The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 612 - Danielle Walker & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

This week we're joined by DANIELLE WALKER and BEN LOMAS, plus a very tanned Karl - direct from Koh Samui. We hear all about D̶u̶m̶D̶u̶m̶C̶o̶n̶2̶2̶ Karlchella and Blanket finding a new dad in Thailand. Meanwhile, there's more Danielle Walker family madness woven in, involving snakes, bug catchers, and hammocks. And in Talkin' Dum Dum, Tommy's had a nightmare airport experience. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a great new episode with guests Daniel Walker and Ben Lomas. We are getting very close to our live show coming up in Perth, July the 16th. The Rosemount Hotel, a scant few tickets left. Apparently not many seats at all, like a single digit for seats, so get onto that. Otherwise you can stand up the back, but I'd be sitting down if I was you. Hop to it. It's going to be a great afternoon. Looking forward to being back in Perth.

Some wild things that we'll be saying that you'll want to be sitting down for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we'll be pulling up the stool ourselves, getting up there and telling it how it is. Get onto littledumbdumbclub.com and get your tickets to that. We will see you at the end of the episode

to talk to you more in Talking Dum Dum. But until then, enjoy this new episode with guests Danny L. Walker and Ben Lomas. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the face of coconut oil, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickhead. Why coconut oil? Because you're very tanned. Oh, right. You're an absolute bronze dodonis. You're still in the Speedo, which is the holidays. It's pretty inappropriate. I'm in a bit of Valium fog.

I've just got off the plane. Yeah, got the old banana boat. Yeah, well, it's nice of you to really gussy up the fact that I am blacked up. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Very generous, very floral language. I did a gig in Singapore. This stuff goes over very well still. Right, right.

I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I didn't think sunscreen generally smelled like food polish. And why you had a lot of white around the lips as well. Yeah, yeah. We got a very special show today. Please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Ben Lomas and Danielle Walker. Yes!

It's good to be back. This is great. It is like we're sitting in Carrot Top's prop suitcase at the moment. We're in a Carl Chandler living room that's got all manner of toys. It's got everything. We've got guns here. We've got toys. What word is that, Carl?

That's rhino. Rhino. Very good. Very good, Carl. Yeah. Can I have my morning tea? Yeah. Morning tea?

No, my kid does have morning tea. Not a morning tea age yet. No. should we paint the picture we're back we've waited we were out the front

waiting for you you've just arrived from the airport you've just come back from Thailand still got the

shorts on even though I'm in the brutal Melbourne weather but I'm still acclimatising and you were over in Thailand

with both families how was it both it's rounding down that was good two weeks in Thailand with both families. How was it? Both? It's rounding down. That was good. Two weeks. Two weeks with the family.

First time blanket, little blankets, visit the true mother country. And stepbrothers and sisters. Didn't get the intro. So it might be next time when she's a little older, when she understands. You come to me on the day of my Thai daughter's wedding. You ask for a favour.

Yeah. They're both still trying to understand their own language. Let's not get too convoluted between the two families. But did she learn any Thai while she was over there? She did, yes. She was saying Kop Kumbh Karp by the end of it. Kop Kumbh Karp. But really, just extending it?

Like Kop Kumbh Karp. No, no, like just extending it like cop and carp. No, no, no. We're saying it without being prompted. What does it mean? So it means I don't know this man. That means thank you.

Thank you. Link twice if you're okay. That's sick to have better manners in a second language than your own. That's pretty good, yeah. So it's thank you, but carp is thank you if you're talking to...

If you're a man. If you're a man. And then car is the female. The female version, yeah. Oh, and she knows the difference. No. I just taught her one of them. Okay.

No one in Thailand is walking around going, that little baby just misgendered me. Now maybe that's a milkshake. No one in Thailand's walking around going, that little baby just misgendered me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bullshit. Now maybe I'm a bit like a milkshake. And to be fair, most of them that we saw was like, yeah, I get why you did that. It's a line call. Yeah, it's a line call here.

So good. I did, it was interesting because we walked down the main street. So I haven't been to Koh Samui for three years. Really? Because you talk about it every week, so I'm surprised. I know. Well, I don't know if you've noticed there's something come up

that's stopped me from going. Yeah, no. We walked down there and I was getting recognised way too much. And especially walking down and getting recognised way too much by ladies as well.

Yeah, because he's back. He's back. The sex tourist is back. He's back. The ladies come out. Yeah, because he's back. He's back. The sex tourist is back. He's back. The ladies come out. It's been three years since he blew a huge load up me and now he's back. No. I miss the channel.

I miss the channel. I think they saw it as a sign of the recovery. It's like, well, if this guy's back, we're back, baby. I mean, surely you'll be first one back though as well. No, not for that. I mean, surely you'll be first one back, though, as well. No, not for that. There'll be a lot of expats still there,

just talking at just random people. Yeah, there's a bit of... It's all slowly opening up. Don't worry, I could... Look, I could sit you down here and give you a PowerPoint of the recovery of Koh Samui from the last six months, because I've been watching vlogs non-stop or whatever. Yeah, it's like we...

What a lot of fun that would be. It's like we in Melbourne with the press conferences we had like Dan Andrews' like North Face jacket to like tell us if it was good or bad news and for them it's like

seeing the Leon Smashburgers hat coming over the horizon. It's like, it's good news boys. It's like the puff of smoke at the Vatican. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're in tonight. Thank God. Thank God. Put the chairs chairs and tables back on the beach we're back it was really

it actually was really weird because I was there and I was going to restaurants and people knew me in restaurants and whatever but there was people coming up going oh you

you you're here you're back and I'm like oh yeah I'm back and then they're like I'm back

I'm back and I'm like oh okay and they're like like multiple times this happened where they were like this is'm back. I'm back. And I'm like, oh, okay. And they're like, like multiple times this happened where they were like, this is my first day

back in Koh Samui. Like I'd moved away because of the pandemic and moved home to Burma or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then their first day was coming back

and seeing me and then going, have you been here the whole fucking time or what's going on? No, no, no. It's my first day back as well. Okay, high five.

Yeah. Wow. So you just bailed and you've. Okay, high five. Yeah. Wow. So you just bailed and you've just been living there the whole time? Maybe, like to a bunch of them. Did you come across anyone who did that? Like who just left their country and stayed in Thailand the whole time? Did you come across any of those freaks? No, there was...

Well, here's the thing. So people know, Daniel, you might not know this, so I'll retract this for you. So part of the reason of going over there, not part of the reason, but part of the... The tax deduction. The tax dodge happening was going, all right, my wife used to work in airlines. I used to get very considerable discounts for flying over there.

People would ask, why are you over there all the time? I was like, because it's costing me fucking nothing. And all the ladies know him. There's heaps of things that cost nothing that you don't do. So I said, we're doing Dum Dum Con. It's a fan convention. Tommy didn't want to go. I can see why.

It's beautiful weather here. So I went over there. It's a fan convention. Tommy didn't want to go. I can see why. It's beautiful weather here. So I went over there. It was a fan convention. It's Dum Dum Con. It's just for the fans to come over. I was just having to be a guest speaker. They booked this year. And so we did one night where it was like whoever wanted to come over,

like guests. So it's just a meet and greet with Carl Chan. Yeah, well, look, there was all parts of it. It's a meet and greet. You've got to go to Thailand for with one member of the podcast. Big meet and greet, but really weird.

Like, super weird. Because he brought his family with him. Hey, my side of it makes sense. It's the people who turned up. There's something wrong with them. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm making money. So there were people there. Like I said, that was my aim to get double figures.

Yes, double figures. So some people travelled from Australia. There might have been a case to be made that they were going to go anyway. Wasn't this you piggybacking on their holiday was the impression that I got? I think that was the exact word someone told me last night. No.

I love the idea that you guys think I'm getting someone else's idea to go to Costa Rica. Of course, I was fucking going anyway. You're always going to go. You're always going to go. What actually happened was I said, some people were going. I said, well, I'm going on this day. And then they're like, okay, well, maybe we'll do that day. And then I was like, oh, this is coming together.

Anyway. Double figures. So double figures. We got some people, some genuine randoms that were listeners. So some people that were just traveling through, like a Pom, a young English guy that was going through on a boys strip or whatever. Boys strip? And then he found out that we were on. And what happens on the boys strip? Yeah. So he

came along. He was there. There was a classic. There was a young lady called Emma from Adelaide who came along. Never been to a live show before that. Classic fucking Adelaide. Wait, did you do a live show just by yourself? What part of Dum Dum Con 22 don't you understand?

Sorry, I just... So who was it? Was it just you answering questions? No guests? There was different elements of the festival. That's got to be Patreon. You were there. There was many different elements of the whole festival

What were the other elements of the festival Apart from you tagging along What was there I had a bit of video stuff Which sounds good in a theatre But when you're on a beach in Koh Samui Trying to do a powerpoint presentation Trying to jack into the bar speaker system

So people can hear the music. And they won't do that because it's like, no, this is for Bob Marley. Everyone really get close to my laptop. Guys, I've got to show you the sex tape I filmed last time I was here. Yeah, you guys. Hang on, but we've got to play No Woman, No Cry again. Only three times in our lives. So there was that.

There was a Q&A. There was a... Q&A? Yeah, yeah. What questions were asked? Yeah. It was so long ago. What happens at Dum Dum Con?

You know, it stays at Dum Dum Con. Did these people get to meet your lovely family? They were part of the show, yes. Oh, they were part of the show. They were part of the show. Lovely. They were all Brady Bunch Friday Hour. They were all performing. So your They were part of the show. Lovely. So they were special guests. It was a real Brady Bunch Friday hour. Yeah, yeah.

They were performing. So your wife, who will not be named, she did five minutes up top? She got a few good laughs. Oh, okay. Wow. Blanket got a couple of laughs. Oh, Blanket came out. Yeah, that was good.

It was good. I mean, I can feel the envy from the listeners right now. So it's definitely worth coming. Definitely worth coming. God damn, I missed out. God. The bloke that I was talking about,

there's two people that literally live in Koh Samui that do listen. Now, there's one bloke, an Englishman, that has lived there for years. What's his name? Dr. Pimp?

We've had... Dr. Pimp. Hang on, let's dissect. Let's dissect this gag. What was his name? Dr. Pimp. Yeah, because he's the doctor of all pimps. Anyway, I'm available for corporates.

What was his name? Dr. Pimp. I'm just going to use that to everything from now on. Oh, yeah. Good, good. Great, great. Breathing space. Thank you.

No, so he's a listener, and he's been there for years. And so we've obviously had three Coastal Moon International Podcast Festivals over there in the last bunch of years. Is this classified as one? No. No, this is different. This is a Q&A. This is what I was called.

Convention. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, he never went to any of those other three, right? Despite him living there. So he hates Tommy, he just likes you? Hey, I wish that was the answer to all this. He didn't turn up to this one either. Yeah, nice, nice, nice.

So what does he like? I love the idea that he was at the restaurant next door just going, what is all that noise? Honestly, honestly, I don't think he listens. I think he somehow stumbled across the page on Facebook and he comments on that all the time without knowing what the fuck it is. I think he's just seen enough mentions of Koh Samui on there

where he's like, oh, I should plug into this. I should talk to this guy. So he probably thinks your podcast is a podcast about Koh Samui. Maybe, maybe. He's rude. The little dum-dum club. He's not far off. He's rude to call all the locals about Kosa. Maybe. Maybe. That's rude. The little dum-dum. He's not far off. That's rude to call all the locals that.

Yeah. But then there was another guy who lives there that listens that I'd heard from on Facebook and stuff like that, which I was a little bit doubtful of like, is this real? Am I getting trolled or what's going on? Because he was one of those classic sort of profile pics with like nothing going on in them

and then no detail on the Facebook page. Yeah. All that sort of stuff. Just messaging you, I've got 20 tickets to Koh Samui for sale. Yeah, exactly. All this sort of stuff. And I'm like,

anyway, we got there. The guy was real. Turns up with mates. He moved to Koh Samui off the back of, he went to our Koh Samui podcast festival, the second one. Okay. Really liked it.

And then somehow convinced his wife to move there and he's like doing digital nomading there. Like, he's got some good job. And so then... What's digital nomading? Well, just working

from another country. Oh, okay, cool. I've never heard that term. Yeah. Moving because of our thing, that's like going to Adelaide during the fringe and being like,

yeah, I'm going to relocate here. It must just be like this all the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, at the Dumb Dumb show just heaps of space you know pretty quiet just relaxing

that's great so then he's there so he lives there so you know very quickly it went from me going oh I'll take any questions

guys to me going can I just ask you about how you became living in Koh Samui so then he's just sitting there the rest of the night was just me going and then and then and then how did you get what did you say to your wife to

to convince her to move here and then what do you do and how do you get away with it and what and he's like sit down man I'll tell you all about it so yeah fuck so he's moved there like just everything lives there yeah bought stuff bought bought a property I don't know about buying because that's your next step. You're this close. You can't do it. You can't. You can own 49% and then your other wife can own 51%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. That's how it works. Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't worry, I know. There's seven different types of titles. It's crazy. How much would you have to have to retire there? Because you clearly love it.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Well, there are people who go to places like that and then uh live off their uh pension so you can do it you can actually do it it's just when things start getting like health wise yeah and you actually need proper medical facilities then oh yeah that's when you go oh can you fix my knee nah just listen to bob Marley again well the closest we've got is medicinal marijuana

yeah yeah that's all we've got oh man which is now legal there it is really legal yeah yeah

so they handed out plants like you like so a friend of mine lives in Bangkok and he went to an area

and you could pick up a pot plant yeah well none of that the first day we were there I went for a beer with a listener

of the show Tim and then we went into a bar and he goes i'll have a mai tai thanks they go and he goes no worries and comes over and just gives him a massive joint yeah like okay that's just how this works from now i mean they were kind of doing that already like yeah but it was still always a bit but it was like yeah you could still get done if you you'd walk out you go oh i'm paying five thousand dollars not to go yeah yeah i thought

you got suicide squatted. I didn't realise. No, no, no. That's the Philippines. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. That's my other podcast.

