The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 607 - Nick Capper & Ben Knight

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

This week we're joined by NICK CAPPER and BEN KNIGHT! We catch up on how Capper's heath is going before hearing multiple stories about all of us forgetting to put petrol in our cars, we make fun of Ben for having a hot rig, Tommy's embarrassed himself at the gym, Karl's had an intruder in his car and heaps HEAPS more! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick Capper and Ben Knight. The Little Dumb Dumb Club is on Patreon. If you would like to support the show and get two bonus episodes every week, you can do that at patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. We will be talking to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then, enjoy this great new Kappa and Ben Knight. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead.

Joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show show Nick Capper and Ben Knight Yes Ben Knight Contractually obligated To only ever Appear on the show With Nick Capper

Only with Nick Well I'm his driver now Because he's Lost I lost my arms You know Chemo the arms Just start

Scraping off What a way Did you have Really good What a way For all the listeners to find out as well. This is an exclusion. How's he holding the mic? I was wondering why 90s.

Hold his microphone for him. I got a little stand. Hey, man, could you give me my popper, please? Tommy. Put the little straw. Yeah, that's it. Thanks. First things first.

Kappa, you're going through chemo at the moment. You're Yeah, that's it. Thanks. First things first, Kappa. Kappa, you're going through chemo at the moment. You're taking a little break from chemo. You've refused therapy, so you can come in and do this podcast. Yes, I said. Put you back a few months, but it'll be worth it. I think it's going to be worth it. Well, he's been feeling pretty sick from the chemo,

so he wants to do this just to put it all into perspective. Something that's really going to make you unwell. A bit of perspective could be worse. Exactly. I want to be in a room with someone who's had cancer and someone who will probably get it, Carl. Who gives it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, no. Yeah, I took a – or no, I haven't taken a break, actually. I thought I was going to be finished, but then they said, oh, you've got more. So I've got to have a little bit more. One final job. One final job. One last job. One final job.

One last score. It's your final day of having cancer. And you only had 48 hours left to have cancer. And then they've fucking come in and sacked you. Yeah. It's weird because I've got like a weird reprieve. You know, like I know I'm going to be feeling like shit on Monday. Like terrible.

Right. But so I've got two or three days just to be normal. So I'm just being wild, you know? Because we're doing this today because apparently, was your doctor like, you might get the all clear on Friday today that you'd be all good? Yeah, he's like... And then they've gone, oh, no, actually, you need another round. Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Doctors are such cunts. Like, why put that in the air? Just make it a nice surprise on the Friday if it happens. It's really funny because I was trying to write a bit years ago. Not years ago, sorry. When they first gave me the diagnosis, they're like, there's a 96% chance we're going to cure you. 96% chance.

And I'm like, why say 96? Like, just say 100%. You fucking dumb moron. Like yeah you're a smart medical mind why wouldn't you just say 96 like you can still have four percent fuel in your car and run over a kid that's awesome that's awesome a hit and run A hit and run where you're up in the court testifying, being like, but your honour, I barely had any in the tank. How's this that much of a crime? It's my girlfriend's fault.

My girlfriend said there was no fuel in the tank. There ended up being 4% fuel in there. It's not my fault. I played the scene because I had to get to the petrol station because the light was on. I love how you said my girlfriend because it's like not Kappa's car. It couldn't possibly be Kappa's car. I don't put fuel in it.

It's her car. Even in a hypothetical dream-like sequence, I couldn't think of Kappa owning a car. That was my big move when I was a kid, using my parents' car and then just like not putting petrol in it. It was like, yeah, it's your car. You own it, I don't. It's not my problem.

Yeah, I don't know how it works. With the gun and the thing. Well, you know, when you do your driver's license, at no stage do they go, right, fill her up. They should. That's true. Anytime I'm in someone else's car or like a hire car and you need to put petrol in it's like

what side's it on yeah it's that little arrow on the thing did you know that I only just found that out like six months ago yeah

a year ago and also then the release different cars have the different releases oh man yeah you pop in the boot

you do it yeah man I did a thing that was so dumb I didn't drive my car for like so long and then I went to fill it up with petrol, and I was like, I don't know how to do this anymore.

I just forgot. Yeah. I forgot how to open the lid. I forgot how to do it. There's like a little relief. Yeah, but your car is like a German car from the 1920s or something. Is it still that same car? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. What do you got to do? Like, I don't know. Use the Enigma machine to open it up. If you march me out there right now to do it,

it would take me more than 15 seconds to figure it out because I don't drive it enough and then I just get in there and forget. Like, how the fuck do I do this again?

Yeah. Well, I can half kind of, you know, sympathize with you on this car because bonnets, now to pop a bonnet on a car, it's like they hide the latch on the new ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On my partner's car, it sucks.

I know where it is now. Yes. His name is man. His name is man His name is man That is gay And he drives a game Let me see if that's how You've got to pop your bonnet

You've got to get sucked off When your bonnet pops up Express little hands Under the bonnet You're getting sucked off by man Oh man again I just want to check the oil You're about to do

Something very manly By getting under there Well Nothing to do with Getting sucked off by a bloke, mate. Guys at home, you thought cancer was bad. Now you don't. There is worse.

The fan belts can wait. I've never popped a bonnet in my fucking life. If someone had a gun to my head, I don't reckon I'd be able to get mine up. Fuck me. I've done the thing where I've been in my own car with someone, and I've had to put petrol in or pop the bonnet and then them going, oh, just do it now. And I'm like, oh, just wait a minute.

I've just got to do something else first while I'm sitting there sweating going, how the fuck do I do this again? And I can't admit to not knowing because it's like, you've owned this car for 15 years, haven't you? Yes, I have. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing in it though. Have you ever done the one where you pull up

and you've got the petrol on the wrong side and you go, fuck, I look like a cockhead. You go over and try and stretch it over the car. And they're never long enough. No. Why don't they just make them a bit longer? I know. Then it wouldn't matter.

It doesn't matter. Like, why? But do you know what I do? I always park extra close, just in case. Oh. You go in, like, perpendicular to the pump. The passenger can't get out, but who cares about them? Also, what do you care?

You're not pumping the gas or paying for it. That's up to your girlfriend. That's what I yell at her. Park extra close. Guess we get it wrong. Park extra close so you can't get out. So you've got an excuse for not paying for the passenger. I can't reach my wallet. I'm so fucked. While I'm here, I'll just pop the bonnet as well.

Actually, get us a chomp while you're there. Fuck, I had about a year ago I was driving around and my car was like, every time I got to the lights, it was like really stuttering. And I'm like, fuck, I'm in trouble here. And I break down in peak hour at the front of like a construction zone where they've got it all kind of like blocked off

and like so I'm there it's like car won't start I'm like I am fucked short skirt walking in front of the construction workers

yeah yeah yeah can any of you strong men help me out it's like just yeah sitting there like fuck and I'm like on the phone to

like get a truck down and then me and the guy from the construction site he's just giving me hell he's like mate you can't park here I'm like yeah I phone to like get a truck down. And then the guy from the construction site, he's just giving me hell. He's like, mate, you can't park here. I'm like, yeah, I don't want to be parked here. He's like, you're going to have to move. I'm like, mate, I wish I could.

I get into this fight with him. He's like, you can't. He's like, are you not hearing me? You can't have your car here. I'm like, yeah, mate, it's fucking broken down. But he like can't hear me because there's like fucking drills and everything. All the wolf whistles from the workers and drills and everything yeah yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah there's the sound of me sucking off men as well just do you know i did the other day that was really fucking dumb yeah it was during lockdown i've gone

because i escaped went up to queensland right right and i was using my sister's car and i hadn't driven in fucking ages yeah anyway anyway, I'm driving, driving around, driving around, the car just goes dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. I was like, what the fuck? What's happened? And so I push it back.

I'm halfway home pushing it back. So I was about, I was pushing it for about 100 metres and then someone got my... In one push, by the way,

as well. Yeah, exactly. You flicked it. Exactly. Picked it up, I'll throw it, I can see home from here and just throw it over.

Every car for 90 is like those little toy cars where you pull them back and then it just fucking goes. Yeah, yeah. For people at home that haven't seen 90, 90's like Chris Hemsworth

if he'd worked out. I feel good, man. I think you guys usually tease people on this. You're sucked in, you fucking hulk. We usually do, we just don't want you to bash us after the show.

Yeah, yeah. If there was something we could hang shit on you about, we'd do it. Don't worry. What are you talking about? Fucking a thinning ginger. Of course you can fucking go hard. So used to getting uggos and fatties on.

They don't know what to do now. Now we're just giving you compliments but with the same intonation that we're billing you. You fucking Adonis cunt. Fuck you, you big dick piece of shit. Hey, now we're talking about me. No one's ever teased me about my big dick. You forget I've seen your dick, mate.

That's the first. This is how I knew me and Caps were going to be best mates, is when he came out first day, we moved here. Also, I like that sentence you just said, I've seen your dick. Anyway, this is how I knew we were going to be best mates. when like he came out first day we moved in also I like that sentence you just said I've seen your dick anyway this is how I knew we were going to be best mates

yeah absolutely same sentence this is just yeah this is like Caps came out can we be friends we've just moved in I'm sitting on the couch

and then I just hear Cap going hey nighty and I just hear that's it and I turn around and he's just shaking his dick between his legs I was like

hell yeah brother that is sick. Love it. I don't remember that. I don't usually do. No, I don't think I did something like that. I think that was Kappa's girlfriend that did that. You're auditioning for puppetry of the penis.

Usually I do something like that. He's the petrol pump. Like I bring out a drawing or something like that and I'm like, what do you think of this drawing, nude? Oh, right. Yeah, that's what I did to Brett in his grandma's house. Right. That's what I did to Brett and his grandma?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the drawing is you rooting his grandma. Yeah, yeah. That's not a drawing. It's too deep. It's too deep. I don't remember putting the glasses on. It's leap sleeping off the page

not a drawing more of a play it's still in the arts no but I there was a painting in the caravan and I was like where Brett and I

were staying in it and I was like oh Brett what do you think of this painting and I was just starkers and he's like oh fuck off so no sorry what were you doing of this painting? And I was just, Starkers? And he's like, oh, fuck off.

So, no, sorry, what were you doing with your car? You threw your car home. So, you picked the car up over my shoulder. Because I hadn't driven in so long. Just like how you were saying, it was really dumb. You couldn't find the latch. So, the car's just broken down. I'm like, fuck, it's broken down.

So, me and my mate are there. We're pushing it. We push it about 500 meters home. And then he goes, dude, is there any petrol in the car? I was like, fuck. I just forgot to put petrol in the car. I totally forgot that. You've read ahead of the end of my story too.

Oh, really? Oh, shit. I'm broken down in peak hour. I call a truck. Truck comes and it's like 10 to 5 or something yeah so i find a mechanic that'll take it and he's like i'm closing up now but they can bring it in i'll look at it and then you can come in and get it tomorrow morning i'm like great so the truck comes i just like watch the car go off and then i'm just like you know i'm just stranded i have to get an uber home yeah go out get up the next day get the call from the mechanic it's like yeah

your car's ready. Go in. I'm like, and I'm, you know, I'm so out of my depth talking to this guy. He's like, mate, you're broken down in peak hour. That's no good. I'm like, yeah, mate. He's like, yeah, yeah, I'll have a look.

So I go in. I'm like, yeah, mate, yeah, how'd you go? What was the, yeah, what was the issue? Just trying to fucking act up. And he's like, yeah, mate, pretty easy job. Worked out what it was. No petrol in the tank. I'm like, fuck.

What a fucking idiot. You feel like such a dick right you feel like an absolute idiot yeah do you pay someone for them to tell you that he was like i think he took pity on me he was like i won't charge you for this but ordinarily i would but he's like i think he thought like you are so fucking pathetic yeah like taking money off you would be like stealing it from a disabled child yeah yeah yeah can't fucking do it Yeah You now have to deal with The fucking shame of this

Mate you've been The fucking sledging Target Yeah Of everybody in the workshop Yeah Yeah For the last day

Totally It's like you just Walking in here Yeah It's like Yeah everyone's got Their phones out Right

Yeah Totally It's like don't worry About the 50 bucks I've got a good one For the Christmas party now Yeah Let's call it even Yeah Yeah I's got their phones out. Right. Yeah. Totally. It's like, don't worry about the 50 bucks. I've got a good one for the Christmas party now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's call it even. Yeah, yeah.

I've got one for smoker tomorrow morning for sure. They're all the mechanics. You're just saying, you've really dasolode this one. Yeah. Mate, you really dasolode that Camira. Well, there's not like the amount of time that you get once the light is on in a car on a petrol gauge. Yeah.

