The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Porch Tour (feat. Chris Faga & Rob Bernstein)

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

Bobby explains why The Flash stinks. Then Rob Bernstein and Chris Faga embark on a tour of porches.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to SeriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Killer Mike and LP run the jewels, we just saw Killer Mike Mike outside. I didn't know who was because I'm old And you got him a kid. I think he's your age. He's a boomer. I'm a boomer. We're boomers. Hell it's killer Mike. He's older Oh, I think so. I didn't see his face and I could tell you's young No, I think he's an older guy. How old do you think I am?

51 I think he's an older guy. How old do you think I am? 51 48 48. Yeah, it's closer to you. Yes. Am I right? I'm for I'm 52 52 but I look 51 No, no, 38. How about how old do I look? 40 something that's I'll take it. I'll take it. Yeah. I look 40 something. No, you know, you look 30 something I can maybe pass 30 something, but if you get close It's 40 something you get close you'll see the stuff going on a lot of gray in this beard

Lot of gray in my guy here and getting all my temples. How are you getting it on your temps like a professor? Are you gonna? Are you gonna get medicine? What does that mean? That's what me and Keith call a hair dye medicine. No, I don't think I'll ever dye my hair for gray. Me and Keith used to be like, yo man, we gotta get a medicine before Friday night at the cellars. And I still think me and you should do it. This plant, we should one day though, is you only have the beard, but we should just ferment our beards Get it super dark. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll just have super dark beards So you gotta get me we have to get a little bit longer and just brush in some color. I'm in I'm in I'll do a jet black beard one day. Let's do what do you want to do? We got to plant it out because I got a grow mine

Well, we have to we have to grow it. We have to get Isaiah to shape it. Yep, we have to go back to Isaiah. Any reason to go back to Isaiah to shape it. I drive by there at night and I look in to see if he's there cleaning up. So does Christine. So do I. But also now Christine does as well. She goes hoping to get a glimpse of Isaiah. I'm hoping that he's in there just like sweeping up some hair

and I just knock on the window and he's like, come on in. And he goes, you would just spend some time with Isaiah. I would like to learn the game of the foot. the window and he's like come on in. He goes, you always spend some time with Isaiah. My friend. I would like to learn the game of the foot. What I went to him last time, he kept going, he's got not happy man, not happy at all. Because I wasn't with you. No, he really made it a thing about,

it was like fourth of July or something. Like, there was like third of July, I think. And he was like very busy, my friend. Very busy, and these guys, no good. No, it's over and really flicking the razor around while not a happy face. Yeah, the taps were a little like, I was getting someone else's taps.

There's a little extra oomph in them. Killer Mike, y'all. Two weeks from now. I'll grow my beard next week and then we get after. And then we come in and we die at about it. We get the medicine. Let's get the meds. Let's get the meds. We'll go to my apartment after I say

and we'll brush our just for men in. We should go before just to see if that does something for him. If it turns him on more? Yeah, see if he's like, I like your friend and your beers are something different. What? Why don't you let him die them? That's not his game. That's what he does.

He cuts. Oh my God. He cuts. He shapes shapes and caresses. He touches your head. He taps. He uses, he puts his index finger in my bum chin and pushes my head where he needs it to be. He really does. Just manipulate your head. Oh, I can get in this for

another two hours. I know. I know. We'll stop. It makes me, it makes me want love. Of course. It makes me want, I missed Don and Max when I think of him makes one of you getting the car and just drive to the Hampshire right now just for a family. You uh you uh you watched the movie this weekend. I know I watched movie last night. Last night you watched the flash. I went to Indiana Jones with Max. Yeah, that's a toughy. I would have had a hard time sitting through that one.

I haven't liked Indiana Jones since the last Crusade and I know I wouldn't care to go back to that. Well, I like Indiana Jones. I love those movies and I was hoping after the last Indiana Jones and this looked like they were doing it, but he's, I mean, he's CGI almost completely in the movie, right? The first half, this was probably, I don't mean that they, when they make them young for flashbacks, I'm talking about, uh, don't they do that?

And they do like that young thing on him. Yeah, the first half is young. Yeah, right. So when they do that, I'm saying when he's old now, like just that whole trail where they had of him, like jumping on the horse

and yawning through the city, like that's just a computer graphic completely. That's what they do with movies and they do that with Star Wars. That's why the three Star Wars, the three in the middle, but they're real. The beginning ones sucked because they didn't use, they used CGI shit. And this is why these movies said that's why the flash sucked. Can I say something to you?

The flash. Yeah. Was it? Nothing crowbarton to there, by the way. Can I say something to you the flash yeah? Was Nothing crowbarton to there by the way. I will say I didn't feel crowbar maybe let me think about that for a second I don't think so the super girl you would say is what the crowbar would be but that's Like story to you great. I thought super girl was great. Huh? I like the super girl. I thought she was awesome. I did know what I'm saying. I like the movie I'm not arguing that at all. I said I didn't feel like like that was crowbar did I thought that was a different storyline and a different

Like how generals I was a little crowbar because Supergirl's supposed to be blonde Well, they showed the original Supergirl, which was awesome. I love that now those little like Michael Keaton great great I Michael Keaton was great, but here's what I didn't like about flash He's great, great. Michael Keaton was great, but here's what I didn't like about flash. Here's where flash went wrong, and this is why DC. Ezra Miller's behavior off camera.

No, that was perfectly fine. Okay, okay. What he did, what he did, they CGI'd him so much, it was so crappy. Which person? When they CGI'd him, Ezra, they CGI'd him, and they CGI'd Batman, Ben, Ben, not, not Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton. Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck, they CGIed him. The beginning

scene, it looked like a cartoon. Well, here's the thing. It's soft. They may have, I'd say I read a thing today that says they cleaned up some stuff, the diversion on digital, you know, streaming, was better than the theatrical. I'm not sure exactly how they said that, but maybe that's the things they fixed. What I didn't like, and I said this when we were watching it, when he would time travel, like those animations and stuff, I didn't love it all, but I was like, they made a choice and the reality is, what's the better way to show what's happening have have have I'm saying what's I'm talking about the computer graphics

I'm saying even the concept of how it was happening like he's in this orb like picking moments in time kind of thing like Well, I'm like all right, I don't know how else do you show time travel like at this you know when you're slowing down the speed of I don't I didn't mind that I was fine with that because I don't know how you do that. It's from saying how you would do it besides that, so it's fine. I don't know how you're slowing. Like, a peeking in onto time memories. Hmm? Nope, that's not it.

