The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jon Stewart and Desi Lydic on Trump’s Ongoing Campaign Meltdown | ICYMI

Episode Date: August 17, 2024

Jon Stewart tackles Donald Trump’s failed efforts to land one good attack on Kamala Harris, and his delusions about Joe Biden taking back the Democratic nomination for president. Also, Desi Lydic covers Trump’s chaotic X interview with Elon Musk, in which Trump both complimented Harris’s looks on the cover of Time magazine, and also laid out his plan to shut down the Department of Education. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com. Slash. Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. Do nice guys really finish last. I'm Tim Harford, host of the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness. From New York to Tahiti will examine villains undone by their villainy, monstrous self-devaring egos and accounts of the extraordinary power of decency.

Listen on the I-He app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, the weekly show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. to the the

the today the to Stuart and I am risen from COVID hell! First timer, first timer did not care for it. I do also want to welcome in all of our viewers who are probably joining us from X after watching an amazing and surprisingly life-affirming conversation. Between Donald Trump and Elon Musk conversation between Donald Trump and Elon Musk, you know, when they started quoting their favorite Maya Anjulu passages

to each other, my interpretation the Caged Bird is singing for Bitcoin. We do have a great joke for you tonight. Mark Cuban is going to be joining us later. And, you know, we mentioned earlier, on this program occasionally, we do make fun of Donald Trump. Occasionally. And with the ribbing and the joshing and the pulling the pants down and the pointing. But he's in pain right now. Multiple sources tell the Washington Post.

Trump has grown increasingly upset about Harris's surging poll numbers. Trump is quote complaining relentlessly. Posting multiple times on social media clearly frustrated with Biden's decision to step aside saying quote now we have to start all over again. Not fair. Jesus! A month ago he was basically already the president. He had cheated. Jesus! A month ago, he was basically already the F. President. He had cheated death, started a new ear accessory trend. Back then, people thought his VP selection was a smart choice.

He had it all in a bag, and it was taken away. He was perfect on the beam. He nailed the dismount, he was walking to the podium to get his medal, and Fremania files an inquiry at the last minute, right at the last minute. And they're just stealing it from it. And by the way, Romania, file all you want. You're not getting that metal back. You're not getting that metal back. I'm not getting it back. Oh, I'm sorry. We have an inquiry.

Yeah, good luck. But now, instead of enjoying the fruit of six years of Biden attacks, Trump's got to start all over again. And the audience has to literally sit through him getting up to speed. There are numerous ways of saying her name. You can say Kamala. You can say Kamala. Kamala. Kama'a' Kama'a' Kama'a'a.

Trump misspelled Harris' first name as Kama'a'a'a. I get Kamala. I get Kamala. Camabla? Judges, are we taking Kamala? Kamala? Judges, are we taking Kamabla? I hope the Romanians don't have a problem with that. But you know what, I guess what Trump calls her isn't as important as figuring out what she is. I don't know, is she Indian or is she black? She was Indian all the way and then all of a sudden she made a turn and she went, she became a black person. Just to be clear. of a sudden she made a turn and she went, she became a black person.

What am I gonna do with all my Indian ethnic slurs I was gonna use? And mostly involved turmeric and human. But she made a turn into black. He talks about it like, turmeric and human. But she made a turn into black. He talks about it like she wandered into the wrong neighborhood. She was driving on the up-west side, and then boom, she's in Harlem.

Boom, with a turn. You know what, Donald, you're clearly struggling. Let's get some issue-oriented ideas flowing here. You know what Donald you're clearly struggling. Let's get some issue oriented ideas flowing here. You know what we're going to do? Come on my brother. I'm going to help you out. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to do some. Apparently I'm in a musical about gambling all of a sudden. Yeah da da da da da. All right, here we go. I got my pen, I got my pad, I got my visor. Forget the biographical stuff for now.

Let's focus on the issues. I saw it yesterday on ABC, they said, oh, the crowd was so big. And I've spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody spoke in the single-issue crowd-sized voter. I'd move on, but, oh, you've got more. I had a hundred and seven 7,000 people in New Jersey. You didn't report it.

I'm so glad you asked. What does she have yesterday? 2,000 people? We had in Harrisburg 20, 25,000 people and 20,000 people couldn't get in. We had so many. Nobody ever mentions that. When she gets 1,500 people, they said, oh, the crowd was so big. I have 10 times, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, times, times, times, times, times, times, times, times, ti people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people thi people thi. to, nobody to, nobody too, too, to too, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to said, oh, the crowd was so big. I have 10 times, 20 times, 30 times the crowd size.

