riverside Park Ranch Festival. Jay, you know what? I used to fuck a stool back in the day. We all fucked Stools, Bobby. Did you ever want to make black people laugh and to fuck a stool back in the day. We all fucked stools Bobby Yeah, I don't want to make black people laugh then you fucked a stool. I can't do that anymore Well, you don't perform for blacks the way you used to yeah, I don't got it any I need a vest. I ain't got it I ain't got it Jay. I keep him just got there and fuck a stool that a vest I can't Wow wow he looks different. Yeah, he looks like a crayon that you left outside

That's not bad that doesn't sound bad No, he doesn't he does not have a good voice or anybody can't hit that those fucking notes like that And he can't breathe the way you stood you. He can't move the way he used him Stance all like being those are the fucking pants he wore back in the day He had a dust amount of the other mistake because he also still wears football style lace-up leather pants Like he's not a fucking dad bod tub a shit. Yeah Yeah, those pants have zippers on it so because they have to do some of the fat You guys are gonna leave some of the pressure. He's vacuum sealed in those

Those are medically put in yeah when you open the zipper goes Well 18 in life. Yeah, go to the end of this video and you want to see where a good-looking guy Even like 10 years ago. He didn't look he looked pretty good for his age Oh go to the 18th in life video, and you'll see damn that's a good one. I once walked into What to work with a brewer and it was Sebastian Bach Rob Halford and Jim Brewer all singing together Wow, yeah, there's a fever dream But he's done his voice and he's in it. Now go to 18 Life the Video, the music video.

That's just the old, you gotta remember how this guy, you just wanted to look like him. One of the best front men, hair, the best hair. But you were like, if I can look like this guy, it life's fine. Is Bond saying official video on it, I guess that? Well, they're lying. Bond Jovi in this guy had the best hair in rock'n'roll

at that time. Bond? I never loved Bond Jovi's hair. I didn't desire that hair. I didn't desire the wolf or the lion's mane. I like the long straight. Bon Jovi's slippery that when wet hair you didn't like. I didn't, it wasn't my favorite now.

With the highlights. Axel Rose patience hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Axel Rose or Sebastian Bach right here, dude. Axel Rose is hair socks. When he screams he worked his fingers to the bone. I wanted to do that with my, that's why I wanted to get long hair. It's a move like this.

Don had Axel Rose hair back in the 80s. It's terrible. Flatten the back, it was spiked up. Turn that up Christine. There's no way. What a beautiful man. Christine, are you soaked? Ah, he's gorgeous.

You know the rest of the band had stupid bonge over here. Dude, bonge over had great hair. It was, I didn't like that. I don't like the flippy curls. It looked like my mom's friends. It was not, it was a lion's mane. It was a fucking lion's mane, Jay. Yeah, it's not the look. Are you crazy? Please bring after this bring up Bon Jovi's I like Long

Flippy flowy hair dude Bon Jovi have long flippy flowy hair. No, we didn't that's crazy what you're saying It was all bon font it out. It was flippy flowy. No, it was big even does this in the video remember he goes Like that. I like I like the hair to be long and straight Straight Like that I like I like the hair to be long and straight Straight What bun Joey video but slippery than what any of them He had mom hair then and then he got contemporary mom from that album. He did I mean Now dude, I love bun joe. He's here. You're crazy. I hear some man who enemies hair at this point I mean yes, but no bond look at this. Mark slaughter. Good hair. Look at that. Nope. Highlights, baby. No, I don't

like the little surf. I don't like the circle of hair in the front. Whatever that is. Do you have the look at that, dude? No, not in raises. And then the way, and then when it got sweaty and wet, he always looked 50. I'll give you. I'll give you, when it got wet, it wasn't as good as when it was dry. But... Sebastian Bach hair all day long. No, look at that, look at that in the corner down on it. Everyone had bad hair in Bon Jovi. Right there, right there, right there.

Tico Torres, all that shitty hair. Wasn't Bon Jovi your favorite? You had the poster. For a minute, yeah. A couple years. You didn't think his hair was cool? A couple years, it wasn't his hair. Christine, years I think his hair was cool couple years it wasn't his hair Christine do you think his hair is cool look at that I did listen I did think he was cool I

thought he was awesome good song by the way but I did not do that fucking say dang dang it was this is one of the songs that I would use my I would have a party with my GI Joe's and I would have a guy go save a girl from a party where she was people being me in their party. I'm sorry, what the fuck? I wouldn't... This is context. I used to, this is context a little bit.

