The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 609 - Mike Goldstein & Sami Shah

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

This week we’re joined by the bad boys of Perth Comedy, MIKE GOLDSTEIN and SAMI SHAH! Tommy’s received a devastating message from a relative regarding the Make A Wish foundation so we spend a lot of time brainstorming a response. Chandler’s about to head off to Thailand - coincidentally, the location of Sami’s wedding, which he graciously unpacks for us. PLUS we’ve all had weird Uber driver experiences, Sami’s had an eventful haircut and Chandler dives into the ‘other messages’ folder! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Mike Goldstein and Sammy Shah. The Little Dumb Dumb Club is on Patreon. You can support us on there if you enjoy the show and you want to get two bonus mini episodes a week, patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. We are going to be back at the end of the episode to talk to you more, but until then, enjoy this great new episode with guests Mike Goldstein and Sammy Shaw. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dassler. And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Sammy Shah and Mike Goldstein. This is the ethnic part. That's right. Two browns here.

I thought you meant two people from Perth. Well, that works as well. Yeah, that is how we're ethnic. That is true. Perth is an ethnicity. Let's be honest. You're foreigners. You're from WA.

That's true. You're minorities. Yeah. It's a pretty small city, I guess. A little big. A minority that gets made fun of a lot. Yeah. I think I learned my lesson shitting on Perth on this podcast.

On a bonus podcast. You went deep, though, that's why. Yeah, true. You name names. I name names. You can't do that. Yeah. That's fair enough.

Yeah, we were talking about that before the show, but Perth, the weirdest comedy scene in Australia. Yeah. You'll get him in trouble again. I'm supposed to go there in a couple of weeks. Don't get me cancelled in Perth. It takes a lot to get cancelled in Perth. Yeah, it's impossible.

It's like it's on Mexico. It's where people go. You just get more notorious, basically. Yeah, true. Have a valid point. Make sense. That'll get you cancelled. Write new material.

That'll get you cancelled. This hack got up there with stuff he's never said before. The fuck's this? Don't have a gimmick. You didn't do a little dance at the end of your set? Get the fuck out of our state. Oh, God. I'm going to get the messages already.

Imagine if you put on a show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival called Mike Goldstein is from Perth, and then they see the poster and then word gets back it's you doing a bit of mime and you're on the unicycle and you're fucking juggling, doing a little busker act, going, this is what we like. Full circle with my career, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were talking about that. A bit of a reputation in Perth. Perth comedians, they're not like us. They're not just getting up there and telling it how it is. They've got to have a little bit of a, I don't know. They've got plenty of telling it like it is comics. There's a lot of people sitting on stools. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They've got a whole thing where everyone in Perth says about Melbourne that all Melbourne comedians are playing a ukulele and being whimsical whimsical I have only ever seen ukuleles in Perth by the way

I've never seen a single Melbourne comic with a fucking ukulele the home of the uke that's what's in the mines isn't it yeah exactly getting ukuleles

out of the rock I got a new one I got a fresh one boys but at the end of their set they drink a beer out of the ukulele yeah but that's the thing I got a new one I got a fresh one boys but at the end of their set they drink a beer out of the ukulele yeah but that's the thing

like doing a yuki yeah some yuki yeah sometimes when you go there like you go to Perth and you're doing a line up show and you know

I'd love to be able to play a ukulele because you've generally got to follow someone that's dressed as little Bo Peep and someone else is fucking acting out

YMCA for 10 minutes that's it fuck I wish I had a gimmick to fucking follow the guy who farts into mics yeah dressed as little Bo Peep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And someone else is fucking acting out YMCA for ten minutes. That's it. Fuck, I wish I had a gimmick to fucking follow this. The guy who farts into mics? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he's come up plenty of times. Mr. Methane is huge in Perth. Yeah, I love it.

I've worked with him plenty of times. What's the bit where if you assume that everyone has a sitting on the stool equivalent, what's like Mr. Methane pulling up the stool to like his equivalent of telling it how it is? It's like he comes out. pulling up the stool to like, he's equivalent of telling it how it is. It's like, he comes out. He brings out a table, which he eventually lays on and then puts the microphone everyone else is using directly into his asshole. That's a good way to make yourself the headliner just by the fact that no

one else wants to touch that fucking thing after you. The MC isn't even coming back to say, have a good night. Yeah, he wrapped it up from outside. He moves up. He, you wrap it up. You wrap it up from out there. Hugh blows up. He moved the headline pretty quick. When he was an opening act,

there's like eight people on the bill going, we don't want to fucking go on after this. People that used to take the mic out of the stand and walk around with it all of a sudden,

like just leave it in the stand really kind of testing the stagecraft. I just yell from backstage. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that many people here. Let's just do the rest

of the gig a cappella. Yeah, yeah. Go unplugged. Well, yeah, yeah. Not that many people here. Let's just do the rest of the gig a cappella. Yeah. Yeah. Go unplugged. Well, I got a devastating message earlier today, boys. Yeah. So Mike and Carl, you definitely know this. Sammy, you might not know this specific thing, but when I was 12 years old, I had cancer.

I was in and out of hospital for two years, and I got granted a wish from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. And I've talked about it on the show. I've done stand-up about it. It's pretty hacked by now. It is really hacked. You must regret it by now. Well, I'm going over to Perth soon,

so I'm trialling it out again because I've talked about it for so long. You just saw Capra's fundraiser and you're like, fuck, I've got to bring this back. Absolutely. Daddy's got to make rent, yeah. So if you're going to Perth, what are you going to cart the hospital bed out on stage,

get the drip going, you know, nice little gimmick? Yeah, yeah, yeah, play a little song while I'm in the hospital bed, put on Baby Shark while I'm in the bed being wheeled around, a little IV drip in. Was your Make-A-Wish to perform in Perth? No, it was more embarrassing. So, yeah, Make-A-Wish can perform in Perth? No, it was more embarrassing. So yeah, Make-A-Wish can, you know, people meet Hugh Jackman and they go to fucking Disney World and stuff like that.

I wished for a laptop. Okay. So that's what I got from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. You had long-term plans. I had, well, pretty short, made obsolete by the time I got given the laptop. Yeah, of course. Well, lucky it was obsolete rather than new. Yeah, it could have been worse.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Me dying and my dad being like, what the fuck am I going to do with this laptop now? There's no one in the house to use it. Fucking planned obsolescence. So my cousin, one of my older cousins, has three kids and they're all kind of teenagers and the youngest one has had a brain tumour

for like five years now, like brutal stuff, ongoing stuff where they've thought they've gotten it and then it's come back. And so she messaged me today, like we're close in the sense that you know see her at big family things but don't really talk one-on-one outside of that but follow each other on instagram i get a dm from her saying oh hey um my son is uh he's getting a wish from the make a wish foundation oh yeah and uh he going to ask for a gaming laptop. Oh, no. And I showed him your bit that's on YouTube of you talking about the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and he found it really funny.

And I just fly off the handle. I'm like, that's a cautionary tale. That's not meant to be an enjoyable thing. Aim high, right? You can ask for whatever you want. I'm sure I've said this on the show before, and I would say this on stage when i would do the bit from time to time it's like yeah there should be a thing where like you get there's like a scared straight program where it's someone who got a wish from the make-a-wish foundation decades previous yeah and they bring

you in and they're like and so i'm a i am so you know to being a fucking yeah yeah i felt like the all of a sudden i feel like this is what I was put on the earth to do to stop this kid from making the same mistake the ghost of cancer

part I feel like I've been given the time machine where I'm getting to go back to myself and be like don't fucking make the same mistake

at least a PS5 right exactly that's hard to get exactly so what's the upgrade what are you gonna well I saw a message

to her and I said look, I touched that you reached out and I hope it's all going okay and everything. But for the love of God, that's meant to be a cautionary tale. You've got to talk him out of this. And I was like, honestly, I will get this kid, I will get the kid the laptop. I'll get the kid a gaming laptop. If that means you can convince him to like, yeah, go to Disney World.

Suck off Hugh Jackman, whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. Suck off Hugh Jackman? That's the first thing I thought of. Yeah, that was like right off the top of my head. I was thinking like something more evil, like, you know, no Jews and coals or something. That's great.

This sweet little kid, and it's like he's got this fucking heinous racist wish that they're like, oh, I mean, he's looking like he won't make it, so I guess we could just do it for a month and just walk it back once he's gone. No Jews and coals. Something like that.

Is that like that silent hour, like on a Tuesday or whatever? That works. No longer noses in Coles for an hour. Yeah, Wednesday. You shut down the calls in Elstern Week. It's just gone. Yeah, they bulldoze it.

Well, because they did the thing where the Make-A-Wish kids want to be Batman and then the whole city rallies around it. Something like that. That'd be great. But then you've got to murder his parents. What should you have done in hindsight then if you could have got a big one like that? What would you have done?

Pretending to be Pac-Man and the whole fucking rest of Melbourne has to pretend to be ghosts and fucking pellets and shit? Fuck, that's not bad at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'm Super Mario. Right, right, right.

And I'm running around just stepping on people's heads. Oh, you're on the Mario Kart. You're in the little fucking track and the rest of us have got to be turtles and all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just shooting people with shells. Yeah, that'd be pretty fun. What is the age limit for Make-A-Wish?

Is there an age? Is it like you hit, as soon as you grow pubes, you're not allowed to have it anymore because people start having, their wishes are too horny. Now, here's the laptop, but before we hand it over, let's have a look. They better not be shaved. Then it would be like, yeah, sleep with Kate Upton or something. But we can revisit that your mind went directly to suck off Hugh Jackman. I stand by it.

I stand by it. Get sucked off by Hugh Jackman. Hugh's being wheeled in, and they've got him strapped in like Hannibal Lecter and he's like, please don't make me do this. It's a 15-year-old boy. Please don't make me do this. They're like, it's his dying wish, Hugh. I'm very sorry.

It's out of our hands. Look out because here I come. Oh, fuck. So, yeah, I mess it. And I can tell that she's like, you know, look, this is what he wants. But as soon as I was like, hey, look, I'm serious. I've got a hookup. I could, like, put together a good gaming PC for him.

It would be my pleasure. And she's like, oh, that's very kind of you. And it's just you offloading your one at the moment, so you can buy yourself a new one. Yeah, I mean, it's obsolete now. It doesn't run anything. No, it's your old one with Prince of Persia on it from 95 or whatever it was.

One of those old laptop screens, do you remember them? That had like the really low, it's hard to describe, but like a moving image on it would kind of look all blurry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the bad refresh rates on the screen.

I don't know what was causing that, but like kind of old, old tech before they worked out how to make screens. If you need, I've got one of those old iMacs that's like blueberry or whatever it was. You know those ones with the big heavy back and the screen and the hard drive combined? I've got one of them. What's that run? Fucking 3D Pinball Wizard or whatever it was called? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. No, it was Mac, so back then, probably not even that. Yeah. It's got Minesweeper on it. You'd be wrapped to get Microsoft Word to work on it. Right, right, right. So, yeah, she was like, oh, that's very kind of you,

but, you know, couldn't take you up on that. But she's like, yeah, but maybe you could help me brainstorm some ideas for things that he could wish for. So she clearly is like, I've always gotten the impression that this is, my parents were like, how good is this? We'll get a fucking holiday out of this. Because I do, when I go back into my mind, I can remember my dad sitting around and being like,

now they're coming tomorrow. Are you sure this is your last chance? You sure you don't want to go to Bunnings with a $100 voucher? You sure? You sure you want the laptop? You're absolutely positive and being like, yeah. And also, your dad accidentally met the Beatles, and then you get to fucking choose whatever you want the laptop? You're absolutely positive and being like, yeah. And also, your dad accidentally met the Beatles and then you get to fucking choose whatever you want

and you're like, a computer please, dad. Yeah, exactly. You can't, fuck. Yeah, like dad, a holiday, we go for a week and it's over. But a laptop, that's forever. That's six months. You can have that forever. I'll be able to do fucking computing on it when I'm 35, for fuck's sake.

