The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 622 - Nina Oyama & Adam Knox

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

We've cancelled our Fathers Day plans this year to hang out with ADAM KNOX and NINA OYAMA! Knoxy's back from the Edinburgh Fringe and fills us in on the incredible sights that he (almost) saw. Plus Nina's been heckled at the cinema, Tommy's been asked to sign up to a racy website, it's Karl's wedding anniversary and most importantly: we finally launch our latest showbiz scheme that's been months in the making. Get voting! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with guests Adam Knox and Nina Oyama. We have a live show coming up in Melbourne, October the 22nd. It's our 12th Birthday Spectacular. That's right, big Saturday night show, Tommy. So that means if you're living in Melbourne and surrounding areas, get along. And even if you're a little bit further out, make it your Saturday night destination. Fly in, drive in, whatever it takes. It's a big, you love your birthday shows. This is a big one and you'll find out a little bit more what's going to happen within this episode. Yeah, tickets at littledumbdumbclub.com.

So jump on them now. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode, but until then, enjoy this great new one with Adam Knox and Nina Oyama. Sad. I changed my mind. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow.

And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Adam Knox and Nina Oyama. Oh, yeah. What's up, sluts? We have very special guests. Yeah welcome back onto the show Adam Knox and Nina Oyama. What's up, sluts? We're very special guests. Yeah. International guests.

You've both just come back from overseas. From Tasmania. Well, yeah, Knox is British. I'm from England. Adam Knox, brackets, UK. I kept telling everyone there that I was from England so that I could shit on them. Yeah, okay. There, meaning you were just at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I was in everyone there that I was from England so that I could shit on them. Yeah, okay.

There meaning you were just at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I was in Scotland for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, which is the largest comedy festival in the world, I believe. It goes Thailand Podcast Festival, Edinburgh Comedy. You've done them all. Oh, man, I've been everywhere getting ignored. Seems like there was Somehow Somehow

More rubbish in the street In Edinburgh this year Than there was at the Thailand Koh Samui International Podcast Festival And I'm just talking about The comedians

Yes I'm on a joke strike It was fun I had a really good time Oh So you're like this Sorry he didn't get in the top 10 Best jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

I know Sorry I should have done a pun about You know Giraffes Or some bullshit Just the blandest Most boring pun Yeah

Your hat So One of the shows I did Not my show But like a showcase thing Yes Someone And I'm trying to remember their name

From Liverpool Was there From the Not just city, but the football team. A player. Wow. I didn't know him, but someone backstage was like, oh, that's fucking whoever. I'd remember the name if I heard it. Because you've gone, you'll love this.

It's like a story about a guy that you would love to hear about, but I do not know his name. You'll love this mystery that we'll never solve. No, you meant to say you'll be annoyed by this for the next 55 minutes. I'll try and remember. Describe him by looks. Well, I don't know which one he was in the stage. A current player.

What? Yeah. What the fuck is he doing up in Scotland? He's supposed to be playing. I don't know. What's he doing at your gig? That's why I pointed out it was not mine. It was one that I was on.

He's hoping to get inspired by the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe. Right. Because people were saying that like, you know, because English, they were chatting, oh, that's from Liverpool. We know he's from Liverpool because he's saying stuff like, I fucking hate Carl Chan. Oh, no. Nice, nice.

Oh, no. That's really good stuff. That's a good accent, though. He always comes over the end and he's fucking... I'm like, is there a Beatle in the room with us right now? Is there a Vigo Star? Is that you? John, you're back.

John. My favourite Beatle is always Phil Spector. Yeah. I'm feeling very inspired by Mark Chapman right now. So you can't... Any descriptive... Give him something Look like a bloke

Well I don't even know What he looked like Because I don't know Which one he was Oh okay But apparently He might have been An ex one too

If they were like It must have been If they were playing At the time or whatever They're fucking They're in season They're playing They're not fucking

They're not flying up In between matches To Scotland To watch a fucking Open mic gig People love comedy It's all about Everyone's about me time now You know You're like Sometimes you just Gotta unwind And watch some shit comedy in between matches to Scotland to watch a fucking open mic gig with Adam Knox. People love comedy. It's all about,

everyone's about me time now. You know, you're like, sometimes you just gotta unwind and watch some shit comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watching Knoxie bomb, that's self care.

Yeah. I'm the fucking judge for Dave's 10 best jokes and I got the humour of a football player so these will be great. I love the idea because anytime you see

like the, you know, professional football players in England now with any downtime, they're like off to the UAE. Except for one cunt who's gone to Adam Knox's open mic show in Edinburgh. Pay when you leave.

Put like a pound in a bucket on the way out. Every other cunt's fucking playing golf in Qatar. I don't know. I should have gotten more details. Oh, you will be. I'll be chasing you to find out who the fuck this is. I'll message everyone who is involved. Because I know what it's going to be.

It's going to be, oh, yeah, actually it wasn't a Liverpool player and it wasn't a soccer player. It was actually a plumber I used to know. Yeah, the game was on at the back of the bad bar that we were doing comedy in. It wasn't even in Edinburgh. It was just here and Noxie did a gig with Hughsy. And also – A famous person was there.

That's right. And also, it famous person was there. That's right. It wasn't me either. It was a dream I had about someone else. Did you see anyone else famous around the Edinburgh Fringe? Oh, man. It's so funny seeing famous people there because the sentences you get to say are great. Like, I saw Al Murray, the pub landlord, eating a blood sausage. Who's Al Murray, the pub landlord?

Oh, man. He's huge over there. He pretends to be a pub landlord This sounds fake No This is like Larry the Cable Guy But in England Oh my god, it is

It literally is, yeah What would the Australian one be? It'd be someone in high-vis Like Kylie Mole What's the toilet guy? Kenny It's Kenny If Kenny had done

It was like a purely alive actor to be Kenny. Yeah. Kenny the toilet man he'd have to be called. Hyper successful. I saw Fleabag walking around. You mean the lady that does Fleabag? Phoebe Waller-Bridge. The next Indiana Jones, apparently.

Yeah. I do like the idea of you just calling a woman the show she was in. That's her new name now. When that show is Fleabag. Yeah, I saw the Mighty Boots walking around. It's like you've seen two shows ever, Seinfeld and Fleabag, and you're like, oh, well, they're just what they're called. It's like when people were calling Hannah Gadsby Nanette.

Yeah, you're right. It is the funniest thing ever. Definitely not hack. You saw a famous American person in the street, you were telling me. A famous American comedian. Janine Garofalo? Yeah. Yeah.

Standing next to a poster. Oh, tell me this. What was it? I don't remember. I remember seeing it. You texted me one day and said, great day at Edinburgh today. I saw Janine Garofalo standing next to a poster for the show The Garofalo. Oh, yeah. That's right. How the fuck have you been called that? at Edinburgh today, I saw Janine Garofalo standing next to a poster for the show The Gruffalo. Oh yeah,

that's right. How the fuck have you been seeing that? Actually, Tommy, do you know the Liverpool player?

It's gotten overwritten because someone saw a show and the whole show was about her having a dreadlock in the back of her hair and now for some reason

I was like, did I see the dreadlock? Anyway. Right. Yeah, Janine Garofalo standing next to a poster for The Gruffalo was pretty funny. That that's a great if you could have gotten a photo

of that that's that's a meme that's that's a viral was it deliberate was she like posing to be like look at this is like mine and to be fair i hope i hope so just for noxie was just waiting for noxie to get a picture someone will see no i to be fair the reason i've kind of forgotten because she was far enough away from the poster that it wouldn't have been funny to take a photo right but i then saw a poster of the gruffalo and was like, this is funny enough that I'll embellish. Okay. You have to imagine she turns up to your overseas. She wasn't even in front of the poster.

You saw the poster. You lied to me. And you were like, well, a little bit of poetic license in this story. But no, that's closer to what happened. Imagine if. It is more of a... in this story. But no, imagine if. Imagine if. It is more of a... It definitely happened. I might be able to get a laugh that I won't hear from Tommy Daslow from halfway around

the world if I make this up. You know what happened with that Liverpool story is that Adam saw your hat and went, imagine if. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A player. But I'll be vague enough. Nothing happened to Noxie. So no one can figure out what happened.

I stayed in my room the whole time. Mildly unimpressive made-up stuff. He was just like astral projecting. As if Al Murray would eat a blood sausage. Make up something good. I saw Jason Byrne eating a Greggs. Now that's what I believe. No, I still don't think that even happened.

I don't think you saw that. Do you think Garofalo, like, you know, she says yes to doing the Edinburgh Fringe and then she gets there and she sees that there's a show of the Garofalo on. Do you think there was part of her that was like, fuck, I never would have signed on if I knew this was going to be the case? They misprinted my posters.

Yeah, yeah. I don't look like that. Like, if you turned up, Chandler, if you decided to do the Edinburgh Fringe and you go over there, someone takes you over and then it's like, appearing live at this year's edinburgh fringe there's also matthew perry doing an hour of chandler from friends on stage you'd be like oh this is really fucked me here i hate this yeah that's and that's that's the dream he has a show called chandler

from friends matthew perry is yeah chandler from friends One man show where he's in character the whole time. I'd go see that. Man, I'm sure I told this on the show years and years and years ago, so I'm allowed to do it again. But literally someone came to a solo show of mine one year and I'm like just doing crowd work at the start, just going, oh, what are you? That thing of when you start out and you're like,

genuinely, why has anyone chosen this show to come to? I'm not on TV. I'm not on whatever. When you start out and you're like genuinely why has anyone chosen this show to come to i'm not on tv i'm not on whatever when you start out yeah so i go what why did you come and she just goes oh just your name and i'm like why and she goes i go why she goes chandler from friends and you're like could you be any more stupid could you you have chosen an any more stupid? Yeah, I'm like, fuck, I'm glad you weren't a Ross fan. You know, thanks for coming. There was an indie band for a while called Ross from Friends.

Oh, really? And at the time I was really hoping, like, I hope five other bands start up that are just all, like, Chandler from Friends, Phoebe from Friends, if they just had a whole, like, you know, a whole, like, Avengers of indie bands named after Friends characters. Avengers comedy. I did a gig the other day where,

we've been talking about gigs a little bit lately, but I did a, I had a bad one the other day. And honestly, like this was just, hopefully a mad coincidence. But the day after I had a bad gig, I started getting emails again for the first time in 12, 13 years from a job recruitment agency for graphic design. How do you know?

Yeah, yeah. It felt like someone had been at the gig and then gone, nah, this cunt needs to go back to his day job. That's great. But out of the blue, I honestly haven't got one for 12. All of a sudden, I'm back on the list, back on the freelance list. That's great. But like out of the blue, like I honestly haven't got one for 12, all of a sudden I'm back on the list, back on the freelance list. Yep.

Fuck, honestly haven't got one for 12 years. And are you taking any of them up? No, no, no. You can't help but like look at it and go, oh yeah, what's it paying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's alright. It's going up a bit, that's alright.

And then Sendalink emails you and you're like, oh, a lot of offers today. Yeah, like the good thing is, you know, you do graphic design, you're sitting there on the Mac and you're doing something, a brochure, and you're not hearing 100 people not laugh at you when you're like, oh, a lot of offers today. The good thing is, you know, you do graphic design, you're sitting there on the Mac and you're doing something, a brochure, and you're not hearing 100 people not laugh at you when you're doing it.

It's like, you know, you can do a bad job and you don't get embarrassed by it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's something to be said for an office job. It stays private. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Silence helps you concentrate.

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, I got kind of a recruitment email the other day. Got this out of the blue into the inbox. Hello, Tommy. Your content caught my eye. I wanted to see if you've ever thought about exploring OnlyFans. Oh.

As a way to get paid for the content you create. Nice. Being scouted by OnlyFans. For your little cartoons. Man, OnlyFans must be be desperate it's run out of hot girls to email what if you're like oh it's like some guys got his car to our fire yeah just send it send it can you put can you get deputy dog's dick out or something can you draw this little this little pizza with eyes but give him a dick yeah yeah if you ever wanted to you know

we want to see mini mouse's tits can you arrange for that to happen man this is really taking the wind out of my sails i thought Grinch had wanted nudes of me, but it turns out it's just she wants fucking hentai on there. They're trying to expand into having pornos of Fred Flintstone. I am thinking about... Hey, it's an untapped market. I am thinking about doing it. I reckon that would not be an untapped market.

No, that's true. It probably already is. Very, very tapped. Tapped, re-tapped market. Yeah, I'm thinking about doing it. I'm thinking about rolling the dice on OnlyFans. Probably already. Yeah. Very, very tapped. Tapped. Re-tapped market. Yeah. I'm thinking about doing it. I'm thinking about rolling the dice on OnlyFans. Let us know.

If you listen, if you'd subscribe to a Tommy Daslow OnlyFans, let us know. And let us know what you'd want to see. Do you want nudes of me or do you want nudes that I've drawn of me? Close up butthole only. Yeah. That's it. No other photos. Just only as close. But all photoshopped to look like people's eyes.

So it's like photos of your butthole, but then you put that over someone's eyes to make it look like they've got little buttholes. Buttholes for eyes. Yeah, okay, all right. I'd like to see pictures that you draw of yourself in the nude. Yeah, that's not bad. I told my girlfriend about this,

thinking that she'd just have a laugh, and she's like, yeah, I could take the photos for you if you want. I'm like, oh, wow wow now it's a whole family operation I love this you're a small business now exactly you haven't seen the photos yet you don't know it's a small or big business

it's a micro business thank you very much micro nation that's funny if that's what you called how you described your car well I've got a microbrewery down here. Yeah, exactly. Step on into the brew pub.

Well, we're very lucky to have... It's called Sour Beer, depending on the day. We're very lucky to have you here, Nina Oyami. You're here, down here for a couple of days in Melbourne. And I was starting to look at alternative plans for a guest because it's Sunday morning. and it's father's day yes happy father's day everyone yes yes it's uh and i thought we're not going to have you because when friend of the show milan found out you're in town he immediately tried to arrange drinking with you on the saturday night it's true and then i was like oh my god we don't get n anymore and I said to him last night

he's like yeah I'm gonna have a drink with Nina it's gonna be so good I'm so looking forward to it and I'm like you motherfucker we're not gonna have a guest anymore we're gonna have to fucking find someone else

and he goes I'm aiming for that to happen well that was my original plan but then this thing happened so I went to Hamilton last night oh how was it it was okay

I just was like I love Hamilton like this my secret plan was just to like get really smashed go and watch Hamilton then go and see Milan but at Hamilton I love Hamilton. My secret plan was just to get really smashed, go and watch Hamilton, then go and see Milan. But at Hamilton... That's another musical, right?

Yeah. It was like... What's the word? I'm not having another shot. Oh, I am having another shot. I'm just like my country. I'm young, scrappy, and hungry. But I was in Hamilton, and I love Hamilton. I'm just like my country. I'm young, scrappy.

But I was in Hamilton and I like love Hamilton. Like I like know the whole thing. My 23rd birthday party was like, I made everyone sing along to the whole Hamilton soundtrack for two hours. How many times have you seen the musical live? I've never seen it live. This is like my first time. And like, I couldn't do it.

Cause I was like filming in Tasmania and like COVID and all this stuff. I was like, finally. It's so expensive. It's like $200 for a ticket at the back of the fucking room. And I was like, I don't care. I'm just going to go and enjoy myself. And I was like pretty drunk. And so I was like dancing in my seat because it's like, it's a hip hopera. Yeah, yeah.

And I was like having a good time. And this woman behind me started mocking. She's like, why is this girl moving around? Does she have special needs? And then she said, yeah, she moving around? Does she have special needs? And then she said, she was like, does she have special needs? Why is she dancing?

And why is she laughing so much? She's must be special needs. And she kept saying special needs right behind me. And then her husband clapped in my eardrum. And I was so angry that I started dancing more. I was like, and I just like amped it up. Like to try and get you to stop.

