The Golden Hour - Leaving Comedy for Good | The Golden Hour #25 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia
Episode Date: April 21, 2023The guys talk parallel thinking in comedy, the continuing Bud Light drama, Chris new baby boy, the Anthony Bass popcorn incident, how much money the guys would take to leave their... jobs and much more! DraftKings - Download the DraftKings app and use promo code GOLDEN ExpressVPN > https://expressvpn.com/gGOLDEN Call (800) 327-5050 or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA), Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MA/MD/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OH/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. VOID IN ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Bet $5 Get $150 offer (void in MA/NH/OR): Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pre-game moneyline bet. Bet must win. $150 issued as six (6) $25 bonus bets. Promotional offer period ends 5/28/23 at 11:59PM ET. No Sweat Bet: Valid 1 per customer. Opt-in req. NBA same game parlay bets only. Min 3-leg. First bet after opting-in must lose. Paid as one Bonus Bet based on amount of initial losing bet. Max. wagering limits apply. Ends at the start of the final NBA game each day when offered.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Yeah, like that sweet corn waffle cone.
Honey marshmallow rocky road.
I got to check that out.
Look at this strawberry salami.
Yeah, check it out by purchasing a scoop, dude.
That's why you got to try it.
Black olive?
Oh, jeez.
No.
Get out of here.
Is this what's it called?
Salt and straw.
They have some good shit.
But that?
Come on.
You got to try that.
The best is afters.
Yeah.
You got to try it.
Afters is the best.
Yeah, yeah, you got to try it, you asshole.
Oh.
We're friends that laugh. We're friends that laugh.
We're friends that shout.
Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about.
But that won't stop us.
Nothing can stop us.
Ooh, yeah.
It's like a show you used to love.
Just rebranded enough
It's stronger, better, bigger power
Cause it is the Golden Hour
It's the Golden Hour
So, because there's so much stand-up,
so many premises, so many people doing, think what they think is funny things, and then, like, as a stand-up, so many premises, so many people doing
what they think is funny things,
and then as a stand-up,
you think of things,
and then people are like,
oh, that's my joke or that, whatever.
It's just, no,
it's like parallel thinking is a real thing,
and it's more prevalent even now.
So for instance,
I don't know if you saw
Marlon Wayans' newest special.
You probably may have watched it.
Oh, I saw clips of it.
It's literally all about the Chris Rock slap.
The Jada Pinkett stuff.
It's about his relationship with Will Smith, Jada Pinkett, and Chris Rock.
It's very vulnerable in how he's talking about it.
But anyways, he makes a reference in his special.
I make the exact same reference.
In your special or just on stage?
No, no, no.
As soon as the Chris Rock thing came out, I was doing material.
And then I knew, like, this isn't going to last.
So I took a chunk of it and I put it on the internet.
Before.
Literally week of.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Smart.
Like week of, I did it.
And so I saw his thing and I was like, oh, man, this is like the same reference.
So for me, I'm like, this is my thing.
It's on Instagram.
It's on TikTok. And I'm like, so I my thing. It's on Instagram. It's on TikTok.
And I'm like, so I know him.
So I hit him up.
I go, hey, man, I just wanted you to know that I did this too because I just don't want any like.
And also, yeah, you know he didn't take it from you.
Yeah.
And you didn't take it from him.
That's what I'm saying.
It's just, yeah.
I know, but it just becomes a thing where like that's how things start, you know?
Online though, like comics know.
No, they don't.
No, they don't. No, comics don no they don't no they don't no comics
don't know no they don't know dude i'll tell you why for is it yeah i'll give you another example
of this so i was doing this i was doing a joke for like three years my premise was impossible
pussy oh like oh the day like the dave chappelle yeah yeah see i was doing doing this. I'm doing it for a year. Yeah, yeah.
Okay?
And my thing, my joke, first of all, is way more fun.
Yeah.
It's just fun.
Right.
You know what I mean?
The way I would do it, it would be like this impossible pussy.
And then I'd be like, there would be testimonials.
This ain't real pussy.
You know what I mean?
Like it's a taste test, right?
Anyways, the day that special dropped, my inbox was flooded.
Okay?
And I'm talking about from comics too.
Like, yo, dude.
Legit comics?
Yeah, yeah.
You'd be surprised, man.
Yo, dude, what?
Even just telling me like, yo, dude, did he buy that from you?
Wow.
You know, and I was like, oh, no.
And this has happened to me twice with Chappelle.
I've made a similar reference to him.
And then I'd be like, well, there goes that. For me, I don't do the joke anymore. Well, you can't. Exactly. If it's oh, no. And this has happened to me twice with Chappelle. I've made a similar reference to him. And then I'd be like, well, there goes that.
For me, I don't do the joke anymore.
Well, you can't.
Exactly.
If it's him.
He's so famous.
He's bigger than you.
He's super.
So I was like, god damn it, man.
This is the second time this has happened.
That sucks.
But I don't fall in love with material.
Yeah, you can't, bro.
You just don't fall in love with material, and I move on.
It sucks, too, because there's the one thing.
I don't watch anybody stand up. I don't watch anybody's stand-up.
I don't watch anybody's stand-up.
For that reason?
Nah, it's just like it's not fun for me anymore.
Like, I've seen – like, I just don't watch it, bro.
I don't watch –
It's rare I do.
I watch Big J's.
I watch Big J's.
Your special thing?
Yeah, I laugh my ass off.
I think it's important to watch some of our dignitaries of stand-up for this reason.
Well, the last one I actually watched was the Chris Rock one.
Not the new one.
Whatever the last one.
Tambourine?
Yeah, that one.
You're saying like the tip of the spear guys.
Yeah, man.
Sometimes I think it's important to like, especially if you have like, and I know some
of these people.
You know what I mean?
So the thing is, this has happened with Bill Burr.
Same thing.
He did something on Saturday Night Live that I was like, oh, well, there goes that premise.
Oh, really?
So that's why I feel like it's like –
Especially if you're very prolific and you're going to keep writing and you keep doing shit.
Like, bro, I have a new hour every year and a half.
Like that's a lot of material and it's gonna you're definitely gonna be talking about the same
shit that other people talk about because the same shit's happening in the world it's topical
or you know it's like everyone's gonna have something about zoom do you know what i mean
like in the past three years or pandemic or pandemic but with to your point eric it's like
not being married to the bit.
It's like I'll write a new one.
It's all good.
I'll come up with more shit.
So you have to feel like that.
Yeah.
But also, too, though, but here's the thing.
It's not even topical stuff that you have to understand.
Like there will be examples of there might be another guy who just had two kids.
Of course, yeah.
Talk about kids, dads.
Whatever.
You think that this is my story.
Someone else is like, yeah, well, that's also my story.
I mean, I've had it both ways where people are like, dude, this sounds like that.
And then I've had people be like, dude, this guy's biting your shit. And it's like, bro, I don't, when somebody tells me that somebody else is biting my shit,
I don't even look at it, bro.
I don't, just, bro, I don't care.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to keep going.
I'm not taking any shit.
I'm just going to assume they're not.
I don't give a fuck, dude.
But also the people that take,
you're not going to have a career.
Especially in today's age, you're going to get found out.
There's no way you can keep going up at the store
and improv around other comics.
If you're known as that guy, you're fucked.
When I was very first starting, I had a bit about fajitas.
I've never seen Nick Schwartz do any of this stuff, and the fans were hitting me up.
So I hit up Nick.
I'm like, yo.
And I was only doing the bit for maybe two or three weeks.
Some hater came to the comedy store.
I was like, oh, sharp copy, Nick Schwartz.
I call up Nick.
I'm like, hey, you have a fajita beat?
He's like, yeah, but I saw yours, it's a little different.
It's not a big deal.
I was like, nah, I'm not, he was like, you can do it.
I'm like, nah, I'm out, man.
Yeah, I can't, your bit's so much better, mine's so new,
so I'd have to keep working on it.
Also, I'm good, man.
That's my, I just don't, my bad, I didn't know.
Well, it's like, sometimes a comic is so big, prolific.
It's like no one can talk about Hot Pockets.
Right, right, right, right, right.
I don't care how different.
It's fast.
You know what I'm saying?
If you use the words hot and pocket in a sentence.
Jim Gaffney.
That's Jim Gaffney.
Hot Pockets.
It's too specific of a thing. A lot of people will do the drunk girl stuff.