Suicide squatted. You have to kill yourself now because you've broken the rules. But yeah, that would... I had never thought of that, the idea of like retiring there and then like, yeah, health stuff and just like hanging out for a Jetstar sale so you can get back to come here to go to the doctor to get your knee checked out.

Yeah, well, like all the English who go to Spain. So back in the day, it was cheaper to live in Spain. You get a holiday house and you can live off your pension from England. It's like a lot of people do. I reckon there'd be quite a few people who would do that. Oh, Bali, for instance. Surely there'd be a lot of... Well, they've got a whole deal over there

where you're only staying there for X amount of time and then you've got to leave the country, do your visa stuff and then come back. So I think a lot... We met people that were like that, that would just fuck off after three months and then go and have Burger King and then get their knee checked out and then come back again.

Well, I have a friend of mine here who's lived there for 15 years now on Copang. And so every three months he has to go across the border, get a visa and come back. And that's the thing. He goes across to Malaysia,

has Burger King and then comes back. And he's been doing that for 15 years. Yeah. Wow. 15 years. Just loves Burger King?

No, no. That's what you got from that. That's good. That's good That's good I like it I like it Unless you get married there Then You can't

You have to go get a new visa You have to be out of the country Just people being like Man they abolished the visa thing You don't have to do that anymore Still going Just miss my burger king Just fanging for it

It's just living too much in Thailand being like, no, you can't disrespect the king. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any sort of king, Burger King, whatever. I don't know who you are. You open the passport

and it's just covered in sauce. Yeah. Had to make the trip. I just thought because I'm going to the States soon and I was like, okay, Burger King, I've got to check that out, I guess.

No, no. It's the closest border because if you're on one of the islands, you've got to catch a boat across which and have you been have you been

to no because I this is what I used to love about going to because I used to go to Koh Phangan a fair bit and Koh Tao

is also your choice of boat when you go across so you can get like a really cheap boat which is like a thousand backpackers on a titty

and it takes four hours or you can get like a speed boat where there's like four of you and i remember once when we took a speedboat because we wanted to get to krabi and then from krabi back to bangkok we had to fly out and i remember the one tip someone said is whatever you do do not go at the front of the speedboat because if it gets a bit choppy and you know you could really hurt yourself and i'll never get to sitting at the back and this guy trying to take a photo and i'll never get to sitting at the back and this guy trying to take a photo and holding on to the front boat and we went up the way and then when

it came down he knocked himself out oh wow absolutely knocked himself out and his uh girlfriend's like oh my god my god and the guy the guy driving seafront goes whatever we just gotta keep going and he was just unconscious like seconds. And like just holding on for dear life. I mean, the guy driving the boat is right. Like what do you mean? You're in the middle of the ocean. What are you meant to do? But it was just like, oh, it was the one tip.

So just don't ever take the speedboat. Okay. That's my trick. Get on the thousand backpackers. I know you want your Burger King, but it's worth just waiting a little bit longer to not be on the speed bump. The guy on the speed bump with the big Uber Eats bag. On your phone just checking out the menu before you get there.

Oh, I've got to go around this island. The guy who's passed out, you're just waving a fucking burger in front of him to bring him to smelling salts. The other one that always cracks me up is when we were travelling, I went up from the top of Laos all the way down to the 4,000 islands and you go down the Mekong and it's beautiful and you can take the boat

and if you spend more money, you can have like a room to yourself. It's absolutely beautiful. Or you can race down and you pay, I don't know, it was a stupid amount of money, but it was like, I cannot even describe it as a canoe with a Chevy motor on the back. And then what you would do, I remember saying, is you'd put your luggage at the front and you'd wear a helmet and you'd all be behind each other like a bobsled. And we used to just laugh because we'd just be relaxing and then you'd hear this...

And it would just fly past like a racing car. And one of the locals goes, yep, someone dies at least once a year. You're going 100 kilometres an hour on a river. Like you're not going to hit a log or something. That does sound like something my grandad would make. We used to have, at the army camp, he built this thing over the... Hang on, whoa, whoa, whoa.

At the army camp? Yeah, because grandad was caretaker at the army camp in Tully. So he would look after the rainforest and get rid of the feral pigs and stuff and clear the tracks or do all that and you know keep the rifle range mode or whatever and um one of the things he built was like over the top of this massive gorge it was like he put in like a cable wire and then you know how they have those things that you sort of put the wires from that you hang from and do do whatever over the top of it he just attached two of those to a hammock and so you would lie in the hammock and then pull yourself over the top of this gorge

oh like a flying fox yeah yeah a really really relaxing yeah that's yeah actually that might be why i'm terrified of heights and hammocks because yeah granddad would lie in it and then i'd lie on his lap and it was like one of those like just mesh ones as well the mesh hamm hammock. But you were really high. Yeah, like – well, because I'm a child, so it might have seemed like way higher in my head. But like to me it was – it felt like it was like probably like 50 metres. Like it felt like in my mind I was like, oh, the river's quite small down there now. So it felt quite high up to me.

But it could have been small. But either way, I would have died if I'd fallen. But your granddad built it, though? Yeah. That is so funny. And that's okay. Jimmy didn't get any building approval. He just went, I'm just going to make this for the troops.

I mean, I didn't know I was four, so I don't know about the council planning. But I just remember being scared of it. Because, yeah, he built heaps of shit. Have I talked about the pig spit thing? No. He just built this A-frame thing that he could, like,

put a bar through the middle of the pig so that you could put a fire underneath it and he put a whippersnapper motor on it so it would rotate the pig over the fire.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I do it all the time. I was like, yes. Every birthday, every big birthday, you get to have a big pig. Whippersnapper motor. Bush Edison himself. Yeah, yeah. I do it all the time. I was like, yes. Every birthday, every big birthday, you get to have a big pig. Bush. Oh, Bush Edison himself. That's like Bush Mechanics.

That's awesome. Well, the fucking garden's a disgrace because the whippersnappers have it. Terrible shrubs, but tasty pork. Oh, what a beautiful natural pivot from the men. You just go through some long grass and then you just get to it. Ooh, this looks tasty. Pete was doing a bit the other night and he was talking about his dad killing a snake with a shovel and then he said something again.

I missed it and he was talking about boiling. And I was like, oh, did you do that too? Because it was so hot where I grew up that if the kettle, if mum yelled at you, because the way we'd kill a snake up there, the easiest. Sometimes it was the shovel, but if it was just mum at home, she didn't want to get too close. Because she'd throw boiling water on it. But it was too hot. It was too hot that she wouldn't have teas and coffees too much.

So if I heard my mum yell, somebody turn the kettle on, it's because I knew there was a snake in the yard. Oh, wow. Like that's what I knew. Oh, my. Like, that's what I knew. Oh, my God. Yeah. So, so if the kettle was boiling,

you knew there was a snake. Well, yeah, because she'd stay outside to keep an eye on it and she'd be like, get the dogs in and then, like, she'd keep an eye on it and then we'd be

boiling the kettle, pouring it into a thing and run outside with the saucepan so she could throw it on it from a distance. So every time you see a Nescafe ad on TV,

do you just jump on top of a chair? Yeah, but if you hear a kettle going, you're like, fuck! Yeah, that screaming. But how did you do that? Did you then boil the water, then put it into a saucepan? Yeah, so the saucepan with the handle so she could sort of like... Yeah, because surely if you do it with a kettle,

it just goes straight over you. Yeah, so pour it into the saucepan so she had more. But how did you kill the snake? It was boiling water. Yeah, but it's not like snakes are pretty like, you know, it's quite thick skin. I was going to say you can kill, that kills it. They can't like regulate their temperature. They're quite like thin.

So you tortured her. Well, I wasn't doing it. Yeah. It was my mum. I don't think she knew. She wasn't like. So it would kill the snake though. Yeah, it would kill the snake. And I don't think it was a, yeah, it wasn't a good death, I don't doing it. Yeah. It was my mum. I don't think she knew. She wasn't like... So it would kill the snake, though. Yeah, it would kill the snake.

And I don't think it was a... Yeah, it wasn't a good death, I don't think. But also, like, I was a child and I don't think mum was too worried about the... Yeah. But she's good now. They're hard to get otherwise. They're wiry. I mean, it's a pretty good program.

Yeah. And if she was outside with the... You'd shovel on the back of the head of the snake. Yeah, because sometimes dad put the snake thing up too high. They're like, you know, the stick with the bent bit of metal on the end. Oh, yeah, the snake catch. Yeah, I got mine from Coles. And Mumsy put it up too high, and so we couldn't get it down.

And so that's when Mum, because if not, she'd use that and be like, somebody get me the shovel. But if not, if it was the kettle, it would be that. Or call Grandad. Is that what it's for? So you take the hook, and then you lift the snake up, and then the head goes down, and then you call Grandad. Is that what it's for? So you take the hook and then you lift the snake up and then the head goes down and then you cut the head?

Is that how it works? No, she'd just pull it, like we'd just push the, hold the snake down. So hold the snake down the head so you could get a clean, clean then shovel to the head. No, you're learning stuff.

This would be really handy for you when a snake walks into your house in Carlton. Yeah, I don't live in Carlton. If I was living in Carlton, I wouldn't be doing comedy. I'd be doing very well for myself. But then we'd also use the snake.

Grandad would give the snake to Grandad, the dead body, and then he'd hang it over his passion fruit vine to keep the cockatoos away. Brilliant. Because then it would keep the cockatoos away and then it would just slowly rot off the vine. Yeah, wow. Would it keep the cockatoos away because... Because it's a snake. All of Danielle's Q&A, the A's are just, it's a snake.

Cockatoos, they're scared of snakes. But they think, so the cockatoos' mindset is they think a snake is just standing up keeping watch because it's on the fence. Well, it's hanging over the fence. Yeah, but they think the cockatoos think it's alive or are they scared because they go, fuck, whoever's around here is killing it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-oh, we can hear the kettle boiling. Better keep away, boys. How old are you? 85, shit. Grenna would also just tie high-vis streamers to the fence and that would keep the cockatoos away. I think it's just anything that sort of

looks like a snake or whatever. Construction workers, they might catcall us. Cockatoos are scared of firefighters. Cockatoos are scared of anyone from Perth that earns over 300 grand a year. I can smell ice break. We better not go near that place. I mean, I don't mind that.

I'm sure there's people listening that are repulsed and horrified by this whole story. But it's real like using the whole animal, right? Like you're then using it for like the corpse is being used for practical purposes. I don't think you're supposed to kill snakes. I don't think that's good. If it's not a venomous one. Is it like a possum? Are you not allowed to kill them?

What's the deal with it? You can't kill a snake. You do what the fuck you want. Yeah, I know that. But legally, you can't kill a possum, even though I would love to. Yeah. Okay. They're so cute.

But no. I think now you're supposed to call a snake catcher. Yeah, so they can take away. Actually, because they're native, you actually can't kill them. I think that's what it's like. Yeah, sure, in the desert. I'm not sure. I think also if it's like yeah sure in the desert like yeah i'm not sure i think also if it's like if it's like i don't know but i think as well if it's like around your yard you're

supposed to call somebody to relocate it but that was it was only venomous snakes when we were kids like what were they what were they like like browns brown type hands like this is the top 10 deadly yeah but like if it was a carpet snake or anything, Grandad would call Grandad because he'd come get it to put it in his shed so that he could keep it. They'd live there to eat the rats. Yeah, cool. So he'd relocate it into his shed. Put him to work.

Yeah, exactly. Selling him into slavery. Just a bunch of fat carpet snakes in Grandad's shed. Put a little collar on it. You're copying! Word getting around the snake community, it's like's like yeah where'd those guys go apparently they got that job they're fucking eating all day i just i'm so terrified of snakes and the idea that you know you could just go you're playing as a kid and then one just appears like i just

cannot comprehend that yeah were you scared of them or you're like you know oh yeah because there was one i remember one day because my mom she takes a heap of medicines in the morning because she's got, like, autoimmune diseases or something. And she was, like, taking them all. And I saw, like, the blood drain out of her face one day. She was looking at the back and I thought she was choking. I was like, you all right?

And then she was like, call Grandad and get the dogs inside. And then it was like these – it was like a ball of snakes. They were, like, in the – you know that, like, mesh? I don't know, security mesh up against like a thing like they'd climbed in there somehow. And they were all like in a ball. Oh, like a racking kind of scenario. Yeah, I don't understand if they were like mating or fighting or whatever.

They were all like that. They were like baby snakes. I don't know how big they were. They were quite they weren't like crazy long. But I didn't know what they were. And then we just like called them. I didn't know what they were. And then we just called them. I don't know if they were fighting for mating or what, or if they were just all hanging out. They're trying to like vulture on themselves.

