The Commercial Break - One Very Sexy Walker!
Episode Date: September 26, 2022Walkers are typically used to help seniors get around...now they are being used to help seniors get off! Bryan and Krissy discuss exhibitionism in all it's intended and unintended glory! Bryan meets ...his cereal alter ego Instagram is a thirst trap...duh! Mike Masse and Jeff have create most amazing cover song EVER Strippers are at the senior center The gang finds a new use for walkers Bryan get's frisky in public with his hippie chick More Zoom sex is happening Thanksgiving xmas tree shopping leads to one eye-opening surprise for the Green house! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at 1-661-Best-2-Yo (1.661.237.8296) Watch Us on YouTube Take a Listen to The Jordan Harbinger show! Dumb People Town Is a Very Funny Podcast From Starburns Audio Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! Special Thanks To Our Associate Content Producers: Tina Rose Big Will The Champ Marianne Duke Luke Gustavo New Episodes on Monday, Wednesday and now Fridays everywhere you listen to podcasts! 1-(661)-BEST-2-YO  | (1-661-237-8296) This episode is sponsored by American Musical Supply. Go Here and use promo code TCB to receive $20 off a purchase over $100. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
In the case of 10 month old royalty, Daryl, you are not... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH And I think that every one of those ways is being served up to me
They put it up on YouTube and they get 285 million views I bet that made them a million bucks
285 million views I think last time I check we have like 300,000 views. Oh, there goes Brian and only again, having some fun, those two whippers nephys.
Look at how they became from the balcony!
Don't do it on the second floor!
The tiles wet!
It's good to get it as balls.
I know.
Yeah, I'll make it happen.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
Yeah, Katzankin is welcome back to another episode of the commercial break.
I'm Brian Green.
This is the director of janitorial services.
Kristi and Jojo, leave us to you, Kristi.
And Vesy Brian.
And Vesy, you are there on the podcast universe.
How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, the commercial break. I hope you'll leave us to you, Chris. I'm Vassie Bryant. I'm Vassie Bryant. I'm Vassie Bryant. I'm Vassie Bryant. I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant.
I'm Vassie Bryant. I'm Vassie Bryant. I'm Vassie Bryant know I like to go to my publics and do my daily shopping. Yes, it mainly get away from the kids. Yeah
I'll take any excuse to go to that store. I'm like, oh, we're on a roadshake
I gotta go to the store right now. This is a good
Who knows we've only got five more rolls of
Paper towels. Hey, honey. We're on a jackscrews. What are jackscrews? Not sure, but we're out of them
You never know when they're gonna need a jackscrew. I'll be back. I gotta go to publics
Gotta be prepared. So I go to a publics for whatever reason
I don't know what I'm about to add on strawberries or something and I decide I'm gonna get my cereal on there
Because my cereal is a hot commodity this particular type of cereal
I'm not I guess I'm not the only one eating it with cream because everybody really loves this cereal
type of cereal. I'm not, I guess I'm not the only one eating it with cream because everybody loves this cereal. What cereal?
Ah, shit, I wish I remembered now. It's like a, it's called like, Homeland Grinola, like pure
oat and honey or something like that. It's all the rage I think.
Yeah, it's an honey. I think it's always a good kind of.
So, and cream. And cream.
And coffee. That's a coffee made French vanilla
So I'm like well, let me stop by the aisle the cereal I'm my favorite aisle And then me just you know walk up and down and see if they have any of this homeland oats and honey pure
Chrissy they don't often have it. It's on it's on back order and so I
Thought to myself if I'm here. I might as well check and see if it's there
You got to as I turn the corner from the front of the store
I might as well check and see if it's there. No, you got to.
As I turn the corner from the front of the store,
there is a man that's turning the corner from the back of the store,
and the cereal is kind of in the middle of the eye.
Right.
It's one of these long public signs, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And this man is automatically my mortal enemy,
because in my head, he's going for my cereal.
In my brain for the cereal.
Well, I don't know that we're competing for the cereal,
but for just some reason, it's as if the universe told me in that moment
He's going for your serial and so I step up the pace in my flip flops
And he steps up the pace in his flip flops and we're all flippity flopping down to the middle of the aisle and wouldn't you know it the
Motherfucker grabs my serial and he grabs the last two boxes. There's two boxes and he grabs two of them
Well, he also knows that they're on back
order. He's like, yes, I feel like we're soulmates in a different universe. You know what I'm saying?
Like time and space cease to exist in that moment. And we were both Brian Green going to get
our cereals just in two different versions. He's married to, you know, a cashier at Kmart,
not married to Astrid. And just like we just turned the corner. He has no kids and parties all weekend.
I have nothing but children and can't sleep for the life of me.
He's my alter ego.
And we went down that aisle.
And oh, oh, and I must tell you the most serendipitous part of this.
Like the part that I could not forget.
I love that word by the way.
I do not give a shit who you vote for.
We don't talk about politics on the show,
but he had a mega hat on, right?
Which just indicated everything I needed to know
about Al Terego Brian.
Shit has really gone south and Al Terego Brian lands.
So I gotta know, right?
And he had a mega hat on.
And I just, I hated this motherfucker.
I really wanted to clobber him.
Like why did you take my homeland,
oats and honey, pure oats and honey cereal?
It's the only thing that I want.
I'm a, I'm a eater of,
epic, I'm like a habitual eater of epic proportions.
Once I get something in my mind,
I can't let it go.
I want to eat it all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
I do it too.
He got there for, I know I eat it for like,
I'll eat it for 20 weeks in a row.
It'll make me sick and then I'll stop eating it for three years. I made myself sick on honey one time
You're just kept eating honey and eating honey and eating honey. Yes. Yes, it's
That's what I do I get one thing stuck in my head and I eat it forever until I make myself fucking sick with it
And then I just go on and apparently this is like a mental disorder
A lot of people have so I should
so I just go on. And apparently this is like a mental disorder that a lot of people have. So I should.
So, he got there first.
There's nothing I could do.
It wasn't like, it wasn't even a fair game.
It was flip flops were faster.
His flip flops were faster.
His fat feet worked faster than my fat feet.
And he got there just a little bit sooner than I did.
And I just kind of stood there like this.
I was like, you know, I really wanted to start a whole,
but what am I gonna say?
Ferran Square, he won the two boxes of cereal.
It did. It was a really right cereal.
He's a race.
I lost the race.
Yes.
So he starts walking away and I'm just standing there like kind of,
I don't know, maybe like a foot over to the right from where the cereal was.
