The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - DJ Death Rattle

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

DJ Lou's doctor interrupts the show with a call about his health. Also, Jay and Bobby have a real talent for interpreting music. Hear a few of their songs!

I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on... What is the SXM? Yeah, Series XM. You can say Series XM if you want. Thank you very much.

For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the SMX app. No. Say Series XM. Series XM! You can listen on the serious XM app. Go to seriousexm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now the bonfire with Big J.O.o AK not Dan, you know, it's so funny Everyone's getting mad at all the gays for being in the fountain naked Good they should be mad at that. Why?

Why are they naked in a fountain? Because they're gay never a good time, but they do that parade even like the the spectatorship for it's just a weird The gay pride parades are not the best foot forward. Okay, did you lose people? Did you lose getting uncomfortable because we're talking about his people? But Lou, do you not, as a person who's gone and been a part of it many times and been the,

on the float? Yeah, you've been the grand marshal two years in a row. As the grand marshal approaches you in a row, don't you think like, he was the gay DJ of the whole parade? Not, I think the parade tries to do like a good job of like, this is the gay teachers of this and this is the gay whatever, and that's great.

The audience though are really like, you know, two guys connected by butt plugs and then like, you know, a dominated, dominating woman in her slave lesbians. And it's like, it's so sexualized, the culture of that. It's very weird. I think there's both pride parades and not the best foot forward.

When we were in, where was it? It was a dev interesting place for it. The second, the last arena we did. St. Louis. St. Louis had a pride thing happening outside looked like a nice like day in the park But right across the street from it were like you can go people watch people like Jesus is watching you freaks I'm like damn that sucks to have your festival just like people are outside Curseing and screaming at it all day. There's like kids in there and shit that suck

But what a weird good people watch though. Yeah people this like Gotta go scream at gays today It's a carnival in a park. It was nothing to it there The emptiest the emptiest McDonald's food truck I've ever seen no inside of a park No one was at that. No, they're all keeping their bodies right They have to be connected by butt plugs and shit you say you had to wear a G-string You're not gonna fucking have you. They don't want Fupa.

They don't want Dick Fat. They're not gonna be sitting there holding hands with another man while you get beef sucked out of our dick above Dix. Guys, there's a whole bear culture. Blue, I'm gonna talk about tomorrow. I'm not a bear. We know, we talked about this. I'm not a bear.

I'm, what am I a daddy? Yeah, you're a total saddy. I'm a daddy. Daddy's not supposed to have Dick Fat. Yeah, daddy. I pinch it. I tell you am I a daddy? Yeah, you're a total saddy. I'm a daddy daddy's not supposed to have dick fat. I pinch it. I tell you I do. I'm the shower. I get my, I pinch it and go fuck. You know what I do? My entire life.

You know what I do? I go, I make a V pointing down with my fingers on either side of my dick. Uh huh. And I push the gun back and I go, that's how big my dick is. Yeah. That's what I do. We should invent like an elastic thing, like spanks for your dick. You mean a cockering?

No, it exists. No, like, like, dick spanks. You know, like, I tell you what? Yeah. I've thought about exactly what you're saying. Maybe some underwear with a hole in it for your dick with another pouch, but the underneath part of it really constricts.

Constricts your fat and like, And I bet, I'm willing to bet that would also start to help to solve the problem just itself. And here's the thing. It's like you train titties to stay up. Titties stay up because they're in a bra. That's right. You know what I mean?

It trains the thing so. Yeah, you keep, like your balls will come out of the bottom. Your penis will come out of the hole and then everything else will be smushed back. I'd be okay if it would just push all my foopafat into my ball bag. It's fine. Just a big huge dot. That'd be great.

You could push your fat into your dick and balls. I don't even know if I would go to a doctor. If it just happened, I'd go, that's fine. I don't know. I'll try to figure out how to get out of the balls later. I love big balls. I love them. Huge balls.

That's a question. You want to have big balls? Yes. I love a nice sagging nut. Is there anything better when you're nuts at hanging out of the balls later. I love big balls. I love to have huge balls. That's a question. You want to have big balls? Yes. I love a nice sagging nut. Is there anything better when you're not to hanging out of your shorts in the summer? It's never happening to me, but I will say, and I think me and you agreed on this already.

When I'm in a hotel and I'm spread eagle whacking off, like I really enjoy it, it's nice when it's warm enough. Or I just, you know, maybe my balls are just warm from the way I was sitting for a while Yeah, and then and just one of them just reaches like the outside of your asshole. Yeah I love that so good and then and then I start wanking my weener because my balls like down They bounce on my ass hole. I'm like, oh, that's nice little Little taint touch. Yeah, I

Really enjoy that I do do I wish I didn't but some of a bitch I do Call me prideful gay But I I think though they did the in the 60s that the conscious they have women Topless and people walk around naked nobody give a fuck. It's kind of the same thing. It's not well at a concert It's not really a common parade Like implies like you know, who the fuck likes parades, like children? No, I didn't get the parade part,

but after they were in a fountain, how is that any? There are all these gays were in a fountain, you know, naked, cool and off, because it was a hundred degrees out. How's that any of them? There's a bunch of Irish firemen beating the shit out of somebody in a pub after the same paddy's day. I don't know if it's any different. I think they're both in trouble for that.

