The Frank Skinner Show - Milk Week

Episode Date: October 14, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week, Frank got some VIP treatment at Operation Mincemeat. The team also discuss a weird chicken pie, the least likeable sports ball and the threatening pork man.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You mock me. You can text the show at 81215, follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Yeah. That's correct. Do people still, whenever it's mentioned, I saw the opening episode of The New Big Brother, Frank.

Oh, yeah. And they refer, yes, they're back. I saw about a minute of it. We're too old. You know, they arrive in the house. It's not for us anymore, dear. People walk in the house and they go, oh, hello, and all that.

Do you want a campari? That bit, and I thought, no, I can't go back here. The bit where they're trying to sort of rapidly establish their vibe. Yeah. I'm me. Yes, there was a lot of that. Well, I know what you mean. I felt that a bit i felt it

was the screaming was it was just noise yeah it was literally people just going ah yeah house of screams nobody said sit down with you yeah nobody they referred to they felt the need they said or you can tweet us or we should say it's commonly known as X now. Did they? How long is that going to go on? What, Big Brother? Keep saying one thing and then saying it used to be something else. There's got to be a limit on that, hasn't there?

I suppose they're in a bit of a bind because they've changed on X from tweets to posts. You can't say you can post us in case people actually send it in the post the trouble with Elon I don't know if that book is available anywhere but the trouble

with Elon he hasn't thought through the verb or anything it doesn't work you can X us you don't want to do that. I think he's been sent in to destroy the entire network. He's a mole. That's my theory. He's fairly mole-like.

I don't know. I'm not on X. You're not on X. I haven't been on an X for years. Anyway, so last night, last night, what's the next she said she said all right i did um a q and a and um you will know um we once had on the show um a couple of performers from um the from the successful West End musical Operation Mincemeat. And sorry, you vegans. And last night I did a...

You know, sometimes, I don't know if you've ever done this, you watch a play or something, and then after they have a Q&A on the stage. It's a lovely treat. And the actors come on. Sorry, was there a tweet? No, it's a lovely... What I actually said was it's a lovely tweet. And the actors come on, sorry, was there a tweet? No, it's a lovely, well there has,

what I actually said, was it's a lovely treat. Oh, sorry. But there has been a lovely tweet as well. There's been a tweet formerly and now X, formerly tweet. See, that's what it's going to be like now. A post. A post. Felicity

has said lottery tickets for tonight. She got lottery tickets for tonight's Mints Meet Live, as she's called it. And it feels like winning the actual lottery. I think that's what they do, Pia, isn't it? There's like a, you can... Yeah. And, yeah, she's very excited.

And she was also very excited to see your Q&A, Frank. There's a lovely picture of you on stage. Yes, with your legs crossed in that very, I'm chairing the Q&A way. Yeah. Yes. You're clearly delivering Q's and receiving A's.

Yeah. Well, not for the first time. So, yeah, it was... You say that vegans, but I did think actually Operation Quorn would be quite a good name for a deception operation.

No. But there is that mincemeat that you get in mince pies. There's no meat in that, is there? So maybe that's what it refers to. Oh, that's true. Yeah, deception in that sense. And something hidden secretly under a crust.

Anyway, what they did, because I was doing the Q&A, so I went to the show for the fourth time. It's at the Fortune Theatre if you want. I'd recommend it. It's brilliant. Well, I'd say you would after four times. I should hope so. And in the interval,

they put me a VIP area, which I'm not kidding, was about 18 inches by about three feet. And a little faded rope, which shows the last time a celebrity had gone to the Fortune Theatre was in the 50s. And, because I always look up when I'm there for the woman in black to suddenly appear on a balcony.

Oh, yeah. And I said, I'm sitting there. The person I was with said, I said, no, I'm sitting there. The person I was with said, you're not. I said, no, I'm definitely. And I sat in this little mini, I got a photo. We'll put it up on the doodle. And I picked up the reserved photocopy off the table. And I sat there.

And what I did is I spoke to people in the audience telling them to keep their distance and then um and then i um i would let them come and sit in it for like a minute come and sit in that on the other seat it's really it was such a lot and then a security guy came over says everything okay and i said now this woman's bothering me. She had to go away. Oh, I've never enjoyed an interval so much in my life. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, yeah, the Operation Mincemeat thing was peopled largely by fans. There is a real genuine fandom around this musical which is

obsessive i've seen the uh the evidence online people going uh with sort of a sort of bingo attitude trying to get all the different variations of the cast well last night was a biggie because there was two understudies on last night which which is, that's like getting, I think, a whole line on the bingo card. So, yeah, so those people were really excited. And I met a woman who'd seen it 35 times, and she said, don't say that when you're on stage because that's nothing compared to a lot of the people. I was just going to say, did you meet her the way

that people sort of meet Hannibal Lecter on one of those big wheelbarrow things? No, she was lovely and she came and sat actually in my mini VIP area briefly. Honestly, you in that VIP area. Oh, it was funny. That rope. A bloke said to me, it's a bit faded, that rope. I said, well, if the cat fits. Yeah, they do. It's really weird. I've never,

I mean, it's like a Rocky horror thing. They just keep going. 35 times and she was humbled by that. she was ashamed.

No one's such a lightweight. Don't mention it. They'll only scorn me. The triple figurers. They call themselves mincefluencers. Oh, I quite like that. I'm not. I couldn't say it.

Well, it would be homophobic if you said it. Why couldn't you say it? Yeah, mincers, if they shortened it. I thought minstrels might be better. Oh, I don't know. No, no, no. I don't think it's a good idea. You get okay minstrels.

That's true. Okay, okay. Chocolate ones as well. Yeah, yeah, that's true. No, it's all right. It's not the word itself. It's what was done with the genre. Yes, exactly.

You know, the genre. Don't forget... Meatheads, surely, meatheads. Don't forget this morning's texting. What is your least likeable sports ball? For me it's the basketball. Too hard. Too heavy.

Too loud. Too dimpled. I feel utterly oppressed by a basketball. Really? Got a big hard loud thing like that. ball oh god a big hard loud thing like that i like the reassuring velvety thump of the medicine ball

what's your worst ball oh i can't bear the squash ball i'll tell you why green is a i think it's green normally. Is it green? I don't know. What are you? I've never played squash. What are you? You're too small. It's not a tennis.

