The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 15 – An Actor Prepares

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

The boys return to Beantown for another ridiculous night of dice rolling, dirty sock tossing madness! The heroes have discovered that their new doctor friend isn't a doctor and new dangers arise as they press onward to the west! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/VjYiUkX9Kxw Recap 16:30 Gameplay 22:40 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. what's going on boston yes who's ready to get their coronavirus on! Yeah! Woo! Bunch of nerds with poop and jizz on their hands. This is ground zero. We are all going to die, Grant. I'm just happy that there are so

many have another roll bread boy signs out there. Come on, bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! Bread boy! I had no idea when I was 16 that it would get worse than when I was 16.

How is that possible? I thought someone would just start throwing baguettes at you. Well, that'd be alright. I could go for some bread I mean look at this fucking place Oh I love this place I love this place

We sold out this room Three months ago in November Came back 117 days later Sold it out again Do you Do you have any't want to see Do you have any idea What that means

To a kid that grew up 45 minutes north of here In Haverhill, Mass Do you have any idea I promise you If this goes well We will come back Every day in the fall

So that you'll have Something to root for Since Tom Brady's out of here Right I'm sorry Finally Finally Sorry that dude's gone So that you'll have something to root for since Tom Brady's out of here, right? I'm sorry. Finally! Finally! Sorry, that dude's gone.

He's going to be the backup quarterback for the Dolphins. Show me that Brady money. No, I love you, boss. I can't tell you. Coming back here is such a dream come true. Selling this place out again. You have no idea what it means to all of us. If we didn't have a

multi-billion dollar podcast empire conservatively That's just mathematically inaccurate. Our accountant isn't listening. If we didn't have that empire 240 miles east of here, I would move back here. I'd get season tickets to watch this garbage socks team

break my heart eight days a week and raise my kid in the best state in America. It's a fact. Every day of the week it'd be a large coffee, cream, no sugar, and a manager special.

And I'd have diabetes by 45. Old Stumpy LaValle. Just look at this crowd. Would you look at them, Joe? See what a... Look at them. They are beautiful. They're beautiful, Troy.

Do you see what an attractive crowd looks like, Joe? I think we've seen plenty of attractive crowds. It's so much better than performing in front of those troglodytes in Philly. That Philly crowd was the best. Just a bunch of toothless ogres. Everyone here is sexy and smart. You know we have to go back there, right?

Ah, fuck them. We're coming back here every day in the fall, I think. I love you, Philly. You're all sexy geniuses. Let me ask you this, seriously. Serious question.

Are there any college students here tonight? Where do you go to school? Mass Art. Mass Art? I don't mean to break it to you, but... No.

This is the best your life is ever gonna be. You go to college in Boston. This is the best your life is ever going to be You go to college in Boston This is the pinnacle Do you understand? I saw a bunch of other hands up I mean, I wish someone had told me When I went to BC that like, this is it It's never going to get better from here

Think about it, you can drink all day and night And you wake up feeling like an Olympian sprinter But don't the bars close at like 11pm? So you can't drink all night. You drink for a small fraction of the evening. You just head down to the mods. You can drink all night. There are at least two championship parades every year

along with the marathon. And that means you get off from school and work to just party like it's Mardi Gras Can't beat that You have no real responsibilities Because school doesn't matter And your job doesn't matter Because if you miss your shift at the ice cream stand

Grant can still get his third banana split of the day Someplace else And your sex drive is at an all time high and everyone in this city is attractive I started my freshman year at BC on my 18th birthday

and I had an erection until I graduated I'm not even kidding the second I moved out of here it just faded away like at the end of Infinity War did you finally meet somebody

when you left school then? I don't know, man. I keep a catalog of all my erections, though. Evidently. Very detailed log. So yeah, it's all... Praise log! It's all downhill.

No, but seriously, enjoy your life, because the second they hand you your diploma, it's all over, unless 20 years later you start a podcast company and sell out the Rock Club. Paradise Rock Club, twice in three months. I'm so fired up. We're going to get serious for a second. Shut up. I want to get serious for a second.

I was, this is serious. I was driving around my neighborhood the other day, and I was thinking about the show tonight, and all the other shit going on with the network, and I wasn't paying attention, and I was going too fast. I told you this story the other day. And I just almost full speed rammed into the car in front of me. I slammed on the brakes, and the car was like...

I was going too fast. And I almost just rear-ended this car. But I would have been fucked up. And I was so nerved up, I actually had to pull into a nearby parking lot. Parking lot. Look at that! I'm trying to tell a serious story.

Couple of beers backstage at his home. That's right. Salt and sugar. You drive me to drink. Seriously, this is a serious story. I was so nerved up, I had to pull over

into a parking lot to try and compose myself. And it really got me thinking. I kept thinking about how precious life is and how, boom, could be gone in a second like that.

I thought about how important it is to live every moment of your life to and how, boom, could be gone in a second like that. I thought about how important it is to live every moment of your life to its fullest, but also work your ass off, take some risks once in a while. And I'm sitting there, like, shaking, and all I could think

was, if something happened to me, who would come here tonight and tell Matthew what a silly career choice playwriting is? I really was nerved up about this. Who would have here tonight and tell Matthew what a silly career choice playwriting is? I really was nerved up about this. Who would have told him that his future children will starve because he chose such a silly art form? And who would have taken my place had I gotten into a car accident and let him know that his beard looks like someone taped pubic hair onto a baby's ass. Who would have told him?

Thank goodness I'm okay. Matthew Capitacaz, everybody. Yeah, baby. Matthew, you got anything to plug tonight? We got Glass Cannon Live in New York City in just about a month away. But any shows coming up? Not yet, Troy, not yet.

Well, keep writing. I'm sure something will work out for you. That is such a dick move. You're as ineffectual as Harvey Weinstein's Walker. Shut up. We're having fun.

Any Celtics fans in the house tonight? Woo! Shut up. We're having fun. Any Celtics fans in the house tonight? Woo! We all know if the Celtics want to make a deep run in the playoffs, they're going to have to acquire a big, right? It's always been a problem of theirs. They need a big. Well, if they need a stupid, we got them covered with Grant Berger!

Grant, did you play basketball growing up or did you just eat it like a Thanksgiving turkey? That's what I imagine. Is that how you eat turkey? That's how he does. That's how I did, yeah. I was painfully aware of my lack of hand-eye coordination. So I just ran into people. That's all I did.

Now, did you make the varsity squad? No, the coaches got really pissed at me every time I would say no. The coach was like the lunch monitor and every time he'd see me get my chicken nuggets or whatever for the day, he'd be like, burger, just stand under the rim, burger. No, I don't want to.

It hurts. I want to read poetry. That's what I would say. Nobody that big likes poetry! God damn it. No, I don't want to. It hurts. I want to read poetry. That's what I would say. And then... Nobody that big likes poetry! God damn it. And he'd steal a nugget, and then he'd throw it on the ground, and he'd spit in my face.

That's why I hate basketball to this day. Then he'd pull out a gun and shoot you. Folks, in all seriousness, I want you to give it up for the only man that lived in Massachusetts when it was still a colony, Mr. Skidmore folks Skid the professor

the professor is in the building Skid could you ever imagine growing up that that American flag you saw would eventually have 37 more stars no it really threw me off when they split Maine off for Massachusetts.

It really upset me. It hurt me. How was the first Thanksgiving? It was good. It was good. It was good. That's where he taught Grant to eat a turkey like that. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's where he taught Grant to eat a turkey like that. That's right.

Oh! It's a very early technique. It's good. I've been refining it over the centuries. I, along with everybody else, really like this look. What's going on here? Is this just, you're just taking a turn for the professional? Well, I just want to look nice, but I figure, like, with the hat, well, with the hat off.

Oh! Oh! Ah! to look nice, but I figure with the hat, well, with the hat off, I look like, well, I'm just a simple country lawyer. Then I put the hat on and it looks like I want to sell your naive Midwestern town a bunch of band instruments that they don't need. You got trouble, my friends.

I think you look like a million bucks. Thank you. Now listen, it would be irresponsible of me to encourage binge drinking, but no one is more fun or really tolerable

to be around than Boston Joe O'Brien. Am I right? Boston Joe. I'm already having a good time. Boston Joe. Boston Joe O'Brien. Am I right? Boston Joe. I'm already having a good time. Boston Joe. Boston Joe. Boston Joe.

Boston Joe. Boston Joe. Boston Joe. It gives me magical powers. I can feel it. You're infusing me. Boston Joe was born here in Boston during my bachelor party a few years ago.

And he'll surely die of cirrhosis here sometime during a Glass Cannon Live. It'll just happen to be in Boston. Yes. How are you doing tonight, buddy? Oh, I'm fantastic. I mean, looking at Skid, I think he looks obviously amazing. But I'm kind of loving my new Nace shirt. Just got to say.

Just got to say. Very excited about this one. Still available over there. Yes, gotta say. I'm very excited about this one. Still available over there. Yes, still available. I'm a big fan of the Naysh. Troy.

You're looking at them. Look at the Naysh. I've met them. They're amazing. Yeah, they're the best. And now you'll be able to identify them from afar

when they wear their Naysh t-shirts. One of these days we should have them do the show and we just watch. There you go. Yes. Although sometimes you people try to do that because you won't have them do the show and we just watch. There you go. Yes.

Although sometimes you people try to do that because you won't shut up during the show. I know your mom said you're special. You're not. Don't talk during our show. Or else tell Grant there's a turkey out there he's got to go eat. He'll take you out.

See that guy? Real turkey. Burgers. There's a basketball loose in the crowd, Grant. Go eat it. Time for another rebound. Loose ball. Loose ball.

I like that it's canon now that not only is that how Grant eats turkeys and basketballs, but he can't tell the difference between a turkey and a basketball. So how do you cook the basketball at your Thanksgiving? People are just like, what? Two very different bathroom

experiences after you. I have a bidet though, so it's not that bad wait do you really? yeah I've used it it's amazing it's by a company called Tushy and it has

it has hot and cold temperature settings. Coming over, Boston. Let's all clean our asses. That's the first way the coronavirus gets spread. I didn't know you weren't supposed to drink out of that. No, it's right at your eye level, though. He got me. He got got you because i'm short you know you know how you could eat my ass matthew just like that you piece of garbage wow early shots fired in boston like don't worry four minutes in don Don't worry, we'll edit that out.

Oh wait, we're live streaming. Live though. Jesus. You know this is made up, right? This is made up. This is all made up. I'm just thinking about how many times, literally, over the years, I've trimmed out Grant's

horrific things he said about Matthew of a podcast. Just a little trim. Can't cut that one out. Alright, so we went over the rules. No yelling, or Grant'll eat ya. Some part of ya. And here's another rule. The last time we

were here, Boston crowd showed us their classic drunken Irish hospitality by sending us no less than 40 drinks each to the stage. Now, while we appreciate the sentiment, that's 12 too many drinks

for me personally. I was making an empty Guinness pyramid in front of me. It was amazing. I just hate being distracted by the drink deliveries. So just don't do it.

If you want to buy us a drink or a shot or a fucking Boston cream donut, just walk to the stage, place it at the corner near Skid or Matthew, turn around and go back to your seat. And if you notice there's already 40 drinks up there, then just hand it to the most attractive person you see and maybe you'll fall in love.

And what a story it will be! Oh, how did you guys meet? Well, I was walking to the stage with five buttery nipples in my hand when I noticed that the other deadbeats at the show had already bought 45 mixed drinks for the crew. So I turned it around and gave it to a hot dude. And the rest is history.

Speaking of hot dudes, let's take it to the recap Oh We ready? It's baseball season baby It's done Spring training is going on. I love baseball.

I love Fenway. I love Fenway. Everyone loves Fenway. Yeah, everybody loves Fenway. It's like saying, I love oxygen. Shut up. You're a shill. We went over to Fenway today.

They weren't playing. Yeah, turns out we were a month early. Trying to get Mookie's autograph. You missed that, too. Yeah weren't playing. Yeah, turns out we were a month early. Trying to get Mookie's... That must have been disappointing. Trying to get Mookie's autograph? You missed that too. Yeah, I know. Such a bummer. No one is more upset than me! But if we can't joke about it, we'll all be sad forever. Shut up, I'm going to do the recap.