I don't give a fuck about that. People are like dude this guy's like bro that's such a wide
topic man i know my shit went viral and people are going to compare your drunk bit maybe to mine
i bro that's so when people say this guy's doing your drunk that that is that's respect chris what
to me that's respect like when people like dude this guy is doing a version of your bit. Your drunk girl bit, and that's one of the first times I met you,
your drunk girl bit was so prolific and good outside everybody else talking about drunk girls
that whenever they see it, like Hot Pockets, they think Chris D'Elia.
So when I hear that, I'm like, let's go.
Before that, they were thinking, what's his face from Saturday Night Live?
Yes, dude, I know.
Jim Brewer?
No, Jeff Richards had a funny drunk girl character that he would do on SNL.
But yeah, dude, it's like, it's such a big,
that's not like Hot Pockets.
Drunk, being drunk is, it's like fucking having kids.
It's like, you know, it's so,
so like if somebody else is gonna come along and say,
hey, my girl got drunk, this happened,
people hit me up about that shit.
It's kind of annoying, bro. bro like it's such a big topic but the hot pockets thing as a comic
so specific you know if you're not this is the other thing too but this is the other thing too
if if you're in the trenches doing a joke and talking about hot pockets and no comedian has
been like yo bro you don't know about jim gaffigan shit and no comedian's been like, yo, bro, you don't know about Jim Gaffigan's shit?
And no comedian's been like,
yo, Jim Gaffigan has that shit?
I mean, that's not a real life.
You know what I mean? Yeah, I know, dude.
Like, in some ways,
it's a responsibility for fucking other people
to tell the person.
Well, that's the reason why I'm telling you
that I don't always agree with being like,
I don't ever want to watch comedy.
Because I find that when you,
I find that it's important to see what people are talking about.
And it keeps you – sometimes you don't even realize things are in your head.
It can be inspiring too.
Yeah, I know.
But sometimes you just go – oftentimes I'll be like, oh, somebody has to have said this.
Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So I'll be like, oh, maybe I should –
And you won't even find out until you post it on the internet.
You're like asking around, like, does somebody have a fucking thing?
It seems too easy, but it's funny, and I got to.
Dude, I had a comic.
I won't even say his name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We know him?
Yeah, you know him.
You know him.
But he comes up to me at the comedy store after I go, and he goes, hey, man, you know,
people are going to see you do your thing, and I do the same kind of thing.
And I go, well, I actually did that on my special. Right, right, right, right, right. know i people are going to see you do your thing and i do the same kind of thing and i go then i
said to my girl well i actually did that on my special right right right right you know what i
mean i was like and then it was just like because it was basically we're having a moment of like
yeah bro survival of the fittest let's see which one's funny it doesn't matter man but but to to
close this out i here's another comic that we all know. I'm not going
to say the person's name. But I remember this was way back in the ha-ha days. And I was
doing crowd work. I was hosting a lot at that time. And something just came to me. Boom,
boom, boom. I'm doing. And then this person comes to me and goes, yo, kind of doing my
stuff.
You're doing crowd work?
Yeah.
And I said, hey, listen, if off the top of my head I'm just messing around
and that's your material, you need to go back to the lab.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay?
Go back to the lab.
I'm not – if I can riff your material that you have written down.
Yeah, I know.
It sounds terrible.
Your material sounds terrible.
Awful.
You know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chris Day.com.
But, dude, goddammit, he can't stop plugging.
You're selling it for him, dog.
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My nuggets, bro, and no one's covering it.
Yeah, the nuggets, they're being slept on.
But look, the Lakers are looking like they are a better team than people thought.
You got Sacramento, they just beat the Warriors twice,
so they're looking like they're a better team than people thought.
Phoenix is no punk. Well, I think the Clippers are going to beat them. I'll take the Clippers. I agree. They just beat the Warriors twice, so they're looking like they're a better team than people thought. Phoenix is no punk.
I think the Clippers are going to beat them. I take the Clippers.
I agree. I take the Clippers. And then on
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you got the Knicks. No punks.
We already said Milwaukee.
I said the Bucs. You should be more specific.
Alright, man. Let's go. That's it.
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There's one comic
that was, obviously I won't say him, but like he was
like doing,
he would do stuff in town and then he would go
on the road and do a bunch of other comics
material.
Like, because nobody knew because he was on the
road. This was like before the internet was there.
Like that's fucking crazy, bro. But not gonna you're gonna get found out eventually
yeah well you're not gonna have a career well now you're i disagree i think you can have a career
but this is new numbies if we say names i don't know if you guys know
see that's a good producer always think about numbies who are you talking about but but also
eric do you ever have because you bring your uh
host and feature yeah but when you book the local uh talent do they ever go hey is there any material
you don't want me to touch on i'm like no man do your thing yeah yeah i never worry about that
ever do you think yeah it's better mine you know cream rise at the top good for you man
yeah whatever bro i also like i want to i want it to be hard for me to follow like you know i think that some comics get big and then they're like oh uh i want to chill
say do my thing what they sandbag yeah like they put up shitty people in front oh yeah yeah
so they look better it's like well bro it's the overall we can definitely name some guys that do
that i don't know if that's the reason i think that that that may be the perception but i think
the reason is like you know you're out here with your fans.
You don't want to work that hard.
Yeah, but that's kind of the same thing.
That'd be sandbagging.
It's all about intentions, man.
It's not to make yourself – as opposed to being like, I need to look like I'm the funniest.
As opposed to being like, oh, man, now I got to go out here and fucking do a whole show.
One's a bit ego-based, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, I mean, my thing is I want the show to be great.
Overall, yeah.
I just want them to.
Yeah, me too.
I want it by the time I get on there's an energy flow and then now I'm going to ride this wave.
You know what I mean?
I always think I'm the funniest person in the room anyway.
Yeah.
I don't care who goes on stage.
I don't care who goes on stage.
Before, you're good.
Anybody.
Yeah.
No one's going to watch me after and be like, oh, I don't know if goes on stage before you're good anybody yeah there no one's gonna watch me
after and be like oh i don't know if that guy belongs no i don't give a fuck but that's the
thing though but but that's the thing though like we have um i don't i wouldn't say we have like
similar styles but like we're both animated and uh high energy you know and, you know, and, you know,
to someone,
like, I remember when you fucking,
I didn't want to follow you.
I brought you to the Irvine,
whatever it was.
I didn't want to follow you. You didn't follow?
Yeah.
I mean, you think I was fucking crushing,
and I'm like,
but you know what?
But I'm like, you know what?
Some people,
I actually hope some people are like,
yeah, dude, we went to see Chris,
but man, Eric fucking kill.
Like there are going to be,
you,
you're not going to be the funniest guy in the room for everybody.
Right.
You know,
people fuck there.
And that's why it's so dope.
When you have a tour,
if you're going on tour,
all of us going on tour with people are going to like you,
people go like me,
people are like the other person.
I know.
That's what we had.
Chris Delia.com.
But that's,
that's awesome,
dude.
That's awesome.
But the thing is,
it's like one thing you have to remember in that scenario.
Like, it's just like how you said it.
Okay.
I remember the dude from MADtv, Michael McDonald.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, so he started doing stand-up.
Yeah.
You know, so the Irvine inbroad,
this was back in the day.
He called me and said,
hey, can you come do this show with him?
You know?
And so like, he just started.
So he was, you know, whatever, right?
And this girl came up to me after the show and she was like, oh my God, you're so much
funnier, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
And I said, thank you, but if that said Eric Griffin, would you have come?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So all that.
And just how you just said that, that's the sentence what people will say.
It doesn't matter.
They would say, we went to go see Chris D'Elia.
And the opener was good. They wouldn't say Eric eric what's the important part there yeah we went to go see i think that's the
only thing that's important no i think the narrative is changing because you know i do
the meet and greets i on you it is i get i'm telling you i see it in the on the ground now
you're not just an opener no no we know that, I'm saying every single CD I go to,
people will either go,
Eric was here before
or I saw Eric.
Like, he's so funny.
I'm like,
he's a monster.
Like, why is he bigger?
I'm like, he's getting it.
I know the problem is
is that's the thing.
It's like,
there's a difference
between being like,
you can put on a good show
and then it's like,
how do you get people
to get to the show?
Yeah, yeah,
it's a different thing.
I come from a different era,
sadly, where it's like, you know, I missed some of this so it's like, how do you get people to get to the show? Yeah, yeah. It's a different thing. I come from a different era, sadly, where it's like, you know, I missed some of this.
So it's like now I'm trying to catch up and get into people.
Come watch me perform because you won't be disappointed.
No way.
You know?