I used to... What is this context from? I didn't have a father and I didn't have any siblings near my age and I played alone a lot and I would take my GI Joe's and it couldn't always be war. Sometimes it will be wrestling or full on football games even You know you can only control two people at a time But I would do that and then after a while you're like well now I just have to play like dolls with them and I would have road pig the biggest Muscleist GI Joe sure who had a baseball bat with a center block on the end of it He would go jin Jinks, the pink ninja would be at a party.

She was going without him. I think they may have broken up. Yeah. And then I think she was seeing somebody else, but that guy may have got a little rough with her. And he had to go there and get his girlfriend from that party and kick some fucking ass all the way. So, wow.

This is nuts. I thought I was had a fucked up childhood. That was worse. Dude, my mom gave me a spoon. You're like, Jay, why don't you just do drugs? My mom gave me a spoon and told me to go on the backyard. Where am I, do heroin? No, I just dug holes in the ground.

Oh, that is worse, I guess. Hey, dirt, I remember I took a spoonful of dirt because I thought it was chocolate. You're like, nope, nope, nope. It's not that. Nope. Wow, that. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Wow That's crazy and you would play this song Yeah, I'll be there for you is actually the bigger one. That's what I would do. I like this song better than I'll be there for you But you're wrong. It's not a better song than that. I didn't say that

What did I say? You said this is a better song. I said I like this song better. But you don't. Oh no. Bobby, just because you make an opinion doesn't mean it's right. Don't let this guy bully you around, Bob. If you like the song, you like the song. I do have a Christine all the time now. Oh yeah, I went to see Astrid City. She hate me. I liked it. She hate me. No, you didn't. She hate me. Can I be honest, Jay does noxum sense in me. What's wrong? I gotta give it to Jay. He really does noxum sense in me.

What song do you say is better than this, that I should? I'll be there for you. I'll be there for you. These fun words are not swear. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like this one. I want to be the air for you. I'll be there for you

I'm baby, you know my hands on there while woman you know my hands But I want to be you Fall in time Wish you get thirsty baby When you get drunk I'll be the I chose my mind because he was right. I liked the song better. And by the way, at this point, this is Thank you for saving me. This is on New Jersey, and you can see John Bon Jovi started getting that hair together a little bit finally. What are you talking about? Because that's the hair we're talking about a nice soft long hair.

Yeah, you're like a soft long hair. Yeah, give it a stupid mane. This is when you also realized Regis Sambor. That is the poster I had on my door. You know what I swear that by the way that's definitely the poster and he definitely wasn't giving double gun barrels I guess. Oh you always I mean I looked up double gun barrel poster and nothing was found. Yeah that's gotta be a thing because of that's the full size. I mean he's a good looking dude. I love that penis. Yeah, good to Bert. Okay. Hey Bert, okay. Yeah, that might have been it.

And you didn't love that hair? You're an asshole. I love the scarf work. Always a big fan of that same exact belt that every rock star seems to have around their dick. Yeah, it's the, it's the Arizona belt. Is that what it's called? Yeah, well that's what I call it right now. Yeah. He's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, Morrison, it's the Arizona belt. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Well, that's what I call it right now.

Yeah. He's also got an Arizona bracelet. It turns out, so you can just take the belt and make it shorter. It is funny when you like outlive your like coolness though, because John Bon Jovi now it's like, he's just so far from this guy. He's hawking, uh, he's hawking a wine spritzer. Yeah. He's got sciatica. He's hawking a wine spritzer. Yeah, he's got sciatica. He's like, but this mattered so much to him a scarf game.

I tell you what though, I saw Jovey a few years ago, still got it on stage. Still got it. Goes out into the crowd. Buddy, I've heard some, we've watched some videos on here. Well, he was at a wedding and they called him up to sing with the wedding band and he was in tune. So they can't get, I will not judge that, but I'm saying they show him in concert now.

He really. What's the crowd sing? Yeah, he left the crowd taking away a lot. I wish we could do that. He has said I wish I could go on stage, but I this next Joe comes scare on the shit out of people. Go ahead. I'll tell you what John Bon Jovi hasn't said the words woe-o living on a prayer in 15 years

It hasn't come out of his mouth in 15 years. He goes he'll do whoa Way there you all you About just 60 year old singing it for them. Oh, just coughing afterwards. Still a fun concert. Oh, yeah. He was great. Every time you go out to the con course, you see a bunch of fat old ladies taking their cigarettes out of one of those change per cigarette holders. With the lighter, they have the lighter. Yeah, they snap at opens. It's like a, it's what they keep their soft pack of say what's in there

hola that one hundreds that's off the pack still why don't you just buy a hard pack it doesn't fit my little clicker you guys have a light you need a light we'll go back in for the encore usually sings in on cool i know bobby we're getting ourselves thin at the wrong time to use a fat right of thoughts what are you talking about

uh... well i'm not going to show the video because jay go yell me but america's got talent last night themselves then at the wrong time. There's a fat retinaissance. What are you talking about? Well, I'm not going to show the video because Jacob will yell at me, but America's got talent last night. A lady, there have been so many people. Jay, we don't have to describe things. That's why we're not showing some of this. It's fine.