Recap music, Joe. Recap music, Joe. Uh... I thought that was the recap music. You all started in asylum. And then things got strange. Halster Price is on second base. And Aldo comes to the plate.

Thanks, thank you today. Back, back, back, back, back. Beautiful day for a ball game. No, I want the good ambient music. There it is. Ooh, all right. That's nice. Let's get serious. Let's get in the mood. Let me just adjust my music. There it is. Ooh, all right. That's nice. Let's get serious.

Let's get in the mood. Let me just adjust my glasses. Oh, yeah. I'll see you in the parking lot. We'll see who's a nerd. Shut up. You've never fought anyone in a parking lot in your life. That's why I think it's such a joke

that you're wearing a hockey jersey. You don't know how to fight. Well, it's funny, like, with the glasses and the hockey jersey. It really is. He's one of the Hanson brothers. Recap. This is serious.

We've come so far in this asylum. Yet as our heroes inch closer and closer to what may be some sort of salvation, some sort of way out, they are always presented with more problems than solutions. After meeting with Winter Klaxa and the other survivors holed up in the chapel Their goal was clear Find a way out Save everyone and themselves They know that there was a riot in the asylum

And patients are running mad They know there was some sort of extra planar disturbance And creatures from the outer planes Have infected The remnants of the building as well Sucks here. Really sucks. Oh!

And you all have amnesia. There's a thick yellow mist surrounding the asylum full of moving shapes and dangerous disfigured creatures. Onward, our heroes pressed. Aldo Casimir. Halster Price, Atticus Grimm, and Mrs. O'Lady, and occasionally Tidy Nutterclim. Recently, said heroes came upon a second group

of survivors, but unlike the ones they met in the chapel, this group was dressed in the robes of the inmates that overran the asylum, the apostles in Orpiment led by Alvar Zandalus.

Praise be his name. The heroes are greeted by a man named Dr. Ren Elborn who pulls them aside and explains that not everyone in the camp is a psychotic murderer. When Zandalus took over, he gave people a choice. Join him or die. When he made good on the latter threat, everyone else joined in, some hopelessly falling in line,

others subscribing to Zandalus' particular brand of terrorism. Dr. Elborn does not fully know what the halls to the west contain, but he knows two very important pieces of information. One, Zandalus and his main guards are upstairs. And two, his most devoted acolytes are known as Onerogens. He feels that they may know the secrets to getting rid of the mist outside and thereby

providing a way for everyone to escape this horrible place. While most of them are upstairs with Xandelus, Dr. Elborn knows that one watches over the northwestern tower and he thinks that Onerogen is alone. Perhaps the Onerogen can give you the information you need to get out of here.

So, our heroes ventured west. Rude. Rude. They ventured west to try and find the Northwestern Tower. Soon thereafter, they met the cook, Ivory Gardene, and her hilariously named associates. They go outside to explore a mist-shrouded courtyard where a horrifying creature known as a

night-gaunt swooped down and almost carried Mrs. O'Lady off to her death. Matthew still shook up about it. That was close. It was very close. I'll kill her this ep, don't worry. They left the courtyard and ventured now north where they ran afoul of a multicolored reptilian creature

who decimated the party before they finally killed it. Realizing that even greater dangers may very well lie ahead, they went back to the Apostle and Orpimus camp to rest. To rest outside the safety of the chapel, knowing full well what dreams may come. But while they rested, Halster took first watch and started leafing through the asylum's records. Leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, that's the sound it made. We have a really good Foley guy. Leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf. He looks through and he discovered

that their newest confidant, Dr. Ren Elborn, leaf, leaf, leaf, is not a doctor, but rather a patient who was committed for self-abuse. And embarrassing his family with his bachelorhood and refusal to wed.

Meanwhile, the rest of you and eventually Halster as well all have the same dream that ends with a monstrous choir of voices telling you to wake up. And that

is where we start our adventure today. Good recap. Good adventure today Good recap Good recap Well done I just want to say I'm nervous going into this I really do think the danger is real We were in the hotel room earlier And I said to Tristan

Alright man, come on Do I have to do this work on the backup character and everything? Is there combat tonight? Is it all role playing? He was looking. We had the most gorgeous view of Boston from our window. Up on the 35th floor. My robe was fully

open. Robe fully open. He was glancing through the floor to ceiling windows out at Boston, his eyes getting lost in the distance and he just said, oh yeah, there's going to be a combat tonight.

And it was like he was just satisfying himself. I was like, oh shit. Self-abuse. Self-abuse. After you left, I did satisfy myself. On your bed. And the entire city of Boston could see it. You've heard of a mint on your pillow, right?

It's a whole other time. Come on, guys. Let's keep it clean, all right? It's only 8.30. Blackout. Shabam. Love this guy This fucking guy

Lights come up And we see the face of Aldo Casimir Who's that? He's sitting Shut up Shut up You had your flashback in Atlanta. He is sitting atop a rattling stagecoach, snapping the reins of a team of frothing camels, pulling it recklessly down a dirt road.

The words Doc Aldo's Marvelous Traveling Medicine Show are emblazoned on the side of the coach. are emblazoned on the side of the coach. The sky is blue, but the horizon is black as he races towards an angry-looking storm brewing in the distance. Behind him, we see that he is being pursued by a squad of what appear to be soldiers with high helmets and dusty crimson jackets. The late afternoon sun glints off their silver buttons.

At the lead is an officer, his saber drawn. They're riding camels. The officer shouts after his quarry. Under the authority of her majesty's royal army, I command you to halt and surrender at once. Aldo turns his head to answer. I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. It's very difficult to hear you over the camels. The officer turns to a soldier riding next to him. What did he say? I can't hear a bloody word. Aldo continues shouting, periodically glancing over his shoulder. This is all a misunderstanding.

She was already quite ill when I treated her. It's not my fault she got worse. And how was I to know she was the daughter of a buggering major general? Shouldn't think to mention that, did she? Anyway, this stuff doesn't work. It doesn't do anything. He reaches behind him and holds up a bottle labeled Professor Casimir's Miraculous Cure-All and General Wellness Tonic. It's just cooking sherry and cocaine!

Maybe a little cobra venom, but just for flavor! He tosses the bottle away and it shatters the shards of glass, crushed under the hooves of his pursuers. He lifts the reins to his mouth and grips them between his teeth and starts searching his jacket for something. The officer sputters in a rage. You scurrilous mountebank!

I swear by my honor you will face the queen's justice! He thrusts an angry finger in Aldo's direction. The girl dies, you die. Still can't hear you, mate. Aldo pulls a small clay globe from a wick, with a wick from one of his pockets and a long metal friction lighter with another. Yanking the reins with his teeth,

he desperately tries to light the fuse. Come on, catchy, vicious bugger. The fuse lights and he tosses the bomb back over his shoulder. It explodes in a cloud. Sparks thick violet smoke. Damn, he's good. God, he's so good!

We hear angry shouts and camels screaming as the pursuit is thrown into chaos. Aldo lets out a whoop. Woohoo! And the rains fall from his mouth to his lap. Better to buy us a bit of time, eh, girls? He leans down as the road curves around a low hill. We're close now. So close I can taste it.

He reaches in his satchel and pulls out a book. At that moment, a long-eared creature bounds out of the brush directly into their path. The startled camels panic, and the coach goes careening off the road where it hits a rock and crashes on its side, sending bottles spilling and Aldo flying. He stands up, woozily still clutching the book

he starts over to check on his bleeding camels when he hears the angry shouts of the soldiers they're coming sorry ladies

best of luck he opens up the book and folds out an enormous map glued into the front cover he looks up and starts sprinting right in the direction

of the approaching storm the closer we get, we see it. A collection of rough standing stones, none higher than his waist, arranged in a pattern among the scrub. He goes from stone to stone, painted here and there with

ghostly white hands. He checks their positions against his book. As you see, he tries to blame. He flips to another page and reads another phrase out loud. And another, and another, and another. And he looks back and he sees the soldiers running through the brush towards him, having their months left behind.

Aldo Casimir, in Her Majesty's name, I order you to surrender. Aldo flashes a rude gesture in response. That really pisses off the officer. I've had enough of this nonsense! Kill him! Oh dear, that may have been a mistake. But he doesn't stop. He reads louder and louder, wind whipping up as the storm now seems to approach with an unnatural speed.

The soldiers raise their weapons to their shoulders. Ready? A pair of the long-eared creatures stand at the edge of the stones, watching Aldo transfix. Aim! Aldo reads the final line and squeezes his eyes shut as he hugs the book to his chest.

Fire! A flash of lightning and a clap of thunder peels out. Then silence. Drip. Drip. Drip. He feels water hitting his skin. Slowly he opens his eyes. He looks around. He's still surrounded by stones,

but where once there was arid brushlands spreading out in all directions, there is now lush forest. The sky is still dark, and more rain begins to fall. Almost as if he brought the storm with him, Aldo smiles and lifts his face to the sky, so delighted to be alive and elsewhere

that he scarcely seems to notice that he is now completely naked. It worked! It bloody well worked! You mad fucking genius! He kisses the book and breaks out

into a triumphant song and dance. He's too old, oh, he's too blue. He's a pisspot through and through. He a legend, so they say Should have gone to heaven, but he went the other way He said, down, down, down, down, down, down, down As he's singing and dancing We pull back and see two different small creatures As he's singing and dancing,

we pull back and see two different small creatures standing, leaning against crude spears, watching this nude man cavort and splash among the stones. One turns to his companion and points a green finger at the side of his own oblong head, twirling it in a universally understood gesture. Blackout. You all wake up. Back.

In the tent, in the camp of the apostles in Orpiment, and... Ow! A couple things are gonna happen. Already. That was freaking awesome. Nice work, skin. It's been a while since you rested outside

of the safety of the chapel. It's been a while since you had to roll the old will save to see if you even get to rest at all, if you even get to regain your powers or your spells if you're a really shitty ineffectual wizard. For example, not naming names. Oh. He knows he sucks, don't worry.

Did I mention that will save gets harder and harder every time you rest? No? Alright, roll a will save everybody. Alright.

Fail, fail, fail, fail. I need my spells. I got this. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good, baby'm feeling good, baby! How's a Natty 18 grab you, Boston? Now I can do this. Is that Joe O'Brien over there?

This is my first game time role of my new die I got at PAX East today. Yes! 90-18, good start. Good start. I think you're hot shit, O'Brien. What about you, Cabanacasa, you tiny little bearded weirdo? I rolled a natural six, Troy. Ooh!

Ten. Ten. Fail. Halster, what do you got? Natural three for a nine. Poop salad. What about you, Aldo? That'd be a netty 19 for a 20.

20. I was hoping it didn't go all the way the other way. Like, I'm the only one that saves. So nice work, Aldo. Well, then Joseph. I'm going to click Night's Rest on my sheet here. Joseph O'Brien gets a Night's Rest. Aldo Casimir gets a Night's Rest.

You get your con plus your level back in HP because that's how we roll. You get your powers and your spells back. Matthew, Mrs. O'Lady, and Grant Halster, you get nothing! Wait, but do I get my spells? I don't prepare my spells. You don't? In psychic magic, there's no entry on rest. It's just every 24 hours you get them back?

You don't need any rest whatsoever? I assume I do need rest, but there's nothing in the psychic magic entry about do I need 8 hours, do I need, you know, I don't know. What do you think, guys? Wait, just cheer or cheer? Cheer.

Sounds like you don't get it back. What a bummer. But what about the... What a real bummer to be... What about the humble war priest? What about Grant? Does the war priest get his stuff back? The people have spoken.

No. I don't know about that. We need a big VU meter thing. I can hear him. I can hear him. They definitely said no. I just have to meditate an hour. I mean, what would be the point of this penalty if you guys weren't penalized by it?

That you don't get your HP? Aren't we fatigued as well? No, just... Wait, what did you end up rolling total? Ten. And what did you end up rolling total? Nine. All right, so you didn't fail by ten or more because then other things happen.

However, yeah. I don't think so. So no fatigue, no HP. No fatigue, no HP. And no spells, you cheater. Show me in the book that you don't need to rest full sleep. I can't. There's no words on it.