Not that's the time I farted in class. Nope. That was like a weird way to do it. But again, who knows how else you're doing? Here's how they fixed it. They just use the actual actor's face instead of CGI. He said, they did a pretty good job with them being next to each other and stuff.

It was pretty good. One was fake and one was real and you could tell when they could have just used a real one in both of them. I'm saying I think maybe on the new one, look what they asked, but fixed in the uh digital release. You know what I'm saying? So when you watch it, they've done it before in other movies. They use the same actor and the same scene and it was the real person. Yeah, the pioneer of that Jean Claude Van Damme double impact.

Great movie. No, it's not. It was all right. Double impact when he was dancing. Come on. When he was drunk dancing was the best. One of the greatest dancing ever. I mean mean I put up with a sad knife fever That's when he does the that's the John Slough a dim nice pants. Why do you run with your tits? Those fucking pants were always crazy high My stepfather when I first when he first came into my life enjoyed a high a high waisted gene Muscle eat muscular. I think muscular short guys

Like they have things in my stepfather wouldfather wears pants like high and like a shirt But you you could see how like swole he was well there he is. I mean look at that tank top with buckles Yeah, and he had suspender tank top on The funny thing about that is he was actually a Like a ballet dancer, right? Was he? I think so. I used to try to do the split like in my own room. I always do. Remember when he's doing the one on the chairs? Is that kickboxer or is that blood

sport? Blood sport. No, that's kickboxer. He's doing the split on the chairs. That's that. Do John Claude Van Dam's split chairs. Blood support was when he did it on the balcony, looking out over everything. Kickbox was when he did it on the chairs, I believe. Yeah, he was so, I mean, shredded. Oh, yeah, he was awesome. And then his whole, any documentary you could watch about him never really gives the credit to the fact

that he went into a bar and Chuck Zito just knocked him unconscious and ended his long-term career. Didn't Jack Zito have a couple of people? Didn't he hit and make you rock too? Maybe, but he definitely, that's the story. Wow, look at how insane. That's plus. Is it one of the chairs?

That's plus. Let's see though. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah. That's blood. Let's let's see though. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah I hate nerds Yeah, poor ogre I tried to do that so many times not that failed on the ground No, I tried to do it with chairs

I tried to do it with chairs. No, you go? You took up to not hurt yourself. I tried to do it with chairs. No, you didn't. I did. I couldn't. I never succeeded. By the way, again, the problem with this scene is he was alone in that room. Someone's got to put you there. You must be placed in that position.

I think Jason Ellis should redo this on his only fans that get his ass eaten while he's doing a split on a chair. You're black guy with the cowboy hatches like with his tongue out underneath. He does the mim if I happen to drop down lower my bunghole going. Now let's go underground fight to the death. To the death. Can you bring up Flash, Batman, CGI, how awful it was? It's just awful. The CGI in Flash took me out of it every time.

There was a lot of special effects. I don't mind special effects. Even the credits, the dog falling was great. They didn't, yeah. Yeah, it's terrible. It is. I don't disagree, I didn't love the choice of this. Look at how awful that is.

No, I know, but they kinda went with that, here's the thing. They went with that across the board though. It's terrible. But you see what I'm saying? They went with that, they absolutely the thing. They went with that across the board though. It's terrible. But you see what I'm saying? They went with that, they absolutely could have used the real people. Life, actually. This was done on purpose.

Why? Because it's supposed to be some like all kind of the university thing. I think that was, it's so bad that I was, they weren't trying to make it look like the real people. It was supposed to look like computerized almost. Yeah, but when they did, when, but like this that was to look at this watch out I'm with all this look on that one. That's terrible watch this look at his face

Watching the Batman car chase last I really don't see what the problem is. When you when you when they did Batman to Batman motorcycle jay good. If you're going to describe it describe it right. It's it's watching the trailer. This is not they don't show it in the trail. They show no bad CGI in the trailer. Sure they don't. They don't. They show no bad CGI in the trailer. They show it only in the movie and that's what's shocking. It rips you out of the movie. Yeah. That was the best part. I would watch Michael Keaton. He should kind of write too. I mean they all look like that. It all looks like a computer game to me or like a video game to anyway. But this said that I liked this was

engaging. Marvel doesn't do it. Marvel has Thanos and he doesn't look fake He looks real. This muscles look real looks fake does not not as fake as stupid Batman dumb face in that movie You're really upset about that afflux face. I really bug it bugs me that they they failed again They did it in justice league bring up Superman's dumb face and justice league It's annoying. You have to be That's the one CGI it's terrible terrible All jump you gotta jump significantly and I don't know why they wouldn't let him just shave his stupid go T It's not like it was a beard. It was like just scruff

Just shave it and roll back back. Just scruff? You could put fake hair back on. Yeah, but they don't want that to be the case. They'd rather Superman be fun. How about this? So that's not his jaw. No, watch. In the movie with Tom Cruise, they could have just said,

had a scene where he shaved his beard off. Also, did I fix it? I fixed it. Also, this scene rules. It's the best scene in Justice League. It's not, it's the worst scene in Justice League. It's not it's the worst scene in Justice League You don't mean that 100% The fight watch his face when they have to convince him

We're watching the scene in justically with a re-resurrect Superman and he comes back I don't know we're watching Kevin Hart's new special no. We're having British wit in the background so we can have fun. Oh, so that is a fake mouth, huh? Yeah, it's a fake mouth. I didn't know we're thinking. Bobby, I don't think that's a fake part. I think it's just the opening scene. No, he has a fake mouth in this, too.

