The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jon Stewart and Jordan Klepper on Corporate America's Performative Values & Hunter Biden's Conviction | ICYMI

Episode Date: June 15, 2024

Jon Stewart highlights how corporate America only cares about money and its overtures toward marginalized communities are mostly performative. Plus, Jordan Klepper covers Hunter Biden's guilty verdict, Justice Alito's wife, Martha-Ann Alito, fighting Pride flags with her own flags, and Governor Kathy Hochul's decision to scrap New York congestion pricing.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to the Daily Show. Please, my name is John Short. We got a lot. We got a lot going on in the world today. Very consequential. The things that you're seeing on the news and all that. Huge consequences.

But I would be remiss. If I did not comment on the big news and broadcasting, Pat Saajac, Patrick Sajac, stepped down from Wheel of Fortune after 41 years. It was incredibly emotional. And I just want to say to Pat Sajac, have you thought about just doing Mondays? Because. You can phone that f-foolea. But of course he is gone just in time for pride months, ironically.

Pride months is of course that time of year when corporations get together and financially. Pride months is of course that time of year when corporations get together and financially exploit the decades-long struggle of gay people for acceptance and equality. Hey, remember when you were fired from that bank job after you were outed? Well Burger King does! With a burger that has two bottom bonds! Yeah. with a burger that has two bottom buns. Yeah.

That's not a funny make-em-up. Scarred by conversion therapy, Skittles is releasing a colorless version of Skittles. Apparently not wanting to confuse gay people with competing rainbows. Yeah. And then there's this ad showing a family overcoming a father's deep conservative values. And as you watch it, try and guess exactly what it is they're selling. Mom, this is Amy.

Hi, Amy. Hey, Amy. Hey, Dad. that. Is that your all over your thing. You're the cute and little baby. You're the cute and little baby.

Is that your dad? What is he doing? Did I do it right? I love it. You love it? I love it. I love it. What the fuck? Yeah, the next time you waste an enormous amount of paint.

To apologize to your daughter for making a hurt or girlfriend walk on fucking eggshells all all weekend. Not even saying anything, just standing there with your little glowering beard face in the shadows you paint the face and give her an Oreo and then of course there's Target pride month means so much to them that they set up one small area in their 20,000 square feet of store to sell you a Pride T-shirt. They had made in Indonesia for 29 cents landed. Because they believe so much in the cause.

Well, Target will be dialing back its Pride Month merchandise this June. What? How will I learn to live laugh lesbian? That's right. Target is apparently less proud of pride this year. But why? Retail Giant Target is grappling with backlash from conservatives over its most recent collection celebrating the LGBTQ community. Not shop at Target or else you're gay and you're a pervert.

Even if I'm just getting paper towels? But that's the burden corporations must bear. They're that's the burden corporations must bear. They care almost too much about the human condition. Often finding themselves in the crosshairs of ideologues and fundamentalists, but they stand by their values, sometimes for a couple of months. For instance, post-January 6th, hundreds of corporations announced the end of donations to senators or congressmen who voted to overturn the election. And that moral stand in defense of democracy itself lasted almost a month.

Yeah, they ran the numbers and apparently you can sell more cell phones into dictatorship. But that month appears almost Gandhi-esque when compared to Bud Light, whose foray into inclusion was last April's incredibly not in the public's face small promotional social media video with a transgender influencer named Dylan Mulvaney prompting a conservative Bud Light murder purge. Dear Godman! Those beers had families. Bud Light sales plummeted, stocks tanked, and it only took two weeks for Budweiser to issue an apology and run a new ad campaign designed to win back the kind of people who shoot at their products.

Let me tell you a story about a beer rooted in the heart of America. A talking horse? You're apologizing about a transgender influencer using a talking horse? Well, tell us your story, National Velvet. Found in a community where a handshake is a sure contract. This is a story bigger than beer. This is the story of the American spirit. First of all, I think that horse is scared shitless. And second of all, the apology gift to the people upset about Budweiser is a Budweiser.

Curious. But don't be sad. For this is only following in a long line of hollow corporate pandering meant to convince you that not only are corporations a long line of hollow corporate pandering, meant to convince you that not only are corporations people, they're good people, decent people, who care about the systemic ills of this great nation. We saw this very clearly in the wake of George Floyd's murder. Corporations saw people's demand for a reckoning with America's races past and they said sure us too. We're on a 400 year long journey and scars don't fade. But neither does hope.