It wasn't like heaps. It was like three. Right. But still trying to be like, she can't boil enough fucking water for all of us boys. Well, yeah, she called a snake catcher for that one because I think she was like, that's three, that's two. So they were just all mixed together

yeah all like it would have been really freaky Medusa style I had it once in Carlton with all these golden retrievers

yeah there was a pug at the park that looked like he was ready to go off yeah fucking terrified I was like mummy that bridge you were

talking about that reminds me so we stayed at a resort last week where, you know, you book all this stuff online. You think, oh, it all looks all right, whatever. And then you get there and we had this thing where you'd get off the main road and you go to the resort.

But there's this, honestly, this rickety, crazy Indiana Jones-style bridge that you had to make your way across to get to the thing. It was over a river. And it's so, it was like, even for Thailand, it was like the most unsafe thing I've seen there, where they're like, yeah, that's just how you do it. And, like, literally we walked over there one day and the gardening people were laughing at us.

Yeah. But would people go through, would locals go on it with scooters? Yeah, no, no, no, you couldn't do a scooter. But they were coming. We're going, I don't know if they can take our weight, just one person. And then you see them get a wheelbarrow full of suitcases and go fucking hell for leather. We cross it.

The approach to mortality in those parts of the world, it's really liberating. It's like, yeah, we all got to go sometime. And the world's overpopulated. Or when you see all those people on scooters, like Ho Chi Minh. It's really liberating. It's like, yeah, we all got to go sometime and the world's overpopulated. Just take some rest. Or when you see all those people on scooters like Ho Chi Minh. I remember when I went to Ho Chi Minh and it's like peak hour. I was like, I actually don't know how you cross the road.

Oh, man, absolutely. I don't know how you do it. I had to wait until an old lady just grabbed us and then just walked us. And all the scooters just go past you and you just keep walking. And you've got to keep the same pace because if you stop, you'll get hit. Yeah. Well, this bridge I found very funny because we did it once and I'm like

oh it's fine but my wife had a big problem with it and then the next time we went across So this is every time you go to and from the resort

you have to go over Yes. That's so funny. I know and we kept asking people there's got to be another way. How are you resources there?

Like food and drink like all across that rickety bit. Yeah and we kept saying how is this happening? Like there's drink Like all across that rickety bit Yeah yeah And we kept saying How's this happening? Like there's got to be another way And they're like No that's the way

And then on the last day TripAdvisor reviews like Oh it's all beautiful here Except for the fucking Yeah Death trap that you have to Except for access Except for one detail

Yeah And this is including like At night when I'd come home Like pissed and be like Fuck this will be interesting And just Just crawling across it But we kept going There's got to be like, fuck, this will be interesting. And just crawling across it. But we kept going, there's got to be another way. And they're like, no, that's the way to do it.

And then on the last day when we needed to like get out of there, we said, can you, you know, can you take our luggage? And they're like, no worries. And so we walked across the bridge and waited for like 20 minutes. I'm like, where's this fucking luggage? And then you see from down the road someone burling past in a car with the luggage in it and it's like so there is another way and they go yeah oh yeah yeah yeah there's that oh we thought you meant like another bridge you thought you meant another unsafe bridge we thought you wanted an even shitter bridge yeah no no that's the that's the worst there's

i love it if they considered that a ride yeah yeah, yeah. There's obviously a road. How do you think we fucking built the place? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not building a tank of cement across there. So the second time we did it or something, I think we'd gone across it and my wife had lost the plot and gone, oh my God, I can't believe we have to do this. How big was the bridge? How long?

How long? I reckon probably 20, 25 metres. Okay, so you are like, oh, it's longer than you could run across if it was going to fall. Oh. Because if it was 10 metres, I think I'd be like, I'm going to run that fast. No, you weren't running this one.

And it was like holes in it and stuff. There was like footholds in it. It wasn't like ones you see in a movie. It wasn't like, you know, it was just like one plank... It wasn't like ones you see in a movie. Like, it wasn't like, you know, draw... It was like a road bridge? It was just one plank, like, across the... There was a... No, it wasn't...

There was no handles. There was no handles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, none of that. No handles. Is it suspended? Is that a road bridge? Very Southeast Asia.

They're everywhere. Okay. No, just this really weird sort of... Like, it was all wood, and it was holes in the bridge, and we even saw... I was looking it up. I was like, this can't be fucking... This can't have been here forever. This is so bad.

And I looked it up, and I found old pictures from a year ago, and it was like twice as good. They just let it go, and it was like super bad now. Like, how the fuck have you just not fixed it up instead of letting it go? What a holiday you had,

that you had the time to look up photos of an old bridge. Yeah, but we were... We're obsessed with it it because we're like, there's got to be a point where this gets better. We've got to figure out another way of doing it. We, there was a we. See, I'm doing it fine.

I'm like, oh, well, whatever. I guess if they didn't have tourists, there's not much point. They were like, oh, well, nobody's coming at the moment. Yeah, but now that tourism is back, you think, fuck, let's get them across this bridge without them fucking dying. Yeah, totally. Because if they die, they can't pay for their bill. Yeah, but now that tourism is back, you think, fuck, let's get them across this bridge without them fucking dying. Yeah, totally. Because if they die, they can't pay for their bill.

Yeah. Unless they, of course, get Expedia or a go-to and you have to do it up front. Totally. How do I have to send this for the money up front? It doesn't make any sense.

That was so like T's and C's very fast underneath. What's this thing they're making me sign? Last Will and Testament? That's strange. So the second time we went across, I think we'd all gone across and then my wife had gone across

and then we all went across again. And the funny thing is because my child is now like three, so she's very much a sponge of what you're saying. I'll say something and she'll repeat it straight back. So then when we went across the bridge

like the third time or whatever, we were all going across and she'll repeat it straight back. Yeah. So then when we went across the bridge, like the third time or whatever, we're all going across and she's just very clearly just repeating what her mum must have said to get her through the second time, like a little parrot. So we're going across for the third time and she's going,

and my kid is going, don't forget mummy, you're just like a superhero. Be super brave. You're like a big hero and you can do this. Be a superhero. And it's just me walking across the bridge going, ah!

And then the next day she's like, don't forget, Daddy, stop being a little fucking cunt and just walk across the fucking bridge or there'll be no dinner. Or she's just going up to random people and going, okay, keep it tight, keep it 10 minutes and remember, we're going to return glasses back to the bar. I'll give you a lot at five metres.

I drove past a similar kind of story to this beautiful resort. I drove past the Coburg Motor in the other day. It still exists. Do you ever check in there? It's like, man, it is fucked. It's like a lot of people check in there it's like man it's it is fucked it's like a it's like a lot of people check in there

like straight out of prison like it's brutal like it's a like it's a real kind of like halfway house looks like so destitute and we just got obsessed with it like it's so run down

and fucked looking and some of the reviews for it are great like found this one that I'm obsessed with this woman going like yeah I was first of all it's got two stars out of five,

which is not as low as you would expect for how bad it looks. And it's this person going, yeah, yeah. Was visiting from out of town and my friend booked me in here. And we were meant to stay for two weeks. We were meant to stay for two weeks. Flash warden. Yeah, whatever. We were meant to stay for two weeks and we only warden. Yeah, whatever. We were meant to stay

for two weeks and we only lasted one because we got there, there were syringes on the ground, there were holes that someone had punched in the wall,

there were bullet holes, we could hear guns, we could hear yelling in the rooms. It was awful and it's like two things I love about that. You're visiting from out of town

and yeah, your friend is like, yeah, no worries. I've found the perfect place for you. Don't want to stay at my place. It's too small. But when you visit Melbourne, you want to see Kobe.

And then also being like, yeah, describing all this stuff and being like, yeah, we only lasted a week. A week? A week. You're still doing seven days there. Like walking in and seeing the syringes and being like, I'm giving this six more days. But I would understand that if, like, say English was your second language

and you were in a country where you didn't speak the language, then that would make sense. But the person would know what that venue would be like. Yeah, totally. Totally. Because I remember when I backpacked, we stayed in Czech Republic and we were in this like, it's just in the city,

capital city. What's the capital city in Czech Republic? Prague? Yeah, Prague. Yeah. And so we were there and then the first night,

it was kind of a similar thing. It was like a halfway house and I don't remember this. It was two of my mates. We stay there and we just went on the piss that night and three of us were in the room and I passed out

and then the next morning, like I woke up and it was like smashed glass. Like, like it was like sort of like a, like a door with like a window in it. And it was like smashed through. And I was like, what happened last night?

He goes, we still don't understand why you didn't wake up, but suppose it was a halfway house. And then this guy just kept kicking the door and they were like, we're backpack. He's like, and then he thought that one of us was sleeping with his wife and then he kicked the door open

and then he thought I was the guy and he was shaking and yelling in check going why didn't you sleep with my wife and I didn't wake up the whole time

you weren't sleeping with his wife you were just sleeping and then the next day we were just like we checked out of here and then we found out later it was like

how did you end up there and I was like we were just looking online we didn't know it was cheap accommodation like wow that's like what other fucked stuff happened to you on that trip in your sleep that you just didn't wake up remember man i got this weird limp for the rest of the holiday that was like my gap year when i was 18 like that was the first time i properly rolled my ankle that was in chesky cromlove i was traveling with two i remember this so vividly two of my best mates and i rolled my ankle and we'd been traveling for like

three months and i'll never get this we're all over each other like we're just sick of each other and we're just drinking every night i remember i rolled my ankle and my mate was picking me up going oh you're a fucking idiot like you rolled your ankle what the fuck are we supposed to do now i'm gonna get your crushes i was so sick of him and we're in this like beautiful pristine old village south of Czech Republic. And I just turned around and I clocked him. I just absolutely clocked him. And he hit the ground.

And he got up and he was bleeding a bit. And he goes, fuck, I'm sick of you. And then I'd roll back and then just hit me. And then we both finished it. And then we were fine. Then we're like... It was like that. Great reset.

Yeah, that's what it was. It was a genuine reset. And then I think about 18 in some village. I'm sure we were being appropriate. Punching on. Punching on a bridge. Yeah, okay. I did a road show once, the Comedy Festival road show.

And they asked the local townspeople what's a good recommendation if they haven't been to that town for a place to stay. And I can't remember what it was, whatever town it was. It had a big water tank in it in Victoria. But the townsperson who was giving the advice gave them a joke motel. And they didn't tell us. So we all ended up seeing this. Hang on a minute.

In a country town? Is there enough? There's not many options. There was another motel because when we got there and we asked the other locals, they were like, they've played a joke on you. There's a much better bed and breakfast. This place was a teddy bear themed regional hotel, but it was just like weirdly, like it was terrible,

but it was weirdly teddy bear themed and they clearly didn't want to spend any money on anything. So in the fridge, like the milk and stuff was in like juice little glasses that they put the dates on. Brilliant. And like everything was so strange in that like it smelled. Where was this? What do you remember town?

It was like, I want to say, is Kahuna a place or something like that? I want to say it was Kahuna. Yeah, Kahuna. Near Echuca, I think. Kahuna? It had a big water tank. All I remember is that that was like supposed to be the town thing right was the big water tank so did you stay at the teddy bear hotel yeah because that's what they booked oh wow and we got there and then we told they were like you know all the people were

like where you stay where you guys stay in and then we're like that place and everybody was like there's first of all the person organizing this, not just getting on Google and having a look and finding the good motel. Also, when you say they just asked a townsperson, what's the logistics of that? Before you've gone on the tour, what are they just driving out there and just walking down Main Street,

just grabbing a stranger and being like, hey, where do you stay? I think the people buy the festival to come out to their towns. Right. And so then they just go through whoever they've talked to about it or something. Right, right. And then that lady just had a fun.

Oh, a bunch of comedians. You'll love this. Stay at the teddy bear motel. Or they can use this. The custard pie hotel is fucking all booked up. Yeah. It's your next best bet. Yeah, the syringe inn.

Go check it out. So when you say teddy bear themed, were there like teddy bears? Teddy bears everywhere. Like all over the rooms? All over, in your room everywhere, like five or six in your room. Like the teddy bear soap in the bathroom. And then like teddy bears on the brochures. The front like check-in area was just filled with teddy bears.

Teddy bear biscuits in the minibar? Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking. No, no. On the bill. They weren't paying for biscuits. There was no biscuits. Not even paying for teddy bear biscuits. We had milk.

They're like 80 cents a packet. We had milk in a jar. They weren't buying biscuits. Yeah, but if you were then on Family Feud, let's survey the audience. Things that you will get at the teddy bear hotel. Teddy bear biscuits. We'll be number one. Like 53% I reckon you'd cop.

I bet that's like the person who loves that motel, like the teddy bear enthusiast who checks in there and they're like, got to say, loved everything about it.

No teddy bear biscuits. Wasted. Wasted opportunity. I would love to see the market of people that stay there because there is a lot of,

I don't know, grandmas or something like that. Yeah. A few kids that have pushed to go there and see the market of people that stay there because there is a lot of, I don't know, grandmas or something like that. Yeah. A few kids that have pushed to go there. And then a lot of people who want to wank on teddy bears. Oh, don't touch the teddy bears. Nah, don't. You put that white light on, that teddy is a polar bear.

Yeah, a few holes cut in the back of them for sure. Yeah, it looks like, yeah, don't put the blue light. It's actually the teddy bear hotel slash Chernobyl. That would be disturbing. That room from The Matrix. And how did that even start? Was it just like an old couple, she was really into teddies?

How does anything start? Yeah, it's true. How the fuck did this start? Fucked and had ideas. It's pretty awesome to be one of the only motels in a small town and be like, we'll make it a theme. I know.

That'll bring people in. That's good. Ballsy mood. I love that. We're in a town of 2,000 people. Let's get niche. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember driving to Sydney once with my parents, and we stopped off in, I can't remember the town. It was like a small town, and so we just like pull into like whatever motel. And my parents just, I remember them just like complaining so much about the room we were in. But just like the decor of it, like it was fine. It was like comfortable enough.