No words on your book? There's no words there. There's no words there. Words fail. All right. While you're looking The GM The GM has spoken

The GM has spoken While you're looking We can always look Move on to the next Horrible thing The filth fever That you're all suffering from Oh shit

Let's just Let's just see what happens You all have one cure Towards the cure But you need two You fail this one Not only are you going to take more dex and more con damage, you've got

to start all over. Roll me that save! Wait, what is it? Fortitude? Fortitude. Oh, shit. Fortitude! Fortitude! Natty 17 for Mrs. O'Lady. Natty 17!

I'm so sick. What do you got there, Joe? Hey, Boston. How's a Natty 19? Grab yours! Bread boy, bread boy. I'm just going up. I'm just going up.

Boston Joe! Boston Joe! I love it here. Bread crumbs and yeast all over your fingers. Go it up! Austin Joe! Austin Joe! Oh, God. I love it here. Breadcrumbs and yeast all over your fingers. It's making the dye all screwed up. What about you there, Austin Price? 19?

You're fine. Stop acting like that's a tweener. Aldo? Nine. Oh, no! Dude, you've you gotta start over and it's con damage and dex damage

let's start with the dex for the guy that throws bombs one point of dex damage and three points of con damage what does that put your con at nine so you're now taking a penalty for every level to your HP

Yeah Not great Not great Wait, wait, wait So those of us that passed are cured You are cured of Phil Fever So we keep the ability damage and slowly recover over time Yes, now that you're cured of the disease

You will heal from it normally So do we heal one point today? Unfortunately no Because you were sick when you woke up. But 25 minutes later, you had to roll this save. Really sucks. That's brutal. What else do I have on here?

Oh, you know what? I have a bottle cap for Grant. Yeah! Because you were the one that came up with the idea to check and see if the doctor was maybe not an actor. Right. So you get this bottle cap not only for your prescient ideas, but for the fact that I'm positive you Googled Dr. Red Elborn.

Right? He definitely did. Definitely. Well, I'll put out my Google search history if you put yours out there. You don't want to see this. I have a passage for you, Troy. A divine spellcaster chooses and prepares spells ahead of time, but unlike a wizard,

does not require a period of rest to prepare spells. Instead, instead, the character chooses a particular time of day to pray and receive spells. No rest required. Just add holiness. Little dash

of holy. You're alright, Berger. You're alright. You got anything over there, Matthew? He is furiously researching. Why don't you write a play about resting and getting your psychic spells back? Maybe then you'll get your psychic spells back. Nothing? I'll get back to you.

He's just... He's reading Death of a Salesman. He's like, I would have done it better. In his version, the salesman lives. I googled it, and the first entry I found was, psychic magic needs clarification. Ain't that the truth. All right, so we'll assume you're completely

gimped and ineffectual. Now you're on the same level with Joe at full health. What do you guys want to do? Grant's got a bottle cap. Joe, you got a bottle cap from last sesh. Sure do, buddy. You just found out

that Dr. Elborn may not be Dr. Elborn. What you gonna do, brothers? I'm going to... That seems like a rash decision. I would talk to him first. I don't want to run your characters Wait, I mean only Only Halster knows this

Only Halster knows But you all eventually wake up But we're asleep Shared nightmare That was fucking horrible But thank God I slept through it rather well Prepared my Please leave me alone, Halster I need to prepare my spells That was fucking horrible, but thank God I slept through it rather well. Prepared my... Please leave me alone, House.

I need to prepare my spells. Goes to his book, begins preparing. Knows nothing about this poser doctor. And he drops in front of your overly ascribed kind of notepad. You're writing way too many notes. A very crystal clear picture of Dr. Elborn. And it says... So dramatic. They fall. The doctor has no medical qualifications

whatsoever outside of abusing himself and a failure to get married. I have something in common with him. I'll tell you which one later. I think I can guess. I'll look you which one later. I think I can guess. I'll look at the information. Atticus starts combing through it, all the details.

So he's a patient. This is... Oh, my goodness. How has he been such an aid to us? Well, at least we think so. I don't know, really. The results are of his information, but it seems that this Onerogen is off on his own in the Northwest.

Yes. We are following the directions of this man, who is clearly a patient here. So are we. The best case scenario is perhaps he's lying in order to save himself and others like him, like us. Yes. But what's the worst case scenario is perhaps he's lying In order to save himself and others like him Like us But what's the worst case scenario? What if we can confront him?

Well, perhaps the worst case scenario Is that he is posing as a doctor And telling us he's not crazy And then sending us into the jaws of death I don't know Well, perhaps There's another possibility Perhaps he got really close to getting his doctorate,

but he just never was able to successfully defend his dissertation in front of a committee. Perhaps he was sabotaged by another person. He fell in love with that man's wife, and then it created an entire sordid affair. And at the end of it, he was like, you know what, it's just a piece of paper. It's meaningless.

I do this work. I know what I'm doing. What if he fell in love with his dissertation advisor's wife? Oh, say again. Probably what happened. That's exactly what happened, I bet. My God, that is it exactly, Mrs. Old Lady. And he refused to get married.

Oh, it all makes sense now. It's so tragic. It was all for love. It's all for married. Oh, it all makes sense now. It's so tragic. It was all for love. It's all for love. Oh, the poor man. Let's go comfort him. I think we should... Yes. That or stab him to death.

One or the other. Either way. Either way. Either way. Hey, let's go in, start the conversation, then wing it. Yeah. No, we're really good at winging it, so yeah, let's do that. start the conversation, then wing it. Yeah. No, we're really good at winging it, so yeah, let's do that. Agreed. That is our speciality. Yeah. Tally-ho, then? Tally-ho!

Tally-ho! I'll own say. Well, who's going to bring it up first? I'm perfectly happy to do it. I don't know. If you'd like to, Mrs. Old Lady. Why don't we just see what happens? You start and then, you know...

Okay. Wing it. I'm going to wing it. So we walk across to his tent. Morning! Oh, hello! Welcome to my tent! Is there an omelette station by any chance? Oh, no. People eat horrible things here, mostly out of potatoes.

Oh. No poached eggs. No eggs, no. People eat horrible things here, mostly out of potatoes. No poached eggs? No eggs, Benny? No, I'm so sorry, but you are welcome to what little we have. Okay. We have home fries. We definitely have home fries. Do you perhaps have an aged cheddar you could melt over them? No, no, that would be foolish. It's actually quite delicious if you haven't tried it.

But I digress. Are you... Is he alone in the tent? Are you alone? The tent is that big. Okay, now that we've got him surrounded with our knives out. Let me

check. I would just like to bring up a delicate matter. All of our knives are in the air. Yes, I am alone. Is everything all right? What do you do here in the tent when you're all alone? Mrs. Old Lady, that's rather...

I'm just curious. Well, when I'm not busy healing the infirm, I keep to myself. I have salvaged some books. I read books. What kind of books? Books with pictures. There are various books we have found.

The Hungry Caterpillar? Is that what he's reading? I'm not familiar with that one. But I read and I try to not worry about the fact that I am surrounded by insane psychotic killers. Where is she? I'm... I'm sorry.

We all, by the way, look at Aldo like, what? The woman you fell in love with, it derailed your entire dissertation. I mean... Did it end badly? Like in more tragedy? Tragedy on top of tragedy? Or is she just out to the loo?

Or perhaps you're still waiting to get back together. Oh, I hope they get back together. I hope they get back together as well. What a wonderful... I think he wanted to be a doctor before he got married and then when the dissertation went wrong, he couldn't get married and that's... I'm sorry, what are you talking about?

I do not appreciate... There's no use in denying it now. You're among friends. Denying what? We know of your affair. It is okay. What? We are not spies of the dissertation panel. I demand to know at this instant what you are talking about.

One can't help who one falls in love with. No, the heart wants what it wants to coin a prize. I don't disagree, but I don't see what this has to do with me. I don't disagree, but I feel I'm being attacked. No, we support the star-crossed romance. Yes, no, this is a very friendly space, despite our daggers being raised high. Right. Yes, I was going to say that I feel very threatened

by your raised daggers. This is how we show our support. Yes. Where I come from. I let you in here because I thought you were the sane ones and now I feel very threatened. Should I call for help? No.

Well, it is the only possible explanation that we could come up with for why you are not actually a doctor. Shaka-ka-ka-ka. What do you mean? We prefer our doctors accredited.

It's a small thing. How would you know of my accreditation? I have all of the credits one would need. We've also been doing some reading. And Atticus takes the file and slaps him in the face with it.

And then is like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. That was... Twitch up the shoulder. And then he gently, oh my god, I'm so sorry, that was... It drew blood. A twitch of the shoulder. It drew blood. And then he gently hands it to him. What is this? This is your file with the asylum.

It seems you are patient here. You're aware of this. I see. Well, I... I... All right, you got me. I'm not a doctor. What? Yes, but it was a tragedy. We know why. I can't believe you found me out.

Wait a minute. Are you not German? Or French? No. You said your mother was French. I'm a professional actor. Oh, Aldo, I had said the worst case scenario, but I hadn't imagined anything as bad as this. Sorry, I... No, no.

It's worse than I thought. No. We're dealing with a fucking performer. This is so much worse than anything we could have possibly imagined. You don't understand. When all this shit went down, I had to do something to survive.

I ripped a coat off of a dead body to do something to survive. I ripped a coat off of a dead body, a doctor's coat. I put it on and I just employed some of my magic to help the people that needed help. I'm sorry. I'm an actor, but I'm a damn good actor. Maybe you've seen some of my work. What were you in?

Dammit. Yes, perhaps we know you from your body of work. Perhaps we've seen you before. Yeah, maybe we've seen you in some place. Surely you've seen the last pigeon heist. Oh, it was an action thriller where I had to bring back a pigeon that was stolen by a reclusive count.

You didn't see that one? What about Morning is Broken? I play Sergeant John Morning. M-O-U-R-N-I-N-G. That's right. M-O-U-R-N-I-N-G. I'm a good cop.

A damn good cop! But I get I get pushed a little too far and I become a criminal. I become broken. Thus Morning has broken. I become broken. Oh! Well you were loose cannon in that one.

That sounds amazing. Oh, I do wish I could have seen that. I've heard about it. I was also in this short-lived series, The Dissertation Advisor's Wife. Oh. When you started talking about that, I thought you'd know.

No, that's what I was thinking of. This'd know. That's what I was thinking of. This is clearly... That's what I was thinking of. Because I must have seen him in it. You have to understand, we have amnesia. Yeah. So we don't know what we've seen. But what do you want with me?

I'm just a simple actor with magic. First, just in case you are famous, an autograph? If we ever get out of here, it could be worth something. It could be worth something. Well, I suppose I could say so. He pulls out his bick. Quick selfie. No, but truly, it is our...

I don't mind if you're an actor. I don't mind if you put on this persona to save your own life. My concern is about the information you've given us. Can we sense motive on this, by the way? Sure. Oh, I think he's telling the truth, Matthew. Nobody lies about being an actor. Such a sad, pathetic thing to admit.

Fourteen. Eleven. Four. Seventeen. 14 11 4 17 He seems like he's telling the truth But he's a terrible actor So it's hard to tell Or maybe he's just that good He's just bad enough to be good

My concern is the information you have given us thus far, especially regarding the Unerogens and their location in this place. No, everything I told you was true. I just, I couldn't do it myself. Well, can we tell with the 17 that his motive is to survive and get out of here and to help us? That's what you feel. Because he thinks we give him a chance to get out of here. Yeah, he can't do it on his own.

Okay. I always knew I was a great actor. I knew I was so good I could inspire people around me to feel better, to do better. I'm such a phenomenal actor I could even cure light wounds once a day. May I ask? Yes? At what point in your career were you committed for self-abuse and refusal to wed? How do you know about that?

We showed you your file. Let me see. There's no pictures here. I'm not interested. My parents are rich. They're the worst. They set a bunch of donations here so that they'd bring me in

for what they thought would be a several-month-long retreat. They say I'm a sex addict I disagree I just think about sex all the time and constantly need it to stay alive if that makes me an addict then I never want to be cured

you said self abuse is that what they wrote in that little pictureless novel of yours pictureless it's like three sheets of paper. Let me see that again. Not a single picture. Self-abuse.