I think that's his mouth, Bobby. I think you should watch it. I think that's real mouth. Jacob, you're looking at real mouth. It's not real. By the way, Jacob does know these facts really well. That's a real mouth. Oh, she's so pretty. Wonder Woman. They nailed overrated. Wonder Woman is overrated. Galgadot. You're an asshole. Basic bitch. You're an asshole. I'd rather gay off with

Mamoah. That way. I justa. That way. That's not true. That's not true. That's not true. That's not true. That was terrible pointless. Well, they just don't even know what it was. They stole it from X-Men. They stole it from X-Men. I don't know what it was. And that's another scene in Flash where he catches all the stupid babies in the microwave. That's the dumbest thing that... Well, you call one baby in the microwave. Whatever, dumb dog. They stole that from X-Men with Quicksilver, which was one of the greatest scenes ever in superhero history.

Yeah, but it's the flash's power also. Yeah, but they still, talk to, talk to, you know, you talked to about this, Derosa. Do you think the flash is taken from quick silver no quick silver was taken from the flash yeah but still they did it way better they just did it before yeah I wish they did this I wish they did this evil shit but they did they didn't they showed you a little piece of it and now it's all over.

That's the other thing I just looked up, because I guess they fired everybody. The little scenes at the end of the movie from the flash are going nowhere, because they're scrapping the whole project. Well, because what's his name, took over? James Gunn, which is gonna be great for DC, because he makes good movies.

He said they're making less, they want actors that require less money. What? That's stupid. The new Superman guy I've never even heard of before. Who's the new Superman guy? His name's like something. Jared Fried. Corn sweat.

Jared Fried is the new Superman guy. Something corn sweat. What's he from Jacob? Nothing. Nothing. Nobody. I've never heard of him before. But the next week, nothing. Get nothing. Nobody. Okay. What are you doing? Corn sweat. What's he from Jacob nothing? Nothing. Nobody I've never I've never heard of him before with a next year Nobody okay, what you do corn sweat little tiny little freed to short for Superman barrel barrel chested Jewish kid nothing

For Boston nothing They showed some picture of him with a massive hog Really thank you. Thank you. Oh, he's got a big fat dick. I made the rounds Two shows happening Thank you Lou. He's got a big fat dick. Can't make the rounds. Two shows happening. Yeah, I don't know. I just chose to like it. The flash flash flash. You know why you liked it?

Can I say why? I was in my house. You're in your house and you were fucking stone. Yeah, but that's I hate plenty of things. Stone. What? Christine personality all around Bugs bugs

Bugs I don't like bugs. I just didn't like it. I'm sorry. Just too much CGI ruins movies with you I listen it can happen to me. I couldn't give it. I hated the Green Lantern movies. Oh, God. Because by the nature of what their power is, it is just a computer graphic movie. Mm-hmm. So the nature of what they do is everything has to turn to something wack, you know, you can't get like, hey, somebody can somebody fabricate a giant fist clown fist coming out of a ring? No, no, probably not. But they redeemed themselves with Deadpool when they showed Ryan Reynolds reading the script and they shot him in the head rated R. Um, rate, you know what? They need to make these movies rated R. Yeah,

but you went that that selfish thinking. Why? Because technically super here's supposed to be for children. Yeah, but not 52 year old gentleman. The only successful ones upgraded are. Well, because the kids go and see those too. Sure, but you can't market it to kids. Why not? Oh, okay.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. I agree with you. You get a little nudity. No, let's not get cramody. The little violence. Why do you get tits in it? I'm not talking about making a harm movie from the 80s. You don't have have to add tips. You put a little violence. Can't have some tit come out. No, he can't have tits come out

I'm a superhero. You think a girl super here a fight to Wolverine. There's not a chance you see her tit I mean in life. Yes, but in the movie we can't do that. Well how real we want these things? Well, I'm saying rated R as far violence and rated R as violence and, and uh, make it- Can I say something? Yeah. Bobby, this lack of wanting of nudity, not for a European of you. Am I right, everybody?

Am I right? You know, you're right. For Euro Bob being so big and high, what's the big deal, dude? The human form is beautiful. You can't see Supergirl's tits. It's just the way it is. Why can't I?

Because it's against- Why? They don't care about things like that in Euro, dude. It's just a body. You can't see. You can't I? Because it's against. Why, they don't care about things like that in Europe, dude. It's just a body. You can't see. You can't suck them, you'll break your teeth. That's for God damn sure. Hey, Lou, if you ever see superwoman

tanning at the beach with her top off, don't suck her, too. Do you think Superman when he had sex with Lois Lane had to slow everything down? Oh, I mean, for sure, could you think you could hurt a woman if he got carried away and it was the first playboy cartoon I ever saw in the playboy magazine. It was, it was somebody calling like him saying like Superman, there's been a problem and we need your help. And it's like, lowest lane, just laying

dead and bad with like, like a load, like on the wall. Cause he shot through a skull. Yeah. I was coming through. Yes, he would have to slow down completely. Oh, same thing I believe the flash. The flash has to focus on not going too fast and just like sanding down your pussy lives.

Yeah. I need special condoms, I think, made out of that suit. Could you imagine pissing if you were married to the Hulk and you pissed him off during sex? Hahaha. Just ripped your vagina open. By the way, the iris, west, and the flash is the one that I told you had a hairy armpits in the Alice in Bre movie. That's her.

That's her. Gross. Nope. I'm a fan. Not a not a fan, but not a great fan, but not a fan. You're not a fan, Bobby. I like it. It always comes to the smell. It does not. It always.

