The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #153 - G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Episode Date: May 31, 2014

Despite being one of the more nothing movies we've ever watched, we somehow crap out what we believe to be our longest episode with G.I. Joe: Retaliation. It's a living. Meanwhile, Dan and Elliott explain what "G.I. Joe" means, and develop President Ziggy, and Stuart reveals he's an evil land developer.Movies recommended in this episode:Raising CainVideodromeDeath Rides a Horse

In this episode we discuss GI Joe retaliation, in which the Joe's and Cobra enact brutal retaliation against the audience. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house I'm Dan McCoy. Boobum Stewart Wellington robot. And I'm Elliot Kaylin super happy and proud of how Stewart's robot and freshness go along. Stewart, you've graduated from robot and fresh in college. Stewart, almost. You graduated from the rich little bot school of robot impressions. Stewart almost sprayed out the one of the two course lights. Yeah, it's in front of him, currently. Almost came out of the exhaust port. Back up, course light. Yeah, he's like a fucking bender. He runs on alcohol right in my disk drive. That's his fun fuel So welcome to the flop house just a message. Don't pour beer into the drive

If you can be better. Welcome to the flop house Oh, it's a flop house thing that we're doing day It's a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we chat about it If you're new to the show turn it off and go back to an earlier episode that makes more sense. And if you're new to the show, we don't know. Keep listening. Yeah, man. There's no way we can know.

And that's your secret thrill. Knowing that you're new to this. We have no idea. Yeah, yeah. Come on. But in this particular case, we watched a little movie called G-period, I-period, Joe, Colin, retaliation. Which is not a little little. A very big movie. Huge. Some would say it's very successful. financial.

It was financially. I mean, I mean, it wasn't like a huge success like overnight sensation now This it made a lot of money is a sequel to GI Joe the rise of co-bro Which I'll actually a little secret guys is a movie I kind of like don't get me wrong. It's deeply stupid Not very good, but it has that let me get to watch it on a plane It's got that Steven Summers charm that mummy It has that, let me get you to watch it on a plane. It's got that Steven Summers charm, that mummy depurizing charm, where it's embraces its own idiocy. In brainhousing.

I wish it had more of a Mark Summers charm, where the Joe's are like, have to find a red flag inside of a big nose for those green slime. I wish I had OCD, so they don't really like to. Well, that part of the Mark Summers charm I like to leave out. Or like a summer school charm Where there's a bunch of montages Dean Cameron's in it Mark Carmen is Is wooing Kirstie Ali she was in it right probably love interest. I can't even remember. I don't she wasn't one of the students

That was a blonde girl who was in the those 80 sitcoms. Christine Abelgate. No. Well, this has not been a fruitful avenue. So let's change it. I said Apple in Apple. Christine Abelgate. Apple, but more fruits do you need? Yeah.

Okay, anyway, so G.I. Joe retaliation. So you liked the first movie because it's stupid. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's just, it's a flavor of dynamism that's in your way. The second I found the first movie very boring. Okay. This movie. I didn't remember very much of it, but luckily Elliot Elliot remembered a bunch about nano machines and Cobra commanders the first movies all about a nano bots that eat the Eiffel Tower and Joseph Gordon Levit Turns out to be Cobra commander at the end and gets his face all screwed up and the movie ends

The movie ends with Cobra and Destro Cobra Commander Destro escaping and they're caught about three minutes later. So the rise of Cobra is represented by them almost immediately being caught and thrown in prison. This movie as LA's plot summary will show probably should have been called the rise of Cobra because they totally rise up in this one. Yeah, but this is, I mean, like their titular namesake,

they rise up from the ground and spread their hood. And then they bite and then a mongolish. They spray poison everywhere. But until a charmer with the flute plays a beautiful melody, which causes them to dance. They are entranced. And then retreat back into their wicker basket to entertain another crowd of tourists. This is, this movie is a direct sequel in one sense which is that at the end of the first movie uh... the president john of the price is uh... being uh... impersonated by

kidnapped and a person shifting cobra with a master of disguise and uses a nano-bots to to shape. But this is also... T2 and his name is Zartan. Yeah, but this is also not a direct sequel and almost a complete reboot. In the other sense, which is that Channing Tatum is the only Joe to bridge both movies and he gets killed.

What about Snake Eyes? Oh yeah, well Snake Eyes is behind the mask the whole time. You don't really think about him as being. Well, I don't know, he's kind of the everyone's favorite character. Yeah, he's an, he's an ninja in a black outfit. He don't really think about him as being. Well, I don't know. He's kind of the everyone's favorite character. Yeah, he's an he's an ninja and a black outfit. He doesn't talk. And he has a pet wolf named Timber. Okay. I mean, that seems like an unimaginative name.

I'm kind of on the nose. One step away from just naming your wolf wolfie. Hey, hey, hey, fuzz, fuzzies. Come over here. Hey, for Paul. Yep. Hey, Fer, hey, fuzz, fuzzes. Come over here. Hey, for Paul. Yep. Hey, fair old dog. Come on. This is my bulldog. It's named bull. Come here, claws. Santa Claus. The patient saint of wolves. Uh, little wolf cubs put their stockings up and say, wait, why do we wear stockings?

We're wolves. Yeah. Guys, I don't know about you, but I love Jonathan Price. Me too. But there is no way a guy with that crazy haircut would be elected president of the United States. That crazy. It's all over the place. It's messy. You know who else had a messy haircut?

Zartan, the little man named Jesus Christ. Nope, Abraham Lincoln. So this is gonna say, who was elected president twice. Anyway, Jonathan Price, yeah. He, for me, was the saving grace of this movie because he really seems to enjoy playing Zartan, who is pretending to be the president, but still says goofy one liner and calls people like, dude and stuff like that. Why wouldn't you enjoy, like if you're playing a character named Zartan, you know that you're

in for a good time. I mean, maybe if you think it's an anagram of Tarzan, I don't know why Zartan could easily be it. If this is a Star Wars movie and a character walked in and said, I am Zartan. You'd be like, all right, I'm ready for this to be a shitty character. What?

What race is this to be? You could be anything. Yeah, you could be anything. Yeah. But if you're a classy English actor slumming it in an American movie and you're like told that your character's name is Zartan, you're like, great.. I know exactly what I'm doing. No again there's nothing about the name Zartan. Zartan would make it make us

him that John the rest like all right I'm playing some sort of intergalactic war lord. Name Zartan. I'm not saying it explain or maybe he's a caveman of some kind. I'm not saying it's not what you sign a time-mushapeshifter. You know the tone that you know it's well the minute you sign up for. I'm a shapeshifter. You know the tone that you need to say. Yeah, you know, the minute you sign up from a movie called Geo-Retalliation, you know the tone of the movie. It's not gonna be a chamber drama. It's not gonna be like the time I saw Jonathan Price on stage

in the caretaker, a pincer play, which he was fantastic in. Let me tell you, as good as he was as Zartan, the part is it is to believe he was even better in this pen, Harold interplay. There's a, it was worth the price of admission. Price of wine. Oh, it's a pun, I get it. That was the Kaelin culture corner.

Yeah, Kaelin. Well, it's one of the many times on this. It's really rebranded. No, I like it. I'm trying to reclaim the initials. It's one of the many times on this podcast that I've mentioned seeing an actor in a stage play. It's a good production too.

Brooklyn Academy Music. But we've given you no idea what this movie's about. So GI Joe, retaliation. Who's retaliating? Who are the Joe's? Perhaps we've forgotten. Let's explain. The GI Joe unit is...

She has a show stands for Giraffe Intelligence Joe. Yep, yep. It's Joe Campbell is... She has your stance for giraffe intelligence Joe. Yep, yep, it's Joe Campbell's unit where he tries to figure out how smart giraffes are. To see if they'd be better mascots for selling cigarettes to kids. Because giraffes are already the Toys of Russ mascot. If they could push cigarettes and Toys of Russ, they'd have a lock on the market.

And so Joe Campbell puts together a unit of the best giraffe psychologists and the best tobacco marketing execs to find out how smart giraffes are. Are they like a wacky, motley crew? Like the weasels and who framed Roger Rabbit? Even better, they're motley crew. Tommy Lee and Nikki Six, the whole game.

