The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Happy Birthday Blk Lou!

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

It's Black Lou's Birthday and we came to celebrate! ...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of The Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, The Bond Fire with Big J. Okerson.
Starting point is 00:00:22 And Robert Kelly, duh! It is The Bond Fire, everybody. Faction Talk Series XM 103. I'm Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly dead. It is the bonfire everybody. Faction talk series XM 103. I'm Big J. Ocarson. That of course is Robert Kelly. Hi. You got the whole crew in the mother fucking house. And it's a big day. Big day here at the bonfire.
Starting point is 00:00:39 I feel like what a great person he is because he has acknowledged what shitty friends we've all been so far And not wishing him a happy birthday, but it is black loose birthday today Ah happy birthday Black blue happy birthday Black blue happy birthday Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, and then he looks like an IT guy. Hey, did you need some help with your computer over there? Did that Cambodian and what I think is some sort of Asian guy come in here
Starting point is 00:01:28 and not do anything again? Yeah, those are weird. It was hot. I told Bobby I said, I'm like, where do you get the tech guys who come in and they just hand you back your things after doing nothing and then say it's fine now? No, you said the same thing.
Starting point is 00:01:41 They were just staring up at the ceiling for some reason. We walked in there looking up at the ceiling. I didn't know what you were asking to fix the window or something. There's a creek that sounds like an old wooden ship from the 1700s in the ceiling and I said, amen, we're on the air. Can we do something about this? Because it's picking up on the mics. You'll hear it audience and they said, it's the wind. And that's the way they walked away. Yeah, it's the wind.
Starting point is 00:02:10 Oh, so they told you the cause of it. Yeah, I got the car. I believe that. I got to say one of the sales told me that before they came in. Now, we are in a soundproof studio, and we are in a lot of stores. As far as I can see in this building, wind from where exactly, Jacob?
Starting point is 00:02:24 There's nothing to the outdoors here I've never experienced this I've never experienced wind making this creaking before Mother nature is in the point. How is there wind in here coming in from where mother nature is powerful J Yeah, and we'll win in the end. It will for sure mother nature will find a way Sorry guys, probably watch the after tomorrow like three times a week for sure Mother Nature will find a way. Sorry guys, Bob, we watched after tomorrow like three times a week. There was on TV. Yes, it was a good movie.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Such a good movie. We're all gonna freeze. As what he said to me, and he said, it just gets in here. But did you explain to him that there's no wind on this completely solid 36 floor of a building? You heard that right? That was it. Yes. Not that was my knee. Sorry. That's me. That's my knee. It's my creaky me my creaky 52 year old me This is our English C-ships that were this is what it sounds so bad and where
Starting point is 00:03:15 That's it You'll hear it What that's you sure that's not like a mouse? Lucetta it's from the building swaying. It's the wind making the building That's terrifying. That's making the creek that's terrifying. No, there's another thing that big buildings have to be able to I have to be able to sway I don't need to know that though. I don't want to know I don't want to ever know that on this block one time a gargle I'll just fell off a building and smash the lady in the head
Starting point is 00:03:45 while her husband was buying a little umbrella. Really? Yeah, we can work in that as a thing. I gotta have the umbrella. Did he have an open sore? I didn't screw in his suit. But this is the interior. Oh God, he soaked it really quick.
Starting point is 00:03:58 Dolores! This is the interior wall. This is not the, we're not against the wall. That's what I mean. That's the interior wall. That's the swing and the moving that's making the creep. I get it. I've been here. Now I don't hang on how many years I've never experienced this before.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Jacob, I'm a Christine came in there with like reading architect books or something. I know the building served signed a sway. I'm not insulting you. I'm insulting Christine. We're talking to you. She goes, Jacob, no, you don't understand the wind sway is the building like you weren't getting that part We keep saying the wind's not in here like that's what they're saying is happening. Why is the second half of it? There's a little wind that's going through that's making it happen. I can't not hear it now, which is killing me. It's driving me absolutely bananas. I didn't hear it at all Now it's all I hear how many shows have I done with this happening? I've never thought about it once. For a second, 10 seconds, you'll hear this.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Oh, there's like someone's gargling. I was like, you was, was that? That was me. That was me. I swear to God, the second half of that. No, you need the second half, or there's like, gargling. I was like, is there a stomach, is this a poltergeist?
Starting point is 00:04:58 That was my, that was my, that was my baby stomach, going, I'm full. Wow, I'm good. Wow. I feel like we should sing C-Shanty's at this point. That's pretty good. Jacob, I'm Jacob, the Irish. I think that's an Irish song. That's an Irish C-Shanty.
Starting point is 00:05:18 An old C-Shanty. Jacob, are you putting your request with tech? No, Lou thanked them for helping and helping and why did you thank them? Lou, it's better than being nice than the coel, coel lawyer. No, you're wrong on this one for sure. You could say they've done nothing. Can we get them back in here? You still got to be nice as what I'm saying, even if they do a horrible job,
Starting point is 00:05:37 but they didn't do anything. I wasn't mean to them. I was condescendingly thank you very much. No, you are not. Well, I wanted them to believe that I was really It was all my drunk, drunk-loo-nice You look like a bitch dude back there Thanks guys
Starting point is 00:05:50 I was fooling them into thinking that nothing's that they did good Why? So that we get them on the back end But they continue to act bad They don't do good Do you want me to fix it? I can fix it I tried it but
Starting point is 00:06:03 I can't fix it I can't fix it That's crazy I was gonna get it. I can fix it. I've tried it. I can't fix that. That's crazy. I can't fix that. That's crazy. I was gonna get a piece of duct tape. No, there's no way. Bobby, can you fix the wind? I can, ready? No, I can't.
