The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 610 - Nick Cody & Luke Heggie

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

We're recording off-site this week in a beautiful serviced apartment paid for by the taxpayer, with NICK CODY and LUKE HEGGIE! We have a crack at coming for Cody's commercial radio job with our best version of a phone-in topic, Tommy's left some disturbing paraphernalia lying around in a hotel room, there's a new comedy gig opening up which shares a big similarity to a gig that Tommy used to run PLUS we've found a way to track down all the other Dassalos in the world - and the countries they're from WILL shock you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick, Cody and Luke Heggie. And if you are in Perth, a reminder that we are there quite soon. July the 16th, we're at the Rosemount Hotel. Big live podcast, big live stand-up show. It's been rescheduled many times, but it is happening, baby. This time we are fucking good to go. We are raring to go. If you got your ticket sitting on the fridge from all those years ago,

don't forget to come along. And if you don't have a ticket on the fridge yet, well, then get one. Yep, not many left. Not many left. So get down there. Can't wait to get over there and finally do a big live Perth show. But we've got a beautiful little episode for you right now that was live in a room with no audience.

But, yeah, it was still pretty good. Yeah. Enjoy this. Nick Cody and Luke heggie hey mates welcome once again into the little dumb club for another week thank you very much for joining us my name is tommy dasolo and with me as always the other half of the program carl chler. G'day, Dickhead. Joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Nick Cody and Luke Heggley. Oh, yes.

What a treat. What a package. What a treat to have you two together at last. Thanks for having us again. Your little apartment, your little love nest here. We're recording at a Quest at your little apartment. Quest is out, yeah. It's pretty good

It's not bad Taxpayer dollar Taxpayer dollar Mr and Mrs T-Payer Are fucking sorting this out You're welcome Over the road from the ABC Yeah

So I was just looking at it on the way past Still one of the worst logos going around The ABC logo Yeah Get it It's so appalling Yeah It's so appalling

It's You know Because it's made to look chrome now I remember when it came out And everyone was like That's fucking shit And then. It's so appalling. It's, you know, because it's made to look chrome now. I remember when it came out and everyone was like, that's fucking shit. And then no one's bothered changing it for like 20 years. Yeah. That's been out longer than 20 years, surely, that logo.

No, no, like the shape has been around forever. Yeah. But they've turned it into... Just the chrome. Yeah, they've turned it into like a super cheap Autobahn fucking version. Oh, with the sort of bubbly, looks a bit like a Get Well balloon. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks chrome. Looks like a fucking

tower pipe all busted up. What's it meant to be? It's like the infinity. It's fucking infinity, dude. But extra infinity. Extra infinity. It's more infinity. That's how much good

programming we have. More than infinity. It goes around forever, but it goes around and around forever. You know what I mean? Instead of just like around forever, it's around and around forever. You know what I mean? Instead of just like around forever, it's around and around forever. So it's a metaphor for how often they replace picks and specs.

Right, yeah. That's ABC2 in there somewhere. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. And they've got Heggie on the first floor because if he realised midway through the night he's been flown to Melbourne to shoot a sketch for the ABC, he would have jumped off the balcony. So they've kept him as close to the floor

how have you not bashed yourself yet you know what you're doing we've been getting shit about this about repackaged stand up and that sort of business yeah

fucking suck my balls it's fine it's good don't good on you mate now put it in book form and then put it as memes well you can't package up fucking

what's your name what do you do so it sounds like the little green monster over here has a problem oh yeah yeah Nick Cody the king of crowd work yeah yeah you know me What do you do? So it sounds like the little green monster over here has a problem. Oh, yeah, yeah. Nick Cody, the king of crowd work.

Yeah. Yeah, you know me. I remember everyone's name. It's all pure. The stuff on radio, that's never entering the stand-up set. It's all self-contained. Yeah, yeah. How are you going to make a children's book out of

where's the weirdest place you've ever had sex? Yeah. If anyone says I can't act, I straight-faced did an ad for Jetstar. Did you? Well, radio. You've got to read stuff out. If you wrote a book, it'd have a phone number on the end of each sentence.

What do you mean? Hey, thanks for reading. What else have you read, 131060? Give me a call if you've ever read this book. It is nice to be here in this beautiful apartment. Thank you for hosting us,

Heggy. There's a sauna in this building. Really? Yeah. We could do this from the sauna. I'm probably going to.

Could have given us a heads up. We could have brought our togs. I don't want to be in there with you, but just sort of mention. I don't think I've

ever had one. Really? A sauna? That's great. Love it. Never had one. Hold on. What I've ever had one. Really? No. A sauna? That's great. Love it. Never had one. Hold on. What have you been doing all this time?

I'm just staying room temperature, I assume. That's good. That's why you keep going to Thailand. You don't realise there's hot rooms here. It's going to blow his mind. Outside sauna. Yeah. Just like the humidity.

Yeah. Imagine that my wife introduces me to a sauna and all of a sudden I never get on a plane again yeah you're like oh this is actually

the thing I like about Thailand I realise that yeah can you bring curries into a sauna because I think we're all good just stick a little photo of a palm tree in there and I'm away

I feel like I'm on holiday yeah well I yeah I we you know we usually at the moment we're recording at my house I think I'm going to have to move this is devastating what do you know we usually at the moment we're recording at my house

I think fuck I think I'm gonna have to move this is devastating what do you mean we had the the neighbours had the election I talked recently about

the neighbours on one side yeah just having like loud parties and stuff neighbours on the other side they're a family and I see the dad out in the street a fair bit get on really well with him

and we had the election recently they had a greens like they had an Adam Bandt poster out the front of their house. And my girlfriend told me while I was away, someone walking past their house has torn the poster down and put it in our bin. Oh, yeah. Because it's the next bin, right? Wow.

And so she goes out. And so the guy is out in the street and he's in the street. He's seeing this poster that's just got the corner left on his wall. And he's a bit down. He's like, oh, that's pretty disgraceful, isn't it? Someone does that. You would have to be an absolute fuckstick to wreck someone's poster and then put the evidence in your own bin.

That's out the front of your house. Be the dumbest cunt. Yeah. With it sticking out. You haven't even pushed it all the way in your bin. Oh, it's a fucking alpha move. Just get the cunt. Show him who's boss.

Is that what he thinks you've done? Well, so yeah, because so she's looking at him. She's looking at him, like looking at the remnants being like, oh, it's disgraceful, isn't it? And then she opens up our bin to put something in it, like just rubbish.

Yeah. And the fucking Greens poster's in there. Yeah. And so he sees it. Does he actually see it? He sees it and she has to go on the front foot and be like, oh, no, I didn't tear it down. Yeah.

And he was apparently a bit like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like not buying it. Well, you know, he sees the greens poster in your bin then he looks at your front door it says no dogs no irish no blacks and you go well right two and two together yeah you probably have done it so yeah that's i mean that's fucking that's really rattled me because i see this was it in the right bin at least yeah it'd be great if he took it out of the red lid put it in the the person who's took it out of the red lid and put it in the recycling.

The person who's torn it down, then making the effort to put it in the recycling. Yeah, that's funny. That would be... So that means you live in between the Greens poster house and then the weird anti-vax. Yeah. It's all happening.

It's all happening. Literally the left and the right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Depends on what way you're looking at it. Yeah. And then there's me right in the middle. Oh, is that you? Not voting.

A real centrist. A true centrist. Not even turning up to the polls. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Nice. Look, I don't want to waste, not waste this. I think I've burned this on you already today in chat,

but I feel like it's worth bringing up because I like the concept. But you alerted me to this. There's a bar near my house called Nevermind. Yeah. And I find this funny. I like the setup to this of like, I've burnt something on you that you alerted me to. Yeah, but there's only three of you there's only three of you

in the room it's like walking into like a stand up gig and there's you know 200 people and going there's 60 of you that's heard this joke

can you just fucking you know just forget about this cover your ears yeah yeah but do you know that bar Nevermind in Hawthorne I think you took me there

before is that the double level yeah is it Nirvana themed no no it's just bar just got that one no but it's a No. It's just bar. Okay.

Yeah. No. But it's a nice little... It's cool bar. You used to go there when you were like a kid. It was when I was... Yeah. When I was just out of high school, it was like the big kind of... They had like a uni night on like Tuesdays or something.

Yeah. And it was like lying around the block to get in. For just a... Like not even a... Not like a dance floor or nightclub or anything like that. Literally just to sit in a bar and have a beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But where you're like, oh, people I know are in there.

I'm going to have to wait out in the cold for three hours. They don't teach a real shit in school, do they? A teacher should just go, if there's a line, don't bother. Just go sit in a shit pub somewhere. Go to the Welcome Stranger. Absolutely. Never a line there. Sometimes you want to go where everyone knows your name

yeah very good reason why there's no line but yeah anyway so it's quite a cool bar and yeah it's great

yeah I like going to it every now and then but so they're starting a comedy night great so

I love you know a good shit comedy night name well a lot of the time it's most of the time you just get

comedy at the whatever you're going to be shenanigans the one gig that you've ever run yeah 2007

about one year into comedy or something I didn't know you ran a gig what happened yeah the pub I worked at big room runner Nick Cody just did it on a Saturday

when I was just working at the bar just you just grabbed a mic and went for it no no I did some spots there but when I was just working at the bar. Just you? Just grabbed a mic and went for it? No, no, I did some spots there. But yeah, I think it ran about three times. Got in the Hobsons Bay fucking newspaper.

With a microphone over my head or something. Next to a beer, just so they know. Well, it's comedy and he's a bartender. Yeah, yeah, great. I'll find it. I reckon it's in a comedy box at home. Yeah, great. Who'd you get on in the three weeks? Did you get any names?

I still remember. Did I do it? Yeah, I think you did it. Harley, Hickey, Sharky, all the E's. Cody. Sorry, Daslo. You know why you weren't there. Tommy.

Tommy. Tommy, oh, fuck. I could have done it. But it was a gig that was just in the bar with no stage or anything, wasn't it? No, there was a little stage where they'd put the speakers when musos would play, but the musos would play on the floor. Yes. Yeah, it was a bit weird.

Yeah, no good. But so this new gig, Near Me, all these gigs start up Near Me, and I'm like, I don't want to do any of these gigs but it's so name of the name of the show it's

you said it was a Nirvana themed pub it's a there's some of that happening with the name not shoot yourself at Nevermind

smells like something smells like something that's good smells like comedy smells like comedy smells like comedy that's good. Smells like comedy. Smells like comedy. Smells like comedy. Now that would be great. That's a much better name than what it is.

And you get the poster every week. It's all the comedians, but you photoshop their heads onto the little naked baby. Yes. It's the headliner gets the baby's face, and then the MC gets the dick. Gets his face on the dick. Yeah, cool.

On the baby's dick. Yeah, yeah. Not bad gets his face on the dick on the baby's dick yeah yeah not bad at all yeah or maybe there's like five supports or whatever and all of a sudden the baby's got

five prongs down below and it's like a face on each one of them oh just like what multiple dicks multiple dicks yeah supports be the cash

isn't there cash in the pool just have a little bit yes oh yes photoshop them onto the note is it a gong show no is it rate me

no no that's that's what I was Oh yes Photoshop them onto the note Is it a gong show? Is it rape me? No no That's what I was going to suggest Rape me comedy That's a bit full on Maybe just comedy me But you could No you're right on the post You got the note

Maybe if it's ten bucks to get in You can photoshop that The ten dollar Australian note there So there you go There's your clue $10 to get in, you can Photoshop that, the $10 Australian note there. So there you go. There's your clue on what to get in. Yep. This is all pretty good.