Jake. Woman's anti-perspirant isn't meant for Harry armpits. Oh, it isn't meant for. By the way, though. Shade is made for the shame, dainty armpits of a lady. That's some fucking cave pig that you want to fuck I don't want to fuck anybody. I'm just saying I Don't I don't want it. Don't tell don't stop shaving. Are you out of your mind? I'm a fucking hairy woods bitch You take her out there you treat her like a goddamn Sasquatch keeping her chained up in a tiny house

You treat her like a goddamn Sasquatch keeping her chained up in a tiny house. But the the house gets bigger when you leave. It doesn't. It doesn't a little bit. It doesn't live. She gets to sleep in a mini starfish now. The husband of her fiance in that movie doesn't even notice. Lucky's oblivious to it. He only sees her inner beauty. Yeah.

Oh, the armpit hair doesn't bother him. It's not even brought. It's not brought up. I'm the only one their inner beauty. Yeah, oh the armpit hair doesn't bother him It's not even brought it's not brought up. I'm the only one apparently knows You think is the first day your husband saw it I don't even say it If he doesn't bring it up though if they asked him about they were like Hey, like do you would you want to get rid of the armpit hair if you had a choice he goes Not my choice, you know, I mean look I'm making a choice if Christine wanted to grow up in here. What would you do? I'd yeah, yeah, I'd be like well then let's just yeah, it's just good. It's ever way if she waited

If she said I'm gonna grow my armpit hair, you tell her she reserves that right she would you would boot her Well, it's not gonna happen to my four walls. But you reserve the right to grow your armpit hair. How much does that armpit hair mean to you? I guess is what we find out, right? You would tell her to take a hike. Really? Over armpit hair.

If she says I'm growing it out now. Yeah. Yeah, dude, she's a Middle Eastern wolf lady. Like, do you know that it's not? I didn't say she's gonna grow her As hair crack hair, my mind will be the same thing. It's all gonna touch at some point Bobby, there's a psychological thing involved there because that saying Christine was one way that for 11 years that their relationship

Already dealt with that she's decided to shave her to grow her armpit hair out. There's something behind that. Sure. She's changed as a person. No shit. Maybe she's getting back to her roots. Yeah, nappy roots. And by the way, Christine, the fiancee in the movie, you're kind of led to understand he's never had a problem with this.

Because it's so not a thing. I mean, it's just bizarre. Christine, I hope you feel good about Jacob's fucking Jack dream about it because I'll tell you, you want to kill that fast? Grow that armpit hair? No, I mean, she was like slick. She had these hairless, what? She was hairless in that dream. Oh, no, in the dream, I'm

saying that she gives you a new reality. Like, hairless everywhere. You won't jump back in there. Now you come back to tell us a nightmare of how wonderful sex you guys were having and then Christine reached up an ecstasy and you saw those little afros pop out of her pits. I would never, ever, ever had armpit hair. Like the second it started growing and I started shaving it off. I don't even know what. Well, you're middle eastern. So you have armpit hair every night. Every morning you shave it all. She has a five o'clock shadow on her armpit at three o'clock. We had to get her armpit hair razor. We had to get from that guy who made the samurai swords for killbill. I had a henzo and a hermitium. Hottori Hansen. Hottori Hansen. You're the same metal that Wolverine has in his claws.

Adamantium. Adamantium. Shit. Christine, these raiders were made in a scientific biological warfare test. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Test thing. I think we have to take a break. Oh, yeah, look at that.

We went. We went. Time flies when you're having fun. Well, commercial too. Well, the, I say flash, no, Indian agent, Jones, okay, but no. You thought India Jones was better than the flash? I would rather see, well, it was, it was better on the flash in certain ways and worse in other ways. They're both not good movies.

You didn't love that Michael Keaton was the best. Loved it. If you had to throw one on again, someone goes, no, flash it again. Flash it again. I do the flash again. I do the flash again. Yeah, because of Michael Keaton.

It also moves. And I actually know apparently the guys have big piece of shit, but he was good in the movie. Who? The guy that's from the flash. You know he's a big piece of shit. You're sure it's coming up? why the movie was so like flopped. Like financially it was because no one's going to say, hey that guy.

You didn't see the stuff he's done? I see some of the stuff he's done. Forget, but let's look it up when we come back. Yeah, let's look it up when we come. We have guests coming in too. Oh yeah. Yay. It's the bonfire.

Man, God. We gotta keep it hip hop for our guests. That usually picks such old white man songs the rest of the time. Today was I would go with hardcore rap. It's my favorite. The bonfire faction talk series XM 103 Big Joverson, Robert Kelly. We have two guests coming and they are going on the road together. It is the hilarious. For the first time on the show, Robbie the Fire Burnstein everybody from the podcast

Run Your Mouth. He's on the Summer Ports tour. Comedy shows and podcasts from fans backyards. That's, I got a million questions about that. And returning to the show everybody the hilarious Chris Faga who is going to be in Austin, Texas also spoke and Idaho portman and Detroit with Robbie the fire. Uh, fine guys on the road for tickets go go to uh summer porch tour dot com that's summer porch tour dot We get tickets.

Is that, do you feel like you're running any risk doing things in people's backyards? Oh for sure, absolutely. There's no security or nothing. So if anything goes down, I got to take care of it. Are you filming all of this? Not well, but yeah, I'll bring some camera gear. You need to have a camera rolling at all times. We've definitely missed some moments because I've done this for five summers now. And we've definitely missed some of the Jerry Spring

like theotic moments. And you get a body cam. Menu and heart had to push a guy into his car and be like, you need to leave. And they go just like, OK, I'll leave. Yeah. Why he was mad at the content of what was happening? So do we even say what happened? I think

Well, we already opened the door. What are we gonna do come on this show and be like we can't tell the story? Yeah, why wouldn't you be able to tell the story? It's not a nice story. It's a telling Rally no the guys like a friend of ours. Okay, we read his house and you know some family drama stirred up Yeah His daughter was with some dude and And then it was a problem. And then he got thrown out. And this guy was like, hey, that's a lady. You don't talk to the girl's father,

a man you and I like literally just controlled this dude by his hip. Grabbed him by his hip, opened the door to his car. That's embarrassing. Put him down, put the seatbelt on. It was like, you should leave. And we were also the girl's boyfriend. Yeah, we were so lucky that man you and was there

because the guy that wanted to fight us was black and Manu and was black so it was good to have that buffer because otherwise we just come off very racist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We would be in jail for hate crime Oh the family was white. Yeah, I mean Boyfriend and the father was not stoked about that or was the guy particularly I think it was just this party broke out that wasn't supposed to break out with his daughter being home and like us hanging out at that comedy show. Here's what happened. He's like a 50-year-old man, super fan of the show.