I had an infinite crowd. One guy, she had one guy named Jeff. All right. It's very clear, you have everybody. She has nobody. Can we move on? He wrote, has anyone noticed that Kamala cheated at the airport? There was nobody at the plane and she ate eyed it and showed a massive crowd of so-called followers, but they didn't exist?

He goes on to say she's a cheater, she had nobody waiting, and the crowd looked like 10,000 people. Oh my, God. Now, all right, for those of you at home, were saying, like, oh, it sounds like he's losing his fucking mind. Just because there's video and photographic evidence that Kamala Harris's crowd was real, doesn't mean that it was real.

And then you might say, oh, well, John, I was actually there. I was in the crowd. And have you considered you're not real? Have you considered that? The point is this. Donald Trump doesn't need the fake news media and their AI crowdshots to win, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th.. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.. thi. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.. thi, thi, Trump doesn't need the fake news media and their AI crowdshots to win this thing.

Because he's got inside information on Kamala Harris from someone she used to date. Well I know Willie Brown very well. In fact, I went down in a helicopter with him. We thought maybe this is the end. We were in a helicopter going to a certain location together. And it was an emergency landing, but he told me terrible things about her. You were in a helicopter with former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, who famously dated Gondola Harris, and while the helicopter was going down, as you were plunging to your imminent death,

former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown turns to you and says, this might not mean anything to you now. But, do you, do you remember that lady I was going out with? The prosecutor, well before we die, I just want you to know, she's worse. Well, before we die, I just want you to know, she's worst. I do not want to meet my maker without giving you that piece of information. If you survive, you may need it. Oh my God! I gotta tell you, I'm sure a moment like that was seared not only into the memory of Donald

Trump, but also into the memory of former mayor, Willie Brown. To be clear, you have never been on a helicopter at the Westonet. No, I have not. Are you kidding me? I just assumed that he was on a helicopter black and he made a mistake and thought it was me. What? What? What? That is so fucked up! That I'm sure that is not what happened.

What are the chances? Trump is just mixing up his black people. It seems that the African-American politician in question was not Kamla Harris's ex-Fa. Former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, but rather this man, Nate Holden, a former Los Angeles City Council member who says he had a bumpy ride with Trump in 1990. Oh. Oh my God! Do you know what this means?

Nate Holden, former Los Angeles City Council member, told Donald Trump as their helicopter was going down. Bad things about Kamala Harris, that I guess Willie Brown had told him, if they knew each other, that is the only explanation, right? Holden saying, quote, Willie is the short black guy living in San Francisco, I'm a tall black guy living in Los Angeles. I guess we all look alike. Hey, Donald Trump is not racist. He just meets a lot of people on death helicopters. And he needs some pneumonic device help. If the chopper goes down, that's not Willie Brown. And then all that on the monic device.

There's one. If the flight's not going great, you're probably riding with Nate. Look, people. People, they pulled the candidate, Trump was crushing. It's hard. You think you could write a new hour in a month? It's not easy. He's trying out some good catastrophizing on Harris.

If Harris wins this election, you will quickly have a crash like in 1929. We could end up in World War III. The suburbs will be overrun. Boom. That's what I'm talking about. Stock market crash. World War III. Suburbs destroyed.

It's fresh. It's new. We haven't heard. What was that? I'm sorry? If Biden got in, you'll have a stock market crash, the likes of 1929 or worse. A very real risk of World War III. They're gonna, in my opinion, destroy suburbia. This is just a remix?

Dude, you can't just find and replace Biden with Kamala. That's lazy apocalyptic. Look, man, if you want us to genuinely fear your opponent as the existential threat you'd like to make them out to be, you're going to have to do better than boilerplate, cut and paste shit. You're better than this, Donald. Joe Biden is a failed president. She was a failed vice president. The worst president in the history.

The worst vice president in history. He is incompetent. She's touched has been bad. Everything she's touched has turned to bad things. She can't talk. She can't talk. In many ways he's worse than Bernie. She's worse than Bernie. Low IQ, he's a low IQ individual. She happens to be really a low IQ individual. She really does. She has a very low IQ. This is bullshit, man. This is like when Elton John changed like three words and then pretended candle in the wind was always about Diana. It wasn't! Very disrespectful the problem.