Tennis, I know where I stand. You're not a tennis ball. You're not a ping pong ball. You're just weird. Well, I... My dog finds lots of tennis balls on the nearby green land that we live next to and brings them home and sometimes brings home sticks.

He's like a medieval farmer. Yeah. The nearby green land. So in our porch, there's about eight tennis balls and about 12 sticks that she's just brought up and she just drops them in the porch before she goes in. And I was reading an American poet saying that he had seen a similar collection of tennis balls and sticks in a park

and a sign above it saying dog library. and a sign above it saying dog library. So now I'm realising that she's got her own library in her porch. Oh, Mark, why don't you like to maybe this short willow stick today, slightly bendy. Or maybe this one. What's this one? I've had about 12 sets played with it. I'll take this one. What's this one? I've had about 12 sets played with it.

I'll take that one. Slightly ragged green fibre. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, Frank. I've just seen the picture of you in your reserve. In my little VIP area. I mean, little is the word. Is that your new George Formby song?

Well, that's actually, yes, in my little VIP area. Little is the word. Talk behind me, faded rope. Frank, it's tiny. It is. Darren Cook on Twitter says, Strong do not touch the exhibition vibes. There is a bit of that.

I'll tell you what there's an element of. It's people in old film being pursued by bad guys, chased through waxwork museum, and adopt a still pose. Scooby-Doo brief disguise. Yes bad guys walk past them and they're just standing still. It's like that. The mummy sort of stops and inspects you.

Shrugs and runs off. I mean, just to give you an indication if you're not on X, it's so narrow. It's so narrow. Your foot, a whole foot is poking out a whole foot is not VIP

yeah it's true I couldn't get all myself into the VIP area it was so exclusive so your guest is holding up the reserved sign as a warning to others

about your demeanor exactly extremely reserved it was it was oh man i just i must have spoke to 50 people even though i was in an exclusive area maybe that's uh the way to get conversation going if you're going to the theater on your own is bring your own faded rope and sequester yourself well in periods of my life where i've been desperately lonely i've been to the theater on my own and the interval is always a absolute endurance test people jolly go into the bar i used to stay in the theater and just sit in like like like an edward hopper painting just sitting amidst all that red velvet. I like my velvet on a rope,

not in a line of seats, me in the middle. And people come back and you can tell they're thinking, I never even went out for the interval. Oh, my God. Help me. We've also... Yes. We've got lots of people getting in touch regarding sports balls

Okay, least favourite sports ball was the Clarion Core Mike Sullivan I don't know if it counts as a ball but the shuttlecock used in badminton has always given me the heebie-jeebies Was there a time when the shuttlecock had real feathers?

I've only seen the plastic. They must have. Oh, I'm sure there'd be some, wouldn't there, of some old monarch. It's a very old sport, isn't it? I think in the early days they used an actual chaffinch. They'd stun it with a quick flick. Yes, but he's right. I mean, the whole idea that every sport,

since we play with the ball like that, and then someone comes up with a thing with feathers in it. Yeah. It's just not, it doesn't feel properly finished, the shuttlecock. Shuttlecock is a thing with feathers. Gaz 73. Hello, Gaz. I feel we know a lot about you already.

I like this. Rugby. It's not even round. No, I've've always always thought that the reason i don't like rugby but do love football is football buys into my view of the world as an ordered place with with a symmetry and beauty whereas rugby says when that when you watch the ball bounce it says life is ugly and unpredictable and dangerous. Yes, and the very large man will...

Don't have to look at the ball for that. Splat you if you're not careful. Yeah, and he can suddenly veer in one direction unexpectedly. It's just, it's some terrible nihilist view of the universe, Rodby. And now over to Paul at the cricket desk. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And now over to Paul at the cricket desk. Here's a thing I wanted to ask you. This is a genuine question, not some sort of rhetorical comedy device. But when I was younger, so much younger than today,

they used to advertise things on the telly. Still do. Do they? I must be watching the wrong side. So they used to advertise things on the telly that you couldn't believe needed advertising like milk so um i remember i was talking to our um our former assistant producer and sometimes producer fay about this about there was an advert which used to say a pointer per person per day that was the slogan it was a milk advert not a brand of milk no milk and um i said and the slogan was a bit how old is five about 25 or something and i said yeah the slogan was a pint of a person per day. And Faye said, so much milk.

A real, like, millennial. But, yeah, that's another. I mean, that is milk's decline and fall since I was a young man. It's a shock. Milk was like the health food. I enjoy in American films where they'll have a sort of enormous pint of milk with almost any meal

with cookies sometimes they'll have it with a hamburger and fries and a diner and you just go alright someone likes milk we used to talk about how 70s it was to have a glass of milk it really is

but when I did this is probably before your time on the show um pierre i used to talk about when i was about 14 13 i think it was i did um the charles atlas bodybuilding course as you can probably tell yes just from looking at me yes was that the one advertised with uh don't let them kick sand in your face? Yeah, it was exactly that. So it was someone who had a body like mine sitting on a beach and a big guy came and took his girlfriend away.

Did he look like Pierre? Yeah, he did. He did. I have flashbacks occasionally. Is that why when I come into the studio sometimes you go, Charles? So I put goggles on

but anyway yes I feel you've taken Emily away from me anyway so Charles Alice who

looked amazing who looked like Pierre would stare into camera and say you too can have a

body like mine and so Bono wrote to it. No, no. So I got the course and I did the course. Do you know, I find this so... No, it did nothing for me, obviously.

But one week was called Milk Week, which wouldn't be one of the most popular Strictly Come Dancing episodes. Wouldn't be one of the most popular Strictly Come Dancing episodes. This is all songs about milk. I would love to watch an episode of Strictly where they go, OK, it's all the most energetic dancers, but you have to have two pints of milk before you do them.

If they stuck to milk week, though, I think they'd have to extend it to cows and things because it's very hard to find pure milk songs, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. You'd have to really widen it. Neutral Milk Hotel. Love dancers to their music. Yeah, I don't know. Is that a band?

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. There might be Cream. Cream, yes. Yeah, there'd be cream in some songs. Does milk and alcohol, Doctor, feel good? Oh, that's going to be a good dance. There you go.

