The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 614 - Dave O'Neil & Ben Russell

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

This week we’re joined by DAVE O’NEIL & BEN RUSSELL to dig even further into our latest scam that we talked about last week. What is it? We don't want to say it here, listen to the episode and find out. We’re slowly working out a list of nominees, a host for the event, and even a location! PLUS Tommy’s been pumped up at the gym and gone head to head with a scammer, Karl empties the thirsty DM folder on his burner account and Dave's done a gig for nut people!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Dave O'Neill and Ben Russell. If you are in Perth, don't forget, just a couple of days until our big live show. We're finally making it over there this Saturday, if you're listening to this hot off the presses, the Rosemount Hotel. It's us with great guests and a stand-up segment. Still just a couple of tickets left or are they gone now or how are we going? Look, by the time this comes out i think as as time of recording it was like three or four tickets that's it cool well yeah uh if you've got your ticket do not forget i know it's been a long time coming but we're it's happening

we're going to be there this weekend very excited to get over there and finally do the show we will talk to you more at the end of the episode in talking dumb dumb but until. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Dave O'Neill and Ben Russell. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. It's me.

G'day, dickhead. Joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome Dave O'Neill and Ben Russell. Hey. Hey. Yes. There he is. Maybe I should stop my catchphrase.

My teenage son who's now at uni says that I'm going to get cancelled soon. Because of your catchphrase? No, he just knows that I say dodgy stuff. What else do you say? We know you say, hey, Porsche, but what else? I don't know. What do you say on other podcasts? Anything to them.

What slurs do you say? Anything to his age group is cancelled. Well, the other day he's doing the UN at uni, right? What does that mean? The model UN? Yeah, the model UN. Right, right. So it's like an activity

the students do. Your son is coffee and iron, isn't he? Bootress, bootress. If you're interested in politics, they do this activity on the weekends where you pretend

you're on the UN and there's a crisis. It's like a... It's like Dungeons and Dragons but for nerds. It's all boring. What? It's exactly that.

And he said to Dad, what country should I be? You can choose a country. And I said, well, what accents can you do? That's good advice. If you want to commit, if you want to really get into the pit, you're in China. You're in Greece. If you can do a Greek one, you say, you know, a couple of days, mate.

We are in crisis for a couple of days. No, that's good. Divvying up the countries and the teacher being like, now, who of you has got boot polish couple of days mate we are in crisis for a couple of days no that's good divvying up the countries and the teacher being like now who of you has got boot polish at home because we need this to be in the country and he's like

that's racist dad you're going to get cancelled for those kind of comments so what did you go with no he hasn't heard back you get to choose put five countries down so what's a good country

to do then I said look do one that you're interested in so he's put North Korea. He's interested in North Korea. Well, yeah, all kids are. Are they even in the UN?

Yeah, yeah. That's a good question. I think they are. I think they are. Also, Dave, what's going on in the O'Neill household to make your son be like, you know what would be awesome? Living in North Korea. And also going to school on a weekend.

Like, what's happening at home? I had a very strange conversation with a man in the... I was at the markets on Saturday, and there was an anti-vax rally going on in the market. It started there, and I was in line to get the donuts. Yum. Hang on, so the anti-vax rally started in the market, just like the virus itself? It was really annoying. Guys, let's go find the bat section.

Yeah! I was just trying to get fucking some fruit and veg at a discount price. And the donuts are very good. Yeah, I know. You've got to get them whenever you go there.

The line moves quick, so don't worry about it. And I was like, look at these fucking cunts. And this guy in front of us turned around and goes, yeah, but it's actually like North Korea. And I was like look at these fucking cunts and this guy in front of us turned around and goes yeah but it's actually like

North Korea and I was like how? It's like they're telling you you gotta do this and I was like it's not like

North Korea though is it? No one's starving Yeah but you know you can't have jobs unless you're vaxxed and I said

just get vaxxed and then he tried to say something else and I just went just get vaxxed and then he tried to do it again and I said just get vaxxed mate I've And then he tried to say something else and I just went, just get vaxxed. And then he tried to do it again and I just said, just get vaxxed, mate.

I've got nothing else to talk to you about. Do you think it was one of the protesters just going off on the side to get a donut? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Popped off and get a little glucose in the system.

Yeah, freedom, freedom. Oh, donuts, hang on a minute. I saw the protest the other day and there was a woman holding a big placard that said, had a bad reaction to my first two vaccine doses, got fired because I wouldn't get the third booster.

And it's like, well, at that point, I reckon there's other stuff going on. You know what I mean? I reckon they're looking for an excuse. Like if you got crook the first two times, it's like, yeah, I think they were just waiting for you to fucking slip up. Yeah. So North Korea, you reckon he's going to get in? North Korea,

I think he did France as well. I said, do something that's a bit controversial, be a bit fun, you know, like... Take him, get...

Surely there's a school excursion out of this. Like, pick your own country and then go to North Korea. That ended up well for an American bloke when he went over there.

Yeah, that guy that stole the banner and then he got a brain injury. on a school excursion or something? Yeah. Yeah, he was on a uni excursion too. Yeah. Oh, man.

I'd love to go to North Korea. I only say just for one day because I reckon the food would be bad. Yeah. You look like the new Dennis Rodman. Yeah.

The international ambassador. Just go for one day. I'd just like to check it out. What school did you go to? What school did you go to, mate school did you go to, mate? We all go to the same school. We all go to the same school. You don't look super unlike their leader.

Oh, man. Like, you've got the same hair. I love the, yeah, you know during the last election when Gladys Liu, who was a, she was a Liberal Party member who had ties to China, some guy would send down that North Korean impersonator. Have you seen the guy that impersonates the dictator? No. Oh, he looks exactly like Kim Jong-un. Yeah, yeah, I saw it.

And he turned up and ScoMo's chief of staff or political advisor and he would hand out pamphlets saying vote for Gladys because she's a friend of mine and all this. And ScoMo's guy went up and said, this is the most offensive thing I've ever seen. He goes, do not talk to the Supreme Leader like that.

He's so dedicated. He looks like him though, doesn't he? The guy. It was really good. Oh, mate, they all look like him. Oh, yeah. But isn't it funny? Everyone in North Korea is starving,

but he's really fat. Yeah, right. He's so fat. Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, that's weird, isn't it? That's weird, isn't it? He's on the pie. He's so fat. Yeah, that is weird. That's weird, isn't it? He's on the pie. He's getting whatever he wants. What's the relationship between South and North Korea?

So North is just like... North is just locked up. Talking to our foreign correspondent, Dave O'Neill. What's the situation like over there, Dave? All I know is that during MASH... So the country split in half after MASH you know so the country

split in half after MASH right now that war was famously a little bit funny wasn't it yeah

they got serious in the end when the chicken died on the bus or whatever yeah yeah when they got rid of the laugh track

remember that they just got rid of the laugh track off that show yeah that's right and they did some Alan Ola one too serious

just got too serious. Oh, it was a good show. I always thought it was a lockdown thing. Just like, oh, no studio audience. That's too much of a risk. No studio audience. Ben Lomas was like, oh, no. No, warm up for Benny Lomas.

Anyway. Oh, sorry. Segway off the side of that. We're not talking about Korea. Ben Lomas. That's why Ben Lomas is impersonating. Ben Lomas is a notorious big warm-up man of TV on every show. The other night after a gig, we were sitting and watching TV,

and there was a sports show on, and we sat there, and all of a sudden, someone got absolutely stuck in the headlights, and it was Bea Russell. Oh, you saw that? I saw it. I was watching TV, and all of a sudden, it was, you saw that? I saw it. I was watching TV and all of a sudden it was just you stuck on camera

for like 10 seconds. I don't know, what the fuck? And we just turned to each other and went, well, Lomas is busy tonight. Ben Russell's got a gig. So I don't, I'm no good at audience warm-up.

I hate it. I'm bad at the job. It's a hard job. I'm bad at it. No, Ben. I'm the first to tell you, don't employ me as it. Oh, there's probably other people. Was this for Out of Bounds or that footy show? No, it. I'm the first to tell you. Don't employ me as it.

There's probably other people. Was this for Out of Bounds or that footy show? No, it's for Best on Ground. Best on Ground. That's where I'm going to get brownie and... Yeah, yeah. It's on Foxtel. No, I love Foxtel shows because... Two things you love, warm-up and footy.

I love them because, A, you don't really have to do any work because they don't give a shit about whatever you have to say. They want to watch the game before the show starts. And, B, no matter what, in every Fox footy show, they have a segment where they go, and here's something funny on the internet. That's it. It's always like, check this horse kicking this dog.

You've turned up today to this podcast recording with your dog. I'm just picturing you doing that in a Fox footy. You're like, hey, chaps, mind if I bring my little sausage dog in for this recording? No, she doesn't get to come. Is that going to be okay? No, that's unprofessional. Was it a long night, though? I mean...

Yeah, it goes till like midnight. What? Yeah, yeah, I didn't get out till midnight. It's a long night. And it's done live. And these dudes just sit on the couch and just talk just like us. Yeah. It's no different different it's about

football and it's the same sort of thing there's a guy howie the one who tries to reel it all in come on guys let's get back to the topics guys yeah and you're like oh yeah and then uh kath lochman is like the journalist slash woman on the show yeah oh yeah you can be both and there's all the 40 players yeahpreading on the couch Yeah And it's just like We get You know

In our line of work It's all You know You've got diversity Sort of Quotas that you have to fill But not on Fox They do not give a fuck

The land of time forgot Yeah Diversity is We've got someone from the Hawks We've got someone from the Saints Different colours man One's Brownie played for Brisbane.

That's Queensland. One's red, black and white. The other one. Well, guys, you've been on camera. You've been busted on the TV. Yeah, I was found out. Nice little ego boost. I've had a little ego boost during the week.

What happened? I'm on top of the world. So I took a bit of a hit to the fitness with, you know, getting COVID and then travelling a bit. So I've been trying to like get back in and kind of,

you know, get the fitness back, pumping. It's going all right. Like kind of committing to like five days a week. Did you go to F15 or one of those places?

F45. F45? I go to 15. One lap and I'm out. Fuck this. You bet. There's a trainer there who I quite like,

and she was saying to me once, I mentioned something about my girlfriend, and she was like, oh, why don't you get, you know, does she train here? And I was like, no, but, you know, I've been talking to her about maybe coming in and doing some classes. And she goes, oh, my God, you should come and train together. That would be so cute.

So that's the kind of, that's her vibe, right? I like her because she's sort of different to, she's not a real intense physical trainer person. So I was in there the other day, and one of the exercises we were doing was the dead ball slams where you get those heavy 20-kilo balls, and you hold them up above your head and smash them down into the ground. Real satisfying to do because you get to feel like you're really fucking smashing it into the ground.

At one point, I throw the ball down and it bursts, right? It bursts? Yeah. Wow. All the sand shit that's in there. Yeah. Just like I'm training next to someone else. They're just getting covered with sand.

Yeah. Just getting fucking sprayed with sand. And then I just have to put my hand up to a trainer and be like, oh. The ball's burst. I've broken the dead ball. sprayed with sand and then I just have to like put my hand up to a trainer and be like oh the balls burst I've broken the dead ball this is the bit in the movie where you find out that you got bit by something

on the way in yeah yeah yeah yeah you got powers you got a dog and now you got dog powers yeah yeah or it's like the notoriously strong dog

well my parents have just like replaced the balls in there with like really fat like thin rubber to like kind of boost my self-esteem. It's like someone else is trying to pump me up to win a bet or something. It's like a she's all that scenario where someone's been like, I can turn him into the hottest hunk in school by the end of the summer.

That is great to think that you're... She's going to take off those glasses, Tommy. True. That is great to think that your parents think, oh, Tommy's a bit down. Yeah, we'll help him, man. I mean, he's 35, but still. We'll get some fake balls. We'll sneak into the gym on the other side of town.

But anyway, so I'm just there. It's like, you know, it's pretty, yeah, it's like middle of class. There's just fucking sand everywhere because of me. And this girl comes over and she goes, she just sees what's happened. And I go, I broke the dead ball. And she goes, oh my God, Hercules.

And I'm like, all right, I am fucking on here. Hang on, was this O'Neill's son saying all this stuff? Are you in? Yeah, get her in.

Ambassador for Greece? Ambassador for Italy, yeah, get her in. Hercules. So yeah, I was fucking on top of the world after that

and then she's just like, she's just going up to like other people in the class and like pointing me and going, he just broke the dead ball and then I'm having to do that like genuinely feeling

a bit embarrassed but it just comes off as like false modesty like guys please sets a precedent you're supposed to like then tie all the barbells in knots from then on

yeah Hercules was Atlas was the one who held the world wasn't he did Hercules hold the world alright I'll get in there and I'll arm actually

about Hercules I think Hercules is more of an Alright, I'll get in there and I'll actually hear about Hercules. I'm more of an Atlas kind of person. There can be more than one person strong, you know. It's like, you know, well you'd know

like all the fucking comic book stuff where... I don't know if comic books, idiot. Yeah, you're a comic book nerd. You love that stuff.

What are you talking about? I don't know. You seem like you would. Oh, fuck you. You bring one sausage dog into a... All of a sudden you're sucking off Iron Man.

Yeah, but it's like, you know, they're all... It's like, oh, Superman's so strong, but then they're all fucking strong. There's not one superhero that's like, actually, he's a bit piss weak, but he can run fast or whatever. They've all got to be fucking strong. Yeah, that's actually true.

Yeah, what are the ones canonically that are not really pulling their weight? Well, Batman's got no powers. That's true, yeah. He's just rich. He's an old man. But he's still ripped and he's still punching dudes.

He's got the gadgets. The gadgets are doing most of the heavy lifting. The Batarangs really doing all the hard work. But yeah, so Atlas did carry the world. So then they named the book of the world after him. If you can pick something up, then they named the book of the world after him. If you could pick something up, then you get the name of the book after you. What would be called the O'Neill?

A lot of hot dogs. A lot of hot dogs. Hot dogs. Guys to O'Neill's, thanks. The god of crowd work. Yeah, where are you from? Holding a big mic above his head. Get into it.

Shit gigs. So you're the, there should be some board at your gym now where you just get to be the, you know, the previous champions of like the golf club or whatever. It's like cunts that have fucking burst the ball. Smash the dead ball.

I really, if you run a gym, I really would recommend getting in a, getting in a trick dead ball. That's just gonna, that's just going to explode when the weakest little sap picks it up. Particularly someone who looks like they're not going to come back and you're going to lose them

as a business. Exactly. Someone comes in cynical and is like, I'll try this for two weeks. It's like, alright then. And then they just start putting texture on the barbells and it's 30 kilos instead of 10. So you come in for the first couple of weeks going, I strong you know and you've got a plan you got a good one but most personal trainers are absolute dead shits is am i wrong in saying that sort of generalization i think most of

them are all fucked in the head well f45 is like it's just on a track it's like a it's the same class at every and there is a guy in in my one who he should just be a personal trainer at a gym because he comes in and he's like, you know, it's like a prescribed thing in F45 every day. And he just changes it. He's like, yeah, we're getting rid of this and I'm adding this one in. He just turns it into his own program. It's like, man, you're not...

This isn't the gym for you. You're not a personal trainer. Like, it feels to me like he used to work at a gym and he got kicked out. And now he's just like trying used to work at a gym and he got kicked out. Probably. And now he's just trying to flex in an F45. Mags and I tried one before the wedding, trying to get fit. On the day? No.

But there was this one guy and we'd go to the park and he was just the most annoying dude in the entire universe. Just like saying weird, inappropriate things to Mags and talking to me and you know i think he'd found out that i did comedy he's like yeah you're not very funny i pay you you stupid cunt and then i was like i'm not nah you fucked it i want him to i want him to know that he's fucked it so i fired fired his ass. I do love people's desire to get fucking ripped before their wedding. It's just like, I want everyone who's watching The Vows to want to fuck me while I'm on the bed.

Yeah, this is what you lost. I want it to really hurt that I'm off the market. I want Daslo to be jealous. I was. I was fucking drooling when you came in on that little boat. I was like, ooh. With your tuxedo tank top on. Doing squats down the aisle.

Well, we should address something that we started talking about last week that we've got as a new little ongoing project on the podcast. Someone shout themselves in the street again? No. No? Yeah, no, that's next week. Next week, yeah. That'll sure be coming up.

That's permanent. We did talk on Talking Dumb Dumb on the Lesser Listen 2 part of this show. We did, we were talking about, you know, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

You'd be very okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always some weird... You'd vote for that. There's always some weird people getting let in and people that aren't in. Well, see, that's the thing.