Both crazy, but it happens at a parade. I know what I do. I mean, a bunch of people jumping naked and I don't think that would, if that was at the Halloween parade and it was a bunch of straight people or a bunch of girls doing it, they're still like trouble. Yeah, you'd probably get arrested. Yeah. Like, you'll still still happen, so it's like, you can't.

What? I can't be the arrested, just for having an orgy in a fountain. You're like, yeah, I think you can't do that. Gay or straight. I don't know. There was some video of a bunch and everybody was bitching about it because it was just a bunch of gay snigging in a fountain rubbing each other down.

Yeah, stop coming in our fountain. Ha ha ha. Remember when the Puerto Rican day parade when that was the... Would you be about rapes? Yeah, I was just titty grabs and shit. Mem, do you remember like, what was that, the show down in New Orleans? When it was, it was the videos,

where the guys were just, the girls would show their tits. Oh, girls go wild. Girls go wild. That was on like TV, like regular commercial. Commercial was, yeah. And it was making millions and millions of dollars. Well, that guy's hiding in Mexico

for the rest of his life. I mean, that was, I mean, that was probably the funnest time to be around. It, well, it was the beginning of the, of the era that launched kind of where we're at though. Yeah. For sure. It was too much no holds barred. I've used this example a lot too, but when someone pointed,

I think it was one of those Woodstock documentaries that the subplot of American pie was he was going to fuck a girl on over the internet. So all of his friends can watch without her knowing. Like that was just completely like nice idea, dude. Like, no, I don't think you can do that. That seemed fine at the time. It didn't seem crazy. You were like, nice, dude.

His buddy's going to get to see him. There was a couple of different things of like sneaking the sea. Somebody doing something and like, that's pretty, uh, I'm at through to think you can still make those things funny. It's gonna get to see him. There was a couple different things of like sneaking the sea somebody doing something and like that's pretty, I'm at the other thing you can still make those things funny. It's nothing to do with that. It's just, I didn't think, you'd have to make funny about like how fucked up it is.

That wasn't what the joke was. The joke was just like, that's good. Oh, they're gonna have all these wacky things. She's gonna find out that you're showing all your friends her pussy, which is like you can't do. I think the 80s and 90s were crazy times for sex on both ends, but it was also a living in it. It was fun. No, it was fun, but I'm saying that the world of like the new kids are growing up with

the world of regret from their parents being like, yeah, I went that me and a girl diked out on the girls going wild bus and then I forgot we signed a thing and then they put it out. That's why your mom's on girls going wild. I mean, I'm poor Max. It was the first time everything was getting

and that's what Max is in. It's the first time everything was being also filmed all the time. You know, I mean, whether it's like girls going well with the video cameras or if there's so much documentation that it wasn't just like, don't ask, don't tell what happened on spring break. It's like, there's a video called Spring Break 2,000,

something where it's just girls blowing guys drunk on boats. It's crazy. Yeah, it was a dangerous one. Strangers and shit. I mean, I'll be honest, I'm glad Max is growing up in a better sexual world. So it doesn't have issues with sex and stuff like that. But it is, it's kind of weird because, you know, how did you and mom meet? Oh, she's blew me

on a rock. Yeah. On our first date. That was the old days. That was the old days, son. That was the old days when chicks with sluts for ice cream. You those back when your mom ruled Mom was the best now she won't touch my dick at all I think I said I said something about like I was like why don't you do something that she goes yeah, I'm good This should be a certain point where your wife I'm fine. This should be a certain point where your wife, if she doesn't want anything to do it, yeah? She should be like, look, go do it, you gotta do.

I think that happens. Well, talk to Don. I'll talk to her. Talk to her from you, Jay. Christine, you talk to. This is me. I'm talking to her. It's gonna be a point where it's like, look it.

I don't want anything to do it you anymore. I'm glad you lost weight, you look great, but, you know, I'm done. I'm out. I'm out. I'm not gonna do anything with anybody. I'm gonna use my vibrator once in a while when nobody's home, whenever that is,

because that never happens. And you go do what you gotta do. But be safe. I don't want you dating anybody. I don't want you falling in love with anybody. But you can go, you can do like a massage, paul or something like that. You know, go and do that if you need to do that.

That's fair. Yeah, or, or, you know, I'm at the point now, it's like, look, can you, I'm only just say, can you just jerk me off? But I feel, I just feel weird saying that to me. That's a weird question, I ask. It's like, you know, I don't know what, you know. Can you jerk me off.

She has no sexual thoughts at all. Like she never like instigated ever, ever? No, because our schedules are fucking wet. Sure. Like we don't, we're not even in the car alone a lot. Like I remember it was like two months ago, we're in the car alone going somewhere and she held my hand in the front seat and I was like, oh my God. Like I live with a female.