They made the other two. They're, I don't know. And the rest. And friends. Molly Gruer as I know it Tommy Lee Nikki six and pals. They're the head and boy are they causing too much rock and rolling and too much partying when Joe Camel has some work to do. And so they have no choice but to kidnap the Queen of England. Okay. To ransom her for the secret files held by the British government about giraffe intelligence by MI6, the mammal intelligence six pack, which is a-

Six different mammals or- Yes, exactly. A beaver, a badger, a bear, a manatee, a boar. You need an aquatic manatee and a dogon. There's two aquatic mammals. A manatee. They're so similar. And that's the problem because everyone keeps mixing them up and can't tell them apart to the exasperation of the sea cow, the manatee who thinks he should be easier to recognize since

manatees are so much more famous than dogons. Anyway, it all comes to a head at a big break dancing competition in where else the center of the earth, which is not part of Germany apparently. No, no. So let's find a GI Joe retaliation, which is not as fun as the movie that I just outlined for you. So GI Joe is a special branch of the military. In the last movie, they seem to be some kind of international ops network. But here, they're just part of the American military that operates independently of everybody

else and is both a secret covert strike squad and also world famous. Everybody knows their names faces their code names and also I find it very delightful at one point when Jonathan Price as you know he's he's he's he's pulled he's a bad guy playing the president but at this point we don't know that we just think he's the president it's a richly layered before but he goes get me the g i jose i'm like i don't think you need to say that as president you're the commander in chief you're just like there are division of the army you can expect

uh... so the g i jose uh... this is my orders for them not like the place in the chain It's never never quite a phone call They're probably the fucking Bahamas on vacation. Well anyway, the point is why are you looking at me? Was that because I just got back from Bahamas? Yeah, like he was trying to connect to you But for a little bit of crowd work. Let me do some his Stewart material Anybody here work at a German themed bar? Oh, I do. Stuards are always wearing those Frankenstein's monster-looking shoes. Am I right?

So hilarious. Roasted. So what's with, so what's with being married to Stuart's wife? Am I right? And Stuart's like, I totally get that. Anyway, the movie, let's, let me get one minute in the movie. So, I don't movie. So the president of Pakistan has been assassinated. And in the ensuing chaos, the Pakistani nuclear

warheads are up for grabs. So the president breaking all rules of sovereignty, which who cares? We already broke Pakistan's sovereignty when we killed a sum in London. Yeah, sends the Joe's and at least is accurate. The president sends the Joe's in to secure these nuclear weapons, but it's really part of a trick. They're actually framing the Joe's for the murder of the Pakistani president, Prime Minister, President, I think. No, Prime Minister, that for the murder of the head of state of Pakistan and stealing of

the nuclear weapons. So the president, Jonathan Price, who's actually Zartam in disguise, the real president is kept in a bunker under the White House. It's not, I know if the White House or if it's just some old house somewhere. I think it's, I think it's, it's like a White House basement. I think it's a White House basement.

He gets beneath the bowling alley. And Zartam just goes down there. He's close and he's gonna be closer. Does the big, it says. But Zartam just goes down there and then to punch the president in the face and torture him and to be able to animate that he's sleeping with his wife. Yeah, but so the president, Zartan, and his guys,

sends a unit of the military, says the Joe's have gone rogue, sends some helicopter gunships over, blows up all the Joe's, kills Channing Tatum, who we've already seen as a great guy piling around with his buddy, Joined the rock. Terrible video games. And finally, we've learned that as a great guy paling around with his buddy, Joanne, the rocker. Terrible video games.

And by the way, we've learned that he's an excellent combat guy, terrible video games, and now he's been killed. Another than Jonathan Price, he's the only returning actor other than him. Right. And Ray Park. And Ray who? Ray Park, who play, playing Snake Eyes. Toad. And is this the kind of same guy who's playing Storm Shadow, right?

Oh, yeah. But like, Chaining Tatum, a perfectly charming actor, like very good in is toad and is this the kind of same guy who's playing storm shadow right. Oh yeah, but like Channing Tatum a perfectly charming actor like very good in Magic Mike and in the 21 Jump Street here like step up right. Yeah, but they they they've delayed this movie in part because Channing Tatum became much bigger star in between when they first shot it and when they released it. And so, like, there's a lot of scenes at the beginning with Channing Tatum that don't necessarily have a lot of bearing on where the movie goes.

They're Channing Tatum filler. Later, yeah, and it's like, well, it's weird because you're like, okay, on the one hand, he's one of the more charming actors that are in this movie. Like, he actually has some charisma on like the guy who plays Flint who makes no impression. There's a guy who goes Jonathan Price, Adrian Paddlecky.

Yeah. Playing the part of Lady Jane. The rock, maybe the rock. And then Channing Tatum. And then the way down at the bottom below the guns and the vehicles used in the movie. And the race. And the race. And the race.

And the race. Sleeping Bruce Willis. There is the charisma of Flint, who is a kid. They're okay, so let's lay who the characters are. So let's just say that the Joes are framed for everything. All of them are killed except our three heroes. Join the rock Johnson as Roadblock, Adrian Policki as Lady Jane and whoever plays Flint as Flint. And Flint is a guy who is there to be the third guy in scenes where we got

a car for the. Exactly. So that so that roadblock and Lady Jane can have a conversation. They need to drive the car. Sorry, Lady Jane, not Lady Joan who I guess. Jay. That's not Jane. I was Jane. No. Lady. Lady. Lady.

Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. A-Y-E. I apologize. I just say that because out there, there is- Let me write up an apology to A-E. Out there, Larry Hama. I just know that Interodients- I'm not going to talk to Larry Hama, yeah.

Interodients, there exist G-I-J-O nerds who are very upset. I have to say this, I'm a nerd about a lot of stupid things, a lot of childish things, but a G-I-J-O nerd is a nerd I cannot respect. Let me just say that. So this is like a cover commander shaped gauntlet being thrown down? Exactly. Yeah. Now, if you were a co-worker commander fan, maybe.

No, I understand. It's come from a guy who has his Facebook picture is wearing a co-worker commander outfit. Well, co-worker commander is great, but that's also, I'm not wearing it because I love GI Joe so much. I'm wearing it because it's goofy. You're wearing it because you're the enemy of GI Joe. Well, that's true, but I was wearing it because it's fun to walk around your office

dressed like a commander. Now, but you were saying this before, like as we were watching the movie and it's trench it and I agree that like, the only people watching this movie are people who have misplaced nostalgia for the shitty cartoons of there. I mean, it's fine to have nostalgia for it, but then to then say,

like, I need a grown-up version of this to justify my liking of this thing. Right, to inflate it into something that is then deserving of, or needing of a millions, hundreds of millions of dollars, like big budget Hollywood film rather than. But alternatively, like, I am, I like this thing,

but I'm ashamed to like its original form because it's a child, children's cartoon. Right. So for me to be able to justify as an adult that I like this thing, I need like a grown up version of it. I feel the same way about like the Transformers or the Ninja Turtles. Exactly.

If they ever make a ThunderCats movie, which they threaten every now and then, like there's, it's for, I feel like. Just have your nostalgia for that thing. But then how is that, how is that that difference from like from like spider man stuff? I would argue that spider man has a depth of character and theme that GI Joe were transformers and things don't have. And that's really I mean, I could partially be based on one was

originally created tell stories and one was created to sell toys. And but also the artistry that's been put into the character. But I'm sure and one of them has a spider ham. Uh, yeah, if there were ham formers, if there were ham formers or GI pigs, then you are, or I guess with P.I.G. Joe's. But it's like one of them, one of them a sense of a greater attempt at our creative artistry has been placed into now Whereas that that's what separates comic book movies from the toy Just individual characters like you know like Ninja Turtles made in a lot of ways as a cartoonist They put a little more effort into it than something else But anyway, we don't need to get into that because I've alienated so many of our listeners

Who love their Transformers movies and their GI Burning tiny little effigies really as I've run bridges to the nerd community Well, I guess it's academia for me now. I can only be around literary nerds. Ew gross So anyway the Joe's Are three Joe lovers. Talk about the mill on the floss. Ew. I don't want to floss The with a mill. what am I a giant? Anyway, so the Joe's are on the run, they've been framed. And the president, Zartan, goes on television to announce that the Joe's are criminals.

And it's one of these things which is like, wait, so does everyone in the world know who the Joe's are? Like he mentioned. The world knows them as Joe's. He mentions. By the way, weird code name. Like he mentioned. The world knows them as Joes. He mentions. But I never like weird co-examines. Like so snake eyes famous. Yes, snake eyes was a time man of the year last year. He's supposed to be like a covert ninja. It seems like it would get in the way if people recognized him knew who he was. But anyway, at the same time.

Everybody knows who everybody is except when they don't want people to know who they are. At the same time, snake eyes, who has just been announced on TV as a terrorist, is arrested, we think, and taken to a prison overseen by Walt Goggins. You may know as Boy Crouter from just five or, actually, he turns in my second favorite performance in the movie after John Price. He's super charismatic as the warden of this underground super villain. Who delights in delivering exposition?

He loves, he gets so much fun and I'm explaining to what the man he thinks is snake eyes, how his underground prison works, where people are put into tanks of a liquid that keeps them awake, but paralyzes their muscles. Yeah. I said, you're welcome, F.D. said tanks. Oh, I got it.

