The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 618 - Larry Emdur

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

Making his debut in the "studio", this week we're joined by LARRY EMDUR! It's a rapid-fire, old-school single guest episode as we chat to Larry about his new memoir Happy As! We delve into Larry's history with this podcast, his surfing days, the wild story of his first property purchase and heaps more! Plus we wedge a good amount of our own rot in there including Karl's days in the archives of the Maryborough paper, Tommy's dog, some missing pornography, and pumping iron at the gym while reading! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guest Larry Emder. Exciting stuff. That's right. Only one guest, Tommy. El Clasico style. The two boys and one famous person. Tag teaming them. Yeah. Hey, yeah. Well, let's just discuss that for a tiny bit maybe at the top. Just because, you know what? What's coming up is only one guest. Yep. And a slightly shorter main episode just because we have

someone who's got better things to do, as you'll hear about in the main ep. Yep. So it's very rare that we have to deal with a publicist because usually the drop kicks we hang out with, all we have to do is ask permission from their mum to come down. Yes, exactly. And they're not sitting in the room with us, giving us the universal wrap it up fingers from the corner of the room. Well, which is very fair because I don't think we actually mentioned it in the ep, but we're

in there with the, in the publicist's actual hotel room. Yep. Yep. So she's sitting there going, I do not want these grubs in here any longer than they need to be. Yep. Yep. We got to get in the car.

Yeah. We got actual launches to get to. Yeah. So, but very nice, very nice of Larry to use his time like this. Very nice of the publishing house that you're about to hear about. Yeah. He's got a book out for them to lend Larry to us for a little while. Yeah.

Yeah. Go and buy the book. Yeah. After you've heard the episode. Yeah. And then call up, is it HarperCollins? The publisher? Sure, I think so, yeah.

Call them up and be like, just so you know, I bought this book, but it was only because of Larry's appearance on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Well, you know what? I would say it's better to say that to Larry. Sure. Maybe. Right, yeah. Yeah, I mean, look.

Let them both know. I think Larry knows what we're on about now and would be more swayed by that sort of opinion, whereas, you know, I can just hit up HarperCollins like I did this time and make up all sorts of shit and convince them to lend Larry to us. So I don't need any help on that end. Yeah, sure, sure. Well, yeah, enjoy this.

Larry Emder, the great man, third appearance on the show, first studio episode. We'll be back to talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy Larry Emder. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. I'm with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Hello, Dickhead.

And joining us today, very special guest. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Larry Ender. Yes. Did you just call me Dickhead? No, that was at him. You've done the show twice before. I said that at the start of the other times. I always say it.

It's at him. And after each time, I go, remind myself never to do that again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said that at the start of the other times. I always say it. It's for him. And after each time I go, remind myself never to do that again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to ask. So this is your first time kind of properly in the studio on the pod. We have had you on two live episodes in Sydney. Yes. One of them very early on when we didn't know what we were doing.

And then another one where we broke the venue's consumption for alcohol. Yes. So yeah, I did want to know when this request came through, why did you say yes? Well, the first time I did it, you two, you're like a couple of cute young boys, right? Then the second time you were like, grown up, twisted Vegas, smart jobs. And then I figure now, progressively

speaking, surely you guys are grown up now. Yeah, we're hooked on opioids at this point. We're into the pain pill addiction at this point. That was our peak back on the last time you were on. This is our slow descent now. I love it. Into the nursing home.

Into madness, into obscurity. Well, we stayed in obscurity, but yeah. Yeah, it's that toil in the way. Good to see you guys. Thanks so much for squeezing us in because you're on your little book tour at the moment, so happy as, which we were sent the book by your publicist last week. Well, sent by your publicist last week. I got a text before, it'll be delivered tomorrow,

so it's been very helpful for our research. Yeah, good, good, good. Well, you know more about me than it says in the book anyway. So, yeah, look, it has hampered our research a little bit, but I don't think you'll notice too much. So first question, Grant, what is it like being on Family Feud? Yeah, that's right. Well, when i won

dancing with the stars um and people always say you look a lot taller on tv and i'm like wow no uh you are on a book tour at the moment so we've squeezed you in uh but here's the thing you're you're running late for a book for your first installment on the book tour yes so you're off to a bookshop in frankston after this which absolutely sounds like you're trying to fob us off because as if there's a fucking bookshop in Frankston. I understand it's one of the great iconic bookshops. And now that I'm a literary person, now I'm not just some game show host that you guys can kick around as well. Now I'm an author.

I have to go to where authory people go, and that's Frankston. I reckon it must be like one of those things where it's like, okay, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. If you sell it at the Frankston bookshop, then this book is absolutely killer. If they buy it, everyone will buy it, surely. That's your little... Surely.

Yeah, bookshops going out of business around the rest of the world, and somehow they're thriving in Frankston. What's the secret? They've got the one appearance from Larry Emder. They get him out of all the bookshops in Melbourne. Yeah, yeah, totally. Not a bad little get for Frankston. Not bad at all.

But I'm very keen to go there. I don't know how many books you guys have written. But it's a real thing. In my mind, dozens. You know, a lot of ideas. No, magazines. You're thinking magazines now. And you're not thinking written.

You're thinking contributed now. And you're not thinking written. You're thinking contributed to, but not words. I've got this idea for a book about a boy who's a wizard. The idea is that I'm going to read it one day, all ten of them. Well, of course you're joking because I assume that you recognise that I am a published author. I was through Penguin 11 years ago. I had a joke compilation called Funny Buggers. Of course we all know that.

Me and you. That inspired Koshi to do Koshi's best joke books, one, two, three, four, five, and six. That's right. He looked at Carl Chandler and said, I want to be more like him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to go to Frankston.

It also inspired parakeets around the country to do their business in the bottom of the cage, I think is where a lot of that material ended up. But no, we did get the PDF of the cage, I think is where a lot of that material's ended up. But no, we did get the PDF of the book in time. By in time, we got it like 36 hours ago or something. So we have been speed reading like an MF

for the last 36 hours. Best way to read a book, I've always said, a PDF open in a Gmail window with 24 hours before you've got to interview the subject. With your porn still streaming on the other side of the screen. I was reading your book in the gym this morning between reps. That was me.

I was doing a bench... Fuck, that shows how good I am at the gym. What are they called? Bench lifts. Bench presses. Bench presses. Yeah, yeah. Bench presses.

I didn't go to the gym at all. Oh, yeah. I was going to say. We're in the fiction section now. So, sorry, just back to the gym. What were you doing again? I was doing to say. We're in the fiction section now. So, sorry, just back to the gym. What were you doing again? I was doing bench presses and in between reps, I was then reading about how you proposed to your wife.

I'm like, this is a weird sort of bit of inspiration. I'm like blocking out the music and just reading about you down on one knee proposing to Sylvia, your wife. I'm like, this is a weird world to be in. So, hang on, you're doing a rep and then you're reading a page of the book and then you're going back to do another rep. Yes, yes. Wow, hell of a workout.

I think that's what they call high-intensity workout. Is that what the kids call it today? Well, it's basically like you should be watching Rocky to pump you up or something. I'm reading about Larry Emder's proposal in between bench presses. I'll put it this way, I won't do it again. I think I'll use other things to inspire me. It sounds like F45 where you read one page and then you do 45 seconds off and then read another page.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the 45 is for 45 pages. That's when you're free of the workout. One bench, whatever it's called. Or maybe that's a 45-year-old workout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For someone like that. Yeah, totally.

Yeah, I love the book. It's great. I love a showbiz memoir, and this is unique to a lot of other showbiz memoirs I've read in that, you know, typically you get a lot of, like, really nice kind of tea-leaf stories of when the subject is growing up and then some salacious showbiz gossip, but far more rooting in your book than any of the other showbiz memoirs I've read before. Just a whole chapter devoted to rooting in the back of a car. Yeah, yeah.

You really, Carl, you really landed on the wrong chapter here. Yes! Of all the chapters in the gym to land on, oh, there's Larry, Matt, Sylvie, there's much better chapters here. The handless bench press. Nice stuff. The one-armed bench press. Remove that man from the gym. Well, his bench press. Nice stuff. The one-armed bench press. Remove that man from the gym.

Well, this bench press is about 60 kilos. That makes about, you know, sort of sense, I think, about what... Anyway, whatever. I thought you'd enjoy this story based on how much sex stuff there is in the book. Well, it's just growing up, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the tone that really strikes in.

A lot of it is sort of really nostalgic. It's like you being very, very nostalgic about your youth. And the whole time I'm thinking, who cares about the potato cakes you're eating? You're a bloody millionaire now. Be nostalgic about right now. You're living in this fucking awesome house and you've got this great career.

Who cares about the Dagwood dogs you ate when you were 12? I will say, I got fixated on, I think it's like page two where you talk about you're a lifelong surfer and you talk about your first surfboard you got for free in a KFC combo. Well, it was a dollar. Right, right. Don't go, don't go.

Oh, money bags. Yeah, yeah. I was like the wolf of Bondi just throwing out them dollars all over the place. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. I was like the wolf of Bondi just throwing out them dollars all over the place. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. No, it was the first surfboard with a bucket of KFC for a limited time only. Yep. You get a fiberglass surfboard that would rip the four top layers of skin off.

It was so rough. But that's where it started. That is. That's a different – all the fast food chains have given up on what they're giving away in the combos these days. Did you have to hide the fact that it was a KFC? Because back then, I'm assuming it was a Kentucky Fried Chicken surfboard, not a KFC one. So I remember I got my first sports bag when I'd go to play soccer, and I got the KFC sports bag to hold my training gear in.

But I had the texture, and I'd scribble out the KFC logo. But as soon as you turn up to training, you go, KFC bag, you're poverty. Is that why you don't take your Guzman and Gomez bag to the gym now? Yeah, yeah. So is that why? No, because everyone had them. Everyone had them. Because we were kids.

Thank you for reading the book. Shame, Carl, you didn't get to this chapter. I did. It was the first bloody chapter, mate. The first page. I read before I went to the gym. I didn't read all of it there. Hey, Larry, look at those guns.

That's the price you had to pay to look like that. It's only in one arm. But yeah, that's your first sports bag from KFC, your first surfboard from KFC. The first time I ever saw Indiana Jones on a VHS cassette from McDonald's. They had a giveaway for a period where you could go and pay like five bucks with a breakfast meal and you'd get an Indiana Jones movie on VHS.

They're asleep at the wheel in there now. They're not doing anything like this. That does show, I think, the athletic difference between Larry and me and you. Like surfboard, soccer bag, Indiana Jones on VHS. Yeah, absolutely. Not one of the great outdoorsmen. Yeah.