Doctor, feel good. Well, people used to do that. I mean, I used to be a heavy drinking man. People would say, yeah, I had a pint of milk before I came out to line my stomach. It's a fabulous, simplistic view of the human body. So I won't get drunk now. I said a pint of milk before I came out.

I mean, does that work? Milk is the opposite of booze. Right, yeah, OK. Thus, I shall drink that. Maybe milk and alcohol is about the chronological description of my evening. Was that not true? My parents always advised me that. They said, darling, have milk if you're going to go and drink.

Well, people used to say to me, when you're drunk and you go to bed, last thing at night have two pints of water and then you won't wake up with a hangover. Did it work? Well, I didn't get the hangover, but the mattress took a bit of a belting. Oh, my God.

Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. I was talking about stuff that used to be advertised and didn't need to be advertised, like milk, which you'd think is fairly well known. Yes. And I was thinking about some of the others. Go to work on an egg was one, which was, again, not for a company, just for eggs.

Generic eggs. Do you remember the concept of eggs? Yeah. And it was the egg marketing board. Yes, it wasn't a particular top brand of eggs. No. It was just eggs. That was the thing about it. There was a cheese one in which a man says to his wife oh cheese please

louise and it said like why don't you try cheese and you think what i i hate people haven't tried cheese do you think there'd be people watching going chuck eat write that write that down enid we'll try that. Did they have it for vegetables? Did they have like the carrot marketing board? I don't remember. I think there might have been meat. Oh, yeah.

I think meat was a... Flower. I don't think they even went into the specifics of which meat. There was a meat marketing board. That was very 70s, the meat marketing board. Try meat. Do you remember meat? Well, it's still here.

Yeah. There is a fantastic and utterly, utterly unsettling video that you can watch from, it might be the meat marketing board

or it might be just British pork. Okay. And it's this advert for the concept of British pork. And it's a sort of like a father figure. A pig? Is there a pig in it?

No, no. Well, there was, but not a living one. Okay. It's a sort of father figure who's kind of organised some sort of big family dinner, but because it's filmed indoors before they could really film indoors very well and it looks very dark

and everyone's sat eating this, like, completely white, roasted-through pork. Yeah. And I can't remember if it was voiceover or the guy narrating it out loud as he dishes it all up, and he goes, Plenty of pork. Mum's got pork.

Daughter's got pork. And just, like, sort of narrating how much pork everyone has. Plenty for everyone. And it's incredibly threatening. I don't like a pork commentary. No. It's a meal. No, pork silence, please.

Exactly. We're eating pork, but let's not go on about it. That's how I see it. Clive Silas has mentioned, he says, it was drink a pint of milk a day. Do you remember that? Well, that was a variation, apart from a pint for a person a day. Clive continues, I'm too young you remember that? Well, that was a variation. Apart from applying to a person a day. Clive continues, I'm too young to

remember it, 58, but Asterix in English translation actually made a joke in reference to it, which was drink a jar of wine a day. Ah, wow. Lovely alcoholism joke from Asterix. Yeah, what about

when they used to advertise Advocat? I don't know if you remember Advocat. Oh, warnings. It was sort of eggnog thing, but alcoholic. It's the sort of thing that if you raided a friend's parents' wine cabinet where people had wine, that would be at the back. With the creme de mousse. Was it the egg marketing boarding?

Now with booze. Yeah, but it was thick. It was like a thickness. It was like dog saliva. And you would have a... Oh, thanks. I'm listening. And you'd have it

with lemonade. It was called a snowball. That's right. But anyway, the thing with Advocar, I don't know if you even see it in licensed

author licenses now. But anyway, it was made by warnings, as you say, which is a hint in itself. It's all around. But anyway, it was made by warnings, as you say, which is a hint in itself. It's called warnings. Right, which obviously they said warnings, but warnings. So here's a warning sort of subtly put in.

But the advert was a man who said, evenings and mornings, I drink warnings. And I thought, you're an alcoholic, mate. Simple as that. What are you advertising, alcoholism? It's just the alcoholism marketing board. They're very disorganised. Incredibly bad at getting those adverts out on time.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. I've just realised listening to that song that it has maniacal laughter in it last week we had a texting of songs with maniacal laughter and that one slipped through the net ok this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with

Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio, email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk So this morning Frank, we're okay then, like a 1970s news

studio. I don't want to pretend that I've memorised it. No. I like a 1970s news studio. I don't want to pretend that I've memorised it. No. I like the papers in the background. We've had so many of our fabulous readers getting in touch. Regarding... It was sort of Frank's... Well, Frank has pointed out that they had campaigns,

advertising campaigns, based solely around things like... Like milk or cheese things that you think yeah you can understand someone advertising um dairy lee triangles because that's a company but just the generic the color they advertise the concepts of things like eggs concepts of things like eggs. Or as Matt Matthias has pointed out, adverts

for mushrooms. Make room for the mushrooms. Oh, I don't remember that one. Well, Andy Bronte does. Okay. And he elaborates, do you remember those fabulous make room for the mushrooms adverts where a crowd of cartoon mushrooms marched towards the camera to a dramatic chant.

Whilst the voiceover asked if we'd ever tried adding mushrooms to our breakfast, pasta, pizza or indeed any other suitable dishes. Again, no particular brand, just mushrooms. Who's financing that? Big Mushroom. Yeah. Yeah. We're all in the pocket of Big Mushroom. One enormous mushroom sitting in a chair with switches on it,

open doors and stuff. And 082 has pointed out that with regards to the milk, there was even, I'm going to call this a sort of public information film like a warning do you remember they invented something called a humphrey who threatened to come around and steal your milk the slogan was watch out there's a humphrey about yes and he would have like a stripy long stripy drinking straw oh that you'd be sitting there and it would just appear behind you and you're at home saying it's behind you

and they wouldn't notice it come and steal your milk. I mean, so highly prized was milk. Yeah, apparently so. You had to worry about that. This is almost so distant from the modern day that it feels historical.

Of course, in those days milk was very highly prized. And the idea of someone stealing your milk was... How did you feel about milk in South Africa Pierre? Milk? Loosely pro? Anything beef based I think.