Oh, wow. Really? Why does it feel Oh, wow. Really? Why does it feel like someone just punched me? It looked really hard in the gut. Ouch. So anyway. That's your funny bone, break it. Look, Dan, if the funny bone bends, it's funny.

It breaks. I need a doctor. So this underground prison that is super cool, because they're at the center of the earth all over. It is the world. They're so far underground that Boyd Crouter mentions that they are awarding Crouter. Mentions, they're so far underground that they're no longer in German territory but in international territory. And I didn't realize. So it's totally legal to put dudes in joint fucking freezing back to time. I didn't know that there was a depth you could go where you were no longer

bound by long. You can waterboard the shit out of people as long as you're at the center of the earth as long as you're in mullman country but Welcome to mullman country That's for mullbirl cigarettes So they they're in these so this huge Prison has been set up to hold three prisoners cober commander Destro and yet two before prisoner TBD. And that's it.

That's totally it. They have no more space for tanks. And the whole time the warden is like, so happy that snake eyes is there. They finally caught snake eyes. And they take off. You're giving my signature snake eyes. And did I mention that the entire time

snake eyes is in his signature armor and helmet. So they let him keep on his superhero costume as they brought him to jail and they brought his fucking katana's with him too Yeah, I would think those would go into evidence For some reason his whole armory is with him and it's not till they're about You're prepping him to put him in the tank that they take his helmet off and realize the storm shadow Oh, well, I mean as an afterthought maybe we should just remove this uh help. What the? That's a different guy than the prisoner we thought we had. Well put him in the tomb. Put him in the tank. The same way that like let's say Dan

robbed a bankering a gorilla mask and I was at a Halloween party with a gorilla mask on and the police arrested me. I went to trial. They were walking me to prison. They and then maybe Dan killed someone. Someone death row. I went to trial. They were walking me to prison. They, and then maybe Dan killed someone, someone on death row. I'm about to be brought to the electric chair and they're like, you know what, before we give you the chair, let's take this mask off. They see it's me and they go, you're not the guy that was supposedly the murderer. Strangerman boy. We got the chair. He's traveling in a killer. I got the work order. It says one guy in gorilla mask. The work order just says man in gorilla mask and that's what you had on so.

Not my job to sort gorillas. Get a gorilla's order for that but we can't all the best gorilla's orders were hired by Joe Campbell as part of his gorilla intelligence Joe operation. But anyway. That's a good union to get in by the way. No the gorilla's orders. Oh yes great and hey great benefits. Great and hey, great benefits. Do you just say great benefits?

Yeah, great. Yeah, great, great benefits. If you don't, if you don't pay overtime, then great babe comes in and attacks you. So benevolent, a benefit. It's a benefit to the union. I guess that's true. So they throw Storm Shadow in this tube and they fill

him up with this liquid that paralyzes you. But I guess he's since he's a super ninja. It doesn't affect him and he fights his way out and he's got tons of shuriken. He's just all along in the place. Well, he's when you're in ninja, you can turn anything into a shuriken. He's like pat him down before they put him in the tube. So you have to see, yeah, he's just came in with all those things. You know, back down in Ninja, there's going to be like, you think he's got throwing stars on him. So he's just put him in. He's got throwing stars hidden in his rectum, I guess, but he just

takes out and close up. A couple of blowfish toxin. Yeah. Which you really don't want to store in your rectum. That is going to get into your blood. When you're a great ninja, you can do whatever you want. Apparently. So while he's fighting out from the inside

to free Cobra Commander, Firefly, a former Joe, who's now a bad guy. Played by Rast even, see that Rast even. He's fighting in from the outside and he does it with his tiny little robot fireflies that explode. And also his motorcycle that he rides up,

then jumps off of, it splits into pieces and then explodes against the door to open up in advance. So he's got no ride home. But it was super cool, the way he lost his ride home. And there's no one alive to watch him do it. That's the thing. They literally, and they look at Destrores too. Security cameras, I guess you're right.

And they go, Destro, you're out of the band. And then they leave and then blow the place up so I guess Destro is dead now. And I probably, the best thing is that Walton Goggins character was explaining all the weaknesses of this place and how it's like, great, he's explaining the weaknesses so that this guy can break out.

And then Walton Goggins is the one who utilizes those weaknesses to blow everybody up. Yeah, and he manages to to heavily burn the back of Storm Shadow as he does so. The Cobra Commander gets out and here's where the movie, okay, the movie was kind of bland and boring up to this point. Gray performance by Walton Goggins. Fun performance.

I don't know. Right. P. But rest in peace, the word. But here's where it and this is gonna go back on what I said before about people wanting adult versions of their cartoon characters. And I realized when like the new Michael Bay Ninja Turtles

trailer came out and I didn't give a shit, I was like, oh, I guess I don't really care when they change stuff about stuff I liked as a kid, because the version I liked as a kid is still there. But co-group commander starts speaking and he has a super deep voice. And for some reason that the core of my being has really bothered me. is still there, but co-rup commander starts speaking and he has a super deep voice and for some reason that the core of my being has really bothered me.

So I guess I'm a hypocrite is what it comes down to. Yeah, he should be like two notches down from crypt keepers. He should have a really high pitched scratchy voice because he's supposed to sound like a snake. He's like one of high pitch, wouldn't have low pitched voices. Yeah, no way. And also when snakes speak, they're always super squeaky. And they go like this.

Yes, they always, the S's are drawn out. Like that drug dealing snake man from that anti drug commercial. You remember the one? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, that PSA from the late 80s. Anyway, the point is, I don't know who's big, great. I'm sure I'm a giant remember the jungle book.

Yeah, he has a kind of a high pitch voice, right? Yeah. What's his name jungle book. Yeah, he has a kind of a high-pitched voice, right? Yeah. What's his name? Ka. Yeah, Ka. Point is, cover commander is the one GI Joe character who's really fun. And why would you defund him

by taking away his high-pitched silly voice? And not once in the movie having him go, retreat! Which was his thing. Because he turns out cover commander is really bad at what he does Yeah, well, he's very good at keeping his people alive by retreating But no, he's not in by having them eject from planes his retreat always is him in an escape pod with the Baroness And the rest of his men are killed by lasers. Yeah, major blood might get away in a hiss tank

But that's about it and like Zartan will get away and what's, what's your, Dr. Mindbender's gonna hang out with us when you're about to end Momon, Nathan. Tomax and Zaymah. Yeah, that's Zaybars and Sagas. They usually get away. But basically, if you have a name, you'll escape.

But if you're just one of the faceless co-religion. Yeah, or a bat. Usually the bats are the ones that all get shot. The robets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beat boop are the ones that all get shot at the robots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beep. Thanks for bringing us back around. So anyway, Storm Shadow breaks them out, which leads us to plot number three, which is that snake eyes, the real snake eyes, is taking commands from his master played by the Rizza that he has to go catch the most convincing performance of the movie that they have to.

The Rizza channeling his best mads michael sent impression. Yeah. Snake eyes and his in that he is doing food based puns. Snake eyes and his apprentice jinks who's a lady. They have to go catch storm shadow because storm shadow killed everybody's sense a hard master. Which sounds like. From the cartoon dude.

He got his name from a translated condom rapper. Yeah. Yeah. Applicate hardmaster, please, on private stick area for best safe. For best fun times. Best fun time safety virus. But yeah, it's just called a no baby rapper. Hardmaster, no baby rapper. But yeah, no. This is and this is a plot that doesn't really line up with the rest of the movie,

but somehow I must have missed the scenes where everybody communicates. Because without much communication between these three Joes who are on the run and Snake Eyes, they all meet up at the same place and are working on the same plan. But so roadblock and flint and later. Probably Facebook or Twitter or something. Yeah. They're all probably just playing to each other. They're all wearing Google Glass and doing it.

Google Hangout. Where are they? Babies, Google Glasses. Google Glasses, which is with the glasses that babies wear so that they can, I guess, see things like an adult sees. Yeah, like in that movie Brain Scan, where I wait, you know,

they'll wear, he plays a video game and kills people. Sure. What does that have to do with babies? I don't know. Are you thinking of Jim Henson's Brain Scan, babies? Yeah. Between Little Eddie for a long. But so, so anyway so anyway the three the three Joes come back to America and they set up shopping at abandoned gym yeah, and

they do a little bit of like James Bondy mission impossible type sending Lady Jay there were that lady Jay seduces and and then they kidnap and assist into the president so that they can then sneak Lady Jay into some kind of fancy ball that the president's at so they can steal a hair off of his head and catch, check the DNA to make sure he's not a Zartam. What's great is that a warden in a top secret prison can recognize like all these secret agents on site.