I'll be able to fucking move blocks until the whole road disappears forever so I don't know if she's written back to me yet but I did say like what you know

I'm trying to help her brainstorm like what stuff he's into but imagine that though imagine being the kid and imagine you

having this as well where someone steps in and it's like oh I've got cancer I'm sick all the time I get to wish whatever I want and then mum comes in

and goes no you don't want that you want this a nice bunch of fucking tea towels or you know whatever it is you don't want to be told

what your wish is but I mean that's it but that's why I'm saying like I'll get you you know he'll get a laptop he'll get the laptop but her coming to you

and going let's brainstorm a new wish for my dying kid or whatever you should be able to ask what their budget is you know

make a wishes budget how does that work, by the way? I don't know. There must be an interesting negotiation because there's got to be a bit of like, I want, you know, Kate Upton. I want Kate Upton. And they go, we can give you Sophie Muck.

Yeah. To be clear, to be sucked off by. We're still in that ballpark. But I feel, because he wants it for gaming, and I kind of feel like, I sort of feel like the Make-A-Wish Foundation might be a bit like someone's auntie, where it's like, oh, you like this, don't you?

And it's like, they kind of get it a bit wrong. You know what I mean? If he wants to game on it, I think they're probably not going to get him the best. It's like Make-A-Wish.com. So it's not quite the wish you really want. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like makeawish.com. So it's not quite the wish you really wanted. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's the other side of me leaping in is like, not only do I want him to be able to make like a well-informed make-a-wish, I want to make sure he gets the best fucking gaming computer that he can possibly get. What about farting on a mic? Like, is he into that at all? Yeah, yeah. Meeting Mr. Methane. I think that's the one wish on earth that's worse than the laptop.

A meet and greet with Mr. Methane. Isn't it like one of those big fucking Disney worlds of computer games or whatever? Haven't you talked about that before to me, maybe? Like, can't he go overseas and go to one of those theme parks? That's what I thought. It's not happening this year. Oh, right. Yeah, it probably will never happen again.

Right. What was it again? E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo. Yeah, that thing's huge. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's not, because I did think, I was like, oh, maybe I could suggest like, hey, because then that way, it's in LA. They get to, they could probably like tack on a bit of, you can go on bargaining with

Make-A-Wish. Hey, since we're in the area, why don't you chuck in a bit of Disney World? And while you're there, just go't suck off to Hugh Jankman. You know, you're in there. That's what they say. The mom's like, if you're not going to do it, I'll do it. Fine. So, yeah, all right.

I'll keep the listeners updated on this. But you're saying it's difficult to steer him in any direction because you want it to be his. You want him to come up with it organically. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to find out what are some things that i mean you're right i mean someone coming to me and going you'll regret this for the rest of your life i would have been like fuck off yeah yeah fuck off old man how old is he he is i'm not 100 sure i think he's like 13 or so so yeah that's the age where you're like, don't tell me. Yeah, exactly. That's the main thing.

Well, that's, I mean, if you imagine if you gave Capper a Make-A-Wish now, it would be the stupidest shit. It would be like a tractor that could pop a wheelie. You know he'd outsource that decision to Brett Blake as well. Oh, yeah. For sure. I've always said it. It should be, the Make-A-Wish Foundation, it should be like Someone's college fund

That a parent has put away Where it's like It just sits there And you don't get to Break it open Until you're like 21 You know It's just there

It's like It's set value You cash this in But when you're You know When you're a fucking When you're an adult Yeah

Because you're already Sort of getting a bit spoiled When you're sick Yeah You know Yeah they have it too easy Kids with cancer That's what I've always said Too good for too long Yeah yeah You know sort of getting a bit spoiled when you're sick. Yeah, they're having too easy kids with cancer.

That's what I've always said. Too good for too long. You know, Chando thought the cutoff is pubes, you know, so just another indignity for a cancer child. It's not like, oh, sorry. Also, do you think you might be a case study in there at Make-A-Wish? Like, it's like, okay, well, not only did he have, like, a shit-ass wish, he survived. It's like, this is fucking two strikes only did he have a shit-ass wish, he survived. It's like,

this is fucking two strikes on us. If this gets out, that's two fuck-ups on our behalf. We let a shit wish go out and this is for fucking dying kids. Maybe this cunt had nothing wrong with him.

I'm public enemy number one. They've seen me still living and there's still someone in there, they're like, you swore he only had a couple of weeks left. I don't know, I thought...

So it's like, I'm a reminder, always do your due diligence right so like when your cousin applied for and said he wanted the laptop they're like fuck you ordered a dacilol like oh shit someone from this fucking family they're all faking it i reckon do you still have the laptop from the no way yeah no i was gonna say i wish i did like if i had have known that one day it would be very funny to hang on to it then again i wish my parents had steered me better in this direction like son i know you think you fucked it now but just hang on to it just put it aside

it's gonna be it's gonna be very funny one day to still have this so yeah i don't know i'll i'll work on this in the work on this in the intervening weeks. What questions do you ask though? Because you've got to talk to him. Like, it's not the mum.

You've got to talk directly to him. But if you ask someone like, what's your favourite thing? They're never going to give you a good answer. Well,

he's going to say computer games, right? So I guess, yeah, it sucks that E3 isn't on this year because it...

How old is he? I think he's around like 13 or so. Oh, that's sucking off Hugh Jackman, eh? He's getting there. He's getting there. I kind of, you know, when I... Just put it back a little bit.

When I thought I'd talk about this on the show, I thought, oh, maybe I'll send the link to my cousin after we're done. Yeah, let's definitely do that. How am I going to kick out a listener to this? Not now. Make a wish, delete this episode. Drown yourself. That's what he wants, for Cousin Tommy to not be fucking breathing anymore.

Yeah, I'll have a think. Something, yeah, probably something within the world of video games. I mean, him, yeah, the Batman City thing is good. Like a trip to one of the big video game company headquarters or something, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Him running around in Fortnite. Him being a character in Fortnite that you can fucking pull its brains out. Oh, that would be right. Way through the maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Him running around in Fortnite, him being a character in Fortnite that you can fucking pull his brains out and wave through the game.

Yeah. What about just give him a time zone for free? He owns a time zone. Yeah, that's good. Surely there's a time zone hanging around, you know, the state somewhere that, you know, it's closed down. You can go into the time zone,

but no Jews allowed. I got to go into the Make-A-Wish. I really wonder if there is like a record of like every wish they've given out and just be like rank them

just ask the people that work in there like what's the shittest wish you've ever given out and what's the best who's the kid where you're like

fuck me this 14 year old has absolutely there was some kid that wished for more wishes and then you're like you've won this I wish for everyone at the make a wish foundation to have their freedom There was some kid that wished for more wishes and then you're like, you've won this.

I wish for everyone at the Make-A-Wish Foundation to have their freedom. It's like being a supermarket checkout person or whatever. You get the same sort of thing said to you all the time. The same little gags. I reckon Make-A-Wish have got those ones. I wish for more wishes. Ha, ha, yeah, you're the first person who's ever said that and i hope cancer fucking gets worse pretty quick oh and likewise they've i mean i'm sure they've got disney world on speed dial you know it's like

whoever's in there is like fuck yeah yeah make a wish again yeah no worries we're just running a fucking yeah you're working for the charity but jesus christ we're the one giving out all the freebies. Hello, Hugh, it's me again. I hope you've healed from the last time. But the Make-A-Wish kids, when everything was shut down, you know, obviously, and then when borders were still kind of shut, they were limited. They couldn't leave the country. So no Disney World, no Disneyland.

It was like, oh, come buy a world or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Geelong Waterpark. Oh, the anti-vax kid with cancer that goes to the Make-A-Wish and just wants a fake vax passport so they can go in places. Also, this is a coincidence. Maybe this is subconscious

or subliminal, but there is that connection of you and Hugh Jackman because of cancer and stuff like that. You look at me, you think of him. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I could probably make some... No, but what is it?

If you want to get slurped off by him, I could... What I'm trying to get him to say. I could make some calls and get you slurped off if that's what you really want. So his mother-in-law was on the board of the Fight Cancer Foundation. Oh. So we met him, my family met him through that. No shit, your family met him? And then Dad was on the board there for a bit

and kind of saw him at events and stuff through that. So your dad knows, they run into each other at Coles. Dad's been at events where Hugh makes a beeline for Dad at Coles and goes, thank God there's no Jews in here. That's a direct Hugh Jackman quote. If the Daily Mail wants to pick that up Famously Yeah So he

Your dad knows him So you've tried To get him on the show a couple of times I have tried a couple of times It's very It's like As you would Well I mean yeah

It's like as you could assume But it's also the reality of it is So much Like there's like four people That you have to try and get to To get to him Yeah And convince each one of them first.

Yeah. And because I'm also... He's way more happier to get sucked off by a 13-year-old boy than to go on this podcast. Yeah. Like, I'm going through a person who has dealt with him through the Fight Cancer Foundation. Right. So I've got to, first of all, convince them that the message is worth passing on. And then they hear this episode.

Two to like three. I would like to think for this episode you went for him first and then you're like, ah, I will get my gold standard standard. That was next to nothing. Wish.com and Hugh Jackman. That's what I get my cousin's kid to wish for. Yes. Getting Hugh Jackman on his favorite podcast.

Yes, yes. There we go. And I go, look, mate, that's when I get to go, honestly, for getting Hugh Jackman on his favourite podcast, The Little Dumb Dumb Club. There we go. And I go, look, mate, that's when I get to go, honestly, I'm getting you the laptop. I mean, if we crowdfunded for the price of a gaming laptop, it's like, guys, chip in, because the end result is you're going to get Hugh Jackman on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. We'd raise the money for a good fucking gaming PC

in half a day. And also, you find your old laptop and then bring it back and go, that wish is from me as well. Like, this one doesn't get it

because I've returned it. So it's a double wish. You've got to get it. Yeah. So we landed on something totally self-serving for you. Yeah. Perfect.

I love it. Yeah, that's weird. No one saw that coming at all. Hey, well, to my ears, he's getting the laptop off you anyway. So he's getting what he wants. True, true. We got what we want. Yeah.

You got what we want. Hugh Jackman's getting sucked off. I think everyone reads. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. If Hugh also goes above and beyond and meets him, then he's meeting Wolverine, right? So you say you get to meet Wolverine. Yeah.

As long as he doesn't want to be Wolverine, you know, because healing power is the one thing you can't. Well, a fucking Mike Goldstein's archery school combo. I'm like, have you had that in your head for 30 seconds or 5 minutes? As soon as he slurped off Hugh Jackman

came out. I was like, how can I get this to him? Because that was a funny thing about getting the laptop was that my parents knew that eventually the school that I was going to be going to from year seven that you needed laptops there. So my dad was like, well, look, at least you've got the laptop and we won't need to buy one when you go to this school. And then by the time I get to the school, they're like, this won't run any of the software that you need in class.

He's like, fuck's sake. But this has reminded me that at my school, if you had an issue with your laptop, you'd take it into IT and they'd like wipe it for you. But the term that they had, they had this like weird that I kind of just assumed, oh, I guess this is just what the technical term for this is. They slurp it off?

The term was slurped. Was it? What? Yeah, it was like, go in and get your laptop slurped by the IT guy and being like, big business, isn't it? This is what adults call it.

Have you got some locked away memories where you got slurped by the IT guy and you were told later, oh, that was, we cleaned your computer. Yeah, yeah, maybe it is. Tommy meets a girl later, she's like, I want to slurp you. And he's like, hey, that was we cleaned your computer. Yeah, yeah, maybe it is. Tommy meets Sigalia later. She's like, I want to slurp you. And he's like, hey, I need my donuts here.

That wasn't your... No, you were only a little kid. You forget that wasn't your dick. That was your PC. That wasn't your penis. It was your PC. There was a reverend that had done some dodgy stuff. We found out after we finished school.

So maybe the IT guy was just using him as a bit of a smokescreen. It's like every school's got a dodgy reverend. But whoever expects the IT guy. His name was Kane a bit of a smoke screen. It's like, every school's got a dodgy reverend, but whoever expects the IT guy. His name was Kane, he wore a suit every day. You're in this little dungeon dealing with computers, you don't need to

be suiting up. But yeah, just this weird invented term just for kids, it's like, kids couldn't possibly understand the term wiped. And then, yeah, being out in the world, I think maybe when I was at uni or whatever, being like,

yeah, you get your computer slurped. It's just getting bullied to within an inch of my life. I'm like, what did you call it? It's like, that's the term, isn't it?