And in a fight against systematic racism and inequality, Doritos is committing to amplifying black voices. General Mills serves the world by making food people love. And inclusion, it's one of our secret ingredients. At craft times our purpose is to make life delicious and we believe we can't achieve that without one essential ingredient. Diversity. Are you sure you don't mean sodium tri-phosphate? Meanwhile, while corporations forcefully pronounce their deeply held value of promoting diversity on network television, their commitment only lasted until the protests died down. Time for the morning buzz. Major tech giants, including Google and Meta, quietly slashing their diversity, equity, and inclusion jobs this year and laying off workers in those departments.

DEI-related job postings in 2023 declined 44%. Ah, I guess they only needed to use much less of that ingredient than they thought they needed. Turns out the recipe Kraft wanted, called for just a dash of inclusion, just a sous-saint of diversity. So they're very clearly conflicted between the high moral values that they think we want and the amoral values that serve their shareholders. So if I may address corporate America quickly in this moment, stop.

We don't need any of this. We don't need to know that your products are used by only the most diverse families walking down sidewalks or camping or diverse families doing a ride or getting to, or getting a loan or getting to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they. they. the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the the used by only the most diverse families walking down sidewalks or camping or diverse families doing a ride or getting alone or doing laundry or a diverse or that who I don't know what they are right this guy doesn't say he's got a skin condition and no way is he dating her no way no way no way. No way. No way! There is no way! Oh, sure, we're supposed to believe how many beautiful, multi-racial young ladies are dating Exema Opie! Oh, okay! Okay! Very believable! I apologize, I apologize sincerely to that gentleman. Very believable.

I apologize sincerely to that gentleman. And by the way, for those on the right who wish corporations would just ditch the woke performances and go back to good old-fashioned patriotic values. That's all bullshit too. For God's sakes, spaghettios told us not to forget Pearl Harbor. By the way, why is the spaghettio so happy about Pearl Harbor? See, remembering it or celebrating it? I wouldn't be surprised if spaghettiOs supported Pearl Harbor attack. Technically, a can of Spaghettios is a sneak attack on your digestive system. Spaghettios. Spaghettios. The Arby's of pasta.

Why are we allowing ourselves to get worked up over whether giant multinational corporations are pro-gay or have traditional American values? Because corporations have but one value, shareholder value. That's all they have. That Budweiser horse that wants to restore our American spirit is actually owned by a Belgian-Brazilian beverage cagglomerate. That all-American Clydesdale's name is probably Jean-Locabose-Naro. Even the corporations you think are sincere, like Dove,

and their multi-year commitment to body positivity are owned by Unilever, also the owner of Axe Body Spray, and their decades-long commitment to f-fix anything that moves. There is nothing corporations do that is not in service of their bottom line. Even when you go to the checkout at the grocery store and the little card reader thing says, Do you want to round up to help feed some children? Well, the first thing I think is you're the one with all the f-food. Why don't you round some of that up? And then, they got the balls, they got the balls to put out a their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, and, and, and, their, and, and, th, and, th, th, the balls. They got the balls to put out a press release,

talking about how much money they donated to stop World Hunger. That's my money. You tell those kids, that's my money. Let's stop pretending that a corporation can even be woke or unwoke, or patriotic. Let's just let corporations live their truth as the profit-seeking Patrick Bateman psychopaths they are. At the very least, we might finally, we might finally get some honesty from them as well. Take a look. Hi, we're corporate America. Not any specific one, all of them as well. Take a look. Hi, we're corporate America.

Not any specific one, all of them. And over the years, we've pledged our commitment to some important causes, like gay rights, democracy, and something to do with black people. But this month, we're proud to celebrate our biggest commitment of all. No longer pretending that we give a shit about any of that. Part of our new honesty, we pledge no more mission statements or awareness campaigns or promises to increase diversity in management. You think a year ago we'll be putting up two straight white people as spokesman? God no. We've hired two diverse actors

to pretend they worked here. What a time. But from now on, we're just going to go back to doing what we are designed to do, making products as cheaply as we can, and selling them to you at the highest price possible. Yes, but we'll still be carbon neutral because it's important to get to net zero. I mean, we never did that in the first place. I don't even know what it means. And here at corporate America, love is love. No, no, no, we're not doing it. We wea. We wea. We wea. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We that. We are that. We are that. We are to that. We are to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th thi. tho. tho. tho. the. thooooooooooooo. th th thoooooooooooo. to to to. I just told him. I just told him.