You know what I mean? Like you've been my fucking roommate for a while. So when we're never around each other alone, like we don't go out on a, we need a babysitter and we need a date night. Sure. But we need our kid to go out Okay, so was it New Year's Eve He went

Somewhere he was out. I think it was at Lewis's I think And we we had it we planned it out like it was a fucking you know We're gonna go here. We're gonna have said we're gonna She was like we should have sex first and then eat so we're not all gassy and tired. It's like All right, you make sense. Yeah, you know you know this restaurant gives me mad farts. Yeah, well she made wings for wings Oh And then so we went we had sex which was great. It was fun. She looked beautiful

She pulled out she has this robe. Oh God. It's like a 30 year old robe She looked beautiful. She pulled out, she has this robe. Oh God, it's like a 30 year old robe. So back in the day, when I met him, when she had short hair and a mole on her nose, and I made her take off, because moles make me throw up. She had a mole.

She had a mole right here. I'll do a third. Get it off. Kill it. Murdered that. Murdered that. Oh, we're not going any further. I bought that mole.

I remember when Max was born. It's all the first thing I did was look for moles. I'm like, I hope she didn't get some of that stupid gene, that weather bee gene. But yeah, we, I mean, she came out in the robe. Oh, God. That's a good thing. Oh, the robe is, oh, it's like short. So a little ass knuckles hang out.

Yeah, I don't love robe. I love a silk, little soft robe, a woman's robe. She came out of hair down, don't never have a hair down. Beautiful, I'm in her hair. I mean, it is fucking beautiful, beautiful. You gave her the biz? Gave her the biz, but it kinda sucked

because there was still a little sun, I don't know, there was a little earlier. I think the sun was going down. I'm not a big fan of the daytime. I hate daytime sex. I don't like mourning anything. I don't want to I don't want you to roll over and put your stupid bed mouth in my mouth. I never think it's an awesome idea. I hate it. Lou, take care of that. It's okay. He's getting yelled at right now. Is's a James screaming you. It's my doctor. You okay? I should pick it up find out go find out I

Listen to bad news Well, then we'll find out right now, and then we're gonna have to figure this out. He did call choice back to back Go go go go go. Well, I'd have to tell them they're on the air. Yeah, go ahead. We can do that So I call that. Yeah, yes This is gonna suck And tell us what he said. Jacob's in Florida. Black lose not here. We lose DJ Lou Jesus Christ Okay, continue without me. What's next? I have to kill Christine. If he comes back in crying

I'm gonna fucking lose my shit right now. No, we'll cheer him up It's not radio though. Haha, great radio. Think about that though. Yeah, think about that Should we take a break? I don't want it to be bad news But it's great radio look the best thing could be what if it's stage two? What do you yes? It's made so sure no, I wasn't fasting My triglycerides are 929 My try grip glycerides are 929 He's God It should be less than 150 holy shit pasta fun Joel. So is that what does that mean? I need to

Oh God, this is better like do I have? What does that mean? Okay, museum butter blood. I can't use that. Why, it's in the back. Stop it, stop. We can't absolutely. We're worth your disease. We can't use any of this.

Luke Trechless rides are high, everybody. Jacob, do you know what that means? You're a nerd. Let me say it, how those two weeks. Okay. Hi everybody Jacob. Do you know what that means? You're a nerd. Let me say it hot those two weeks. Okay. Yeah, I mean he's yet nine times that the legal limit. I'll be walking around like this. The legal limit. The legal limit of tracking the slides. I saw the results in a little time, but I didn't know it. Because I saw the graph one off the page. Is that bad? Damn.

You know it lose about to get it. Glitterides are a type of fat called lipid that circulate in your blood. Sure. You're the most common type of fat in your body. Glitterides come from foods, especially butter, oils, and other fats. Someone else is going on an ozepic. Just going to stop at that Puerto Rican pork on the weekends. Christine. Look up. How do you fix it? Dragless or I'd also come from extra calories your body does not need right away. All right, Jake. I'm really hard at home for them.

I mean, I'll see you eat a lot of butter and oil. It specifically says butter and oil. I know. Yeah Yeah, specifically says butter and oil. I know. Yeah. Yeah, specifically says butter and oil. Lou, Lou, you gotta start. You have to take butter out of your gas station, soufflé, you gotta start eating just egg whites. Levels above 150 milligrams may raise your risk of heart disease. A triglycer, I level of 150 or higher is also a risk for Metabolic syndrome. I don't know what that means, but it doesn't sound good. Choose healthier fats like me and Bobby. Hey! We're healthy fats. We're healthy fats. It's the name of our tour. We're going to do a tour called Healthy Fats. Healthy fats. Does Lue have a creamy white discoloration of the retinas

or erud he has irritability okay I mean you're saying he does he does so much for calling I hate to tell you because it's the same thing that happens at me every time I have something and they go quit smoking. Right down here it says limit the alcohol. Just get a limit the alcohol, bring it down to a lot too. I don't drink that much. What? I drink twice a week.

What? You drink all of it. Yeah, but you just... There's a nile really, just so it's how much you drink. Twice a week, but that's a week. What? Yeah, but you drink all of it. Yeah, but you didn't. There's a Nile really just shows how much you drink. I mean, twice a week, but that's a lot. No, it's not. And I read you the way to get rid of it all. I drink more than that.

You're not gonna like it. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah, the best, what's the best ways to lower tricolis rides? Stop eating butter like it's candy bars. Yeah. Exercise regular.

Are they calling you back? No, they're calling Bobby. Are they calling Bobby? It's gonna be nice to Lou today. He's going down. Jacob, are you reading what we just read? Time to quit smoking and stop hang out with Puerto Riggins. Yeah.