Well, I can describe this as a fat lady dancing like a shithead, but it's, if it helps at all. But no, it's just a, nine of the acts of the seller on weekends. I don't know what, why the, the realness of, are you doing serious things? I'm doing explanation fingers.

I don't know why the not seriousness in the first round that this is a competition for a $1 million prize and a residency for a year in Vegas, Casino, a residency. And I'm all on board with that. But the people they send home because Heidi Klum's just like, I don't like your outfit, these teeth, like you dressed like a hair metop. There was a guy that she from Mexico.

Yeah. Neurohidicloom. up. There was a guy Yeah Mexico We have to get a voice guy in here Yeah, I mean that was just my voice guy project. I don't like her My so fever guards world class I don't know everything you say make no sense is to me

You say make no sense is to me I was just scary Simon why Oh, thank you. Thank you. Anyway, gracias Mucho mucho gracias Gracie hot mucho gusto Mochas. Mochas. Mochas. Mochas. Fabios. Mochas. Mochas. But there's a guy, he's the example of me, because I've seen him put through children because

they're cute, not really doing anything like high level talent wise. They put a magician, a kid magician through yesterday, who, I mean, he could, I saw the, the end of this trick coming and how he did it in the mail two weeks ago. This guy said it was so phoned in. He moves on. There's a dude who dressed up and like, heavy metal clothes, like hair metal clothes, stood on one of those balance boards with like the can under him, you know, we're just saying while playing I'm sailing away by sticks on guitar Good song and holding a knife in his mouth while balancing a candelabra on the knife and Then at one point he has the knife with a balloon on it with the candle a bar on top of the balloon His mother comes over and pops the balloon candle a lra lands on the knife while he's playing guitar still.

They were like, I don't get it! What's it do? And they sent him home and then this big fat lady goes, it's always been my dream of dance. I dance to entertain my kids. I'm self-taught. I dance to entertain my kids during the pandemic. And then I was just like, keep going with it.

And she just does stupid dance and they're like, you know, you know, you were so fat and funny, cause it was, you know, it's a field of story. Up for a $1 million prize. She's on the next round. A guy who was balancing on a balance board up in the air while playing guitar and holding a candle

on a knife in his mouth. The way the candle opera comes out of your mouth so fluently scares me. It does make me think I should have been a gay piano player. Do you mean chandelier? No, candle labyrinth. What's a candle labyrinth? It's one of those things you hold a bunch of candles in.

You're gay. Yeah, okay. It's a gay check. All right, gay check. Don't you remember the, what's the liberator that was called beyond the candle labyrinth? Don't pretend like you didn's the liberal? You know it's called beyond the candle lobby. Don't pretend like you didn't know first of all. Don't go.

What's his name? What's his name? Bob, I'm gonna buy you a candle lobby. Buy me one. I want that purple one. Give me that purple one. I love purple. Purple's my favorite color.

FYI birthday coming up in October. Bobby, would you like a, I want a candle lobby or maybe a table top? Can you go back to the purple one? Um, go purple candles. Yeah. Oh, is it? Yeah.

That's a candle, a rubber decoration. Yeah, it's also the, it's fake. They're not candles. It's going to be lights. I, I don't want to real, I don't want a real candle, a rubber. Of course you do. I do.

What if you have to check the house for ghosts in the night while you're wearing your sleep cap? Sure, that get me a real one. Go back. Sorry, Christine. That's just a decoration. I will get a per, I will, I will not, I will get, yes, they go right now. for ghosts in the night while you're wearing your sleep cap. True that. Get me a real one. Go back. So, our Christine, I'll just... That's just a decoration.

I will get a... I will knock... Yes, they go right now. And when you go, I'm gonna go check on Max before you go to bed. You walked your candle-obra over to him and peek in his room. Yeah. Max, he has a... Maximus, everything okay?

I'll see you for breakfast in the morning. And every time when I'm gonna fuck down, I go, I have to go like this. Let's get it on Yeah, while you're playing very nefarious tunes on your piano You play Forward I'm playing piano, but I'm fast asleep Yeah, what is this video let me see this video?