We've done Port Stortter's house three years now in a row and it's been a great time. So you've got to watch her blossom from a girl to a woman. Sure. Could you be a fairer explain what this is for the people that don't know a porch. What is it? Portsdoor.

Portsdoor. What is it? So I put out the feelers, people listening to the pod, if you wanted to host us, I would, it started. I was just doing podcasts with fans in their backyard because I couldn't believe that anyone. No, this was pre-COVID. Okay.

I couldn't believe anyone was listening to my podcast. I was curious to interact with whoever was listening to it. And I just put out the feeler. I was like, you invite me over. I'll do an episode from your porch with you. Okay. Very weird. Right? Yeah. It was fun. Yeah. And then it grew.

Within reasonable travel, I assume. Yeah. I mean, then it was like tri-state area. You're not going to the Philippines. I was not going to the Philippines. Got you. Definitely not. Got it. There is a... It depends on how hot you are actually. If you needed a green card and send me a picture, you. Definitely not. There is a. It depends on how hot you are actually.

If you needed a green card and send me a picture, I might show up. Right. You're the kids of a wife. What a story for picking up a wife is off your podcast. So first two years, it was just doing that and then it grew into doing, you know, stand-up shows from people's backyards and at first it was just tri-state area. But now we're moving enough tickets that you know cross-country. So anybody who's a fan of you, you could just say, hey man, I want you to come to my

back yard and I'll stay you to do shows. So you guys get Austin and Spokane, Idaho Portland Detroit, that's all people's houses. Yes, and we're doing one show this weekend at the Secret Group in Houston but that's the only venue show I'm doing all summer. And then we're doing the dude west from Zia Farms Who sponsored he's one of the sponsors that's gang fest he has a farm and we're going there in Albuquerque Which I'm so do now start off thing you guys did kick that guy out because you didn't want one blackout your comedy show On a 5 yard the podcast I get with the first speech comedy she goes this guy's gonna heckle You'll do Def Jam.

Do you know Hanberger? For the most people, for the most part, people just email me, we put up a ticket link. And do they have to provide the stuff like a zero? You bring the mic and the speaker. Here's what's happening. Someone always has a friend that's in a band. So more often than I.

Failed, failed band. A failed band, sure. Okay. This is a boring nowhere. Yeah, so. Yeah, you don't know Ricky. Richie San Bor band, sure. Okay. Or a going nowhere. Yeah, so you don't know Ricky, Ricky San Boros, you're saying, hey, okay. More often than not, we end up with a pretty elaborate

PA system for being in someone's backyard. Okay. Every once in a while, we just have like one big guitar amp, but more often than not, it's been like wild how nice of a professional rig we end up with. But, does anybody put like lights up in shit? Yes. Nice. We're one guy who owns a whole company

that does like massive events. And he was a fan, so he showed up, just took care of everything, put up the light rig. I think sometimes there's like a guy with like a flashlight and you're on top of a hot tub. Yeah, absolutely. We were in a basement. More recently, it's connected.

Yeah, that was the worst one we ever did. Oh really? Yeah. You guys got to get it. But that is rough. You guys got to do, is it Michael Bucy, Gary Bucy's nephew or son or whatever it is who has that crazy place down in Florida, we looked at it before. Like an Orlando Florida.

It's, yeah, it's his compound. What is it called? It's wild. It's got a great name too. It's like, you know, cock farms. It's like a party dude. He's friends like, you know, cock farms. It's like, did you guys like a party, dude? He's friends with Mike Haltto, him and Mike are friends.

Absolutely. That was total sensitive. Does it look like you're a sausage castle? Sausage castle. We should go there. I'm just having shoot me an email about his portion. I'm in. I told it takes sausage.

It's not you wait to see this. Yeah. No, no, no. He has, he literally went out and bought circus rides, like legitimate rides. No, this place is like, yeah, acres. I think literally went out and bought circus rides, like legitimate rides. Now this place is like acres. I think there's going to be amusement park. Gary, you see Sun. He bought, I don't think. The Sun are his nephew. I think it's nephew. It's not his son. His son is like an actor that is Jake Bucy. Well, yeah, be my more than once. Look at how does this guy have this money?

Dude, he doesn't know. There's something. I'll tell you how being an influencer myself. Oh, it's right. Oh, it's right No, it's right. He got pop yours in influence. Yeah, he being an influencer. He's part of the influencer community He's not wrong. It's what it is. He's like a pop it's like the most fun. Yeah, I mean like a fatter younger Gary Beauty. Yeah, we really got to do legionist gangster something in this place. I mean places wild Yeah, he's got a bunch of different wrappers. I would not swim in that pool. And you're getting some of them.

You've been there already? No, I would love to see him fly. Jay just showed a picture of a huge. That's from a long time ago you went there. There's no other guys black and he's holding a pug. I hate, I hate pugs. My only issue with that, that insult, I don't like bugs. I don't like bugs.

There's soulless animals. This is the fattest human being. That's a big guy. But by the way, look how happy he is there. Very happy. A lot of confidence. Yeah, fat people are happy. Christine, go to where is that guy still?

Is he eating off that guy's stomach? I think they have that guy laying in a watermelon. There's a lot wrong with this. Yeah, it's a crazy. It looks like Guy Fieri if he was made of oxy-contin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go to YouTube and go to a tour of Sausage Castle. It's wild. It's nutty. It's crazy. Yeah, this is a place, the wildest party house in America.