You're gonna stop eating pork, dude. Oh, yeah, okay. Jacob, what are you saying? I know. Quit pork chops. I know. And saying, lose weight, choose healthier fats avoid sugar and Refined carbohydrates, which I don't know what that means exactly pasta. Yeah pasta pasta rice

Void rice no more rice Do you love butter so like what I thought was healthy rice is not healthy? You have to get a Non enriched rice like a jasmine rice like what I thought was healthy. Rice is not healthy. You have to get non-enriched rice, like a jasmine rice. If you get regular rice, it will reach. It will ring. In written on. Brown rice.

Brown rice. You don't want it. Brown rice is worse for you than white rice. That's a myth. Don't get brown rice. Brown rice actually has poison in it. It's toxic. What?

Look it up. It's a fact. Brown rice is worse than white rice. Okay, why are you yelling at me? I just am really really... I need you to listen. Listening. Jasmine rice.

Jasmine rice. You don't want enriched rice. But Jasmine rice is just the flavoring of the rice. That's not how you fucking judge them. There's nothing to it except the flavor of Jasmine rice. Brown rice. Yeah, that's it. I'm right, Bobby. Jasmine rice is just rice with Jasmine flavor brown rice versus white rice, which is a

bit healthier. I don't think rice is going to save me. No, rice will not say answer on the screen, Bobby. I think rice though does suck up triglycerides. Start eating lots of bread. Brown rice is bad for you. I'd say stop up those triglycerides with some bread. Dude, I say this, get some of that pork skin and just eat that

Why do I feel so great then? Because this doctor's foolish shit dude. They're just trying to get you to take their triglycerides I'm gonna put a money grab please don't listen to him Dude your triglycerides are fine dude Look at me don't listen to him listen to me. It's a cash grab let's make some fucking girl Jesus him. Listen to me. It's a cash grab. Let's make some fucking grilled cheeses. Not buttery grilled cheese. That's how fucking grilled cheese my mouth.

Listen to me. Do not listen to him. You need to cut back on the fats and the carbs. Okay. All right. Yeah. And the alcohol. Lou. I don't. My girlfriend doesn't. We don't drink like that. Lou, last summer we made a pact when we rented those Lamborghinis, live fast dye young. Remember that? Remember when we rented lambo's and drove around, said live fast dye young, got those tattoos on our dicks? Lou, listen, I need you here, Lou.

We need you. You need, do you need to be here? I need you. We do need you. Jacob's moving. Yeah, Jacob's moving. Black Lou's always one foot out the door. We know what Dan did.

Dan left. Jim McClure hates us. Yeah, we don't know. We don't know how to do context at all. We need you. Alive. We need you. We eat jasmine rice, which is just regular rice flavor with jasmine that Bobby's just finding out for the first time. I've just still blown away by the news that it should be a hundred something and I'm out of thousand but they did not fasting before I don't know how they didn't tell you to fast before blood work that's pretty that's pretty like standard and it does fuck everything up yeah did they not tell you did they tell you and you just forgot no this is the third time I've gotten blood work from this doctor and they've never told me to fast ever well they probably they probably maybe they're

trying to find a reason why your shit so high and maybe that you didn't fasten. If you fast, it will lower it a little bit and give you a better reading, you know? Two next one after fasting. Now, I mean, I'm sure one of the high holidays for Judaism is coming up. Jews. Hey, let's take a quick break and then we'll come right back after these words. It's the bonfire. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. Hey, this is Archfarin. This is the bonfire with Big Jogas and Robert Kelly. Boo. Hey, everybody. We're back. Bonfire Faction Talk Series XM103, Big Jogas and Robert Kelly, DJ Lou. It's on the phone.

He's getting some important medical information. Didn't she say we have to throw this out and you have to come in again? Yes, that what you said? Yeah, I think that's what she said. You were on the phone. Well, I had one ear on you guys because you weren't talking. Oh no. If I had one ear on, I can't put her on the mic.

I had both ears on you. Yeah, you did it. But you could have her on speakerphone. She wasn't on speakerphone. Yes, she was. Was speakerphone? Yes. I thought it was just like kind of like I really couldn't

fully understand what she was saying or anything. Well I'll change your voice. Oh it's fine. It's not really anything that exciting. So glad that you're 7,000 points above your supposed to be in Trichloris. 7,000. Now 6,700 or 800 though. That's crazy. I mean it's 900 something. 7,500. It's under 150. Yeah, but maybe one candy bar's got like a bunch of trechless rides in it. He could have been jazzed up that day. Jay, stop, stop, jazzed up on candy.

Yeah. I don't particularly love sweets. I'll get rid of them. That's not a big deal. How do you feel about Jasmine Rice? I guess I'm gonna love it now. And Jasmine Rice is the best. What about hot dogs?

Can you get rid of hot dogs? My brother's coworker stole a lot of stuff from a sh** that he also works at, because I worked at the bar. And he gave him all this freezer full of processed foods, a big huge bag of sausages, 10 things, hot dogs, waffles, everything discussed that you can eat. And when there's nothing around in the house, yeah, I had a lot of- You make sausage waffles? Yes. Hot dog waffles, everything discussed that you can eat, and when there's nothing around

in the house, yeah, I had a lot of fun. You make sausage waffles? Yes. Hot dog waffles. Sausage hot dog waffles? Yeah, with pork chops. So to get rid of it, I fucking ate a bunch of it. Oh, yeah, well, you got to clear that room out of the refrigerator.