Another worst bit. These are all going to be much better than whatever that actual... What is it we're looking at? Yes. How bad? The note is called, come as you are comedy. Is it at least CUM? No, it's not

Nothing funny in it Absolute waste But come is like It's nearly It's nearly the same word as comedy Yes You've got most of the letters Already there

So you think it should be Comedy as you are Comedy as you are That makes more sense That's good It's not worse It's maybe as bad It's not worse

What is worse? Comedy as you are? No, maybe comedy as you are comedy just to really make sure people know what it is. People know what they're getting into. Yeah. Fuck. Because then on the poster, it's like none of it is Nirvana themed in any way. No.

Because I sent it to you and you pointed out to me like, oh, Nirvana. It's like that hadn't even crossed my mind because visually it's not they're not doing anything with the reference just come as you are

just like you know just come in whatever you're wearing to the comedy show I didn't even

put it together with the song yes fuck it we were putting in effort trying to make up puns and shit

I know we're making fun of it and accidentally making much better business ideas for them although you know so yeah so We're making fun of it and accidentally making much better business ideas for them.

Although, you know, so, yeah. So, look, I feel like it's fine that we can, you know, slightly making fun of it or whatever because, or even, you know, giving it free advertising. It's not really doing that because we're recording this a little bit in advance and I predict it probably won't last more than two weeks. So, by the time this is over. Oh, is it just starting now? It's just starting. Yeah, yeah time this just started now. Just starting.

Yeah. Yeah. This week. The over under on shenanigans at the Prince Albert Hotel in Williamstown. It was three.

Yeah. I don't reckon it would be your record. You don't think it's beating shenanigans. Okay. We will be able to what by the time we do

the talking dum dum for this we'll know. Right. We'll be able to find it. So we can wrap up. People start in rooms they're fucking tenacious.

Yeah. Same as cunts start in comedy. They don't just quit. No but bars. At the first sign of adversity rooms. They're fucking tenacious. Yep. Same as cunts start in comedy. They don't just quit at the first sign of adversity. No, but bars are not tenacious. Oh, the bars, yeah. That's the big thing. There you go.

Comedy's a magic midweek bullet, as you know. You're like, oh, fuck, we can't get anyone here on a Tuesday. I'll just start comedy. Everyone loves comedy on a Tuesday. So they'll put that. Then no one turns up. Then they go, fuck this. Let's put on fucking trivia.

Yeah. So that'll be the end of that. But comedy as you are. Come as you are comedy. It's up there. It's one of the worst names, I reckon. It'd be in the top five. And one of the top five, I reckon, would be a room that you ran Tommy Daslow in terms

of a name. Do you remember what Tommy Daslow ran as a room? Collingwood? No. Fitzroy? No, it was a bar open. Bar open. Brunswick Street? in terms of a name do you remember what Tommy Daslow ran as a room Collingwood no Fitzroy no it was a bar open Bar Open Brunswick Street

oh fuck I've got a feeling I've got a Sydney name no no this is a different bar this is a different show Jumping Jack Flash comedy

was it no no it's it's a territorial pissings comedy no I've got a feeling Luke Heggie especially will enjoy the name of this

Oh, Heggie's going to bash me on air as soon as he hears it Queenslander Bevan comedy No Let me know Give them some clues perhaps Some clues Alright, well it was a Sunday afternoon show. Yes.

Because I remember asking you at the time, just going, what the fuck is going on with this name? And you're going, oh, well, you know, it's for people that have maybe had a hard night out on the Saturday night. Afternoon delight. That's not bad. Again, we're making things better. Yeah.

And so this is on a Sunday early evening, Sunday early evening, in Brunswick Street, Fitzroy. So not a... Are the hints in the name here or what? No, no. Look, if you could guess this, this would be absolutely unbelievable. Something to do with dusk or sunset?

I'm setting the stage for it, that's all. Yeah, okay. So this is what I believe is the reasoning why this is the name. But if you'd like... I love this set up too where you're like, I barely knew you at the time and you're like, why the fuck are you calling the gig that?

Nice to meet you, Mr Chandler. I've got to know he hasn't changed. No, no, no. I think I got the gig from you first and then a couple of years later I'd been saving up going, what the fuck was with that name? That would have been it, yeah. Hair of the comedy.

Oh, fuck, that's good. That's good. That's really good. What are we looking at? So this was on a... Or comedy of the dog. Comedy of the Comedy. Oh, fuck, that's good. That's good. That's really good. What are we looking at? So this was on a... Or Comedy of the Dog. Comedy of the Dog, yeah. This was on a Sunday afternoon

and it was named after the things that you want on a Sunday if you've had a big Saturday night. Yeah. Wide World of Sports. So it was called too? Yeah. Wide World of Sports Comedy. Kebab finger in the ass nap.

Fuck, I'd do that gig for sure. Oh, it's nap time comedy or something. Some siesta's comedy or some shit. No. 60 minutes comedy. I'll give you a clue. There's two things. There's two things.

Two things you want on a Sunday, aren't there? Quentin on television. No, it's not named after a disabled young child. Disabled young child comedy. No, it's not called that. Well, you want a beer on the Sunday Arvo? Another beer, you think? Yeah, well, it's Sunday Arvo.

Hey, guys, welcome down to beer comedy. We've got a great line-up for you this evening. Beer comedy. Beer and beer. Beer and beer comedy. You didn't let me finish. Headliner tonight, Luke Heggie. Beers comedy. Sunday sessions or something.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I do like that it's one of those, how do they pronounce? Rorschach tests. Rorschach. It's like, what do you want on a Sunday? It's also like Family Feud. Yeah. It really is.

And it's like, and you're going beer. And I'm like, wow, this is very different to what Tommy D'Astley wanted on a Sunday. Yeah, yeah. Oh, suicide. Also, yeah. Also, same answer to Tuesday morning gig. Yeah. Beers?

All right, are we ready are we all done are we going to the board are we rifting yeah any more guesses any more guesses two things

there's still five spaces up on the board that haven't been revealed no idea what survey says survey says

I ran a gig called hash browns and Cuddles. Oh, fuck. Not in a million years. Even if you reminded me your only child, I'd have fucking gotten that. We thought it was cute.

We thought it was a cute name for a gig. If you gave me the first 15 letters, I would have done it. This is not a bad plug for it. If you gave me the breakfast menu of McDonald's and put your arms around me, I wouldn't have picked it. Oh, fuck. Sausage, muffin. And rape?

Wrestle. That's a proud little cuddle. Fucking poons. Yeah. You poons. He's done well there. He's close enough to the ABC building, he knew what to say. Any further north, different word coming out of here.

A bit higher in the alphabet, I think we would have gone there. I mean, I'm probably going to have to bring it back. This is a good plug for it. It's getting a lot of airtime on this app. It'd be a shame to waste it. Like I said, I don't think there's too many weeks in Come As You Are comedy. I shark them.

I get in there and take over. Week three. Guys, we're having a big rebrand here at Comedy As You Are comedy. We're now going to be known as Hash Browns and Cuddles comedy. On a Monday night. Because you know what you want on a Monday? Hash Browns and Cuddles. Yeah.

What? Okay, sure. People sure didn't want a fucking Nirvana song on Monday night. Exactly. Man, if my wife ever said to me what do you want for breakfast, I said hash browns and a cuddle. She would and should leave. Fucking appalling.

If I bring it back, can I count you in for a spot? Can I get you on? Can you, if you bring it back, can you make it like, Dave O'Neill's got a room called Dave O'Neill's Comedy Funhouse. Can you name it Luke Heggie's Hash Browns and Cuddles? Luke Heggie presents Hash Browns and Cuddles. Hash Browns, Cuddles and Luke Heggie. The three things you want on a Sunday.

I might have to bring it back for a one-off, a one-time reunion. And it was a good gig. It was an appalling name, but it was a very good gig. Yeah, there was like a run of Sunday afternoon gigs, which doesn't really happen all that much anymore. Yes. It's a good time for it. You're right.

Was it close to your place? Pardon? Did you live right near it? I didn't live anywhere near it, no. Oh, right. That's right. Usually the gig closest to where you live is fucked. It's like a dentist or something. You just don't go near your place. You've got to find travel. Well, this is right. Usually the gig closest to where you live is fucked. It's like a dentist or something.

You just don't go near your place. You've got to fucking travel. This is right near me. It's going to be shit. Yeah, there's a bunch of shit ones near my house. Yeah, they're never good. Yeah, it's such a shame. Gigs start up near my joint.

I think, oh, fucking sick. This is going to be so... Walk down there. Oh, yeah. Prefer to just travel an hour. Yeah, yeah. It's never fucking good. So there's no good gigs near your house, in the vicinity of your house at all? No, fuck no. Walk down there. Oh, yeah. Prefer to just travel an hour. Yeah. Never fucking do it. So there's no good gigs near your house, in the vicinity of your house at all?

No. Fuck no. There are some that pop up. Coogee Bay Hotel started. Oh, yeah? I thought, oh, this would be great. I still went down there, but it was fucking appalling. And what's that just called?

It's Francis Farmer will have all the revenge upon Seattle. I can't even remember. I think it was Shit and the Ice Cream Laugh Along. It's gone now. They had enough of the comedy because it was terrible. I think it was just comedy at Coogee Bay Hotel. It wasn't anything special. It's probably why it failed.

It didn't have a catchy title. Yeah, that's it. It didn't have a comforting title. Well, that's not even... I mean, also, the great naming continues because I ran that gig with another comedian who... Also, we're on a show at the minute called The Little Dumb Dumb Club. I wanted this to be the Hash Browns and Cuddles podcast.

I wanted it to be a spin-off of the brand. Which one are you? Oh, that's great. That's great. You should have changed your name once. You could have had name characters. I'm Hash Brown. Right.

And he's Cuddles, is he? Because you'd be... You'd have to be Cuddles because it's like, it's ironic, you know. Right. You're such a surly guy and your name's Cuddles.

That's hilarious. Okay, yeah. And I'm Hash Brown. Yeah. Yeah, but then, I mean, I could easily be Hash Brown and you could be, you know... I'm Cuddles.

Nah, it doesn't work. It works better you being Cuddles. It's like a fat cunt being called Tiny. Get a butt cunt. You're not having Hashbrown. Fuck off. Can't believe I'm jealous of a name I've been... I've spent five minutes shitting on.

Well, the guy... I guess I can say his name because it's a funny name. I was doing this with a guy who did stand-up at the time called Craig Anus. Yeah. Well, it's also funny because I believe his girlfriend listens to this show or his wife. She did. Yeah, at one point she did. Oh, at one also funny because I believe his girlfriend listens to this show. She did.

Yeah, at one point she did. Oh, at one point. I think I know Craig. Did she hit you up to say, I'm not listening anymore? Well, I don't know. That was ages ago that he told us that. Did he move to the Central Coast? Is that Craig?

Is that him? Perhaps, yeah. Do some radio? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Lovely guy. Lovely guy. Lovely guy.

I haven't seen him for years. You know, really positive. I floated the name Hash Browns and Cuddles. He didn't knock it back He didn't bully me for it Well again He didn't He's like

It's better than my last name Anus comedy Anus Browns It's better than Childhood cancer and freckle Anus and Cuddles Alright Yeah I'm really I'm feeling good about Bringing this gig back But being like anus and cuddles alright yeah I'm really

I'm feeling good about bringing this kid back but being like it's back and then it literally was just a line up show you know what I mean

there's like nothing that remarkable about it at all but if it's back you've got to get permission of him or does he have to come back and help you run it

oh if he fuck I fly him down for one night this would be pretty awesome what I'm worried about is Chandler just pulled out a yellow legal pad. Me getting into a stoush with him over the name, if he's like, I'm not letting you use it.

I'm not letting you carry this on without me. What if he only lets you use 50% of it? Which one are you picking, Cuddles or Hashbrown? Well, I mean, I think I'd have to go. Hashbrown's comedy is good. Hashbrown's comedy is pretty good. I think you've got to replace the Cuddles with something else. Go Hashbrown's comedy is good. Hashbrown's comedy is pretty good. But what do you... I think you've got to replace the cuddles with something else.

