The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Weak Stomachs (feat. Robert Kelly)

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

A porn star gets injured and Jay soils his pants as the legend Bobby Kelly sits in. ...

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 And now the bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder J. What's this about? Shitty Dads? Shitty Dads? Is this a Shitty Dad song? I never listen to lyrics that much. I always just take it personally because of me. Yeah, I always thought she was mad that I didn't show up so I'm not doing spots Yeah, any angry woman's song. I just put myself into it like let's see a took a lily with me a slug or the boat
Starting point is 00:00:37 Yeah, I fucking she did didn't she Damn, I mean this poor dad just wasn't around. Yeah, dude. Look at that. They should do a follow-up music video Where's this the dad out having fun? I'm gonna blast you Because of you I wasn't able to do all of this fun. Yeah, flip the table dude. The Joey Rose is so getting blown by a tranny I'm a new driver No, no, no, no, no, blow it on over the Uber drivers damn sure my daughter's future Kelly Clarkson But you know what it's gonna motivate her I'll patch things up The bond fire
Starting point is 00:01:14 Action talk series XM 103 big jokes and Dan Soda were hanging out Robert Kelly all day kill box available right now in luick.com go download it do it do it do it do it get it Buy it right now now don't be a jerk off yeah please don't just for once could you not yeah please don't oh also work out every relationship or else you'll have a Kelly Clarkson yeah I've learned that from the video also raise your damn kids raise damn kid Max is singing a song in around 10 years. Oh my god. I love you Just running a song this is you joking around this black and white pictures of yours special
Starting point is 00:02:03 You might this. Oh wow She's like I realize where it all came from that's her husband. Oh That's her husband. It's like we don't actually him that was going through yeah I love you and I have a kid and that's their daughter Oh at the end of this video he goes he goes you come in the bed and he goes He's coming to bed and he goes, I'm actually gonna run this door for a little bit. I need to get some smokes. We'll just do our outer forehead.
Starting point is 00:02:26 I'm gonna smoke a cigar, we're gonna be like, you guys do eat, no, no, I gotta call, I gotta take outside. Clearly it doesn't family watch a movie, because it actually sounds boring, it's all hell. You know what, I'm gonna go down to the stage. You guys never understand movies. I'm gonna go down to the stage and fidget with my tools
Starting point is 00:02:37 because you're not fun. The new episode of The Good Doctor's on, I'm just gonna check it out, cause I gotta work early, so. You're like behind on it? Yeah. So like, I don't want to explain also the fact that you don't believe in the premise that a retarded guy can be a doctor he's you also fall sleep always halfway through it then I got to tell you things
Starting point is 00:02:53 and you get me when I say the word retarded a lot is this his brain stem no I don't know he was in here for a knee surgery is that what the good doctor is a retarded kid's doctor he's he's he's autistic, but he does snap everyone's about himself in the head. Does he really? Yeah, because he gets frustrated. If he does wrong, he's like, oh, I cut the wrong artery.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Bad, bad doctor. Bad. And then they come out to the waiting room and they're like Mr. Ortega, we lost your father. Yep. Sorry, our doctor. For some reason, we turned it over to an autistic kid. Someone came in with a camera with a flash. Yeah. Yeah. In the middle of the incision, he started
Starting point is 00:03:29 licking his feverishly. He can't lie though. So he is a heart, he's very, he's very short with people. So he walks in. You have cancer. You're going to die. You have three days left. Bye. I wonder if it's a lot of things. Let somebody else deliver the news. Well, he's there. I mean, it's also I ask things. I always, I, he's there. You know, I mean, it's not. Also, I ask things. I always, I hate when people do this to me and I just did it to you. When I'm asking, why is it not a realistic thing on a TV show that's entertaining because it's not just watching life.
Starting point is 00:03:56 I think that shows you end with him revealing that they've been ripping off insurance companies. We've been stealing from your insurance companies. lotion doesn't cost $46.00. The medication I ate, we gave you major liver fail. We killed you. We gave you cancer on purpose because the medication that hears the cancer is made from the same company. Fetinal rules. Fetinal is very addictive and I also paid to prescribe it more. I love it. Speaking of fent, I'll take away the pain. Pornstar and Twitch streamer.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Which we're jump, but hot chicks do well on Twitch. I think what's cool is the... No, hot chicks do well on everything. Yeah, do well. You forget that before the internet. Hot chicks would just get discovered. Didn't pay them energy and just get discovered on a jumbo tron or a Canadian football game or something. Yeah, who's that? Oh my god, give her everything. Yeah, you're absolutely right about that
Starting point is 00:04:50 That is what happened yeah hotchicks Very but this is like like porn girls girls that have been doing porn and getting paid what they've been paid to do it for years Like now almost they want to dial back what they have to do For the same money as they were doing porn so exactly I think a girl can make a lot of money on twitch Just she'll play like in a sports bra and shorts. Yeah, and guys are just be like oh my god I just watch her play call duty. She doesn't have to get fucking triple dick than the ass. I think is her thing Nice dude I didn't know she's a triple stuff. Or yeah, you can put you can put three dicks in an ass turns out and not be like hey, we're
Starting point is 00:05:25 dead. I don't believe it, dude. Well, I don't believe it. If you wouldn't mind to get you triple. That's pretty crazy. We don't it's like a it's like a it's like a it's like a gay burrito. It's like she's the tortilla and all the gay is inside of it. It's three men rubbing weeners.
Starting point is 00:05:40 I don't believe I think that's discussing. Yeah, I was a grind in weeners on each other. That's like a UFO. I think that's discussing. Yeah, there's a grind in the winners on each other. That's like a UFO I'm gonna see D.P. D.P. at least it's the skin in between the the vagina and the asshole It was the very first one I think there. Yeah, you're not gay if you do if it's if it's me you and Jay Triple penetration penetrate you penetration. Yeah, wait a minute. That's not it No, this is the advertisement to see if you get how long you can go without coming. Why are those going to be so loud to do? Hey, oh my god. Do you like coming in a fucking guy's asshole? And it's like, oh, I'm in it. I'm in it. I'm in it. When it's like the fucking
Starting point is 00:06:14 works and shit. That's the one that I hate. I was like, last 30 seconds trying not to come to this. Since you're girl getting fucked by a dragon. The maids just knocking on the door. You okay? That's double. That's double. That's well. That's not even double anal. No, that's just dano. That's I mean, that's pretty hot. Also doing them to that doing this under a spotlight has to be incredibly sweaty. You're like, yeah, it's lights burning me up, dude. How come I'm a porn hub search Adriana Chechik triple anal? I think she's done. That is. That is. She's for a server station, huh? And then she just went to
Starting point is 00:06:46 Twitch. She was like, you guys, you guys think Twitch is hard. Did you guys see my last job? You really can bring this up whenever you move on from porn. Yeah. If anyone complains that your new job. Yeah. Yeah. Just go to a real. You think this is a lot. You think this a lot. You call a duty with a bra on. I had two massive cocked asses. I had two massive cocked asses. I mean, real bigons.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Bigons. Real bigons, right in my poop shoes. Yeah, they were all German huge digs. The director was some fucking German guy. So it got weird. Yeah, it got weird. It was filmed like a fucking night of his year. Just play any of them.
