The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Lewis Black Covers Big Companies and Summer Camp | Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Confronts Undecided Voters

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

Lewis Black trashes big companies, like Chick-fil-A and Apple, breaking into the summer camp industry. Plus, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog attempts to get undecided voters to make up their minds on who they’ll vote for in the presidential election. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey, it's Michael Costa. The Daily Show is taking a break this week,

and we put together some special highlight episodes just for you. We'll be back with brand new episodes of the Daily Show next week in the meantime, enjoy this episode. Welcome back to Daily Show. When a news story falls through the cracks, Louis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black. Ah, summer, when my balls glue themselves to my thigh and don't let go until Labor Day. And if you're a kid, it means going to camp. Summer camp used to be about playing sports, making friends, and if you're lucky, finding a dead body.

But for parents who think it's time for their five-year-old to start focusing on a career, there are a few camps just for them, like this one. Chick-fil-A is getting some backlash over its new summer camp coming to Louisiana at the end of July. Kids will learn skills such as taking guest orders and backing food. The franchises that are doing it only charge about $35, ages 5 to 12, and kids learn the chicken sandwich business. Wow! Did you hear that? Chick-Balay as a summer camp?

Kill me now! Kids are finally getting to learn the chicken sandwich business. You know, nothing says some are fun like third degree grease burns. And the best part about Chick Filet Camp is it only cost $35. What a bargain! I mean, for $35, you can't even find a babysitter on the terror watch list. Even Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was $40 an hour, and he didn't even change diapers. But if that's still too steep a price tag, you can always bring them for free to the company who's basically raising them anyway.

Apple. For over 20 years now, Apple stores have hosted Apple Camp. This is where kids and their parents can get creative on the latest Apple devices. This year's session focuses on using the iPad to create an interactive storybook. They're creating animations. They're adding AR shapes, three-d shapes, taking AR photos where they place the 3D shapes in the world around them. Oh, thank God! Just what our children their their their their their their their they place the 3D shapes in the world around them. Oh, thank God! Just what our children need. More screen time! I hope they'll use these iPads on planes at full volume while I contemplate getting a second

besectomy. Better safe than sorry! Ha! I will say these apple camps seem way nicer than the ones in China. I mean for starters, the kids get to leave. Oh, stop it. Seriously, wake up! How do you moan over that? Unbelievable. But maybe I'm judging too quickly. Who knows these camps could be fostering the storytellers of tomorrow. It's basically a donut that plays baseball, but the ball always goes through his hole. So this friend helps him put like a net in his, uh, in the whole part, so the ball doesn't go through. This girl could write the next part, so the ball doesn't go through.

This girl could write the next great animated film, but if you dare touch the opening weekend of Inside Up 3, I'll sue the shit out of you. Follow your dreams, but stay away from Daddy's gravy train. But if the fryulator and ADHD don't do it for your child, there are some camps that teach actual skills. The Wichita Fire Department gave young people the opportunity to experience what it's like to be a firefighter.

It's hosting a kids summer camp and the fun kicked off yesterday. This year's summer camp introduces them to the roles and responsibilities of the fire department with up close and hands-on experience. Campers ages 8 to 13 will get a view of firefighting tasks like pulling hose, spraying water, forcible entry and rescue. First of all, I don't think you need a camp to teach teen boys how to pull hose. I mean they tend to figure it out on their own own their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their their to to to their. to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. to their. their their their their to to to their to te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. tea. tea. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. t to teach teen boys how to pull hose. I mean, they tend to figure it out on their own. By the way, firefighter camp is just like police camp, but with more cardio and less framing people for murder. I admire these kids, but they better not show up when I burn down my Panama City condo

for the insurance money. Stay away from Daddy's other gravy train, you little life-saving shit. But a firefighting camp sounds like too much fun. Don't hurry, you've still got options. At this summer camp... like too much fun. Don't worry, you've still got options. At this summer camp, you should be able to hear the thumb sounds. Middle schoolers take care of Baby Torrey,

a $75,000 high fidelity simulator. And there's also. So pick your poison. Do you want to dress a wound or build a body? Baycare's Diane Roush Camp Nurse Jr. At Dunedin's Sally L. Bailey Nursing Education Center is not your typical teenage summer fun. Here they're learning about patient care and broken bones and CPR and more. For Camila and Ellie and dozens of others, this might be their future.

What the fucking stop? Is that? Is that supposed to be a baby? It looks like someone knocked up Megan. Somebody send that thing to the Supreme Court and we'll have abortion back in no time. But of course, there's also one very affordable summer program that parents are forgetting about, ignoring your kids and letting them fuck off for three months. You know, watch TV, kick rocks, maybe even pull some hose. That's how I spent my summers as a kid and look how I turned out.

Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. There's the.

Welcome back to the Daily Show. You know, as crazy as it might seem, there's still a lot of voters who aren't sure whether to vote for Donald Trump or Joe Biden. So we sent a special correspondent to interview some of them. All right, welcome to our focus group of undecided voters. Thank you for coming to our marketing research offices. I want to stress that there is nobody masturbating behind this two-way mirror, no matter what you hear.

So as undecided, let's go around the room. Tell us your name and what your fucking problem is. We've never had worse choices in my opinion. I don't like either candidates. Same as other people said, I'm not really crazy about either candidate. Okay, I see some of you feel you need more information about the candidates. And I get it. We know so little about Trump and Biden. Apart from their campaign issues, their actions as president,

their handling of the global pandemic, their criminal indictments, whom they've showered with, and a very detailed description of Trump's penis from a former porn star. But we still don't know. Okay. If you're leaning towards Biden, please raise your hand.

If you're leaning towards Biden, if you're leaning toward Trump, raise your hand. Okay, raise it at a 45 degree angle, please. Little straighter, don't bend the elbow. That's good. It's a Hitler joke, you see because you support a fascist. Okay, raise your hand if you feel like voters are easily manipulated. Who doesn't think so? Okay, raise your hand if you feel like voters are easily manipulated. Who doesn't think so? Okay, now lower your hands.

Okay, now raise them again. Okay, now lower them again. Raise them up one more time. Raise both hands. Now lower one. Now everyone say, I cannot be manipulated. Which candidate would you have a beer with? Trump. Trump.

Trump. Trump. Which candidate would you go to a baseball game with? Biden. Biden. Trump. Which candidate would you let eat sugar cubes out of your hand? Why? More gummy?

Less likely to bite you? Yeah. Gentle. Gentle. Gentle. Which candidate would you want to be behind in a human centipede? And keep in mind, no matter what you answer, we will all think you're disgusting. Okay, this is tough guys. I mean, I sense you find yourselves undecided about a lot of things.

My problem is I'm not sure which one's gonna die first. Thomas, I just have to ask, why are you struggling with this decision when you had no problem deciding to leave the barber shop with those sidebirds? Seriously, it's like my mom always used to say, shit or get off the law? It's your civic duty. Yes. Would you agree with that? Yes, I would agree with it. What is your gut telling you? I mean, other than seatbelts do not come in my size. I can't trust Biden or Trump. So I like RFK? RFK Jr. Interesting. Also known as the evidence that the Kennedy's f-fied each other. Okay, maybe this will help you guys decide

between the Kennedys f-ed each other. Okay, maybe this will help you guys decide between the candidates. Here are two sandwiches, all right? One is old and moldy, and the other has Climidia. Raise your hand if you're eating the sandwich on its deathbed, or raise your left hand if you want the sandwich that we have on tape using the n-word. Okay, they're having their first debate. Do you hope the moderators will ask Trump and Biden the really tough questions? Like, do you know where you are?

And can you breathe on this mirror? They're probably going to call out each other on stuff. Both sides are constantly saying, this is the end of democracy. Both sides agree. So maybe instead of worrying about all this voting stuff, we should just decide on an escape plan. Does anyone have a bunker? Thomas, you look like you already live underground.

Will the other more people mind if we crash? It was time to switch tactics. Perhaps if they practiced making any kind of decision, it would prepare them for them for them for them for them for them for time to switch tactics. Perhaps if they practiced making any kind of decision, it would prepare them for November. You've all been given cheesecake factory menus to share. Now take a look at them and make a choice. You can do this. Fried calamari. A lot of options. Entries. I know what I usually get. I say fried calamari. American food. I usually get. I say fried cuddler. I usually get on chickens, my great one.

I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat. All right, you know what? Forget it. Forget it. I knew that wouldn't work. At this stage, there was only one option left. Look. You guys have barely given me anything. So I'm just going to tell you who you're

voting for. Darrell, you're going to miss Election Day because there weren't any reminders on porn hub. Pauline, you want a safer, brighter future for your children. So you're going to move to Ukraine. Thomas, I think you should just stay home. This is a big one, very important election. We need you to sit it out. And Mark, whatever you decide, I recommend you listen to your heart. Or at least let the medical professional listen to you.

Thank you all for being here. We've learned a lot. We'll see you in four years when you can't decide between voting for AOC or Kyle Rittenhouse. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. Paramount Podcasts. Hey everybody John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show

coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.