Go Hashbrown's and something else. Replace cuddles with... Felching. Nirvana. Yeah, Nirvana. Hashbrown's and Nirvana comedy. Right, okay. You want Nirvana on a Sunday.

Okay. Well, yeah. Look, you know, Nirvana could work the other way. You want... Because that space where we had it, Bar Open in Melbourne, it had had comedy on before this for a while and then it stopped. And I always thought it was like a good space for it and that was part of why we ran it there.

But then there hasn't been a gig there forever, like for 15 years or something. Yes. So, I mean, it's... And I do live near there now, so I could just... Someone did run a gig right after you there and I think a lot of people Were like Oh that gig

That Tommy and Craig Anus Ran Hash Browns and Cuddles Is back Yes yes And then they went in there And was like Oh this is appalling

That's terrible Alright I'm going to do it I'm going to hit up Bar Open And see if I can bring back Hash Browns and Cuddles For one night only One night only One night only

Do a midweek gig Yeah yeah Midweek Yeah Oh no sorry Sunday afternoon It's baked into the DNA Of the gig You're right One night only. One night only. Do a midweek gig. Midweek? Yeah. Oh, no, sorry. You're all right. Go Sunday. Sunday afternoon.

It's baked into the DNA of the gig. You're right. Come on. People will be confused. Sorry. Sunday afternoon would be one of the worst possible times for comedy, I reckon. Like any fucking daylight comedy is no good, but Sunday afternoon is one of the worst. Yeah.

I think it could be better because people want to have a drink, get out early. I think the theory was always like, yeah, it's easy to get people along in theory because it's like, what's it going to clash with? Yeah. You know, I think people overestimate how much the public fucking hate comedy. Yeah. Like, it's just, you cannot overstate that. Right. They fucking hate it, especially when it's slightly ambush comedy, like it's just in a pub or something.

Yeah, well, look, Saturday's the easiest night of the week to go and see comedy because it's like just whatever. It's on. Yeah, it's on. Friday comes, I think Friday's like 80% of Saturday, do you know what I mean?

Like people still got weird hang-ups about Friday slightly. Friday, 80% Saturday. That should be its tagline, Friday. That's its logo. That's its motto. Every day of the week should have a little catchphrase.

Of how much percentage it is. That honestly is a funny uncle's t-shirt that you just said. Friday's 80% of Saturday. There's a beer and a fish or something. Yeah. I think I saw someone wearing that one on a ferry in Cairns last week. Thursday's is about 60% of Saturday. Thursday, I think more respect

because it's the old they don't care about Friday. Yeah. Better people. Yeah. I think Thursday's higher than you'd think because you can very easily just trick yourself and be like, fuck this. Yeah, Thursday's got to be about 85% Saturday, I reckon.

Yeah, I reckon it is. I reckon it's higher than Friday. Really? Yeah, you think because Friday's closer. Sure, I see why you think that. Yeah, yeah. But I think it's like you start to get it's like, fuck, we are so close to the weekend. Right.

How good is this? We've only got one day in our way. And just get carried away. What's the lowest? What's the furthest? What's the lowest of Saturday percentage? What's the furthest from Saturday? Right.

It's got to be, I guess it's got to be Wednesday, right? Because early week, you're still kind of basking in that Saturday glow. So the question we're raising is what's the opposite of Saturday? What's the opposite of Saturday? Yeah.

Is it when? You guys knocking breakfast radio and then discussing the worst day of the week. Some fucking nerve honestly. Yeah again

there's that little green monster again you're just jealous that you can't take this in tomorrow morning. Because last night I was chatting with some friends in a quest

what is the... If we hear this just before a pink track tomorrow Tell us that you can't take this in tomorrow morning. Yeah. Because last night I was chatting with some friends on a quest. What is the... If we hear this just before a pink track tomorrow, we'll get Brett Blake, our lawyer, onto you. You know deep down that the switchboard would fucking light up if you said to people, what day of the week is the opposite of Saturday? Yeah, exactly. People would fucking fall over themselves.

People would ring up and just count the numbers and go, well, it is Wednesday. I've checked the stats. It's literally Wednesday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made a pie chart. It's Wednesday. The three nominees, I think, Wednesday, Monday and Sunday.

Fucking hell, man. Tuesday's not a mix at all. That's why, honestly, boxing 12 horses in the Melbourne Cup for a trifecta, you pick three out of seven. No, three out of six. Oh, yeah. Your Saturday's already the best. You're counting Saturday as a possible opposite of Saturday. I mean, Saturday, it should be in the mix.

When you're in Saturday... Why not? If I was Saturday, I'd be upset not to be counted. Saturday morning is like the opposite of Saturday night, to be fair. Michelle Payne's horse was 101 to 1. Saturday might be worse than Saturday. You never know. So you think the nominees are Monday, Wednesday and Sunday.

Yes. Tuesday is not in the mix. I don't believe so. Wow. Because it's cheap, traditionally. Yeah, yeah. That's what you're talking about. Two for Tuesday.

Cheap movies and stuff. Yeah, Tuesday's got good PR. Yes. A few people went out there and they're like, let's make Tuesday cool. Look, early doors, 50 years ago, Tuesdays, hand down, they would have been the opposite of PR. Yes. A few people went out there and they're like, let's make Tuesday cool. Look, early doors, 50 years ago, Tuesdays, hand down, that would have been

the opposite of Saturday. Yeah. But then the people at Big Tuesdays got into it and fucking have slipped a little money to Hoyts and went,

yeah, make the tickets a little cheaper. Absolutely. Yeah. People chucked the hump behind Wednesday though for marketing purposes.

Hump day, that sort of thing. That's a smear campaign though. I reckon Tuesday's done that as well. Yeah. They've put that out there about Wednesday to bring down its stock.

Well, in that case, is it down to Monday and Sunday? Probably. I think Sunday, I mean, you still, you know, it's still a weekend. You're still pretty close to it. Sunday was, like, if you've got a fucking regular job,

Sunday night, pretty depressing. I remember school. Yeah. Sunday night was the worst. It was fucking the worst. Fuck! Sunday days of this worst feels terrible from i reckon three o'clock on a sunday i'm just in the country yeah it's awful there's something just in your brain yeah fuck shit i could have worked the friday saturday if you go on a sunday i'm here on a sunday if you go places you see the fucking the stress of people

just sitting there going I've got to get home I've got work in the morning Yeah You can see people Getting fucking anxiety about it Yeah The Sunday

The last Sunday Of like a school holidays Fuck me Terrible Those were the worst days of the year Terrible You've got to fucking project you And you're

Sitting there like an arsehole How long do you get over summer? Is it like eight weeks or something? Yeah heaps Fucking hell. That was a fucking grim night. Yeah, it's depressing. Oh, my God.

People try to temper it. Your parents are like, oh, are you looking forward to seeing your friends? Fuck no. Yeah. I saw them on my bike. Yeah. One more time.

Just on MSN Messenger with everyone going like, oh, fuck, we're back tomorrow. Yeah. We should all just kill ourselves in a den. That'll show them. You need a hash brown and a cuddle, Tommy. Get me down to bar open. 15-year-olds welcome.

If you've got school tomorrow, you can sneak in. That is a good point because calling it hash browns and cuddles, surely you would have got some people coming in there not real... Because it wasn't called hash browns and cuddles comedy. It was just called hash browns and cuddles. So it would have been some people coming down looking for... Thinking it's a buffet. Looking for some weird

fetish night or fucking something. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's why it was a good gig. Yeah, right. Just the fetishists sitting there like, oh, well...

Just not people in comedy coming down. You're right. It's amazing that we never got in any strife for it because there was a guy that did comedy here for a bit who put on a show called... I can say this, can't I? Put on a guy that did comedy here for a bit who put on a show called...

I can say this, can't I? Put on a show that was like Comes With A Free Palmer In A Pot. Oh, yes, yes. He was kind of mocking... It was a comedy festival show. It was a comedy festival show. It was his solo show.

Commercially Viable Comedian. Commercially Viable Comedian, brackets, Comes With A Free Palmer In A Pot. And it was meant to sort of... I don't know really what he was mocking. It was supposed to be like, oh, you know, was meant to sort of I don't know really what he was mocking it was supposed to be like oh you know like imagine

being the sort of person that was it's like comedy sort of just part of it it's more about getting people into a pub and having a fucking meal

and imagine selling out like that sort of thing but it's also like that's not a thing that ever fucking happens you never go here's a show and it comes with a meal

that's not a thing that happens but did people turn up to a show thinking where's my fucking parma pot the venue were getting complaints

the venue didn't even sell food so people are coming in for dinner and there's like oh I guess we've got a few fucking barbecue shapes if you want

before I turned up to a comedy show and they said free parma pot and I didn't get it I'd lay the car out absolutely first five minutes people 15 minutes into the set just distracted looking around going If I turned up to a comedy show And they said free parma pot And I didn't get it I'd lay the cunt out Absolutely First five minutes

People 15 minutes into the set Just distracted looking around Going When is the fucking Food coming out There's no tables here There's no cutlery Like

I'm getting a fucking Man it's so good So we I mean At least when we went to Hashbrowns and Cuddles We were only missing out On like a light snack

When we turned up Just a small little piece of potato Yeah Like we were looking for a main meal and we missed out. We just missed out on a few little fucking breakfast items. It really does make me think I got pretty lucky that we never had like the consumer watchdog coming down on us for false advertising. ACCC, shut the fuck up.

Well, when I bring it back, I will provide, I'll get a big fucking bag of McCain's. Yes. I can just heat them all up at home in the air fryer and then just ferry them over for the gig. And you have to cuddle everyone. Oh, fuck. Yes. In these COVID times, you've got to cuddle everyone.

Yeah, okay. Fuck, maybe the name does need to change. If you have to cuddle. Hatch pounds and fucking elbow taps. No, you've got to. Yeah. You bring this back and you've got to cuddle everyone. Ferry bread and fist bumps.

All right. this back and you've got a car. Fairy bread and fist bumps. Alright, this is all feeling pretty good to me. Heggie's gone to bed. Heggie's just fucking... This is a real Cinderella. He's got to be ready to say his own jokes. I was thinking about

commercially viable comedian the other day because I was thinking it'd be funny to do a comedy festival show and call it The Tommy Dasolo Dining Experience. Yes. Spoofing the Fawlty Town because I was thinking it'd be funny to do a comedy festival show and call it the Tommy Dasolo dining experience. Yes.

Spoofing the Fawlty Towers. I was genuinely like, that's what I'll do next year. And then I was like, it'll just be more trouble than it's worth. People literally will think they're coming in and getting dinner, which is a shame because it's, I think it's such a good title. No, no, totally. Especially because they get away with that legally because it's like Fawlty Towers. They spell it like the original

John Cleese Fawlty Towers is F-A-W-L-T-Y as in like misspelled so the parody the dining experience is Fawlty spelled correctly F-A-U-L-T-Y wrong for the reference

but correct for the actual word so I like the fact that you misspell Daslow which isn't a name anyway it's a name you made up but you misspell it purely so isn't a name anyway it's a name you made up but you misspell it purely so you

don't sue yourself 1S yeah swap the S's for Z's man yeah I mean Daslow I thought I could

put like in brackets like not an actual you know not an actual you know you don't actually get food here but then that's like at that point it's like

well why do it yeah people don't get that it is a very funny poster to look at and about 28 days worth of fucking

headache rectum pain oh speaking of that you know where I was the other night two nights ago hang on hang on speaking of rectum pain

do you know where I was the other night yeah went on Wellington yeah the Peel Hotel I was in Tenterfield staying in oh Peter Allen's in the Peter Allen Motel.

Oh, very nice. Well, you say that, but Peter Allen would think the place has gone to pot. It was... Oh, I know that just because you said motel. Yeah. I don't know. Was it ever doing well? Fuck, man.