Like you'd like make a noise at a dog. Yeah. Like a lamp. It's going to turn you off. Yeah. Deep power like a robot. But then this is the other thing is like this woman, after she called me special needs,

then she like started like kind of jingling all the other people around her. That's interrupting everyone way more. It actually was. It's this woman's special needs. Yeah. Special needs. Like, oh, I didn't. And and i was like because i was just dancing even more because i was like fuck this bitch yeah and then i was like also laughing at the jokes because there are jokes in hamilton and if you're in a live show and there are jokes you laugh at them so the people on stage don't feel like absolute shit yeah as we all know go back to your graphic design yeah

yeah exactly but the people like these i think it, like, two women and two men behind me. Then they start going, what was she even laughing at? She's, like, laughing at nothing. And then when it was really quiet during the night, they start laughing and clapping and mocking me. I can't say, what about the people behind these people? They're talking a lot during a fucking show. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, so I was, like, this is so fucked. And I couldn't stop thinking. So you're getting roasted now in the middle of this crowd. Yeah. By the crowd. What fucking? By these, like, this is so fucked. And I couldn't stop thinking. So you're getting roasted now in the middle of this crowd. Yeah. By the crowd. What fucking? By these like four losers behind me. And I was just, and then I like, it kind of,

Hamilton like, it's bangers for like half an hour and then it gets into ballads. So like everything chills out. You've got the soft middle. Yeah, the soft middle. And then you've got like the end again. And as soon as the lights went up, like for the act break, I turn around and they all averted eye contact.

Like they were just like, I'm they were like we don't want to stare at the special needs kid yeah well i like look this woman in the eye and i'm like did you just call me special needs during the show half an hour until you confronted her well i was like the light i was like i don't want to interrupt the show because i unlike these people like hamilton and i'm gonna enjoy it what's the cross-section of people who are fucking dorks enough to go to hamilton knowing no offense intended it's fine it's dorky i love it as well but it's a very dorky show who's that and also like a two yeah you're back of the classroom bully just spit a little spit wads at you yeah it was like so but it was like this older woman like it was maybe she was in her like 50s like

a baby boomer kind of situation and then like two kind of blonde marketing cunts. And I was just like, and when I said, did you call me special needs? She was like, well, I just, you know, you were having so much fun. I didn't want to interrupt you because I thought you had special needs because I actually really care. And I was like, fuck off. Like I was so angry. I was like, I can't believe. And I was like, you were mocking me.

And she was like, no, no, no. Like we, we just like thought you had special needs and we were just really like, you know, worried about you. Yeah. I'm actually a hero. I'm trying to be a good person. And then she goes, I paid. Were you worried about you having too good of a time? Yeah.

What was the worry? And she was just like, yeah, I paid $200 for this. I was like, yeah, so have I. And she was like, I flew in from the Gold Coast. And I was like, I flew in from Sydney. Like it was just the weirdest thing. Gold Coast is further. She's got thing gold coast is further she's got you there you should have made up a you should have made up a location i'm from the uk and i play for liverpool fc but i was just like and then i was like you know if i was too distracting which i probably was

like i was dead i was quite drunk i definitely spilled a little wine on myself i would like to cut to this and see like i'm on your side at this point, but to show you just, like, doing backflips. Yeah, how loose I was. Yeah, cartwheeling around. Hamilton! How does a bad dad often... Wrap the N word!

Oh, my God. But it was just, like, I don't know. You've probably been so bad, it's like, I'm giving you an excuse, honey. Take this. Yeah. Take the special needs. Just say your special needs special it was so weird and then i was just like i was like if i was doing too much which i was like i probably was but i was like just just tap me on the shoulder and be like hi

could you just stop moving around because i can't see the stage and i'm just standing up and everyone else is sitting then it's like that's fair enough it's like hey i kind of i can't see past you now yeah do you mind sitting down yeah but i was like was like, anyway, so now I just, but like the whole, then I was like, am I special now? Like, I started being like, and then I was like, but there's nothing wrong with being, there's nothing wrong with being special needs. No. So then she was like making me feel bad for being special because she thought being special,

I don't know. I just like, and then. Yeah, like what's the, what are you solving at the end? Like, by continually saying it it's like if you turn around and you do have special needs you turn around and go you picked it

well done good on you you can't fix it though you just spent half an hour mocking a girl with special needs oh you're such a nice person because you care so much

yeah who'd have thought a neurodivergent person would be into a complicated musical about history yeah so crazy are you not special needs

that's weird that you're here you should be a fucking madam butterfly enjoying culture bitch yeah about history. It's so crazy. Are you not special needs? That's weird that you're here. You should be a fucking Madame Butterfly enjoying culture, bitch. Let me have my nerd shit. I mean, to be fair to this woman, the last time I saw you, Nina, we were in Tasmania.

We'd just done the pod. We'd been drinking all afternoon. Then we were at a bar afterwards. And as I was leaving, you were sort of sitting at the front of the bar. You were sort of rocking on your seat. And you go... of sitting at the front of the bar. You were sort of rocking on your seat.

And you go. Yeah, I had Hamilton in the head. You go to me, Dazzalo, I've got the island madness. I got to tell you all about it sometime. I got the island madness. I did. I went island crazy. So maybe that's what she means.

Is this woman island mad? Yeah. Hamilton's from the Caribbean. So he also had island madness. She's got she means. Is this woman island mad? Yeah. Well, Hamilton's from the Caribbean, so he also had island madness. She's got mainland needs. So that was because you were living in Tasmania. So the last time we caught up with you, it was in Tasmania. We did the Hobart Live show.

So you lived in Tasmania for six months? Six months, pretty much. It was like maybe five and a half or five. Because the whole contract, the show you were working on, whatever deal it was, you weren't allowed to go anywhere else you had to stay you and tom ballard at the same deal you have to stay in tasmania and not go to the mainland not go anywhere that's like some star wars level like fucking high level keep you there stuff also by the way i now that i'm saying that out loud i realize i'm like oh my god imagine doing that and then i'm like i'm describing most people living in tasmania where you like have all your stuff and your people and your friends and then

there's like here's this place full of strangers that you don't really know that you become really quick friends with but ultimately you don't have any creature comforts yes yeah and so you're just kind of like you're either in a crazy world where you're trying to catch a murderer which is like on set or you're like this is in the show yeah're trying to catch a murderer, which is on set. This is in the show. Yeah, in the show. That's why you couldn't leave because you were suspected of murder. I was also getting hunted by a murderer.

There was a whole lot of inception shit. No, but it's just when you're in this heightened state of being in a police crime drama where you're trying to solve a killer. That's one level. Who's the killer at the end? Some fuckhead. Friendship. Spoilers. Yeah. killer like that's like one level who's the killer at the end oh some friendship detective friendship friendship yeah like suspect yeah um but they know i've signed an nda i've probably signed a million i did not expect you to tell me i was really worried for a second that

you would yeah yeah i mean imagine her coughing that up. You can't even name a fucking Liverpool player that watched you dig. She's going to cough that up. I don't even remember. I was like, the killer's name

was at the back of the sheet in the room. Does NDA stand for not dancing at Hamilton? Because in that case, I can understand that woman having an issue with it because you're in breach

of contract. So yeah, you went loopy down there on the beautiful Apple Isle. Yeah, I just went, well, it was just because it was like like i guess i can say this which is just like there was like one of the early nights like i it was just like 4 a.m and i was wearing like a wedding dress and i was in the middle of a river again let's be clear this is part of the tv show yeah oh no this is just life um where are you i was like, Dad, but I was like, and there were all these cranes for the setups and stuff like that.

The cranes are not part of the show in the world, but just for lighting at four o'clock in the morning. And it's just kind of like, you know. This is the work of the crane killer. I'm sure of it. The lighting rig bandit. I'm pretty sure the killer is in high vis.

That's my tip. Yeah. He was very visible. So weird. But it was just like four o'clock in the morning and just like I was in this weird space and it was like freezing and like having to remember these lines and like having to like have seen a dead body or whatever. And you just like go home and you can't sleep because you're just full of adrenaline.

Yeah. And then so you just end up drinking so much alcohol which actually is great in tasmania because the alcohol is very good oh really so you're like good breweries and stuff down there yeah you're like well if i'm gonna become an alcoholic i might as well become one with a very refined palate yeah yeah that only drinks lark whiskey yeah because you didn't really drink all that much before going down to tasmania no it's something that i learned from having to fucking be in Tasmania and go island cruising.

Have you ever seen a dead body in real life? Oh, wow. I don't know. I don't think so. You don't know? Well, like, I've seen, like – You've seen people on the bus that may have been dead, but – Yeah, like, I've seen people on the street that, like, may be dead.

Stepping over them and spitting on them. That's what you tell people to do. Are you special needs? Yeah. Or are you dead? Yeah, my need is oxygen. I don't have any. What about you, Noxy?

Any dead birds? No, surely not. I think I'd remember, but I also have to say I don't know. Well, it's like, can you walk past people on the street or like a body that's got like an ambulance and cops and you go,

well, it could be a dead bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might have been. People are not like birds. They don't just fall out of the tree body that's got like an ambulance and cops and you go well it could be a dead body it might have been yeah people are not like birds they don't just fall out of the tree and that's fucking it I'm not gonna like check this cunt's pulse

like what is he speaking or just oh yeah he's cold he's a cold one wait didn't you jog past the dead body last time I was

yes yes that's weird they came up on that episode did it yeah I jogged past the dead body this is a murder podcast when I go on

it's the 29 year old white woman part of me. I was hoping there'd be... I ain't never seen nothing. You grew up out of the city, Knox. I was hoping there would have been some kind of like stand-by-me style, like you and the boys getting together. I like that.

Not in the city, out in the country, people are dying all the time in fucking public. Dying and then nothing's being done with them. They're just like left there for 48 hours for all the kids to come in to have their coming of age moment I'm still technically going through puberty

because I've never seen a dead body because you're a very inner city person Tommy you think everyone in the country is just like fucking 1400s in England

bring out your dead everyone just leave them in the main street it was all dead bodies putting my hand up a cow's asshole to help it give birth or whatever

I do think that did you ever see any growing up, Chandler? No, no, no, not even Mirabai. Have you? I feel like this is leading up to you saying you absolutely have. Because if you don't, that sucks. Yeah, I've never seen that. I have, like, not in public, but I, yeah.

Oh, yeah, but like on the TV. Yeah, so we all. We grew up during the beheading videos from the Taliban being the main form of entertainment. What is it called? The BMX paid Olympics? Like the guy that shoved a beaker up his butt and then it crashed? What?

Hang on, what? Oh, Mr. Hands. You know the guy that gets fucked to death by a horse? We've all seen that. Yeah, I was there in real life, actually. So I've seen it. I was the horse. I was holding the camera.

I knew it. I was the DOP. I was the cinematographer for Mr. Hands. You were the DOP. I was the DP guy I was the cinematographer for Mr. Haze you were the DOP I was the DP guy fuck to death by a pantomime horse yeah

that's good just the front half having to stand there and be like oh man I've seen a dead body I'm gonna have to cop low back for this as well

and I'm barely doing anything technically I'm yeah I'm the victim this is much I was trying to think of what I was going to say

there's a call forward we've done talking dumb dumb already and I had something what were you talking about something to do with it being

father's day today and what you were doing last night oh yeah thank you for coming out on thanks for abandoning your

family on father's day to do this podcast I know and it's like sort of the first father's day that my's really conscious of and knowing what it is. She'd wake up and like make you breakfast in bed and she's like, sorry, Daddy's doing

a podcast. Yeah, yeah. It is a big deal for Calvin. Get used to it. Yeah. It is a big deal for Calvin. One day he goes out to do a podcast and he never comes back. It's a big deal for Calvin too.

The episode's going to come out. It's in post. He's editing. We'll probably just have a difficulty book and a guest. That's her growing up at 21. One day my dad just went out to record a podcast and never came back. He said he was going out for batteries. He went out for content.

It is a big deal for you to abandon your kid for non-Thailand related reasons. I know. This might be a first. That's what I said. I said I was going to Thailand and my kid went, I understand. She wouldn't understand

about a podcast. Dad went out for pad thai and never came back. But yeah, what was your call forward? Oh yeah, I was trying to think. I,

it was my, our wedding anniversary the other day. Okay. Five years since the infamous wedding where... The infamous wedding.

Well, I guess on this... Wait, is this your wedding anniversary? Yes. The infamous wedding. Well, in your house, you'd like to imagine that it has a bit more than infamy. Yeah. Why was it infamous? Was it like the red wedding?

That's not the language I use with my wife where I went... The other day I said, remember the infamous time five years ago when we Turn into your wife now infinitely infamously we are betrothed Yeah, yeah, yeah remember

that infamous white dress you wore five years ago It's like my mum whenever she like says she's got a plan she'll be like I have a secret evil plan and you'll be like

what is it? She's like I'm going shopping I'm going to get a new jacket I'm going to come home I'm like that's not a secret evil plan but any plan is a secret evil plan Yeah, but it does cover the one day when she's like I's not a secret evil plan, but any plan is a secret evil plan. But it does cover the one day when she's like, I've got a secret evil plan, and you don't bother asking her

because you think she's going to... You're like, oh, she's just going to go to the shops. I'm killing a person. I want to see a dead body finally. Roll credits, deadlock. That's great. I've never seen a dead body in real life. It's really annoying me.

I guess I'm going to have to make my own. I want to experience everything. We have dead body at home he's just sick the dead body at home and

it's just a mannequin it's not the same mum it's home brand it's from

Audi so the wedding anniversary yeah it was five years since I say the

infamous because on this show afterwards I made quite a big deal of it really showed me the difference

between normal people and comedians because one side of the the the wedding guests were normal people and some of my mates normal people but my wife's sorry but then but then for those people but then so the story was they all everyone to a person brought a wedding gift out of the comedians about 20 of the people people brought wedding gifts. And it was just like, you fucking scumbag. They're all sitting around at your wedding. I got wedding madness. Yeah, they're all drinking the nice booze at your wedding.

That's why I'm here. That's why I'm here. Absolutely, yeah. I made the list of all the people that didn't bring presents. I think you were asking them if they were special needs. Not in those words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were just going around asking everyone for money, actually yeah i had present needs uh and so uh uh it was wedding

anniversary the other day i five years yeah five years congrats thank you and which one is that yeah my wife yeah it's gonna be a hell of a hard thing to get her for a present is it paper what are you talking like Wood I don't know I'm going to look it up Does it start at five I thought it started

At like 30 Or like a real big gap I think they give you Shitty ones for a while Where it's like It's the frog Or whatever Yeah yeah yeah

It's just like Whatever's around the room It's the fucking Leaf anniversary Yeah yeah yeah It's the milk anniversary Wood's a tough one It's like

Okay Wood's better than... There's worse than wood. Yeah. We'll get married after five years and we're going to get wood. No. Yes.

Yes. We've got wood in years. Here we go. Yes. In five years. Yeah. Oh, it is wood. Is it five years?

It represents the strong roots in your relationship. Strong roots. Strong roots with the wood. Yeah, furniture. What about... What was before five years? I'll find a list of all of them. Yeah. Strong roots. Strong roots with the wood. Yeah, furniture. What was before five years? I'll find a list of all of them.

Yeah. It might take me some time, though. So you found a list that's just on, like, what? FiveYearWeddingAnniversary.com? We're not getting into any of the others on here. No, no, no. That was the other way around. He took a risk and just looked up wood.com.

Five years. He was just panicked. He was like, oh, yeah, it's definitely wood. It's definitely. Definitely the first thing anyone said. Wood, or as you might know it, the five-year wedding anniversary gift. He'd already been Googling wood all morning. Here we go. It just already popped up.

That's why I call it morning wood. Yeah. Are you special needs? Well, I do have ADHD. So then I was like, what is special needs? Like, am I like, if I'm non-neurotypical, like I'm like, maybe. Does ADHD stand for a distracting Hamilton dance? Yes.

That's good. How come you're quicker on that than you are on fucking anniversary fucking things? Yeah. I've got them now. All right, here we go. There's traditional things. There's got to be a one year.

And modern. There is. There's one for every year. Yes. Okay, right. Do you want the traditional themes or the modern themes? Let's do the first five in both forms. Okay.

That's good. One through five in traditional is paper, cotton, leather, linen, or fruit, depending if you're the UK or the US. Fruit is the linen of America, and then wood. Big leap from cotton to then leather and linen. Yeah, I know. It gets saucy real quickly. I was like, horny.