We call it getting slurped. That's fucking absurd. I've only just put that together. And it probably is masking a very troubling memory yeah yeah that's astounding full circle that we just did it is quite remarkable yeah yeah it's a three-act structure we're only 15 minutes in but just call it it's it's felt like we've done a whole ep all right i'm gonna okay this this would be if we if we can pull this off, I just go in there. I give my cousin's kid the laptop and I go, look, his little hush money.

I'm buying him off in exchange. You say, you want Hugh Jackman to be a guest on The Little Dumb Dumb. Now, this is now my make-a-wish that you just go and say this, because I just would love to see you trying to convince a kid, don't tell your mum about this. I know. And the kid's like, oh, what the fuck's about to happen here? And it's like, no, no, no.

I don't need you to suck my dick, Hugh Jackman. I need you to have the worst make a wish. A worse make a wish than me. Well, yeah, because also the other side of it is there is part of me that loves that he wants a gaming laptop. And I do want him to get a gaming laptop in some way because I have this memory. This is burned into my memory from like maybe 15 years ago or so. This cousin of mine, so this kid's mum, talking to her at some family thing

and something about video games came up in some way, shape or form. And she was like, tell you what, when I have kids, I'm not letting them anywhere near that rock. It's bullshit. So fucking guess what, bitch? If I could walk in there just out of spite,

like nearly two decades later with a gaming laptop, like, oh, you're never going to let him either. His mega wish was harder for her than the cancer diagnosis. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. That was actually a good thing because it's like, well, he's dying and that's good because he's a nerd. You thought the tumor was bad. That's nothing compared to me coming into your house. But that's the thing. I just would go and get him the laptop and then just take it there. But it's like, you would know this, Sammy.

It's like a gaming thing. It's like built to kind of certain specific. You need to know what kind of stuff he's playing on it. I can't just go and like buy one and just be like that's it right i would need to know like what kind of stuff he's wanting to do on it to get the right stuff literally it was just a one you know a one size fits all thing yeah i genuinely would go and just get a fucking console and then just turn up at their house. But that's also the thing. The Make-A-Wish will fuck it up as well. Because they're just going to give him a one-size-fits-all attempt at that.

They'll get him some fucking Dell Alien with bullshit or something. And it'll play one game but not five others. So anyway, it's a waste. I'm lost with all this shit. There's specific laptops that are just for gaming. Yeah, yeah. I didn't really. I'm not following it either.

Well, he wants like... They're picked out for gaming. Yeah, yeah. I didn't really... I'm not following it either. Well, he wants like... Yeah, if you buy... They're picked out for gaming, basically. Right. Big time. Okay. Yeah, so... But are they different for different games?

Or why do you need different... Are they harder to slurp? Yeah, yeah. They might be easier to slurp. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, so it's more it's like you can kind of scale it up. So you can spend a lot of money and get like really, really good shit in it

if you're playing like really high-end graphical demanding games. Or if you're on the lower end, it's like you can spend a bit less and just not get as good of a graphics card and all that kind of bullshit. I don't really know how it works myself. I've got this one here that was bought for me by now. Not bought for me, built for me by now. Good thing you're sitting down, a listener of this podcast.

You wouldn't think that they'd know their way around a PC, but guess what? I wouldn't have thought they could have fit in this door. Alright, well that's my long term project. Which is, I talked about on the show a while back, is that I'm going to Costa Mili in a couple of weeks

and my wife may have been sort of made redundant. No, no. Okay. Not made redundant by me or her, but by her. Giving your partner a severance package. That's great. Paying her out. So she was like they were going to restructure Her department

And that basically meant She wasn't There wasn't a job for her anymore Then she goes If that's true I'm going to Fuck it We'll go

We'll go for longer To Koh Samui Because we're only booked in To go for one week Or so she thinks Like she was booked in For one week I was booked in for two

Which I still haven't told her that But like So what's What's going to happen now is like you just being at the airport like how long were you going to leave it to tell her that you weren't just at the gate like

and then what's the justification like how do you how do you sell that yeah well I haven't yet so yeah what was the plan you had to have a plan

no no no plan oh you just got in no you just got in at some point like I did I told my mum this story and was like I'm like so I told my mum this and I go, yeah, so I wonder what's going to happen here.

And she just didn't say, all she said was, if anyone can work this out, it's you, Carl. That's a compliment, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't worried at all. She wasn't shocked by any of these developments. Right. Yes, you'll figure this one out. You always do.

Well, so is that the plan? You go to the airport and I'll catch up with you? Is that the plan? You guys get on. I'm just going to grab some bloody minties from the newsagent. I'm just going to grab a durian from the gift shop. That would be, you're on the flight waiting for someone and it's like doors closing and they're not on.

That would be fucking... And then you can't contact them. It's weird there's no seat for Carl. and it's like doors closing and they're not on. That would be fucking... And then you can't contact them. It's weird there's no seat for Carl. So this is... I didn't have a plan, but this might be a thing that works out perfectly where she is now... That was sort of like,

oh, if this happens. Well, it has happened. Right. And so now she's just like... She's hurriedly trying to get another job, but we're creeping up very quickly towards this holiday. So then it's, we're right on the cusp of being like, well, don't worry about the job. We'll just go on holidays.

And I, you know, hey, why don't we go for another, because I've booked another week. Yeah. So then if this, this all happens and we go there, I can just extend it for a week and it's a perfect plan for me. I don't have to change anything for me. Yeah. You're like, all right, bit of a pain in the ass but you know get online and change my flight you make the clicking sound with your mouth double click i'll just do this on my phone i'll just fix it that's your daughter's phone made by Hasbro Fred Flintstone's

Your travel agent Yeah Why is your phone Singing twinkle twinkle Little star When you're changing Your jet star Fucking fly

But anyway so Your connection To Thailand Is You I was just gonna say You're literally Booking in a holiday

Where you're not Even telling your partner You're going for next week And I'm twice divorced Like what the fuck that's not fair that's not fair I was a good husband

you damn it yeah yeah my connection to Thailand is basically my second wedding which is the famous one that lasted all of

three months basically the marriage fuck was in Phuket right I get it's making a lot more sense now why adults can't have make so many of them would be like make her not leave make her love me

make it bigger give her a boob job it just would be so dank yeah pretty much yeah so we booked in so basically we went to Phuket on a holiday about a year before the wedding

and Phuket was like her favourite place in the world and I'd been to Koh Samui a bunch of times and Bangkok a ton because I used to do a lot of work there

when I was in Pakistan but I'd never been to Phuket wasn't blown away by Phuket particularly like the main Kamal Abid area yeah fucking suck but we found this beautiful resort uh called a thavorn beach resort and it is it's like it's one of those places where it doesn't make sense that it's as affordable as it is because it looks like the kind of place that only millionaires hang out right and massive and it's not on the beach? It's got a private cove. Right. Yeah, it's beautiful.

It's like far away from Kamala Beach, like by van. Oh, yeah, that's nice. And it's got a private cove. It's got a huge lagoon pool and just beautiful villas you're living in. This is how much

of a Thailand nerd I am. You guys won't be surprised when I first heard about this, I immediately got you to send me the link to the resort just so I could look at it and go,

cool, all right, well, now I know that resort. No, no, no, it is genuine. And it's amazing. You saw the pictures, right? It's stunning. That's your gaming PC. I reckon it's on this street.

So we're like, all right, let's have this here. And then she kept getting greedier and greedier because she didn't work. I worked. So I was the one paying for everything. She hadn't been made redundant. She just never worked. Right.

Self-redundancy. Yeah, yeah. They wouldn't want me. I can't explain. Self-redundancy. Three events. Three events. Hang on.

Three events. Yeah. So basically one was the main meet and greet when all the guests arrived from around the world. Right. The second one, we had a total of 40 people there. And I was invited invited but i sniffed it out yeah no there's a few comedians here's what happens right here's what fucking happens all right you send a message out to all your friends i'm surprised i didn't come and i wasn't

you're probably around yeah that's sick sammy looking through his wedding photos he's like what's that Liverpool hat in the background peering through a bush and me going I was here first to be fair you know that thing where like when you tell your friends

and they meet her afterwards what do you think and all their voices go high it's like when you bomb and you come off and you're like

was that alright people are like ahhh isn't that weird tonight there was like a hue or one It's like when you bomb and you come off and you're like, was that all right? People are like, ah. Isn't it weird tonight? There was a few comedians who were like, yeah, I knew that wasn't going to last. Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot for the fucking heads up.

You were saying shit that was just totally wrong. You were like, you know, they say second time's a charm. No one said that. No one ever said that do you wish that like had Mike at the time have said to you like hey

this is no good would you have would you have yeah I mean that's the hard thing Ivan's you're going as if you're gonna

take advice from fucking some open Micah from Perth he opens for the fuck yeah you also said I should do a parody of

man I I feel like a woman on stage, I Feel Like a Woman on stage. So I'm not going to take any of your advice. So we have that event. Then there's the Pakistani wedding, which is like a whole Muslim-style wedding and everything for my family. But you do that in Phuket as well? All in Phuket. All of the resort. And then the Western wedding, which is all for her friends and like for her family

and stuff oh my god so three days in between I'm told that I have to pay for everyone's drinks for the whole night

because otherwise it'll be embarrassing for her friends apparently not as embarrassing as her leaving me three months later that right right

Jesus Christ the whole his thing it was amazing like I used to do a standup bit about like you know was amazing like I used to stand a bit about like you know that thing where

I used to say like because the the Thai don't give a fuck about like OH&S or anything right they will throw bodies

at wedding prep like you wouldn't believe so we had a firework display and like at one point they offered a baby elephant that could come to the wedding yes

and I was like fuck yeah I want a baby elephant at the wedding and everyone was like no that would be so cruel to the elephant and it's animal cruelty and i was like all right fine fuck it i'm gonna slurp it off it's gonna love it no it's gonna slurp me off and then i was like all right let's get the firework display instead and the firework display it's started it's just a shirtless man lighting fireworks inches from his face all by

himself like shooting it out of the tusk of the pocket and so we had that and like it was like a crazy dance party that went on till 4 a.m and just massive alcohol i basically i spent the last two and a half years paying off an 80 grand wedding debt oh my god this is dollars australian yeah so you can imagine what that gives you in thailand at a fucking wedding over there yeah yeah but this so this was 2019 yeah 2019 yeah september september yeah and and there was like of three like massive three-course meal at every event yeah um it crazy. Like even, okay, here's the thing. In Australia, that same wedding would have cost $300,000

to $400,000. For sure. For 80 grand, what you get is crazy. Yes. And here's what everyone in my family now tries justifying it

because they were all, they all want to make me feel better about it. They're like, look, no matter what happened, we had an amazing party. We all enjoyed it.

I was like, I fucking paid for it. I didn't enjoy a moment of it. Yeah, because they get to look back and go, what a great time. But you all look back and go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think dollar signs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's normally that, but you're thinking of like your wife and memories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of that shit. So yeah, it wasn't great. You can't even keep any photos of it probably. No. So there's a hard disk I have which has also paid for wedding photos, paid for fucking wedding video with drones and shit

Oh, wow. Yeah. I don't want to see this this okay That's a patreon exclusive my wedding video crop her out put fucking Yeah, it was kissing and I'm say if you want to get married get married in thailand like it is fucking unbelievable value for money yeah um and then just it doesn't last you know i got told a lot like you know when i had my wedding and people like when you do it in thailand i was like have you met my friends do you think they've got the money to fucking go to thailand no the best part though was like you're joking about you being in the background all the wedding photos like especially off from the third day, there's just,

because there were guests at the resort still and there's this one Chinese man holding a plastic bag. No one knows what's in the plastic bag, but it looks like it's heavy. Like whatever's in there in just the tightest black swimming trunks

you've ever seen in the background of every fucking photo. He just walked around the wedding and never left. Like you said before, that was me doing the eyes yeah

we were like looking at the photos there and so like everyone's been like he cursed it he was the black omen you know and they're like

that man oh you mean the Chinese guy with the plastic bag yeah he died 50 years ago that day he's only sighted at bad events

I was gonna say maybe he's sitting around he like fondly remembers that day he's like ahed at bad events I was going to say maybe he's sitting around he like fondly remembers that day he's like ah the couple seemed so in love but is he who

she ran off with I would respect her more if she did you know I gotta find out what's in those headshots yeah

exactly he's in a resort alone with a plastic bag he's got stuff happening no now the best part was like we had like a great

box night a month before the wedding and then like what a couple of months after the wedding I tell all these guys I'm like hey, by the way,

it's over. You did a box night a month before the wedding? Yeah. Where was the box night? We went to Axe Throwing Place. Yeah.