But the president can't recognize Lady Joyce at Cobras, yeah. It's Zartin. But let's get regardless that he's the president and he's metal these Joe's, I guess. He's Zartan and he's Fodemall. It's, but he, and also, and also James Carville is at the event

because one, he will do anything for money and appear to anything. And two, he is the most cobra-y looking character in the home movie. James Carville looks like a cobra snake. Much more code James Carville looks like. Put a hoodie on him. It looks like a cobra. It looks like Globbulous used his snake making gas on James Carville and that's why he's

that's why he's the snake man from Jonah Hex basically. Yeah. I think of the credits he was listed as Nemesis and Forcer. But meanwhile, snow baby or whatever the fuck is name is? Snow baby? I don't know. I know the year for the Storm Shadow. Storm Shadow. So snake eyes and jinx going get Storm Shadow from the mountain

nature. Yeah, he's been burnt up. He, of course, they got to put him in some pagodas on the edge of a mountain to eat all of that. And a combination of ancient magics and high technology. Yeah, and they have a big repelling fight. And it is repelling. They have a fight through the mountains

that involves a lot of zip lines and grappling hooks, which sounds great, but the geography of it is, and let's say one thing. So the director of this movie directed a bunch of dance movies Yeah, he made he made the two Justin Bieber concert films. He made step up to and three step up three and The step up movies and a bunch of dance TV show I assume in the Viva movies and then the step up movies

He's really good at capturing choreography choreography dance on film. Yeah, you know where all the dancers are in relation Which other you see the moves? He is so bad at doing that with action scenes. You don't know where anyone is in relationship to anybody else. You don't know what's going on. There's no sense of them being in a physical space. So they're fighting on the side of a mountain, but the whole thing feels like if they, if they're repelling lines got cut, they could just walk up the side of the mountain and walk around. There's no sense that anyone, any of the heroes are ever in danger at any point. And when people's like repelling lines get cut, they kind of float there for a second. Look around, hold up a sign. There's that

scene where Zartan paints a tunnel on a wall and runs into it. And then the good guys slam into it afterwards because it's just a ton of wall. Meanwhile, we've met Bruce Willis, who's very sleepy. The Joe, so snake eyes and James catcher storm shadow. It turns out he was framed for the murder of Hardmaster by Zartan, who apparently is 85 years old. Because he was an old man when these ninjas were kids. But so they all meet up and they go, we're gonna need some help.

Let's get the reason we're called GI Joe. It turns out it's this old retired general Joe played by Bruce Willis. Yeah, and let's leave his performance since I guess the last thing he did. General I Joe. General Ignatius Joe. And he's just got a bunch of, basically he's got weapons hidden behind every part of his house. Like it's just like a montage of like,

I'm opening this cover and there's guns. And now if this was the tone of the whole movie, there's other thing and there's guns. So here's part of the problem with the movie. The tone is not silly enough to be like popcorn fun and not serious enough to be like a born movie where it's fun but you believe that there's some kind of Realistic action. Yeah, it's not it's both not smart and serious enough to be taken seriously as a thriller

And it is not goofy crazy enough to be like a cartoon movie Well, yeah, because it doesn't feel comfortable being goof as goofy as I think it wants to be because they don't want to insult the fans Yeah, I guess so. But that's so like the one of the few moments that worked for me as a goofy moment is when they reveal that literally everything in Bruce Willis' house, the cupboards, the closets, just think his kitchen drawers,

they all hide guns and knives and other weapons. And at one point, he opens up a closet door and he pulls out this 10, 11 foot long rack of guns. It's like, how did that fit in that closet? Like, he opens up his garage. There's this thing. Can't Mary Poppins bag in there. He opens up his garage and there's just a tank in it.

It was like a fucking bag of holding. And if the, yeah. And if the tone of the movie was, this is the kind of movie where a guy has guns hidden in every panel of his house. I'd be the kind of movie where a guy has guns hidden in every panel of his house. I'd be out because he's a retired soldier who I guess never got out of the covert ops game.

I'd be like, okay, this is a silly movie. I could deal with that. Of course, partly has got General George S. Patton's gun. Yeah, which is in a velvet line. It's like the, there's one of the loop in animated movies. There's like an evil tin pot dictator who loves knives. And when Fujiko like breaks into his office, every drawer she pulls open is full of just an hallucinonize.

That's kind of what this was like. But we're getting to my favorite part of the movie, like the part that the part where Lady J is in running shorts and she bends over. No, we've passed that already. That was also a good part of it. The part where Lady J takes off her, we've passed that already. That was also a good part of it. The part where Lady J takes off her dress and changes into other clothes. That was also a good part of the movie. But I was gonna say, the goofy thing that I like is when we finally get to know what Jonathan

Price's plan is and it is crazy. So, yeah. So Jonathan Price has asked all the nuclear nations in the world to come to Fort Sumter for a nuclear summit. Here's the thing. Even North Korea is invited and they show up, which is crazy. Israel is invited. Israel has denied having nuclear weapons for decades.

Everyone knows they have them. They never officially announced it. But I guess if there's a summit, I'll just show up, whatever. And- To be honest, free crab cakes. They want to see it. Yeah, because the Jewish state is is gonna go for the crab cakes Dan They're gonna go for bin there. I sure

I'm gonna throw some bacon on those crab cakes while you're at it. They're in a different zip code They don't care that care was trade for not god totally doesn't notice way where you hey all I look at is if you're eating at home You know that doesn't matter to me. I'm these commandments. They only apply to one country crab cakes You know, that doesn't matter to me. I'm these commandments, they only apply to one country. Crab cakes. Now I just imagine like the prime minister of Israel comes over here and I'm like, can I get you a shrimp cocktail? Perhaps a cheeseburger.

I've just been putting it up with some milk and some beef in this blender. I've made just some high racks parmesan because high racks are also not kosher. I'm sure that's pretty burst belting in front of a Jewish prime minister. Yeah, well, it just offer him a belt full of borscht, why don't you? Sure. But the point is that he brings him all there and he says, I want to imagine a world with no nuclear weapons.

So everybody, if you don't get rid of all your nuclear weapons, I'm going to launch America's nuclear weapons at you. And they're like, that's crazy. And he goes, OK, and press is the launch button. So all of the nuclear warheads in America, apparently like launch. His like, like in this movie, the nuclear football isn't just a thing that has the launch codes in it. It's a traveling briefcase that can literally launch

all of the weapons from that briefcase, just by pushing and putting. And also, we learned that if you launch nuclear weapons, it appears on a big TV screen above you, even if you're from another country. So all the other countries are like, what we retaliate, they'll bring out their briefcases. They'll bring out their briefcases

and launch their weapons. They're all labeled in their own language with a little label maker. Well, you already have one in the label. What if somebody else's language is? I know, but they're like really fancy things. They're just like someone pulled out when most grocery label things. Yeah, if you've tried to put something on too nice, it's going to hit the button and you launch the codes.

But I just imagine that you're mistakenly putting the launch label on the wrong button. I would just love to talk to the prop designer who put the effort into designing each different fucking briefcase for this stupid movie. What would a Russian briefcase look like compared to a French briefcase? So all the nations in the world that have nuclear weapons, launch their nuclear weapons. And Jonathan Price says, now the world's gonna die unless one of us unilaterally destroys nuclear weapons.

Anyone want to do it? Fine, I'll do it. And he destroys all the American nuclear weapons with one button. And then so everybody else destroys theirs too. I guess we better follow suit now than this happens. It's not shrapnel raining down on the blame. We're gonna look like a bunch of goofs. If everybody shoots off their missiles against America, yes, then they're just missile parts and I assume the radioactive cores of the missiles just falling down. We'll just forget the part where this asshole

just launched all his nuclear weapons. And Jonathan Price goes, welcome to a world without nuclear weapons, even though like there's still thousands of nuclear weapons at that. still thousands of nuclear weapons that never just not on the launch page. But meanwhile, Meanwhile arriving by fan boat, it's Cobra Commander. Uh-oh with ninja.

It is ninja brigades and nobody seems to baton out of this because I guess the president just rolls with a bunch of ninjas usually. You thought they're at a Comic Con. Cobra Commander says, now that you don't have any nuclear weapons, we have our weapons, the Zeus satellite project, and these satellites basically just drop big metal tubes. Yes, spikes. And because of gravity, I guess, they strike

with more power than a nuclear weapon, but without the radioactive follow. So they're actually not as bad as new weapons. Not as scary. And Tilbert takes a moment to destroy London Which is shocking within about within about 20 seconds You just see all of London destroyed and it's like all right I guess they just killed millions of people and

Talking about that and that's when GI Joe strikes and Well, you got away into one country's expo As Dan said what we're watching they couldn't have done it before we're the time to say one and that you know that you're a first blood you don't want to go in here you need to be able to use them of something that's why i don't even think the british prime minister who i assume is

there as a nuclear weapon holding country is even cares that the uh... there's no one would imagine be in tears. Yeah, I have tired family. Everyone I know is dead. So much history. The Queen. Oh, Lord, my whole culture.

