The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Obi-Wan (feat. Joe DeRosa)
Episode Date: February 8, 2023Joe DeRosa guest hosts and tries to patch up his friendship with Dan. ...
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I'm Dan.
And I'm Jay.
And this isn't just a podcast, everybody.
We're actually a radio show over on SiriusXM.
For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the SXM app.
Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer.
Too special to tell you here, but it may involve sex.
For our stand-up tour dates, go to dancoder.com and bigjcomedy.com.
And now, the Bonfire with big j okerson dancoder
set up my offense commenced to kill
certainly getting started
it's the guest house pick is this is the bonfire seriac xanfaction talk one of
three i'm dancoder big j okerson he's in Los Angeles he's doing hollywood
shit
hanging out with arena acts like bird christian
us us little folk are just here to mend the farms.
Just mend the crops. We got Fulcru, Lewitsky, Christine Marie Evans,
Jacob Atat, our Black King, the Black Tiger Lewis John.
And our guest host, a man that I was furious with.
The evening of the NFC Championship game.
The very game that has given Jay a chance
to go to the Super Bowl and watch his Philadelphia Eagles fly.
Joe DeRosa.
Hello.
Life long friend.
Good to see you.
Yeah.
So Jay is going to the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Are we allowed to say that, Christine?
Thanks, so.
Bert surprised Jay with a ticket to the Super Bowl.
So Jay's gonna be going to the Super Bowl with Bert,
Mark Norman, Shane, and other people.
Here's my whole, all right, now I'm mad.
What's my whole annoyance?
Why are you so annoyed?
Uh, my name was on the table for that slot,
that Super Bowl slot.
I said, you should take, they should take Jay, not me.
Okay.
And Jay also invited me over to watch the Super Bowl with him.
So you, it was very insistent that I come do so.
So let me do, I just wanna make this clear, Joe.
I just wanna follow this clearly.
So your name was written out of history.
And then your friend that invited you over,
there's no longer a home for you to go.
I mean, I get back, Christine would hang out with you.
I got to do Joey Rose's Super Bowl stuff anyway.
I was at anxiety about calling Jay and saying,
I can't come because he would be so just like,
well, look at the world, look at the world,
figure it out.
Yeah.
I told Jay I was like, at least I was like,
no, what are you even invited really cares about the game?
So I don't really,
people are breaking anyone's heart.
When you're in that space, when your team is in the Super Bowl,
you think everyone cares.
That's the realization I had after the Niners lost
where I was like, oh, only we really care we lost.
Everyone else is like, yeah, get over it.
I, I don't know if I should have said publicly
that my name was in the hat.
Why?
Because Mark Norman told me he goes,
I told Bert, we should take the roses for Philly drinks.
Oh, yeah. And I, it's so funny it became down to fandom Mark Norman told me he goes, I told Bert, we should take the roses from Philly drinks. It was a little bit bright.
It's so funny it became down to fandom
versus alcoholism, where alcoholism was favored.
But like, we're in Norman's like, yeah, he's in real,
he can be a problem, we can break down.
Ah.
But my immediate reaction was, no, no, no,
Bert should take Jay, which I think was probably
Bert's reaction to a two.
Well, even Jay told me he was like,
Bert surprised me with it and then he called his mom
and is like, what do you think I should do?
And his mom was like, you should be telling me
you're going to the Super Bowl.
Yeah, why would he not?
Because he invited his parents up.
He wanted his parents to see the apartment and hang out.
Who cares?
J does.
He's a sweetie pie.
Do you do that any given Sunday?
I know.
To coin a football, to turn a football phrase.
I go, Jay, we are in hell.
You got a ticket offer, or we did this yesterday.
I can't go to the Super Bowl.
I'm too old.
So it's Jay's mom.
She goes, I want a hoagie of your life son.
I'll watch it.
Jay, the menthols have done a number on my voice.
Every inch for that cigarette.
Yeah, dude, it's what a cool surprise.
And also, go with your friend who's a millionaire
in selling out her penis.
Like, Jay, go with the guy that loves you.
The Jimmy Buffett of Comedy, I've dubbed him that.
And I don't think I was supposed to know
that Mark pitched me, because when As Mark was saying
and he was like, he opened with, did Bert call you?
He called about what?
And he goes, I don't know if I should,
and I was like, you're not supposed to be telling me this
because he might not invite me.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Get your sunscreen ready, fatty.
Why?
He goes, Kaz here, you haven't talked to Barry.
I'm guessing you haven't talked to Barry?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh.
So, how do you feel not being part of this little special click?
I mean, where's our click?
What do you mean?
Well, dude, I-
We're just like a little football click.
I'm it, come over to Fumer's Anonymous.
Where I'm just fueuing.
I'm just gonna be watching the Super Bowl go
and say, I'm so frustrated, this should be a 49ers.
Now I, I'm happy, here's the thing is the Eagles are a team
where I would say out of any other team in the NFL,
most of my friends support that team.