And it's also like you're in the fucking middle of nowhere in just a motel that you've driven up to. And we're staying there for like one night and then getting up in the morning and leaving. And like dad just like in bed just like looking at the wallpaper just being like, nah, we're leaving. Fuck this. We're driving around and finding another motel

and me being like eight or something being just like, please shut up and go to bed. Who fucking cares? And so we like pack our things up and he goes into the like, you know, the lobby. The flag inn. He goes in looking for a flag inn. Totally, yeah.

But this place was called the Gallop Inn. And so dad goes in and he's like, we're out. We want our money back. And just kicks up such a stink that they're just like, fuck, all right, cunt. Like just worth not dealing with you for this. And then dad, as he's got the money, as he's turning around and opening the door to the reception to walk out,

he turns back to the old lady behind the counter and he's like, the gallop in, more like the gallop out. Oh, yeah. Just fucking zings her. And in my head I was just like, fuck it, it's not a rule if we go to the other motel and there's like no vacancy. He'd be sleeping in the car.

He'd be in the car. More like the gallop back. Well, well, well, look who's come. Galloping back. Galloping club. Draw Rashida around him and give him the shotgun.

Kicking off about a small town motel. It's just like fucking hell, can't get real. We got a nice little moment in one of the nicer hotels that we had over there in Samui was I must have gone back to the room or gone over the road or something to get going to the 7-Eleven or something. And I get the FaceTime call from my wife going, you've got to get back here. Little blanket, she's going insane.

I'm like, well, what's the problem? Oh, she's really looking for you. I'm like, oh, I haven't been gone that long. Oh, she's got a bit messed up. I'm like, what's happened? She goes, she thinks that you're here. There's another man here in the pool and she thinks that's you. And that man is playing with

another kid and not giving her five seconds and she's just lost her mind going why is daddy

playing with that kid and not with me and she's just screaming and going crazy and running up to the other bloke and like trying to hug him

and the bloke's going what the fuck is going on here fuck off does he have your face say popcorn carp help me help me, help me, help me. God, I'd love to see a photo of this man. Well, that's what's coming up next. That's what's coming up next.

So I'm like, oh, okay. So I come back and everything's gone and whatever. And so it's just... You put your money on the dresser and just straight out the door. Please tell me it's Ty Carl Chandler. You know when you see somebody of a different race who looks exactly the same as somebody? Is there anything worse than the feeling of seeing someone in public

and it's like, fuck, that cunt looks exactly like my mate. I cannot go up and ask for a photo just on those grounds alone. It's like the worst feeling. It's like no one will ever believe me how perfect this is. Or the worst is you go up to them and get a photo with them and then realise you better not send it to your mate because they'll be really offended. Because I have a great one with me and a very, very large Tom Ballard.

No, no, no, that's Tom Ballard. I remember this guy looked like Tom Ballard. You just took a picture of Tom Ballard. There's actually a few. I think I sent you... Did I send you one recently that I was like, this is an insane doppelganger for Ballard? Or was it somebody else?

There's a couple in Brunswick. There's one guy in Brunswick which I got a photo with. No, you did right. I did start doing that one. So my idea was I was going to make it like a website with just me with people that vaguely look like friends of the show. It's good. It's good.

Because it's like saying, oh, you can't go up and ask someone but if someone came up to me and went sorry to interrupt you you look exactly like a friend of mine yeah can i get a photo to send i'd be into it i wouldn't be i wouldn't be i mean i'd be like you know what i don't want to see a photo of the friend because it might be very offensive to me but by all means you can have the photo yeah but we were with Tom once. We were with Ballard once at a bar in Hawthorne. And the guy was behind the counter was like, oh, yeah, you're familiar. Like, where do I know you from? And Tom was like, oh, you know, done this on the ABC and Triple J Breakfast.

And the guy was like. No, but even worse, on top of that, we walked in. It was me, you and him. And he points at me and goes, oh, you're a comedian. Yeah, that's right. Oh, you're this guy. And then pointed at then went and he's like and he's like yeah we don't know and ballard's just like listing the credits and the guy's like nah nah nah none of that stuff oh that's it you work at the cafe across the road yeah and we're loving it and then a week later i'm back in that area and i'm like there during the day and i'm walking past the cafe across the road.

Axel Roasters. Yeah, and I double take. I go, oh, Tom's in there. Like genuinely, I was like, fuck me, that cunt is like, good is Tom Ballard. Good or bad doppelganger in terms of better looking or worse looking? Genuinely the same. Genuinely 100% the same.

So you couldn't split them in terms of like who you'd rather fuck out of these two? No, exactly. Wow. In a police line-up, they'd never be catching the guy. Finger the guy, literally. Yeah, exactly. That you want to fuck.

Exactly, yeah. Well, so I came back. The fake daddy car's gone. And I was like, oh, so she's all good now? And my wife's like, yeah, she's all good. But yeah, that blo car's gone. And I was like, oh, so she's all good now. And my wife's like, yeah, she's all good. But yeah, that bloke's gone. But yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind you seeing this guy. And I was like, oh, okay. All right. Now the hunt is on. The hunt is on. Because he's currently in my bed. So then the next day. Getting obsessed with someone.

I've done this before. Just getting obsessed with someone at like a resort that you're staying at and just being like... Because you know it's a pretty limited radius. And just feeling like you're stalking this. You're always looking out at the breakfast buffet. It's like, there they are. A fucking freak from the pool the other day.

That's what I'm talking about. Fuck, he's looking at me again. Why does he keep staring? That's what I'm talking about. Like, you know. Do you want to? Fuck, he's looking at me again. Why does he keep staring? He's getting all weird when I'm videoing him. Can we go back across the old Rickerley Bridge? I want to get the fuck out of here. Do you know what I said at a motel in Taree for Christmas that was nothing available?

And there was just this old man who sat. Fuck, we get it. You've travelled. Just go somewhere nice. He just sat on a bench outside his hotel room for the three days. If we were there morning or evening or night, he was sitting out there just staring at the brick wall. There was nothing else.

And just being like, there's the river right there. Like there's a seated bench there. You can look over the river and just staring at a red brick wall in a car park for three days on end, nothing else. I love those people that you see where you're like, you're fleeing a crime. What's going on? You're not on holiday. You're on the lam.

Get back at midnight, he's there. 6 a.m., he's there. When I was at Cairns recently, we were in the pool in the resort and there were all these floaty toys just kind of floating around in the pool that just looked kind of unattended. And so my girlfriend got in like a little floaty ring and was just like oh how good is this i'm just floating around in a little inner tube this is great and then this guy comes up to the edge of the pool

to her and goes hey um i'm really sorry to interrupt but um that's my daughter's ring and she would really like it back can you give it back to her and it's like oh just the shame of like the little kid was too scared to come up and say anything to us and you gotta flop yourself she's gotta like flop herself out of it and then like just abandons it and then it's like the kids then the kids not even using it no absolutely because you've soiled it yeah and it's like totally that's what the kid thinks like you've touched my toy i don't ever want to touch it again but it's like totally fair enough but then just like for whatever reason, the whole rest of the time we saw this guy around the resort,

we're like, there's that fucking cunt. Oh, my kid had a hat stolen by like a grown-up couple. Oh, even better. At the pool. She's sitting there. She takes her hat off. It's fucking sitting in the water. And then this grown-up couple just see it and go,

we'll have that. A child's hat. It wouldn't even fit on them. No. I don't know. I've never heard the term grown-up couple. They weren't a child couple. A child couple.

Two 10-year-olds going, oh, hello, hat. And they didn't have a kid with them. That's like they've lost their kid and they've got a little doll at home that they're dressing up. Did you get the hat back no gone that's fucked that's disturbing yeah

you know yeah tiny little hat that's crazy that you didn't you didn't have the impulse to leap into the into action and go up to the couple and be like very clearly I wasn't there

for this otherwise I would have acted you know that because if it was a teddy it's a different story if you're now that I'm a parent

if I see a teddy I'm on a foot if you're now that I'm a parent if I see a teddy on a footpath or anywhere you look at that and just go somewhere in the vicinity within like a 500 metre radius there's a group of parents

like just a parent just losing their shit yes absolutely because they are having the worst they're having the worst moment in their life right now because they've lost the teddy

yeah and it's like I just like yeah you put up there you always sit on top of a fence like now back then I'd see the little kid and go,

who gives a shit? But now, the fallout, that's why so many parents will buy two teddies. Oh yeah. So they'll buy two teddies and just have one in a cupboard.

That's a great idea. My mum, my mum said when I was a kid, I would freak out if I broke my bug catcher because I always had to be catching grasshoppers and like have them

in my bug catcher and she said, have it ever broke? Because you know, the sun makes the plastic go brittle. I couldn't. Not similar, by the way. Just kidding.

You know when you play with dollies? Yeah, bugs. Creepy crawlies. I did get... Not when you play with them, when you kill them. Danielle's excited for the Barbie movie. Like, I bet there's going to be praying mantises. No, no, she's watching a bug's life and going,

when do they kill them? It is weird to be told as an adult you've got autism and then tell your mum and she goes, no, and then at the same time go, I had four bug catches in the cupboard all the time. Was it one of those green ones with the green lid on the top? Yeah, the long stem. They were huge.

Green or yellow bottom. The best ones were if they had the little fake things in the bottom. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. They were huge. It was fun because I had my favorite, like the colas plants. That's where the good grasshoppers would be. So you'd go over there, catch them, put them in.

And then you'd just watch them because it was like a little aquarium. You get your own little thing. Also funny to think they didn't know I had autism. And if I was at a friend's house, I didn't know how to make conversation with parents. And if they had a fish tank, I'd be like, oh, thank God. When my friend's in the shower, I can just go stare at the fish tank. And so I would just stare at the fish tank for 15 minutes like that and pretend I was like having a good time by myself.

And then as soon as the door opened, my friend would walk out. I'd be like, I'm off. Great, back to the room now. Danielle loves Chinese restaurants, not the food. Just like the big fish tank. I remember like my eighth birthday party. I remember it was like,

I think it was grade two or whatever. And then I remember he was really into bugs. And so we all, he had like a birthday party and I got him a bug catcher. But he didn't get in a box. He just got in the shape of a bug catcher. And I remember his birthday party,

he got seven bug catchers. Right and he just like he just got this like that we all because he was in that's he was the bug guy like yeah so he got him and then i remember this one kid it was all the same shape like if we all got him a bug catcher and then this came came late and it was just like oh it's a different shape but it was just a bug catcher in a box that's all he got he had like eight and no one thought to bring him some bugs yeah totally we were

now that was I remember it's like back in the day we had parties and then where you can go to like you can learn how to ride on the road

like a mini traffic school kind of thing yeah I love that place they're amazing there used to be one next to the museum and I used to go there.

Now you have to go to places and book them out. My friend's older brother when we were at school got in heaps of trouble because he went there. Took a car on it? No, he went there

and he hacked into the traffic light thing and all these kids were running around and he just caused all these pile-ups. Oh, that is so good. Switching the lights

on the wrong place. It's like something out of Cannonball Run. Yeah, it's like colliding with each other. Did you ever meet the other Carl Chandler? The Carl ganger.

You're on the hunt stalking him around the resort. Because the resort wasn't that busy. Nothing over there is that busy at the moment. So I was like, well, odds are in my favour here.

Do you think any of the dumb-dumb people got confused for the other Carl? Right. Some people went to the wrong resort. Two Carl's at Dumb Dumb Pop?

This is the slowest Q&A I've ever... He's not answering any questions. Yeah, he doesn't know the answer. Tommy who? I've yelled out

got him three times and get nothing. Wow, when he says he doesn't listen back, he means it. There's no fucking anything about this nothing. Wow, when he says he doesn't listen back, he means it. There's no fucking anything about this podcast. Yeah, the one thing

is Thailand. Yes, I like Thailand. The rest of it, I don't really get. So you're just waiting for the moment where you're at the pool and you're like,

oh wow, they put a big mirror next to the pool. Oh fuck, that's the guy. Yeah, so the next day around about the same time we go down to the pool and there's a couple of guys around, whatever.

And then Blanket starts pointing at this other man and going, Oh, that's, I thought, I thought that was, that's you. That's you. And the guy gets close and I'm like, this guy is fucking ripped. Oh, and he was in handcuffs. And then, this guy's like ripped and then my wife has like gone did you see the guy and i went yeah yeah she goes what did you think and i was like oh yeah it's a bit of a likeness i guess she's like fuck that'd be nice

yeah not bad at all. I think my daughter's trying to fucking, you know. Upgrade. Yeah. She's playing hitch. Yeah. She's like, that dad could throw me real high in the pool. Yeah.

