The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Get On The Raft!

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

Reminiscing about college gigs turns into the old debate of whether or not Jack could be saved at the end of Titanic. ...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Yeah. It's the way J. feels right now. It is a good song. I say it's a good song. I always despite the fact that I would literally instigate a fight with the guitar player
Starting point is 00:00:34 immediately. I think a guitar bass on the O.D. plays. Do you have a problem with them? Yes. We had the whole thing. Oh yeah. Three days grace. Through wine on me. Yeah. what a douche great song though.
Starting point is 00:00:47 Great song, you know great song. Don't worry, you didn't write it. I want to thank some fans, you know, I was talking about yesterday or the other day, one of the days, how you got, I mean, everybody get gifts and I haven't got any gifts. And then I get a really great gift from, I got it right here Jacob. No, I got it Jacob. No, you stay right there. You do your thing.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Whatever you are doing right there. Your power hand warmers. Yeah. Plugging your power hand warmer gifts. They're charging. I got a Daniel and Stefan Miller. Right? Send me one of these patches.
Starting point is 00:01:24 They go on your bag But it's a tactical you know you because a lot of the bags have the Velcro on them and I do have one Yeah, and it's his tactical asshole, which I am Roger that Roger that 10 for Roger that that is a big I really like it. It's great. I love it. I want to visit their range. Yeah, they have a range too. Yeah, it's I don't know He has all the stuff over there in front of you. I mean God damn it Jacob. I want to charge it goes warmers I want to try them in my bum Can you put them in my ass?
Starting point is 00:01:58 He heard from Cheryl since we lost her yesterday turned her off She she left me hireded. She left me. Hired farm. She's not afraid of the show anymore, I feel like. It's Gonski. They invited us out there to shoot guns. I don't like shooting guns. You don't like shooting guns?
Starting point is 00:02:14 No. What are you talking about? You ever shoot a gun? Do you shoot? You just came home from, I told you that whole story, shooting guns. Should I 50 caliber gun? Oh, that was, okay.
Starting point is 00:02:24 Yeah, but this is different. That's ski shooting. You have a ski shoot? No. Skit skit. Yes. Pull. Yeah, pull.
Starting point is 00:02:32 And then you pull it out for me. Pull it out for him. Yeah, you go up to clay pigeons. Clay pigeons. Mm-hmm. I love ski shooting. That's fun. Yeah, those were like buckshot though, right?
Starting point is 00:02:44 Well, I think just shooting a gun, I like it, but I can understand how I could get bored quirk of it, but ski-thoot. I'm not bored, I'm like afraid. I think it's like, you're afraid. I understand. You're scared, I know, you're scared. Yeah, it's very scary.
Starting point is 00:02:54 It's scared of the loud noises and what it represents, freedom. Yeah, I fear freedom. You fear freedom, I understand that. That's why I am here to help you. I'm a tactical asshole. Free tactical asshole. I was okay, I don't have to be afraid of freedom anymore. Yeah, you have to be afraid of freedom man. I got you Jay. I got you
Starting point is 00:03:11 Skate skate skate skate. I'm hot today lose got me hot. You know, I have a question for you I watched six and a half. Okay, never mind next subject I watched Bill Mar from last week yesterday and you know big thing at the end of his His new rules thing was about school College and that you watched it. Oh, yeah, I thought it was very good It was great. It was two weeks ago. It was basically saying about like you know, it's like paying you parents are paying all this money Or they're being and coming and crippling debt To just go to these places where it's like
Starting point is 00:03:41 You can you can major in like trans places where it's like, you can major in like trans names to call trans studies. Like it's fucking bizarre. Gender identities, studies. Gender identities. Can I ask a lot of these protests that are going on right now are in college campuses. Oh, the pro-Palestine. Pro-Palestine.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Pro-Palestine, and which I get, I understand, but listen, you know, I have my opinions about it, but it's on college campuses. No, that's when he was talking about all of that thing and he was like, you know, he goes, I forget what he says. I forget the punchline that joke, but he basically goes, like, if you really need to pay $3,000, $300,000 to teach your kids how to hate America, it's like do something else. I figured the other thing he said was, but it was like, I wonder with Max being so young, he is a bellist like
Starting point is 00:04:34 college agent, she went for like a semester or a year, I guess. No, I think a semester. And she just didn't go back and like, are you, would you push Max into college? Or would you, or try to direct him that way? No way, not, I will not. I think colleges is a scam. If he goes, I have no interest in college, all you go, okay. 100% whatever he wants to do, I got him.
Starting point is 00:04:55 But I, I think colleges are a big scam. I think it's horse shit. I think the indoctrinate kids, and they make them think a certain way, try to get them down a certain and it means nothing You might as well. I'd rather give max House or like money to buy a house and then go and work because that will be worth more money I give him I give him the land up in the hampshire. This is yours. You can have that or give him a
Starting point is 00:05:23 Plot of land or a house somewhere then give spend that much money because at least with a house. Oh, I think there's a bell was like I'm just going into it and I was like, well, listen, thanks for just not like going because your mom like wants you to go so bad and like just depleting money for nothing. You're not interested in. I'm a think of this is thought at least with a house when you come out of college you have nothing. Yeah, you have nothing. If I you have that. If I give with a house, when you come out of college, you have nothing. You have nothing. If I give him a house, he's going to have that for the rest of his fucking life. He'll have that and that's money.
Starting point is 00:05:52 And it will turn into like a crack house or something. I mean, he's going to turn into a crack. He gets condemned by the city. But he's going to sell the cracks. He'll make the money to pay the mortgage. Yeah. And he'll probably process two girls make money off of that. You definitely.
Starting point is 00:06:04 So there's a lot of money to be made in the tiny house. It is too better You can be running two possible schemes of one being a house of prostitution the other one being a drug Well, you can pay more money to stay downstairs or you can loft fuck for half off. Okay. Now that's not bad Yeah, because you can't get a lot of motion You're not going knees up missionary or doggy style. That's a straight Chester chest. It's more that's just a chest of gorilla baggan What's gorilla baggan? You squat down like a gorilla squat. Yeah, like that. I'm your ceiling like this What the hell was that noise?
Starting point is 00:06:40 Oh my good chair. I was peeing is hitting the ground What so how high is the ceiling? Sealing is not that high. But when we had sex up there one time and a squat. I had a squat, like a gorilla. You know, like a gorilla that's down, he squats down. Yeah. Yeah, she made that sound.
Starting point is 00:06:56 You got that clip, I'm glad I had it. Do you ever worry? Do you ever worry? Now again, I'm picturing this wrong, I'm sure. Sure. But I'd worry about fucking up there. Are you ever worried you're gonna tip tiny house and then max will be flung directly into your loft, were you and your, his mother or having, are making sweet love?