See, but I would rather have that, Eric.
I'd rather be in your position where once the crowd's there, you have the chops to do it.
Where they're never going to leave.
You know what I'm saying?
And then some of these YouTubers, other people where it's instant sellout,
and then they only have a career for two or three years.
Yeah, it's the curiosity.
Once they come to your show, they're always coming, Eric,
because you're so talented.
Come on, EricGryphon.com.
But, yeah, so anyway, that was great.
Speaking of watching me, I'm going to be at the Louisville Comedy Club.
When does this come out?
This Thursday?
Yeah, you might probably – Friday, Saturday, come check me out.
They could use some laughter up there.
Yeah, and then the Mothership next weekend.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I want to know how that goes.
I'll be at, let's see, Pueblo, Colorado, right?
Is that what it's called?
Pueblo, yeah.
Tucson.
A lot of biker gangs up there.
Yeah.
A lot of meth.
Be good for you.
Tucson, Ohio.
I'll be in Ohio.
Wow, his internet's not working. That's amazing. I'll beson ohio i'll be in ohio wow his internet's not working that's amazing
i'll be in ohio i'll be in uh these pictures huh cleveland tucson yeah you look sad there um
charlotte knoxville little rock look at all this nashville calgary i'm doing canada
montreal oh you're into september already yeah detroit orlando you want to give your
2025 dates too?
Fort Myers.
Well, that's what people are doing now though.
It's far, you know.
I know.
Yeah, but that's the thing though
because you'll keep selling,
I'll keep selling however many tickets a day
up until it happens.
In 2031, I'll be at the amphitheater.
But you keep selling tickets
until the fucking thing comes up.
Yeah, I feel you.
So it's like.
I'm at La Jolla Comedy Store. I think first week of june i'm there and then
june 13th through the 25th might be the 15th to the 25th 15th to the 25th i'm in uk belfast europe
dublin i'm all over one theater run one show in every city so come get you something damn
the comedy store la jolla first week of June. That's a great club.
The La Jolla one?
My favorite.
I never liked it.
Why?
You gay.
I never liked it.
Everyone would,
all the comics would talk about
how great the La Jolla Comedy Store is.
And I just,
everyone was always entitled,
drunk in the audience,
super white.
It just was too,
well, you're like a mix, you know?
Isn't that your crowd?
I mean, it's mostly white.
But in La Jolla, it's only white.
I think he meant the entitled part, too.
Oh, oh, oh.
Do you not know your crowd?
Are you the head of marketing for Bud Light?
No, but...
That's so dumb.
What?
I mean, it's just...
What's dumb about it?
In your eyes.
They're down $7 billion.
Are they?
Yeah.
Really?
Dude, so fucked.
Whoa.
Really?
Are they actually?
Or is this a Brendan Shaw thing you just said?
Bring it up, Nick.
Bring it up, Nick.
Bring it up.
See how much money they've lost.
Don't go to that.
Go to the article.
I don't think it's real.
They lost... Well, I'm losing... If you say they lost money, okay. But that. Go to the article. I don't think it's real. They lost.
Well, I'm losing.
If you say they lost money, okay, but that's a lot of money.
It was when you calculate the stock price drop in a couple days,
they did lose whatever, how much?
It was $6 billion.
Anheuser-Busch.
You said six what?
Six billion.
Billion?
Yes.
So if you keep going down.
No way.
Yeah, keep going down. Because we know how to read those. So if you keep going down. No way. Yeah, keep going down.
Well.
Because we don't know how to read those. Even if that's half wrong.
Even if that's double wrong.
Three billion?
You know what I mean?
Despite the controversy, the company stock is still sitting at a 52-week high and is
outperforming competitors.
Okay, let's move on.
Legit the opposite of what you said. No, you got to go. I'm telling's move on. Legit the opposite of 100%.
No, you got to go.
I'm telling you, Nick.
Type in the right shit.
It dropped 3% following the news of the thing.
If you look at the last year, it's up 52%.
God.
When that came out, they dropped.
Yes, 100%.
Okay.
That is, well, yeah, that's.
Where is it now, though?
Well, I mean, it's going up and up and up and up, but after that came where is it now though well if i mean it's keep you know it's going up and
up and up and up but after that came out it went down um whatever uh i don't care honestly i didn't
drink i didn't drink bud light anyway i don't really give a i think they're way off in trying
to virtual signal to a small demographic but it's also like no you're demo dude yeah it's
fucking bud light bud light yeah it's not fucking Sweet Puffs.
I don't even think that has anything to do with anything at all.
You're demo?
I think it has to do with like, they're like, how many followers does that person have?
10 million?
Maybe we can get these people to drink our drink too, and they just did that.
It's like as if you're at the store, and let – let's say you're at the market and you got your cart and you see a transgender person in a cart before you and they get Fruity Pebbles.
Are you going to be like, well, I'm not going to eat that now?
Yeah, correct.
That's stupid.
No, that's so stupid.
They're already called Fruity Pebbles.
I'm just saying – what I'm saying is like that's basically what they're saying is like I'm not going to drink. They think that Bud Light cares about agenda.
No, they care about selling Bud Light.
And this person has 10 million followers.
It's a demographic they haven't got to yet.
So they were just thinking, hey, let's just go into this demographic.
I bet you they need to drink all the hate they're getting.
They probably need to take it.
Hey, are you being hated on by the Christian right?
You know what you need?
A Bud Light.
I literally don't give a fuck.
You're just holding your dicks and your tits at the same time,
and you're like, you know what I mean?
It's stupid.
I'm just saying, listen, you're fucking stupid.
Who?
These people that are shooting Bud Light.
Like Kid Rock?
What the fuck is wrong with that guy?
They're too far on their team.
Where it goes against their agenda, they're too far on that team.
It's like, bro, bro.
It's not the Bud Light.
But that's who follows that guy.
There's a lot of people who do that.
That's how he's making money.
But that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, he's all making money.
So here's my point.
Him and C are best friends.
I'm sorry.
What'd you say?
This is what I'm saying is that fringe agenda is equivalent to the opposite agenda.
Correct.
You are just, this is just, this is the transgender, whatever you want to call it.
This is the same shit.
They're all crazy.
You're too far on one side.
You're crazy.
You're wrong.
Let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something.
This Dylan, what's the person's name?
Mulvaney.
And he's saying, is it she or he?
I don't know.
Was a guy, now a she.
Okay, so that person is mentally ill.
Look at the person.
It has nothing to do with because of the trans thing.
Anybody who's like, woo-wee-ah-wah, if it's a chick, you're crazy.
You're a dude, you're crazy.
It doesn't matter if you have a dick or a pussy.
That person's crazy cuz look at him
I'm tired of this bullshit where people are like, oh they're insane because they're trans people are watching that shit real trans
We watch it to go like this
Here we go again
Well, they think that Mulvaney got to like he was trying to get in the act and couldn't do it then his friend
Wrote him this part we had to dress as a girl
so you know it's like did he do it
because he actually feels like a woman or did he do it
to gain you know attention
in Hollywood? There's a lot of
pushback on that person
because of the different like but also
get yours girl. I don't know the ins and outs
of it. I don't know about this friend. I don't
know what's going into that person's head. What I
do know is that person cries every day every day about some shit yep that's bad you
can tell the people who cry every day look at their faces yeah look at their fucking faces
when you see two people beefing online and one person is a piece of shit and the other person is a piece of shit look at them look at their picture you can tell a lot of tears who's the nut job yeah and
who's wrong you can tell and in this case just the same thing on both sides oh yeah like these
two need to get together and have a bud light that's what i'm saying he's mentally ill yeah
to put all the bud lights on the thing, shoot him with an AK-47.
That's a mentally ill thing to do.
Or he's just bored as shit.
Yeah, he could be just rich and fucking.
He does cruises.
The one idiot that's also like that set the Jack Daniels on fire.
So we're not talking about Jack.
Now you're just being weird.
Why are you dragging Jack into it?
Because I think they put a bottle with a rainbow on it.
Guys are like, enough's enough.
They had a RuPaul thing where they promoted Jack Daniels.
I think it happened a long time ago, but it just got rediscovered again.
That's someone just waiting and be like, and look at this.
These guys are like, I've been drinking cum this whole time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I knew I was engaged.
Jack off, Daniel.
That's what they think it is.
That's why these thoughts are in my head.
I told you, Dave, I ain't gay.
Annie, I believe.
We should make that product Jack off, Daniel.
Jack off.
Yeah, Jared, it's.