The ruling is, as far as I know, is there's some sort of rule like 25 years maybe after you start, you're eligible to be in. Devo were let in last year. Right. Yeah, yeah. You'd be writing letters to the committee going, why the fuck aren't the Sonny boys in here?

Yeah, exactly. But that's... We're talking about the American. We're talking about the American. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, yeah, I watched a great Cheap Trick. I'm not a massive Cheap Trick fan at all

but the guy making the speech was, you know, Kid Joe. What's his name? He did a great speech about Cheap Trick. Ugly Kid Joe?

I think Kid Joe. Or Kid Rock. Kid Rock. Oh, it was Kid Rock, sorry. It was Kid Rock. Kid Joe. He made the speech.

He looked fantastic. Kid Joe. Kid Joe. God damn Kid Joe! Apparently sometimes it can be hard. A little. Kid Joe. I'm Kid Joe! Anyway, he... Because apparently sometimes it can be hard... A little bit of Joe and Roll. They've got to find someone of some note to make a speech about the bands sometimes.

Oh, you mean the person who inducts them? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, you know what is weird? Is that when the... So there has to be like a first Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, like, you know, session, right?

Event. So I think the first one that had the Beatles and then like Mick Jagger, like, inducted them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the guy who inducted them. And he's just... And I think it was all a bit more casual back then. So he was just like, yeah, they're not as good as us.

But yeah, they're all right. Put them in. Yeah, because you've got to find someone who's been like now it's like people who've been heavily inspired yeah yeah that's right so in a lot of cases

it's like cheap tricks are funny one because it's like yeah who's the person that's just like oh Kid Rock Kid Rock Kid Joe

Kid Joe Ugly Kid Joe yeah Kid Rock did a great speech actually I like the idea that it's now Kid Joe because you just copped too much shit over the years

for being ugly it's like no I'm actually not that bad I'm just Kid Joe I smashed the dead ball it's now Kid Joe because you just copped too much shit over the years for being ugly. It's like, no, I'm actually not that bad. I'm just Kid Joe. I smashed the dead ball at my gym. I'm looking good. I'm Kid Joe for now. When I started, then I got famous.

Then I had the, you know, Cats in the Cradle song. I started getting mad pussy. I'm just Kid Joe now. So what's your query about that? No, well, so we started talking about it because it's not like some sort of heaven-sent fucking, you know,

sort of deal. It's like some idiot just at the start went... It's a committee probably. Someone came up with the idea and just went, oh, that's just mine now. Like a guy owns that idea.

Yeah. He owns the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, the podcast awards. Yeah, so... Easy first year too. It's just like, yeah, okay, the Beatles.

It's like, oh, you're a genius. Next year, Elvis. But they have put some very sus ones in. Like Milli Vanilli was in there and then got taken out. Was it Milli Vanilli? There's been a few. Couldn't be.

Okay, I might be wrong. They won a Grammy, though. Yeah, well, that's it. I think you're getting mistaken. Yeah, I think you're right. You're getting muddled. Yeah, just because you heard them on Gold FM doesn't mean they're in the rock and roll hall.

Just because you voted for them doesn't mean they got in. Just because I bought the album, whatever. No, you're right. There's an Australian podcast awards here that's like, they've asked us to go in, but it's one of those things. You've got to pay to get in.

You've got to pay to be eligible to be nominated. Yeah. And we got asked to do that a few times and we're like, we've got other fucking scams we want to run. We can't waste our listeners on this. They asked the grub as well. They were like,

hey, do you guys want to do this? And also, do you want to perform here? Perform? Yeah, perform in the thing. And they were like, how much? And it was not enough. No, we pay you. You pay us.

Yeah. Oh, they're hoping you'll do the gig just for them waiving the entrance fee to the awards. What a fucking racket. Yeah, it's wild.

How do you perform a podcast live anyway? I don't. No, I didn't get that far. Right, right. There was no conceptualising.

It was just no. Yeah, us doing a live ep of this at the Australian Podcast Awards but it's just like it's just like it's just like has to be like a five minute version

of it we're just like racing through three guests just the hits yeah so it's very strange it's very strange when people post like

hey guys we're nominated for this thing and I'm like yeah you're paid to get nominated yeah it's pretty it's like the Hollywood Walk of Fame

it's like it's always like again that's an own thing it's a business it's not some sort of like God's coming down and Hollywood Walk of Fame. It's like that. It's always like... Again, that's an own thing. It's a business. It's not some sort of like God's coming down and fucking anointing you or anything like that. It's a paid thing.

The Walk of Fame is like when you've got a movie coming out, the movie will pay, the studio will pay for your star. Yeah. So you get that nice little bit of, you know, Ryan Reynolds is all of a sudden on the Walk of Fame because Deadpool 3 is coming out. That's how it works. It's not.

It's like bragging about getting a great car park in like a Wilson's car park. You know, just being like, yeah, got a great one right next to the venue. It's like, yeah, it's cost you 25 bucks. It's got you on the wall. Anyone could have done that. Yeah.

You work for Kmart. You're paying like fucking 50K a year to have this spot in the city. Yeah, yeah. So the podcast is the same. So we're like, fuck, we've got to get in on this scam. So this week I bought the URL, Oz Comedy Hall of Fame.

Oh, great. We're going to start the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. Sorry, the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. Someone started this. All these things, someone started them. If we don't do it, it's like someone in the next couple of years will yeah it's crazy that no one has realized yet that that's just sort of sitting

there yeah so yeah we may as well we may as well park it we may as well own it yeah so so then like as the rock and roll hall of fame happens what happens with that is every year they put their nominees they put it like who's eligible after 25 years or whatever the police and bruce springsteen and whatever like that so if we do the first one we just put we've got the domain now if we put up like the nominees for this year and we don't put our name our name doesn't we're trying to yeah we're trying to keep it other than the fact that we're currently talking about it on a public platform yeah we're trying to keep it anonymous yeah it's just it's just our listeners know about it not not everyone else has to know about it.

So then we put up the eight nominees for this year for the inaugural Australian Comedy Hall of Fame, which, by the way, I couldn't get the.au on the end, so it's just the.com. Oh, wow. It was too hard to get the.au at the end. Yeah, I did wonder about that, but also it's like gilding the lily a little bit

if you have AusComedyHallOfFame.com. You know what I mean? It's like, luckily you've got the Oz in there. That sort of does a lot of the lifting off. Yeah, but what I'm not looking forward to is someone now going and buying OzComedyHallOfFame.com.au and having the actual Australian version of our Australian awards. Yeah, great.

Then we could get.org.au. It's like if someone sharks us and then we shark them over the top. Sharks on sharks. Sharks on... Don't double shark. Can't put shark on shark. So now what we want to do is put up like eight nominees anonymously. Just have this shared around so that people think...

Russell Gilbert. This is an actual thing. Gilbo. So have like a bunch of people like, you know, Will and... Hugh Z. Hugh Z. Hugh Z. You know, Denise Scott, Judith Lucey, whatever. Have a bunch of people like Will and... Husey. Husey. Husey! You know, Denise Scott, Judith Lucey, whatever.

But then put in some people... Just put in some people where it's like, what the fuck's going on? A couple of ridiculous ones and then a lot of old people kind of left out in the hopes that... We want to get hate mail, essentially. So what, Kevin Buddy Wilson? I want a...

Perth Corey White. I want a Perth op-ed. There you go. You've always got one in you. I want a Perth... Oh, no, I don't want a Perth. Have a Perth section. Stop Perthing me.

Have a Perth section. Oh, there you go. The Perth section. Well, this is one of my... Because one of the things we were toying with was like, we put it up and we don't just make it look like we've started it today. We kind of backdate it. Oh, this is one of my, because one of the things we were toying with was like we put it up and we don't just make it look like we've started it today. Yeah.

We kind of backdate it. Oh, yeah. So we have just a few, it's like, oh, the winner for like, yeah, 29, you know, we kind of go back

a couple of years. So we kind of make, so people stumble across it and they're like, have I never heard about this before? I don't remember this, but I like that bit. I apparently got inducted in 2020

and no one told me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a bit of Norman Gunston back there. Sure, sure. And Auntie Jack and Graham Kennedy and stuff. Yeah, yeah. But then this year, yeah, all of a sudden. So what names are you thinking? I mean, yeah, so all the established comics.

Who are the outliers? Yeah, you want all the duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, goose. Who's the goose? Yeah, yeah. Who's the goose? Well, we were thinking last week, Nick Capper. Put Capper in amongst all these people. Shut up.

Give me that mic. If there was a fucking bad in-joke hall of fame, you'd be number one on the show, Ben Russell. Hey, that could be a category. He was an open biker for a long time. Let's get a page on the website where it's like, Oz Comedy Hall of Fame slash Perth. And then we just put all about Ben Russell.

Oh, no, you know what we make Ben do? We make Ben induct the winner for this year. I've been so inspired by this guy. I will. That's great. And it's just you with the Perth golden jacket ready to put it on. Ready to put it on there.

Yeah. My honour. It'd be an honour, guys. Yeah. I'd love to. As a very proud Perth comedian. I'm proud. I'm Perth.

I'm proud. Yeah. And then you lead the whole audience in singing Sweet Caroline. I mean, we're in the weeds. Why not? Yeah. Yeah, Nick Capper was one that we were going to have in. I think, didn't we also float Dickie Knee? I mean we're in the weeds why not yeah Nick Capper

was one that we were going to have in I think didn't we also float Dickie Knee oh yes yeah Dickie Knee Dickie Knee that's what I went to

I went to Dickie Knee Dickie Knee because we're thinking if we put Nick Capper in all of a sudden there's a bunch of old school Australian comedians who get

really pissed off going well I can I guess I can see Hughsey I guess I can see Will I guess I can see Judith but who the fuck is this Nick Cappa thing i want i want a daily mail article people kicking

off who the fuck is this kappa guy why is he eligible because you know people are just immediately gonna go this is just a sympathy thing because he had cancer yeah i like that people will get people will get uppity about that i kind of thought i was thinking about this morning you know like how and this is always so embarrassing when like, how the Logies have their international category. Yeah. And it's,

it's just like, it's so pathetic. It's like as if Beyonce gives a fuck, you know, that she's, that she's won on this pathetic little set. But I think we could do that. We have like an internet

and you know, I think she'd be the, just like when, when Tony Abbott knighted Prince Philip. Yeah. Yeah. Jim Jefferies. Have Jim Jefferies. No, you know, I reckon. Mr. Methane. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Have Jim Jefferies. Have Jim Jefferies on the list.

No, you know who I reckon? Mr. Methane. Too Australian. Mr. Methane. Oh, yeah. Mr. Methane. He's out here a lot. The people in the mines love him.

Yeah. Yeah. And again. People in the mines are always, yeah, they're fans of gas already, I guess. Yeah. And you're like, your Ross Nobles of the world, that's going to fire. It's like, how come Mr. Methane's... I'm not even getting a nomination. That'll piss off Arj Barker.

Real bad. David Strassman won't be happy. Strassman. That's a name I haven't heard in a long time. No, but that's it. If you put Dickie Neal, and I think you offend Strassman, you piss off Plucker Duck, you piss off... You piss off John Blackman, because we're not putting him in

we're just putting in Dickie Neige is Blackman dead? no he's just driving he's just driving he's clearest and you should have a ceremony yeah

because I was just thinking then what would be good is you have an immemorial who's going to host it people that aren't actually dead oh that's good who's going to host it who are you going to pay to host it

nah I think if we host it the jig's up no I know that's what I mean who's going to host it? Who are you going to pay to host it? No, I think if we host it, the jig's up. No, I know. That's what I mean. Who are you going to host it? Who's going to host it? Well, you and I, we could put it on and you and I could.

Hang on. Do we know anyone good at warm-up? No. Ben Lomas. Ben Lomas, yes. Yeah, we need to stream the ceremony on Fox Footy. We need to talk to them about getting the rights. You and I could host it, but we come out Squid Game style.

So we've got like The masks on And we've got the Voice modulation Like we have a really Over the top get up So no one can tell That it does I think you need

Like ask Will Or someone No Rove Get Rove or someone Yeah Rove Perfect No Perfect

You get Rove to host They're not doing any of these I mean Will Will would do it Maybe would do it As a joke for us But then He should be nominated

But also He's not going to do it It's You can us, but then he should be nominated. But also, he's not going to do it. You can get nominated and host at the same time. Dave O'Neill, you should do it. You're not going to get nominated. That's great. It can't be someone who's nominated. Dave, you should do it.

If we can crowdfund three grand and put in Aubrey Wodonga, you won't notice the difference. It'll be like every other gig you do. Exactly. Or the commercial club in Aubrey. Thatonga fuck it you won't notice the difference it'll be like every other gig exactly look at the commercial club in Aubrey that's great you should do it regionally

do it in a region like the Australian Idol when they'd go to they'd do the tour of the shopping centres yes because the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

isn't in New York it's not in LA it's like in Orlando right so let's have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Aubrey Wodonga you can host it yeah yeah see that's good Like in Orlando or somewhere weird. So let's have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Albury-Wodonga.

I mean, you could host it. See, that's good. Definitely. If Dave's not available, maybe a good host alternative could be, when we were doing the 500th, 600th episode at the Athenaeum, there was a point where we thought it would be funny to get like a Borat impersonator to come out as a guest and just be like, folks, we got a big fish we got someone who's never been on the show we've been trying for ages please welcome borat and then just have a yes and like i contacted this found one got on the site like contacted the website about it and um got an email of them in melbourne yeah are they yeah

got an email back which i loved saying um uh i'm very sorry but my Borat isn't available on that date. My Borat. But like that would be good if we got a Borat impersonator to host the Australian comedy. And that's what you do like in between. So I think for – Was he like a really good character? Like he's just so used to saying my wife. He's like my Borat.

They usually will do like music bits in between or during it or whenever, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you should get magicians to perform at the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Well, what traditionally happens is whoever gets inducted, they have to perform.

And a lot of the time, because it's a 25-year-old band, they haven't performed together for ages. That's true. And so they get back together and are just terrible. Yeah, sick. Yeah. So, sick. Yeah. So, I mean, I don't know how often...

Well, the other thing... It's pretty funny getting inducted into the Hall of Fame thing and then having to get up and do a set. It's just like, great to be here.

Yeah. And he's been performing in front of all the people who didn't get in this year. Yeah. Oh, this should be a good gig. Well, this sounds like a horrible idea and I'm in. Yeah, yeah, great. Well, you can be year. Oh, this should be a good gig. Well, this sounds like a horrible idea and I'm in.

Yeah, yeah, great. Well, you can be warmer. No. Oh, fuck. I've left that life behind. I only... It was last week when I saw you on TV.

I know, but that was a one-off. That was four days ago, wasn't it? That was a one-off. I don't do it anywhere else. I've been a two-off, though. This is pretty important. But this will be good. Yeah.

You're doing it for Fox footy. I'm not doing it. This will actually be good. I're doing it for Fox footy. I'm not doing it. This will actually be good. I'm not a warm-up comedian. What about if we do the WA Oz Comedy Hall of Fame? It's just Perth comedians. I mean, I'll present for that. You'll host that.

As King of Perth. Okay, great. Great, with a crown. Or King of Moomba. As King of Perth, I will present. Is it going to be weird to have the Hall of Fame where a lot of the inductees can't actually enter the Hall of Fame because they're not vaccinated?

Oh, nice. Yeah, it'll actually be kind of nice. Hang on, the WA Oz Comedy Shed of Fame. On the beach. Do it on the beach. Oh, yeah, the beach of fame. That's not bad. On the beach.

Can we have a soft yes from you, hosting the awards? Yeah, sure, I'll do it. Absolutely. Well, where can we have a soft yes from you, hosting the awards? Yeah, sure. I'll do it. Absolutely. Well, where can we have this on where there's no way of linking it back to us? That's the next thing. What's it mean? Regional.

We have to have it regional. Okay, we go regional. I mean, Aubrey Wodonga does have a good, it's like the, it would be like the Nashville, you know, of comedy. Yes. Because like, what's Nashville without country music? Nothing. So we can make that Aubrey Wodonga.

We can make that the comedy. We put that on the map and then it's like new comedians that live in Brisbane and they're just like, I want to get better at comedy. I want to be famous. I'm going to have to move to the home of Australian comedy. Aubrey slash Wodonga. Either one.

Either one's fine. At least you get two choices. Is all the people in Udonga like North and South Korea?

Is that a similar thing? Is it the militarised zone? Which is the bad one? We've got to go and work

this out. Udonga is a bit posh. Is Udonga the one that's starving its own population? Udonga's got a

couple of hills, so they think they're posh. I think Uodonga the one that's starving its own population, or is it Aubrey? Aubrey's got a couple of hills, so they think they're posh in Aubrey. I think Wodonga is more tattoos than Wodonga. Oh, really? I've done a gig in Aubrey one night and in Wodonga the same night. What are the real estate prices like in Aubrey compared to Wodonga? Yeah, more expensive in Aubrey than Wodonga. Really? That's interesting.