Starting point is 00:07:11 I'm not that heavy anymore. Uh, no, you cannot tip the tiny house, but I did. Bobby, I call it tiny, just tiny house, not the tiny house. I call it tiny house. Tiny house. Yeah. Well, uh, you can't tip over tiny house. I know, T-H, she's not tipping over. I bet you could.
Starting point is 00:07:27 No, but I did smash my head off the ceiling. Ow. And I'm bald. Yeah. So I was bleeding. Metal? It's wood. It's wood.
Starting point is 00:07:36 Tiny house is wood. It's tiny house is wood. I'm not metal inside. I don't know. It's a house. You don't have metal inside. It's a tiny house. Yeah, but on the outside is a tin roof.
Starting point is 00:07:46 On the inside's all custom wood, dude. Yeah, but on the outside's tin. On the outside's tin, inside wood. I smashed my head like, yeah, I missed it. On the wood. Like Mr. Ingalls. Now, when you smashed it, did it go through to the tin? It did not go through to the tin, but I did.
Starting point is 00:08:02 I was bleeding, which is not a sexy Is not sexy Blasting on her face. Yeah, and I did I actually have that jug of my argument But I did actually I drooled on her back When I hit my head I just put and like a lot of water just came out of my head My mouth onto her and she's like what was that? I told I was like I drooled on you. Yeah, she was yeah, she was messed up Come. I told her I was like, I drooled on you. Yeah. She was pissed off too.
Starting point is 00:08:28 She was like, you. You guys didn't finish fucking video. Um, no, we went downstairs into the living room area. We found the ladder. We went down the ladder, which is fucking gross, whoever's on the bottom. Why? Oh, if you're both naked.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Yeah, we're both naked. You get worse max. I'm gonna see her, I'm gonna see her 50 year old grumpy coach coming down the ladder. You couldn't possibly privately fuck while Max is there. No, no, I well no no no Well, he's he sleeps. I mean dude, he sleeps. I'm in the car with them plan. I mean Pantera. He's out. Sure He fucking goes to bed. So he can sleep through anything we could I just don't want to do that, because he's as close. If he wakes up.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Yeah. For sure, he'll hear that. Yeah, he'll wake up and I'll just say, Mommy's being bad. Yeah, daddy's teaching our lesson. Daddy's teaching mom. That's why I used to grab her by the hair like this. That's why I'm covering her mouth and nose.
Starting point is 00:09:19 She'll learn, Mommy will learn, back to bed boy. Back to bed boy. I'll teach you how to do this later. Back to bed boy. Uh huh. Are you to do this later back to bed boy. Uh-huh are you Would you would you want him to go to a trade school or something? Max I definitely would love you know, dude Oh these these trade guys now because nobody wants to do that job They're making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and if you own the company
Starting point is 00:09:39 You're just going to bid on a job. My uncle owns a epoxy flooring company company He just goes out Bids on it and then sends his workers in to do it and he did he has he has like two homes He's got all kinds of shit. No, you're like there's no ones doing. I told you the guy who was the Gisillian air from the podcast. I did down Alabama Which I'm blanking on the name. I got a fucking down Alabama, which I'm blanking on the name. I got a fucking, find out what that is for me, Christine, because we're awesome.
Starting point is 00:10:07 But like his money wasn't running the underground fiber optics, and you get the contracts like for Google and AT&T he's doing, you know what I mean? So it's like, he's got a bazillion cars. He got Chipotle, he got a bunch of Taco Bells, like he just do, he's doing those for years. Yeah. So I would 100%
Starting point is 00:10:26 Send Max into a trade school if you want to do or just Send him to work I would just hook him up with a friend or somebody friend of mine's a plumber makes a ton of cash I would not if he I don't want him to go to college. I actually don't but if he does If you don't want him to if he's like that, I really want to go to college for this, I would 100% do it, but I hope he does. But would you try to talk him out of it if it was, if he was going for some bullshit?
Starting point is 00:10:51 He's like, I don't know. I'll figure out what I'm going to major in, but I want to go do it. I would not let him, I would not want him. I would not, I was some typical dumb college kid that's like, I kind of agree with that. I'm like, if somebody's like, that's why I said, I'm not against
Starting point is 00:11:02 Isabella going to college. I'd pay for it if she went and if she wanted to go back, I would take care of it, but I mean like, that's why I said, I'm not against Isabella going to college. I'd pay for it if she went and if she wanted to go back, I would take care of it, but I mean, like, it's just if she was like, yeah, okay, I'm gonna go into nursing. I'm gonna do nursing where some kind of allied health or something. That's great.
Starting point is 00:11:15 I'd be like, yeah, like five, if it was just like, I don't know, I wanna like, I swear to you, even if I wanna write or be a writer, it's almost like like take writing classes. Like I don't understand what they, don't go take fucking. You could learn all that shit on YouTube and books. You could go on YouTube and...
Starting point is 00:11:32 Or class, or you could have a B with classes, but I mean classes just in that. But when we were kids, you had to go to school because that's where any, that's the only thing places things were taught. We were just supposed to go. But you had to go to electric, electrician school and all that shit, even if you wanted to do that,
Starting point is 00:11:47 of vocational schools. But now you can, you can literally go online and learn anything you want about writing history. I don't think it's, no, I think if you want to be a writer, you should go to college and take a literature and learn how to write.
Starting point is 00:12:02 I think that's a good thing. I don't think so. I think that they're taking jerk off. Can't think so. I think that's right. I'm in the right- I'm in the right- Taking jerk off. Can I say something? I'm in the writers' guild and I have a book
Starting point is 00:12:09 that was on the shelves that sold very well. And I don't know what a semi-colonist. You understand? It's a comma with a dot over it. I know what it looks like, Jason. Okay. I don't know what it does. What I'm saying is, you can write a book. You can write a play. You can figure out how to what it does. What I'm saying is you can write a book,
Starting point is 00:12:25 you can write a play, you can figure out how to get it done, and you don't need to do all that shit. Anybody I know that successful didn't really go to college. You've seen Bobby Reed, right? He wrote a book. Yeah, I wrote a book. Some he read, dude. I just blow through his periods.
Starting point is 00:12:42 The X5 podcast, yes, sorry. Jeff and Charlie, the X five podcasts. It's one. If Max came back from his first semester at college and said, look, some Hamas is pretty awesome. Dead. I mean, you got to, you got to admit that. If I'm a tag and you've paid for that.