Starting point is 00:07:20 It was gonna hit. I hate when they have in their mouths like they're sick. Yeah, look. You know what I mean? Put it in their mouths like they're sick What is that? Why is that? I don't like that was alien It was not good. I don't like there's one. Okay, we got one. No, she's not gonna do a trip I can't find a video, but I thought you can't because it does it definitely does doubling you believe in Sasquatch Try to double in a little I would double there's no true. I don't know if it's possible to have this kind of stuff Dundee and not talk shit back no Bobby. You're just like okay
Starting point is 00:07:52 You have to have that thing we're like is that what the fuck you want you can't be like oh Buddy I hate to pull the brakes Pobb's oh thisobbub. Oh, this is... Hey, bubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbub J needs a torch so he can go like this follow me follow follow me. It's happening right there. That's not that's a photo That's oh what is that? Let's do that in Vegas, dude. We got to get that okay. That's double. That's doubling a one in the vagina. I can do double I can understand. Hey look at that. That's one in the butt. That's one in the mouth. Yeah, that's one I mean, that's everywhere. I mean, that's just nuts. If you know what it is, it looks like a construction crew
Starting point is 00:08:48 share an allunchable. Somebody sent it to me. Somebody sent us this a while ago. I think you're much faggers in it. I think I feel bad for Jay. Jay, I believe you. I feel bad. I do believe you.
Starting point is 00:08:59 You know, it's sweet war, Jay. Look at me. Look at my eyes, Jay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Double double big cars do whatever's this picture of me just your roses sandwiches. Yeah Double not even damn that looks unpleasant. Oh, that's two in the butt Two in a butt also you know how they always rent that there you go That is to in the vagina the one in the butt look like an alien feet, but that is the girl world that that was that's two in the ass Those people that own the houses And then they're like later, they're like, you know what happened in this living room.
Starting point is 00:09:48 Yeah. Yeah, clip what happened. There you go. You know what I'm saying? Is this your new couch? There's no nanodont syndrome. I'm gonna take a nap with my mouth open. Well, Adrianna Chetchitz,
Starting point is 00:09:59 who has a lot of these scenes of her just getting rashed just wailed on. Oh, you just have to put like beaver fat in her ass hole just to keep it different. You're nuts. You're gonna give her a whole fucking frontier scene. Yeah. You know what we can do is take a little corn meal.
Starting point is 00:10:14 Yeah. You're gonna take a big zass hole and glue it on your ass hole. Yeah. We're gonna do some 80s horror stuff in the facts. You're running the fuck? Yeah, I have a poor asshole. You know, it was pretty crazy. This guy did Nightmare at Elm Street.
Starting point is 00:10:29 He did Ray Dredd. Baker did my asshole. You're a big baker did my asshole. It looks real. Buddy, you can't do, I'm so sorry Jay, but you can't do three dicks in one ass. I promise you would exist. I watched it on the show before.
Starting point is 00:10:40 You know how big that is. Yeah. You get to fucked up asshole for sure. Yeah, I mean, you're not pooping ever again. No, it's more, here's the thing, girls take that kind of size of the assholes all the time and porn. However, what's the interesting with the three guys is the positioning of being able to get three bodies
Starting point is 00:10:56 to get their dicks. Jay took a just a creepy lawyer, however, the fact that I love you. If I may, I love you, for, no, I love you see Jay's genius and like he does it like a Rubik's cube, right? And he knows how to fit three penises in. He goes, it's called a triple stack. Here's how it goes. She's on his top like this. And then we're going to get to in. Yeah. How do you explain the physics to me? Okay. I'll explain it to me because it doesn't make sense.
Starting point is 00:11:25 Just physically, you can't. The guy's on the bottom, in the bum, right? The guy's on the... That's what's desperately, please. Find some point on the feet. And you can't, and you can't, it exists. Jay, look at me, Jay, look at me. Guys lying on his back, she's on top.
Starting point is 00:11:36 That's one dick. The guy is on Doggie, that's two dicks. Where is the other guy? Chip shot, magic gunman. Other guy is grassy. No, no, other guy is standing with his legs on either side of her on the bed and doing a weird like spec squat. But you can't do it. Jay, can I say something? Jay, you can't do it. I don't mean to meet massage and Instagram now,
Starting point is 00:11:58 but I think only a game man could do triple. I think so. Do you have to have a guy in front of a guy with a guy on the bottom. We could do it, but we need to do it like a director Bobby, where you go like this. We're going to get a crane shot coming in. You got to drown. You know the thing where they're like, you have to hire the guy from Soul Joe's. Yeah. Because I can come in and get, I can fly the cock in. Jay. Yeah. It's not possible. Jacob, you disagree with the science?
Starting point is 00:12:24 Yeah, I don't understand where this third guy is standing. It was the third dick and one of the dicks has to be longer than the other two dicks. And fortified. Yeah. You're motion three boners against each other and basically into a giant rubber band, into a human rubber band. Yeah, oh my god. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Same stuff. This is the wet sock. It's what you're just saying stuff. I'm finding it as we speak buddy You can't it doesn't exist. It does not exist immediately found it It does not exist you found it on your dark web server on your phone
Starting point is 00:12:52 By the way guys, I am on a limited clock on this thing because they will zero in my coordinates if I stay on this internet Yeah, it's this triple anal triple anal This home page on this browser. Yeah, no, it's actually it's it's just his photos on his phone. Oh, it's so crazy. It's this I found it. It just Lewis with Natalie Cuomo. Yeah, I did find it. Let's see it. It wasn't the best example. Exactly. Is it is it three weeners in the butt and it has to it has to not It has to not pop out like every second. That's not it has to all three dicks have to stay in it the same time. And in and out, in and out, in and out. I'm finding it.
Starting point is 00:13:30 It can't like have one just pop out like every second. Hold on, I know you're right. I give you saying all three have to be in and moving back and forth. Like sex. Yes. Anal sex. But the guy in the middle is getting two sides pussy two sides cock everybody else gets three sides I mean who gets the credit for the cum when he loses it
Starting point is 00:13:49 Okay, now this one's happening, but I will say this what she's using two dildos in one dick doesn't count doesn't count Sounds like accounts It doesn't count you you need two guys. Those are Barry Bonds numbers. Do you found it? He found it. Hey, Jay, wait, wait. Thank you. Hang on a second. That middle dick ain't out there all in the. That middle dick ain't in. Dude, by the way, that middle dick is really getting rubbed by two. That middle dick is not in. It's impossible. That middle dick's getting rubbed by two. That's an illusion. That's
Starting point is 00:14:22 gay. That's David Blaine, David Copperfield, and Harry Talk. Dude, look, he's fucking in. Dude, he's not. The other guys are making a tunnel form. He's fucking in that tunnel. Dude, you got two full bags. They're on your student body. You're not going to give this girl the triple.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Buddy, that's you. She came up to you. You were challenging. Go back to the beginning. Watch. This guy's dick never goes any further. Jesus Christ. Not the beginning beginning.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Not the beginning, we're the beginning of the triple anal. I don't see how she got there. By the way, where she goes triple anal? All right, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, start from the... Where she goes triple anal in the video? Very early. Like within the same time. Okay, wait, let's see where that is.