Anything cow, involved cows. Yeah, they like that. Yeah, I think so. I'm being backed up at long last by Simon F on twitter who says i remember the threatening pork man this is a good poem yes i remember the threatening pork this is the ad that i previously mentioned that i described i remember the threatening pork man glaring from the screen surrounded by his cowed family he He was one of a number of such ads.

It's ironic that they were cowed, considering that they were eating pork. Surrounded by his pork family. His pigged family. He was one of a number of such ads, including the belligerent creosote man, who hacked at us to use the product and barked, if your roof leaks, don't say I didn't warn you. Yes, there was a lot of don't say I didn't warn you. There was men who were men who knew better than you, told you off.

Yeah. It was just a very sort of 70s, 80s thing. We're not going to seduce you into buying this product. We're going to hectore you. Yeah, and then it sort of mellowed into, it does what it says on the tin, that kind of thing. Sort of take it or leave it. It was very, I'm going to keep it,

but there was an Australian drink drive ad, and I won't include the category C, slightly borderline expletive, that if you drink and drive, you're an idiot. Wow. And they inserted a word word. I mean, I agree. Well, of course, we all agree, but it's very... idiot. Wow. And they inserted a I mean, I agree. Yes.

Well, of course, we all agree, but it's very, they didn't dress it. I can't remember who the company was who does what it said on the tin,

but I think that was a deliberate ploy to alienate the illiterate. I'm not going to tell you. If you car radio for yourself, don't even get the product. You won't even know what it does. Terrible elitism.

What were they called? Ron Seal. Ron Seal, of course. The most male practical no. Ron Seal. It's got a simple man name and the deed that needed to be done. I wonder if they still say it does what it says on... Doesn't everything, more or less, do what it says on the tin?

You know, pilchards. You know what you're getting? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Well, we've heard from Andy Charles, 1956. OK. Hi, 1956. OK. Hi, Frank. The Meat Marketing Board ran a TV campaign featuring a rugged Scot saying, all meat and a real treat.

OK. OK. What was he referring to? I don't know. His pretty assistant. All meat and a real treat. Oh, God. I've got a hamburger in my spore. I've got a hamburger in my spore. We're building a poem here.

I've got a hamburger in my spore. What was the first line that we said? Oh, God, I remember something. I remember the threatening pork man. I've got a hamburger in my sparrows. That would be in verticommas as said

by the threatening pork man. Do you know they're not really made of ham, I asked. I'm just glad. He's pig head family with an emphasis on

the E-D, so you said pig head in like like, blessed. Yeah, yeah. Can I say, by the way, can I interrupt this programme for an important message? I'm doing gigs this week, comedy gigs, in Leicester, Halifax, Middlesbrough, Reading. Everybody's talking about pop music.

Talk about all those places this week. And there are still tickets available. Don't do that to me. I don't want to turn up to a half-empty hall. Oh, is it, Frank? I'd be like when a breakdancer turns up to a party and it's carpeted. You know that feeling so we'll go so we'll put them up let's and also i'm playing the lyric theater in shaftsbury avenue

on the from the 30th of october uh for seven nights just saying i might go along to that i don't want to be plugging other people's musicals and stuff. No. I'm not selling my own wares. No, absolutely. Take a leaf

from the Threatening Pork Man's book. Yeah, take a leaf from the Frank Marketing Board. Take a leaf from the Potato Marketing Board, as Annabelle Grant points out. There was also a Potato Marketing Board,

believe it or not. What was potato at? How long have people been eating potatoes? Didn't Walter Raleigh bring them from the Americas? In those glorious days when America had an S on the end. Oh, yeah. You were vague about which one things came from. Yeah, exactly.

Well, I don't know which one. I might start reintroducing the Americas, just to mess with their heads a bit. Yeah. If I meet an American, I might say that. I'll say, are you from the Americas? I had, someone sent me some, I'll say someone, I'll tell you exactly who it was. Anne and Mick Muller with an omelette. Oh.

Lovely. If the German teachers listen in. Sehr deutsch. And it's a series of Enoch and Aloy cartoons. Remember we talked last week about the Black Country double act? Oh, can we just say something? You talked about it last week.

Well, I did, yes. they're sort of clippings that you've been sent well they're actual they used to appear in the express and star which is a midlands a famous midlands newspaper and uh so you at the swimming bath you'd'd say, Oh, Don, I knock, I've still got your cap on your head. So you've still got your cap on your head. Or I know I'm wearing it for safety. I can't swim very well, so when my cap begins to float, I know I'm out of my depth. And there's more where that came from.

Brought to you by the Joke Marketing Board. Remember jokes? Because of the Joke Marketing Board. Remember jokes? Because of the Mirth Marketing Board. The MMB. There's something quite mafia-like about all the people who grow potatoes getting it together and saying, we just need an overall

thrust. Yeah, there is. Yeah. There was one farmer at the centre of it all. I think that was the age of the overview, which has been lost now. It's more disparate that people have their own milks and cheeses. But then it was an all-embracing, God-like view. Yes, you're right. Well, it was much more travel by train rather than the specific train services available.

Yeah, well, I think most of the specific train services, they were too ashamed to advertise. They wouldn't have the temerity. No. I have injured my friend. Do you want to say, do you want to explain how you have injured your friend? Well, you may know, and I don't want to be advertising on the show. Trust me, I won't be advertising these people.

No, but there's a snack food called Takis, which I have got slightly hooked on. It's hot. And no one else on the team likes it. So I'd say it's not really an advert. It's saying, I don't know what it's saying, but they're very hot. Anyway, I managed to persuade Emily to have one. And then she made the mistake of robbing her eye. And you don't want to get Takis powder in your eye.

And now she looks like the cover of thebing her eye, and you don't want to get tacky powder in your eye, and now she looks like the cover of the Clockwork Orange novel. And, oh, it looks sore, Emily. It's so sore. Can I just say, I didn't even touch it because it sickens me so much. Right.

I put it on the table. I sort of felt, oh, I'll take one, so I'm joining in. I wanted to join in. Good for you. I like a joiner in. I was exactly the same with heroin when I was about 19.

I wasn't, by the way. That's so depressing. Can I say it's bad for you? Not too controversial there. No. Frank, the heroin marketing board's going to be all over this. Sounds like a very 70s advert. Heroin, it's very bad for you.