It's the most sliding economy that exists. Oh, man. You know what I mean? Because I hadn't had the car for that long at that point. It was relatively new. So I was still kind of like figuring out like how much can I get away with here once the light comes on. But it feels like the light hadn't been on for that long

and then I broke down. And so now when the light is on, I'm going into a fucking panic. And that's what that's for. Yeah, I know. But we all go like – because some cars have the light and then the light will start flashing. Yeah. Like we had that, like driving that hire car back from Canberra where we were like, oh

no, we're all right here. And then we just go fucking like two hours without saying anything even resembling a petrol station. Every time we go down a hill, we're turning the car off and just letting it roll down the blue mountains and whatever. And it went for ages. Like that killed me for a while.

That being in my head it's like, oh, the light comes on. You've got fucking, you could fucking drive to Sydney with the light flashing. If there's anyone

that I've seen ride one of those petrol lights, it's Nick Cabot. Oh, I love it. I love riding that light, baby. Well, when you've got

nothing in your wallet there's no other option, mate. Yeah, when you've got nothing in your wallet, there's no other option, mate. Yeah, when you've got no choices. But the worst one was I usually get away with it, like, all the time. But one time I shouted my partner, like, this kind of nice cooking class just outside of Dalesford. You mean you ran out on the bill at a restaurant and she had to wash dishes outside to pay the bill?

No, I mean there was a chef that wanted to suck me on. Anyway, it was a lot of money. It's like this prestigious cooking class in Dalesford, whatever. to do this prestigious cooking class at the Dalesford whatever. It is crazy how much cooking classes are considering you're cooking the food at the end of the day. The food you eat, you've cooked yourself.

And then also, I reckon 98% of people that take cooking classes then never use those skills again. Oh man, and what about chefs? Everyone's just paying, they're paying the 400 bucks or whatever just to meet the chef and just to talk to him you know imagine if you're a comedian you're like okay 400 bucks you get to do a comedy class with me yeah like no one would pay that like you'd

have to maybe well you're making up a scenario that's like you're like as if this happens and that absolutely does happen there are terrible comedy comedy courses. Yeah, people run comedy courses. If Fusey said it, I wonder how many people would do it. Well, yes, of course. We always say that. If Fusey did a course, great, let's do that. But it's always like, this guy that can't get on a spleen, it's like running a course. Oh, man.

There was this guy in, you've talked about him a fair bit, I think, who ran a comedy course in Sydney. And his name was Danteante d1 and um yeah dante d1 you know and uh he's this american guy and i said oh man what comedy have you done like you know have you done some big stuff like this was early on in in my thing before i became skeptical of everyone in comedy yeah and uh he goes you seen uh house party and i was like yeah i think i have seen house party that is a funny comedy movie about two guys with big hair yeah you know like at a house party he's like you seen house party too i'm like no i have not seen

house party too and he's like there's a party scene where there's like the main guy and the other guy. I'm the guy next to him. He was next to Kid in the play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so because of that, he's like, that's my credentials

for teaching you how to do stand-up comedy. He wore a beret. That's pretty funny. That is very funny. And I've seen every comedian wear a beret.

Yeah. All the greats. Che Guevara. Revolutionary. Sorry, you're driving home from Dalesford. Well, we drove there and I saw the light come on on the way there. I was like, we'll be fine. And then this place was like,

it said it was like two or three Ks out of Dalesford. But she got the directions wrong, how to get there. Yeah. So we were just about to get there. And then, like, right at the top of this hill, like, right on a corner, like a real, like anyone who comes around the corner, they're like, whoa like whoa shit there's a car in the middle of the road it was one of those situations so then miraculously i don't know how a taxi was going past we've laid it down which is so rare because

that is like that's proper hills up that area isn't it like no it was miraculous yeah that there was a taxi yeah there'd probably be one taxi, maybe two in that whole town. Yeah, yeah. And it was outside of Dalesford, like Hepburn Springs. Yeah, right. And I was like, fuck. Anyway, so yeah, I told her that I got fuel within 10 minutes. I said, oh, it's cool, babe.

I got fuel. Just so she would be fine at the cooking class, not worried. Because she's a worrier. God knows why.'s with me. Yeah, I wonder why. She wasn't about five years ago, but anyway. She's pretty carefree back then. Sometimes I tell her, I say, why are you with me?

Like, why? If you're a worried person. Those crow's feet came on quick. Almost overnight, you could say. One minute he was kicking back on Koh Samui Beach, next minute you're worrying. Next minute you're in the middle of a road. Just crying on your birthday weekend.

This never used to happen. Koh Samui, so we went there. Obviously, I've been there a heap of times. Early on, me and my wife were there. And when you're in the middle ofSamui, so we went there. Obviously, I've been there a heap of times. Early on, me and my wife were there. And when you're in the middle of Samui, there's heaps of taxis and sort of tuk-tuks, whatever you call those, vans or whatever that they have there. And so you can always get a taxi anywhere. There's taxis going past all the time.

So then we went over to Copenhagen, which is the smaller populated island. And we're like, ah, this will be the same. We got this taxi to the middle of fucking nowhere went to a cafe and then we walked down the cafe at like 6, 7 o'clock at night

and go ah we'll just get a taxi home but it's like completely it's a bit different because there's no taxis over there only in a very small amount of area

so we're just walking in the middle of fucking nowhere just walking for like an hour going ah there'll be a taxi and there's like nothing on the road not even not taxis but no cars on the road yeah so we're just walking along at night time and she's like shitting herself and i'm like going nah this is cool this is fine just

walking in the middle of yeah nowhere in asia and she's like i fucking hate this and then we see this taxi come up and i just hail it down and go ah here we go finally he's just praying that there's no one already in the back seat yeah yeah it's like fucking please it was sort of standing in front of the car at this point

yeah yeah yeah it's like 8 o'clock at night it's pitch black it's like no we're getting in there so we hop in it and the guy's a bit weird about it

but he can't really speak English very well so it's like oh you know I'm like I don't need to really tell you where to go I'm like just take us to civilisation sort of

you know to the nearest town and he's like okay alright and then we go there tell you where to go. I'm like, just take us to civilisation, sort of, you know, to the nearest town. And he's like, okay, all right. And then we go there. Take us to civilisation. Take us to the nearest settlement. Keep some shops? Yeah.

Well, there is one shop. Because you're not civilised. Big light up front. We like you. In your house. Where do you live live I give you plenty wampum yeah

so so anyway we go we go to the next town and then he doesn't have like one of the things on his

in his car or anything that's like you know like a meter yeah or anything like that so then I get out and I go

here you go mate and I just sort of give him what I think it's worth and then I walk away and then when he leaves I see I look at the van properly and it's worth. And then I walk away. And then when he leaves, I see, I look at the van properly. And it's like, oh, that wasn't a taxi.

That was just someone doing some work. And then I've just stood in front of him and gone, oh, get in here. Thanks, mate. And he's like, okay. And then I told him where to go. And then we've gone somewhere he wasn't going. And then he's had to turn around and go back. And I'm like,

and then I was like, oh man, I feel really bad. And then I looked at my wallet and went, oh, I'd feel a lot worse if I hadn't have done the sums wrong. And I've just paid him $100 to travel about 5K. So this guy was like,

like in hindsight, he's like, he went from being utterly confused to being like, oh, jumped out, opened the door for my wife, goes, anything else? You know? Fucking hell, this guy. I just turned this guy into a chauffeur. Best value sock job this guy's ever given.

He's just like, and he drives away. He's putting the music down. He's just picking and he drives away he's putting the music down he's just he's just picking up randoms the next random he's like yeah no worries come in and just got stabbed

in the neck straight away thanks to what I've done it's actually an ice cream van yeah his wife wakes up the next day he's painting the van yellow he's like a whole fucking

career change because of just one passenger fuck the final night of the comedy festival I went to the closing party and my phone had died and I was like I was going old school I was trying to I was trying to get home just using a cab you know how cabs now Fuck, the final night of the comedy festival, I went to the closing party and my phone had died. And I was like, I was going old school.

I was trying to get home just using a cab. You know how cabs now, they're like advertising themselves as like, Uber's gone fucked, hasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you love us now, but man, they're still operating in the same way. Dude, they suck. I'm just flagging them down. They're like, nah, I'm getting in. I'm like, oh, I'm just to Fitzroy.

They're like, nah, that's not far enough. Are you fucking kidding me yeah I would love some kind in a van full of chickens I did that the other night I walked home from the pub the whole way and I was trying to get Uber

they kept cancelling on me and it took when I got home it would take me two hours to walk home it's only an hour's walk and then my wife's like why did it take you two hours

and I'm like legitimately I just stopped so many times to get mad yeah yeah yeah it's just like hours walk and then my wife's like why why did it take you two hours and i'm like legitimately i just stopped so many times to get mad yeah yeah yeah it's just like fuck this what the fuck is this happening this took me an hour and a half in the cbd i was just like doing kind of like laps around the one block just because i you know you're in the one location and no cabs are coming so it's like fuck i've got to i've got to shift up where i am you know i gotta get i've got to choose a better position and i ran into um friend of the show, Dan Rath. I'm blind.

I talked to him in the street. And then he walks off. I'm like, what a fucking strange cat he is. Anyway, fucking damn it. Yeah, Rathy. Just hitchhike at 3 a.m. in the morning. Rathy probably would have piggybacked you to 50 North for 50 bucks, I reckon. So you're out of petrol.

So you lie, you tell her you got the petrol. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm there just in the middle of the road just waiting to get fucking ploughed by some car. I'm glad you said some car. Some car. Nick? That's his mate, some car.

Some cars from... Like on all fours, pants down, marker on his back that says petrol needed pointed to his ass. Preferably a sexy Islander car. Diesel, please, if you know what I'm saying. A lot of Islanders out there. That's a good way. But, yeah, and then this guy just parks his car and he's like,

all right, put it in neutral, let it go down, and I'll direct you. And I'm like, I could, for some reason, I just believe this guy. And I just, I reverse the car off the road further down where it's safe. And he's like, it's nice and safe there. I was like, why did I just do that? Yeah. Who is this guy? Yeah.

And he's like, oh, mate, it's cool. I'm an off-duty cop. Oh, okay. Yeah, because he was like, he had the mustache and he was pretty well built. So I must have just instinctively known this dude. That's how you categorize him. He looked like Constable Care.

He looked fully like constable care This just reminds me of when you brought the beanbag home He brought this fucking grubby beanbag home A well built guy in Dalesford with a moustache That's everyone there isn't it It's not a cop thing That's your excuse for everything He brought this fucked beanbag home one day

It was a donkey It was a donkey beanbag He found it on the side of the road, and I go, dude, we're not having this in the fucking house. And he goes, mate, it's all right. The guy that he was throwing, I saw the guy that was throwing it out. He was ripped. He was jacked as hell.

Yeah, mate, benching the donkey beanbag every day. How do you think I got these out? Don't worry. This is a hot dude's garbage. This is fine. He was a nice guy. He looked like is fine. He's a nice guy. He looked like Sean Penn. He was fully jacked.

Cap is just like sniffing the seat of it like, oh, yeah. I can imagine this jacked dude. It's just your classifier for everything. I work out sweat all over it. I'll always trust a jacked dude. That's why I trust you with everything. That's your classifier for everything. If you were a judge, it's like we've caught you with everything you know that's your classifier for everything

if you were a judge it's like we've caught you with the knife in the room there's video footage and you're just like but your honour

what about these you just lift up your shirt yeah well not guilty yeah I've got some I've got a witness that says I didn't do it

and he's fucking jacked he's jacked. Meanwhile, look at this beanpole. Guilty. Yeah, so I reversed off, and then I called NRMA for petrol or whatever, and the dude said, oh, I'm coming out from Ballarat or something, so I had to wait there for about an hour and a half.

Right. Meanwhile, Caitlin's just making a flan. She's having a beautiful afternoon. Oh, was she already in there? Or was she stuck with you? No, she was in the taxi. Oh, right. That was the miraculous thing.

Yeah, she's gone to the cooking club. Because he's called her and gone, yeah, I've got petrol. She got in the taxi and went to the cooking club. Kappa's doing a bit of bush tucker at this point. Just eating spinifex. Cap is doing a bit of bush tucker at this point, just eating spin effects. Yeah.

I actually had a beer in my car, a couple of beers, so I just cracked a beer and sat there. Sat behind the wheel with an off-duty cop and drank beer? Yeah. Cheers, Jim. Cheers, brother. Thanks for your help. Anyway, the bloke came out and it was really funny because the bloke came out from Ballarat

and you could tell he was full. Full, just... Ripped. Fucking bogan. If he was fully jacked, I would have had a beer with him. You would have jumped in the back of his paddy wagon and gone, take me to your place. He's like...