Yeah, as houses, just like a carnival. He's gonna have like a regular house for some times, right? I don't think so. I think so. In Florida, he just bought this acreage with this massive house on it and then transformed the house over time into this party holy shit place

that he just films content from. And that's where he makes his money off of the content. And it's a lot of porn stars go there. There's a stripper room, there's a strip club in his house. Oh, they've done jackass episodes there. They've, yeah, this guy just like indoor pools, outdoor pools. It's raining inside. It's horrible.

Yeah, you do not swim in that pool. I'm just saying every once in a while, I'd want to wake up in like just a regular house and not have a I know you're saying I bet he has like a nook or something. It's just like his little. Yeah, he's got like a reading room that nobody knows about. Oh, the guy's hitting half-quarters. He's got just an army tent in the background. Oh, he's just vagrant fucking.

He's just vagrants that live on his property. There's a sex that's a sex table. I mean, no, we train the Taliban. That looks like an opian tent. That for sure is some sort of like a weird drug den. Yeah, that's a sex drug place. Yeah. The whole house is a sex drug place.

You're not wrong. There's like loose tubs. Like, whole tubs, whole tubs, high-smishine, just randomly in a room. There was a tub in the kitchen. Yeah. The problem with homes like this is if one lady makes an accusation, you just go, she's right.

Oh, without a doubt. Yeah, if someone's like, I fell asleep and I woke up and I think I have three different semen's in me to go. Sausage castle. Come on. Comes out with a black kid with red hair and freckles. Classic sausage castle. Um, yeah. Yeah, that's a place to do a live podcast.

So let me ask you a question. He's got a scrambler outside. Is it tilted world or something? What's the money? You don't know what you're getting until after? We guarantee you this much money to come here and do this. No, I have no idea.

I put a ticket link. You're rolling the dice. I roll the dice. However, I've somewhat figured out the logistics know I have no idea. I put a roll the roll the dice however I somewhat figured out the logistics that as long as I stack like three gigs in a certain area it cuts down the plane costs like considerably

right and then I start making money right okay I'm not getting rich but you make money and you get to do your comedy in this crazy things I mean this would be a great why when you film all of this and put it on YouTube as like a show I should I mean it this would be a great, why when you film all of this and put it on YouTube as like a show. I should. I mean, it's good. Open up your own podcast. Yeah. It's a backyard party. It's a fun time. People come hang out all night. Sometimes we do live

podcast, go pretty late. What was the worst gig you've done? This connected, you one. Here's the thing. We've had some that were small. No, we've had some that were small. So I had like, I took a loss on it. But the people that come out are like such super fans. The game sells are always fun. How many people were he selling? I'm saying like the ring it ranges between like 35 and 100. Right.

But the smallest one I've done is like we put it up and it was 18 people. And it was just in a basement. Well, that was the one I did with him. That was less than 18. But that was an eight. That wasn't some unfortunate. That was just like a winner one off and that was like 13 and a That's funny though when you have to like you know, you know, hey, we get all just not to the show

And we paid for it to you'll do the show you do the show at that point. I'm like I'm running my time I don't care I'm doing this run your time you could take everybody to Denny's yeah Give me the wrap it up wrap it up because relax. I'm gonna. I'm working to run your time. You can take everybody to Denny's. Yeah. You're gonna have to wrap it up. Wrap it up because relax. I'm working on something right now. Should we should do Skank? Christine, why would Skank face not working sausage castle?

We just have to scout it. You think this guy wouldn't have 3,000 of our closest fans there? I feel like he would. That's America's top destination to D. Oh for sure. Fantastic. Oh, they definitely there's been definite bodies taken off that property before. They just throw them in the pond in the back. I do kind of want to figure out if I can set up a scout just for the tour. Yeah. Tour the sausage castle. I think you know where that's heading. Where do we lose Christine? I think she's back in the fuck drug then.

We found her in the kitchen tub. Yeah, all the ice is filled it up. What's going on? We feather in the kitchen tub. That's pretty cool, though. I like when I've never seen anything like that, where I mean, what you're doing is pretty unique, but it must terrify you. It's not you're doing is pretty unique, but it must

Terrify you it's not you're walking to go where fucked? Like this is gonna suck cuz you're in a 45 minute set you're doing like a Yeah, I do about 45 yeah sometimes a little more about that. It's such an experience. What a Yeah, I mean, it's almost like when I sit in the chair with them and like tell them your comedy I the only closest experience I ever had was that I got hired. That's what you do. That's what you do, Jay. There was, you see that.

No, not a chair, like with the people on the floor. Oh, yeah. Oh, there you go. That was last. Wait, which one is that? I don't remember. Where is that? The one in Vegas that looks, that was really fun too.

This wouldn't make a very good YouTube series, Bobby's right. Oh, this is great. I would watch this one That was in Port store, but that was an outdoor gig. I did in Texas recently at this weird libertarian festival. That was a lot of fun But when you do these shows though, they all these are all fans. You don't have to worry about somebody Fucking screaming out you sock or you enough for it's fans or someone that brought a friend and so they're all very unborn you don't get random people that showed up to

what about some or brings over black boy for what about some well caron neighbor bitch that just wants to go to the i make i make a joke out of it like if i do a joke that even doesn't land with mind because it's too much i start yelling at the neighbor's houses like did you hear that that was a joke about killing a dead what you know i mean i have a lot of fun with that i get really loud and i yell at the other houses when things are landing i would if i if i

would to bed and i was i was enjoying this because he's a member of an association now yeah i'm thinking i could actually hire them i could hire them to come to the squam lake association i'm here with that you want to port porch door, buddy? Let's do it. I put it on your backyard. Let's get a touch. Could you do a kid friendly show? No, not me. I...

Could you guys porch to our tiny house and New Hampshire? That would be a great show. I got a New Hampshire's my best audiences. We could do a big show out of New Hampshire. Homages cost to hire you. I mean, like privately, usually I put a ticket length. Just me, Dawn, my son, Christine, and Jay. I have to actually do a show for you guys.