See, this is all good stuff for your opening event. And the Causeway is the thing in between. It's called the Causeway. What's that mean? That's the bit in between Aubrey and Wodonga. It's like the... What, a river? Yeah, there's a Murray,

but then there's also like they call it the Causeway, which is just like the bridge and stuff between Aubrey and Wodonga. So that's all the... The floodplains and stuff. All the people who don't get into the Hall of Fame could just jump in that. In the causeway.

So who else do we have on the list? So we've got Dickie Nearcapper, Hughsey Will, we did a lockdown this week. Denise Scott, Kitty Flanagan. Denise and Judith, I reckon. Judith, yeah.

You've got to have six or seven legit ones. And then I want to do remember like the Wobbsy Brothers like some old I met a made up one Sons of Fred no

that's W-A I'm thinking I'm still thinking I'll put it together I reckon Sons of Fred are going to get it oh yeah

Duggan of the All Stars that's a bad one yeah yeah someone that everyone knows scared weird little guys yeah yeah yeah we could do when we go and do like the previous years that we pretend we've just been doing this whole time.

There's like one year where it's just all groups. Say it's a scared, weird little guys, but get actual just some scared, weird little guys. Not them, just a genre of people. They're just scared and they're weird and they're tiny. That would actually be good if we nominated them and then we didn't invite them. We just got you and Ben Lomax to dress up or whatever.

And Clinton Haynes play some songs. I'm putting a ban on you. You're allowed one more in-joke weird comedy reference. I'm just naming names because I'm not a fucking coward. You're allowed one more in-joke weird comedy reference for the rest of I'm just naming names because I'm not a fucking coward. You're allowed one more. I'm not a name name

because I'll stand by what I say. I guess I'll just leave these in or maybe I'll bleep them. Make it sound worse. Make it sound like you've just been saying the

N-word every time. Because we've got to put this up tomorrow and the last time you were on, I was driving to the airport, which I'm going to be doing tomorrow, and I got a panicked phone call from you. No, that was just because Maggie was like, we can't. Yeah, let's not say what it was,

but you did call me asking me to take something out that you'd said. It's fine now because we've got the photos back, but Maggie just freaked out because I was talking about the photographer. Oh. At our wedding. At our wedding. At the wedding. Who behaved in an unprofessional manner. And she was like, can we get the photos from him first before you rag on him.

He deserved it. How was he unprofessional? Upscoring. Don't do it again. I swear to God. If your name comes up on my carplay tomorrow while I'm on the way to the airport. I promise you, you have my word, I will not call you. He was coming on to people and got drunk or drinking out of people's glasses.

Oh, wow. And gave people the camera and then took ages getting the photos back. He was just a mess. He was a mess of a human. Great. You were married in Queensland? You were in Queensland? Yeah.

So what a waste of you getting your wriggle fucking absolutely amped up. I know and I didn't even get it really. I'm thinner now than I was in the wedding

just because I'm not eating like shit. Right. And didn't he also do a bit of like what your personal trainer did where he was like.

Yeah. Wedding full of comedians. Yeah he tried to neck me and I was like no. He was very unprofessional and no. No good. He was very unprofessional.

And no, no good. It was funny because we did that episode with you like a week before putting it up. And I thought, you know what? If he has second thoughts about talking about the photographer, he's got plenty of time to let me know. Don't hear anything. Put the episode up. Literally, I'm on the car.

And as soon as I see your name come up, I'm like, well, I fucking know what this is. It was, and I hate to blame Maggie for this, but it is Maggie's fault. You really threw her right under the bus. I will throw her under the bus this time. That was her fault. Does she have to get bleeped out as well after this?

No, Maggie behaved in an unprofessional manner. But yeah, okay. Your wife. My wife. My Borat. Yeah. Actually, I wrote back to that and I said, oh, that's okay. What can you give me that's like close to Borat?

And he just never replied. I think he knew the jig was up that I was fucking with him. My Borat. Close to Borat adjacent. Do you have like a... I wanted to... That's what I wanted to know. Ali G or something.

Yeah. I was hoping maybe like, you know, just someone else doing like a dodgy accent. Whoever's doing Borat is your Ali G guy as well, surely. Yeah, I was hoping maybe like, you know, just someone else doing like a dodgy accent. Whoever's doing Borat is your Ali G guy as well, surely. Yeah, you'd hope. That would be weird if you go, oh, we don't have Borat, but we do have Ali G. It's like, don't they have the same skillset? Someone who's like a purist who's like, I could never.

I mean, by doing that, then I'm even more, I'm just basically saying I'm as good as Sacha Baron Cohen. Maybe it just looks like Borat and that's it. It doesn't look like the other ones. Borat's got a very distinctive look. I like the way you say Borat. Oh, Borat. Yeah, I say Borat.

It's Borat. Borat. Can you give me a Bruton? Do you know what my wife actually used to... I still have to correct her. This is how she pronounces Borat. Borat. Borat.

Like he's French. No, like he's Barat Obama. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's political. That's hello, Americans. There's a political cartoonist listening to this going, fuck, it's too late. I could have changed the world with my little squiggles.

Someone with this impression with Barat Obama could still make the Australian, the Oz Commonwealth. Yes. Oh, yeah. Me and him on the same impersonator's company. And I want a piece of cheese now. I'm a rat. Who's that?

That's Barack Obama. But why is he like cheese? Yeah. Because he's a rat. Barack. Oh, he's a rat. Jesus Christ. So there's three things. For a rat. Oh, he's a rat. Jesus Christ. So there's three things happening going on.

There's a little Obama who's in like a chef's hat just pulling their hair. Yeah, yeah. Yes, you guys get it. It's very, it's high functioning. Someone wants to be in the Hall of Fame. You are really fucking campaigning hard. I want to be in the Perth Comedy Hall of Fame

alongside such great... No. Here we go. Jim Minchin. Okay. Very good. Claire Hooper. Yep.

Perth Exports. Jim Pooves. Jim Jefferies studies. Jim Jefferies. That's right. Famous Perth Exports. Luke and Wyatt. Yep.

Yep, yep, yep. Yep, they're from there. That's true. What about this day? Can't deny it. Speaking of the regional gigs, I've got my little note section on my phone, which is always a delight to pull out for me

because I'm always making the notes when I'm late at night, drunk, talking to comedians, and they tell me a story and I go, oh, fuck, that's so good. We have to do that on the podcast. And then I write it down and then I wake up

and I have no idea what the fuck it means. But this is the note I've got for you, and this will be a pleasure to hear back because I have no memory of what it is. Dave O'Neill Nut Factory. Oh, no, the Nut Conference. Oh, the Nut Conference. The Nut Conference.

The Nut Conference. So I had to do like a gig for... So you are the king of this sort of thing. Like what we said before, when I think of out-of-town corporates, Dave O'Neill is indestructible. He's the number one man for

between a certain price bracket when Hugh's is unavailable. Why wasn't I doing that? I'd do it for that much. Well, they said you weren't available, mate. It's so ridiculous! You were 15 grand. I'd do it for less than 15 grand! Hugh's impression should be its own category.

And the best Husey impression goes to David Hughes. He's slipping down the ranks, honestly. Bloody ridiculous. He's been outdone. Yeah, so the nut cocker is... Yeah, he's like Charlie Chaplin getting third prize in the Charlie Chaplin... No, thank you. So you're good at it.

No, so it was just for all people that work in the nut industry, but only the Australian tree nuts. And so the woman goes, you can't mention. Oh, the Oz tree nut hall of fame. You couldn't mention, was it cashews? Cashews. You can't mention certain nuts. And so what I did is.

Hang on, hang on. So why aren't you allowed To mention Cashews Because they're not part Of the bloody They're the competitor They're not a tree They're not

No but they're not Grown in Australia too maybe I think it was Cashews You're not doing a corporate For Ford and getting up And being like Fuck I love a Holden Exactly

Exactly But it's called The nut conference That's like saying It's called the car conference But don't mention Holden I know but anyway But no no Because it's only for certain conference, but don't mention Holden. I know, but anyway. But no, no.

Because it's only for certain. The cashew deniers. I think it was cashews. No cashews. But peanuts are fine. No, peanuts are a legume. So they're out too. Fucking hell.

They're not a nut. They're not technically a nut. This is what stressed me out. So in my head, I'd be going, I'm pretty sure none of my routines hinge on the word cashew. He's saying that peanut is a bean. Yeah, peanut's a legume. That is fucked up, man.

Yeah, but so anyway. Peanut's a bean. Send your kid into this instead of the UN. It sounds fucking more political. And so the woman who worked in the nut industry, she said, I'll introduce you. She goes, I'm going to host. Have you got any tips for hosting? And I said, yeah, you know, you'll be fine.

So she's hosting, you're just performing at the end of it. Yeah, yeah. I had to perform and then roast a guy. Roasted peanuts. Who was retiring from the nutting of the street. And so she's like, what tips have you got? They tried to get Kappa before O'Neill, but it's like, ah, he's only got one nut.

We'd rather perform with two. And I said to this woman, look, she goes, what if there's an awkward silence? This guy's got three. And I said to this woman, just say, how about a round of applause for the staff? They're doing a great job. I said, which is a great tip for anyone hosting, you know, in an awkward silence. Anyway, so I go to this fruit shop and buy all the eight nuts that I can.

Oh, you collect them all. Yeah, I got them all in two plastic bags and I turn up. You went to the fruit shop to get them? Are nuts a fruit? Yeah, no, they're not a fruit, but they are in the fruit shop. They're sold in a fruit shop. And the guy in the fruit shop's like... This is like turning up to the gig wearing the band's t-shirt. Yeah, I'm not stupid. And the guy in the fruit shop's like,

why are you buying all these nuts? He goes, chestnuts, they're very unusual. You're not a chestnuts guy, I can tell you straight away. I said, well, who's a chestnut guy? He said, Italians love chestnuts, they're very unusual. You're not a chestnuts guy, I can tell you straight away. I said, well, who's a chestnut guy? He said, Italians love chestnuts. Oh, really? Apparently.

Anyway, so anyway, I've got all the nuts in bags. And I turn up and the woman's there who's hosting. And she's like, what have you got there? And I said, I've got all the nuts. I'm going to plant them on my body and then pull them out and say, who's here for macadamias? And she goes, is that a good idea? Look, don't, bloody hell, now I'm starting to doubt myself. And so then I go on and so it went really well.

Pulling the nuts out went really well. Yeah. Because you're talking directly, who's here for macadamias? Yeah. And are there actual macadamias yeah and are there actual macadamia dealers or whatever it is there that are like

finally my voice is being heard yeah yeah yeah like booing certain nuts yeah that's awesome chestnuts there's only cancelled nuts

pecans yeah pecans there were some that were more like almonds are very popular at the moment

I don't want to try and do your job for you or anything, but any sort of little gags in there. But you know what sort of nuts I like? Dough. Dough nuts. Oh, yeah.

Deez. When I speak of beforehand. Well, you know the piece de resistance is that I had two walnuts in a little Hessian sack that I pulled out and I said, hang on, which one have I not got? And they're all yelling out, walnuts! Then I pulled them out. They were like testicles, basically. Which brought the house down.

It's like a primary school. Which nuts are they? Nut farmers are simple people. This is like Christmas panto. Oh, it was unbelievable. You were Jason Donovan on stage at the Hammersmith or something. There was a bit of an awkward pause and the woman yelled out,

how about a big round of applause for the staff? She's not even performing. No, she sat from the table. She yelled out, how about a big round of applause for the staff? Fucking hell. It was unbelievable. I had to roast big round of applause from the start. Fucking hell. It was unbelievable. I had to roast this guy, and he was all right. How much did you spend on all these nuts?

Yeah, it's a good point. Some of those nuts can be pretty expensive. Did you invoice them for the nuts? No, I didn't, but the amount of work I put in is... Where was this? The casino. Oh, really? Yeah, it wasn't regionally.

Normally, it's in Queensland. That's in a big city. The nut people are normally from Queensland. It's a big Queensland industry. And so this is a big night out, so it's like... Yeah. Albury-Dong was booked out with some other weird conference. Kappa's family does pecans.

Oh, really? Yeah, so he might have... Well, his dad might have been there. Yeah, might have been there. Wow. There was a guy from the Nut Magazine. There was a Nut Magazine. Oh, really?

He got my photo with my little testicle. Oh, yeah. I think I used to read the Nut magazine. I'm more into their video website now. They used to sell that at the Servo. I'm more into the Dates magazine myself. Big news. In two weeks' time on a Monday morning at 11am,

I'm doing the Nuttle X 90 year celebrations. Oh, have you gone full nut? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you a nut based comedian? No, no, no. This is just random. Someone just rang me up. But that's like a margarine.

Yeah, it's a margarine. Why has it got Nuttle X? It's got nuts in it or something. I don't know. I think initially it did, but I don't know what it's got. And these gigs, yeah, they would have contacted Hughsy first. Like they would have been on Twitter going, this guy's a nut. We've got to get him in.

Yeah, get Hughsy on. He's going to go crazy I'm losing it that made me angry why aren't I

doing this gig bloody shit Hughsy only wants to hear about bad gigs so that gig wasn't that bad but I did a

footy club the other day and I rang Hughsy because he loves a bad most of us do but it is

funny that he's at the top of the tree and has been for 30 years, but he still wants everyone else to have a bad one. He loves sniffing it out. Anyway.

What was so bad about this? Oh, it was like Diamond Creek Footy Club. Bad warm-up day. On the fringes of Melbourne. And it was a reverse draw where someone, they all buy a $100 ticket and someone wins 10 grand at the end of the day.

And so your name gets drawn out and you're out of the running, you know what I mean? So it gets down to two or three people and then you win. It's a fundraising thing they do for sporting clubs. But I spoke to the guy on the phone before and he was like older than me and he's like, oh, okay, so we'll have a, you'll be on at two, we'll have lunch at one, and then we'll get you on stage. I said, so how many people will be there? He goes, oh, about 100. I thought, oh, this will be the most civilized footy club.

I get there, and there's about 15 young blokes vaping out the front. I go in. There's about 200 people. They're squashed into these footy rooms, and they're all watching the UFC fight on the TV. And the old guy goes, all right, well, I'm a man of my word. I'll get you on in five minutes. No, no, no. And there's no lunch.

It's just like people eating maybe sausages or, oh, man. And so I said, we've got to wait until the fight's over because they're not going to listen at all to me. And then eventually brought me on about half an hour later. But it was just very, what's the word? Gladiatorial. Yeah, just like, you know. So you're just bombing up there,

beating your head like, I can't wait to tell you. Frighten me. No, I didn't bomb. What I do, I just attack the crowd. Okay. Yeah, right. Oh, look at this bloke. What colour is that, mate?

Watermelon, that shirt? Oh, God. Paul, there at this bloke. What colour is that, mate? Watermelon, that shirt? Oh, God. Paul, there's just different ways of calling people poops. There's always a fat guy. Mate, we know each other from Weight Watchers, don't we, buddy? You're a poop. Your son's at home and he's like, ears are burning, going, something's happening with my dad.

And then I start hanging shit on Collingwood. His ears are burning as he's doing the eyes as the representative. I start hanging shit on Collingwood because that's a go-to in AFL. Collingwood's the team that you kick, right? Yeah. And then this bloke here, this old guy next to me, Gordon Coventry played here. He kicked 1,020 goals for Collingwood. Too soon for a guy that played in the 20s.

Yeah, Gordon Coventry. I go, this guy too soon for a guy that played in the 20s. Yeah. Like, this guy, how many did you kick? He goes, two. I'm like, cool. Oh, man. And then there was like, there were kids there, but like teenagers. And they're drinking like VBs. And I go, so what are you, like apprentices?

He goes, no, I'm at school. I'm drinking VBs. Yeah, right. Cool. at school drinking VBs so that is that is like um Hughsey is sort of known not known

but like he's used as what do you call this I did Hughsey's voice when I was there no no he did the voice oh definitely

yeah I'm doing anything imagine if he could tell if he had some like spidey sense for every time someone's impersonating him somebody's bloody

making fun of me going off constantly bloody ridiculous I should get a cut of it he seriously told me once that he thinks I'm like Spidey sense for every time someone's impersonating him. Somebody's bloody making fun of me. Going off constantly. Bloody ridiculous. I should get a cut of it. He seriously told me once that he thinks you should get a cut out of people who are intimidating him. I said, well, you're not the Wiggles, mate. Mate, what's the Perth Hughesy doing today? Oh, mate, I've got three gigs today.