I don't know where that works. So there's the spike. I'm the doctor now. What am I going to do with all this butter? I got to eat something to make room for the new butter. How am I going to get these sausage waffles down? I got to doctor now. What am I gonna do with all this butter? I gotta eat some to make room for the new butter. How am I gonna get these sausage waffles down? I gotta use butter. I gotta line my throat with butter.

What are you gonna do now that you know this news? You know they make also like hot dogs that aren't processed at this point. I don't particularly, well, dude. I'm not talking about smart dogs, that's queasy. I'm saying there's just like beef hot dogs at this point though I'm good for how I'm good. I'm I could give that up Dude you have an air fryer at your house

You gotta get an air fryer and then you have some I'm telling you dude get an air fryer Get some what are you shaking head for look at me? Look at me. Look dude. Look at me look Christine pulled that thing out twice ever listen I use an air fry every day throw a piece of salmon in there little oil salt and pepper I've done in like five minutes Fuck what I get salmon dude. You don't you don't like salmon? He doesn't even know where it comes from Bobby Stream downstream

What am I Jacques Cousteau? Just go to the fucking do you go to the store and buy groceries? Yeah, I can get some salmon. Haha. Dude, maybe we need to get like one of those common-sale-ship food. I can whitefish. The ship, ugh.

No, I'm saying the color, any, I like whitefish is, I don't like salmon. Oh, okay. Maybe we should get a company that ships you healthy food That you can for a month or so you're too much. You can just eat healthy. Oh, yeah, hello first. Okay, maybe yeah or butter the month club Could always eat butter and cheese of the month. Yeah, we can you get you a butter cheese and hot sauce club Totally burn your insides out. I know. I guess tuna casserole is off the table now. Dude, tuna casserole is a fucking death wish. The thing that you gave me in here. Yeah. Exact thing. A regular tuna? Wow. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, dude, that was, look, I love. You're

separate, you're substituting jasmine rice for a regular tuna no tuna I wish I could ignore this news No, you're eight hundred and fifty times over the amount that a human so here's regular and then there's the holy shit 150 in your eight hundred something and she's like see in two weeks like what the fuck Maybe if you're skinny if your skin feels hot any point run to the emergency room. If your eyes start to bleed, what were you told to do? Now you have the news. She said obviously you're healthier, but fast the day before we'll see you on July 7th. So you have to retake the test because you're not counting it. The test is so jacked up that it must be wrong. You think it's wrong? No. You're not counting it. The test is so jacked up that it must be wrong.

You think it's wrong? No. Jillu. That's right. No, it's not wrong. It just might be like, you didn't fast, so you might have like, you know, had your morning waffle hot dogs.

Yeah, if you had your waffle hot dog breakfast that you've been enjoying from that stolen food for. If you were sipping hot dog juice like tea, what do you have a little problem with? You live live life of like a band member of a trying to make it banned. You could cut that number in half and it would still be like wildly over when it's the first thing.

You don't know what wildly over means. You don't know what I know it's like those numbers sound big. Double triple. That seems like a lot over. But you don't know what that jump can be from a certain thing well 150's high She said no she didn't she said it was to be under 150 should be under 150 so 150 years is what are you getting? 980

Digits Steve it's nine something listen to me. Mm-hmm one fit on it's supposed to be under one 15 yeah he was over one 15 by 700 I don't even eat that much that this could be possible yeah yeah it's mostly a party Lou you did go to a hand party that's out the window now no more hand party oh no you can get the shirts though we have shirts yeah you have to shirt that comic ripples dot com don't go up this week the hand the yeah it out. You're not gonna have your annual hand party You can get a hand party shirt at comic rebels dot com Dishy didn't say I've diabetes. That's a good thing and she didn't say yep stop smoking

I mean that would be a my doctor is such a fucking quack. I stuck on a hey Should we get my lungs x-rays? Can we get a little CT scan or whatever it's called? He goes, oh you're a smoker? Yeah, motherfucker, 25 years. Wow. He's my general, he's my doctor. GP. At this point though, if you stop smoking, you might get sick.

Yeah, you don't want that. Yeah, I'm melanchamp. I'll just keep going. Yeah, rain on the scarecrow, bro. Yeah, rain on the scarecrow. Blood on the pillow. Blood on the pillow. on the pillow to burgloses Who in the house?

Oh Lou man, you're gonna be fine Lou. Don't listen to him. You gotta take it serious double down Two negatives make a positive I think that's not true So if you load up on triplets arrives, they'll probably cancel each other out somewhere in your body So if he gets if on triglycerides, they'll probably cancel each other out somewhere in your body. So if he gets 1,600 triglycerides over. It starts over. It just starts over. It heals your body.