Well, I pulled the TV outside, got some sun while I was watching it, did a bit of Moonlight Cinema action. Nice. Well, given how much sex stuff there is in the book, this happened to me recently. I think you fixated on the sex bit. Yeah, well, so if I read the same chapter 15 times, that's okay maybe that

is so you'll love this story the the first book that arrived right the first book it's got to go to my mum of course so i certainly didn't go to us no that's right you got the pdf edf emtc so it goes to mum and i i take it up to my arm and i go mum here it is copy number one she goes i'm so excited i can't wait to read it and show all of my friends. An hour later, she texts me having read the sex stuff and the panel van stuff and the dick pic stuff. I can't show my friends any of this. I can't show this book to any of my friends. That dick pic stuff, I read all through and I got to the end and I was like, yeah, but this isn't real.

And got right to the end and went, oh, this is real. I thought you were just doing a routine in there. I was this is this is you just like because you're quite funny throughout the book and so i'm like oh this is a nice little bit from larry and then it gets in and go oh no that's not funny that's real that's that's for realsies so awesome old old school dick pic stories happening down to the one hour photo play yes horrendous because that is that is sort of a bit of a routine that stand-up comedians will do now. Like, imagine if you did that. And I'm reading that going, oh, this is based on Larry Emder, all these jokes.

It is good. It's just like Larry's doing stand-up like halfway through the book. You know when you go down to the one-hour photo? Yeah. But I did my – my back has been in a lot of pain for the last little while, and I was, like, racking my brain trying to remember what I'd done to it. And I remembered what I did was, this is a couple of months ago now, I was like, what have I put my back through to have this agony?

And I remembered it was because I bent over in the street at breakneck speed because I saw a pile of pornos in the middle of the street. Just old school. Just left lying around. In the city? In the city. Just walking through Collingwood.

Couldn't believe it. Why did you have to jump on them? Did they have your name on them? Why did you have to jump on them? I thought it looked like me. I was like, hang on, this has gotten out. The guy at the one hour photos betrayed me. This happened a while ago and I had the envelope of them

and I brought them to a live show that we did during the Comedy Festival, Carl, and I thought, oh, this will be a funny prop. This could have been, you know, you've done two of our live shows before. Larry, you've seen the kind of frenzy that the crowd have lived into. Well, I don't remember. I had my eyes closed most of the time. I was holding my breath and had my eyes closed most of the time. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.

That is the thing. I mean, we talked about that last show we did in Sydney with you. Now, the thing is that generally me and Tommy are a bit nervous going to these live shows because you go, well, there's a lot of people here to see us and we sort of make a lot of it up and hopefully this is one of the good ones or whatever. But I've never seen someone so nervous as you backstage because you were genuinely like, this could end my career.

You were genuinely like, I don't want this to get back to my boss. I could get sacked. Correct. And because, sorry, I went into chase mode then. Correct. Anyway, it's a thing. As soon as I get a microphone, I get a microphone. I'm like, boom, shakalaka.

But no, because I think the first time we met, you guys were, you were awesome, but it was a different thing. We just started. You just started. And you were like little tip was a different thing we just started you just started and you were like little tiptoeing through the tulips there and then

I turn up at this show and I'm out the back and hearing your new stuff I'm like oh get me out of here quickly get me out of here

I did I do think you timed it very poorly on our sake for you were walking and we were doing stand up before we did the podcast and my stand up had just degraded into just yelling at people

and them yelling at me back. And you went, oh, my God. I'm going to be doing Ballarat regional game shows from now on. Yeah, and there was no – at that venue, there was no way into the green room from like out in the – you had to like walk through the audience. So you're getting the full 4D experience of what you're about to be living. And as you get in the book, I've tried all of my career to play it pretty straight.

Keep the train on the tracks. And I was looking at the stand-up stuff going, I'm dead here. I need to not only not be in this room but not be in this postcode at this particular time. Yes, because all through the book you're saying your dad taught you, just be nice to people. And you must have walked through that and gone, wow. Wow. Everything that I've been taught is wrong here in this room.

I remember sitting out the back praying, going, dad, forgive me. Dad, forgive me. I'm so sorry. So you found a bunch of pornos and then brought it along to a live show. Yeah. You found them in the city because you grew up in Bondi. So I'm a country boy. So traditionally that would be the thing of you would find pornos up the bush, you grew up in Bondi. I'm a country boy, so traditionally that would be the thing

if you would find pornos up the bush, up the – hide them. What would you do in Bondi? In the beach? Did anyone hide pornos in the sand? Hide them in the rip. Yeah. I've never heard of anybody hiding pornos in the sand. Maybe it's – I don't want to say it's just you two guys,

but I think it's just you two guys. You think I found Carl's porno in the street. Yeah. I think, I don't want to say it's just you two guys, but I think it's just you two guys. You think I found Carl's porno in the street. Yeah, yeah. I think you guys just go sniffing around for porno. Right. And you'll find it out

in the bush and going, mum, look what I found, but it's actually yours, you hid it there like a month or so earlier. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Well, I brought it to that live show.

I had it in the big envelope and I had it kind of sitting behind the curtain and then it was the one that we did on the last night of the festival, which people listening will have heard, where we got pretty drunk and pretty carried away.

I forgot to bring it up. I then forgot to pick up the envelope again. So now there's just an envelope of porno floating around at the European Cafe. The dots have been connected because the day later, I got rung by the manager going, why is my upper floor covered in old pornos? And me going, I have no idea. Okay.

All right. So I gave someone the same experience that I had. Yes. And not only that, but he took pictures of each of the pages of porno and sent them to me going, does this ring a bell? I'm like, no, none of them. Stop sending me the pictures. It's not like the fifth one's It's like, oh, now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't recognize the first 10 automatically, but the last 45, yeah, I got that. But you've seen them? I have seen them, yeah. Pretty nice, right? Yeah, yeah. Good get. Well done.

Do you guys want me to leave you alone here for a while? No, no, no. No, this is the start of the new phase of this podcast where it's like an investigative like true crime, journalistic, like, I want to know. True pornography. How does an envelope like this just get left in the street? I want to know.

I want to work backwards and know everything about this. It's fascinating. Well, you, I mean, you were a journalist to start with in your career, so you could crack the case. You were the senior crime reporter for an unpaid newspaper. Yes, yes. Now, you could get on this, but you did start your career in the media as a copy boy.

I mean, I don't think that job even exists anymore, does it? I don't know. Yeah, I would imagine. I don't think so because it would be all electronic now. So our job was, well, firstly, go on empty ashtrays and pick up coffee cups so the ashtrays don't exist so because it would be all electronic now. So our job was, well, firstly, go on empty ashtrays and pick up coffee cups so the ashtrays don't exist. And it was running bits of paper.

So a journalist would finish a story and we'd run it down to the printer section. And that doesn't happen anymore. Obviously, it's all email. So maybe it doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, it's all a bit Jimmy Olsen, isn't it? A bit of a theory, Jimmy Olsen. I don't think it exists anymore. But that was your foot into the industry.

But you didn't fancy, I guess, being a journalist. No. Yeah, yeah. Well, I had the same sort of thing when I was growing up. My first foot into media was a country newspaper called the Maribor Advertiser, and I was there for work experience for two weeks. And I was just thinking on the way in. What I did was I went in there and sort of farted around, didn't do much.

And I kind of thought, oh, I'd get to be – you know, like you were in Bondi. So you were writing about crime, like true crime and stuff like that. And I was going in the senior journalist's car and going out to check on cows, sick horses and things like that. And I'm like, I don't want to be a journalist anymore. For a story or just because – oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah. No, no, not out of goodwill.

But no. So that was like the stories we were breaking. This is like page one news. Sick horse. Mate, come on, don't bring Mirabar down. It was like 10-11, page 10-11. So I went out there and that was my job, so I didn't want to be a journalist anymore.

But what I just thought of on the way in was what I actually did do when I didn't have anything to do was I had a massive archive of all the copies of the Mirabar Advertiser from 18-whatever until now. So basically, it's the history of the town. And in my tiny little 16-year-old brain, I thought this was a good thing to do. I just went through the entire history of Maryborough looking for references to me in all the newspapers. And then I just cut them out and just put them on my pocket and went, oh, cool, now I've got the mention of me in the newspaper. But then it's like that's quite a psychotic thing.

It's so psychotic. It looks like a serial killer trying to cover his tracks. So when they've gone back to try and find out about this guy's history, it's like there is no remainder of this guy. It's been redacted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what everyone's thinking now is why were you even mentioned in the paper? Was this for hiding porn in the bushes or why were you in the paper?

Yeah, yeah, that was a section in the Mirror Bar Advertiser. There wasn't a lot. Great crime reporter instincts, Larry. They've never left you. See? I should be on 60 Minutes. I should be on 60 Minutes. Yeah, what sort of stuff were you finding?

It was just participation stuff and sports stuff and just anything, I think. Like art shows and stuff like that. Look, nothing great. Well, look, it's not like I can go back and check now because it's all gone. It's all gone. The Mary Burr paper having an archive is amazing in and of itself.

People are going to need to know one day what happened here. Yeah, sure. I mean, just because you're in a town of 8,000 doesn't mean like forget everything that happened yesterday. So we don't do this again. So we learn the lessons of Maryborough. Yeah. Yeah.

I wonder what other stuff you could sneak in and try to erase from the history of Maryborough. All you need is a pair of scissors. I know that. It's pretty easy. It's pretty easy to change history. Be the change you want to see in the world. Yeah. Now, my favorite. So you've got a bunch of cracker stories in the book.

And I don't want to just give away great punchlines and everything like that. So I just want to highlight some of the little bits that just blew my mind in terms of they're awesome things to have happened. My favorite thing in the book is that you bought your house or your apartment that you still own now. Yes. Yes. When you were, I don't know, 22, 23, 24, something like that. But you bought it at auction.

Yes. Not wearing a shirt. Yes. Not wearing shoes. Yes. And drunk. And drunk. And drunk.

It's a good story. That is so good. It's a good story. That's so good. But just the idea that like, that wouldn't happen now, would it? If someone walked in shirtless, shoeless and drunk. Wouldn't have been allowed. Yeah.

You're just expecting someone to be like, oh, 16 million unicorns, thank you. It's like, no, no, get that man out of here. I've got to give this book to my dad because he's one of those people who he loves to be like, you know, the generation today, they think we had it easy getting into the property market. It was just as hard as it is now. It's like, read this, Dad.

No shirt, no shoes, maggot, get in the house. A man cosplaying as a homeless man bought a house back then. Yeah, that's right. I had them all fooled. That must have been so gutting for the guys. Well, it was because my mate thought, because it was a big thing at the time for me to do that. Interest rates were 19%. It was crazy. But my mate thought, oh, let's just have a couple of bourbons on the beach first.

So we had a couple. Then we had a couple more. Then we had a couple more. And then it was like, oh, we're late. So I jumped in the surf and run back up to the auction. So it was crazy. It was crazy. And I bid much more than the unit was worth.

