The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Take Your Broke Ass Home
Episode Date: August 31, 2022Jay and Christine are getting ready to see Roger Waters at Madison Square Garden. Jay tells the crew about some of the stand out moments from this year's VMA's makes the gang want to explore k-Pop and... deceptive make-up.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com
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And now the bonfire with Big J. Ocerson and Dan Soder
Now I was gonna say it's to be Jacob's walking music, but he's walks too fast. I'm a little sprint that guy is
Good basin Jake. Jacob. You look like a cricket across that hallway. Thanks, dude
It's the bonfire everybody
I'm marching into the mellow vibes
Gonna go see Roger Waters tonight.
Hey teacher, leave those kids alone.
Like to do papo soup, papo to do papo.
Hey you Jews, get the fuck out of Palestine.
Choppa, choppa, choppa, choppa. Palestine, Chalupa, Chalupa, Chalupa
Hitler had some really, really good ideas
Oh, zippo, pop, pop, pop, pop
We don't need no jiu-ruan media
Zing, pop, pop, pop, pop, zippo
Oh, but do pop, pop, pop, pop
We don't need no juice in the banks
Say it's done, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, I'll need some time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, Hey! You started all of the wars!
Come on! Z-A-P-Z-P-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P-Z-P- But who's the one? Not forgot in eight of J Hitler
Yes, I was only got trouble for how to feel yeah, huh?
Who's on that guy in trouble for looking at child porn and then he said he was doing his own research
P. Townsend. Oh, that was from the hoon. Yeah, not Pink Floyd
Christine told me yesterday. She goes I got it's gonna be sucks at David Gilmore at some point
I'm gonna be like man Gilmore would rule here right now and she goes I
don't know that is I only know Robert plant Jimmy page oh no he said that's a
whole different band and then went well who's Jimmy page then and he said
Led Zeppelin and I said well who's the other guy in Led Zeppelin and it's
who Robert plant Robert plant Robert plant
Because I thought and John Paul Jones. I thought they're crazy with it and bonds at bottom and you know RIP bottom
I thought Roger Waters and a song called big log that's actually saying by Robert plant
Right, yeah, I mean it's kind of nice. I know all these names at all
It's not that I mean I wasn't a teenager in the 60s, but I know all the bands
You act like they're 900 years old. They're still like
considered a
God I got to come up to me a corn Jacob and really was like just wanted to vent to me. Remember this Christine?
The guy just wanted to vent to me about how kids don't know anything
about music now.
Like, some kid asking me,
are they who's corn?
What's corn?
He was furious about that.
I bet.
Uh, he's like,
there's even no, I was wearing
a Wu Tang shirt and he was like,
he's just like,
he's got no Wu Tang now.
He goes crazy because it's
for the children.
I went right.
I did a lot of that with,
uh-huh.
Yes, you are correct, dude. Damn, Jacob is trying did a lot of that with. Uh-huh. Yes, you are
corrected. Damn, Jacob is stressed. Get the fire going with Christine for that
trivia game on Tuesday. Yeah, you're not wrong though, Jacob. She retains nothing.
But my nephews don't know anything. Like they have no knowledge. They couldn't
name you a guitarist in any band. How many little pump songs can you name? None.
None. You got me. I know how many can you name Christine?
I only know the one he does with Kanye West.
I love it.
Yeah, I know that one though too.
So we both like to say about little pump.
I didn't know that was a person.
I, yeah, it's a funny name, little pump.
Yeah, I know it's a person.
I don't know what he looks like or anything.
Little pump.
Got to do something.
He was with Kanye West.
I know they wore the fucking, they wore the drink boxes.
Yeah.
Yeah, you don't look it up. None of us cared.
Well, I guess we're seeing it.
Okay, I guess we look Christine behind that computer.
She does look up things that I wanted to look up.
She does look up things that I wanted to look up.
Is this just as a Fiji water bottle?
That's a pelagrine, I think.
It's a Fiji and a pelagrine.
Oh, yeah. The other one's a Fiji.
You're right.
I think they just sense themselves
on saying fucking ho over and over again.
Another handsome little boy with face tattoos.
Get Christine soaked, dude.
You love a face tattoo?
No, I own Kanye West.
She likes...
Christine claims to like all this new rap shit. I like some of it.
She does, she likes a lot of...
Do you like finger on the pulse?
Kevin Gates.
She likes a lot.
I do like Kevin Gates.
She's a big gunner fan.
She likes gunner.
She loves them.
I know none of these people.
I'm pretty into da baby right now.
Not Lil Baby. Not little baby.
Christine still subject to when she was younger.
When she looks up to a friend, she defers them
completely and entirely. And that's what's going on. Her
friend Emily back home is telling her these new things. She's feeding her.
Because she's single. She's trying to pick up a
pick up a young black. And she's trying to
put this off to Christine now. This is Christine's life. Emily says Christine do take that. We're hip hop.
We share hip hop with each other. And then I text Isabella so she thinks I'm cool.
Is that how is that the ultimate final approval as a Isabella goes? Yeah, I've heard an
enemy school. Yeah, like Emily will text me to listen to something No, Texas bomb like do you like gunna she's like I love gunna
Christine so now I love that you're chasing that you know, yeah, it's true right?