How do you think so, doctor? I think he's jump on his armpit, dude. Yes. Jump on with the group. How could that hurt? No, we'll fucking boot you up. Just do testosterone, too, dude. So what, every time I take a shit,

I have to do this, I have to words. So what every time I take a shit, I have to do this afterwards. Oh, sure. I think so. What are you cramping up still? No, no, it's not cramping up. It's just like when I got a shit, I got to go. I've gotten much better. Even though I have a hotel room on the tour, every day, most of my mornings now, like two out of the four, I'm like going right inside the

venue and fighting a bathroom. Be like, this is coming out now. It's happening right inside the venue and fighting a bathroom, be like, this is coming out now, it's happening. So you're shedding good. Yeah, shedding good. Real good. Nice shirts. Sluffy's?

Fluffy's and a good amount. I'd say a good amount, especially when I'm like, oh yeah, I'm not eating very much on the day. Why am I shedding twice the next day, but they're coming out nice. I see, so it's working. I don't know. I should have been twice the next day, but they're coming out nice. I see, so it's working. I don't know. I had never weighed myself to begin.

But you know how much you eat, right? Yes, oh, I'm eating, yeah, I'm eating less for sure. Yeah, you feel, do you feel lighter? No, no, not yet. Christine? I'm down four pounds. Wow. It's not bad, that's good.

Just a week and a half. But I was down like three of the first week and I like gained four, and I'm back down four, so's not bad. That's good. Just a week and a half. But I was down like three of the first week Then I like gained four and I'm back down four so we'll see. How'd you gain four? Yeah, when I went to new Hampshire There I don't know there's just food everywhere and I was picking out at a bunch and I keep changing the Scales What are you doing? I like to break her down. I think she gained 20 pounds in a week actually She feels like you she gained 20 pounds in a week actually. So she feels like, you up 20 pounds?

That's crazy. Wow. Everyone's booting up. Crazier's jacked on testosterone. Yeah, he's known steroids too, right? I mean testosterone. Oh yeah. Like doctor, like, you know, doctor regulated.

Yeah. Which I'd like to get back on quite honestly. I don't do anything. I don't take it. I don't even it I don't even take a pepsit anymore Excuse me. I should Maybe I should put those me as me it was you before maybe you the other one this one was me There was one like a couple minutes ago. That was you. I thought that was me when you did it Just two chubby guys

Are you saying you eat so well now that you don't need antacid pills? I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't have it. I used to have to take two a night. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and take one. Yeah. So I would have to wake up, I'd have to travel with them. I'd have to take them on planes. Um, I'd always have to have one on me because at some point, I have these, um, I don't

want to, like, almost like reflux seizures where I felt like I was having a heart attack. I hate that feeling. That feeling like, and you can't drink water to make it go away. This makes it worse. I actually, this is what a fat fuck I was. I got a sudden eating bread one night because I thought it was going to absorb the acid. And it just makes it worse because it's all sugar.

It's all sugar. It's all horseshit. So I had to Yeah, I'd wake up in the middle of the night have to take another one. It's terrible. I sleep through the night. Don't take them May your trick list rides are down You know you're doing buddy. I don't I don't take anything. I don't take fucking anything. Hey, has a sugar free Fudgey go on a TV show about a retarded boy doctor, Sam. I'll be right over. Come on, hang out with Bobby, put on

footy pajamas and watch USA shows. I haven't watched the USA show since Rhonda Sheer used to introduce them. I don't like it. I don't like your fucking disdain for goofy TV. USA. No. Dude, SWAT is fucking great. It's not though. Yeah, it's great to you. I get it I believe it. I don't think S for you is great, but I love it. I think I mean S for you is awesome But it's not it's so stupid. You really it's based on real cases exactly my point

It's never like a real, like it's always so. It's like anything is completely coincidental. This is, hey everyone, it's Anna-Jennifer Smith, and she's a drug addict, and she just died. And her business manager and this model guy are fighting over the ch... It's always just like a hair off and not rip from the headlines like when Karen was a big thing like they'd have a Karen started off course oh I think they had a Chris Brown beat the shit out of a Rihanna like legitimately they had an episode where it was like a guy beating the shit out of his like famous girlfriend yeah but they always go with step further just like

the comic when the the they were calling people rape comics when that whole thing was going on because they had jokes where they say the word rape and And like though the rape culture thing that's when S for you did that one where the Jonathan Silverman played a Play this to stand up comic who did they had him filmed with the comic strip? Did it so like I'm like what comic does this? He's like, you know, I love about women. If you can't have sex with them, if they want to agree to have sex with you, you could just rape them right now. And the crowd's going nuts.

And it's also happens to be the show that SVU went to on their night off, and they're like looking like, I don't like this. And then of course they're mixed up in this big thing. Two guys left the show, raped a girl. Is he somehow responsible for getting them fired up to rape?

No, they find out. No he's not. But then you're like, well that's pretty weird to end it there. There's still 15 minutes left to show. The comic also a rapist now. So they take some real liberties. They give you like, this is ripped from the headlines. But here's a real curve ball we're going to throw.