But it's in Bondi, and it was 30 years ago. So it's come good. I do like in the book you're sort of stressing, I really paid over, and I kept having to pump up the price, and I really paid over. But when you look back, you're going, oh, my God, how much did I pay? You paid $260,000 for a house opposite Bondi Beach. It's like you're not getting any sympathy from anyone reading the book.

That's right. So I'm just going to get drunk at every auction. Oh, man, what a get. You've also got a great story about the milkshakes that you were a fan of when you were a kid and how the guys at Jimmy, how he reckons that McDonald's ripped him off. Yeah, well, he reckons he had the first surf shake, the first thick shake. The first thick shake.

And we believe Jimmy. Yeah. I love a guy. I love someone that's just convinced that they invented something. I've got a friend who reckons that he invented saying meh about things. He's like, when we were in high school, he's like, yeah, I started that. I was the first person to ever do that. I remember thinking that that would be a funny thing to say. And I like man they've done it it's on the simpsons and he's

like yeah he's like it's gone pretty far hasn't it he's to this day he's convinced that he like invented it he at a party absolute punish you'll hold the court going like not backing down i guess someone's got to invent everything at some point. So your mate invented that. Your mate invented the thick shake. Thick shake? Yeah. Someone's got to invent everything. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, right. What got invented in Maryborough, you could go into the archive, cut them out of the paper and just say you invented it. That's what I need to do. Go back to the holes in the paper and stick new things in.

Yeah. I've invented things. Stick in Karl Stefanovic's name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He played well in the under-14 soccer back then in 1993 or whatever it was. Who needs a time machine when you can just go and fuck with the local paper? That's the real way to change history.

It's the new Wikipedia, the member of our advertiser archives. I think, now, you've been in TV for quite a while now. 200 years. 200 years, wow. Congratulations. Thanks. You look great. Thanks. 200 years. 200 years. Wow. Congratulations. Thanks. You look great. Thanks.

Great doctor. Great doctor. I would say that one thing hasn't kicked on for you even though you've had an amazing career. Not a lot of babies or kids around

called Larry. Larry's not really... It never took, did it? No. Never took. You're one of the last Larrys, I think. I know.

I know. And I still argue with mum. I say, mum, that's a stupid name. I like it. It's fine. It's a stupid name. But my kids are It's fine. It's a stupid name. But my kids are really proud now because apparently,

you guys might know about this, apparently when you go out on a bender, sometimes it's called a Larry Emder in rhyming slang. So the Larry name comes good, you know, finally, finally. So my kids both called and said, we're out with friends and everyone's saying they're going to Larry Emder. I'm like, I've made it. I've made it.

Absolutely, but I would say this, the Emder's doing a lot of the heavy lifting in that rhyming slang. You could be called Ken Emder and that would be the same basically. That's right. I think it should be its own specific type of bender where you've gotten written off and then you've made a significant purchase at the end of it. Oh, yes.

If you've come out of the night with property. You've drunk all the alcohol in order from cheapest to most expensive. Yes. There we go. Or you're walking through the street yodelling at four in the morning. Because our friend of the show, Lawrence Mooney, sometimes goes by Larry

as a shortening of Lawrence. And that's stolen valour, I reckon. That's not a... Larry's so shortening of Lawrence and that's Stolen Valour I reckon that's not a Larry's so much better than Lawrence you don't see me to every extent even now

my big opportunity as an author I could have gone to Lawrence I didn't Lawrence Emder Sir Lawrence Emder yeah

Lawrence Emder now that's a that's an expensive bender you're going on then I think that's a much more that's a top shelf top shelf

yeah yeah it's also not going to fit on a book cover, so I'm just going to keep it that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a little bit easier. Happy as Lawrence doesn't have questions. It's not as good of a title in any way, shape or form. This is very exciting to have you back on the show

and to be having you on a studio episode, obviously. But it's exciting for me for a lot of reasons because, yeah, just having you on the show, great. But yesterday, about 24 hours ago, me and my girlfriend got a puppy. He's seven weeks old. Me coming here to do this is like the first time he's been left alone since we've got him.

So it's exciting sitting here knowing I'll be going home soon. No idea what kind of state the house is going to be in. Like house could be absolutely fucking trashed and you've got a rich legacy already, but if I get home and my furniture is destroyed by this dog, every time I look at that torn cushion, I'm just going to think, damn you, Emda.

Yeah, no. I can't believe my dog went on a Larry Emda walk. He really did. You're going to walk in, your house is going to be covered in dog shit, you're going to be, Larry! Yes, you haven't got a name going to be, Larry. Yes. You haven't got a name for it yet. Larry.

Larry's not bad. Larry's not bad. No offence. Larry's a good dog name. Larry is a good dog name. Offence taken. The name that he has from the foster lady is Dragon, which if we were stuck with that, I'd be okay with that.

But I don't like the idea of calling out dragon at the park and other people thinking that we thought that that was a cool dog name. Or the old lady near the swings turning around. You're out yelling at dragon as you're looking for porn in the playground. Yeah, true, true. Larry's not bad. Dragon Emda on the book. What sort of dog is it?

He's a little Maltese poodle. I think he's got a bit of Jack Russell in him as well. He's a little white fella. That's it. A little terrier, Larry Emda. Let me know how that goes. Yeah. Okay.

Let me know. I'll run it by my girlfriend and see what she thinks. Oh, please. Yeah. I'll have to run it up the flagpole. Take the dog for a test spin outside. Give it a few. Yell Larry.

See how it feels. Well, we've got a few names that are in the rotate that we're sort of trying to settle on, and we're just kind of trying them all on simultaneously, and feels. Well, we've got a few names that are in the rotate that we're sort of trying to settle on and we're just kind of trying them all on simultaneously and it's like we've got to – we're going to give this dog a complex. Like we're referring to him by different names literally every time we call him. So it's like we've just got to lock one in.

So if you call it Larry, then you get the joy of going to the dog park and going, Larry, Larry, come on down. Larry, Larry. See, now you can't do that with Jeremy. You can't do it with Spot. That's so good. I love that you own the jokes. Like anyone else would be so sick of these jokes

and you're the one telling them. We don't even get to them first. You're the one that tries to write jokes first. Yeah. And then I would have to clarify like, by the way, I'm not some like crazed super fan. He was on my podcast and he actually suggested this. It was all his idea.

So shut up, you dragon. Just carry the book around with you everywhere. Do you see? See? Named after a published author. It's his idea. Okay. Well, Lawrence is certainly not as fun to yell at.

I'm not going to call the dog Lawrence. That's not happening. It's got to be Larry. Yeah, don't go away. It's got to be Larry. Yeah. I'd be really honoured. I can see it's not happening. No, no, I yeah don't go away it's got to be Larry yeah don't go away I'd be really honoured I can see it's not happening

but no I'm going to push for it don't worry this won't be the end of it there's a campaign there's a campaign here once this goes out there all the listeners of this show

will be very active with pushing it for Larry that's for sure I'm into it I'm just going to have to give out my girlfriend's social media accounts as doxer on the show

so the listeners can hassle her and go why don't you want the dog to be called Larry? Yeah. Stuck up. One little detail that was, I reckon, almost hidden in the book, that your mum was a prison counsellor.

For a time. Yeah. As part of her social work course. That's so interesting. What, I mean, surely she had some stories. Well, you know, it was in a counselling section, so she wasn't sort of in. Her boobs weren't being put in a steam press. Are you going for that?

Is that what you want from me? No, no, no. I just thought maybe this is the moment you realise when your mum said, oh, yeah, I was going in there for counselling, and it was like, why did you do it for six months straight and never come home? Oh, mum was in the big house. We'd see her every third Sunday. No.

But if you saw my mum, and there's pictures of her in the book, she's this tiny little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, surfy girl. So going off to prison was... Just shows looks. You know, you can't tell from the looks what someone can do. Yeah, she went to jail for calling her son Larry. It's Lawrence. Give him the option.

If he wants to shorten it, he can. You've got a great story about your mum making sandwiches for a... You had like a little premiere party for the first episode of a show that you had done. And you'd gotten it catered and your mum insisted on bringing in sandwiches. And I can sort of relate to this. I had an art exhibition two years ago and my mum insisted on making sausage rolls for it. And the people that run the gallery were like, got to be honest with you, first time we've ever had an artist's mum insist on handing out sausage rolls.

Not really something that's done in the art world. I was like, well, I do things a little bit differently. But that's so mum. As you read the book, you'll see. And my sister's an artist as well. So mum would do that for Martine's art exhibitions as well. And it's like, mum, it's cool. It's catered.

It's fine. There's prawns. There's oysters. No, no, I want to bring some egg sandwiches. Mum, it's fine. Seriously. You don't have to bring egg sandwiches. There's stuff.

There's people there cooking, doing sushi. And that's all right. I'll bring some fruit. No, mum. Yeah. But a lot of people relate to that story, oddly enough. Like a lot of people go'll bring some fruit. No, Mum. Yeah, yeah. But a lot of people relate to that story, oddly enough. A lot of people go, yeah, my mum would do the same.

Yeah. Does that mean that you weren't allowed to go near the prawn sandwiches or anything? Because you've got the allegiance to Mum, so then you're sitting there. You're the one person eating the egg sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone else is living it up on the smoked salmon. But when she turns away, I just dive straight in. Go for gold. I reckon you're in the – so, yeah, I don't mean to get too whatever,

but what I love about you and your ilk is that – I mean, you and Grant Denyer and even – look, we'll squeeze Andrew O'Keefe in there – is that people that are hosts and whatever but who are very funny but are not comedians because I think it's just double-pointed. Like comedians can be – if someone's calling themselves a comedian, it's sort of like, oh, we'll see. But if someone like you is just hosting and then they're being funny as well, it's like, this guy is so funny.

You know what I mean? Does that make sense to you? I'll take it. I don't know what you mean. No, no, no. Well, I'm not a comedian. Yes, but you're very funny. So I think that's...

Are you cracking on to me? I feel uncomfortable. I feel like we're in a hotel room and I actually feel a little bit uncomfortable. No, I'm just jealous of you because I feel like people call you funny and they don't so much to me. That's all. Well, call yourself an author and then they'll be surprised when you're funny. Yeah, okay.

But I do think you're in the big list of people that haven't won the gold Logie that should have. I reckon there's some people. There's you. Hugh's never won one. Pete Hellyer's never won one. Yeah. You've never won one. I mean, Grant Denya's some people. There's you. Hugh's never won one. Pete Hellyer's never won one. Yeah. You've never won one. I mean, Grant Denyer's won one.

I mean, you must have felt a bit of mixed emotions with that because, I mean, he's in your club. He's in the club, isn't he, surely? Well, he's in his own little club. Right. He's in his own little club. Take that. No, he's a great host.