Starting point is 00:14:57 That's one, let's ask. All right, here's two. Right, it is, ask. Okay, here's two. Then he goes, dude, move over. He's got to say that every time. Dude, move over. Here's two. There's two and he goes dude move over. He's got to say that every time. Dude move Oh, it's two Move dude move. He goes by the way they have to pick like who's got the pointiest longest. That's going in last
Starting point is 00:15:14 Huh, he's like I'm so excited to fuck these dudes. Yeah, who has an icicle dick There you go. All right now watch. Okay, so one is in do you think there's a guy? That's pretty in that's in that's that's that's preaching asshole for sure Flag do you think there's a guy's not even moving do you think there's a guy behind the monitor doing like this not even moving? We got it. We got it. How do you guys were there? I'm telling you his dick is inside of her asshole not far dude If you go back to the beginning right when he puts his dick in it doesn't move any further He's rubbing. He's fucking two cocks I said that that's what I've been saying. Oh, no, he's been rubbing through knowing
Starting point is 00:15:49 No, I said this eight times two. I said the guy in the middle is getting two sides Yeah, look watch right what stop ready watch. Okay, so he puts it in right there And then he doesn't move doesn't move doesn't move Not moving he's not moving. He's not moving. He's not moving at all. You know, everyone around them's doing the work. He's also funny to know that this lady like yelled at a barista at Starbucks maybe. The next day, she's like, you fucked up my coffee
Starting point is 00:16:13 and there was like 12 hours earlier. He's like, there we go. There we go. Yeah, the guy in the bottom is fucking her ass. The guy in the top is fucking her ass. Kind of. The guy in the middle is fucking two cocks. Dan is right. It's a man's world. You guys won't give it to her huh?
Starting point is 00:16:27 No, I was gonna give it to her do they hit triple anal again in this That does seem like real early stage triple anal that's double No, that's one of the ass one in plus As in push as in push and that's In that's in push and that's how they go back for the triple. Uh-uh. I don't know if they Christian. Oh, wait, there we go. Oh, no, no, double. It's one on each. That's okay. That's it. She really, she did. She was a it was a what they call that a front heavy concert. All the the front. Really? That's a festival concert.
Starting point is 00:17:00 The festival show right there open big. It doesn't exist. They know you know you're gonna lose. It doesn't that's not triple in it. Dude, that's double in no guy fucking do cocks. Bob wasn't easy to find the thought. I want to say that it does count as triple in no. How? He was in moving. But it wasn't fucking. It's just standing dude. That's like me putting my day. But you're not wrong. It's a feet of thing. It's like it's like David Blaine no that's just standing dude. I think me putting my day wrong It's a feat of thing. It's like it's like David Blaine. It's to prove a thing No one was enjoying yeah, the guy's not levitating It's the only person who enjoyed it was the first guy for a minute when she took his dick of the ass first
Starting point is 00:17:37 And was and she was even like that's not so bad and then it went all haywire what oh? Nope, that's not one's in the pussy. So Let's get back to the wait wait wait wait that's too in the butt to end Oh my god dude that looks like dude if she gets three in here this might be it. There's no way. Where does he go? Oh no wait wait wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait, there's a guy from Guinness Book World records there Yes, you come on Bobby Bobby You got it. She's got it
Starting point is 00:18:39 Everyone that was impressive gate queen rebel rider that's fucking that's triple I want to thank so many people. I want to think my stepdad. I want to think my other stepdad Yeah, I want to thank my gym coach I want to take a guy that I work for Wendy's I'm on the shoes and who did cope with me the first I want to thank that older kid down the street That guy the big guy took it out. We're let's go back to the original point of this which was Adrian Chetz Who is a porn star? It was a porn star now, which are I was making the point if I said it is interestingly a go from the one, let's try to go down. Yeah, so they basically go from doing that to being like, we can get nerds to pay me just as much money to be not naked and I can play a video game.
Starting point is 00:19:13 And I can give away a switch every three days. Yeah, so she's like, hey guys, come watch me play Call of Duty and then go, oh my god, that's so funny instead of being like, yeah! Hey guys, I have a show at the stand on Thursday. That's seven. Seven. This is just funny because all the AVN awards she's been to getting gaped. I hate to use an industry term.
Starting point is 00:19:36 What does gap mean? When your assholes blast it open for a while. Sorry. I asked. I probably should have just. No, it goes back, snaps back. But when it first, when they make it like, when they pull the dick out and they asshole before closes, it makes it a little like, oh, I probably should have just no it goes back steps back But you know like when at first you know when they make it like when they pull the dick out in the asshole before closes It makes it a little like oh wow
Starting point is 00:19:52 Oh Is that the movement it makes me it's shutting sure what gaping asshole No, I don't want to watch that you don't want me to go. Oh, oh Black, look I don't want to watch that you don't need to go oh Yeah, one time I do Oh, I was I just don't know how it shuts I don't know if he just actually just does quickly like a tunnel in Star Wars shuts like like a dolphin hole Right, it just almost like a like a slow camera shutter closer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Watch what I was giving you a little play.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Oh, wow, wow. I've actually preferred to do a live jasmine.com. Oh, wow. Do you like this lady? Do you like her big butt? I stretch her open, right? I make her. Oh, wow, wow.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Oh, my God, that's just disturbing this girl. I love the game. The fucking jam, the music rules. Oh my god, that's just getting festive. Yeah. Oh, oh wow. No, that was just a little bit. It didn't move.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Yeah, these girls, they're old school gaipers. They gave too much, it's not moving. I lost the ability to close. One, even about three years ago. Adrian and Jetschitz goes to this TwitchCon. I have to put a cotton in my asshole and my... Always have diaper on. It shoots up, but the cord that shoots in my asshole
Starting point is 00:21:15 there's no door or window on it. For first time ever, I actually got frostbite inside the asshole. My grandmother knitted me asshole cover. She goes to Twitchcon. Sure. Which is twitchcon like their comic on. Yeah. Twitch stream. Yeah. Yeah. It's all right there. Twitch convention. They have one of those jousting ball pits. We're not ball pit like foam pit with filled with like a zillion foam
Starting point is 00:21:47 squares to fall into like a ball pit. And what they didn't say to anybody was instead of lining it the way a ball pit would be lined or a foam pit would be lined with like padding also and like tarp. they just threw these squares, these foam squares over concrete. Didn't tell anybody, and this porn star, Adriana Chechek, jumps off of it like, I guess she won the thing or whatever, and jumps off like a celebratory, jump and broke her back in two places.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Oh my God, she's taking three dicks, and that's what took her out. Yeah, dude. Wow. Oh my God. Oh, did she get up? She tries to. She's definitely doing that like, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:22:37 that noise is absolutely. That noise actually is coming out. Could you go something different in your life right now? Oh, hey, Marty, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, other things where it was already broken and this was the thing that just shattered it. Yeah, she got it. She just got it. Well, there's somebody I think there's several injuries in this ball pit. She said, Medic. She took three huge sticks in her ass and said, oh yes, this made her say, Medic. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:17 I need a medic. Now she lives in the pit now. I kind of think, oh this guy's trying to make jokes. She will have to take it. She will have to take it. Oh, look at that. Everybody, It's okay. This thing's totally safe Don't freak out guys. There is nothing wrong happening. It also do forget how lit this whole thing is That's so funny. She was not fine. Oh my god. I broke my back in two places
Starting point is 00:23:35 And I'm getting surgery to put a meter rod for support today. I'm a dick in the ass So when she comes back that's gonna be like Rocky, Belboa Special shout out to the random off work EMT who got the workers of the booth to realize how bad I was injured and the stuff and then make them keep me still and calm me down to others got there. You really can't be from crying badly But that is really funny to make the people in the booth rise stop making jokes. Yeah. Oh come on You can take three dicks up your ass, but you can't you can't take a phone pin Come on, you can take three dicks up your pants, but you can't, you can't take a phone pin. Hello, everybody.