And it's always to make somebody look way worse than it was. I was on I was on all of them, but that one That's the one if you pull it up. I had beautiful curly hair. Yeah, and I was in bed with a beautiful My wife beautiful black one. I don't want you looking a medical examiner. You were on the scene of one of them. That was when Vincent Afrio. Okay. I was I was I was a detective with him, but I was in the the S was it S for you. S for you. S for you. And I had a lie down in the bed with this hot my wife

in the scene. And I didn't wear tidy white under my box of shorts. She felt you grow. Well, we were supposed to be spooning and I kept filling up. And I was like, please don't do this, please. And the last second I said, I feel your nub in my fan black. I was like, uh, well, mama like you. I didn't know I'm okay like you. And it kept making me harder once you'd say stuff. I'm a fat black guy. And that kept making me... You won't come over once the color purple.

Teach me a list of them. Genging. make it mean you want to come over what's the color purple teach me listen ganking so I told the director I was like listen we're married right he's like yeah I go wouldn't I be over here she'd be over there we wouldn't be touching each other we're married my right couples don't touch it right so I'd probably like put my hands together and like stuff them up or ask crack that's how how I sleep if I had a black wife. So I got the roll over on the other side. Because I had it, like, what, because I kept getting excited, which I didn't want to do.

That's why actors are like, oh, it's not real. You don't feel bullshit, bullshit. You could bone up in the right situation unless you're super concerned about not boning up in the right situation. Well, they made me wear those nude underwear as the worst feeling in the world. I had sex in a pilot that I did and with my wife and I had those nude underwear and I went inside my body like a turtle. I've never been more of seven. Same show Andrew Schultz had to wear the things and he's hung like a gorilla.

Yeah. I mean he had to jump out of an amwa, naked with the thing, the sock over his penis. And I mean, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we awesome. On that note we should we should go. Is that it? We done did it today. Well, buddy. It's good. Good show. Good was a great show. And I hope we had a great week You'll find out a couple days. You'll find out you found out yesterday in the day before that Until then shout Until then, shout, shout, one little boy, one little guy. Robert Kelly live for all of his dates, big J comedy for all my dates. What's your specials? Killbox, watch Dog Belly, Binging the Bank. Follow us both.

Go to our YouTube pages and subscribe while you're at it. Yeah. By the way, go to our YouTube individually. Check out me and Bobby's YouTube pages. Subscribe to those. Hell. Check out me and Bobby's YouTube pages. Subscribe to those. Help, check out the podcast. Subscribe to Lin's Only Fans While You're At It. Help.

Help these things. We could possibly get her to anal by the end of the summer. Maybe it's gonna be much lighter than that. Make it till the end of the summer. Well, that's if Lue makes it to the right. Lue, it's been great knowing you buddy. Love you buddy. Have some Jasmine Rice this weekend.

Settle down. You think you can kill me, fuck these doctors. You're absolutely right, dude. Eddie Vetter wouldn't stop doing trekkless erudds. Oh, right, he still smokes. He don't give a shit. Does he still smoke? Yeah.

That's what makes it hard. I know you see somebody just a little older and you're doing it, you're like, you're idle. You're like Your idol airports every morning. I go to the airport. I'm like, what am I doing the myself? I look like 80 year old ladies just smoking and then you find out she's 50 or something But you're like, ah, that was just still doing it. I'm not 50 yet. I love you Bobby. Love you too, buddy I love you guys live month. No, no, we're off next week, right? Happy Fourth of July. We're off next happy Fourth of July. Happy Fourth of July, be buddy. We'll make sure we get some good best of's up for you and some fun content for the week

Maybe me and Bobby will hop on to a little zoom thing or something. We're all who knows now. Let's do that a little fun and We'll catch you guys there to have a great and safe for So you guys here that have a great and safe fourth. See you guys later. Bye! Bye! voice message for them. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options. Hey DJ Liu, Eddie Vetter here. Believe me, I've seen you and your alien twin brother staring at me in the audience for over 20 years.

You really freaked me out, man, for decades. I heard that you're going through some rough times. First you couldn't feel your toes. Now you have the world record for gravy and your veins or something. I really wanted to ask you about the singing I've been hearing on the bonfire. Play me some of that forward song. When did you run away? How was it far from here?

Only looking back when the future's not so clear. Holy shit, talk about talent. Those the guys that also sang mom boobs? Bobby and Jay, you can open for PJ any time, boys. You have to follow Corey Feldman, but I don't see a problem there. Call me, see you in Seattle crackle crackle when did you run away How was it far from here?

Only looking back when the future's not so clear. Wondering around the room, everything's in its space. I'm the only thing that doesn't fit in this place Who am I supposed to be? Far the while I'm standing still Do I deal so willingly with the fact that I've lost the will? My sense that's on saves me, my down days feel right. I dreamer or dear, never keep me up at night. Farward goes farward Farward

Farward Farward I go farward Steadiest I don't go Throwing to do I don't know Oh Full disclosure Bobby memorizing I know I'm near, I shout at the shadows Don't let me catch you here Fingering on the porch, breathing till I'm bored Come between a prison gate and a wide open door I'm within, take back, take back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back Let it talk. Take back what's mine.