Because we don't say that you just fucking it's the bomb. I like Isabella control the music in the car a lot
Mob deep by the way been around forever
Classic hip hop.
You have it now, those bands are the ones that are being sampled in new rap.
Not about that.
It's about that.
Her friend told her that now she is into Mob Deep and Christine now is into Mob Deep.
No, she told me she's never felt so connected to a rap album before and it hurts her that
I'm not as connected to it as she is and I really need to give it a chance
What?
Well, who talks like that?
I'm always weird dude.
A girl from California who's was really spoken to by Queen's Bridge projects.
Yeah, was she ever down on, was she ever down on 21st and 47th?
We're on fucking Crenshaw.
Yeah, but that's why we connect with like the dog pal.
Well, that's why she's just getting into fucking mod deep at 37 years old.
What, how is it speaking to her?
I don't know.
Tell her to keep wrapping corrupt and DPG
and if I can keep mod deep out of her mind.
Emily, stay in your lane, girl.
Oh, wait, wait.
West Coast is the best coast in your world.
Stay out of these coast.
You white lady!
You white lady!
You colonizer, Emily.
Are these your recent house guests?
Yes. Yeah. Tell these your recent house guests. Yes.
Yeah.
Listen to the show.
Yeah.
In case you felt about getting peppery on them.
No, wow.
Just asking.
We're going to call the names.
Oh, you weren't here when they came in.
You were in Florida.
Oh, no, you were.
Oh, yes, it was.
Oh, yes, he was.
Um, but yeah, now Christine's not connecting what she had to give mob deep a try.
Mob deep in there the whole time.
She goes, you guys are gonna shit.
Have you ever heard this album ready to die?
Has she ever-
TORIS BIG?
Yeah, and then Christine will be like,
Yeah, no, you showed it to me. This is great.
No, I actually told her I was like, I'm sure I'll get into it, but I'm not really connecting with infamous right now,
but I am listening to your workout playlist a lot,
which is all the new rap.
So I'm feeling the new rap more than mom deep right now.
Infamous rules.
Yeah.
And it speaks to white girls from Southern California.
I could have a black child.
That had to be an crazy, that had to be.
It's a goddamn miracle you don't, Christine.
That had to have been crazy when like,
rap blew up in the suburbs and they're like wait these white kids are loving it
You know what I mean loving it now that complete and overall acceptance of it in the world is
No one even it's not even a weird thing that Jack Harlow or Harlow. Yeah, Jack Harlow
VMAs they're already so past these white that now we has to do things with trans and gay people all the time.
Are you talking about his performance on the VMAs?
Oh yeah.
I watched it.
He has to touch.
Did you watch the full VMAs?
You watch the...
I thought you know I do it, I thought.
Watching on fast forward.
Watching that thing man in real time.
I would never do that.
That's why I always DVR.
Give you brain burn dude.
No that's why I'll always DVR it. Always go through. I can't take the long. But there's why I always D.V.R. Brainburn dude. No, that's why I'll always D.V.R.
Always go through.
I can't take the long.
But there's a couple of things.
Who is the person who couldn't read Christine?
I put up my phone.
I put some things on my phone I know.
Who in this room watches them?
You watch the VMAs for the show,
but no one else watches, right?
Black Lou, when was the last time you watched the VMAs to watch the VMAs?
Had to be like five, six years ago.
I would even yeah. I would probably say the last time I watched the VMAs to watch the VMAs. Had to be like five, six years ago. I would even yeah, I would probably say
the last time I watched the VMAs, I was seriously
like excited about it, probably college.
College, yeah.
0203 being like, oh VMAs, this will be a fun thing to watch.
Yeah, watch it.
Any of them off the top of your head that were like.
I remember when Madonna kissed Brittany. I remember like Eminem doing on the real
Slim Shady. Yeah. Where they all walked in. But we're all performances. If you go back on the
me and me performances from the 90s you go like oh I remember that one. I remember that one.
You forget. I'm a rage climbing the fucking thing. Oh yeah. I remember Axel Rose singing free falling with Tom Petty awesome
Free fallen hey if you're wanting to hear Tom Petty but more crypt keepery
Axel Rose funny cuz Axel drowned him out and it was his song and and they both try to sing on the same microphone And Axel just blew him out of the water damn fuck you suck on that fuck that. I love Tom Petty more than an axle. All right
Pete
All right Pete Tom Petty you did a lot of blow and you cut your hand open
I'm pretty fucking cool Nicky Minaj was performing as a long-time veteran
video Vanguard award winner and I swear to you
You can tell me Nicki Minaj has been famous for like five six years. That's crazy. She's like icon status now
How? Where is done a ton of crazy. She's like icon status now. How?
Where is it?
Done a ton of albums.
She's a ton album.
She's grown for a long time.
So I'm saying that you actually come out.
I'm wrong about when she came out.
Oh, so she came out and did like a medley.
Yeah, I mean, the audience was singing along everywhere.
Now I will say this though too.
To this day in a condo is one of the hottest music videos of all time.
I mean, I don't remember it, but I don't I don't mean this in a bad way.