Yeah, he came out from there and he's like, bloody hell, it's nice out here, isn't it? I should get out more often. I'm like, come on, it's fucking an hour and a half from your place. The hustle and bustle of Ballarat. That's awesome, having that. I love that fucking mentality. I know your dad's like this, Carl's like,

why the fuck would you go overseas when you've got all this right here in your backyard? Thinking that about Ballarat is just fucking awesome. Oh, man, because it's beautiful around Dalesville or whatever. And I'm like, God, how have you not seen this? I've been living in Melbourne for seven years and I've seen this. You obviously grew up here. It was really funny. Anyway, I gave him one of the beers, actually,

and he's like, 7%, that'll get me there. He's like a gruff. Might have ate of these and then drove back to Ballarat. This countryside's getting even more beautiful now. So when you picked up, when you went and got your partner from their cooking class, did you fill her in about any of this or you just brushed it under the table? No, I did.

I filled her in a little bit. I love that disclaimer, I filled her in a little bit. I love that disclaimer. I filled her in a little bit. Some of the details. Some of the details. I told her I saw a hot cop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She made me the, it was like a Jewish cooking class. Okay.

And yeah, she bought all these sweets, so I had a few of those. Oh, Mazel Tov. Yeah, it was nice. Nice. Nice to get a bit of culture. What did you make in the Jewish cooking? What did she come home with? Matzo ball soup?

Yeah. No, it was like these little sweets. You know the bread, the hollow bread? Had some of that. Amazing bread. Yeah, right.

I might get some of that after this actually. Bit of chocolate cake that controls the media? What else? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Whoa. You've got a political up in here. Someone's angry. Not only a German car, but anyway. Oh, you know what happened to me the other day? So this is a couple of weeks ago. There's one day a week where a little blanket goes to her nana.

By that, I mean my wife's mum. For those who haven't seen Blanket, the cutest kid alive. Like, I did not know how this kid came from Carl. Yeah. Like, I was waiting for some defect of some kind. It's more psychological. It's coming. Give her about 18 years.

So she goes out to Nana once a week. And so I drive her out there. And so we have a habit where there's a bakery that's on the way that's really close to her Nana's. And she likes to go in and get a circle pie, which is what she calls party pies. So we go out there. She's had her breakfast or whatever. This is about 9.30 or something she likes to go in and get a circle pie, which is what she calls party pies. So we go there. She's had her breakfast or whatever.

This is about 9.30 or something. She'll go there and get a circle pie. Morning party pie chaser after brekkie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's great she says circle rather than round pie. I would still say round. Oh, yeah. She's graduated a circle at three years' age.

Fuck, that's wild. Get this kid in Mensa. Yeah. No, that's only smart men isn't it isn't that only men

of South Australia no so fuck off I don't want her to be a South

Australian man there's plenty in this episode we could cut out but I'm picking that's the one we

should actually cut out skip the chem picking that's the one we should actually cut out skip the chemo and see what happens fuck you yeah blame this on the chemo maybe

so we stop there it's a nice little it's a nice little thing that she can look forward to to go to Nana so she's like so we go to there

we get the circle pie is it just straight up meat pie flavour yeah yeah little party pie oh god that tastes good so she goes in there gets that and then we go to there, we get the circle pie, whatever. Is it just straight up meat pie flavour? Yeah, a little party pie. Oh, God, that tastes good. So she goes in there, gets that, and then we go out. And we always go in my wife's car because my wife's got the baby seat in the car.

So my wife's car is a little bit more sophisticated than the old 89, 318i Beamer, right? So it's like a proper Toyota. Yeah, your car's like pre-seat belts and fucking... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flintstones. Shit in every angle that's just going to fucking kill you if you, like, brake from 30 kph.

It's back when they just had heaps of fat white guys designing cars and they're like, yeah, just put a fucking metal thing here. That looks good. Spike on the dashboard. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that'll look good. It'd be super effective at killing other people,

but I could hit a truck and wouldn't die in that car. It's actually set up nicely. My wife's car will fucking crumple. So I'm driving hers, and we get out the front, and it's quite a common car as well. It's like an eight-year-old Corolla or something like that. So we come back out with the circle pie, and then I'm like, what's going on here?

And then Blanket's sort of like, what's happening? And we're standing in front of the car, and there's someone else in our car. There's just a woman in the car. And I'm like, what? I was like, yes, free woman. Eat your circle pie around the back. Daddy got a circle.

Daddy's going to get a different circle. A different sort of pie. It's self-defense. She came into my car. She came into my car. Daddy's going to get cream pie. Oh, no. Yeah, the real party pie, if you know what I'm saying.

And some sex. Spoon with a cream pie in the hand. There's about to be another bun in the oven. So anyway, and also, she's about 65 years old. Oh, wow. Fuck. We didn't know it was that sexy before. Experience.

A real guilt. Fuck, she would have been up to some shit in the war. About to give me some rations. 65. What was the Q8 war? Golf war. Golf war. Fuck, she would have got up there.

The war on drugs. The war on drugs. The end of the Cold War. Coke versus Pepsi. The Cold War. War of the Worlds. The remake. Probably Holland's popcorn box kind of stuff.

So she's behind the wheel. And we're standing there going, what the fuck? She's behind the wheel? Yes. She's in the passenger seat. She's in the driver's seat. Yeah, she's in the driver's seat. Oh, yeah.

And I'm standing there and I'm like, and I'm always like, oh, I've got to figure out what's, I'm just, you know, if you give someone enough rope, like, what's going to fucking happen here? But so neither of you are in the car yet? No. Okay, I thought that's awesome if you put blanket in the... No, no, no. ...round the back and haven't realised there's someone in the driver's seat.

No, no, no. We stand in front of the car and then go, there's already someone in here, and then go, what do we do now? And I'm like, I'm just going to give this some time. I'm not going to do anything. I'm going to wait to see what she does. What a great lesson to teach your child.

Give them enough road money. They'll make themselves. Well, again, what's the alternative? Who the fuck is that? I don't know. Get in the car. Just block your ears. I'm going to go psycho

at this fucking crazy woman who's got in my car. Just sit here on the footpath and eat your pie. I'm going to jump on the bonnet and put my fist through the windscreen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And whoever this old bitch is. You hold the phone and film this for Daddy's TikTok account pie I'm going to jump on the bonnet and put my fist through the windscreen and whoever this old bitch is

you hold the phone and film this for daddy's TikTok account so we just stand there and we just watch and Blanket's like what's happening

and I'm like I don't know we're about to find out so we just stand there and watch her and she's clearly trying to start the car

awesome still hasn't clicked yeah hasn't clicked awesome and then you start to see her thinking and going and she's looking around to start the car. Awesome. Still hasn't clicked. Yeah, hasn't clicked. And then goes, and then you start to see her,

you know, thinking and going, and she's looking around the car and going, fuck, that's good. Yeah. That's not my flashlight. And then jams in again. Like, what? So she's there, she's there about,

she's there 10, 15 seconds and I'm like, I'm not doing anything. I'm just going to watch. And then she looks up and sees us and we're just watching and she's like, give me the whole, like, what are you looking just going to watch. And then she looks up and sees us and we're just watching. And she's like, give me the whole like, what are you looking at sort of thing. And then goes, oh.

And then gets out of the car and goes, is this your car? I'm like, what's fucking not yours? She's like, oh, I thought this was my car. And then I look next to it and there's like a basically identical car next to it. So there's where she's made the mistake. Right. Doesn't answer how she got in the car. Like, I mean...

Yeah, was it locked? It wasn't... Obviously, I hadn't locked it off. Yeah. Will that explain... Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So then she gets out and goes,

oh, yeah, I was wondering what was going on because I look behind me and there's a baby seat and I thought to myself, I don't have a baby. Fantastic yeah so then all right so that's so because this is like a weekly thing the next week i come in do exactly the same thing all the same sort of stuff whatever i go to get in the car again and i walk out and the same woman because because we're synchronized fuck the same woman no way no the same woman just we're synchronised fuck off the same woman no way no the same woman

just walks past me as I'm getting in the car and just points at me and goes hey wrong car and then just keeps walking nice

like not like I'm getting in the wrong car like that's her we didn't exchange details or anything so that's my name to her

that's your nickname hey mate hey wrong car yeah so my nickname's wrong car to her. That's your nickname. Hey, mate. Hey, wrong car. Yeah. So my nickname's wrong car to a 65-year-old woman in Baldwin. Yeah. And you're wrong car even though she was the one.

You're not wrong car. She's wrong car. Yeah. I'm not wrong car. I'm right car. Yeah. That's sick that she's seen the baby seat going, I don't have a baby, but then still trying to start the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess I'd better take this to the salvos or something. She's seen it going, that doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'll keep starting it. Maybe I'll remember something as I'm driving. Maybe once I get to queue, I'll go, that's right, fucking baby Isabel that I gave birth at age 64. That's so sick you got that nickname though. She was clearly in the wrong. It's like you pooing your pants and someone's seeing it and going, hey, shit pants.

Projecting. Yeah, totally. I shit myself, but you're shit pants. You're the one who smelt it, so. Yeah, exactly. You smelt it, dealt it, so that's you. Shit pants. It's funny if she's like, oh, I confused the car, I'm sorry.

And then you go, where's your car? And it's just like a semi-trailer. Like, it's not even close to it. Like, she's like, oh, I confused the car, I'm sorry. And then you go, where's your car? And it's just like a semi-trailer. Like, it's not even close to it. Like, she's just an idiot. Like, sorry, I confused my Kombi van with your fucking car. Like, imagine seeing a baby sitting in the back and you're like, oh, that's weird. I mean, your car does.

Yeah, well, no, it's your wife's car, I was going to say. It's my wife's car. Be sick if it's just covered in, like, I go from zero to bitch in, like, fucking one second. No, it'd be great if it was my car and she's just seen the gothic number plates and gone, oh, yeah, that's my number plate, isn't it? And it's like, oh, no, that's right, it's BCV716. I've done that a handful of times, gotten into the wrong car, like, but just in the passenger seat.

Oh, yeah. Fuck, everyone's just losing their mind when that happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you're... Oh, you've gotten into a full car. I've gotten into a... Yeah, a full car. Yeah.

Like, I've gotten... Yeah, opened the door, gotten in and, like, I think it was, like, someone waiting for me and, like, you know, you think you're just, like, you know, you close

and you, like, turn to your mate and you're like, anyway... Like, you know, the driver's freaking out, you're freaking out, just everyone's having an awful fucking time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, the driver's freaking out, you're freaking out, just everyone's having an awful fucking time.

Yeah, you have to slurp them off because it's under their terrain. Did you look in the window first? Like, cars have got windows. Well, you just,

especially, no, you didn't let him finish, he got into a tank, alright? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah. It was my friend's armored car, and then my armored car, and we confused armored armoured cars. So I said to Sidney, you have the wrong armoured car. Tommy runs a limousine business. Well, you know,

me and my friend had driven there. We were transporting a whole bunch of furniture and we were doing it Mr Bean style. So it's not my fault that there happened to be a second car parked down the street with a couch on top of it.

And we both knocked the car with three wheels out of its back. But fuck, man. Just, yeah. I've also had it happen the other way where I'm in the drive and some cunt comes in and sits in the passenger seat. Yeah. I feel like it's happening to me constantly. I've tried to open another car that looks like mine, but I've never got actually into a car. The embarrassing thing is These ones weren't...

The embarrassing thing is these ones weren't even similar cars. This was just me vibing out. I'm like, this is where my car was. This is you getting on the back of a tandem bike. Yeah, yeah. Isn't this my car? Yeah, this is me going like, oh, this feels right. This was about the spot I was in.

This is the zone. To see you get it like you drove a van there, but you get into one of those side cars on the motorbikes. You just put your goggles on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. It wouldn't be bad to try out. Just like every time you see a car where the driver is already in it, but they're fucking

around on their phone before they take off or whatever, you just open the passenger door, hop in, and just see if you can get a ride. Kind of like Carl did in fucking Thailand. Yeah, yeah. It's like, where are you going? Just how many times would you have to try that before you got a person being like, all right. Years ago, because my hometown,

everyone would just park out in front of the pub and just leave their cars unlocked. And we had a Redland Cruiser and there was another family who had another Redland Cruiser. And my brother would often you know my parents were at the pub he would go to sleep in the back of the car and uh yeah one time he the the other family drove away with my my brother in the back like halfway there And then they were like Oh fuck

I've got a child And then yeah They We let him Let their family keep him And They reared him That's why he's been

Always been a bit unique And That's awesome He had the proper care So your parents Gone to the pub with And leaving your brother In the back

Your parents Dave O'Neill Yeah Living it out It's awesome to remember That that's like a You know So your parents going to the pub and leaving your brother in the back. Your parents Dave O'Neill? Yeah. Living it out. It's awesome to remember that that's like a, you know, that bit of like, ah, good to be here. Fucking kids are out in the car. Yeah.