Like in Australia? Yeah, in Melbourne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you went No, no, no. I'm not that mad I've only been this mad Was the honeymoon in Thailand?

Did you stay there? We stayed there an extra week Yeah In Phuket at the resort Yeah So we stayed an extra few days Over there and stuff And then we came back

Just in time For me to get fired From the ABC Yeah And then Her to start having an affair And then lockdown happened Yeah

So it was like Bam bam bam It was the year of Sammy Oh dude It was amazing and then her to start having an affair and then lockdown happened. So it was like, bam, bam, bam. It was the year of Sammy. Oh, dude, it was amazing. But I had a great party. Everyone had a lovely time. You could have done with getting cancer three or four times a year.

Oh, easily. My makeover issue would have been like credit card debt. Wipe those things out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. I mean, there are people out there that it's like, yeah, lockdown hitting.

It's like, oh, thank God, a bit of a break. This is a nice relief. Yeah, I was like. I love it. I mean, there are people out there, it's like, yeah, lockdown hitting. It's like, oh, thank God, a bit of a break. This is a nice relief. Yeah, I was like, I need to work. This doesn't really compare to all the other stuff I've been trying to do in the last couple of months. No, that's when I discovered PlayStation gaming. Because I was like, I'm going to sit at home just crying. I might as well do something. So I got a PlayStation.

Don't blame the lockdown for turning you into an incel. It's not gaming's fault great so you're are you going to be there long term now in well we're seeing like when this app comes out i think i'll probably i might even be there i might be just about i'd be close to you i'd be close to being there so what's what what i guess what's going to happen is we've got a couple of weeks to find out. If she gets a – because she's like really on it. She's at home right now working on another resume for another job. Yeah, right.

I'm constantly around the house going, just take a break, honey. Yeah, pretty fast. Just relax. Just, you know. All right. So, yeah, if she doesn't get anything, there's no excuse to not have a longer holiday. Because we've got mates that we've been talking to at the moment

who are just on a six-week holiday in Mexico. And I'm just like, why the fuck are we only doing one week? If you're not going to have a job, let's just take it easy.

This is like, our kid's like three years old. If you do this any longer any time after this, it's going to be school time or whatever. And I'm like, basically anything

I could think of. And three is a good age to go to a nice beach holiday like yeah they're independent enough that you can watch them play stuff like that as opposed to having to

carry them everywhere and stuff yeah and also I swear I'm not doing this on purpose but on my laptop my screensaver's just

random pictures of Koh Samui the beach yeah not your child no no and then my kid keeps walking past and going

looking at that and going, looking at that and going, we should go there. And I'm like, oh, really? I will. That's a great idea. You may not, I will. So she's really into it.

She's looking forward to it. I went to a destination wedding a few months ago that you were at, Mike. You were the MC in Best Man. I was too in Noosa wedding in Noosa yeah there's a group of us

getting an Uber to the to the actual wedding and Uber's in Noosa awesome just all like

old white people just in these shit old cars the only place left for white people yeah yeah I've done it in Queensland

Queensland loves that yeah they're actually they're like I mean they are taxi drivers up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that old way of doing, you know, old storytellers and, oh, what are you up to?

They love a chat. They do love a chat. This is what we talk about when we talk about the storytelling traditions of Australia. Is that it? Just old white guys. Yeah, we're jokingly. You get to ask them, you know, who's the most famous person you've had in your car? Yeah.

Has anyone ever offered to slurp you off instead of me? Yeah, we're jokingly. You get to ask them, you know, who's the most famous person you've had in your car? Has anyone ever offered to slurp you off instead of me? Yes, wipe the hard drive, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, we were asking one at one point, like, how many of you are there in this town? And she's like, ah, you know, like five or so. And we're jokingly like, do you ever all like kind of get together? And she's like, yeah, every now and then. Just have a little party,ap stories, like pretty good. So we're getting an Uber to the actual wedding

and, you know, there's like full car of us. We're all in suits and stuff. We get in and she goes, oh, a bit fancy. This woman Bev, older woman Bev. Yeah, we get in and she's like, oh, yeah, very fancy. Where are you off to? Somewhere fancy? And we're like, oh, yeah, off to a wedding.

She's like, oh, very nice, very nice. And I go, yeah, we're all going to – we don't think it should be happening, so we're all going to object when that bit comes up. You know, having a bit of fun. And she goes, oh, yeah, wish I'd done that at my daughter's weddings. All three of them married to absolute dropkicks. All three of them. My eldest, she's divorced now.

She's a career girl living in Brisbane, and she's got the Chow Chow, the beautiful little dog, and she calls me up on the phone and she goes, Mum, I don't need a man in my life. Just got the dog, got the career, that's all I need, and I'm as happy as Larry. And we're like, oh, fuck, this lady's awesome. And we're really getting on with her and we're getting near the end of the trip and we're sort of like, oh.

Circling around a few times so we can keep talking. Gen're like oh this wedding's gonna be done at about um at about 11 tonight if you're after um if you want another you know there'll be a lot of people like if you're looking for fares yeah and she goes oh 11 p.m bit late for me i'll be on my on my couch into my second glass of white for the night by that point we're like fuck this chick is awesome yeah so we pull up out the front of the um venue and as we're getting out there's like everyone's kind of turning up at this one point there's like all these like people that we you know kind of recognize and friends of ours that are going to the wedding and we get out and she goes have a good time guys and good luck with objecting to the wedding. Just like. Fucking. Oh my. Walking out through like.

Perfect. Oh lord almighty. That's like the first wedding I took Shannon to. Like a friend of mine. Cal. Like. He was getting married. They'd only been together six months.

They're getting married here in Melbourne. And the father of the bride stands up. Speeches are done. But he just stands up. Completely shit face. Like. Tinks his glass. Type thing.

So everyone stops. And he's so hammered. And he goes, I just want to say one thing that my daughter has been with plenty of men and none of them have had any money and Cal is no different. And I just start slow clapping. I'm like, oh, this is amazing.

And Shannon grabs my arm and I'm like, that's the best shit I've ever seen. Wow. Literally no need for that at all. And then like grabs my arm and I'm like, that's the best shit I've ever seen. Wow. Literally no need for that at all. No need. And then worse than yours, she went on the honeymoon without him because he couldn't actually afford the honeymoon.

No. What? What? Yeah. And then she took a bridesmaid and friends. What? Yeah. And they were done in two months.

That's not a honeymoon. Yeah. The money like she had allocated, like he couldn't pay his share so she went without him after the wedding. Yeah. Two months. You're so matter of fact about this. It lasted two months

and then I broke up. I love how matter of fact you are about this. This isn't a thing. You know when it's like one and you can't afford the honeymoon so you just don't go. It's not a honeymoon then at all. It's called an escape. Well, she went and had a, you know,

maybe she was scissoring one of the bridesmaids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had another ripper. Yeah, this whole time in Noosa, Uber driver back, like, to the airport leaving Noosa. Yeah. Get in and he's like, you know, that's the thing about, like, them all being older guys.

It's like there's no chance of just getting in and not, you know, like the drive to the airport. It's like long drive yeah so of course there's gonna end up being chat like he's not letting me sit there in silence yeah and he gets out of me that i've been there at a wedding and then he gets out of me that it was like a comedy because he just keeps asking questions he's like oh mate so i'm like oh kind of mates but like a workplace where we're all friendly he's like what kind of workplace is that I'm like fuck I've walked right into this trap that's the thing

I did one of these today so it's like I don't know are you like me when you start talking about what you do it's like you don't

you don't want to be that guy that like just fronts up immediately and goes I'm a stand up comedian everyone this is what I do for a living

I get up there intelligent like you make it a bit cloudy like I was talking to a guy I never met before today and I was like and he's like saying what are you doing I'm like I do for a living. I get up there and tell a joke. Like, you make it a bit cloudy. Like, I was talking to a guy I never met before today, and I was like, ah, and he's like saying, what are you doing? I'm like, ah, I do a bit of a lot of work, you know, a lot of this.

And then it's like they keep the slow dripping of questions, and then you've got to, it gets narrowed down and narrowed down, and then all of a sudden you sound fucking insane if you don't come out and say what you're doing. Because you're just keeping it super secret, but they know that you're going to hotels every night yeah yeah keeping not hours and whatever and at some point you've got to go i'm not a male escort yeah i'm something worse you go into an office yeah i've started i've become a lot more comfortable with just saying i do comedy because it's because of

that so i regretted it 15 minute dance of like he's gonna get it out of me anyway i used i i got comfortable I started saying like yeah I'm a comedian and whatever and then dealing with the oh tell us a joke like all that why haven't I heard of you

that one oh yeah that's always great you know and then I went to I'll tell you the name even Barclays Square Urban Man so I go there

for a haircut the other day like a 19 year old kid comes out to cut my hair and he starts cutting and then he goes what do you do and in the middle of the festival also so I'm like yeah So I go there for a haircut the other day. Like a 19-year-old kid comes out to cut my hair. And he starts cutting. And then he goes, what do you do? And in the middle of the festival also. So I'm like, yeah, whatever.

I'm like tired. So I'm like, oh, I'm a comedian. And he goes, and now this is, I'm just telling you exactly what he says. He goes, oh, I don't do comedy. But I do say funny things on the internet a lot. So already the worst conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Nothing good.

Then he says, he goes. Some slurs are about to happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing good. Then he says, he goes in. Some slurs are about to happen. Oh, no, no. You're 100% right. He then says, he goes into Twitch rooms and just says the N word.

Now, he doesn't say the phrase, the N word. He says the word. What? In the middle of Barclays Square, urban man. So he's telling you this

as he's cutting your hair? The only conversation we've had. And he works at a place called Urban Man. Urban Man. I have only said one sentence to him. Shit, short back in size. Thanks.

He said, what do you do? I said, I'm a comedian. That's the only conversation. He's already like, obviously I can tell him the N word that I always use. I'm in the club. You're the same.

Then he says he goes to gay Twitch rooms and he tells them that he's gay then they all say congratulations you know coming out and then he goes no i'm not haha fuck you this guy's pretty good right i will say what a honey trap i will say it's pretty good wheeling this kind of shit out and it's like you've got a pair of scissors like next you know it's like you can't arc up too much. The entire time. You're a comedian. I'm the same as you.

I say the N-word and I pretend I'm gay. We're not so different, you and I. That is pretty much my act this year. It's just he at one point, again, you can go to Urban Man, do this guy. Has this guy been on the gala by the way or not I'm gonna open for him

next festival for sure fuck man I bought a razor at the start of lockdown like shave my head myself now it's time to start spending money

on going to the barber in a Barclays Square if this is the kind of shit did you get your hair cut by Isaac Butterfield he then here's what happens here we go

he then recognizes me because he starts googling me while cutting my hair so I don't even know Isaac Butterfield? He then, here's what happens. Here we go. Here we go. He then recognizes me because he starts Googling me while cutting my hair. So I don't even know this. He's running this thing. One hand on the phone, one hand on the razor.