He's just like, what? Come on, man. So, a co-op commander says we'll launch these satellites at everybody. Well, these satellites are already automatically launched. So we'll only stop them if you give me total allegiance. The Joe's attack, there's a bunch of explosions. It's a really a storm shadow. It turns out he's with the heroes. We have what you already knew. So he, again, rather than why didn't he say London? The plot, the plan involves storm

shadow getting the president get and just and taking the nuclear suitcase, but he waits until after the nuclear missiles are launched, disarmed and London is destroyed before he decides to break out his part of the planet. By these satellites that were shot into space. This all must have happened while Cobra Commander was in his tube. So did he set up this plan ahead of time or have they been doing it without his supervision? And here's the thing, Zartan is the president. Zaytun. Zaytun. Zata Rans.

Look, Zing that is Ziggy. Ziggy, how much better would be if Ziggy had impersonated the president? And he just can't get anything to work for him. Can't get him. Can't get him. Ziggy, actually he's just president Ziggy. You forget about impersonating.

President Ziggy, you got that piece of it coming up with the Russians. Oh boy, I don't know. Vice President Parrot and then we meet respect. Vice President, it would be vice president, silent dog who looks kind of like Ziggy. And it would be the leader of the opposition would be that sassy parent,

like the Republican leader is the sassy parent. The complaint office is closed by executive order. Let's see how they like it. So that all is. The most Sean plays Ziggy, President Ziggy. So that's the sequel to Ziggy. The movie I pitched five years ago. The sequel is called Ziggy and Chief.

Yeah, okay, Ziggy and Chief, I could say that what about a hail to the Zigg? Fuck Ziggy and Chief, it's called hail to the Zigg. No, the tagline is hail to the Zigg. Here's, okay, here's the trailer. So. Commander in grief. Here's the trailer.

Commander in why me? Yeah. So here's the trailer. You see news stories of like terror attack. It's such and such. Russia invading Crimea. Dead out all these problems, all these problems. And then you just see a shot of the White House

and like an aid rushing through the hallway. And he slaps a file in the president's desk. Of course, the chair is turned with his back to us. He slaps a file desk. Sir, we've got a crisis on our hands. The chair turns... Bass drop. Bass drop.

It's Ziggy and the chair and he goes, why me? And then Q rap music. And then it's like shots of Ziggy. I guess like. It takes two to make a thing. Wow, Rob Bates. I never thought being the president would be so difficult.

But there's also like a sexy like speaker of the house that Ziggy's gonna flirt with. And then, and then the end of the day has hailed to the Zig's gonna flirt with and then and then the end it says hail to the Zig Ziggy and chief hail to the Zig this summer hail to the Zig but anyway that's a different movie that's not GI Joe retaliation. So the point is Cobras plan is crushed almost instantly as soon as these four Joe's get into action. And these fours are Joe's again are the rock lady J this guy flint who has no charisma

personality and old Bruce Willis. Yeah. And snake eyes and snake eyes who walks down a fly to stairs just firing oozey. Just in the air. I guess probably killing some presidential aides. And a couple of the leaders of those other nations. And I love my favorite moment also this and a lady, that's bullshit. He can shoot sure it can out of the air. He won't shoot anybody. Because he's the fire surekins probably. Probably.

It's like that Ninja Turtles pizza shooter guy. They shot those plastic discs. What a delicious way to die. I used a pizza bullet. That way there's no evidence. They just they picked him to bow or to his no evidence. They just, they picked him devoured his own meat. They just, they eat some pizza. And his kidney.

They thought he ate pizza in the head. So it's the only way he checks out. Hold on, let me, let me figure this out. Policeman picks up pizza slice, fits into mouth. Yep, this is how we do it, all right. So, uh. Sure, it was in his forehead. Yep, this is how we do it, all right. So, uh. Sure, it was in his forehead.

Yeah, I'd migrated. I don't know. But the best part of this plan is that Cobra Commander is so cocky that he has the Cobra flag, pulled up the flag, pulled up the White House, and two big Cobra Banners are dropped. They're just waiting for the sign. And it's like, one, when do they print those Banners?

Joanne Faberks must have been slammed that day when they bought all that stuff. I need them by next Tuesday. I don't know, 40-foot banners with this terrorist and signia on it. I don't know what we should do. I'll pay you extra, just rush the order. We got a lot of print jobs.

Please, I have a plan. This is very important. And so, and what's great is that Culver's not even at the white, Cobra Manor's not at the White House when they do this. So I guess he's just imagining what it's gonna look like. And then since the Joe's defeat them almost instantly, I guess the Cobra operatives at the White House

just give up and take the batters down. We get a hold on to this. No, no, no, we were on your side the whole time. We did this as a gag. We're in double agents just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we were on your side the whole time. We did this as a gag. We're double agents just like snow. No, snow baby. That's why we didn't Snowbaby will be such a great name for a character So anyway, yeah, the Joe's win. They they kill everybody in a long action sequence that is not choreographed very well surprise surprise There's this great scene of the rock driving something round.

The rock drives around this place. Driving like a tank dune buggy. That fire's missiles, but not where he gets in a fan boat chase, the fire fly. Because of course he got to be in a fan boat. Why, why not? Because he's a cage in my guess. And he manages to get the cobra briefcase

and hit the abort button in time to stop the satellites from destroying other cities But the abort button also blows up all the satellites Which seems like a weird feature to build into your into your death weapon. Yep, and then they the satellites rain down on the planet And cobra commander escapes in a helicopter never to be seen again You know what I bet there was an after credit sequence and we just didn't even wait. Yeah, I didn't bother That probably a cobra commander like meeting with Nick Fury or something like that. Yeah, sure.

Or a scene of Bruce Willis's wife finding all these guns on accident. You know what it was? Honey! I bet it was, you go through the wreckage of the base and you go to the tube that Destro's in and like Destro opens his eyes and then smiles. There's so many options.

We're gonna have to watch this when we get. We gotta watch the whole movie over again. No, it's not in that place, guys. No, no, we gotta watch the whole movie over again. So, I'm just, it's not in that place, guys. No, no, no, we gotta watch the whole movie over again to see it in context. So the president has been saved, the Joe's have been cleared, they all get medals, and Snake Eyes is still in his ninja, full body with helmet outfit and he's getting a medal, which is weird. And it's just weird that Snake Eyes is like a well-known guy and you just walks around in this full armor.

That was a cool dude snake eyes. I know that guy. It does it. He's a well-known member of that. What Irish or Cagab, Ninja Squad? This famous Ninja Squad led by, anyway. And Bruce Willis gives, he has one of George Patton's pistols. He gives it to Joanne the Rock Johnson says, for when you catch up with Cobra Commander, because I guess it's Cobra Commander killed Patton, I don't know why, somehow that's revenge for something.

Yeah, I guess he's giving him the ability to license to kill. I don't know. And in this is my second favorite moment in the movie, the last shot of the movie, literally, is Joanne the Rock Johnson, after just having a metal pin done him by Bruce Willis, in the presence

of the president and this is a pairing live on television just aim just points the patent pistol at the sky and fires and it's like one this is a fourth of July this is one so Bruce will just carry around a loaded gun and a velvet line case all this time and usually historical memorabilia guns are not loaded but I... he pulled the uh... ammunition out of the box i did he i missed that then if that's case he still on he just fired a loaded weapon that all out then he fired a loaded weapon just in the presence of the

president which is kind of against the rules i'm guessing yeah so uh... but end of movie ready for g i joh three d rock and metal tune probably no Go straight to how you like me now. Oh, that's right. Yeah, the most bland Credits music you could think of yeah, credits are just showing us scenes from the movie scenes from a mall

Seen from some reason it's a montage of scenes from a mall with with the most of woody-pillen and bet mittler And then sees from scenes from a marriage with Liv Omen. Yeah. Is it a good Omen and scenes from a marriage? Yes, I think so. So let's go directly to final judgments. Was this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

Elliot, what do you have to say about this? It's just such a bland kind of dull movie. I wanted it to be a good bad movie. And there are moments when it was like, oh, here's the good bad movie it could have been. But it wasn't even like, didn't even reach the level of bad bad movie. It's just kind of like there, you know?

It's kind of like trying to judge like, a piece of wood you see in the street. Like, I guess it's there. I can't deny the truth. I guess that, you can't say that's a good bad piece of wood. No, I'm seeing it. It's just, it's just there. I know it's, I mean, there's no way to, it's just lying there doing nothing. Yeah. And seeing,

and seeing as I watched a little bit of Tangling Cash on TV today, which really showed me what a good bad movie could be, this didn't, you know, yeah, I, I thought that mostly it was a bad bad movie. The good bad sequence in it, as I said, like, that I liked the most was Winch on the Price Had His Plan, which was just counting on the fact that if he unleashed a bunch of nukes, everyone else would follow suit. And then if he disarmed the nukes, everyone else would follow suit.