Yeah, she's not that fat by the way She doesn't look that She's bending over it's all it's in there. Is she mom fat or like fat fat? Oh my god mom fat bordering fat fat No, she's fat fat. She's fat fat. Yeah, look look at her dance fat fat. No, she's fat fat. She's fat fat. Yeah look look at her dance. She makes dumb faces. Now by the way, hip hop dance. It's like current trendy TikTok hip hop dance and she's making really crazy things. Yeah, we're cattle. We're just fucking cattle. That's right. But they love it. Yeah, and she's wearing a fake mom outfit. Yeah, here's what's happening She's doing shitty TikTok dances. Yeah in jeans that are light and looks like she may have peed them or her Haunch is starting to get sweaty. She rolled them up. She pulled them up over her fat stomach

Terry Cruz is straight ready to fuck and they just did a slow motion edit on her which is fun. It should be legal Oh, they thought she was tired, but she's still going ready to fuck and they just did a slow motion edit on her which is fun it should be legal oh they thought she was tired but she's still going oh she goes home and her kids run away by the way it's not that she can't dance that's pretty good of course I mean I'm looking at I'm like that's pretty good that Of course. I mean, I'm looking at it. I'm like, that's pretty good. That's novelty for your friends at a Christmas party.

Do not get that off my America's Got Talent stage. I want to see Japanese people doing high tech video work while they dance in front of it with arm symmetry. I want to see a guy with a candelabra. Because I like that. Bring up the candle opera guy Christine I but when they do have somebody on that's really like the young girl that can actually sing

who cares I try with the golden with the golden button. Oh, the golden buzzer always comes to her like, well, I'm legally blind and everyone makes fun of me for being retarded. Yeah, my father was killed by my mother and my uncle takes care of me now, but he molested me. He molested me. I wrote this song. I wrote this song. I wrote this song about him. Every fine. There's just a CPS person waiting with a briefcase for them to get off stage. I have to take them right back to the kids cannell after this.

Kids cannell. Simon, I hope you liked it. I hope you like my magic trick. Just to put her orange uniform back on. Oh, good lord. Yeah. America's got talent. There's a, I don't want to show people's names, especially in comedy.

Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Come on, we need it. No, it's some weird old thing, but there was a, did you say the comics this year so far have been like on the show Oh, yeah, oh, so we know what is this only a couple comics. Yeah, okay, no like friends have been on this year so far But they also don't do anything right to score brothers Do you remember last year lose? Slard brothers moved forward and then they just weren't

What they do what they do they move forward What did they do? They move forward Forward Yeah, because the whole thing is fake and prearious. How are you standing there and also standing there? I guess you're twins That's the thing that's gonna help us win We write tandem bikes finish each other's sentences. Our wives are deathful. I like those guys. Even though they don't like me.

Disclars? I'm kidding. They love me. Disclars rule. They like you better. Well, they don't like any of us now because Lou weird them out. I didn't know what you do, though. I told one of them I'd love them, right? Wow. That weird. And then when the guy said, uh, thank you, dude, Lou went. Wow.

It was weird. Just in place. Did he take that? That was pre-sure. I remind him every time I see him, Lou. Stop. I really like, are you sure he didn't tickle his belly button? I'm sure. Are you sure? He just said words back to him for the first time and Lou couldn't believe it. He was tickled pink. You didn't see his figure inside his belly button like the Pillsbury Doleboy when he did that?

I wish. This wasn't a hand party life. This was just out back of the antones. I miss hand party. I want a hand party. I can't wait to this when dawn's up in the the country house and I'm home alone. No more hand parties now for Lou is triglycerides are through the roof. I mean through the roof. They're in space. It's a world record. He said I score anyone's ever scored on a cholesterol

test. Oh man, that's good news for the combines coming up. What you triglycerides, to the roof dude? Nice. You know, first round. First round draft pick for the hot dog eating contest in Coney Island this year. Did you go back and Google shit and find out what's up? I did, but it's on tomorrow's show. So we should probably have to talk about it.

Yeah, I was tomorrow's show. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I don't forget to terminate your timelines. The doctor called during our pre-tap for the lost tapes. Oh, right. And I picked it up and got some bad news about my health. Yeah.

Yeah. Lose pretty much one foot in the... Yeah. Let's just say Lose pretty much one foot in the old tree pod, if you know what I mean. Yeah, say we're gonna be dipping our fingers into Lue pretty soon. Lue, if you die, and we get you in tree pod, I promise you, me and Christine will both take a shit in your bag to make sure that tree grows. Do whatever you like.