It's obviously garbage. A single picture. Self-abuse. I call it self-love, man. Sure, there are some bruises down there. Oh, Jesus. And the occasional scraper because that's because

I have an active imagination. Halster looks down at his foot and sees a gym sock and quickly kicks it away. Don't worry about that. Don't touch it. It's evil. It like squeaks along the floor. Oh, God, sorry.

I've been practicing something. Leave that alone. You don't understand if you go out there and tell the apostles I'm a fraud. We're all dead. We're all dead. Well, first of all, I think the idea of an ector being maintained by wealthy parents strains credulity. But otherwise, I think there is a note of truth

about this man's words. Though I experience amnesia, I do believe somewhere in the recesses of my mind I've heard this story a thousand times before. I don't know. It just seems so old and typical.

Do you perhaps know someone in the business? Because I have a picture of myself along with a list of things that I've done. Perhaps you could give it to that person and they would... Is it black and white? Yeah, it's a black and white photo. Oh no, we couldn't help you, I'm sorry. He's like this. Do you have different looks?

He's got a mustache. Wait, I just love that, first of all, he brought his headshot and resume into an asylum just in case he ran into somebody. You never know. You never know with those casting directors. Matthew, an actor prepares. I do know what their first question will be, though.

What are your special skills? What do you list as your Licensed driver Horseback riding Rollerblading Stage combat Cure light wounds Once time a day

Cure light wounds once a day Bottle cap That's good Your life wounds once a day Can self abuse on command Alright you found me out I'm an actor alright But we gotta keep up this facade And you should keep up this facade too

Maybe I can give you an acting class before this is all over with. I used to teach downtown. Of course you did. How much gold do you have? Funny, that's exactly how much I charge for acting lessons. What do you got on your person? For real though, man

You go out there and you blow my cover We're all fucked Does anyone else Alright Give us your headshot and resume And we'll keep it on file If we find anyone in the northwest Who is looking for an actor

for a play, we will drop your resume there. Thank you. But until then, we'll keep your secret. All right. Here's my serious look. Do you have any of you

as a pirate, perchance? As a matter of fact, I do. All right. I did this short-lived series. Do you own a police uniform? Yeah, I was just going to say that! Do you have one of you as a cop? So good.

All right. Too many acting jokes. Let's move it along. So good. We should probably move on from this. Yes, we should probably move on. I think that we are are Sorry I lied to you I don't think of it as lying

I just was really into my character But what is acting? Lying Yes, lying with artistic license Lying and being very attractive That's not cool But listen Maybe I can smooth things over.

I'll give you something here that I have that might help you. Because you are our only hope. That's why I enlisted your help, because I could tell that you were real heroes. Is it a demo reel? I have something else I want to give you that might actually help you it's a wand of cure light wounds

with 48 charges hell yeah dude he gives it to you and there's a demo reel taped to it wow Hell yeah, dude. He gives it to you and there's a demo reel taped to it. Wow. That is so much better than a demo reel.

All right. Wait. Halster, you take it, obviously. Yep. I could use a hit of it. Certainly. Actually. With this, we have something at least we can use to brave the Northwest Passage.

Yes. Plus one or plus three normally on a cure? Plus one. Plus one, seven points of healing. Perfect. Yes, perfect. Oh, this is fucking great. Now we don't have to constantly rest.

All right. Let us move towards the Northwest, unless anyone has any other business with the actor. No? I'm good. Alright, let us continue on. Good luck. Now, remember, next time you see me I still have to pretend to be the German doctor. Your dialect work was...

good. Thank you? No one ever says that. Can't imagine why. Good luck, don't die Alright, let us go We walk out of the tent Next time you come in the tent, knock first Oh, Grant, come on So we We walk out of the tent Oh, Grant, come on.

So we walk out of the tent. I mean, at least Atticus walking by these people is just going to be like... Like he's all crazy. And just sort of move through and head to those doors to the northwest. They're not zombies. No, but they are. They're like, kill it! They are. They're kind of like zombies. They are, right? They're like the. No, but they are. They're like, kill it! They are. They're kind of like zombies.

They are, right? They're like the apostles? Yeah. Some of them are a little off. You've met some drug-crazed ones, but some of these people are cool that are just pretending to be part of it. So he winks at some of them.

How do you know who's who? Roll for initiative. Yeah. Winks at one. All right. Moving to the northwest Oh Yeah Nice skit

Man so great having that thing Alright make sure you move Your characters on the map I see Mrs. O'Lady already sped past that haunt. What haunt? Oh, shit. What haunt? You forgot about the haunt resetting, Mrs. O'Lady?

No! What happened? So, Mrs. O'Lady, did you just zoom past that haunt? No, I assumed. I was just trying to get one past you. Okay. A little bit there. Well, you did.

Roll a... We'll see. No. You guys know that there's a little problem over there with the further... the leftmost, westmost fireplace there.

Yes. We never cut up that body. No. You had a good plan. You never enacted it. But now it's been a long enough time that those of you with any sort of knowledge religion feel like it probably would have reset. So your options are try to sit by it, see if you can beat whatever happens. What did it do again exactly?

A face came out, and then what was the effect? The pod tips over, and a face fell out, and you all rolled a save. And those of you who failed felt a little – and some of you just got over a disease, so you may not want to get into it. The other option is to go through the courtyard. You've got some other doors here and here. You know what? I'm kind of into that. I don't know.

Bypass the haunt. Or that door next to Ryder McClintock. Yeah. Let's do that. This is Ryder McClintock here. Yes. This is Susie Wanamaker. This is Ivory Gardine,

and I can't remember his name. This is Ivory Gardein. And I can't remember his name. I think it was like Jeff something. It was Steve? Steve Jefferson. That's right. Thank you. Bottle cap.

Steve Jefferson. Would this door open? I can't remember what the condition was. That was a pantry, wasn't it? I thought they said what it was. You have not looked in that door. Okay. But if you want to walk through that door and check that door. Yeah.

Okay. First they're like, hello. Good to see you. Hello, Ryder. Well, hello to you, Halston. Everything good in the camp? Yeah, everyone's still pretty cool. Awesome.

No fake doctors. No imposters of any kind. Everyone is who they say they are. Everyone is who they say they are. That's what I like to hear. Do you know anyone hungry for potatoes? Anyway, see ya. Open the door and it's just blocked by rubble.

He's like, I should have told you it's just blocked by rubble. He's like I should have told you that door is blocked by rubble. So through the courtyard we go then. I guess. Oh dear God. Oh.

Alright. Fireball. Smells good. I think it's fireball. I got it. So, you want to go through the old courtyard, Courtyardington? Yes. Looks like Halster's already out there. Halster's already out. Oh, I'm nervous.

That was... But there's the horse. Oh, the horse we saw. But it ran into the distance. I don't know if it came back. Maybe. All right. After you, Halster.

Following you. Halster, Mrs. O'Lady are out. What about Atticus and Aldo? Red team go. Red team go. Where do you go? Where do you go now? Where do you go?

Halster, what are you doing? I'm trying to see if you'll unveil any more fog of war. Is that just a collapsed wall? Sorry. That is a wall. I believe that's a wall. Yeah, just collapsed. All right.

Let's open this door right here next to the night gaunt. While you're outside. Oh, no. All right. Let's open this door right here next to the night gaunt. While you're outside. Oh, no. Come on. Thunderclap peals in the air. Just... Oh, come on. And you hear...

Atticus. Halster. You hear your names on the wind. Whoa. Aldo. Whoa. Oh. Aldo. Kartha. Atticus. Halster.

Ryder McClintock. Oh, my God. Halster opens the door quickly, not wanting to deal with... What the fuck was that? His name on the wind. Did anyone hear it? Did you hear your name?

Ryder sticks his head out. Somebody call me? Must have been the wind. Ryder, we heard your name on the wind. Someone called me. All right, he opened the door. Yeah, we dart in. Probably terrified.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was it? What are we doing? Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop-oo. Oh, a hallway. All right. What have you got, Halstead? Well, we need to go northwest to the northwesternmost tower,

so I assume we should go into the first door we see, which leads northwesterly. And Halstead, listen at the door real quickly for a perception check. Hold on. Mrs. Old Lady and Atticus are sharing the same spot. Well, that's because you don't align it to grid properly in Roll Troll. I want you to align your grid. in Roll Trap. Why don't you align your grid? Good sir.

Good sir! Great time to antagonize the GM. I like to do it right before I open doors. Halster, Mrs. O'Lady and Atticus all step forward and Aldo hangs back. Halster, roll a perception check.

Five. That's less high than we'd hoped. A gentleman's five, as it were. Seems safe to me, and he opens the door if it's unlocked. Hold on. Just calm down. I'm still dealing with the results of your five. Oh, no.

Sucker. Oh, jeez. You walk into this hallway. Let's talk about this fucking hallway, first of all. Sorry, I used foul language. It was really unnecessary. I was going to say Boston. I don't know why I was going to say Boston.

Boston! Boston! Boston! I want this so bad. Paint chips. Paint chips the color of eggshells cover the floor of these halls. Many of the walls look to be cracked and like sag a little bit, causing numerous doors.

The doors that you see, you see some more in the distance. Those of you with 60 feet of dark vision, they lean awkwardly on their broken frames. The one in front of you has a similar kind of like bulge to it. Don't make a bulge joke. Too late. However, you go up and you, Halster, stand near that door and just listen but you don't hear anything. Then all of a sudden, you hear crumble, crumble, crumble, crumble, crumble, crumble

as the wall behind you No, no, no. Collapses. Oh, shit. Shit. Oh, wow. And three creatures come running out to attack you. Oh, my God.

Roll for initiative. Oh, shit. Roll for initiative. Every time I look at you, I feel like you're going to throw gloves down and punch me in the mouth. I know. I should have bought gloves. Holding the jersey. Pull it over his head.

We'd all tap our mics. Good stuff. All right, you jerks. What'd you get, Aldo? Eight. Eight. Halster. Eight. Eight. Halster Price. Eight.

Who's got the higher? I have a plus six. Oh, dear. Aldo goes first. Aldo goes first? Yeah. All right. What about you, Atticus Graham?

That's a ten. Rocks. Rocks all around. Natural four. My die came back down To earth Mrs. Old Lady Give it to me straight How does a natural 20 suit you?

Oh yeah Dude Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Dude

So good to have Old Lady going first That's great Old Lady That's a 21 Oh Oh yeah Old Lady Old

Old Lady Auto parts That's a 21 total Oh, oh, oh, lady. Oh, oh, oh, lady. Auto parts. That's a 21 total. Yeah, I heard you. Auto parts. I heard you the first time. That's good, dude.

Thank you. All right, man. This is going to be a fucking blast. I'm so glad I have all my spells. I would say minimum two of you die in this situation. Are you just talking shit or are you being serious? No, I'm dead serious. First things first. Foist things foist.

I need everyone except Aldo to wear this shirt. To roll a very important reflex save. Oh, no. Shit. Shit. I've got reflex damage. Yeah. From my disease.

Y'all do. Y'all do. Come on, Boston. Come on. Infuse me. Boston Joe. Boston Joe. Boston Joe.

Come on, bread boy. Oh. Oh. Come on, bread boy! Oh. Oh. Have another roll, bread boy. Oh, you guys sound great. Legit.

They sound almost as good as we did when we were singing along to the Cranberries during soundcheck. We did do a little of that. That was sixpence on the richer asshole. Right, it was sixpence on the richer asshole. Go to fucking hell, Matthew. I'm sick of your... Wow. Wow.

Wow. Kiss me. All right. Let's go through the save. Stop killing time. Kiss me under the blue guitar All right, let's go through the save. Stop killing time. Let's start with Mr. Horseshoe over here. What'd you roll? 24.

Of course you did. Boston Joe O'Brien? Nine. Adjusted nine. I'm sorry, guys. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. No light speed?