Oh, that's good, mate. Do well. Oh, yeah. What does he think? Because we've talked about this, but there's a Perth Dave Hughes. There's a Scottish guy, a Perth Dave Hughes there's a Scottish guy a Perth Dave Hughes who lives in Perth

Oh is there? Yeah, Scottish Dave Hughes lives in Perth No, he's not Scottish Isn't he? No He's got the same name There's two Dave Callens

I know that There's a Dave Callen in Sydney isn't there? Oh no, there's three so there's two in Perth and one in Sydney And there's two Corey Whites And there's two Corey Whites

Yeah There should be none but anyway. You're worried about me. There's a Perth Dave Hughes. What does actual Hughesy think of him? Of who? He's just got the same name, though.

He's not doing what you're saying. He's not going. You're hiring out the boy. There's no Perth Husey who's just getting angry about the price of coffee

over there I just imagine once in like a year all the Dave Hughes impersonators come to Dave Hughes and he's

like you come to me on the day my daughter's wedding you don't even call me god son I wasn't that dad

you pay me how much two grand each two grand each Two grand each You gotta pay your dudes mate Cause that's That's like puppetry Of the penis do that

Don't they Yeah they do They hire new people Yep So they can have Two or three of these Little shows Around the world

Around the country Or the world Or whatever it is So you're saying Maybe we could He could train up The existing Dave Hughes Impressions

Like yourself Like all three of you do That's a great That's such a good documentary. Like, Hughesy's decided that he's retiring and he's like, he's picking his successor. And it's all based on the, and it's us doing like... We'll call it Hughesy Soldiers.

Hughesy Boot Camp. Hughesy's Angels. Hughesy's Angels. Yes, Hughesy. And the scene where they press the intercom and the voice comes in, Hey, what are you doing? You're out first round with a performance like that.

You're not making it to the end of ep one. I'm fine not being a professional Dave Yuzi person. We're in the first heat of Yuzi. I would love to get financing for this. Should you just bite the bullet and call the Hall of Fame the Huseys? That's pretty good.

That could be one award. That could be one award. The best Husey impression of the year. He can win the Huseys. That's as good as me. Mine. Oh yeah, and he wins some years but not, you know. He wins like three years in a row and then it's like Ben Russell. What would kill Husey ifen impersonator one instead of him?

Yeah. So the best Hugh G goes to... Dave Gordon! What? There's that guy that does... There's an Andrew Dice Clay impersonator who does hour shows as Dice. Really? And then there's a guy that does Bill Hicks.

Remember that? He came out for a festival. And he just does one of the specials doesn't he or has he written new material I think he wrote a new special

where it was like this is what Bill Hicks would have said about the vaccine or whatever yeah sure I don't know about that

but so I love the idea of me just next comedy festival I do one man Husey yeah yeah yeah one man Husey up against Husey

like Husey's still around he's in the same time slot what would Dave Husey be talking against Husey. Like, Husey's still around. He's in the same time slot. What would Dave Husey be talking about on stage if he was still alive? I'm still alive, Dathalo. I'm still alive. What's with that? Well, you know they did kill her.

Yeah, one man, Husey. One man, Husey, yeah. One of the galas, Aunty Donna had Husey dances, remember? That's right. And he's like, yeah, they asked my permission. I don't know if they're taking the piss or what. Hang around and have a look. You're on the gala.

Hang around and have a look. See what you reckon. Hughsy needs a mole in the gala. Surely. He loves it, right? What do you want me to react? I'm sorry, the stage, mate. They're definitely taking the piss.

Oh, fuck. Do you reckon he just absolutely loves it? That people give him... Yeah, but he did get offended when McKay left on Mattis L. That's right. Stephen Hall played a character called Squeaky on FM radio. And Squeaky was like about COVID and stuff. And we crossed now to expert on vaccine Squeaky from Evian Radio.

He's like, oh yeah, you know. I mean, that's funny. I mean, that is funny. That is a lie.

That is a lie. And I said, well, I said in a way it's a tribute to you, you know, but, no,

he rang up Mikhail often, so. I mean, so his voice is kind of iconic. Yeah. And it's easy, that's why people do it so often. Well... I mean, so his voice is kind of iconic. Yeah. And it's easy. That's why people do it so often.

It's easy to do. It's fun to do. Yeah, it's a good... It's easy voice. Fun to do. Fun to listen to. Fun to do! No one does Will Anderson.

Yeah. It'd be hard to do him. You do a good Judith Lucy, don't you? No. Well, Judith is... I was thinking about females, but Judith, no. You know, she kind of... I... It's something like... That'd be better. don't you no well Judith is I was thinking about females but Judith no you know she kind of

I it's something like that'd be better I drank myself a new asshole I'm not ready that's not bad

I'm not ready to hang up my vagina yet that kind of thing alright so we've got one man Husey over here Tommy Dessler and one woman

Judith Lucy one man Judith Lucy one man Judith Lucy the one woman Judith Lucy. The one man Judith Lucy show. Fucking hell. It would be awesome to get, like, we all just get bored of doing Husey and then we're just doing, everyone's doing Judith impressions. You can do Kappa.

I can't do anyone. You think you're doing a Kappa and then you hang out with him and you're like, oh, this is just... Yeah. It's pretty close to Husey. You could do it. What's capper and Husey together? Surely you could do that.

I could probably do a Mike G. Oh, it's me, Mike G. The God calls the shit. Oh, Ronnie. You can do Ronnie. Yeah, you can do Ronnie. Oh, not anymore. You're not allowed to do it.

Not allowed. You can't do that anymore No they took our fun away I got a quirk Yep That's weird isn't it That's pretty good That's strange

That's good You're going too fast That's my fault isn't it I've ruined this haven't I What about Very good Dame Edna Hello

Yeah What about Kappa Kappa and Husey together I reckon you could do that Okay Nick Kappa and Hughsy together? I reckon you could do that. Okay. Nick Kappa, heard you've had a rough time with the cancer recently. No, I reckon you combine the two voices.

Yeah, man. That's just my Kappa. 69s are boring. 69s are so boring. That's good. There you go. That's good. 69's are so boring That's good There you go That's good That's so close to Husey

Surely you can mix the two I would need to like Do the I would need to like Record them all separately I don't think I could Jump back and forth Between them

No don't No just in one voice The Will Anderson Would have to be A little bit high pitched I'm so angry Because 69's are boring Oh yeah okay

I get you Will Anderson would have to be Oh Jesus A little bit high pitched Who's this? I don't know I'm so angry because 69's are boring oh yeah okay I get you Will Anderson would have to be as good oh Jesus a little bit high pitched who's this I don't know I'm just trying to I've never done a Will Anderson

in my life I don't know I couldn't do Will it's a little bit high and kind of I could do a decent Ben Russell yeah nice gotcha

you got the eyes right wouldn't do Ronnie but you're okay with whipping that you didn't say Perth at the end of that. Speaking of impersonators and things of that nature, I was in Tasmania recently. I went to Dark Mofo. And we decided to go pretty last minute.

And then when we were down there, there was this kind of like big concert thing that we wanted to go to. Sold out for ages. Really wanted to get tickets. We had some friends down there that were going. We were like looking on the like ticket resale website, constantly refreshing it. Like nothing's coming through. So I, in a desperate act, I get on Facebook and I just go, hey, is anyone selling tickets

to this event? Wow. Knowing full well what would probably end up happening, which is I made the post public, and you deal with this a lot, Carl, with your gigs. Anytime you put sold out, it's like a lightning rod to bots. So all of a sudden, I just have so many comments on this post, and I have mates messaging me being like,

oh, did you get a ticket in the end? I'm like, no. And they're like, but you've got so many people commenting. These weird bots, I have mates messaging me being like, oh, did you get a ticket in the end? I'm like, no. And they're like, but you've got so many people commenting. There's weird bots. I don't know how it works, but as soon as I see the algorithm sold out, it attracts these people going.

And they've got these set things where it's like, oh, I've actually got two tickets I can't sell to anyone. So if you hit me up right now, I can sell them to you. And they're all like saying, there's about three phrases they use. Yeah, right. They're all written the same.

I've been trying to sell something like a bit of audio equipment on Gumtree. And the moment you put it up there, you just get like a bunch of scammers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just immediately be like, hey, I can't, can you send it? No, I'll give you the money. And you're like, no, cash, fuck off. Wow. Yeah, it's like's like yeah just getting absolutely

flooded with them and you know you can always tell too like you go on the profile and there's just like yeah two photos on there like they're so obviously fake yeah there was someone hit me up because there was a like a sold-out thing like comedy at spleen it's like a glorified open mic and someone's um put up there oh i've got tickets or something and someone hit me up to go oh man is there any chance of getting in tonight because I just wasted 30 bucks

some scammer and it's like and they've screenshot it and sent it to me and it's like cool you just bought three tickets

to Comedy Explained off a guy that lives in Namibia like what the fuck were you thinking yeah wow it is

it's like you see those and it's like how as if that's working and then yeah you get a message like that. It's like, yeah, it is still working for some people. It only has to work 5% of the time. Yeah.

Well, that's how that is. It's like, yeah, exactly. I get DM'd by one guy who's like, hey, yeah, I've got a ticket. And I've got my – because I've been scammed before. I've talked about it on the podcast years and years ago. You were there for this, me trying to buy tickets to the National in like 2010 or whatever. And what happened? Getting scammed like multiple times.

Was it multiple times? Oh, no. Well, the first one was a guy was like, I've got, this is like back in the Gumtree days. So I put up on there and a guy was like... Ben Russell's still in the Gumtree days. You still live in the Gumtree dream. Oh, I'm doing Facebook, Markiplier and Gumtree. Okay, right.

Just in case. Because more, it seems like not a lot of audio, like music equipment is getting sold on Marketplace and Gumtree. Okay, right. Just in case. Because it seems like not a lot of audio, like music equipment is getting sold on Marketplace. Right, right. But I put on Gumtree like, hey, looking for two tickets. And this guy's like, yeah, I've got two tickets. I don't have a bank account,

but if you deposit the money into my sports bet account. Fantastic. This is like a gift for a relatively new girlfriend. This is like a Christmas. And it's like getting closer to Christmas, and I'm like, I'm not thinking straight. So I do it, and then he's like, yeah, cool, here you go. And I'm like, oh, there's nothing on the email. And he's like, oh, sorry about that.

Has this worked? And again, there's just like no attachment there. And this takes me like four goes. I'm like, brother, you fuck man. I don't know what's going on over there, but you're going to feel pretty stupid when you realise you've done this a third time. It just goes on and on and on.

And then someone else gets back to me who's like, yep, this much. And it's like the cost of two tickets. It's like only slightly above what they'd cost originally. So I'm like, great. Send the money. Get an email back that's like just got one ticket. I'm like, oh, where's the other ticket?

And they're like, no, it was just for one. And I'm like, yeah, but I paid for like two tickets. And she's like, no, that's what I was asking for one. It's sold out. Yeah, anyway. So I've got my, you know, I'm a bit, I'm on edge, you know. Did you go to the national? So then once the sports bet guy gave you those two tickets,

now you have three tickets. Then I had three. So what's the problem? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just brought a mate along. Did you end up going to the National? Yeah, we did in the end. Great.

I love the National. We got it, yeah. I hope you lost that money. How did you get the tickets then, eventually? You sent it to someone's Officeworks card account. Yeah. That's a good one. Well, the one that I nearly got done with,

he was like, hey, I'll do it with Couriers, please. And I'm like, Couriers Please? Yeah. And they'll send you a thing and it'll be like, sign off on here. So you pay through the courier and then he sent me a link to that and say, okay, sign off on this and they'll come pick it up. But then I looked at the Couriers Please website that he sent me and it was like couriers.start. Yeah. And then I searched Couriers Please and I was like, wait a second.

Right. This doesn't start with that same base address. Yeah. I was like, fuck you, man. A guy DMs me and he's like, yeah, yeah, I've got to. And I'm like, I've sort of got my alarm bells up a little bit, right? But I see that I've got a mutual friend with him on Facebook, but it's the sort of person who i think would just accept like anyone yes so i'm so i'm sort of keeping this guy at arm's length meanwhile i'm messaging the other mutual friend

to be like hey do you know this guy and he like takes ages to get back to me and then the the guy ends up being like oh look i've just i've got a mate who's interested actually in it and then by this point i'm like like, fuck, this guy was legit. Like I've just, you know, but I still feel like you've got to be cautious. So I get, there's one of them who I'm like, all right, I'm just going to try it on here. Like I get a DM from this person called Abby and they say, hey, I got tickets for sale. Let me know if you'll take them. And I say, hi there, how many?

And she goes, I got four tickets for sale. And I'm like, I've got, you goes, I got four tickets for sale. And I'm like, I've got my alarm bells up. But I'm like, here's what I think is a good way of telling if you're being scammed. I ask this question, why can't you go anymore?

Ah, go on. Oh, that's good. That's a good way of smoking out a butt. Four tickets. As if they're going to, you know, it's like, as if like an AI

or whatever the fuck it's being run is going to. You know what you should do? Just send them a lot of pictures of different vehicles. Yes. And say, click on the ones that are trucks. Yeah. That's not bad. That's a good one to keep in mind as well.

So I go, why can't you go anymore? And I get this reply. Basically, my husband bought tickets for our reunion, but unfortunately he filed for a divorce. Great. Boom. All right. For a reunion.

What are you talking about? So they didn't get to the reunion, but then they had a divorce before the reunion. What do you mean? My husband bought me and him and two others tickets to a rave. And now we're getting divorced. And at this point I'm like, all right, I'm not being done by this. Now I'm having fun.

You can, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm strapped into the right. What's your Sportsbet account? I'll send it to you. Yeah. So I go, oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Why is he filing for divorce? Great.

And she writes back, that's okay. I just really can't figure that out. Great. And I go, do you want my opinion? A male perspective might be helpful and like i'm walking around with my girlfriend and she's like this is now just two fuckheads trolling each other like this is like this is a scam of being like oh i've got him on the hook and maybe this is just two idiots just big big call putting perspective in there with when basic english is obviously not

her bag so reply to this, okay, perfect. And then I put, sorry for the delay. I've been thinking it over and I think Carl Jung said it best. Where love rules, there is no will to power. And where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness. And the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

And then, like, no no reply for like a day we end up getting tickets through a friend at the last minute so we go to the thing so then i write back then so then the next day i'm like oh i just want to keep this going now so i write back yeah that big block of text ignored and then i follow up with so are you dating again or and then reply i don't want to. And so then, and again, it's like, and now I'm like, this is the ultimate test because the event's been and gone.

I'm like, so have you still got those tickets for sale? Message bounces back. Account's gone. This game have killed themselves. I sent them over the edge. Possibly. R.I.P. R.I.P.

R.I.P. Abby Jason. Abby Jason. Abby Jason. Rest inI.P. Sorry to hear that. R.I.P. R.I.P. Abbey Jason. Abbey Jason. Abbey Jason. Rest in peace. An angel gone too soon. Yeah. A person.

Yeah. Taken from us. That's like, I've currently got an Instagram account I've talked about on the show. I had a semi-obsession at one stage about a renowned scammer, Belle Gibson. Yeah, Belle Gibson. The renowned person who said- Wrote a cookbook. Yeah. I've got it

Passion of the Christ Bought it Said had cancer Didn't have cancer Etc etc Got a lot of money off So I've got an account On Instagram

Called official No Bell Gibson official So for the listener Ben's just giving me a look When you said Lied about having cancer He just gave me a look As if to say

The jig's up cunt They're coming for you next Yeah it's all been a scam when you said, lied about having cancer. He just gave me a look as if to say, the jig's up, cunt. They're coming for you next. Yeah, it's all been a scam. Someone just saw the name Ronald McDonald House and went, that sounds like a cool house to live in. What do I need to do to live there? That's my scam bot thing, and they're asking me,

why can't you go to the gig anymore? I got cancer. 20 years ago. that's such a funny scam if you're 10 years old just see Ronald McDonald house

imagine living in Ronald McDonald's house you get burgers every meal well I did my parents were staying there

regularly while I was in hospital did they get burgers every meal I was like it must be awesome in there and they're like

it's just a hotel you know there's not actual McDonald's in there back then they must have been like if I can do that I bet I could get burgers for breakfast it must be awesome in there. And they're like, it's just a hotel. They're like, you know there's not actual McDonald's in there. Back then, they must have been like, oh, if I can do that,

I bet I could get burgers for breakfast in here if I live here. Yeah, yeah. I can have burgers whenever I want. What's the playground like in there? Must be awesome. Going down a big slide to get into your bed? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're sleeping in a ball pit? Yeah. It's just a real sad place. Yeah. It's just a sad little hotel next to the hospital. Yeah. Where you go to bed While thinking about

Your dying kid Everyone's got curly red hair there Oh no No one's got any hair Grimace is doing the You know Turning over the beds He's been kicked out of

The McDonald family Hamburglar's not allowed Hamburglar's not Grimace is the caretaker Oh fuck What if That'd be so sad If they got the hamburglar in there going, he's going to steal your cancer, kids.