I will say just as the representation of what's going on in that audience, the VMA awards
are, I said it's the outside.
Mm-hmm.
15% women.
Mm-hmm.
25% celebrities.
No, no, 20% celebrities.
It gives us 35 and they're people
We're 35% 65% flamboyant gay men. There's nothing else that audience and they go
Absolutely bat shit excited for everything
Like they are a killer audience, but it's also for one type of thing and
It's being played to that every
performance is sort of being played to that. It's very interesting. Like what's the bad
bunny kissed a guy on stage? I think it was bad, buddy. I hope not saying the wrong person.
It was him. Yeah, but it's just the we go. They have the footage of him just like kissing the guy. We get it. You think bad bunny sexy.
Um, just YouTube it.
But yeah, he kisses a guy.
And then I said, Jack Harlow has the most odd seated airplane in the set first thing.
It's like a rock and roll dude, a flamboyant trans. Let's see, that's trans. Yeah, I think so the one that he talks about has come to the ball glass the ball black
Triggin that pineapple juice giving that sweet sweet seamen
Which is the lyric and its song first class they were really weird
I don't know what this is
What are you What are you? Who are you?
Yeah, there's too much like first class. I was buying like
Jacob boner warning
That's a girl
Watch that girl off with the dude kiss.
Dude, you gotta bring one back for the boys.
You gotta know what she tastes like.
Wow, I hit you with that.
Wow.
You're a good kisser.
Wow.
Kissed everybody.
You guys are coming on the kissy monster.
Kristi, you said you found him very sexy.
I was trying to get him to be a sexy party.
Was the bisexuality part of that? No, I just thought I'm very sexy. I was trying to give it was the bisexuality part of that
No, I just thought the performance was sexy But what if he was like I'll make love to you if I can kiss a guy a bunch of time during it only if I can have a man in between us
As I crow in my sexuality I think I think I'm more and more okay with that type of thing in a way that I wasn't so much
You guys kissing over you I think I'd be okay with it. Oh, thank God
Now we can share a new world of experiences. Well, Christine have we have to talk after the show you guys kissing over you I think I'd be okay with it oh thank god
what a new world of experiences what Christine have we have to talk after the
show now now Justin can join finally here is once I've had that like Jason
Ellis was bisexual I like looked you if you look up like bisexual orgy's with
like tattooed people it's pretty hot you do that kind of fucking everybody yeah I
have that's the key word you looked up?
Not keyword.
Bisexual or do you tattoo people?
No.
Yeah, that you look like the no holds barred.
You're tattered up.
Get in there.
Get in the pit.
Get the F in there.
Get the pit.
Start sucking an F in whoever, whenever.
All right.
Good news.
Christine's in the market for a by guy.
By guy.
Christine's dating in finance soon.
Pronti, CMO. This is crazy. Aaron Berg is texting me right now. I think in finance soon, prontissimo.
This is crazy. Aaron Berg is texting me right now.
Yeah.
Who I love Aaron Berg.
He's saying last night we should get a helicopter,
small plane to go out to Tim Dillon's house.
And I was like, yeah, sure.
And then it's like, it's only $7,000 for your passengers.
I'm like, no, no, no, no.
Why?
No, that's, I'm over us.
Yeah, exactly.
That's great.
Whatever it is, it's a thing where you're like, I'll drive.
Yeah, I remember when we were filming.
It's okay.
Because it's in the Hamptons, right?
Yeah.
I remember that house we filmed billions in in the Hamptons.
They had a house manager that had an office in the house that like controlled everything.
Oh right.
He was just talking to her and I was like, how often did it come out here?
And she said, well, the family lives out here during the summer.
And I was like, what about the guy?
I want to know about the big Kahuna.
I want to know about the big shark.
Who makes the money?
And she said he'll take helicopters out here, like from the city, just so he can be out
here in like 30 minutes.
40 minutes? Yeah. That's what he's so he can be out here in like 30 minutes.
40 minutes.
Yeah, that's what he's saying it is, it would be 40 minutes.
Would you all fall?
Oh, so over the ridge.
I would only, I would only take a helicopter
if I could hang my leg over the side
and have the butt of a cigar just on the side.
Oh, rich shit.
Like people from LA take helicopters to like Santa Barbara
and it's just like such a rich thing to do.
I agree it's rich shit and if it made sense financially, it just to me I'm not rich and I definitely
I'm not gonna pay
Thousands and thousands dollars for something I could like drive for 20 bucks of gas. I love if friends visited me
And I'd hold my hat down as they
Hey, how are you doing?
They're here!
Smooth trip!
I said Kojak, my pilot, take pick you up.
Watch us give up halfway to the Hampton.
We're gonna go to the beach here.
Also the VMAs, you know what the VMAs did then?
I think I hate it.
I thought it was neat when I saw it in the football thing, But I'm not enjoying on the VMAs. They have all that
Graphics you're only seeing at home. They do you does that dog. Do they do that now to all the time?
Do you like it? No, I got used to it. I think it's so ridiculous. Like when that Carolina Panthers had that fake panther running around the stadium
Yeah, that's exactly what it is and now it's like they have that for like
Nicki Minaj at one point has two pink panthers, like next to her,
like gigantic next to her on the screen.