Like I would say it's the Eagles, the Patriots,
because of the Boston and Katie and her family,
and then the Broncos, because I'm from Denver.
Yeah.
Outside of the 49ers, those three teams have the most people I love attached to them.
Yeah.
So I'm like, yeah, fucking, I want to see my, the people I love happy.
Yeah.
So go Eagles.
Yeah.
And going to a Super Bowl is great.
Yeah.
It's very fun.
I will say this, Jay is a big fan.
You are not.
You would have had a time either way. You had a guy drunk. You would have seen me on a live. You would have had it. I would have made a goddamn time with it.
We're here.
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. When they're walking away from that game on Sunday, they're gonna say we should have brought
Derosa. No, no, no. Here's the problem. Here's what I was gonna bring up. I got to go to the Super Bowl in 2019. Yes, I remember.
And they lost.
When your team loses in your fan
and you're at the Super Bowl, it fucking sucks.
Yeah.
All the majestic allure of the Super Bowl
and everything that's built up just becomes a fucking stadium
filled with a bunch of fuckheads that are in your way.
That's what.
Because you wanna leave.
Guess what?
When the Eagles lose.
You're saying it, I'm not.
I want the Eagles to win.
I want them to win too.
I'm just painting a picture.
When they lose.
I absolutely want them to win.
The shows on Tuesday will be incredible
because Jail will be back.
But we'll probably get two episodes of gripe.
Let's just paint a picture.
Sure.
When they lose, they're going to have
a 300 pound moope on their hands.
Jays down to 260.
And if they lost it, I was there.
I'd be like, boys, that's the shot.
Come on, let's turn these crowds up right now.
Shane would be the only one sad,
but then you'd get him fucked up.
Yeah.
And you know, you know you'd get him fucked up. Yeah, and you know, so you know,
you know I'm good for it.
I'd start going in on Shane,
and Shane all worked up.
Let me tell you right now, dude.
Deroza's like, you know, in action movies,
where they go and get another criminal
to help them fight the criminal, you know,
where they go.
There's like the big bad boss,
and then there's like a guy where maybe they're just spat with,
but you know that they can do damage
Or the it's the enemy of my enemy kind of thing. You're like you can get into people
If you aim you like a weapon, I mean you blew me up on fucking Sunday you very few people can fucking make me
Skye rock it like that. I was so bad dude and then Joe and I talked and I was like god damn it you are a weapon
You're just trying to get to the farmhouse.
That's it.
Come down to the glass wall cell dude, talk to me.
You know what, Joe?
You know what, Joe Gears?
I told Bobby and I sat on the other day,
it was the one where in action movies
where a helicopter shows up and they get out and they go,
we need your help and you go,
I don't do that life and you'll,
but you were the best and I,
do you mean that?
Yeah, I got it.
Well, dude, so Super Bowl parties,
like the owners,
each team has a Super Bowl party winner lose.
Sure.
They spend like $100,000 on them
and they like,
they have big acts come in or whatever.
So there's a chance Eagles win,
Bert, he's a party. Bert could get into either party.
I think Bert could get into the Chiefs party, take a shirt off in front of Kelsey and Kelsey's like,
get out. Travis Kelsey's like, you crazy man.
Yeah. Yeah.
But he could get him into the Philly party with the other Kelsey.
There's a chance I was telling Christine, I hope the Eagles win.
And I hope Bert gets him into the after party.
And then I hope Kevin's there to plug Jay in with all the Eagles win and I hope Bert gets them into the after party and then I hope Kevin's there
To plug Jay in with all the you I might go down. That's what I'm hoping for for my friend. I have
We're having a huge or not huge, but you know, we're having an event at Joey Roses Joe eros.com. Joey Roses NYC dot com. Joey Roses NYC dot com. Thank you. Fuck Joey Roses dot com
But we're you know, we're we're selling sandwich platters and stuff for people staying at home, but I might get one.
If you come, please, but if you come into the bar, we're going to be showing the game
inside and outside in our RV and and having drinks, specials and stuff.
It's going to be a fun time.
But that all said, man, I'm tempted to go down to actual Philly on Sunday.
Why?
To watch the ball.
I've never been in, I've never been.
Because I'm going to tell you just what's going to happen at the end.
Either way, it's going to be uncomfortable.
Yeah, you're best case scenario.
They win.
You're still in a riot.
Yeah, that's what's going to say.
You're getting to a fist fight either way.
But here's the thing I would say about, here's the thing I, yeah,
losing absolutely, you're going gonna get your block knocked off
If they win I was in Cleveland working hilarities when the Cavaliers won their NBA championship
With the Cavs won and I went out on the street and it was a riot, but everyone was trying to hug
Everyone was like there wasn't violence
Philly might be the only city that could win and they'd still be violent
I wasn't violent. Philly might be the only city that could win and they'd still be violent. I think it'll be, I think it'll be wild and positive but still destructive.