Year three, it's like, let's get horny. It's like paper, scissors, rock, where where it's like is cotton better than paper leather linen cotton is that the right order do you think yeah paper paper being I guess paper

is the worst one but then like eighth year is salt in the UK oh yeah that is an interesting thing of whoever ordered that there had to be a conversation

going what's best out of salt and cotton nah salt's heaps better well you know I've got high blood pressure so I'm going to have to terminate the marriage at year seven.

I'm not going to be able to handle that. I don't want to be rude. My doctor said I've got to get that out of my diet, so I guess get the fuck out of my house, honey. There's only one thing for it. Divorce. I like plain spaghetti, so get the fuck out.

They run out, too. Year 26 is pictures. Okay. That's not even a material. No. I don't like pictures. It goes pictures, then sculptures, then orchids. They've run out of objects by then. Again, huge leap from just a photo of something to then the next year it's like, better start

working the very next day. Get the fucking chisel out. That's what you got me 20 years ago. Get whippling. So that's the old school. What about the modern one? Oh, yeah, the new school. Hey, Knox, can you pass me 20 years ago. Get whippling. So that's the old school. What about the modern one? Oh yeah, the new school. Hey Knox, can you pass me that little toy giraffe, please?

Yeah, of course. Is the new school one going to be like, one year, Instagram soft launch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Second year. So this is the modern, this is like the... So you're in a relationship on Facebook. Yeah, I hope it's...

Access to your Snapchat so you can trust each other. You're my password. This is like, you know, there was the old Seven Wonders of the World,, there was the old Seven Wonders of the World. Now there's the new Seven Wonders of the World. Right, which is like Warner Brothers Movie World or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Police Academy stunt show.

Janina Garofalo standing next to a poster for the Gruffalo. Vaguely near it. If it was real. Imagine if it happened, yeah. In the same city. They argue about whether the Colossus of Rhodes ever existed. She's like that. I bet now that you've said it, I bet she was going out, like if she saw that she was coming near

one of those posters, crossing the street immediately. Not wanting to give cunts like you the satisfaction. I feel pictured in, you can't control what I imagine, Janine. I like the idea that she just keeps walking past them really slowly and if people go like,

she just like glares at them. I love the idea she's just like, no one will ever believe you yeah that's it Bill Murray style I love the idea she was standing in front of it

and then just turned around did a double take goes holy fuck I gotta get away from this and then knocks she's over the road

going nah too slow I gotcha so the modern ones the first year is clocks oh yeah something

alright okay that's better than paper second year is China China which, yeah. That's something. All right. Okay. That's better than paper. Second year is China. China. Which would be almost anything. Like the country?

Yeah. Well, all of China? How much do you want me to get all of China for our second year anniversary? Yeah, yeah. Fuck, what am I getting for the third year? Talk about a bride's hour! Got her the coronavirus. I said it loud so that it would be funny. Over the noble coronavirus.

It was funny. It was funny. Yeah, a little trip up to Wuhan for year number two. I gave you COVID. And yeah, that's second anniversary. Third anniversary, we won't have any

because you won't need one. This is weird because then it goes third year crystal... The third anniversary is vaccine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fourth one is hospital bed. Fourth year, India.

Fifth year, Malaysia. No, third year, crystal glass. Fourth year, appliances in brackets, electrical. Fifth year... Appliances in year, Malaysia. No, third year, crystal glass. Fourth year, appliances in brackets, electrical. Fifth year. Appliances in brackets, electrical. What other appliances are there? What's a wooden appliance?

I don't know. A spoon. My vacuum with a crank that I have to wind up. Mechanical television. Fifth year, silverware. And then sixth year, wood. So it just is The same things But in a different order

I reckon big wood Has gotten to this list Yeah How's wood better than They're on the take You mean a tree Yeah yeah yeah Big forest

Yeah we'll go around forest Fucking typical They're everywhere now Yeah yeah yeah Fucking sell out Fucking nature When this used to just be A beautiful barren field

And then they got in the pocket of big wood. Disgusting. All right, so that's five years. That's five years. Yeah, so it was either like, I forget, wood or a different thing. Yeah. So go home with either silverware or wood. Swing past Mitre 10 on the way home.

Just get like a plank. Silverware. Well, this is the good thing. So it was the anniversary of the day. I didn't remember. I get a phone call from my mother saying, happy anniversary. And I'm like, what? And she's like.

We're not married. I know we're close. You have special needs? What's going on? I know we both have the same name, last name, but I don't think that's how that works. Happy anniversary of me being born. Could this be any more of an eatable relationship? Yeah, she's Mrs. Chandler from Friends.

She's Monica from Friends. Oh my God, do you want to know Friends, guys? So I was working on this TV show. I would love to know Friends. You want Friends, guys? Basically like this show. They're actually just actors. What?

They're not real? Well, so one of the things on this show is they've got, there's like, they have this running thing where if you find an immunity idol that's like hidden in the room, if you do a challenge. This is in the cop show? This isn't in Friends? Oh, no, this is, no, this is in the writer's room

that I'm working on. They're always trying to incentivise us to. I assume this is still the cop show for some reason. Like, oh, weird cops. Oh, I thought it was Friends. He's got the idol. We can't catch him. I was on Survivor filming.

I was like, why is Phoebe trying to find an immunity idol? What the fuck is this? Yeah, I was like, it's not amazing. I think you've gotten them switched up. Maybe I don't even work in TV. Maybe I just am putting them all together. I was just thinking of Alone when I was stranded in the wilderness in Tasmina. I'm sorry.

I've just been in a box this entire time. I feel like whatever fever you have is catching and we're all fucking getting it. Oh,ina. I'm sorry. I've just been in a box this entire time. I feel like whatever fever you have is catching and we're all fucking getting it. Oh yeah, I'm a virus. It's that Father's Day madness, baby. We're all revved up. So you are in a writer's room

of another TV show and you're about to tell us something you learned about Friends in that writer's room. There's little fun games that we had when we were on this TV show.

When we were working in the writer's room, that meant we could get a joke immunity idol. And basically the premise is if we get this immunity idol, when it goes through to do punch-ups or whatever, if they don't like a joke and you do, you can be like, I'm going to play my immunity idol, and you get to save your joke.

Oh, great. So you're making the show worse just within a little game that you have within it. Yeah, but you can get just one little tiny idol at a time. But it's always, there's like tasks. So there's going to be, this show's going to come out, there's going to be a real clunker in there and you're just like, ah, that was me, we had a little game. It's like an offensive joke and you're getting cancelled and you're like,

guys, I have the immunity idol, you've got to back off, okay? Why did Minnie Mouse say the N-word? Oh, okay, that's okay then everyone's got tiki torches this is like Survivor but they're marching the tribal council's fired up well one of the games we had to do was we had to so they had like was it four different cups in front of us and one had diet coke one had regular coke one had pepsi max and one had Zero. And we had to be able to tell which one was correct. We all got it wrong. No one got the immunity.

The second game we had was so they know people that worked on Friends and we had to put in order the worst to best Friends actors on the show. Like to be around. To work with. To work with. And so I was like, I can tell you, but I want you guys to guess first. Who's the worst friend? Who's the worst friend?

This is really weird. I just saw, I get the most bullshit articles show up on my Facebook feed or whatever. I think I read that. And I just saw it being like. You'll never believe which Liverpool FC player was at this dog shit comedy gig. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah.

And the article was like, I can't remember. Why even bring it up if you can't? If you look up below, it's Janine Garofalo. Next to a picture of a Garofalo. Yeah, you have really been clickbaiting us with all your headlines on this podcast. You guys won't believe the reason I've done it. You'll never believe what Adam Knox looks like now. Feel old yet?

This is how long Adam's been doing stand up Oh my god You'll never believe With this raw finalist Who is 17 In 2002 Now You're a little baby

Stand up coming In 2006 I was 16 Dang it Fuck 32 Fine age You're running your own race It's like you

And then it's like What's that fucking rapper That's really famous Alexander Hamilton Yeah You were like It's you and all day You were like an Olsen twin

And now you're the fucking wizard Of fucking Harry Potter Or whatever Like it's a big Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe No no Famous dropkick

Daniel Radcliffe No one of the old ones. Dumbledore. One of the long hair. J.K. Rowling. No. Oh, my God. We do have some similarities.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, okay, so I watched a lot of The Rings recently, and in the first five minutes of the first movie, Gandalf and Bilbo smoke weed, and they go, how good is this weed? And then they blow a little ship through a ring of weed, and you're like, nobody told me that this nerd shit was cool it's the inspiration for dude where's my car and i'm like in the second one they take

a pinger and they go to all night rave like oh so good all right so order lisa kudrow it was the article i read that was like lisa kudrow is actually a bitch all right so i don't reckon that i don't know all right, you'll have to know. Also, I just want to say, this is all alleged and like nothing is confirmed. Yes. People's own opinions

on how others are are often wrong. Yes, and also it was at that time in the, so apparently maybe they could have changed. Yeah, worst to best. Yes.

Matthew Perry worst. Being, I just wanted to say that. That's good, that's good. to say that. That's good. That's good. That's good. I reckon if they worked with him right after Lost in Space had failed, Matt LeBlanc.

Hang on. Should we be doing a group one, the three of us? I'm going to be a real Matthew Perry about this and go solo. Everybody. No, yeah, yeah. What do you reckon? All right. so you're saying lisa kudrow you read a thing so let's put it towards the bottom yeah is it it's it's hard it's hard to not say courtney cox is hard to work with just because of the character yeah i know i'm kind of thinking maybe like because jennifer erniston got so famous off i mean they all. But the ones who were the most successful outside of Friends

would be the easiest to work with would be my assumption, and that's why they got more stuff. So, like, Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston, I reckon, would be fine. Yeah. I reckon Matt LeBlanc surely would be fine. I got a feeling. God, look at this fucking Sherlock Holmes deductive reasoning. I should have written for Deadline.

Detective shit. It's hard because it's hard to not factor the character in because I want to believe that Matt LeBlanc's a cool guy. I want to believe

that he is Joey. He's a going He hosted Top Gear for a while. He was on episodes and he played himself. Maybe that means he punches people

when he hosted Top Gear. I would think maybe Matthew Perry with his drug stuff maybe he's like kind of going under the radar. Maybe he's not that difficult to work with I like he's checked out a little bit. Maybe he's like kind of going under the radar. Maybe he's not that difficult to work with. I like he's checked out a little bit.

Yeah, he's like kind of doing his... No, no, no, but he has substance issues during the show. So surely that means that's harder to work with. Surely that's factored in. But that's what I mean. It's like maybe he's not... Who doesn't have substance issues during a show? Come on!

Do you know Friends was actually Shot in Tasmania For six months And that's why Matthew Perry So we can't be too harsh On any of them Yeah That's why they had The duck and the rooster

Because animals Would just wander in Because it's Tasmania I guess we have to Write them in Yeah that monkey Was just from the wilderness Alright

Let's pick an easiest Okay I'm gonna I do think I see Lisa I could see Lisa Kudrow being the hardest. Sure. Yeah.

And she's playing two characters, so she'd be double as hard. She's twins. She's got twins. Twins are creepy. Well, let's give her a break because she's obviously schizophrenic on the show. So let's put her on the bottom then. Okay. Is that it?

She's the hardest. I think Matthew Perry harder, but Lisa Kudrow second. second all right yeah okay and then you're really driving this ship yeah i'm happy to sign off on that okay okay in terms of hardest to work with matthew perry lisa kudrow yeah um uh uh who oh fucking ross you think Schwimmer, tough work? I reckon Schwimmer's taking it too seriously. Third hardest? Yeah. Because he was the big serious actor. He was the board treader.

Before the show, yeah. No, good point. Okay. Okay, then it's got to be Courtney Cox then. Then Courtney Cox. I reckon then LeBlanc. Then Aniston. Is that you looking it in?

Aniston. I reckon she'd be chill. All right. Let's flip. Let's flip. I want to put Aniston. Yeah, I want to put. Let that you locking it in? I reckon Aniston easiest. I reckon she'd be chill. All right, let's flip. I want to put Joey easiest. Joey easiest. Okay, all right, we can flip Joey and Aniston. Aniston second easiest.

Holy shit. You got it all 50% right. Okay. All right. Genuinely so disappointing. We got it all 50% right. My heart was racing. I was like, this is going to be electric. Even if it all 50% right. My heart was racing. I was like, this is going to be electric.

Even if it's all completely wrong, that's still great. I was like, this is so exciting, but it means nothing. We were on the right track. We just had to flip the list upside down and we'd have it correct. Awesome. Well, you got all the easiest ones. Matt LeBlanc, easiest, supposed to be great. Jennifer Aniston, supposed to be lovely.

And Courtney Cox, also supposed to be good. You're all fine. You're chilling. You're chilling. But the worst one, David Schwimmer, was apparently he called himself the Schwimm. The Schwimm's here. It's the Schwimm. The Schwimm doesn't like this joke.

You know, like that's the kind of guy. And what's bad about him? That's awesome. But Das thinks that rules. I think he was just a real cunt. Like I just think that was probably like, but I think also the thing that makes that funnier is that Matthew Perry was the second worst to work with

and he was like going through, like had substance abuse issues and was a cunt, a drug addicted cunt. He's got a reason. And just swim was still worse than his. Just for being a thespian, I reckon that's literally all it is. The board tread coming in and being like...

Like a fucking theatre kid. According to Stanislavski. I lived with a monkey for three months before filming. That's great that the crew at some stage were going up to Ross, what's his name, to swimmer and going, could you try some heroin or something just take the edge off a bit yeah move back a position maybe on the list i mean yeah a guy coming in who's like a trained like done shakespeare and stuff

coming in and being like oh yeah gunter's you know gunter's kind of gay is he but he's got this crush i guess that's funny it It would drive you insane. I reckon he would have had a... Why are we all sharing the same long sandwich in this press photo? The swim does not approve of this long sandwich. Surely we'd each have our own milkshake. Why do we all have to dance in this fountain?

No one told me life was going to be this way. Alright, yeah, that's good goss. That is good goss. And then Lisa Kujo is the first. No one told me life was going to be this way. All right. Yeah, that's good goss. That is good goss. And then Lisa Cujo was the first. All right. So in return, we'll give you this info.

We'll number all the guests that have ever been on this show from best to worst. Okay? All right. Let's go. Number one, worst, Nina O'Yon. Number two, Adam Knox. Bad memory. Bad memory Number two, Adam Knox. Bad memory. Bad memory.

Makes up stories. Big gossip, can't remember the names of people. Or comedy's own Adam Knox. Child star Adam Knox. The Harry Potter of comedy. Do you know I watched your Raw? Because you were like 17, right? Yeah, 16 or 17 or something.

Yeah, and I would have watched that and been like, wow, it's possible for a teenager to do comedy and then start a comedy yeah yeah that is you inspired me oh well

yeah you're the reason I'm in comedy now fuck Knox you should go back and watch his own thing no one knows the pixies but everyone who came

to see him started an Nina Royale Manabona you're the the velvet underground of comedy that's who I'm trying

to think of the velvet underground the Jesus Lizard. That was like Kurt Cobain's favourite band. I'm like, nobody knows who the fuck they are. That's me. The Jesus Lizard. Yeah, yeah.

People come and see you do comedy, then kill themselves. Yeah. That's who you are. They go, Jesus Lizard's bad at comedy. All right. All right. What about this? What about this, guys?

So this is a little project we've been working on. We talked about a little while back. So talking about rock and roll, talking about music. So you guys are aware of the rock and roll. It's a very modern genre. I know. You get rid of rock and roll. It's kind of like jazz.

You know, skiffle music. Jesus was kind of the original rock star. The Hamilton of its day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm saying that terminology because there is, you would have heard of the Rock rock star. The Hamilton of its day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm saying it in that terminology because there is, you would have heard of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in America, right? Yeah. Every year they'll name a bunch of people.