It's not my fault. What about Mrs. O'Lady? 17. Shit. DC 16. However, Okay. I rolled shit damage

Alright You take, you What's your name? Atticus? Seven points of damage and you're knocked prone Oh You dum-dums take three points of damage And you're not knocked prone I rolled absolute shit

On 3d6 However, it's round one Atticus is prone prone. I rolled absolute shit on 3d6. However, it's round one. Atticus is prone. That is all difficult terrain there. And it's Mrs. O'Lady's turn. What do I see? You see three

creatures that just push the wall on top of you. Because Dum Dum Jones over here rolled a five perception and did not hear them pushing this crumbling wall on top of you. That's Dr. Dum Dum Jones. Doctor on TV.

These look similar to the creatures that you've encountered early in the adventure that were like hanging to the wall and gnawing on the other body. Oh, yeah. They were great. They're ghouls, man. These are ghouls. Great.

Don't let them touch you. Yeah, exactly. Mrs. O'Lady is going to... Is it a good ghoul or a bad ghoul? You weren't exaggerating at all about the death count. Bad news bears. Mrs. O'Lady is going to point at a piece of rubble and then fling it at the lead ghoul with a telekinetic projectile.

There you go. Do you have dark vision? No. But there's light. I see light. You have light going all the time. All the time. Unfortunately, I rolled a natural one.

Matthew! That's going to be a fan fumble. Don't we do it? Oh, it's magic. We established this before. It's magic. Fan fumble! This is fantastic.

It's a magic fail. Oh, my God. Not only do we have a fan fumble, but I'm not going to randomize this one. It's too good. I have to. Boston? Do you have a Boston fan fumble, but I'm not going to randomize this one. It's too good. I have to. Boston? Do you have a Boston fan fumble? Yeah.

Do you see one? Well, it's George, our buddy George from Linden, New Jersey. So it's not from anywhere around here. So it's not Boston at all. The title is Buckner. Oh. Oh. Part of me loves this. And part of me is very afraid. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry of me loves this.

And part of me is very afraid. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was melee, not magic. All right. Sorry. False alarm. False alarm.

False alarm. Oh, here we go. Here we go. How about Nate from Somerville, Mass? Yeah, Nate! Oh! Is that Nate back there? Nate, you son of a bitch!

Nate's here? Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate's here? Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate!

Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate! Wait. Everybody, hold on. Let's read the crit first. Somerville, 02144.

All right. This is from Nate. Nate from Somerville, Mass. Hi, Nate. Litterbug. A denizen... Jesus Christ. A denizen of the astral plane Has gotten tired of finding trash

Caused by bags of holding Being placed inside portable holes And decides to send a message Your spell is misdirected Harmlessly by a piece of astral trash That magically appears nearby And hits you hard Causing 2d6 points of bludgeoning damage

Oh my god The GM determines the type Of trash you get hit by causing 2d6 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh my god! The GM determines the type of trash you get hit by. End of fumble. Somehow, as you try to fling this rock at this guy, Dr. Ren Elborn's sock comes flying at the same time. That's gonna come with a fortitude save! That's 8 points of bludgeoning damage.

That thing must have been sitting around for weeks. Why is it bludgeoning damage? It got hard. It got stiff. As dry as a board. Minutes ago, it was walking across the room. Looks like it's straight to... Oh my god, dude. The fact that it's bludgeoning! Mrs. O'Lady

is truly horrified. And truly, to her core, disgusted. It's like a pervert challenged you to a duel. to a duel. You win. A pervert on the astral plane challenges you to a duel. And then she is going to move.

Inflatable love dolls at dawn. Mrs. O'Lady is going to move, but it's just difficult terrain, right? It sure is. So she can only get that far. I mean, this is bad. This is real bad. However, it is Atticus's turn.

Lying prone on the ground, you see Mrs. Lady get smacked in the face by a sock. The indignity of this game sometimes. Is that a word? So they have a clear path to us, right? All of them. There's not like a funnel. That whole wall is open. This is such bad news, dude.

Yeah, it's all open. The only thing that's going to slow them down, as far as you can tell, is that difficult terrain, but it's not gonna help Halster's positioning. Uh, it's, you know, it's just a bad situation. And you don't know what's in the rest of these corridors. You're in a hallway. It's not like you're in a

closed room. Yeah, um, yeah, this is bad. Alright, Atticus is gonna jump up from prone, looks across at this just nightmare of death that's coming at him and he's going to cast mirror image on himself to give himself a chance and not get hit.

Here we go. Come on, let's get them. That's a fucking one, dude That's a one Oh no Two of you There's three God Really terrible

So bad What's worse is it's their turn Oh no Here's what's gonna happen Halster, you haven't gone yet, correct? Correct So no attack of opportunity for you When this one comes flying past you

Up to Mrs. Old Lady This one comes flying past you Up to Atticus Actually no, that one can just take a five foot step And do a full attack on Halster This one will come up Even through the difficult terrain? Right before Halster is not. Or is it?

Wait, let's see. Where he is standing. Wait, zoom in on his little square there. No, but I don't think you can enter or exit. For a five-foot free action. I see what you're saying, but this thing here that I... Oh, that's the difficult terrain. Yeah, that's the difficult terrain.

Oh, okay. You just moved it. I thought this was difficult terrain. No, no, it just plays one on TV. That's just flavor. Yeah, that's just flavor terrain. So we're going to get one attack on Mrs. O, one on Atticus, and three on Halster. Let's start with Mrs. O'Lady.

You guys want a bite or a claw? You know what's good about the bite? It does paralysis and a disease. That's what's good about the bite. The paralysis is so bad. For anybody that doesn't know ghouls, this is all

paralysis. So if we just get all frozen in place, we're dead! For anyone who doesn't know any ghouls this is all paralysis so if we just get all frozen in place we're dead for anyone who doesn't know any ghouls they're very unfriendly they're not good company I told you to bring a backup, hope you did here we go, let's start with Mrs. Old Lady with a bite very low chance to hit not gonna lie, but if they do hit

oh bad news bears it's gonna be a 20 to hit But if they do hit... Oh, bad news bears. It's going to be a 20 to hit. Yes, of course. Dr. Wren's headshot. How many saves do I have to roll? Oh, boy. Let's start with the damage.

Ah, shit. Only max damage. Seven points of damage. It's like you're trying to kill us. I'm just playing the game, man. You need to try to live. Live like there's no tomorrow. This is really going to happen in Boston.

Yep. Best city in the world. Look it up. Look it up. Google it. It's in the encyclopedia. Best city in the world. All right. Let's start with paralysis. Sometimes, you know what? Let's start with paralysis. Sometimes here I'll have real pain in my asshole.

So go ahead and roll a fortitude save. Natty, 18. Huge! Huge! For a 19. Not paralyzed. Now roll a second fortitude save. Seven. Seven. No.

No, no, no. I'm so sorry. There are a few Mrs. O'Lady haters in the audience. There is. There are people who really want her out. They're tired of her shit. What did she ever do to you? What did she ever do to you?

It's your time, O'Lady. All right. Just remind me that you have something very, very horrible. I'll definitely do that. They'll remind me. Let's talk about the bite on Atticus. Atticus, you got an awesome AC as a third-level wizard, right? Sure, it's...

Oh! Eight. Oh! That's a miss. Yes, yes! Now let's get to where it's going to get ugly, Grant. Now, Grant, quick question. Sometimes I don't remember the rules of Pathfinder. Are you flat-footed if you don't act in combat and your AC is down?

Yes. I know. I know you are. I know you are. But what am I? Here comes the bite. Nine against flat-footed AC. Not a hit.

All right. Here comes the claw. Eight against flat-footed. Not a hit, dude. It's so cute when they do the pretend punch. You can see they're not real men. Like. Fucking nine again. Yes. This is great. This is great. That is horseshit. I'm like a fucking nine again oh

yeah yes oh this is great this is great that is horseshit alright so you guys gained the ability to live for one more round

this is a huge opportunity right now huge especially where they're laying out three attacks at a time with the possibility to paralyze

and do whatever just happened to Mrs. Old Lady there is an opening. There's difficult terrain. It is Aldo's turn. Come on, Aldo! Aldo's going to delay for Halster.

Oh, really? All right. Delay to see what Halster does. Halster, you are surrounded by... And he says, get out of the way! Surrounded by three ghouls, buddy. What do you want to do? If I leave these squares, I'm going to provoke attack of opportunities.

I understand what Alvin wants to do. You only provoke three attacks of opportunities. So Halster will expend a use of fervor to swift action cost divine favor on himself. Big divine favor on himself. Big divine favor fan over there. Got a shirt that says I love divine favor. And that will not

provoke attacks of opportunity and will take a swing out at the ghoul in front of Atticus. Yes. Yes. That was on the computer. I don't have my box

tonight, so I don't know what to do. It's a 21 to hit! That's right! Yeah, dude! Come on, baby. Come on, baby. Nine points of damage. Oh, that's phenomenal, dude. That's, uh, that's extremely good for a first attack.

Is that all you got? That's all I got. Hey, you made your round count. Aldo, you wanna go? Alright, Aldo says Sorry, best friend! And pops a bomb up his bandolier and tosses it in the space

between these two ghouls and Halster. And what is the splash range? Five feet around? Five feet. It would affect both ghouls and Halster. All right, and what is the splash range? Five feet around? Five feet. And we'd affect both ghouls and Halster. Yeah, everyone make a reflex save. Natural fucking one.

Meanwhile, I rolled a 16 and a 20. You often hurt the ones you love the most. We hurt the ones we love. So Halster takes six points of damage, and the two ghouls take three points of damage each. Wow. Wow. Oh, man.

Oh, dear. I'll tell you, this first round could have been a lot worse. I think you guys are handling it quite well. I'm in pretty bad shape. Well, good thing it's your turn. Come on, old lady. Fix it. Fix it.

First things first, I'm going to do a knowledge check on the ghouls. Okay. What knowledge should I roll? Oh, beautiful. That's going to be a knowledge religion. All right. That's the only one I don't have. But I can roll it untrained.

Okay. And I'm going to throw inspiration on this. I don't need your life story. Okay, that's a 16. 16. All right. I can give you one piece of information. Useful. I kind of want to know if they have minds.

They are ghouls. Yes. Oh, sorry, you want to know something better? You want to know if they have minds. They are immune to mind-affecting effects. That's what I thought. So I'll let you be the judge. All right.

Well, and I can't take a five-foot step. Sure can't, good buddy. Well, if this is where I'm going out. And Mrs. Lady draws her sword cane. Oh, yeah. Yeah! Is this the end of O'Lady? I've lived a long life.

I hoped it would be longer, but for now... 13 to hit. AC 14. Oh! Oh! Oh, oh. All right. What a real shame.

It is Atticus. You know, don't worry, Matthew. Joe is up. You'll be fine. This is so bad. Atticus Grimm, what do you got? Atticus is going to take He's going to take a five foot step

No he can't, he's in difficult terrain, right? Yep Alright, oh shit He's right toe to toe with this thing He's going to reach out with the dark magic that he possesses At the ghoul in front of Halster. And he's going to cast Bone Shaker. There you go.

So first I have to do the cast defensively. I'm going to chuck crescent rolls at him. I have to roll to cast defensively. Because I have to. Because if he just hits me on the A-O-O, he can paralyze me. There's someone out there. I don't know who they are, but I trust them. They were like, yep, yep.

Here we go. It's a casting defensively roll. This is so big. I need a 12 or higher on the die. Come on, guys. Give it to me. Boston, guys. Joe. Give it to me. Give it to me. Boston Joe. You're the worst.

I'm sorry. That's so bad. It's not as if our lives are depending on it, Joe. Did you add your bread bonus? So I lose my most powerful spell. And I do... You don't provoke. I, yeah, oh, yeah. I'm just going to stay.

No, you know what? Fuck it. He's going to move back to Aldo And provoke Yeah You know I have to rely on the mirror image Let's just Maybe I should have just casted the spell because of the mirror image

It's too late now Here's the thing let's just move you back here Because if you get hit You might get paralyzed And not move from here. So let's start with the attack of opportunity, which will be a bite against a wizard. Very low chance to hit. You know what?

Let's bring out Neon Green. Yeah, let's bring it out. Let's bring it out. Try to run. Try to run. Troy's gonna roll. Troy's gonna roll. You're totally screwed. Natty, 14. It's gonna be a 17 to hit.