And I'm just staring at the empty space.
Wonder sad look on the face because the six additional boxes of this cereal
that I have in my cupboard
not gonna work.
It's a true story.
We have so much of that cereal.
Whatever, that's besides the point.
He didn't know that.
Okay.
The guy turns around, it looks at me.
It takes two more steps and then he turns all the way around and he goes, you look for
this cereal brother and I was like, actually I was looking for that serial and we had to chuckle at each other.
Two Brian's and district universes,
chuckling at each other's, you know,
serendipitous meat in the middle of this public serial.
And he says, I don't need both of them.
Y'all have one.
As we said, y'all have one.
Like as if there was more than one of these.
He said, y'all have one.
And I don't worry about it.
I don't worry about it.
Yeah. He's talking about theall have one. No, no, no, don't worry about it. Yeah.
He's talking about the many Brian standing behind me.
In the universe chamber, we're in.
And he walked over and I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
that's okay.
I probably don't need it.
I don't need it either, but you know, it's good serial.
I said, it is good serial.
I gotta try this serial.
He goes, I don't know something about this serial.
I got something about this serial, isn't it?
I go, seriously, I have one brother. And I was like, all right, I guess I'll take know something about this cereal. I got something about this cereal isn't it? I go seriously have one brother and I was like all right
I guess I'll take one that'll give this that means I only have seven boxes left at my house
And he gave it to me. That's really nice. I felt like we we probably should have kissed or something
But yeah, I would have been weird. So there is hope there is hope
There is absolutely guy at the public's gave me his one of his boxes of cereal little things like that
It is a little things that matter and here i thought
he was just going to be a douche bag and take the cereal and walk away
he turned around looked at me and he said that is a brother in need of some more
cream and cereal
that's fat belly is not it's not pick it up
let's get Brian more fat before the third child comes
yes i went down the rabbit hole last night
as i often do on YouTube.
Rabbit holes.
But there's a big everywhere.
I know they're everywhere.
They're everywhere.
That's why I don't even get on social media because it's a freaking rabbit hole.
I won't stop three hours later.
You know the other day I said something.
I said something to you and you retorted with something really smart assing.
I wanted you to know that this was not true.
I said my internet, my Instagram has turned into soft core porn.
Yeah. And you said that's because you my Instagram has turned into soft core porn.
And you said, that's because you're clicking
on all the soft core porn.
It's an algorithm.
It is.
Well, I'm not clicking on it,
but I guess I just stare a little bit too long.
Well, they know.
They know. They know.
How do you turn away from it?
You know, there's a lot of videos now
that are really like very rockous.
It's like girls and tiny bikinis spreading their legs
as wide as they can go.
Yeah. Like showing the vagina, except for the open part of the vagina, right? It's like girls and tiny bikinis spreading their legs as wide as they can go.
Like showing the vagina, except for the open part of the vagina, right?
I noticed that a while back on my Instagram for some reason I was getting a bunch of stuff that was yoga.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, oh my god, some of that stuff.
The yoga, okay, yes, that's a yoga move, but.
Yes, that's a yoga move, but your Lulu lemons are right up your clitoris.
Like, I can see both buttons and the whole, right?
You know, it's quote unquote yoga.
Yeah, but they get hundreds of thousands of views.
I don't know how you monetize that shit.
I don't know what, are you making money?
Is it just for followers?
I'm not even really sure.
Yeah, because then you can be an influencer.
An influencer with your yoga vagina pants?
Yeah, depending on how many followers you have.
I mean, listen, God bless the female form
or the male form for that matter.
God bless the female form.
It's the human form.
Yeah, all right.
In this case, I don't really see a lot of dicks out there,
but I guess I'm not clicking on the dicks.
Well, that's why you're not being so thin.
But of all the things you'd wanna be in influence
or about, is it really how far up your chucha you can get your
Lululele lemons? Well, no, it's just that you get the followers that way. Then
people pay you based on how many followers you have the good free stuff. It's a
whole thing. Do you know what I hate? I hate and there's a girl on my Instagram
that it's called a thirst trap. It is a thirst trap and I'm all I'm just a thirst trap and I got sandpaper for a mouth.
What I hate and there's a girl on my Instagram who is absolutely beautiful. I met her one time.
She's like a semi it's like a delist celebrity. She can't be more than 26 years old, right?
I mean she's a very young girl. She's tall. I'm not gonna give out her name but she's
I mean, she's a very young girl. She's tall.
I'm not gonna give out her name,
but she's slowly but surely going down this particular path
of the more of my crotch that I show,
the more views I got, and the better it is for me.
It's a solo numbers game.
And how she's got hundreds of thousands of followers.
Of course.
And, but what I really dislike, dislike,
and I don't understand, I mean, I understand,
but it just makes me so fucking
incensed when I see it.
It's a beautiful woman and let's assume this is also
going on with beautiful men.
I just don't see them on my Instagram.
Right, okay.
A beautiful woman will put some stage of undress on Instagram.
Fine, right?
It's nudity.
It's not going to kill anybody.
I'm not opposed to that.
But then they put some like life code on it.
Please. He just said that. I'm not opposed to that, but then they put some like life
Nice or
They put some life inspirational quote next
Like follow your dream. Follow your dreams today. So you don't fall asleep tomorrow
Here's my asshole
I got my rear end bleached. It's like come on man
Yes, oh you got it. You got to have the inspirational cloud disingenuous. Why don't you yes, no. I put it in. I mean, that's what I do, I don't know.
But that shit drives me fuck and crazy.
I can deal with this, I can deal with the female form.
I am in no way, shape or form of prude.
I love everything about the female form.
And now we say that you are not a prude.
After everything we talk about on the machine.
But what I would just anger me, not anger me,
but it like really, it baffles me in it, upsets me
a little bit, is when these beautiful women who are half naked on Instagram then put all
these inspirational quotes as if I'm supposed to pay attention to the inspirational quote.
Too busy looking at how you got around the nipple guard.
Yeah, it makes it less raunchy or something.
Yeah, I don't know.
They're being inspiration.
Yeah, and I would say that Instagram has lost the no-nipple battle because there's just
so many ways to show your nipple on Instagram and...
Nipples are nice.
And I think that every one of those ways is being served up to me on the daily basis.
It's show research, Chrissy.
It is show research.
Astrid hates it. She's like, oh my God, I can't even get on the commercial break Instagram
because then it's just, I'm just served up a bunch of tits and ads.