Starting point is 00:24:06 Hey, you spent all that time sleeping with men and did so little sleeping. Looks like she's tucking it out in the ball pin. What happened, your asshole sucked, you cut to the floor. Yeah. Turns out penis is wasn't a weakness, it was foo. Yeah, who would have thought the only thing
Starting point is 00:24:22 that would finally blow your back out would be a nerd convention? Yeah, wouldn't be four guys. You were pretty mean to me. And then just that one of the aunties, like just be cool guys. What if she blew them? You know if it was a millionaire that happened to, he would give that person like $20,000 for being nice. Her monetary value is just a great blow job.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Dude, that's gonna be so funny that I wonder if he had on her later while she strapped down to a board He goes, hey whenever you're walking around again, if you want to go get dinner, that'd be I thought that if he lifts up the blanket and goes, I recognize that guy Yeah, a little sooner pussy. Yeah, I seen that guy before Oh, you're a guy? You're a guy? I know you're a guy. Yeah, yeah How this little guy here? What's the picture little guy in the boat? I like that little cap
Starting point is 00:25:07 Oh, then her friend dislocated her knee in the same pit Dude, they were trying to thin out the nerd hurt out there man. Damn. Yeah, yeah, Hawkeye rolls jump into it So funny the hottest girl there. I can't believe by the way when she was down for the count and couldn't walk anymore I can't believe those Dorks didn't swarm on her like the vampires In a before vampire when they lowered the bite of the go Yeah, I think I say somebody else secondary break something and by the way they're streamers too Which sucks because they're really gonna get bad reviews for this festival
Starting point is 00:25:42 Yeah, guys like Zolink. So I really messed up my seven gazillion followers Hey, why is there no padding under the foam pit? It's gonna be Adrian a Czech and a halo Hey guys, so that was pretty crazy. She's still getting fucked though off camera. She's still doing this, but she has the halo. Oh Well, it's only one Jizz dripping off her Taking it like Dripping off of like a metal Just guys just in case someone went like that down before it rusts Hey, it's like scaffolding. Yeah, pigeon shit on it guys. I'm gonna let you know come locks up metal
Starting point is 00:26:14 You're gonna strip a screw if you're trying to pull it out now the saltine. It's gonna weaken the weaken the materials I wonder if she's gonna come back like Daniel Laruso Would you like who are you gonna give for this big giant I'd like to give you a anal queen award to Adrian Adrian a Chechick's gonna fight Adrian a Chechick's gonna fuck Adrian a Chechick's gonna It's just two guys with the cock rubbing and putting it on him
Starting point is 00:26:43 Just like that works like and then put it in on him. Hey. She's like, my works. Hi. Hey. Don't you say, Adrianne's sign. Ah. At least I'm Jimmy. Really? It's my least favorite scene in Karate Kid.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Why? It's right before that, it's right before the tournament when they're in that locker room and the red the blonde kid Dutch Dutch He goes it's just when he goes points or no point these are the baddest of the bad in the neighborhood Points or no points You're dead meat Dead meat. It's just not hard enough. They should they curse in cobrokai. Yeah, she'll throw one in there But look how you you fucking dead me?
Starting point is 00:27:26 What would, what would, what would it add? Fucking dead. Just like, yeah, you're fucking dead. Right. What's the 80s though? Remember the 80s? Yeah, we had to definitely 80s sing. I remember saying that.
Starting point is 00:27:36 We're getting said that too. Dead meat. But nothing else around that. It was such a childish, I was also seven when I watched that movie so I was like damn dead meat yeah okay if they just triple Benacharion Okay, if they just triple Benatrasin You know who's damn mom's new jersey. You don't just do two dicks in the ass I mean the pure answer was to just square deck the fucking laughing guy in the face. Yeah
Starting point is 00:28:18 He wasn't tough for anything. He just made that noise mine would be go get an air 15 to make him all pay Okay, that's very dead for you Very down of you rock em Beard you scare me go to Dan's going native Tell me doesn't know the ties key It's like a west side story fight I'm talking! Come on, make a move! Hey! Save it for the ring! Come on! It's like a west side story fight.
Starting point is 00:28:47 Right. Let's go. Come on. You know, points are no points. You're dead meat. I said out! Dead meat. Oh man.
Starting point is 00:29:02 Just as a ring. With the fear they're trying to put into you to make you understand what Daniel and Larus was feeling. Yeah, and dead meat isn't that dead meat is what? Like roadkill? Or like ham? Your meat. Is ham a dead meat?
Starting point is 00:29:17 This might be a question for jelly roses. I'm gonna say which could you make a dead meat? A den Larusomino. I can make it when I say a brajute. A brajute. A gaba-goo. A gaba-goo. Well, that herb busting her ass made me think though how much fun it is.
Starting point is 00:29:34 I mean, you don't want anybody to be majorly hurt, but just a hot chick being embarrassed or eating shit just feels so great. Do you follow influencers in the wild on Instagram? It's a tanks anatra I think like started that thing and it's it's influencers getting like interrupted doing like social media posts and sometimes it's hawk rolls just biffing it. Taking a picture of her from a fountain and both of them falling in the fountain. Oh my God. It's pretty great. Can you think of a tie?