Only a plus three. That's a hit. Yeah. Let me give you the damage first. Wait. No, no, no. Mirror image. Oh.

Mirror image. Mirror image. that's right. What's it going to be? What's it going to be, LaValle? You got three, there's three of you? Three images. All right, so five. Two images.

So there's three of you total? Yes. Five, six, I hit you. Okay. Yeah! Yes! Woo! Who would have thought it?

I love you guys! Let's do this. Let's get the fuck out of here. They were able to get away. Huge. Huge. But one of your images is gone. That's true.

That's true. One image left. Yes! Oh, sorry. I'm just very excited. I think I earned this. Oh, boy. This is... Oh, That was fireball.

Spicy. Much like the situation, it's very spicy. This is bad news because I wonder if you leaving there means two ghouls will do a full attack on... Well, you have to understand the loss of my spell was so brutal.

Why didn't you move first again? What's that? Why didn't you move first? Oh, because you... Oh. Well, I didn't want to... Because then you wouldn't have lost a spell, definitely. No, I know, but I would have taken the A-O-O and might have gotten paralyzed before I even had a chance.

You had one out of three. I think we all could have made better choices, Mr. Five, on your perception check. That wasn't a choice. That was a roll of the dice, Matthew. Shut your fucking mouth. They're infighting. This will be their destruction. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Guys, I'd love to listen to you yell at each other, but I got a character or two to kill. So let's start with three attacks on Mrs. O'Lady. All with neon green. I can't tell you how bad this is. Let's start with the bite. You can. You can just tell.

Alright. Not great. Twelve on the bite. Miss. The bite is bad, but you already have the disease. It's the paralysis that's going to get you. Maybe one of these two claws will paralyze you. I feel like the paralysis isn't going to need to

get me. Come on! Oh! Shut your mouth. Oh, in the valley! 16 to hit? That is my acing. Just lie! 16 to hit. That is my acing. Oh! Just lie!

Let's roll out some damage. What is that close? You can lie. Four points of damage. I'm still up. Oh, that's the worst. And I need you to roll a fortitude save. Wait.

For why? Against paralysis, because the claws have paralysis as well. Really? Yeah. Oh, shit. You're dead. 14 on the save. I think you're fine. I think so, too. I think I am. Yeah, it's DC 13.

Alright, one more. One more. He can miss. He'll miss. One more. He's gonna miss. I have one hit point. He's gonna miss. I have one hit point. Neon Green's day is over, man. That die is done. Neon Green's day has just begun. Best days are behind him.

14. Miss. Misses old lady only needs one hit point to destroy you. All right. It's this dude's turn here. He's going to do three on Halster. You got this, Halster. Let's start there.

I'm telling you, man. First attack, fucking miss on the bike. Yes! One claw. How about a natural one? Let's get a fan-fum-boney ready. Have a little fan-fum-boney! 18?

Exactly. I need you to roll a fortitude save. Also, take six points of damage. Here's my bottle cap. Oh, good. Double? Double roll? I can't be paralyzed.

I know I have another round of these, but I might as well try. Roll twice, take the higher. A four, which would have failed, and a 13. All right. A 13, which passes exact. Well, 13. 19 total. 19 total.

All right. Unadjusted 13. Did you take the six points of damage? I'm taking it right now. How are you sitting at for HP? Don't worry about it. I am worried. I think we're all worried.

16 out of 31. Now that's a hero, Matthew. That's a hero. It would take a double damage crit to really hurt you. Last attack. I'm a thinker, not a fighter. 19 to hit on the final attack. I'm going to need another Fortitude save.

Do you have any bottle caps left? Here you go buddy Payback for my terrible tactics And kiss me Stay in the fight Stay in the fight You wear those shoes And I will wear that dress Stay in the fight. Stay in the fight. You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress. Sorry, did I just do that out loud?

Double pass. 14 and a 17. Double pass. Yeah. Take five points of damage. Okay. What to do with the final goal? Three more attacks on Halster! Oh, no.

Oh, look at this! He's taking it to the crowd! Oh, look at this! He's taking it to the crowd! Oh, no. What are you... Did you fucking Hendrix? Okay. He's got a plus three to attack. Here we go.

Is this a Folsom prison crowd? Give us the first number. Eleven to hit. Nope. No. Garbage. Garbage roll from a garbage person. Don't get performance anxiety, Troy.

That's a 21 to hit. That's a hit. All right. What about damage? Oh, wait. And we got to fucking save, man. Grant. Grant. Grant, Grant. Oh!

I already rolled my save before you said that. Oh, man. 16. All right. All right. I'll take you up on the next one, though. Four points of damage. How much do you have left?

Seven points. Don't you crit. Don't you crit. Don't you crit, LaValley! Don't you crit! Oh, another hit with a 21. Bottlecap on the Fortitude. Save yourself and roll damage. Well, you're not gonna roll

seven, so it's all good. Okay, pass on the second one. Yes, yes, yes! Guys, I think we're working great as a team together. I think we're going to get out of this. Max damage, seven points of damage. Oh, my God. 1d6 plus one, I rolled the six.

You are... Disabled. Disabled. Alright. Is it my turn? Hold on! Just hold on, everybody! Grant, would you calm down? My God! Just calm the hell down! Wait, is it his turn? Relax! Is it his turn, though?

Yeah, it's his turn. It's your turn. Ha ha ha! I don't know why I didn't think that was funny. That was really funny. It's good that we can crack ourselves up in times of trouble. There's a couple people out there like this. Yeah. That's all we want. But what will sustain us

in our times of trouble? Houser will expend a blessing point and a fervor point to swift action. And Cure heightened himself. 1d6. Question. Will that provoke? I don't believe this one does. No.

Is that a spell-like ability, John? Swift action, Warpriest using this does not. Usually a swift action will not provoke. No. It does not. Does it? Okay, you're good. You're good.

I trust that guy. I only heal... But that's... So is that the end of your turn? I heal two... No. That guy is the live example of going to the Paizo forums and one person saying what you want to hear

and being like, ah, log off. Got it. That's it. I heal two hit points. So the question is, going from... Look at his face. I heal two hit points. So the question is, going from... Going from zero where I only had one action before fainting to two... Grant, tactically, it would have been much better if you would have healed seven or eight. Thank you.

Thank you, Joe. Just saying, I'm not a master of the game, but tactically speaking... Am I able to take my full turn now? All right, so that's your turn. No, it's not my turn. That's not your turn. I'm asking if I can take the rest of my turn now. If I was at zero, okay, so I'm going to swing out at the one in front of me.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, you took an action. Swift action. Yeah, I mean, I think you have to take a mover standard to even go below. Okay, great. So now you have my full turn. I'll allow it. All right. We'll swing out At the ghoul

Come on 17 to hit Alright Here we go Kill one 10 points of damage Which one did you attack? Uh

This one Yes He's dead Yes Yes We got this We got this Uh Fuck What else do I do? Uh We got this. We got this.

Fuck, what else do I do? Take a walk away and provoke twice? Walk away and provoke twice. I can't do that. Or stay there and take six attacks next round. I'll end my turn there. I can't run away with that promotion. So you have two hit points, correct?

Two. And Mr. Delady has one hit point? Take it to the limit, limit. I don't know about you guys, but we're having fun. And it is Aldo Casimir's twin. Aldo is going to wince. He's going to say, Really sorry, best friend.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Brace yourself. And he takes another bomb off of his bandolier and tosses it towards the southernmost ghoul. Like on his square. On his square. So you've got to hit his touch AC? Yep.

All right. Natty 18. Yeah! Aldo, I can still see you on that cart rumbling along, throwing the ball behind you. He's looking at it. He's not rumbling. Bam!

It's foreshadowing. Hold on. That's 14 points of damage to the ghoul. Whoa! No save, right? No save. He's looking at it. He's not rumbling. Bam! It's foreshadowing. Hold on. That's 14 points of damage to the ghoul. Whoa! No save, right? No save. He's dead. Yes!

Yes! Reflex said. 15. That's a pass. Yes! But you're still... Half damage? You still go under.

You still go under. You still go under. So that's three points of damage. Three points of damage. Negative one. The other ghoul has to take a reflex save as well.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, for the splash zoney. Natural one. Yes! Yes! What? Yes!

Looks like we got a fan fumble for the first time ever on a reflex save. That's six points of damage. Oh my God. And now those champs are gold interrupted.

Oh, you have to. You have to. All right, bottle caps. Yeah! God, you have to try. He left you no choice. I had no choice. I had no choice.

Wait, you've given out three bottle caps tonight. If we played all of our games in Boston, would you always be this generous? Nope. What do you say we come back to the paradise in two months? I'm in. Thoughts? Your thoughts? The fans have spoken.

Alright. God, I love it here. I gotta say, I was listening to Dana Gould's podcast recently, and he talked about the fact that the Pixies got their start on this very stage. Wow. And that gives me a real goddamn thrill. Yeah. So I understand. Love the Pixies.

I understand Troy's good mood. Right? Yeah. It's awesome. You just feel it. You've also been all very witty tonight. Yeah. Well, the combination of this crowd and this place and where we are in this game right now.

And the level of inebriation. Well, that helps. But I am having so much fun. This is as good as it gets. This is what this game is. Well, you're doing a hell of a time here. Let's see if the good times will continue to roll as we move into a new round with Mrs. O'Lady sitting on one hit point. Come on, O'Lady.

Mrs. O. Mrs. O. Mrs. O. Mrs. O. Mrs. O. Do it. There Mrs. O! Mrs. O! Do it! There's only one thing I can do. Oh, no.

Die. With honor. Fall on your sword. Never. Jump on the grenade. Sabotage you one more time. Mrs. O, lady. If I try to move, there's no way you're not going to hit me on the attack of opportunity.

It's all right. Do it. Have my bottle on the attack of opportunity. It's all right. Do it. Have my bottle cap. Every point counts. Take my bottle cap. Take his cap. Take his cap. Take his cap.

For your sword, Kane. Crit, baby. All right. I will take your cap. Roll twice and take the better result. What if you get a natty 20? I rolled a natural 1. And?

And a natural 10. What's the total? 11? Of 11, yeah. So sorry. Now here's the thing. Here's the thing. This is why I love our game

That is a Horrifically awful use Of a bottle cap But it felt right But that's why I love our game Yeah Because we do that shit I could have used the bottle cap

To try to roll acrobatics To avoid the attack of opportunity Right But my acrobatics is a minus two Yes I have dex damage my friend You chose wisely You chose wisely

Unfortunately it'll be the last choice You make in this life Yes. I have dex damage, my friend. You chose wisely. You chose wisely. Unfortunately, it'll be the last choice you make in this life. Unless Atticus Grimm has anything to say about it. Come on, Atticus. We can do something. We can do something. Everybody shut up. This is enormous, because I'm going to get nasty

if you don't kill it. What do you got there? The Pillsbury Jonut? All right. Come on. Test them in, Grant. Test them in Grant Testum in Testum in What is it like To be universally hated?

By friends and enemies alike. All right. Atticus is going to reach out. Desperate times. One creature left. Yes, you. Magic missiles. Two. Shoot. magic missile two

shoot shoot shoot come firing at these creatures yeah baby that is nine points of damage what? force damage

no roll to hit shaboom shaboom it had seven hit points left Kaboom! Kaboom! It had seven hit points left. Yeah! Austin Joe! Austin Joe! Austin Joe!

Austin Joe! Austin Joe! Austin Joe! Explain how you play a wizard, Grant. No, that was amazing. And you always have to remember, Grant forgot this recently, you always have to hug Matthew when you do a chest bump because he might fly off the stage. You know what, Joe? Just like the real Ghostbusters, you ain't afraid of no ghoul.

No, that's right. That's right. Boo! We'll edit that out. We'll edit that out. Magic missile. Magic. Bottle cap.

Stop. Stop. What do you mean, stop? Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle caps! Just saying. The old no-look cap. Matthew got no less than six bottle caps

for casting magic missiles. Just saying. He earned them. Mine were exceptionally well-timed. You guys barely escaped. Yeah, you're right. This one was real ill-timed. Shut up.