Like that is a legit thing. Yeah, that was. It's like a legit like 90s parenting. No, that's, people are still doing it. Well, yeah, but I mean specifically Like that year Probably less now It's timeless Yeah I remember like the pub

It'll never go out of fashion The pub near The pub on the corner of my street Where I grew up Had like a sign in the car park Like saying Don't fucking leave your kids in the car It's always

Oh really Fuck that is Just grim stuff Like the person seeing the sign And being like Oh fuck that is probably pretty bad But in the city you're like This is're like, I wouldn't have a risk. This is like an affluent suburb.

Yeah, exactly. Had this one shit pub in it, and they're like, well, you know. Yeah, I would never leave a kid in a car in the city. In the country, it's up for grabs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Self-sufficient. Crack a window. There's hardly any weirdos in the country on the show.

Hoity-toity. Now, Noddy, I don't think we got into this last time you were on the show. Hoity toity. Now, Noddy, I don't think we got into this last time you were on the show, but yeah, as we were touching on before, you're one of the,

one of the great rig pigs in comedy. Rig pigs? Rig pigs. Is that a thing? I've never heard. Yeah. Okay.

About yourself? Yeah. Or you've never heard the term? Oh, no, I've never heard the term rig pig. But you are, yeah.

You're touching your groin as you're saying that though, so it's obviously exciting you. I didn't even realise my hand is actually on my dick. But yeah, you're working out a lot. Yeah. Yeah. You're touching your groin as you're saying that, though, so it's obviously exciting you. I didn't even realise my hand is actually on my dick. But, yeah, you're working out a lot. Yeah. You're in the gym a lot. What about you, Cap?

You had to take a bit of a break, obviously. I've got to take a break. You were hitting it a bit hard. Why did you take a break? Oh, no reason. I had to tell Milos the other... Our PT that we used to see, he was like, Hey, where's that pussy little...

And I just looked at him and went, chemo, mate. That is awesome. It was so good seeing his face drop. It's the best thing to have in your back pocket. Anyone stepping on you. It hasn't happened to me yet, but I can't wait till someone calls me baldy

or something like that. Like, hey, baldy or whatever. I'm like, yeah, yeah, nah. Heading to the hospital now. You know, just fucking. Yeah. Can't wait to pull it out. Timo just paid off.

That's a sweet burn. Yeah. A sweet burn. I can't wait to finally use this to my advantage. Yeah. It's all worthwhile. It's funny because you do think that because it's funny how selfish you realize you are when you – because I stopped drinking due to this.

I haven't had a drink for, what, nine, ten weeks or whatever. Right. Yeah, maybe even more, like 12, 13 weeks. Haven't had a drink, not one. Like I don't even feel like it. It's weird. Come on, mate. We're all having one.

Fucking get one of these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. No, it's weird. You could put a gun to my head. I don't even feel like it. It's weird. Come on, mate, we're all having one. Fucking get one in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. No, it's weird. You could put a gun on my head, I still wouldn't have a beer. It looks disgusting. It just looks weird. Pulling a gun on someone to get a beer. Have a fucking beer, mate. Your kids are in the car, what could go wrong? And Kappa going, no, kill me. It looks yucky.

I'd rather die. I don't feel like it. Why am I brains yucky I'd rather die I don't feel like it why are my brains out I'd rather die than do something I don't feel like doing I don't feel like a drink right now whereas before chemo

I would have been drinking with a gun in my own head yeah Russian Relief oh this is depressing put beer in the gun and stick it in your mouth you're shooting yourself

yeah but he said drink it baldy how's my time yeah I'm actually going through chemo yeah

I'll still have the beer though but yeah I don't think I'd even get pissed to be honest but the weirdest thing is you stop drinking

and you just wait for the weight to fall off you're like fuck I am going to. And I've lost probably a fair bit of weight around my face and all that kind of stuff. But really, you just stay the same weight because you just make up for it and fucking,

oh, well, I'll just have a thick shake, which is like six beers. Right. Or you have like a burger or something or whatever. You just wait for it to fall off. And then you just think, fucking hell, am I going to get anything out of this? I thought I would at least look thinner, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A cleanse. Doing the chemo cleanse. You're starting to regret having cancer. It's really annoying. The ultimate smoothie, take it intravenously. Beautiful stuff. Wipes your appetite right out. So you're not at the gym.

Wipes your taste buds up. You're not at the gym. You're not at the gym. You've paused the Fitness First membership. Yes. Yeah, and you refuse to. It's so funny because you don't want to tell the dude at the gym that you want to cancel. And I'm like, you've got the ultimate out card.

Yeah, I know. There was a big fundraiser for you, Kappa. Is it all going to your fucking gym membership? Those Fernwood bills keep rolling in. Let me pause it. But, yeah, I have bought shares in it. Look, man, I don't want to cancel. How would you like a new bench press?

Well, that sort things out. Nighty and I, it's funny because the guy at our gym, he was like an elusive dude, really cool guy. Just would see him every now and then. Hey, mate, how you going? We just thought, oh, he's the coolest dude ever. But then he found out we were comics. He saw us on a few ads

because 90 and I are king of the TV but we're only the king of we're only the king of commercials in between the comedy shows not on the shows like our parents don't go

oh wow we saw you on TV our parents once saw us back to back they're like oh Capper's convenience store ad came on

yeah they don't say oh that fucking type 5 you did on that tonight show was great they're like oh Kappa's convenience store ad came on yeah yeah they don't say oh that fucking type 5 you did on that tonight show was great they're like yeah those

saucepans you were advertising actually look pretty good technically we've been on the gala yeah yeah yeah just in between in between

yeah yeah they don't have ads on ABC whatever mate yeah yeah you know what I'm saying yeah yeah take the credit

fuckhead come on mate shut up idiot alright Neil DeGrasse Tyson Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Take the credit, fuckhead. Come on, mate. Shut up, idiot. All right, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Actually. Actually, the ABC doesn't have ads. Shut the fuck up, Baldy. Shut the fuck up, Baldy.

Actually, that was a bit of a claim to fame. That's when I felt noticed for the first time ever. What? When you guys had some show on Channel 31, you did the Dum Dum show. Oh, yeah, yeah. Someone filmed a couple of these episodes and then put it on Channel 31.

Yeah, and then I... That's right. One of your ads was in the ad break for us, right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was working at Channel 31. I. And then I... That's right. One of your ads was in the ad break. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was working at Channel 31. I was in sales. Community TV. Trying to sell advertising.

Yeah. And once they said to me, they were like, oh, you're a funny actor. You should do this appliance, this secondhand appliances ad. Right? And I was like... And your eyes went, cha-ching. Yeah, yeah. And it was free. I just did it for free. I was like, you're always like cha-ching yeah and it was free i just did it for

free i was like there isn't huge money in second-hand appliance ads on channel 31 and they're looking at kappa going this cunt's never bought something new in his life yeah yeah it was so funny i was wearing this jumper that i always wore, this multicolored jumper. I wore it everywhere because I just had no other jumpers. And they're like, oh, cool jumper that you wore for the ad. And I'm like, yes, for the ad. But anyway, all these dumb, dumb listeners. I hadn't been on yet. Whatever.

I think I just was around my early days of being in Melbourne. And they said, oh, wow. or whatever. I think I just, I was around my early days of being in Melbourne and yeah and they said, oh wow, we saw Nick Capper on this saucepan. I mean this fucking second hand appliances ad. You got second hand appliances and a saucepan mixed up.

An ad for the saucepan. What else is in the kit? Not only saucepans, the saucepan. The saucepan. The only one. It's the Stonehenge of saucepans, the saucepan. The only one. That's the Stonehenge of saucepans. The saucepan. The saucepan.

This is the only one you need, and it's the only one in Melbourne. Yeah, there's one. It's like George Foreman's grill. Cabbage saucepan. Yeah, there's one. It's like George Foreman's grill. Cabbage sauce. Oh, man. Did any of you guys, I remember I was in a share house once and I... Once? Yeah, a few times. Most of my life, to be honest.

And my mum and dad bought me a George Foreman grill and we just cooked everything in it and just thought it was so fucking good. And it was the worst ever. Like looking back on it, it cooked things. It just dried them out so terribly. But just to think that my standard was so low. The George Foreman grill was like watching it knock the fat out. Did you see our reference in sitcoms?

You're like, this is famous. This is like having a celebrity chef cook for me. Yeah. Just turned everything into a waffle, basically. Just like squashed. Right. Yeah, exactly. Just squashed everything.

Yeah, you put a sausage in it, it's still like a waffle. Yeah, but I mean, were you a good cook anyway? Like, I remember when I first moved out, it wasn't even a joke. My housemates, when I'd make spaghetti, it wasn't even like an insult. It was just a taken term. They'd go, oh, are you making shit out of spaghetti tonight? Yeah. Because it wasn't like, oh, it's an insult. It was just a taken term. They'd go, oh, are you making shit out of spaghetti tonight? Because it wasn't like,

oh, it's an insult. It's like, your spaghetti fucking sucks. And it's like, the humour has been taken out of this. It's just a noun now. It's like,

oh, Chandler's shit out of spaghetti. Just a natural thing to say. Moving out and making, yeah, making pasta and thinking I was so la-di-da just because I wasn't using

like a Dolmio jar sauce. But I was literally just using tinned tomatoes. But feeling like that took it to the next level. That was my date move. If I had a girl around, I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll cook for you. And serving it up, not bad, huh? Just tinned tomatoes, pasta, and then a garnish of rocket on the top. That was like me with my first slow cooker meal.

Yeah. First slow cooker. It was the most dog shit thing. You just throw a heap of water and meat in there. It was like fucking la-di-da. Hey, baby, the most romantic meal ever. A stew. A stew.

Ooh, I'll ladle it all night. You know what the best meal is? The food that looks the same going in as it does going out All dolled up to come around Just like slopping this food Get ready to get seasick on this, baby Well, yeah, I've been back at the gym lately After the festival and stuff

Doing my best To keep this fucking going on Mate, you're looking great Thank you, I appreciate it Yeah But they're doing it So I do F45, which is like kind of different little themed classes every day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's fucked at my gym now. I'm off it. Because it's like, there's like such high turnover at those gyms where at mine, all of the trainers just left at once. And then there's just all new guys just turned up.

Oh, really? Something's happened. Oh, really? There's fucking bodies buried under the fucking bench press. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're just like passing it off like, like I just went in, just turned up literally overnight something's happened there's fucking bodies buried under the fucking bench press yeah right yeah yeah yeah and they're just like passing it off like

like I just went in everyone's different and they're like g'day Tommy I'm like who the fuck are you like they just because it's all

really familiar yeah they're just treating it like it's like they're all cults something's going on there's something when you go into

work at those places where they go this is it your name is the most important thing in your life absolutely so they train you

to fucking memorize the name of everyone. There's one trainer in there who the big thing that people know about at 45 that don't do it is like, oh,

you're all fucking high-fiving and shit at the end, aren't you? Yeah. And obviously that was like first on the chopping block in the pandemic. Like when it was like,

and then even being back, it's like, but there's one trainer in there who's just decided to go rogue and is clearly like, fuck this. It's time for the high fives to come back. And it's awesome watching her just do the lap of the room at the end of the session and like, yeah, great workout. And half the people are like.

Giving her elbows. Yeah. That's so funny they swapped out the. Just not really doing it. No notice. It's kind of like those movies, you know, the old TV series where they just swap out a character and then put a new whole new actor in

and just not even reference it hoping no one notices call them the same thing so funny if they weren't doing high fives they're like

fuck you guys we're moving you out to Goulburn they're working at F45 and fucking that's why they got the ass

in Wodonga yeah yeah yeah something's gone on something's gone on in there but they've got new workouts as well. And this fucking big one that started during the week that they hyped up,

that they clearly got some license for or whatever, the David Beckham workout. And so it was like a fucking punish. All week on their socials, it's like, here's a video of the great man himself doing the workout. Oh, they've got him doing it. They've got him doing it. So it's like they've paid for his name,

and he's like fucking cooked it up with the boffins in there or whatever yeah and the idea that this is like a better workout because supposedly they're all is he still jacked yeah yeah really yeah so i'd still get a would i get a donkey shaped uh cushion off of david beckham you're signing up to air 45 and only going in on the days that the Dave Beckham workout is on. Oh, sick. You're like, the guy you can trust. Okay, good. So we go in and it's like, it was like the first day of it and they're all like fucking pumped. And usually like, they get up at the start of the class and they just kind of talk you

through what the workout's going to be. But also, what a weird thing, because like David Beckham, in terms of, in world football terms, like he wasn't renowned for being like the fittest guy of all time or anything like that. Yeah. And he's not this fucking buffed Adonis. No. There's another one they brought in recently that was themed around,

I think his name's fucking Gunner. Is he the Kardashians trainer, I think? Maybe. I don't know. Okay, I guess there's some clout to that. Yeah. Naughty and I in lockdown, and we got the app,

the one that Chris Hemsworth won. Yeah. And it's so funny. It's we got the app, the one that Chris Hemsworth won. Yeah. And it's so funny. It's got this dude, right? It was really funny because, you know, the dude was like, he's got the guy who trains Chris Hemsworth or whatever. And he's this nugget, this little nuggety guy. And you're like, this guy's not going to bring the heat.