Absolutely. Well, they had to grease the poles. Yeah. When you guys beat the Patriots,
one of the first videos out was some fucking Philly lug head eating horse shit.
Do you remember that? Can you look for that? Can you look that up? Do you guys remember that?
It was like one of the fruit, black glue as a cowboy's fan. You remember that up. Do you guys remember that? It was like one of the fruit black glue as a cowboy's fan. You remember that?
Absolutely.
Let me, let me rephrase.
I want, I might go down to the Philly area.
Yeah.
I've never been in Pennsylvania for one of these big
Eagles games.
That's fun.
When they, when they were in the Super Bowl last time.
Yeah.
I lived in LA.
So all the big games.
Yeah, sports out there just seemed like
unless it's the Lakers, no one fucking they care about the Lakers and they care about the kings still
and Dodgers because the Dodgers. Oh, no, the Dodgers are huge out there. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Like you can't get it. If your team isn't an L.A. team, there's no way you can get the same being
a Super Bowl in the city. Like I watched Super Bowl 47 at my grandma's house when they lost and that was
That kind of sucked because it's an old lady. So she can't get amped
But then going was the last time I went you want to watch it around a bunch of Eagles fans
Yeah, I was gonna say I just you know, and it was it was fun and emotional watching it in LA even in a bar with it was a me events a real Jesse pop
Fun drinking crew. It was a real good drinking crew. We had a good night an emotional watching it in LA, even in a bar with, it was me, even say, real Jesse Pop.
Fun drinking crew.
It was a real good drinking crew. We did a good night.
But, um, but then I've never seen in this last Sunday game.
I was at J's obviously.
I've never been in Philly for the event itself.
What if you happen?
I'm just, I'm just spitballing here before I watch this guy.
You poop.
Yeah.
What if you fly to Arizona and then you're a post game tag it happened. I'm just, I'm just spitballing here before I watch this guy eat poop. Yeah.
What if you fly to Arizona and then you're a post game tagging
where if Jay's upset, he flows off and then you step in
to write the ship.
Well, the problem is,
because then if, because I know Jay, if Jay's like me,
if I, when I lock, when the Niners lost,
we went to the post sad party, which was funny.
I was telling them outside watching the Jabberwackies dance wall, these NFL players and their families
are upset.
Right.
But they're just like, all these guys are like, man, that might have been the one shot I had
to win a championship.
It's like, ball, true ball.
Ball, right?
It was like dancing.
It's like cheerleader music playing in the background. The Javavoggy's dance.
That was fucking hilarious.
But I wanted to go back to the hotel in Sulk.
I wanted to eat McDonald's and be like,
just hurt my body.
I wouldn't, yeah, I mean, I'd be a little bummed
if it was lost, but yeah.
I think that's what Jay would want to do.
That's why I think the day in old Joey Roses.
I don't know.
Jay was talking some real rational, rational talk to me
when you were, when you wanted to fight me.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't want to fight you.
Thank you for that.
I've got a lot of podcast track out of that story.
Good.
All right.
Yeah.
It was a real embarrassing moment for me.
No, I did it.
I wouldn't have retalled it if you didn't talk about it
on the air.
Yeah.
And I don't, I paint it as everything's fine, this is funny.
But I'm a psycho.
But Lewis knows that.
Lewis has been mourning everyone for years.
He's like, so do the wrong situation.
It's a fucking psycho.
I told it on the Keith and the girl marathon.
Oh, well.
And everybody collectively went, when I go,
he said he would hit me.
And if he was in the same room as me
and everybody collectively on Zoom, like eight people went, oh my God.
Wow.
That's not really the kind of group that would understand where I'm coming from.
You think Mike Kaplan and Josh Gondelman don't get?
Yeah.
I would have written you a pretty searing letter that really illustrated what I felt.
I wanted pure primal violence on you.
I was lucky that no one like fucking
said anything mean to me walking by.
I was just fucking mad, dude.
I was, I think a lot of, you know,
I'm not gonna say other nighter's fans
were as hyped as I was, but I was fucking,
I was bummed and I'd buy myself,
which was very stupid.
Because you're like, you hunt.
But, yeah.
Have you, I mean, this is the first time publicly,
we can tell the tale from both sides.
I mean, Jay regale, his angle.
Vecchio and so I, I can now illuminate
on what was going through my head as I was doing it.
Vecchio and to me still had the best moment
where he just went Joe Don't do that
Jovac, you're living with me for 10 years that he was the old man in the front of the porch
He goes, I wouldn't go down that road. Yeah, yeah, wow that's only nothing but death and darkness down that road
And then Joe is like shut up old man. We're going to the lake to party. Yeah, I told Keith Keith at the Keith
Robinson at the best reactions of the story. Yeah. I told Keith, Keith at the Keith Robinson had the best reactions to the story.
Yeah, because I took, because Keith knows, Keith goes on a psycho.
I've lost a lot of money to Keith.
He brought up you being crazy before I, he didn't even know about the story.