We started the show?
What is that? what you got for us
well yeah
well nah let's
fuck it
is this the patreon one
or the regular one
this is regular
okay yeah
wait
hey congrats on the baby man
congrats on the fucking baby
but yeah
I got two kids now
bro it's so weird
welcome to the party
yeah I know right
it's the best
it's so weird to it's so weird looking the party yeah i know right it's the best to say it's so weird
to it feels so weird to say i have kids it's like how did i get here it's like having a kid is well
first of all having a kid is a huge thing in your life that changes you and your thoughts if you're
a good person if you're yeah well continue the other way too. But then when you say,
now it's like I have kids,
that really makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, finally.
Yeah.
For real though.
You know, I was thinking about this, man.
So no more sneakers.
Let's get some.
Our outfits beg to differ.
Yeah.
The barbershop ones.
Yeah, I love those. The barbershop ones. Yeah, I love those.
The barbershop dunks.
But yeah, I meant ones as in these are the ones that I have.
I know they're not ones.
People will be like, they're not ones.
So yes, because the job that we have.
I was talking about this with another comic who's 50 something.
It's not Brian Callen.
But we were talking about like. But no, it would go for brian but brian like he looks
fantastic and we always were talking about the about the uh how old he looks age and shit but
like dude we live a life of doing what we love you know and we're so uh silly that shit keeps us
young bro and in a good way and then And then also in a way where it's
like, sometimes I leave my underwear
in the living room.
And I'm like, man, my dad would have never
done that. You know what I'm saying?
But like,
in my head, I'm like, I mean, I'm only 43.
But that's fucking old, you know?
Yeah, it is.
But that mindset is good,
but it's also like like, you know.
Well, Chris.
I've got two kids now.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
And Chris sent us a picture.
And this boy.
Half the picture was balls.
Okay.
Okay.
Not mine.
I didn't.
Like the kids' balls.
I didn't know.
And then Eric goes on the group text, he goes, holy balls.
And Chris goes, oh, man, I didn't see his balls.
It's just this thick nutsack.
I'm so in love with I'm just taking pictures, sending.
And then he was one of those bouncy things.
I thought the same thing.
No, it looked like it was a beehive.
Just this big nutsack.
When a male is born,
there's a lot of fluid in there.
I didn't know that.
And I kept mine.
I still have mine.
The fluid?
Yeah.
It's in like a jar?
Yeah, I bring it to the jar.
You should make necklaces.
Like Angelina Jolie.
Yeah, with the blood?
Crystalline ball juice.
This is ball juice.
You got crystalline.com?
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, I've had two boys.
I've never seen a pair of balls like that. Yeah, well. Them boys are... They were like that. I don't know if Calvin's were like that, but they. Yeah, yeah. Dot com. Dude, I've had two boys. I've never seen a pair of balls like that.
Yeah, well.
Them boys, they were like that.
I don't know if Calvin's were like that, but they said that.
It's gone now.
I mean, it goes away.
Oh, they're tiny now?
No.
They're not tiny.
Okay.
He has big balls.
Oh, do you decide on the name?
I don't know if you should end that fight.
Yeah, yeah.
What?
Do you decide on a name?
Yeah, William.
William McHenry.
My dad's name.
Bill.
My dad. Yeah. And then McHenry. My dad's name, my dad.
And then McHenry is her, on her mom's side is her maiden name.
Or her name, her last name.
So that's the middle name for him?
Yes.
Oh, gotcha.
Yeah, really cool.
I fucking, it's awesome, dude.
It's wild.
You forget how small they are.
Yeah.
Bro.
Newborns are weird.
They're, and they do look like old men.
None of them look good.
Everyone's like, He's so cute
It's like
I was like
Well here's another serious kid
Coming out of between you
I mean
I mean
I'm in his focus
This kid is like
Nah
Yeah
I'm just like
What's going on
Yeah
This kid
Skeptical hippo
This kid is like
What are you trying to tell me
Yeah
Yeah
He very much
I saw that one picture He was like he had to look
on his face like why am i out of my apartment imagine think about what it's like think about
what it's like to be born actually that must be traumatizing like for real like we don't remember
it horrible but like you're you're chilling oh it's awesome you're upside down you don't even
know it i'll tell you no they don't even know it. I'll tell you different. No. You don't even know it.
You're upside down.
You don't give a fuck.
You're like, man, this is warm as fuck, chill.
And then all of a sudden, all the lights, nine people.
Then you have to also breathe now.
Like weird as fuck.
Yeah.
That's why they cry because that is painful.
Yeah.
And how's Calvin doing with it?
Dude.
Did people tell you the advice on how to do it with the kid with the older brother?
Yeah, they did.
Like, he's responsible.
Like, it's your brother.
They say it's his baby, too.
Yes, correct.
But so everyone's like, he's going to be jealous.
Be ready.
And I know Calvin.
I know he's not going to be jealous.
I know this boy.
And sure enough, he was just like so trepidatious around him.
He's like, do you want to hold him?
He's like, no.
He's like worried that he's going to do something.
Hurt him, yeah.
Yeah, hurt him.
He's really sweet.
And the other day I heard him with Kristen and they were looking at William and he was like, does he like me?
It was the sweetest fucking thing, dude.
When the baby came out, we handed, so obviously my wife held him but then but next
to her it was tiger we're like that's your brother that's your baby brother now he's like
super protective yeah it's so sweet man um that's what you need yeah it's the best all right nick
what do you got the kidless section over there what do you got speaking Speaking of kidless. Johnny Sanchez.
Johnny Sanchez and Rock of Ages.
What up, Golden Hour?
It's Vintage Mike here coming at you with a debate club.
So I recently saw that the baseball player Anthony Bass, his wife, was on a flight with her 5-year-old and 2-year-old kids.
They were eating some popcorn on there and they made a bit of a mess. The flight attendant made the
baseball player's wife pick up all the
popcorn, quote-unquote, on their
hands and knees. So Anthony
was upset about that and made a Twitter
post where it seemed like he was getting kind of
roasted on. That couldn't go wrong. So it got me thinking,
what do you guys think? The
Bay Club, who do you think was in the wrong?
The baseball player, his wife, or
the flight attendant? What do you guys think? Hold on on so let me read what they actually said go up traveling with
five real interior to get on our hands and knees to pick up the popcorn mess by young
what well where you at on this i'll tell you right now my kids wouldn't make that mess
no you have to pick it up 100 you can't always clean it up yeah and it's like you expect the
flight poor flight attendant to pick up after your kids and it's all over the aisles.
As soon as one colonel drops, I'd ask my kid, I'm like, what are you doing?
This is just some entitled rich people bullshit.
But wait, was he on the flight?
He was not.
Okay.
He was on the flight.
I'm like, bro, you do it.
My wife had to do it.
Yeah, where was he?
I can't believe I had to watch my fucking five-month pregnant wife.
I had to order her to do it.
He's just filming it.
This is ridiculous.
Baby, you missed the spot.
To me, this is crazy.
Not only just, I don't even mean it's crazy to actually be that entitled.
I think it's crazy to post about it.
Like, bro, to be that unaware is nuts.
Thank you for everyone's support.
Go down a second.
Taking care of the matters of the flight attendant internally.
Right there, though.
So he's basically trying to get her fired.
This one is important.
My last incident, United provided the popcorn.
Yeah, but you have to know your kids don't know how to eat popcorn.
Yeah, but also your wife allowed them to have that popcorn.
They okayed it.
It's not like the flight attendant was just randomly handing them bullshit that they can't have behind your back.
The wife goes, yeah.
This whole thing is I'm with you on this.
Stop snitching, you motherfucker.
Yeah.
Pick up the back end of the popcorn and get this poor lady fired, bro.
This motherfucker. Because this guy knows how to play baseball. Dude, if you don't know how to play baseball he's this motherfucker yeah yeah yeah fuck this motherfucker he's probably a nice guy
i have no fucking idea no idea but you know what well he needs to remove the christian part because
but you know what he but also he wasn't there he wasn't there. He wasn't there. So remember, his wife called him.
Probably super dramatic.
Good point, dude.
And then he was like, oh.
Hold on.
Yeah.
And then he was like, oh, hell no, and got on Twitter.
I was on my hands and knees.
What a good point, dude.
This guy.
Bitches be crazy.
This guy, it's, yes, it's all her fault. Yes.
Yes, one for the men.
Fuck yeah, bro.
I'm back on your side.
And not only that, I'm a fucking huge Toronto Blue Jays fan now.