Just for us. That's a price tag. That sounds so terrible. I'm willing to give you $3,000 to do a private show for me, Bobby, Christine and Dawn. I'm a sold friend. And it has to be kid friendly. In fact, not just kid friendly. I want to be kid level comedy the entire

Max don't you hate Farts Just why did we drive so far for this actually know my act As funny you're performing on somebody's back porch. Yeah, that's that's a That's a fun man. I got a private bar. We go back to that other one. Go back to it Yeah, that's that's a that's a fun man. I got a private bar. We go back to that other one. Go back to was that the this is the party. No, go back to the wasn't his was it Mike Bucy's

or Instagram? You had up right here. Yeah, the prettiest but whole contest. How do we miss that? That's right up your alley. He looks like someone's right. I'm I'm home and he seems like he stole that from you and Ralph. Yeah.

Damn dude, it looks like he's like a DJ Khaled beard. The guy's, this guy might rock. Nice guy. I've talked to him. He's like a super Saiyan Jonah Hill. Really, he's really nice guy. Not a, not a ego maniac or too crazy. He's pretty cool dude.

Really the prettiest butthole contest guy. It's a great idea. Not a narcissist. We should do that today. My parents, he's a hired gun. It's pretty pretty cool. Really the prettiest butthole contest guys. It's a great idea. Not a narcissist. We should do that today. Oh, Ferris, he's a hired gun. It's not his house. This one. Where'd you meet him?

I was on my call to show. Oh, okay. And he came in. Yeah. Asked my call to if we could just gang fast. The was called penis castle, sausage castle. Sausage castle. Yeah, let's do it.

We should just open up the penis castle. You let's just open up a penis castle. Bobby mean you could influence I think pretty well. The penis palace I think. We're gonna be like hey guys looks like me and Bobby are about to hop in our kitchen tub. Yeah. Poppins and blue juice. I actually the worst gig I've done a couple of gigs like that I did a gig in somebody's living room. Okay. For a birthday a couple of gigs like that. I did a gig in somebody's living room for a birthday party Back in Boston, right. I think I got a hundred bucks to perform on the fireplace Was where the gig was and there was six people in the living room and two of them were fighting with each other It was a good couple who didn't like each other. They got to fight before the show. I think that one of the girls didn't

didn't like the fact that we're doing this. Like, why can't we just have a regular party and he was like, just shut the fuck up. There's gonna be fun. It's gonna be fun. He was talking to it and just sat there miserable. I understand them. I get them. Me and Christine have brought we brought bad attitude to fun things before it. That's one of my favorite stories when we argued going to Universal studios Halloween harness and we weren't we went there in a big fight I just going on but you can't change the exhilaration of rides So it's like we get on the thingy bit

Just like it's like how much longer do you want to stay here for real? And it goes all right? It's like how much longer do you want to be here. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I performed at, you know, Menetter Tavern. Yeah, I was there. My friend used to be the bartender there, and I would go in between sets at the seller and go hang with them, and then close it out.

And I went over there one night, there was this rich couple, I think from Texas or something, and they found out I was a comic. And he was like, do a show right here for me And I was like fuck off. I don't that's not what I do He goes I give you five hundred bucks. I was like I just stood on the table Danz monkey and I fucking danced he gave me five cash. I was on a wobbly table and men at a tavern

I did ten minutes and I crushed He's good. He's good. He's good. Here's your money, boy. You didn't even tell him for $25 and you can go to the comedy seller three steps away from here. So you could give me $500 or go see a bunch of the best comics in the world. You could go see Shepal and Jay Moore right now.

The show's themselves are great. I'll tell you the awkward part is sometimes we show up a little late to set up and then you're setting up for the show and fans are showing up and that's really awkward. Do you have to do like, you have to do, no need to work? Yeah, I mean, I'm setting up the show and you want to set up the show to make sure

it's a good environment because we know comedy. If you leave it to someone else, you're gonna end up everyone else for it. You want to try and set it up so that people are forced close to the stage. You want to make sure levels are good the lights good all those variables other people But I feel like a mom like setting up for a party when the guest show up And you're like don't look at me yet. It's not ready and you just feel like you just feel like the biggest loser to start

And then you should wear a robe over whatever clothes you haven't put the tissues and you're like you think is I'm not ready yet Yeah, the apron still on the mitts You can pull off your show clothes. There it is, the sparkle. You should go up with it like a beard when you're setting up. Like you're a totally different person. Oh, that's pretty good.

I should have a disguise. Have a disguise. A roadie disguise. Set it all up. And then go back and take it off and then introduce yourself. That's it. I should be doing that.

That's way better than the way I'm currently doing it. Did you ever have, like, I did a show once in Batscap. Like I was out of time. I did Batscap flying by my head. I ate Bats. And I was like, I'm currently doing it. Did you ever have, like, I did a show once in Batscap. Like I was out, I did Batscap flying by my head. I ate Bats and I was like, I'm gonna, I'm going to fucking leave if somebody doesn't get bats out of here. One of the first times we did a podcast in this guy's house

after the stand-up show and a snake fell out of the ceiling. She's surprised. Yeah, no, and an Ick moment like that, it's over for me. Well, where'd you do it, Australia? No, it was great. I looked like a hero because I was so hammered, Yeah, no and in an in an Ick moment like that. It's over for me No, he was great. I looked like a hero because I was so hammered. I just didn't care And I'm like I'm usually a huge pussy, but I was just so hammered. I just wasn't good Crocodile Kicks in the face I just kept going just pulls out electrical tape from his pocket and tapes its mouse. Yeah, you guys everything's fine

All right, what kind of snake was it? Did you find it was a Burmese python? It was a King cobra the owner claimed that we had smoked it out Because everyone was smoking so much weed smoked it out of life. No like we were smoking so much weed I guess it was in the ceiling and like dropped it out and dropped the fucked up snake. You guys, you guys gonna talk with that old king cobra? Yeah. Ricky Tickey Taffy is here.