Starting point is 00:06:14 I sure. That's bad. All I could think about is that we're swaying. I'm gonna just build it. I'm gonna fix that up. I'm actually not gonna say no. I'm gonna get motion sickness. This is fucking bad.
Starting point is 00:06:24 We're waving so much. It's making crackle noises on the inside of the building. The foundation can afraid of that. I'm getting motion sickness. This is fucking bad. We're waving so much, it's making crackle noises on the inside of the building. The foundation can't support that. This building's gonna fold in half. That's like, this is nuts. I can't. That noise is crazy. I'd rather have that.
Starting point is 00:06:38 I don't have a non-stock wind. What, Lou, you don't need the effects. Just let nature take its course What if it's a ghost what if it's not the building what if it's a ghost what if it's somebody trying to talk to us right now Let's ask it a question. Okay, Lou hold the microphone up to it, please Is this gonna be lose? Up, up, sit down Trish Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, That's a yes. Probably you know you know you know is is is Lou gonna love his gift No, I think it's a no wow damn that did hurt that hurt are these tech guys ever gonna get it together
Starting point is 00:07:43 That's a no that's a no Do you want some did Christine have sex with Joe Derosa that'll make sense in a couple days Oh, no, oh no, we've angered them Was Colin was calling pulling a train with Derosa Christine and Don this is all gonna make sense on Thursday Yeah, for sure. Wow, Christine, the spirit knows one thing for sure. You're a whore. What a whore bag. You and Don got to get it together and start loving your men. Don't smell like salami and oil. You think they're lousy with hogi all over you? Christine, why do your tit smell like mayonnaise and oil? You bitch.
Starting point is 00:08:29 You bitch. Nothing worse than a zany bitch. It's absolutely true. Yeah, that was when we were talking about she-hams, I think so, her name, and it's the worst thing is the large funny lady at like not a comedian. The large funny lady at an event you go to and you have to watch them do terrible stick. I'm sorry. This he said this based on Tommy Lee's wife, who's a total ham.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Oh, oh, that's what it was. Oh, yeah, yeah. The she just divine slip. He's aini. She is a zany bitch. Josh had a Myers ex girlfriend. Oh, it's Tommy Lee's wife. No shit. Yeah. I hate don't you hate that when you share. I've never shared. Yeah, that's just terror. Deroza apparently. I got I guess I had Colin Quinn.
Starting point is 00:09:17 What? What? Like Christine pork or steam fed to find out so quick with me is when she said the comic she did fuck, she really believed Jacob, you're going over. It's like a done so I'm with Jacob others now. I can't. I'm fucking losing my mind. It's hard to concentrate. I wish he had never been mentioned.
Starting point is 00:09:37 No, I don't buy it. It's the building swing. It is. No, definitely building swing. We're all going to die. Um, when Christine told me I asked Christine she took double any comics and she answered she was by the way she answered the way that you're probably supposed to just answer and be like we're all adults and who gives a shit
Starting point is 00:09:55 she went oh yeah you're you're gonna laugh at this one John F. O'Donnell and I went oh I just sunk completely Who's that? Some comic who was around New York for a while, who like wacky his way out. Is he not doing comedy anymore? How are you doing? He's around. He's nice.
Starting point is 00:10:14 Where? Do I know? Do I know him? If you saw him, maybe he flew around the Boston. He never really popped into New York. He was more, he was like, he did a lot of bar shows. Yep. When Christina sex with them, she told her roommates when they were like, what are you doing?
Starting point is 00:10:33 She, that's Derosa basically, she was missing Derosa. Yeah, she missed them. So she went here. Yeah. By the way, my favorite part of the story, my favorite part of the story. Yeah, he's six. He's so much like. It looks like it looks a tag of life. Joe Derosa that's's our type six or seven inches shorter for sure no way when de rosa was there the night I did hook up with john let me taste let me tell you two great things Christine the next morning when her friends and when he walked
Starting point is 00:10:56 out her friends were like what the fuck she goes he's actually one of the best comics in New York City that's insane then then I'm never going to trust the compliment from Christine again. As you should not, she talks full of shit. I had to fucking say something. Then and then in a lonesome night alone, she asked them to go for a round two and he said busy cat sitting. He was cat sitting. Yeah. The only animals that can babysit themselves. That's around. That's around three. There was around two. You don't have to feed a cat. That was what? That was for round three. There was round two. What? Or maybe that was for round two. And he said, no to that. And then I still hooked up with him. Oh, maybe that would make sense. I was, I grew up fat
Starting point is 00:11:38 and Los Angeles. I mean, if that's not like, if you don't get that as a little drop, I don't know with I grew up fat and Los Angeles is the saddest and greatest thing I've ever heard of my life. I mean, that explains everything. Yeah, they used to invite her to the beer cake parties because she can carry the cake. They couldn't believe she can carry two kegs, one on each hand, curl them down the beach. Yeah, a little nerdy guys with glasses. Yeah. My, Don would never fuck, she's not into comics, but it's worse. She's into men. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:12:13 That is worse. Yeah. She's into men. Like she likes, you know, like a motorcycle, tattoos, calluses. Yeah. Yeah. And also, like guys that can like do a little bit like you, you're showing up as best you can in your twilight years with the camping.
Starting point is 00:12:31 I have a man friend though. I knew early on when I got a house, I have a man friend Joe, Jardano, big shoulders Joe, who's my man. I have a man guy that steps in. His big shoulders, Joe, do you call the rows a little shoulders, Joe? Like big jays. I have a man guy that steps in. His big shoulders, Joe. Do you call the rows a little shoulders, Joe? Like me, Jay? I have a little Jay in my life.
Starting point is 00:12:48 He's no shoulders, Joe. I'm not little. I mean, they slide right off. They really do. Joe can't wear a bra. Those shoulders are melted butter, but we have to leave Joe. We're going to show.