I think there's some sort of rule like you've got to have been started at comedy for however long. How long have you been doing comedy? For clarification, is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame like the Spleen Comedian of the Year Hall of Fame? It's not as prestigious as that but yeah it's up there

and also it still exists because we took the wait Spleen's not here anymore no no no no Spleen Comedy Spleen is still there

but we had all the like the Hall of Fame we had pictures of all the comedians of the year and then someone came in and did a paint job and just chucked out all the pictures

and then we went oh I guess we're not doing this anymore so fuck it or we'd have to go down to Officeworks again and buy frames so fuck it my favorite gig at that i did was someone had taken a shit in the alleyway and it was the biggest shit i've ever seen in my life and they tried to they there's like all these scrunched up paper around that had like skin marks on it's like someone had taken paper like from a printer and wiped their ass with yeah like how'd they have that there was

like a dot like a like a yellow folder you know those like yellow sleeves are they manila ones oh no just like a sleeve like an envelope this was what we talked about for a long time on the show the the shit that looked like an ice cream out the back yeah it was crazy and then i took a photo of it and then i just that was my just showed people the photo of the shit because it was so nuts. That shit was famous on the show because we were talking about it and Carl described it as looking like brown ice cream. Yeah. Not chocolate, brown.

The flavour of brown. But it wasn't melting. It wasn't ice cream because it was solid. There was a bunch of us sitting there really waiting for it to melt. Going, if we wait here long enough, we'll know which one it is. It'll become liquid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, we've got to get those ghastly photos off the wall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen a dead body, but I have seen a chocolate gelato shit. That nearly created some dead bodies. So Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in America. And every year people get inducted into it. Everyone treats it like a big deal. Oh, this David Bowie's in it this year or whatever. You've got to have been doing music for like, what, 20 years or plus?

Yeah, 20 years. So every year there'll be new bands are eligible to be inducted into the rock and roll. And people get excited about it because it's like, oh, it's this official thing. And then we were talking about it on the show a little while back and just going, you know what? That's the thing. Someone just made that up. It's not like the gods of rock and roll came down and went, you know, I knight i knight thee sir rock and roll or whatever like it's it's just some cunt got the fucking trademark of the name of it it's a business idea yeah in the back of a shed in

fucking idaho or something it's all just like capitalism like all these constructs are just like made up by like random guys they're like just trying to make money off us man if i can think about how the words made up were made up yeah it's so crazy man how did they make them up how do they know what to say not even measure fame look it's just fully subjective it's like crazy because ross seems chill on the show but like he's bad in real life apparently Swim. Swim. So we go. All right, David. We go. There's no Australian Comedy Hall of Fame.

No. So, and like some dude just owns the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in America. He just owns it now. They just decide who goes into it or whatever. So then we're like, why don't we get in on the deal? There's no, we can just do it. So I bought the domain, Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. Right.

And so now we've got our designer. We've got our designer. And you graphic designed that yourself, I presume? No, no. You paid someone else to do it?

Yes, yes, yes. We got a web guy onto it. Yeah, we got Joel. Joel Goodman. Oggs. Oggs Design. Oggs Design up in Townsville.

Dot com dot au? Yes. Okay. It's Australian. So yeah, dot au. No, no, no. It's not au. Ox Design Ox Design up in Townsville.com.au yes okay it's Australian so yeah.au no no no it's.au .gov

it's.gov it's Australian government website .edu because it's educating yeah and then who's in the hall of fame and then.com

.com for comedy it's Oz .com for comedy it's Oz ascom for comedy. It's Oz as in the best way of spelling it, O-Z. Oh, right. That seems less prestigious than writing the full Australian. Yeah.

Oz Comedy Hall of Fame.com. Here it is. You didn't do this because it's got the fucking basement comedy font right at the top. You just used the same template. I did it. No,. Yeah, I did. No, you know what I did. This is the killer wanting to get caught because the whole idea of this was that we would put this out and other than talking about it on the show, we want the listeners to kind of keep this a secret. We don't want people to know this is us. Right.

We just kind of want this to appear and have a big online presence. Yes. And people in the industry to be going, who started this? Who started the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame? I think everyone will care about this so much. Who could have started this website? What's it say down the bottom here? Appearing this Saturday night at the Basement Comedy Club,

we have Hughsy and Dave O'Neill. Who could have made this website? The Comic Slam? You just need a few more red hot memes to put on there. That's the idea. No one knows it's us. A, people wonder who's behind it. Oh my God.

But B, people then get annoyed that they're not nominated or why isn't this person nominated. This is what I want. I want listeners, whoever, to put this out there and go, why aren't these people nominated? I want people to share it around. This is a travesty. This is a disgrace.

This is the first time you're talking about this on the show. Do you know how I can tell? Because down the bottom, you've got a little counter that says Facebook likes and it says two. You're able to vote for whoever you want and it says total votes, two. Yes. Kyle and Tommy. Hey, for something that hasn't been put out publicly at all

That's actually pretty big That's pretty good Yeah That's pretty good Because I didn't vote And Tommy hasn't voted yet I haven't voted yet Our web guy's trying to

Get away with a landslide For one of our nominees It's the bots Our web guy's trying to go Oh man I put it up there And you know You build it and they all come You know

Ordering a couple of votes So That is embarrassing I wish we could get the counter off the page I was trying to go, oh, man, I put it up there and, you know, you build it and they all come. You know, I already get a couple of votes. That is embarrassing. I wish we could get the counter off the page. I hate to see that. That will be, I will make an email after this. So this is the idea. So I've got, I want people to believe it.

I want this to get to the Daily Mail. I want this on the Daily Mail as an article. When Tommy gets on OnlyFans, I'm sure it will be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want this to be a news story where people go, oh my God, there's finally an Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. I've written up a press release and I'm going to start sending out to your pedestrians and websites like that.

I want to try and get some... Absolutely. Because this is the thing we talked about when we first riffed about it. And like I said, in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, it's like in some... It's like not in New York or anything like that. It's in some bumfuck state. So it's like a tourist attraction.

So we just sort of made up and said, you know, we'd house it in Albury-Wodonga. Immediately, one of the tourism officers of Albury-Wodonga hit us up to go, can we please make this a thing? Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, there really is nothing going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why did we decide that it should be Aubrey Wodonga? I've just made up a rhyme. I can't remember what the reason is. No, I like it because it's a smack bang between New South Wales and Victoria. It's accessible to Melbourne listeners and Sydney listeners. They can meet in the middle. It makes it seem real because I was reading the description on the website and it's saying being housed in a permanent location in Albury-Wodonga

does make me think, oh, okay, no one would lie about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, but does that work? It's like, will anyone actually fucking go there? Because it's not in Sydney or Melbourne. It's like, yeah, you've just got to drive four hours south. Well, it's a tourist trap. It's like the dog in the tucker box five miles from Gundagai, you know.

You stop in there. It's the open mic-er on the tucker box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It you stop in there it's the open mic on the tucker box yeah every famous you get a comedy burger on the way through some cunt on the tucker box yeah

it works because every famous tourist trap is famously underwhelming you know you go out of your way to see it and it's like there it is

a little statue looks like the photo well this is the thing so we're you know what isn't it a story with the dog on the tucker box is that his owner left and died and never came back and with the dog on the tucker box is that his like

owner left and died and never came back and the dog waited with the tucker box every day so it's like what's the open mic version it's like yeah

he got up every night to do gigs and never got discovered and legend has it it's a statue it's a statue of someone if you close your eyes

at night you can still hear through the wind am I right ladies do a comedy for the first time it's a lot like having sex for the first time. It's a statue of someone waiting outside. We don't do that.

She didn't look like my photo. It's a statue of someone waiting outside, splitting, waiting to sign up. Yeah. And then the door's never opening. I mean, maybe we should put the dog on the tucker box into the nominees for the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. No, but that's pretty funny.

That's a great idea. We haven't talked about that, like what we would be doing in Albury-Wodonga, but having a little statue somehow. Yeah. We want some. Well, on the seventh wedding anniversary of the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame,

we can make a little statue. Oh, well, in the first, we can have a paper statue on the first anniversary. We can have a wooded one. A cotton statue. So anyway, they've hit us up. They want something to do with the Aubrey-Wodonga tourism. We were thinking maybe we do a show there.

Then we thought, look, the first one we're going to do. You were like, no, I'm not going there. No, no, no. Fuck. I'm fine. I'm fine with going there. Do a show. No.

Maybe we thought we're going to combine it. So we've got an upcoming show. So you're going to get the Aubrey crowd and the Wodonga crowd. They'll never get along. You're going to meet in the Murray River. Yeah. So we're going to do an Australian Comedy Hall of Fame induction ceremony on October the 22nd, Saturday night in Melbourne.

How's that in Melbourne? But we'll figure out a way of having a permanent space in Albury-Wodonga somehow. We'll have to take a plaque and we'll have to put it... Maybe we'll get whoever we induct. We have a kind of a Popemobile set up waiting out the front of the Comics Lounge that just drives them straight up to Albury-Wodonga. Because we've got to protect them at all costs.

Like a bulletproof bus. That does mean you may have to rig this because only half of these nominees are going to agree to that. You've got the gun on the inside. We've been carefully thinking about who we should have nominated. We wanted to make it look slightly convincing but then slightly enjoy what's going on as well. A couple of people in there that will really annoy people

who are famous and good at comedy and aren't nominated. Because Noxy's already looking at this. I don't need to ask him. I'll just say this to Nina. Oh, he's already on it, I feel like. That's good. I can't even get on to the fake comedy awards. So these are the nominees, and we're going to change one of them.

But anyway, so Noxie, just go along with what we're saying because one of these is slightly changing. And all these people got a text that was like, come down to Aubrey Wodonga on Sunday night. It's in your best interest. It's in your best interest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've got to learn about that.

Well, for starters this is what it says. We might edit it slightly but the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame is currently taking votes for its first ever inductions

because also we've got to decide is it one or two or how many people are we going to induct. Established in 2022 and being housed in a permanent location

in Aubrey Wodonga, the hall honours the legends who made Australian comedy what it is today. Now, then we've got the nominees who are Will Anderson, stand-up and podcast star. So people see that. It's like, yeah, this is money. He's also on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't forget that.

Too many L's in his name there as well on the website. I did notice that. But again, yeah, we'll get on to Joel. Yeah, it's Anderson, not Landerson. It's not Landerson all. Well, we pay him to design, not to spell. So that's fair enough. We can edit that.

The next one is slightly changed. We're going to have Carl Barron. Carl Barron in there. Yeah, of course. You look at those. We'll later you're you're a little young oh yeah yeah is that actually i went to see your show because i thought it was kyle barron kyle barron from friends so you you know you your daily mail you know reader will see that and go yeah this is legit

you know what this is legit. This is no mucking around. You've got two big names here. You've got Fiona O'Loughlin, First Lady of Comedy in there. Hannah Gadsby, Netflix superstar. Maybe a bit of controversy in there. You can get some people going, oh, how dare you. I don't know. I think everyone will be pretty chill about Hannah Gadsby.

No, no, no. But look, I'm saying Daily Mail. Sure, but then the next person will get the other group going. Do people read the Daily Mail? Like, are they just there to look at people in bikinis? Maybe. You just need someone in a bikini. Yeah, just the dumbest cunts on the internet

who are going to Daily Mail for comedy updates. How they learn about the world. Well, maybe back to back for the first time ever right next to Hannah Gadsby on the side

is Dame Edna Everidge so two of the great female comedians of our time I feel like that's going to

reflect more on you than it will on the website whoever's running the comedy hall of fame

the people up the top the brass at big comedy how are you going to do the top, the brass at big comedy. How are you going to do the induction, by the way? Because someone was showing me the heart induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, yeah, the band Heart.

The band Heart, because I'm a Heart fan. Right. Barracuda. Yes. No, I just saw three of those. I was like, yeah. But someone was showing me... I was really high, and so were they,

but they were a bad high person to be around that's like you have to do this you have to concentrate on watching this show they showed me the heart induction into the hall of fame and is it robert plant that guitarist from he was a singer from led zeppelin singer from led zeppelin so they cover led zeppelin and it's like it's like a medal ceremony where like robert plant is wearing a suit and he's watching heart and he's crying and my friend was like look he's crying because heart are so beautiful they're such a like you know is that what you're gonna do you have yeah yeah comedians cover oh yeah dave fuser snakes alive that's very funny that you were made to sit there and concentrate to watch that because you were like dancing at hamilton but then when there was music playing

sitting perfectly still. So it's still going like this. Lock on. Well, I should be saying, because there's a slight description. Yeah, no wonder I'm confused. I know, you're all backwards. We'll put a bit more detail in,

but we've just got like tiny little grabs of like who they are for a bit of context. So it's like Will Anderson, stand-up and podcaster. Carl Barron, a legend of Australian comedy. Fiona Lachlan, first lady of comedy.

Hannah Gadsby, Netflix superstar. Dame Edna Everidge, man in dress. Yep. Dave Hughes, you don't know Hughes? Because there's a bit of a catchphrase

within shows. It's a nice little bit of a wink in there. Yeah, maybe, yeah, this is giving up the ghost a little bit. I'm worried now. Maybe we'll change it. Maybe we'll change it. No, but it's like people,

it's like, you don't know Hughes? Like, yeah, that leads itself to normal people going, of course you've heard of him. But maybe just... Everybody knows Hughes for his comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe sneak it in just a little bit more. I have no idea what's going on. I've just started dancing while I'm listening. Nina's our Daily Mail reader. She doesn't understand the reference, so it's fine. What about Dave Hughes, brackets, 7-Elevens, Snakes Alive.

Oh yeah? That's his big credit. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, that's his credit. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, people go like,

Channel 7's Packed to the Rafters, 7-Elevens, Snakes Alive. Well, maybe we put him back-to-back with Hannah Gadsby and we'll have Hannah Gadsby,

brackets, Nanette, Dave Hughes, brackets, Snakes Alive. Yeah, there you go. Maybe that's it. Yeah, you just do

their most famous bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Maybe that's it. Yeah, you just do their most famous bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Perfect. Perfect. What's Will's really famous bit? Roots Kids. You know how he does a bit about how he went to Roots Canada?

No. I don't remember this. No. This is a bit spicy for the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. No, no, no. There's a shop in, I'm just doing the joke now. But I just remember because I thought it was really funny, which is like there's a shop...

Maybe it's not really funny. Maybe it's funny. I don't know. But it's like he was on a gala like a million years ago. Right. Like back when I was doing comedy. Yeah. Back when I watched the gala.

All the Adam Knox content. It was like he went to Canada and there's a shop called Roots. That's like a cotton on or whatever And then there's a kids version And it's called Roots Kids And so he took a picture And it was like Under the Roots Kids sign

Yeah no we believe you That it's a bib But we're not putting that On the website But we should I was like you shouldn't do that It would be bad form We'll do it

We'll put the link We'll link to it We'll link to it But it does say Roots Kids Roots Kids Again I'm looking for those Clicks from the Daily Mail Yeah we'll get We it. We'll link to it, but it does say Roots Kids. Again, I'm looking for those clicks from the Daily Mail.

Yeah, we'll get the pedo vote. That's something. That's something. Looks like we found the pedophile. Yeah, exactly. So,

all right, all right. So, we've got all that. That's a little work there. Ostentatious is the next one. Now, we've got Ostentatious in there

because he is, we talked about this a little, a couple of weeks ago as well, he's this weird Pennywise from It style character where he just pops up every seven years and attacks us on social media and we don't know why, like at random. And then he attacks us. Like our podcast.

He does it for no reason and now we're giving him a reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His whole bit as well he's like if he gets heckled or someone yells at him he pretends to be blind he takes off the sunglasses and then like makes his eye the whites of his eyes shine and then he's like he's like and that's really yeah oh that's dude i have like a dictionary of like jokes in my mouth like yeah yeah that is really good but that's like his whole shtick. Speaking of people online, he'll have a go and then you have a go back

and he's like, you're an anti-Semite. He's always got that up the sleeve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Immediately. It's like, no, I called you a cunt, man. That's not a religious thing. It's got nothing to do with Palestine, buddy. It's a pretty good comeback, though,

because I don't know how to respond to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got me. You have to resort to it because you can't, on the internet, take your glasses off and pretend to be to that. He's got me. You need to resort to it because you can't on the internet take your glasses off and pretend to be fucking blind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just sending back a photo of yourself.