Yeah, yeah. He's changing the bedpans. He's behind you. I'm going to steal your piss. Give me that piss. The piss burglar. So I've got Belle Gibson official on Instagram. So there's a lot of people that just go around the world.

Lose their minds? Every day someone's finding a new video about her and about her scam or whatever and then just finding this account and commenting and sending abusive messages and blah, blah, blah. People love that. Any kind of doco that you see on Netflix about someone crook where they're still alive and they'll talk about them having an Instagram presence or whatever. It's always fun

to like go on there right after you've watched the doco if it's gone up quite recently and just see all of a sudden just this like deluge that they were not prepared for

of like you are fucking scum. How dare you rip off these old women. Yep. That's happening with this account. Oh great.

So is this your account? Yes. Have you got a few fake photos of Belle and stuff on there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put up fake posts every now and then or whatever every couple of years. Yeah you got a few fake photos of Belle and stuff on there? Yeah, yeah, yeah I put up fake posts every now and then and whatever, every couple of days

Taking a dog for a walk, beautiful day Did you put stuff like that? What? Taking the dog for a walk, beautiful day I put these jokes up there that are like if you've got half a brain it's like this is clearly a joke and I'm just

Working on my second cookbook? So many people that don't get it You're talking about new scams that you're doing Can you start putting up posts like, launching new NFTs? Oh, that's good. Yeah, she would be getting it. She could give the Oz Comedy Awards a plug.

That would be good. People started to think Bell Gibson... I'll do that. I'll do that. Launching brand new NFTs. I'll do that. That's our burner account. What's an example of a post you've done?

An example of a post you've done? Example of a post. Put something like, for my OnlyFans out there. Oh, yes. OnlyFans is funny. The last one. The Bell Gibson OnlyFans where people pay

and then the only videos on there are you pulling your pud. Yeah. The ultimate scam. You're kicking off to a webcam. Like, this is an example. There's a picture there of her coming out of court

with a lady with blonde hair and a post is like Belle Gibson says I get a lot of nasty comments on here accusing me of not telling the truth

anyone who really knows me knows there isn't a more honest person in the world just like my friend here Gwyneth Paltrow and that's like very clearly not

Gwyneth Paltrow and there's people just there's 76 comments on that picture saying you are not a health professional. You are not African. And that is not Gwyneth Paltrow. Get help.

What's that person's, I just like, what are you, like when you're being suckered in by that, like, fuck, it must be tough out there for you. So this is,

I've got, I've got some regulars that post on there and that send me messages or send Bell messages. And there's this person that is just sending me so many fucking messages because he wants to fuck Bell Gibson. So it's like some, there's like out of 100%, like 98% of people just want to kill her. And then there's 2% of people who either go, nah, actually, she's telling the truth. Or who want to fuck her.

So there's this guy. Yeah, lie to me. New Zealand guy. Trick me, baby. There's a... Fuck. How's this? So this is...

Any dick pics yet? Yeah, there's a few. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. Can we see? No, they're ones I've sent to other people Right right right

Right No How's this The ultimate scam for her Here's my pussy And it's just a big cock Imagine fucking wanting To fuck Bill

And he turns out To be Carl Well here we go Here's the Here's the back and forth You can't fishing people Yeah Here's the back and forth

To this guy. I had a feeling when I went, I was playing with a scammer that we'd have something in common here. Look, let's just do the first couple of messages back and forth for this guy. This guy is a New Zealander that lives in Australia, shall we say. So he sent a message saying, is this a real profile? And I say, yes, this is a real profile. Because I mean, it's a profile.

Yeah, yeah, it exists. It's real. I'm definitely Bell Gibson. No court could convict you so far. Yes, totally. And then he's gone back. I've heard others saying it's not. I don't know why.

No response. Next day. Oh, he's talking with other people about it. Yeah. There's meetings. Hot topic. Had a bit of a secret crush on Belle. I think the reason

why Belle is persecuted is because she advocates the truth. Nice. No response. So the next day he's got nothing from those words

so he comes out with this one next day. I have autism. I want to have kids. Okay. Okay, great. Coming out strong. Yep.

And then next no response. And you're just leaving. Yep. Just airballing all this. Yep, great. Coming out strong. Yep. And then next, no response. And you're just leaving. Yep. Just airballing all this. Yep. Scene.

Yeah. So then the next day, why are you ghosting me, you turd? No response to that. Then asshole. Bumhole. Yep. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Gronk.

Fruit loop. And it just goes on and on like that until I've just got bored and just gone nah actually you're fucked and so it's like me going back and forth with her

but then I don't respond for a couple of days and then she goes then he just forgets that I'm I feel like any woman listening to this who's gone through

like online dating is just like yeah this is like every hour of every day I think this is just every woman on the internet yeah yeah yeah

yeah so I'm just but every now and then I'm going I'm not Bell Gibson I'm a guy go fuck yourself right and it's like

oh yeah you're fucked and then three days later he'll forget and go hey so do you want to go on a date and it's like I'm I'm a guy

I have to this guy sounds like a real Ben Russell impression you you organising to go on a date with this guy and you just turn up in the worst drag anyone's ever seen. Hello, it's me, Bill. He's like, no, I want to have kids with you.

I'll cure cancer. It's so up and down. The whole transcript is so up and down of me going, I'm a guy. Oh, well, fuck you then. And then two days later going, no, but you're a girl and I'd like to have sex with you. And it's like, fuck off. Yeah. That's the unbeatable spirit that men are known for.

Being horny is a hell of a drug. He's a big no. If I give him nothing, he'll come back with name calling. But the name calling is just fucking bizarre. There's two weeks where I don't say anything. And so he's sending me messages saying, poo-poo. Poo-poo. I love this guy.

Any listeners out there? Let's get him on the pod. Yeah. Any ladies, if you want Carl to hook you up with this guy, he wants kids. You know, that's desirable. He voted, if you want to know more about him, he voted Pauline Hanson, he said here.

Oh, cool. That's a good pick-up line. He called me U-Ryan here at one point. He's not allowed to vote. He's New Zealand, right? Maybe he's a citizen, though. He called me You Ryan here At one point He's not allowed to vote He's New Zealand right Maybe he's a citizen though Yeah Well let's change that Get him out

Maybe when he says He voted for He voted for In the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame Yes Pull his pants down Oh my god

Alright we better Wrap it up Dave's gotta Dave's gotta get out of here Where you gotta go mate I gotta go and do a footy show. It's arguments about footy over coffee with Russell Robertson from the Melbourne Football Club.

Okay. And I don't know that much about football, but apparently we're going to argue about football. Okay. Is your argument just going to be like, it's bad and I hate it? Tell them that you know the guy. But I don't know. Who knows? Tell them that you know the guy. But I don't know. Who knows?

Tell them that you know the guy that was on the ground. Maybe he's got me along thinking I'm you. And when I tell him, he goes, Oh, wrong guy. They've got the wrong guy. We do look very similar. Ben Russell does a lot of Nut Factory gigs. I'm big in the nut world.

The nut conference. You do have a big nut. Yeah, I do the Nut gigs. I'm big in the Nut world. The Nut conference. You do have a big nut. Yeah, I do. I've got a big nut. You've told us about it. Oh, yeah. Giant nuts, apparently. Wow.

Yeah, you're welcome. All right, Dave and Ben, thank you very much for joining us. Dave, things to plug. You've got your podcast. Just the one with Glenn, Somehow Related. That's the one I do the most regularly at the moment. Yep. That's with Glenn Robbins.

Glenn Robbins. That's often in the top 20 or something apparently yeah it's big it's big if the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame ever has

a podcast division Glenn Robbins has got to be in there oh yeah Glenn Robbins yeah Glenn Robbins yeah he would be in there but as Russell Coy we just pretend

that we don't know it's a character yes good idea yeah right excellent idea yeah well no no Kath and Kim you're only a that we don't know it's a character. Yes, good idea. Yeah, right. Excellent idea. Yeah. Well, no, no. Kath and Kim.

You only have five nominees and two of them are Glen Robbins. What do you mean? Kel Knight and Russell Coyne. Yeah, and our blurbs for them are really, we really make it clear

that we're complete smooth brains who are just fooled by character comedy. Yeah, Pointer is the... Pointer. Yeah, yeah. In a lot of ways Russell Cord is the

Glenn Robbins of comedy these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. True. And Ben Russell. Oh my god, boys.

I've got a pilot for 10 Play, for Channel 10's Comedy Week. It's called Time to Die. Yep. You can see it on 10play.com.au.

It's Time to Die. It's two comedians. They write sets for each other and then perform them in front of an unsuspecting audience. What are they unsuspecting? They don't know that they're being pranked. How are they being pranked? Because the two comedians are writing the worst sets they possibly can.

So this is like candid camera. Yeah, it's like a stunt, it's like a last man standing. Yeah. Wow. Like most gigs I do by the sound of it. But it's you and

Jen Fricker hosting. That's correct. And you've got a friend of the show Jen Fricker. Sonia D'Orio. That's right. And Tom Cashman

as well. Oh, that'll be good. Yeah. Funny people. Yeah, get around it. Get on 10 Play and, you know. If you don't think there's it. Get on Template. And, you know... If you don't think there's enough bad comedy on Australian TV...

Well, there's not any comedy on Australian TV. So, you know, this is your chance to have at least some. We've got to start from the bottom and then build up. Yeah, that's right. They will be allowed to do our good set of shows. Have you seen it? Have you boys seen it? I have not watched it yet.

Well, you should because it is an enjoyable time on television. I'll be watching it. Love everyone involved. Yeah, it's genuine. I'm not just saying that because I have to plug it. It actually turned out really well. Yeah, check it out. Lots of friends of the show on that, so go from there and support that on TenPlay.

Guys, thanks very much for listening. Nice. And we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Dave O'Neill, Ben Russell Yep You just heard him Now you're hearing us

Yes Kick the big one That's it As Tommy said at the top of the show A matter of days until the Perth There is only four or five tickets left So get into that If that's your bag

If you're over in Perth There are some Weirdly, we still do get messages from people going, oh, yeah, Perth, you're coming over. Yeah, maybe I'll think about going to that. Oh, have a think about it. Yeah. We've only been planning it for two years, so yeah.

I mean, I will say I have my show on the Friday night at the Brisbane Hotel at 6 p.m., my solo show, Turtle Island. Tickets picking up in the last couple of days. It's almost as if people over there seem to be convinced that we might actually make it over this time. It's really feeling that way, guys. It's feeling good. Nothing can stand in our way. Well, it can't happen again because I've booked for a different hotel.

So that's got rid of that. You've broken the curse. Yeah. Where are you staying? I want to give the location out. Great question. Oh, we could have the puzzle from last time. The return of, yeah. Where are you staying? I want to give the location out. Great question. Oh, we could have the puzzle from last time. The return of, yeah.

Yeah. Where in the world is Errol P. Mosquito? Errol P. Mosquito, yes. Let me look it up. I will, I don't, it's... Because you felt too traumatised by your experience of spending, what was it, five days without being able to leave the confines of the other hotel, right? Couldn't go back there.

Well, slash that, and when I went to have a look at it, the prices had gone right the fuck up. So I was like, fuck that. Yeah. I had the same thing. Yeah. Oh, are you staying in the same place? No, no.

I was going to, and then it was like, oh, this is so much more expensive than last time. Yeah, wasn't it? I was trying to remember. I was like, I'm pretty sure I stayed there before because it was really nice and it wasn't a bad deal. It wasn't cheap, but it was certainly, yeah, it's way more now than what it was. Yes, I am staying. Which, yeah, this may not bode well either because I'm staying in a place. And now our friend has decided to come over.

So he went, where are you staying? And I said, oh, just this place. And it mightn't be that good. I've taken a bit of a – it's not as nice as last time because everything was too much. This place seems okay. Yep. And it's not a bad deal. So that's why – like who cares?

I'm not spending much time in a hotel room. And he's like, all right, I'll stay there. And it's like, man, every time – Every time you pick a place and he stays with you. It's a fucking nightmare. It ends up – he's the curse. You book a place and he tags along and then the place ends up being shit. Yeah, look, I think in all cases...

Slash you're booking a two-star place. Yes. I think we stayed together in the same hotel in London, and it was a terrible place, but it was hard to get a place that wasn't terrible over there, that wasn't like fucking $400 a night. So he fucking absolutely hated that and you know and if milan ever has a problem you never hear the end of it it does not stop yeah yeah yeah so there was that and then we then then we stayed in the same hotel

together in adelaide except for some reason they overbooked it and he just couldn't get in and so he was on the streets ringing people at like thatam or something going, where can I stay? Yeah. It's not a good track record. Yeah. So I hear about that track record all the time. And then he's immediately gone with the same hotel again. So I'm like, fuck, I really hope this hotel does not fuck me and fuck Malone.

Did I ever tell you about when we went over there for like Christmas, end of 2020, we booked a hotel. It's like pretty nice hotel and it wasn't, it was like a pretty decent rate. And then we book it and then like a day later we get an email from the hotel saying like, hey, just so you know, we're a COVID hotel. We're like a quarantine hotel. But hey, look, don't worry. It's only a couple of floors.

You won't be on the same floor. And it's not like, you know, the people in quarantine are going to be like, you know, using the pool or the buffet or anything like that. And we were just like, I mean, you know what it was like. Still only like nine months into the pandemic. It was like, absolutely not. Right. Not fucking going near this.

Yes. It's like pretty crazy. I always just assumed if you were a COVID hotel, it was like, that's it that that's just what you're doing yeah you're not taking other guests in yeah no totally yeah um yeah i'm just i'm just looking at where this this hotel is now um i did you know a couple years ago when we were originally going to go before all this happened um there was a hotel that i was really into and someone over in Perth said, this is the place, check this place out. And I was like, man, this is awesome.

And then that did happen for a long time over lockdowns and COVID and whatever. I kept, every time we postponed the gig again, I'd go, right, I'm going to book into this hotel. And it took me two years to go, oh, this is a quarantine hotel now. And it was just closed down. And it was like a really fucking sweet hotel.

That might be where we were going to, because we were doing it as like, we were going over to stay with my partner's family for a few days and then it was like a really fucking sweet hotel that might be where we were gonna because we were doing it as like we were going over to stay with my partner's family for a few days and then it was just like let's get somewhere in the city at the

let's kind of treat ourselves to somewhere a bit nice I think it is the same place it's like escaping the family kind of bullshit yes so yeah I've got a feeling

I think I vaguely remember that happening where I maybe we coincidentally were thinking of the same place yeah yeah because was it quite close

to a comedy club? It's Central CBD, I can't remember. Yeah, I think that might have been it. It would have been the same. Yeah, I just wish I could remember the name of it because now I'm like,

this must be closed down because I haven't heard of it again. So maybe it's just gone from normal suite hotel to diseased fucking leper house to nothing. Even though it had a really cool uh rooftop pool and bar and all the rest of it it's funny to think that like doing the civic duty of like putting up people who are sick to keep the community safe could be the thing that sinks a

hotel yeah that's pretty rough like you put yourself on the line you know put your staff kind of in harm's way but you're like no you know what people are sick they need to be like kept out of the community that's the only way we're going to beat this and then it's like the hotel just never recovers from that bad rap yeah that's tough stuff it's um yeah but the pressure of getting a good hotel especially when you're booking and say your partner's coming over as well like you i mean you want to go over and have a good time. But then, like, it was like me in Thailand this time. It's like, you know, wherever.

You want somewhere nice and whatever, and it's fun to go somewhere cool and whatever. But then when it turns into, you know, my wife getting there and going, fuck this place. Yeah, it's like recommending a movie. It's like I had it going around Japan with my parents. Even more of a nightmare. Because it's like, your partner, if it's like recommending a movie. It's like I had it going around Japan with my parents. Even more of a nightmare. Because it's like your partner, if it's like a shit place, yeah, they're going to be upset or whatever, but they're not going to. But your parents, you just feel so much worse.