All the rooms that weren't occupied, their mattresses were out in the sun. Okay. That's what we're looking at. The dude came around in the morning with a fucking Coles trolley he got from across the street. This is the owner. Dreadlocks, no less. Thong.

Oh, no shoes. It's a real themed hotel by the sound of it. Pushing a Coles trolley around with dirty sheets in. Like he's picking up dirty sheets, putting them in a Coles trolley. What, just people so excited about being in Peter Allen's hometown, they're jerking off in the hotel and ruining the beds. I don't know, man. Well, I think you find most motels change their sheets after a guest leaves, don't they?

Don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, he's changing sheets. He's fucking putting them in a trolley. There's a kid and a dog. I was just in Cairns staying in a nice hotel with my girlfriend, and we came back after we had our first night there went out and got lunch came back and the room was like half made up like they'd made the bed yeah and then sort of

not done stuff in the bathroom and even the bed was kind of like not kind of properly it was like made in like a weird way pube on the pillow that's like what's what's happened here and then um We were like, what's happened here? And then realised what I had done was I had left out a treatment that I had taken for having the disease of worms. What? I'd had the worms chocolate because I had worms for a bit and I'd had it with me and I'd left the I'd left the like thing of it

like on the counter because I had it with me while I was travelling and so the maid has kind of got halfway through making up the room and then seen that

and gone fuck this fuck touching any of this cunt stuff hang on and fair enough did you say worms chocolate yeah that's the treatment

for it really it's chocky. And so the hotel you stayed at with your girlfriend before this is where you found an ice pipe. Just any time you guys go on a holiday, she's like, what now? What are we going to find in this room? Something's going on. So it's like, I love that there's chocolate treatment.

It's like a dog tablet. It's a tablet. It's a worming tablet. Like you give to a dog. Right. I think I've been doing stand-up about it, about how I'm not a sweet tooth, but I love the worms chocolate.

Like I genuinely was like, Oh, really? This is awesome. This is so yum. How often do you have to have worms? How do you get worms all the time? I don't know. What do you mean all the time?

I have a dog one. Well, fuck. By Ivermectin. Are you? Oh, yeah, yeah. My horse. How are you getting worms? I don't know.

I just had a fucking real itchy asshole for a bit and then I was like, I guess I'd better get the worms chocolate and just make it that. But were you diagnosed with worms or you just had an itchy asshole? I just had a real itchy asshole and just assumed. Well, you really jumped the gun. Hey, I had the chocolate. No more itching.

Did you ring your co-partner Craig Anus to find out you had worms? Dr. Anus? That could be a new name for the gig. Hash browns and worm chocolate. I assume it's because kids, it's pretty common in kids, right? So you need to get them to be able to take the medicine. Have you got any worms chocolate left? I'm quite

a sweet tooth. I wouldn't mind. Preventative. Well, no. Just because you're not a sweet tooth and you love this. I am a sweet tooth. So if this floats your boat, I want to get the chocolate that's so good that you love it. Okay. That a non-chocolate fan loves it. I want to have a go at it.

I'm trying to get to the bottom of why you're getting fucking worms more than that. I don't know. I looked it up. You don't care? Whatever. You can, apparently if you've eaten a bit of meat that's been like slightly undercooked, that can like do it in your stomach. Yeah.

So something like that. And you're saying the thing about the kids. My son's crook at the minute and he got given amoxicillin for like a bacterial infection and it's fruity flavour. And I said to my wife, fuck, I wish it was fruity flavour when I had to have amoxicillin. And she said, what did you need it for? And I said, oh, about 12 years ago for chlamydia. Oh, don't worry about it.

Lots of words start with chlim, so, you know. Yeah, it could have been anything. Got away with it. Well, speaking of... Sorry, you go, Nick. I was going to say... No, it's disgusting. Go on.

Well, now I want to hear it I had a tapeworm once Fuck Grim Really unpleasant How did you get it? It was in South America I just got it

And I fucking lost like 15 kilos Gross Like a fucking Yeah Yeah and it's just The tapeworm's like a big head Inside your guts

So it's a genuine like Big fucking millipede looking thing In your arms It's huge It goes for metres and and you've got to kill it with antibiotics and stuff

and little bits of just you just peel them out yeah but it's white yeah oh grim

looking at it like you were doing white booze not full white just segments within the oh great yeah just little bits

like a half and half bar segments it's a top deck top deck alright the real top deck no no no don't worry

I didn't shit in the system yeah that's an upper decker that's right top deck I'm crossing tapeworm and cuddles off the yellow

legal pattern for a possible name fuck I felt bad though realising that I'd left the chocolate just out in the room yeah that poor maid must have just been like fuck this I'm getting out of here burning all my clothes possible name. Fuck, I felt bad though, realising that I'd left the chocolate just out in the room on the floor. Yeah. It's like that poor

maid must have just been like, fuck this. I'm getting out of here burning all my clothes. I wish that was me there finding the best chocolate of all

time, apparently. That could have been like a tip. He might have put that, he might have gone to the next hotel room and put that chocolate on the

pillow of the next room. You don't want the non-chocolate fans chocolate that they like, because it's not going to be... It's like, oh, I don't drink.

But when I do, I don't mind a Bacardi Breezer. You clearly don't like actual nice booze. Because I'm not a wine fan, but if someone gives me a really, really good wine, I go, oh, okay, I get it.

But if I just get a pretty average wine, I'm like, this sucks shit. So I thought maybe it was like that. I'll be interested to see how this stacks up against

the palate of a true connoisseur yes yeah you should try and get yourself some worms though just to really

give yourself the full experience does it go well it obviously goes well with worms yeah it pairs well the tasting notes good legs on it

this worms chocolate yeah well speaking of All these names That we're coming up with And your name Which is Dassler Which is a made up name

Yes Which is not your actual I don't know if we brought this up On the show before But that's Dassler's not Dassler's not actually Is it not?

It's not actually It's a stage name It's just for the You know the floodlights Yep So some So a listener sent this to us which um i found extremely interesting okay um if you go to there's a website called forebears.io

and you can look up basically surnames and stuff and find out like histories and where they are around the world whatever and this guy had looked up das Dassolo and it's given like full info on the name Dassolo, which I love. Yeah, I like this a lot. So you're better, you know, this is a bit of family history for you. This is what's going on around the world at the moment. I'm on a bit of, what's it called? Who do you think you are?

Yes. Exactly. Who did you decide you are? Who did you make up that you are? Who you really aren't. Which, just quickly, Higgy, I don't know if you know this story, but one of my first years of doing the comedy festival,

I got a call from the festival publicist, and they're like, oh, SBS want to have you on. And I'm like thinking, oh, fuck, how good's this? It's all happening. Getting press offers. Yeah.

And they're like, it's for a thing about ethnic comedians, you know, because of your surname. Oh, sick. You being Italian, and I was like, oh. And I thing about like ethnic comedians, you know, because of your surname. You being Italian and I was like, oh. And I had one of the great regrets of my life is that I was like, oh, I'm not actually Italian. Oh, you should have totally. I wish I had gone in and just fully Louis-

You could now just be a world comedian. Killing it. I would be. You just put your phone on silent for a week and you miss calls from Acropolis now and Wog's out of work or whatever. So Daslo, here's the stats, the worldwide stats on the

surname Daslow. It is officially according to this website, the 10,311,814th most common surname in the world. Which is interesting stats, how you can cock that when the deeper stats

say approximately three people bear this surname in the world. Wow. Okay. Three people. Sounds about right. I'm about to finally track down my real mum and dad. There's got to be more. Your mum and papa. Please.

I was raised by the Dolmio puppets. Two other fake Italians. You goomba. You're going to find your goomba. So where does the last name Dasslo come from? Dasslo is found most frequently in Australia. It can also be rendered in the variant forms.

How common is the last name Dasslo? It is born by approximately one in 2.147 billion people. That is rare. This surname is primarily found in Africa, where 33% of Dassolo live. All right. That's one. Yes.

One of us is over there. All right. But still somehow primarily it's found in Africa. Yeah. One out us is over there. All right. But still somehow primarily it's fair in Africa. Yeah. One out of three. Yeah. So I don't know. The rest of you must live in half countries or something.

I don't know. Yeah. Okay. They're holding hands on borders. You know how people do that? Yes. There's two Dassalos just holding hands. They've got a tent on one of those.

Between Sweden and Denmark sort it's right on the border Yeah Just passing each other fruit 33% live in West Africa And 33% live in Chadic Africa Okay Chad Well it says Chadic Africa

Chadic? So it's Chadic It's not Chad but it's Chadic So maybe that's It's got to be Chad Chad-esque Okay The last name is

Most common in Australia... Wait. How is it most common? Where the other 33% live. Yeah. Well, well. It's equally most common. Yes.

The last name is most common in Australia where it is born by one person. All one in 26, nearly 27 million. In Australia, Dassault is most numerous in Victoria where 100% reside. Yep. Yep. Sick. Besides Australia, this last name is found in two countries.

Now, this is just... Let me guess. Now, there was an article on ABC website the other day about,

could you guess if an AI has written an article? Yeah. In this case, yes. It's the same fact just being said

again and again and again. Yes. But... This is like a shit Westworld being said again and again and again. Yes, yes. But... This is like a shit Westworld robot. Yeah. Just having a go. So... The listener who sent this to you, did they make this website?

No, no, I don't believe so. But, so... You know, I'll be coming to look up the rest of our names after this. But, so it's common. It's found in two other countries, obviously, right? So, you can guess, if you like, found in two other countries Obviously right So You can guess if you like Where the two other The two other countries are

Now it's gone again It said It says Africa Right Yeah But It hasn't named the country in Africa Okay

But it's West Africa That's what it says I don't know What are you thinking? I'll go Ghana Ghana Yeah Is that actually West Africa Or is that just a country That you what it says. I don't know. What are you thinking? I'll go Ghana. Ghana? Yeah.

Is that actually West Africa or is that just a country that you... Well, it's a country in West Africa. What do you mean? Nice. There is no West Africa in the country.

No, no, no. I know, but I don't know my geography around Africa. Oh, okay. I'm going Ghana. Right. Although statistically it's got to be Nigeria,

the land of Guinness. Yeah. I like how you know you're Africa. I've got no idea about Africa. All right. Well, I've been looking for Dassalos over there recently. Well, hunting for Dassalos.

They're only down to one there. They're endangered over there now. I'll fucking come to San Diego over here. Long boat, but I liked it. I like it a lot. Man, it took me a long time to think of a shit one. Anyway, I'm going to get another beer. I couldn't, again, I'm like you, I have no concept of,

not even of Africa, just geography in general. Obviously, I've not said it yet, Ben, because you haven't balked at anything I've said. Have you got the country there? Yes. Ivory Coast. Algeria. You're very, yeah.

N-I-G-E-R. Oh. Yeah. I believe I've spelled that right. And how would you say that? Niger? Niger? Is that correct?

Yeah. Oh, we don't have to bleep that out? Cool. No, I'd leave it in. Just hang you out to dry. I'd go the A at the end. It's cooler. Nigel, please.

Now he's got a beep. Now we're getting dangerous. Well, you can't call an entire country the N word, surely. You're not allowed to do that. No, it's the same. The country of bleep. Yeah. So that just leaves one more country.

So there's one in Niger. I'm so confused. I thought they were both two of them. Well, fucking Chad, isn't it? There were three and two of them were in Africa. You thought what? Didn't you say there were three in the world? Yes.

One's Victoria and then didn't you say Africa and West Africa? No, no, no. Well, West Africa is part of Africa. I thought they were two separate. Chad-ic Africa. Oh, Chad-ic. That's a noisier one. Yeah.

It's what makes it Chad. Yes. Okay. Right, right, right. Yes. Okay. So, all right. It's just worded very strangely.