Even when Trump does figure out how to come at Kamala, it's not really landing, because most of the time the bad stuff he's saying about her applies even more to him. If Kamala will lie to you so brazenly about Joe Biden's mental incapacity, then she will lie to you about anything. She can never, ever be trusting. If Kamala will lie to you so brazenly about Joe Biden's mental incapacity, then she will lie to you about anything. She can never, ever be trusted. Yes, Donald Trump is telling America. Not to elect a liar.

Donald Trump is saying that. I mean, for God's sake, he's like the Michael Jordan of lying. Or as Trump would say it, the Willie Brown of Lyon. Confused him. Look, I hate to say it. I don't think Trump has gotten in him to go after Kamal Harris. He's been fighting Joe Biden for six years. It's all he knows. He misses the fight so much.

He was still workshopping nicknames for Joe Biden this weekend. What do you like better? Doesn't batter anymore, but what do you like better? Crookie Joe or Sleepy Joe, crooked. This is sad. It's like seeing an old man talking to an empty spot on the bench. And then you realize, that's where his wife used to send. He would give up everything for just one more moment. We cook it, Joe.

I hear he's going to make a comeback at the Democrat convention. He's going to walk into the room, and he's going to say, I want my presidency back. I want another chance to debate Trump. I want another chance. He's not coming back. He's not coming back. He's not coming back, Donald. Hey! You know how I know? He's not coming back. He's not coming back, Donald.

Hey, you know how I know? He's not coming back. We have a fucking camera on him. That's him. He's just sitting there at the beach, having an Arnold Palmer, you can hear him sighing over the waves. Does this look like a man marshalling his forces to take back the nomination? Or filming a Corona commercial?

He's finding his beach. It's over. There's only one way. That... The... Donald? Meet me a camera one. Hello, friend. May I call you Donald? I get it. You wanted to run against Joe Biden, just two old dudes going toe-toe-to-tow fungus. Last hurrah, Rocky 12. It's not fair.

Now you've got to run against someone who appears healthy, and youthful and happy, her vigor standing as a stark counterpoint to whatever front butt thing you have going on. And it's pretty clear that Biden isn't going to do what needs to be done to stop this steel. But someone I know loves stopping steals, right? Feeling me? Kamila Harris accepts the nomination next Thursday night, which means it may be time to get the gang together. Storm the convention, pull in August 22nd.

This time, on behalf of Joe Biden. All you need is thousands of supporters who have not yet been sent to jail yet for being part of the last mob. Or got sent to jail so early in the process, they're already out. If only there was a sign of the righteousness of this cause. A federal judge ruling the Department of Justice must return the spear and fur helmet belonging to Q and on Shaman, Jacob Chansley.

Shaman! Don, my fur helmet, we ride on! For by dawn! Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly.

Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use zip recruiters pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter the smartest way to hire. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly

show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. Donald Trump is trying to reach out to undecided voters, but he also knows that sometimes you got to work the base. Luckily, there's one place where all the far right mouth breathers come together. Twitter or X if you're nasty.

What could go wrong? Overnight, former President Trump holding a freewheeling, albeit glitch-filled conversation on X with its own or Elon Musk. Technical issues delaying it from the start for more than 40 minutes. Musk blaming a so-called denial of service attack, saying the massive attack illustrates there's a lot of opposition to people just hearing what President Trump has to say, that we provided no evidence of such a cyber attack. I think it's pretty obvious at this point. This is the deep state. This is the deep state. That's right. Only the deep state

could make Elon Musk's website suck. Just like they're to blame for making his cars look like a Delorian whose mom smoked during pregnancy. But if there's a deep state trying to silence Donald Trump, you suck at your job, okay? Because he is the opposite of silent. There is no one more unsilent than Donald Trump right now. Hey, Deep State, look at me, look at me. Do better. Do better.

Do better. But eventually they solved the technical issue and got the conversation going. Although it sounded like the glitch had moved from the Twitter servers directly to Trump's mouth. I want to close up Department of Education, move education back to the states. Where states like Iowa, where states like Idaho, you know, not every state will do great. What is happening in his mouth? I know the guy's big on slurs, but this is next level. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! He said it. And look, I know his speech was distracting, but did Sylvester Trump over here just say that he wants to close the Department of Education? Think this through Trump without schools. Where are you going to ban books from? Think, think! It's weird he's even talking about sending teachers to the gulag because Trump has more

popular policies, like his proposal to end taxes on tips, which is so popular that Kamala Harris now says that she supports it. And Trump is not happy about that. No tax on tips. And all of a sudden, she's making a speech. And there will be no tax on tips. I said, thia, that, thiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, thi, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha-s, tha-s, tha-s. tha-s. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta, tax on tips. I said that months ago. And then all of a sudden for politics, she says, you know, she comes out with what I said. Look, look, to be fair, Kamla did copy Trump's no tax on tips idea, which would make it the first time in history that a woman got credit for repeating a man's idea. We did it, girls.