And find me here. Never find me here. Ford. I go ford. Never find me here Forward, I don't Forward, here's the best part Forward, forward, forward, forward

Fucking forward, forward, forward Forward, free, and me, and move In forward, forward Move it Oh sorry What were you guys come from Now I get why you did it you know what what? I get it now. I get dain. I like it Do you guys just jam all day listen? She She get none

I'm fun rent you be lucky to get in a back-rate She get none Yo DJ loop I think has a boner right now. He probably loves George thorough good dude. I'm not I'm not hating it I'm not eating it's bad shit come on Come on Look man I wish I talked like that in real life I don't give me a big big with a large fry and get me a 10 piece big nugget with a special sauce right here

Hello, welcome McDonald's. Can I take your order? Yes, look man. I want a happy meal, but I'm an adult and I don't care come down Happy meal, but I'm an adult and I don't care. Come down now. Give me some apple slices with that, cause my care for my cholesterol is very high. Go to Starbucks. Can I help you? Let me get a comma, Maki Yado here. I'm on the streets.

I said, look man, a much of Frappuccino. A much of Frappuccino to go. But I'm sitting now. He's back, he's back. At the bar. a frappuccino to go! Oh, here he is back, he is back. We know! I feel a mellow! I think everybody should talk like this for one day. We should talk everybody listening for one day.

You should go in and go, hello! Welcome to work! Look man! I need a large. Do you have a large? Sir what size shirt do you wear Where an extra large she says yeah, oh yeah It's a double-ax sometimes triple in a song. It depends if it's your opinion Sometimes triple in the song it depends if it's your opinion So come on Christine So I got five say yeah, oh yeah

Luke man You're gonna pick up a couple of your ships in the comedy club Now the door I went Came in the studio and it was a bit chilly so I grabbed my blanket and I said who touched the dial? Christine, man, don't touch it. Who are you gonna go to? So I'm wearing a blanket, I'm wearing a fleece, I'm wearing a shirt. Still cold, I look at the thermometer, I can see it was down.

I said, oh man, oh yeah. I tell you what, I wasn't wearing monoclysis. Oh yeah. I said, look man, you probably didn't see my sick ass chains. My double bracelet. And then when Christine realized she didn't touch the thermometer at all She was so nice How nice

Long you love it daddy. I Love it you love it now. I was doing it. I love it. I'm sorry. I like that. I look at my teeth They were kind of yellow and a little messed up. I said look man, make me smile like a heaven. Look at the dentist, I said look man, he said what you want. I said I want to teeth. He said I don't know, I don't think I could do that. New thing.

I said I want the teeth. And at the door I went. I couldn't chew for three days because they put to a placement here. I was nervous on stage. I said what did they fuck out? Instead I didn't know. In the front row. Everybody nervous. I love it. I love it. I'll do it all day. I'll talk doing it. I'll talk like this for a week. I didn't go hat and hand to a friend. Jacob, I have to to state your house. What you want man?

I said look man. I'm out of the streets. I need a place. Can I state your house? I want me to be a Titanic stuff. I promise. Why you got this Hitler book here? Why is this book got a big ol swastik on it? You would have some crazy white supremacy stuff. I said, I said, Jacob. Why the reach so small? Make it big, I gotta learn the disability man. I said, look man, the priest is small. I asked him if he could double space it. I can't wait to see what he's got. I said, Jacob, why the reach so small?

Make it big, I gotta learn the disability man. I said, look man, the priest is small. I asked him to pick a double space it. I can't read things, well I don't see the period man. I can see by his face. It was double space. He double-spaced it. I can read the reads. I went on my way and there I go. With another add.

I can read the reads. I went on my way and there I go, with another ad. And now the doughbobby went. The funnest thing I've done all weekend. Let me ask my old lady. You said, uh, let me ask the old lady real quick. What the hell was that? Oh, you're at the song part now we just need to talk and shit part Yeah, it's so shit. I mean that's when you go

When I ain't see my baby I'm And he's back of the bar He says what you drink it I said look man Good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, good boy, me. One bourbon, it's just... The lyrics are light. Hi, ever. With me and you'd be one egg roll, one rice, and one beer. A number two, a number three. Hey, you guys have any of them at home made? What? Master sauce, the Hakkan, the Hurt your nose nostrils. You said we only got the packets. You know what, mustard sauce, the hot car, the Hurt your nose, nostrils.

You said we only got the packets. That's a look man. I'm a little stuffed up. Chinese man, so let me check in the bag. So they all leave, every left? Every left, they all left. So it's already so fixed I want everybody who heard that to do that for a day It's like great I want to Chick-fil-A I

Didn't know a Sunday I Wrote up to the window and nobody was there. And then I knocked on the window, I said, look man! I'm being myself a sandwich. I can see the black lady in the cashier was not like in my white bullshit today. She said, hey man. I said, oh yeah, it's the Lord's day. But I'm tired! Jesus is tired! I just want some chicken! I can see in the face.

I knew it was no. Still want to take my wire. I said, you ain't getting chicken from before. You ain't getting chicken ever done. Chicken no never! I keep thinking it's going to be the not to door. I won't. I can't time it at all.

Oh shit. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was a good idea. I'm going to be a little bit more honest. I'm going to be a little bit more honest. I'm going to be a little bit more honest. I'm going to be a little bit more honest. I'm going to be a little bit honest. I'm going to be a little bit honest. I'm going to be a little bit honest. I'm going to be a little bit honest. I'm going time and it all. Oh, shit.

Hey, everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates. Coming to a city near you. Go on a little round.

I stepped on your crackle crackle. I stink.