Okay. So, well, I mean, the fact that you're bringing it up would say to me that it's probably not Italy. Sure. Yeah, sure yeah that's look that's good detective work that's that's great it's gotta be USA America

it's gotta be a motive for bringing this up it's fucking Uruguay or something like that yeah yeah we're back to family that's the big reveal

we're back to family feud hold on I don't know Thailand Ding ding ding Oh yes And you have to find him Chandler Get on the next plane

That's why I've been going there all the time I keep going to see Das I don't record a podcast And I get the wrong one That's insane that it took us that long To hit on that That's crazy Now what that does is

That makes me wonder What were you doing in the Coastal Movie Podcast Festival? Yeah How old is this Dassler? I'm always accused Rich coming from you I'm always accused This feels good doesn't it?

I'm accused of the secret family Now we've got evidence that it's not me after all Yeah that's right I fucked my sister over there. He hasn't mentioned how many Chandlers are in folks' lives. Well, we can look at that next.

You're like fucking cane toads over there. They're hitting you with golf clubs. Yeah, but he's catching up. That's the main point. I wonder if we could find these people.

Yeah. That is, I know, that is bizarre. What I do love is then the rest of the Yeah. That is, I know, that is bizarre. What I do love is then the rest of the results is, oh, so if you were looking for like, if you slightly misspelt Daslow, here's the other ones.

Okay. So you can now find out there are, there's another, there's two other Daslows, but with a double S, and they're both in Australia, which I assume is both you that's that is him

well double S double L oh double L okay right that's awesome being like because it's like yeah they're not related to you do you know it's like it's like hey

here's some people with a different name it's like who cares no I honestly think that's times that someone has misspelt your name somewhere

and it's gone into the database and gone well yeah I wonder how this website is put together because if it's gone into the database and gone. Well, yeah, I wonder how this website is put together because if it's someone like... Paulie.

You heard what I said, didn't you? Just in general life though, surprisingly how many people say, you tell them your surname and they go, I know a guy called Hegarty. Do you, cunt? Just not every day, but that'll happen quite a lot. It's amazing Yeah

So yeah That's useless info Isn't it But this So I wonder how it's compiled Because I mean that's not I'm loving the idea

Because it's not actually My name Yes It's not on any Records of anything Anywhere Other than just like You know

My socials And things that I do publicly Yeah But that'd be why you're the number one. Well, what if it's not me? That's what I'm saying. It would be pretty gaudy. What if there's one in Victoria that's actually got the name

and it's not me? Yeah. And you're at Dassolo, which would be so annoying to watch. It's not even his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to be the most known Dassolo there is. Or they couldn't. Well, he's one of three. He's in the top three. Yeah, Dasolo there is Or they couldn't Well He's one of three

He's in the top three The others couldn't The African and Thailand one Might be famous over there Yeah Fuck I want to go to the African hash browns and cuddles Downtown Niger

Niger He's getting closer now Just circling this rain Edging Edging with the N word He's getting closer now. Just circling the drain, aren't you? Edging. Edging with the N word. What's the African equivalent of hash browns and cuddles? What would that be?

Oh, God. Oh, no. I'm the one asking the questions. I just have to answer it. Give us a call, 131060. We're a long way away From the opposite of Saturday Aren't we? What was yours to do? What do you think it's going to be?

Oh no I don't know That's what I'm asking I'm trying to think of the food What's a common What's a common food I'm not going to say anything What's a common food in Africa? Chicken

Chicken? Very common yeah Chicken and Yeah not bad Not bad I love that I love the idea That I franchise the idea out Chicken? Very common, yeah. Chicken and... Yeah, not bad. Not bad. I love that. I love the idea that I franchise the idea out and it goes worldwide

and it's just whatever the equivalent of those things are in your country. That's awesome. I assume you beep all of that so his job with the ABC continues. No way. So he's a chicken. Why beep chicken? What are you talking about? That's not the one Now I'm just referencing it As the thing that has been beeped

Okay you better Please You want me to beep it? Please Okay I'll beep it Tommy please No I joke Hard why Can I beep it? Please. Okay, I'll beep it. Yeah, that's okay. Tommy, please. Nigel.

Hard Y. So there's also Dasaloy. Dasaloy. There's one Dasaloy. There's also a Dasaloy with one S and one L. No, there's seven of them. There's Dasaloy. It's not even Dasaloy anymore. The League of Extraordinary Dasaloys. There's Dassala. It's not even Dassala anymore. The League of Extraordinary Dassalos.

There's 75 Dassalas. Okay. Women. Is that the female version? Dassalet. Right. They just continue to breed without any male. Without any males.

Me with a fucking huge pair of big naturals. Beautiful blonde locks. And there is one in Italy, in your hometown of Italy. Okay. Beautiful blonde locks. And there is one in Italy, in your hometown of Italy. Okay. Of Italy town. There is Italy town, Italy. For a name that everyone says,

you're pretending to be Italian, very little Italian representation on this list. Yes. Das, Dassello. There's one. Dassello. Dassello.

Okay. D-A-S-S-E-L-L-O. Okay. Wow. All right. Now, I would love for you to go and find this guy. And touch base. There's one D'Asello D'Asello Okay D-A-S-S-E-L-O Okay Wow Alright Now I would love For you to go and find this guy And touch base In your hometown

Of La Pochetta, Italy To find your They call it The Pochetta over there It is annoying that I mean they obviously They can't do this But it's annoying

To not have access To the first names Yes Yes I wonder if I could do a I'd love to be able to Stop guessing based on countries Obviously, they can't do this, but it's annoying to not have access to the first names. Yes, yes. I wonder if I could do a... I'd love to be able to... Stop guessing based on countries. Do an Ancestry, you know, do like a...

What's the site called where you send off the thing? Ancestry.com. The other Nick Cody's a footballer, yeah? No, there's a few of them. Yeah, but the biggest one's USA Football. Well, the one that gets the most twiddish is a

fucking muso in the UK oh no don't worry about that there's a footballer played for University of Oregon now he tweets about 1500 times a day

there's a cage fighter oh there's a I'm getting close yeah I do I do feel bad for the Nick Cody the muso in the UK

because I get tagged in a bunch of his shit and he plays I think folk music so Nick Cody, the muso in the UK. Because I get tagged in a bunch of his shit and he plays, I think, folk music. It's like Nick Cody and the Caravan of Dreams. Right. Which is just better than fucking Hash Browns and Cuddles. Is this sort of like the opposite of Saturday going on? Is that what's happening?

Oh, yeah. It's the real opposite of Saturday. I've apologised on numerous times. I never get anything back. It's like, man, if I'm getting tagged in your stuff, I can only assume. Yeah? Oh, yeah. It's the real opposite of Saturday. I've apologised numerous times. I never get anything back. It's like, man, if I'm getting tagged in your stuff, I can only assume. Yeah, fuck. I don't even have a staffie.

That's annoying. So he just never responds. No. Man, that's annoying. Because, yeah, that is a weird one to have someone who's like in, you know, the peripheral, like still like showbiz kind of thing. The Nick Cody that played at University of Oregon, the day that they won the Rose Bowl,

college football game, and I said, hey, namesake, good work, because University of Oregon's my college football team. And he said, can I please be at the Nick Cody for the day? I was like, fuck yeah. Yeah. You're the Nick Cody. Twitter takeover.

You won the Rose Bowl. And he handed it back. No, no, no. It was just, he's like, I'm the Nick Cody today. There's a gridiron player. Then he didn't get drafted, so I'm like, I'm back to the Nick Cody. There's a young gridiron player called Luke Heggy. We've talked about this before.

And he's making some moves. I've seen him. He pops up every now and then. There's a high school pitcher, Nick Cody. We'll see who does better. That's all they do. Yeah, okay. Well, this Luke Heggy's pretty good.

In Dassault. Dassaults. No, Dassaults, this Luke Hagee's pretty good. In Dassalos. No, Dassalars. By the way, if the African Dassalos... There's a Tommy Dassalo athlete, and if you tell me the sport, I'll guess which one they're from. If any of the African Dassalos want to take over my Twitter, any of them welcome.

Any of the one. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Or the Taiwan. The Taiwan as well. They're welcome to it. In terms of Dasala. What was the one I said then?

Dasala. There's 38 of them in Namibia. Okay. 16 in Angola. It's a very African name by the sound of it. Big time. Bunch of them in Cameroon and Chad. But again, these are pointless facts because it's not the name.

Yeah, it's not the name. I keep getting, like, oh, that's interesting. It's like, cool, how many Smiths are there? Like, you may as well just be telling us. No, it's very, very close.

Well, no, like, Desolay's far less common than any other name in this room. True. So, why not? Yes, exactly. Three people in the world

that they know of. Yeah. I mean, that is awesome that this person who's made this website has been tricked by a stage of. Yeah. I mean, that is awesome that this person who's made this website has been tricked by a stage name. Yes. They'd have to be fucking livid if they were.

They also don't have the white pages. There's no way there's not 10 Dasolos in Melbourne. Yeah. What are they? Yeah, I wonder how they're doing their research. Now, listen to this. I've just looked up Chandler on this. And also, how are there only three of a...

That's such a rare... Like, only three. And it's not the least common name. It's like, how is there one of a... No one fucked me the end. Yeah, they all must be stage names. By the way, there's Nick Cody that gets tagged. Oh, right.

He does not like me. No. Yeah, okay. Is he blind. No. Yeah, okay. No. Is he blind? No. There's something wrong with you. Something wrong.

Yeah. I've looked up Chandler. Yep. Surname. Let's see. You can look up Carl Chandler. There's too many Chandlers. Oh, fuck.

What? I thought there was none in Thailand, but there's 127 Chandlers in Thailand. Yeah. Been busy, mate. That's all right odds for a Thai Chandler to have crossed paths with a Thai Dassault. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh. Is that another Nick Cody? The pitcher? Yeah, sick. Okay, all right. Is that one eye or two? They're very close together. There's 100 Chandlers in Jamaica.

Oh, yeah. I'd quite like to go and meet a Jamaican Chandler. Reggae Chandler. Yeah, reggae Chandler. That'd be great. Now I just want to look at this website all day. Just to find the weirdest country I can go and meet a Chandler in. The person who sent this to us, you have to wonder how they came across it.

You know what I mean? Also, who was that guy from the podcast? Dave Gorman? Dave Gorman did a show where he tracked down every person in the world who had the name Dave Gorman. Dave Gorman. So I could steal that concept. I'd be able to bash that show out a lot quicker than he did.

Yes. He had to go all around the world. I'm just going to two countries. Oh, yeah. But I mean... Your book would be a PDF. Yes. He had to go all around the world. I'm just going to two countries. Oh, yeah. But I mean... Your book would be a PDF. Yes. A pamphlet.

I still think there's a book in trying to find a Dassault in Africa. I reckon it's not going to be that easy. Yeah. That's the rest of your life taken care of. I've got nothing to go on. Three in the world.

It does feel like there's like just three zoos around the world that has a Dassault in each one. Yeah. This is a pretty good mission that this is. The white endangered Dassault. This is a pretty good mission that this is. The white endangered Dassault. This is a pretty good thing for the listeners to help us with.

If we could have suggestions for ways that we could possibly track these people down and make contact with them. Well, mate, I mean, I'm happy to have a look in Thailand when I'm there. Happy to put the word around out there. Do some sniffing around. Yeah. Open up the Thai white pages. Yeah, look, I happen to go there

a couple of extra times if you need. I happen to do that. I just relocate to Africa. Yeah, if I, this is the sort of thing that could just drive you insane. It becomes my life's mission.

Break up with my girlfriend and just live it out of a backpack. And just your dad going, it's not your surname, pal. Come home. Yeah, no, him at the airport going, and they're going,

what's your purpose of being here I'm looking for another Daslo what do you mean another one you're not one of them I've got your

fucking passport right here no but I just made it up one day and now I need to find out the person who has the same name I made up

oh straight on through sir no problem well let us know let us know if you're out there if you're listening if you know a way that we can try and track these.