And she didn't stop there. Kamala also completely ripped off his idea to lead in the polls by three points against a rapidly deteriorating candidate. That was his thing. Now, obviously Trump did his fair share of dragging Kamala during this interview, but there were also moments that he took it in a surprising direction. I do a picture of her on Time Magazine today. She looks like the most beautiful actress ever to live.

It was a drawing and actually she looked very much like a great first lady, Melania, but of course she's a beautiful woman so we we'll leave it at that, right? Ooh, someone has a crush? Oh, Oh! Oh! Who? Woom?

Where did this come from? Did he have a sex stream about Kamla that he just can't shake and now everything feels different? Like you can't focus on anything, he's just going through Time magazine looking for a centerfold? Like either way, I think we finally found the one thing Trump is incapable of lying about. If he thinks someone is hot, he'll say they're hot. He'll lie about winning an election, but he has deep respect for the sanctity of bangability. That's noble, that's a noble thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing th th th th th thi thi thi thi. He thi. He thi. He's, he, he, he's thi. He's thi. He's just, he's just, he's just, he's just thi. He's thi, he's just, he's just thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just, he's thi. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he. He. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's just thi. He's just thi. He's just a thi, thi. He's just a thi, thi. He's just thi, thi, thi. thi thi thi thi. thi. He's just just thi. He's just thi. He's just thi. He's just th hot. He'll lie about winning an election, but he has deep respect for the sanctity of bangability. That's noble. That's a noble thing. But maybe my favorite part of the entire interview is when Donald Trump told the story of how he threatened Vladimir Putin not to invade Ukraine in the most

1990s way. I said to Vladimir Putin, I say don't do it. You can't do it. tho the to be a bad day, you to to to you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I. I. I. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. I'm. I'm not. I'm not. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. I'm. I'm. I'm not. I'm. I'm not. I'm not. t it. You can't do it, Vladimir. You do it. It's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it. And I told him things that what I do, and he said, no way, and I said, way. Where have I heard that high-level diplomatic language before? No way, way. Ah, yes, Wayne's world. Wayne's world!

It's like Wayne's world. It's like Wayne's world, except that Wiggs have gotten a lot worse. It's like Wayne's world except the Whigs have gotten a lot worse. Now if we believe Donald Trump, and I always do, his conversation with Vladimir Putin went no way, way, and apparently he spoke to many other world leaders with the same linguistic spirit. So Putin said no way and you said, way? That's right. And then he said, but I want to invade Ukraine. But I said, Vladimir, do you, that-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. the-w. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the-w. thi. the th the-w. thi. the-W. the-Wi. the-Wi. the-w. the-w way that's right and then he said but I want to invade Ukraine but I said Vladimir do not go in there. Woo and he said all righty then and I said hello Newman right

voter fraud is worse than ever they're taking ballots and they're making cappes. Right. So then Shinzo Abe calls me and I pick up and I say worse than ever, they're taking ballots and they're making copies. Right. So then Shinzo Abe calls me, and I pick up and I say, What's up? What's up? No, you're not saying it right. What's up?

What's up? What's up? When I was president, the economy wasn't just booming. It was smoking. But then Joe Biden wrecked the economy. And all you can say th can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thi. thi. thi. thied the economy. And all you can say is, did I do that? Uh, yes, and he said, got any cheese? No, you're not doing it right. So Erdogan asked me, who is this?

And I go, my wife? No, Sadat-Tang. That's from Puditang. You ever see Puditang? No, it didn't get to South Africa. Oh, it holds up man. Come over tomorrow and we'll watch it. That sounds smoky-in. You really suck at this. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy

Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Do nice guys really finish last. I'm Tim Harford, host of the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new miniseries. to the ta'er. to the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new mini-series on the Art of Fairness. From New York to Tahiti will examine villains

undone by their villainy, monstrous self-devaring egos and accounts of the extraordinary power of decency. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart. Wherever you get your podcast.