But like, but not, they're so obviously like graphics,
do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Roman Reigns has a weird one, or it's like just a giant hymn.
Really?
He's like, aw, he's got gold eyes.
That's so funny.
They're all like, I still say Nicki Minaj is anaconda.
It's one of the most jackable videos of all time.
Put it on, Christie.
That's the second time you mentioned it.
I feel like I got to see if this thing's gonna rock my wien.
I might be wrong, dude.
This might be a vanilla damn little.
That's a second.
You brought that up twice like it wasn't said the first time.
You're like, no one gave me a love on that one.
No one gave me any love on that one.
I say, no, I go, is it really how I said,
I don't remember it.
No one else said anything.
And then from scratch, dude, it wasn't even like a, but as I said before, Jacob. Is it really I don't remember it no one else said anything And then from scratch dude it wasn't even like a
But as I said before you went you know, it's
Sexiest most jackable video
I think this is the most jackable video of the last
20 years maybe forever
DJ Lou thinks this is he doesn't like butts like that
Like, he's got one
Yeah
It's the only room for one fucking nice juicy dumpster
Is that just super horny when this video came out?
But I remember being like, alright
I mean, she's pretty and fucking, she has a goofy fucking body
She actually, I'm like looking at this video, I think she has put on weight. Oh yeah, no for sure, but I mean she's like older than us now.
She's a pig.
She's a fucking great performer.
She had kids too or okay at least.
Damn, damn, was slamming all over this video. She had she had kids too or okay at least
Damn damn was slamming all over this I did I was
Vecchia and Pete would leave and I'd be like bam
So vanilla so video Danny very vanilla, but I mean some music video what other music video you gonna put this up against
I wouldn't I would they just go look up a black pornography.
Sure.
Wow. Her body's nuts there.
Yeah, but this is even, even at this time though, I think that, yeah, man, she was really skinny here.
And then she lays down on the ground, her butts behind her.
Uh, yeah, but that's the thing like it, when they find those certain shots of her sitting down, you see like where the implant like starts.
They need to love them all all all all all.
And that's weird looking.
I'm not hearing anything.
It looks so weird.
It looks like they're sitting on a fucking pillow
that's been stitched under their ass skin.
Yeah, it is.
That is what's happening actually.
It's not like that.
That's what's happening.
They're sitting on top of a fake thing
and you're starting, and you see the outline of that.
Little in the middle, but she got much butt.
That's for sure.
Dr. Made it that way.
Little in the middle, but she got much butt.
I'll tell you what, also the VMA showed me.
Skinny, small titted skinny,
is coming back in a big, big way.
What do you mean, like Kate Moss, kind of?
But he, K-pop, for the first time, got its own,
K-pop got its own category this year and
It's two boy bands and two girl boy bands and they both I could first of all this
Just go ahead and call me races if you have to about this. I can't tell one apart
The two the two boy bands look exactly like BTS and the girl bands all exactly alike.
But the answer to that is all super hot,
super sexy dancing with zero curves.
And I got to tell you.
The curves come on.
I gotta tell you though.
It was pretty hot.
It was so pretty hot.
Oh, was it?
I can go either direction with these things.
I got no problem with a big girl.
I think Nicki Minaj looked fucking hot and her thing the whole deal, but
These little skinny Asians man, they really are whipping it around
You'll find it stand up turn around and bend over. It's like these are like poison fang or pink fang or something like that black pink
Black pink. Yeah, yeah, you see the big fangs over the thing.
Yeah, it's very skinny, very skinny woman. Now, Dan, this is my Anaconda video. This sucks already.
Excuse me. I don't know. I think Jacob's all about this.
You know, kind of digging this. Goddamn right you're digging it. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.
Yeah.
I'm in.
Goddamn right, you're in Jacob.
James, James is going to be living in Seoul.
He's going to be working working at serious XM Seoul.
I'm in the Seoul offices.
Yeah, I can't treat me.
Have you...
Nothing, Dan.
Yeah, they're like anime hot.
Yeah, cool Sailor Moon.
Piss off.
No, it's not really anime.
Want them butt pillows?
DJ Lou?
I want them butt pillows back.
I'm in yeah black Lou
No, thank you. No, thank you
Black Lou gets it. No, he wants to curves. Yeah, dude
You know, man, we do try to get a bunch of the wrapping us hilarious a bunch of skinnies from hockey from Nintendo
Oh my god, let me tell you something. Yeah black that back that up black that up
I you know my right that I got you out here. Hope they're all over age. I have extremely by the way though
I like when they go it's like hey don't fetishize them and goes that's what are you selling here besides that
Right am I right about that? Hmm
Don't fetishize like Asian girls. It's like, well, what the I mean, that's the whole thing
I want these girls to mix everyone Asian love to me everyone knows I want my nails to be buffed
I want my laundry fucking crisp folded skinny Asian women are Jewish men's kryptonite. Oh
Dude because they are available on Christmas.
Jewish boys love a nice Asian woman.
That's why?
I didn't have a nose that time, I moved to New York
and I was like, whoa.
Uncle Barry, dude, married him, a friend.
And I know a friend's not her birth name.