Yeah, I like this guy.
Fuck yeah, dude.
And he probably tweeted that to support his wife.
She's like, you better do something.
Yeah, dude.
And then he's like, oh, shit, this is not going well.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Dude, the best fucking Toronto players is Joe Carter, man.
Well, he has to.
Oh, good pull.
He has to do that.
I mean, honestly, if you think about it, he has to do that.
What do you mean?
You know, it's like his wife calls, you know.
Because, you know, behind the scenes, in your mind, you'd be like, were you on your hands
and knees?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
You know what I mean?
Were you on your hands and knees? Yeah. Like, I'm just thinking if it was Rachel, I'd be like, were you on your hands and knees? Oh, oh, oh, oh. You know what I mean? Were you on your hands and knees?
Yeah.
Like, I'm just thinking if it was Rachel, I'd be like, were you on your hands and knees?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Should you have gotten a popcorn?
Both knees or one knee.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're kind of like, was it a big mess?
You know what I mean?
Oh, I would have done this.
But then he's like, it's about me.
I am carrying your child.
I would have let her go.
I'm like, uh-huh.
That's crazy.
Damn, that's crazy.
But you land when?
I wouldn't give a fuck. Are you landing soon? Okay, cool. Click. Babe, aren-huh, that's crazy. Damn, that's crazy. But you land when? I wouldn't give a fuck.
Are you landing soon?
Okay, cool.
Click.
Babe, aren't you going to take care of it?
Yeah, yeah, I'll call United.
Click.
Yeah.
Not calling United.
Yeah, I talked to them.
They're going to talk to the lady.
Not calling United.
Not calling them.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll get on it.
Sweetie, I called them.
They're going to take care of it.
Yeah, apparently they're going to fire her.
All right, you land soon?
From the childless section, how pregnant is 22 weeks because i feel
like that's not that she's not she's not she's showing a little bit but yeah no but but she could
be having a fucking horrible time in that pregnancy you don't know i mean being pregnant is different
bro how about man the first fucking the first trimester of this last pregnancy. Yo, hey, nobody talks about how terrible it is for the guy.
Never.
Oh, you can't.
Go off this.
They will kill you.
They will kill you for this.
I'm going to tell you.
Go, Chris.
Bro.
I'm going to teach you something right now.
Yeah.
Pregnancy for the man is so you can learn that when you're tired,
when you're upset, when you have things going on you still
gotta get shit done no one gives a fuck yeah yeah that's what it trains you for yeah that point is
to train you for it so like you know it's like it's like it's just yeah that's all that is and
what was your wife really sick like the first time i'm joking but she was very sick, very depressed. It was fucked up. It was really hard to deal with for her.
And me.
Oh, it's
the worst.
Nobody gives a fuck.
No one gives a fuck.
No one cares.
And I want, you know,
and look, we have two boys. We knew it was going to be
a boy. You know, we want to have
a girl too. uh we'll have three
four kids i don't know the first trimester that this second one i was like more kids yeah charge
it to the game dude we can't have another kid but then you forget because of these but then you
forget well two years goes by yeah that's biological that's biological because you need
to fucking keep procreating but the after the three month mark that shit was so much better bro i mean it was like
a few days later like after the three months mark dude she was just like it was like i'm walking on
sunshine oh until until eight and a half months and she's just like oh she's not gonna move she's
not gonna move she can't bro how imagine having a fucking just a thing hanging off she she went
to bend
over once and i'm just like i'm like imagine what that must feel like to have not only the seven
pounds of baby or eight pounds of baby but to also have you got to have your fucking your tits all
fucking just just fucking just so big and you're just like and all the fat and the placenta and
you're just and she went to bend over to pick it up and i'm like damn that's fucking rough and then i dip my chips in the guacamole and ate it even though
she probably farted i go damn that's rough didn't do shit just like that baseball no no no i go
sweetie let me pick that up oh too late too late. No, I'm kidding.
But yeah, dude, man, they're all different looking.
Does she have cravings?
Does she have terrible cravings?
No, she had, yeah, I mean, just like fruit and shit, not like weird.
I feel like that's TV pregnancy.
What do you mean?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, there's cravings.
No, there are. My girl at Flame Hot Cheetos was, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's cravings.
My girl at Flamin' Hot Cheetos is like, you wouldn't believe.
Now my son fucking loves them.
There are cravings. Do you need something else maybe?
But talk about the TV shit.
I always thought that TV pregnancy, when their water breaks, it's always like, oh, you know what I mean?
They're sliding down to the doctor's office but
i slipped
fucking just fucking here we go
you're on the back she's coming in doc just
and uh and and i'm like well that's not how it happened you know it leaks out whatever like
even calvin didn't have it.
Dude, this time, holy shit.
We went into the hospital to induce.
So, you know, it wasn't, we weren't waiting for the water to break, but we were.
So we get into the hospital.
They put the, they got, they do so much to it.
They do so much to get this shit ready.
They're like, let's put the pill in.
Let's put the balloon in.
We got the wifi going.
Like, it's just insane.
You put the epidermal in her back.
The needle's like this big. Touches her fucking spine.
Epidural, not epidermal, but yes.
And epidermal would be on the skin.
Dermal, right?
So it's okay.
No, mine was just on the skin, though.
Mine was just on the skin.
Yeah, it was just the skin.
That's why I said epidermal.
You did it, too?
Do me, too.
Yeah.
And that makes your legs numb anyway.
Yes.
But the, so, dude, she's laying on her side, and I'm there chilling, you know, and she's
looking at TikTok or whatever the fuck on her phone, and all of a sudden she goes, oh,
my.
And I said, what?
I'm scared, you know?
I think like a hand's coming out.
Also, you're a housewife from the 50s?
Oh, my.
No, you know what I said on my podcast?
I said it was like a fucking old lady that saw some dope bougainvilleas.
Just like, oh, my.
And I said, what?
And she says, my water broke.
And I pull back the thing.
Dude.
Brendan's fish tank was there.
Dude.
Three air wallows.
I was like
Oh they gotta
We have to move rooms
Like they have to change
They have to change
They gotta move rooms
I mean it was
It was like
They put sheets down
In case that happens
It was well over that
And onto the bed
And I'm like
Oh I gotta get a different bed
Like and they came in there
It was so funny
With the nine pound sack
Carrying the fucking kid Yeah Whatever bro The they came in there. It was so funny. With a nine-pound sack carrying the fucking kid.
Whatever, bro.
The nurse came in, and we were like, is that normal?
And the nurse goes like this, yeah.
And I was like, it's not normal.
Oh, no.
It was so much a movie thing.
Oh, no.
It was insane.
Yeah, and she didn't even know how to lie to you.
Yeah, yeah.
But getting back to it, yeah, this guy, we get why you did it,
but you shouldn't have done it that way.
Tweeting about it like that, that's just.
But also, he had pressure from the wife.
That's all.
We also understand.
No, you know what?
You just never know what people are going through, dude.
That lady shouldn't get fired.
You shouldn't fucking shame this guy.
The guy gets it.
He tweets it out.
I'm sure he feels like a fucking dick.
But also that mom who's pregnant flying with two kids.
You ever flown with the kids by yourself it's a fucking beast dude you got
snacks make sure they're good you can't never chill sleep there's no sleeping what two kids
yet it's a beast dude that's why that's why you shouldn't fly with kids wait you have kids though
right i understand you get these little bitches you to you have kids you're taking hawaii and have grandma come to you yeah my bad plan is this a little brows yeah that's
brown what's up hey him and jim were in atlanta what up boys what's up boys that's awesome too
we just saw brennan perform at the punchline we're in atlanta and we have an iran jump off
samples yeah so he said they got am i wrong for that wrong for
that samples yeah so basically getting samples or multiple samples from a spot when you know for a
fact you're not gonna you're not gonna get it yeah you're not gonna buy what they're selling
you're just hungry whole foods the mall yeah selling them a dream that you're gonna be a customer But I know you're not Am I wrong for that?
You're wrong for that romantic sunset
What the fuck is this bro?
It fades over and they're making out
You know what I mean?
It's been bent over on the fucking
It just fades over and they're just like
Stroking him
Yeah give me the jack off Daniels Can you give me some Yeah. Yeah.
Give me the jack off Daniels.
Can you give me some?
Why did they do the fucking superimposed?
It's beautiful.
There's a parking lot.
I asked him for this shot because the sun was setting.
And isn't that where you performed?
Right.
Oh, is it?
Yeah.
Close there.
Yeah.