Starting point is 00:12:59 Here at the end. Oh, God. Dude, Max, Max, is it Max? Max is already. Max is already Max's already Oh no, he's pro he's pro America baby. Yeah. Oh Matt. I'm gonna do a juice Max loves juice loves juice. Okay. Yeah juice. Yeah, man he
Starting point is 00:13:16 Man he's one of his closest friends. No, I'm scared. Oh What's for a known kids names man he I'm man's one of his friends like the ghost of man The former owner of the Max Max is very American he he wants to be like An army guy or what? Japanese he wants to be Japanese. He wants to be like a Navy SEAL. He's really into guns. He's really into
Starting point is 00:13:44 Like wood stuff. He's really into guns. He's really into like wood stuff. I'm going to put some rivalists and guns. You might want to talk to somebody about that. No, no, he's very smart. Like even when he's super into guns, he shoots a gun up up at the tiny house. Sure. And he'll be like, you know, safety's on. Finger. I'm ready to fire. Safety's off. He's very serious. He's going to serial killer. No, I, finger, I'm ready to fire, safety's off. He's sorry. Bobby's making a serial killer. No, I'm hearing it as I'm hearing it out loud, Bobby. You're making a serial killer.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Because Jason has slated him. You've taken him up to the woods and you let him knife and kill shit. Yeah, it's called being an American. I'm teaching to be an American and you're a liable cock, right? All right. We'll enjoy when that tiny little American comes in with a, you find a duffle bag full of dead cats and enjoy when the world falls apart and the electricity's out and yeah and you guys are wearing our skin as outfits yeah exactly you and your psychotic son Max coming and just gets Christine you're mine now and Christine is like
Starting point is 00:14:40 thank god dad Christine's gonna be a breeder. Christine's like, oh God, thank you. We're gonna breed her. Dad, we're gonna both make babies with Christine. Because just don'ts is dead. Mad Max, dude. No, he's, he's, Mad Max and Bob Thunderdome. I think, I think college is,
Starting point is 00:15:02 thanks DJ Lo, you gave it a little something. Little something. Mad Max and Bob Thunderdome. I liked it. I liked DJ low you gave it a little something a little something mad Max and Bob Thunderdome I liked it I liked it but I had a thought I'm sorry I apologize I hate stepping on good ones no it's fine Lou my baby stomach is talking yeah I don't I think colleges we used to do colleges and they were fun I went and did I will speak for yourself exclusively on that one I never had one okay show at a college ever since the day I started comedy That when I started doing colleges back in like early was it late? You didn't wear underwear also I did a minute about your body was a different body. Yeah, we're different young man
Starting point is 00:15:41 Back then I know why you like colleges dude. You cleaned up when I went with you Bobby. The first college I ever went to you with, they gave you that I just met you and heard of you a month before. And we're on those first few gigs together. And we go up there and they presented Bobby with the student judged favorite comic of the year from the year before. Yeah. I mean they look in that picture, that was this one, those. That was a little smile back with the thin beard and the hat. Backwards, the shirt buttons were undone on the wrist, but it was just hanging loose. I mean, he walked in there. I was definitely cock blocking Bobby just crushing college pussy-older.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Because I just fat he walked in there. It was I was definitely cock blocking Bobby just crushing College pussy all day because I just fatsoed in their work and I kept asking on me Is the cafeteria is their food here? We're in cafeteria his triple X Fubu and his stupid jowl hair Absolutely ruining everything absolutely wearing a Fubu something for sure without a doubt No debt 4x 4x 5x sweatshirt at least. Socky had gel pimples on his forehead from putting too much gel on.
Starting point is 00:16:50 So I, fuck, ugh. Socky, size 48 jeans, which were way, which were way big. I just loved them so, but it was crazy. God dammit, it was a definite cock block. But I remember I went to college with I did a thing called Burley Bear Network. I hope you never find this. I was a guess.
Starting point is 00:17:13 I was, you know the MTV had VJs? Yes. Well Burley Bear. Burley Bear Network was Lauren Michaels version of MTV for college campuses only. So it was only sent out to Lauren Michaels. Lauren Michaels came up with this idea. Let's do MTV for colleges called in Burley Bear Network. And I was a I was a VJ for Burley Bear
Starting point is 00:17:35 Network. So I was like hanging out. What's up everybody? Hang with us. We'll be back. We've got Van Halen jump coming up. We'll play videos. We'll play videos. And I would introduce. I would hold you. 27, 28. So you're in comedy already. Dude, this is when I had the Caesar haircut. Remember Caesar body? That's brilliant. I remember the end of the scene.
Starting point is 00:17:55 When I knew you went before you started shaving your head, bald for sure. Oh yeah, this was when I came to New York. I came to New York. I had three auditions. I booked all three auditions out of the gate. Movie, movie, some type of commercial, some type of thing like that,
Starting point is 00:18:14 and then this Burley Bear Network. You know who was Ann Harris, remember Ann Harris? She was like an intern. The head of Comedy Central, she became one of the heads. She was an intern. And now she's fired from Comedy Central. Well Comedy Central, and then. Look at how far they've gone. So it was like a one of our point people here for a long time. Oh, she was great. I love her. She's the best. And so they actually want to do a tour. So me and Sharad would tour colleges under the Burley Bear Network.
Starting point is 00:18:47 So we had guests with VJs on this thing, and then we go to these campuses, dude. I remember going to a campus. It was animal house. Fucking animal house. You went in the basement. Every room was themed, and they made them themselves.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Like they went to Home Depot and created tropical theme, you know, you're playing in a party. In the, the frat house. So DJing it basically. No, no, we're doing comedy. We did a stand-up show. Dude, we did a tour, a stand-up tour.
Starting point is 00:19:16 So I would do the DJing. I thought it was a tour of like being the Burley Bell network guys. We were, but we did the network TV guys on TV. Hey, give it up next up, blah, blah, blah. And then we went into the tour stand-up because we did the network TV guys on TV, hey give it up next up blah blah blah. And then we went into the tour stand up because we did stand up too. So they brought us to the colleges dude. At one point, I remember they were, they had a chandelier in the big living room with a stage was, they just started throwing frisbees and smashing the chandelier.
Starting point is 00:19:40 And I mean laughing and everybody's fucked up. Then they will let come downstairs. Just girls, fucking themed rooms, everybody's shit faced. Every room had kegs. Then we went to a party. I remember Sherrod was in a van with some girl. It was fucking crazy. Well, that's a...
Starting point is 00:20:00 You left that really open-ended. Yeah. Sherrod went into a van with some girl. Well, I've never heard what happened, but yeah, we can't. Chris, the same comedy you did, now would you be? Same comedy you did then got you so late and now you have to, you'd be a monster. That's what happened.