Starting point is 00:30:07 I thought you would have like stories you could think of. You know, I'm trying to think of a hot girl. No, dude, I told this one already, but I was at University of Arizona. I was outside the building where my class was, and I was smoking a cigarette. And monsoon season in the afternoon will just start pouring rain. And so I was smoking, and it started raining. And this like sorority girl ran up. It's very hot. And a little like flip-flops like and then she just fucking her feet went out from under her ass.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Hit the ground and she did like the bounce the two bounce. And then she got up and was like ah like ran into the building but her butt was all dirty. I was like oh that was funny. I saw her hot chick walk into a fountain with a phone. That's hilarious. You're just failing the water. Well, she was walking with her dumb phone and didn't look up and she went into the fucking stupid fountain. And everybody was happy. There wasn't one person. Yeah, that's so funny.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Yeah, that's so nice of you guys. Yeah, are they like, hey, oh, she pushed her though, that bitch put her in. Do you think so? Do you think they broke up the friendship? Oh, yeah, look at that. At least she tripped her backwards, yeah. Yeah, it looks like she tripped.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Chuto throw. I told you that. She was, I told you I was been training BJJ. She was, that's what you get for fucking my fiancee. Sorry, I'm learning Sambo. Yeah, that's great, but that's still hot. It's done enough of a biff. I know.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Is it? Not enough of a biff, but I mean like, the funniest to me, I think the funniest one I mean like I was the funniest to me. I think the funniest one I have I told the show before when I was on the corn tour of the Ager Meister one. Yeah. And like the Ager girls would come hang on the bus with like the production dudes afterwards. And just was when we were in there only one girl went to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:31:40 Oh yeah. And she came. I just a Ager Meister girl. So she dressed in the fish nets in the whole deal and Just like our bus driver came his old gruff guy max and he just didn't you know you can't shit on a tour bus You know you guys comes in just and now he goes who shit on the tower bus And everyone just knew it was this girl And it's like someone took a big old shit
Starting point is 00:32:02 And the thing is like oh man just a pretty girl. Yeah, seems like a hot chick dressing like, you know, hot girl stuff Something came over that she had to shoot on this bus and did and then everyone now knows she probably was like pouring shots in a guy's mouths and doing like this Playboy tower at the palms. Yeah, and the gig that court used to have there, it was a gig. It was like a old school. You had a court make out. Yeah, he had a gig there, but Playboy would be involved. So they'd have a Playboy playmate would open the show and, you know, say hi.
Starting point is 00:32:36 And then at the end, she'd go out and sign the magazine. She was in that month, Playmate would open it up. So they had this girl, I think she was Korean or something like that. And she was really sexy and flirtatious. So we were sitting in the back waiting while Kourt was going on and me and this guy out of the band, we were watching her, she had no underwear on. And she kept like switching her legs doing the basic instinct. And we were fucking, I mean, it was just
Starting point is 00:33:01 turning us on. So we were trying to get a, hey, come hang, come hang, come hang. So after the show, she went and did a thing, she came back in, she sat down, we're talking and we're talking and we go, let's go. We're gonna go, we're gonna go to the playboy tower, we're gonna hang out, go to the lounge upstairs. And as I'm leaving, the guy who kind of secured the room grabbed me, knew me, and knows I have a week's
Starting point is 00:33:22 stomach, he goes, grab the other shirt goes stop. Calm down, it's gonna be all right, okay? And I looked down on the chair, and there's just this blood on the chair. And I look on, he points to her back and there's just blood on her back. But if I can, if I find this photo, I'll send it to you. But if you can see in the chair blood,
Starting point is 00:33:48 her asshole outline, like the shroud of Jesus. You can see her asshole and then- Like a virgin Mary thing? And then the line going up to her pussy and then her pussy. So it was almost art. So I took a picture of my phone. And if you turn it sideways just look like art
Starting point is 00:34:05 They can do a Rorschach with it. We all backed into the room and just shut the door Because I'm not fuck it. Oh, she's just just perioded everywhere. She perioded everywhere, dude And she I don't know how do you not know I thought girls know like a girl knows when come is in her How do you not know that you can switch her, can I switch her around like mouthwash? Yeah, I think it was just like, man, I'm super wet. And then it just fucking, I started going, hey, I was just, I mean, I was, I was, I was going to pee. And she was gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:34:37 She was phenomenal. She got up like, yes, that's it. It was so disgusting. She could see that. Fascinating at the same time that she was sitting in the same position, so long, her asshole ring was in blood. Yeah, they're probably, I'm not joking. She had a fingerprint in blood of her asshole
Starting point is 00:34:55 and her pussy lips. When she got up there probably was a suction. Oh, that is. Damn, so her asshole was touching chair. Dude, yeah, she was Asian, you know, little tiny bum. You know what I mean? Tiny bum, you know? Tiny bum.
Starting point is 00:35:11 Little tiny bum, stuck to a chair. Oh, Asian period. I don't know if I ever dealt with that. You've never seen real soy sauce? Yeah, he never saw what comes from. So, let's take our last brace. So he saw us. Hangin' out with Robert Kelly, his special killbox at luick.com right now, bigjcomedy.com
Starting point is 00:35:33 for tickets to CJ, AfterSkankFest, Danceter.com for tickets, AfterSkankFest, we're gonna come right back. It is the bonfire. And now back to the bonfire with Big J. Ocarus in and Dan Soder. Damn. Okay, you should have... ...7-fold. Look what I snare on the right side You still bring drums a bunch?
Starting point is 00:36:12 Yeah, start it back up with max Yeah, that's awesome It's about that sick kit Loves you if that'll act your kit right? I sold it. Oh really? I sold it, yeah, it's too much You have an acoustic kit now. I got an acoustic kit because when you go from That and on a acoustic kit is so much of a difference. Yeah, it fucks you up
Starting point is 00:36:31 So when you get out you hit the rim and it's it's a different every everything's different It was good to practice but to learn how to play you need you need a fucking dirty fucked up Acoustic kit Jacob whales, dude. Yeah I do yeah yeah I like it's fucking the best yeah I mean I suck I can't really play I can play every AC DC song and bond Joey song under the sun but I know she made I could play along with like some things yeah dude I can you, I but every once in a while I'll get it You know, I'll just get You get into it and I'm like fucking this is the greatest this is like a power. It's like a superhuman power
Starting point is 00:37:15 That's how I feel when I'm just alone with my cello Let's do it some yell yo, mom. I'm chilling. I'm chilling. What a shitty instrument you picked back in the day And then you were in New York walking the streets with a cello deadlift it We're being a tuba player. Oh the worst my friends are tuba player. I feel bad. I don't Do you just follow people around that are walking? Every year he says I love him he sends me My birthday he plays the tuba happy birthday. Really? Burr burr burr burr burr burr burr. Yep.
Starting point is 00:37:47 Fucking dust just comes out of it every three blows. Oh, I'm wrong. Finally. You got to be jacked to fucking carry around a tuba. You gotta be strong. He's in a wheelchair. Does he want to cheer? He's in a wheelchair. He's a yogi too. He teaches yoga. Don't add. I don't know how he does it.
Starting point is 00:38:01 You can just bend himself around. And you're like, he's focused on your feet. You're like, well, what do you tell me to do? That guy's torso rocks Yeah, he's he's fucking core strength is off charge dude his sleeping dog. I mean those are fucking sleeping I bet the one your legs are noodles He goes you guys want to know we are trying to do chin- by next week. Because we call this one the stretch arm strong. It's two volunteers trying to rip me like a luchbone. Time out of my legs is together and fling me.
