The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump, Hulk Hogan & Kid Rock Wrap Up a Weird, Wild RNC

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

Jordan Klepper goes live after the final night of the Republican National Convention to unpack Trump’s big speech, and appearances from Hulk Hogan and Kid Rock. Plus, an update on the status of Joe Biden's candidacy. Also, TDS correspondents Josh Johnson, Grace Kuhlenschmidt, and Troy Iwata play the ultimate game of “Would You Rather,” testing whether people would rather talk about the election or anything else.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. America with your host Jordan Clapper. Welcome. Welcome to the Morning Show. And we are live, everybody. And we are live, everybody. Oh, yes. Welcome to the morning show.

And we are live, everybody! Oh, yes! Dear Lord, they're wrapping up the Republican National Convention as we speak. The excitement is palpable. Or is that soul-shaking fear? They feel eerily similar. And if that wasn't enough news to cover in a day, there's another gigantic story brewing. Keep your news alerts on because the Democrats might be recasting a very big role.

Breaking news about President Biden's candidacy. The New York Times sources close to President Biden say he's beginning to accept he might have to leave the race. Axio says he could drop out as soon as this weekend. It's reached almost a fever pitch. Chuck Schumer, Akeem Jeffries, Nancy Pelosi have all had very direct conversations with President Biden. His political fate more precarious than ever. An increasingly dire moment. His fate now hanging in the balance, nearing the point of no return.

We are close to the end of his candidacy. To be clear. You're talking about an 81-year-old. You're th. You're to to to to to to th. You're to be to be to be th. You're to be to be thi. You're to be thi. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the thii. thi. thi. thi. theateateateateatean. thean. thean. thean. thi. thean. thi. thean. theanne. the thi. the, you're talking about an 81-year-old, you've got to be clear about that. Think about how strange this moment is. In the span of one week, one candidate got shot and the other guy might drop out. I mean, years from now, children will be reading about this in history books. I mean, not in Florida. They won't have those, but everywhere else. And on top of that, all of that, Biden has COVID, which is no joke for a man of his age,

especially because this is an unusual strain where the brain fog hits you three weeks ago. Now, for more insight on the quickly evolving state of Joe Biden's candidacy, we got full team coverage. Let's first go out to D.C. with Michael Costa. Michael. Oh, Michael. Michael. Michael, what's the latest? Jordan, I'm here outside Chuck Schumer's office as he tries to push Biden out of the race, but it's a

very difficult, delicate situation because don't forget he's the president, which means he holds all the keys. Right, the metaphorical keys to power, the reins of the political... Jordan, the actual White House keys, you know, they're on one of those big key rings and he has a clip to his belt. There's a key for the Oval office, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation, a to, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, is, a, is, is, a, is, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, is, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a.a, a.a, a.a, a.a, a.e, a.e, a.e,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a,a, is a.a, a.a, his belt. There's a key for the Oval Office, a situation room. There's one key that just says room. We don't even know what that is. So they either have to convince Biden to give up the keys or wait for him to fall asleep and try to snake it off his belt with a broom handle. Is that really the only solution? Why can't they just get a locksmith and get new keys? I mean, I guess they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess. th. th. I guess I guess I guess I guess I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the the the the the te try try try try tip. tip. te. the. the. the guess they could, but he's also the only one that knows the White House, Amazon Password.

So, what's the point of being president if you can't watch the new season of the boys? Am I right? Well, I mean, Joe Biden's an old man. His password is probably something like, Joe Biden, two, two, thanks. Jordan. This man, that worked, that was it. We're in great shape. Thanks, Jordan. Thank you, Michael. Let's go now live to Nancy Pelosi's office. Desi, Desi, wait.

Desi, we know, we know Chuck Schumer's trying to be sensitive. What's Nancy Pelosi doing a lot more hardball, Jordan. She had a meeting with Biden where she just stared at him while doing that five-finger knife thing. It's very intimidating. She's also trying to mess with this head. She threw a pair of sneakers over a power line outside the White House. Is that a threat? Well, I don't know, but if there's one thing that freaks out old white people, it's sneakers on a power.......... A. A. A. A. A. A. A. Is a th. Is a th. Is a th. Is a th. Is a th. Is a th. Is a th. Is a th. Is a thi. Is a thi. Is a th. Is a th. Is a th. Is a thi. A, thi. Is a thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. they. thi. they. they. thi. th if there's one thing that freaks out old white people, it's sneakers on a power line. How'd they get up there? Is it a gang sign? Is it a drugs thing?

Is it hip hop? Either way, it's time to move to Florida. Wow. Very fluid situation. Thank you, Dizzy. Let's go out to to me, who are you talking to? Jordan, I'm talking to an opposing faction that is standing behind Joe Biden 100%. They're telling the president to ignore the haters, stay in the race and do as many public-speaking events as possible.