Starting point is 00:20:17 That's what happened. No, I don't know, Bobby's so much, but that's what I had right away. When I went on, I was like college kids. It was the biggest disappointment of our life So I'm like go college is gonna love my shit cuz I'm like dirty I'm you know, I mean, I'm like young also when I was like my you know early 20s I'm like this is like I'm college age and like they're gonna like my and I mean they hated me more than anybody
Starting point is 00:20:39 They was everything you say like yeah, why? What difference does it make if they're blood? You know, I mean if you were like I saw a black family when I was going difference does it make if they're blood? You know, I mean, if you were like, I saw a black family when I was going, what difference to make if they're black? Well, you have to let me get to it. It's probably in the joke somewhere, but it was like, that's what my experiences at college is we're just not liking me at all. I had that happen. I mean, got a handmade award. I remember when it turned to as a Columbia, and I did a joke and someone stood up and said that. Why do they have to be a Chinese something? And I was like, cause it, what?
Starting point is 00:21:13 It didn't even make sense to me, cause it's never how I was like, it's done. And then I remember me, Tracy Morgan and Dean Edwards went to a college and they made a sign, a document saying that we were gonna be clean clean clean And it was so much money that I was like yeah, I got 20 minutes of clean minister I'll I cannot say fuck and do my piss the pants mods to joke. Tracy Morgan will be impossible. He came out dude
Starting point is 00:21:42 He's like yo, yo, yo, we got to stick together. We're gonna be impossible. He came out, dude. He's like, yo, yo, yo, we got to stick together. We're artists, yo, we're artists. We got to stick together. We do what we do. We talk what we talk. I'm Tracy Morgan. And we were like, yeah, no, Tracy, I got any of the money. And I went up clean, Dean went up clean,
Starting point is 00:22:00 Tracy went up five minutes. Yo, you know, when you're working with your girl Oh, man, you have a fucking girl in the kidney And then you take your dick out and explode on your dick and you wipe it on the Kern and then the father came home Why did I blow down my curtain cuz I wipe my dick on that's from your girl's kidney good It's pretty good tracing more than the way. Thank you. I've been working on my impressions It's pretty good tracing more next we look. Thank you. I've been working on my impressions. It's pretty good. Tracy Morgan. We look up the kid that was booked us that we signed the thing, slid down the wall with his hands over. I'm ruined with the checks on his hand.
Starting point is 00:22:36 And then we just heard click click click. There was a big black woman with buckles like pilgrim buckles shoes. Oh, geez Like you know a blouse on walking towards him. She came over grab the checks out of Tracy came up because Joe that wasn't bad right I was like Tracy. We're not getting fucking paid and they didn't pay her He didn't pay him they didn't pay that they didn't pay him at all. No, they paid me Because Matt Frosty went back a little bit. Dean D'Clean. Dean D'Clean. Me and Dean got paid, but Tracy lost that money. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you don't sign the contract. Well, I mean, I, I saw it coming because then when they started making
Starting point is 00:23:17 you do that stuff of colleges, it's like, it's over. We, I was there. Dude, I was there with Keith. Me and Keith would do colleges, man. I mean I mean maybe I was like I may have missed a Time you missed it because as soon as I was there they were so upset at what I was there like how can I'm like I thought I'm the mind. I'm like they're gonna fight me to the party afterwards And we're gonna go and like there's gonna be so much pussy and we're gonna be famous to them We just performed this and it wouldn't now Kev they loved They loved Kev of colleges, for sure.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Cause I would go with him, uh, these are getting colleges like black colleges right away. And, uh, going out there, Florida colleges, dude, I, when I used to get booked at, booked a Florida colleges, I was like, this is gonna be fun. I would go down a day before, cause I knew some shit was going down. And I would try to stay a day later. You're, I was gonna out. I used to book. You're like, guys, I'm sorry I was going to,
Starting point is 00:24:08 I'm going to take the flight to Margas. Denise says they're having a rager over at Evans as folks are going, so like, I want to come home with Day Late. Dude, I used to have, I let's go this way. Yeah, dude, Evans having a rager. I can't believe you guys are still leaving. We had a lot of fun, man.
Starting point is 00:24:23 You go in the day before they usually took you to dinner, the girls who booked you. Usually girls who booked you. And then... You would go to, you went to like, what's it called? Naka? Oh, I did Naka, yeah. Yeah, I couldn't like get, you know, invited to that.
Starting point is 00:24:40 I was like, out of my, I did a, I did a smaller one, I did the APCO on, which is for like smaller colleges. Yeah. And got a zero book. Actually, I did, I got one booking. And then when they brought it back, they canceled it. Here's what I did. Ready?
Starting point is 00:24:54 I did NACCA. And everybody, they'd be clean, be clean, be clean. And I saw the comics were bombing. I mean, eating their decks and I looked at my agent who was Matt Frost, Brian Vogue-wise, not Brian Vogue-wise, Brian Billig. I said, I'm not being clean, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do my act, I'm gonna be dirty, I'm gonna say fuck.
Starting point is 00:25:16 I go that way, whatever college we get is gonna want me. If I get one, they know what they're getting. I'm not pretending to be this guy and then show up and be that guy. I gave that speech to him and I, and I'm, but there he's no one book. He said, I gave that heartwarming speech also, dude, it's really cool. There's me music playing behind as well. We said that, but I'm telling you, we worked out for you. That did not work out for me. He said, he goes, he goes, he goes, please, please don't do this, Bobby. This is Naka. This is, I go fuck off.
Starting point is 00:25:47 I'm doing it. When I murdered the next day, all the schools getting a big room together and they, you know, they say names like Big J and whoever raised their head. They said Robert Kelly. 99% of the schools raised their hand. Never been done. I go every school except one school, which wound up sucking because here's why.
Starting point is 00:26:08 They blocked book you, okay? So, and people who don't know that, what it is is you book me one school books me for Friday, that's it, they have to pay me $5,000. If four schools book me, it goes down a thousand every time I get a college. So I'm working five shows for a thousand each. You understand?
Starting point is 00:26:27 So I gotta do twice the work for way less money. It sucked. I did, I lost. It wasn't quite that. I think the blockbooking idea was that it was like, instead of five thousand for one college, you're doing three colleges for three thousand a piece. So it's like, you're gonna get a little money
Starting point is 00:26:41 with a lot of money. 100% not. Oh really? No dude, I, that's exactly what it was. It was a, it went down that much. So that, I think that's why everybody booked me too to kind of get a deal on me. Because they got a real deal.