You barely escape from this collapsed wall behind which was these three bloodthirsty ghouls out for blood. They almost got it. Mrs. L.A.'s sitting on one. Halster's sitting on two. Aldo, full. Halster's unconscious.

Oh, Halster's unconscious and dying. No, he's not. Yes, he is. Halster, can you two. Aldo full. Halster's unconscious. Halster's unconscious and dying. Halster, can you roll me a stability? Roll to stabilize. Natural 20. Anybody else? But you know what? That's a problem. Who else can cast Cure Light with this one?

You have a thing. Could I have a couple hits on that wand? Yeah, let's... Let's wait until half-stairs. So you roll until I get to full. Yeah, and we'll calculate it after the show. Same for me.

All right. Let's... What do you want to do? That was harrowing. A room has been revealed now that that wall has been pushed down. You see that that room is mostly rubble. There's a set of double doors,

right shema, to the kind of southwest. Right shema. There's also, obviously, the door, right shemia, There's also Obviously the door Right shmia Behind the collapsed Wall You guys have never

Perhaps we go to the shmia door Never been in better shit Where you rolled a five perception You don't You don't have to be so mean about it Let's wand it up Yep Later wand it up. Yep.

Later. Wand it up. We're all wanded. We'll take off the charges after the show. Okay. Sure we will. I'm going to full. Sounds good, Grant.

I'm going to full. All right, so look. This hallway. Wait, I hit it. I meant to reveal it. This hallway here to the north, you see that it leads back to that door. Ah, okay. There. So that's where you would have come anyways, but

you're too stupid to notice the collapsing wall. Let's go to the north. To the door. Open it. This door? Shema? This door, Shema. Let's go to the Shema door. Open it. Alright, so who opens it? What are you guys doing? We do it actually extremely quickly so that I can keep my mirror image. Yeah, Halster opens the door immediately knowing that the most important thing is Atticus keeping his mirror image.

We do each round of wanding so quickly. Do you want to look behind the door, guys? Let's just start with the reveal and then we'll talk about it as adults. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh shit. I bet you're wondering how we all got here.

It's a long story. Do I have... Let me briefly explain this room to you jerks And then we'll Did you just cast light? We'll see what you want to do Did you mention that? Halster has perpetual light on Always

Fair enough All light all the time Which fucking room is this? I need an assistant Always. Fair enough. All light all the time. Which fucking room is this? I need an assistant. I totally forgot to shoot my fireball when we won that combat. Okay. You open the door and...

Did you just crush two fireballs? Gonna be very sick. Who opens the door? You? Halster does. I feel really terrible. It's a magic missile straight to your liver. Everybody, shut up.

Everybody shut up. You open the door and you're just like, oh, smell comes out. It smells like sweat and rot mingling together. I don't like that. You see as you open the door you're the one that sees multiple tables and chairs have been shattered and rebuilt

into like makeshift cages along the east wall. While a crate in an upended bed fitted with harnesses stands against the north just like those beds that you saw that guy strapped to when his dream turned him into a ghoul right right the cages one two three look like they each hold bodies that are unmoving and in one case totally flayed. We're talking Bobby Flayed.

That's a bad look. It's a bad look. Not a great look. Really unfortunate. I'm sure he's fine. A human man. When does that get fun? When does flaying get fun? I don't get it.

You're just flaying the wrong way? There's a human man. Listen. chained to a bed, that bed on the north wall, and he's moving a little bit. As you open the door, how do you see? It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because there are three more ghouls in the room. One of them is squatting on the crate in the northwest corner of the room. The other two are just like... prodding at the crate. But when you open the door, they all just...

turn around towards you. You just unplugged your computer. I hope we don't have much time left. We don't have much time. I have 100%. I hope we don't have much time left. We don't have much time. I have 100%. I hope we make it. They turn around and they look at you. One jumps off the crate, the one that was standing on every roll. Actually, who's

right behind you? There's two people flanking me, but no one's directly behind me. So you roll a perception check. Okay. 19 on the die. Of course. Of course. 22.

You see the crate is going, shut, shut, shut, shut. Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut. The crate is moving. However, when you open the door, the ghoul on the back that jumps off the crate... As a move action. Shut up.

That counts right now. Was it not a move action shut up that counts right now was it not a move action to open the door okay oh you win this round la valle i'll be back tomorrow no one else will be here be sitting here at 11 a.m hope the paradise looks at you, Halster, sees the people behind you and is like, who are you? Leave this instant.

Points to the man, chained to the bed. A human man, not unlike you. A young man with his whole life ahead of him. Yeah, not like Grant. Not like Grant. Not like you. A young man. Like your character. Leave this and sit or

I'll bite out his throat and feed it to you. Halster slams the door shut immediately. Just immediately, cowardly. And he goes, I'm not ready for this. And he puts his back against the door and looks left to Mrs. O'Lady and looks right to Atticus. What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?

He said, I don't know what we do. What did you see in that? What did you see? He said he was going to bite out this man's throat and then feed it to me. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. All right, Calista, calm down. Calm down. Of course you don't want that. Of course you don't.

Did it appear that he might do it anyway? Whether you fought him or not. I didn't actually play out all the scenarios possible. I just... Right. You might have been looking for after-the-fact justification. In which case...

He doesn't want... In his heart of hearts, he doesn't want to eat... Cut out the throat. But he's going to. Everybody roll a perception check. You roll it. Wait. What did he look like?

He was a ghoul? He was a ghoul. Jeepers. Son of a bee sting. Fifteen. Fourteen. Eight. It's not worth mentioning.

All right, so Mrs. O'Lady and Halster, you hear, Oh! The cries of that man that you saw. Oh! I told you. Halster, I need to explain to you what heroes do. They don't close the door. No, it's completely fine.

He's fine. So off to the west Off to the west Oh god no If only heroes Would save me I really feel like it's too late for him I have ran all of the scenarios

It's definitely not too late I think the Onerogen is our real goal here. I don't know if we would get mired in this saving of innocence. No, he's clearly on his last legs. I have many more legs left! There's no strength.

Listen to that. I'd say it, Max. There's no strength in it. What would you say? Six to twelve seconds left? Why are you all so heartless that you would not open the door

and cast a magic missile and put him out of his misery? First of all No. She's right. No. No, she's wrong. You're not wrong,

Mrs. O'Leary. No, we should do the right thing as Mrs. O'Leary suggests. Yes. Kill him while he's still... It would be a waste of a good magic missile, though. Have you...

Know you nothing of sacrifice for a good cause? I just feel... We could also throw a bomb. Yes. You could throw a bomb and kill them all. I could do a mind thrust and make his brain explode. It's true. It seems a little cruel, though.

We could do both, just to make absolutely certain that he's... I mean, on the level of cruelty. You're slightly below the ghoul, though. So I think you're all right. Yeah. Like an instant thrust to the mind. Instant kill. A classic lesser of two evils situation. Exactly. Lesser of thrust to the mind. Instant kill. Classic lesser of

two evils situation. Exactly. Lesser of two evils. It's clear. I can hear most of what you're saying. He seems extremely conscious of what's happening to him. Must have a high perception despite his horrible

situation. Well, they say at the moment near death that some of your senses are heightened to a degree. If that's the case, then do we do it? Shouldn't we do the mind thrust? That way he doesn't have to experience physical pain. But isn't it quite painful when you do the mind thrust? Oh, yes, it's an immense psychic pain. But he's already in such psychic distress.

But I believe there is one instant of the worst horrible pain you've ever felt in your life. And then it's all over. But is that one instant worth it? Is the question. Yes. They're taking seconds and seconds and seconds debating this. Do you have any reading materials? I have children!

He's got children. We wouldn't want them to see this. We wouldn't want his children to see him suffering this way. We wouldn't want him to die crying and moaning. No. And we traumatise them for life. Right. He's passed on his genes.

It's all well and done. Yeah, he's left a legacy. Mate, he's the lucky one. And you know what? You know what? We could all work together to lie to his children and say he died bravely. He died crying like a bitch.

Yes. Yes. Do you think maybe his wife would be lonely now that he's dead? I'd like to pass on my genes as well, and she's already proven herself capable of childbirth. Halster. Halster.

It's extremely rude to assume he has a wife. I'm just thinking about the future, you know? I'd love to see a Halster Jr. bouncing on my knee one day. Does he really have... I mean, I can only imagine the sense of envy that you have, like think about this man who's already had children. I do too. I mean, do you think the

orphanage would accept his children after I have my own with his wife? Surely! Are there not workhouses? Okay. Then let's... If we all pinky swear to lie to his wife and his children about how he died, I'm ready to move on to the next door.

And Houser stands up. Have you heard nothing? The man is suffering. Oh, whatever. I was committed for severe depression. And this is not helping. That's bad news. But perhaps, hold on. He is, he has survived rather a long time.

That's true. Perhaps, perhaps we save him. I mean, if you're for it, I'm for it. Well, but on the other hand, devil's advocate. And I hate to be the one to say this, but clinical depression can be hereditary. And lacking... I take no pleasure in this at all.

Well, you bring up a new point, too, which is lacking as we are in psychotropic medication, there's really no hope for him. But he could go see the doctor. Oh. Oh, wait. Oh, wait.

He's a fucking actor. No, I think Mrs. O'Lady has a point. That maybe we should see if there is some sort of treatment that we can deliver him if he survives. Which we could help him do if we go in there and rescue him. And you saw what in there, Halster? Three ghouls again? Three ghouls and there was something in a crate. They were all around a crate.

They weren't paying attention to the man at the moment. There was something moving inside. And I also saw another set of double doors to the side. Perhaps if we do want to show mercy to this man, we could surprise with another entrance rather than the one we just went through. Halster brings up an excellent point. I say we open the door and see if the ghouls have already cut out his throat,

if they might be willing to now let him go. That's true. Who knows? This could all be moot. This could all be completely moot and we don't even know. Yes, he hasn't spoken in quite some time. Why would we take possibilities off the table before we know all the circumstances? This is just ignorant of us, honestly.

I say, if you don't mind, Houser, would you kick in the door? Hold on. Can I... Before... After you, Atticus, please. Well, I'm just terrified that we'll all die for this action. I don't know. Look, I think we got rather lucky last time.

Let me just say that. Funnily enough, I'm having the same fears, but I'm going to open the door because Mrs. O'Lady asked nicely. Oh, is that why you do things? It's time to rumble, you bitches. Let's get ready to rumble! We're going long.

I never wanted to go long. We're so bad. We're so bad. We're going long. So good you're not. Because we're going long. We're going long. We're going long. So good you're not.

Because we're going long. Let's roll for initiative. Come on. We're in Boston. We're going to go long. I want to see blood go long I wanna see blood I wanna see blood Alright

Let's keep it spicy Keep it moving I won't stop till someone's dead Mrs. O'Lady Six Six Shit Great start

My favorite number Atticus Grimm Fifteen Fifteen That'll play That'll play Halster Price Six Oh no Mrs. O What's your bone? Plus one Grim. 15. 15. That'll play. That'll play. Halster Price.

Six. Oh, no. Mrs. O, what's your bone? Plus one. Plus three. Halster goes first. Get out of my way, old lady. That's your initial bone?

Yes. Aldo Casimir. 18. 18. There you go, Aldo. Casimir. Oh, dude. Fucking bomb him. Oh, this is going to be great. Don't forget, him Oh this is gonna be great

Don't forget all of this is difficult terrain You're difficult terrain How dare you You really are How dare you You are the peak personification Of difficult terrain Well sometimes you just need to get to know the terrain

Round one We're going long Well, sometimes you just need to get to know the terrain. Round one. We're going long. Just so that I can kill somebody in Boston. Aldo, you're up. All right, so Aldo... So I'm thinking Aldo actually can't see past where the light is. Not good.

But although, I don't know, if this is catching the corner of this guy's square. It's tough because of the door situation. Like, you need to get, if you move to here. Well, I can't see him right now, but if I moved into the room, I would be able to see. What about that difficult terrain? You've got good movement, right? I've got enough movement. So, yeah. Was there dim light in there at all? No.

Dark. So, Aldo is going to clamber over this difficult terrain and into the room. Dude, so brave! So brave! That he gave his life. Just past his body. He just closed brave. So brave. Just passed this. That he gave his life. Just passed this body. We just closed the door behind us. His body starts to grow.