Wow, which Democrats are telling them that? No, no, no, these are the Republicans. They are gung-ho for Joe Biden, Jordan. This must be the unity. the the the the the the the the the the the the the unity. the unity. the unity. the unity. the unity. the the unity. the unity the the unity the unity the unity the unity the unity the unity the unity th. thi-upe th. thi- thi-upe-a-upe-upe-upe-upe-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy-upy. Who are to to to to to too too thi-in. thi-in, thi-in, thi-in. th. th. th. th. th. thi-in. thi-in. thi-in. thi-in. thi-in. thi-in. thi-in. to-in. to-s. to-i-i-s. to-s. to-i-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-a-s, no, these are the Republicans. They are gung-ho for Joe Biden, Jordan. This must be the unity thing that they're talking about. Okay, Ronnie Chang, everybody. Look, whether or not Biden's candidacy is live, we are, and the reason we're live is that it's the last night of the Republican National Convention. And while most GOP conventions are about nominating a candidate and crashing the grinder servers, this one... This one... Look it up. This one seemed to have a higher purpose.

This convention is happening, frankly, by the grace of God. It is a divine intervention by God that President Trump is not dead right now. This is divine intervention. The bullet pierce President Trump at 6.11 p. them. Epheian 611 tells us, put on the full arm of God ta. This was providence. God's divine providence.

A God-given tilt. A God-given tilt. If you didn't believe in miracles before Saturday, you better be believing right now. A God, Lord, a shill of protection. God has put an armor of protection over Donald Trump. God is not finished with him yet. I believe we all witnessed a miracle, literally.

From, you know, before it happened, the flag above got blown in the wind and it got tied into literally what looked like an angel. Divine origami, that's what we're going with? I mean, you see an angel, I see the G-string from the cover of that Black Crows album, you see what you want to see. I don't mean to nitpick God, but if God did save Trump from that bullet, he kind of procrastinated to the last second, didn't they? You could have stopped the gunman at any point during the day, but instead he waited until the bullet was in the air, I the the the the the the the the the the th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see thee, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I thee, I the, I th, I the the th, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I, I, I the thin, I see, the the, the, the the, the the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, thean, theeean, thean, the, the, I see, I kind of procrastinated to the last second, didn't they? He could have stopped the gunman at any point during the day, but instead he waited until the bullet was in the air and went, ah, shit, shit, shit, shit, ah! That was close. I gotta stop looking at my phone all the time, huh? All right, fine. Okay, every cult needs a leader who was chosen by God and has taken multiple wives. I get it. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, tr-s, thea, tr-s, tr-s, thea, t, t, t, t, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the bu but, the the the bu but, the bu but, the the bu. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t. t. thea, tr-s, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru-s, tru-s, tru-s, tru-s, tru-s, tru-s, toda, toda, toda, toda, th. by God and has taken multiple wives. I get it, all right? And plenty of people stepped up this week to sing his praises. Now one of the most fiery speeches was from Florida Congressman Matt Gates. Although, that's an old picture of Matt Gates from a long time ago, like a whole week. Because when he came out to speak

yesterday, he looked a little different. Under Trump, we prospered, we were richer, inflation was low, and there were two genders. And introducing the third! Wow! Wow! It looks like his eyebrows are reacting to a picture of his eyebrows. Wow! Well! It looks like his eyebrows are reacting to a picture of his eyebrows. You can see why they chose him to make the case against Joe Biden.

Inflation is so bad, his forehead is now a six-head. And I can make that joke because I've been battling inflation for years. But last night's big speech was from Donald Trump's new running mate, J.D. Vance, who wanted to introduce himself to the world. And this is what he went with. While we're on the topic of grandparents, let me tell you another mamma's story. My mammal died shortly before I left for Iraq in 2005. And when we went through things, we found 19 loaded handguns. They were stashed all over her house, under her bed, in her closet, in the silverware

drawer. This frail old woman made sure that no matter where she was, she was with an arm's length of whatever she needed to protect her family. That's who we fight for. That's American spirit. That's the American spirit! Unhinged paranoia! You know what? I love how gun nuts in this country are always like, we're responsible gun owners. Anyway, here's a Glock I taped under my baby's crib. Let me just remind everyone that five days ago their nominee was almost taken out

by an assault rifle. And I thought that might lead to a moment of introspection. But you guys are like, you know what's hilarious? How guns are everywhere! But outside of his anecdotes about Grandma John Wick, the fact was that Discount Ulysses S Grant did not exactly set the room on fire. But the good news for him was that the crowd was so amped, they were happy to chant no matter what.

Oh, H.O. Oh, O.H-I-O-H-I-O-H-I-O. You guys are a great crowd. Wow. And... Yes we are! Yes we are! Yes we are!