I'm like, I didn't do this.
It's where it got I didn't.
I'll tell you the story. When I had scam colo fam back in the scam colo fam days.
Oh, right.
And you know who this is, but I'm not going to say the name out loud, but I had one of
the production assistants.
Did we mention that show about him though? And say his name. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna say the name out loud, but I had one of the production assistants. Did we have a show about him though?
And say his name.
Oh no, no, no, no, I'm not talking about,
I'm not talking about Simon Guabadi.
Okay, right.
Who I'll be happy to say his name,
Scamcole FM, named after Simon Scam Guabadi.
Yes.
Scamcole FM was the-
Who's now porches beyond sayers
that have been in the Atlanta housewives.
Just can't believe, some people just fall upwards.
They really do. They really do.
They really do.
We saw it all the time.
I know.
We have fallen upwards.
We are prime example of this.
It just keeps on happening.
Yes.
The one of the production assistants that I had hired there
was like one of our old radio assistants.
Okay.
And Instagram had just come out like months before Instagram. And I said, we gotta get on this new Instagram trend,
everybody's on it.
And so I told the production system was all about it.
He knew exactly what I was talking about,
how to get an Instagram page started the whole thing.
I said, you start an Instagram page for scam call FF, right?
And he says, great, but you gotta attach it to like a real person, right?
That you can't share.
At that time, I don't think you could like,
it was, it had to be a phone number. And I said, well, I don't have one. So just put it on my phone, and then I'll give you my phone when you need to like a real person, right? That you have to. At that time, I don't think you could like, it had to be a phone number.
And I said, well, I don't have one.
So just put it on my phone,
and then I'll give you my phone
when you need to make a post.
Okay, fine.
What happened was, is that increasingly,
he was following porn stars on Instagram.
So this all started many, many years ago.
Okay, so do you see what I'm saying?
It was in the very fabric of your...
It's in the very fabric of my online persona.
Yes, that I am a degenerate pervert.
I see what's happening.
She's just moving in.
She's just moving in.
She's just moving in far off the truth.
Yeah, it's woven into the fabric of who Brian Green is online.
Facebook is like, wow, this is one nasty motherfucker.
Nasty!
You nasty!
So I'm going down this rabbit hole last night on YouTube,
as I often do, because that's all, that's what we get all the content for the show.
Right.
And up pops a video that I'm very familiar with,
I've seen it a million times,
and I can't get over it every time that I see it.
I'm gonna play it here,
hoping that YouTube doesn't take this down,
and if it does then go to the audio.
If you're watching this on YouTube, and there's just like a big blank space right here, just go to YouTube,
or go to your favorite podcast player and check it out.
There are two guys, I think I told you about this, that did the most amazing cover version of any song I have ever heard ever.
You did tell me about this a little while back.
And what they did was they did Toto's Africa.
Yes.
Right?
And let me put up the thing here so we can give credit
where credit is due.
You can Google this.
Oh, you can look at YouTube and search on it.
Mike Masay, M-A-S-S with a little squiggly line above the E.
The accent mark.
Yeah, the accent mark.
Masay.
Or squiggly line.
Or just, you know, just doodle for a minute over the E.
And then you'll get it.
It's Mike Messay and Jeff Hall doing Africa live at Pies Pizza Rea.
August 7, 2010 in Jordan, Utah.
Utah, wow.
Pies Pizza Rea.
That's where these guys are doing this.
I'm about to play this for you.
I've heard about other stuff at pie's feeds.
If you've ever seen other stuff.
I've spread play there.
Michael Jackson did his final concert at Pie's Pizza Rea.
Where I carry there tonight, six to seven, taking requests.
Welcome everybody.
Welcome to Pie's Pizza Rea.
And you can tell that no one at Pie's Pizzaizzeria gives a shit until they actually realize what
these two guys are doing with a guitar and a bass and their mouths.
That's for them.
Ready?
Wow.
Okay, just take a listen.
We'll listen to a couple minutes of it.
It's about four minutes long. So far, so far nothing spectacular here.
We're playing some regular, they're just playing some chords on a bass on a guitar.
I like that they had the fourth thought to film themselves too.
Against the brick wall.
Yeah.
Against the brick wall.
Like a cool brick wall.
Yeah, Mike's wearing shorts with a rushed t-shirt and looks like Jeff's got on.
No, that's something kind of tie-dye.
Yeah.
It's a rather, it's all homegrown here, right?
Yes.
And yeah, I like that they have the fourth thought in 2010 to place a camera in front of them.
Bad camera angle, but the sound is fantastic.
It's definitely true.
It's not somebody just.
Yeah, yeah.
They probably put it on.
No one's watching them, so they probably just put a big try-pump.
Yeah. It's not somebody just, they probably put it on. No one's watching them, so they probably just put a big try putt. The moon that winds reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation.
I stopped to know man along the way.
Hurry, boys, it's lady that's for you.
Ranged melody.
It turns to me. This is unbelievable, right? Melody It's a...
They are marmin' eyes
This is unbelievable, right?
But wait, you have to understand that in the Toto version of this
there are five guys doing what they're about to do.
Okay
Listen to this, and then you and I are gonna try it.
Say
Very boy, she's waiting there for you
It's gonna take us Yeah
Yes, they are singing yeah, but you that understand this on a delay for us because of the way that I'm running it Oh, Yeah. Oh, you fucked it all up. No, but can you hear this?
Do you hear the ways that they're harmonizing?
Yeah, I'm amazed.
The race down in the outcome
It's going to take some time to do the things we never had. Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don't, don't, don, don't, don't, don't, don, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don't, Do you think you and I could do this?
We could dry.
Okay, so let's rewind a little bit here.
Okay, you ready?
Harmonizing is one of the most,
it's one of the most wonderful things in music,
when you do it right, and when you do it wrong,
it sounds like it's someone farted on the microphone.
Gone, gone, you're gonna go higher, you're gonna go low.
I'm gonna sway, I'm not going to, You're gonna go higher you're gonna go low
From you
I Down in Africa Go on a date sometimes to do the things we ever had
Ooh, ooh, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom
Shh
It's the sound of people turning off the podcast
I know, I'm just serving
I love this, I think this is so amazing
I just had to play it. I think this is like
He's got a beautiful voice
He's so unsuspecting is that Mike Matthew? Yeah, Mike Matthew is the guy on the right singing in the guitar and Jeff is playing bass
The key to this is is Mike goes high
Well Jeff goes love, but what Jeff is doing underneath, Mike,
is really what makes this quite amazing, actually,
in my opinion, even though Mike's got a beautiful,
like high alto voice, listen to the way that Jeff below him
is making this all sound like there's 17 people doing this
behind him.