Starting point is 00:13:00 I love Joe. We love Joe. We love Joe. I love Joe so much. I think his shoulders are nice. I'm going to throw up. This is the guy. I'm Joe. We love Joe. We love Joe. I love. So much. I think it's all just a nice. I'm gonna throw up. This is it. I'm gonna throw up my goddamn mouth. I'll grab fat now Larry. That's the greatest thing. Yeah. I would rather seem dawn with Joe.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Because it's coming back from that. Yeah. You go in and see her with a like a plumber. Like if you know, if big shoulders, Joe, if I came home and he was blasting Don I'm there's no coming back Oh, yeah, no, Christina always was attracted to like fruits. It was for sure Tell me tell me mask you and mask you and men that you've left Her type That you fucked I thought that's her type. Huh? She describes it is her type. It is her type for sure. Yeah, I did have a hot enough body to fuck the guys I wanted to fuck you do now. Thanks Bobby. You do now You do now
Starting point is 00:13:57 I think you do now I'm with you. Can I say something about both of our girls and I don't mean this is an insult but take it as one both of our girls and I don't mean this as an insult. But take it as one. I can't. It's wild. Even the ghost. That is wild. I think our girls became beautiful women. Like Dawn, when I met her, I don't know how you were, but I'm just going for what you said, fat and L.A.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Little piggy. It was pretty funny. Her little piggy pictures when she's little are so adorable. Dawn was the bottom of the pyramid on the cheerleading spot. Yeah, strong bitch. She made the team.
Starting point is 00:14:37 She made the team, but she was definitely not on the center. Her team was a flag girl, but she was fat for that. Dawn looks like, Dawn's pictures as a little girl looks like Max. Don was a little dyke, little fat. Christine, if you could pull up some of your pictures a little kid, the cowboy one is my favorite one in the world. Christine was such a little turd. Oh, I have that on my Instagram.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Yeah, so adorable. Don was not the hottest of her friends. This was that way, but as a woman, when she laid 20s, 30s, and now even in her 40s, she became, I mean, just gorgeous. You know, like Sean Connery was ugly as a young guy. And I've seen Don, uh, what you talking about? You see, Don? 20 years ago, uh, 22 maybe years ago, the first of my matters.
Starting point is 00:15:25 So it's like, yeah, she was like stunning. When I first met her, I was like, oh, the ghost. All right, Bobby. Yeah, she became, but she aged well. Some women go the other way, don't age well. I think our girls aged well, because I look at Christine now, and she's, I mean, a hair and a face and her nose
Starting point is 00:15:41 and her lips and her. I do my hair, don't check for next. Maybe how you feel. I can't help it. I can't help it. I've had this kept us inside for a while now. You know, like the few times in here of taking my shirt off when I felt I look my best.
Starting point is 00:15:58 Sure. I haven't been here, but I hope I will be soon. I mean, it'll happen. That's why I signed the contract. Oh, there is a one here. The one person I mean, that's why I signed the contract. Only reason why I'm here. The one person in the room that's always the least impressed and has no reaction. A gek comp is Christine, because I'm not her type. And it is at some point at some level, it upsets me.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Because she wants Jason Mamoa and I'm not as much as I can train. You should attract me. I'll never get that. You should attract. I'll never get that. And you would kill yourself if you had my percentage of body fat. You'd be hanging from a news. I want some love. That's the sound.
Starting point is 00:16:32 And just see your ankles. Just take a shirtless. Just your ankles. Then we hear the rope break. I do. I do. I do. I do.
Starting point is 00:16:43 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. Just take a shirtless shirtless. She's your ankle. Then we hear the rope break. I do nothing for her. Nothing. Nothing. No, just a shirt. No, I think you're totally good looking.
Starting point is 00:16:56 You're in great shape. Jacob, you totally could have gotten a $100%. Why don't you? Absolutely. You don't like English crime-solver body? It doesn't get you off. Absolutely. You don't like English crime solver body It doesn't get you off, but I'm saying about getting like your type. Yeah, but Christine Yeah, she really don't have a type and she would fall for like the like not like due to shoot so I'm lucky in that regard Almost because I am not those things when we hear speaking of we got you to give a shout out to to our spokesman. Oh Lynn. We have to familiarize you at Lynn Bobby
Starting point is 00:17:27 Lynn and no Who is that I know it's not that's Billy the kids daughter No, that's Christine the father is Billy the kid That's the father Sunday I see it to take this little fat roll pull out there and echo you loved her I'm so glad that they didn't like arrange marriages weren't we didn't do that because I'm not people Christine today. I wish I had Don's photo very similar. Very similar. Yes. You didn't tell me your dad was David Caradine. I mean really? It's like Bill. It's kill Bill. I think with the same
Starting point is 00:18:01 props we could make Christine's dad visit on DJ Lou also It's like the first girl I banged go girl Kimba used to call her Kimba the white lion Kimba the white lion Yeah, I see if done the pursuant is a little chub But adorable I when I I always hated pictures of myself as a kid because I was a little fat kid and you're just like upset with yourself.
Starting point is 00:18:29 And now when I go back and look at all those pictures, I'm like, oh my God, we're a little chunky monkey. Well, I have the opposite. I go back and I'm like, yeah, I used to be really fat. And then I was like, and I'll go back and look at all pictures and go, yeah, so I can see how much better I look now. And then I look at them and I'm like, oh, no, I was like, I got fat.
Starting point is 00:18:49 I was like, I wasn't fat like that when I was 19 or 20. I was gorgeous. You were gorgeous. I mean, not so many. Not just so that I know the picture. It's the laughing with the backwards can go ahead on that's the one man. That's not even the one of me. It's the one for me. The one in Juve Hall, one man. That's not even the one of me. It's the one for me.