Any of our African listeners out there? Yep, any of the Africans. Do you want to put up like a missing dog sort of sign on a telegraph pole or something? Have you seen this name? Have you seen this name? With just a photo of a license with just that bit. Have you seen this name? Dash low.

And then just cut out phone numbers down there. Yeah, in WordArt. Like big, like, you know, yeah, 3D text. Oh, fuck. Okay. I love that. That's good. We'll help us out, guys.

Remind me, when I go to Thailand in a couple of weeks, I'm literally going to put up those signs in Thailand. Have you seen this name? Have you seen this name? Daslo. Daslo. And then I'll put my phone number down there. Yep.

With plus 61 at the top.? Dasolo. Dasolo. And then I'll put my phone number down there. Yep. With plus six one at the top. Yep. Great. Foolproof. I wonder if there's people, because I'm a big boxing fan, and Muhammad Ali, that was his name after he converted to Islam. Because he's, well, he said his name is Cassius Clay, but he said that's a slave name. He doesn't want his slave name.

There's probably people going, my last name's Ali. I'm probably related to Muhammad Ali. And it's like, well, not really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, slave name Cassius Clay. It's like, well, your mum and dad named you that. Is that? No, I think the problem was before then.

Right. I guess the first name I'm thinking of. Uh-oh, it's happening again. Oh, man. A lot of beeps. Uh oh. It's happening again. Oh man. A lot of beeps. A lot of beeps. Well just in time we'd better wrap it up

there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Nick Cody, Luke Heggy thank you so much for joining us. Cheers gents. Check out Midflight Brawl

your guys' podcast. Every week you talk about air rage incidents. Yep. And we've got live shows coming up in Tassie. We sent you guys in their first canary in the gold mine style.

Yeah, we took it for you, don't worry. Gold mine? Not really a gold mine for us. No. Yeah, I know. No. Not the most effective trip we've ever made overseas. Canary killed itself, no gas.

Yeah, yeah. Wasn't even in the mine. Just in a pet shop. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, Bernard.

You shouldn't have. Saint Bernard. Yep. Just threw the snow with a big one In that little wooden barrel Around it's neck Yep That's what they did What's that for? People that are

Like Dying? That's for Weren't they like Sent out People that are Freezing to death or something? I believe

If If Mad Magazine Know their shit And I believe they do They do That was always like A little barrel full of

Whiskey or something Yeah To warm you up Warm you up I believe Yeah Okay you don't see that much these days you don't see that reference like you don't see that on tiktok do you no what what are the like yeah what are the classic references of of olds that have gone out of vogue the um the being so poor that you're just wearing a barrel around yourself a lot of barrels going on that's that's not that's yeah what's happened to... Big barrel need to do a bit more work

to get themselves back into popular culture. Yeah. Yeah, there's no... You don't see much barrels outside of a vineyard. Where do you see a barrel these days? Nowhere. Donkey Kong, he chucks them. Oh, yeah.

Does he still do that? He's still out there throwing his little barrels around. He still does that. So in... Are there new Donkey Kong games? Are they still updating Donkey Kong games? The last one would have been six or seven years ago. Okay.

So they're still bringing, you know, and he's popping up. There's actually a Mario soccer game coming out this week. Is there? You can play as Donkey Kong in. Wow. So any kind of Mario sports thing that comes out, he's in the roster. Donkey Kong's in there getting in the mix. But is there barrels attached? He's not really, yeah, he's in the roster. Donkey Kong's in there getting in the mix. But is there barrels attached?

He's not really getting involved with the barrels. That would be great if Nintendo went arse up and that was their announcement. Oh, Donkey Kong wearing the barrel. Yeah, that's good. Throwing the barrel on himself. Yeah, chucking his clothes. Chucking his clothes down the little girders. Yes.

As we said at the top of the show, Perth, that's the big live show we've got locked in. So don't forget to come down. There are still a few tickets left, and we want to see a full house down there. It's the biggest venue we've ever played in, Perth, and we'd like to fill it on up. Please. And it's taken us, pardon me, it's taken us long enough to get over there. So let's have a nice full room. And we can't wait. We can't wait to get over there. It's almost nudging enough to get over there, so let's have a nice full room. And we can't wait.

We can't wait to get over there. It's almost nudging the 500th episode in terms of delay. Length, yes. No, totally, totally. Very, very nice little guests coming down. One local, two interstate. Let's say that. You guys can guess. You guys can guess.

You guys can guess who it is. You can guess who it is, Tommy. I don't even know this. Yeah. This is breaking news for me, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot to tell you. We've got someone.

Well, we thought we had someone. They cancelled. And in the same breath, I was given a lead of someone else. It's a very good person. Okay. You'll be excited. That's cool. You'll be happy. Okay. I'll be excited. That's cool. You'll be happy.

Okay. I like being happy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a fan of things that make me happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a weird thing you've got going on. So one local, one good person.

The only good person probably. I'm kind of tempted to just not find out until the gig. Yeah. I get to live how the fucking swine that listened to this. I get to experience it through their eyes. Too many people don't like surprises. You don't really like surprises. No.

I quite like them. No. Yeah. I like it when people come and see my shows, the Basement Comedy Club, and they'll be like, surprise line. Yeah, but tell me who it is.

Why? It says surprise. No, but fucking tell me who it is why it says surprise no but fucking tell me who it is no no but it says surprise like what what and they get in the show and they're in the show and they go well tell me i'm like you will literally find out in five minutes yeah well why don't you tell me now just wait five minutes they're backstage they're about to walk out there the puppet master he's loving this yeah but like what i just don't get it it's it is i can understand being like i don't want to spend my money on something that i don't know what the lineup is but to have already done that it's like you're in now there was the other day there was a woman that came down and she was like oh it's this surprise lineup up there and i

just want to know who it is i'm like well you know the term surprise alludes to the fact that you're not being told so yeah i'm i'm not telling you who it is. I'm like, well, you know, the term surprise alludes to the fact that you're not being told. So, yeah, I'm not telling you who it is. It's just a surprise on it. Well, it says surprise TV names. So who are the surprise TV names? I'm like, well, you know, as the poster says, you'll find out when you come down or whatever. But she's like, well, this is a difference between me coming and me not coming.

So it's certainly in your best interest to tell me exactly. Or I'll go upstairs and I'll tell the venue that you won't tell me. I'm like, this is like... Getting dobbed on, that's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, I'm getting threatened with being dobbed on and I'm like, and I'm still going, no, well, I'm not telling you. And she's like, I'm about to leave here. I'm like, you're more than welcome to stay.

Is part of this because they weren't booked yet? A little bit. This sounds to me like she's calling your bluff. It's like, oh, they're TV names, are they? Well, who are they then? No, no, no. It was, the fact was, the TV name who was going to be on, I believe she wouldn't have been swayed by.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. So I'm like, you know what's about to happen here? If I give the name out, you're going to go, I don't even know who that is. I'm leaving. Of course. So I'm like, I'm not even going to go, I don't even know who that is. I'm leaving. Of course. I'm not even going to give you the pleasure of that. Also, I was like, go ahead and walk up those stairs because I reckon you're clocking about 110 kilos. Good luck getting up there.

These people in Perth, are they TV names? Are they some surprise TV names? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Cool. One of them is a big one. It's a very broad definition. Okay. Yeah. Cool. One of them's a big one. I mean, it's very broad definition.

Absolutely. As it was on this night. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. In the background of... I mean, I've been on TV. Yep. Absolutely.

It could have been me. Me and your TV names. Yep. Yep. And that would not have impressed her that night, this lady. Not at all. No, this is an impressive name. Okay, that's cool.

We don't name our guests when we do live shows generally, or hardly ever. Hardly ever. But this is a good one. Cool. And some friends of the show, and some people that you like, you guys like. Cool. For sure. All right.

Well, littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can get your tickets to that. You also, while you're there, surfing the web, you can find the link to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. If you'd rather just go there direct, you can support the show. And you get two bonus episodes every week, Mondays and Fridays, a little mini episode with great special guests, friends of the show, and they're always a lot of fun. So you can get on there now and you can get the entire back catalog of 240 something

bonus mini episodes to uh yeah to to fill your days with love and laughter to fill your gullets your comedy gullets uh let's get in um thank you very much to first cab off the rank patreon subscriber thank you very much to Henry Wong. Okay. Great comedy name. Henry Wong? Yeah. Yeah. It's an interesting combo.

Well, that's what makes it, doesn't it? Yeah. Just the two clashes of culture. Yeah. It's funny. Henry, pretty up there with the whitest names you could probably have. It's very white. Wong, up there with one of the most Asian names you could have.

And they've just collided. Is it close to being like the Asian Smith? I don't know. I don't know. I would say in terms of just phonetically, probably one of the funnier Asian names. It's very like 70s, 80s movie where it's like Asian family. I would just call them Wong. Yes.

Not much research put into like... Yeah. Someone could possibly be trying to be racist to young Henry here himself

and go, hey, Mr. Wong and he'd go, you've actually nailed it. Yes. And then go, fuck.

God damn it. Yeah. I was trying to be a cunt. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yes. And then go, fuck. God damn it. Yeah. I was trying to be a cunt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But Henry, it is a nice thing where it's like, you know, the Wong family, right? Yep.

We've got that going on. Yep. We're living in Australia though, so let's give him a nice Australian name and just have that weird combo. Yeah. Where it's like, you're not really helping, you're just sort of making it a slightly funnier name i reckon yeah i knew a henry in high school and he was i was friends with him but in that weird way where it was like did you have any friends where you'd go to their house and you just felt you just felt a bit uncomfortable there there was it was one of those kids that was like he had like the he was

like really into like the anarchist cookbook and he was like, oh. I don't even know what that is. Well, it's just like this thing that went around the internet of like, here's how to make a bomb. Like he was one of those kids that was like, you go stay around there and he'd be like, you know, first thing through the door, he'd be showing you like the fucking lighter and the deodorant spray and getting a flame. And you're like, oh, this is a bit of fun. And then he's like, yeah, look look you can make a bomb with orange juice and have this thing that he downloaded off the net and you're like yeah i don't really feel good about this i don't want to do any of this just a little bit older than you need to be yeah yeah just just but wanting to get into like just

like kind of criminal stuff right when you're a little kid and it's like oh you know i'm up for a bit of i'm up for a bit of, I'm up for a bit of mucking around. Don't get me wrong. But those kids that would just take it to that next level where you're like, this is, this is how people die. Like this is us, me losing a hand or something.

Right. Right. And just one of those kids that would just be like always fighting with their parents when you went around there. Huge, like, like him and his mom just screaming at each other right and me being like oh i want to go home i hate it here yeah i had mates that would go around and

there was three brothers and they were all always fighting together yeah it was just me in the middle of them all the time yeah it would be on me vaguely on one of their sides and then the others going fucking mental at each other and then me vaguely being on the other one's side at some other stage. Man, it was fucking awful. I had like two friends around that era who were both like, yeah, just screaming matches with their parents. And you'd get around and you'd be like, can't you guys keep this under wraps for like two hours while someone, like, aren't you embarrassed by this?

Like, aren't you like, aren't you having me leave and be like, oh, that's mortifying. Like, the odd occasions I had a fight with my parents when a friend was around, it was just like, so embarrassing. Yes. I hated it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These people just like, just starting it. Almost like for my benefits.

What were you fighting with your parents about? I can't remember. Just, you know, stupid kid stuff. No. Have a little argument because, I don't know, whatever. Didn't get your why? Didn't get my why. Hmm. Yeah. I'm having a little. because i don't know whatever didn't get your way didn't get my way yeah i'm having a little it's interesting yeah my kid's three now so you're starting to um

you know she's getting a bit of character about her and you she's starting to get a little bit um you know do her own thing she's she's i'm having a little play dates with other other kids going out the park and she's um you know playing with them and then and her doing a bit of like um you know telling them what to do and stuff i'm like fuck i don't know where she gets her from but anyway she's ordering these kids around and stuff i'm like in front of the other parents going just calm down come on just let them just let them go just don't be don't be telling, you've got to sit over here. No, you can't sit here.