But, you know, you don't win Logies for having great hair. So that's where – I mean, it fell apart with Carl Stefanovic, of course. But generally speaking – Another one, yes. Carl Stefanovic. Yeah, he's very funny. But he won – Geez, you're really heaping these names on me now.

No, no, no. I'm not a Logies guy. It's never – I've never been there. I think I'm present. I don't think I'm popular, but I'm present. I'm just around. I've never been there. I think I'm present. I don't think I'm popular, but I'm present. I'm just around. I've always been around. No, but you're sort of in that nice middle ground where you are working nonstop,

and that's the real Gold Logie, isn't it? That's it. Plenty of people who won Gold Logies are not working anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm still working. Yeah, exactly. My name's Larry, so I've got everything going against me, but I'm still working. Well, the interest is out there in you because looking you up on doing a bit,

like reading the book and then trying to do a little extra research today, because the book has just come out and there was an excerpt in the paper, putting your name into Google, some of the less reputable news sites, they're having a field day. They're getting to write the really salacious headline with just something that's mentioned in the book, but presenting it if it's like... Unlike you, who's just talked about sex for the first 10 minutes. There's so much rooting in your book.

That's a podcast headline. Yeah, true. But presenting the headline as if it's like some bit of gossip that they found out through hard-hitting journalism. It's like, no, it's just in a book that anyone can buy and read. Yeah, and I knew that. I've been around for a long time and we do this all the time on the morning show. You know when someone's coming on, you take a slab out of the book that's interesting

and it's promotable and all that. So I knew as I was writing things that that would be an interesting clip for someone. Yeah. That's okay. There's nothing too bad in there, I don't think. No, not at all. But it's because it happens with podcasts a lot. Sure.

We've had it happen on here where someone said something and then the Daily Mail have gotten their little paws all over it and gone, ah, this is a headline. And that's our aim, just to be in the Daily Mail as much as possible. Yeah, exactly. And we never can be. We've been in like once or twice. So every time we're trying to get someone famous to say something fucked. Yeah.

And they won't say it. So if you could give us some juice, help us along here. I mean, but exactly what you're saying is completely right. You know that you've got to put something out there to get that interest in it. That's why I love you. It's almost clickbait, the chapter titles of your book. Here's some chapter titles of your book. Young Man, Get Your Hand Off My Balls.

Paul Hogan Made Me Spew But Save My Life. KFC and Bleeding Nipples. Hairy Nipples and Her Majesty. This is like the track list of a pub rock album for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Emda, you're a TV slut. That is some attention-grabbing chapter titles. And Sniffing Molly.

You missed that one. Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah. No, you're right. Sorry, just because when I wrote that chapter title, I thought, oh, that's good. Sorry, sorry. Sorry I overlooked it in my top five chapter titles. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, clearly that was the wrote that chapter title, I thought, oh, it's a good chapter title. Sorry, I overlooked it in my top five chapters. Yeah, sorry.

Clearly, that was the bit where you were bench pressing. We should say we've had your publicist in the room with us and I'm sitting directly opposite her. How's she looking? I can make an eye contact as I was talking about the pornos. I was like, what am I doing? Good thing these windows don't open. I would have been straight out there.

I've certainly turned my back to the publicist as we're doing this because I'm like, if we just keep talking quick enough, maybe we won't get wound up. Well, we've packed a lot in. Yeah, we should say we've joked about it a lot, but the book is fantastic. Everyone listening to this should check it out.

And it's a great read in that. You can obviously, as I've proven, you can read it anywhere. You can read it on the beach. You can read it in the gym. It's a great read in that. You can, obviously, as I've proven, you can read it anywhere. You can read it on the beach. You can read it in the gym. Yeah. It's a nice, easy read, and that's not said in a bad way. That's said in a nice way where, you know what,

sometimes I get books and I'm intimidated by the books. I'm like, I'm never going to start that. How am I going to finish that? I'm going to have to really concentrate. But I didn't have to concentrate for your book. And that's how I wrote it because I'm an idiot from way back who got kicked out of school. So there's a collection of nice, simple stories.

You can read it anywhere. Yeah, as you're flexing, as you're downward-dogging, as you're doing anything. Yeah, I can only imagine it's even better when you're not looking at it at the gym or in the little Gmail window, as your dog is just destroying your living room at the same time. And as you're reading it, relax,

going, I'm just going to enjoy this book instead of trying to read 400 pages in two hours before you do a podcast. Absolutely. Well, yeah, Larry, thanks so much for joining us. Great to see you guys. Yeah. Hopefully, I'll see you again soon.

And thanks. Happy as, happy as. It's not happy as Larry, is it? It's just happy as. And then Larry M. does. So go out and get the book Right now It's out right now isn't it

Right now I don't want to say Father's Day But whatever Just in time for Father's Day Just in time for Christmas Somewhere in the world Yeah It's always Christmas

Somewhere Thanks guys Keep an eye out for the Gold Logie campaign Thanks for listening We'll see you next time Go Larry the dog And they've done it again

Oh He came on down our throats. That's right. Should we say that? Hopefully the publicist has checked out at this point because I imagine anyone worth their salt is, you know, you've got to check in on the bits of publicity that you got for the book. You've got to listen in.

Hopefully as we're wrapping it up, she's like, it says this goes for another hour. I can't imagine there's any point to tuning into that. We just said goodbye. We just said, why would they keep going? That would have been insanity. There's obviously a glitch in the podcast because it says this goes on for another 45 minutes to an hour.

Why would that be happening? Maybe everyone that listens does that. Maybe they just play this interview again. Yeah. Yep. And by interviews, you know, interviews are very loose. I love when anyone brings up the word interview in conjunction with what we do. You know what?

That episode is as close to an interview as I guess we get. I guess in that realm, because you've gotten this person in on the grounds that they have a book to flog. Yes. You have to do a bit of like, so in the book, you do this. But also, look, I'll say two points in that it is not Larry or his publicist hitting us up to flog a book. It was literally me seeing he was in town doing this promo sort of stuff. Me going, can you please come and talk to us? We'd love to talk to you again.

And them both going, yeah, no worries. We'll fit you in and doing as best as they could. And they're very thankful to them for all that. So it's not like, don't think, oh, listen to this guy going on about his book. We want to talk to Larry. We find him really funny. Yeah, and often someone of that stature, that's the only, generally, the best chance you have of talking to them is because they're on the campaign trail.

We've had him at Live Ones in Sydney before, but that's just kind of like luck of him being free on a Saturday evening. Yes, and he lives in Sydney and we don't. Yeah. And I don't know how we managed to get him on two different Saturday evenings. I don't know how we managed the first one when this podcast was like a year old. Yes. And it was me DMing him on Instagram.

Right. It would have been Twitter back then probably. Yeah, it might have been Twitter. Yeah. But just literally chucking him a DM and and he'd be like okay sounds fun yeah email this person and she'll sort it all out yeah yeah so um yeah so very very thankful for him to uh to do that so uh yeah it's not just him flogging book we want to we want to talk to him we want to be flogged yeah and and you know we're talking about the book because you know what when you talk to a guest it's like oh i wonder what they've got going And, you know, we're talking about his book because, you know what, when you talk to a guest, it's like, oh, I wonder what they've got going on or, you know, you're trying to, you know,

segue into something that's been going on or whatever. Well, we had the ultimate segues. We read his book and knew all of his stuff. So we get to just go. Yeah. Yeah. It was a bit like, you know, on the Big Tonight shows is the thing where they do like the pre-interview.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like the guest reading through like, okay, they want to talk about this and I'll know how to set them up. Yeah. It was like that, except the pre-interview is available to like anyone in the world if they want it. Yeah, yeah. The pre-interview is $34.95 at all leading retailers. That was our little impression of the Leno and Letterman show just then, I guess, wasn't it? Yeah, kind of.

It's like we were hosting the show. So, Larry, you got a book out. You're stuck in the back of a tunnel van. You know that chapter in the book where he talks about going to interview Yoko Ono? And he gets this last-minute call-up. Big opportunity for him. Big stress. Gets to the airport and there's a book on the Beatles.

Book on John Lennon. Yes. And I knew that book already. Right, right. book on the Beatles, book on John Lennon. Yes. And so he's just like – And I knew that book already. So it's like – It's not a – yeah, it's a funny story because he goes, I'm going to base all my research on this book. And I haven't read the book, but I know the book. I remember when it came out and it's like, this book is no good.

It's unauthorized, right? Yeah. So he's bought it at the airport. It's unauthorized because John Lennon was dead at this point, so yes. Right. Well, but the family and everything signed off on it. Yes. But so he's on the way to the interview, like hours before the interview,

boning up on the subject with this book, like underlining passages and dog-earing pages. And I was like, that's like what I'm doing right now. Yeah. Except we weren't reading the unauthorized many lives of Larry Emder, where it's just like, what a cunt. Yeah, yeah. That's a good, that's a great angle for a pod.

You interview famous people, but all your research has come from unauthorized sources. Oh, from enemies of the guest. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah. So you go in and you're like, look, you're probably not going to like a lot of what comes up, but this is just what's available to the average person if they go into a bookshop and they want to buy a book on you and they don't give a fuck where it's come from. All the info has come from the unauthorized blog of Tommy Daslow.

Yeah. It's all stuff I found on Perez Hilton. Yeah, yeah. It's all stuff I asked open micers about you. Yep. And when they've seen you have bad sets. That's good. The gossip pod.

Yeah. I don't mind that at all. Yeah. But yeah, beautiful stuff mind that at all yeah but yeah beautiful stuff in there at the uh soffitel yes we're recording in the publicist's hotel room which immediately we got in and larry was like this is better than my room yes i forgot to bring that up because it was a really nice room soffitel in melbourne if you if you know where that is top of collins street uh the fuck Street, the 40th floor or something, really high up, and a beautiful view out over towards the suburbs.

You have the beautiful view of the chapel and everything that's near the top of the city. Yeah, over this way, where we were recording right now. You could probably nearly have seen your house from there. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I was about to say, I regret not doing that from up there, and it's like, what a pathetic way to start an interview. Nah, it's all say, I regret not doing that from up there. And it's like, what a pathetic way to start an interview.

No, it's all right. I could see my house from up here. Well, you could see if your house was covered in shit from your new dog yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would have been impressive. Jumped on the roof and just on a big old turd. Larry, I'm sorry. I've got to go.

Carl, you can just take this one on your own. I've got to get out of here. I can see a tiny little brown blip getting bigger and bigger. I've got to go. Yeah, well, we haven't done this for a while. One guest and also one host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the other one left to clean up shit.

Yes. Well, when was the trivia question, Tommy? When was the last time there was only one guest and one host in the room of one of our episodes? I know the answer to this. Yes. I can't tell you the number of the episode. No. Stevo.

That's right. In fact, not only the last time, I think maybe the only time ever. Yes. Stevo from Jackass when I was running late and he wasn't very happy about all that, I don't think, was he? No.