New daddy. Yeah. I don't think she's quite worked out physics yet or anything like that or muscles or anything like that. But same face? No, not particularly like you know just like vaguely she just wanted him

as the new dad maybe she was just going you're my dad was he Thai it might have been a bit of just wish fulfilment

maybe I don't know I think the guy like it was that thing where it's like you know we're all thinking it and then my wife's like

what do you think about that likeness? And I'm like, all right, we don't need to spell it out. It's a compliment from Blanket. It was literally me saying, you know what, I'm on holiday. I'm back to the gym tomorrow, right? Yeah. I'll be that guy in a couple of weeks, all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just doing crunches all the time. Just got to be like the other daddy. That's so funny, her thinking that you're just burning her, just fucking, you're ignoring her. Yeah, yeah. That's like, that's devastating. Yeah. That's so funny Her thinking That you're just burning her Just fucking You're ignoring her Yeah That's like That's devastating

Yeah That's like They do get very protective Like even if your kid's giving you nothing And then you go talk to another kid Like what are you doing Yeah Yeah

Hang on Yeah I'm not speaking to you at the moment You're not going to go talk to another kid Yeah Like it's So there's Yeah

My dad came on Year four camp with me To Paluma Which was We left on year four camp with me to Paluma, which was we left on September 11th. Paluma, add it to the list. We're going all around this country. Places I've never heard of. Yeah, I mean, I've been talking about Thailand a lot,

a third world country. I think we're getting into fourth world countries over here. What's Paluma famous for? Oh, the rainforest. It's just like a bit outside of Townsville. Oh, the ride up there. I was the only kid who didn't vomit. Oh, my gosh? It's just like a bit outside of Townsville. Oh, the ride up there. I was the only kid who didn't vomit. Oh, my gosh.

It was insane. The wind, you track all through the thing. They didn't... And that's the track that your granddad had made? Yeah. It's like a big bus trying to get around the weaving corners. And all the kids on the... Like, they only pack like three buckets

because I don't think many kids are going to vomit. The entire bus was vomiting. And they didn't have enough enough everywhere There were these two boys I just remember the most horrific thing I've ever seen Trent and Arlen They were sharing one bucket hat To try and vomit into You know bucket hats got those little circle bits cut out

It's just the vomit spewing out the side of those Hang on It started off with spewing into buckets, and then it turned into spewing into bucket hats? Yeah, because there was only three buckets for vomits. Teachers pack a few buckets for the bus trips. They don't think many kids are going to get motion sickness. Every kid.

Valid point. I was the only kid who didn't get motion sickness. I remember because I was the only kid who got motion sickness on the flat drive the next year. Right. And you had three buckets. Yeah, exactly. Just everybody vomiting constantly on the way up. But my dad came on that school camp, and it was you got all the yeah exactly just everybody

vomiting constantly on the way up but my dad came on that school camp and I just got so jealous because all the boys liked him and I was like

but that's my dad he's not spending any time with me he just wants to go hang out with all these boys I don't get any time with my dad

but with that drive did they ever think instead of packing 17 buckets just pick a different fucking road? No, but you probably... Do something else that doesn't make every kid spew. Yeah.

Don't show the Jackass movie in the bus. I don't think they knew we were all going to spew. I think it was the first time. Well, they brought three buckets. Yeah. But they did that on every school camp. Oh, really? Yeah, because just in case somebody gets motion sickness or something, but they weren't expecting every single kid on the bus to get motion sickness.

This is like the pie-eating contest in Stand By Me. Was it that or was it just one of those chain of events, those chain reaction things where one kid spews and then someone else gets immediately spewed? It might have been because it was the bus that's – you know how you have the good buses and the bad buses when you go away? The bad buses don't have air conditioning and got the leather seats and the good buses and the windows don't come down yeah oh no those buses they do have the windows open the bad buses is

well the good buses are the air conditioning but they don't have the windows that open and we're on that and so it's just constantly circulating around and also because it's like so humid then because you're going up into the rainforest the windows windows are all fogged up so you can't see out either. Windows that don't open on the bus. It's not the casino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids might try and kill themselves. Yeah, but you do get to watch Star Wars

up on the tiny little TV at the top. Oh, yeah, that's not good. And there's one TV and you're at the back of the bus going, I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I was like, I think it's Wicked at Burning's. Or you're right under the screen, so you've just got it on this insane angle.

Or back in the day when I used to catch plays to Holland in the 80s, where you'd be, as a family, you'd be right at the front row, and it was the big screen, the big television. So literally you're watching a movie this big, just huge, but right in front of your face. Oh, yeah, great. And I was like, oh my God, guess what?

It's a stop them all mumble shoot again. I watched that movie like 12 times on a plane when I was a kid. We're recording this at Casa del Chandler today. And so if you look outside, it's like, you know, we're down a pretty sort of like dead end, sort of like bit of an area.

There's an underpass at the end, isn't it? Yeah, there's nothing really much happening. There's not much traffic comes down here. There's a bit of like business going on across the street. It's not like a popular street. You're really coming down here to park if you work over the road and that's it. There's not like a popular thoroughfare. It's not like a popular thoroughfare.

So just before I left for holiday, I got my first fucking crazy person like wandering up and down the street. Well, that's good. Which I love. Yeah, you love. Yeah. So I had that door open and I could hear,

and I was in the bedroom and I could hear screaming and I'm like, what the fuck is this? And it just kept going, kept going, kept going. And I'm like, I've got to find out.

You know, like I'm, that's, you know, that's Moth to a Flame sort of stuff. So I come out here and everyone else in the street is sort of just giving it the whole, I don't want to see, I don't want to engage with this guy or whatever. And there's a guy walking up and down the street vaping and screaming and sort of looked vaguely normal. But what he was doing was walking up and down the street going, fucking sluts!

They're everywhere! Sluts are everywhere! Like this. And I'm standing on the balcony just looking at him and laughing. And everyone else is trying to not look at this guy. When's the crazy guy come along in the story? You're also not that high up. No, I'm not.

That's really bold by you. I'm only half a level up. You were just excited about going on holidays. And then he sees me because I'm the only one making eye contact with him

because I'm like, I've got to get the most out of this. And so he's just walking up and down and goes, fucking sluts. And he looks up at

me and he goes, what are you doing? And I'm like, hey mate, just enjoying the show. And he goes, you are you doing? And I'm like, hey mate, just enjoying the show. And he goes, you got any sluts in there?

Great question. Yeah. No, nah, all out, sorry, I'm afraid, mate.

Not in this apartment, but it's a big building. I love it. There's sluts everywhere, but he can't find a slut. Yeah. It's like the ocean and nothing to drink. Real incel.

So he goes, he goes, sorry, mate, all out up here. And he goes, all right. He turns around and he goes, I think you're lying to me. I think you've got a whorehouse in there.

And then just ran away. Okay. I'll tell you what, these kids on the vapes these days this is like about a 45 year old guy on a vape it was like

Jesus punching the vape that's gnarly it's also around here because this is a nice neighbourhood yeah yeah that's it

yeah because it's like where's he wandered from yeah because he's not from around here train station you reckon he got off the train there?

It's a weird one. Why are you getting off here, though? Because this is all just families. Yeah. And like, why are you getting off there? It's a rare... Maybe he got off a bit early, maybe. A rare foray into this sort of area.

Yeah, maybe he just wanted to check it out, see where the sluts are. Yeah, he's investigating. Yeah, he's just investigating what other areas have whore houses. You ever lived in Footscray? You ever been to Footscray? You ever lived in Footscray? It's like a different reality there. It depends where in Footscray.

I was like, I used to live above the Kmart there. Yes, yes, yes. Hang on, what? Can you live above a Kmart? There was like a Kmart and a Coles downstairs. Great for that. You were in the heart. I was in the heart.

There's like a big high rise there. Yeah, yeah. Where a lot of immigrants live. Yeah. But also because it's like there's a lot of like community housing in that area, which is why I was in. And half community housing and half normal housing. They mix it together.

And yeah, because we were, because I moved out of my house with my boyfriend to live with my sister because she was 17 and moved to Melbourne. Nobody wanted to live with her except for weirdly 40-year-old men. And I was like, okay, well, that's not happening. That's the guy I want past here. Yeah. Yeah, and so I was like –

What was her morals like? Well, she was – 17. Yeah, let's not go into it. She was young. 17, let's give her the benefit of the doubt. So we moved into the, because she was 17, and so she was eligible for the community housing

because she was going to go to uni. So I was like, all right, let's do that because she couldn't afford much rent either. Did you move up into the Kmart? We moved up into the Kmart area, but we were quite a high level. And every night you could just start to hear screaming at a certain time and you'd walk outside and it was just like everybody out on the street it was like a zombie apocalypse just screaming happening oh we'd sit out there on the deck chairs and just have a

lovely evening of just watching what was going on below because because footscray is an interesting beast because like you know there are a lot of crazies around there yeah a friend of mine lives just before footscray train station yeah so happens is, and we sometimes sit out the front of his house, and he has so many crazies walking past because what they do is they get out of the station before because quite often there's ticket inspectors at Footscray. Oh, yeah. So they just walk up this one road.

But I like that crazy and frugal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they walk up, and I remember one day. That crazy? That was like crazy Crazy for a bargain, maybe. The true crazies love the argue with the ticket inspectors. I shouldn't have to buy a fucking ticket. But occasionally you just see people just sit on his porch

and you just see crazy walk past. And there was one guy who had pants down to his knees and then had that kind of thing where they wrap the T-shirt around their head. Yeah, sick. I like that great move. And he's just walking, and he's swearing, and he's like, and I don't think he saw it. He's like, and he's walking up the hill,

and he's heading to Fooz, going, and they were just like, oh, wow. And then a couple of minutes, he just walks past me. He's not swearing. He's walking quite quickly, and he just yells out, I forgot something. What did you forget? It was your shirt. It was around your head.

What did you forget? I forgot to buy a ticket. Fuck. All right. We better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you, Ben Lomas and Danny Walker for joining us. Ben, things you'd like to plug? A plug always, my podcast with Dilruk, Fitbet,

and also my tickets for Melbourne Fringe Festival will go on sale very soon. So I'm doing a rerun of my show, Any Questions, in October. So check it out. Danielle, you're going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Yeah, so if anybody at all is in Scotland, please come to that. Go see your show. I saw it at the Comedy Festival and I loved it. Oh, thank you.

For anyone who's enjoyed your stories on this pod over the years, there's lots of family stuff in there. Oh, yeah, you get to see them in real life too. Yeah, videos. What's the name of it? Nostalgia. I think it's 3.35. 3.35.

Which is in the afternoon. They have daytime shows. Which is now a good time for comedy. Yeah. After everything, after we've learned, comedy in the afternoon is good. Apparently over there, the afternoon they have daytime shows which is now a good time for comedy yeah after everything after we've learned comedy in the afternoon is good apparently over there

the afternoon is a good spot somebody else was like their show's at 7pm somebody else said to them they're like pfft bit late yeah mate

I tell you go check that out sitting on the roof of Kmart looking at crazy stuff yeah I'm going to go next year and do a show at 10am called Crunchy Nut Comedy

that sounds good right alright guys thanks very much for listening Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. I'm going to go next year and do a show at 10am called Crunchy Nut Comedy. That sounds good. Right. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you then. See you then. Comedy. Comedy.

And they've done it again. They have done it again. Straight off the plane, like I said. Yep. Straight off the plane, straight to CHQ, Chandler headquarters. You blokes sitting at the front waiting for me to get in. Me trundling the bag in. Yeah, I realized as I was driving over there that you were like, yeah, my plane lands at 10.

So we're recording at 11. And I was in the car going, hang on. the maths on this one does not add up at all. Nearly. An hour from touchdown to front door was very generous. Was I 15 minutes late? I reckon half a. No, I wasn't. It was pretty, it was.

It was 20. Yeah. 20. Okay, we can meet in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't too bad considering. And I reckon I had a bad run on the conveyor belt with luggage. But that's the thing.

You always have a, or it's like, especially international. Yeah. Fucking betting anything under two hours is crazy. That's a worse run than usual, I reckon. Yeah, right. That I got. You know what I saw? I saw something very rare, I think anyway.

I saw a guy, you know, the people that get too close on the conveyor belt to waiting for their bags to come out. I saw a guy get really close to where the actual chute is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was first in line there. That's great. Got really close to that. Then, first two bits of luggage were his. So, it's paid off.

So, the fix was in. Yeah. He knew something the rest of us didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was there waiting for it. Like the most obvious thing in the world was his two bags

were going to come out first and they fucking did. I can't wait for, because I flew Jetstar somewhere recently. I hadn't flown them for a while and we had this huge debacle

of trying to like add extra like weight to our luggage. Right. So we're at the airport and I was just- Where did you try and did you add it how far back

in the process? So, I mean, it's part of kind of a longer story but we get to the airport and we're weighing all our stuff. So at the airport.

We're at the airport and then we're getting online onto the booking. Yep. And it took my... Because my girlfriend had made the booking, it took a few goes

to get it to register. Right. And then it just comes up. It's like, you've got the 25 kilos now. And we took my, because my girlfriend had made the booking, it took a few goes to get it to register. Right. And then it just comes up. It's like, you've got the 25 kilos now. Yep. And we're like, great. So weigh it. It's all fine.

We check it in. Then we order some food. We've got a bit of time until boarding. We've got maybe 20 minutes until, our food gets put down. Yep. 20 minutes until boarding time. All right. We'll eat quickly.

We'll be up there. We'll all be good. We've both had literally one bite of our food and one sip of our drinks we get the page report to the gate right now and so we're you know you don't know what's happening yeah so you we're like oh fuck all right well we guess we just got to leave our dinner yeah it's like a 9 p.m flight or something so we're like oh fuck all right well fuck so we're like and it's that bit in terminal four in melbourne that's like a 10 minute walk away from the food, like right down the end.

So we run, and we're getting paged again, and again, and again. I like the idea of you leaving your dinner. You're not at Rockpool. You're just scooping up your Red Rooster, aren't you?

Well, no, we were in that little pub bit. Oh, okay. This is a proper like, yeah, we had.

You're at the AFL store eating. No, they're like, they're like pub that's in Terminal 4. Right. Like the – I forget what it's called. Right. But we – and also it was like we were going to Hobart and we knew that by the time we landed there just would be nothing open.