They just fucking never hear the end of it. Yeah, that's why I feel like my parents are going to be in Milan on this trip. I feel like that's going to be it. Yeah, right. I'm looking at Google map images of this hotel room now, and it's like, it's just the place I'm staying in. I reckon it's just, it's got just enough, you know when you do just enough little sort

of light fittings and like little awnings, just enough to make it look like, oh, this is in a prison? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what this place sort of looks like. Yeah, interesting. Okay, so you booked this just being like, I'm just getting it for myself, whatever. And now Milan's coming and he's like, I stay with you yeah yeah right so if you had have known that it would was going to be the two of you probably you may have looked for somewhere different i reckon knowing that you were going to just fucking cop it sweet yes because i'm

i'm just looking at this place going right okay it's this has changed my whole perth trip it's like right now i've got to just make sure we're out and about the whole time like and just it truly is like traveling with a parent and organize activities for them yes no absolutely like so we're over there i don't know when you're going home but i'm going home on the monday morning and so that means that we've got all of sunday to sort of fill in and you know have a good sleep in i imagine after a pretty big saturday night um and so it's like i've already had this conversation with a couple of people where it's like all right well what can we do with milan to keep him occupied because he's he can't sit still and just do nothing or if he does it's like you just hear about it yeah the fuck's this this is boring yeah well why don't we go somewhere else it's like all right well so i think the sunday

is like going to the casino yeah sunday in perth in the middle of winter which we were saying before it's like oh put people like bad time to go fuck it's a chilly 19 degrees yeah which for but they are genuinely like we're not going anywhere we're staying in it's fucking freezing here yeah so there's not going to be a lot you know it's not. Yeah. So there's not going to be a lot, you know, it's not going to be, the city's not going to be pumping. Yeah. And look, there's a big, big issue sort of pool in this hotel, but I'm looking at the pool now and it's like, you know, when you think of hotel pool, cool, you know,

like banana lounge next to it and, you know, you know, a bit of a sun creeping in. This, here's the picture of the pool here. This looks like it is going to be absolutely nothing but shade over the top of it. And it's one of those places with a fence around it where there is no room to be fucking around by the side of the pool. It's like a kid's pool. It's locked away. You're either in the pool or you're outside the fucking pool.

No, it's for my bar. No. No lounge. No nothing. You're skylarking in the pool or you're back in your hotel room and that's it. Yeah, yeah. And you're also being looked at by reception. I don't think it's going to be quite hot enough to be in the pool anyway, to be fair.

Fuck. Is it going to be like 19 or something like that? Yeah. Man, I'm just looking at the- I mean, if you really want it, I guess you could talk yourself into it. But I think it's raining a couple of the days on there too. Fucking rain in Perth. What is this?

This is fucking bullshit. I mean, look, it's freezing here, so I'll cop it. Like, it'll be, you know, better than this. But, yeah. You know what? It's 21. As of recording, it's 21 tomorrow in Perth. You can get away with pool.

Yeah. With that. 19. 19. Yeah, what do get away with a pool. Yeah. With that. 19. Yeah, what have we got? 19 on the weekend. God, this is a great new segment. Reading the weather. Yeah, Thursday,

100% chance of thunderstorm. Top of 19. Friday, top of 19. Saturday, 40% chance of rain. Top of 19. Yeah, I'm getting in tomorrow. I'm going to have to fucking, yeah, soak it up. Soak it% chance of rain. Top of 19. Yeah, I'm getting in tomorrow. I'm going to have to fucking, yeah, soak it up.

Soak it up while I can. Yeah, that looks good. And then as soon as we leave, it's back up to 20 degrees. No, it'll be good. It'll be good. And, you know, look, I get annoyed by those weather apps where they go, oh, it's a 75% chance of rain. It's like very quickly in your brain that goes, that means for 70% of the day it's going to

be pissing down it's like no this is 70 it's shame it doesn't mean that in my head at all no well you all they put the it's you know you're looking at the icon when you're looking ahead before you can get the hour breakdown on the app yeah and it's just like yeah that means there's a 70 chance it might shower for 15 minutes exactly here it's hard to pin it down but but to lead when you're looking at the weather and its icon is a rain cloud, you go, that's a rainy day. Yeah.

It should be a big fucking sun and then a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny little cloud down the bottom going, maybe a little bit of this. Yeah. But instead you're looking at that going, it's raining all day. The app's for idiots. I mean, you can get on the Bureau of Meteorology website

and really break it down if you want to. You can look at the fucking, like, the map. It's such a glass half empty way of doing the weather. Yeah. Well, I mean, the fact that you're checking the weather app in the first place implies that you're a pessimist to a degree. You know what I mean? If you don't care, you're like, hey, you know what?

It's a nice day, whatever happens. But, you know, the pessimist is like, i gonna need a fucking umbrella yeah well that's a crazy optimist going i'm walking out wearing whatever the fuck i want today yeah and then the weather will probably suit that yeah or it's like i'm just bringing the umbrella anyway it doesn't matter i'll just have it on me i don't think i've ever brought an umbrella in my life unless, I mean, I would have walked out of the house with an umbrella with me, tops two times in my life. Really? Yeah.

I'm on it at the moment. You've sort of got to be. We've had some pretty rainy days lately. I don't think I've ever personally owned an umbrella. I've got so many at the moment because I keep, I had a period where I kept being out and it was raining and I would just run into like a 7-eleven and get like a you know a five dollar one from there right and then yeah kept not bringing them out with me so we've got like fucking seven at the front door now my daughter owns more umbrellas than i have ever owned in my life little pattern

on them uh oh really cool one little um see-through one there's clear ones with shit on the yeah yeah yeah yeah they're cool my my daughter lost her favorite uh bunny and then i was in a massive panic and i'm like this is there's no coming back from this and so i my my sister-in-law had bought the bunny originally so then i rang her up up going, where was it from? Oh, I think it was from this shop. And so then we went out, took a fucking hour to go out to some toy shop out in the middle of nowhere. Go in there and go, have you got this bunny? Yep, yep. And it was like this, you know, an old picture of it, whatever.

And it's like a beaten up version. She's like, oh. And we go through the shop, tear it up. So then she's like, oh, I think, look, it up so then she's like oh i think look i'll look at stuff online and she took half an hour like look to be fair and i was like felt very guilty about it she's just like google imaging toy bunnies yeah yeah and trying to find anything that looked vaguely like i was trying to show her and the whole time i'm you know i've got a hold of my daughter just running through a toy shop going fucking berserk.

And then in the end, I was like, fuck, we are not going to – this is not going to be a result. And she doesn't quite – my daughter doesn't quite know why we're there. Like, your bunny's dead. We're getting a new bunny. I've been hearing a lot about this recently from parents. I think Ben Lomas, when we were doing the episode with him the other week, was like, every now and then you'll see like an abandoned soft toy in the street. Yeah.

And it just fills him with anxiety because it's like somewhere out there a parent is having the worst day of their life. And my girlfriend's sister was talking about it with their kid. I feel like if I ever have a child, it's like, any toy, I'm buying duplicates. That's what Lomas said. I'm keeping the second one on file just in case. That's what Lomas said the other day and it was a fucking real breakthrough. I'm like, fuck, we've got, very cleverly, my wife did get her favourite rug.

We've got two of them. Because also, when I was a little kid, I remember having a little Garfield and I lost him and I was devastated. But that's easy. That's Garfield. That's one of the most... It's always because it's like, yeah, a relative wants to kind of go off grid and not just get –

you know, it's like more thoughtful to not just get merch. It's like more thoughtful to get like a kind of a bespoke thing. Yeah. But this position you're in, it just ends up fucking you because it's like, well, if I have to replace this, I'm up shit creek. Man, the night when Bunny went missing, my wife had taken her to the super taken blanket to the supermarket and so i had to get her to retrace her steps and she's in bed going ah well she'll get over it i'm like i don't know if you've got different ears to me but our

kid is going fucking insane oh really yeah huge tantrum and so i and just like you know trying to answer a two-year-old going, but where's Bunny? But where's Bunny? It's like, oh, my God. So this is 10 o'clock at night. I ran up to the supermarket, to the car park, to the supermarket, went through the supermarket, asked, pleaded with the staff to go,

I was going to say backstage, whatever you call fucking supermarket. It kind of is backstage, really. It's where all the foods are getting ready to go I was going to say backstage whatever you call fucking supermarket it kind of is backstage really that's where all the foods are getting ready to go out yeah yeah the green room looking over their notes

the greens room and so they didn't have it and then and I was still like no I reckon you've got it what are you why are you holding out on me and you haven't looked

in the fucking bunny drawer and I went outside went through all the bins in the fucking supermarket car park went through the bins in the fucking supermarket um car park went through the bins in the um uh like the shopping center bit meanwhile you're seeing like cookies that like haven't been touched you're like while we're here yeah can i just grab these yeah this is just like a long con to let them give you an excuse to go dumpster diving yeah

and and so looking at the dumpsters looking looking in the fucking gutters, like, you know, like trying to imagine where she's parked and stuff that night. So that was just me. And then me, like, and then going, oh, fucking, I haven't found anything. And then going into the bottle shop there and going, has anyone handed in a bunny? And them going, you've had enough, mate. Has anyone, yeah, tried to trade a bunny for a bottle of jagermeister yeah yeah yeah it was just like a fucking brutal night of my life and then get home and like you know the next morning go out and do

all that go and try and find end up so we go to that so you go to the toy shop yeah end up the trade-off is we get that umbrella and i'm like oh this is like i was really hoping we'd find some new toy that she'd fall in love with and that'd be the new bunny or whatever and i'm like my kid is not coming home and hugging a fucking umbrella in bed this is no replacement i'm just buying something that looked a little bit fun at the time yeah and then so no new bunny no fucking knew anything and is she still asking about the bunny yeah yeah yeah it's like the same deal as like you know some of her friends at school have moved school and she still goes yeah so when's chloe coming back and i'm like chloe's gone she did yeah she's gone um oh no no maybe she's coming back and and all that sort of stuff so then two

days later fucking bunny just turns up on the couch under a rug and that's it oh my god and i'm like jesus christ do you know the amount of bins i had i was shoulder deep in i was fucking in in in bins to try touching bin juice to find this fucking bunny it was on the couch i was sitting next to her best possible outcome ultimately fucking oh yeah absolutely i nearly cried i was like jesus christ and like and and the presentation of the bunny without getting to tell the full story to the child, just going, look. Because they're not registering.

Yeah. I don't care about any of that sort of shit. It's like, oh, that's all gone in the blink of the eye. And I can't describe to a two-year-old. Do you know the amount of fucking human filth and fucking rotten fruit I had to touch to not get this because it was here the whole time? It's going to be a few years until they're old enough to register and you can really hold that over yeah yeah and you know a part of me is like also now going yeah yeah i'll be able to tell that at some stage or whatever but

then she's slowly going off the bunny and i'm like no no no keep attached to the bunny yeah so that you'll remember how much you love it yeah so then i can tell you this story yeah oh dad's such a nice guy yeah yeah yeah my girlfriend's sister talking about yeah you went through a bin to get to get something I don't give a fuck about. Cool story. Talking about being at the park with her three-year-old, and he's got a little monkey, and, like, he had it, and then she was, like, just talking with a friend,

and then they get to a certain point, and he's like, where's the monkey gone? And she's looking around, and she's just like, I fucking lost it. Yeah. Like, I was more upset than him, because I know what's coming. If I don't have the answer. Total same feeling. she's screaming at her friend being like where's the monkey just like bawling going like i fucking went mental in the middle of the park because it's just like the kid's been behind you but you haven't been looking but then it sounds like it's the same

thing with um blanket where the answer ended up being it was like he'd put the monkey in a tree while they'd been walking right and then they go back there and it was like, he'd put the monkey in a tree while they'd been walking. Right. And then they go back there and it's like, ah, where's the monkey? It's like, where you left it, you stupid cunt? It's the same thing on your couch. It's like, you know that you fucking buried her under the couch cushion. No. It's like.

God damn. But that's the thing of like taking her out for a walk in the pram or anything like that in a pusher. It's like, she's like, oh, I want to take this. I'm like, you're not taking that. Yeah. Because I know what's going to happen here. You leave everything at home, okay? You're not bringing anything out.

You're not being entertained while you're out because if you lose that fucking matchbox stick that you're obsessed with right this second, you're going to go fucking mental. And I'm not coping with that. I remember with that Garfield that I lost, I had him, we were at the airport coming back from somewhere and I had him like sitting in a little backpack like he was kind of you know peering out the top of the backpack right and then getting in the car or getting home at whatever point and realizing that he wasn't in there anymore and as i got a bit older just realizing that like i'm so vivid on like the way he was wedged in there was like someone's had to have

like yanked him out and i just there was a point in my life where i couldn't stop thinking about the sick individual seeing beautiful little eight-year-old tommy dasolo and just being like i'm fucking gonna have that garfield you know what sticks with me is an image of of uh one time us going down the beach as a family and being in the lawn hotel bistro and us ordering dinner and me being a very small child and, you know, ordering off the kids' menu and getting and having to go up to, you know, however the deal was back in the day. Nowadays, you've got the buzzer. You've got the, you know, thing telling you when your meal's ready.

You've got to go and pick it up. Put it on the table. Yeah. Scares the fucking shit out of you when your food's ready. So they couldn't have had that. So you must have had to just go up to the serving bit every now and then to see if it was ready or not. Yeah. An insane system.

Yeah. So then we went up there. We'd obviously – it had been there for a little bit. And we went up there and our meals were ready and they were just sitting there waiting to be picked up and i very very distinctly remember two women sitting there just fucking helping themselves to the kids bowl of chips fuck that's awesome yeah just someone two old ducks just fucking eating and i remember very vividly being that young child going that is my property right. And what the fuck is wrong? This isn't on.

Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with someone with these, like, you know, in my head, well-off ladies. These millionaires. Yeah. Working in the lawn bistro. Yeah. Not working.

Just, like, they were waiting for their meal. Oh, they weren't. I thought you meant they were, like, in the kitchen. No, no, no. Oh, okay. That's even better. No. They were, like, you know, big hair. Because I was going to say, meant they were like in the kitchen no no no okay that's even better no that was that was like you know big hair because i was gonna say if they were working in

the kitchen it's like you know so like kids are you know so many kids meal stuff that you see of people in those kinds of places the kids had like two bites yeah the parents are doing their best but the fucking kids don't want to eat absolutely so it's like if that's the person just like picking the chips off yeah who's serving it? Yeah. They're like, let's be real. I'm sick of these bowls of food coming back

and they're fucking three quarters full still. The kids had nothing. Yeah. What difference does it make if I skim a couple of chips off the top? It is frustrating,

but yeah, these women just waiting for their meals and going, oh, we'll just eat a kid's meal while we're waiting. That's awesome.

Stealing from a child is so sick. Fucking hell. I respect the guy who stole my Garfield. It just stuck with me. Like, I reckon I must have been four years old or something. That has stuck with me the entire time.

Yeah. If I ever see those women again. Well, look, it is a nice little feeling to think that that is 40 years ago plus. And those women are most definitely dead, I reckon. Oh, you reckon they were that old? Well, yeah. Look, it's hard to tell. Because when you're four, you're either four or you're one million years old yeah i mean they yeah they could

have been like 19 no you're like look at these ancient bitches they've got to be 40 i reckon yeah okay they've got to be 40 so that means they're at least 80 so they could still be you know they could be in assisted living just yeah and it's awesome to think because it's like rarely is there an interaction like that where the other person remembers it you know what I mean it's like it's in your

but it's awesome to think that they do that they're just like remember that shit little kid and we ate his chips it would be good to do like one of those comedy festival shows

or some sort of thing where it's like you know oh that girl that I met when I was this year I want to find her I think that was a true love where's that old bitch

that ate my chips when I was four? In the lawn hotel. It's a six-part podcast. Ep1 is you back at the bistro and you're asking them for like, how far back does your record keeping go of your transactions? Yeah. So can we get, then it's like you interviewing your parents, what date would this have been,

trying to cross-reference it. Have you got any receipts from bowls of chips you sold in 1981? Yeah, yeah. What format were you doing the security cameras on back then? Can I have a look through the footage? Just a court artist there the whole time, all night. And then you do have some insane breakthrough where once the podcast starts, someone gets in touch

and they're like, I was in the bistro that day. Right. And I remember seeing that. Yeah. In my head, because it's so long ago in my head and you know you you change things in your head like that in my head uh like you said it could have been someone 19 but in my head you know who it is mrs slocum from are you being served okay right right just some old woman in a big big bouffant that's just i mean, yeah, that's your starting point. That's where you're like, was anyone in a holiday in the town at that time? They saw her, you know, maybe she cut in line at the newsagent.

Because she's not just doing that. There's a string of bad behavior. And then the final episode, you track her down, you find the assisted living home that she's in. She's on death's door. And I just go, I just helped myself to a bit of her drip. Yeah, yeah. You unplug the life support machine.