Starting point is 00:19:05 The one in Juve Hall, my mat. Where the full picture is you doing this. Yeah, that's a good one. But the mat, the mat, Dylan one I have, it's me in Juve Hall with tight shorts. And it's a half shirt, dude. That's the one. If I was going to pick one of me to bang, you look at if you're looking to picture something short shorts Though it's always such it really dates you though you go back to a different time. Oh look at my long boyish legs
Starting point is 00:19:31 Do look at my half-mesh shirt I'm gonna I'm gonna set it to Christine right now. Oh, yeah, please That could yeah, my point was being a Christine my for like I I'm worried about a note like no. That's why I brought it up for lens no is like If this guy's small even I don't know if nobles tall or whatever No, no, no, no, no, no, you are like a personal no, no, I'm gonna do it. No, Lynn We know he's got a nice penis Nolan, we know he's got a nice penis, but I don't know how tall he is or anything, or even what he looks like, I think necessarily, but he's building their house, Bobby.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Like their house is like every day when he comes home from whatever his job is, he jumps in building stuff in their house. Put that over all. That's awesome shit. Put the record player. It's a bar for a special. Oh, on overalls. That's awesome shit. Put the record player. Like a record player. Oh, she's gorgeous. I remember her.
Starting point is 00:20:28 She put no one's name up. She was in Nolan. Yeah, that's good. She adds to it every once in a while. Looks like and that's a new one that I love. I hope Ashley's really somebody that she doesn't like. It's just a suck it, Ashley. Oh, I think that's like a thing.
Starting point is 00:20:42 That's like a name thing or from a movie or something. Oh god, my- She's gorgeous. My lord. You got Almighty. There's her with the bonfire shirt. Yeah, she's amazing. Her tongue.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Can I see the tongue? Her nudes are world class. That tongue is a perfect butt tongue. I did say we should get bonfire butt plugs. They would sell, but we, instead of the jewel on the end, just the bonfire logo, but we can't have Lynn model those. She's a mother for Christ. I can model them.
Starting point is 00:21:14 Bobby, a model them. Not a model them. Why not? We should both model them and you guess who's butthole it is. There you go, Bob. And then you win one for free. Bobby, that's Lynn. She had a kid. Two two children. Oh my lord
Starting point is 00:21:31 That's a hamburger. Yeah, that's a good hamburger. That really is. Oh my god This is the winner that one's great. Now go back to the other one because I'm telling you I think it hold a credit card That makes me want to be a kid again Good Lord look how far like her butthole still all tucked away. He's not falling out. I know it's so it's a hard I'm not saying here's this Christine, but it's common You're falling out ass holdings Totally tucked away still I've never seen Don's butthole never never why
Starting point is 00:22:03 You're so concerned why am I don't never held her butt cheeks up us you can remember but hold never Never listen to me. Yeah, never Yeah, never seen her but hole You just gotta go in with a tongue and you assume it's at the end of the time I've never touched it What you heard me? She's a Boston girl, huh? It's a Boston girl thing. Yeah, it's the way you don't go to her father and raise her to get her ass hole touched. You don't, I think I can hear her mother going,
Starting point is 00:22:30 you never let him touch your bothole. If he goes near, if he goes past your clitoris, he's too far. He's going crazy. If he goes, he can lick your salami and then he stops at your taint. If he goes past your taint, he's a piece of shit. Really?
Starting point is 00:22:47 You that? Did you have to find out the hard way like it was suggested or you did a little tickle and she was like, absolutely not. Oh, it was don't. It was with a fuck you go and kid. I think she called me kid. Really? Yeah, dude, she does not.
Starting point is 00:23:02 Yeah, I just never did it. I never read the back of my head and jam it to her but hole. That but now I'm scared, I just never did it. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did.
Starting point is 00:23:10 I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did.
Starting point is 00:23:18 I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. I never did. who's hanging out? You can't go down there. Sean's down there. No, she's never let me do it, but you know what?
Starting point is 00:23:27 I don't care. I don't care. We have anyone. I feel like I didn't do, like, I feel like you introduced me to the world of butt stuff. Okay, all right, that's probably true. I feel like I was as but heavy before you. I'm a big butt.
Starting point is 00:23:42 There's no way your Hispanic girlfriend is down with tons of butt play or nonstop butt play. Gentlemen, never tell us. Oh, man, she takes him to shitter. He would have told us if she didn't, he would have maintained her dignity. But he said, I'm not telling which knows she's all about butt stuff. Did she just off to your butt? No, never.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Okay. So you know, fast. He said no to the other question. Do you? Yes. Do you like butt stuff? Sure you do. Yeah, love it In what direction are we talking? I'm not talking like you know stuff like in it like a cucumber or something or a dildo
Starting point is 00:24:14 But like touching it licking it flicking it my asshole your asshole Yeah, but like not all the time stuff in it a Finger how far what no? What what oh, Barry it sure? I can't right Never shitting your hand again Do my favorite thing is when we hook up with a girl and then when the girl leaves I don't think I would never do this on a first-. Christine goes, I went full with finger right up her butt hole. And I'm like, what? Really? She just let you, she just loved it.
Starting point is 00:24:50 I've always, I like butt stuff, but I don't, I was thought, oh yeah, I like something, but I had a girl put a finger up too far. And it just was, I just immediately was like, I don't like this. But that's, you have to get through that, that, whatever she's, the thing she's touching that you didn't like Yeah, is like the thing. Yeah, but that no, let's make sure come and say things like Good stuff with the male g-spot shit. Yeah, I'm buying it Weird feels weird the world's flat. We didn't land on Mars and there's a male piece part of the guys asshole get the fuck out of you.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Staley Cooper directed all three. Dude, no way dude. I like. You can feel it. Yeah. No, you can't feel what? That's probably dangerous. What can you feel? My prostate. I think so. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:25:37 I think that's what I'm feeling. Might as be behind my balls. No, because I, when you, I think that I don't remember what check it is, yeah, no, it was a prostate check when I had to go for that. The guy, the doctor, Jan, the finger up my ass. And you came? I did not. You squirted?