Christine, while we're having a conversation, can you look up to one of the pretty Spongebob's contest? Oh, if we can get the results please. How can we wait that long to ask that question? I gotta say as long as we're talking about buttholes. She's a professional broadcaster. Have you noticed less anal bleaching

in pornography the last few years? Like as the bush is coming back. So is the dark asshole? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't hate it. Is that bad? No, it's a little more natural. Do you like a girl?

If a girl had a little hairy armpit with that ball of you? How hairy? Not hairy hairy, but like wispies. Can it catch the wind? Not, yes. I don't want it to catch the wind. Not just mistoday shaving. We're talking, she's like, I let my armpit air grow. So she's committed to I like having her hair. She's just growing up. This is who I am now. Like how close to the length of Jay's beard?

Not that close. Like the side beard. Sure. I think I can maybe do that. Wow. And care about them and spend time with them. No, no, I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I. I think I can maybe. Yeah, I can maybe do that. Wow. Yeah. And care about them and give and spend time with them. No, no, I can't. I can't. I just fucking them and treat them like the trash. They probably hang out with them a couple times, but it's not like I'm not going on. Like I'll meet you at that bar. We go to. Oh, God. When she has armpits sweat, you know, it's all mushed in. You fuck, what a piece of shit.

She put the deodorant on. It's a hot day. It looks like our armpit was eating ice cream. Oh, God. Yeah, I never thought of that. She has black athlete armpits with the fucking mush that caked up. Just like chunks of deodorant.

Yeah, I might not like that. Bobby, you know, savage dude. I don't want it. You got to understand. You become a new hamster, hippie, dude. I'm a part of the association. You're trying to find a way to break to us that Dawn has hairy armpits And you try to act like it's your idea. The saddest day of my dawn hates hair in a body so much She was it's edition the saddest day in my life

And I was like I need to make more money. I need to work harder was Was when I saw her, we're going out to this wedding, and she was on the bath and flowing naked on a towel waxing her own pussy. I was like, I need to work harder. Is this gonna never happen again? I felt sad. She's like, how do you mirror out? She's like, I got it.

I was like, no, you will never do this again, honey. I'm only seeing coming in, when she was in all fours, taking the stick up the butt crack. I would know that I made the right choice in woman. That's your own pussy. That's fucking insane. That was the saddest day of my life. I was like, I gotta work harder. I gotta write more jokes. I gotta become better. One of the hardest I ever left was when you did the, I was once at the seller and you did the bit about having your asshole waxed by your wife. She waxed my asshole.

That is one of the greatest bits I've ever heard. Yeah, she went down. I wanted to to wax my little wispies on my butt cheeks, which I didn't like. Right. You know, because I had hair on my butt, okay, fine. The little wispies didn't, they just didn't fit. Okay. You know, it looked like kid pubes. They're not right. And then she was like, I want to get inside.

And I was like, you don't, I need that. I was like, that's like an eyebrow for your eye. That needs to get inside. And I was like, you don't, I need that. I was like, that's like an eyebrow for you. Right. That needs to catch insects. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. If something falls in your ass, if not that, that's what stops it. You get the last line of defense.

The last time of defense. You're assholes eyelashes. Right. Exactly. And I remember she put that, she poured the hot wax on my asshole. I've never felt anything as hot. Yeah, it's hot wax on my asshole. She put it on my ass. But they usually like sticking on. Yeah, if they like you.

As you're just going for the pain. And then she put it on there and she goes one, two, and ripped it off. Oh, is it the kind where the wax itself is what you grab? It's hot wax, hot purple wax on my ass. All right, but I'm saying, but it's not the strips. No, you grab the little bit of wax of wax no then she put the strips on and then she goes okay breathe in And you breathe in it goes okay breathe out one two

She did one two not three I was like it's one two three. It's not one two. It's one two three You hit her I Can't I can't clutter then she showed it to me which it One, two, three, huh. You hit her? I came close. I came close. Then she showed it to me, which is, yeah. I said it looked like a sticky mouse trap where the mouse got caught, but then as bid is on foot off in the middle of the night, and the crowd will, hey.

If this were the 50s or Indiana Jones, you could have hit her. Oh, God, I could see that. But it's not. We're in today's world. So, I think, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't take me. My, uh, it's possible.

I love the idea of her waxing her own pussy, but at the same time making you kill a spider in the bathroom. Yeah, it is. I, on my own, I didn't have my ex do a for me, but she had that. Max? No, she, my ex.

Oh, I think she said my son. I was like, what are you doing, ex? Oh, sorry, that is a max. No, my ex had the kind of wax where you just, the wax itself is what you start grabbing. You're going to get a little lip on it and then pull. I tried it instead of shaving my balls once. She suggested that.

Jesus Christ. I do it and I was like, how bad could that possibly be? And I just ran one thick like stripe down like the side of my gut and the side of my ball bag. Three hours, three hours to take that thing off. And every time I got a little bit more, it sounded like you were ripping a phone book in half. Oh, God.

It was, and then immediate blood on everyone, I was just taking so long. And then, cause I would get some, yeah. And then it would just be, it would be flat dangling with like the hair in it. And then I have to walk around listening to a panthera song and then it would just be that it would be flat dangling with like the hair in it And then I have to walk around listening to a pant hair song and then grab it again But yeah, and then walk away again and see what that mean it was I just left I didn't do any more of it. I just there was one stripe of bald. Is it because like ball skin is so stretchy

It was just sensitive. It was I couldn't do it fast It was just sensitive, I couldn't do it fast, not at all. You didn't think to test an arm or leg just to see what that was. When she ran to the pulse. That's not right. You should have done some taut skin first. You were a fucking bold man, Jay.

I did a couple of things. I've shaved my, one time I shaved my forearms and hands and realized that I have the body complexion of a jiff, freckle ginger turns it up. The hair is, you know, it makes my, me not, I mean, glowingly white pasty. So I never make that mistake again. Never done anything to my asshole hair.

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