Yeah, it's really good.
It's going to take a lot to take you away from me.
There's nothing that I'm supposed to do
I'm not afraid of the night to come
It's gonna take some time to discover things we ever had Ooh, I'm the things we ever had.
Ooh, I'm proud of you. Just amazing, Chrissy.
Just so beautiful.
I wish we could harmonize like this
because then we could do something else
besides the stupid fucking podcast.
We could go to Pies, Pizzeria,
and we could make ourselves a little living.
How much do you think Mike and Jeff got paid to play that?
Oh, probably a couple hundred dollars.
I think you, I think 50 at best.
Yeah.
And then they made probably a couple dollars and tips.
Which is due for the love.
They love the...
They do it for the love until they got 285 million views
on this thing.
That's gotta bring...
And then it's a Mike Massey's channel.
So he's probably gonna write now.
He's probably right now as we speak.
Copyright claiming this video.
But it's unbelievable to me that,
what's always been unbelievable about this particular video
to me is how spot on the harmonizations are
in a pizza place on like a Friday afternoon
when no one else is there in pizza place.
And then they videotape it, they have the fourth
ought to videotape it.
They put it up on YouTube and they get 285 million views.
I bet that made them a million bucks.
How far away are we from that?
285 million views.
I think last time I checked,
we have like 300,000 views.
And they were close.
We are so close, you don't know how close we are.
We're nipping at the heels.
At one point, we thought we'd have,
you know, at one point, we thought we'd have, uh, you know, at one point, we thought we'd
never have five listeners.
And we're three away right now.
So we are doing great.
Love it.
I love these guys.
What's the update?
Where are they now?
Well, now they've tried to replicate this success.
Well, they do, they're still out there.
I don't know if they're doing it together anymore.
I think Mike Masay has probably seen more success.
You know, the tar was always, yeah.
There's always a little bit of tension in bands.
Yeah, there's always a little bit of tension
between the two Pizzaria guys.
That, you know, whenever you're in a Pizzaria
doing your shows.
There's a lot of other, it's not like you're driving around
in a big RV and people are treating you right.
It's that your wife is bitching at you
because you're not home with the kids
because you're a little pizza-rea-fucking-gig.
And, you know, I can understand, you got two super stars here
in Mike, Mase, and Jeff Hall.
Mike's brought, when you're the lead singer,
you just get a lot of pussy.
You do, I know the girls love the lead singers.
And I feel like I read somewhere in people magazine
that Jeff just couldn't handle it anymore.
Went off the deep end, started drinking.
Yeah. Yeah, that's enough in rehab a couple times.
I mean, I made a customer at the pizza room.
Jeff's wife told him he had to be home by seven and just
killed all the pizza rea gigs because they had to play until
30.
Yeah, out of the band.
We were living hard.
The pizza rea.
Mike, it's your agent, Don. were living hard. The pizza. Mike hits you.
Mike hits your agent, Don.
Now listen, I just got a call from pies.
And shit's going sideways.
Turns out Jeff's eating $47.86
worth of pizza every week.
You guys are only making $25.
You owe the pizza real-play $625.
How are we going gonna make this up?
Oh, I have an idea. I think I'm gonna
Video tape our stuff and put it on you two. Yo, what the fuck is yo-to?
You guys gotta get your shit together. Chips out of the band. Okay, chips out of the band. I
Never really like Jeff anyway
Mike, they're selling ads on the on the YouTube and making money from them.
Mike's still doing gigs and he's still recording
and he's still putting out there.
He's actually sold albums too.
I don't know how many albums he sold,
but I keep an eye on those guys.
Everyone's a while they pop up and I see what Mike's up to.
You should follow them on Instagram instead of the girls.
I don't think it's like, don't follow anyone on Instagram.
Like I never follow anyone on Instagram.
I think Will Arnett or something.
I think one of the few people that is not a bikini model
that I follow.
And the amazing thing is,
the amazing thing is that 13 years after SCAM, Kolev,
these girls keep getting younger on the same page.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I think they just cycle them out.
When you're an Instagram model in that manner, once you get a little bit too old, they just cycle in a
new one with the same from the same page.
Well you find your dream partner and have a couple of kids and life turns out great. That
is the inspirational quote. Right? Yes. That's right.
You know what time it is?
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Speaking of scantily clad women,
there is a lot of,
the internet is a, a huff right now,
over a story that happened just a couple
weeks ago.
And I believe in Japan.
They had a nursing home.
Nursing homes are really an American thing.
There's not a lot of nursing homes throughout the world.
They have them, but they're not very popular.
That's popular as they are here.
We like to forget about people.
Yeah, we like to throw them in a home.
Yeah, once they start smelling bad, like Nico, you just throw them at the other end of the house.
And they're completely suburb building.
Yeah, I mean, you know, once you can't eat meat.
No, yeah, I know what you're saying though,
in Europe and in Japan, they take care of it.
So, a whole different end.
Then you live at the home.
Yeah, they guess you were telling me,
In Venezuela, there's no such thing as a nursing home.
Like, unless you have some kind of real serious sickness
where you need some kind of medical attention,
or maybe even like dementia to the point
where you walk outside and can't remember where you are,
they don't do that to their old folks.
You come home and you live with your kids,
or even with your grandkids,
until the sweet, sweet day that you pass
and end up in a cereal aisle with Brian.
That's for sure.
That's for sure.
So having this in mind, in Japan, there was a nursing home and that nursing home had a
birthday for one of the gentlemen and they decided they were going to do it up right
by ordering a stripper to come in and to do lab dances for the birthday boy and everybody
else.
And I saw a video of this and this jumper wasn't kidding around.
She was going full grind action.
Okay.
And this wasn't like a nursing home like we think of
a bunch of people in wheelchairs are on their walkers
like wearing their normal clothes.
Everybody was in these hospital gowns.
Oh.
So it was.
So a couple of the guys were pitch intense,
you know what I'm saying?
I'm like, it was getting, he was probably the first time.
Yeah.
You know, there was a twinkle, twinkle in their tinkle in a long time.
But this lady, she was a volumptuous lady and she came in and she started hard-grinding.