Yeah. Then he made us do bear crawls for like so long that we just all passed out. Like we couldn't fucking handle it. Like this guy is ruining us. Like it was just mostly bear crawls. Like give me a break from the bear crawls. They're ruining me. I trained with Hemsworth's trainer

when we were in the Gold Coast. When we filmed that Spiderhead movie, like there was... So very briefly, you were in a movie with Chris Hemsworth. Yeah. That isn't out yet. Yeah.

So it might be just a story you're telling us. So what's that? It might be just a story that you're telling us. Oh, I made this movie in Queensland with Chris Hemsworth. Where is it?

I don't say it like that. It's a secret one. It's called Girl Who Goes To Another School. So you guys wouldn't know. Apparently it is coming out you can google it spider head

but like if you blink you'll miss me basically anyway but no but it is a it's the coolest

scene I've ever seen it is pretty cool it's got who's the other Miles Teller Miles Teller who's fucking cool as shit

Chris Hemsworth in a speedboat right yeah 90s to the side playing the bodyguard right the bodyguard

of Chris Hemsworth. Yeah, except he's like way more jacked because he was like doing Thor. Oh, whatever, man. He looks puny. He was like fucking massive. Yeah. Anyway. We know.

He was cool. We assumed. Yeah. And you're there to protect him from Miles Teller? He's good with his hands. Yeah. He's brought out the drums. Fucked. Oh, no. He's good with his hands. He's brought out the drums. I know, he's good at pressure points.

Dude, it's always the small security guards you've got to look out for, though. Really? Yeah, well, you know, you see like big jacks. Psycho. Psycho security. It's like, if I ever see a skinny security guard, I'm like, oh, that dude can fucking blow.

Oh, yeah. He knows what's up. What is it you're going to put? Yeah. Yeah. It's like a mystery between. Those guys are in there to pull people apart when they're going for it, you know? Yeah, yeah. He knows what's up. We'll see if you're going to put it, yeah. Yeah. It's like a mystery between. Those guys are in

there to pull people apart when they're going for it, you know. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. You never see the Incredible Hulk do a

roundhouse or some shit, do you? No, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always the

little guy. They're just springy like, how do they jump that fucking high? So you're training with Hemsworth's trainer?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in the, he took us in because Chris had his own sort of area. He had his own whole thing. Yeah, oh, sorry. What are you all going to say? What are you going to say to Chris Hemsworth the whole fucking time? You're in a situation where you can't win. If you don't talk about it, it's like, ooh.

Bloody hell. Is that Hemmo's bench, is it? Yeah. Just keep telling us the story, you fucking hunk. As I call him, as I call him Little Chris. Hemo's bench, is it? I am. Just keep telling us the story, you fucking stupid hunk. As I call him Little Chris. Hey, Little Chris, got your own little bitch area, do you? Anyway, I went outside and I tried to get into his car.

I realised it wasn't his car, it wasn't my car. Yeah, we were training with him. He's a fucking psycho, that little dude. He's like a Zocco, I think his name is, if you see him on yeah they always have some crazy name yeah i don't know if that's his real name but yeah like of course you train chris hemsworth this is my trainer zocco yeah yeah yeah you can't be wayne can you yeah but i did um yeah f45 stuff i did an f the only F45 I've ever done was in Encinitas and it was like what's that

it's in it's in California right over in California so Chris flew you over I flew over to see my ex who dumped me like

soon after that so anyway yeah Chris fuck you guys are good at roasting Fuck I'll tell you what happened You lulled me in with a false sense of fear

Oh Ben's really muscly You fucking piece of shit You kissed a man Yes 12 years mate You fucking Yeah you would have fucking You would have fucking

Slip walked through an F45 You would have even broken a through an F-45. You would have even broken a sweat. No, because they were psycho over there. You got an EF-55? Yeah, they're fucking psycho. Like, if you think Australia's bad, because I'd heard about the Aussie ones. I went over to the American ones. They had a DJ in there playing.

Oh, they do that here sometimes. Do they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The DJ was, was I reckon 150 kilo and he's like I was doing sit ups and he

so weird him just looking down at me trying to play these like playing fucking Genuine or whatever he's playing yeah and I'm just doing sit ups

looking at this fat dude looking down at me like oh man that's fucking that's cool he's like should have stayed on the decks brother yeah yeah

he's just like I don't have to do any of this shit. He's fucking laughing at me as well. You're doing reps. I'm doing reps. I'm still getting the ladies. Fucking suck. This Beckham workout,

it's so funny because normally they get up and they just will give you a bit of an... They'll demo the class for you. So they'll kind of go around all the stations and just be like, then you're doing this exercise and this exercise

takes like five minutes but because this is like the big David Beckham workout and it's the first like day of it they've got a little fucking video message from Beckham

so they're like yeah you know got a little mate and the fucking build up to it it was like we were in preschool it's like yep got a little friend who just wanted to pop in

and rev you guys up hang on hang on. Is it Rumpelroom Styles? He, like, named all of you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Has he got, like, a clip of, Hi, Tommy. A bit, like, badly dubbed over,

like, a really different voice. And they're like, And, yeah, here he is. And then, like, they hit play. And there's these screens all around the gym, but they're just for, like, what the exercises are as you're doing them. Yeah.

So they start playing it, and the sound's coming out of it, but they, like for like what the exercises are as you're doing them so they start playing it and the sound's coming out of it but they like never play sound out of these TVs so it's just like it's fucking whisper like you can't hear him

at all so then no that's just David Beck yeah yeah I was gonna say that's a really little voice yeah yeah ah g'day everyone

it's gonna be a hell of a workout today so then the trainer's just sweating like that you know no one can hear it and he's like he just starts riffing

he's like ah basically he's just saying that he's on his way here he's stuck in traffic and uh you know he'll be here to sign autographs and get photos i like i kind of loved it like just up there doing crowd work just sweating before the workout i was like right fuck this guy's pulled something off on his feet like you've got it you know a fucking personal trainer too like you gotta you know you gotta even coming up with that on the spot is pretty admirable given the fucking profession. Yeah, but you know he's a,

like, it's the same as comedy. He's done, how many sessions that day? He's done that to six shows already. He's done the same thing. I never thought of that. He's a rope by this point.

Yeah. He's at the end of his festival run, baby. It's good. It did come off a little bit too, yeah,

too polished. Yeah, the fake improv. Yeah, yeah. You like fall over and then you try and like recreate it the next the fake improv yeah you're like fall over and then you try and like recreate it the next day yeah that's what we need a personal trainer to the

open mic scene yeah that's what we really need right now yeah i shouldn't have given it up so much i probably probably encouraged him he's turned you into just a punter again the magic yeah the magic of improv maybe that's where all the other trainers went they all just like i laughed at their fucking shit jokes at the top of the workouts and they're like, you know what, that's all good. It'd be cool if...

Well, maybe they sacked them all because they weren't as good as improv and they're bombing with their improv going, oh, you can't hear Beckham but he's... I don't know.

Oh, you guys are all cunts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of here. They're going to like the... They're going to the groundlings and just like picking up personal trainers from the gym.

You can run a gym. It's like, can you do, you know, have you got a six pack and can you yes and? Yes, exactly. They're the two things.lings and just picking up personal trainers. You could run a gym. It's like, have you got a six-pack and can you yes and? They're the two things. It'd be cool if other companies, like other businesses, got behind this, like with soccer players or whatever. You go to the pub and it's got the George Best workout. Hello, I'm George Best. Today we're going to start with 40 pints.

Yeah, yeah. Fuck, that would rule. I love that you know George Best. That's such a fucking sick reference. Yeah, we watched the documentary together. Really? Didn't we watch the story of George Best? Nah, don't think so.

Yeah. It was 30 for 30. Guys, stop fighting. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I can't see you getting too worked up about this. Dude, gym culture's the fucking best. I love it. The Beckham workout in the end,

it just ends up being, it's like fucking any other workout. The big difference was usually your sets are either like 20 seconds, 30, 45 or a minute. This one was one set of 23 seconds and another set of 32 seconds. Only the twisted mind of David Beckham could cook up a fucking timing structure like that.

But then we get to the end, get to the end of the workout. It was like, you know, it was fine. It was like some kind of newish exercise in there. I was like, oh, that's pretty good. And then, you know, going like, fuck yeah, got through that. Cool. We're done now. Go home, cook some dinner. Workout ends. And then a thing comes up on the screen. Extra time. They're like, guess what guys? A little secret. Extra

three minute continuous workout of like high knees and fucking burpees and shit. And I'm there going like, you know, I'm not into soccer. I have no opinion about the man one way or the other. But I'm there going, Beckham, you fucking cunt. I fucking hate him now. Why couldn't they have got Eric Cantona to come in and work for F45? I'm there going like, fuck this cunt.

Like the idea that that was his little it's like let's fucking trick him let's think they're good like the Maradona workout would have been a lot easier

there would have been like you know it's not hard lines it would have been white lines but also to add to this it's not until the extra time that

I realised like the night before I'd done the gym I'd gone I'd come home and then I'd just like gone and started cooking dinner I was like still in my gym stuff and my girlfriend was in the kitchen with me'd come home, and then I'd just gone and started cooking dinner. I was still in my gym stuff.

Yeah. And my girlfriend was in the kitchen with me while I was cooking and just fucking around. At one point, she's peeled the label off this bottle of olive oil that I was using, and she'd stuck it to my gym shirt that I was wearing. Yeah. And I've just kind of left it there and kept chatting and stuff, and then gotten up the next day, gone to the gym, and just thrown the shirt on, and did not notice until the end of the workout that i've got this fucking big just olive oil sticker like stuck to my chest like they're sponsoring me like i'm a fucking

like just and you've got to think like they've looked at they've looked at the attendance and gone das like okay it's in his culture i guess i guess this is a thing just coming in and seeing just fucking extra virgin this c chest. It's like, this cunt is not taking this seriously. But I do love that they think, like they've seen your name and then somehow

they've found out that's not your real name. Like they've checked your account, your bank account details, it's Thomas Alsop. You've come in with Tommy Daslow, they're like, what the fuck's going on here?

And then you've got a sticker for virgin olive oil on your finger. I was like, wow. You are really pushing this through. I like that you think I'm using my stage name at the gym. I'm fully committing.

No, I have a third fake name for when I'm working out. Tommy Muscles. Tommy Trustwood. I'm so jacked. I have a different alias for everything I do in my life. No, Tommy Muscles is good. Tommy Muscles is my name. I'll log into my account and see if I can in my life. No, Tommy Muscles is good. Tommy Muscles is fucking sick.

That is good. Fuck, mate. I'll log into my account and see if I can change my name. Please change to Tommy Muscles. Just change the sticker on your singlet next time and have muscles. Muscles, yeah. Can you please draw a shirt up of Tommy Muscles? Tommy Muscles.

Okay. I'll get some branded gear. I'll wear a Tommy Muscles shirt to the gym. It would be fucking awesome to go into the gym with just like fucking patches all over you, just like full Formula One driver sponsorship just all over you just for your workouts. Like, yeah, mate, got Latina on board for this one. Not too bad.

Tommy Muscles. Getting sponsored by fucking olive oil brands and shit like that. My favourite dude at the gym at the moment is, when I first saw him, Caps has seen him, he had like this hairstyle off to the side he had like a mohawk that was sort of going off to the side and i was like what a fucking that's what a dickhead whatever and then he laid down on the bench press and i saw him like from the top of his head and what happened he's got a big bald patch in the middle of his head and so he just grew the mohawk around the bald patch

and then straight down the back of the head and I was like what a fucking king I tell you what when you're going bald the shit you think you're getting away with

and then you make the call to like shave your head and you look back at photos being like oh my god I really thought I was getting away with that

that is fucking that is a disaster it's kind of like he highlighted it yeah yeah I was going to say that's not hiding it yeah yeah it's a show. It's kind of like he highlighted it. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say, that's not hiding it. Yeah, yeah. It's a showpiece.

It's life finds a way shit, you know? That's the kind of guy you watch if he was a security guard. Yeah, totally. Total bravery. Yeah. Does not care. Yeah. Fuck.