Don't have it, family. Slightly oppressed family. I do recommend it. Anyway, I put the tacky, is it? Tackies. I put the, oh, excuse me. All right. Well, if this goes to court, we might as well get the facts tried.

If? Yeah. I put the tachys on the white lacquer studio table, thinking it was... I think it looks like formica decorative laminate. Ooh. OK. Well, our boss, Paul, will be able to confirm. He knows a lot about interiors.

And I put it down. I thought, well, at least I've joined in. At least I'm part of the group. You thought, I'll put this cigarette behind my ear. Yes. It was a bit like me saying when people do shots, and I'd say, hey, and I'd take one and I'd pour it into a plant pot. Oh, OK.

It was like that. Anyway, I put it down. Unfortunately, the tissue connected with the tachys. Yeah. And I then put the tissue near my eye. Now we I put it down. Unfortunately the tissue connected with the tachys and I then put the tissue near my eye. Now we're in this mess. What is reminded? I tried albus

oil. Have you ever heard of that stuff? It's from Dumbledore. It cleans the cavities. So you just sniff a bit and it's... But it's very natural, as they say. The face cavities? The nostrils and all that.

If you sniffed it and it cleaned all the cavities, then it's too powerful. No, that's too powerful. And also, I don't want vapour that's travelling downwards. No. Generally, it's a rule. And so I took some Olbicite, cleared my head beautifully,

and then I went to the toilet, having not washed my hands. And then I sat down later and thought, I think there's a song called us fire down below and you don't want to be touching any tender parts with all the soil on your fingers so what we're saying guys is wash your hands yeah that's the absolute motto. I'd like to point out my hands were spotless. No, I know. I'm just telling you. What can I do

if a friend comes around distributing tachys onto you? Stop joining in. Firstly to thine own self be true and then as true as night follows day thou can be false to no man. Or something like that.

If you're listening, Polonius, send us the correct... Send help. Mr Parmason. Oh, I wonder if that's your father-in-law. I'm with Frank. My sensitive ears can't cope with the screeching of their shoes on the court which is in reference i believe to you saying you weren't a fan of basketball oh yes do you dislike the noise as well it's the actual ball that i've got the problem with are you okay with the screeching of their... I don't want to make any generalisations about Americans,

but the fact that one of the most quintessential American sports involves a ball which is loud, big, obtrusive, takes over the whole environment. Basketballs loom over you like the sun, it sounds like. Yes. I like the sun. Now, do you? Yeah. I know it's had a lot of bad press. It's had a lot of bad press recently,

but it's no good blaming the sun. It's done nothing. Frank, Andy Nunwick has been in touch and says, my what? Andy Nunwick looks a scream hang him on your wall. And Andy says my wife, head teacher, is with Frank.

Biggest cause of trouble on the playground when used as a football. This is talking about the basketball. Oh, when used as a football. Yes, you get that terrible sort of poof noise as it dings off a kid's head. Yeah, it's too heavy. I mean, you can hear the sort of, you can hear the metal adapter in it when it bounces, it feels like to me. There's that sort of a poof sound.

Yeah. Oh, we used it as a football. That's the worst basketball time of all. Yeah, yeah. Also, I went to basketball. I went to basketball in, I went to see the, oh,

well, they were in South Central LA. Well, they'd be the Lakers, would that be? I believe so. Oh, very good.

And Billy Crystal was there. Does that, does that suggest that it was... Strange thing to throw in. Strange hint. Yeah.

And I'd never been to basketball before, but you know when you go to football, for example, the ultimate end of football is the goal. The scoring of a goal. Yes. That might not happen at all. And having a good time.

Yeah. You go to football marketing board. I don't think that's very relevant. No, if anything, from my experience of football fans, it's the opposite. Go to football, have a good time. So the goal, sometimes they don't happen. Sometimes you might get one in a game. If you get like half a dozen in a game, it's a sensation.

Basketball, they go to one end, they score. They go to the other end, they score. They go to the other end, they score. I can't have this many peaks in my entertainment. Yeah, the scoreline ends up being sort of 207 to 193. There's almost

nothing happening other than the ultimate end of the game. Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a bit like if there was an episode of a murder mystery with 800 murders. All solved in a murder mystery with 800 murders. Yeah. All solved in a row by Columbo.

Yeah, or you went to an opera and a guy just comes out, it's a high C for an hour and 40 and then it's the interval. You know what I mean? It's two. In the interval, everyone's just putting tissue up their noses to stem the bleeding. Yeah, and watching out for broken wine glasses throughout the building. It's like that, though. I mean, you need some, you know, light and dark. Yeah.

Yeah. So I don't like the game, but the ball itself is obtrusive. Wow. Frank, you are famously on this show a fan. There shouldn't be that many entries on Cliff's Girlfriends. Oh my God. Anyway, go on, carry on. A dusty ledger indeed. You're a fan famously on this show. Jet Harris's wife, I think, was...

Anyway. Who's Jet Harris? Jet Harris was... He wasn't... He's like a gladiator. It sounds like one of those stage... You know, like La Petermaine. Sounds like that, doesnaine. The Jet Harris.

Jet Harris was in The Shadows. Oh, I only know Hank. Originally. I could have got this mixed up, but I think he claimed, Jet, that Cliff in his younger, wilder days had made a play for his lady.

Anyway, I'm not here to gossip about Cliff or anyone else. No, heaven forbid. What was you saying? I don't think after that nugget people are coming here to get the latest gossip. The latest Jet Harris lowdown. What's the tea with Frank Skinner? Don't forget our review in The Guardian. Wistful, The Guardian.

Is that what it said about our show? Yeah, I told you I did a thing, didn't I, with Miranda Sawyer. Yeah, we like her. Yeah. Oh, she was lovely. And so she wrote a review of our 15 years, and there was about nine paragraphs on how brilliant Dave Berry's show is,

which I am a fan of Dave Berry's show. We were all rooting for you. And then a mention for the fact that Alex, I can't say his surname, but Caprion, Alex Kay, as he would be called if he was in a in a Kafka book Alex Kay and skonk

the fact that they're on there to give it credibility and then the last sentence says Frank Skinner also has a wistful Saturday morning show but you know

I'll take that I've had worse than wistful I suppose it is wistful I don't know I haven't looked it up yet to exactly its meaning. You know, it's one of those words where I feel I know what it means, but it might have more going on. The trouble is...