All over the birthday boy, flipping her leg up, putting her chew-chot near his, you know,
near his ping-pang it was it was fascinating and
I can only hope that when my kids stick me in a nursing home, which will probably be like seven years from now
Because I'm a life from the nursing
Thanks for joining into your
break
Thanks for joining into your tomorrow
We're still trying to earn our money back for that roadcaster we bought
Live for shady oh
Billy Later I'm trying to do the show
What time do the dancers come in?
I am I am only gonna hope that I'm so lucky. I, so people are really upset about this and I actually don't see any issue with this whatsoever.
Yeah, no.
As long as they're in there, as long as somebody didn't have a medical emergency, have you seen
the show party down?
No.
It's really funny anyways.
I used to kind of on the anyways I can
go down a rough hole. But they have a stripper come to like a retirement home and somebody
has a hard attack. Oh, they do. No, that mean you know, but if that's the way to go, don't
you think? Sure. If you're going to have a hard attack on a Tuesday afternoon, eat
and porridge with you know, Betty and Susan from room 307, or you're gonna die because someone's rubbing their
stankstank in your face, door number two,
two all day long.
I wanna go with a rock solid heart on
and a smile on my face.
That's how I wanna go.
So just remember that.
A couple cups of meds, you can just pop your biagra.
Get the stupor and go.
I don't think they give biagra those kind of homes.
I think because there's a real fucking problem.
With STD?
Yeah, with STDs running around.
Yes, it's a problem where my mom lives.
My mom lives in a nursing home and it's a problem.
Yeah, they're frisky.
Yeah, people are running around, bone in each other.
They're brittle bones fall.
It's because Viagra, yeah.
It's like they throwin' out hips and they ambulance is there
every three hours because someone broke an arm arm or the elbow got dislocated or whatever
Because they were
Somebody up against the shower all
I'm okay. Yeah, Walker could be a good prop. Yeah, Walker could be a good prop
You could get you some of those positions that we were talking about that you never get right where you like lift someone up on
Your hip, you know you've seen that Jamie Dornin move in those fucking movies that make me look like an
Unsatisfactory lover
No, I was just watching a show about me being an unsatisfactory look. No, they did the whole like lifting up and
She wraps her leg around the guy and he's carrying her around the room and you know kissing her and caressing her neck and doing all that.
If someone jumps up on my hips, I fall down.
I fall down.
And if I could manage to keep someone up on my hips
for even just a second, I'm not caressing their head
or anything, I'm going, be careful, be careful.
That's where the walker comes in.
That's where the walker comes in.
You just sit right up there and you just knock it out.
Yeah, you can scoot down the hallway
There goes Brian and only again happen to find those two whippers nephus
Look at how they became from the balcony don't do it on the second floor the tiles wet?
Or you know you're in the shower and they you know they got those tools They make those doors with a handlebars shower
Is is I am literally coming to this realization right now is that how Jamie Dornin pulled this off as he was in a handicap
bathroom? That's how he did it. He had all kind of mechanisms
to help him up and down.
Push, pull these, and...
Yeah, push, pull these so you can like,
hold somebody up to a certain level.
Yeah.
I'm gonna put your sleepmatic in position number seven.
Turn around so I can throw your ass in the air with you. Sleep by numbers.
Oh, that's awesome.
I love it.
I love the fact.
We think of old people as like, you know, these, we don't think about them.
That's why we're America.
You know, America, we're so shitty to our old people.
It's like, we don't think about them.
We put them in a place and we let them go.
And only when it's convenient to us, do we think about them?
But these people are people too.
They have fucking friends.
I've got my grandfather who's 90.
90.
His 91 year old girlfriend are moving in together.
Holy shit.
And there was a round.
You gotta be kidding me, really?
Yeah.
Okay.
They wanted to move to a completely separate home,
but we convinced them to at least stay in the same one they were I'm going to do you think they're banging
yeah you think they're banging I think probably you oh yeah that's right didn't you pick
up his Viagra one time my dad my dad my dad
yeah price check on Viagra price check on Viagra for what's your name Bob Houdley Bob Houdley it's the bone or medication yeah that's what he had to call
my grandfather and say the siallus it was yeah the siallus is not it's not ready
yet or something in my grandfather was like what wow has the heart of
hearing my dad was like the siallus oh God, I'm in the middle of a bunch of people
at CVS.
Oh.
I'm gonna be yellow for my dad's.
The reality is, when I get that age,
let's say, ask her, and I,
ask her's never gonna be in a,
let's be honest,
ask her's never gonna be in a nursing home with me.
She's gonna be 47 in a court, but I'm gonna be in the nursing home.
But I can only hope that when she comes on by to visit me every couple weeks.
Yeah.
Ma-ma-ma-ma. Hi, honey.
I'm leaving some conchappas down here for you.
So bring you food.
No, no, no, this is the pool boy.
He's going to clean the pool for us.
Bye-bye.
Ma-ma-ma-ma. That's totally it. I just shit myself. No, no, no, this is the pool boy is going to clean the pool for us. Bye bye. Hey, man.
I just shit myself.
Where's my DCB residential check?
Oh, they stop paying them to you. They're paying them to me.
Bye bye.
Baby, my dear sensor.
Hello.
He's living in a condo in Miami off your residual checks
Do I have to live with a roommate? She's got cats I'm allergic
Sorry all we can afford
After the residual check it all
She's gonna live her best life and I'm gonna tell her so I'm gonna be like, go fuck that poor boy girl.
Yeah.
You've got that poor girl.
Don't turn thirsty on Instagram, that's all I got.
That's cute.
I would, but if I'm in that category,
when I get there, when I get to that nursing home,
I want all of this.
I want this.
Yeah, I wanna go ahead and pick out my own place.
You remember the little Miss Sunshine?
Yes. Okay, little Miss Sunshine? Yes.
Okay, little Miss Sunshine, that guy's running around
doing heroin and blow and looking at nudie magazines.
I mean, he, you know, that, the older guy in the movie.
Yes.
And it's all I don't encourage any older people
to do heroin.
That's probably bad.
Let's go.
Well, you know, a little blow here.
They're never killed, everybody.
But, you know, like that's the kind of bad ass old person I want to be.
Not minus the hair when it coke. I'm just saying I want to be, I want to live my life.
Well, you're going to have to do a complete 180. We're going to have to get you ready for
that old person ready. I know I'm going to be 97 when these kids graduate kindergarten.