Yeah. That guy, that's the kind of guy you want to be in a disaster with, in a zombie situation. Totally. That guy's running out to get food. Absolutely. Improvise it. Overcome. Yeah, totally. It's fucking sick. Man, it's so funny with the Tommy Muscles thing.

I remember one time I went to get a pizza with my brother and he hates it because I always do something embarrassing or whatever. And they said, oh, what name would you like it under? And Domino's. And I said, Total Madness. That's so sick. You've ordered under a record that actually exists that's a compilation album of the best hits of madness.

So you've ordered under the name of an album that comprises of fucking, what are the names of their songs? Fucking My House. Yeah, My House. It must be love. My House in the middle of their songs? My House. Yeah, My House. It must be love. My House in the middle of the street. You're like, whoa, this is madness.

Please call me Total, Mr. Madness with my father. And yeah, I ran into an acquaintance, like a friend of my ex-girlfriend's or whatever, and I'd just started out comedy years before, and I said, oh, yeah, no, things are going good. I'm working at Flight Centre now. I'm not doing comedy as much. I've got a job and stuff. No, things are going good.

I'm working at Flight Centre. Which one is it? Yeah, which one won't I book my holiday at? And then she just interrupted by, total madness, your pizza is ready. What was the pizza? And then is it then one medium margarita? Oh, my God.

I was going to say, that's the best follow-up to the order of total madness. All right, well, we'd better wrap it up for another week. Let's go. Let's go. 60 seconds now. Nick Capper, me and you are officially going to Bangkok with Brett Blake and Milan.

You've got 60 seconds to convince Tommy Daslow to come along because at the moment, it's just a bunch of middle-aged men going to Bangkok for no good reason. If we can somehow... If we bring Tommy... It'll change everything. If we can somehow convince Tommy can somehow If we can somehow Tommy We can do a podcast I think that makes us More of an accomplice

A sexy sorority Low as the median age No no It doesn't fix the age It fixes the The intent It's Somehow

It's Somehow it's better If we do a podcast It's less embarrassing To do a podcast in Bangkok Than just to be in Bangkok As four men How is that less embarrassing I know It's a It's a close It's less embarrassing to do a podcast in Bangkok than just to be in Bangkok as four men how is that

less embarrassing I know it's a close call I remember I was recording a podcast at my father-in-law's house

and I was like please don't walk in the room I was like this is more embarrassing than getting caught jerking off is that what

we would do in Bangkok? You're recording a podcast. Oh, quick, someone's watching us. Quick, someone suck off a ladyboy. Please, just someone jerk me off. I don't want to be caught with this mic in my hand. Tommy, please come because I'll have to babysit all of these guys.

When I'm the babysitter, it's bad, right? So you have to babysit me. Mate, you've had a tough year, cancer and everything. You go to Bangkok in November, and I want you to have the cancer put into perspective and realize that it wasn't really that bad. There's worse experience. Also, when did this become a business trip

you framed this that this was like a nice little nice little treat for you I know this is what you framed it as no no no yeah yeah yeah

no you were on board with this but no no it was it was originally but then I was like then it literally got to a point where I was like fuck how do I explain this how the fuck do I explain this one

after all the other ones I fucking had so I've I've oh you know what here's part two of this so dum dum con 22 is coming up in a couple of weeks and i talked about this on the show a few weeks ago where uh i have another week after my wife and child go home but they don't know about this yet and i'm like i just keep putting it off going i'll figure

something out i'll figure something out. I'll figure out an explanation of this. Because at the moment, they think we're going home at the same time or whatever. But my wife is now out of work and she's like, oh, if I don't get a job in time, how about we just extend the holiday?

And I'm like, yeah, maybe by a week. So this might still work out for me without having to make an excuse. You better hope she doesn't have a job till November yeah yeah yeah

yeah oh Carl you're still here great I'm just going to be hacking into her LinkedIn going pedophile yeah

yeah steals alright that's kind of like the new did someone say KFC like we're doing a podcast you know

it's okay I don't care It's kind of like the new, did someone say KFC? Like, we're doing a podcast. I don't care. I love it. Honey, yeah, I was with another woman. We're doing a podcast. I don't care. All right, we'd better wrap it up there for another week. Thank you, Nighty, and thank you, Kappa, for joining us. Things to plug.

Kappa, you've got your special Pork Palace that people can go online and watch. Yeah, it's on YouTube now. Oh, it's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. If heaps of dum-dum listeners could watch it, that'd be great, because it's only on, like, 1,600 views. So it's free now. Probably a lot of you bought it, to be honest.

But, yeah, it's free. Pork Palace, YouTube. And it's be honest. It's free. Pork Palace YouTube. It's actually good. It's the only thing I'll say that I've ever done that's good. I love that. Kathy goes, it's actually good and Carl goes, it was professionally filmed. Let's clarify what good means.

In the context of good, yes. Parts of it are good. The pantheon of good. This meal was prepared in a nice-looking kitchen. As I say, three cameras. You had a boom as well. We had a boom, yes. The sound, yeah.

One for each punchline. A crane, yeah. But yeah, it looks great. It's a lot of your best material so yeah go watch it check that out Nighty what are you doing what am I doing

just jump on my Instagram big red ben night you've got your own podcast yeah I just started my own podcast oh that's right yeah it's called teacher yarns but like it's just dad kicking off about teaching bullshit

and me trying to reign him in he's an old yeah 60 year old man just trying to work out fucking podcasting. Oh, man, he's so good. He's really good.

We FaceTimed the other day, and he just left the mic on, like, over the iPad, so it was going into his microphone. So I had to go through and cut out all his. Fuck that. I'm so fucking old, Dad. Learn how to. I don't know, you told me to bloody not plug it in. I was like, fuck.

All right, mate. All right, mate. Yeah. He's just a boomer and his son talking shit. All right. Check that shit out. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

And they've done it again. Whoop-de-doo. We kicked a big one, Bernie. Yep. Good shit. Yeah. Fun one. we pulled we uh broke capper at a hospital yep smuggled him out in a basket of dirty laundry well we were in the hospital we were patch addamsing it oh right right pod adams pod adams yeah um good stuff a good pun

yeah fixing him up and making everyone else around us sick. That's it. That's exactly it. Fun stuff. Good on Kappa. Feeling a bit better at the moment. Our wishes are with him, obviously. And hopefully he's on the way up and up very, very, very soon.

And you'll be seeing him on stages nationwide, hopefully. But sounds all very positive at the moment, which is good. Good to have him back on the pod. Good fun time. Fortunately, Ben Knight's got a week to live, so whatever. Weird that we didn't get into that. And also, by the time people are hearing this, we recorded it like three weeks ago. Sorry, guys.

It's a tribute. It's a tribute episode. Don't bother following him on those socials that we mentioned, because there'll be a null and void. Unless the relatives take it over and turn it into a little tribute. That's always not weird, isn't it? I like that when it'll pop up on the algorithms. I'll get a tweet from John Lennon. Oh, yeah, Johnny?

What are you up to? Has he got the blue tick? Yeah. How? Yeah. Because it's not him. How? That is a weird one.

That's not allowed. Just tweet it going like, look How? That is a weird one. That's not allowed. Yeah. Just Twitter going like, look, all due respect, a legend. And, you know, it's like this is the estate running it or whatever else. But we can't in good – I mean, this throws the whole blue tick thing into fucking disarray. Yes. And it is a little bit weird where it's like, what are you – would John have wanted this to go? Would John have been on Twitter?

Or more importantly, what's he flogging? Yeah. I mean, he would have been given Get Back a Bit of a Run a couple of months ago. Maybe. Maybe pushing that for Disney. Good on him helping out. I reckon there's probably not too much of that. I reckon, you know, maybe I'm wrong.

I don't know if Yoko's really into, you know. I think she's focusing on the solo stuff rather than the group effort. Yeah, okay. I don't know if Yoko's really into... I think she's focusing on the solo stuff rather than the group effort. Yeah, okay. I think there'd be like a red vinyl fucking double fantasy to flog or something like that. But then also, who's the Beatles fan that's like not following the plug of just the At The Beatles account? But it's like, you know what? It wasn't until John himself started plugging this doco that I thought, I'd better give this a look. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Look, I can't say that I'm inside the mind of Yoko Ono no our comedy is quite different from each other yeah yeah yeah but

yeah fun app Kappa Kappa in good form despite being off the stage

and off that sort of way of thinking I guess for a little bit but very positive man yeah is Nick Kappa every time I've talked to him about any of this sort of way of thinking, I guess, for a little bit. But a very positive man is Nick Capa. Every time I've talked to him about any of this sort of stuff, it's all been extremely, extremely positive. It's the outlook you want.

It's a lesson for us all. Absolutely. But also another lesson for us all is that if you want extra content, you can get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Get yourself two bonus episodes every week. Who knows?

Maybe there's some coming up with these very guests that you just heard that were a lot of fun as well. Exactly. Yes. So you get that. And, of course, look, the original idea of even getting on Patreon at the start was, you know, we did five years or so of anything absolutely fucking very, very close to nothing. Yep. Off doing this podcast.

And there was a lot of people back then that were just like, how do we give you money without, you know, we don't want to wear your fucking T-shirt. No. And we absolutely do not want to come and see you live. No. Is there some way that we can give you money to keep making this show without having to see you or have anything really to do with you?

And then we finally created, well, we didn't create Patreon, but we got on Patreon. And I bet you that still a fair few of those people that were saying that were like, no, thanks. Yeah, maybe, maybe. But anyway, you can. Is there another way that I can maybe, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is there a way I can support you without money and seeing you and even giving you a compliment? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just tell. There's something else. I think those were the people that when we were like, right, listen to the little Dunlop Club on toilet walls. That was when those people really came to life.

Right. Finally, a way of giving back. But still. It suits me. You know there's still people going, oh, yeah, I was going to get around to that. Yeah. Who shits with a biro? Really.

If I get caught, I'll get kicked out of the pub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's embarrassing. It is. Very few people walk around with a pen on get kicked out of the pub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really embarrassing. It is. Very few people walk around with a pen on themselves, I would have thought. That's true, yeah. So, yeah, I get it. But it's really a thing that you've got to do.

You've got to plan out and at some stage in the morning go, I must remember to pick up that text because when I take a shit, I'm going to write a podcast name on a wall. I'm going to do a plug. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do a podcast name on a wall. I'm going to do a plug. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do two plugs. But hey, feel free to do that, by the way, guys.

Always happy to have the name out there. So if you want to bring that back, some of those ads could have been wiped over by now. Scrapped over, yeah. Yeah. So get onto it. Toilet walls. Even your own toilet wall.

So when visitors come to your own house. Just remind yourself to listen to the latest episode. Yeah, the rest of your family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any visitors, your mum and dad come to stay for the weekend. I think that's good. The bigger the better. But to every one of you that are actually on board already,

thank you very much. To all existing Patreon members, if you have let it lapse, please get it back on. Love that shit. Yeah. Now, we are going to... We need to say thanks. Yes.

To some people who listen. We're doing this. It's late in the eve. We can't be fucking around here for too long. Might be a few names less than we normally do. Yes. Apologies if so. We're also recording this.

It's not unfair to say that we've done about four episodes in a week or so, plus talking dumb. It's very fair to say that. Yeah. about four episodes in a week or so, plus Talking Dumb Dumbs. It's very fair to say that because it's accurate. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for not tarnishing me with an unfair label. Two Talking Dumb Dumbs, four episodes, a few bonuses as well. Yep.

Yep. We're on fumes at the moment. Yep. Exactly. That's why this... Look, this is going to be... I was going to say this is why this mightn't be as good. I would say this is going to be amazing.

And despite the fact we're on our last legs, that's how good we are. Yep. That's why you should be subscribing. All right, let's crack in. Let's do some names of people that have never been read out on the show, probably. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

First game off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers who came off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Chris Wishy. Okay. W-I-S-H-Y. Wishy. Chris Wishy. Wishy Washy. Chris Wishy. It's a cool name, but you would have gotten that. You would have just

gotten Wishy Washy, which is kind of a bit of a diss. Maker Wishy. Maker Wishy. Chris Maker Wishy. yep maker maker maker makery wishery that's pretty funny yeah like the thing for fucking kids with cancer maker maker that's a classic australian formulation of a nickname yeah we go this guy's it's like a setup to a joke it's like a knock knock joke well that you don't know is a joke it's like a maker what's going on maker maker maker okay i'll ask why maker why is he called maker last name wishy maker wishy ah okay yeah yeah so if chris hasn't chris hasn't got that i'm i'm hoping chris has been on a on a work site he's had he's worn a

bit of uh high vis in his life. He's copped that one. Yeah. Either that or, like you said, wishbone. The greatest minds in this country. I'm not even saying that to be facetious. I mean it. Yes. Well, I guess, yeah, it's that thing where you...