Starting point is 00:38:32 Bobby Kelly's new special kill box available now in luick.com. Yeah, directed by Louis CK, produced by Louis CK, edited by Louis CK and Carlos. But the heart and the blood in that is all Robert Kelly. Robert, Robert James Kelly. Yeah, no P. Robert Patrick Kelly. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Thank you, Jay. Robert Prometheus Kelly. I'll take it. I like it. I like it. That one I'm fine with. Yeah. It's funny.
Starting point is 00:39:03 I was laughing. There's a new Kendrick Lamarro album. There's a song where he's like, if Robert Kelly wasn't molested, would he be the same every time I hear it? I'm like, what the fuck? That throws me off when I listen to the album. I'm like, I wasn't molested. I wouldn't be here right now. Yeah. I would have not found humor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I was a thank god. I think I think that thank you father O Hula Hoppe. No, it was the blouse, it was a fat chick. Wow, that's not even less thing. That was my last thing, I was in fucking first grade.
Starting point is 00:39:30 Was she a four at least? She was a, or a 400 pounds. Damn. Big girl and a horse. Urula, gotcha. Yeah, she got me. She got me one of her big boobies. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:40 Holding it, being uncomfortable. She put one of those plate sized pancakes. Yeah, she put that a big booby, I had to hold it and then she told me to kiss it and I didn't know how to, I was kissing it, like I kissed my mom on the cheek. Yeah, you didn't know how to suck a nipple, you're fun. Yeah, I didn't know what to do.
Starting point is 00:39:54 There's his tears. Is that good? Here, me am. Is this fine? Here you go, me am. Do you wanna talk about the science thing that you, you know, that caught, I don't know why I haven't looked that far down on the, yeah, black loop rod in the story thing that you, you know, that caught. I don't know why I haven't looked that far down on the.
Starting point is 00:40:05 Yeah, Black Loop brought in the story a while ago about a guy in Arizona found out his mother's donated body was actually strapped to a chair and detonated in a US military blasting test. So her, his mom gave her body to science and they just interned gave it to the military for them to blow it up, which is fucking hilarious. So such a great, I wish you could get that video.
Starting point is 00:40:27 Someone looking through a scope and just seeing your mom. This is your Nana and her funeral clothes. Yeah, they go, we're clear. You hear that? He's good to go. Fire. Like an elbow bone hits a buick in the parking lot. Yeah, they go Delta, Kappa, Kappa, Alpha, Fire.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Delta, Kappa, Kappa. Does that really, I mean, the... Finding that out? You know, see, like, what did they do? They give her eyes to a boy who couldn't see. Oh, did they give her heart? To a child that needed it? So they blew her up like pig parts, they gave not a shit.
Starting point is 00:41:04 So it turns out those PETA people are pretty picky. We can't use animals. So we just started using humans to blow shit up. Why don't they just use like cat? Is that a real thing or is that bullshit that you can pay money to shoot a bazooka to cow? Oh, like that Nate joke. I think that's real. But this story says that Doris. Doris Stafford. So this is a gym Stafford donated his mother's body to a biological resource center in Maricopa County, Arizona, in 2013 after she died at the age of 74. Doris's body, so Doris suffered from Alzheimer during the final years of her life.
Starting point is 00:41:39 Doctors believe the disease may have mutated as she did have the usual Alzheimer's gene. As she did did have the usual Alzheimer's gene. As she did not have the usual Alzheimer's gene and they hoped to study her brain after her death. So they were like, oh, let's look at her brain and they're like, well, how about we blow it all over a fucking old. Oh, I want to take took her brain first
Starting point is 00:41:59 and then just send her body to be blown up. That's what the TNT in Saturday's empty skull. It's fun. They go, we send her back with a little bang. There's a fuse sticking out of a head like a firecracker. Where's Grandma? Hey. The sound of the gun, stone.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Bam, bam, bam. After neurologists said they could not accept the body, Jim Stopper donated it to the BRC in the hopes he her brain accepted. I'm going to sign it for this. That's molded fruit dog. Several days later Jim stuff received a wooden box containing his mother's ashes. He was never told us mother's body had been used at the center years later.
Starting point is 00:42:39 A ruders report revealed that her brain was never used for Alzheimer's research instead the body was sold off to the US Army. So it could be used as part of an experiment to measure damage caused by roadside bombs. She was then supposedly strapped in a chair on some sort of apparatus. And after a detonation took place underneath her to basically kind of get an idea of what the human body goes through, whenever a vehicle is hit by an IED. Damn, dude, they go, well, this pull is blown clean off. What did you just empty an ash tray in a box and give it to them? Yeah. And they went, well, fucking funny. Burn her down, dude. Someone showed her with a flame throwing, just melted her off her seat. What's the reaction to this
Starting point is 00:43:17 bomb? He goes, looking for a asshole, dude, gaping. Dude. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. She's gaping. Just them detonating it. They got to blow it up from under You know one of these pieces of shit crammed a stick of dynamite right in her charger without a doubt boy Where else you gonna put it under a tits? I bet one of them was just smoking a cigarette slapping her tits around Well, if she had fantastic tits because she got the got the double mast deck and the beauty's put in. Oh my god. Just 74, some great fucking, some six year old tits.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Ah, just some, uh, what's it? Kate Upton's, they're doing what you do. You go, look at this, things are perfect. Oh my god. The donation center is no longer operating. It was rated in 2014 by the FBI following accusations that it was selling donated bodies for profits.
Starting point is 00:44:06 That's fucking nuts. It was during the 2014 raid that the agents made several horrific discoveries, including a woman's head sewn onto a male torso. Dismembered limbs and heads strewn about in a cooler filled with male genitalia. Hey, go to the dick cooler. No, no, that's the regular cooler. One of the right. Hey, give me that uncircumcised. The Mexican one to the dick cooler? No, no, that's the regular cooler. One of the right. Hey, give me that uncircumcised, the Mexican one.
Starting point is 00:44:27 No, no, no. No, no, no. Yeah, I want to pop it through. How do you trust anybody? I don't know if trust is the right word, but like, I've never met a normal person, like a really normal person whose job is to like deal with the dead.
Starting point is 00:44:40 I have. My uncle is a cop at Tufts University and down in the basement is the morgue and it's just fucking dead bodies. He took me down there. People who, I mean just bodies stacked up on top of each other. Some with no heads. They have ones, they have buckets filled with like a dolphin head sticking out like animals
Starting point is 00:45:01 in like these big barrels and why? Because they have to research for the medical place. So they have all these cadavers and mostly old people and they just, they use them to cut open and practice surgeries. I want to give my mom to like Mercedes-Benz as a crash test dummy. That'd be wicked, dude. Like be like, hey, can you have her in in the new S class just fucking bang into this wall.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Let's keep taping her back together and keep using you know, I mean, they do that all the time. You know, dummy every time. So you gotta go, yeah, her spines not even attached to her back. Any more of the just taper head back on. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird. The dead bodies like the pubes die. So really? Yeah, man, the pew, what do you mean? It's to go gray or something? Well, but they die like the pubes die. What? So really? Yeah, man, the pubes. What do you mean? Is it gonna go gray or something?