I don't want to get a fucking dude. I do like a leather jacket bandana
Becoming a turn into like Don I miss
Like a little guy still thinks it's relevant
I don't know my girl
Never had hair, but now you will have hair. Yeah, now I'm gonna have a full super. I'm going full HRS club
Hair club for men. That's what I'm going and I'm gonna get the long hair I'm gonna look like Howard Stern. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go for the Howard Stern
Yeah, I love it. I love it. I love it too
But I'm gonna on our whiteboard. Yeah, that's right. Like everything else
All the other dumb ideas that we had I'm interested to see how people react to the Frankie B video
I mean, you know, we're recording this just as it came out. We have a couple of initial responses which people love.
They love the videos, by the way,
on youtube.com slash the commercial break.
They're loving the new video style in the new format.
Oh, it does a fantastic job.
She does a fantastic job.
Some of our real hardcore listeners are saying
that they are going to the video channel to watch
after they listen because it's a whole different show.
They're like, it's great. Yeah, Yeah, you can see what we're seeing.
That's right. And I'm interested to know as time goes on how people react to Frankie
Bee being back because, you know, we've been pretty tired. We put him to bed for exactly
a month and then he came back. I don't think so. It was four months. It was four months.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Frankie's just a shoe in. in yeah, it's he's so good. We're so good with Frank
It's us and Frankie against the world. We just have this
Frankie gets the world
It is one guy early on was like, you know Frankie B Frankie B Frankie B
Fuck yourself
Sorry, we're not smartless
You have fuckers out. Sorry, we're not smartless.
No, but we do have a connection to that.
Well, we can't talk about that.
No, we can't say that out loud.
I mean, we just did say it out loud, but we got it.
Okay.
Let's go back in our university real machine.
I just said connection.
You said connection.
That's all you said.
I listened to it.
Everybody else should listen to it too. Okay, let's leave it alone.
Okay.
In April, so the Scar Brothers,
the Scar Brothers who we love here at the show,
they talk about us, we talk about them,
they're great guys.
Starburn's audio is the production company over there
and just thought I'd mention that.
Go listen to their show, Dumb People Town,
which coincidentally is not unlike the commercial break. It just stars some other
people. They also review crazy dumb people that do dumb stuff. They had a video on and I
had never seen this story. So I went and I looked at it. So I'm ripping this straight from
the score of others. Most recent Instagram post, but forgive me. There's only so much to
talk about. Back in April. Yeah Content. Or hard up for it.
Back in April, I don't know if you read this.
It was a couple who for one hour during synagogues,
or certain synagogues, services left their zoom camera on
while they had hardcore sex.
So they treated the entire synagogue.
What did this synagogue have?
synagogue had virtual services.
Oh, okay, okay, yeah.
So synagogue up in the Northeast had virtual services.
Virtual services.
So everybody jumped on the Zoom, right?
And then they did the services.
Turns out, they got frisky.
They forgot that their camera was on and for one hour
they treated everybody else on the zoom phone call to some software porn.
Now I have so many questions about this.
How did the rabbi let this go on for so long?
Like if you see that someone's having sex on a zoom camera, don't you knock them off?
Yeah, the host.
Yeah, you better do that.
But apparently everybody was like talking in the group.
I mean, listen, this is all second hand information
I read on like a Reddit post,
but like apparently everybody was chatting in the group
saying, hey, look at whoever and whoever.
Yeah, Julia.
She was giving him a hand job while the guy was
doing the services.
She was giving him a hand job.
She was giving him a blow job.
He was grabbing her boobs.
It was a whole thing that was going on.
There is nothing in, listen.
I went to-
It was a very frustrating first. Even though I made out during a few church services, I was not
actually in the services. I was in a building related to the services, right? No where
where I could hear it. Because to me, there is nothing that turns me on about church services.
I am not interested in the least, and not frisky. To me, it's snooze fast, right? And admittedly, I'm not Jewish,
so I've never been to synagogue services, but.
Well, then, don't knock it before you try it.
Listen, my Jewish friends have always tried to get me.
Actually, I went one time,
and it was so much better than a Catholic service,
because I went to Roman Catholic services,
where you know,
and then I'm falling for the sun,
and then I'm falling for the sun,
and then I'm in spirits and something.
And peace be with you, and also with you, and sit up and kneel down, sit up and kneel down and stay on the stand, and sit up and kne, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, wanted to go back to sleep. If there had been soft core porn playing, I would have been into it the whole time.
It would have been the most interesting thing.
So this brings up a question.
The clearly they had to have known their camera was on.
Like they're right there in front of their computer
and you're on a Zoom filter.
I don't think it's that clear.
You don't see the little box on the side
that shows you your camera.
Well, that sounds like they were ready to go.
They weren't even paying attention to the camera.
Or the...
Oh. Hey. There. Or the... Oh.
Hey.
There.
Or T and E.
So, yeah.
Uh, okay.
I get it.
Like, in some instances, it's not 100% clear.
Especially if you're in a big group.
They forgot about it.
It's not like they just forgot.
I think they're voyeuristic.
That's my opinion.
Could be.
Is that they're just voyeurs and that turns them on.
So it leads me to the question, are you voyeuristic?
That is more exhibitionist.
Voyeuristic, I think, is when you like to look.
Oh, is it? I think so.
Are you, oh, exhibitionist and voyeuristic?
I think so. I thought a voyeur was when you were
like out there. You like to look.
Showing your ding-ding, everybody.
Oh, okay, okay. You like to like, you're an
exhibitionist, I think. Well, then I don't
know who's not a voyeurist. Oh, we're all voyeurists, I think. Okay, okay, you liked like you're an exhibitionist. I think well, then I don't know who's not a voice
Okay, so are you an exhibitionist? I
Depends I
Can almost bet money on Chrissy's answers to questions like this. She gives answers like a politician
Well, it depends maybe when it comes to church
I don't know maybe I don't know either I I've been with people
I've been with exhibitionists. I was with an exhibitionist that you know, you know who she was. All the free people, all the free people.
I dated this little hippie chick and listen, admittedly it probably wasn't the right situation
for me from the beginning.
And then you moved her straight into your house.
Just write him.
Let's give her the key the first day we met.
I had barely. I know. I had day we met. I had barely I know I'd barely met her
I barely met her. You know best friends. I had barely met her the next day
I know she's moved in and you're doing a six-week juice client. I know. Oh my god. I know I was banging my head against a wall
With a fuck that I get myself into now. I can't drink anything but juice, you know
I wanted to impress this young hippie chick that was a man. It's like what? Well, okay? She I
Met her at a big party in the woods, right?