Yeah, something like that. Perhaps fair enough. Yeah. Yeah, oh, who cares? That was funny watching the last... The ultimate prank. Yeah, watching the last Jackass movie and been like, yeah, I've seen this guy's nuts. Yeah, Oh, who cares? That was funny watching the last... The ultimate prank. Yeah. Watching the last Jackass movie and being like, yeah, I've seen this guy's nuts.

Yeah, that's right. I've been in the same room as him. Get back in the archives, guys, if you want to hear how that sounded back in the day. You know, way, way, way back in the Wayback Machine, we had quite a few little good little gets like that. So if you're one of those people that just found our pod and just started listening at the moment that you found us. Yeah. Like that. So, if you're one of those people that just found our pod and just started listening at the moment that you,

that you, you know, found us. Yeah. Or, if you're a big Jim Brewer fan. Yeah. You can go back

and listen to him on the show. Now, that is a very funny day. We did, we did record, so that's back, I don't know, what,

episode 100 or something like that? Around about that time. Around about then. In the same era of like Steve-O. The big double. Remember that? Two in one day. Jim Brewer and...

Charlie Murphy. Yes. And I think we packaged them together as the same episode maybe? Yeah, I think so. I think it's like a split because we only got like 15 minutes with each of them. Yeah, 20 and a half an hour or something. So yeah, that is a crazy coincidence that there's one episode where one of the guests is physically dead and the other one's mentally dead.

Yeah, brain dead. Yeah. Wow. We should... Because we did this at the start of lockdown. They're both getting about as many laughs as each other at the moment. Yes. We, at the start of lockdown, we did a thing where we were trying to put a bunch of extra

stuff on the Patreon. Yeah. And we did like a three-day run where we took these live episodes that we'd recorded and we'd released them for money at the time, like you had to pay for them. They never made it onto the main feed. So we put them up on the Patreon with like a little commentary thing that we did of them, like listening back to them.

So there you go, guys. If there's an ad for joining the Patreon there, ask full live episodes that we recorded 10 years ago that we never put out in the main feed. You can't get – but ask still sitting there in the Patreon there. Us, full live episodes that we recorded 10 years ago that we never put out in the main feed. You can't get... But us still sitting there in the Patreon backlog.

Yeah, and with new... Like us listening back to them and reflecting on what we remember and doing a bit of top and tail commentary on them. Erector's commentary. We should do that with the Charlie Murphy

and Jim Brewer episode. Fuck. Fire it up, listen back to it, and then we just drop it as a new ep with... Yeah, with like George Lucas special edition style

just our edited in listening back to like how we go with these two people that are now this is their legacy that would be a better live show I reckon

if we just played snippets and then stop the stop the tape I've got something to say that would be pop up video pop up podcast and then

with guests that can just rain shit on us as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. Maybe I might go back this week and just have a listen to that. Really? I mean, look. No, look.

I shouldn't say that because you do it every week because you edit this thing. I just don't have it in me to ever go back and watch or listen to anything I do. Worst part of the week. Listen to yourself. Worst part of the week. Just editing as a job. If it was for someone else's show, I wouldn't mind it because it's like when you do comedy and you're like writing and everything, it feels like it's never fit.

You know, it's like stressful, like being creative because it's subjective. It's like, is this going to fly in front of another person? Will they find it funny? But editing, it's like, it's just a technical job. It's like, it's just like, it gets done and then it's done. So I like that part of it. But then also I'm having to listen to myself as part of it. Fucking nightmare.

If I could just edit other people's stuff. Yeah. Dream. Yeah. Well, good news, guys. I think we saw on Instagram last night that Larry did make it to his Frankston bookshop in time. As unbelievable as that sounds out loud. Yeah, pretty crazy.

Yeah, the publicist has been like, yeah, yeah, the Frankston bookstore, they were really supportive of the whole rollout. And in my head I was like, it's fucking Larry Emder. You're telling me readings in Carlton opposite the Nova weren't keen to get him in? Also, thank you so much to Lucy

at the publishing house. At the publishing house. But you so much to Lucy at the publishing house. But you do have to say, looking back in hindsight on paper, could you work a bit harder? Your two little bits and pieces were Frankston Bookshop and the Little Dum Dum Club podcast that day. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. If you find a bookshop that's not like, what, an hour and a half drive out of town,

in peak hour as well when they were heading off, you probably could have fit another three bits of press in there. If you had have had him at Hill of Content, the bookshop that's across the road from the Sofitel where he was staying, could have popped in and did Splain as well. Done five on his book. He's got a couple of good gags in the book. Oh, that's great.

Getting up at an open mic and being like, sorry, new material. I've just got some notes. And you just whipped out a copy of your own book. I mean, it's been printed. I just haven't said it out loud to an audience. Yeah, exactly. It's new. It's verbally new.

I'm warming up for the audio book. Yeah. So, Happy As is the book, Larry and we both read it and uh we both had to read it in a very short amount of time which means it lends itself to a bit of an easier read so um yeah look if you're if you're one of many people at the moment escaping if you're from melbourne if you're from australia and you're escaping the winter to go overseas or anything yeah not a bad little airport book to pick up on the way. Not at all. Yeah.

It's also, I always find, I think we've talked about this before, when you get a memoir, especially a showbiz memoir, you get it because you're like, you know, you want to hear all the good stuff, like the behind the scenes kind of stuff. And there's always just chapter upon chapter of like, oh, mum did this when I was four. And you're like, fuck me, who cares?

I will say Larry's has got some of the more entertaining childhood stuff. Yes. In a memoir. Like it's not a slog. You're not going like get us to the good stuff. Because he straight away is like, yeah, I love surfing. Here's all the exploits I got up to. Even that, it's like, all right, that's unique.

Yeah. You know, it's not just like some people, some famous people think that their like family growing up stories are the most interesting thing that's ever happened. It's like this is just being a child. Yeah. Yeah, I've read a few shockers lately where the gushes go way too into the childhood and into like a diary. Like here's everything. It's like here's the history. You know, this is a real pet peeve of mine with biographies, autobiographies, is, well,

I guess my story really can't be explained without starting at my great-grandfather. Oh, absolutely. Shut up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? You're right. That is more of a punish. Three chapters about when their dad was a kid.

Yeah. It's like, my lord. Yeah. David Chang, his memoir's great. It's just like one very short chapter at the start about him as a little kid. And he just tells this story about being out to dinner. And he gets to the end of the chapter and he's like, now I know this is a boring story.

I didn't want to put it in. You just want to hear me talk about running restaurants. It's only in here because my publisher said you have to have some kind of tea leaves thing at the start that kind of like sets people up that then they're going to like relate back to it. Know where you come from. Just so I can trust me. I didn't want this to be in here.

I want a three extra, three extra chappers on spaghetti bolognese. Yeah. Yeah. And that's that. That's like page three. And I was like, this is going to be a fucking awesome memoir. This is going to really be good stuff. He gets it.

You know, one of my favorite artists of all time is Elvis Costello, but fuck his autobiography. Fuck, it's hard work. Like, something like that is something I should just fucking inhale. And it took me so long because, honestly, half the book was about his dad and all this sort of shit. And I'm like, I don't want to fucking... And then the good bit of it, the peak of his career goes for about five years. And it's like, right, this is helpful other time. This this is where all the stories are and that goes by in a chapter

i hate the bit about someone's personal history that you're most interested in yeah getting like a side mention or barely anything at all cracking out five of the great albums and it's like that's that's about 20 pages like you're fucking kidding And then another 200 pages on the slow descent of his career. Fuck. Did you read – I think I've lent it to you. Did you read Elton's book? No. I mean, I have it from two years ago at the same time as you've taken my books from two years ago.

Yeah. We did a lockdown swap. Yes. And neither of us has read the other ones. No. No. No. I end up reading – yeah, I end up reading another bunch of other books.

I haven't allowed myself to read it. I've got so many books to read. I hope there's – so, you know, he announced he had like one or two dates left of his farewell tour when the pandemic hit. So finally it's like he can do them again. But he's just announced like, oh, well, fuck if I'm coming back. Everyone gets another run. I kind of hope he never gets to finish it's pretty funny yeah but um i because i took my parents to that when he was out here at what start of 2020 went to hanging rock with them it's

like a christmas present from the two years before when tickets had gone on sale and i saw them the other day her mom was like did you see elton's coming back i'm like yeah yeah and she just gets this like sly look on her face and she's like, we're thinking of going again. Oh, wow. And I was like, I'm actually thinking of going again too. It's been, it was a great show. And truly if this is it, like, yeah, all right. It's been, I kind of, you know, I've forgotten big chunks of it.

Why not? You've forgotten Rocket Man. Yeah. Rocket. Yeah. And. Yeah. And also, I went to a stadium show the other week for the first time probably since, well, yeah, in ages. And I was like, this is awesome.

Yeah, yeah. Being in like a huge venue, seeing like a big production. Yeah. It fucking rules that like part of me is just like, yeah, I just want to go and see like a big, big show again. Fuck. Things have gotten expensive though. It's true.

It's very true. Like, I remember that. I did go to see Elton, if I may. If you guys, sorry, I don't mind just saying, calling him Elton. I'm hoping you guys at home understand who I'm talking about. Yeah. We went and saw him at the. Amy Park.

Yes. And, yeah, it was fun. It was good. Yeah. But, God, it was a bit. It was one of those ones where it was like, I shouted the don't say name. And yeah, two tickets. Oh, geez, it's a fair bit.

For someone that walks in with me going, yeah, I don't really know who this guy is. Well, I had the opposite. I think I probably talked about this at the time. But yeah, Christmas present to my parents. Got us really good seats. We were like in the sixth row or something at Hanging Rock. And it was like, we get there and it's obviously like the venue's massive and we're being shown to our seats yeah and we keep and we're like walking further there's a guy walking us to them

we're getting closer and closer in and my mom just like looking around being like this can't be there must be some mistake yeah we can't be in these seats yeah that's fine they couldn't believe it they loved it what time is it 10 15 nah that's not going seats. Yeah, that's fine. They couldn't believe it. They loved it. What time is it? 10.15. Nah, that's not going to be our guest. That's probably the postie. Okay. Alright, are we ignoring that knock on the door then? I think we're just going to have to.

Okay, unless you want to go and check. I'll go check. We can cut here or... Do some filling. Okay, I'm doing some filling. Guys, I'll give you a bit of personal news. I've just been let know that there's going to be a software update tonight. iOS 15.6 is available and will be installed later tonight on my phone.

Of course, that'll only happen if my phone is plugged in and it's not. Oh, guess what? Tommy just got a little bit of mail. Two packages. Wow. One he's left by the door. Clearly not for him. One he's left by the door, clearly not for him. One he's bringing with him. So I can't wait to see some absolute Prince of Persia porn.