I'm guessing it means hilarious. Well, what I was going to say... One of its meanings from the original Greek, hilarious. That'd be more Latin. Sorry, carry on. No, I was going to say, you've got to understand this about comics.

You can use all sorts of language, but we all know there's only one they want. Yeah, we want the F word. You want the F word. I don't mean that one. No. Learn it. I was talking to Richard Madeley about this

only the other morning. Oh, where did you see Madeley? On Good Morning Britain. I like Madeley. We sat only the other morning. Oh, where did you see Madeley? On Good Morning Britain. I like Madeley. We sat in the green room. And chewing the fat, as they say at the meat marketing board. And we were talking about that thing that if you do a show or whatever, all you want your friends to say is that was brilliant.

It doesn't matter if they're lying. Yeah. Yeah, it's... I find the truth can be the most terrible spoil sport. Or don't just come over and say to Frank, I saw your show. Yeah, that's even worse. Some people say, oh, I saw you in Edinburgh.

And then I'm whited. I feel my whole stomach tighten for the next sentence. It doesn't come. Oh, people. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Okay. Forgive me. You don't want to hear that.

I shall. Go to work on an egg. That was another one, by the way. Speaking of eggs. Difficult. We've heard from Robert from Falkirk. Okay. He's bringing us some clarity

re the notion of advertising the very concept of meat. Okay. He says, Frank, the body for advertising meat in the 1980s was the Meat and Livestock Commission. Oh, wow.

Who I think investigated Watergate. Yeah. The Meat and Livestock Commission, which was based in Milton Keynes, I was a member of the Beef Promotion Committee, which was responsible for the advertising of beef. Oh, wow. Malk. Yeah.

Malk, the Meat and Livestock Commission. Yeah, confusing, because they don't deal with milk. No? Yeah, so close. The Malk Marketing Board, that's what they were. Yeah, that is confusing. commission yeah confusing because they don't deal with milk no yeah so close the milk marketing board that's what they were yeah that is confusing i imagine imagine being at a cocktail party and saying oh i'm a member of the beef promotion committee could i interest you and so on just gesturing to a pocket full of mints i hope they just said that

i've been i was Or some dental floss. Or opening a sort of cigar, a cigarette case, and it's just little sausages. I can't. Could I just do one? Oh, lovely. Or they should have all their details. Like, that's their business card.

Yeah. It's printed. It's branded on the sausage. I still regard beef sausages as a development, though, don't you? What do you mean? Well, because default sausages are poor Is that right? Yeah, it's rarer to find a beef sausage here

Now you get them, like the butchers I go to, which is a butcher's and provadore they you know, you're liable to get some sort of fruit in the sausage.

I don't know if I'm in favour of that level of... Oh, I don't like all that. It's a bit like those lush things. What's that? And other people who aren't paying me because I'm about to say something rude. Okay. It's the... They do like all the bath bombs and you know that sort of thing when there's egg and bacon

in the bath gel. I can't bear it. Is that right? Herbs and things. It's the bloomentalisation of all things. What a lovely word. I used soap once, which was, I think, marrow, fat and nettle. And left big scratches on my back.

Oh, is that what you're talking about? That's what I told you. Speaking of exotic and eccentric meats, as bad. Oh, is that what you're talking about? Axe one, axel! Okay, no. Well, no. Speaking of exotic and eccentric meats. Yeah. As I always do. Sorry, who? He's a very dear friend of mine.

An anecdote. I wonder how many people switched off just at that prefix. Oh, no, I don't know about that. No. Exotic, perhaps expensive, no. Go on, Pierre. Go on, we're all rooting for you. Well, the quirky and posh London restaurant Le Grand Coq

has started selling what the press refers to as bizarre chicken pies. I think you'll find the restaurant is called Fowl. Oh, is it called Fowl? But not F-O-U-L. Please. No, F-O-W-L. Oh, yes, called Foul? But. But the pie is called Le Grand Coq. Not F-O-U-L. Please. No, F-O-W-L. Oh, yes, you're right. I'm getting my puns mixed up.

The pie is Le Grand Coq. Yes. Oh, I see. And when we say bizarre chicken pies, we don't mean in a Sweeney Todd way. No. No? Well, a terrible number of the customers of this restaurant

appear to have gone missing. Not like that. Unless you did a Sweeney Todd production which was just chickens. Pying all the parts. Wouldn't be as shocking then, would it? Like an Aardman film version of it. Yeah.

Yeah, like Chicken Run. I'd love an Aardman version. That would be great. This restaurant... Yes, I went restaurant. Yeah. This restaurant... Remember, I went restaurant. Yeah. This restaurant. Remember, Frank, when I saw that,

the most middle-class father ever chasing after his toddler, I'm the big restaurant monster and I'm going to eat you up. Is that what he said? I went for a coffee. This was back in the, I'd first come to London. I was very unsophisticated That was a long time ago And we went out for a coffee

And this guy was He made adverts or something like that One of those solo media guys All in black And we went into a restaurant And he said, what do you want? I said, I'll have a coffee He said, what, cappuccino?

And I said, yeah, why not? And he said, what do you want? I said, I'll have a coffee. He said, what, cappuccino? And I said, yeah, why not? And he said, due cappuccini. And I go, way! Oh. Oh, man, I knew I'd arrived in the media world. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We're talking about, sorry, Pierre,

the Grand Cop, which is a pie available at Fowl, which is one of those pop-up restaurants. Oh, is it? Yeah. And they have,

it's attached to another restaurant and they have a series of celebrated sort of Michelin-star chefs. Michelin. Restaurant monster. Oh, man. And I believe this is Pierre Kaufman.

I'm a big Kaufman fan. Are you really? Have you sampled his wares? No. Maybe. I don't ask the name of the cook. I just eat it. You don't take a bite of pie and say,

is this a Kaufman? No, I don't. Is this a Kaufman in my mouth? I've had Kaufman. Have you? I went to Kaufman's. Deliberately?