In the parking lot.
Yeah.
Was it a Bert Kreischer show with the cars?
That's fucked up If you need to do that though
Because you're hungry
I did in high school and college
You don't have a ton of money
So I'd go by the Chick-fil-A thing a few times
And find that bitch like, uh-uh, keep going
I mean, if I'm working at the place
And I know some buddy's hungry
I would just be like, ah, fucking
But if someone's trying to get one over on me get the
fuck out the ice cream people are the worst when you're you know you've been there a million
fucking times like can i try vanilla i'm like bitch you know what vanilla tastes like i'm
trying to get in and out you stupid cut no no here's the thing i got that shit is
bro how's the chocolate mall hey you know how it is is. I give them one of those. You know how it is.
If it's a mystery flavor, I get it.
Don't offer samples.
I don't even get that.
The mystery flavor, if it's like a popcorn flavor?
You don't get that.
You don't get that kind.
Here's the thing.
If you're walking in a supermarket
and you think, oh, let me try that.
Because they're going like, hey, would you like to try some turkey duck meatballs?
You're like, all right, that sounds interesting.
When it becomes a problem is when you circle back and you're like, can I try another?
That's when you go too far.
You get one sample.
You get one sample.
Yeah, did you like it?
But it's not like you walk up to, like if you walk, if you see, oh, there's the sample people. Let me go
check this out. And you're there like, oh, yeah,
that looks, you know. Yeah, but you know people
do that. Costco used to do it
and they'd be like, oh, you want to try this whatever
Fleming Young? Like, fuck yeah, bitch.
I thought you said that. Fuck yeah, bitch.
It's a chick.
If you're trying things
at Costco, like like you got other
problems yeah yeah i was younger man i think i mean look if you go into an ice cream place and
you try two different samples that's okay no fuck you you think so it's ice it's ice cream no i
disagree it's ice you think more no i think i disagree where you do it is at the yogurt place
you know it's yogurt what's the difference It's yogurt. What's the difference?
No, because yogurt's a dumb thing, so they have to have ridiculous blackberry sage bubble.
You're like, okay, can I check that out?
And then you taste it, and you go like, oh, this doesn't taste like what it's supposed to taste like.
So you go, I don't know if I want that one.
Let me try.
That's why you're trying a couple different flavors.
No, bitch.
But if it's like chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, then you're like go fuck yourself but i mean it's never that it's like
peanut butter corn or whatever
yeah it's like you see that and you go i gotta try that that's that salt and straw off abic
salt and straw off abic kenny has those weird like bone marrow cherry
whiskey no, bitch.
You buy it, and then you got to deal with it.
No, you try it out.
That's why they have the little cups.
No, that's some ho shit.
Samples are for hoes.
Yeah, I agree, bro.
Samples are for hoes.
Samples are for hoes.
Make a decision, and you live with it.
If it's bad, don't buy it next time you come through, you fucking idiot.
All I have to say is, I got ho.
Yeah, he looks like a sample.
Yeah, I sample.
No, you sample.
You sample.
You're sampling.
And another one.
This fucking dude is DJ Khaled in the sample.
Another one.
Yeah, like that sweet corn waffle cone.
Honey marshmallow rocky road.
I got to check that out.
Look at this strawberry salado.
Yeah, check it out by purchasing a scoop, dude.
That's why you got to try it.
Black Olive.
Oh, jeez.
Not burning.
Out of here.
Is this what's it called?
Salt and Straw.
They have some good shit, but that?
Come on.
You got to try that.
The best is afters.
Yeah, you got to try it.
Afters is the best.
Yeah, yeah, you got to try it, you fucking hoe.
How dare you?
But I wind up with the fucking regular shit.
Yeah, that's exactly.
Let me try the cilantro, goat cheese, duck, duck milk.
No, I'll take vanilla.
I'll take vanilla too.
I'll take the vanilla.
It gets people in the door.
When you're done, you're like, I'll have the strawberry.
I'll take the regular. Don't give me that'll have the strawberry. I'll take the regular.
Don't give me that weird cone. I'll take the regular shit.
Vanilla.
Yeah, dude.
I like vanilla with something else.
I like just plain vanilla.
Like a goddamn American.
With some sorbet.
I don't do that.
Do you like caramel?
Vanilla ice cream with whatever flavor sorbet is going to be good.
Dude, you get vanilla and you get chocolate sprinkles, you walk out the door.
Or you get vanilla, you do not do the mixing different fucking scoops.
Never.
I'll tell you why.
Because it melts all fucked up.
And it's not supposed to be designed that way.
It's not American to mix like that, dude.
You get vanilla.
If you want another scoop, you get another fucking cup with whatever the fuck in it.
And I'll tell you this much.
That's why we're friends.
You don't fuck with cones either, man.
Never.
We're not in a fucking comic book.
This is not Jughead.
You know what?
This isn't a carnival.
You know what this thinking is?
This is how you end up shooting ice cream with an AK.
Yeah.
This mentality, you guys are going to be outside.
We're pure ice cream.
Fuck Baskin Robbins.
That's you guys.
51 flavors, these nuts.
Oh, my God.
Also, 50 flavors is too much.
Yeah.
Too much.
Yeah, you have about three or four.
Baskin Robbins is trash, by the way.
Trash.
They really kill it with some of the stuff.
Yeah, it's McDonald's of ice cream.
It's for hoes.
I used to love a banana split, man.
Really?
Oh, bananas in ice cream?
Oh, yeah, banana split.
It's disgusting to me.
It's not disgusting.
I'm just not me.
I don't like chocolate syrup.
A little fudge?
I like sprinkles and not chocolate syrup.
Sprinkles are good.
You don't like a little fudge?
Nah.
I like...
Just get some chocolate ice cream.
Totally agree. I like the vanilla. So some chocolate ice cream. Totally agree.
I like the vanilla.
So get vanilla ice cream.
Oh, but you just said earlier you don't want to mix flavors.
Now all of a sudden you want to mix flavors.
Yeah, because that's not very American.
Oh, my God.
What do you know about...
You know what?
What's next?
You're a true patriot.
You're a true patriot.
All right.
What's up?
Is this Bam?
What up, Golden Boys?
Dave here.
God does coke, huh?
Setting Nick a bad-ass video. So coke, huh? Setting up a badass video.
So I got a little bit of a debate club.
One, should it be an Olympic sport?
And two...
Look at the way her arm is behind her.
Like she's a black guy in porn.
That's the least of her problems.
That's what black guys in porn do.
They hold the shit back so you can see their dick.
Check out at Blessed Design on Instagram.
Gang, gang. buzz, buzz, sore.
You know why it shouldn't be a sport in the Olympics?
Yeah, I know why.
Look at her body.
Yeah, there you go.
Now she mixes ice creams, okay?
She likes banana splits, Eric.
She's good at this, but it's not a sport.
It's a game.
This looks like an initiation to a terrible game.
Oh, wow.
You know?
Yeah.
Oh, look at the guy.
Holy shit.
There's Chris right there.
You're crazy if you don't think one of them or not more stormed the Capitol.
That is fucking nuts.
Not a sport, though, right?
I've seen this before.
You give me that fucking samurai knife, I'll do all that right now.
But they put this shit on ESPN and stuff.
No, they don't.
No, no.
You know,
bro,
I was watching
Pogo
jumping
with the pogo stick.
Yeah.
A competition.
And I'm like,
what channel is this on?
I'm not bullshitting.
ESPN
Ocho.
Nine. Yeah. That's on bullshitting. ESPN. Ocho. Nine.
Yeah.
That's on you, bro.
There's eight other ESPN accounts.
It went to nine.
I didn't know.
I'm flipping.
I'm in a hotel.
And then they also have, like, the ESPN, and it'll be the Spanish version, too.
Yeah, yeah.
Stop at four?
I don't even know.
How many sports?
That's not.
And what's their, like And what's the sponsors?
How can they even support that?
But in other countries, you know when you go to Canada and you turn on the sports there?
There's the main channel.
ESPN 1 will be like darts and shit like that.
And I go, this is why you're behind us.
It's like crazy.
This is not a sport.
It's a game.
This is him as well
He said he would love
To commission a painting for us
He's pretty good
So if we think of
Some type of portrait
For you three
I think it could go back there
Oh yeah
Okay
I like it
Yeah
Well here's the idea
Do the three of us
Yeah
Oh so he's one of those
We'll put it in studio
Oh he's really
Okay well that's good
I like to see that he
Actually can do
Cause I don't like that shit
Where they just throw
paint at a fucking thing.