Which you should probably never start a relationship
at a big party in the woods.
But we were, who knows what we were doing
or what we were on and we were out in the stream
and all of a sudden we started making out.
It was magical.
Then like three months later,
she picks up the phone on a nowhere.
I'm coming to Atlanta and I was like,
oh great, and then three days later,
she moved into my house.
It's right on in.
Yeah. So we had this like supercharged,
yeah, physical relationship for about three weeks, right?
Supercharged, super fast,
pheromones flying everywhere.
And for the first time in my life,
it involved true exhibitionism, right?
Like true exhibitionism.
And I don't know if this turned her on
or it was the situation that we were in.
I'm not particularly sure, but I'll give you an example.
Okay.
We went to a movie.
First of all, our entire relationship was soaked in booze.
I mean, just soaked in Bud Light and vodka.
Right?
In juice.
In juice, in juice cleanses.
Because you know, when you're trying to come down off all the coke and
But light just drinks juice
So we went to a movie
Shit house absolutely fantastically drunk
We go to the movie and it's one of those places we have the latest
The worst way to go to movie too. I know I think those drinking and eating theaters and yeah when I have too
much to drink that's not a good movie. No. Well it wasn't even a drinking eating theater
it's that we had been drunk beforehand and then we brought our own booze into the place.
But as the movie started for whatever reason we could not keep our hands off of the joke
to the point. I am a grown ass man at this point right. I am a grown-ass man at this point, right? I am a grown-ass fucking man to the point
where I have never in my entire life seen an usher
in a movie theater.
Have you ever seen an usher in a movie theater?
Okay, on occasion to like sweep up some popcorn
or flash the light of the emergency exit or whatever,
but I have never seen an usher address anybody
unless they were absolutely outroly.
We got ushred, escorted out of the fucking movie
because he had complaints that everybody above us could see us attempting to, you know,
sloppily, you know, touch each other. Yeah, it was all whole situation. So we actually got kicked out of a fucking movie because of this.
I mean check off your list.
Check off my list.
And then we'd be like parked at the park and all of a sudden she was on top of me.
Yeah, 8 a.m. in the morning,
booted out of the park and then you know,
we were over at a friend's house and why not?
Let's have sex in the middle of dinner while everyone's at the table.
Like it was just a whole and I don't know if it was the situation that
like adrenaline you know mixed with Bud Light and yeah you know you might get caught and fed him
yeah you might get caught and you did probably gonna get caught when you're having sex at your
friend's house in the middle of a party you're making no attempt to hide it like
cheerlead attempt don't I don know. Friends that would not find it weird
that someone was having sex in the middle of their party. Oh, it's that kind of party.
Forgot to bring my deal, though. I forgot to bring my sex swing. Who's up for some tantrum?
Here's my keys. Here's my keys. Put them in the bowl. It's all over at this point.
I, my opinion, after reading into this situation a little bit
is that there's some exhibitionism going on here
and that these people actually knew the entire time
what was going on.
They just enjoyed being watched.
I mean, that's bold.
That is bold.
With the church service.
Yeah, but I mean, if you're going to go for it,
just go for it.
If you're going to go for it, just let it be.
There's sites for that.
Yeah, there is sites for that.
I don't know about exhibition, but I have been caught by people having said, you must have
been caught before having sex with somebody.
Yeah.
They say the story about when I was a teenager, I dated a girl.
I thought I was so attracted to this woman and Kevin lived downstairs in the basement.
In the basement, I had a side door to it, like an outside door.
So living in the basement and then there was these two French doors.
And then those French doors from the inside to the outside then led to two other French
doors that you could pop open and Kevin lived in this room with these French doors.
But he also had stairs going down the basement.
So me and this girl, he had the hook up, he had the setup.
He had the setup and I lived upstairs right next to my dad's room.
My dad did not want me out of his sight.
My sister got the bedroom downstairs, dude.
Oh, she did?
I got in trouble and she got the upstairs.
I know, I got the shit into the stick.
Yeah, I got in trouble.
And when asked why, my dad was like,
you know why?
And he's like, he didn't even answer the question.
I was like, why does Kevin get the basement?
You know why?
I don't know why, actually.
Because you're an asshole.
And I like that guy better.
So me and this girl, we're like 16, 17 years old.
So me and this girl, we go out to eat, we come home,
it's around, right after Thanksgiving time, we come home.
And my mom and my dad and my little brother
are on their way out the door.
They're gonna go get a Christmas tree.
And so this girl and I retire to Kevin's bedroom downstairs.
And I go to the bathroom
And I but I had only been with this girl for a very short amount of time
There was we hadn't had sex none of that stuff, right? I go to the bathroom and I come back and this girl is naked on the couch
Oh, she like she was there was it was awesome. It was awesome. I'll never forget walking out of that bathroom super charming a dinner
Yeah, I took it off Wendy's. Come on.
Nothing like frosty to get you all charged up.
I walk out of that door.
She is naked on the couch.
And I am just, this is the best night of my life.
Yeah, at the instant, at 17?
I mean, at 17, my penis probably smelled her nudity
before I even walked out of the bathroom door.
I was already hard waiting for it.
So I walk out and I'm like, oh, wow, here we go.
And so a couple minutes of this and that
and the other thing going on.
And she is on me,
ass up towards the French doors,
the two French doors that pop open.
Walker. Walker, that pop open. Walker.
Walker.
That's right.
On the Walker, heading towards the two French doors.
I'm sorry.
I can't get that out of my mind.
It's happened to you.
Seven, twenty years ago when I was sixty.
And all of us were going at it and all of the TV's on and all of the sudden the pop the French
doors pop open and it's Patrick holding one end of a Christmas tree. My dad
holding the other. So Patrick goes in the door first. My dad's.
He's in here. Oh my God. Someone's in here. Never have I lost an
erection so quickly. never. It was unbelievable.
So this girl jumps up and my dad, my brother's like,
this is exactly what my brother said.
Awesome.
No!
Ha!
Ha!
Hi, brother.
It's 11 at the time.
He was like, awesome.
My dad.
My dad was like, you know,
pulls the Christmas tree back,
yanks, Patrick, backwards.
Needles fly everywhere.
I know, just shit flying everywhere.
Patrick's like, no, I want to see.
Patrick trying to claw his way back to the front.
This girl's already at the couch,
pulling, throwing clothes on top of her.
So I'll probably run into the bathroom at this point.