Yes. What is this? God, I just, I'm sorry. I went with a rugby player who now dates Nicole Scherzinger who I can't remember

is Sarah or what it is. But Kaufman's invented a mad pie is the headline. And it has gotten some headlines. There's the idea

that people know the names of chefs I find. Really? I'm a little out of step. I know there's cooking on the telly. I'm sure there's probably

nine different channels we've got. When I get in at night I still occasionally in an act of blind optimism look at the main channels for something that might be on between eight o'clock and ten o'clock worth watching never ever happens but there's a lot of cooking and stuff going on i can watch that at home you say that if anyone cooked excuse me kathy does a lovely poosan

One cooked. Excuse me, Kathy does a lovely poussin. Yeah. Okay. I don't know what that is. What is that? She does. It's a little bird.

She does a lovely chicken. A little chicken. I think you'll find a lovely roast chicken. Yeah, she does do a nice... But she puts it in the oven and roasts it. It's not... There's no embrocation. What do you want out of your chicken? You know, people rob things into a chicken. Oh, yeah. It's not, there's no imbrication. What do you want out of your chicken?

You know, people rob things into a chicken. Oh, yeah. That's how it starts. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. Then you get a feel for that animal flesh. Kaufman doesn't just do that. He serves up Le Grand Cock, which is, Pierre? It is a pie.

Chicken pie. Not just any old pie. Well, filled with not just chicken, but also heart, liver, wings and feet. Wings! And the pièce de résistance, the chicken's head poking out of the top. Yeah, I think I don't like that. No.

If you look up a picture of it, it looks like an Aardman animation sort of chicken run version of Alien. Yeah, exactly. It looks like a pterodactyl. It looks like it should be going along a conveyor belt with the chicken going, will you guys get me out of here?

It's got that kind of feel. Yes, if James Bond was a chicken. I think you'll find, Mr Bond, this pie will be the last meal you ever enjoy. I don't really like any heads on a plate. No. I'm no Salome. I don't want that in my life.

No, I had a sockling pig once. I didn't have it myself, but I was at a meal where a stockling pig was presented which was a whole pig I'd say it was a piglet which is cruel already but it had a chilli a big red chilli in its mouth

let's kill it but humiliate it before we eat it that's what I don't like not an apple no it had a chilli and they probably thought an apple was a bit English. I like that. Very South African.

An apple would have been far more respectful. I think you can eat... Would have kept the doctor away. Yeah. Well, I was a bit late for that. A bit more practical. I'm afraid what this did. It was an M-Barber.

But I think you can eat things with respect. Do you know what I mean? I know there'll be vegans and vegetarians thinking, well, you do eat meat, so you might as well. But I didn't like to see it humiliated like that. And the chicken's head sticking out the pie. I suppose we put up with it with Desperate Dan. What did he have in his pie?

He had the horn sticking out of a cow pie. Oh, you can't eat that, though, can you? Can you eat a horn? I don't think he ate them. I think he probably drank mead out of them after he'd had the pie. It was like a kit. It was a sort of a feast kit. Yeah.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, may I just quickly interject with this? Ed Balls has been talking about you a lot. Are you aware of this? No. Yeah. Ed Balls was on, was it some sort of radio or TV show? No, we did Good Morning Britain.

He was presenting Good Morning Britain, him and Susanna Reid, and I was on it selling my wares. OK, but he also has done a diary or something in the Telegraph and has recounted the backstage moment with our late Queen. Oh, yes. Yes. He described it as Her Majesty yelled, Oi, Frank, come on.

I don't know if there was an oi, but there was something equivalent, partially equivalent of oi. I've never seen anybody do that. Frank! Frank, that's what it was. Frank, belly who? Come on, Frank, hurry up!

It was a hunting cry. It was, yeah. It was a fabulous moment. Oh, I love it. That's where Soho comes from. What? Soho. Does it?

Soho was a hunting forest in the middle of London. Is that right? Not in the middle of London, but it used to be, yeah. Really? It's an old hunting cry, I think, Soho. Soho, like there's the deer. What was that thing the first, when they had the first phone call? Yeah.

Well, tell us what you said. What was that? They said something like, hoi, hoi. They said Kensington 6 said something like hoi hoi. They said Kensington 623? Was it literally hoi hoi? I think that's why Mr. Burns says it in The Simpsons. That's so... They could have planned ahead, Frank.

I bet you'd have come up with something really funny. That Kaufman planned ahead. Found one coming out of his pie. What about that for a segue? Professionale, eh? It would have been very funny to pick up the first phone call and say,

how did you get this number? Never call here again. Pierre Kaufman, three Michelin stars. Is that good? Oh, Frank. Well, one is good. Yeah, when I'm looking

for food recommendations, I take them from a tyre company. It's not a tyre. Three. But Rob, this chicken is rubbery. It's not a tire. Three. But Rob, this chicken is robbery. It's all just calamari. Oh my god.

Stop it. I would say there's probably just over a hundred in the world, maybe. A hundred stars? No. Chefs with three stars. Okay. That's quite a lot, isn't it? Is there really as many as a hundred? Yes, because you get it for the restaurant,

not the chef. You don't go around with your little stars. No. Not like McDonald's. Gordon Ramsay. They should wear their little stars. They've got their own stars, yeah. Gordon Ramsay's probably got about

over 20, I would say. But only because he's got so many restaurants. Now, has he? Only because he's got so many restaurants now has he? only because he's got so many restaurants what for being rude anyway let's get back to Coffman's pie I can't

really can't buy into this at all you don't want a pie with a head because I'm not trying to be man of the people but I'd just as easy

go to the local fish and chip shop as go to some whitey tighty pie shop it's £22 which is expensive go to the local fish and chip shop as go to some hoity-toity pie shop. It's £22 which is expensive for pie. You know when I was in Nobu and we had 12

oysters and when the lady came it was like a supermodel who looked at me like I was dog excrement throughout the whole experience. Mainly because she walked ahead of me I was with friends and showing off she walked ahead of us to show us to the table and i walked behind her groucho mark style you know that like you have

to follow tall beautiful ladies and at the end when we paid i i i got my we put our credit cards to share the thing and then i took out my oyster card and said, can I get the oysters with this? And I've never... She didn't sneer. She just looked as if it hadn't happened at all. There was no ripple. There wasn't even a ripple in the ether from what had been said.

It was like, that hadn't happened. She's never seen one of those, to be fair. Of course not. But, yeah, it was like, that hadn't happened. She's never seen one of those, to be fair. No, of course not. But, yeah, it was lost. Lost. The Le Grand Coq. Le Grand Coq. Well, I just mentioned that.