That's why I have hot Asian cousins.
Yeah. They are hot.
Yeah.
See? It's crazy.
Yeah. Jewish men love Asian men.
Have a lot.
Have a lot.
And they get a hot Asian woman too.
Yeah.
It's like they're, well, dude.
I know.
I'm still in the business.
We brought it up on the show, but it was so great.
Sure, that picture was wedding.
Yeah, in the kimono.
I used to see that before.
What's it?
My old manager. My old manager.
My old manager.
His wedding picture where she looks like
she was terrified and kidnapped.
Dude, it looks.
It looks wearing a Camona.
It looks like he paid a dowry to get her.
She wasn't down or that.
It was my, it makes me laugh.
So, so her face is like,
she looks like she's called Mr. Jason.
And just all these Jewish people
just gathered around the two are one of the funniest
pictures of all time we've got a new daughter in law
we have a lot of hours of enjoying their
picture and laugh I met a family of never eating so
many eyeballs
everything CV CV CV
yeah well there's a picture of the come out
of an old Jewish man in a kimono
So great
Still acclimating to the world still acclimating to America did it's crazy most of these relationships look like a 90 day fiance
So funny I can't believe you brought your Asian wife
You want to play with Asian wives You brought your Asian wife down with his Asian wife man, we should have him
You want to play with Asian wives
You want to play our Asian wives? That's how I dress when I play ghost is she you should dude a samurai outfit that is so
Look how terrible that picture. Can you find the wedding one?
The wedding one is it's the greatest picture. It's oh
Who is it? Why is that why is there a connection of Jewish men and Asian women is because your mothers are so over there?
Open Christmas and there's a missive
Is that what it is you turned to me?
I'm looking at the
Two men in the tribe. I'm looking at you guys
Jacob I'll tell you they tend to be they tend to be
submissive no, it's not maybe that might have something to do with it in people's minds
I will say why I've enjoyed it in the past
Has been because it makes my not large dick feel like I'm driving a truck into a fucking GI Joe. Oh, for dude. It's
It's just you feel
Jason
He's too big for my country. He goes, why did he play Big Joe?
He goes, well, I was an old name, I picked up when I was living in Korea.
Yeah, I was just, I don't know.
I'm gonna have to demilitarize zone.
But there are more of this.
I'm naked, I hate it.
Jason Sine.
Oh shit.
You heard me cry.
You made me wear your big penis.
Oh my views. You heard me You made me wear your big penis
You received your father wedding picture
I'm from the middle of the country so we like women with olive skin
Because we're like, oh look at you, you're all pan
Colorado Freckles get out of here.
Rory's going with the third harmony, Lou.
Fail this.
For all of the friends, like now, access to more pictures.
What? We're not friends, so you might have access
to different pictures than I do.
What a bum out.
It's great.
Just no one's Facebook and found the woman
that my dad left her for my mom.
Remember that?
Yes.
That was crazy.
It was crazy.
You could pull her up that easy.
I can't believe I stayed in touch with her.
Well, you could have sworn a point.
I can't really stay in touch with her.
We really should talk your dad.
And she's here.
And she has a few choice words for you, Dan Soder.
Oh my God.
Oh my, my, my.
Oh my.
What are the other VMA notes on a Gaze in the audience?
Somebody couldn't read.
I want to show that.
Do that Jack Harlow thing real quick.
Because I know Christine, you said you liked the performance, but I thought it was a real me
So I think I watched
Oh, I know a couple thing. Oh, yeah, watch this
Turn the volume up. Give us a little taste
Oh, Drusky who is this guy that can't leave his side the black black guy? Druski? Is that his name?
He's a famous internet guy.
But he stands next to him always.
No, he's just like a, you know, he's just like a round. I can see the whole city from this balcony back in 2019 I was outside freely but now they got it out for me
I don't care what Fred you was in you can't out for me keep dreaming I never just I give a sweet sweet sweet
I know what they like so I just keep teasing hard drive for the heat I got several of you yeah yeah and little nozx and
Yeah, yeah, and Lil Nas X and Lotto
She's patting I also gotta say I said the extreme acceptance of the white rapper now It's not even thought about him more and should be
Some a said that he had white privilege and rap a maybe in the game
Well the game went talked much crazy shit. They're 10 minutes on red M&M that suck nuts
But then he had a freestyle and something that was fucking awesome the game. I love the game
He just looks like a little brother. He looks like you're like oh your little brother Jack rap
He just looks like, Jack Harlow. Jack Harlow looks like a little brother.
He looks like you're like,
oh, you're a little brother Jack, right?
Yeah.
By the way, I love the message at the end of this song.
By the way, they, they chance.
Dude, I was laughing.
That's what I was laughing about it.
If you don't have no money, take your bro back.
Take your bro's hands home.
Yeah, we're about to crash into a recession.
You know, you really grow trees were like four times
as much as they've ever been.
And everyone's like, if you ain't got no money,
take your bro's ass, I'll never get it.
They chance at the end
Fergie in her dude Matt McCarthy used to have the funniest joke about Fergie having such an awesome body and having the face of the cowardly lion
She has you to brow and you to eyes. Like they all go together. I'm going to go for a shame, man.