He just brought it randomly.
Do you know when he remembers it?
Because when he was one of the people that was calling me talking shit when the Niners
lost in 2012 with the Ravens.
In Super Bowl 47, I saw him at the seller and he goes, I told you that I
won't gonna win shit with Kaepernick.
He stinks.
He's like, should have gave the ball to go.
He was just saying what I knew is true.
And I was like, shut up Keith.
He's just calling me.
He's like, oh, you're 49ers.
Stanked.
I never going to win a Super Bowl again.
He called me laughing.
Dude, I swear to God, he didn't know
that I watched the game with Jay.
Oh, he didn't know anything.
No, no, no, he didn't know that I texted.
He didn't know anything.
His just rottenness.
He just called me laughing and he's like,
ah, it makes me happy.
Dumb, psycho, soda, furious.
That's a nine or a lost.
And I was like, oh, you don't know the half.
And I told him the story. And when I got to that part about Mike, and I was like, you don't know the half and I told the story And what I got to that part about Mike and I was like in veke was like don't do that. He was like shut up
Yeah, your Keith is when I saw Keith on that Monday. He was just laughing. He just wouldn't stop laughing and I was like Keith
We beat you guys so suck my dick and he's like, oh, it's just makes me happy.
The fucking your friend Jay eliminated you
from the playoffs.
Yeah, it was, dude, it was Jay nailed it though
when on the air, because I was still hyped on Monday.
I like that.
Yeah, can I tell you why I knew you were still hyped?
Why?
Because, so first of all, when I initially called in,
I called in, I was just gonna start singing fly Eagles fly.
Yeah.
And I was gonna-
But you learned that day for sure.
I didn't bother to learn it,
because I knew it would make you more angry
if I didn't know the lyrics.
You're the Joker.
You're the Joker, dude.
You wanna know how I make these sandwiches?
He does a lot of people don't know.
No.
No.
No.
You just love chaos.
You just love, you're like,
I'm a big fan of man.
Yeah.
I don't want your team eliminated.
You're too much fun.
Yeah.
We could do this forever.
Imagine it with bigger stakes.
Oh, I fucking, I said it.
It's motherfuckers.
I was literally, I swear to God
I was walking on my apartment singing fly goes fly and adlibbing lyrics and I was like and there were moments
where I was like I wish I wish it would have just had that to Dan it would have made it so mad because I was the lyrics were so dumb
Those making up I was literally liking going like fly Eagles fly get the ball run it down
Go boys to the field honestly, you're not far off from the actual lyrics that bucket 1940 song when they didn't let
black people in their stadium like what gonna score a little bit more
to the land of victory it would have been very fun if you had. So, so this I knew you were bad.
I mean, I knew you were mad from the threats.
Yeah, I mean, there was clear.
I threatened physical violence in more than one text.
I knew you were still mad because when I called an Ari,
the Ari was like that night, I texted Ari
because he was on the thread where we got mad at me.
I mean, did it in our thread.
Yeah, that's why I was like,
dude, don't do this in front of our friends.
There was part of why I was mad.
And I, dude, I didn't even direct it at you.
I just said a broad thing over the night,
or I'm, I knew, you knew.
Well, of course.
I knew, come on, dude.
I, that's like, you knew who you were aiming at.
Oh my God, I remember in the Clone Wars cartoon,
the way they get the Jedi to come out of,
or no, sorry, it was in, no, it wasn't Clone Wars.
The way they get the Jedi to come out of hiding,
is they start to slaughter people,
cause they're like, no, no, it was an Obi-Wan.
They're like, the Jedi cannot let injustice go,
and that was you.
I was like, he can't, I'm just gonna do a thing over
Because you're absolutely correct where you lit a fire and I was like come on boys
You could do it without a cord cut. There's a fire over there
Dude you set that fire I feel for that track
If I were an animal, I'm just gonna tell for that track if I were an animal I'm just
gonna tell you right now if I were an animal everyone likes to think of their
animal they'd be a king of the jungle I would have been dead from a hunter's
trap almost immediately I fall for traps that was such a trap and I walked right
into it I walked right into it fueled by anger fueled by anger just walked
right in that trap and then the next thing I know because I on the line. I'm gonna be on the line. I'm gonna be on the line. I'm gonna be on the line. I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line.
I'm gonna be on the line. I'm gonna be on the line. I'm gonna be on the line. I'm gonna be on the line. I'm gonna be on top of that. Well anyway, so- And also can I tell you? Yeah, feel good.
I'm sure it did.
So good.
It felt like I was itching to scratch.
Yeah, you know, scratch it in an itch.
I was like, this fucking I'm mad.
And I need to put this somewhere.
I even said to Christine and Jay, I'll probably
thank Joe by the end of this for focusing my anger on him.
And not my friends who do care about the Philadelphia Eagles.
I love a lot of people from Philadelphia.