It grows. Oh, no. Oh, what a horrible mistake. Is that a futuristic policeman that you put on the board? Why is he wearing camo? I didn't really think about this. Is he from Mass Effect? Why does he look like Master Chief?

Yeah, he has grenades on his belt. Aldo. Quick, grab the grenades. I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite insane asylum. I am from the future, and I'm here to warn you that... Well done, Grant. In Boston, you're going to go long. Well done, Grant.

In Boston, you're going to go long. All right, so he's going to throw a bomb at this southwesternmost ghoul. Get him, dude. All right, still outside. That is a 14 against Touch AC. Here's the thing. Oh, come on, LaValle. Come on, man. I need you to roll a 20%

mischance where he's just outside of the light. Okay. Oh, 22. That is a hit. And that is 14 points of fire damage. It's just fucking dead. Yeah!

What a start! What a start! Holy shit. That's an opening gambit I can get behind. That was really good. It is Atticus Grimm's turn. Oh, shit. Sorry, I've been busy on the music.

Oh, shit. Hey, Joe, there are bread rolls inside of that room. Go get them! All right, Atticus is going to move into the room and then fake as he starts to swirl his hands, dodge out of the way. Oh, why are you running past me so fast? And is going to cast

a silent image of Halster appearing right here in front of the two ghouls. Love it. So he's like, oh! And Halster moves past him, quote unquote, and then appears right there. Does it say fake Halster?

I mean, it wouldn't say fake Halster. It would just say Halster. Well, the ghouls can't read it. How do you know that? Wait a minute. His nameplate says fake Halster. What do you know about ghoul literacy? If they succeed on their will save, they can see that his nameplate said fake house.

That's true. It does give them a bonus to their will save. Wait, the ghouls can... It's their turn. Here's what's going to happen. This dude is going to roll a will save against fake house. You don't roll a will save against... Until he interacts with it?

Right. Let me see what kind of intelligence we're dealing with. Well, yeah, you can determine if it's... It's bullshit. Oh, they're mindless. Will they just keep attacking? They might be mindless, but they're not unintelligent. Well, he spoke.

Yeah. They're not mindless. They're just immune to mind-affecting abilities. Right. Exactly. Thank you. Everybody calm down. I see a lot of movement out there.

Just fucking relax. We're going long. All right. Calm down. I see a lot of movement out there. Just fucking relax. We're going long. Alright. This dude back here takes a five foot step. Oh no. Grabs the hand of that man

who was yelling and bites one of his fingers off. Oh my god. And I'm rolling legit damage against the remaining HP that he has. Minimum damage. Wait, so you didn't have to roll an attack roll because he's so weak

and like has no... I'll roll it. Natural one. I actually rolled a natural fucking one. Yeah! Yeah! If you will it, it will be true. It's amazing. It's amazing it's amazing

it's amazing Boston Joe dude what can I what can I ESP I'm sorry I the way I listen to the people Troy

give them what they want fuck that's the ones against NPCs the way I prep this is like foregone conclusion bites his finger off well he has some life in him yet pulls it away alright That's the ones against NPCs. The way I prep this is like foregone conclusion. Bites his finger off. Well, he has some life in him yet.

Pulls it away. All right. This guy is going to try and attack Halster. Doesn't fucking matter because it's fake. He bites through fake Halster. Nope. He saw us roll. A will save?

A will save. Okay. To disbelieve. What's the DC? A will save. Okay. To disbelieve. What's the DC? DC is 16. Wow. Come on, come on, come on, come on. 12. So he still doesn't know.

He thinks Houser just dodged it. You have to understand. Part of silent image is like, I can move it. It looks like he's moving and dodging. Well, let me ask you this. Do I roll the will save every time I interact with it? Yeah. All right, so that was the bite. Okay. Now I'm going me ask you this. Do I roll the will save every time I interact with it? Yeah. All right.

So that was the bite. Okay. Now I'm going to do the claw. Fair enough. Another will save. Fucking natural two. Yes. Look at that.

Look at that holster. Like a butterfly. I can't see. Look like a butterfly. Sting like a bee. Get a hold of this fucker. Last one. Dude, this is great.

I can't believe you just... You guys just... Fuck. Fuck! 13. 16, bro. You did 16, dude! Fight Claw Claw.

He doesn't know. He's stupid. He's a stupid ghoul. It's Halster's turn. Yeah, real Halster. All right. It's fake Halster. Halster wants to take advantage of this situation,

so he's going to move in outside of the range of the ghoul. Don't forget about that difficult terrain, yo. Yeah, I'm still good. And he's going to cast Bless on the rest of the crew. Nice. Oh, nice. Because he wants to see how much Aldo can chip away while they're distracted before getting into paralyzation rage.

We got to pray just to make it today. Mrs. O'Lady. Is it my turn? No, I'm just saying your name. I didn't know if it was part of the song or not. You're part of our song. Oh, thanks. Aw. Making your way in the world today

Takes everything you got Taking a break from all your worries Sure would help a lot Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. It's the proper

boy. What do you want to do? Mrs. O'Lady will move into the room. And the whole crowd goes, Mrs. O'Lady! How's life treating you, Mrs. Malasori? It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milk-bone underpants.

Thank you, Professor. Alright, she will point at a piece of rubble and telekinetic projectile towards the ghoul in the back. So that is a 15 to hit. That's a hit.

Wait, wait. That's a hit. Did you have to throw it through this dude? No, I threw it through fake Halster. Oh. Oh. I trust this guy over here who said bullshit. That looks like he's going to get at least a plus two to his AC, which will make you miss by one.

Why don't you just go? Boo. Boo. This guy isn't even a Patriots fan. Get him out of here. All right. That's my turn. I already factored the blessing.

Wait, wait, wait. Everybody calm down. Does bless matter? I already factored the blessing. Wait, wait, wait. Everybody calm down. Does bless matter? I already factored the blessing. Aw, groan. Hell of a round. People are walking out, big old lady fans, just like, fuck this. I'm out of here.

I'm like, the old lady's not going to save the day. I'm going home. Go home. I got to get some EMAC and bolio before the night's over it's a new round it's Aldo Casimir's turn someone's gonna die and I don't want it to be

my character, it's Aldo Casimir, you're on fire! Aldo is gonna take a five foot step up to the northwest, a lot of traffic in this room and he is going to throw another bomb at the rearmost ghoul.

Okay, I'm going to give him a little bone to his ace. Bone to his ace? I don't have a lot of time. We're going long. We're already long. He can't be saying whole words. He's getting a little ace bone. That's 16 against Touch AC. Come on, Aldo.

Do it, dude. Do it! That's a hit. But the splash damage will affect this dude. It will. What's his reflex say while he's chained up against the wall? Not great. Not great.

Not great, Bob. It's 13 points of damage to the ghoul I hit directly. And then the ghoul and the guy each have to roll a reflex save. All right, let me walk you through what happens. This ghoul had 13 hit points. Yeah! He's a ghoul-killing machine. MVP!

MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! Oh, awesome. Love it. Love it. He's pretty dead. And then let's roll the reflex save for the... Man, their reflexes are shit.

The reflex save for this guy, Shma. Oh, Natty, 19. So save on reflex. Three points of damage. Big ghoul fan over there. How much? Three. Okay, sweet.

Now, this is where it's going to get a little H-A-I-R-Y. Reflex save on this poor Shmuck. Harry. 15. That's a save. Okay. Three points of damage to him. He is unconscious and dying. Harry. 15. That's a save. Okay. Three points of damage to him. He is unconscious and dying.

Okay. We got this. Whoa. Really? He said we were going to do it, and we did. Yeah, we did. We did exactly what we set out to do. Put him out of his misery with a bomb.

We can just leave now. Classic. I think our work here is done. Close the door. Atticus, you're up. Two of the ghouls are dead. This guy is now unconscious and dying from a bomb. What do you do?

I'm pretty much out of it at this point. I will... I don't know. I will cast Ray of Frost. Wait. It's probably immune to cold. Can I do Knowledge, Religion, see if they're immune to cold? Yeah.

A little Knowledge Relige. That is a 17. Immune to cold or cold resistance. You have no reason to believe that. All right. Then I'm going to roll a touch attack against them. Natty, 18, so that'll hit. And I'll do max damage, three points of cold damage.

Woo! It's a ray through Halster. and I'll do max damage, three points of cold damage. It's a ray through Halster. Sure. But you hit and do three points of cold? Well, it was a 19 against touch. I don't love your tone, but he's still alive. Okay, well, it still did three points of damage. You're chipping away. Do you want to move at all? Chipping away.

No, he's not going to move. Okay. It was blue. Nice! Yeah, dude. Well done, dude. It is the ghoul's turn, and he failed all three times. But I'm going to play this.

Yeah. All right. It's a little late. Better late than... I know, I know. He's so good. He's the best. Best on the whole tour, this guy.

All right. Let him hear it. Let him hear it. MVP. MVP. MVP. MVP. What are they paying you?

We'll quarter it. All right, this dude is going to take a five-foot step, try and bite fake Halster. So we'll save? We'll save, yeah. This is such bullshit, crap, fucking bullshit. We'll save DC 16. All right, that's a 21.

All right, so the image vanishes. He knows it's fake. Get out of here. Oh, you son of a bitch. All right, now the image vanishes. He knows it's fake. Get out of here. Oh, you son of a bitch. All right, now he's got two claws. Come on, Halster. This is a genius level tactician ghoul, I gotta say. Go for it.

Go for it. He's a smart dude. What's your intelligence? 10. He's smarter. Really? Yeah. You're dumber than a ghoul?

Yeah. You're dumber than... Smarter than your average ghoul. Yeah. You're dumber than... Smarter than your average ghoul. We may need to pause ways after this. All right, here we go. We're going long. We're going long.

We're all ready. Claw number one. Shit on a Ritz cracker. That's a nine. Miss. LaValle, this is your last roll of the night. It might be. And I'm pretty sure you got nothing.

Another fucking miss. Yeah! All you've done is miss. It's so embarrassing. Are you embarrassed? Houser, you're up, dude. Houser is emboldened both by the ghoul missing and the man in the corner doing unconscious.

Do it! 16 on the die. That's a hit. 24 total. That is eight points of damage. Seven hit points left. Yeah! Dude, six goals tonight.

Six goals. You're out of combat. So good. So good. This poor dude is lying unconscious

and bleeding out a roll to stabilize. He does not stabilize and he takes another point of damage. He's now at negative two. What do you guys do? Kill him! Put him out of his misery.

Put him out of his misery, Halster. Halster will stabilize from a distance when it comes around to him again in initiative order. I'm sorry. From a distance when it comes around to him again in initiative order. I'm sorry. From a distance. 25 foot. So he's stabilized and then he'll walk over and he will expend a use of fervor to cast 1d6 healing on him. Two points of healing. Meanwhile, the crate.

Oh, the fucking crate. Oh, the fucking crate! Oh my god. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Blow it up. Throw a bomb. No, no, no. Aldo runs up. He's like, no, no, no.

And he pries open the crate, if he has to, with his sickle. He doesn't even have to. It's just, he can just lift it off the ground. You lift it off the ground and you see a little corgi. Oh, no. Come on, Troy. Come on. And he's, like, battered a little.

Oh, no. He's got chunks of hair missing. Oh, no. Not a corgi, dude. A fucking corgi. That's fucking messed up. That's got chunks of hair missing. Oh, no. Not a corgi, dude. A fucking corgi. That's fucking messed up. That's the queen's dog. Yeah, she loves those.

Apparently, they are a little mean. I thought the ghoul ripping this man's throat out was a tragedy. Until I saw this. A corgi missing some hair. It's horrible to behold. Aldo kneels down and says, Oh, come here, you poor thing. No, no, no.

And he takes a vial off of his bandolier. And he makes little cure-light wounds. And like, says, here you go, here you go, here you go. So you go to feed the thing while Halster heals the other guy, and the guy kind of comes to and sees you pouring

that vial down its mouth, and he just goes, That is down its mouth and he just goes that is not what it seems and all of a sudden the corgi no no no fucking starts turning into something else and we'll see you in New York. Thank you.