Starting point is 00:25:54 I didn't know this was happening. If you kept going though, what you got you here? So take your pants down. Did your wear to do this thing where it goes from like the phone, we're just like, we're at bounces like that. Yeah, it doesn't get hard, but it just, it's's so it bounces like a banana with a monkey in the tree. What is in there? You see it started to move a little bit nothing at all. No, why wasn't hot? You wasn't your type?
Starting point is 00:26:18 Wasn't my type. That's fair enough. I like but I don't like it, I like it, I like it around it. I like, you know. See, these are conversations that men men don't have. Do you know what I mean? No, men men don't like butt play. No, I got it. And when they do, they're just gay and they just keep it secret.
Starting point is 00:26:35 Yeah, yeah, they hide it. They hide it. They just go me to do an abortion, take it, and then they go, all right, no beat it. There's a construction worker and they go to a bar in a different town once in a while and they pound out somebody there. Yeah, it's like, hey, what's up?
Starting point is 00:26:47 What's up with you? Is this still aggressive? Yes, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the weirdest kind of gay, like the two mean guys dancing with each other. Wait, Christina, if you had the opportunity to bang Jason Momoa and he didn't, you tried to do butt stuff to him,
Starting point is 00:27:03 but he refused you, you tried to do butt stuff to him, but he refused you. Would you be upset? I don't know if I would, I would. I would. I would. I'd be upset. No, but I mean, if he refused it, would you be upset?
Starting point is 00:27:16 I don't know. I would ever be this person suggesting the butt stuff. Okay, Christine. Is that what you think? I'm constantly asking you to finger my ass hole. Is that what you're trying to put out there in the world? J is gay. I don't think'm constantly asking you to finger my ass hole. Is that what you're trying to put out through the world? Jay is gay. I don't think I've asked you to finger my asshole once.
Starting point is 00:27:29 I don't think I've said it out loud ever. You ask with your body. Yeah, you do. You do. That's true. I know exactly what you see. You arch your back. When she goes down there, you go, huh.
Starting point is 00:27:40 Sometimes, at our old place, we used to have like the brick window opening right there, and I used to throw my foot away up on it. Can I ask the ghost? I know exactly what you're saying. But if I, if you're sure you butt stuff with a guy and he turns you down, that would be like devist, like how embarrassing. Why though?
Starting point is 00:28:01 I'm just saying, that's what they said, like a real, real you were saying a real man won't do that They would not be stoked for you to do that a real man a god a hard working man I've had a lot of those real men love it. No, they would love it. I'm saying they're not open to loving it Yeah, we're artists all here in this room. So we love a ass play. Yeah except Lou You don't like it. Do you like it, Jacob? I didn't have it. I've never had it. Never. Oh, I'll do it for you.
Starting point is 00:28:28 My ex-boyfriend said he would never, like, I asked him about it, like, if he'd be into it and he was like, never. The comedian? I was surprised about that. No, he was number boyfriend. The guy who fucking just up and drag went to Rocky Harbor picture show.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Yeah. That guy took more than fingers up his ass for sure. For sure. Oh, yeah. That's why he's hiding it from here. They played Cornhole with him at the bar with the back of the wall. He's the one that is the elucidist. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 00:28:55 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. I'm just like, buddy, I've done a full, she just told you I did a full gymnastics, but my, there was an opening here. And we were laying on the bed like this,
Starting point is 00:29:11 and I would put my leg up and he'll put my heel on the thing. So I was, I'm in a full, like, I'm a 90 degree angle. Was the sun out? No. Oh, no, no. This is it, nice. Nice activity. Yeah, shut the lights off. Maybe I have a lamp with a shirt on it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's saying I'm not worried what you're gonna do to my ass. It's definitely telling you I'm not that worried about it.
Starting point is 00:29:50 I was at a massage place, the Asian places once, and I was on my stomach, and you know, they tickle, they finish, and you know they're about to roll you over when they start to tickle your butt crack. And I just got on all fours, and she went, what are you doing? I was like She was just rollover It was one of my lowest moments ever felt my life when one of those places I went to it was a mirrored room and the girl the prettiest
Starting point is 00:30:15 One of those I mean I've only gone like a handful of times. I said but the prettiest one of all the my remember she was Remember her name or whatever fake name was, but it was like this tiny, super hot Asian girl, definitely a woman, but like, she, like told me to get on when she did like the back massage first, and then the first thing told me was to get on all fours. And then if things started feeling amazing and I looked in the mirror, I'm on all fours looking over. She's on all fours behind me with her tongue licking my button balls from behind
Starting point is 00:30:48 and jerking me off down. It was awesome. It was so awesome, but so, I really, why is that? I think I can remember her name. Like Ruby or something, it was some dumb name because I was like, I wanna get that girl out of there and change her life.
Starting point is 00:31:04 She changed my life forever. I wanna help her I want to get her out of whatever that slavery is she's in. Too bad you didn't have an iPhone. That was a great photo for an album. They were an iPhones, yeah. Just call it, I can tell by your body. No, I think this thing's taken, she's taken the reins on that before and just started fingering us. But you know, now I know, like, here's the thing. It like became a part of our sex life, not like all the time, but it's in there, whereas like I just never dated, I had anal sex like three times before I started dating you in
Starting point is 00:31:41 my whole life. And other than that, I like like never. All wise. Okay. Three times. Three different people. Not in our most of each. Let me ask you a question. Did you really like women know when you want us to do certain things?