Are you going to open in front of us, Tommy? Yeah. Is that what's happening? Oh, we're getting an unboxing on the pod. What's happening? We've got a little A5 parcel, bubble wrapped up. Bubble wrap is opening. And where are we going

video game comic book it's got to be one of two what's it going to be or Japanese what's the content going to be it's a Japanese it's a Japan

it's my fucking notebook that I left in Perth oh very nice yep you left it in a I left it in an. Oh, very nice. Yep. You left it in a... I left it at an open mic in Fremantle. Wow. And asked the venue if they'd post it to me, and they said yeah.

And then just nothing happened, and they stopped replying to my emails. So then I got to know our friend who runs the gig, and I was like, I'm sorry about this, but they're ignoring me, and why wouldn't you? Do you mind grabbing it and posting it back? So thank you to friend of the show, previous guest. Yes. Sharky. Pete Sharky.

This one's for you, Sharky. Another one from way back in the archives. It's Charlie Murphy, it's Jim Brewer, and it's Pete Sharky. Yeah. Mentally dead, physically dead, and moved to Perth. So dead to us. Yeah, yeah. Dead to Melbourne.

Go hunt out some of the... Sharky's got some great stories. Yes. Yeah. Heard him on this pod. And I think he's on twice and we tell the same story twice. Quite possibly.

But thank you to him for posting that back to me. Yep. All right, so... We've got to crack in. Speaking of people who support the show, people that physically

and mentally and monetarily support the show our patreon subscribers thank you very much to everyone who's who has some stage gone along to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club and uh chucked a few shekels our way uh we we do name a bunch of them every week on the show it's time it's time to do a few more time to add a few more to the stewart of Fame. Yes. You know, as I update the machine, I do see some elapsed members. We'd love to see you back, guys.

Some of us chucked some money our way during the pandemic and then it's got to a stage where we've gone, no, no, they've had enough. We can never have enough, guys. Maybe there's some people who've fallen off because they're just like Netflix style. They're sharing the password. Yes. We need to start clamping down on that like they are yeah shares in little dumb

club have gone down considerably when because you guys have been sharing the password around so get back on do the right thing um we'd love to have you back thank you very much let's crack on first cab off the rank this week uh thank you very much the patient subscriber andrew where andrew where w-a-r-e okay a where i wear fuck this guy literally aware of the of the little diamond club yeah wow that's great where is aware yes and uh he's very very aware monetarily. He's one of the top tier subscribers. Is he really? Yes. So he was, yeah.

I mean, I wonder if he's got one of our shirts. I wonder if he's got the shirt that says, I'm aware of the Little Diamond Club, and he can just put a little full stop in between the A and the W. Oh, yeah. I'm aware. Yeah, and he's just slowly trying to like chisel off the bits underneath. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he's just wearing a shirt that says, I'm aware. Yeah, yeah. He's just put a picture of his face below that bit. Yeah. That's good. But imagine just any other context is you wearing a shirt that says, I'm Carl. Yes. I'm K.R.

Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, I get it, I guess. I would wear. I'm K.R. Yep. Okay, cool. Yeah, I get it, I guess. I would wear, I did try, there was a shirt out there for a while that was sold in like nice stores that was called Carl is my father. And I literally was trying to buy a copy of it because it was in reference to Carl Lagerfeld, I think. Oh, okay. I don't know why you would have that. I don't know why that was a thing.

Yeah. I'm sure someone knows why. But that was a shirt that was popular but a bit expensive. And I was like, I'm not fucking paying $200 for a shirt that says Karl is my father. It's a funny shirt to wear for me, but I'm not going to spend that much money on a shirt that says that. But did you have a kid at the time? Maybe, no. I don't.

Oh, mate. Yeah. Because now, you get that, you put that away. Again, not to keep talking about Larry's book but he's got this,

I really liked this chapter about the watch that his dad gave him and him passing it onto his kid when his kid was like 18 and he, was it 18 or 21?

Maybe 21. At his 21st he makes this like big speech in front of all his friends and the symbolism of passing on the watch. You doing that to Blake, it's 21st, he makes this big speech in front of all his friends and the symbolism of passing on the watch. You doing that to Blake at his 21st. But the symbolism is just, I think this shirt's funny.

Now you have to wear this shirt that says, Carl is my father. I have thought about that a lot lately. Hey, now that you're an adult, I'm not dad. I'm Carl. Here's his shit old shirt from 20 years ago. I have thought about that a lot lately where you're used to the – if you've gone to an 18th or a 21st or whatever and your mum and dad have come up and told some embarrassing story

and we're now getting to the point where it's going to be like my child on the 21st birthday or the 18th is going to be just some old cunt that's her dad getting up there with the iPhone just going, Can everyone see this? Here's a video I've held on to of her taking a big old fucking shit in the bath. I have thought that that is going to be weird for this generation of children from as of like what, like I guess 10 years ago? Yeah. Where their parents have just got, yeah, every moment catalogued, archived forever. It's bizarre.

It's going to lose the art of storytelling for old cunts. Sure. I don't even have to try and hold your audience anymore. Here's a big close-up of my daughter's ass doing a big poo and I'm just pointing at it on the screen. That's it. But do you think it will be because it's so commonplace and so easy to do by the time that happens it'll just be such an uncool thing to show a video because it's like yeah every every child every person of an age now has you

know what i mean yeah it's like if you're gonna be happy if a video existed like that of you as a baby and your parents found it and we put it on the socials, that would be like, oh my God, that's so funny. But if you're a generation at a certain age, it's like every 16, literally every 16 year old is like, my dad won't stop showing me the video of like me when I did this. It just loses it. It's like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's not going to kill in that room because it's like, everyone's got a video

like that of themselves kind of thing. It's lost the sting it's lost the magic of seeing a video from back in the day you mean a baby taking a shit's going to be a hack by quite possibly no i hope not i really hope not i don't think so yeah i've got belief i think yeah that would be that would be funny for it to be actually like that like all of a sudden these 21st is like a comedy show. It's like, heard it, boo. Throwing tomatoes at the screen or whatever. But yeah, I mean, if everything's being cataloged to that extent, it is going to change people's approach to it and how they feel about it.

Like the response to it. Maybe. Like even when I was in high school, I would take the disposable camera to parties and get some snaps and then go and get them developed, and that was exciting. And I had some of my favourite photos of my friends on my wall, stuck to my wall. Are people doing that?

Are kids doing that now? Are they printing off their favourite Instagram posts? Even that, there's like I think things drift away and there's like a bit of a split and people move on to something different. I don't know. I think you're overlooking the important thing. A lot of heavy lifting is done by the emotion of the night so that's true yeah it's the context of it uh but it's funny the idea of like you bringing out the like what what is now

currently like a super high res detailed video yeah that by the time your daughter's 21 will be the equivalent of someone now bringing out the fucking projector, like the reel-to-reel. And it's like people going like, look at Blanket's fucking old man. He doesn't even have a fucking hologram. He hasn't even got this converted to hologram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cheap old cunt.

Yeah. We've got to look at this on a wall with our eyes instead of having it injected into our brains. Yeah, it'll be a bit of that. Fucking hell. Dad! Don't you know how to work one of these fucking brain injectors?

Yeah. Jesus Christ well thanks A-Wear A-Wear what a fucking cracking name for this show the most appropriate name it really is

has there been a more appropriate name subscribed to this show there's never been anyone called Darren Ickhead or anything like that yeah every now and then there's been one

sort of near the end Simon Hit Podcast every now and then there's been one sort of at the very near the end of the segment. Yeah. There'll be one that sort of is pretty related to the podcast in some way. Some sort of South American guy called Haywood Martez. Yep.

Hey, mate. Wow. Yeah. Well, you do a better one. Here's one. Long Bow. If we could be sponsored by Strong Bow. That's called Strong Long Bow. If we could be sponsored by

Strong Bow. That's called Strong Bow. Yeah. Maybe if they have a, they make a, they bring out

a new one and it's like, it's extra, there's more alcohol in it. Yeah. Long Bow. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or no, it's had to be like a mid-strength because you can drink more of them. Or it's alcohol-free because it's like,

oh, here's a beer. It's like, oh, here's a beer. It's like, oh, it's a bit of a long buy. Yes. Call this a beer. Why haven't they done that? Yeah. They could get into the zero-alch market. But that is really one of those ones where it's like, oh, is there really room in the

market for another one of these? I don't know. I just think this name's pretty cool, though. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, all right. Hit go on the production line, fellas.

Don Draper was just like, yeah, there's no spreadsheet. There's no charts. There's no illustrations. It's just a funny name. The end. It's just a sort of funny name. It's not even a funny name. It's a clever name.

It's not like you're going to laugh out loud. You're also probably not going to buy it, but you're going to see it on the shelf and go, maybe take a photo. That's our Mad Magazine parody of your beer. You can have that idea, guys. No, actually, fucking give us something for it. Anyway, thanks, Andrew Ware.

Thanks, A Ware. Thank you for your continued top-tier support. And if you don't have an aware shirt, let us know and we'll send one out. Well, look, actually, that's a long bow of a request because I think we've got fucking nearly none left. So if you are a small little fella, I think we'll be able to kick you out. Okay. And if you're a massive fella, we might be able to kick you out. But there's not much room.

If you're a medium fella. Yeah. You might be shit out of luck. If you're the average sort of a large bloke, maybe not. But let us know. Yeah, shout out to the bits of merch we have left. Plenty of burger shirts, white burger shirts with the logo on it. Plenty of, I've been maligned, the latest edition.

And fuck all of anything else. So go on to Little Dum Dum Club, check out the merch we've got on sale. Get yourself kitted out. Thank you very much to Patreon Dum Dum Club. Check out the merch we've got on sale. Get yourself kitted out. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Joel Smith. Fucking hell. Yeah, from chocolates to boiled lollies right there. Jay Smith. Just Smith.

That's fucking, that's nothing to do with our podcast. Not to shirk my responsibility, but as we talked about on the show, new puppy. Yeah. Two nights now of basically no sleep. Oh, really? Just crying all night. I don't have it in me to riff on. Sorry, Joel. Thanks for everything.

I'm very sorry. I'd love to try my best, but fucking hell. I am wired. Really? Well, we've got Patreon bonus episodes to do after this. I know. So that's good. I think I'm just going to complain about the dog for half an hour. Right.

Right. Joel. Joel's all right. Joel is all right. I don't mind it as a name. Yeah. It's pretty good. Any good or bad experiences with a Joel?

Great experience with a Joel recently. When I was down in Hobartart for the Mona Festival a friend of my girlfriend's is an artist down there and he had some work in Mona and his work was great if anyone went to it it was the uh oh no not Mona sorry Dark Mofo um it was the little all the sculptures the little ape men it was um fucking great really popular and he at the last minute managed to get his tickets to something that we were trying to go to that was sold out. The thing I talked about where I was having the interaction with the scam bot. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Who had the divorced scam robot. He, at the last minute, was like, oh, I'm like working for the festival. I could probably just get you tickets. It's like, this would have been good to know a few hours ago. Yeah. So that was a great experience with Joel. Yeah, great. Joel Creasy.