Joe, you like ran out there and you're like hey over here
And I was like
I just turned to you all my friends are over there you're like hey you big dumb and you were in Jurassic Park you had the flares
Yeah, and I was like
I
Like a big fucking idiot
This game after you like a big fucking idiot. That's so funny. Oh, okay. So I was gonna call. Oh wait So that night I side texted Ari and I just wrote
Holy shit. So do is so mad. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
And Ari wrote back all ha's and then he goes you have to keep this going. It doesn't matter at all
Just keep pushing this and I I was like, yeah, you're right. Do you hear that, Saman, that you had an act of war on? That's his philosophy.
Yeah. So just to keep it going is just pile the bodies higher. Yeah. You want to talk about evil
villain energy? Yeah. I texted Ari and I go, I'm going to call him to the bonfire tomorrow and
right and sing flagels fly, which is very funny. And there was a long beat of no response.
Yeah.
And then he just wrote back, that is excellent.
Yeah.
So it shall it be done.
Yeah, I realize this is what over is at any good.
Give into your head.
Yeah, understand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I call it the jigger. He says they really are really You understand Joe. Yeah. So, I called the Jig-Aid.
They really are really as fucking sifflo-
It's so wrong with him.
He's like, yeah, I understand that everyone must get angry.
I anger because of the Niners.
I called.
I called, dude.
I fucking walked into that trap.
I called the next day.
Turn on my phone off for games next season. I called the next day. Turn on my phone off for games next season.
I called the next day.
And I couldn't, well, I couldn't get through.
That was unrelated, but I, the first clue is this.
I texted Evans and I go, what's the call in number?
And it cheated and respond for a long time.
And I was like, something's up.
Something's up right. Something's up right.
Something's up right.
Yeah, and then finally, Evans, you sent it to me.
And I called in and I was like, and Lou answered.
And I was like, hey, it's Deroza, can I get on the air?
And he goes, um, yeah.
And I was like, wait, what?
And then it did the thing that it doesn't the phone
where the audio changes and you know you're like,
you're the cuter.
Yeah, and I'm just sitting there, sitting there, sitting there.
I was like, that's weird.
They usually would have said something to me by now.
This is going going going.
And then when it went, this is when I knew.
This is when I really knew.
I went back to Lou.
You guys went to break.
And it went back to Lou.
And I was ready to be like,
ah, Lou, I don't feel like sitting through a break.
And then he goes,
Joe, everything is totally fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We are gonna have you on next week.
Oh my God.
And I was like, wait, what?
And Lou goes, we're just, we're ending the segment. And we're gonna, and I was like wait what and Lugo's we're gonna just we're we're ending the segment and we're gonna and I literally I go
Oh, come on man. Yeah, what are you talking about in my defense?
In my defense we weren't alerted to the call
I don't think like it wasn't heavily alert and then Jay waved off having you on that's oh you just threw
Oh, you threw him right under the
bus I'm not I'm not I'm not no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I know I'm
I'm joking I'm not throwing him under the bus I know I'm kidding I'm kidding could you
imagine the bump the bus would have if you threw him under I'm kidding second
fat Joe yeah I know I heard the fed himself and honestly he's looking
spelled he's looks great what was the thing to with the timing of the call
where it was like then when you couldn't I didn't realize that Lou wasn't taking calls
Specifically because he didn't want anyone to fuck with I mean I came in
Black lose defense black lose defense
I came into the studio in the lose room here and I came in fucking
And then by and all it took was Christine and Jay
and us standing outside, and I was mad and Jay showed up
and he goes, come on, dude, it was funny.
And then like, I was still mad, but I was going like,
yeah, a couple of those lines were really funny.
But fucking, I was still, you know,
and you're like, when you just give even a little of that inch,
we go like, yeah, I like quoted one line,
where I was like, the recipe line was was fucking hilarious You don't fucking do that dude
But no it wasn't that I didn't get all I just want this whole I just want this entire story to reflect the fact that I'm a fucking diehard 49ers fan
Yeah, all right, so you see me wearing dolphins things. It's cuz my friend my
This is like this is I'm fucking psychotic when it comes to the night. Yeah, dude. This is like the crush like come on bro
What are you doing over it? It's it's just this is crazy. I'm just telling you dude
You're just it's like the fan. I feel like the Neuro
Yeah, daddy you care yeah, give him the number
You're gonna let him get number 11. I know dude big fan with Pat Noswald the fan with Robert Deere
Oh, yeah crush with Elise you're're Silverstone, Dan Soder,
Fear with Donnie Walper, I can go on and on.
I'm gonna do a whole comedy special
about how much I love the 49ers, let me in.
Let me in the house.
Here's the part, this is, it wasn't not getting on
that maybe thinks something was wrong.
That wasn't what it was.
It was loose saying everything is totally cool.
And I was like, well, oh, that was you?
I thought it was whiskey, Lou.
No.
Joe, everything's fine.
Yeah.
Everything's great.
Oh, dude, that's, you know what that is?
This motherfucker is mad.
And I called Jay.