Starting point is 00:26:52 There's definitely a deal there because I will say, when I was in that same room and they said, Big J. O. Cerson, one college, Tomahawk University. Got some 30,000 dollars. Raise their hand and then Book me no one else jumped in on that block booking and then eventually Tomahawk University Also canceled because of content Mike Vecchion when he came up they said his name out loud so many times eventually eventually I went, stop saying it. This is named so many times, no one was raising their hand
Starting point is 00:27:28 because we didn't know anything, and Mike went to the wrong block booking thing. Like he performed on a show that wasn't the block booking for. So he was in the wrong place, so he got nothing also. It was complete waste of a trip. I actually worked so much that year. I was on the cover of Nacka magazine I was on the cover of Nacka Robert Kelly Nacka magazine. Did you find the
Starting point is 00:27:54 Beaver thing I Beaver network I can only find clips of him talking about it another show What you did it mean well, what was the year? Well, I think she has had to be to 2000. Okay. So if you look at Tough Crowd and what they used to say on TV and Comedy Central, even on Bill Marshall, it was crazy. I mean, it was crazy. What was said? And then I think around 2004, it just flipped. It was, it was, it was, it wasn't crazy. That's something that wasn't crazy. It just got started being called crazy. it wasn't crazy. That's almost the thing that wasn't crazy. It just got started being called crazy It wasn't crazy, but I mean there's a clip of Sarah Silman out there today
Starting point is 00:28:32 Saying doing a joke about calling a joke about chinks in front of a Chinese guy and the guys like I think that's offensive and she's like why He's like well because it's you shouldn't say like, he's like, well, because it's, you shouldn't say that word in front of it, you should say Chinese. Well, I'm doing a joke, and then she says the N word. She says the N word. She goes, I- It's all on Do-Mar.
Starting point is 00:28:56 It's on YouTube today. It's on hers. It's on Pleetaline Correct or something? She's on Pleetaline Correct. And it's like, that was a different time at TV. Here it is, right here. This is her on politically correct back in the day with, I think some, but you know, he always used to put like comedians with these activist people, people that should never
Starting point is 00:29:14 be on a show together, never on a room together because they don't even understand comedy. I have the farm and my friend said, why don't you write something really inappropriate? Like, I hate chinks, you know? And I'm thinking, yeah, but when you think about it, I don't want people to think that of me. You know, I just want to get out of jury duty. So I just feel that the farm and I love chinks. I love chinks.
Starting point is 00:29:34 I love chinks. I love chinks. I love chinks. I love chinks. I love chinks. I love chinks. They slow it down and player going, by the way, it's a hilarious joke.
Starting point is 00:29:42 She, but here's the thing, the slow mo, the Dave, she's got slow mo. Sheep, but here's the thing, they did the slow-mo, the Dave should tell slow-mo, and it makes her into Satan. And they slow-mo the Chinese guy's face, which looks like it's a slow-mo all the time. Oh, it's okay, he was asleep, right? He just sleep. Was he asleep?
Starting point is 00:29:58 But look at David Spade, I wish they had. My thing. He just went, he's like, yeah, I like that. No remorse, no repercussions, but why? Like, that's a funny joke. It's a very funny joke. She had the one on a Conan O'Brien that she, like, people came back looking for, not at the time.
Starting point is 00:30:20 It's like they went back on her and it was, she goes, I'm dating a new guy now. She goes he's half black and I Know he's gonna break my heart and the crowd's like oh, and he goes now, you know what I'm just being pessimistic. He's half white The name of this YouTube channel is Asian solidarity nice. Did you ever have to sign anything that said you wouldn't sleep with the college students Did it ever mean he wouldn he walked away from the money towards towards the end you had to start signing papers and that's when I was like this isn't for me anymore yeah yeah I was just I want to have sex with your
Starting point is 00:30:56 students or I'm not coming I've had down the production Jay's on where it's like you you have to sign something saying basically you're not gonna sleep with the talent like okay I I used to not, I didn't sleep with students as much as I slept with staff. I slept with a lot of the girls that booked me. But that's students, right? No, they were like, yeah. They were.
Starting point is 00:31:17 No, they're students. Hang on one second. For sure. They were working students. No, they were like. Student government. They were older, like, you know, grad students. 1920. Yeah, they were a little, I never really was into, I never,
Starting point is 00:31:35 at a million years, they were like a freshman. Oh God, no, that's not. I'm 18 year old, just a 19 year old. Yeah, yeah. I've never liked 18. 19's also a soft more, but yeah, you would, that's where you go, a soft you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you.
Starting point is 00:31:56 I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. I'm a fan of you. was at this girl's house. I can't low. Yeah, love me as a dude. My burn weed is ball-long-five.
Starting point is 00:32:20 There was one school I did. It was gonna be a shit show. Freshman orientation. Shit show, I'm gonna bomb. It was gonna be a shitshow. Freshman orientation. Shitshow, I'm gonna bomb. I'm gonna fucking bomb. This was towards the end of my school thing when I was gonna stop doing it. And I wound up doing it.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Some improv thing with this kid and it fucking murdered. So bad that I became like an institution and that like they would book me every year to recreate this moment. And I would dread it. I did it like three, I think four years in a row, but the fourth year, I didn't recreate it.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Too many improvs, see? No, I would just mess with the kids. Gotcha. You know what I mean? And one year, I'm so unbelievable with this. We have to have you back They rebook me right away went back to next year pulled it off again third year barely Fourth year 100% I think Eric Rivera buried me on stage really yeah, that was terrible. I still mighty
Starting point is 00:33:18 What um we have calls. Yeah, there were two. What are they anything interesting? interesting did that girl call back I feel like we offended her yet she's I'm trying to turn this free sorry uh denka was backstage in Metallica not sure what that's about uh I'll tell you what it's about that's his college class I'll tell you what it's about I can stop you right there and tell you what it's about back he was backstage he had fucking passes in uh snake pit snake pit. That's what that's about All right, what was the reason to judge that up? Brad has his his college offers a class in barbecue. It's almost the point we're making here It's just like Brad put Brad on Brad
Starting point is 00:34:05 Brad on. Brad? Brady. Hey guys, we're going on. Dude, pull up a log. You're on the fire. Yeah, Brad. What's up, my man? Grab a couple marshmallows and a stick and I'd say cut the upper layer of the stick off so you don't get stick shit all over you. Marshmallow and roast from the bonfire. Yeah, why don't you get a couple of those girls that go to college you to bring them over to the bonfire and put them in a bikini. Yeah, throwing the lake over by the bonfire. What college do you go to, Brad? Texas A&M University. That's a big one.