I'm like, I wasn't an anti-Semite but I am now, cunt. He's like, I can't see. Just mashing the keyboard and pressing N. I don't know what I'm writing. You can't see the borders between What does that matter as well? Why would I go like, oh my god, I'm writing. You can't see the borders between the two. What does that matter as well? Why would I go like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

You know what? The more we're talking about him, the more I'm thinking, I'm voting for him. This is all funny. This is all really good. Yeah, yeah. So he's in there. He's nominated. Because the other thing is, he's a good example.

If he sees this online, all of a sudden he starts pushing it out to his, let's say he has fans. And then he's possibly... Total votes. Yeah. More. So then all of a sudden he's turning up to the ceremony. He hears about the ceremony taking place. He rocks up to get his award if he thinks he's going to win.

And then if he's in, if he gets inducted, we're having to get up and cover it. Yeah. Oh, we cover Australiana, the song. Well, yeah. If that's what you're saying, that's what happens in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We've got to kind of follow that a little bit. There does have to be like a tribute performance to the act that we're putting in.

Right, right, right. So, yeah, you and I just having to learn Australiana, I guess. Yeah, well, I've got it there as like ostentatious. And then for his little blurb, just because I want to annoy him as well at the same time, this guy, ostentatious, sang then for his little blurb, just because I want to annoy him as well at the same time, this guy Ostentatious sang the hit single Australia. Just so he knows we've got it wrong. He's going to get pissed off at that. He's going to call that anti-Semitic instead of just I can't spell properly.

Sang the hit song Australia, Australia, this is you. Anti-Semitic pro-Semite. So he's in there Austin Tate so this is this is all looking pretty legit and we're slightly going a little bit

downhill here but anyway I feel like you should just do like if you're gonna do the tribute shit you just gotta do musical comics

as well you should do Chris Franklin and yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so Austin Tate is there

Dickie Nee Hey Hey Funny Man don't know who that is oh you know the puppet from Hey, Hey, Saturday. Man, I didn't watch Hey, Hey, Saturday. Sorry, one of the eight puppets from Hey, Hey, Saturday. I watched Saturday Disney.

One of the top 17 fucked in the head ideas from Hey, Hey, Saturday. Dude, was Australia in the 90s just all fucked puppets? Yeah. Man, it's so funny. Go watch old episodes of Hey, Hey, Saturday when famous American actors come on the show sometimes because they've been misbooked. And seeing Richard Gere or whatever come over

and have this emu talking to him and people doing little caricatures of him and sound effects and voiceovers. And they look so confused and unhappy the whole time they're there. It's sick. Especially Dickie Nee because the thing is, as the viewer, we see the back of the head of Dickie Nee.

We know it's a school cap with curly hair and whatever. But what they're seeing is the front of Dickie Nee. We know it's like a school cap with curly hair and whatever. But what they're seeing is the front of Dickie Nee, which isn't a face. It's a ball of electrical tape. So all they're seeing is Sylvester Stallone is seeing a ball of electrical tape pop up and go, Hello, Mr. Stallone. Why don't you hop in Molly's spa and suck him off? It's like, what the fuck is this? Are you rocking?

Would you punch Kylie Minogue? Who's that? I'm Rambo, cunt. What are you fucking doing with me? Harry Connick Jr. hated it. That's all acting is nowadays anyway. You get CGI things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I've got Dickie Nee, and then we've got Sam Pang, and this is just like literally to annoy Brett Blake. Brett Blake is just annoyed by the fact I've got a big poster of Sam Pang up at the Basement Comedy Club because he thinks Sam's only done like three gigs and it's like how dare you go to Officeworks and pay $35 for a laminated Matt A1 poster and put it up in the prestigious

Basement Comedy Club. So he's just very annoyed at that so that's why I'm putting him on here just so that people will vote for Sam Pang. Also Brett Blake, Sam Pang is famous cunt. Yeah. Yeah of course you can have a picture of Sam Pang. I agree and that's why his description is best stand-up in Australia,

dash Brett Blake. So you can vote for Sam Pang there. Again, this has really given up our cover here. No, no, no. I feel like if you just have a cover. Sorry. If you're just a normal person and you don't know any of that and you just see best stand-up in Australia, you go, yeah, okay.

Okay, sure. And you're not checking Brett Blake. You don't know who, yeah, sure. You don't know any of that and you just see best stand-up in australia you go yeah okay okay sure yeah yeah and you're not checking brett blake you don't know who yeah you don't know this story if you're not in this podcast you don't know that that's true that's true i think that's all good yeah i think that's you think you might be like a journalist or like a yeah you think you might be like a steve bennett figure right but if your cover is the people who don't know us won't know it's us then that cover would work also if you put your names on it. Because for them to have to not know who you are to not know who you are, that's not really cover. That's just being unknown.

We can still fix all this stuff. We've only had two votes so far, so it doesn't matter. If people don't know the reference, they'll just be like, oh, that's nice. They're doing that. And they're not going to know anything controversial. They'll be like, oh, great. Call me.

Yeah, okay, cool. It's a weird group of comedians yeah it makes sense but they wouldn't be like Sam Peng's not the number one comedian

why isn't Brett Blake on here Brett Blake thinks so and then last nominee Nick Capper and his credit had cancer so I think that's

does Nick have cancer he had cancer oh yeah so that's better it never comes back so now it's funny. I just thought he went bald.

Did you really? I was like, Nick's bald now. That's pretty fucking weird. He's got island madness too. Yeah, yeah. I was like, because he's got all that hair. He's got all that head. Lockdown was ages ago.

Why are you shaving your head? Yeah, yeah. Get over it. I was like, Britney's free now. So can I ask? I was like, Nick's free now. So, can I ask? I was like, Nick's in a conservatorship. No, he was pronounced chemotherapy. My dad's controlling my business.

He's taking you to hospital. And also, what business? They're pumping me full of drugs yet to kill the cancer. And also, you're pumping yourself full of drugs, you fucking 39 cancer and also you'll pump yourself full of drugs you fucking 39 year old unemployed layabout so remember how there were two votes hey i've heard he's a graphic designer yes you know can i do you know who the sorry sorry can i one second yeah on tiktok there was like a meme that was like if you're a sex worker you tell everyone you're an accountant and if you're ashamed to tell people that you're a sex worker you just say you're an accountant but it's like the same in comedy like if you're ashamed to tell people you're a sex worker, you tell everyone you're an accountant and if you're ashamed to tell people that you're a sex worker, you just say you're an accountant.

But it's like the same in comedy. Like if you're ashamed to tell people you're a sex worker, you'd be like, yeah, I'm a graphic designer. Yeah, exactly what I do at the airport. Graphic designer, yeah. See, I've got the emails to prove it. Do you know, I say I do the little noises

on radio stations. That's my job is to make the little... You do not. Because no one ever Asks about it That's what I say In like an Uber Or whatever I'll be like

Yeah you know When it goes That's me You don't do that At the airport though Do you? A hundred percent That's my job

That I say When I don't want to That is Just on that little Customs form I'm going to need A bigger form here How do you spell

How do you do that? You're like How do you spell you? How do you do that? You're like, how do you spell pow pow? Wait, no. Not guns. Ah. You know how there's two votes on the website already? Yes. Do you know who they're for?

No. Because I've just pressed view results. Oh, yeah. There shouldn't be that either. There's a view results so I can see how it's going. Right. I was going to make a joke before that I didn't do because you wanted to read out the names that the only person who would have Google alerts for

his name who would be likely to vote as those two votes on this was the person who has the two votes ostentatious. So he may have found it already. I think he's probably across it. I think the chances of this being someone else are very low. Yes. I mean,

right now I've looked at it. He's got a hundred percent of the votes so far. We need to find out. We need to contact Joel and go, did you put two votes in just to test that it was working? And if so, did you do them for, cause you would think if he was doing that,

he would then like reset the counter. He's a professional guy. He wants to give it to us with just like a blank slate. So yeah, you're absolutely. And if he was testing it, he wouldn't do two for the same person. He'd do two for multiple people.

And if Ostentatious was trying to do it, he'd try to get as many as he could, which would be two. Yeah. Ostentatious is probably like showing people, look, I've got more than Willie Anderson. I've got more than... Yeah. I've got more than Uzi. This podcast is starting to sound a little bit anti-Semitic.

Can we just... Can we tone it down? Noxy, can you tone it down a little bit, please? I've been told that I cannot. Can we tone it down? Noxy, can you tone it down a little bit, please? I've been told that I cannot. We need to get rid of people being able to see the results. That bottom little bit, yeah, yeah.

Just because at the moment he'll see. I mean, this could go out. We could get thousands of votes, but maybe we'll only get hundreds of votes. Who knows? We want to make it look like we're getting hundreds of thousands of votes, millions of votes. We know the days of having the little counter like we're getting hundreds of thousands of votes. Yeah, we don't. Millions of votes. We know the days of having the little counter down the bottom

of the GeoCity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're done. Yeah, we don't want that. No one's doing it anymore. So get that out there, guys. Retweet it. Put it on your Facebook pages, whatever.

Share it with people because it's a nice little shareable thing. Everyone will relate. Everyone's got fucking opinions about comedy, not about dramatic acting. No one's ever gone fuck Daniel Day-Lewis he fucking sucked

as a shoemaker or whatever in that movie that wasn't those shoes suck shit that was in real life he's a real shoemaker I'm a better shoemaker than that cunt

no one's doing that it's always like people got strong opinions about comedy this cunt isn't funny yeah yeah yeah all that sort of stuff it's always like

I remember I remember after my first gig someone in the office when I was a graphic designer came up and went, man, you did comedy. Yeah, you did comedy. Your first gig. And I was like, yeah.

And he goes, hey, tell Limo he sucks. I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. I just did one open mic spot. I'm not good enough to fucking tell anyone they suck. It'll be years before I could do that. There's a second section of your website. Can I talk about this real quick? You can.

The Australian Comedy Podcast Hall of Fame. Australian Podcast right up there with the best in the world. Choose which one is the first and duck D into the Hall of Fame. Can I read out which ones they are? You can. Because I've also looked at the voting results for these. Okay. It might give a...

I love that we have a woman in STEM in the room. Like a little IT guy looking at all the stats. I'm like a day man or average in STEM. the room. Like, little IT guy that's like looking at all the stats. I'm like a Damon or Everidge in STEM. Very out there. This will give away who you are. Little Dumb Dumb Club

is one and then the rest are like, what the fuck with Marc Maron? My dad wrote a porno. Comedy Bang Bang. Bill Burr Morning Podcast. Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

Joe Rogan Experience. Funny joke. None of them are Australian except for yours. Now, there's one vote been cast so far. 100% of the votes have gone to my dad wrote a porno.

So, Ostentatious has taken a little detour when he's come over to this website. So, now we know what he listens to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. I think he's just got Google Alerts on porno. Yeah. He really thinks he's getting it.

He's seen that come up and he's like, I'm not voting for this. Oh, he's going to vote against us. Dumb, dumb cunts. Yeah. So, yes, that is a little – look, at the ceremony we are – But if he really wanted to own you, he would have voted for the Joe Rogan experience, right? Like, that's the worst one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, that's the one for psychopaths. It makes it seem like it's quite a sincere vote. Look, I don't want to give – I don't want to have, you know, spoiler alerts for October the 22nd when we have the big ceremony. Spoiler alerts, not to be confused with Google. Austin Tejas,

if you're listening. I like that. Two votes for Austin Tejas and only one for the podcast is like huge drop, 50% drop off. Like, I can't be funny.

I'm not logging back into a new account for this one. So again, when this episode comes out, guys, we are lagging behind on the votes. So listeners of this show, if you can give us a few votes, we are behind at the moment.

Boost us up, yeah. If two people can get on there and vote for us so that we overtake My Dad Wrote a Porno. Yeah, even if you can just even get ostentatious to give us a chance on this podcast so you can go back and change your vote or something like that. Get him on! Personally, I hope you do not win the podcast section. That would be way funnier. Oh, no, look.

Well, you know, we'll check the votes. If we didn't win, fair's fair, except there is a little rule. I mean, it is the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame, so only Australian podcasts do qualify for it. So we'll see what happens. No, I do like the idea that we have to make contact with Bill Burr and be like, Hey, you know, you don't have to do anything about it, but you have won Best Australian Comedy Podcast at the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame.

There's a big induction ceremony happening. If you want to be there, it's up to you. Or Joe Rogan. Or Joe Rogan. You should imagine getting Joe Rogan to Aubrey, Wodonga. You should do it. If there's some sort of MMA fight going on in Aubrey or Wodonga. You should do it. If there's some sort of MMA fight going on in Aubrey or Wodonga at the same time. Or Polysiphon Festival.

Get Conor McGregor down there. A few mushrooms, a bit of wrestling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Open his mind. It's crazy because it's like two cities, but it's one city. It's really nuts. A wombat can tear you apart. So pretty exciting, guys.

So get out there, share it. Like I said, share it on your Facebook page or whatever because you'll have friends that have got strong opinions about comedy. They'll get on there. There's a few easy to have opinions about faces on the website. They'll all start voting and having their say. Well, Ostentatious now has three votes. Three nil.

God damn. Exciting stuff. History in the making. Well, when Barry Humphrey's Google Alerts, he's about this, he's going to have to get every jarmy onto this. Yeah, when his Google Alert for man in dress goes off. Very litigious. Any time the footy show was doing it, he was like,

I see you cunts in court. It's like Nick Giannopoulos. Yeah, exactly. Trademarking the comedy concept. Is it. It's like Nick Giannopoulos. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Trademarking the comedy concept. Is it too late to get Nick Giannopoulos on this? Maybe we should be putting him on here.

Oh, fuck. I think the Wogboy should be on there. Because we were talking before the show that it is probably funnier to leave Carl Barron off just because that is one

that really will fire people up. Yeah, if Carl Barron's not on there, people... No, I think you need it for legitimacy. Well, yeah, I'm torn between those two ideas.

He's the only person I ever see in Facebook comments or whatever when there's a comedy thing being like, where's Kyle Barron? Yeah, the only thing is, one thing you've never seen is anyone spell his name right. It's always, for some reason, people love Kyle Barron but don't know how his name is spelled. Kyle Barone. Ray's other brother.

Everyone loves Carl Barone yeah yeah so this is exciting guys get it out there we want people to be as confused as possible

and vote for this and think that it's a real thing yeah and make many of the people on this list think that they're up for

a legitimate award make many other people in comedy pissed off they're not nominated for it yep and get them along to see who gets

inducted who's going to have their paper statue in Albury Wodonga in one year's time and this podcast is sponsored by the tourism board of aubrey wodonga so everything that we say our reflect our opinions are the same as aubrey wodonga yeah we're gonna have to put that in if you have an issue with anything we say write a letter to the aub Wodonga Council, the tourism board. Take it up with them. We do represent them. Now, on top of that, to make it look even more legitimate, we do already, because we've been talking about this for a few weeks, already we have a sponsor for the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame.

So we have a legitimate sponsor. This is an actual real thing as well. So we've got the sponsor of Australian Comedy Hall of Fame is a new website called comedy.com.au. Comedy with three Ys. I was wondering how many Ys there is. Three Ys. Three Ys.

So this is it. Australian New Zealand's new home of comedy. Comedy. Tagline. Tagline. We're bringing back the C word. Now, this is a real thing by the way And you made this website too?

No, no, not ours I thought you had an actual sponsor I thought it was going to be like Toothpaste No, this is a real Toothpaste This is a real No, this is a real new hub of stand-up comedy online Oh yeah

I think DVDs and stuff like that as well They redirect you to a YouTube channel That, yeah, it's a bunch of... Of Mr. Hands. So weird. I don't know if anyone wants to be on these lists. Comedy Three Wise, featuring some of the most established stand-up comedians from around the world, along with new up-and-comers. The comedy label is focused on breaking stand-up specials on multiple digital platforms worldwide,

as well as theatrical and home video through our parent company, Bounty Films. Bounty Films is an Australian-owned independent film distribution company based in Melbourne and complemented by passionate and dedicated staff who have over 20 years of experience in the entertainment industry.

Bounty is committed to releasing films for both entertainment... This is too much copy. And culturally significant. End of copy. End of copy. But, so they're our sponsors. So go on to that.