One hand, he's just using one hand. I know what he's going to find. One hand, so then he finds me talking to Isaac Butterfield. I did his guest spot in his podcast

and he holds it up to my face and at this point I'm like, why is there one hand still sticking to my head? Right? So he's like, oh, you know Isaacac i'm a big fan of him and things like that and i'm like of course you are and he's a sort of like how do you describe him a vaguely right wing sort of weird yeah he's um he a bit of a guy that would sit on a stool on stage he's a good yeah guy that's like trying to write some material that's kind of like deliberately provocative a guy who has

multiple Joker posters yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah very much and he just loves Jordan Peterson right it's that

and so now this guy then he puts the chair back and I didn't ask him to do this at all I just went for a haircut takes out a blade

he starts shaving my eyebrows like just shaping them I didn't know I had hairy eyebrows that were a problem goes over

the underside like over my eyelids basically giving you a fade on the eyebrows and then he's as he's doing this he's saying

you know most barbers don't do this because it's pretty dangerous and I'm just like I didn't ask for this why are you doing this and I'm just quiet I have not said shit the entire time this has all been a freestyle

monologue which he then finishes by freestyle rapping oh you're kidding he says there's a guy he's like oh you know that guy the cbd he's freestyle raps and stuff so sometimes on the weekends like i'll go there and i'll just start freestyle rapping with him and and so i'm like i wait so you're you're like a double act he's like no no he doesn't even know me'll just start freestyle rapping with him and and so i'm like i wait so you're you're like a double act he's like no no he doesn't even know me i just start doing it with him so he's just freestyle rapping at a busker so he says he says the n-word he pretends he's gay on the internet she's my eyebrows and he freestyle raps you got your hair cut by a perth open mic yeah yeah this is like like just he has his shit together

so he's making something of himself and he's not doing open mic I'm growing my hair out I'm going into a haircut just turning up

being like I've got a request for the barber I don't have a name but I've got a rough age it might be gay yeah yeah

I've got a request it's nothing to do with how I want you to cut my hair it's conversation it's the kind of shit I'm hearing as it's happening the most unhinged experience this happens in the middle

of the festival I don't even do it as a material for the rest of the festival because I'm just like I'm still processing it I think I'm processing this I think normal people

wouldn't really appreciate that as much as we're appreciating it yeah was he like an apprentice or something was this how a 19 year old I think normal people wouldn't really appreciate that as much as we're appreciating it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he like an apprentice or something? Was this how a 19-year-old, you know, surely... I don't know.

He had a gold fucking trimmer. He's like, this was an expensive one. And he's like, it's gold. I don't know what was going on. Yeah, it gets to be full of dandruff and shit. It seems like a weird...

Lives at home with his mom and just freestyles wraps on all of it. I guess I don't know what was going on. Yeah, it gets to be full of dandruff and shit. It seems like a weird... Lives at home with his mom and just freestyles. I don't know what he's doing. Fuck yeah. This is the best promo for Urban Man they've ever had. I love that when you can see where you're pumping your money into these gold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, maybe if you just fucking rented your own house. Yeah, something.

Just maybe... It was... What was he rapping about? I don't even know. I don't it was what was he rapping about i don't even know i don't know it was one of those things where he's freestyle rapping and the entire time in my head i'm i'm just going what the fuck is happening yeah yeah why is this happening like is this happening to me like it's one of those you know like especially as comedians that happens a lot where it's when weird shit happens to us we're like why is this happening to me like is the universe fucking with me now?

And this was one of those where I'm like, the universe is fucking with me. That was the haircut though. Was it all right? It was a fucking great haircut. You're looking good. It was a great haircut. I'm really upset about that part now.

You gotta go back. It's making shaggy now and I'm like, fuck it, you need to go back. I had a great Uber driver yesterday afternoon. We were going in to do the podcast

at like three in the afternoon. And a guy picks me up and he's like, oh, you're going to a party? I'm like, no. It's 3 in the afternoon. No. And he's like, oh, yeah, you know, what are you doing? And it's that thing. I'm like, I don't want to go going to record a podcast.

I'm like, oh, I'm just meeting some mates. And he's like, oh, yeah. And he's like, yeah, pretty good area around here, isn't it? Lots of, yeah, lots of beautiful women, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, it's not bad. And he's like, yeah, you know, you can just sit out on your balcony and just look at all the beautiful women. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do that, I can do that.

And he goes, are you married? I'm like, no, no, I live with my girlfriend. And he goes, no, you can't look then. He goes, me? Press the button, the windows go black. He goes, me? I can look. I'm single.

I'm like, yeah, cool, man, cool. And he goes, so you're going to a party? I'm like, what the? And when, because when I booked this Uber, it came up with something I'd never seen before. It said your driver is deaf or hard of hearing. It's going gonna be great no convo

I'm like fuck he's just going for it just clearly like looking at me it's like I can't fucking take in anything I'm saying

but anyway my guy on the way back from going to the airport in Noosa so he gets out of me that I'd been at a wedding and a comedian wedding at that

and he goes because you opened the door and went I'm a comedian hello came in with an old school microphone a comedian wedding at that. Right. And he goes, Because you opened the door and went, I'm a comedian. Yeah. Hello. Came in with an old school microphone. What do you do for a living?

So yeah. Bow tie spinning. So he goes, Oh yeah, comedian wedding. Oh, right, right. Was Jemoan there?

Yes. And I go, Yeah, he opened, yeah. Nah, no, Jemoan wasn't there. He's like, nah, no, Jemoan wasn't there.

He's like, oh, I just know, because he kind of lives around here somewhere apparently. I'm like, oh, okay, okay.

And he goes, oh, well, who was there who I'd know? Great question. How good's this? Great question if I hadn't have just fucking met him. Like,

who do you know? Like, I don't know. But to normal people, like if you, yeah. Sure, but you know

I reckon normal people Like that especially That age would probably think There is five comedians In the country Right of course Carol Barron Yeah

Rodney Rood Rodney Rood God imagine being At a wedding with the Rood That would be awesome But so Yeah so I'm like I'm just kind of

Racking my brain Of like Who's there Who'd know I'm like Oh um do you are you a big fan of tonightly on abc you're mr only fan not even the on-screen talent i tried i tried for the hundred oh shit with andy lee hadn't seen that he probably knew andy lee but you're like not

andy lee but the guy and not hey i'm other one Hamish cool the other dude I'm like have you seen that Rosehaven he's like yeah yeah yeah seen that seen a fair bit of that

yeah I'm like you know like the redhead guy in that and he's like nah it's one of the two main characters

what are you leaving the room every three minutes what are you talking about right yeah yeah just thinks

Rosehaven's about Celia Piccolo yeah yeah so finally yeah I'm just I'm just swimming here trying to three minutes we're talking about. Right. Yeah, yeah. Just thinks Rosehaven's about Celia Piccolo. Yeah, yeah. So finally, yeah, I'm just swimming here trying to fucking find anyone that he might know. Just lie at this point. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just remembered Jim Owen was there.

Yeah, yeah. It was great. And then he's like, he's trying to help me out. He's like, was Anthony Kaliya there? The famous comedian. One of the best. And I'm like not only was he not there

I don't know under what definition you would ever be able to say that he's comedian or comedian adjacent. Yeah. And he goes just that I picked him up last night

so I thought maybe that was why he was here. Only one reason to ever be a nooser. I'm on his side. He wanted to drop that name. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Had him in the Booster seat in the back yesterday. Just wanted to tell someone about it. That's it. I mean, that's a good point. Why is he fucking sweating me on details for this wedding? Why isn't he just like, as soon as I'm in, he's like, picked up Anthony Kaleo. Well, I had that Sunshine Coast.

The guy had on the back of the seat a big sign. I'll dig up the picture. But it said, ask me about my sci-fi and fantasy novels. No. And I was like, oh, whatever. No, of course you're going to ask. I was like, so you write books? And then he went on this 10-minute tirade about the publishing industry

and how they're keeping him down and they don't respect true novelists and all this shit. And I was like, oh, why did I ask? Isn't it great knowing over this weekend where we've all had these bizarre Uber drivers in Noosa and we're being like, and then knowing that they all get together, they're like,

where are these fucking fruits in town this weekend? Where are they? Bloody wacko convention on up here. I love that, the whole, yeah. Is he published? Was he a published author? He's self-published. Self-published, so sure the whole, yeah. Is he published? Was he a published author? He's self-published. Self-published, oh, sure.

Right, right. Okay, so, yeah, look, regular down at Officeworks. Oh, yeah. Exactly. I love that when those, the self-published people, I've run into a couple of those over the years

where they're big fans of, I haven't met a sci-fi author, but big people about writing their autobiography where it's like, A, this book sucks shit, but B, who's buying this? Who are you? How do you sell this as a book?

Either you're famous or you've done something interesting and you, my friend, have done neither of those. You just want to write down what happened in your life from point one to point seven. I've seen these books and they're fucking terrible. It's probably three chapters full of people who've wronged them.

You know, it's like that's its own thing. The bits I've seen of a couple of these books, I'm like, that'd be fucking great if something had happened in there. I've got a sizable collection of those

because they come up at writers' festivals and they give them to you. Oh, really? And they're like, hey, I want you to read it. So they're memoirs for people who no one knows.

No one knows. They just said, they wrote to themselves, they publish it themselves and then they don't even, a lot of times, they don't even give it to friends or family

because they want friends or family to buy it so that their investment pays out but friends or family fucking never buy shit. And also, by the way, I know that this is very rich, me criticizing this idea

coming from someone who professionally gets something and goes, hey, everyone listen to what I've got to say. It's even though the two words mean the same thing, the difference in someone telling you they're writing an autobiography or writing a memoir is like they're essentially the same thing,

but memoir is like, ooh, David Sedaris. Humorism in there, but autobiography is like, oh, you're insane. You think you should have an autobiography. I killed a dog when I was six. I did. That'd be good. Usually it's just like a diary. It's just like a fucking, you know, what someone had to it'd be good yeah yeah yeah it's just usually it's just like a diary

it's just like a fucking you know what someone had to eat yeah yeah yeah they're horrifically bad like yeah because you are you're not a self-published author

no I'm a published published author yeah yeah but yeah you do the festivals and they come up because they want to they saw that you got published

so they want to be like hey we're the same this is the hustler mentality yeah yeah yeah put it in Sammy Shah's hand and the next thing you know I'm in this song and then they want to be like hey we're the same this is the hustler mentality yeah yeah yeah put it in Sammy Shah's hand and the next thing you know I'm going to sign it and then they'd email you

or hit you up on Instagram and they'd be like did you read it? right and then you just leave that in the unread folder whatever

request yeah request folder and I've got like a ton of those in the request folder just like did you read it? how long have we got? because I can bring something up

Tommy we've hit an hour we're into overtime now How long have we got? Because I can bring something up, Tommy, on this subject. We've hit an hour. We're into overtime now. Should I bring this up because I've got one of these. Should I keep this up my sleeve or not?

I've got something in the request folder of Instagram that I've left in there. Maybe we go over some... Maybe we... Yeah. Man,

I think you guys will like this. All right. So I've got a guy from... That I haven't spoken to since high school. I don't float in the same circles as him anymore. I haven't seen him or anything like that. I haven't talked to him. So that is now...

That is 20 years ago. That is 19 years ago, I believe. So this guy hits me up on on instagram in the in the you know the request folder so i don't you know you can have a bit of a look without actually yes that's a gift thank god for that yeah so good so this is this is this is a guy i haven't spoken to for 19 years and this is what he's he said after 19 years hi carl how's it going hey man i just want to apologize for any payouts i did to you in studio arts in year 12 now do you follow this so far what's it making fun of you is that like an awesome thing payout is like giving someone shit okay all right yeah is it i don't know if that's

getting paid out you know yeah i get it yeah and get it. And that wasn't a slurping scenario. That carried on into the rest of adult life. Yeah, yeah, great, great. Yeah, for studio arts in Year 12. I kept coming over to you and asking you what your fascist drawing was about. Long story. Okay. That's the message. That's it?

That's it. Do you remember the fascist drawing? Were you just drawing Mussolini's symbol? Yeah, me sucking off Mussolini. I didn't do anything like that. I wasn't doing anything like that. No, but I think he means he was calling what you were drawing fascist. And he would have been like, what are you talking about?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like, A, I don't remember any of that happening. You remember this dude. I know the dude. Yeah. I know who the dude is.

But what was the relationship with him like year 12? Friendly? No, I think he... He's just an annoying guy and someone that like... Did he drink a lot? Because that sounds like a 12-step program. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right?

Yes, yes. Where he's reaching out to make amends. Yes. Is that what you think this is? That's what I think. Why else would you? Unless in the middle of the night he woke up, he's like, I owe Carl an apology for that what you think this is? That's what I think Why else would you Unless in the middle of the night He woke up

He's like I owe Carl an apology Yeah yeah yeah Exactly It's gotta be that I mean I found it interesting Because it's like

Fascia's drawing It's like Well what the fuck was I I wasn't doing anything like that Just write back and be like Dude how good is vodka? Yeah yeah yeah Should I ask him

Should I ask him that Because Because that's so funny For that to sit in his head For 19 years It's not like he ran over a cat or something. It's like he just went up to someone that he vaguely knew in a fucking arts class and gone, that drawing's fascist. But you're meant to apologize to people who you wronged in the throes of alcoholism or whatever.