Yep. So it was like all the steaks were on this meal. Right. And also fucking food at the airport. This fucking food and a drink just cost cost like nearly a hundred bucks so we're like so we're sprinting we're getting paged again and again and again we get there we're like parved and we're like oh you because we're thinking like oh the flight's just taken off early yeah like so we get there and the guy's like oh yeah um that payment didn't go through for the bag so we just

need to get you to pay it now and we're like did that need to be a page? we're going to be here lining up anyway it's like yeah we just can't let you on until you've paid it and we're like yeah but you could have just done that when we would have walked past you in and we're like why did you say it was urgent?

and he's like well I didn't say it was urgent I just said to come to the gate immediately and it's like anyone who hears that at an airport is going I'm fucking i'm running i'd love to see the court debate of trying to defend the word immediately from not meaning the same as not being urgent yeah not it's not urgent it's immediately but you just

don't know what's happening if you get paged at an airport you're assuming that it's like i'm not gonna sit here and finish the meal and then get there and be like, yeah, cunt, the plane took off without you because you just weren't here. You don't use the PA for no good urgent reason in an airport. You should be suspended from using the PA if you're not doing something that needs to be completed in five minutes. Oh, absolutely. It's for missing children.

It's for people that haven't got on their plane that's going to fucking the UAE in two minutes. Well, what I thought it was going to be, because I've had this happen before where they paid you because they found something in your suitcase that's not meant to be there. Like spare batteries and stuff like that. So I kind of thought like, oh, fuck, have I left like a power bank in there? Like one of those just, you know, it's going to going to be just hey you've got to come sort this out otherwise yeah we're chucking your shit off the plane you're not going yeah so then we're like we just sit there for like you know 20 minutes or something and i'm just like mind's eyeing just thinking that full palmer yeah that was just sitting there and the worst bit was i've had like one bite of it and i've gone

this is pretty this is shit this is just an airport palmer right bit was I've had like one bite of it and I've gone, this is pretty, this is shit. This is just an airport parma. Right. And then I've had two more bites and I'd sort of like, I'd sort of Stockholm syndrome myself into liking it. I was like, no, you know what? I can sort of appreciate what's going on here. I like this AFL parma.

It's a bit more of a simpler take on it, but I'm actually really enjoying this. And then we've gotten paid. So I'm like, if they had have gotten me one bite earlier, I would have been like good riddance. I don't want to eat this anyway. Right. but i had convinced myself that i was enjoying it but anyway as we were paying to get the bags like the limit up i was just thinking about like the moment in human history and what a great move it was of just like one airline to go what if you just had to pay

more to bring your shit with you yeah like it's easy to forget that that wasn't it or it was always just a given that like you, you get a flight, of course bringing all your stuff is part of that cost. Yeah. And the point where they leveraged that. And my point being, I can see a point where Jetstar go, extra fee, your bag's coming out first on the carousel. Oh!

I can imagine a point in time where that happens. Wow. And I got to say, there's certain trips where I'm like... That's a good idea. If I'm going international and it's long haul flight and I can chuck an extra 50 on top to be out of that airport, that 24-hour flight to London straight away, I reckon I'm doing it. That's a great idea. Yeah.

Because there's like premium... I can't believe someone else hasn't... You might be the first person to think of that. I can't believe someone... It's insane that Jetstar or not even Jet... Maybe they're coming because we think Jetstar's bad, but there are low-cost airlines in other parts of the world that make them look like Qantas.

Yes. Maybe some of them. Because a lot of like Virgin and stuff... Make them look like Qantas or someone good. Yeah. A lot of airlines here like Virgin and stuff make them look like when it's awesome on good yeah a lot of um a lot of airlines here like virgin and stuff they've got you know you get your your platinum membership gets you priority boarding and priority check-in yep but no one's thinking about the back end yes

no one's thinking about monetizing the fucking shoot completely with you yeah it's a great idea but you're right maybe that guy's already you saw, maybe he's already started it. He's just slipping 50 to the bank. Yes. He's been like, make sure my special little girl is the first one out of the ship. Thank you very much. Absolutely. I would have done that.

I would have done that this time. That's also, I reckon, so this guy was on your flight. This is the same carousel. Yep. Fuck, that's a guy who's bringing some shit home, I reckon. Oh, really? He's desperate to get out of that airport as quick as he can. He wants it before the fucking dogs come over.

Yeah, right. He had the cart. He had the cart ready to go. Yep, yep, yep. Just like one and two and off I go. Yep. Form filled out. All of it ready to just kind of hand over to the guy.

He must have had a really good podcast to get to. You know what, speaking of airplane hacks, if that was a hack, you know what I did on the way home is, and I've never done, I don't think I've ever done this before. I paid to choose my seat on the way home. I don't think I've ever done that before. I'm a big one for it. An essential move.

Well, put it this way. Given the history I'm coming off where I haven't been really paying for anything, you don't get to choose when you're on standby. You sit where you're fucking told. You know what I'm hating about most of the travel like a lot of the travel i've done lately has been with my girlfriend so it's like you get seats together yeah rows of three yeah so it's island middle or window and middle yes and i'm always going oh look i'll be the gentleman i'll take the middle so now i'm just cursed to a fucking middle

seat yeah on every flight i'm taking it's fucked damn. Damn. Well, we were travelling in the threes because of the family. Yep, yep. So then I'm always like saying to her, don't say her name, just chuck the kid in the middle. Yeah. Who gives a fuck? Exactly. She's like, no, let her look out the window.

I'm like, yeah, but kids have got no attention span. The kid will look out the window for about three seconds and then look in the activity book for the next seven and a half hours. Yep. Oh, no, but you've got to. No, you don't. They can see past you. then look in the activity book for the next seven and a half hours. Yep. Oh, no, but you get it. No, you don't. They can see past you. Chuck them in the middle.

They can see past you while I take them off. I bought a tablet. Like, we're done for as a family now. I've officially bought the tablet. Yep. So now she's got the tablet. That's you've held out long enough. Yeah.

Three years, three and a bit years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fuck, that's good. That's nice for it to sound like I've held out for three and a half years. It's like the baby to come out and go straight into the tablet. There you go. I'm sure some people do it.

The tablet actually stops it from coming out because I've held it straight out. But you know what I've done? Instead of slapping it on the ass, the doctor's just firing up Bluey on the iPad. This will calm it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, slap it, then Bluey. Then Bluey, yeah. Cry, then stop crying yeah um i so i

got the got the seat uh for the long haul flight on the way home yep and pick the window which i don't always do but i wanted to keep on the way home so yeah you need to lean against some nice little um non non-name brand valiums on the way home and straight and leaning on the thing. So I picked the very last seat you could have, back corner. Yep. Right? This is my little trick. School bus mentality. Yes.

This is my little trick. Now, I would say this generally works for me. I don't know whether this is a known thing or not, but you pick the very last corner seat, back of the plane. You pick the very last corner seat, back of the plane. I was only one of two people that got the whole row to themselves. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like a, yeah, that's a classic move.

Is it? Yeah, you look, it's funny that like people don't want to be up the back. Yeah. I don't give a fuck what part of the plane I'm on. Absolutely. It's crazy that, yeah, I'll book, like when I've traveled with friends or partners or whatever, and I'll try and do that. I'm like, let's go.

Because you can often see on the map, you're like, you try and book in a little cluster where there's like, no seats have been taken yet. So not only like that row, but like the rows around it that are probably going to fill up first. And invariably the people I'm with are like, oh, I don't want to be up the back of the plane. What fucking difference does it make? Yeah. If this thing goes down, everyone's fucked. Who cares? Is it because you think you're getting off the plane last?

Because, I mean, you are, but then you're getting to the fucking conveyor belt and then you're waiting for half an hour anyway. Well, and sometimes they open up the back stairs anyway, so being at the very back row can be like the best, if you're domestic at least. Like, you know, you're getting off pretty quick i understand sometimes i've been on i've been on international flights where i've been in a bit that's near the bathroom and it's fucking annoying because

there's just constant stream of people coming past and like chatting with like flight crew and whatever yeah so i understand it from that perspective, but that's worth copping if it's like you're getting that like that povo business class where you're just lying across three economy seats. Yes. Oh, that's what I copped. It's golden. It was absolutely beautiful. And also because of my want of getting on the plane late,

I try and get on last. When I get there, I then get that beautiful moment of walking up the back and just seeing the people who were eyeing off that empty row, seeing me come in and put my bags down and go, ah, fuck it. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. Because we've talked about this a lot, but there's also the other side of that

is you're in that row. Yeah. And just everyone that gets on just being like, fucking please. Yeah. Don't fucking sit here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one of the most absurd flight things happen on the way back from Tasmania that I'll talk about on an episode.

The next episode we do. Damn, burn it here. Fucking hell. Great. Truly mental stuff. Great. But yeah, look, we got to get into it. The only way we can fucking afford this life of luxury, jet-setting around the world is by...

Hobart, Thailand, all sorts of third world countries. Is by people like yourselves chipping in to the Patreon, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You get two bonus mini episodes of the podcast every week. And, hey, look, if you enjoyed this episode, the next two coming up are with these two guests. So get on. Get the whole backlog as well. And do that beautiful thing.

You know, I was weirdly thinking about this on the plane, a nice thing of there's been a few little bits and pieces in media lately, Tommy Daslow, where we don't get to do some certain mainstream sort of things. And that's all well and good. And that's fine. But the thing that's good about it is that we get to hack the system and make our own thing. But the good thing about that is it's made possible by you people at home.

So the good thing is we don't have to rub shoulders with the hoi polloi, with the elites. You've got to know someone in showbiz to get somewhere most of the time. We don't know anyone. It's fucking empty Rolodex. Our shoulders are filthy. No one wants to rub them. But because of you people, we get to go around that system. So we really appreciate it.

You guys are the guys that make this show happen, that make sure that we don't have to be waiting for scraps from the table. And if you can continue to do it or if you've never done it, throw a scrap for us. Chuck us a scrap and let us live the life that we do, that we get to have time to do this podcast and all the bonus sort of stuff that comes out and whatever without having to then go down and work at Red Rooster. Yep. Thank you very much. um thanks to some of these people um let's name them right now um some people that haven't been named huh fucking free flavor apps

every day yeah i'd love working at red rooster i wouldn't be bad i never worked at a front of gig there yeah just to get the it's all about that flavour wrap. Yeah. I fucking love Red Rooster. He's hungry. It's so underrated. I had some Burger King in Singapore on the way home. They do good chips. Yep. Better chips than here. Okay. Very easily.

They only went up for a second serving. Excellent Singapore Hungry Jacks. I mean, Burger King chips. Interesting. Interesting. If you find yourself in Changi Airport, take it from me. Tell them Carl sent you. Take it from me. Go up to the 87-year-old person that they work on

that's on the front desk. They tend to... I found that too. Yeah, I'm trying to think what airport I was in where I got Hungry Jacks. It wouldn't have been Hungry Jacks. Yeah, Burger King and it was like I couldn't believe the age of the person

sitting with me it was unbelievable absolutely yeah I was like I was like sitting down and they were cleaning the table

I was like do you want to sit down should I clean it for you is this like a hidden camera show just for laughs posted up here just like

we got him yeah the guy's teeth fell out while he was taking his order. Sucked in. Nah, some old folk at Burger King. And, you know, I guess that's good for... Good for them.

Good for someone. Bad for society, maybe, that they've still got to work, but good for them for employing people. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Equal opportunity. But anyway, speaking of old fuck people. No, I don't know how old this person is. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Katie Straman.

Straman? S-T-R-A-M-A-N. Okay. Straman? Straman? Straman. Straman away? Katie Straman away on what?

The old banjo. There we go. Not describing how her suit, the banjo is, just no description? No. Okay. You wouldn't like to guess? I wouldn't. Yeah.

It would be impolite of me. Right, right. It would be crass. Would it be? Yeah. Is it bad or good to? I don't really know what. I wouldn't. Yeah. It would be impolite of me. Right, right. It would be crass. Would it be? Yeah. Is it bad or good to? I don't really know what we're talking about. You do know what we're talking about.

Stroking the band, strumming the banjo. What's the banjo? You've never heard of strumming the hairy banjo? I've never heard of strumming the hairy banjo. Have you never heard that before? No. I threw out banjo as like, oh, I guess this sort of works as a euphemism. Right.

I didn't know it was already part of a pre-existing. Yes. So the hairy banjo is the, what, the pussy? I would say any form of genitals. Any form of genitals. Yeah. Okay. Right.

Yeah. Strumming the hairy banjo. Right. And that's having a wank. Yeah. Or it's fingering someone or jacking them off. No. I always thought of it as playing with

yourself because you're not playing someone else's banjo traditionally are you you could jet star loses your luggage on the way to a gig right posting on the socials hey guys does anyone does anyone in hobart have a banjo we can borrow for our set no i think i think traditionally you would uh you play your own banjo. You're not playing someone else's. I always think when you see that where bands are like, you know, they get to a, they're doing a gig, you know, in another city that they've had to fly and the airline loses their,

like, you know, their drums or their bass or whatever. I just think like, fuck, just how stressful that would be. Yeah. Imagine like every gig you did interstate, you had to check your notebook into oversized baggage. Yeah, yeah. And you get to like Canberra and they're like, oh, we don't know, it's gone.