They are currently sourcing new content, including friends of the show as well. I know you're looking at me like, where's the punch? Because so far they've got six videos uploaded to their YouTube channel, one of which is 22 minutes of stand-up comedy live from Joe Rogan. I'm fairly certain. Our competition. They're on the take.

This is sus. I would be very surprised if they had the rights to this video of Trevor Noah standing in front of the Just For Laughs sign. No, they do. Okay, good for them. They do. That must have been hard to get. I know the inside track.

I know exactly what's going on here. All right. It is real. This is a start-up company, so we're at the start of this. Sure. So get on there. The start of the comedy dark web. Vote if you want to be put on a list.

Will Anderson, Roots Kids. Here on the comedy dark web. Yeah. That is – well, I'll tell you this. The comedy – I'll tell you this. The comedy... I'll tell you who is a friend of the show who is involved in this new... Again, I feel like I have to every five seconds say,

this is real, by the way. This is not something we've made up. We have money for this. These are people who are supporting us and the Hall of Fame. We're big believers of the Hall of Fame. So when we're saying we're going to flog our web man for spelling Will Anderson's name wrong,

he's getting some cash. So don't feel too bad for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got a lot more videos than I thought. And also, I hope he doesn't misspell comedy with three Ys. Yeah. That's pretty clearly spelled that way. But someone who is working for this company

is friend of the show. It's like, sorry, do you know the thing where it's like if people are sliding into your DMs and the amount of Ys is like how horny they are? So I was like, hey. I was like, hey. I was like, hey. It was like, hey. That means they're really horny.

That's how funny this is. That's how funny. Three whys. Comedy. I always thought those whys were a measure of like how casual someone was being. No. You could have sucked it. Is this a realization that you've never had more than one why

or that you've missed so many directions? I think that I've missed some whys that I didn't understand but I can't remember how many. I never thought it was important. Yeah. Yeah. So involved in this company, friend of the show, Milan. Already spoken about on this show.

Because everyone always has wondered about him on this show, about where does he come from? Why does he have all that money? Why does he buy all those drinks? What's he hanging around here for? It's because he was legitimately back in, people don't know this, but back in the heyday of DVDs,

he was one of the big cheeses behind the Carl Barron DVDs. And those things that sold, it was like bigger than mcdonald's those things sold like absolute motherfuckers so next time he buys you a shot just go that is a that's a fucking carl baron joke that's some dollars yeah that's some barone dollars right i know you've got a baron beer yeah i'm aware of your 489 views on the youtube video carl baron rare tv appearance so yeah i'm looking for a bit of that. Yep.

Bit of scratch. Bit of scratch. Yep. So that'll be, we'll be talking about that later on. And maybe we have Milan, you know, as the sponsor, as part of the sponsor of the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame, maybe he hands over the trophy at the big ceremony. And how many Y's has Milan's name got?

453. Milan with five N's. Milan. Milan. All right. Well, we'd better wrap it up there for another week. Get on to the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. OzComedyHallOfFame.com.

Yes. Ask your votes. OZ. OZ. We'll link it on all of our socials. Share it around. No one 11. Hey, we just love comedy. We're always linking to- We found it. We think it's funny. Yeah. on all of our socials share it around no one 11 we we hey we

we just love comedy we're always linking to we found it we think it's funny yeah we're fans of comedy there's a lot of friends of the show nominated

we want them to get voted for you know we're just we're just pushing everyone to the people who have been on our show don't vote for Dame Edna guys she's never bothered

coming on this show people might not remember this but I actually she sucks I actually replaced Dickie Nee as the co coming on this show. People might not remember this but I actually replaced She sucks. I actually replaced Dickie Nee as the co-host of this show. People might not remember that

and I want to make good you know I've always felt bad about it so Yeah and I agree as Daryl Summers I agree. Yes. Alright Nina Oyama

Adam Knox thank you for joining us. Nina have you got things that you care to plug? Yeah I've got nothing. Watch Koala Man when it's out. Yeah.

Yeah. Check that out. One day. Knoxie what have you got things that you care to plug? Yeah, I've got nothing. Watch Koala Man when it's out. Yeah. Yeah. Check that out. One day. Noxy, what have you got? Hey, brother, a podcast I do with you. Yep. How about that one? Filthy Casuals.

It's about video games. If you like those, you can listen to a funny podcast about them. There's another one I do called Ooh Spooky. That's not about video games. That's about haunted stories. Who's in the Australian Ghost Hall of Fame? Wait, is it Ooh Spooky? No, it's like, it's not. It's like haunted stories. Who's in the Australian Ghost Hall of Fame? Wait, is it Ew Spooky? No, it's like...

Ew! Ew! It's like, ew! It's like, ew! It's like, ew! Hang on, how many ew's? No, no, no. No, it's ew with three y's.

It's a very sexy name. Ew, Spooky! Oh, yeah, Spooky has a y. It's going to have the ghost from Ghostbusters that sucked off Dan Aykroyd. Darryl Summers, yeah, yeah. Dicky D. Yeah, just podcasts.

Check those out. Oh my god, wait, can I tell a story really quickly? Okay. So, it's a friend of a friend

told the story and basically she was leaving her apartment, she just got a new apartment, there was like a doorman in the building, like in New York and she would leave

the apartment every day and be like, bye to the doorman, whatever. And she noticed that like every time she came back to her apartment like things would have shuffled around like her bed wasn't made like things little things had changed and she was like and it's quite an old apartment she was like fuck it's really haunted and then she's like it's fine but it kept happening like she just kept feeling this and then one day she got a camera just to like a little animal like a pet camera

to see what was up and she noticed that often her like her bed corners of her bed would like you know be different anyway she was like at work one day in the middle of a meeting and her phone goes off and she sees this image it's her doorman lying naked on her bed getting sucked off by another guy who was also naked, while a girl who is fully clothed, like, wearing, like, a black cape, smokes a crack pipe. Holy shit, a back doorman. All have... A front doorman.

Well, not a concierge. But, like, that's what... She's, like, in a meeting, and she sees her doorman having a freezeman smoking crack. Wow. And I saw the image. And the first suspect was a ghost. Like you'd

kind of wish it would be a ghost after you saw that. But basically apparently he'd just been going to everyone's house and like getting sucked up and having threesomes and smoking crack. Wow. Because he knew some people were living there. And then going out to everyone that walks in going, I heard this

place was haunted. That's the perfect cover to have your little hat be like, no one got in today. Crack smoking

ghost. Inside job. Moving stuff around. But it was so funny. The picture that I saw,

the woman smoking a crack pipe, she had lit it. It was in the process. That's sick. That's so good. Alright,

well, great plug, Nina. Check that out. I'm doing a podcast called Aria Talkin' to Me, which is about House of the Dragon where we watch that show and we talk about it. If you want to watch TV shows and you're like, I need more of that.

Oh, like Aria, like Aria Star. Like the lady. I thought you'd be a pirate every time. Aria Talkin' to Me. I was like, what is this accent? Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

With 3-1. And they've done it again. Citation needed. We are recording this before the episode has just happened. So, look, I'm presuming that we didn't completely stink it up. And I'm presuming that we revealed, yeah, the big 12th birthday show that's coming up October 22nd on the Saturday night in Melbourne is doubling up as the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame induction. Awesome if in the episode, once again, we don't get around to bringing it up. And we also don't really have time to do this bit again afterwards.

So maybe people are listening to this going, what the fuck are you on about? Yeah, hopefully that's all happened. The rare treat of recording this before we do the episode, were you ever into Arrested Development? Never watched it. People always loved how in that show they had these call forwards. They would have an idea for a storyline and then something would happen

and then you would realise they were kind kind of signaling to it in these episodes yeah and i always think when we do talking dumb dumb before the episode it's like i've got an opportunity here to say something in talking dumb dumb and then sort of thread it in through the episode people be like oh how did he know how did he know who was gonna come up and talk and dumb dumb do it then. Yeah, I'm going to. All right, I'll try. It's maybe something that comes up in the name read.

I'll try and thread into the app. Yeah, okay. I'll try. Yeah, so we are recording this on Father's Day. So not ideal for either of us. No. Yeah, we're sort of wedging this in. I am.

I got mine out of the way last night. Did you? I'm done, yeah. Oh. Got the, had a little dinner. sent a little text message this morning. I'm in the clear. Oh, nice. Well, I haven't seen my child yet this morning, so.

Why not? Because, oh, long story, but last night my wife, well, actually, I'll tell you this. This is, this is, this is, oh, no, fuck, I'll save it. I'll save it for what's just happened. Oh, here we go! It happened! Didn't even have to work too hard. I just asked you one question and I created a call for you. I'll save it for half an hour ago. Oh, awesome.

Anyway, my wife and child stayed at the... The listener has better information than I do right now. I'm in the dark. Yeah, my wife and child stayed at the... The listener has better information than I do right now. I'm in the dark. Yeah, my wife and child stayed at the in-laws last night. They were out doing something. Yep. And, yeah, so I just woke up and came here.

So we're doing Father's Day stuff for dinner, I think. Okay, yep. I think. That's all right. I'm missing out on being part of the father-in-law Father's Day right now. Oh, okay. Right. I mean, that's not your dad.

That doesn't count. I know, but there's just way too many of these things where we're doing podcasts and whatever where the in-laws are like, is Carl ever going to come around to see us again or anything like that? It's like, yeah, well, yeah, sorry, I'm busy. Yeah. Someone's got to pay the bills on where your daughter lives. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. busy. Yeah. Someone's got to pay the bills on where your daughter lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So –

These things do have a habit of happening at incredibly inconvenient times. Yeah. Not ideal, not ideal. But, yeah, this will be all right. This will be all right. Don't get over it. Very much looking forward to, yeah, the live show, like we said. It will fill up.

It'll be exciting. Get along. Can't wait to see you guys. Last live show, like we said, it will fill up. It'll be exciting. Get along. Can't wait to see you guys. Last live show for the year. So, yeah, like I said, even you interstaters that tend to come down and make a night of it, come down, make a big weekend in Melbourne. Come and sample all the other things we have in Melbourne. You know, we're a real tourism bull.

We're a real tourist attraction. Yep. Just like we did with Costa Mui and everything. People come to Melbourne just for this show. They're going to put Melbourne on the map. Yeah. Yep. We're the dum-dum state, Victoria.

Come down and go try our coffee. Yeah. I was thinking this the other day. Get on the eye. Yeah. The famous Melbourne eye. Melbourne eyes. I was thinking this. You know what? I think this would genuinely be a good idea. Yeah. The famous Melbourne Eye. Melbourne Eyes.

I was thinking this. You know what? I think this would genuinely be a good idea. Overseas, I was in Singapore the other day, which I think... God, anyway. I'm there right now, I think. Yeah. The timeline's... Next week we talk about...

I don't know. We fucked all the order of these episodes up a little bit. That's all right, though. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Anyway, I was in Singapore and they had a thing called,

I think they had like the, what's it called? The coffee club? Yeah. That's, that's the chain. The chain. Yeah.

That's the coffee club here. It's like, if you're asking me about the cafe, the coffee club, then yeah, that's the name of it. But if you're asking me about like fucking Burger King, right?

What's it called? Coffee club? Yeah. No. Right. Right. So that, then yeah that's the name of it but if you're asking me about like fucking burger king right what's it called coffee club yeah yeah no right right so that i believe they have that in singapore right the coffee club i believe it but it's a thing where i think this and this is all stuff i'm sort of estimating um i think they already had that there like a thing a thing called the coffee club. Oh, okay. So then the Coffee Club from here. They expand. Go to Singapore and go, oh, we're just setting up shop here.

And they're like, no, no, we've already got a coffee club, a place called Coffee Club. So you can't use the name. Can't use the name. Yeah. So you know what they've gone with? Saboteurs. No, Australia's Coffee Club. That's good.

I like that. Because, I mean, also it's like that's surely that's part of the appeal when an international chain expands right into another country. It's like, oh, cool, I'm trying this thing from a different place. Yeah, well, that's what I thought. You know what? Someone should do it because, you know, I don't know how well known around the world or whatever Melbourne is,

but everyone bangs on about Melbourne coffee or whatever. There should be like a Melbourne coffee club or something. That should be like an international brand. That's a good point. It is weird that there's not like a Melbourne chain that's like expanded and gone global. If we're going to have this, which I always hate when people bang on about that

because it's like, yeah, you can get like coffees everywhere. Yeah. It's not like the beans are coming from fucking Temple Star or whatever. Yeah. Like it's not, it's not our, we're not growing it here. Yeah. We, it's not like the beans are coming from fucking... Yeah....Temple Store or whatever. Yeah. Like, it's not our... We're not growing it here. Yeah. We're just charging more for it.

Totally. Yeah. It's probably more places that are tapped in, but still, if you... Yeah. You can get shitty coffee here, too. Yeah. And you can get good coffee in other places. Yeah.

I thought you were going to say that Coffee Club in Singapore was like... Because it's a bit of a pile of shit here. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty... It's whatever. I thought you were going to say it was kind of like a pile of shit here. Is it? Yeah, it's whatever. I thought you were going to say it was kind of like a Nando's situation where, like, you go to London and Nando's is like a, you know, it's like a sit-down. It's like a dine-in place.

It's like coffee club over there. It's like Michelin star over in Singapore. Yeah. Man, I was tempted. We stayed in a hotel that was the closest possible thing to us was a Nando's. And I'm like, it's taking every fiber of my being not to have Nando's while I'm here. Because also sometimes it's, yeah, like there'll be a specific chain or whatever that you just haven't had for a while. Or you just haven't even, you know, walked past them or like been in the vicinity.

And then it is annoying when you're on holiday and it just does remind you. It's like, fuck, it actually has been a while. I really could go one right now. And look, I'm on holiday and it just does remind you, it's like, fuck, it actually has been a while. Yeah. I really could go one right now. And look, I'm on holiday to have a good time. If I know I'm going to have a good time having this Nando's, then that's okay. You know, I'm not engaging in the local cuisine, but it's my holiday. It can be whatever I want.

And it's also got that thing of like, oh, then you get to go home and be like, oh, it's not like I just fucking ate whatever. It's like, I know what Nando's is like overseas now. I've tried it overseas. Yeah. Yeah. It's actually a bit, they've got tomato in it. Yeah.

All right. Well, I'll keep an eye out. I'll keep an eye out for Singaporean Nando's. Yeah. I recommend it without ever trying it. Okay. Yeah. Have a look.

Have a look. Right. What did it look like from looking in? Did it look more or less upmarket than it does here? It looked a little bit more, but it might have just been the store that I was at. I quite like the idea that Nando's is like a sliding scale where, like, you know, Maccas, you kind of know what you're in for in terms of, like, the prestige of the dining experience. I love the idea that Nando's is like Whatever country in the world It could be It could go from anything to being like

Ultra fancy fine dining Yeah To just like worse than the most low rent takeaway Right Like you just don't know Yeah That would make it exciting It's like you land in a new country

It's like genuinely I've got to see What they're doing with the Nando's Yeah It's like oh it's in a basement There's no windows That would be good if it was like It's slop Yeah that would be good if it was like

You know If you get a franchise Of a Nando's and McDonald's, whatever, you've got to follow exactly what they say. Including, and you know, people have had problems with this before. If you have a Nando's, fucking King Nando's, Gary Nando's at the top goes at some stage. Rebrand, this was happening. Every store has to do this.

Yep. Has to have a different fit out. And then every store has to go, fucking fucking I'm 15 grand in the hole here. They have to do it. We've changed one of the key colours of the logo so now the whole place has to be painted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't do chicken anymore.

So get rid of all the pictures of chicken off the fucking walls. No fries, salt and deep fryer. We're just doing spaghetti now. That would fucking rule. I would love that so much. So you've got to do it. What would be good is if you had one of those brands and you just go, no, let's rip up the rule book.