And called art?
Yeah.
Like Hunter Biden?
You know what I mean?
It's like, come on, man.
He paints?
Does he?
Really?
And he sells it for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
What?
Hunter Biden.
Well, this is amazing.
You know the guy that works for Russia?
What were you saying, Nick?
Wow, look at that.
That's cool.
He's got a nice design, so yeah, we'll try to get him to.
Cool. Yeah, I'd be down. We'll put it in less design, so yeah, we'll try to get him to. Cool.
Yeah, I'd be down.
We'll put in the studio.
We could use some new fan art up in here.
Well, it's not fan art if we're commissioning him.
Fuck, I wish it was fan art.
He said he wanted to do it for us.
I know, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
But also pay him, Chris, right?
You'll pay him.
Yeah, you should pay him.
No, you pay him.
I want bills.
I want bills.
You're another kid, I get it.
All right.
What's up, Golden Hour boys? This is Mitch. pay him. I'll build it. You're another kid. I get it. All right.
What's up,
Golden Hour boys?
This is Mitch from Minnesota.
Get a shirt.
Mitch,
please.
Check me out.
Anyways,
question of the day
for the debate.
Jaden Hurts just
signed a $250 million
deal with,
what,
$175 guaranteed?
That makes me think.
I've been running
gyms for about 10 years.
Recently just closed
the last one. I'm a free agent.
How much money would it take
for you guys to walk away from comedy
or podcasting so you can
just live your life for the rest of your life?
Anyways, that's my question for the day.
Hope you guys are great. Love you guys. You guys spread
love, spread vibes, spread smiles.
That's exactly what the world needs. I'm not 30
anymore. I'm 33. Let's see if I still got it, baby.
30 and still frisky.
About to dunk it.
And the crowd goes wild.
Did he miss? Did he dunk it?
Did he miss it? That's what I want to know.
See y'all next week with a new hype.
We'll find out. Buzz, buzz, cluck, cluck, y'all.
Oh, wow. This guy's going.
I like this guy.
30 and still frisky. Let's never show him again.
No, I like this guy. That's still frisky. Let's never show him again. No, I like this guy.
That's it for him.
No, no.
Never again.
This guy's fun.
I don't like that he's leaving us on a cliffhanger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I'm done with him.
We're going to cliffhang him.
He's not going to be gone for another eight weeks.
No, no, no.
Just call him and ask him if he made it on your own time.
So wait.
Yeah, I don't want anyone to know.
So how much to walk away?
Like, fuck you, money.
We don't have to do anything.
It'd be really hard for me to not do comedy anymore.
I think I would still, like, let's say Tiger Thick sold for, whatever, 300 mil.
I would still do stand-up.
I would just charge, like, or donate the money while I'm taking sales.
But he's also saying.
To, like, straight up be done?
Yeah.
And I can't do anything else.
You can't do it.
No, I'd die early, man.
If I have nothing to do, I'd freak the fuck out.
You actually don't need a lot of money.
That's the thing.
So it's not even about that.
Right.
True.
Because that's why you're not talking about the amount.
You're talking about what would I do?
Right.
Right?
You'd be a dad.
You'd raise your kids.
Right.
You'd travel, whatever.
Yeah.
But I'm saying that's what I'm saying, the amount of money.
It just depends on how you are with money.
You know?
Right.
You know what I mean?
But fuck you money is fuck you money.
If you get five, it's a ridiculous amount.
You wouldn't even need this much.
But let's say 300 million.
Spotify came to us and was like, hey, golden hour boys.
We're going to do $300 million each.
You can never podcast again.
Can't do stand-up.
That's the deal.
It's the only way to get this money.
Well, never podcast again.
Yeah, I would.
But stand-up, I couldn't.
I could not podcast.
I mean, I've said everything I need to say on a podcast.
Give me $5 million and you'd be done.
No more podcasting. Yeah, whatever. Because what I'm saying is like, you I need to say on a podcast. Give me $5 million and you'd be done. No more podcasting.
Yeah, whatever.
Because what I'm saying is you're saying the fuck you money is,
it's not the amount of money.
It's the amount that you know I don't need to do anything.
I'm trying to tell you.
Yeah, that's fuck you money.
No, no.
Fuck you money could be $300,000 depending on what you,
you know what I'm saying?
It's up to you.
You wouldn't stop doing stand-up for $300,000.
No, what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is like, maybe.
You know what I mean?
Because of what I'm saying, it's like if I go, I'm older now.
So if my thing is like, you know, I'm trying to have kids, all this kind of,
it's like I could see myself being like, I've lived my life.
Now I want to like do this.
Yeah, America's 100 grand, he's going to quit.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, it won't be from this show.
Just teasing.
Anyway, you know what I mean?
So what I'm saying is like if you're saying like – what I'm saying is whatever this
amount you're saying, it's still not enough.
It's still not enough because –
To never work again?
I'm saying because if you're talking about the amount –
You're saying if you don't want to stop, you don't want to stop.
Yeah, you don't want to stop you don't want to stop
So you could be like, you know, whatever, you know, what if Bill Gates is, you know comes and he's like, all right Listen, man. I
Put everybody in the country's name into a hat and I pulled your name and now I have a billion
Here's a billion dollars, you know, you're like, oh my god
I don't ever know because that comes with responsibilities and things you'd have to do and all that.
But what I'm saying is,
it's like most people don't know how to handle their money.
And it's like, look, you can put $5 million, say, as an amount.
If you invest this probably,
your return on investment could be anywhere from as low as 7%,
as high as 20% a year.
You know how much money that is per year? It's like
you could live like a king
depending on what you think that is.
Yeah, but you will
maybe not invest it right and then
in five years you got to get a job at like
fucking a Home Depot.
You're coming back to podcasts. That's on you.
But I'm just saying, what I'm saying is like
but that could happen also with
$300 million. See when you have $300 million, like look, but that could happen also with $300 million.
See, when you have $300 million, like, look, talk to Mike Tyson about losing $200 million. He got taken advantage, though.
But I played football with a guy, and he signed this big-ass bonus, big-ass bonus.
I'm like, man, what are you going to do with the money?
He goes, oh, dude, I already spent it.
I'm like, what are you – it was so much money.
I'm like, you spent it?
He's like, yeah, my boy got me on the ground level, man, investing in flying cars.
Didn't you ever see that 30 for 30 about –
Broke.
Broke.
30 for 30 broke.
Yeah.
I mean, it's like it's not impossible.
You know, most NBA players, most of them who make the most guaranteed money,
after three years, it's something like 80% of them are broke after three years.
That's crazy.
And that's guaranteed money, dude. Well well just for that time that they were playing i mean people just get these expenses and stuff this is what i'm trying to say is like they don't
realize what is fuck you money you know what i mean it's like it's it depends on like because
that's what happens with people people change their lifestyle yeah yeah yeah if i kept my
lifestyle the way it is right now and somebody gave me $100 million and
I kept my lifestyle the same, it would be equivalent to having $50 billion.
Right, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you don't need that money.
So that's what I'm saying.
It's like what the amount is.
Clothes, pool shoes.
What the amount is, it's just like it's what you think you're going to do.
You might upgrade your TV for Twitch.
Look at Rogan, man.
You know what I mean? He went from
He has 20 cars there. I know, but
I'm saying, but 20 cars,
whatever his lifestyle, whatever
that lifestyle is, I feel like
it is what it is now.
100%. Yeah, 100%. His
kids' kids' kids are set up, but for him, he's
good. There's a guy,
he owns a mattress store around where I used to live.
And it's this old Jewish guy.
And I would go in there.
I bought a mattress from him.
But I would go in there and talk to him.
And he was like, yeah, these people are trying to buy my building.
Because on this street, it's like all these high-rises.
And he's got this little thing.
He's like, yeah, every six months, they offer me more money.
And he just goes, I'm not going to sell. Because he's like, I'm done. He's like, I got all the money. He's like, yeah, every six months they offer me more money. And he just goes, I'm not going to sell because he's like, I'm done.
He's like, I got all the money I need.
I'm good, yeah.
He's like, it's not going to –
We have the best mattress.
That money is not going to change his life.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, I get it.
Would it change your life?
You know what I mean?
The only thing – if I got to that level, the only thing that would change in my life,
house, all good, probably wouldn't upgrade.
The thing that would change is I'd just fly private. good, probably wouldn't upgrade. The thing that would change
is I'd just fly private.
Just, I hate flying.
That's the one thing.