Always a good time being around him. Great friend of the show. Funny guy. Should have him back on soon. Joel, the bar manager at Spleen, who I deal with every Monday night for comedy at Spleen, who, you know, is a great bloke. Friend of ours for years now. Yeah, I guess so.

He was the doorman there for a bit. Yes. Was he? Was he? I can't even remember the back of that file. Wasn't. Yes. Was he? Was he? I can't even remember the back that far. Wasn't he like security or something? Was he? I feel like he was.

I can't even remember that. You know, he's been there for so long, I'm like, I don't remember him. I remember him not being there, and I remember him being there now, but I don't remember how he entered that world. I feel like he used to be like kind of, yeah, he'd be checking IDs and stuff. You know, he'd be out the front. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, I'd been there for a while, while and one day it's like this guy's the manager now yeah okay

the pathway from having the little number around the neck right to fucking handling the um roster a real a real gentle giant really is you know you watch you watch the tv show hacks don't you you've watched all that watched all of it have you finished finished it yet? No. Okay. He reminds me of the two I see in charge. The big gay black dude? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, you're right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a good comparison. Yeah. He's great. I love that dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's good. What did you think of the tour manager?

The bus driver lady who doesn't like lying down at the start of season two? You know who that is, though, don't you? No. Really?'t you? No. Really? The actor? Yeah. Who? It's like Roseanne's sister from Roseanne, from the original Roseanne show.

Right, right, right. And I guess she was on the new one or whatever it was. Right. I never really watched Roseanne. Jackie Metcalf, is her name? Okay. Laura Metcalf? Jackie Metcalf.

Laura sounds about right. Yeah. No, I think it's Jackie. Laura Metcalf is an actor. Yeah sounds about right yeah no I think it's Jackie Laura Metcalf is an actor yeah that's is that someone else I can't remember anyway don't respond to this

but that's who that is it's a little reminder after last week with New In the galaxy brains that listen to this we don't we're having a

we're having a conversation that happens to be recorded we're not sitting here with Encyclopedia Britannica open in front of us or we're gonna get things wrong bothering to just google it in one second yeah but that's boring to listen to we're not sitting here with Encyclopedia Britannica open in front of us or we're going to get things wrong bothering to just google it

in one second yeah but that's boring to listen to we're going to get things wrong we do not need people getting on the socials being like can't believe

they don't know who Laura Metcalf is yeah but anyway that's such a funny character the person who does not like being yeah

horizontal when they sleep yeah is very funny that's a good show I think we're towards the end of it I think we're towards the end of it. I think we're towards the end. It ended in a way that made me think that could have been it.

And when it aired, they hadn't said if it was coming back. And just all of a sudden I was like, oh, I guess they've just done two seasons and that's the end. Right. And then a day later it was like, oh, it's just been renewed for season three. Oh, okay. Good luck.

I enjoy that show. It's good. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Good luck. I enjoy that show. It's good. Yeah. But yeah, Joel at Spleen helps run everything on a Monday night when I go in there for my little comedy at Spleen open mic thing. It's not open mic. It's curated. Well, it charges to get in there, so you can't call it open mic.

It's booked. Open mic means you can come down and sign up, I think. I think that's technically what that means who are you debating with well I'm just figuring it out in my own head you're just wrestling with yourself

yeah because some people call it that you're like defending it to me I'm like I don't have skin in the game I don't really

I don't really know how to define it now because it's changed it used to be it started as it used to be like you didn't pay to get in

and it was it wasn't open mic because you weren't signing up on the night. But anyone could get on if they asked. Yeah, but you would book ahead. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's not that and it's paid to get in.

So it's not really technically open mic in any way, I guess. No. I should just stop calling it that. Yeah. But what do you call it? I don't know. A comedy show. A cheap comedy show.

Cheapish comedy show. Yeah. It's on a Monday night. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm calling it? I don't know. A comedy show. A cheap comedy show. Cheapish comedy show. Yeah. Yeah. It's on a Monday night. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm calling it that.

Closed mic. It's a closed mic. Yeah. So thanks. Thanks, Joel Smith. Thanks, Joel. Thanks, Joel at Spleen. Thanks, Joel Creasy.

Thanks, Joel fucking Daslow's mate. Yeah. You know what? Hey, when I was going through the unplanned title alternator just then, you know what the general rule is? Now, I've talked about this ages ago. The general rule with this is if you signed up two years ago or whatever and then your name comes up and you're not currently subscribed, you're not getting your name read out.

You're back to the back of the queue. Yeah. Well, you're nowhere on the list because you're not getting your name read out. You're back to the back of the queue. Yeah. You're nowhere on the list because you're not currently subscribed. If you sign up five years ago for one week and then unsubscribe, and you're going, hey, when's my name getting read out? It's not being read out. The idea of the person who's just waiting for their name to get read out and then they'll unsubscribe is very funny.

There's some people that do it. But there's some people who, are you saying there's some people who then they've let it lapse, they've come up, you've gone, nah. No, no, no. And then they've resubscribed? No, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is some people, I don't know if there's some people out there that, if

you've subscribed at some point, but then you've unsubscribed before your name's been read out, it's not being read out. And it'll come up and I'll go, nah. Fair enough. Sorry. But we've got too many names to get through yep um so you that's a gimme that's like easy that's getting us through the list yes yeah it's hard enough to get through this list there's a lot of people to subscribe a lot of people to get through yep so if you've subscribed for a while unsubscribed and i go to

read your name out so this is a name that's come out out that I shouldn't read out. I won't read out the name of. But I will give this bit of info. Okay. I was excited by this name came out. I went to go, right, let's add this to the list of being read out. Then I've noticed they've unsubscribed. They're not getting the name read out. But it is someone we've talked about on the show.

It is one of our guests' sisters. Yes. Yes. Okay. You know who this is, right? Sandra Pang. Yes. Samantha Pang.

Not that far off. Not that far off. Okay. Very uncreative parents. I believe that unless there's another Pang that subscribes, which I just would absolutely be shocked at. Yeah. But I think that Sam's sister has subscribed. She's out.

Wow. And given it the flick. So that is... I did kind of... I've always sort of thought when Sam talked about that... Really? Is your sister really a fan of this show? Yeah.

But this might be the proof. Well, not anymore. Well, not anymore. Yeah. Maybe she unsubscribed when she didn't fancy Sam's performance on the last ones. Could have been. Maybe that's it. All right.

We got to get going with this. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Marcus Howarth. Howarth? H-O-W-A-R-T-H. Oh. Shakespeare-ass motherfucker. Yeah. Howarth. Howarth? H-O-W-A-R-T-H. Oh, Shakespeare-ass motherfucker.

Yeah. Howarth. Howarth you today, you cunt. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's what it sounds like. Sounds a bit like your nickname, Howie.

Howie. Your self. My middle name. Oh, sorry. That's your middle name. My middle name's Howard. Right. Howarth.

Howarth. And I tried to get Howie going as a nickname at one point in high school. Yeah. Or maybe you should have gotten Howarth. Howarth. Yeah. You Howarth-hole. That's that at high school.

Guys, from now on, call me Howarth. In English. In English class, just call me Howarth. Howarth. Yeah. It's a little bit, yeah, I don't know what to fucking think of it. Why does it exist? Howarth.

Yeah, why isn't it just Howard? Whyarth. Whatarth. Whomarth. Whomarth. Marcus, is it Marcus? Yep. Good name.

I like Marcus. Marcus is fine I had a friend growing up Who his little brother Good little 7 out of 10 name I reckon Yeah The only Marcus I think I've ever known Was yeah my friends

Oh no hang on We know another one But growing up I had a friend who Had a little brother called Marcus Right Who we used to bully a fair bit Right

We We had a We had a friend called A crazy friend called Called that I, among many crazy things he would do, this is probably one of the least crazy things, but it stuck with me, is that he had, his family TV was the exact same model TV we had at home. Okay. And, like, and by the time I was friends with him or whatever, at a drinking age, we'd had the

TV for a long, long time. So it was an old TV. Yeah. He had the same old TV. So it wasn't like walking in today and you've got a newish TV and you find that same model on another. It's like, yeah, no shit. A lot of people would have that TV.

A lot of people I know have this TV because it was on sale at a certain point at JB Hi-Fi. It was like an end of financial year thing where it was like, if you were in the know, it was like, this is a fucking great get for this price. Right. Great. So yeah, it's the opposite of this. It's like a fucking 20 year old TV. Well, no, no, it would be like a 15 year old TV and you're like, oh wow, I've never seen

this TV anywhere else before and he's got one. And it was just like, one Yep. And he was just like, one of these guys that was just like, enjoyed the attention of just, you know, doing something stupid, fucked in the head, and make us laugh, and so he'd just keep doing it,

and you go, you're a fucking idiot for doing that, but we are still laughing. So he just got this magnet, and he was just, he'd say, watch this, and he'd run it along the TV. Oh, no.

And suck all the color out of it. Oh, no. And the magnet was sucking the color out of the TV and just fucking his TV. And so we're laughing. For a bit. Yeah, just for a bit. Yeah, that's sick. And he would just go and a new person would come around to his house and he'd just do it again.

And just fuck his TV more and more. And his family is just like, don't fuck our TV. It is a good bit. Yeah. That's like proto jackass kind of stuff. It's like, I'll do anything. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't care. There's no consequences. Yeah. I would have told it on here before, but maybe not for a very long time, about my friends, when they were at school, they went around to a friend of theirs' house. And the family had bought their TV secondhand from an airport. Oh, yes. That's right.

And they watched The Matrix on it. And it's like the bit in the white room. You could just see, like, arrivals, departures, like, burnt into the screen. That's right. Because, like, for anyone too young, the old TVs, if you left the same image on them for too long. Yeah. If you left a thing paused for too long, you'd just end up with that image just fucking and like i always thought it was funny like you could tell if you ever went to someone's house like the little watermarks that the networks would have down the bottom of the screen like the

channel seven if you if you were like watching a movie on like a vhs or whatever and you could just see the little outline still in the bottom corner it's like man these cunts watch a lot of channel seven yeah they must only be watching channel seven they are they are die hard they are devoted that's funny people people used to be a bit like yeah i'm a real channel nine person like why what are you fucking talking it's like getting your tv a tattoo yeah yeah also let us know if um like i know you've told that story before i've got a slight hint in my brain I've told that story before. If we told them back to back and reminded each other of those stories in that order 200 episodes ago, let us know. I'd like to know if it's, at the very least, if they were, like, flipped the other way around. Yeah.