So if he was in year 12, just fuck off. And Carlos is drawing a sketch of a vase and he's going, that looks like Mussolini's fucking hammer. That looks like the authoritative leader of a country what would happen if you wrote back you are not forgiven I still carry those scars

they're stuck in the program forever they never get to the next step what if I say is this look I forgive you

for this but you've got to tell me what how you got here. How you got to this point. What fucked up shit did you do? And he's still putting it on you. Yeah, he's still putting it on you by saying you did a fascist drawing.

It's not like you're drawing KB's shit for us. Alternatively, he's now joined a neo-Nazi group and he's reaching out to see if he can recruit Carl because he's going, shit, I remember a guy who used to go swashing us he's like fuck i don't know who i can talk it's a bringer it's like a bringer show like he got to bring in a few people to join the neo-nazi club yeah that's right yeah yeah yeah there's two options that i'm going with basically like you might be right you might be right about You might be right about him. Yeah, but how many fucking things has he done wrong

if he's reaching back 19? Or maybe he's just done barely anything wrong. Yeah. He's a great alcoholic. Clean life apart from that. Yeah. That's the one thing

he's done wrong. Yeah. That's haunted him. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. So, anyway,

I've left him on, I've left him on. No, that guy goes in the primary folder. That's what I think. Yeah, yeah. Do I, do I reply back to him or, I've left him on... No, that guy goes in the primary folder. That's what I think. Yeah, yeah. Do I reply back to him or... I don't know.

Because this is a bad thing. Because if I reply back to him, I'm tempted to find out what... Just say fascist drawing question mark and then let him elaborate. Let him explain a little bit more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I'd like to know what...

Like I said, what brought him to this point whether it's a 12 step program or or just be because he asked his second question

first thing was hi Carl how are you doing just ignore the complete rest of it and just tell him how you're doing yeah like dude oh yeah

I bought a ticket to Thailand but like my wife she's got to let go from her job so I don't know everything was fine until I got accused of fascism yeah now I'm spinning out.

Really went downhill. I'll tell you what you do. You go home, you get out a piece of paper and a pencil, and you just do a big old sketch of Mussolini. Yeah. You just take a photo and you just send that. No text. Sucking off Hugh Jackman.

Yes. There we go. Now we're cooking. Slurp in big comic letters on top. Now we're cooking. Yes. All right. Maybe I will do that.

Do a drawing of an actual dictator and send. Now we're cooking. Yes. All right. Maybe I will do that. Do a drawing of an actual dictator and send it to him. Yeah. We could do a whole pod where you just go through requests and see who's got the craziest shit. That's your pod, isn't it? Yeah, kind of. We could add it to mine. I have a lady that sends me a request message about once every two weeks saying, are you a comedian? She an Uber driver?

What's going on? She's pretty good. I got one yesterday to my official Facebook page saying, love the show from some lady, love the show,

which one of you two is single? I got one saying, are you single? I love one saying, are you single? I love the show. Must be the same woman. She's fucking with your head. She's trying to divide you guys. She's like this plotter in the background.

Well, I thought it might have been a bot, but it was like, love the show. I'm like, well, that's... You can't be a bot and do that. I did read it as like a weed. I mean, people can have a legit page that gets hacked and then it starts sending out bot-ish stuff like that. Yeah, one of my, like, I teach at Melbourne Union.

My boss sent me an email a few weeks ago saying, hey, we need to talk. And I wrote back, I'm like, I'm in class right now. Is it urgent? And he wrote back, call me as soon as you're done. I'm like, fuck. So I called him up and he's like, yeah, my email's been hacked. Everyone's been getting that so it sends a new the thing and then a follow-up email yeah that's that is actually like you like i was like oh fuck i'm fired like something's gone wrong you

know yeah that's that's that's clever it's very clever when i get spam that's just no no yeah but also you two to ask and channel believe in yourselves there's women out there that want to know if you're single yeah yeah no but there's women out there that want to know if you're single yeah there's women out there that want to fuck whichever one of us I feel worse because you're like are you single

I got the one that was just like he's one of you he's one of you rich dick and I suck yeah mine's direct I've sort of gotten

two there I got half of one you got one and a half yeah and also it was like you know it comes to me like is one of you single it a half yeah and also it was like you know it comes to me like is one of you single

it's like I'm not fussy like I just listen to your show and whatever voice I'll fuck it yeah yeah yeah exactly just as long as it's dude maybe she's like works with Make-A-Wish

and some kid requested what are you guys yeah yeah the kid requested I want my mum to fuck a podcaster I want a podcast dad yeah I want a step stepdad daddy podcaster. I want a podcast dad. Yeah, I want a stepdad podcaster.

All right, well, I hope that young lady is listening and she's enjoyed this episode because we've got to wrap it up for another week. Thank you, Mike and Sammy, for joining us. Sammy, you've got your podcast? I do. Of course, everyone has one. So mine is News Weekly.

That's W-E-A-K-L-y is the pun i have there and it is a weekly news satire podcast great um but because the comedy festival i ended up doing a cool few weird things where they call editorial editions where i spoke to like journalists in war zones um and we joked about their lives there so i spoke to a guy in ukraine in kiev like who was in a bunker and he told me about what it's like to be there and and then told me jokes about what they're doing in Ukraine at the time. That's great. Your comedy festival special. Let's get the Ukraine on the phone.

Ukraine in the membrane, yeah. They weren't from there. That was a Perth open mic. Yeah, of course. Funny voices. It's interesting. Mike, you've got the phone hacks. Phone hacks.

Capper is feeling better, so we'll be back to regular programming very soon. And I also write sci-fi and fantasy novels so do ask me about those. What's the name of your latest one? The Gilded Unicorn. Sounds good. I'm interested.

You know me. Big slurp. Big slurp. Alright guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you mates.

And they've done it again. Oh, Bernie. Straight off the laces. Oh, Bernie. Oh, no, Bernie. Oh, no, Bernie. Bernie. You kicked it too hard.

Fun people. Yep. Fucking in the midst of banking episodes, Tommy. The end of a long few days. Four end of a long, long few days. Four out of about six, seven days, I think that was. Something like that. Something like that. Yeah, just getting a little bit ahead of ourselves.

Cranking them out. And this, for being on the tail end of a big banking sesh, still a very fun one. Yes. You wouldn't know it. You wouldn't know it to listen to. I agree. And you know what? I got hit up again by that guy I talked about that DMed me.

Yes, this regular segment, This Cunt's Corner or whatever his name is. What do you mean? Is this the guy? Which guy? The guy who's hitting you up that he's listening in Perth? No, no, no, no, no. Oh, right. I thought that's what you were saying.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, right. Sorry. No, no, no. Talking about the guy. Because this is the episode. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your friend from school.

Sorry. I thought this was an update on the- I didn't say friend from school. A person from school. Someone the guy your friend from school sorry i thought this was an update friend from school someone i know from school yeah yeah i thought this was uh yeah sorry i thought you were talking about the um the person that you've mentioned yeah he's been listening through sequentially from perth yeah um no just like i said the uh the the guy that that asked me about the the fascist drawing oh yeah yeah that's this episode isn't it yeah he's um he just like, he just sent me a picture of him on stage shredding on guitar. That's cool.

Yeah. That's not bad. Despite the fact I have not opened any of these messages. He's just still sitting very snugly in the message requests. Ah, yes, yes. And he's just continually sending me these pictures. Very nice. Yep.

Very nice. Cheers, buddy. You've got to respect those people. They suspect that they're coming up against a brick wall, but they're happy to just keep throwing them out. Yeah. Doesn't matter to them. Yep.

And again, year 12, last time I saw him. So that is coming up on 30 years. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. There we go. That's a bad thing. Good shit. So yeah, look, keep setting them up.

If you're still, and if I know anything about this generation of people that I went to school with, it'd be still like absolutely denying that music's moved on and it's just him up there doing a bit of Black Hole Sun or something like that. Yeah, yeah. No, I think I'm going to get them this time.

I think I've made it now. Well, if you're listening and you can donate a gaming computer to my cousin's kid, and if you want to tweet at Hugh Jackman and tell him to... Oh, yes! No, wait, yeah. It was getting the kid a laptop so that then he can wish to meet Hugh Jackman

and while he's meeting Hugh Jackman say, hey, go on the little dum-dum-dum. Oh, is that what it was? I think it was something... Fuck, it's a while back we recorded this. It really was. This must be weird for people to listen to us struggling to remember something that they've just heard. Yes. But yeah, it was like four weeks ago now or something like that. Yeah.

Ridiculous. So, you know what? In the socials this week, just remind us what happened in this episode just so we know. Bullet points would be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone could take minutes. Someone could go back and listen and take minutes and send them to us. Someone could make it so that we don't have to listen to it.

Yeah. But we still know about it. Yeah. That would be great. That would be awesome. Like the dummies it, but we still know about it. That would be great. That would be awesome. Like the Dummies Guide to Little Dumb Numb Club. That would be really good. We are, ironically enough, the dummies. I remember studying Shakespeare in school

and getting these special editions of the Shakespeare texts that had the Cliff Notes things on the side. It's like, here's what this cunt really means. Just being like, well, if you have to put this out, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Fuck this guy. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. That is a good job to be the guy that, like, tightens up Shakespeare. Yeah, that's like looking at it going like, oh, fuck, what's he actually, what's he getting at here? That's a good job to advertise. Someone that can actually make Shakespeare better. Oh, yeah, I think I could do that.

Because there hasn't really been, you know, there hasn't been a writer since that people have had to do that with. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like there's not like annotated versions of like Jeremy Clarkson books where it's like here's what he's actually on about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, you know, Arthur Miller or anything like that.

Yeah, yeah. What year Shakespeare? What's he, 1600s or something like that? Something like that, yeah. It's fucking, 1600s or something like that? Something like that, yeah. Fucking man. You broke the mould and then everyone else kind of worked out how to write properly. Yeah, yeah. After him.

Yeah, yeah. Tightened it up from then. Got the general, you know, gist of it. And then went, yeah, we'll take it from here, shaky. Fuck Shakespeare. But hey, if you want the audio equivalent of Shakespeare, what you can do is get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club and support the show

and in exchange you will get two bonus episodes every week, two little 15-minuters Mondays and Fridays, great guests on them, always a lot of fun and access to the full back catalogue of 230-something episodes and counting. A Midsummer's Dumb Cunt. Yes. Get onto it. Big, big, big arse load of content on there. Much, you know, many of it better than what we're doing right now. Yes. Get onto a big, big, big assload of content on there. Much, you know, many of it better than what we're doing right now.

Yeah. There are literally bonus episodes that were better than this episode that you guys got and enjoyed right now. Yeah, exactly. There's some that are worse, but there's some that are better. Yeah. We should mark the ones up that are better. I'll start doing that.

Yeah, yeah. I'll start just being like, this is a good one. Yeah, yeah. In the titles, do like bonus episode 247 with Nick Capa, brackets, 7 out of 10. I'll just give them my star rating. Yes. I'll just start doing that every one of them. Okay, yeah, great.

Do it. All right. Do that. Do a star rating after. So now, not only if you subscribe on the regular feed, you have to listen to the whole thing to find out if it's good. Right. But on the bonus feed, you get immediate access to a star rating from one of the hosts letting

you know whether it's worth your time or not. Yes. Great. Great. Awesome. Yeah. And that's very helpful for people going back. They can just start with a five stars and work their way.

Exactly. Sort by. If you're super bored, go in for a two. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

That's great. That's great. If you feel like taking a risk, you know, you can go see a movie that's got like fucking 30 on Metacritic and be like, man, I actually love that. I disagree with the critics. Roger Ebert hated Taxi Driver. Yep. So we have a few Taxi Driver type episodes in that they're quite psychotic

and we try and kill the president in some of them. Yep, a real bloodbath. But also as part of subscribing on the Patreon, you go into the drawer to get your name read out in the back end of an episode of The Little Dum Dum Club. And here we are. Let's do it. In that very section.