I called Jay later that night after Skanks.
And I go, dude, that was fucking weird today, dude.
Talked with the fuck, dude.
He's like, look, everything's cool.
And I was like, stop saying that. Why does everybody keep saying that's like doctors that's like doctors coming in there and going what you have is
Treatable
We just want you to know off the top you're gonna be okay eventually. I was like the wife with the cops
We just need you where are your children? We need you to get your children. Yeah, I was fucking mad and then it's just like,
you know, when you care about football
and it happens like that sometimes you don't act graceful.
I was pretty graceful when the Rams beat us last year.
But I'll give you a twist to the story you're unaware of.
Oh no, no, because I told you about this,
because we talked about it.
Yeah, yeah.
When I talked to Jay that night,
and my initial reaction was like,
Dan, that's come on, that's his nuts.
He can't be this mad at me about this.
I was fucking around.
And then on the phone when I was holding to talk to you,
but I didn't get on the thing,
my whole thing changed because I heard you saying nice things.
I was like, I just wanna come on now and tell my love him.
Yeah.
And then I didn't get on.
I was like kind of hurt and sad. And then I was like, I just want to come on now and tell my love him. Yeah. And then I didn't get on. I was like, kind of hurt and sad.
And then I was like, wait a minute.
I think Dan's really mad the more I was thinking about it.
And then when I talked to Jay and he was like,
and he said the, everything's fine thing.
I was like, Dan is mad.
Then I started to get mad.
Then I started to get mad at you the way you were mad at me.
And I started being like, well, fuck him that man.
And he doesn't fucking call me.
I fucking bailed on co-host the fucking bonfire.
Take off, fucking do radio with that piece of shit.
There was even like black li was like,
there was an idea flit around about Joe
showing up in an Eagles jersey.
And I was like, I would have tary-tated his ass.
I would have tackled you so hard.
If I would have been out front of serious, and you guys would have taken that corner and you would have been
like in a fucking Randall Cunningham Jersey, I would have been like, I would have
fucking lit you up. Wow! Today! Today! Today! Not that day.
Okay, I was gonna show up when I came home. You would have came in Monday. I would have
fucking ripped my shirt off. It tackled you. But let's talk about. Let's
explore it. Let's talk about you. This is Dan. This is not good
Do you think it's good because it's not good. It's not a good thing at all. This is why oh
Psychologically, I can tell you I can tell you where exactly where the fault line is
You know when you when you look like people love sports and and sometimes people who don't like sports
like yourself or whatever, that just aren't into it.
They don't understand the fandom of like,
you know, like you two both are affected by Jays' fandom
because he cares.
But you are also Christine and Joe are outside enough
to be like, you really care this much.
Like they lost, move on, move forward.
But sometimes people have emotional connections
to teams that they don't even maybe realize.
I know minds through my dad.
Like I know that was the only thing,
which is a sad sack.
Excuse, but it's the truth.
It's like when you share that
and it's like a thing in your family,
you remember fondly.
I knew this was so good when I was growing up.
Four years were fucking...
I know, I used to like, I used to,
I was a fan in the Montana days as a kid.
Yeah. There were so good that other people were like I like him
Just because they're so good and you're like it's fucking great and then the
Stockton got good so you stay connected to teams and then it's like
Dude if you don't think I wasn't walking in the therapy like well, we got an pack all this yeah, and he's like yeah
You love him too much. Let go of that anger
It's like but you talk to my therapist too much. Let's go to that anger.
He's like, but you talk to my therapist about you.
No, look at that, dude.
Yeah, but you've been down.
So he knows you.
He knows your playbook.
No, he knows how your brain works.
He doesn't know me like that.
He's been in there tanker and around.
He knows how all you're fucking mechanics.
By the way, to better help.
It's like a commercial for better help.
I do better help. Do you know? I have a great therapist to better help. It's like a commercial for better help. I do better help.
Do you have a therapist?
My I have a great therapist through better help.
Did you meet him online?
I met him on better.
Damn, damn better help.
Really should have bought commercial time today.
Yeah, you fucked up.
You let Steven Singer get to it.
We would have just had the most natural read in the world
and you fucked up.
Hey, better help.
Maybe next time, stop half-chompin' us
and get more commercial time.
But I said to my therapist,
my said to my better help guy.
You better help.
And that was a session of like,
is it me?
It's like, is it?
And he was just like,
listen, I'm sure you can irritate people as much as anybody
and I'm sure you have your fault.
It is absolutely unreasonable
for your friend to threaten violence.
But I know right now.
Over a football game.
I know.
Yeah, you're right.
And I just, he's absolutely correct.
And I've just traveled this great nation of ours
to know that there are people listening to this right now
that know exactly what I am talking about,
where they're like, yeah, I get like,
I think I'm in the minority. I think I'm in the minority.
With the problem.
I think sports draws that out of a lot of people.
Yeah.