Starting point is 00:34:34 That is a big one. And they offer a class in barbecue. How expensive that school must be. Doesn't that almost annoy you? I mean, I'm not paying that much because I go to small departments, so I'm not trying to be an engineer. Can I ask you a question? Are you working in a zoo in the bird section right now?
Starting point is 00:34:53 No, actually I work in a cemetery. Okay, so you're in a cemetery right now. Are those vultures? Yeah. There's a lot of bird life. Do me a favor, get a rock and houck it at one of those crows right now. Oh, but do they are crows when I was in Austin, Texas? Remember the crows at the airport?
Starting point is 00:35:12 They're horrible sounding. Well anyway, Brad, um, do you feel a Brad, have you seen a come a comedian at your college? Uh, not that I know of actually Bill Burr came through and played the arena. Yeah, that's not what I meant exactly. I'm talking about like I'm thinking more about like a two p.m.r. in the hallway that connects the library to the cafeteria. No, I've never seen that. Yeah, I think so. Those days are probably over now. It's done, unless you're, there are guys at a college acts, almost like a boat act.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Sure, we did. There's a whole genre of comedian. Right now. That is our cruise comedians. That, I'll tell you right now, fucking murder because they have one hour, they can splice it up in different ways, and they do the same thing every single time,
Starting point is 00:36:06 and they've perfected it. And they will murder. I actually did a show in Florida, in the lady who booked it was the lady who books all the cruises. And they booked me. It was for the PBA, police PBA, thank you, huge event. She booked two of her cruise guys before me, murdered.
Starting point is 00:36:25 But he murdered, he murdered with a joke where Gaze and the military, he was doing Gaze in the military about a don't ask, don't tell, but it was like a couple of years ago. I have to. We have a trans general, I mean, we'll be on that. But he was like, he put it on, he had like a rocket, shoot it, and he was murdering,
Starting point is 00:36:44 cops love that shit, and he was murdering. Yeah. Cops love that shit. Murdered. Yeah. Yeah. Boat acts. I'd say what? Sometimes if you wonder, if you do comedy long enough in New York City, particularly I will say, when you just start going like, wait, where are those guys at?
Starting point is 00:36:59 Boats. They were there, like every week boats or colleges. 3500 to $4,000 a week you do two shows Crews no, no, so I'm telling you some of them some of them you do a one a day Some of them I was I was two a day. It's an afternoon once for kids of night No, it used to be that way. They don't do that anymore cruises or or so all ages during a day and the nighttime You'll do an all ages on when people come on and then you'll do one or two shows later, depending on the ship.
Starting point is 00:37:27 And you get 3,500 bucks, you get a room, but usually down below. With the, yeah, you're in the quarters with the, you put downstairs. And you can't, you're not supposed to fret nice. No, you're not allowed to. Yeah, my friend was in Boston, this guy Bob, I feel his last last time old school comic
Starting point is 00:37:45 All Z1 it was a cruise ship because back then Boston con the old Boston guys You get on that cruise thing you have to get in the mix and once you're in you have to stay in because there's other people Won't you say I'm out someone replaces you and you can't get back in this guy was older guy He wanted to just go do cruise his, retire, fuck the road, fuck doing shows, got in. Wondup fucking the captain's girlfriend. Really? They came down to his room. They go, they're in the dark on the door.
Starting point is 00:38:17 We're going to upgrade your room to a suite. Pack your bags. Come on. He grabbed all his bags. They go, my God, thank God they took him to helicopter off the boat kicked off the thing Never to do another comic to another comic. I think just went back to a room with Huh like just a guest just with someone that was a guest on yeah, just like anybody in the court You're not allowed to do it man. They helicopter him off to they said. I mean this guy's I mean his comic strip comic for a while but yeah heartbroken his dream came true sailing literally sailing off into the sunset literally
Starting point is 00:38:51 sailing. Why would he fuck the captain's girlfriend? I asked him that she was really hot. Okay that's fine he threw it all away for that. That makes sense to me. Yeah come on there's cameras everywhere. Yeah I know but she was really hot. Yeah she was really hot. Yeah I mean, come on, there's cameras everywhere. Yeah, I know, but... She was really hot. Yeah, she was really hot. You don't see anything more to me? Yeah, I mean, look what's his name did on the Titanic. Yeah, the cabriote. He fucking thought I was gonna murdered. He did, he died.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Well, he died, he was murdered by the sea. Yeah, well, that tub of shit was too big for... Let him on that little raft. I know, you fucking fat ginger bitch. You fatso. Oh, no. Hey, you fat nut, not Kate Winslet, she's a national treasure. I mean that fat pig that he played Rose rose
Starting point is 00:39:29 Rose I could lead just lie on top of her. There was no reason he had to die that day. No There's no reason you don't I suck No, if you were a lot if you were alive in That rendition of it If you were alive you got above water and you were no longer being pulled under and you were up in the water There's no reason you should have died. No, no It's no reason you should know he could have climbed up on top of her. She could have got in for a minute back There's a zillion one ways they could have handled that outside of him just go and like I'll wait here to die and
Starting point is 00:40:02 You be fine. They could have banged they could have banged on that little raft. Could have fucked on the raft. Why not try to fuck on the raft? Yeah, fuck on the raft. Movie sucks Jacob, you're wrong. He tried to get on and it almost sank both of them. Oh God. And now. Try more than once. Well, why you treat it? You're going to want to try. Treat a snatch like a taunt on and climb on in. Get some water, look. Try to stack some debris, stack some more debris. Yeah, debris everywhere. Get float on the other dead bodies.
Starting point is 00:40:31 You do this in below freezing water. Yeah, yeah, get the other dead bodies. You have like 10 minutes to live. Sure. Yeah, 10 minutes. By the way, people are saying right now, how can water be below freezing? Because it's salt water so there Damn
Starting point is 00:40:50 The water was below 32 degrees. Wow. Yeah, no, I'm not arguing with you. I'm not saying it's not a death sentence being in that water I'm just saying they didn't try for the 10 minutes he had they didn't try hard at all He just looked at her held her hand and then let go and she didn't try hard. At all. He just looked at her, held her hand, and then let go. And she didn't try at all. She just kept saying his name over and over. Shut up. Get me on the raft. Figure something out. This debris everywhere. I would hop on that door and push Christine's forehead with one finger in the water. But your body is shutting down. I grabbed Max and I'd be like, Don, I love you. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? Blubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblubblub Well, you know he's done. What an amazing thing. First of all, first of all, everybody in their mother is jumping in a Titanic water after they work out now for five, six minutes. Not for five or six minutes.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Yeah, are you kidding? 100%. Absolutely. 100%. Below freezing water for five or six minutes. I did three tough mutters. You can't sit in the studio for eight seconds. Right, I jumped in the ice water. Yeah, you can't you're not a gauge.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Yeah, you're not a good gauge. I did it. No, saying it's it feels like a thousand. You have the blood you have the blood temperature of a dying old lady. Yeah, you have the blood temperature of a scorpion. I don't know why I'm debating.. You have debating this with seven shirts. I'm charging my hand warmers. You can't think straight, you can't do anything, you lash out. You screamed at Christine for it to be in 68 degrees in here.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Christine, you got to make it warmer in here. It's fucking freezing in here. Look at you, temperamental. Apparently James Cameron's run tests to see if he could have fit on the door. They did that. What's the show? What? It's canceled now. Mythbusters?