In a specific area, of course. Yes. Well, they're doing a lot of stuff with their bodies and hands, and there's a lot of brain power sitting there. Unused, and that's where it's coming out. That's where it goes. How can we make that cunt over there sound like a bit shit? Something stupid.

Yeah, yeah. That's what it's coming out as. Thank God. Chris Wishy. Very, again, I love this where it's like, never heard of that as a nickname in my entire life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, me either.

Wishy. Yeah. That's the best bit about this part of the show. You get to learn what sort of fucking dumb names there are going around the joint. Yep. And then have forgot about them within 24 hours of recording. Maximum. Yes.

Absolute max. All right. I'm looking up this guy right now. Yeah, what are you getting? What are you getting for Wishy? What's the origins of Wishy? Well, I'm looking this this guy right now. Yeah, what are you getting? What are you getting for Wishy? What's the origins of Wishy? Well, I'm looking this guy up on Facebook. Okay.

And he is from Melbourne. Okay. Good for him. Yeah. Beautiful city. Yeah. I was there today. I mean, I'd like to go there one day.

Yeah. I was walking around in that goddamn CBD today. Oh, what did you see? What did I see? Yeah. What did I see in the city? In the CBD, yeah. I saw my parents.

We were walking around with a lot of other people, and you were all sort of of the same opinion that things have got to change or anything like that? Oh, yeah. That you should be allowed into pubs without having a certain certificate? Is that what was going on? Well, yeah. I mean, there were a lot of us that were out the front of this restaurant going,

we should be allowed inside that restaurant. And the restaurant was like, yeah, come on in. Oh, okay. You've got a reservation. Oh, okay. Oh, that's good. I was doing a delayed Mother's Day with my parents

because I was in Sydney while Mother's Day was actually happening. Oh, man. You know what? You know what I did about Mother's Day? I forgot to ring my mum

on Mother's Day. Very, felt very ill. That's bad. It is very bad, isn't it? That's really. Very, felt very ill. That's bad. It is very bad, isn't it? That's really bad. It's really bad. That's, I reckon, that's as bad as it gets. I know.

And here's the weird thing is that I honestly ring my mum every day. Right. I ring her every day. Right. Except for Mother's Day. So how, because presumably, did you organise like a Mother's Day thing for your wife? Yes. So there was Mother's Day stuff going on in the house?

Yes. And then also presumably, here on the socials, it's like every councillor, he's my hot mum. You're getting the barrage. It was a busy day because it was like so I got up very hungover from a from a night out before then straight into the cooking lunch for

my wife and bringing in the child into it and making it a big to do and then it was a day of look you know given we've just had

Capra on the pod it was a day it was it was a bit down so I went out with him had a big walk and chat and blah, blah, blah. I had that. I had a lot of – what was it? There was someone – oh, a mate I hadn't talked to forever rang me up

and I talked to him for about an hour. So to me, it was like, oh, man, this day is so chockers. This is crazy. And then went to bed at like 11 and then went, oh, my fucking God. Fuck. Because I was going to be in sydney and i'd said that to my parents and that's happened before where i've like you know been away doing a gig you know you say yes to something that's out of town and it's like months

in advance and then it's like oh fuck that's going to be mother's day that's brutal and i was like oh look oh you know we'll do something when i get back i did offer to actually fly my parents up to sydney i was like why don't you come up we'll do something when I get back. I did offer to actually fly my parents up to Sydney. I was like, why don't you come up? We'll have a weekend up there. And they didn't want to do that. Dad's on the phone to me before I go. And he's like, look, thanks very much for the offer. We'll just do something when you get back.

And he's like, but look, on the day, just give mum a call. Because he's like, you know, men, we don't really care about this kind of stuff. But women, you know, they really care about it. I'm like, you don't really need to get the concept of calling your mom on mother's day across the line for me like i get it yeah and then in spite of all that i'm up in sydney you know doing my show i kind of get up i'm like by myself and it did get until it was lunchtime like i thought i'll be you know went to bed gone first thing up give mom a call and it was a bit of like maybe the eighth post i'd seen of someone posting a photo of their mom going like yeah cool your mom's not on instagram she doesn't fucking care that i was

like oh shit i should like it did there could have very easily been a scenario where it got away from me yeah you could have been me i could have been you and thank god i'm not yeah so 11 p.m so then what do you do because then you've like you can't do anything no but that's what i meant but i mean when you've done something like that or you've forgotten someone's birthday or whatever it is you you do then have to make contact and do something but you've got to like what do you do you get her on the phone the next day and you're like are you just going straight into it eating humble pie or yeah yeah so well look the other excuse i had was it's not an excuse but at the very least we'd done sort of not i was going to go and see her for Mother's Day, but then it was like there was another

day, a couple of days before, that opened up where my wife could come as well. Right. But she couldn't come on Mother's Day, so I was like, all right, well, let's do that. Yep. Great. So we had been up on a, you know, look, I can't say it's a Mother's Day thing, but it was to see them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Two days early. Sure, sure. So it was sort of like a little bit of a combo, but it was to see them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two days early. Sure, sure. So it was sort of like a little bit of a combo, but I still didn't do the thing on the day. Probably like subconsciously your brain's kind of gone, all right, that's happened. Yeah. So then the next morning. So it was 11 p.m., can't do anything about it. Next morning, I'm like, right.

Fuck, that's, like having to go to bed with that in the dark is like a fucking nightmare. Felt ill. Yeah. So then wake up the next morning and go, right. Now, I can't ring her too early because then all of a sudden it's compounding it because I'm waking her up to go, oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I've got you out of bed to do that. So I got to about 8.30 and I'm like, I'm pretty sure she's up now.

Yep. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt if I sleep in, all that sort of stuff. Then you know what I did? Ring her. Then it rings three four times whatever picks up immediately hangs up and i'm like fuck oh don't tell me yeah and i'm like she's dark on you yeah i'm like no i'm like my mom's pretty good with stuff like like with anything pretty understanding yeah that sort of thing yeah and i'm like oh no i've got i've

got her to breaking point this is it yeah i've actually broken her and then i'm like oh and then sort of like ringing a fucking ex-girlfriend or something it's like oh yeah do i ring straight away or do i give her five minutes or whatever so i was like i gave her five minutes and then gave five minutes but then doubled down went all right here we go ring her ring her on a video call yep me and the and the baby and the child yeah yeah yeah so it's like bring out the big guns yeah exactly yeah so she answers boom it's me and blanket straight away going ha um blankets on here to say sorry for a silly daddy for forgetting to ring yesterday and mum's like yeah it's fine i don't care you know i was like oh what about you hung up before and she's like i thought you rang

me and hung up oh okay it's just like a weird fucking connection between here and marabara right right right we cop all the time so i was like oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i was like yeah i don't care she's like you ring me every day i'm like yeah yeah that's good but the minute you were like oh it doesn't matter then you'd me every day. I'm like, yeah, yeah. That's good. But the minute you were like, oh, it doesn't matter, then you'd be in trouble. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, it's better to be, like, eating humble pie and have them be like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But still, it's like, oh, because I just remember. Because she, well, yeah, however she's hooked up. But I do, I very distinctly remember ringing her for her birthday, like, years and years and years ago. And her going, yeah, great. Yeah, your dad hasn't remembered that it's my birthday, but, and I'm like,

oh, what happened when you told him? And she's like, oh, I'm not going to tell him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, so she's a big one for that,

like, oh, just like, wait for you, wait for you to come back. Just, just walk into my trap and then go,

okay, yeah, no worries, okay. So, anyway, look, I think, yeah, no worries, okay. Anyway, look. Thanks, Chris Wish. Yeah, I think we're okay.

You're all right. I think we're all right. Again, I've rung her every day since then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll be fucking, yeah, she'll be screening you and just leaving you on read. Well, I was going to say, she probably thought that was a good present. It's like, finally, I don't have to fucking hear from this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good, great. Bring on Mother's Day again. Let's like, finally, I don't have to fucking hear from this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, great. Bring on Mother's Day again. Let's have another one. Thanks, Chris Wishy. Thanks, Chris Wishy. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adam Holland.

Okay. Holland days. Yeah, yeah. This is his Holland day right now. Yeah. You're talking about Australian nicknames.

This guy. Dutchie. Surely. Dutchie. Surely. Dutchie? Yeah. That's what happens there, isn't it? We go Holland days. It's on Eggs Benedict.

Benno! Yeah. Is Adam a Dutch name? I have no idea. It just feels like a Dutch name to me. It's giving Dutch. It's getting... It's feeling Dutch to me. It's giving Dutch. It's getting... It's feeling Dutch to me.

But it's not. It's close. It's not? Is it Danish? I mean, I guess this is a silly question. Is Adam a Dutch name? Adam's the first name, apparently. Oh, yeah.

So, yeah. Was the Garden of Eden in Deutschlandland you know what hasn't kicked on considering like adam plenty of adams around yep not heaps of eves considering considering apparently it was the first name yeah you'd think it'd get a better go than what it does there's a couple yeah there's a couple around there i know a couple of eves. Do you? Yeah. I don't reckon I, I reckon I, I reckon I've met one or two in my life maybe. Good name. Yeah,

fine. Yeah. Yeah. Not bad. Got a bit of history behind it. I mean, it's, that's the problem with it though is similar to Adam is like, I would worry if I gave a child that name that,

um, that people would, the assumption would be that you some kind of, that it's a, that it's a religious thing. And I would not, I would hate that. Right. What, would you think that about Adam though?

Not really. Adam weirdly, yeah, but I mean there would be a certain kind of person that would be wired that way, that would go, oh yeah, like from the Bible. What about all the people called, just there's so many people called Jesus. It's a fucking pretty popular name. Jesus? Yeah. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah. It's not a lot of gods. Jesus? Yeah. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it?

Yeah. It's not a lot of gods, but a lot of that. Do you think you would be allowed to call your child God? Is there anyone called God? I wonder if that's allowed. Like, surely, like when you're filling out the birth certificate at the hospital, like, cunt, are you for real? Yeah.

You're absolutely taking the mick here. Yeah. You really, yeah, it's a tough one to grow up with, I'd say. There's a lot of expectation. You know, there's plenty of, we've talked about plenty of names where it's like, oh, well, you call your kid that and good luck at school. Yep.

But this is, yeah, there's a lot to it. That's the worst of it for sure, yeah. I mean, there's not a lot. On both ends of the spectrum, there's not a lot of gods. There's not a lot of Adolphs going on either. No, yep. Two ends of the spectrum. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, I mean, if anyone out there knows of a god, please let us know. Well, no, the more interesting thought exercise is what's there more of are there more gods or adolfs yeah you know actually you know what's you know what's good is that uh there are people called godfrey now that should be the abbreviation or yeah or is it that we don't know about i don't know yeah yeah yeah if you knew you're godfrey you just called him god that's good i do love the idea of someone who's like just loves the name adolf they're like having a kid. They're like, I don't give a fuck.

It's a good name. It's a family name. It's a nice sounding name. My great-great-grandfather was called that. His last name was Hitler. What's the big deal? What's the bits? Put away, separate the art from the artist.

Just look at the name phonetically. It's a good name. It's history. Yeah. Yeah. But we're getting far away from Adam Holland, obviously. But yeah, a lot of... So his last name's Holland.

If you got to pick a surname that was a country, what's the best country as a surname? Good question. Africa. Tommy Africa. It's not a country. Oh, fuck Good question. Africa. Tommy Africa. It's not a country. Oh, fuck. You're right.

I like it. I'll accept it. I need to get a full list of countries up in front of me. Okay. List of countries. So you have to- The dumbest Google search. Yeah, Google.

What are countries? Okay. Alphabetical list of countries. I'm just going to scroll right down and kind of get one at random. What have we got? What about, so you've got to have, the trick is you've got to have Tommy. Tommy Morocco. Tommy Chad?

Tommy Morocco. Okay, Tommy Morocco, so that's your name. Mine, can I have one? Yep. Carl Bahamas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Yep.

That's good. That's pretty good. Carl Bahamas. Carl Slovakia. No. Carl China? I don't mind that. That's all right.

Tommy Tanzania. Oh, yeah. TT. I like that. Yep. Tommy Fiji. I like that. Tommy Fiji is good. Yeah. TT. I like that. Yeah. Tommy Fiji. I like that. Tommy Fiji is good.

Yeah. Yeah. Do we have brain damage? What is this game? Just both of us looking at a list of countries and putting our names on the star. Carl Iraq. Carl Iraq. Tommy Trinidad.

Yeah. That's actually not bad. See, that's what I need to be doing. That is actually good. Carl Kenya. See, that's something. Yeah. Carl Kuwait. It sort of sounds like that's something. Yeah. Carl Kuwait.

It sort of sounds like Carl can wait. Yep, yep. Yeah? Yep. Tommy, Tommy. See, Tommy always goes better. Carl's like, one syllable, it's a bit curt. Yeah.