Starting point is 00:45:46 They will. They will. They will. But they die. Like, it was weird that you're never grass. Like, the old guys' dicks have no pubes. Because the pubes fall out. You go bald on your dick too, I think.
Starting point is 00:45:58 Oh really? So the women, yeah. The women, I think the blood just doesn't go down there anymore. Look at dead pubes. What a job. I love the blood just doesn't go down there anymore. I'm dead pubes What a job. I love the idea of Google following all these searches and they go triple anal Dead pubes dead pubes these guys are coxics these guys are fucking rockin. Yeah, see it kind of they it just dies Oh, I mean that's not really it but I
Starting point is 00:46:28 Guess I mean I mean old deadpills type in old people's dead pubes yeah old old pubes type in old pubes that's what you all look old pubes that's a good band name of your old pubes I'm as that's young pubes old lady pubes. That's where Cameron Diaz just comes up old lady pubes. There you go Geriatric pubes perhaps maybe maybe old lady pubes geriatric pubes. It'd be good Maybe we just cut out early go over to a home See for ourselves flip a 20 to one of the Jamaican nurses Can't see see hey look the other way. We're gonna check out granny's bus show Hey look the other way we're gonna check out Granny's bushover. How about dead old lady pubes? Google's failing.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Okay, my friend Robert's in the teaching mood. Here's two 20s. Why don't you show us some dead pubes? Hey get a Mrs. McGreeb who's sleeping. Do we have safe search order? I'm in. What's going on here? Are you my son Gregory?
Starting point is 00:47:21 Yeah, well we're trying to just look at your dead pubes. Here's a jello. Go back to bed. I do. Bert Landcaster. You guys want to see my pubes? Just ask. I don't get my be a gentleman and ask. Yeah. My henry loved my beaver. Oh, I'll tell you. I remember when he came back from Korea. It was, he was having muff sand which every day day he wrote me every week and told me he would never take his face from Be Twix man, and he moved across the lake his name was Gatsby Damn dude old pubes you can't get old pubes. That's in the pubic hair on dead old women There you go just spell it out. Nope doesn't show you man dark web something's up. Yeah, you're you're
Starting point is 00:48:07 You're behind first conspiracy. Yeah, you're you're a you're behind first conspiracy Yeah, you're behind What's really going on here guys? I think it's God saving us from seeing this no, it's if you went on a porn site just looked up Jerry Atrick You'll see old bush Jerry Atrick porn Imagine rating that center. I suggest you do that. Rating that center and you're like, finding the male head or the woman head on the male body.
Starting point is 00:48:31 And you're like, well, that's fucked up. And then you're like, what are these coolers? These old guys. Oh my god. It's just filled with cocks. When you get past the woman head male body, it's fucking weird You go, but all right. I see where they're going with it. Hey, my plan. God. Hey, hey, Mike
Starting point is 00:48:52 I've been born in an hour before And then he opens the corner just Mike You might want to see this It's got tongs like popsicle sticks in this thing. I mean, I wonder how many were in there though I mean if it's just two or three, that's not really that odd. If it was 17, dicks on top of each other. If it was filled like coax at a barbecue,
Starting point is 00:49:12 we're just floating around and you go, oh, look a Pepsi in here. There you go, this is nice. See it dies. See, look at that one, look at that one. What's coming in her ass? Poop. Is it shit?
Starting point is 00:49:22 No. That's her pussy. That one. Oh, I don't know what that is. What is that? What is that what is she fucking like a car? She fucking old pirates treasure chest How you start up my Hyundai is that it what is she fucking? That's a trailer That's old-school deal those and yeah, I just were saying she has sparse bush. No dude. They die very resourceful. No, just look at that. It's dying. Yeah, old Beef see the hairs kind of just may get thinned out
Starting point is 00:49:56 What's your dick hair situation all black still? Wow, it's really It's go gray. I mean that was just right to me. Does yours go gray? I mean, that was just right to me. Do you use go gray? Mine's black around my shaft. And then it's gone. Going away. Yeah, I think it's dying. You dick hair's dying.
Starting point is 00:50:16 I think it's not dead because I'm old. But I have a mustache around my dick. Mm-hmm, pencil thin. No, no, a nice, hippie mustache. Okay. But then like the hair up top, like I think I was chubby. Like it just killed the hair. I have sparse dick here, I'd say.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Yeah, I might be, I think it's because of the being chubby. Yeah. When I was in shape, I had a fuck, a nice patch. I'd fix that. I had a trim it, I had a take care of it. It was a nightmare. Yeah, but it was nice. It was like your dick was growing out of this nice little grass area.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Yeah, it was a nice little area. It was a nice brand new house, like a three-bedroom ranch with a nice backyard. I've never had it, but I've admired it on many addicks and pictures. Just like, look at that perfect patch at the bottom of his bald long dick. Yeah, as I gained weight, it kind of the hair kind of got sparse. Yeah, it spreads out. Well, I think that I think- And then you have to bring it back together.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Yeah. Reassemble it. You reassemble it. I'm hopeful that some of it comes back. And all my ankles too with the socks. What do you mean? I don't have hair on my ankles. Oh, I have-
Starting point is 00:51:22 So you got to have- I have- I have weird parts of my like legs You can see for sure. I'm like, oh, this is where like jeans or whatever just hit exactly yeah and socks You're like, it's just the shiny. It's been buffed. Yeah, yeah me too Yeah, it's like you've been buffed out like the hair is like completely Yeah, I got to find a spot My shins have that a lot. Just buffed shiny skin.
Starting point is 00:51:45 This is from Rubbin. And now you notice, and what's bummed me out about that is, that's what I would notice when I was younger, about old men. I never saw an old man with really hairy legs. They always have shiny legs. That was bright shiny bald legs, dude. Like powder.
Starting point is 00:52:00 Yeah, they haired eyes. His follicles fucking crap out later in life. That'd be a great thing when they figure out how to just give us a pill to make your hair come back Like I mean back. Could you imagine me with full hair? Oh? My yeah, well, yeah, I mean I got the fucking Transplant the back. Oh, you did yeah, I didn't know that yeah, dude. I got fucking space wig fuck you Yeah, dude. I got fucking space wig. Fuck you. Yeah. You lived in space wig. Yeah, you did.
Starting point is 00:52:26 Space wig. I got fucking science for hair, dude. Well, I didn't know that, man. Yeah. We talked about it on the show. Yeah, that was my hair. Oh, yeah, see, but if the technology now, when you were younger and you were losing it,
Starting point is 00:52:39 you could have kept it now. If it happened now. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. it looks like you're my good. Did you have strong? Did you have strong side hair? Do that? I still do have strong side probably get it done, dude What you what you got done. It's too late. No, I showed up with a fucking
Starting point is 00:53:01 No, I would You said I mean it would freak you could do it. I thought you I'm doing. I would. I would be able to get you so, I mean, it would freak out. You could do it. I thought you could do it. I couldn't do it. I had to die too, because it's hard. I love you, it's your jet black. Just for man.