John Stewart here. unnobly exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election. Economics. Ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with wherever you get your podcast. You start with one of the most dangerous criminal masterminds in American history.

Hunter Biden. He's gotten away with being Joe Biden's son for years, but today he faced Delaware justice. We began with our breaking news, a federal jury finding Hunter Biden guilty on three felony gun charges. The president's son walking out of the courtroom earlier today, a convicted felon. Oh, wow. Frankly, I'm shocked. We're actually enforcing gun laws in America. Hall of f-h-hallahoo ya! What has been wild is watching how eager Republicans have been to hold a gun owner accountable. Of course, it's only because he's Joe Biden's son, but that's an opportunity.

All we need is for Joe Biden to adopt every single person in America. And we can finally have some responsible gun control in this country. Yes. Let's move on to some news out of the Supreme Court. Last weekend an undercover activist snuck into a private reception and secretly recorded Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito. And no surprise, it turns out that the guy who overruled Roe v. Wade is a bit of a religious nut. What was much more interesting is that this activist also recorded Alito's wife, Martha

and Alito. She's already been in the news for flying an upside-down American flag at their house after Trump lost the 2020 election, and then for flying a far-right appeal to heaven flag at their beach house. And if you thought two flags with a lot of flags, this lady's just getting started. You know what I want? I want a sacred part of Jesus flag, because I have to look across the lagoon at the Pride Flag for the next month. And he's like, oh, please don't put up a flag.

I said, I won't do it because I'm deferring to you. But when you are free of this nonsense, I'm putting it up, and I'm going to send them a message every day. Every week I'll be changing the flags. Holy shit! This lady loves flags! I mean, once Alito retires, that house is going to look like a fucking Spanish galleon. I mean, lady, the United Nations called, they said, tot it down with the flags, you know? But even Betsy Ross is like,

Jesus, it was only doing this because we didn't have Netflix. Liking flags this much is ironically, the ultimate, the ultimate, the ultimate, the ultimate, the ultimate, the ultimate, the ultimate, the ultimate, the because we didn't have Netflix. Liking flags this much as ironically the ultimate red flag. And, yeah, it's a think of. I also love how she refers to her husband's job as nonsense. This man is one of the most consequential men in the country, but she's like, I can't wait until you're done with your little black robe bullshit so I can focus on what really matters. Semaphore. So, Martha Ann got so mad after seeing a pride flag that she's planning to put up a whole bunch of Jesus flags

to combat it, because everyone knows Jesus is the ultimate symbol of fuck your love. And also, if she runs out of flags, don't worry. She's thinking up more flags in her head. There'll be all kinds of... I made a flag in my head. This is how I satisfy myself. I made a flag, it's white and it's yellow and orange flames around it. And in the middle is the word Vagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagage. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to and orange flames around it, and in the middle is the word, Vagonia.

Vagonia in Italian means shame. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, first off, what a burn on Justice Alito. Your wife is going around telling strangers that she has to think up new flags to satisfy herself. I gotta think up new flags, because it's not like there's anybody else taking care of my needs. Somebody's got a Plessy by Ferguson, come on. No, not to be a hater, but designing a special flag for yourself is literally a homework assignment my kindergartner just had.

He drew a butt farting on a stick figure man who, I'm pretty sure is supposed to be me. I don't love it, but it still beats Vergonia. Look, I think there's a missed opportunity. Instead of getting mad at the pride flags, Martha Ann could use this opportunity to find unity. You love flags. They love flags. The people you really should be fighting are the lawn sign people. No motion, you can't see it from up high, no way to tell the wind direction. I mean, those lawn sign people are f-animals and we all know it.