Starting point is 00:43:14 Mythbusters did it. They could have. This is actually James Cameron doing it. To simulate what Jack and Rose went through in the North Atlantic waters. They had similar body types to Leo and Kate, and there was also a hypothermia expert on hand since the water in the pool was 56 degrees. He got nowhere near and he immediately went into the really strong shaking shivering. It's not the first Titanic test.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Let's see, here we can both get on this thing a decade ago They're on it. They're on it. They're both they're both it used Rose's life preserver and stuck it under the door They could have They're wearing dry Buddy, he just said it if they used her stupid life preserver around a chubby neck Just that would have kept it afloat You should keep her big fat pig neck up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:06 And there was 75 other life preserves around dead bodies. You could have grabbed those. You could have made, you could have went to Cuba. Oh, you're making a burnish. You're not going to do, you're not doing laps in that colder water, Bob. Yeah, listen, you can't face street. You could have thought about love in that's the end.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Yeah, and. Yeah, and. Yeah, it's great enough to pump your body to just try to get some kind of heat going. Yeah, you get up and out of the water on the right. He had no way to live. Because he realized he just committed his whole life to a big fat lady.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Yeah, he tried. He was trying to get it. He was trying to draw like me and get a blowjob. And then he got sucked into her world. Christine's with me on this, right? That what? Jack did the right thing. It seems like they could have both survived
Starting point is 00:44:45 I'm a bank. It was just a better ending for him to die Well, you know it's not true. It's not true. Jesus. It's a movie Yeah, you know that Jack wasn't real right wasn't based off real person or anything Jack Dawson on the Titanic there was Yeah, it's not based. It was completely coincidental that he wasn't an artist Titanic cemetery. There was a Jack Dawson buried in the Titanic cemetery. Oh, but it's not it's not it's not not based on he didn't die Well hanging on the V edge of a fat ladies boat raft. Okay Good, thank you
Starting point is 00:45:22 Make sure everyone knows that that's why that's good to Lord. Guys, she's not really fat. She's kind of big. She's a fat piece of shit. How about that? She was beautiful back then. Before, before, before those times. Yeah, before high society.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Yeah, yeah. That could be real. That's when you used to be able to be fat and it didn't matter because they would tie you into clothing Until it fit until you had a good body. They tied you in like a like a like a Nike Like a good ankle brace. Yeah, like a LeBron shoe for your butt to play game seven Yeah, like a LeBron shoe for your butterfly game seven Get that fat bitch in that dress that fat bitch in that dress. Oh my god Christ almighty Yeah, it was and how old was it how old how cold was a Titanic water because why did they use 56 degrees? Because when I did the ice bath that was less than that the ice bed that it was 40 degrees. Yeah 40 it should be 57 to 40 something degrees. People are doing to that. 28. That's right.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Yeah, that's just two degrees below free. So so almost well, 30 degrees. So they did it in what 30 degrees warmer water wearing dry suits. Yeah. Yeah, but dude, whatever you know, not whatever. No, absolutely whatever. The, the, the, whatever. That would only take a second to strap her, her thing at the bottom of the boat and they both would have lived. Yeah, and they could have got other ones. Once they figured that out, they could have got other ones on an ether. You want them to at first of all, both of them were already in the water for
Starting point is 00:46:59 quite a while. What do you mean? When the ship went down, they went under under the water. And then they swam for quite a while till he found the door. She got on. He tried couldn't get on because it was because she didn't help her. Well, she was she was weak. Yeah, weak in the heart. Yeah, she was a weak ass bitch. That's for sure. We cast bitch. And here's the thing too, if Don wasn't helped me on the raft, she'd get a
Starting point is 00:47:30 mouthful as I was going down. Yeah, you don't just go away with like what by love you. Yeah, no, you didn't even try you cunt. You didn't even try used to be this I Have I hit money in a lot of time you heard it 28 degrees is serious shit
Starting point is 00:47:58 Yeah, sure it's a hundred percent serious. We're not saying that but you could have tried you could have done some you're You're giving it turning into a popsicle You ask doesn't matter. You're you're talking about the complete sellout when they did not, they had a conversation, they had a conversation, stop talking and start doing for the time you have left. I, look at what kind of, I don't want to be in tragedy with you if you're just going to lay down and take it, you know what I'm going to be lying food, I'm just going to lay here, forget this. Well, you you we've already We already know how I would react in 28 degree water
Starting point is 00:48:33 You're not gonna do well. I'm I'm gonna be on the you're either putting me on the Electrocute by your electric hand warmers. You're either putting me on the door or I'm going or I'm going down You're taking the the life for server off my body. You'll never love a woman that much in the the life reserve or off my body. You'll never love a woman that much. You'll never love a woman to go just let me get in that water. What what what what are you what were they talking about at the end they were saying dumb stuff right? They love each other and you want to live
Starting point is 00:48:54 and ride a horse like a dude or some shit. What was your go. Don't you do that. Don't you say you're goodbyes. Not yet. Do you understand me? Get on the fucking raft! Yapping. Get on the raft!
Starting point is 00:49:14 It would go under. She's just listening. I know, but they're making no moves. He's just treading water and she's listening politely Listen get him on the raft make a Move make a move this debris every somebody screaming. I hear a guy going hello Does anybody need us you already help hey? You tub of shit.
Starting point is 00:49:46 Help him on the raft. We'll be there in a second. First of all, he did exert a lot of energy. He did punch a guy in the face who was trying to get her life preserver. Yeah. And you don't know. That was so much earlier.
Starting point is 00:49:59 And proximity to the door, how far out other debris is. And how many times is he's supposed to swim to get this debris in back? As long as it takes to say everything he's saying. And build this makeshift boat that you're talking about. Okay, going a boat. Go back, go back, let's time it out. Let's time it out, Jay.