Yes we are! I've never seen a crowd so pumped that it started to engage in conversation. Yes, we are! Let's order food! How about Ty? By the way, if you're wondering why the Ohio chance is O-H-I-O, it's because it's the only word people from Ohio can spell. Go blue, you Hillbilly, F. But tonight was the final night of the RNC. It was the last chance to address the events of last Saturday. So to heal a herding nation, the RNC brought in their most dignified voices to deliver

their message with gravity and respect. What happened last week when they took a shot at my hero and they tried to kill the next president of the United States? Enough was enough and I said let Trump of Media run wild brother. Thank you, the he-lead has begun. He's gonna make a great energy secretary. Now, you can laugh that one of the keynote speakers on the last night of the Republic Convention is a washed-up fake wrestler. But I'll tell you what, I think Trump just locked up the vote of every teenager in 1992. Okay, we heard a lot of talks. Now it's time to bring the nation together with a sober message of unity. Who's next? Everybody get a fished up in the air! Now follow me!

Say fight, fight! Get a fished up in the air! Now follow me! Say fight, bite, bite, say bite, bite, bite, say bite, bite, watch. Watch that angle down, junior, watch that angle. Yeah, that's how you achieve unity by making our ears bleed together. Nothing riles me up like a 50 year old man yelling at a bunch of 60 year old men in suits to fight. Ooh, I'll be pounding the lip ator tonight. Okay, but then it was a big event.

Finally, it's time for Donald Trump to come out. And in case you weren't sure who he was, they put his name in big bright lights like it was the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the world, the world, the world, like the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world's the world's the world's the world's time for Donald Trump to come out. And in case you weren't sure who he was, they put his name in big bright lights like it was the world's most famous circuit elephant. That's right, Trump's gonna be president of Broadway! And once the cheers died down and the speaking began, Trump made some big promises. Four months from now, we will have an incredible victory, and we will begin the four greatest years in the history of our country.

Oh, I don't know. Best four years, what about 91 to 95? Wu Tang, Nirvana, Unironic Fanny Packs. Michael Jackson before it got too weird, you know? I'll put those four years against any in history. Now, all week we heard Trump was going to come out with a new message of unity. You know what? He delivered. As Americans, we are bound together by a single fate and a shared destiny. We rise together or we fall apart.

I am running to be president for all of America, not half of America, because there is no victory in winning for half of America. Which is why I'll be deporting the half that doesn't like me. Problem solved. You know what? You know what? No. I'm being a hater. This is a changed man up here. He's calling for an end to discord. Let's hear how we can bring about this unity together. If Democrats want to unify our country bring about this unity together.

If Democrats want to unify our country, they should drop these partisan witch hunts, which I have been going through for approximately eight years. And they should do that without delay and allow an election to proceed that is worthy of our people. Oh, how convenient! So the key to unifying the country is absolving Donald Trump of our people. Oh, how convenient! So the key to unify in the country is absolving Donald Trump of his crimes. Anything else Democrats should do?

America, just think about how united the country would be if Chuck Schumer punched himself in the dick. Think about it. Come together! But then Trump went on to tell the story of his near assassination on Saturday. And for a moment, they started to feel like maybe this was a different Trump. Someone somber, reflective. But then he slipped in just a small nod to the Trump we've always known.

They knew immediately it was a sniper. And then began pointing at him. You can see that if you look at the group behind me. That was just a small group compared to what was in front. That's how you know Trump is gonna get through this. Even in the middle of a story about almost being assassinated, he felt the need to reflectively brag about his crowd size. I suddenly realized how insignificant we are, except my crowd size.

Very significant. We're all just grains of sands on a beach. Although my crowd is more like a coastline, big crowd. But there was one other thing that made me realize this is the same truth. In Wisconsin, we are spending over $250 million here creating jobs and other economic development all over the place, so I hope you will remember this in November. And give us your vote. I am trying to buy your vote. I'll be honest about that.

He's trying to do a quid pro quo in the middle of his convention speech. Slow down, my man, you don't get total immunity until after the election. So that was Trump's speech. A changed man who was basically the same man as before. So what do we learn from the RNC? Well, the campaign for president is basically one big job interview. The convention is where America checks the candidates references. And to be sure, there were plenty of people willing to vouch for Donald Trump. You got ex-cons, domestic abusers, fake wrestlers, fake friends, his children, people sleeping with his children, and of course the esteemed mayor of Hooveville. But, but, if this is a job interview, it's worth noting who we didn't see. But, if this is a job interview, it's worth noting who we didn't see.