Starting point is 00:53:14 Yeah, I have to. You showed him, Tommy, he just had like that with that guy that did the room. Tommy was out. Tommy was out here. Just like a long black hair. Yeah, it was a beautiful hair. It's so much of a pain in the ass too,
Starting point is 00:53:25 because you have to do your hair. Or wear a hat. Oh, I know. You know, I love your hair. I think it's great. I love that you fuck with it too. I love that you put red in it and you play with it and have fun with your hair.
Starting point is 00:53:37 Fashion's a playground. It is. You've always had that. I've always said that. No, you know what it is. I can't like close. I'm limited to some degree. So.
Starting point is 00:53:48 So much. So adorable. So I can fuck with my hair though. Have you thought about new clothes you're gonna buy now? Well, I already bought new pants. But like what's your new, do you have like a new look you're gonna go for? Well, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:01 I don't know yet. Like when you started losing the weight, where you're like, when I lose weight, I'm gonna fucking wear this. You gotta be careful because you get carried away. I don't know yet. Like when you started losing the weight, where you're like, when I lose the weight, I'm gonna fucking wear this. You gotta be careful, because you get carried away. I've already gotten carried away, what don't wanna take that off. So don't look like a V-neck white t-shirt.
Starting point is 00:54:12 Yeah, I'm gonna take a carry it away. Time for some jeans, try to put hands in the tight pockets. It's the dazzled jeans from like, several of the Johnny Depp necklaces. Yeah, like linen white pants. Yeah, dude, yeah, no, you can't do that. Get the fuck in, no. No, I went to, I linen white pants. Yeah, dude, I know you can't do that. Get the fuck in, no. No, I went to, I can't though.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Like these pants I'm wearing now, like these are like the, I've never worn pants this size in probably nine years. That's awesome. That's awesome. But I'm getting a little carried away because my ankles, look at my ankles. See my ankles?
Starting point is 00:54:41 Yeah. It's like tight. It's like, they're like, Oh, so when it goes down, it goes down. I have like like I used to wear baggy pants now. I wear My underwear went down a size That's awesome. Yeah, I'm a sure have your dumps change like with the dumps my die I'm shitting like because of the protein shakes. I shit baby Ruth So they come out and I feel it
Starting point is 00:55:03 So they come out and I feel it. You go, oh, lay. That's a great feeling when your- Which pinches off. Yeah, when your butt hole closes at the end of it again. See, when I was constipated, it just felt like it was going like right to the end. Yeah, right to the end. Not coming in.
Starting point is 00:55:16 I was doing Rochester, Rochester Comedy Club, and I told them I took a fucking suppository, and then I wouldn't go. And I was like, trying to reach up there and pull it out. Not the same satisfaction. We said we've also had that constipation where it feels like it's trying to come out of, like make a new hole.
Starting point is 00:55:33 Yeah. It's just like, like it's just not lined up to the asshole. And you're like, what is that? I can't, it's like stabbing next to my asshole. I was telling Jay, I was drinking so much mirror laks and they kept being like, String mirror laks, you'll be fine. But I told Jay I was freaking out and then I got home from Rochester from the comedy club And I was at my apartment drinking mirror laks and I was like and I took a dump that was the most it was actual
Starting point is 00:55:54 Yeah, it was the grace feeling of like if you were in the hallway of my apartment building you heard me go like It was just like falling out of me. I was like, oh, mm-hmm. I had to be careful of it because some things I eat fucked my stomach up. Yeah. So, like, I was at Chrissy D's doing his podcast in Staten Island, and I had to shit so bad, and I held it too long, then when I took the shit,
Starting point is 00:56:18 I, my mouth started watering, like vomit. Or like you're like, mwah. Yeah, I just, you know, when you, I was gonna puke, and I was blah. You know what, I was gonna puke and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna puke and shit. So I had the shit flush, wipe flush, and then be ready to puke. It was really bad. No, I didn't, I held it in, I held it in, thank God.
Starting point is 00:56:36 But it was terrible. I didn't know I was allergic to scallops, I told you in the, two years ago, Katie's sister-in-law cooked this incredible dinner and there were some scallops and we ate it And then it was like we're on vacation with our family and we're like watching a movie and we're like near the end of the movie And I'm like, let's fuck it hot near And I was like Wonder if anywhere I go, I go, it's food poisoning
Starting point is 00:56:59 Well, I'm just gonna say I know someone else would be I'm like waiting for someone else to give up their poker hand and then I was like In Katie and I had the bedroom right off the living room and I go hey guys hold on real quick I go in the bathroom just Through and like threw up a lot and then I stood up and immediately had to shit So thank God it went that way and not the opposite way the other way is the worst. Oh my God Pugan then Jade is fine. Oh, no, it's not fine. That's when I had to cancel that Sunday,
Starting point is 00:57:28 my last night of Caroline to my last Caroline's, right? Yeah. I had the cancer because I got Christine, got a stomach bug for 24 hours. I had the same thing and I tried to sleep it off in the afternoon. And then when I woke up, I was like, yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna make it. And then I went and I had to throw up.
Starting point is 00:57:44 And I got all my knees and started throwing it and on the third throw up, I was like, yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna make it. And then I went and I had to throw up and I got on my knees. I started throwing it on the third throw up. I just felt that that fill up a soft serve in my underwear. And you go, I just, and I had to go out there and I go, Christine, cue call whoever and tell him, I don't know what to do, but they have to have somebody cover me. I can't make him realize. And she goes, and that's the thing the girlfriend's always get that anger
Starting point is 00:58:03 from over and she goes, no no you're not gonna make it all I just shoot my pants while was throwing up I didn't know no the last poopy in my pants Last time I shit myself was at Bobby's when I was dog sitting for him And I was on antibiotics and I drank a beer and ate some wings at the seller We're not out in 10 seconds, on the antibiotics, and I drank a beer and ate some wings at the cellar. We're not out in 10 seconds, right? No, no, no, a minute.
Starting point is 00:58:27 Yeah, but I was, and then I got to Bobby's house, and he had like a coat on his door, and then he had a spiral staircase that went down to his bedroom. You can't take quick. No, dude, I took my one foot down and my asshole opened and filled my underwear. And then diva, the dogs are just like, I'm shitting
Starting point is 00:58:45 and I'm taking my underwear off that's filled with shit and putting it in a trash bag. And the small dogs are like, hey, what's up big guy? I'm like, oh, I just had poopy butt too. Oh, it was fucking terrible. Bobby, we love you so goddamn much. I love you too, man. Bobby is gonna be at Skankfest,
Starting point is 00:59:02 but more importantly, his special kill box is on luick.com right now for 10 bucks Go buy it download it make sure you check out. It's so good Robert Kelly live.com big J comedy.com is gonna be at Skankfest Then Orlando Kansas City Miami in Salt Lake City Dan Sona gonna be in Charlotte Nashville after Skankfest bless you Bobby I hope you make so much money that you can come back with long, Danzig-like hair. You've been listening to SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM!
Starting point is 00:59:39 you

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