That would be all right. Yeah. So thanks for letting us go back into our... Into the archives. Into the archives, which is a nice way of saying we're running out of stories. But thanks, Marcus Howarth. Thanks, Howarth. Howarth, that was for you.

Howarth, that was... Howarth, was that for you? Yes, sure. That's it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Rory Duggan. Rory Duggan? Yeah, another Rory. Yeah.

Yeah. I really hope we haven't done that one. I'm pretty sure we haven't. We haven't., another Rory. Yeah. Yeah. I really hope we haven't done that one. I'm pretty sure we haven't. We haven't. But another Rory. Yeah. We did a Rory not long ago. Yeah.

Yeah. Because we always get a Rory on and we go, yeah, Rory. I like it. And then you go, I think you like it or you don't like it. I don't love it. Right. It's all right. Yeah.

Okay. I like it. I'm on record every time I'm saying it. Every time. Look, if you're a Rory, feel free to subscribe because I'm going to say every time, I like it. Apologies if we told the TV stories before, guys. Anyway, here's some riffs on Rory that we did three weeks ago. And by riff, me saying I like it. Yeah, one of the great bits of banter.

I like those riffs when you're doing stand-up comedy. What do you do for a living? I'm a plumber. I like that. I when you're doing stand-up comedy. What do you do for a living? I'm a plumber. I like that. I like that. Yeah. Yep. There we go.

Sometimes you just gotta Some positive riffing. That's kind of what it all comes down to. Yeah, yeah. Riffing with someone about their job. Essentially what you're saying

is I think your job is stupid. Yeah. In order to make it be funny. Yeah. You can't just be like I respect what you do. I recently was talking to someone who's

a stand-up comedian who is Whoa, hang on. Who did Where'd you meet them? Big take. I recently was talking to someone who's a stand-up comedian who is... Whoa, hang on. Who did... Where'd you meet them? Big take. I hung around after a show and said, how can I do what you do? And they said, you just did what I do, but badly.

So don't bother. Okay, that's good advice. Yeah. So I talked to someone who is doing an ad or a series of ads for a product at the moment. And they suggested that this person go and do stand-up comedy about the product. Hang on a minute. So this is a comedian who's in some ads. Yes.

And the ad company. Yes. Well, like, why don't you start doing gear about the product? Yes. Right. And for one thing this isn't part of the because sometimes like when you get cast as an ad it's like it's filming the ads and then it's also like a couple of corporates for the company as well this isn't part of a package thing this is just them being like hey what about a little extra yeah now i think i'm not completely sure whether they think this should be a thing where you know

next time they're on tv doing stand-up comedy, which is pretty rare these days. Like, there's no real, you've got the gala and that's about it in terms of stand-up comedy. Doing an anti-gala spot. Yeah. Like, subliminally putting some big-name brands in your three-minute gala spot. But hey, if you have the gear about them and it's like killer gear, that's the challenge. It's like still have the best set on the night. I would absolutely love that. I would love the idea that you get to do stand-up on TV and some brand come up and go, I'll give you five grand if we get the brand name in there. Just put it in a bit.

I mean, it's like specificity is funny. So if you're talking about getting a fucking, I don't know, bottle of water or whatever, it's like it is funnier to be specifically like, oh, a bottle of Mount Franklin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so it's not, you know, there'd probably be, maybe it already happens. Yeah. Maybe it already happens more than you're thinking. Yeah.

That would be fucking awesome. It would be so good. So anyway. Because you do hear about people doing that. They've just mentioned a brand or whatever. Yeah. And then the brand will just like send them free stuff and go like oh thanks for that yes like they haven't solicited it you would have happened and they're like yeah within bits of yours you would have times where

you mention a brand name i certainly do yeah that'd be great if um you know you got that chance you got the the chance to do stand up on tv and, fuck, that's a solid bit, go to them and say, look, I'm thinking of doing this bit, but I've got another bit that's pretty good. What's in it for me if I happen to choose this bit? The idea that they're tapped in, they've seen you do the bit, and they're like, that bit's killer. We've got you over a barrel here. There's no way you're not doing that bit on the gala.

And also, we know enough about comedy to know that it's a delicate balance it's a finely tuned machine you're not just subbing out a different brand we've got the funniest brand name I go to Bunnings and I go look at this bit I've got Bunnings in here it's this great bit about sausages why do you reckon?

they go mate I'm calling you bluff you're doing it anyway and then I go fuck and I go home. I go back to the drawing board and I try as hard as I can to write a killer Mitre 10 bit. Yeah. Yeah. Just to spite them.

Yeah. And then to go to Mitre 10 and go, look, what do you reckon? Otherwise, I got this killer bit. And they hear your bit about Bunnings and go, fuck, that is solid. You're probably quite minded to go with that. We actually do have to pony up a bit of money to get this Mitre 10 bit across the line. You'd become a legend because the gala, for people who don't know, it's for charity. So your fee is given to the Oxfam charity.

But you coming out of that and being like, no, I cleaned up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be eating a lot better than those fucking yeah, yeah. Yeah, I made a lot. I'll be eating a lot better than those fucking kids in Africa. That's for sure. Exactly. Who needs the comedy festival to pay you when you've got Bunnings in the back pocket writing a check? That would be fucking good.

Well, thanks, Rory. Well, anyway, so, but just on the back of that. Oh, yeah, they want him to do stand-up about it. They want him to do stand-up about it. And, of course, the classic idea is, and, you know, I thought of this and so did they straight away. Generally, if you're doing comedy about something, it's not positive. No, absolutely. That's what I was going to say.

It's like when you're in an ad, it's like, oh, don't worry. I'll be talking about this at some stage. Yeah. I'll be doing material about this whole experience at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like there's very few punch lines that go so how good is this yeah okay yeah yeah i'll do it but you won't like it yeah it's a very it's a it's a fucking hard writing challenge to to to talk about a product that you're maybe not particularly

you know invested in and then to make it come off really well yeah whilst getting laughs and not make it obvious to the audience that that's what's that this has been a financial transaction i reckon if you're doing five minutes where it's just you talking about how great a product is and not have the audience kind of twig and go yeah i think this cunt's on the take. Yeah. Yeah, anyway. Look, one day. One day that'll be nice. Anyway. Let's just do one more.

Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber. Oh, okay. This is interesting. Ansel Extra Tiny Condoms Comedy. Ansel Extra Tiny Condoms Comedy. Yeah. Right. Yeah. See, I could do comedy about this

and have it be funny and not just be a positive experience. Yeah. Because, like, my experience is that they keep slipping off. See, I could do comedy about this and have it be funny and not just be a positive experience. Because my experience is that they keep slipping off. So I could talk about the product. For the right person out there, I'm sure they're great. But for me, no good. That's really hit a nerve, hasn't it? That's good.

Thank you. Wow, maybe I should be sleep deprived more often. Hey? I feel like that joke's made me feel like I'm sleep deprived. Is there any funnier than the comedic premise of, because it's like when you're growing up, it's like the funniest thing to say about someone else. And then you reach an age where you're like,

it's just funny to say that this is about me. Yes, I know. It really is. It's like you think, I'm probably going to mature at one point. I'm not going to find the same stuff funny anymore. And that's true to an extent, but it's also like, no, it's just a different side of the same... You literally are crying.

Yeah, I know. I know. It's brought two tears to my eyes. Yeah. I did like that a lot. All right. Well, thanks, Ansel Extra Tiny Condoms Comedy. Man, that's...

Imagine, imagine that's your opener on the gala. You get on the Garnet Festival Gala and Ansel pay you to do that bit. That's a good bit. Now I'm actually thinking, could I actually just do that as a bit in my setup? You could totally do that as a bit. All right. If you set that up as something about someone's paid you

to reference it in your set and then... To do comedy about this thing that I've been doing ads for. Yeah. No, no, you don't even need to do that as an ad. I've been paid to do this

but it's like... This is unbelievable. I've been doing stand-up. Some people have had this done before. They've asked... Some people get sponsored or whatever someone has actually asked me

to wedge a reference to a product into a bit of mine as I'm doing on stage I'm very wary to do it because you're supposed to hang shit on a product and I

you know I think that's you know that's the only way to make it funny yeah and then you're like oh I mean

how's this going to be a good ad for it and then you name the product you say I can't say anything good for it because they keep slipping off I don't they're like yeah to be a good ad for it? And then you name the product. You say, I can't say anything good for it because they keep slipping off. They're like, yeah, talk about your good experiences with the products. Like, I don't have any good experiences with the product.

Yeah, exactly. That's good bit. And especially if you could play with it where you're like, because you're talking about condoms being like, I don't use them. Yeah. You know, and people thinking it's like going to be some dodgy thing.

Yeah yeah yeah Because they keep slipping off There you go You heard it here first guys Alright You heard a Tommy Daslow bit Get created live on air Yep

It's already been tested Out in the room It's brought tears to my eyes It's a good bit No but now I've burnt it I do it on the pod I've burnt it It's killed Oh burnt it it's killed

oh my god it's killed with me and as I as I often say you know doing stand up you know if a comedian

laughs at a bit it's worth ten of you fucking schmendricks out there yeah yeah absolutely yeah it's

it's it's hey bring that you don't even need to do that in the rooms now I'm trying to think where I could yeah when's

when's the next thing I could try it out at I'm going to Chrisris rock on wednesday night maybe i could try really yeah why because bella texted me and said do you want to go and i was like yeah why not oh man i saw an anyway well look i saw an ad for it said oh tickets the ad for it was like wow check it out tickets started only this much and it's like that's fucking heaps. It's not cheap. And also, it's like a weirdly specific amount. Yeah. They are flogging.

You would be getting the same sponsored ad that I'm getting. Tickets from $93.70. Yes. It's like, what an odd. Yes. What a strange number to land on. And also, from. That's a lot.

That's bad. Like I said, I went to a stadium thing the other day. And then Bella texted me. I was like, yeah, you know what? One of the biggest comedians in the world should go see Chris Rock with him. Yeah. I'll tell you what. He's fucking slapping you with that price right now, I reckon.

He's right across the fucking woods. Yeah, true. Oh, well, it'll be interesting to see. But maybe I'll see if I can get on. Yeah. And just try. Chris, I've just got one bit. Honestly, I'll be up there for 20 seconds. Yeah, what not to toot my own horn yeah i think you're gonna

like it it killed on a podcast yeah it killed the room one out of one and you know it's a tough it's a tough get yeah yeah yeah well uh hey larry's publicist if you were doing your due diligence and listening through to the back end of this, I hope you enjoyed it too. Give me a book deal and I can just talk about that bit. I think, after reading Larry's book, I reckon Larry would like that bit. I think he would too, yeah. I think he'd like that joke. Alright guys, well thanks for listening.

Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub if you want to get all the extra content. We're about to do two bonus episodes right now with a friend of the show. And you can get access to 250 plus of those bonus little episodes with great guests. Go check all that stuff out. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.