And you're in the hotel room going like, fuck. Does any comedian on the line-up have some jokes I can use? Does anyone? I don't know. Mine got lost. I'm shipped in my stool from Melbourne. I was going to put on stage here in Toowoomba and really tell it like it is. Has anyone got stage here in toowoomba and really tell it

like it is has anyone got a stool in toowoomba i could oh i really need to sit down while i'm telling some home truths to society i don't know if you guys have sitting on things here yeah um please help me out yeah and then being like posting about it afterwards and being like oh thanks to nick car he lent me a stool for the gig after. Fuck, and then you tag them in. Yeah. At Virgin Australia. Fuck, I lost my baggage and gave me no compensation.

Yeah. I did like my insane travel thing. I did feel it brimming in my head of like, fuck, what if I got on Twitter and just fuck it. Oh, yeah. But I was like, no, I can't. I've spent too many years looking down my nose at people like, fuck, what if I got on Twitter and just fuck it? Oh, yeah. But I was like, no, I can't. I've spent too many years looking down my nose at people like, ah, Virgin, I'm at the gate.

And the person looked at me funny. And if you click my profile, I think you'll find that I've been on TV. So I think I should be getting a free flight to America out of this. Oh, God. Nah. Yeah, I flew Singapore Air on the way home. They were all right. They were pretty good.

I love them. Lovely planes. It's like being in a lounge room. Yeah, they were pretty nice. You know what my one problem with them was? They had too many business class and first class seats. I just walked for too long through the good seats. Oh, man.

I can't believe. Where you go, one of these must be mine. This is going, maybe this goes to the whole plane. Yeah, and it's like, oh, these ones look pretty average. Yeah. And then you get another row back and you're like, oh, no. Yeah. There's worse than that.

Yeah, yeah. I thought that was the default. Yeah. Yeah. I cannot believe that we just allow that to happen as a society. Being made to fucking walk past. Yeah. Oh.

Just let us in the back. Don't bring us in, you know, let us in the servants entrance. Yeah. Yeah. Just bring us in through the bins. Totally. Through the kitchen. Yeah.

I mean, that's the old school mentality. Like, they had it right. People are like, how fucked is it how they made them do that? It's like, isn't that better? Is it meant to be inspirational? Do we walk past that going, you know what, if I had a better job, if I'd done better for myself, maybe I can turn this thing around still. I bet that's the mentality in headquarters is like, yeah, it's advertising.

It's free advertising for those seats. in at headquarters is like, yeah, it's advertising. It's free advertising for those seats. That schlub. That schlut. That schlut who comes in and sees those seats, they're just going to be stewing on it for those 10 hours. And next time they fly, they're going to be thinking, they're going to be really going like,

it is worth that extra whatever, $2,000. All right. We're pretty airline heavy. I'll save this for the next person. We've talked a lot about Katie. That's all come from Straty Strumman. Strumman. Strumman.

Thanks, Katie. The HB. Thanks, Katie. Thanks very much to Patreon subscriber Craig Dealing. Okay. D-E-A-R-L-I-N-G. Okay. My Dealing boy. Yeah. Thanks so much for subscribing. Yep. Yep. Okay. D-E-A-R-L-I-N-G. Okay. My Dealing Boy.

Thanks so much for subscribing. Yep. Yep. Yep. And I had a dealing experience on the plane. Okay. This is something that you were dealing with on the plane. Oh, yes.

It was. What about this? I'm not a big watcher of movies on the plane these days. I haven't done it for a long time. I opened myself up to it. I thought on the way over, I'm going on holiday. I'm not going to do any work. Yep.

I'm just going to movie it up. Yep. So I had a nine-hour flight, eight, nine-hour flight. Did three movies back to back. That's good. Three in a row. Yep. What do you reckon I watched?

Oh, fuck. So you're going in-flight entertainment. Yep. Going to new releases. Okay. I reckon you would be a big chance of having seen all three, minimum two. Fuck. So they're recent releases.

Recent releases on airline movie TV. So we're recent releases Yep Recent releases On airline On airline Movie TV So we're talking So not too You know It gets It gets closer every year

Doesn't it Like Oh big time They start pumping them out On the On the fly I mean sometimes It'll be something

That was like a year ago And then It'll And then they'll Just next to that There'll be something That was released Four days ago

Yes Okay so I'm gonna say They're all still this year. Probably puts them in the ballpark of that. Maybe end of last year. Yep. Fuck. What have I been to the cinema?

I haven't been to the movies all that much. Sonic 2. No. I don't think what I've seen this year. No. Uncharted. No, you wouldn't watch that um fuck i'll give you i'll give you okay i'll give you some clues yeah yeah two were maybe you would say a slightly younger demo and one was would be i guess traditionally a bit more let's say alternative okay god damn why is this so hard i genuinely am struggling to think of things i think you

should know all of these yeah okay um god damn this is so boring to listen to i cannot get my i think people are guessing in their head so they're having fun at home but they're they they need you to get one of these i haven't i mean i haven't been to i haven't really been to any big like big big stuff but you know of these movies you know i know but i'm trying I'm struggling to even, I'm just going back over what I've seen in the cinema. Right. And I guess because I've been,

I've been traveling a bit, doing the festivals, I just haven't really been thinking too much about hitting the multiplex and being aware of what's on. Right. Other than the only things that are coming to mind are like fucking, you know, Doctor Strange and all that kind of shit, which I know it wouldn't have been that. No.

Yeah. But. Yeah. But close. Very close. Close to Doctor Strange. Interesting. Interesting slash strange. Fuck. I'm going to need another clue.

Well, I can't give you any more That's a big clue Very close to Doctor Strange So it's a Marvel thing? It's a very very very rare foray Into the MCU for me Wow Diving in on your first one

Like 15 years in or whatever Since Iron Man or something Yeah right What other ones of them have come out this year? Jesus Christ. Morbius? No. God, because Adam Knox watches all of these,

so I hear about them through him. I'm trying to remember what was the last one he was talking about. Genuinely, I can't remember anything but Doctor Strange. strange you got to tell me and just have me kick myself whatever the spider man one was with dr strange in it oh right the the multi-universe bar from home whatever that one yeah i haven't seen that oh okay was it good yeah it wasn't bad cool it's fine yeah yeah not bad um it's all the like old spider-Man are coming back and shit in two, right? Yeah. Like Tobey Maguire.

That was nice. Man, I tell you what, I watched Great Gatsby last night for the first time. Fuck Baz Luhrmann's shit in a way that's like kind of enjoyable. Right. It's like he just, he can't help, even just scenes where people are just like this, just talking in a room. Yeah. It's like the camera's fucking whipping all over the place.

He's like fading between the two people talking. It's like just fucking, you got Leo and you got Toby. Point the camera and just let him do their thing, Baz. What's wrong with his name? Why is his name Baz Luhrmann? You know what the best thing about it is? Because I kind of feel- Barry Luhrmann.

Barry Luhrmann. Because of course, yeah, he's Aussie. And Gatsby was filmed in Australia, Sydney. And there's a scene where it's like just out of New York, this like fucking coal town that's just like piles of just ash and shit everywhere. It's meant to be like this little shithole on the way to New York. And there's like a gas station there. And just like at the very beginning of the film, you see this guy standing out the front and you're like, but it's so quick. They just drive past him.

It's like like is that? And then later on in the film he's got like three lines of dialogue and you're like fuck it is it's Vince Colosimo. Oh really?

Which is which kind of made up the whole film for me. It's like that's awesome. Just Baz going we gotta get one of the Wogboys in.

Wow. So I'm excited to see I'm excited to see who he's fucking dragged in for Elvis. Oh, right. Rodney Rude? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great.

Okay, so what else? So the Spider-Man one? Yeah. That was good to see the old Spider-Man. Tobey Maguire in there is funny. Yeah. Because he isn't in anything anymore. And all of a sudden there's an old Spider-Man in there.

Totally. I was watching him in Gatsby because that's nearly 10 years old now. Is that like the last thing he was in? Well, certainly. I mean, it's funny because even in that, he's kind of playing a young guy. Right. And I was like, how old is this cunt? I feel like he's just been playing children.

Seeing him as the older dude and stuff now would be great. It's weird. It'd be interesting. It is weird because you're looking at him going, no, no, you're the young guy that's been oldified yeah he still looks like a young guy that's like i don't know being left out in the sun yeah yeah because he's like him and um uh what's the guy's name frodo who's frodo the guy that plays him in lord of the rings sean aston no no the main guy oh oh yeah yeah elijah wood yes he's that same thing where he's just gonna look 12 for the rest of his yes yes yes yes yeah for sure he's gonna have gray hair

and it's like oh you look worse than other people do when they get old yeah yeah you look like an old baby right yeah well he had a bit of that to him where it's like oh that seems sadder in a way it's not it's not, whatever, whatever happens. But like, it just seems a shame that you can have an old child like that. That's what he was like. Yeah. And he's little. Yeah.

He's a little fella. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's fine. But it's also that thing of like, it's like watching fucking, what's it called? The Breaking Bad thing now. Saul. Saul. Yeah.

Better call Saul. Where you're gradually getting up to the bit where the two meet up and it's like there's characters in here that are now 15 years older or fucking whatever totally that are going to then merge into yeah i mean odin kirk like already was old when he took that role on in breaking bad yeah and that like god he must be spending a lot of time in that makeup chair yes to get To get him to look like... Absolutely. What's he meant to be in Soul? Like, probably nudging 40, I guess he's meant to be?

Maybe. Yeah, he acts really young. It's hard to tell. Yeah. Second and third films. Mm-hmm. Art House movie. Any guesses?

Drive My Car. No. I don't know what that is. It's really good. Licorice Pizza. Oh, okay. All right. What do you think?

Okay. Not for you. Not for me. Yeah. Other younger movie. Mm-hmm. The Ghostbusters one. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Seen that? Nah. Didn't see the last one. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Seen that? Nah. Didn't see the last one. Didn't. I didn't. I never saw it when I was a kid.

Of course you didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course you didn't. I wrote a few blog posts about it, but never actually watched it. No, I don't really have that attachment to Ghostbusters. Have you seen the first one at all? I've only ever seen the second one. Oh, really?

Yeah. Damn. God. That's funny. No the first one at all? I've only ever seen the second one. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. God. That's funny. No, first one. No, actually, no, you know what? I have seen the first one, but years, like, years and years after. Like, I reckon I watched it for the first time, like, ten years ago.

Right. So, outside of, like... I vaguely remember having this conversation where you hadn't seen it and then you did see it. I watched it and it was, like, you very much have to watch it with the eyes of like imagining that you're watching it back in the day. Yep. Because it's like, yeah, it's good, but it's not like, it's not, I didn't find it funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the context of watching it. Oh, really? As an adult. Yeah. Yeah, right. I could see myself getting super into it as a kid, but I just completely missed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What'd you think?

Yeah, it was alright. Ghostbusters Afterlife. It was alright. It was alright. Is it that they pretend that the third one just didn't happen? Is it in-universe the third one did happen or? The third, the lady one. The girl one, yeah.

I haven't seen that one either. I don't know what happens in it and so I don't know if there's references to it but I assume that yes, it didn't happen. Right. So your favorite of the bunch? Sounds like Spider-Man. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe it was. Ghostbusters was all right. Yeah. It was all right. They tried out the old Ghostbusters two minutes from the end, which is a bit of a shame. Yeah, right. What did you think of in Licorice Pizza, the guy with the Asian wife? Oh, yeah.

That's – Yeah. The whole movie could have just been that guy. That was very funny. Yeah, the bit where he's – yeah. And for people who have seen it, he talks to his Asian wife in a very... In the dodgy, like, westerner... Miso-likey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Loud and that way, but just says English words, but in that horrible, weird cartoon accent. And then... Well, and it's set in the 70s, so it's a guy who's clearly like, no, I'm doing the right thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a joke. He's doing it for real. But his fucking delivery of it is so funny.

But then the great moment at the end of it is she responds and then someone says, what did she say? And he's like, I don't know. I don't speak Japanese. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. That folded me at the cinema. I saw it like the day it came out.

I did laugh at that. And that got nothing out of the rest of the crowd at Nova. And I was like like you know what fuck this place. That's good stuff. Wrong crowd. Don't tense up. It's like it's funny.

It's set in the fucking 70s. Get out to Hoyts at Chadston and see how that goes. Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway thanks Craig Dealing.

Thanks Craig Dealing. God damn. Yeah. Bumper. A bumper for Craig Dealing. Yeah. Thanks very much to

Patreon subscriber James Trainor. Trainor. Trainer. It's a trainer. T-R-A-Y-N-O-R. Okay, train. It's a very goosed up version of trainer.

Yeah. Strange. I wonder if he does pronounce it trainor because it's very easy to just call yourself trainer as in T-R-A-I-N-E-R. A trainer. Trainer. Trainer, as in T-R-A-I-N-E-R. A trainer.

This is a... Oh, well, I talk about this next week on the show, but I did a gig recently where someone said to me... I don't talk about this bit, but someone did say to me recently at a gig, at the intro of a gig, said, what's your first name? I said, Carl, because he was about to introduce me.

And this is like a joke that I do do, but he did say, cool, no worries. He's that spot with a K or a C. Fantastic. You say it however you like. That is fantastic stuff. Hey, just a quick pivot into this, because I did want to bring this up in some form. Speaking of gigs, we had Lawrence Mooney on the show last week.

People were really into that. And he texted me the other day to say that he was in Brisbane doing a gig. And basically the text was him saying that he met this guy who'd seen my show up there at the Brisbane Comedy Festival and was very complimentary about it. And he was like, oh, you know, he's saying he loved it and all this kind of stuff. And, you know, so you've made a new fan in Brisbane. And I was like, oh, that's very nice to hear. Like, thank you so much for passing that on. Because I kind of felt like those Brisbane shows were kind of tough.