Let's do it. This can't be as long as usual. We can't be doing dozens today because we are sitting in the basement comedy club. I have got 45 minutes until we open the door and I've got to set this room up. I've got to get some shit sorted. I've got to, yeah, fucking get some shit sorted. So let's crack straight into it.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, first cab off the rank, Fenja Bergland. Fenja Bergland. F-E-N-J-A. Well, I was about to say before, I think I'm going to, you know, I'll carry this through. I'll rate all these names. I'll give them a star rating. Yeah. And me this is a five star oh really this is like day one of the comedy festival the age or whoever going to see a show and being like we've got you know day one first first review we're logging and it's a fucking heater yeah well uh then you

bergen bergland bergland yes even better yeah fenya yeah fair bit going on yeah um i am uh Fenya Bergen. Berglund. Berglund. Yes. Even better. Yeah. Fenya. Yeah, a fair bit going on. I am looking her up, just making sure that I reckon I've got the right person. Lives in Sydney. Okay. Female name. Yep. Female person.

Okay. Pretty consistent. Yep. It's rare. You know, sometimes they don't align. Yep. Just checking to see if she's in the Millionaire Club on Facebook. Let's have a look if she's in. Is that the nickname, Fen?

I've never seen her post. I've never seen that name pop up in there. Good for her. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. Fenya, you're not in the Millionaire Club. You're wasting your money. Get in there.

There's all sorts of content like, you know, me walking home and I going, what's going on, guys? Yeah. You know, you could be engaging in that yeah it's good content yeah exactly so um but getting there she's uh she's in front of a picture of airs rock on facebook so uh yeah she's she's one up on me i keep looking at those um specials i've never been to the northern territory it's pretty good never been what have you been to? I've been to Alice Springs. I've been to Darwin.

I've gotten a light plane around the rock. Fuck. Paid for in full by the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Oh, back in the good old days. Back in the good old days.

It was awesome. You just taking a big bog on top of Ayers Rock, just really, you know, ramming it into the rightful owners. There was someone in our group

lobbying for us to take a little walk up there because it was at that time. There was someone in our group lobbying for us to take a little walk up there because it was at that time. This was like over 10 years ago. It was being talked about then of like, this is going to end at some point. A lot of chatter about it. And this person in our camp was like,

let's do it now because it's rude to now, but at a certain point in time, you are not going to be able to do it anymore. Right. So let's do it now while we can do it. I've got a vague idea of the people in your group. Is this a person in your group, would you say they're a person that's a fitting reflection on that sort of request or not?

Bit of a surprise. Oh, a bit of a surprise. Yeah, a bit of a surprise. Okay, all right. That's interesting. All right. Yep. Okay.

I'm on board. I reckon I know probably. Yeah, right. I mean, I understand the logic behind it. Yep. But at the same time, we were all like, no. Yes. No, no.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's cool enough to, I mean, without getting all whatever, it's cool enough just to look at, isn't it? At the point where you knew that it was, like, bad to go, if you had have gone up there before that had been a thing that was, like, out there, that it's rude to go, like, it's disrespectful to go up, and you could plead ignorance, I mean, that's the dream.

Hey, I did it. I really regret doing it. If I had have known, of course, I wouldn't have gone up. But going up while knowing that, that's no good. Right. did i say i've probably been saying yes rock oh sorry old school being being uh being very retro there with my with my uh vernacular um but also hey fucking the himalayas are there fucking i'm not climbing them you know you don't have to climb everything yeah exactly you just have a bit of a look they look pretty good i've seen fuji off in Fucking the Himalayas are there. Fucking I'm not climbing there. You don't have to climb everything. Yeah, exactly. You can just have a bit of a look. They look pretty good.

I've seen Fuji off in the distance. A mate of mine's climbed it. Yeah. And he came back and I was like, oh, how was it? And he was telling me all about it. I was like, sounds fucking horrific. He's like, yeah, it took like four days and it's brutal up there. And I was like, mate, you could be in Tokyo.

Just fucking living it up. Yeah. Having some drinks. Having some yakitori. You used to have a very you know, it's probably the best looking McDonald's where you used to live. Clifton Hill. Oh yes.

The old bank. Yeah. I never climbed it. I liked it. Went in there. Didn't have to climb it though. If you were King Kong, that would be your Empire State building. You'd just climb up the top of the Clifton Hill McDonald's. The suburban King Kong. Yeah. It's like the thing where you know that's why spider-man always lived in new york it's like yeah you can't swing from city to city in kansas or whatever from building to building that mcdonald's every now and then will come up on like a you know like a random twitter account

we'll have like you know there'll be like weird be like weird looking McDonald's or like at strange shops or whatever. Yeah. And there'll be a photo of that. And they'll just be like all these people from all over the world chiming in going, what the fuck is this? Yeah. There's a McDonald's that looks like that. And it was always, I'm well up with pride that that was my local. Yeah.

I would stop in there on the way home from like a party or something at 2 a.m yeah oh fuck well you know it was your local which meant it was partially my local because i'd come and record a lot of stuff you know wherever you live i tend to then get into you know what's nearby what's what's around cuisine yes exactly so that was the that was the local when you lived over there then when you were living in east melbourne i got to know that 7-Eleven very well on the corner and the Indian restaurant next door. And now where you are now, I'm really enjoying the cookie shop. I thought that was going to be a joke one.

No. Where you are now, I'm really enjoying the... Fucking the... Sewage farm. Drinking the cum off the floor of the foyer of Weddon Wellington because you live in a room in Weddon Wellington. I like how that's been put on me even though that's entirely in the imagination of you.

Oh, fuck, I said that. Oh, damn, sorry, everyone. I was trying to think of a third one. Well, thanks, Fenya. Thanks, Fenya. Hopefully, that's how you pronounce your name. Or, you know, phonetically it does say on the page Fenja. I hope that talk of licking cum off the ground didn't offend you.

Oh, that's good. Thank you. Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber Amon Roach. Amon Roach. Bit of a squeaky wheel. This guy's pretty keen. You know what? This guy, I know who this guy is.

He's a quick adapter of the podcast. He's pretty into it. I think we've both met this guy in person. We have. And you know where we met this guy? I do. The city of? Mm-hmm.

Go ahead. Perth. That's correct. Western Australia. That's correct. Three stars. While I think of it. Oh, right, right.

Yeah, yeah. And you know when we met him? Mm-hmm. When we went to try and do a show in Perth. Heading into lockdown. And then we didn't get to and we had to come home again.

Mm-hmm. So, um... Well, not quite. We didn't quite have to... We didn't just not get to do the show and then come home again. Mm-hmm. We had to stay there for five days.

Yes. Under lockdown. Yes, that's correct. Hey, well, while we talk about it, that is a good reminder that it is actually not very far away. July 16. It's not far away at all.

So just a reminder to aim on himself, turn up to the show. But July 16, 3 p.m. at the Rosemount Hotel, named, of course, from the Rosemount dynasty of which your girlfriend is part of. Come down July 16, live pod. Great guests. Not just your local slop. Not just your local fucking shit Perth comedians. Not just Eamon Roche getting up there and riffing with the fellas.

Not just Perth comedians that aren't vaxxed screaming through the window of the Rosemount Hotel because they can't enter the building and us having to hang microphones out the window so we can record it. Yeah, shock that mic out in the alleyway. All vaxxed comedians are on stage. Yes. Okay, interesting.

Absolutely. Confirmed comedians they are. Right, right. If you know what I mean. Right. They're confirmed comedians. Yeah. A little bit like that. Right, right. If you know what I mean. Right. They're confirmed comedians. Yeah. A little bit like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Never seen him not holding a mic. Very interesting what that tells you, isn't it? Very interesting indeed. That's it. That's it. So, yes, Perth.

And we met Amon, I think, what was it? Maybe, was it the night that we went? I think it was the night. Because it all happened very quickly. the night that we went? I think it was the night, because it all happened very quickly. The night that we get there, we think. You and I had sat down to talk about what we were going to do in the show the next day, and then we went our separate ways, and then an hour later there was a news report that there was going to be a press conference in an hour's time.

It was like, oh, well, I mean, this can't possibly be anything too serious. Yes. There's one case here, and they've already left the city. They're in Melbourne. No, whole city in lockdown. Yep, yep. So, one case here and they've already left the city. They're in Melbourne. No whole city in lockdown. Yep. Yep. One case that's not

in Perth anymore. He's in Melbourne. The place we then go to that's not in lockdown. Yes. So it made a lot of sense. Made a lot of sense. Crazy, crazy stuff.

We didn't get to do the show but we did that night. We went, okay, let's, the guests that were there, everyone we knew in Perth, comedian wise, we said,

let's go and have a drink. Yep. We ended up, I think this young man hit us up to go, oh, wherever you go, tell us where you will come and have a beer. So I think he came and had a beer or two with us, I think, at some stage when we went and got maybe some oriental food at the end of the night. Just before we went in to our excellent, lovely hotels that we were then stuck in for three or four days. And I will never step foot in again. I think I'm going to go back.

Are you? I reckon I'll go back. I think I found another one that I like better. Fuck, did I even book it in? Fuck, I probably haven't booked a con. I've probably been a real dick. I like to book ahead

but I reckon I haven't booked it. I'll tell you what I'm going to miss. Now that it's all kind of, you know, it feels like we're coming out of it. Fuck, the manic night before a lockdown. Right. Going out on the beers the night before everything is closing down.

Yeah. Just that fucking frantic energy of people just strong-arming him in for the last time. Yeah. There's a special sort of magic to it that there's, I don't think there's really any other comparison for. There's no other night on the calendar that's like it. And likewise likewise the first

night out you know you're just never gonna you're never gonna see that same energy again everywhere anywhere else yeah it's a bit of a shame it's a it is a weird one because it's like you get it's not like christmas eve beers where you're excited about you're sort of like oh yeah the next day there's a there's a it's almost like the next day something Yeah. And you get to celebrate by going out and having drinks before something good. It's the only one where you're happy and you go crazy and whatever about something bad the next day. Is there another example of that? You're not getting fucking sideways before a funeral, the night before a funeral, are you? I think there's just something really nice about being in a room and knowing that everyone – and walking down the street to get to that place

and everyone that you see is on the same page right you know that mentally everyone's got the exact same thing going on and when do you ever get that even like with christmas like there's people that don't celebrate christmas like but then like you know when it's like the night before a lockdown and you're walking around the streets you know everyone is thinking like jesus christ everyone in that pub is like, we are here with the exact same fucking agenda. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all on the same page, yeah.

Tomorrow morning we're waking up, and the same thing's happening to all of us. Which Christmas Eve drinks, you know, there's degrees of that, but not really, not to the same extent. It's the giddy thrill of something bad. Yeah. Almost.

And just that, like, everyone being in a room going like, fucking hell, can you believe this? Yeah, yeah. It's happened giddy thrill of something bad. Yeah. Almost. And just that, like, everyone being in a room and going, like, fucking hell, can you believe this? Yeah, yeah. It's happened again. Yeah. Kind of, yeah, I don't know. It's a little bit of a... It's kind of fun in its own weird way. A little bit of an end of the world drinks.

Yeah, yeah, totally. It's a little bit of, like, this plane's going down. Let's get the drinks card out. That one where they started the curfew at, like, 8pm or whatever, that was fucking brutal. Yes. That was so harsh. Yeah. That was so harsh. Yeah. It was like race.

And they announced it at 4.30. I raced out the door to the pub. Yeah. Met some mates and it was like, fuck, we just got to get three hours in. Yeah. Fuck, that was tough stuff. Yeah, yeah. But thanks, Eamon.

I might bring her back. When Blakey's away at the moment, I might bring back the old days, the lockdown ways of us going with a backpack full of beers and just walking around. Yeah. That was sort of fun. Yeah. There's no reason why that can't continue. There's plenty.

We get a few more people. Yeah. Just get a gang of people walking around with backpacks full of fucking tinnies. Yeah. Thanks, Amon. See you in Perth on July 16. 16. I think there's about 20 tickets left.

So a few people that have taken their refunds And then hopefully now that they know it's going to happen Fucking get them back again Oh and come and see me the night before July 15 Here we go During my show Turtle Island Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Peter Stapleton Stapleton?