Just, guys, see what you reckon. See what you can do with the brand. That is a bit of an internet thing, isn't it, though? Sometimes people will find just one of a franchise where they've just gone, they've bought in and they've been like no fuck you they've just like ignored I feel like you see

that every now and then when you see these places that have just gone rogue and they're like I'm gonna do whatever I want I'd love to see it

yeah bless you bless you again I can't remember sneezing on the podcast for quite a while oh it feels good

just shows the listeners that you're human yeah they're just like us yeah it shows we didn't really want to edit this week exactly Oh, it feels good. Just shows the listeners that you're human. They're just like us. Yeah. It shows we didn't really want to edit this week.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. All right, all right. I'm in Singapore eating Nando's. I'm not fucking editing shit. What are you going to eat in Singapore? Yeah, good question. Yeah, really good question.

I recommend, and this is the dumbest recommendation, really good question i recommend and this is the the dumbest recommendation but it was uh my wife said let's go to this hawker market it's the biggest one i was like oh that's a bit too easy isn't it and then we went there it was like fuck this is awesome yeah the the the one in the financial district or whatever it's okay the home of food yeah well there's a there's a food festival on there at the moment yeah i know which is like there's a little village thing kind of down by the water. That looks kind of cool. Yeah, but don't you think any of those sort of things is like, who gives a fuck? Like, it's always overpriced and it's not like the best food or anything.

It's just like a tourist trap. Yeah, but I mean, it's hot weather there. It's outdoors. There's bands playing. Oh, okay. There's bands playing. There's like little stalls and you can just get like little samples of a bunch of different stuff.

Have a beer, watch some music, be in the outdoors. Well, all the market, all the hawker markets are like that already. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. And they're cheaper.

Yeah. I reckon you go down there and they'll be more expensive. Like the place I went to, well, one of the places, the main place, like I said, just then, it's fucking awesome. Yeah. I could have stayed there all night. It was, they had, yeah. They had music and cheap everything. You got little samples.

Man, you can go there and get big samples for fuck all. All the main meals were $4 and $5 and stuff. You know what I love in certain cultures in the world, Singapore being one of them, the respect that old people are treated with. Did you notice that the hawker markets... Don't even respect me that much. All the stores have a separate line for the elderly

no like if you're past a certain age it's like there'll be a big like at you know peak time huge line of just like you know office workers or whatever and then there's a separate bit off to the side for just like i don't know what the eight you know 70 or whatever what the age bracket is it's just like yeah you you know fucking you get to come in and just like cut the line um they've got like a their super setup is really good for... Their what? Their superannuation kind of setup. There's buildings that are old people,

that are for the elderly. I'm sure I'm butchering this. Someone listening would be getting infuriated. But there's basically those cultures that are really set up for like, hey, when you get a bit older, you're taken care of. Things get a bit easier.

Makes you realise here, it's like we could not give a fuck no get off the bus grandma yeah yeah fuck off yeah that's like in deepest darkest africa or something where they still got that thing where they yeah they worship the elderly or whatever and that's where all the advice comes from and yeah here it's like well in certain cultures where it's like it's really common for like when yeah when you're like 70 or whatever like you move back in with the kids and they kind of take care of you. Like those things where you just – we're all scared of getting older, specifically like real old age. Like being that age kind of scares the shit out of me and like losing control of your faculties and all that kind of stuff. But the idea that there's like – you know, there's things in the culture that just make

it a little bit easier for you. Would be like, oh, okay, maybe this isn't going to be so bad. I can just move in and mooch off my son. Yeah, yeah. He can fucking bathe me every night. Yeah, the animals that travel around and have the elderly in the middle of the pack so no one's fucking sniping it off at the back. Exactly, yeah.

But now at the moment it's like, no, no, no. You sit at the back, Grandma. Yeah. So the fucking hyenas eat's like, no, no, no. You sit at the back, grandma. Yeah. So the fucking hyenas eat you first and we keep kicking on. We don't care at all. We do nothing.

We do nothing for the elderly here. We fucking bathe them in gasoline. Yeah, yeah. Famously, we bathe them in gasoline. Well, you know,

if you're from overseas, we don't do it personally. It happened once or twice or whatever from overseas we don't do it personally it happened once or twice or whatever yeah some home did it that we know of

there probably are the ones that have seen that and been like that gives me an idea I would say we don't do it anymore because petrol prices have gone up

way too much that's true maybe that maybe that was maybe that nursing home was a franchise and that's what we're talking about that was a nursing home franchise

that went rogue where they're like fuck using water I know the guidebook says to and that's what we're talking about. That was a nursing home franchise that went rogue, where they're like, fuck using water. I know the guidebook says to do that, but we want to put our own stamp on this. Maybe it was just because down at the servo that day, it was like, what's more expensive, water or petrol? It was like, oh, fuck, water at the servos. Mount Evian's $3.50 a bottle. Yeah, fuck that. That'll cost heaps to fill up a whole bottle.

Someone who's never heard of a tap before is in charge of a nursing home. Yeah, yeah. Do you know how many bottles of Fiji we go through to bathe one senior citizen? Yeah. All right. Well, you can support the show if you get onto patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub.

You can get two bonus episodes, bonus mini episodes every week with special guests and friends of the show. They're always a lot of fun. Over 260 of them on there in the back archive right now that you get access to immediately if you jump on and sign up. But also you go into the draw to get your name read out in this illustrious part of the show.

The Stuart Hall of Fame. That's it. You can join the hallowed halls with all the legendary names that have gone before us. I mean, look, I'm just going to put it on random. I'm going to do a quick really random shout out. The sort of people that have been read out before, like Super Mario Comedy, Tommy Hilfiger Comedy, Eleven Comedy. Were these all on the one week?

I don't believe so. I'm just doing it at random. Bond heroin comedy. Windscreens comedy. Pig fucker comedy. Brenton comedy. Big Glenn comedy. Diarrhea comedy.

Bottle shop guy comedy. Wow. Yeah, just a lot. Gay comedy. The Eagle Has Landed comedy. Wow. Yeah, just a little. Gay comedy. The Eagle Has Landed comedy. Gay comedy and The Eagle Has Landed comedy back to back. You have to assume consecutive weeks. That was a rough month.

Man, this show sounds funny. I'm going to start listening to this show. I think we both had a big gasoline bar right before doing those ones. Oh, this is a good show. Anyway, all right, let's crack on. First cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jake Lindsay. Jake Lindsay.

L-I-N-D-S-A-Y. Lindsay. Jake Lindsay. Jake, cool name, do you think? Yeah, I don't mind it. Bit of a, is it nearly a scumbag name or is it a cool name? I think it can be nearly both. I don't really, I don't think I've met any scumbags called Jake.

I think Jake in popular culture is more dodgier than not, don't you think? Jake's a bit more. Definitely if you're writing. It's a bit Vinny. If you, yeah, if you're writing a character that's like ripped sleeveless denim vest kind of guy, Jake would probably be in the mix. Oh, yeah. I reckon you're not having some little 13-year-old virgin called Jake, I reckon, in my opinion.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be going Simon or something. Yeah, Simon's a good dork. Rather than Jake. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be, yeah. It'd be a bit of misdirection, in my opinion. We've talked, I think we've talked about this before,

but you and I both worked on a child's sketch show for a little bit. Oh, yeah. Submitting sketches. And genuinely, the part about writing the sketches that used to stress me out more than any, like I'd have an idea for a premise and an out and write it all. But then you've got to have names for the characters in the scripts that you submit.

Even when it's like a 30-second sketch, no one is being named. No characters are saying each other's names. But still feeling like you've just got to put something for the bit of dialogue. And genuinely that used to stress me out more than anything else. I was like, what should I call this character that has absolutely no background, no development whatsoever. Just like, okay, Simon and Tess.

And then being like, oh, I already submitted a sketch that had those two names. It really used to freak me out. That would be good if every sketch you just had the same name. Same name every sketch. Boy, girl. Literally that's what it could be. But for some reason in my head it was like, I have to come up with different names for every character.

I remember working on that show, and that was remotely, doing it from home, and being like, okay, I've never written for a kid's sketch show before, and that's different, different humour, I guess, to some degree. But then I remember the person in charge of it just going, here you go, here's some examples. And sending me examples and me going, and me being that fresh into comedy that it confused me even more because I was reading it going, this is shit.

This sucks. So am I supposed to write stuff that sucks? Or like if I write stuff that I think is actually funny, is this going to rock the boat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really put me off. Yeah, I didn't know. It was like saying, you know, right, let's run the 100 metres.

Here's an example of 100 metres and people just running in the wrong direction. Yeah. So do I do that? Should I? Do I do the best I can do or do I do that? I mean, I guess I'll just try and run the 100 metres. Yeah. It's probably what you should do.

Yeah. That's funny that your takeaway from that was maybe the point of this is i just do the job badly yeah honestly honestly i was so like you know because it was that early on i'm like well they these people must know what they're doing i don't i'm fresh into this all i'm thinking is write funny stuff and that's good but apparently that's bad kids from what i'm reading here kids aren't funny kids don't care what kids hate funny stuff yeah yeah i just want confusing stuff. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, all right.

I'll do my best. Yeah. I'll do my best to suck. A child's... I think I've got it in me. A sketch show for children. Yeah. If you can imagine such a thing.

Finally. Finally. Finally children are allowed to watch comedy. Pretty bizarre when you think about it. Like, no children in it. Children in the cast. Yeah. No children actually writing for it, though.

Yeah. A sketch is written by, like, 50-year-old men old men yeah pretty weird when you really think about it me sitting around me being the closest to a child at like 20 fuck 26 20 25 26 or something like that maybe yeah just getting into trying to get into the mind of an 11-year-old. It's like, this feels dodgy. Yeah. And also, I remember there was a show that came up not long ago. Someone that was writing on it said to me, do you want to write on this show?

I'm writing on it. I'll put you in for it. I'm like, yeah, sure. And it was like a kid's show. And then it came back. And then I didn't get it. And I was like, oh, yeah, whatever happened there? And this other comic said oh yeah

i put you forward no like nah too old he's too old you know to be writing kids sketch stuff and it was coming from i think you could probably figure it out yeah yeah these people that are much older than me fucking hell yeah strange stuff the world of the world of tv right world of comedy tv writing particularly yeah all Yeah, all that. It's some really good shit. But Jake, look, with our experience now... I'll tell you what a cool Jake is. Speaking of children's TV comedy, Jake the

dog from Adventure Time. You know him? The little orange cunt? Never seen it. Good show. All I'm thinking is the two Jakes, the sequel to Chinatown. Okay. Never seen Chinatown. Never seen it either. Never seen The Two Jakes either.

Okay. But you know that it exists. I know because it's like, you know, it was, you know, you get a sequel and you call it fucking that other movie too. Yeah. I remember this being like, oh, it's not called Chinatown 2, which is a shame. Chinatoon.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be like the graphic, wouldn't it? Yeah, the 2 just replacing the T. Oh, no, it's like Chinatown comes up, and then the O and W in town kind of switch places. Right. And then that gets subbed out, and the number 2 comes like smashing into the screen.

Yeah, well, I remember just going, okay, it's not Chinatown 2, which fair enough, that does sound a little bit weird. But the two Jakes, that sucks. Yeah. That's a name that sucks. You know, it's like sequels now, they're so like,

they're always trying to have like, it is rare that you just get such and such too. Yeah. It's always got to be like a little suffix kind of thing. Right. Instead of like, I respect the hell out of a movie that just goes this too. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're not fucking around. Yeah. It's the second thing. Right. Instead of, like, I respect the hell out of a movie that just goes, this too.

Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. We're not fucking around. Yeah. It's the second one. Yeah. Who cares? Yeah, they don't do Avengers 2,

Avengers 3, do they? Yeah, yeah. They've all got to have these little, these wacky little titles. Right. You know what's good is, I like,

maybe I've said this before, but, and maybe this is true of other cultures rather than my little favourite one, but, um,

tie shops that just go, you know, Morning Cafe. Morning Cafe 2. Oh, yeah. Morning Cafe 3. Vietnamese places love it as well. That's a big Victoria Street. Yes. You get the sequel, the sequel restaurant. Yeah, it's awesome.

Imagine if McDonald's had done that. Yeah. restaurant yeah it's awesome imagine if mcdonald's had done that yeah just walking to pass like the burke street one and it's like mcdonald's 570 000 yes fuck that'd be so good you'd have to go like just you know you'd have to abbreviate wouldn't you yeah yeah yeah 50 yeah yeah and just saying to someone oh i'm at the colin street one it's like i'm sorry i don't i'm just bad with street name give me the you got to give me the number. Yes. Yeah, fuck.

That'd be good. That's awesome. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Jake. Thanks, Jake. Thanks, the one Jake. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Clark McGuire.

Okay. So, Clark, you're writing your little kid sketch show. Who's Clark? Who's Clark McGuire? Clark McGuire. Well, he's a mild-mannered... Maguire? He's a mild-mannered, say, sports reporter.

Right. And then he goes into the phone booth and he turns into Eddie Maguire. He's not really hiding too well. He's only changed the first name. Well, it's for kids. They're fucking idiots. Yeah, exactly.

I wouldn't understand it. You've got a sketch. You've got to be signposting it a bit more. Exactly. You've got to make it pretty clear, pretty black and white. Clark McGuire, yeah. He's got to be a bit more. Black and white.

Speaking of Eddie McGuire. He's a bit more bookish, isn't he? He's a bit. It's not as cool. He's not scumbag Jake, that's for sure. He could quite possibly be the enemy of Jake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mum was telling me last night she's got one of her students.

She's a tutor. One of her students' names is Patch. Wow. That's cool. Nick, name or name? I like that. No, name. Fuck.

Yeah. Named after the guy from Days of Our Lives? I don't know. Remember, do you know who that is? There was a, you know, if anyone is of a certain age, or I don't know how long, I guess you're, I guess a lot of ages actually. But, you know, that thing of like if you were sick at school

or school holidays and you'd somehow every three months get a good catch up on days of our lives. You're on the couch with a fever and then you see him, that little hourglass. Yes. Fucking pipe up And it's one of the last things In the afternoon

Before like The good shit kicks in Yep That one Little narrator Yeah Yes So Patch

It's pretty funny how It's not a theme song It's just a guy It's just some bloke Saying the name of the show Yes Like sands through the hourglass Yes These are the days of our lives um patch patch had a hot girlfriend but he was a baddie but like a

goodie he's like a more of a jake lindsey type to be honest okay yeah patch lindsey um but yeah his name is patch because he had an eye patch okay that's cool i've always and i've said this on the show before man i always thought my career in stand-up would be way better if i had an eye patch yeah do you think you'd be do you think you would get annoyed by like because you'd have to mention it yes every time you're on stage yeah do you think now however many years you are into comedy you'd be just you'd be so off yeah having to say something about the eye patch at the start of every gig man i did pajamas i think for three months and it went well and i was like i can't do this anymore well but your hope you're saying it would have been going better for you yeah so the hope would be now that you're you're so famous

yes but the eye patch is just it's just a given everyone's heard it everyone knows what it is but you've got to keep writing eye patch jokes at the top you know that's what oh you're saying that's what people are it's like jimmy carr with his, you know. That's what, oh, you're saying that's what people are, it's like Jimmy Carr with his little fucking put-downs. That's what the people want. Yes. Right. Yeah, you've got to address it. You've got to have your little eyepatch, new eyepatch jokes.

I'd have a team of writers just on eyepatch jokes. On eyepatch patrol, yeah, yeah. What would be a good eyepatch opener? Hmm. Yeah, I don't know. Something about, let's say you're playing a huge, like a huge theatre, like a massive concert hall.

Could you do something with the fact that it's a big room but you have no depth perception? Yeah, I think you'd have to lean into the pirate element pretty quickly. I reckon that's your first view. I reckon you're getting over that at a certain point. Oh, yeah, for sure. I'm saying at the point that you're massive, what's the stuff you're coming out with?

What's the bottom of the barrel? Eyepatch jokes? Or like once you've exhausted all the pirate stuff? Yeah, once you've exhausted all the pirate stuff. Other angles. What about this? What about a bit of visual joke where it's like, you know, I went to the dock the other day

and I had to have an eye test. I'm like, all right, cover one eye and we'll see. And then you just cover like the good eye. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's something. Yep.

That's maybe, that's maybe if I could introduce patch comedy into Funny Fellas. That could be it. That's good. Patch comedy, yeah, the eye patch comedian.