Starting point is 00:31:58 By the body movement, by what we do with our bodies? I think so. I mean, I do the thing on my hands. I do the single my hands, I do the single my hands sometimes where I grab Christine's back of her head and shove it into my dick, which is a nonverbal signal that I'm ready.
Starting point is 00:32:13 I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.
Starting point is 00:32:21 I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm sucked. I'm this old crookedy ship. I think it might, I'm so nervous that it might be too late for me and Don to get weird. No, these are the times to get weird. No, dude. When I, the few experiences I had in Swinger things and they were both the spectators.
Starting point is 00:32:40 I'm trying to fuck my wife. No. Why do we go right to Swinger? I didn't even touch our asshole yet. You got to fuck my wife. No. Why do we go right to swing or I didn't even touch our ass all yet. You got to fucking other dudes. I just saying the people that are involved in that kind of shit like 10 to big weird stuff, 10 to be the older crowd. Patrice tried to get us into swinging.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't happening. No. No. First of all, the girl he brought over was like seven foot chick, like black chick from England. Well, his plan was going gonna be he fucks the heart and you fuck the seven foot black chick.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Well, he came over and he fucking left her at our house. We were having dinner and he just left her, he goes, I'll be back, he went and did a spot. He came back three hours later. And Don made veggie dip, she made a big fat of it. She was, how much should I make? I go, they're both like over six feet, make a lot. So she made five gallons of veggie dip.
Starting point is 00:33:24 She's like, I don't like veggie dip. She was like, oh, it was, yeah, the one from England. You remember that one? I do remember her. You look like, yeah, she had freckles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he left her out. He just, I'll be right back.
Starting point is 00:33:36 He left. She's like Morgan Freeman's ignored daughter. Yeah. Yeah, he just left. And he was like, oh, you play seriously, lovely, flat. Yeah, it was just quiet for like two and a half hours. We left her the remote and we just stood in the kitchen. We would know this fucking chick.
Starting point is 00:33:56 And then he came back three hours later. And she made chicken cord on blue. It was like awesome. She spent all day. And by the time he came back it was all dried out So we're sitting at this this round top table. We have in our stupid apartment. I'm out there doing spots I got a guy heckled in the front row with a seller. Sorry if the chicken got dried He goes my heat sick those my heat log. It was good. It was good. I like thank you. I Hear voices and I get scared. I get fucking terrified. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's got a woman to do on this boat's gonna capsize
Starting point is 00:34:35 I'm sorry. It's all right. I cut it off chicken cord and blue dry dry very dry. Oh dried out because of him Did he was there any moment of like so? Oh dried out because of him. Did he was there any moment of like so We getting down there. Yeah, there was that moment. No, there was a moment and then he was like you get ketchup And don't like you know putting ketchup on my chicken quarter on blue. I made sauce for it holiday sauce You asshole and then she's like at that point. She was like I'm not fucking Patrice No, she was not fucking Patrice when she met Patrice No way so what was the swing and be everyone fucks in front of each other? I don't know, he tried twice.
Starting point is 00:35:06 He tried one time he came over my house to when I had the 47th Street. He was, him and Vaughan lying on my bed. He's like, why would you call Dawn? See if she'll come back. I'm like, she's not fucking you, dude. Patrice wild. It's like, are you crazy?
Starting point is 00:35:19 She's a fucking. Well, I said before. Who tries to swing with their like friends? Patrice, dude, the barbecues was the fun thing. He's a fucking I said before I was trying to swing with their like friends The trees dude The the barbecues was the fun thing Vaughan would just come out in like Just like dresses with no more. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I just like you can see your nipples through and stuff And it was like I think are we all supposed to fuck bar? Yeah, she would walk through a garage full of meat with her nipples hanging out
Starting point is 00:35:42 We're like but trees is covered in sweat grease of meat with their nipples hanging out. We're like, but Jesus covered in sweat and grease. You can walk out where you can see like her bush coming out of this side is something. What the fuck's going on here? I think the joke I go, oh, what's up? Let's go see what Vaughan's going to wear to make, oh, but Jesus white friends on a comfortable today. You see Nate just starts stuttering.
Starting point is 00:36:00 I gotta go. I gotta go. I don't, I don't, I don't, I see, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I, I did, I did, I did, I, I did, I did, I did, I did It depends on how long menopause lasts. Oh, yeah. She gets very blotchy and heated. When you fuck? No. So it doesn't look great. She's out of the blue. She's allergic to fucking.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Yeah, she's allergic. She'll just get overheated. I'm hot. And that's like, it's not for me either. The last time we had sex was in the tiny house. It was actually all right. It was max. He was in camp.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Oh, okay. Now, he's there watching. This is the way you do it. It's not in the asshole. It's in the bigger gash. You came out of this hole. Yeah. The thing looks like a dead dog guy. You want to put your penis in there. Black Lou, this is a great birthday. Clearly, not your best birthday, because the building said it. The spirit said it's not your best birthday. But we do some fun stuff. I'll play with your birthday. I know there's some presents.
Starting point is 00:37:12 I got a present for you. Oh, guys, thank you. There's some sweets. There's... You got this watermelon white gloss? Yeah. Present for Lou. Fuck yeah. That watermelon is really good. That watermelon is really good. That watermelon. Is that a great drop?
Starting point is 00:37:31 Oh, such a pretty one. Black Lou just said that one day. That watermelon is really good. The most racist thing ever said on the show. Ted by Black Lou himself. Who knew it? Happy. What are your birthday plans, Blackloo? Today's got to be something going down. No, going home finishing my work and then probably playing Call of Duty till I fall asleep. Happy birthday to you. You know me and Blackloo are going to be like summertime buddies. Yeah, his wife's pregnant though
Starting point is 00:38:01 too. So yeah, I guess she hits the sack pretty early. No, he spends time up in my, happened in Holderness. Oh, you guys should swing. I get what you're saying. You guys should swing. Squam Lake. How do you feel about swinging? I'd swing it though.