And then there were no more nukes in the world after that. There's this great moment where everyone's disarmed in the nukes. He's a student of human beings. Yeah. Zartan must know people in order to become them. There's everyone's destroyed their new ex-exit North Korea. And they're like, North Korea.

And the North Koreans is like, guys, like, OK, and turns them off. And it's like this weird peer pressure moment. Yeah. If this movie had, if you could accurately encapsulate this movie by the cobra banners being unveiled at the White House Then it would have been a good bad movie or even a movie I kind of liked but it's not Stewart. Yeah, I mean I think we are all all agreeing it's a bad bad movie and I feel like when I saw the trailers

I thought maybe this could be either a movie I kind of liked or maybe even a good bad movie But it feels like the entire movie was just cut to be trailers. Like everything's so rapidly cut. It's just, yeah, it's so bland. Yeah, it feels like they built the trailer first and then they built the movie out of trailer parts. Yeah. So we have a sponsor again this week. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast easy to create your own professional website portfolio and online store. For free trial and 10% off, go to squarespace.com slash flop house and enter offer code flop house at checkout.

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You don't know do with your website that you're getting for square space making a flop house fan site. Yeah, why not? Come on guys There are enough of those out there. I'll put the jam. Oh, yeah, they'll never get up the jams Straight from the ad copy Make sure you say pump up the jams in the ad they'll understand Jams anyway steward I believe you had something you wanted to say yeah, I know you guys You guys are trying to put on a brave face But that's we gotta let everybody know that the flop house is in trouble, you know we are

Coming up on our busy season this summertime. And I don't know if you guys I don't know if you guys have been reading the paper, but local land developer, Reginald Bucksworth. No, that's not. Yeah, that's my language. I just do Brooklyn land developer, Reginald Bucksworth is planning on demolishing the flop house to make way for some fucking condos or something. No, but that's where the kids hang out. And you know what I don't like about that

Reginald Bussworth guy, his nudiness. He's the snooze guy. And you know, we... I was wearing a white suit driving around in the back of his Lincoln town car. We tried to do some bikinis optional Jeep tours around Brooklyn, but it was just so expensive. And it's, and frankly, it's weird to drive

and do a Jeep tour around Brooklyn. Exactly, it's too slow. And when we said bikinis optional, too frankly, it's weird to drive a do a Jeep tour around Brooklyn. Exactly, it's too slow. And when we said bikinis optional, too many people just chose not to wear a bikini and wore the normal clothes. Yeah, it's kind of a bummer. And the break dance competition we thought would save it, we forgot and put Dan Noanie's McCoy as our contestant. And I broke my dance.

Oh boy. So you, the listeners can actually help us save the flop house. Hashtags like save the flop house by by contributing. You need to go to a story merchandise.com and by a t-shirt that says the flop house on it has our faces Just show your support and show that you're standing up against snooty ass wipes like Reginald Bucksworth. Like Reginald Bucksworth. The third. They're 25 bucks and it'll make you look like you are a courageous brave G.I.

Joe style human being. Wow. It's quite a lot of pressure to put on a t-shirt, but these t-shirts can hold up to it. But now that the business has been taking care of, and business is good. We can move on to a little interactive segment with you, the listener that we call the fluff out. We're going to sit around while you try and call in. We're outside your home. Unlock your door. We're coming in. No, this is letters from what the letter said is you want a relief. It was only the letters not Dan sexually harassing

the listeners. Listeners write in reprimand and Dan can't do that. It's not okay. No means Okay, no means no damn no means no even if that no is written in a letter From a listener harassed by damn Letters is brought to you by Dan's restraining order Thank you If you see Dan report him to a cop This first letter Thank you for that fully That's Foley. That James Foley. This is James Foley. That's not even a kid in the hall.

This title, Spooktacular Flop House Dream. I like the pronunciation of that. Dear Dan and dudes, I kind of had a dream. I've evaporated to dude. I've kind of had a dream that featured you guys last night. Creepy, right? The original Peach's, the house cat and I

had to spend a night in Dracula's house for a million dollars. Wait, so not Dracula's castle, his house? Well, was it like a bungalow? Literally his next sentence. It wasn't a castle, it was a house. It's like a ranch style. It was an open floor ranch house, a castle, it was a house. It was a ranch style. It was an open floor ranch house, you know, Frank Lloyd Wright style. Dracula woke up and he was pretty angry.

Wait, so there's been no, but Dracula didn't know we were there. I asked him what he dreamt about and he replied, sounding a lot like Elliot. Hoisin, as always, a spectacular melee ensued. How do you defeat Dracula? You put him in a sleeting bag and beat the shit out of him. Thanks for the laughs. Big Wolverine is there. He's a good bad dream.

That's an anti-lass name withheld from Finland. Well, thank you for listening and for dreaming about us, I guess. And having the single, wussiest Dracula, I think ever in history in your dream. So I like to think this is a retired Dracula, living in like cows or something. Yeah, this is like the gay bad Dracula, who's just... Oh, gay bad Dracula. Yeah, from food by.

From food by. At least a gay bad Dracula. I don't know what that means. From Dracula. That's Frankenstein insulting Dracula. Yeah. I mean, Frankenstein monster. Dr. Frankenstein would run in fear from Dracula.

Unless it's like, doc Frankenstein is sitting there and he can insult Dracula because his monster is right behind him. Like, yeah. You just call him Doc Frankenstein. Like, you're like his, like, a certain or something?

Well, we'll check the tape later. But it's like a my bodyguard type situation. Yeah. And is it and is any yours like like Dr. Frankenstein? Come on. And calling someone gay is it in self? That's no good. That's offensive. Yeah. Next you're gonna make one of my hump. Yeah. Let's rap. Mummy, can you talk about how Dr. Frankenstein has offended you today? Mummy says nothing.

Only the voice of ages coming from his sandy bones. Your open mouth is just a bunch of assholes. So I hope that answers your question that you didn't ask. What a mummy sounds like. So this next letter is titled, Everyone Needs a Second Chance. Dear Leonardo, Michelangelo and Donatello, you know who is who. We do, yeah. I'm 34 years old and have been a loyal listener to the Flopos for over 20 years.

Your loyalty will be rewarded. I've never had the after life. I've never had the courage to send in a question, but Fortune favors the Seas Day, so here goes. Is there a movie that you just liked on first viewing, but it had just enough to warrant a second viewing and you Subsequently came away from that viewing actually liking the movie in my case it was the Hobbit I hated it the first time but it up on seeing it a second time I enjoyed it 15 minutes singing dishwasher sequence included Sincerely Jesse last name with held

Well, I'll speak real quickly about the Hobbit because I actually like it. I feel like that's a movie that definitely rewards seeing at home when you can just sit down and take pea breaks and whatnot. I feel like when all those movies, people seem to complain a lot about the length, but I feel like when all three of them are out or people can watch all three of them at home, people just binge watch them like a fucking TV show and won't complain about how long they are anymore. To actually answer your question, I kind of felt that way about Scott Pilgrim. The first time I saw it, I didn't really like it. But second viewing, I liked it a lot. I would say the thing that came to mind when reading this is a movie that I actually liked the first time but didn't love and that was a Miller's crossing.

The first time I saw it, you know, I kind of, it was enjoyable but it felt very surfacy to me and I of course didn't follow the plot because it's notoriously intricate. But the second time when I kind of knew all the ends and outs of it, I could focus on the levels of emotion that actually do exist in that movie but aren't necessarily like right on this surface and now it's actually one of my Most highly rated movies It's hard for me to think of one but this this is not quite the same, but I think I would say probably dirty dancing because when I watched it was younger, I did not like it, but it was a big

favorite of my wife's when she was growing up and she really likes it. And you're walking through her eyes. Exactly. Like seeing it through her eyes, I can see things in it that I didn't see before that are enjoyable. And there are things about it that like the like 60s Jewish-borsched belt at like Adirondacks Resort local, which I didn't know anything about when I was growing up, knowing some of that history, like I appreciate the movie a little bit more. You like it because you like history.

Well, no, but it's a setting that like where I can see like, oh, I can understand totally what this setting they were recreating and like what a good portrait it is of that type of place. Whereas when I can see like, oh, I can understand totally what this setting they were recreating and like, what a good portrait it is of that type of place. Whereas when I was a kid, I was like, I don't know what they're doing where they're going, so. I don't like dancing, let alone dirty dancing.