Living my life in the face, man.
But I want to change by the colors.
Oh, the flowers and flowers and the flowers.
Oh, the flowers and the flowers.
Also, there's like, there's no like looking like cool.
Like, what is this?
This movie is about-
This movie is about- This movie is sure. The hands on inside move is done too much by white rappers where they go
Well, it's weird hunch
There it is
Someone's singing that they go I go fucking in the red dude
Probably get out of here
Dude off you lance
Anyone that's anyone that's living that like baller shit right now is completely detached anyone that's like
Dude all I'm doing is flexing I'm flying private. I make it so much money. You're like I hope they eat you first
I hope when it turns and shit goes real bad,
you get eight first.
By the way, before anybody comments on it,
I'm quite aware, it's just a song.
I'm just saying it's weird lyrics to start a chant with.
Like, it's just like, yeah, it's very disconnected.
But if you don't have any money,
you're not fucking okay.
It's like, no, I'm not.
I'm very angry. If You don't have the money.
You are probably like most of the people in the world right now having a hard time.
Is that Carlton?
Was that Carlton dancing?
Always.
Be real.
Be real?
That's all Cypress though actually.
Damn dude, Ferg you got everybody out of this music video.
Oh Ferg's and Cypress.
It was Fergian ludicrous.
Just hold Fergius.
28.
No, 52. 28. Now 52.
48.
Wrong.
Wrong.
48.
Close. 47.
Oh. Well, she looks great for 52.
Plus, that's a good age to be dancing with a young rapper and pretending you're out on the town.
I'm having fun. she still looks pretty good.
Mom's like the party, do you know what I mean?
She overall looks really good.
I'd be lying, I'll say she didn't.
There's 17 is the name of a new Korean boy band now,
which I will of course dive into.
Yeah, you know me, it'll create a weird thing
between Katie and I, where all I'm doing is
in obsessively reading Korean pop lyrics. Oh totally. You know how I do
Play Madden and obsess about Korean boy bands. That's my new life. I don't even watch wrestling anymore
17 well they weren't there Christine look just look them up. You have to look this band up. Yeah, I'm looking a lot of the performances
Like it just sucked. Yeah, I'm looking at a lot of the performances. It's just sucked.
Yeah, it wasn't great.
But there was sometimes giant panthers on the screen.
So that made up for nothing.
That is fun.
Yeah, dude, 17.
They don't even try.
Now, the BTS, Young Demi Moore.
BTS got so popular that now it's just like they just gonna keep going
there's a reality shows about like trying to be a K-pop performer in Korea and
like going through the ringer and like the there's like whole camps now
well no there's a documentary I think about that like the Korean boy band camps
that's what getting a bunch of them die like they just die and then they get
replaced oh mate not in BTS but I mean like well maybe in like younger versions of it. I don't know. I don't know the whole story by just telling you in general
There's like boot camp like your parents can send you off to boy band camp
They get you a boy band name and a boy band look at that up Christine
So funny when you fail out of it and then you're just like a regular guy
But then you do karaoke and just fucking destroy something and you went I was that boy band camp
man because I got cut like right before I was in
Polar Express. It's the name of theirs. It translates to different. He was jays a virgin. It was no I'm not I
Had sex a camp because what camps you go to?
Boy band camp because there's a lot of pussy a boy van camp. He'd be surprised a
Lot of butt pussy dude. Let's go to kpop best kpop camp in Korea. Oh, there's gotta be a video like here's what we offer
It's Asia they love videos
Haven't video and everything's they love multimedia and large monsters and large heroes while we're at it. And tiny food. And huge lizards.
And your engagement moths.
And cars that are round.
And they think robots that protect us from these monsters.
And buildings that can touch the sky.
The monsters that help us.
Sometimes.
These monsters that you can drive.
Good monsters.
And a head monsters.
And a decent sedan that can stack up
for over 50,000 miles on it
decent sedan that'll run you 2300 300 thousand
if you get regular oil changes what is this dude oh this is awesome is this
like hard knocks for fucking kpop touched down the motherland
land. Global K Center and it's not for ketamine, you know, I mean party, you know what I mean party people? Two people left the first day because they were like, oh, sorry, I read the thing wrong.
I thought we were doing it in a normal time. First time seeing snow. I thought we were snort and
fucking horse tranquilizer, you know, look at these fucking regular white girls just go on the boy band Okay, some unicorns are here pause it for a second Christine. Lou. I mean this if we fund it
Would you and your brother will go to boy band camp in Korea for a couple weeks?
And then we meet with the instructor goes you give me old food
These boys are no longer prime. What if lose they hit like the spin
You guys can whip at the old herring bones
Why do I do it?
I do it this
It's gonna stick that he can touch their bodies with look they will take on dude our money. He's as good as
that he can touch their bodies with. They will take our dude our money is as good as anyone's money.
The story in old Korea about how broken this man is.
Oh my god.
You know what he goes, there's the bad boy.
The whims ago one, the sweet guy, the bald guys, the bald twins.
What do you want me to do with twins who drink too much?
That keep adhering a story, but the darker good
doing it, the better.
I only care about the dragon being.
Go ahead, training studios.