Starting point is 00:38:15 Oh yeah. Yeah. He's easier into black dudes. Yeah, but I'm telling you, I don't know if black loose got like a crazy like 9, 10 incher, but I bet it is thick than a motherfucker. Yeah, I bet it's stocky Yeah, yeah, it's like it's like punch a rello yeah from chips watching you grow with a fire plug You get nice piece Lou. Yeah, you know
Starting point is 00:38:37 Trash barrel is it really? Yeah, it will two colors three colors You know what he's saying you know I'm I'm saying? Is the helmet, how many colors do you put in? There's brown, but then is it like a lighter brown in a pink or is it white for print? I got three. Yeah, I got three. I got the shaft, then the extra
Starting point is 00:38:56 circumcision, the skin. That's the circumcised part. Yeah, the part that lets it get bigger, right? The worm, the worm ring, and then the helmet. Yeah, my ex-wife used to say, I'm actually like a rocket pop for that reason, like the red, white, and blue. Mine looks like Italian ice cream.
Starting point is 00:39:13 What is it? What is it? What is it? It looks like Spamoni. I have Tatofo dick. Neapolitan ice cream, My winner's three colors, right? I thought two. Pfft.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Yeah, some of this doesn't study it much. I stopped spatching her head into it. I know how many colors your pussy are. I know there's like a divine. Three shades of brown. You know what? I know there's like a color line, but I don't remember a third color. The head.
Starting point is 00:39:44 Helmet. The head. The helmet. The heads of the same color is the circumcised part, and then they're shaft. It's not? No, there's some dark meat in the circumcision parts. Dark and light. It's a real kaleidoscope. Yeah, the circumcised scope down there.
Starting point is 00:40:00 The circumcision part is darker. Mine's a pink, and then a dark and then darkish pink. The shafted darkish pink? No, the helmet. The shaft is the brighter pink. The helmet because I think because it was overweight became shiny. Nothing was worse in porn than a super white dick like white white where you see like the small veins in it. Yeah, it's nasty No one likes that. I love my cock again though. I know you fall back and love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love you? You think, dude, I was looking at it, like talking to it. Yeah, I was like, holding it and I was like, what's up, dude? You should've just like, like, like, you're a couple
Starting point is 00:40:51 that broke up years ago and you saw each other again. Hey, hey, what's up? I, uh, looking good. I trust life's doing you well. Yeah, you good. I was talking to it like, dude, we've been through a lot together, man. And I apologize. I was like I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:41:05 I did what I did you for the last eight years. It was my fault and are you? Your pounding off is a better jerking off must be much better. Oh, dude I wake up with boners. Yeah, I wake up. I have boners now, which is nuts I haven't had a hard on in the morning and a long time at At a sex dream. And really? At a sex dream. Oh, wow, wow. Yeah, it was wild. Luke, do you have to whack off while wife's asleep? We tried to do it with no one's home. It's really hard.
Starting point is 00:41:34 That's why I was saying I can go five days in between in the past episode. Everybody has to be dead asleep and then. You're past the guilt of being a father at all. Because there is that first, for some reason, those first couple of months of being a dad, I remember having that thing like, you're not supposed to go sneaking to the bathroom
Starting point is 00:41:52 to pound your dick, you idiot, you're responsible for a life now, and then you're like, yeah, I gotta do what I gotta do. Well, sure, go, man, you do it while she's in labor. That's crazy. Nuts, that's what they got divorced, because I'm a stupid podcast. He's even blown away by that.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Yeah. I don't jerk off when somebody dies. I wait a month. Like when my grandmother died and my father died, I didn't jerk off for a month. Because I feel like there's a waiting, like a purgatory where they can see you and be around you. Yeah, one last round to say goodbyes
Starting point is 00:42:21 and they catch you pounding it. Yeah, I'm fucking pounding it and they see what's on my screen and then, you know, they just disappointed in me. I think there's like a month, I think it's like a month of between they just go on until wherever they're going to go. Yeah. Because it's never just you just go.
Starting point is 00:42:35 There's always a, I'm sure a lot of people died at the same time in this. So like, line that they have to wait in and get their number, you know what I mean? Like when people came to America, like, you have to wait, you can't just go right to heaven. So they're just waiting around looking down, saying they're goodbyes. So I wait like a month before I jerk off. And then I jerk off, but one of my kids,
Starting point is 00:42:53 you say one last guy, good bye, Nana. I mean, you just spit it out. Good bye, Nana. To laugh. I'm gonna laugh. Bye forever, Nana. I know you found your home in heaven. I love you. Bobby, I love you
Starting point is 00:43:07 That's my grandmother Creek. You're just feeling right now. I know what you've done. I know what you've done You have a whore coming in Yeah, dude, we have a bunch of Lou come on bartender. Where you at dog? Oh? You're not good at this at all. For the only alcoholic on crew, you are not good at this. You trying to horde? Oh, you got your butt? Yeah, it's black birthing here, dude.
Starting point is 00:43:33 Malt liquor. We have so many fun things. We have a guest coming in. One point. One surprise guest. Okay. Oh, black blue. Come get your water, manly.
Starting point is 00:43:48 Jesus. White claw. That water man is really good. That water man is really good. Yeah, Jacob, get in there. See you, okay? This is birthday. Come on.
Starting point is 00:43:58 You gonna drink, Jacob? Yeah, I normally can never have simple carbs until the weekend And for a Saturday, but it's his birthday. Is this guy a part of your what? I don't know who's dead. Yeah, he's like Tom Brady who he thinks grape nuts are a treat if he has grape nuts He's like, oh, I'm I'm coming off the diet big time for the grossest Serial grape nuts. Yeah, dude. I have trauma men. My mother used to get grape nuts as a kid. Terrific.