Let's everyone just take turns just rip and fucking steamers into this thing and let's grow our ass a tree. I'm gonna rip my spares, Lou. There you are Lou. I started grams of protein shit right here. Because what are you reading a paper in there? Yeah. I'm, man, what are you reading a paper in there? Yeah. I'm having a long e.

Lou, how do you want to be buried? Oh, you want to be burned? What do you want to do? What do we do with you? Oh, man. You give you lacquered onto a cross and up in your Hispanic girlfriend's house. I don't know.

They love giant Jesus things. Asus. We could build you into a Jesus statue. Now, that's taking a really laughing, not a sound effect. I know, it's hilarious. Now, that you would be lacquered and just up on a wall in Michelle's house. At least he cannot look at other women now. I don't find this hilarious. Wherever you go, his eyes look at me's now. Why, you know, I think it's funny because you think one is going to do it. She might lack you. I don't know what you guys I'm not paying attention. Oh dude. I love to

have you in there on Christmas morning. When you guys are twins you should do you should be come art together like you should go into like you should be lacquered into like an angel and he could be a devil or something. Or we can cut you in half and sew you up in the middle and you guys will be a cat dog. Yeah. Oh, we could put you on the ceiling and have you touch your finger like God with a man.

Yeah. One of you can be a Michelangelo. Yeah, one of you can be God and then the other one can be man. Yeah. I'm claiming. We left us all yesterday on such a cliffhanger. It's such it's going to be such an exciting show when he gets his test results in.

What hell? Yeah, there's a cliffhanger. I can't wait for the doctor to call again. Well, this is going to be the last live show tomorrow. You get the pre-record and then it's the last live show until the 10th July 10th. Yeah, because we have the July 4th break coming up happy for the July Yeah, use fireworks. Are you going to see fireworks? I'm gonna go to Ari's I think so his roof. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, Fred has a roof Christine's leaving for 4th of July. I'm afraid of fireworks. What are you going? What are you? A shit to why you afraid fireworks? I have to go out to Vegas this weekend for work I'm just afraid of fireworks. What are you going? What are you going? Shit too? Why are you afraid of fireworks? I have to go out to Vegas this weekend for work, so I'm going to go over to California

and see my family since we're off. You're going to go surf? Christine went to see her dad. I'm going to go get stuffed animals, put them on the couch like my mom used to have. I'm going to be home with the dog Peanut butter on my balls. We'll see if she Keep talking to him and abuse the dog with your leaves. I can see you leave him hitting the dog a lot She's gonna come back really skittish I'm excited for my dog my daddy dog you weekend. I have, I'm gonna be up country.

I'm gonna be up in the tiny house. Tiny house dogs. I can't wait. Can't wait. Sunday go up. Do my show Saturday night. Make a little rizza. Get yourself some cheese.

Taking everything up sunny. Two cars. All that cheddar in your pocket, weighing you down. I hide my cheddar, dude. Don't know I got a stash. What do you do to keep it on your person? I know, I have a spot. Yeah?

Yeah, I always, when I get paid cash, I always give her most of it, but I always keep some. Do you have a safe deposit box that you're after your initiation into the Royal Water Buffalo, so Italy? Oh, you know I got the video for that. Oh really? I have a video. You're getting the initiation? And it was very anti-climactic. We were gonna be able to do sit-ups over guys ball bag.

Sort of. Yeah, just case stuff like that. I had to eat a meatball with a guy sticking his dick in my ear on the side. You have to do the elephant walk, you have to hold a cock and thumb it ass. Yeah, I got the video. We'll play it when we come back. I'll send the video to Christine. It was pretty anti-climactic.

Well, when we come back from the holiday break, because this show is pretty much over. I don't know how the fuck that happened. We have to take a break, we'll be right back. I think if not, have a great fourth. Robert Kelly live, Big J comedy live. Bobby's gonna be a JoJo comedy this Saturday. The Dojo.

The Dojo, I thought JoJo comedy for some reason. The Dojo comedy, you're right, you're right again, Jay. Is it? He's gonna be the Dojo. The Dojo. I thought it was Dojo comedy for some reason. The Dojo comedy. You're right. You're right again, Jay. Is it? He's gonna be the Dojo comedy. That is this Saturday two shows, second show, handful of tickets to available. Low ticket warning, low ticket warning.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm in the Berk-Rachia Tour BigJCommie.com, robbercallylive.com. Watch our special subscribe to our YouTube. We'll be right back, maybe. Maybe. Back maybe, maybe. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousexm dot com slash bomb fire for a special

offer that's right and go to big j-comity dot com and robber kelly live dot com to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you i stepped on the crackle crackle i think you