Blah, blah, blah. All this other stuff. Yeah, and it's me sort of having to say to the parents, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, she doesn't do this at home. It's funny. The concept of teaching kids to share is very funny that there's a point where you have to say to a child,

you can't just hold this and just have it forever. Yeah. And the baby logic being why? No, but I've got it. No, but she's, she's,

she's learned about sharing, but she's worked it to her advantage. So this is how sharing works. According to her is, uh, I've got my shit when I want your shit. Hey, sharing.

What do you mean? So she's not sharing her stuff, but then she's putting that on other people. It's like it's time to share. If she wants someone else's stuff, it's like, hey, what about sharing? Wow, you're raising a psycho. Well, she's learned it from,

no, she's just like clicked onto it. She's gerried onto it from like going, oh, I get what sharing is. I get one side of it. Yeah, she hasn't quite figured out as much as like the other side is sharing goes both ways yeah yeah but it is like a funny it's funny these things that are like yeah not not impulsive in people when they're babies that have to be taught by an older generation

that are kind of like invented things you know what i mean it's like society like people communities invented this idea of like hey we have to we have to share i don't think that's an impulse right like that's not a human impulse if you just had babies that were like left to their own would they i guess they probably would at a certain point yeah i think it just is funny that you have to sit down and it's like the child's impulse isn't to be like hey yeah everyone should have a go of this it's like no you have to like drill it into this three-year-old against their will, like kicking and screaming like, but why?

I don't want to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to know because she's a bit all over the joint as kids are at that age. So it's hard to tell exactly where they're coming from. Well, thanks, Henry Wong. You've certainly learned how to share. You're sharing some of your hard-earned dollars with us through Patreon.

Sharing some of your Wonga, as the English say. That's English for money, apparently. Thank you, Mr Wong. Hanky Wong. Thanks, Hanky Wong. I mean, let us know if that is your actual name. Some of these people put names up where I'm like, is this your name or not?

Are you just putting something there? Because you don't want to put your real name. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Liam Petterson, who has put, for some reason, one of these people that just put a different name up, has signed up initially as William Stroker. Now that's good. But what does that mean?

Willie Stroker. Oh, okay. Fucking hell. I'm literally sitting there going, why wasn't it Richard Stroker? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's Willie Stroker. That's too easy. Willie Stroker. Oh, okay. Fucking hell. I'm literally sitting there going, why wasn't it Richard Stroker? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's Willie Stroker. That's too easy. Willie Stroker is just a good name.

Okay. A good name anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Regardless of what it stands for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got me. You got me. Good shit, Liam.

Dick Puller. Yeah. What about that for a name? Yep, yep, yep. I reckon I've been gotten quite a few times on this segment This happens pretty regularly Where you're like, what does this mean? It's like, oh, put your dick in my mouth How's mouth a surname?

What does that mean? What, this guy's ancestors were just big mouths? Yeah No limbs, just a giant walking mouth? Yep. So Liam Pedersen, his secret identity is Willy Stroker. He wants us to know that he does masturbate. Yep.

Clang. Good for him. Yeah. Must be nice. He's nice. First ever instance of masturbation for you, Tommy Daslow. What was your eureka moment? Um, first ever instance of masturbation for you, Tommy Daslow. Hmm. What was your Eureka moment?

What was your, um, your Edison light bulb but with your dick moment? Did your dick light up above your head one day and you instantly started grappling with it? Yeah, it's hard to remember. I guess it was just like, just hear and tell around the schoolyard. Oh, yeah. Like, hey, you gotta try this and being like all right but with your own one yeah yeah right and then having a having a crack and being like yeah yeah that's really fucking good yeah yeah i i do yeah i do really remember thinking like yeah this is my life's changing now like my schedule's just out

the window like i really did remember thinking like i am never going to get anything done this is really going to eat into like yeah homework watching tv all that stuff is going to be falling by the wayside pretty quickly and i was right yeah it took up took up a lot of my time there for a little while. Still. Yep. It is... I wouldn't say it gets in the way now. Right. Right.

Yeah. I remember doing it for the first time with shampoo. Oh. Yeah. Was that bad? No. Okay. It. Yeah. Was that bad? No. Okay. It was good.

I would imagine the risk of it getting in the dick hole and being very bad for you. Yes. That was, yes. Now that you say that, that was, I do remember thinking, let's remember not to do that. Yep. And that happening maybe once or twice, but I do remember. So you got a bit of Johnson and Johnson. Yes.

No more tears. Well, there's going to be some tears out of a different part of the body. Yes. Johnson and Johnson and Johnson. Yes. Yes. Yes. Bit of a.

Bit of a menage a trois. Yeah. Bit of a dickhead and shoulders. Yeah. Good. Real good. Anything else? So were you, you were in the shower at the time?

No. So you're going in the bathroom, you're pinching the shampoo bottle. Yep. Back to the quarters. Yep, back to the bedouin. Yeah, and hammer and tong. That feeling of like, I could get caught at any moment. Fuck, it was electric.

That's a big part of it what's better that or the feeling of oh my god i've got the house to myself for three hours they're different feelings i mean at a certain point as an adult it's like unless you're chasing it it's rare that you're putting yourself into a position where you're like i could really get caught here yeah specifically by my parents yeah yeah yeah it's um no you know what not a fan i've probably said this before i reckon not a fan of in the shower don't like it okay not doing that in the shower it's not for me okay don't enjoy it not lot of, not the right setting in my, in my. Yeah. I'm not crazy for it.

I've done it. I mean, I'll do it. Reluctantly. I'll do it again. Reluctantly. Yeah, reluctantly. If I have to. I'm never like this is in my.

Gun to my head. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll have a crack, but not, not my first choice. Not my first five choices. Yeah. I think.

Well, thanks, Willie Stroker. Thanks, Liam Petterson, for bringing back some fond memories of pulling our dicks. You inspired this. Anyone who's put off by this, hey, we didn't want to talk about this. We just got given a fake name that seemed to be demanding it of us. We don't usually stoop to this level. No. It's all, you know, usually we're talking about ancient Greek history and such.

But, you know, again, if we're backed into a corner, we'll have to pull some of this stuff out. Pulling our dicks. Pulling our dick out. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Caitlin Maggs. Caitlin Maggs. Yep. M-A-G-G-S. Okay. I don't mind it. You Maggs. Yep. M-A-G-G-S. Okay.

I don't mind it. You're fine? Yeah. Signing off? Yeah. Maggs. This, is it too much? I don't think it's too much detail to say this.

I've seen this person on the socials and I've confused her often with another Caitlin that listened, I believe probably doesn't listen to the show anymore, because she started going out with Nicholas Capp, a friend of the show, and went, that'll do it. I'm getting this level of fuckheadery at home all day. I don't need to get any bonus shit in my ears. Live in three dimensions. Yes. Yep.

Yep. Bonus shit in my ears. Live in three dimensions. Yes. Yep. Yep. So I, yeah, it is odd that I, I think they vaguely look alike as well. Okay. All right.

I've been, at some stage I've looked at this person and gone, is this Kappa's girlfriend going under a fake name so that she can be in our Facebook group or something like that? Speaking of vaguely looking alike, what do you think of this little Polaroid that's from a long time ago? Oh, here we go. That's me on the left. That is you on the left and you are with someone

pretending to be Austin Powers. I'm at Warner Brothers Movie World with my friend Peter when I'm about, I guess I'm like 15 or something. And I just found that the other day and I just think there's something so funny about posing for a photo with an Austin Powers impersonator.

Yes. Yeah. And so you're posing for a photo with an Austin Powers impersonator. Your friend is the tall guy. Yeah. Peter. And then the other woman is just a 60s woman. Just as hot 60s woman walking around with Austin Powers.

And us being like, can we get a photo? We need a photo with this guy who fucks. Not too shabby. Pride of place there in front of my little computer. Yeah, yeah, great. Precious memories of the time I met Austin Powers. Yeah, get it up. Get it up on the socials.

Yeah, I think I put it on Instagram a while ago, but yeah, I'll reshare it. Yeah, get it on the socials. It's quite a small picture too. Yeah, it's a little Polaroid. That reminds me, there's a Thai restaurant in town, in the city,

in the CBD of Melbourne that I like going to, in Big Stinky itself. And I put out a thing on the socials the other day where for a limited time, if you come in and have a meal there on a Friday night, you get a free Polaroid. Of you eating a meal?

Of you in the restaurant. That's actually good. They just take a picture of you on a Polaroid. I like that. And you get that. Yeah, that's cool. I think every restaurant should have it. It's almost like when you go on the roller coaster

and then you can pay $20 for the photo of you on the ride at the end. You know, you have this delicious meal and then you get to the end and they're like, hey, here's a little series of photos of the food, really good photo of it. You enjoying the food. Yeah. 20 bucks. I'd be like, sure, why not? Yeah.

If I loved the meal, I'd be like, yeah, I'm going to get this framed. Yeah. I remember this one soup that I had. I don't even know if that's the idea, if you get the picture with the food or not, or whether it's just you standing by the till or I don't know what. Like if you needed new passport photos and you're like trying to knock it all off in one hit yeah like can you take this

in front of this white wall yeah yeah crop it here no smile no you're not no I'm not smiling

I don't feel like smiling yeah I um I had to get my my child's passport the other day actually because I was just thinking then yeah

get that sneak a few noodles in your mouth maybe have them coming, see if you can do that. But you can't, of course, because you've got to have a certain... They're very strict. Very strict. I took pictures of my child the other day for her passport and rejected. Yep.

Rejected. You took them yourself? Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you... Don't you have to get them professionally done? No. Oh, you can do them yourself? Yep.

Yeah, I don't think you... Don't you have to get them professionally done? No. Oh, you can do them yourself? Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, but rejected. Because her hair was like combed down a little bit too close to her eyes, maybe going into her eyebrows or something like that. And they were like, no. Fuck, that's got to be a cunt of a job, being the person who's sifting through all the photos that come through. I would love to see... That's a great question for anyone that's done that job.

What's the photo you've gotten that is the furthest away from being valid for a passport? What's the photo that you've gotten of someone where it's like almost impossible to believe that they thought this would be, you know, like just a photo of them on the beach with sunnies on. It's like, you can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love those ones in the post office where they're like like here's what you can't have right and it's like the examples that they use of ones that won't work it's like yeah who thinks who would ever think that that would be okay it's like the photo is just like the eyes are cropped out it's like yeah yeah that goes that same people are fucking idiots people are fucking worse like everyone's an idiot and everyone's got a different form of idiocy that they think the world works in there was last night so i ran basement comedy last night sam pang was on some some lady came down with three or four friends and then i go i've got the list of all the names of people that come in and i just check them in people you come in i go surname

in the booking you say dasso cross that. Stamp on the wrist. In you go. That times 100. This woman comes down. I go, surname. Surname of the booking. She says, let's say, Williams. I go, cool. There's no Williams here.

She's like, oh, that's my name. I said, oh, I don't have it here. Can you show me your ticket? She goes, oh, I don't have a ticket. Okay, well, why did you tell me your surname? She thought you were being polite. Yep. So then, that's one thing. Then she goes, oh, I don't need a ticket okay well why did you tell me your surname she's like you've been polite yep so then that's one thing yeah then she goes oh i don't need a ticket anyway i'm like oh this will be interesting so why don't you need a ticket well uh i know sam i said well sam hasn't given me any lists of people to come in and i'm starting to look at it going you are absolutely

not friends with sam yep and um and she goes no no and i go well your name's not on the list so you don't get to come in and she's like where's sam is sam here and i go no he's not and she goes she's looking around the room she goes where's sam i said he's not here and at that point the entourage the three or four others very clearly know the jig is up they're out they're out they've left they're sneaking out they're like we don't want to get in trouble. Yeah. And she's still like staying there. Well, it's embarrassing.