I don't remember a whole lot about where she went in this,
because all I remember is the stare in my dad's eyes.
Broyan Green, get dressed upstairs!
Now your friend is no longer welcome here!
That's just like, oh my God.
Oh, yeah.
I got upstairs and I'll tell you what, man.
I literally, I don't think I talked to this girl at all during the situation.
I put my clothes on, I went upstairs, that's what I did.
I thought, I just had to protect us from,
you know, I had to protect her from my dad.
None of my dad was gonna do anything,
but I have to protect her from all the yelling and screaming.
That was kind of my, that he was certainly going to do it
rightfully, so, because my brother just got the money shot
from a 17 year old girl.
After getting a Christmas tree,
I can see what a wholesome situation it was.
Having my mom and my dad and my little brother out there getting a Christmas tree
and picking it out and getting ready for Santa Claus. I mean, he was 12. He probably
doesn't believe in Santa Claus, but you know, you get it. And then Patrick goes, Patrick
goes, pop at the door open. It's just like a, there's like an Instagram page right there
in front of him. Right. Patrick probably remembers like exact details.
It was imprinted on his brain for the rest of his life.
Patrick will tell you stories.
He used to, because the basement was the place to go
because you could hear, just like you can hear
my son running around all the way straight down.
You could hear upstairs when people were coming.
Sure.
So if someone was in the house, you knew they were in the house.
So the basement was the place to go.
Just a natural place for teenagers to go hide
and smoke weed and have sex.
Every basement is natural for teenagers.
The green basement was like, it was like the Martins house,
but 24 hours a day, seven days a week, the Martins.
The famous Martins.
So Patrick would tell stories as we get older,
he'd share more and more, and then about how the basement
was partially
submerged.
It was like, it was a partial in ground basement.
Yeah.
So at one end there were the French doors stairwell.
Was the garage maybe like a patch?
No, no, the garage upstairs.
Oh, it was up.
So part of the basement was under the garage, right?
Right.
Or under that part of the house, there were no windows, nothing.
But on the other half of the basement, there were no windows, nothing. But on the other half of the basement,
there were two windows, but the two windows were up high.
That went to like the outside, the yard.
To under the deck, right, under the deck where the kitchen was.
So Patrick and Danny would sneak around,
and at night, they would stare through the windows
at whatever was going on downstairs.
Yeah, that's the thing.
And you couldn't see anything because it's dark, and you know, you got the thing. And you couldn't see anything because it's dark
and you know, you got the lights on.
You can't see anything out there.
So he said that they used to parade their friends over.
And the best days or nights was when Brian
would have somebody downstairs.
It's a dollar.
He's charging tickets out of my room window.
See, Brian's go friends, tits $1.
Want to learn how to think of somebody?
Brian's gonna do it one dollar extra
Brian got slapped that's two dollars for that
So Danny a pat he said some of the first boobs he ever saw
Yeah, and of course I didn't know any I mean I had no idea about maybe this but anyway my get upstairs
My dad has a there's a holy shit fit of course I'm I'm grounded again for the, I never had, I was never not grounded during
high school.
Yeah.
And I did not talk to that girl for at least five or six months.
And no words were spoken between us.
Not a school or anything.
She wasn't, she wasn't in my school.
She wasn't in my school.
Oh, I'm gonna say.
She was like, that's super hot girl in another city. And another song, right?
And that makes her even more attractive
is because she was somewhere else that like,
you know, this is,
yes, all your friends semi believed Jack is wet.
What is that in there?
I don't know, I'm just press advanced for fun.
Guess who?
Yeah, all my friends semi believed me.
Like sure, you you got a hot girl
Well, they all believe me because we all kind of ran in the same circles so they knew of her right? I don't I don't show to
Danny Patrick
Yeah, Patrick was pretty in the Christmas tree. Yeah, Patrick had the Christmas tree and that probably gave Patrick idea the cell tickets to the basement
He was like wait the basement is where this shit is going on. I know
to the basement. He was like, wait, the basement is where this shit is going on. I know. I know.
Yeah, Danny, you know, poor Danny. I mean, Danny was just trying to survive with all the
shit going on in the basement. He's like the middle one. Yeah.
Oh, she gave him like a 10-foot-bong rip one time and the guy just fell back flat.
Remember those 10-foot-bong?
Yeah, they got a glass-bong that was like three and a half feet. Now we put like a five-foot
extension on it.
Like to do those better that tall. You never never needed to do that and especially with the dirt
We that we were smoking back then it was not the sticky yucky
But like stand on a stool. Yeah, that's it
We have the step ladder and you tipped it over and someone else lit it for you and pulled the slide and and then you'd go
And Danny just went backwards. I mean, he just fell flat as a pancake.
Like, he took it in, and he's like,
was it milky?
But he said, was it milky as well?
It's like, smoke is just billowing out of every orifice.
And then he just fell back,
where he was green.
It was so bad, I thought I killed my brother.
I was like, oh, shit.
How am I gonna explain this to Danny?
Damn, that's, that's, I'm gonna killed my brother. I was like oh shit. How am I gonna explain this to dad? Dad
I'm gonna explain to dad the Danny's dad
Oh my god well times good times for your ex-
Expeditionist
Boyer expediter doesn't really matter. We're all here to get
We're going to the nursing home together. Oh, yeah, we're gonna go the nursing and I'm going to drag you around on that on top of that on the walker.
On the walker. Yeah. Bring it together, shower.
And what it will do is I'll call Danny and I'll tell him to bring some friends over.
Come on down to the shady oaks Christmas parade
Brian and his band of Mary Misfits are gonna parade some assholes around on some walkers
It's just dropped off a fruitcake
Yeah
Hi, I can see her with like a scarf around her neck and sunglasses
Convertible. I love you
Yeah, it's good to see you too
Baby Love you. Yeah, it's good to see you too
Hi honey. Oh, I asked you. It's been weeks since I saw you. Thanks for coming and just here to pick up the DCB check Oh, all right. It's over there. I'm hungry. Can you leave me some? Can you put some money in my account? I'm sorry
I don't know how to do that, bye!
Yes.
Payback is a bitch, honey!
Well, I'm first class back in front of Venezuela.
Oh, yeah.
She's not stupid.
She knows we should get ourselves in there.
She's like, well, I'm going to let him spend all those nights in the studio
because someday all that money is going into my account.
That's right.
And you know what?
It'll be worth every penny.
I know, she's the best.
She is the best.
You know what else is the best?
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