Yes Alright this is a 4.5 I like it Really? Peter the name of my best friend in primary school at Stapleton. Yep. There's a lot to like there. Yeah, what do you like about it?

I like that it's got the word staple in it. You just like staple? I'm picturing him as a big stapler. Right. You're picturing him coming up on the bottom of the screen of our podcast right now saying, are you sure you don't mean, oh no, that's a paperclip, not a staple. Actually, that's a paperclip. No, I'm picturing my childhood best friend Pete in the form of a big stapler.

Okay. So it's like a kind of a body horror kind of thing. A stapler. Yeah. Not a staple. No. Yes. Okay.

Well, Stapleton, he's like a, it's kind of got a bit of a fence. It's like a flourish at the end there. Well, he's stapling a ton. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So he's a big, big stapler. He's a fucking big ass stapler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's human sized. Right. Yeah. Stapler is a good, it's a visually good object, I think. Yeah. I like it. Yeah.

They're always pretty weighty. You put them down, you're like, yeah, this is a fucking solid piece of equipment. In terms of stationery, in terms of going into office works and just picking up an item, it feels good in the hand. It really does. A little bit of a, you know, it's as close as we're allowed in this country, thanks to the nanny state, of having a cool weapon in your hand.

And you really feel like when you own one, you feel like you've got like a hack for life. You feel like you've cheated. You know, it's like a thing that not everyone has. But then, you know, if you print out a few things and you need them all stuck together, just being a person that has a stapler,

you're like, not everyone can do this. Man, I believe it. Some people are using the paper clip. When I was a kid, I remember I was at the back of my parents' business, our deli. Yep. And I was a big drawer. And I loved the idea of making my own comics and comic books. So I'd draw up these things.

And it's like, it's all well and good to draw it all up. But the very important thing is, in publishing, you've got to bind it together. Exactly. And so Nextdoor, the fruit shop Nextdoor, had a stapler. So it was like, oof. It was like... They used to leave the stapler cooling on the windowsill. Yes.

And you'd kind of sneak up and take it down. Where did all my staples go? I do like it. It was like, oh, we've got to go Nextdoor to get a stapler. A, why didn't we get a stapler? B, why did a fruit shop have a stapler? Yeah, good point. Yeah.

Sticking the price tags on the bananas nailing fucking onions together or something i don't know i don't know it is funny the things that you think about your house not having growing up and it's like that was four dollars yeah why didn't we just have one well look back then you know uh maribor i mean i wouldn't i don't even know where you would go to get a stapler. Oh, yeah. The Clunes Office Works. Yes. To send away to the Orient to order one in. True, true, true. Yeah. You should have just stole it.

Well, you could have just gone to the fruit shop and been like, where did you guys get this thing? Yeah. This alien technology. What, did you pass by Roswell and pick this thing up? You know what I did the other day is I went to, so a big deal in Maribor when I was growing up was going to Bendigo or Ballarat, the neighboring big city towns that had shopping centers, proper shopping centers. So I went to the big shopping center in Ballarat. It was called Wendaree Village. It's now called something else. And Wendaree is a bad part of town in Ballarat.

But that's where the big shopping center was. Went there the other day. And that classic thing, if you go to your hometown or somewhere where you went when you were a kid and everything's really small and shitty, went there. Holds up. Wendery Village. Still big.

Get along. Okay. Pretty good. All right. Pretty good selection in there. Shout them out. Yeah. If you're in Ballarat, go out the west.

I'll tell you what, all the houses that surround Wendery Village could do with a bit of knocking down. Okay. Make some more, expand Wendery Village. Yes. Make it of knocking down but expand Wendery Village yes make it even bigger it's a beautiful it's the oasis of the west

okay chuck a cinema in there get in there get into Good Bakery really good bakery Golden Nugget Bakery shout out to them

alright had a bit of had a bit of lunch myself there my child enjoyed it very much as well Blanket's first trip to Wendery Village

yep so no one of those few things is a you know, I reckon pretty much growing up, anything you look back on sort of isn't that good. No. Don't you think? Well.

What's an example then? Of something that's still good. Yeah. Like with distance and then coming back. I mean, I can't say any of my schools because they knock them all down. Do you mean purely like geographic things? Yeah. Or just like any kind of experience from a kid?

Geographic, yeah. Physical things. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I can't really think of an example. Well, you're too close. You know what?

You are a very rare, I think, comedian in Melbourne that was born in Melbourne, grew up in Melbourne, hasn't moved away. I reckon most comedians that we deal with on the scene come from somewhere else. Yeah, that's true. Melbourne is a place that people move to. Tell me how many Melbourne,

completely 100% Melbourne-based comedians there are. I reckon there's you and Lomas. Lomas is more Melbourne than me. Because Lomas is like inner city. I was like, you know, not deep burbs,

but I was still like outside of the actual CBD. You were light burbs, I would say. Light, very light burbs. Yeah. But you're right. He's inner city the whole time. Yeah. He's the sort of guy that is like, where do you get milk from?

Cody. The shops. Cody. You know what? Big statement. I don't think Werribee is Melbourne. But that's, that's a suburb. That's suburban.

Yeah, but as soon as there's a break in the city and there's huge tracks of countryside and then they start again, I reckon that's a different city. I think it's technically a suburb, though. It's technically the suburbs. Technically, but I'm saying I know better. And it's not, I don't classify it as Melbourne. Well, this is an unwinnable debate then. No, it's not a debate it's a

question i'm interested in knowing who else is let me think who else um yeah it is it is tough to think it is tough to think of people that are strictly so many people have come from somewhere else yeah so many i mean melbourne is one of those places where even like a lot of my friends are from yeah like my girlfriend's from perth originally yeah um a lot of my friends are from. Yeah. Like my girlfriend's from Perth originally. Yeah. A lot of my social circle are like, yeah, yeah, it really is. Yeah, you're right. I should get the fuck out of here and go live somewhere else. Well, yeah, you've been here for a long time.

I have been here for a long time. Yeah. I'm sick of it, to be honest. Where would you live? I was talking to someone about this last night. I would love to just do like six months in Japan. I would love to live in Japan long enough for the sheen of it being a holiday to wear off and to see what it feels like to actually be based there. But sustainable, yeah, I mean, I never had any interest in doing the UK.

I'd love to do the States, honestly, as a sustainable thing. There was a point in my 20s where I would have loved to... If we had the same kind of arrangement with America that we have with the UK, where it's easy to just go and you apply and then you can just go and live and work there, I probably would have done New York in my early 20s. Would have had a go at that. I think if I'd gotten into comedy earlier and I was in comedy writing, and comedy writing, there's more jobs.

They pay better. Everything's better in terms of comedy writing than it is in Australia where there's about three jobs at any point in time. But now, fuck that joint and I don't care enough about that job to go and do it. And it would be too hard as well. It would be hard. Still, I mean, that would be, sustainable-wise, that would be where I'd aim to land in terms of sustainability.

Yeah. Sort of fuck that joint, I kind of think. Is that a funny thing where you're kidding? You're like, oh, my God, America. And now it's sort of like, we literally have it better off. We really do. I mean, the thing of people wanting to move anywhere else for comedy is becoming a bit less of a thing.

Like when I started, it was like a bit of a rite of passage that people would be doing comedy for a bit and then be like, oh, I'm just going to move to London now after a couple of years. And no one really does that now. I think there's like, you can get, you know, if you're good enough, you can have stuff on the internet and you can go like, oh, I'll just go and do a couple of months in London and come back. Yep.

Because my quality of life is so much better here. Yes. Than it would be living in a shit little flat in London. Yes. Paying four times the amount. Anyway, thanks Peter Stapleton. Yep. Thanks Staples.

I'm going to move to Bangkok and run a comedy club there. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Nigel Thorne. Yes. Okay. You agree? Ine. Yes. Okay. You agree? I agree with this. Okay. I'm picturing there's a cartoon character called Nigel Thornberry

from the TV show The Wild Thornberries. He's got a big nose, got a big bushy moustache. He's like kind of a... Wait, is this an actual thing? Yeah. Okay. The Wild Thornberries. A little cartoon about a little family who kind of travel around making nature documentaries. Okay. The Wild Thornberrys. A little cartoon about a little family who kind of travel around making nature documentaries.

Okay. And yeah, so he's like British and he's got a big bushy moustache. And I'm picturing this guy looking exactly like him. Right. Well, that's him. Probably looks nothing like him at all. Right. Maybe I should look him up.

Maybe I should say, see if he's in our group. As I've mentioned before, is he in uh the millionaire group let's find out um sorry star rating star rating oh yeah good question uh i never loved that cartoon all that much although i do like the name the name nigel's pretty cool do you think i have to give this a 3.5 oh yeah he's in the uh he's in the uh what are we getting from old nige oh he's in the He's in the What are we getting from old Nige? Oh, he's fishing There's a fair bit of fishing Oh, does he love a fish?

Yeah Okay Poor old fish Getting an absolute battering from this bloke I'd like to get into fishing Would you? Yeah He's from Wollongong

Okay Yeah Alright Any thoughts about that? Looks Looks very much I'm just seeing a picture of him. Looks like a fan of ours, I would say. Yeah, he's the, yeah.

He's the like you fed all these episodes into an AI and gotten it to make a picture of what a listener this would look like. Yep. And it spat out old Nige. That's him. Yep. That's him. He's Johnny Dumb Dige. That's him. Yeah. That's him. He's Johnny Dum Dum.

He's the guy. So thanks for being right in the middle of what we attract. The intersection of all of the sort of people that listen to this. Is he listening to this while he's out there throwing a rod in? Is that what you do? Maybe. I mean, we hear a lot of people transporting themselves somewhere and listening. Is this the sort of thing that you sit on a riverbank and listen to?

Do you listen to podcasts when you're fishing? I sort of get the impression that fish is, it's like the, they like the... Solitude. Yeah, the tranquility of it all. Right. You don't ever really hear about people being like, oh yeah, this is a ripper album to put on when you're going fishing. It's more, yeah, it's about the silence. It's about the, it's about the kind of zen.

It's about patience. it's about the it's about the kind of zen it's about patience it's very meditative and you know you're not you're not really that doesn't lend itself to chucking on a bit of rogan while you're right out there yeah yeah yeah and also you watch you're listening to a comedy podcast ideally you're trying to do that to have a laugh you don't really want to be laughing you're shaking the rod it's going all over the place yeah yeah yeah i mean you're sort of making the fish go either run away or you know swim away or go fuck what's that podcast what's what's going on yeah maybe that's maybe i'm gonna jump on this hook maybe so i can get reeled in and then i'll be next to the speaker i'll be able to hear it even better maybe this podcast is great bait yeah yes they could use this podcast as like sonar and get the whales into it. Yeah.

That would be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Thanks, Nigel. Thanks, Nigel Thorne. And happy fishing. Yeah. I hope you catch a fish and then grab it, kiss it, and then say, see you, mate, and chuck it back in.

As we say here at the Little Dumb Dumb Club, yibbity-yibbity. Yeah. Yibbity-yibbity, let'sita. Yeah. Yibbity yibbita. Let's kiss a fish and just suck face with it. That's it. With a brown trout. Right. I can hear the hubbub upstairs and there are people wanting to get in this comedy club

and I've really got to get my shit together down here. So we better do just one more. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, okay. Thank you very much to Perth Comedy. Oh. Yeah. That's good. too. Perth Comedy. Oh. Yeah. That's good.

Yeah. So they subscribe. So that's good. I hope they come along to our live Perth podcast on July. I hope they buy all 20 of the tickets. Yes. For July 16. Well, as a genre, surely there's enough. I hope it's present.

Yeah. Yeah. I hope there is Perth Comedy at our podcast. I hope they pay us to come along. And I hope, again, I hope they're not just buying tickets and then we have to crack a window open so they have to listen from outside because they don't have their jab and all that sort of stuff.

Yeah, they're listening from out in the street. I mean, I know a lot of Perth comedy are probably very keen on sitting on a chair. They just prefer to have it on stage. Not so rushed all of a sudden, are you? All of a sudden, you've got all the time in the world. Well, you know, it's the sort of thing where I couldn't fit another thing. Time stands still.

Yeah. I couldn't fit another thing in. Oh, is that a chocolate mousse? I guess I can. Make an exception. I guess I can be persuaded. Make an exception. All right, guys.

Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you next.