Starting point is 00:50:18 You tell me what you're doing while he's talking. You tell me, ready? Okay, let's get to it. Let's get to it. Get to it when he... They pulled the boat out for that person ready? Okay, let's get to it. Let's get to it. Get to it when he- They pulled the boat out for that person. Go back, go back, go back. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Okay, Jay, what are you doing? The person dead person off the boat. She's on the boat. Was that a dead person on another boat? That person's off and I'm on that. They're just floating dead bodies there. She's the only one on that boat. Okay, so that's floating dead bodies.
Starting point is 00:50:44 First thing I start doing is trying to, if we try to get on and start sinking, let's start loading up dead bodies under this thing. Under it. And because they're floating at the top, like, let's make a move. Let's make a move. Makes sense.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Make a dead body raft. A dead body raft. It makes sense. I've thought about, listen fellas, I've thought about every scenario. But you come to the conclusion. You're talking to the conclusion. You're acting like I'm some jerk off that never thought about every possible way to survive this.
Starting point is 00:51:14 But you don't agree with that? I spent my life thinking about this ending. But you chose love at the end. At the end you said you might as well just have a conversation with with Gate Wednesday because you're gonna go down. Well, you see he's pussy craze because he got laid. That's it. And I'll tell you what though.
Starting point is 00:51:37 So he's not thinking this kid's gotten laid before. That wasn't his first time for sure. Look at the floppy ass hair. Now dude, he scored the most popular chick on the boat. Yeah. And he's a hunk of shit who snuck on. Yeah, you don't think he banked in Ireland? He won the ticket, he didn't sneak on.
Starting point is 00:51:52 Oh, right. I can you play watch, I wanna play the thing. I wanna see, what are you doing? You're getting other dead bodies now. Tell him it, I want it. Which is, we're just timing it right now. By the way, they've already been in since the ship sank and they swam and beat off a guy who's trying to
Starting point is 00:52:07 to take to drown them. Well, I should just push them. You know, I have to beat a guy off. That doesn't seem cool. That's weird. Yeah, I'll tell you what though, that is probably keeping them warm, beaten off. Yeah, why isn't just a big old fuck orgy in this water?
Starting point is 00:52:22 Everybody trying to... fall out. The boats were nice. I don't know about you, but... I intend to... ...right... ...strongly worded letter to the white star crying about all these things. He's cramking jokes! He can't think straight.
Starting point is 00:52:41 The guy's writing jokes. He... I mean, that's a good joke, too. That's a pretty funny joke. That's a good joke, too. That's a pretty funny joke That's a good. I think my yelp reviews gonna be pretty scathing But anyway, I don't see I didn't see this on the pamphlet We set up instead of doing killer comedy. He should he should swim 30 yards to get a dead person's 30 yards it would float right by that dead body. There's somebody twitching right behind them. Jacob, you're so good people.
Starting point is 00:53:14 Yeah, but they're not they're not all congregated. I know, but they just showed a few floating by him. There's something happening right over their shoulder. Yeah, this chair also. I've thought about this. But you've come to the conclusion that there was no other way from the dude in saying, then if I can give his monologue over here, that's fucking Jay Leno monologue.
Starting point is 00:53:35 I'm saying, Hey Thal, what up? What's going on, Thal? You know your body. Jay, can I say something? Yeah. Not only is he doing Jay, Jay Leno, can I say something? Yeah. Not only is he doing J. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let him.
Starting point is 00:53:46 Can I say something? Yeah. Not only is he giving his monologue. He's. It's. It's. It's. It's.
Starting point is 00:53:54 Not only you giving the money. Not only you giving the money. I'm sorry, that makes me laugh. You see that? Yeah. Bobby, mock the movie. Go ahead. Not only you giving the monologue, he's's giving it stuttering which makes it even longer. Yeah, he's like I think I'm gonna
Starting point is 00:54:12 Remember right Strongly worded letter to because he's dying. Yeah, he's dying. You know your body is shutting down He knew he did not have enough energy to build a makeshift raft like you think he takes so I said let me give her my a stuff Yeah, he got it. He got I'm gonna bring me he I'm bringing the heat so I hit with my dying my my last breath. I want to Tell her to live. Yeah, that's good. She goes with just do me a favor Right down to my last words were I hate chinks. Wait, no, I love chinks. That'll hold. That'll hold up the test of time. You know what bugs me about this? How comfortable she is on that raft. She's not. She's not even saying she's just listening. Crying.
Starting point is 00:54:59 You know, don't say your goodbye. She's like, I haven't said anything. I'm fine. Yeah, I'm almost unconscious. Yeah, she's unconscious from the conscious. She's bored of the speech. Yeah, because she's so comfortable, why not go to sleep? She's extremely comfortable. She's out of the water, she's gonna live, she's feeling good. It's great, she got a huge diamond. She's like, hey kid, this story's great,
Starting point is 00:55:18 but I'm gonna catch some shut eye real quick. Yo, did I'm real cold when I get cold, I get tired. So, I'm gonna catch a little shut eye. Why don want you to go on my hand and just slip into the bus You and don't have sex in the in the tiny house with Max once no do it now I mean he's you have the time Bobby. Bobby actually don't do it. I told you My concerns gonna flip over and Max is gonna be flung into your guys Sex hang on one second. I'm dealing with passive aggressive Jacob right now No, it's the same thing have sex all you bang in front of Max.
Starting point is 00:55:48 Jacob's on one today. Oh, he really is. Whole crew, dude. He's singing his sentences, he's flailing his hands. Whole crew is on it today. Let me tell you something. He's not triggered me. Let me take it.
Starting point is 00:55:57 Jacob. Yes. It's two different things. Two different things. If me and Dom were in this situation, and I got her a raft to lie on, if she didn't try to pull me up there, first of all, if she was like, look, we're both dead,
Starting point is 00:56:13 I ain't going on without you. I ain't going on without you. Your key lens was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no find another one. Let's, or how's this? I'm, I'm, I ain't letting go. I'm taking you home. You're not gonna sink to the bottom of the friggin' ocean. You're not gonna be in that ocean. She let go of him.
Starting point is 00:56:36 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on to his dead body. Yeah. Then she threw his goddamn necklace away. Yeah, and then she threw the fucking necklace away. There's no arguing there. She's an imbecile for doing that.
Starting point is 00:56:47 She's been a dumbass since the day she was born. Her whole behavior in life. The two instances I know, she's a fucking idiot. Guaranteed stupid. Yeah, Guaranteed whole family, her grandchildren struggle, her child struggle. I'm really nice to, Capri, you want to cruise and fuck some dumb dumb and then you end up died in the ocean. Hey everybody, thanks for listening.
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