Look at that.
You can put your leg up on those bars, those rails.
Our training is new home. This doesn't look orientation time.
Angel is there.
Oh, man, Angel will come down on you, dude.
She doesn't look like much, too, but she is a hard ass.
Yeah, you bootcamp group photo.
She wants to survive.
Look left and look right.
What's going on, too?
They're not gonna be there.
Oh, man, they make them practice.
Lil, you can run sanded it. practice. You can run sanded it.
Ask if you can run sanded it, boy band camp.
To learn K-pop from the teachers here in Korea
and also to be in the place where a lot of stars
sort of form, then you can see similar to how we're doing it here.
Yeah.
It's a weird thing to go to.
Oh dude, you gotta throw a peace sign if you're in Korea. Mush-bushy. I wanna see Willem. Let's go here. It's so weird thing to go to. Oh, dude, you got to throw a peace sign if you're in Korea.
Mush-mushy.
I want to see Willem move here.
It's so bad.
What?
I want to see that so bad.
Blue.
It's Puffy Jack.
Dude, the whiskey's take, Korea.
Sorry, guys.
Cafferia.
I'm a solo artist.
Can I put two little tiny, like little doberman tail
pig tails on the side of your head?
Yes.
But just pig tails?
No other hair?
Oh, everyone's got to eat with chopsticks.
Here's the first thing. And the bootcamp, dude, I bet they break these port girls. Can I give you
a fun idea? By the way, as we're stacking ideas for the odd thrupple, by the way, for the weekend,
for the week, they should know they should only be able to eat with Chopsticks.
That's good.
Only Chopsticks to eating.
So it might have to be casserole,
lose famous casserole.
By the third day, you just see a little piece of junk
and it goes, I ducked it in my hand, so I'm like,
what were you doing?
I'm basically over here.
Snicked, snicked.
What's up, Bob?
Oh, some more exercises. You're doing a lot of exercise, Lou.
Even more exercises. What am I doing? Some of these? I got myself a little tire right now. Oh, yeah, did you get your something K-pop shape?
Dude, I want to get if I get in K-pop shape. Good luck. Good luck getting me to the door. Popping those, popping those narrow ass hips.
I got wide hips, dog. Yeah, you couldn't be K-pop, dude.
No.
You'll never fit in the office.
I won't...
You have to be the ass of that dragon.
Oh my god, I'm gonna take so many K-pop tailors and blow their minds.
K-puh!
Puh, puh, puh.
What am I supposed to do with him?
Uh, wait, turn it up.
It was honestly quite nerve-wracking, especially having to dance freestyle in front of 50 people,
and including all of the other people.
God, that is weird. Angela. even though it is nerve wrecking,
I will say as awkward as it is,
just starting comedy cold,
like walking into a circle of people sitting there
and starting to come and be cold,
it is better than walking up to the middle than going.
Oh, that's a good idea.
You get the bill, you just gotta bust it out.
Oh.
You got it.
Anyone else in the room just like this? He's got busted out. Oh. Oh. There you go.
And everyone else in the room is just like this.
It's not even laughing, right?
Maybe they're bobbing their head a little bit like this.
And you're going to be like,
Oh, how's that?
You're going to ask Katie about that.
She used to be in dance.
Have anybody just walk into the middle of a room
and start dancing like a lunatic?
That's lunatic behavior.
That's almost as hard as pornography
with it is roll a camera and they'll
like get your dick hard and fuck this way.
I'm Jay and, uh, yeah.
So this is kind of...
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
I'm Dan number, I'm Dan number 1404.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. number on Dan number 1404
So so that's what I was thinking so that's a little something I was thinking do I get the K-pop
Can I be an N65? What's the name of it? It's just bust lines in Manhattan, right? Is that the B62?
She's I take you to downtown Brooklyn Williamsburg
The old town Williams
This is the B62
Tell me this is the way it's just to be 62 first
Sweet hell yeah, sweet seeming sweet the sweet the sweet the sweet semen
Sticky break you make a break what wait first bring up with the who were the nominees? That's why we just do she'll in nominees for
Best K-pop of the VMAs. It definitely is in like Joe camp like they do they look like they're working your ass
I bet they mentally break several women. Yeah
And that's the video. I want to say this
about Anthony Ketus
On his performance will watch that in a second too when he's
Harry Styles is fucking handsome dude and say handsome guy. Yeah, we used to have a thing
It's kind of Jesus Christ his handsome. I bet you lucky bitch
I was when he was an awful one and it was just not
There's I mean look it
But look it's I swear look at twice and look at itsy.
Look at the straight kids, 17 and Bts,
it's the same exact thing.
It really is like a camp.
They just farm them out and make a new thing.
It's literally what it is.
But it's so bizarre they're each getting
like their own like thing.
Like what there's no different,
their songs are identical.
It's like weird rap too,
because they're not, they're not like,
Oh, they call us a fun guy thing called, please.
No, they don't, they don't do it in English.
We're like, dance to me and see if I dance you back.
You messed with the wrong one, Saka.
Yeah, it just doesn't make sense enough.
They were like, all right.
Oh, you've found like a pokey pig, huh?
I wrath at you.