So Tommy goes with something else way better. Tommy North Korea. There you go. There you go. That's good. Tommy Philippines. Yep. Tommy St. Kitts and Nevis.

I've never heard of that as a country. Calcutta. Calcutta. Calcutta. Man, that's fun. That's good. That's fun to say. That's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calcutta. Calcutta. Oh, here we go. Carl Uruguay. Yes. Woo! Tommy Tonga. There. There weay. Yes. Woo! Tommy Tonga.

There. There we go. Yep. Tommy Tonga. That's it. That's the one. Tommy Tonga. I'm not going to get anything as good as that.

Yeah, that's good. Yep, that's the winner. Carl Guinea. Carl Guinea. That's pretty good. I don't mind Carl Guinea. Thanks, Adam Holland. Thanks, Adam.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Stephanie Dalrymple. Oh, Dalrymple. Yeah. First Dalrymple we've ever had on the show. Is this all one word? D-A-L? Yes. Dalrymple?

D-A-L-R-Y-M-P-L-E. Yep. That's good. Quite a name. A lot going on there. Quite a name. A lot going on there. Quite a name. Dalrymple. When I saw the name there, I thought,

we better check to see if we've had one of these because I'm excited. Or I'm interested in what we would have said last time so we could say it again. But I couldn't imagine what it would be. Dalrymple Suits. Yeah, it's got a bit of business, some sort of brand name to it. It's a big name brand, Dalrymples. It is a big name brand. What are they selling?

What's Dalrymples? Is it a bit of confectionery or is it some sort of shoes maybe? Yeah, I think it's like a small grocery chain. Oh. Like one of those ones where you're in another part of the country or you're like in the country and you see this chain where you're like, I've never, you know when you see like a petrol station that you're like, I've never, it's clearly a chain. You're in the out.

I've never seen this before in my life. You're in the outer suburbs of Adelaide and you're like, look at these Dalrymples. Yeah. Yeah. That's our small supermarket. That's where we all get our petrol. Yeah. Yeah.

We don't go to Coles or Woolworths. We go to Dalrymple. Fuck them. We love Dalrymple. Do you guys not have this in Melbourne, Dalrymple's? Oh, wow. That's so weird. Okay.

I mean, you grow up here and you just assume that it's ubiquitous, that everyone in the country shops at Dalrymple. Yeah. Yeah. That's you, Stephanie. People coming back. Fuck, they do weird stuff over there. They got the fruit chocs.

They got the farmers union. They got the 24-Hour Bakeries. Oh, and get this. It's not called Woolworths. It's called Dalrymple. Yeah, yeah. It's the same logo. It's one of those ones where it's like the same logo.

It all looks the same. But it's just the title is different. Yeah, yeah. And they got their slightly weirder sort of things. It's like, you know how they've got like pineapple-flavored Coca-Cola? You know that. Yeah. No.

No. Oh, that's at Dalrymple's. Oh. Sorry, I'm from Adelaide originally. Yeah, No. No. Oh, that's at Dalrymples. Oh. Sorry, I'm from Adelaide originally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It must just be a Dalrymple thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You Melbourneites wouldn't understand.

We have our hot banana flavoured Coca-Cola. Yep. Classic. You go there, they warm it up for you. Yep. And then you put marshmallows in there. No, I have no fucking idea about this. Yeah.

Oh, God. Sorry. All right. Wow, I shouldn't have moved. Yeah. This big city have no fucking idea about this. Yeah. Oh, God. Sorry. All right. Wow, I shouldn't have moved. Yeah. This big city is going to eat me alive. Yeah. Yeah, I can see the cursive font now, Dalrymples.

Me too. I feel like it's in an oval as well. Yep. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that. You know who I miss? The tucker bag. Yeah.

I mean, was it swallowed up or just did it go did it go just flat out out of business and then someone else came and filled that gap or i have no idea it's yeah it seems like the sort of thing that would have been absorbed by one of the others i just thought it was cool that we had a um you know a supermarket with a little mascot yeah fucking and like the most low rent like oh yeah it's the bag from the supermarket right he talks yeah he's the mask he's the mascot he's the character they didn't design bother to design like a little fox or anything like that it's like oh you know just the bag that all your shit's in do you think he's talking to you yeah because it's like well

you can't have one of the items in the supermarket because you go well how do i relate to that like i don't i don't buy dishwashing liquid you know i just i just um you know just keep the dishes dirty fuck yeah there's always someone that doesn't relate to one of the products but the bag we're getting the bag well it's very of its time isn't it yeah well is that why we're getting the bath i mean it's it's very far beyond like it's well before the canvas bag craze kicking in but it's a shame they weren't around to see i reckon we would have seen the tucker bag rebranded and he would have had an ad where he's got like an adversarial canvas bag you know because he's getting chucked out every time i mean it is a grim character where you assume well what's happening

once he's out in this out of the supermarket he's ending up in the bin yeah once the family have the groceries in in the fridge and in the pantry he's just gone straight in the fucking tip um well did he is that is that why they went out of business? Because it's like too many people, you know, new generation looking at the paper bag going, what the fuck's that? We're just getting plastic bags. Yeah. I'm not shopping at a fucking supermarket.

This is far in the past. You're right. We would have seen him... We would have seen the Tucker bag rebranded into a... He would be plastic. Yes. And then he would have had his nemesis, the canvas bag. See, the canvas bag logo...

The Tucker canvas bag. A canvas bag with a face on it oh great awesome yeah awesome bag with a face on it is fucked in the head brutal yeah the guy who created the tucker bag must have been like when canvas bags came in he must have had that exact thought it's like fuck if we could have just held on for another 10 years yeah yeah yeah i'd love to have seen a plastic bag with a face on it like that. It's so weird. You had to get through that. You had to sort of weather that storm. But then, yeah.

Yeah. RIP the Tucker bag. Anyone from overseas, get onto YouTube and look up the Tucker bag ads. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a little fucked sound on a little bag. Very weird that somehow we didn't give that brand of supermarkets enough support so that we could just keep a figurehead so fucking ridiculous on here.

It's a real shame. But thanks, Stephanie Dalrymple. I hope everyone supports your brand of your chain of stores. Thanks, Dalrymple. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Damian Miller. It's Miller time. It is right now. It sure is.

And by Miller time, late on a Sunday night when I want to go to bed. Me too. And go to work tomorrow. I want my dinner. It's waiting for me out on the bench. It's only 10 o'clock. I know. We started at fucking 7.30.

What's for dinner? I think a little salad. Oh, that's okay. Yeah, it's all right. Had a big lunch. Like I said, it was out for Mother's Day lunch. So it's gone fucking. What did you have?

Went to Pepe's, the Italian place opposite the Cooper's Inn. Oh, yeah, the one outside. Yeah. I've never been there. My parents are like, they still don't want to be indoors anywhere. You know what? The only time they've been indoors properly in the last little while was they came to the 500th, 600th episode, which we talked about.

They were a little bit removed. And I think that could have been the thing where they would be like a bit more comfortable yeah but then of course i got that show set them right back yeah right so now it's like oh let's go out for lunch and they're like all right as long as it's you know it can be outside i'm like fucking hell doing this in may god i hope the weather and it was a nice enough day it was it was fine weather-wise today but fuck there's been some shockers lately where it's like, how are we going to do this? I took my folks out to Maribor Thai, Maribor Thai restaurant.

Did I talk about that the other week? I can't remember. I don't think I did. Can't remember. Went back to Maribor for like a day and a half, did that. Took them out to dinner. Had Thai in Meribor for the first time ever.

Yeah. It was pretty, it was not bad, pretty good. Yeah. And went in there and just the, I love it. I loved everything about it because it had a taste of everything it had. The Thai food was actually good. Yeah. My mum was sort of doing her version of being worried.

You were still cool back then. Yes. You and your mum were still cool. We were still, I You were still cool back then. Yes. You and your mum were still cool. I still had a mum back then. Still speaking terms. She still had a son that she spoke of. So we went out. She was like, she'd had a bad experience.

Okay. But she was still like, oh, no, you want to go? So let's go. I'm like, no, I don't want to go if you don't want to go. But then she said, oh, there's always the Indian restaurant. And then the Indian restaurant was closed. So I was like, okay, well, we're going to Thai. And great, very nice food.

But we went in there. The good thing was there was a Thai chef because that was one thing we were worried about. Definitely a Thai chef. Then a very Maribor style person running the counter, running the front desk. So that's fine. Someone who looks like you. Yeah, well, not so much. That's what I think of very Mary Burra style

that's what I'm picturing yeah yeah it's just one family yeah yeah so there was her they didn't they didn't have any like I was sort of thinking

you've got to have the Chang or the Singer or whatever no no no not even any beer even in the even in like Melbourne you'll go to a place

where it's like this kills me like a Japanese place but if it's yeah whoever it's run by you go in and even in like melbourne you'll go to a place where it's like this kills me like a japanese place but if it's well yeah whoever it's run by you go in and you're like oh just getting asahi and they're like nah we have um we have furphy yeah we have moondog it's like you don't even get and when all the rest of it is like you know like the logo is written in japanese you're like get get some of the fucking get some of the beer in yeah what are you doing well well speaking of that that was like

you know because my folks are already a bit like you know on time oh okay you know it's a little bit like

oh okay we're out of our comfort zone a little bit so of course they're ordering like the most you know palatable sort of

just the prawn crackers for us yeah yeah they're not they're not trying to you know push the boat out or anything

it's like okay well just whatever the you know what's that a bit of beef and vegetables okay yeah that'll do that sounds like that's exotic something that we could we could have at home yep so we'll have that but yeah no beer uh so then um i'm asking for changeling no we don't even have anything so then my old man's like straight out the door going all right well i'm i'm gonna go down and buy some down the they go, no, we don't have any beer. They go, you can go, if you walk about a K that way, there's a pub.

So you can go there. And we're like, fuck, no, okay. And then she's like, oh, no, there's one over the road as well. Okay, well, we'll go to that one. Oh, I don't know if they sell beer. Okay. There's so many hoops here. All right.

It's like, am I the first person that's been in this restaurant yeah i have a drink so then my man was like all right i'm going to get some beer now oh you you'll probably have some weird request what do you want so i mean whatever just don't get dog shit just don't get don't come back with vb or melbourne or something yeah well what do you want i'm like i don't know what they've got just whatever there's There's not that. I said, look, put it this way. Lager. And then he comes back with Furfies. It's all right. Yeah, which is good.

But just funny because he's like, he's already like, oh, this stir fry. Now he's come back with this. Oh, this Furfies. Is this okay? Yeah. It's not foreign. No. It's fine.

But all of a sudden, he's treating it like a hand grenade going, is this going to be okay? Yeah. Are you going to get kicked out? Yeah, yeah. It's just normal beer. It's fine. But then, like I said, nice food. But fuck, classic Narrabar.

They're trying to get you out at about 7 o'clock. Great. Pizza shop over the road closed at 6.30. Yep, yep. How do you close a food shop at 6.30? Yeah, that's the whole job. Yeah. It's like, what time did you open?

Just the... What's the dinner rush? Like 5.45 to 6. Yeah. People just know... I guess people would just know. If they close early, it's like, well, there's no other options. It's a small enough town.

It's like, all right, well, yep. We'll just... You can set the rules. Well, that's the other thing. You go, like, why are you closing so early? And then, you know, you can set the rules. Well, that's the other thing you go like, oh, why are you closing so early? And then, you know, you drive home at 6.30 and go, I can see why you're closing early because there's fucking no cunt around.

Yeah, exactly. Everyone's just locked inside their house from fucking 6.30 onwards apparently. Yep. But classic, classic Maryborough. But very nice, whatever the fuck that Thai place was called. The Thai place in Maryborough. If you're in the area go check it out

absolutely check it out don't you know bring your own beer obviously bring your own Changs from Melbourne or wherever you're coming from

yep bring the Esky don't expect any of this real shame BYO real shame was a little bit disappointing but anyway

well thanks thanks Damien Miller thanks Damien Miller we've done a lot with your surname there absolutely yeah speaking of doing a lot with your surname there. Absolutely.

Speaking of doing a lot. Yeah. Let's fucking wrap this up. Let's do more? Let's do none more. Let's do zero more. None more. None more.

None more. None more. Let's do none more. Yep. Okay. All right. Let's do one more. Let's do this one. It rhymes, so I have to allow it Yep, that's the rule

Thank you very much to I can't even talk Thank you very much to the last Patreon subscriber of this week Yeah, number five, let's have it Oh wow, this is like another one that we've done There's a country involved

Thank you very much to Micronesia Comedy. Oh, wow. Okay. Thanks, Micronesia. Thanks, everyone. From before. Bye. Bye-bye.