Finally, let's talk about a local story with major implications. Here in New York City we have the worst traffic out of any city in America. Did you know? It took me two and a half hours to get to work this morning. I mean, granted, I stopped along the way to watch the Garfield movie, but Tuesdays, am I right? Now, to solve this, New York was set to become the first city in America in to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the city in to the the to to the the the to the the the to the the the the the the the the to the the to the the the the the the the to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tiefeck?eck?c.c.c.c.c. tri. tri. tri. tr teau. tri. teau. tr tr to. to. to. to. was set to become the first city in America to try congestion pricing, which is a toll on anyone who wants to drive into the busiest parts of Manhattan. That is, until a few days ago, when Governor Hokel pulled the plug on the plan without warning. And while everyone assumed she was worried about Democrats losing votes in the upcoming election,

Hokel has a different explanation. Hokel says her experience is talking to people in Manhattan diners like this one near Grand Central made her realize New Yorkers just aren't ready for congestion pricing. All I know is I encourage you to go to the next diner with me and I'll probably be there Monday morning. Sit with me and watch the people come over and thank me. That's all I need to know. Okay. That's it.

Wait, so after literally five years of debate, study and preparation, Hokel scrapped the whole plan because she talked to some people in a diner. Who cares what people in a diner think? There's other Americans. What about the home cooks, huh? The guy who pops open a can of Progessoop, to put it in the microwave says, fuck it, then just drinks it cold, huh? Don't I, I mean they deserve a voice too. Look, it's true, congestion pricing won't be popular with everyone and it might cost you some votes

in the suburbs, but from time to, leaders are called upon to envision a better future. Be bold, the implementation and execution, and be undaunted by the opposition. That's how you secure progress. Wait a second. I heard that somewhere before. Anybody sick and tired of gridlock in New York City? From time to time, leaders are called upon to envision a better future. Be bold in the implementation and execution and be undaunted by the opposition. That's how you secure progress.

Oh shit! Daphy Hokel has a evil twin who is good at governing. Who know? For more on Governor Hokel's decision to reverse congestion pricing, we turn to senior political analyst Michael Costa. Michael. Michael. Michael. Look, the governor was fully in support of this plan six months ago.

How is she so weak-willed that she would change her mind after a silly diner conversation? Well, actually, Jordan, there's nothing silly about a diner conversation. Political experts like myself understand that any opinion has extra power when it's set over a plate of eggs and toast. It's called the diner effect, okay? Now, for example, if I would tell the governor to flip-flu to to f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f- th. th. to to to th. to th. th. th. th. thu, thu, thu, thu- thoe tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho-s so thi, so tho- th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thast. It's called the diner effect, okay? Now, for example, if I were to tell the governor to flip-flop on congestion pricing, she'd say no. But what if I said,

Hey, Governor, you gotta cancel that plan, because every working guy knows that when the screws get stripped, you gotta hammer, the nail yourself all right? I don't think that means anything Michael but you know there's something in that that is very common sense you're right cancelled a fucking plan. Yeah yeah you see what happened there? Wait oh shit did I agree with you? Yeah you've fallen for the folksy ramblings of a man who doesn't know how to make his own toast. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

You're right. Okay, you know what? I won't fall for that again. We can't afford to to. Because the city has to figure out how to replace all the whole thing could be soft-lickety split, all right? You just take away to immigrants and you say, get out of here, boom. But hey, you know, what do I know? I'm just a guy to eat six sausage at links for breakfast, huh? You know, I, I didn't think there's anything had anything to do with immigrants, but there's something about the way you eat those sausages that makes me believe you. Got you again.

God damn it! It's all in the diner food! Yeah, okay, yeah. Yeah. As long as I'm eating, number four special, people will think that I know what I'm talking about. I mean, that it is very, very effective. All right, now check this out, okay? Mm-hmm. If you've got a stack of 30 pancakes, you don't even have to say real words, all right?

Hey, let me tell you something, all right? Gabush, gdong, gongam, oh, congestion salt. Okay, I know, look, look, look, Michael. Don't you see the irony here that the actual working class people are taking the subway. They're the ones that are going to be hurt by this performative fealty to suburban car driving voters. I have no idea what you're saying right now. Hey, go, gorgonza.

Buconza.aconia, Borgonia. Now you go, it's a Borgonzah. Michael Pasta, everybody. Explore more shows from the Daily Show from the Daily Show by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Paramount Podcasts.

John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.