The last thing we hear on the final episode is, as she flatlines. Yeah, no, because I've got to be doing what she did. So I unplug it so I can charge my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, great. I'm using the electricity for myself rather than for whatever. Yeah, fucking beautiful stuff. Yeah, all right. Well, there I'm using electricity for myself rather than for whatever. Fucking beautiful stuff. Yeah, all right.

Well, there's no use actually trying to do it because that's as beautiful as it will ever end up and that will never happen. Yeah, there you go. I'll just write some fan fiction. Yeah. Enemy fiction. Can you do that?

Instead of fan fiction, this is just a story about someone I hate. Reality fiction. Well, if it's fan fiction, there's enemy fiction. Oh, enemy fiction. Okay, right, right, right, right. Yeah. Is that a thing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess so. Yeah. All right, well, that's my story. Okay. Well, guys, thank you. Speaking of people we hate. Yeah, fuck, I was desperately reaching for some kind of segue there,

but it felt a million miles away from what we were talking about. The opposite of what we hate. People we love. People we love. People we love. People who are putting chips into our plates. There you go. Yeah. There you go.

People who, yeah, get on the patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You get two bonus episodes every week with great special guests on them. Always a lot of fun on there. And you get access right now to the whole back catalogue of 260 plus something episodes. But perhaps most impressively, you go into the draw to get your name read out in the Stuart Hall of Fame. Yes. Of the little dum-dum club.

And if you like the idea of those bonus episodes, if you like today's episode with David Neal and Ben Russell, we just did with Ben Russell and he was more than happy to talk about Perth on them. So Perth comedy, if you're a big fan, We certainly seem to be, or the opposite, or both. Somehow both. Fascinated. We love him, we hate him. Yep.

So let's induct some more inductees into the Stuart Hall of Fame. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Rory Smith. Rory Smith. I think we've only ever had one Rory before. Really? It feels like we've done a Rory. Yeah, we've had a Rory. We've had two.

This is the third Rory. Third Rory. In the Stuart Hall of Fame. I don't know about Rory as a name. I've got to be honest. It doesn't really do it for me. Well, I think I'm desperately trying to make sure we don't say the exact same thing as last time we had a Rory because it's a very talkable subject.

I always think of Rory and the Hurricanes as a very early rockabilly sort of, maybe even skiffle act. That's what I always think of. It hasn't really, so it's like a teddy boy, like a lot of brule cream happening. That's what I'm thinking of Rory Smith. And I think, I don't is it is it a cool name i mean you'd like to think the last time we were riffing on rory we also had something a bit more to work with other than smith that makes it hard yeah i i'd like to think that we've we've got enough and there's enough meat on the

bone for rory although i will say speaking of sm speaking of Smith's, we had some people around for dinner a little while ago. And one of the people turned up and their contribution was a bag of Smith's chips. For dinner? Well, it was like a snack thing before dinner. But I always kind of think if you're bringing... Just picking the most garden variety kind of chip to bring along. You know what I mean?

I was a bit like... I think you can go. I like to get something that's like a bit of more of a boutique thing, you know, that I've tried and I'm like, I don't know if people have tried this, but I think it's really good. So I'm trying to introduce people. Put a bit of your personality into it. Put a bit of personality in.

And it's also like you've tried a little bit harder than just literally going into BP and picking the thing that's on the shelf when you walk in for 90 cents. That's what I was about to say. You're quite close to a BP and this stinks of someone getting dropped off from the Uber just up the road. Absolutely. Grabbing a bit of salt and vinegar. Salt and vinegar Sam boys.

And it's like, okay, we know these exist. If we wanted to put them on we could have put them on you know it's not really a big part of dinner no chips chips is what you shouldn't be eating because it's going to spoil your dinner it's not part of like we've gotten like chips dessert what's what does chips go with our chips is like a snack as people are arriving pre-dinner okay but we but we thought of that we had chip we you know we had like good chips that we'd gone and gotten right so i think they're even still in there this packet of smith's just has been fucking sitting in the house and it's like at one point

we're gonna get desperate for a late snack and nothing will be open and it'll be like all right let's break open the plain flavor yeah yeah well let's, they've brought a dud, not gift, whatever you call it, contribution to dinner. But they've probably got their own podcast now going, you know what, we brought chips, no one touched them. They didn't offer them back to us. Yeah, yeah, that's good. I mean, that is the downfall of like you bring something

to contribute to a party or anything like that. And I've just been burnt so many times where it's like, yeah, pretty last minute and then I'm like, oh, fuck, I should go get something. And I go and get some like pastries or whatever, if it's like a brunch thing. Yep. And you turn up and you just sit and watch them in the corner.

It's like no one's touching them. Yep. And because you've done it pretty last minute, you've gone to like Laurent or something and you've paid way more than you should have. And you're just like, I feel like you can't win. It's like you look rude and like, you know, selfish if you turn up without anything. But then you bring this thing in and no one gives a fuck anyway.

Yeah. That's like, ah. That's the worst thing, I think, walking away from a soiree like that and going, I brought a fucking ice cream cake and no one touched it. And not only that, I didn't even get a taste. I'd fucking love to taste some ice cream cake right now yeah it's fucking wedged up in someone's fucking freezer right now i do feel like there is a part of it that's like i have to accept that this is just potentially not even for the party this is just for the person to have later right

as a gift as a token of my you know yeah just enjoy this another night when people aren't around and think of me right and know that i'm this is me saying thank you yeah well maybe that's it maybe the from now on this is what i can do just bring stuff i don't want to situations like that where it's like you're not touching it cool me neither yeah who gives a fuck treat it like a garage sale yeah hey here's some old rollerblades. Right. Here's some Smith's chips. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's it. I'm putting too much of myself into it going, fucking, I'll bring this because I would want to eat this if I was at this party. Yeah.

No, I'll bring something fucking, I'll bring a beetroot-flavored something. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And this is for you to enjoy later. Yeah, this is, not for me. Yeah, this is for you. Yeah.

Well, thanks, Rory. Thanks, Rory. Rory Smith, that is a name that's not for us, but it's for me. Yeah, this is for you. Yep. Well, thanks, Rory. Thanks, Rory. Rory Smith. That is a name that's not for us, but it's for you. It's fine. I'll leave that name at the party. Well, I'll be damned. I was shitting on the name Smith, and we actually got a fair bit out of it.

Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, second cab off the rank this week. Yep. Mike Beckham. Okay. Yeah. Bend the rank this week. Yep. Mike Beckham. Okay. Yeah. Bend it like Beckham. Yep.

Bend what like Beckham? A little... It looks like a soccer ball, but it's actually a little sack of money. Oh, right. And it's going into our bank account. Okay. A big net.

And it's someone... Mike looks a bit like... What's the young lady's name who's in that movie? Keira Knightley. Keira Knightley, yes. I had to study Bend It Like Beckham at school. Really? Does that make you feel really old? It makes me feel bad for you and your school because why would you study a sort of shit movie like that?

Why would you study a sort of shit movie like that? It was in media studies and, yeah, I don't know. It was just a classic, like, I guess our teacher had seen it and been like, oh, there's a lot of techniques here to kind of... God. But there was one bit in it that I couldn't get past that is, I think I may have ended up being it, because I would do a lot of stuff at school where I'd just be a real smartass and, like,

if it was kind of open-ended, you write an essay about anything i would just focus on something like really insignificant and try and blow it up into a big thing so like there's one bit where the guy that she's been seeing has like knocked on the door and her dad answers the door and he's like maybe three feet away from the door with his back to the door. And because he's kind of a dreamy guy. So it's like dad opens the door. And this guy from like ages away just kind of like spinning around and being like, Hello, Mr. Bamra.

Is Jas home? Yes. And like just being like, but you fucking knocked on the door. Like why did you knock on the door and then like walk away and turn your back? So it was like you could pick any element of the film to write an essay on. And I just went, I'm going to write a whole essay just on how insane it is that that guy. Yeah. And because I could write pretty well, anytime I would do that at school, I would get like a very begrudging pretty good mark. Like the comment would always be basically like like you're a little cunt for doing this

but you've done it you've done it pretty eloquently and right i guess it's kind of on us for not giving a clearer you know framework for what the assignment was meant to be yeah yeah and some of your mates can you know don't know all 26 of the letters of the alphabet right so we've got to give you something yeah yeah yeah credit where it's due. Yeah. This is well written, but we fucking hate the fact that you've gotten away with this. Did you have to be such a cunt? Yeah. I remember that movie. I mean, I haven't seen the movie, but what I think of it is what you just said, the dreamy character.

The dreamy guy. Which I imagine is you're referring, I've just looked it up, to Jonathan Rhys-Miles. I certainly am. Yes. I do remember him in that I remember having consecutive girlfriends that made it clear that it was like, he's very, very good looking. Okay. Okay, all right, I get it. The token hot guy of the day.

We've had two in a row. Yep. We've had two in a row, I get it. So I'm... Any hall pass talk? Only from me, not from them. Keira Knightley, is she still going around? Does she still pop up in movies or not?

I feel like she was in something not all that long ago. I haven't heard of her for a long time. Let's have a fucking squeeze here. She is now 37 years old. Wow. I imagine I haven't, I can't think of anything she's been in since maybe Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh, yeah. I have a feeling I saw her in something not all that long ago.

Where's her fucking filmography on this goddamn Wikipedia? Yeah, no filmography. Fucking hell. Why is this so hard? Is it one of those things where it's like it's own entry god damn

she's been nominated for two Academy Awards there you go she was nominated for best supporting actress in 2014 that wasn't that was

I mean that was like years ago but I've never even heard of that movie The Imitation Game okay Keira Knightley I'm gonna have to go

to IMDB Wikipedia absolutely no help on this one. This sucks. Okay. Fucking hell, this is hard work. Let's... All right.

Keira took a break from work in 2006, suggesting she wanted to take some time off from acting, travel, and focus on her personal life. In 2018, Knightley revealed that she had a mental breakdown at age 22. Later, was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder since she struggled to adjust to her sudden rise in fame. She's in a couple of films here. Silent Night,

Charlotte, both films came out last year. I don't know what they are. Never heard of them. Yeah, nothing big popping out here. No. Sorry, Kira. Sorry, Kira. Nothing big popping out here. No. Yeah. All right.

Sorry, Kira. Sorry, Kira. Can you... Just going to have to live off those memes of love, actually. Yeah. Can you retire? Can she retire right now and be good forever, you think? Those movies she's made?

She'd be right. I suppose it depends how good you are with money. I do wonder that though. I mean, the Pirates films probably still earn money. Like with a TV series, it's based on if they keep, if it stays in syndication and it keeps re-airing, you get money for that. But yeah, movies, I guess it popping up on a new streaming thing,

but maybe not even then but even your initial like you know she's doing Pirates she's not getting fucking 50 grand for it she's getting a couple mil yeah yeah yeah

so you sit on a couple mil as long as you're not going being absolutely mental with it going hog wild but the only thing is of course it's easy for me to say

because I know what I'm spending but these people they're not they're not like me. Keira Knightley's not going, all right, well, I'll just live in a two-bedroom flat in Hawthorne and take a holiday or two to Southeast Asia once or twice a year. Get the tram everywhere. Yeah, get the tram everywhere. Get the bus from the airport.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that would rule. Get on the Skybus and Keira's is on there. Yeah, Macca's a few times a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Skip meals. Yeah.

Be regularly doing my Instagram fast. I mean, maybe there is a bit of that, but you know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look, I'd like to think my food bill is probably more than Kira Knightley's actually. Yeah. So, yeah, so she's got to live like the rest of us. She earns like a superstar, but then has to come back and and and i'll see her in the um checking out the fucking bargains then at woolworths in richmond that's a good i mean that

would be a good list to see who's the most frugal celeb well the ones that that have acclimatized back to normal life that have just walked away from it all and gone nah i'm just gonna be this person now yeah i'm just gonna i'm not gonna like... Because that is a good... That's an interesting way to live. A really nice house that I own. That's my big splurge. Just go, right, I'm 38 and I've earned well. And I reckon I don't have to work once for the rest of my life. It's mental breakdown time.

But I can't live like a movie star anymore i've got to i've got to live like a normal person yep and so just scale all right back just so that they can comfortably live like one of us yep without doing anything special no more buying houses no more doing anything stupid yep just you know running comedy shopping shopping at Target yeah yeah yeah yeah gotta shift it grilled couple times a week no

no you know not even that just like going I don't have to do one speck of that's their only thing for the rest of their life I don't have to do

anything yeah but I just have to live really middle class yeah from now on and that's that yeah

yeah check the specials at supermarkets go to Tidehouse Tuesdays at the cinema yeah that's that. Yeah. Yeah. Check the specials at supermarkets. Go to Tidehouse Tuesdays at the cinema. Yeah, that's a good one, yeah.

Yeah. Keep it, yeah, using the entertainment book, using vouchers for everything. Fuck, you know what, the other day,

I took my daughter, I took Blanket to Pancake Parlour for the first time. She loves pancakes, she's obsessed with pancakes and I was like, you know what,

I'm going to fucking take her to the Pancake Parlour then. This is going to blow her mind and so I i i'd been at a gig the night before got up a little bit late i was like the whole i'd been telling her i'm gonna bring you to the biggest pancake shop you've ever seen this is gonna be so crazy and she's like oh okay great oh okay okay so i get up i get up a little bit late and my wife's just made breakfast for her. And I'm like, oh, okay, you're good to go. You know, we're going to go for lunch. And she's like, yeah, I just had pancakes for breakfast.

I'm like, why did you make her pancakes for breakfast? Stole her thunder. Yeah. So then we had to do it. And then I'm like, we're still going to the pancake shop, right? And she's like, daddy, no, I just ate pancakes. Wow. Fuck.

So then I had to wait wait a week and i had to go right no more pancakes right yep we've got to clear this aisle get ready for pancakes you think mom's pancakes are good yeah you haven't been to the fucking parlor yes this is hall of fame pancakes uh and so we go out there and I forgot. Pancake parlor. 24-hour one. Take her out at 2 a.m.? Yes. Oh, someone's at the door. A bit of... You cover.

I'll cover. All right. I'll tell this story to myself who already knows this story. Tommy's running to the door. There's quite an urgent knock at the door, which makes me think it's not his girlfriend. Whoa, it's a fucking delivery. I wonder what's in the box Tommy What's in the box Tommy?

I don't know Oh you don't know Okay I thought we were going to do an unboxing live on air The Posty loves fucking banging on the door Like they've got the most urgent news in the world Yeah They love

It's like oh fuck Maybe my parents are dead Yeah I can get up there Jesus Christ I thought maybe it was your girlfriend going No no no I forgot to tell you before I left

You're dumped. Yeah. So you head out there. I know what you're about to say, that the pancake parlor is very expensive. Was this surprising to you? I just forgot because I haven't been there for so long. Yeah. It was extravagantly expensive.

Fucking nudge it. $30, right? For one of the big boys. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, $30 plus. And then I forgot the other trick of Pancake Parlour, which I haven't been there for so, so long,

is I think the only time I would ever go there is when you have one of those coupons, one of those vouchers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go to pay, and it's 50 bucks for the two of us. Crazy. That's great.

Yeah. And just the people in front of me, nothing but coupons. Oh, yes. Stacking them up. Yeah's great. Yeah. And just the people in front of me. Nothing but coupons. Oh, yes. Stacking them up. Yeah, yeah. Getting the ones that don't say, you know, not valid with any other offers. Yeah.

A lot of twofers. Oh, my Lord. And did you, is this one of the ones that has the little, I don't know what you'd call it, but the shit on the wall that kind of moves around like on the hour? Didn't get seated anywhere near that. Really? was all oh damn we got they opened the you know a new bit for us and we just sat there by ourselves oh wow yeah was this the 24 hour one yes but it's not 24 hour anymore really yeah well covered you know like everything like everything yeah things change like you know traveling around like staying open when there's the 8 p.m curfew on being like geez be quiet yeah yeah how many people coming in at three

yeah no like everything is slowly you know what it's it's one of those things where like um you know mcdonald's when they bring the newspapers back that means everything's back to good yeah that must be when they're 24 hours again yeah and i bet the managers are like you know the higher ups are sort of like, yeah, yeah, you know, we're getting pretty close. But then it's like, imagine if you work there, you're like, yeah, I'm actually not minding not having to work from 8pm until 5am. Yeah.