Yep. Yep. Actually, that's a good... Good merch. What about Funny Fellas? You know, this show we've been talking about forever now. The on-purpose bad sketch comedy show.

Yeah. All of a sudden, we're the old cunts employing the young cunts to come and write sketches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Funny Fellas. Yeah. And we're showing them these bad sketches and going, guys, come and just write some of this. Just do this. Yeah.

Just do a bit of this. Just do this. Yeah. And confuse the next generation of them going, is this supposed to be good or is this bad or what are we doing here? Yeah, and then we have Funny Fellas Junior. Yeah. The like child's version of it. Right, right.

Little Funny Fellas. Funny Fellas Babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's just literally, it's all the same characters but just in little diapers. Just like Muppet Baby. Yeah, so we've got like Baby Stone Santa, Baby Ejaculating Bush, Baby Doctor Bitch. What are some of the other ones? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, that we've got like baby Stone Santa, baby Ejaculating Bush, baby Dr. Bitch.

What are some of the other ones? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, that's great. Funny fellas, babies. Baby Bogan baby. Yes. Just a sperm with a mullet. A really, really small baby.

Just like a baby as big as like a mouse or something. Yeah. Yeah. All right. It's not younger. It's just smaller. This is a good part of the pitch where like we've got the franchise

all ready to go. The baby of a baby. No, it's Stuart Little. It's Stuart Little. It's Stuart Little dressed as a little bogan. Oh, that's so dumb. All right.

Thanks, Clark. Thanks, Clark McGuire. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Bernard Thomas. Oof. Nearly. Oh, he Patreon subscriber Bernard Thomas. Oof. Nearly. Oh, he's kicked a big one, Bernard.

I thought it was going to be Bernard Tomic. Oh, no, it's not him. No. He should. He says he has millions, that tennis player. But we're not seeing any proof of it. No. No.

I would love that. What if we had a sportsman or woman listen to this show? Do you reckon we've got anyone? Shout out to anyone out there that plays sport professionally and listens to this show. That listens to this. Yeah. Do you reckon we've got even one? It's interesting because there's a lot of dumb fuck AFL players.

Yeah. And you'd think this would be right up their alley. Yes. There's so many professional sports people out there, and they've got time to kill. The only time I listen to podcasts is when I'm running, when I'm training. So that's all they're doing.

They're going to fucking listen to something. So you're saying you're watching the footy, and you're just like, blow me down, that cunt's got some airpods in. Just, if you're, if there's some sort of,

how could you get that across? Like, if you're a sports person, you listen to this show, you know when you see like a football player or whatever, they kick a goal

and sometimes they'll point to the sky because it's a tribute to their dead cousin that's just died or something. Harambe. Yeah,

they'll pull up their t-shirt and have a sign on their shirt underneath it. If someone listens to this show, can you give us some sort of shout-out like that? Yeah. Can you do some sort of... Drop your dacks and take a shit on the Oval. Yes! You know what we need to do if we want to get more AFL players listening? You and I need to, like...

We need to go deep. We need to go deep undercover and we need to infiltrate one of the cheer squads for a team, right? And then we're there behind the goals with just a big banner that says listen to the little dum-dum club. So as they're lining up the shot, they're just like, and then hopefully, just

over time, that sticks in their head. I would like this. If you're an AFL player, but it can be any sport. Something that's hopefully on TV so that we can end up seeing it or whatever. But like, you know, like in soccer, celebrate a goal, pull the shirt over your head. Underneath, you've got another shirt or you've got it on your chest, I'm aware.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Or you do a press conference afterwards and you do that thing where you try and sneak in as many references to something as possible. Just as many references within this show's lexicon as you can. Well, you know, famously post-match interviews. Yes. Very boring. Yes.

Because it's like, you know, people make a lot of jokes about like the cliches of like, oh, you know, it's a game of two halves and yeah, the boys all played well or whatever. Yeah. You know, if you just slide in a, yeah, everything was Rick out there. Yes. You know, that's it. And also, it's going to show us that you're aware. And also people are going to be like, fucking hell,

this guy's found a fresh way to talk about a game in a post-match interview. It's not just saying the same phrases. Is this just street lingo? Yeah. What is this? Yeah, yeah. If we don't have a professional sports player that listens to this show, what I would be interested to know is who is the most athletic person

that listens to this? So it's like, okay, no one professional, but what's the closest you can get to being professional, being very, very gifted athletically, and be a listener of this show? Right. What's the, yeah. Who's the highest achieving sports person that listens to this show? I'm sure, look, numbers wise, we have a lot of listeners. There's a lot of professional sports people out there.

There's got to be one out there, I reckon. There's got to be someone. At least someone that's been maybe to the Commonwealth Games. Some sort of state champion. Let us know. I'd be very keen to know. Put your hat in the ring if you think that's you. Yep. So let us know. I'd be very keen to know. And if you are. Put your hat in the ring if you think that's you. Yeah.

And we want to crown the most athletically gifted listener. And we want to tie this showing to what you do. It's going to end up being like, oh, yeah, I won a running race in grade three. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we just need one. Yeah. Just need one. Out of all the listeners, there's got to be someone, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we just need one. Yeah.

Just need one. Out of all the listeners, there's got to be someone, I reckon. Yeah. I reckon, surely. Let us know. Let us know. Well, let us know, yeah, how close you get. But Bernard Thomas, Bernie's kicked a big one.

Yep. Bernard's kicked a big one. What would you go with, Bernard or Bernie? Before this show, I would have said Bernie. Yeah, right. Now it's put it off for you? Yeah, I mean, now if it was like me naming myself after a thing from this show, I wouldn't be into that.

Bernie's a bit more Jake than it is Clark, I think. Yeah, no, definitely. But Bernard's a bit more Clark than it is Clark, I think. Yeah, no, definitely. But Bernard's a bit more Clark than it is Jake. Yeah. If I had been born as a Bernard, I reckon I'd be going as Bernie by now. Bernie. Well, I guess you're Tommy. So, yeah.

So, you haven't gone with Thomas. No. So, yeah. The same thinking is happening. It's pretty funny calling a kid Thomas because it's like you have to know that the odds are stacked against you that your child is never going to end up going by that. Same with like Samuel

there's heaps of them. It is weird where it's like here's the name but you go fuck with it now. We know you're going to fix it. We know that there are some names that you would assume maybe they will stick with it. Matilda's a good example. There's some people that go by Matilda.

There's some people that go by Tilly. You know, that's just a matter of personal choice. But Thomas genuinely is your right in that down going. There's absolutely no chance of them sticking with it. It's a fixer-upper. Because my parents, when I was growing up, they just called me Tom. They weren't even sticking to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If they had have called me Thomas around the house, then maybe it would have been like, all right, well, that's my name. But I've never identified with that as my name. But on the flip side of it, have been like, all right, well, that's my name. Yeah. But I've never, I've never identified with that as my name. But on the flip side of it, it is, is it a bit weird that like, say when parents call a kid like Rick and you go, oh, you're not even giving me the option of being a Richard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I find that incredibly weird. Yeah. Yeah. Just, just straight with a nickname. Yeah. Well, you know, well not nickname, but you know, that would be good if. Are there any. You straight away called someone a nickname. Yeah. Well, you know, well, not nickname, but, you know, that would be good if... Are there any...

You straight away called someone a nickname, like... Are there people out there who they're like Tommy on their birth certificate, and they're like, I actually go by Thomas. Yeah. I'm allowed to do that. It works the other way. I've changed my name. What to?

Thomas. Yeah. Completely different. It's Tommy on my birth certificate, but I go by Thomas for long. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let us know. A lot of interesting, intriguing questions coming in to your name, Bernard Thomas.

Thanks, Bernie. Thanks, Bernie. Thanks for kicking a big one into our bank balance. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Damian Granger. Okay. A little bit Granger. You can't be a scumbag with that name, can you? There's certain surnames where if I met this guy at a soup kitchen,

I'd be like, what the fuck happened to you, dude? Your surname's Granger. You shouldn't be here. You should be knocking this soup kitchen down to build apartments or something. Yeah, yeah, fuck. That's a PR nightmare. Damien's, yeah, very, very classy. Very classy name. Fuck. That's a PR nightmare. Yeah. It's a... Damien's, yeah, very classy.

Very classy name. Damien with an E or an A? It's money. Damien, D-A-M-I-E-N. I-E-N. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Money. This guy, I mean, this guy should be putting in more money to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. ...to pay Trump. He should be knocking this podcast down and building apartments on top of it. Building a much bigger podcast on top of it. Yep. That would be funny if someone bought us out and just, someone came in and went, here's

the figure, boys, I'm buying the podcast. We want the numbers. I'm kicking you out. We want the RSS feed. Yes. So we just delete all the old episodes and then we just start putting up a podcast about apartments. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're fired. We're taking over as the new host. The name's being changed. Yep. Everything's different. I'd take it. No, sorry. This podcast is heritage listed.

You can't do it. I have actually been thinking that recently. We moved into this area a week before the last lockdown. So as I moved into an area where there's lots of bars like you know lots of cool stuff on our doorstep now yeah and then we spent four months not being able to do any of it and so this year you know it's kind of been really nice to be able to like you know go out and just do stuff in the area like last minute on a wednesday we can be like oh let's just go have one drink at this pub and there's so many like great pubs in this area that have been there forever and just like every

time i'm in one i'm just always thinking like how long until this place gets shut down and turned into a pub like every business that you're in in this area because there's so many like apartment buildings going up all the time i'm just always thinking like what's the next one what's the because there's always like a big classic pub that everyone loves that's like someone's bought it out and it's big like you see the for sale sign go up and you go oh no what's gonna fucking happen here yeah yeah we've got we had a big uh block of apartments got near our block of apartments and uh down the bottom i was like look the saving grace was it's like oh man man there's gonna be so much more traffic. They keep doing that in the road we're in.

But there was clearly space for shops underneath it. Like, oh, cool, we're going to have some new shops. That's good, yeah. New coffee shop, new something like that. Anyway, absolutely no takers for like two and a half years. Wow. So fucking hell, get some shops. Like, we're in this weird spot, which you know, that, I don't know, shops-wise, it's

shit. It sort of sucks as an area for shops. Right near you, it's pretty bad. I want some good shops. Yeah. There's no good shops. You're in a bit of a dead zone where, like, around you, if you travel a little bit, there's good stuff.

Yes. But you want, I mean, that was, like, my old place. Nothing nearby. Yeah. Good stuff if you walked a little bit. Yes, you're right. But in terms of just on the doorstep. Yeah.

That was like when we moved in here, I was like, oh, finally. Yeah. Some good shit that's like literally a two-minute walk away. Yes. Some shops. You're one block from lots of shops. I've got so many shops near me. Yeah.

That bottle shop near me. Yeah. Devastating stuff. What? The block up for sale. Oh. And so it's like, it's awesome having a bottle shop so close, but also it's like,

it's right, it's going to mean some big fucked up construction happening across the road from our house really soon. And it's like, fuck, I'm dreading it. The road's going to be fucking closed every time I'm driving home

and I have to like loop around the block. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Parking's already hard enough around this joint. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've got shit all shops around me. Not even a good pub, yeah. Parking's already hard enough around this joint. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've got shit all shops around me. Not even a good pub, really. Like, there's one pub and it's not that good.

Yeah. You've got, you've got, yeah, you're two minutes from everything that's good. I tell you what, this little doggy here that's in my lap, for not being able to go to the park yet, because he's still not fully vaxxed. Right. Fuck, he's been to a lot of pubs. Oh. Fuck, he's been to a lot of pubs. Oh, really? He's going to a lot of pubs. Right.

People are like, get him. He's not vaxxed enough for a park, but he is for a pub? That's like the opposite of us in the last couple of years. Yeah, well, they've loosened the restrictions at the pubs. You don't have to have the vax certificate anymore. But people are like, get him doing all the stuff that you want him, you know, introduce him to everything early that you want him to be doing. Because there's, like, at a certain point, I think 17 weeks is the cutoff where it's, like, anything they haven't seen before then, they'll just start to freak out.

Right. So I was like, all right, well, it's going to pubs. That's what we want him to do. So that's what he's been doing a lot of. Right. Nice. Nice. What's he do?

Does he have a little bowl of water? A little doggy brew. lot of. Right. Nice. Nice. What's he do? Does he have a little bowl of water or? A little doggy brew. No, he just kind of sits there. Just kind of sits in our lap. Give him a little feed and a little bit of water before we go and just kind of sit with him on our lap. We went to a place recently last weekend that was pretty empty.

So we had a whole booth. So we were sitting in the little booth. Yeah, having a lot of room to roam around. Oh, yeah. He's loving it. He loves a pub. All right. Well. Until they all get knocked down.

Yeah. And replaced with a big kennel. Well, thanks, Damien Granger. Thanks, Grangio. Thanks for classing up our Patreon route. All right, let's just do one more because we've got to go back in time and record the episode that you just listened to. We've got to hop in the Wayback Machine. Yes.

Let's just do one more. Sherman and Mr. Peabody heading back to record the podcast. Thank you. Content, where are we going? We don't need content. One last one. Let's get into it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers.

Oh, okay. Here we go. This might have answered one of our questions. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Usain Comedy. Usain Comedy? Yeah. Usain that? Yeah.

The fastest comedy in the world. The fastest comedy in the world. The fastest comedy in the world. Yeah. Right. What's that? What is the shortest joke? Oh, God. Don't start this, because this is like the infamous Edinburgh fringe list that comes

out every year of the top 10 best jokes in the fringe, and you go go these all suck shit they're just they're just i i swear we've talked about this online a little bit but like some people think i can't believe that they've decided that it's like man as if there's fucking one reporter going around to each show writing down every joke and then fucking weighing them up against each other it's like i i think like if you were in the Edinburgh Fringe, Tommy, they would just put out like a CC everyone. Who's got jokes? If you want to submit them.

There's always a thing in festivals where there's like a, this magazine's doing this or this paper's doing this. And it's like, oh, if you've got a one-liner about this or if you've got a, you know, just a picture thing and you kind of go, okay, let's fart something out. So it literally would be like, yeah, what do I think is going to be the most kind of, what's the thing in my show that is the most like kind of joke,

jokey sort of zinger? Yes. And identifies as a joke joke. Yeah. Yep. So you're getting a lot of stuff that's not that good. So anyway, but to answer that question, I remember I've just Googled it now because I remember reading this. Jimmy Carr, infamous short joke writer, Jimmy Carr, he said this is a joke of his.

This is the fastest joke. Yes. This is Usain Comedy. Yes, this is Usain Comedy. This is him. I tried to write the shortest joke possible, so I wrote a two-word joke. Okay. Dwarf shortage a two-word joke. Okay. Dwarf shortage.

That's his joke. That's, yeah. That's a short. Yeah. There's a bit going on there. Yeah. Yeah. That's hard to imagine.

I'm sure there's someone looking at that being like, I reckon I can whittle that down. Yeah. But it's hard to imagine it getting any more, any faster. But it's also, you don't walk out on stage and just go, dwarf shortage. Well, I mean, yeah, that is the thing. We've said this a lot of times when we've talked about it, but the Edinburgh best jokes list, all of those would just be, yeah, little asides in a longer routine, generally speaking.

So they're not like, it's not the person is just standing out there and going, get a load of this. It's just like a, you know, yeah, it's an aside in a longer bit. So, yeah, Dwarf's shortage, it's like a sort of thing you can imagine being like a headline on a newspaper in the background of like a Simpsons episode or something like that. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, I agree.

So maybe, well, I guess it is technically a joke. No, I would be more interested in what's the shortest joke. You can go, Welcome to the stage, Jimmy Carr! Dwarf shortage. Well, I mean, but you're saving it for the closer. Right, okay. I'll leave you with this.

Dwarf shortage. But no I would be interested to know What is the shortest Like actual Say out loud Set up punchline Right

Joke joke Yeah Usain comedy Yeah Well thank you Usain comedy Thank you everyone Who listens and supports the show

LittleDumbDumbClub.com Get on there Sign up to the Patreon Get yourself a ticket For October the 22nd Yes at the Comics Lounge, our big live 12th birthday slash Australian Oz Comedy Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.