Now, I would, dude, if I wasn't in comedy or whatever,
I would be one of those guys that a video on Twitter shows up
of him destroying his TV.
When I see those videos, I'm kind of like,
yeah, that guy cares.
I'm like, when I see them, they're usually like
to own the people where they're like, look, this guy throws TV out of the room and I'm like, that guy cares. Like, when I see that, they're usually like to own the people
where they're like, look, this guy throws TV out of the room
and I'm like, that was appropriate.
After that interception, that's appropriate.
But I also have tried to work on it.
Well, did I remember one time I got so upset
at the 49ers lost the playoff game when I was like a kid
and must have been under Joe.
So I was 12 at least. I was 12.
They lost a tough game in my mom's boyfriend
who I hated.
They lost and I was in the living room
and I remember being like sad, like getting misty eyed
and he goes, you're crying because the fucking 49ers lost
and I was like, oh, fuck, Joe.
I don't need that right now.
Oh, wow.
His name was Joe too.
Yeah, I had bad Joe.
Jay had good Joe.
My Joe is my dad's ex-best friend
and just a real content.
And you think you get a little bit of both with me?
Yeah, a little bit of...
A little call of mail, a little call of mail.
A little call of mail.
Hello, this is all that.
A little good Joe, a little bad Joe.
Here's the thing, I knew I was wrong the entire time.
There's just a crime of passion.
But here's the thing, you explained to me on the phone,
the connection with your dad,
I even brought that up to Jay when it was happening.
I was like, dude, is this like a thing with his dad?
I didn't think of that.
Now I think all that.
Like a lot of sports are, you know?
It's like if you sometimes you're handed down fandom.
Like you grow up and people are like,
here's a Yankees hat.
You're a fucking Yankees fan.
And then just the rest of your life, you're like, we love the Yankees,
fuck the red socks.
And then you grow up like conditioned.
I felt genuinely bad when I asked Jay that.
I was like, is this a thing with his dad?
And then when I talked to you and you kind of explained to me,
yeah, greater depth, what you're talking about now, I apologized again.
And I did feel bad about that because I didn't stop that's not here but but no no I hear you but hold
on let me let me say this to you Dan better help you really fucked up not getting commercials
today here's why I probably could have connected those dots without you explaining that I call
them a quarterback daddy daddy brought through a touch now daddy
brocks hurt daddy Josh is in daddy Josh is hurt again he's got a concussion. Yeah, but
like you know it's it's um I guess I kind of started to connect the dots but I I probably
could have had a little more foresight than I did in sending the initial text also you
know a motorcycle well I've seen you get, you got real mad at me.
I mean, the last part of why, hold on.
What's the last time I got real mad at you?
There's moving at the 49ers.
It was over the 49ers.
We were, we talked about the last time I guess hosted with J
and that's why I did this,
because J and I were laughing about this really hard.
What game?
No, no, I'm sorry.
We talked about it during the game
and Evans was laughing at it really hard.
It wasn't in the studio.
Good job, Christine.
Good job.
I said,
I said,
what could it be?
We watched your friend Hulk out.
We watched Eagles Niners at their old apartment
when they lived downtown.
Yeah.
And the Niners were losing and you said,
you said, there's still a chance,
we got a fourth quarter here.
We could do this, this and this and conceivably win this.
And I said, they won't though because they're not good enough.
And you got so fucking mad at me.
And I was like, damn, like I just I just blew it off.
Whatever, which is surprising for me to blow it off because I am a bait taker.
I fucking, you know, anyway, here's the point. just blew it off whatever, which is surprising for me to blow it off because I am a bait taker.
I fucking, you know, anyway, here's the point.
I could have you shouldn't have not to do that.
I did know that you were getting it mad, obviously, that's why I did it, but I should have
maybe connected the daddy dots.
Dude always connected daddy dots on everything with everybody.
You should constantly be connected to daddy dots.
I know.
Because they always lead people to why people do fucked up shit.
Daddy dots or mommy dots.
Just follow them back.
And all you got to do is just outline it and you go like,
that's why it's a problem.
Because it always makes sense by the way.
Here's why though, dude.
Here's why I probably could have connected those dots.
Damn, you should put on it very straight. you went from, you went from, you went from, the two times I've seen this happen,
it was over the 49 years where you go from literally, and I don't mean this to, I'm not,
I'm not jabbing at either of these comedians, but you go from Demetri Martin energy
to Nick DePaulo energy.
And I'm like, what is happening right now?
Like this?
Like this?
Yeah, I was like, I don't understand.
Like you were.
Dr. Jackal, Mr. Hyde, dude.
You were like smiling and talking about shapes
and wordplay five minutes ago.
And now you're like, you're like yelling
and doing easel comedy.
I'm doing easel comedy and then I'm mad how you voted. And I swear to God, that's not a shot at to meet you or Nick.
It's just they have two very different energies for sure.
And by the way, I'll take Nick to follow around a football
energy all the time because I got I love a dose of the
probably a little bit opposed to the follow energy.