Well, it's like, you know, in Thailand, there was like, when I was there, there was a bunch of places that would normally have the all you can eat breakfast, you know, the buffet breakfast. And it's like, nah, you sit down, they go, what, just tell us what you want oh interesting couple of eggs that's what you're getting when i was well i really wanted to just pick a little bit of fucking everything can you go back and figure that one take the piss yeah when i was in uh when i was in cairns and one or two other places uh tazzy too i was surprised to see the buffets are back there yeah like i really thought that was going to be one of those things that's like,

this has changed forever. I think most things will just bounce straight back. Yeah. Like, cafes aren't going to have hand sanitizer at the door forever. But I thought the gym is going to have to be changed forever and something like the buffet is going to be changed forever. And they, I mean, my gym is just like filthier than ever. Right.

They just, yeah. Well, I don't think this is a hygiene issue this is more of like you know uh thailand's still bouncing back um from lack of tourism so things are still opening up and whatever it was more like why would we do a buffet when there's two people staying yeah yeah sure because we did cop one hotel that we're like yep we're doing the buffet it's like okay great and then we went down there and we're the only ones there yeah and this is massive spread and we're like and me and my wife are like, yeah, we're intermittent fasting. We're not eating anything.

And so like out of the whole spread, you know, Blanket gets a bit of one, one pikelet and one scrambled egg and that's that. It's like, thanks for your service guys. That's all right. Yeah. That's all right. Just a lot of fucking meat and cheese and fucking stuff going to waste. Well, thanks, Mr. Beckham.

Thanks, Beko. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Finn Ireland. Okay. Really doubling up on the fucking Irish there. Finn is an Irish name, I'm assuming. I think so, yeah. Finn, wait, Ireland? That's the name.

As in Ireland, the country. As in the country. Oh, yeah. Finn, wait, Ireland? That's the name. As in Ireland, the country. As in the country. Oh, right, I thought you meant as in just like an island. No, that is, yeah, it's an Irish name. You are double dipping there. Finn Ireland. Your last name's Ireland, and then you've gone with an Irish name. You'd hope that you, I mean, maybe that's why you give them like a really clear Irish name,

like your kid, because otherwise you're subjected to a life of going like, wow, that's crazy. Your surname's Ireland. Are you actually Irish? Yeah. You know,

that would be fucking pretty annoying, especially if you weren't. Be like, nah, Scottish actually. It's so, but it's so over the top Irish. Like,

like for both names to be so – I mean you don't get more Irish than the word island. No. It's like – Maybe the word Irish is slightly more Irish. Leprechaun O alcohol. Yeah, if they had an O in there, that's really the only thing. But maybe their middle name might be – Finn O Island.

Finn O Island. Finny O Island. Yeah. I like the name Finn though. It's fine. It O'Island. Finn O'Island. Finny O'Island. Yeah. Yeah. Oof. I like the name Finn though. It's fine. It's a cool name.

It's fine. Dave Anthony's kid, I believe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Imagine Dave Anthony. No, it's not fine. It's Finn. It's Finn, yeah.

It's not. It's nearly fine. Yeah. It's pretty close to being fine. Yeah. But this is Finn. Yeah. It's nearly fine. Yeah. It's pretty close to being fine. Yeah. But this is fin. Yeah. It's just...

You know how fish have arms? No. Yeah. Well, you're right. This is the closest you're going to get. It's a fish arm. That's what a fin is, isn't it? Oh, sure.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of. Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah. A little fish bicep. A fish arm.

Yeah. Hmm. A little fish bicep. A fish arm. Yeah. That it? I feel like we've put a lot of juice into the beginning and then the first two names. Yeah. I mean, we're about to crack 50 minutes on this bad boy. Let's condense it. We've been doing a big day. Yeah.

All right. I'm Googling Finn Given Name. That's what it's going day. Yeah. Um, alright, I'm googling Finn given name. That's what it's gone to. What do you mean what it's short for? Yeah,

man, it's giving me fucking nothing. Oh, here we go. It's derived from the Irish name Fionn,

meaning white or fair. Okay. So, White Island. We get it. So, this might be the whitest man alive.

Yes. Yeah. The palest, the whitest, whatever. They don't come much wider than the Irish. Yes. Yeah. The palest, the whitest, whatever. They don't come much whiter than the Irish. Yes.

Now, people with a given name. Finn. I'm trying to find the most famous Finn of all time. There's not too many. There is. No. You know, out of all these people that they're telling me are famous, I'm going to go out there and say they're not famous.

Mainly because they're a rugby player, a Norwegian screenwriter, a Danish table tennis player, a Norwegian theologian. You ever been to Ireland? Never. Got any desire? No. Just nothing drawing me towards it. Yeah, can't say I really do. Yep, you haven't been?

No. Oh, you've been to Scotland. I've been to Scotland. I've been to Scotland it. Yeah. Can't say I really do. Yep. You haven't been? No. Oh, you've been to Scotland. I've been to Scotland. You've been to... I'd like to go to Scotland again. Right. You've been to the big festival they have there, right? I have, yeah.

The, I don't know, something bad. Fucking hell. What's a funny bad thing for me to have gone to that's not the Edinburgh Fringe? The fucking Little Dick Convention. Okay. In Scotland. The Little McDick Convention. Right. to that's not the edinburgh fringe uh the fucking little dick convention okay in in scotland the little mcdick convention right in scotland in scotland right because i would like to go to the little the little old dick convention in ireland one time it's cold there so i mean it's all shriveled up yeah exactly it lends itself to yeah shrinkage the festival yeah yeah yeah yeah um no i don't yeah i don't i'm yeah there's still plenty of Europe that I haven't been to

that I've got a desire to go and check out. But I can't really say there's anything – I think the Irish people are pretty cool. So genuinely that would be the thing that would make me go. Maybe even as a – more so maybe as a solo traveler. Just like, you know what, I'm just going to post up in some bars and just kind of let that famous irish hospitality wash over me right but that would be it and that's and also if it's that or something else yeah if it's that and like i don't know berlin you know right i'm gonna go to like i'm gonna pick berlin yeah

yeah there'd have to be a good reason why someone someone's dragging you along or there's something to do with work or there's yeah well you're pretty close and you're like oh i might as well tick that off the list. Culturally, I don't. I mean, you know, I love the author Sally Rooney. She's Irish. Is she? I could go and do the Sally Rooney reality tour.

I love Jemma. See where all the sad bisexuals are hanging out in Dublin. But, you know, I love Jemma. Just every time you go into, you guys know Jemma? Yeah. Is he in town tonight? You've got the same name as our Australian comedian, Jemoan. Yeah.

I'd love to go there because it'd be a rare opportunity to see the Irish comedian David O'Doherty. Okay, yeah. Once in a lifetime, hey? Yeah. He's over here a bit. He loves it Well thanks Finn Ireland

Thank you The most Irish name that we've ever read out The most Irish member of the Stuart Hall of Fame Yeah yeah yeah Official Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber PJ Moody

Okay Right PJ Moody What's going on here? You know what this feels like to me pj moody feels like some sort of fucking american journalist that's that does some sort of op-ed piece oh yeah in a newspaper over there and now he's subscribed to our show. And he's one of those humor writers that's like, you know, every week has to think of something weird about, oh, I took my dog to the vet.

What's the deal when you go to the vet and you go, well, I've got a bit of a cough. Why don't you treat me too? Is this an op-ed? Is he a humor writer or is he op-ed? Well, that's an opinion. The vet is weird. No, no, yeah, but like an opinion in an editorial,

you can have that humorous. Yeah, but there's like the humorous, but then there's like I imagine the editors want you to be a little more kind of fiery than just turn off on the vet. They want you to be like these people protesting. Yeah, but they... Fucking abortion rights, you know, they want you to be like firing it up, you know? Sure.

Well, maybe it's... There's definitely humour columns. Or maybe op-ed doesn't come under that, maybe. I don't know. There's definitely humour... Absolutely. Those people. But yeah, that is a gap in the market where it's a humour column.

But you're also just like taking fucking huge... You're taking huge swipes but about stuff that people don't care about. Right. But you're really going for it. Oh, right, right. You're really being like, we should burn down the vest. You're going really super right wing Fox News, but about. But about just something like.

Sandwiches. Yeah. People being like, I mean, I can't imagine caring that much about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the big deal? Right. Just trying to be a controversial. Yeah.

Really fiery, crazy person, but not about muslims yeah about biscuits you know what i've noticed more of lately on the age specifically and i i don't know i don't know if this is a recent thing or not but i've certainly only been noticing it recently so it's like yeah they'll have their you know their people writing opinion columns and obviously tons of that during covid and the lockdowns and stuff like lots of spicy takes to be had but then there'll be the one that's like it's just signed off by the age itself so it's like they'll just have their people that have written them for them and they're like well we're not i mean we're publishing this but when you know this is just this person's opinion that

they've written for us right but then they'll have their opinion column you know columns that are like, no, this is the newspaper's position on this. Right. It's time to end the lockdown. It'll be stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I just find weird that it's like, there's like a next level of opinion piece where it's like,

because it kind of throws all the other ones on the bus. Right. Like, we're not cosigning this. Yeah. But then here's one that we've, and they're never credited to one person. It's just literally the sentient newspaper has gone, here's what I think.

Yeah. Like, they have, I don't know whether they did it for this last federal election but there were always used to be a thing where it's like the day before well just in case you haven't noticed about the way we've slanted the news for the last right right but this is officially who we think you should yes a bit of that yeah but i've seen a lot more of that sneaking in especially around it felt like they you know it's kind of like you got to give a voice to everything but especially around like mask mandates and vaccines it was like the paper happened to go like hey look enough shit here's what the masthead thinks right here's what fucking this is what gary the age thinks yeah who invented the whole gang prince valiant haggarrible. Oh, right. Fred Bassett. They've all co-signed this one.

All the dead people in the immemorial pages. Yep, yep. Right. The crossword, the letter Z. Yep. Yeah. What's the puzzle? What's the other puzzle?

What are they called again? Not crosswords. The Sudoku. Sudoku. Here's what it thinks. Yeah. The secondhand swing set in the classifieds in the Trading Post bit. Yeah.

That's what, this is what it thinks. This is the red spot special choice. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, it was, you know what? I sat, I sat in McDonald's the other, last week and fuck. Caught up on the news from 2007.

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Because it's McDonald's. Look, you've got to give it to them. Fresh newspapers. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

I actually had a look at the newspaper and went, fuck, I used to be so into reading the newspaper and just have not done it for so long and just had a look at it and went, yeah, I don't need to do this. This sucks. I mean, it's so much better for you, though, because I'd go through the whole thing and a little one would catch my eye and i'd you know read the article you know read what was there felt like i kind of took in more when my approach to like what i think is doing the equivalent thing with the website is to just kind of scroll down a little bit take in four or five of the headlines and then be like that's me caught up with today's news yes you know i've had my look at the website i've done my bit oh yeah i've i'm up with the news i've

clicked on a few bits and that um you need to actually subscribe to the newspaper to actually find out anything about and which i just didn't and then just i've opened that one in another tab and then someone's called me and by the time i've gotten back to the computer i've got and then the tab's still just sitting there open four days later yeah i'm like what this is just speculation about something that's now been confirmed as true. But hey, I'm engaging. I'm looking at the news. I'm doing my bit.

What are you distracted by over there? No, just... What are you Googling? Nothing. Just looking at something. Just looking ahead? Maybe. Maybe.

Getting to the point in the choose your own adventure book where you just like you look at you kind of sneak a little peek at both options and then if one ends after one paragraph you're like better not do that one yeah that's gonna kill me off yeah yeah i look i did not give that a fair go growing up those those ones i did i did do a bit of that like no i don't i don't want to die like anyone i don't want to die i'll just have a look ahead no i loved reading and i would get them and i you know you get told the premise and you're like god this how cool is this yeah and then it would always be like you'd you know you'd go through your little adventure of it within like five minutes right like i always felt like it

would be like you read the beginning you make three big like i was like i want to get a book and just read the whole book like i i like reading yeah i want something that takes me ages yep and this little choose your own adventure thing it's like yeah then uh where should i go now i went down the street oh okay now i go into this house, I've gone into the house and I'm dead. Yeah. All right. Well, that was a bit boring. Did you ever make your own? Oh, good question. I probably did. I did.

I remember doing a few, trying to do a few of them. Yeah. And then like, yeah, almost, I think I remember like trying it out on someone going, yeah, I ever did this whole thing. And then they just do that where you go, okay, I did this, this, this, and I've done four of these and now i'm finished i'm like yeah but can i i i wrote like ages yeah i wrote 50 pages and you've read three quarters of one page yeah do it again no no i'm fine i got through it no i did yeah i would have i did all that so i made like little picture books i made comics like yeah i used to i used to love doing all that stuff.

Fire up the photocopier, get the stapler out, fucking laminate the cover. Yeah. And then look at it and be like, this could be in a shop. Yeah. Find it, you know, years later and go, wow, what a piece of shit. Yes. I remember, I was thinking about that just yesterday with like drawings. Like where I was, I used to red-hot into drawing as a kid.

And then drawing something and going, man, that is basically a photo what I've drawn there. That is fucking crazy. That's so crazy what I've drawn there. And then just going back and going, yeah, that sucks. I made some comics when I was probably, how old would I have been? Like 12 or 13. And I photocopied them and I took them into Comics R Us on Chapel Street.

And I was like, would you sell it? Because they did have a section of just like people's zines and stuff. And the guy was like, yeah, yeah, cool. Like, you know, we'll take them from you. And basically like if we, you know, if we sell them, we'll give you some money. And like being so excited. And I went and then like, yeah, I think like a week or so later I went back in and the guy was like, yeah, yeah, a guy came in and bought one.

So here's five bucks. And the more I think about it now, I'm like, I reckon that was just – because I was in there a fair bit. Like I knew the guy like reasonably well. Ah, yes. I think it was just him going like, hey, here's five bucks to just boost this kid's ego up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, I do think like maybe there just was some freak in. But, you know, I do think, like, maybe there just was some freak out.

Because, you know, I'll do that every now and then. Like, I'll be in a shop, especially if I'm overseas, and go to the bit where they've got all that stuff, and I'll just buy, like, whatever kind of stuff where it's like... Superman, whatever. Yeah, oh, wow. Fucking someone's had a crack at this.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's like a guy who can do anything. What a neat idea. Why don't you go in there? Why don't you draw a new comic now? If they still do it, just draw a new comic now where it's just a comic book about the guy behind the counter fucking your ass. That's not bad.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I might do that actually. Can you? I might do that. Because there's one, there's All Star Comics in the city, which I know the guy's in there relatively well. Right. So it's so much. Is that the one near Splane, sort of? All Star Comics in the city, which I know the guys in there relatively well. Right.

So it's so much. Is that the one near Splane, sort of? No, it's like down on King Street, I think. Oh, okay. It's like other end of the city. Right. It's pretty far down, but it's, yeah, they're good guys in there. And so, yeah, if I went in with some of my stuff and said, would you guys stock this? They would say yes.

Yes. And then I hand it to them. It's called the fuck with it, the comic shop. And it's me like, please don't bum me on the cover. And it's like $45. It's just like obscenely priced. And it's like, I've got it. It's like an A zero.

Like it's so big. It's like a broadsheet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm into this. All right. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, yeah. No, I've had an eye on you ever since you brought in your dog shit fucking comic when you were like six years old. Yeah.

And we gave you five bucks for it. It was basically grooming you. Yeah. So we get to this stage now where I'm just going to absolutely bum the fuck out of your bum. Yeah. Great. Well, that's called, that's out soon. And that's called, what's that called again?

Yeah, what was it called? What did I say one minute ago? The fuckhead at the comic shop. Issue one, volume one. $45, brackets, 50 in NZ. I used to love that growing up. When you'd look on the cover of a magazine, it would be significantly more in New Zealand.

I always used to think, fucking sucked in. Yeah, sucks shit in New Zealand. Thanks, PJ Moody. Thanks, Mr. Moody. All right, one more. Fuck, we're well over. Yeah, sucks shit, New Zealand. Thanks, PJ Moody. Thanks, Mr. Moody. All right, one more. Fuck, we're well over. Yeah, Jesus Christ. We've got shit to do.

Thank you very much to... Just one more to go. Thank you very much to patrons. Oh, wow. I thought we had the most Irish name of all time subscribing already previously, Finn Island, but it turns out, in my opinion, this is even more. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber,

Drunken and Fighting O'Comedy. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Yeah, you still think Finn Island's more Irish? Comedy isn't that. I mean...

It's O'Comedy. Yeah, I guess. Is that... I mean, that's where we... I believe that's where we get comedy from. It originates in Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess. Is that, I mean, that's where we, I believe that's where we get comedy from. It originates in Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right, okay.

From the O'Comedy family. They're the first one to slip on a banana peel. Right, slip on a four-leaf clover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that'll do. All right, thanks everyone. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for any of those remaining tickets to Perth get on the Patreon

and yeah we'll see you next time see you see you mates see you mates