Most of the people who actually worked with him in the White House. And if Americans are going to do our due diligence, we might as well, we to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their too. People. People. People too. People too. People. People too. People too. People too. People too their their their their their their the people who actually worked with him in the White House. And if America's going to do our due diligence, we might as well call our references to hear what they have to say about him. Anyone who puts themselves over the Constitution should never be president. I think he's unfit for office. Richard Nixon looks like a choir boy next to Donald Trump. The gravest threat to democracy that we've ever seen. He failed at being the president when we needed him to be that. Doesn't like to read, doesn't read briefing reports.

Absence of leadership, really anti-leadership. We want to be dictator. We shouldn't be anywhere near the Oval Office. Nothing but contempt for our democratic institutions or constitution and the rule of law. The president has the theeeeeeea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea theuroeoleooer th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the theoer. the the the the- the- the- the-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toe toe toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeananananananan. toeean toeean toean toeeeeeeeeeeeeer. Rex Tillerson, saying this about the president, quote, he's an effing moron. Okay, you know what? You know what? Good points. But did you see that flag? It looked like an angel. Okay, you know what? You know what? you. tho? told us It looked like an angel. When we come back, voters tell us about the podcast, The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming

out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about??? the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. It's the. It's the. that they obsess me. The election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in, it's probably second.

I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with night, but did you know there are people who are completely sick of this shit? The Daily Show, we've been talking about Donald Trump and the RNC all night. But did you know there are people who are completely sick of this shit? The Daily Show news team hit the streets to find out more. We correspond to tuning into the conventions because we're getting paid to do it. But does the average American voter rather just tune it out?

I'm a little election burned out. I want to talk about the election. I would rather do anything but talk about the election at this point. So we gave people a choice of topics to see how badly they don't want they the the the they the they they they want the the they want they don't want the the they don't want the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to want to talk about the election. The election or shoelaces. Okay, so the vibe I'm getting is we're not talking about the election. So we can talk about the election or you can help me decide a bookcase for my bedroom. Let's go the bookcase. Do you like this one?

No. Would you rather talk about the election or discuss if we think orcas are still mad at us? Disgust about orcas. Like, do you think they're mad at me personally? If you could choose, would you rather talk about the election or why ties exist? They don't wear it, thu options. Would you rather talk about the election or do calisthenics? Let's do calisthenics. Feel that? Yep. Yep. Yeah. Would you rather talk about the election?? th? th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do th? Do the the the the the the thi thi? Like thi thi thi thi- like thi- like thi- like thi- like thi- like thi thi thi thi? Like thi? Like thi? Like thi? Like thi? Like thi? Like, do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do th. Do th. Do th. Do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do thi? Do thi. Do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Would you rather talk about the election or listen to me read through this manual? Read from the user manual.

Right, it might take me about two and a half hours to get through, but... I'm still going to go with the manual. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Exciting. Hmm. How do I find my preferred cycle and vacuum levels? Every mom reacts differently to cycle and vacuum levels. This is about breastfeeding.

Start low and work your way up to a comfortable and productive level. What do I do if milk gets in the tubing? Luckily, I have this manual. So it may cause harmful interference. You're still listening, right? Yes. Okay, because it's so much better than the election. Still, yes. So we can talk about the election,

or you could describe to me what shrimp tasks like without saying the word shrimp. Wet and bainy. Okay. All right. Oh, okay. I don't really like shrimp. Fair enough. But then again it's better than talking about the election. So if you could choose if we were having a conversation, talk about the election or listen to me read a list of all the lakes in Minnesota. Oh I totally would love to hear about Minnesota. Okay. Bax. Bads, bad acts, bad medicine, badger, bakers Bakers, this is better than talking about the election. 100%.

Would you rather talk about the election or give me five compliments? Give you five compliments. All right, hurry up, otherwise I'll think that you're lying. Okay, well you're very pretty. Shut up! I love your hair, Pat. Oh my god. Thank you that I didn't do it myself.

I love gold jewelry. Me too, and it's actually real if I'm being honest. It's just very nice. That's so nice. I can really flip on people by the way. Okay, we can talk over the election or you can put your hand in this mystery box. I'll put my hand in the mystery box. Oh my goodness. The election has been hard and I just wanted to hold someone's hand. Not over yet.

Yeah. A few months. So we can talk about the election or we could do three uninterrupted minutes of eye contact. Let's go eye contact. Really? Yeah. Fine. Alright. That was intense. That was intense. It was a... That was intense.

It was a lot. But it was better than... than talk about the yelp. Great school. Great school is been to Troy Awada and Josh Johnson. We'll be right back down to go away. John Stewart here. to the too. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show.

We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. That's our show for tonight. The Daily Show will be off next week, but we'll return on July 29th right around with Trump finishes this speech. Now, here it is. Your moment is end. Well, let me tell you something, when I came here tonight, there was so much energy in this room. I felt maybe I was in Madison Square Garden getting ready to win another world title. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount

Plus. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, the weekly show. We're going to be talking about the election. Economics. the to bread ratio. to podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.