The cleaner, the better, please. Well, I have to say, like, I'm not a particular fan of dirty dancing, but having this, having last summer, gone to your house and watched it in your backyard projected on a sheet for your wife's birthday. I really enjoyed it. In that context also seeing it I guess through your wife's eyes. Yeah I mean I hope you get over the fact that I hate that I had the time of my

live song which also is forever associated my mind with Chuck E. Cheese. Because when I was a kid, we would have birthdays at Chuck E. Cheese and it's seen they always played that song. Because I guess their dancing had just come out. But anyway. This next letter is titled, The Deep Side Cause. Or should I say, dear Smelly Killing, Bourd Skellington and Dan McCabre. What is my scary name Smelly? Unless it's the smell of a rotting corpse, I don't understand.

This letter was written during Shoktober. Sorry Dan, I couldn't remember your Shoktober moniker, so I made one up. I've noticed you often criticize a movie by saying it suffered from bad screenwriting rather than bad directing and vice versa. How do you make such a distinction? Is it based solely on poor dialogue or are there other indicators? Since this question is mostly aimed at elegant, I've prepared additional questions for Dan and Stewart Dancer as well.

Stewart, what is the Flop House House cat's party drug cocktail of choice, or is the House cat T-todallingalling a T-Todalling Popeye's addict like Elliot? Dan, if you could eat any fake food from a movie or television show, what would you choose examples include slurm from Pesorama, pravy patties from SpongeBob's Sqeref Banks. SpongeBob's mom. SpongeBabs.

Or dehydrated. Or for SpongeBob, or dehydrated. Or for Spongebob's. Or dehydrated pizza hut from back to the future part two. Thanks. Keep up the good flopping since you really Kate last name withheld. Yes, I just wanted to mention that I like Dan suffer from a deep sigh affliction. For years my parents, bosses, friends, and teachers have thought I was expressing exasperation when I was actually just breathing. I'm glad that us deep sires finally have Danand bring awareness of a necessary deep siding to the world

So I guess you are Responsible for the substance of this letter and we so it's kind of how do you tell when it's bad writing or bad directing? Yeah, I think it's not so much dialogue is maybe a part of it But like storytelling structure and how the plot moves or fits together or how the characters are developed is more seems like more of a writing thing. The director affects that, but that's more the underlying script whereas like the style of a movie. Like there can you can be a movie that makes no sense. The characters are really thin, but the style is really cool and that's the good direction bad script where you can have a movie that's really blandly shot,

maybe the performances are not so strong, it's not paced quite right, but there's- Give me an example. Off the top of my head, it's hard to think of a movie that's well written and poorly directed because those tend to just come out bad anyway. Like a bad, it's an old saying that I am not taking credit for that.

A good director can save a bad script, but a bad, a good writer can not save a bad director. That like the director has the final imprint and you're watching it. It's a visual movie. So a really stylish and well shot movie or well edited or excitingly paced movie that has a crappy script can still be enjoyable, but it's rare for, but a director can really sink a good script. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of these scripts that are on the, what the blacklist or whatever,

that end up being made into movies and end up being shitty. And they come out to be terrible. Like, suspect zero, was that, was that the movie? I don't know, but like the beaver was one that was on, one of those, like a lot of those blacklist scripts, maybe there's something in the script that you just doesn't come through,

that it's mangled in translation of the screen. But sometimes there's like a really well-written scene in an otherwise not particularly interesting movie, and I like to think that that's a little bit of a better screenplay coming through. But hard for me to come up with an example of Topman. Okay. To answer your question, well, I mean the house cat is a big beer guy. He drinks a lot of beer, and that's going to catch up with the example of top man. Okay. To answer your question, well, I mean, the house cat is a big beer guy. He drinks a lot of beer and that's gonna catch up with him later in life when his silver bullet fan like, oh, yeah, I mean, he likes cheap beer.

For a while, he drank a lot of four loco when he was a pitchman for that product. Yeah, that short lives. Yeah, and he, you know, if he's. Really goes to bars and start parties. Yeah, if he's a, if he's at an, you know, he likes his, his, his, yaga bombs. I was trying to speak the parlance of that. And if he's at a, if he's at a nice dinner or dinner party, he usually drinks like an oyster stout. Because the seafood is a cat, you know, and if I was going to eat any uh... Soil and green. That's what I was gonna say. Uplest it.

Um, so that's what you get at any... You can come up with another one to report. You can have any movie food you'd have processed human corpses. Yeah, I mean... You'd have imaginary dessert from hook. Yeah, hang on. Hang on. Hold on, maybe I would uh...

Maybe I would have that elicable wallpaper from the Willy Wonka. That's pretty safe. I can see it. You wouldn't, because I imagine you were gonna say the sushi that was on the nude woman in Rising Sun. Not an imaginary food, that's a food that exists. I have trouble believing that I really exist. So last letter, it goes like this.

Sorry that I took your, you know, it goes like this. Sorry that I took your, no, it's fine. I said as a joke, not thinking you were gonna reveal you had a cannibal inside you. No, I mean, the whole bit was gonna be that I didn't know what's going to be the cream was. No, I really didn't. Played it again.

Yeah, that would have taken time. Anyway, keep moving. So the next letter and last letter goes like this. Hey, floppers. I've been going through your back catalog. It's most impressive. And I had a couple of thoughts. All of those letter reading.

Number one, do you know your multi-episode guest host and Elliot replaced her Brock something? Brock Handlebar maybe? Yeah, Brock, no, Brock may hand. That Brock Handlebar. When I first heard him on an old episode, I was certain that Mr. Handelbar was actually Elliot doing a voice.

I figured that Elliot had picked the obviously fake name Brock, so we could do some sort of bit where you find the guy's an actor. Oh, manly. But as the episode went on, Brock didn't do anything particularly manly. Whoa. I thought he might threaten to lift you up

by your undies, Dan, or at least challenge Stuart to arm wrestling. Maybe he'd talk about eating beef burgers, but nothing. Brock is actually a vegetarian too, that's a wheel there. Why did Elliot pick Brock Handelbar if he wasn't going to use the opportunity to talk about doing wheelies and just steal Dan's computer? Lane, I realized, though, when Brock returned,

that he probably isn't a character. But then they made him move me about the clumps, so even Bafflin' characters can get sequels. What? Anywho, takeaways are A. Tell Brock, character man that he's a walking missed opportunity, but that he can fix that still and be Elliott. I think he can sound like Brock if you wanted to. You should stick with Classic Elliott though.

Number two. Thanks. Apparently Stewart sounding like Seth Rogen is a thing. I don't see it. What I have seen from the first episode I listened to is that we've established with the Brock Elliott comparison. This person's ears do not work properly. Letter writer, I apologize. Get your ears checked out. That's fair. You may have used a Q-tip a little too far in. But from the first episode I listened to is that Dan sounds like Martin Star. What a coincidence.

I think that you should push the idea that Ellie read this letter. That Ellie also sounds like a compliment, necessarily, of, Ellie also sounds like a Freaks and Geeks cast member. Then you guys could roleplay for class episodes or make up your own. The obvious choice for Ellie is Franco.

I don't think James Franco. James Franco. But he does not comfortable with that. Sam Levine could work too. Sam Levine is, oh, yeah, that's an obvious one. Like of you stand out like 100% this person is 100% this lovely person who wrote a letter and took the time to write us I'm more like everything Then mr. McGoo of listening

Anyway John last name withheld P.S. Stan you can read this part signalling your head. You're my favorite flopper. PPS Stan says, I know that if you read this letter at all, you will have read that last post-script out loud. My actual favorite flopper is when Elliot and Stewart team up to make fun of you. To mix cartoon metaphors, it's like a two person bulltron teasing Leonardo.

Sure, it's like two kids, one on the other shoulders, wearing a trench coat, trying to sneak into an adult's party. Yeah, always works. It stands party and we trying to sneak into an adult's party. Yeah, but the party works It's Dan's party and we're just sneaking in to make fun of him. Yeah, but we yeah We feel very sorry for your problems. Yeah, get that checked out There are you should probably stop listening to this podcast the earbuds that you have in your years Don't be hasty. Come on. Don't be hasty Listen, but maybe use different headphones. There's a magic person walking down the street and the dog barks at them, like that duck

of yours, it seems a little strange. What? It said quack, quack, clearly. Um, but thanks for all the money. Hey, buddy, watch out. There's a follow-up piano. What? Thank you.

It's a flying grandma. I don't think so. Piano crushes him. All of you for writing in, but now is the last segment of the show. About time, I say. The least popular segment, recommendations of movies that we actually like. It's the part where people turn off the podcast. Stuart, what's the movie you would like to recommend?

I'm going to recommend the first Brian DePaulmo movie I ever saw. It's called Snakeite. It's called. It was Raising King. It is. It is Raising King. I was gonna recommend Raising King. Partly, I don't think it's actually the like really that great.