But yeah, dude, but my but here's my point.
So I just and I don't mean to over talk,
but I just wanna make sure I'm explaining it.
When you're around one of those guys consistently,
you're like, that's that guy.
If you're around Nick, you're like,
Nick's an explosive guy, whatever.
And cool, if you're on to meet her,
you're like easy paced, you know,
doesn't it ever really, it's kind of monotone?
Okay, cool.
You, when it does the swing was as weird as if a guy I knew that was raged full
Suddenly being gentile for five minutes where you'd be like what the fuck
Like it was as weird as when rage falls the wrong word or to apply to this example
But but the example is a good analogy
It was as weird to me as as
Patrice when he got older when he would call you and be like hey, dude
You know I was just kidding today, right? And I would be like what are you talking? Yeah
Why are you being like? Yeah, and it would honestly like throw me off my footing
Yeah, and you'd be like throw me off my footing. And you'd be like, well, you know what?
Joe, no, a difference between me now and the motherfucker.
I used to be in my fucker, I'm now, it was because of,
and but if you-
The tree said depth and, you know, and so do you.
I got a couple different flavors in me, Joe.
Sometimes you get spicy.
But if you get spicy, look out.
And now I run hot.
And it's, so it was just weird seeing that shift.
And I should have said said if that shift is
possible. Yeah. There's maybe something else going on here. Yeah, you know, yeah. We talk,
you know, you go to therapy, you talk about it, you talk about maybe why you are so passionate about
stuff. Right. Probably because of old pops being gone, but I also think the thing that made me mad why I blew up at you so hard
was because I knew that you knew I got like that. So I knew you were shaking the tree trying to get
a design. So I was like, well he's doing it also, the fact that you didn't, I knew you were at J's,
so I knew you were surrounded by every, I knew you were a cacklin.
When I talked to Becky and he was like, yeah, Joe was cacklin.
I was like, that fucking piece of shit.
Yeah, I just knew you were laughing.
And I was by myself and I just imagined all you guys
in your dumb eagles shit showing each other the texts
of me being mad, being like, oh, you know, like that.
I was just there to eat.
I know, but I just fucking knew it.
I knew it.
I was just there to eat.
I literally like mid game, like mid play.
I was like, does anybody want cheese and pepperoni?
Yeah, I'm gonna go get some.
But that's why, because I talk to Shane, like Shane and I
had jokingly like talk shit.
We're Shane and sent me a thing that's like,
you're not my brother, but now you're my enemy. And then like Vec like talk shit were shamed and sent me a thing that's like you're now my you're my brother But now you're my enemy and then like Vekion and I were like Vekion did his polite shit talking
He's like, I don't know they're very good, you know 49ers good, but the Eagles are good right Jay and I jokingly
You know talk shit, but I knew you coming out of fucking nowhere
Joe talk more about the charcoota reading than the game is true, and that's why the shot at me
Pissed me off more.
Because I got, I know you're there for the fucking
cutting board.
But it wasn't.
Because you had nothing, that's what I mean.
You're the Joker.
I had nothing, I said it on the air.
I want to find what I can get back at him for.
I want to, what can I strike down
when he's hurt something that I fucking care about?
A man who's been as disappointed as I have,
there's not much left.
I know that's why you're the Joker,
you sow your own clothes.
You just have knives, there's no clues.
You go on a fingernails, you're spacey and seven.
I can't fucking get to you.
You actually can't fucking trap you down.
No, that's not true, you can get to me very easily.
I don't have to find out a spoiler of the next.
How often do I, no, that's not what gets to me.
You, look dude, I call you. How often do I call you in a blind rage about something that should
not be working me up.
And I am.
I guess who's taking notes on those calls now.
Good.
Guess who's putting together a little playbook.
Good.
Because you got my play.
Call me during a nine years long.
Show me a video of another comedian doing crowd work on Instagram.
No, you'll see me
My buddy my good friend Joe Deroza gets real hot when certain people put up clips
And it's very fun to call him and just you can kill a half hour with one crowd work clip
They're like look at his dog shit and then called jones like oh it fucking bugs me when Joe picks up
He goes the way he asks where she's from.
Oh, there's, well, we got a clip I want you to watch.
We're gonna take a break.
I'm glad we, you know, it's still,
honestly, knowing that you knew the play and still ran it
irks me a little, but I respect it, you're honesty.
But you knew that already.
That's not new information.
It was, but it's still just.
All right, listen, I knowing I knew that you were going to get upset. I had no idea you were going
to get that upset. And listen, we have witnesses in the room. As I was laughing, I was like, he's
getting very personal. I was surprised. He did it. It's like would a dog with someone's meeting a dog and they go like he's fine
And they're like are you sure cuz he's growling. He's like he's fine. I
Okay, I want to give you that thing
Whatever do don't come don't come near a whip dog. All right, you fucking bit
Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for listening.
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make your family upset with you.
We're gonna lose money over here.
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for our standup dates.