Starting point is 00:44:26 Everybody else had like cookies crisp and fruit liqueur. Yeah, a chocolate. I had grape nuts with banana. I love it. No, I don't put any. I just like milk and grape nuts. I used to hurt the roof of my mouth. I used to scrape it.
Starting point is 00:44:41 You gotta wait. You have to wait 60 seconds till they're edible. You have to wait 60 hours. They never get wet. Chicken. Chicken lives life like one of those people who vlog themself every day for a little bit. He just scars himself up. Dude, grape nuts you could use on your driveway. He's upset. He left my house at one o'clock,
Starting point is 00:44:59 one thirty in the morning on a Saturday night. When I was like, hey, I get you a car because, because I was gonna send a few people back to a story. He goes, nah, I had pizza, so I'm gonna walk. And fucking, it's crazy. To a story? No, I walked. It's far walk, and then it gets off the train. It's a far walk.
Starting point is 00:45:17 To the subway, which is, he's at the, Straight uphill. He's almost in the water. Yeah, straight uphill. But I felt good that I did it. I don't know that. You could have gotten killed. I think around maybe eight months ago, I'd be on your side, but now that I'm why I kind of I get you. I get you Jacob. Just maintenance. I understand. I understand him. It's like I appreciate he does that. Like my thing is I just don't eat four slices of pizza, even though my heart wants that's the What that stuff I try to do to myself first like why don't I want to walk up that hill?
Starting point is 00:45:48 I'm gonna take my car, so I only have two slices of pizza But I mean I don't eat I know I don't do it So it's like I'm not judging you at all. I'm just saying how immediately you do it But you like you have to punish yourself for your good time. I have to words. You could have an easy-made in the shade right home, dude Massive guilt. I yeah, I have to work. You could have had an easy made in the shade right home, dude. Massive guilt. I, yeah, I eat like that. It's like, ooh, tomorrow's gonna be a lot of training. It's Jacob and the mirror and I lucky heal.
Starting point is 00:46:12 I'm your self. Scust me. I don't take the people. You're not wrong. Anyway. Jay, I don't take the people movers anymore in the airport and I walk. Really?
Starting point is 00:46:24 Yeah, I walk on the people mover. I don't walk on the people, I anymore in the airport and I walk. Really? I don't, yeah, I, I, I walk on the people mover. I don't walk on the, I actually walk the whole thing. And I, when the lounge is upstairs, I never take the elevator. I always take the stairs. And if it's, oh, I do too big. Well, I don't do the stairs LaGuardia. That's insane. I do. Why? Because I, to prove what to do, but because if I can get a couple things in, I don't have to do it later Yeah, I hear you have but that thing I mean that thing is
Starting point is 00:46:51 Stairway it's a legit stairway to have it It goes on and on it's a it's a two and a half minute elevator ride Or escalator ride it's a good idea. I do the I do the escalator there, but I don't do the elevator ever. Yeah, there's the other terminal at LaGuardia. You got to go up a couple flights, feel good, not out of breath. Yeah, I'll do the two. I like stairs now. I'm a big fan of stairs. You know what they do at Delta Lounge now?
Starting point is 00:47:16 If you're the first ones in at 5, it's 5.30, they applaud you. The whole staff, it's made me feel so beautiful. That's awesome. You come in and it's the whole staff. It's made me feel so beautiful You come in and it's the whole staff and as you're coming up they're applauding going welcome good morning You think it was seeing you come to stairs they were applauding Get it Look at him go. Oh, you did it fatso We have so many fun things in store for today. Well really just one, but it's super fun Oh, we're gonna do should we do first present? Oh, yeah, yeah, Bobby got you a little something nice
Starting point is 00:47:52 I know he didn't have to This is lovely. I was told about this. I think you're gonna love it. I Think your white in laws are gonna be super stoked on this. And we're all gonna have a laugh when you guys are swinging up in Swam Lake. Are you ready? Absolutely. Okay. Here you go.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Happy birthday, buddy. That's for you. Oh, isn't that beautiful? You know what that is? Looks like an inhaler. No, it's a lighter, but open it. Do the top. And it vibrates. It's a lighter, but open it to the top. And it vibrates.
Starting point is 00:48:27 It's a dick lighter that vibrates. So you can put that in your butt and then light a joint. Isn't that great? That's beautiful. I mean, it's beautiful. Thank you. That's a perfect vibration for asshole too. And it's Vainey. It's Vainey. It's a nice, that's like a nice hog right there, right? Wow.
Starting point is 00:48:44 And it's a torch lighter. Maybe you give it to your wife. Give her a break for once in a while. You know right there, right? And it's a torch lighter. Maybe you give it to your wife, give her a break for once in a while, you know, right? How do you light it? Hey, I can't, no, no, no, no, you're gonna, don't, he's trying to suck it. How do you light it? It's a research.
Starting point is 00:48:54 How do you light it? Oh, look at that. So you go like that. It's a torch lighter too. You can light the cigarette and put it on the tors. Isn't that great? Thank you. Wow. Nice.
Starting point is 00:49:07 The future is bad. Happy birthday, buddy. Fuck yeah. Thank you very much. You got it, man. The future is at hand, huh? Great news. We have no live reads today. They're done with us already.
Starting point is 00:49:17 Two episodes in. Sorry guys. Sorry guys. We did our best. Sorry guys. We got some sweets here also for our Black Lose. So we'll get those out during the break. We'll take our first break and we'll come back We're celebrating black loose birthday. It's more fun surprises to our everybody
Starting point is 00:49:37 Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcommy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ you

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