And now the producer's waving the fez at me. She has a response. Leave Le Grand Coq just hanging there. And we'll come back to it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, would you eat Le Grand Coq? No. Why not?

You would not want to. For a start off, the mistake, the marketing error you might call it, of having the chicken's head sticking out the pie, is it gives you a sense of scale. And I thought, hold it, 22 quid, this pie. And I'd say it's about five chicken necks in diameter. That's not a big pie. You must start using the metric system at some point.

Well, they're encouraging the chicken neck. He's going to that providora, he's their butcher. And they only insist currency in that form. Yeah, I went to a party where I remember that the surface area was, I think it was four and 20 magpies. A blackbird.

A blackbird. No, magpies, good. Frank, what was our favourite system of measurement? It was on the original Big Brother. Do you remember? No. Well, it was our favourite system of measurement? It was on the original Big Brother. Do you remember? No. Well, it was on a Lady Solve. I remember Frank loved this.

Oh, yes. She said, how much do you want? And I believe Lady Solve said... Was it cat's paw? Yeah. She said, little cat's paws worth. It was a drink measurement, wasn't it? Yeah.

So just a cat's paw. A cat's paw. For a spoon? Yeah. Ah. It's like Americans would say, I'll have three fingers of rye. And it was like, if you held three fingers on the glass. And they said something like, how much coffee do you want?

And Frank, she said... And she said, no, just a cat's paw. Yeah. Someone's phone went off. Yeah, who was it, do you think? Who? It was me. Oh.

I do believe it. Did you know, Frank, that this is not even the first or only pie that has a head jutting out of the crust? Um, well, no, I didn't know. What's the other one? Well, there was one in Theatre of Blood, which was the Vincent Price movie. I think the actor Robert Morley, who was a critic, who had white poodles, was forced to eat a pie with a poodle's head on the top, and he was forced to eat his own poodles.

How many Michelin stars did he get? Which one's that? Is it Titus Andronicus? No, it's some... Is it? Possibly. I can't remember. No, they have to eat their own children, but in theatre...

But that's what it's based on. Everything's based on a pig. Everything is a Shakespearean death. Of course it is. Well, there is a pie from Cornwall called the Stargazy Pie. And it's got pilchards' heads jutting out the crust looking upwards. Hence the name Stargazy. Because they're looking up at the stars.

We're all in a pie, Frank. But some of us are gazing at the stars. Yeah, we're all in a pie. Yeah. Dead. I won't be having the pudding. Yes, I say pudding, not dessert, please. At this restaurant.

Because it's creme caramel with chicken fat. Chicken fat creme caramel. I've got no business with that. I didn't know there was fat of any kind in creme caramel, but what do I know? Well, there wasn't until Kaufman came along with that. I didn't know that was fat of any kind in crumb caramel but what do I know? What do I know? Well there wasn't until Kaufman

came along with it. Oh Kaufman. Kaufman. I get the feeling you don't like Kaufman. Frank who's I don't like him.

I don't dislike him. I don't question his He's fraught. He's fraught. His human essence. He's an Alsatian. Is he?

Yeah. Well he? Yeah. Well, he shouldn't even be in the kitchen. He's not even allowed on the couch. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Rob Black says, referring to the eggs being essentially advertised just for being eggs, as we were earlier,

Rob Black says, wasn't the go-to-work-on-an-egg slogan devised by Murray Walker, or is that an urban myth? I believe, wasn't it Salman Rushdie or Faye Weldon? I think Murray Walker, because he was bald, people are thinking he did the egg thing. That's very cruel. It was Faye Weldon or Salman Rushdie. That's very cruel. It was faint world and all salmon rush. That's how the mind plays tricks, doesn't it?

Yes. One thing we have established today is which came first, the chicken or the eggs. We talk about the egg marketing board, then we went on to the chicken pie with the head sticking out the top. We did. Actually, isn't the chicken's head surplus to requirements? You cut the head off a chicken and they just go about their daily business.

And in fact, apparently, it seems to get quite a lot done. It's a cliche as anything to go by. It sort of works like amphetamines with chickens. You cut their heads off and they, wow, are they busy. I don't like it when people say that. You know when people say, oh, I tell you, I've been running around like a headless chicken. Have you, though?

Do you think Kaufman says that? Yeah. Kaufman, I told you. Walking around like a headless pie. I've told you, he's an Alsatian. Of course, we don't know what he says. The head in the pie itself is stuffed, apparently. Oh, come on.

One with a grape. One thing I liked about it, Le Grand Coq, was that there was something of the Hampton Court banquet about it. Yeah. And I, as you know... I like to think we've moved on from there.

Well, I don't. What I think about it, when I saw that beak slightly ajar on that chicken tank... Don't talk about me like that i thought what how long before this beak has got a small card in it giving the rights for hiring the place for a christmas party it's had that horrible feel to it oh no make it stop or just a sort of custom cocktail you could order do you not like that sort of you are you into experimental i don't mind experiment i've eaten all sorts i've eaten locusts and you know things like that rotten shark um i've eaten putrefied shark from the ground did you like

that but it wasn't what we didn't dress it up. It wasn't in a crinoline. It just was a shark. You know what I mean? And that's fine. I ate live squid. I'm just a shark standing in front of a comedian. It has been buried for some time. Yes.

Is this in Iceland? Yes. Yes. They do sell a lot of frozen food, don't they? Order! Order! Order! Yes, it's true.

So, anyway, that's basically that. Is that how you're going to draw things to a close? Really? Is that it? I think so. I have to say, just as a footnote, I went to, my son did a gig this week called Axe Monsters at his school

and his band played. And he was great. They did Crazy, Crazy Nights by Kiss. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I'm just telling you anyway. And you know the warm glow that you get when you do a brilliant gig um pierre you know that feeling after when you walk it was better than that watching him do it and you know when i think

a phrase i've never used in my life it's not about me um but wow i just thought god i'm actually happier by his brilliant gig than one of my own. That, to me, is... I'm not announcing my retirement, by the way. That was a special moment, and I just wanted to share it with you guys because I feel we've known each other a long time. And you don't even mention the drool anymore. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week.

Now get out.