It's like, I'm not going to be around this. Fuck this. Absolutely. Yeah. And she's like, no, no. And then I go, you're not on the list. You're not in. Mm.

Mm. We'll see about that. And then just like never heard from her again. Good on her. But there's that classic thing of, I then go, Sam's two meters away from me. And I go, do you have anyone on the list tonight and she's like absolutely not

of course and I'm like I was looking at the woman I'm going you know what her profile was perfect you know what it was very clearly

in my head at the very least she's been in the audience of have you been paying attention or something like that in the break there's been a bit of banter and then Sam's going oh what are you doing in the front row oh what do paying attention or something like that in the break there's been a bit of banter and then sam's going oh what are you doing in the front row oh what do you do oh

you're dentist oh fucking good one fuckhead or whatever yeah and then it's like oh we're mates now this is big like rupert pumpkin energy yeah so two years ago someone's been said to her vaguely in some sort of public appearance like we're mates. I can bring five of my closest friends down to get in for free at a comedy club. I bet her retelling of that to the friends was like, fuck, I was about to get him. He was about to cave and then you guys deserted me. If you had stayed there, we'd fucking all be in there right now for free. Yeah, or if we had been there for another minute

and Sam had come out and turned up, we would have been in. I wonder what the story was when she's pitching that to the friends, whether it was like she's telling them, I know him and we're going to be able to get in. Or if it was like, I'm going to try this on. You know what I mean? Right. Is she being open with them that it's a scam or is she just like, she's fully in to that reality? I think that mindset is she believes. Yeah like she's fully in to that reality no I think she's

I think that mindset is she believes yeah she's all in yeah okay she believes so she's saying she's not conning anyone

my friend can get us in yes that's sick I know Sam Pat and that fucking awful moment where they're there realising like oh I think our friend

is like yeah kind of insane that's not we're on the way down going this doesn't sound like a thing

that will work, but she's so confident that, okay, she must know better. Why would you be that confident? I'm looking forward to meeting her friend. Yeah. Sam Pang. Yeah. We'll see him perform.

We'll probably have a drink after. Yeah. We'll probably be in the VIP section. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We might even be on stage at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do comedians have backing dancers?

Maybe we might get a crack up there. All right. Well, thanks, whoever that was. Caitlin Maggs. Incidentally, Nick Happer's girlfriend, Caitlin, has just messaged me to ask. Look, she's asked me this. I can put this out on the show. Maybe she's asking this question about the podcast.

I can put it out on the show. She's asking, do you know the name of the Dum Dum fan whose uncle is in Weaned? And Weaned is a Weaned cover band that operates in Melbourne. And I believe maybe she might be asking about that is because Kappa's idea is, because Kappa's engaged to his fiancée, Caitlin, and I think they might want them to play at their wedding, which would be very cool. That's sick.

Yeah. So, look, instead of me answering that question on Facebook, I'll put it out to you guys, the listeners. Yep. So if any of you... If that's you. If any of you have uncles that are in Ween, or uncles in any other cover bands that we might like...

Yep, let us know. Let us know if you have an uncle in a cover band. Yep. Yep. Thanks, Caitlin. Thanks, Caitlin. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Freya Bramwell. I like the name Freya.

Do you? Yeah. It's nice. It's one of those names that's only entered my vernacular in the last couple of years. Okay. All right. Where's it come from? I have no idea.

Is it like Swedish, I think? Oh, yeah. It's got Swedish vibes. Yeah. Bramwell doesn't, but Freya does. Two cultures colliding yet again. Let's have a look in the millionaire group. Let's see if Freya is making an appearance in.

There she is. Let's have a look. Freya just having a little bit of a stalk on Facebook. I'll view. Freya Bramwell, what are you giving up? Having a little butcher's hook. She is, oh there you go.

There's only two pictures possible that you can have a look at and one of them is this Tommy. Picture of platform nine and three quarters. Right up your alleyway. Not at all. Big Harry Potter fan. Not at all. Yeah. You love that shit. Nah. You're a real muggins. Muggle. Oh, sorry. Muggles. Muggle. I'm clearly into it too. Yeah, so this is... We're real dumb cunts.

Dumb cuntledore. Dumb cuntledore. Is that it? Yep. That'll do. That says something. That'll do. About something.

What house would you be in? Oh. What house were you in at school? Did you have houses in school sports? Yeah, we did. I was in Ross' house. Ross? Ross.

Who was that named after? I actually can't remember. There was a Chandler house. There was a Joey house. A what? A Monica house. What? A Phoebe house.

Hang on. A Rachel house. Right. A Gunter house. No, I haveebe house. Hang on. A Rachel house. Right. A Goonta house. No, I have no idea. I can't remember what Ross house was named after. Who cares? I hated all that shit.

Oh, that's not good. I was in Herring. Herring? Yeah. Okay. I was a house captain at Herring, despite not being particularly athletic. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I'm not sure how that worked. But what I was aware of... So, I was... You know, being given responsibility when you're that old, I think is always odd. So, I think I was house captain in whatever that is, grade four or five or six or whatever it was. And so you're in charge of something when you're 10 or 11 years old. Yeah. There's only a very limited amount of things you should be in charge of, I think.

Yeah. At that age. Because you don't really know fucking anything. You're not even really in charge of anything in your own life. Yeah. Yes. You're being told where to go and what to do. What to wear.

You have basically no autonomy over the things that you're doing. Yes. And now I'm in a position where I'm in charge of something. On paper, you're the captain of this house at School Sports. And I do remember at the time going, so apart from this badge, I have a little badge. I don't believe I have anything else to do. There's nothing to do. Yeah, you just had to go to like

I remember being on the SRC The school representative council When I was in grade 6 Being like cool And then it's just like Yeah you have to like go to meetings At lunch time and stuff And it's like oh this sucks

Yeah yeah This is less free time Yeah yeah This is just doing more school work Yeah I was really When everyone else is playing Fuck this I was really only in it for the badge

Yeah So what I did What it was at the end of it The only this. I was really only in it for the badge. Yeah. So what I did, what it was at the end of it, the only thing that I was responsible for as the house captain of Herring is I think I

picked the order of who, the order of the people in a line in volleyball, in tunnel ball. Okay. Right. That's still, that's

some alright responsibility. It's something. It's something. It's more than your peers. It's about all I deserved, I think. Yeah. Yeah. That's all you could have handled's something. It's something. It's more than your peers. It's about all I deserved, I think. Yeah.

That's all you could have handled. Yes. I think anything else would have caused you to just fall apart at the seams. You're just trying to remember who the fastest person was and put them last so they do that last burst at the end of Tunnel Ball. I think that was it. I think after that. I think that was the end of thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, me trying. I think after that i think that was the that was the end of like thinking yeah yeah me trying i think i tried to get that i don't know how i tried to do it but i certainly wanted

to be house captain yeah but i'm pretty sure it was just for the badge just for the bling yep and then after that i was like all right that'll do i don't think i want anything else like this right this is pretty lame just give me can i just have the badge but someone else have the responsibilities yeah but barely even worth the badge yeah badge is okay yeah i think i've still got that you've still got the badge yeah really but yeah yeah i mean do you have at your house at your parents house i should say do you is your is your childhood bedroom relatively untouched or has it been remodeled is your dad using it as a studio my parents don't live

in the same house oh of course so no it's all gone oh not only and that room doesn't exist anymore because after my parents

moved out of the house I grew up in it got fucking bulldozed and turned into apartments oh really yeah the whole house is gone

oh really it was devastating I drove past it a while ago I was like oh see what it looks like now and like you know we moved in and dad did, like, so much work to it.

Being an architect, he got in and it was like, this is a bit of a fixer-upper. And he, like, put this deck out. He completely changed the garden, put a second story on, like, extended one of the bedrooms. Did, like, all this work to it. Like, over such a long period of time, this real, like, pride and joy, beautiful house. And then the second my parents are out of there, it just like yeah the most like disgusting just like a gray block like featureless awful looking like two units that just like no design flourish to whatsoever it was really heartbreaking it was like dad worked really hard to like make that into like this beautiful family

house yeah and then they just fucking raised it and put up this awful looking building and that was at the end of that little court like i've been there yeah yeah yeah and they had a pool there yep yeah had a pool it was a good house yeah and then yeah now it's just this like very yeah very beige looking um apartment does your dad still have the the old the old rolls or whatever he was fixing up? Yeah, still working on that. Still chipping away. You know, time's getting on and I'm really wondering whether this thing is ever going to make it out onto the roads. He's been working on that for longer than I've been alive.

Wow. Yeah. It's a long, long-term project. Wow. It's really driving. It's starting to really drive me insane. Like, I was like, what the fuck's happening with it? And he's like, oh, you know, there's these parts that you need for it's starting to really drive me insane like i was like what the fuck's happening with it and he's like oh you know there's these parts that you need for it and they're really

specific and you got to get them shipped in from the uk and then of course the lockdown slowed everything down with the post i'm like it's you've been working on it for fucking 38 years you cannot blame six months of bad you cannot blame australia post for six months of this i'm sorry that's not washing it's like oh lockdown slowed me up it's in your garage it's in your head it's like this is the perfect time yeah lockdown should have helped you yeah exactly yeah make some new parts oh man it fucking oh it's yeah it drives me crazy when i think about it. Damn. Yeah. I'd like to see you take your rolls out for a little spin. Yeah. Come and pick me up.

Go through the drive-through. I think he has driven it around once or twice, but I think it doesn't have a floor on it. So he's just getting around like Fred Flintstone. That's so good. A Rolls Royce without a floor Yeah That you drive around with

Even using the term floor It's like What do you What do you call it? Like what do you call The ground of the car? I guess it is the floor But it just like

It seems so weird to call it that I'm just waiting for a part To come in from the UK What's the part? A floor I mean that does make sense That would take a long time To come in the post

Yeah An entire floor of a car. Just someone rocking up and ding dong. What do you got? Oh, they haven't answered. Oh, we'll just leave the floor of a car out the front. But as I understand it, in his defense with this taking so long is like, you need these very, very specific parts that there's only a bunch of left in the world.

So he gets these like newsletters, like he's in this like club of like people who are into Rolls Royces and he gets these like newsletters and there's like a little trading post section in there. So you just have to scan that every month and wait for like, you know, one of the guys who's got that part to be like, Hey,

anyone want it? And then you have to jump on it. Right. So a lot of it is just waiting around for this very, very, very specific, which I think has been a lot of it is just waiting around for this very, very, very specific thing to put in there, which I think has been a lot of the delay. Waiting for someone to get bored with their floor.

Yeah, yeah. All right, well, thanks, Freya Bramwell. Thanks, Freya. All right, last one. We've got to finish this up, so let's just do this last one. Fifth and final one for this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

Oh, this has worked out well, actually. Great. Perfect. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Thank you to Uncle Ween Comedy. Uncle Ween Comedy. Yeah.

Wow. I was really hoping it was going to be floor comedy. Oh, well, you know, hey, thanks for subscribing and I think we have a little gig for you. Yeah, you can message that to Caitlin. That's probably the, that's probably, well, that's not even the, that's the actual guy himself. Yes. That's not even the listener whose uncle it is.

No, no, no. We've gone, we've cut out the middleman and gone straight to the source. Yes, that's him. I didn't, we didn't realize that, obviously he has gotten his nephew or niece into this show. Yep, yep. But he was an actual fan himself. Oh, good for him. Thanks, Uncle Wayne Comedy.

Thanks, Uncle Wayne Comedy. And thank you, everyone who supports the show, littledumbdumbclub.com, for the links to the Patreon. Get a ticket to Perth. We'll see you over there. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.