Nor does it really fit that well into the Paulmo. It's fun though. But it's fun. And I think, uh, and think in John Lithgow plays a, I mean, this is not a secret at all, but John Lithgow plays a guy with multiple personalities. And I like seeing John Lithgow crazy. Not just crazy, but also kind of scary.

Like, It's a very underused thing that John Lithgow can do is be scary. And I think the movie has a number of sequences that are genuinely creepy and tense and scary. So if you like Brian DePaul Muthriller, that's a little bit lower in his catalog. And you like John Liff Goward, I'd recommend giving that chance. That was the movie I think where a guy saw it and he said, I gotta create a serial killer show, do like two okay seasons, then one really bad season with Jimmy Smith's and then do a season with that guy as a serial killer because he is creepy. Yeah

So I've seen a show game of Not even the same channel for the red viper himself Jimmy's The up Senator bail Organa, the red pipe bird. Talk about missed opportunities. I've seen a few movies recently that I... Give us your life story later. Enjoyed. You've been flying around Plano?

No. You've been doing a lot of flight simulators while you watch this movie. Honestly, it's been that my wife has been out of town a fair amount, so I've had more time to just waste on movies. But I watched... I watched Hellbaby, I enjoyed that. It's a very sloppy movie. It's a very, very sloppy comedy. It's the one with the poster with the chick's cleavage, right?

I don't know about that, but it feels like a bunch of sketched comedies trying to gather. You think of the booms the movie? I saw him up to that. Hard about is right. But it's a it's a Tom Lennon Rob, Robert Ben Grant movie, but not in their night at the museum mode in their

more like crazy, like zany little budget scrappy mode. And they both play, they both basically play two different father, Guido Sardoujis. And it's about Rob Cordray and Luzzie Bidou. Luzzie Bidou Sardoujis. Moving into a home.

And Leslie Bidou has a devil baby insider. And Keegan Michael Key is very funny in it. He's probably the funniest part. Not a great movie, but fun. I also saw the New Godzilla. I enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. But the movie I will recommend is a movie that needs no

recommendation. You're not recommending the other two movies. No. So why did you like you like you have never done this before. But I recommend I say I'm going to recommend two movies. I don't go. Let me go through the other movies. I said I like those before I get the recommendation. Let me go. He's giving you a taste and then he's giving you a full meal. Yeah. Why are you blaming? Let me go Taste and then he's giving you a full meal. Yeah, why are you blaming? Other movies you can see how baby was an amuse bouche. Yeah, man And a moves babies like we were watching Hannibal man So kind of But we're watching four episodes when we thought we were only getting one episode

It's super sized episode. Yeah, super NBC period where they supersize episodes of Animal World. And you're like, it's only 39 cents. I might as well watch it. There's kind of story here for like a five minutes more of Hannibal, but then they stretch down with kind of unrelated eggs. A couple of people have an elevator with a monkey.

It's weird. It seemed like a regular Hannibal's plot. No, what I want. Nope, OK, eating the monkey, all right. Maybe it is. So the movie that I want to recommend is a movie that we've discussed here before, and probably needs no recommendation for our fans.

But I rewatched video drum. And the movie. There, I mean, the dissolve did a lot of pieces on that recently that were all worth good stuff reading it's a movie that's very precious and in a lot of ways but why actually it totally predicted the the the the friends of growing guns that in your hand and shoving videotapes in your belly no but I mean like there's a lot of talk about how it predicted like growing fascination. So Rob Layfield kicked it right.

Growing fascination with like- His name's blood video. Living your life, living your life through screens with like the internet. But for me, what was interesting watching it was actually not looking forward but looking like at the sort of like nostalgia to the the period it was made and the way it was when I was growing up and like sort of cable was new and on like the upper limits of the cable dial you would find weird things that were on there just because like people needed to fill air time and sometimes in the middle of the night you would see something inexplicable.

That would shock or fright you or discuss to you. During a time that now on the internet, your moments away from something shocking and frightening and disgusting at any time, the weirdest stuff, especially where we were. But at the time, the strange seediness of being able to stumble upon that is something that a video drone captures beautifully. And that's what I kind of found most charming watching it again recently. But there's something, I think there's something comforting

about the way that you can find terrible things on the internet, but like, you don't feel, you feel so connected. Whereas back in the day, if you found like some fucked up weird VHS tape that somebody's like, you should watch this weird black and white thing I have. You, yeah, you feel super alone and you can't turn to anyone. And also, and you also may never find out what it is. Yeah.

There are plenty of times when you saw something. You see something on cable young and you'd never find out what it was. What was that half remembered thing image like a long time to identify having seen a little bit of the Julie Tamor movie fools fire on PBS and it's this creepy oh right that's the like the adaptation of a pop rock I think yeah and it's like not no and for years just didn't know what it was. I just had the images from it in my head. And that one eventually found out what it was, thanks to the internet.

But like, there are things you can just stumble on something and see it and it'd be weird to that and be like, what? There wasn't even like a TV guide channel. The TV guide only covered some channels, not all of them. You know, like, you just end up not knowing what the hell you saw, you know. It's kind of like how there's little clips of public access shows and being there. Yeah. And you're like, well, never gonna find out what that was.

This guy, do it just, just yelling martial arts, you know. Yeah. That's why, like, I remember loving that show a night flight, which was just like a bunch of like weird, like, public domain, like, clips and old, like, private stamp-woo cartoons and stuff like that, where it's just like, okay, well, this was basically the internet at that time except where you weren't overloaded with that shit. So like if something was weird, it carried that much more impact. Because you're like, what the hell is this? I have no context to put in.

Was it my turn? Or do you have to eight more movies? No, that's it. And my video drums are good movies. No, wait until you're done. You're like angry thing. But I have to admit video. No, it's a great movie. I know it's a preamble. So I watched about five movies recently and I first of all talk about the ones I didn't like. Oh boy, you always recommend three movies. I'm gonna recommend one movie this time. I'm gonna recommend a Spaghetti Western from 1969 in the United States, and he was earlier in Italy,

with leave and cleave called Death Rides a Horse. May have seen it. It's one that I knew the music from for a long time, but had not actually seen. You'll recognize the main theme if you watch it from Kill Bill, because it's used in that. But this guy is, it opens with the kind of scene I don't like, which is women being assaulted by bandits. But that is the origin story of this kid who sees his family killed and attacked by bandits, but each one of them has...

Like, sound like, deadly night? Kind of, except each one of them has either an earring or a necklace that's very identifiable. One has a tattoo on his chest and he remembers them and he grows up to be a great gun fighter and he's gonna track down each of these men and kill them. At the same time, leave Ancleaf,

who was a bandit who was betrayed by his gang, is out for revenge and it seems the two of them want revenge on the same time, Leavand Cleef, who was a bandit who was betrayed by his gang, is out for revenge, and it seems the two of them want revenge on the same men. So they're both hunting the same people, but also in conflict with each other because both want to be the ones who take out these guys. And they gain, it's one of those spaghetti westerns where they gain a grudging respect for each other and like take turns basically leaving the other one in the desert to fend for himself And it ends with a really big action scene at the end. There's a lot of good smaller action scenes Leave An Cleaf is totally awesome in it and it's got a great Neomorkone score, so you can't go wrong with it death rides a horse

Playing at Wherever you decide to read wherever you decide to rent it Wherever you decide to rent it. Wherever you decide to rent it. Um, so he's rated probably PG. I don't know. Probably G of ratings. General audiences. Um, so we watched one of the most nothing movies we've ever watched and I think this is probably the longest we've ever got. By far. Well, body slam. I guess you can just apology's audience. Go Joe, I guess. Yeah.

Yeah, Joe, that is. Hopefully you've already stopped moved on with your life. Mm-hmm. Hopefully you've got through the giraffe intelligence Joe bit that we at the very beginning of the episode. If you do, your podcasting equipment, your podcast listening equipment, and hug your child instead. Live your life, man. Go out there. Go on fall in love. Why are we making this episode longer?

I'm sorry. We've been the flop house. And playing it here. But not there. Starring me, Dan McCoy, and me. Stuart Wellington. And you. Elliot Kaylin.

Good night. Everybody. Stuart Wellington and you Elliot K. Lynn good night everybody Dan McCoy's robots sexy robots with butts so like this like all the robots are somebody's wife so all the robots and then like art book. From the 80s, there was always in like, Well, you're sorry I'm art book? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Like that Aerosmith cover, there's that one painter who does just sexy robots. Yeah, but his name is Bore's Belagio.

No, it's not Bore's Belagio does fantasy paintings. My fantasy, saying that those sexy robots aren't a fantasy. I'm saying he does strapping strapping muscular men wearing tiny underpants with swords in their hands and Situating to their exactly or sexy ladies fighting dragons much like the art of his wife to reveal Accentuated pubises There's nothing in your van Well, I do other situated views. This is sensual puberty.