And, you know, it's just good to know that someone up there, you know, gave a fuck while I was doing it, right? And Mooney wrote this back. And I think this is very Mooney wisdom that I think also just applies to general life. Right. I kind of, I want to get this tattooed on me. This is interesting to know, because with Mooney, you don't know what you're going to

get. You don't know whether he's going to say, put your head in the toilet and shoot it, or I love you forever. So I was out, I was in the car, i my girlfriend was in the car with me and we were nearly home and i saw his name i had my phone i'd car play on so his name came up and um i was because this was two days after the ep had gone up yeah and i was like oh it's just gonna fucking be him wanting me to edit something out or and i was like i'm i'm gonna i'm gonna err on the side of caution and not answer this on speaker while I'm in the car with my girlfriend.

So I just ended the call and sent him a text saying, I'll call you in a sec. I'll be home. And in that time, he's left a voicemail message where he explains that whole thing. So then I text him. So anyway, I say, good to know someone in Brisbane liked it. It felt like it was a bit tough. And he wrote back this. It's rarely as bad as you think and often worse than you could ever imagine.

Which I was just like, I just stared at the text for like 10 minutes. I was like, fuck, that's beautiful. That's like, I want that chatted on me like such is lifestyle. And I think it's applicable to like, I wanted to relay it on the show because I think nearly everyone listening

could relate that to some part of their lives. It's rarely as bad as you think and often worse than you could ever imagine. I think that's a good summation of Mooney's life to be fair. There's not a lot of middle ground with Mooney's life. I think that's... Right. Yeah. Right.

a lot of middle ground with mooney's life i think that's uh right yeah right he'd i think that'd be a he'd be the toughest audience when if you did a gig where you're like you know how like nothing really happens and you're just sort of bubbling along and whatever he'd be like i don't relate to this at all you know when you're absolutely spiraling out of control. Yeah, yeah, brother, I get it. You know when you drive between the speeds of 0 and 200? Not really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, wrong crowd. And by the way,

someone tweeted us to say, oh, I thought I saw Lawrence Mooney walking around in Hobart after I was listening to the episode. And that was Lawrence Mooney. He was down there in Hobart. Yes. I've heard you tell me a story

about that as well. Yeah, that person just, that person gaslighting themselves into being like, it couldn't possibly be Lawrence Mooney. I got the tone of that tweet

that I thought that he thought that it was Lawrence Mooney but I might be wrong. Oh, right. Okay. I just got a bit of, I read it as like

a bit of trepidation. Right. I felt like, I felt like a genius for having the inside knowledge that he was in town at the time. Might be wrong.

Might be wrong. Might be wrong. Because my friend saw him in the street at the Salamanca markets. And my first thought was like, post radio, it's like, fuck, postcards is back. Yes. Going back to his roots of going around to markets and being like, ah, look at this, a quiche. Yeah, that would be good if Mooney did it. Mooney did that show called Postcards, which is a bit of a travel show, a bit of that Sunday afternoon show where you're going around and checking out beds and bed and breakfasts

and all that sort of bullshit. But it would be good for Mooney to be a bit like, all right, fuck this. I'm doing a proper Mooney postcard. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Watching him on a Sunday afternoon at 4 o'clock, him just getting fucking hosed out in god knows where that's a great pitch that's a great pit like the travelogue show but where they can just be they can shit on the town if they want yeah like it's just them getting fucking sideways yeah him him getting fucked up in Port Moresby. Yeah. Him getting bummed in Bangkok.

Right. Fucking, like, whatever. Yeah. It's like, here's a 15-minute segment devoted to the pokies in this town. Yeah. Because it's the only joint still open at 10pm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm going to be on one until three in the morning.

Yep. Oh, yeah, look, here's this guy's bathroom that I'm fucking doing meth in. Yes. Yeah, here's the places that don't kick you out for shitting in the shower yeah yeah thanks trainer thanks james trainor thanks for training us into riffing out that what bullshit um thank you to patreon subscriber leighton can't okay i would say leighton can Subscribe to this podcast Yeah is this like a thing where the money's bounced back

And this is his mum It's like Leighton can't He tried to borrow my credit card Leighton wishes he could To subscribe to your Patreon Leighton could He's a bit glass half empty Sort of a family I think

But I believe in him. He is, I'm just checking that. The last bloke wasn't in the millionaire group, in our little private patron-only group. So it's literally his name is C-A-N-T. That's it. Wow. Yep.

And his wife's taken the name and everything. I'm just checking in his profile now. Damn. Yep. He's been waiting a while thinking, I wonder what sort of clever stuff these boys are going to come up with, with a name like this. Oh, yeah. I'm giving them a whopper here. Yeah.

And then we're like, oh, yeah. Leighton. Leighton Hewitt. Come on. Give us your money. Come on! We're just circling the obvious one at the moment. Let's just...

It's like we're waiting to be... We're waiting to land in Hobart at the moment. Well, did you see any... There's a bit of traffic in the air at the moment. Yeah, it's a bit too windy to come in to land. But speaking of Lawrence Mooney, that was like fucking wild to me

that that was a segment that they had on their radio show. Did you ever see clips of that? Yeah, I knew all of it. It was basically like you can't do that. And it was just like

what's irking you? Yes. And he'd like follow it on with you. It's just like my God, they did it. They split the atom.

They worked out a way to drop the C-bomb before 7am. That is beautiful stuff. Do you reckon you could call this the latent C-bomb? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like Mooney being like, yeah, you walk off radio and you've got the station director fucking telling you what you... Like he just said that as an aside thing on the actual ep.

And it's like, yeah, you had a... You got away with basically an aside thing on the on the actual ep and it's like yeah you had it you got away with basically saying cunt on the earth part of a segment there were kids in the back seat driving to school as you were saying you can't it's like yeah if they give you feedback on a gag like i reckon it's worth the trade-off to be just ripping that one out every day it's like good lord you can't like literally you literally, you can't. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. That should be it.

That should be it. And what a shame that now, I assume the segment, you know, has died with his contract. You know what I mean? It's like, you'd like to think that that just is a gift that goes into the ether of radio. Sort of like the first person to do a prank on radio. They didn't then stop their job and then be like, no one else can do pranks. It was like, hey, this is a gift to the art form that you can all have now. You can't, should just live on.

That would be funny if then, like, he's got the arse, he's out of there. They slide in the next coast, whoever it is. Hey, Tracy Bartram, you have to do a segment called You're a Cunt from now on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I could see Bart, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I could see Bartram being into that. I don't know. I was a fucking big Bartram head back in the day.

Yeah, yeah. She was like... Never heard her say a word. She was right in the wheelhouse of me on the way to school when I'd get a lift, have the fucking radio on, listen to her on Double TFM. Wouldn't know. It was her and Matt Tilley. Yeah, I loved them.

I was big. Those two names of people I've never listened to, I just think of 90s radio as those people and that being not necessarily a positive thing. But you'd been, you aged out of listening to, I mean, I was in the car, like prime breakfast radio audience. We didn't have breakfast radio in the

in the yeah of course that's not a thing to listen to radio on the way to like it's a fucking four minute trip or whatever dude i'm i'm loving i'm fucking chowing down on timbo and bettas i'm absolutely loving it well there's no comedy you didn't get any any sort of comedy from timbo and bettas no no yeah i've told this haven't i like one of the first From Timbo and Bettors? No. Yeah. I've told this, haven't I? Like, one of the first gigs I did was with Bettors. Right. And I was so excited because I was like, I used to listen to this kind on the way to school.

Right. This is awesome. Things are happening. Yeah. And I do my set, and it's like a Wednesday night. And I started, you know, this is like when I'm like 16 or whatever. And I do my set, and then I'm like, hey, it's awesome to meet you, but, like, yeah, I've

got to go. Like, I can't stay for the rest of the show. I'm just going to head off. And he goes, yeah, right. What have you got, school tomorrow? And I was like, yeah. Yeah. I'm in year 11.

Like, yeah, genuinely, I do have to go because I have school tomorrow. Yeah. And my dad's in the car. Yeah. And I was like, oh, wow, he's kind of rude to me. Yeah. Not good blokes either of those. Yeah.

Not good blokes. Happy of those. Yeah. Not good blokes. Happy to put that out there. Put that in the public sphere. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah. No good. No good. They are, in my opinion, they're a bit late and can't. Yeah, okay.

A couple of late and can't. I believe in second chances, so I'm prepared to give Benis the benefit of the doubt. I bet you're not. I bet if you gigged with him again now, it'd be even worse. No, but that's why I'm happy to give him

the second chance, but no thirds. Yeah, right. But you're right, I reckon it'd fucking cop it even sweeter. Absolutely. You got your podcast,

don't you? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Fucking bring it on. I'd love it. Yeah, yeah. The other one, the other one, have I said this this i don't think i've said this on the air the other one um he funny buggers he once sent me an email saying no i refuse to be part of funny buggers and i went no problem you weren't asked that's awesome yeah that's great you were not

asked just out of the blue you should have just included that email in the book yeah i should have written a really bad joke and put his name to it fuck that's funny buggers part two legally what could happen to you if you did that nothing because you know what those books those compilation joke books they are i've shown comedians in this country and they're from england well i don't know how the fuck they compile them in england but they're massive things and they just put comedians jokes in there and i believe they don't ask and they don't get permission yeah right okay interesting because i've shown people that i've shown comedians hear that and they go oh wow cool and they sort of just let it slide because what do you do or whatever and also they're being including a book called the best

jokes in the world it's like all right someone might read it and yeah yeah and it's like eight words in there it's like oh well what do you do i have this vague memory of like back in the day like right around the time that i started that like fhm magazine would kind of do that they'd be like yes check out these ones that we saw down at the comedy store like right around the time that I started, that like FHM magazine would kind of do that. They'd be like, check out these ones that we saw down at the comedy store. Like they just would go to a gig and like have the notepad out and be like,

fuck, that's a ripper. I don't think... Doing comedy for the first time is like having sex. Yes. Chuck that in. Chuck that in next to Alison Hannigan. Yeah. I don't think that that is how they would do it.

It would always be like it's... With journos and especially magazines like that, I reckon... Because imagine sitting for two hours to try and get a few one-liners. I felt like, yeah, it it would always be like it's with journos and especially magazines like that i reckon because imagine sitting for two hours to try and get a few one-liners i felt like yeah yeah okay i felt like that was the story i heard definitely that was how it was presented i think some people imagine that comedy store yeah i think people imagine that i think they would if you got access to like a joke book or something written down where it was easy to copy and paste that was the

way they would do it asking people like i think. Like, I think they were doing that. They were doing that a bit with funny buggers. It's so much nicer to imagine the reality of this, like, kid who gets the job at FHM and he's like, fuck, this is sick. I'm just going to be looking at pussy all day. And then they're like, hey, can you go down to this comedy show with a notepad

and get us some shit for the front of the magazine? I reckon they were more likely to have got it off that Foxtel show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stand Up Australiaia stand up australia yeah yeah well they did run a comedy comp fhm yes and it was like the the like the semi-final was like because there was a winner but then they filmed the grand final and that was like a dvd that got stuck to the front of the magazine friend of the show troy kinney was in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, who do you think the audience of this magazine is? Yeah. Yeah.

Who won it again? I can't remember. I reckon it was Daniel Towns. You're right. I think it was. Yeah. I think it was. Well, thanks, Leighton Kant.

Thanks, Leighton. Thank you very much, too. Let's just do one more. We can't do too many more of these yes we cannot Leighton cannot no apostrophe though in the can't yep

can't Leighton can't thank you very much let's do one last one this week let's just do one more it's a whole new life for me getting back two weeks in Thailand

and then I'm back here. It's like I'm appreciating the cold weather. I'm appreciating Australia again. Anything different is just nice for a bit. Yeah.

Like when it turns, it's like, yeah, it's thrilling. It's exciting. Yeah, I'm going to go for a walk. It's going to be good.

Yeah. Thank you very much to Paint Show Subscriber. Oh, okay, this is interesting. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm not

I'm not super a fan of companies getting their free little advertising in there but I guess it's not free because they're subscribing to the show. Sure. We've already got an ad

up the top of the show. Now we've got an ad at the bottom of the show. It's just a name. Company is just a name. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber

Air Comedy. Air Comedy? Yeah. Okay. That's pretty cool. Is this is that an airline or is this like I believe so. Or is this like Air Comedy? Yeah. Okay. That's pretty cool. Is that an airline? I believe so.

Or is this like Air Bud? Comedians, really good at basketball. Oh, well, there's no rule against it. No. No, I guess it's an airline. Yeah, right. Where do they fly to? Uruguay.

Only one flight. No, it's one of the like it's one of the spacex things so it's like one one direct flight between your uruguay and uranus yes there we go one one it's very confusing because everything is like flight 69 fucking is, sorry, I know it's confusing, but we're going to stick to the charter here. Yep. Yep. It's, yeah, no, that's,

that's great. That sounds like a great venture. That's, fuck, that's really good. Can't wait to, to get on there. And,

and you know what the cool thing about air comedy is? The whole plane is made of the same material as the black box. Oh, absolutely. That's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hope you like peanuts, because you'd be fucking sucking them down for the whole flight. All right. Well, thanks very much for listening, everyone. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get on the Patreon. Snap up those last couple of Perth tickets. And we will see you next time. Yes.

See you, mates. See you, mates.