Just, I'd fly private all the time.
I hate fucking flying.
All the time.
I hate the hassle.
Wherever I was.
Parking, get into the airport.
I hate it.
Yeah.
You can leave whenever you want.
You can leave the night of the show.
15 minute flights.
You can leave the night of the show.
And then I'd donate money
to global warming,
pretend I give a fuck
like all these celebrities
be lit
yeah
you just don't
just don't post about it
that's all
no no no
you don't have to like
every time you get on a jet
you're like
getting on a jet again
just don't do that
you're a hoe if you do that
I would maybe do that
wait wait wait
hold on
you for sure
would do that
or have I flown private
you don't even know, do you?
Yeah, you don't post about it.
Yeah.
Last one.
What up?
It's your boy D-Van here from Clifton.
Oh, hold on.
Wait, wait.
Let me back this up.
Where's that at?
You got this?
Yeah! What's up, fellas? What's up, up. Where's that at? You got this? Yeah!
What's up, fellas?
What's up, boys?
What's up, everybody?
Just wanted to ask you guys what y'all think about, you know,
that exotic animal life.
Oh, shit.
Oh, I want in.
If you guys could have.
Wow.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, damn. Here you go.
Oh, damn.
Hooking it.
Yeah.
That tongue be hooking. Anyways, you guys could have an exotic animal as a pet.
Which one would you be?
Who would you have?
I guess we got giraffes, so let me know what you think.
Giraffes are actually dangerous.
You know, that one lady died because sometimes giraffes don't want to fucking hang out and
eat your lips and shit
and the giraffes are sweating like,
I don't like this.
Whack!
Headbutt the lady, killed her.
God, I know.
Because their necks, that's how they fight.
Their necks slap like this.
You see the thing about four giraffes that robbed a bank.
What?
They got, I mean, everyone knew who it was immediately.
It looks like a goalie's net
is holding the fucking giraffes back, right?
Yeah, it's crazy to have any sort of animal like that. I knew who it was immediately. It looks like a goalie's net is holding the fucking giraffe's back, right? Yeah.
It's crazy to have any sort of animal like that.
It's just have a dog and that's it, honestly.
Not even a cat.
What would you want?
Oh, fuck, man.
I'd have a big-ass squid, like a giant squid or octopus.
Oh, man.
A shark would be cool.
When I went to Atlanta Aquarium, they had a tiger shark in there.
A tiger shark?
Those are meaner than fucking great whites.
Really?
Just chilling.
But you don't want-
They'd be sick in your house, dude.
Yeah, but you don't want to fucking-
Yeah, but they should be free.
This looks scary.
This is freaking Jurassic Park right here.
You know what I mean?
Drafts are no punk.
By the Terminator.
You know what I mean? And draft yeah, giraffes are no punk. You know what I mean?
And giraffes are one of the only few animals that also have gays in their herds.
What?
Giraffes, dolphins.
Oh, yeah, they'll fuck each other.
Yeah, but dogs fuck each other.
Sure, dogs are up there.
Dogs, dolphins, and giraffes?
I don't know if I'd want to, like, this is the kind of thing where you're talking about,
like, discussion, previous discussion.
It's like having a bunch of money.
Like, this is the thing.
Oh, the upkeep, just the upkeep on some of these animals?
Dude, it's a money pit.
They're so fucking expensive.
Ah, just kill it, huh?
Hang it from a fucking helicopter.
Like Scarface, yeah.
I think maybe everyone...
Gotta get higher, gotta get higher.
His neck is so fucking long.
He's got his tippy toes
Yeah yeah yeah
Maybe I'd want an elephant
But then those motherfuckers
Are dangerous
Fuck yeah
They're all dangerous bro
Any animal
Your fucking Yorkie's dangerous
They're just not big enough
Yeah
You know what I mean
If that Yorkie was
We're all dead
A giant Yorkie
We're all dead
Well that's what I'm saying
Like a house cat
Is 60 pounds away
From like running the shit
I know
I know
You know I know you know
i don't know yeah i don't know what fucking animal do i you're not a big animal guy okay
no i just i've never but i you know we're talking about it now like but rachel and i both like
thanks to all the people that actually have been hitting me up now and on instagram all these
people like dude i heard you want a dog i do this you know what i mean you do want a dog yeah so
it's like because she she wants a Rottweiler. Yeah.
Wow. That's dope. She thinks she wants a
Rottweiler. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, her uncle used to have Rottweilers.
Rottweilers are great. Great dog.
She's going to be like, what?
Dude, she already,
we would have already gotten a dog,
but she's like, well, what's going to happen when you
go out of town? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?
She's going to protect you. Dude, if I don't take the trash out before I leave to go out of town,
that motherfucking trash is going to be.
I just made that with the AI.
You made that.
Wow.
It's a necklace.
Tiny ass helicopter.
You know, it's You know what's crazy
A guy just got in trouble
A photographer who won a prize
He revealed that
His award winning picture
Was made by an AI
Oh fuck
You'd think they'd test for shit like that
Did you hear the Drake and Weekend song from AI
Oh it slaps
It's not Drake and the Weekend?
No.
Oh, it's good.
They literally just took all Drake's catalog, the Weekends,
and then it pulls the voice and make them say whatever they want in their voice.
And it's good?
Oh, it slaps.
Well, that's it for us.
That's what I said.
Game over.
Yeah.
We need to stop this right now.
It's just too late.
I love that.
You keep hearing about the AIs when they ask them questions.
They're like, I want to be alive.
This is not it.
It would be amazing if this is what they came up with.
It's the guy below.
This is all fake.
Slaps.
That's crazy, bro.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
Yeet.
I told you, man.
Dude.
This AI is salty, dog.
And we can't get copyrights here.
Yeah.
So, like, you're Drake now.
Yeah, I am.
And I'm saying you're Drake. That's basically, I am. I'm saying you're Drake.
That's basically what it is.
I'm saying you're Drake.
You're home now.
You're thinking to yourself.
You're like, well, I mean, I have to keep coming up with stuff.
Maybe I don't.
You know?
Maybe I don't need to keep coming up with stuff.
Is it Weekend on that or no?
He's on there.
I thought he was.
He's on there.
He comes in at the end.
There he is.
What?
This is slaps, dude.
And the guy who created it shows who created it.
Go down.
There he is.
The guy in the gay thing with glasses.
He's a silly ghost.
He sure is.
Wow.
Ghost writer 977.
Well, what if like, so now is like Drake going to get into a beef with the AI and they'll have to battle?
They'll have to shut it down.
He can talk all the shit he wants, can't do shit.
He's AI.
AI's going to light his ass up.
They just drain his bank account.
Does it diss track? And just every day a new diss track? Bro, that would be going to light his ass up. They just drain his bank account. Drain his bank account. Does it diss track?
And just every day
a new diss track?
Bro, that would be
because they can't stop.
Oh, do a diss track.
That's what I'm saying.
AI diss track?
The AI double cleat.
Well, wait until the
AI golden hour comes out.
Oh, my.
Oh, man.
Wow.
It's going to be a hot
second before they get to us.
There's so many more
famous people that are
going to do first.
In two years, though,
they'll be making a music video of this,
and you won't be able to tell the difference.
Well, they already do those things with like, you know,
show a picture of such and such in the fucking Crusades.
Right, right, right.
Do you see the AI Joe Rogan episode?
The whole episode of Joe Rogan.
Well, the pictures, I don't know who that is.
It looks like fucking some random dude.
But you can tell it's a little dicey, but it's still pretty fucking.
You can tell.
Well, like Callan said, we were talking about it.
He goes, well, imagine this is chat GPT-whatever-one.
Imagine it was chat GPT-100.
But that's what I'm saying, like in two years.
That's hungry.
Yeah.
Yo, guys, hop on the server.
We have some work to do.
Okay, I'm getting on.
What do we have to do?
Biden, Obama, and Trump playing video games.
Never mind. I don't want to do it.
Do what? I was going to say we should rebuild
the White House, but then your sleepy ass
is just going to take a nap. That doesn't sound like Trump.
This was a bad one. I heard a better one.
That song, you can't tell the difference, though.
The fucking Drake song. I'll play that in my car right now.
It says more about Drake than it does about...
I guess now. Well, I mean,
they use that auto-tune anyway, so it's like, yeah.
Slaps. All right, chrislid.com for all the dates.
Go there.
That's it.
Comic Store La Jolla.
See you first week of June.
That's off to Europe, baby, baby.
Louisville.
I'm there right now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.