Something's off.
It is something off of them. I felt like a pokey pig. I raffered you. Something's off.
That means everything to me, lifeblood, pumping to me.
That's the solo girl, right?
Yeah, this is itsy.
Yeah, this is a solo thing, I think.
I know it's...
I think they learn English phonetically like Ace of Basted.
They do because when they do their awards, they're like...
So happy to make a award and be here. Hold it
But in the song like suck on up if you want to step to this
So you want this juicy booty all up in your face. Yeah, you got me like Craig Craig crazy what you doing to me see yeah
Oh, it's Korea. So was this her shit pornography?
Yeah, but again, I want you to understand she is super hot, but Asian people are wizard magician sorcerers of makeup. Yes, because those videos. real, like you won't believe transformation from like hot to
ugly.
You see a woman in the face?
Don't put it up on the screen until the video's going, so Jacob sees the hot first.
And they're like, it's mind blowing.
All their eyes look cartoonish.
Well, no, she looks very young also.
Well, I was thinking she's young, so she's probably super cute and hot.
But I'm telling you, as it gets, you know, are these girls of age?
I don't know.
I don't know.
What's the age in Korea?
14.
14?
Nothing normal with that.
There's a lot wrong with that.
There's a whole lot of them with that.
Do you have one of those Christine?
You're gonna shit, Jay, that woman's 26 years old.
Oh, thank God. Two kids. Also, I think they should start banning. Do you have one of those Christine? You're gonna shit Jay that woman's 26 years old. Oh my god.
Two kids.
Also, I think that you should start banning.
If you can't like if you can't hail Hitler,
you shouldn't be also allowed to make the heart sign
with your hands anymore.
They should both be considered hate crimes.
I'm so sick of people that it's so lame.
Those are my scan cans.
Did you see the one when the lady, it's on Instagram,
the lady's all drugged up at the dentist's office
and he's going to get the shot and she tries to do heart
things and he like keeps me in your hand.
Because he's like that and he like gets the needle.
He's like, stop, lady.
She's like, heart amnes.
Is that did you find one Christine?
I'm getting a good, I don't know why I'm having such
hard time finding one at least.
Type in a ugly ugly to hot.
Asian.
Yeah.
Just do make up removal video.
Cause some of those things are fucking wild.
Dude, I love it.
It's like, I'm getting loco.
Please bring up the volume.
I'm getting loco, oka, oka, oka. Oh
They're doing they're doing sp-uh
What's the going for it? Cor-corr-corr-corr-grish
Are you a miss?
A cringrish?
I have to like spanglish? Yeah, spanglish is- Corr- Corr- Corr- Corr-
Oh you'll miss a Corr-
I give it like Spanish?
Yeah, Spanish is- it's Corr-
Corr- Corr-
Because yeah.
Cause they're saying some of the words.
That's English.
Well.
No call, no call.
Instead of local.
You ended up picking up the rhythm.
Yeah.
Is this one of them?
What the fuck, dude? What's she's pull out of her nose?
Did somebody...
You really take their contact lenses out?
Everything's fake.
These aren't great ones, dude.
Look at that.
Ah!
You got a fake nose tip.
Yep.
I didn't know they were wearing fake nose.
Look at that tape.
Fake ears?
Do we have someone come in here and give us this kind of fucking work?
Oh my god.
Take my neck up.
Yeah, these are like, all right, but there's some I may take off like they're they take out their fake teeth are all fucking crazy out of their face and shit
Oh my god, is that mind blowing for me? Yeah damn Jacob just got so soft, but Jacob
Jacob looks awful to begin with like before they even take their this looks
Some of them look plastic for sure
Yeah, they have some good ones
So when they take off like the face tape. That's the craziest thing the way
I bet I wonder if you do it when you pop like it's popping open your jeans. There's a good example
There you go look. Oh dude go back on that one go back to what she started with
That's a good example
Some of them go from eight to two in 10 seconds. Yeah, I went from a fucking eight to a one
That's great. Oh my god when they cut off the fake nose. Yeah pretty wild shit
All right now we'll take the person break and whack off. I'm saying when you pull it, when you think when you pull that tape off your phone.
Oh, look at that.
That's crazy.
It's like Rick Baker does their face.
Yeah, oh my God, oh my God.
Oh, this is gonna show you how she makes her stuff.
Look awesome.
This is gonna be wild.
Ooh.
Bam, bam, boom, boom.
Boom.
Put it on a bunch of, yep, bam, bam.
I thought that was a good reference. It was good. What'd you say?
Sorry, I watched this girl like Rick Baker does their face
Yeah, I know thriller dude
God dude, it must take fucking hours you have to sit in the chair like you're making a fucking Spielberg movie. Oh Christine
What do you think How long this takes?
Probably an hour Damn man, that girl looks completely
Is this for a K-pop video? Is this just
Like no, this is like I'm going out. Yeah, girls are now wearing like stage makeup to go out. I mean
Okay, good
Fuck me, you're on it. I gotta see the end of this one
Let's take a break. No one can see this the bonfire. Oh, fuck me, Ron, and I gotta see the end of this one. Let's take a break.
No one can see this.
The bonfire.
I will tweet it out.
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