The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 623 - Tom Ballard & Ben Knight

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

This week we’re joined by TOM BALLARD and BEN KNIGHT for a very NQR episode! We’ve got more to discuss about our latest illustrious showbusiness scam, including some beautiful reactions from an unsuspecting public, and some more stunts to incorporate into our big live event! We also hear about Ben Knight’s terrifying drive through rural Tasmania, Tommy’s been hanging out with chefs in Singapore, and we cook up a new shop idea!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode and the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame are brought to you by comedy.com.au. That's comedy with three Y's. It's Australia and New Zealand's new home of online comedy. We're bringing back the C word. Go to comedy.com.au and check out what it's all about. Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with guests Tom Ballard and Ben Knight. We have got our big special live event, live podcast, slash, Oz Comedy Hall of Fame inductions happening October 22nd. Slash 12th birthday special. Yes.

So that's our big show. Get down to the Comics Lounge in North Melbourne, in Melbourne, in Victoria, in Australia. Get on down. Not long to go. A lot of talk about that in this episode. It's going to be lots of fun, lots of great ideas on the boil. Yeah, tickets at littledumbdumbclub.com. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb.

But until then, enjoy this great new episode with guests Tom Ballard and Ben Knight. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler and with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. And joining us today, we have two special guests. Please welcome back onto the program Tom Ballard and Ben Knight.

Bloody Aldi Hemsworth and Aldi Rod Quantock. Fucking elegant, that is a change. It's so nice just sitting here before the podcast starts and then just fucking have that locked and loaded. That's it, I walked here and that's starts and then just fucking have that locked and loaded. That's it. I walked here and that's the only thing I thought of on the way here. I'll have that. Aldi, Jon Stewart. That's Charlie Pickering, isn't it?

Aldi, Jon Stewart. Aldi, Trevor Noah. I don't know. I reckon you got the 91 immediately and then I reckon the remaining 95% of the walk was shuffling through the many options for Bella. No, no, no. Aldi, Julian, Clary.

No. Oh, that's good. That's good. No, you got me all wrong. The contact references right down my line, that's fucking easy. That's nothing. Everyone says that about you.

That's an easy one. Can I just say it's nice to be on the Aldi, Hamish, and Andy? Thank you. Fucking rich. about you. That's an easy one. Can I just say it's nice to be on the Aldi Hamish and Andy. Thank you. Fucking rich. Thank you. That thing as high up as Aldi would be nice for us. We're more like NQR. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like Aldi wines win competitions. I reckon Aldi chocolate is like the best chocolate out there. It's great. People love it. It's so good. Some people prefer to go to Aldi. This is the nicest review we've ever had. They're just kind of knockoffs that are still good.

We're the shit where the cans are dented, so it's like 50 cents off. Yeah, yeah. We're the people. We're like the homeless people walking around going, do you want to buy this carrot out of a bag? That's us. I just was in Singapore and I used the phrase NQR

I said oh this person's a bit NQR Not quite right Not quite right Forgetting that I was around Not Australians And they were like What's NQR mean? And I was like oh not quite right

And they were like Oh that's great What a great phrase And then I was like It gets better There's a shop that's called that Because just all the products in there Are a bit fucked up

And then I genuinely couldn't remember Is the shop named after the saying? Or is the saying, you know what I mean? There is a shop. We've got colloquial slang that's based on the shop. Right, right, right. There is a shop named NQR, is there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a chain of shops. Bullshit. Yeah, and it's literally, it's that. It's like all the stuff in here is a bit busted or just like slightly out of its best before date. Well, that's the tricky thing. It's like the reject shop. The chain of shops is called the reject shop. Yeah.

And what the language is supposed to evoke is like, obviously these things aren't quite right, which means I will get them at a great deal. But of course, you can't sell things that are wrong. That are too fucked. Yeah, they're too fucked. And I've talked about this on the podcast before, but in Merivale growing up, we all, we had shops that were like good shops to be a kid growing up in.

Like we had a deli. Yep. Which was not so much a deli, but like, you know, like hot food as well. And like, you know, places you go in there for lunch for like nice meals and stuff. And then we went, we had a shoe shop. So you get free shoes and shit. You get a coffee shop great

and then we had my old man had like seen the popularity of reject shops and just gone Chandler's Rejects stuck our name

on it and fucking everything holy shit yeah and so we had a reject shop in Maribor talk about fucking

reject squares yeah yeah yeah it's it's lucky that he didn't do this in the era of like

Toys R Us and all that kind of stuff like Chandler's R Reject it's like man you just made it worse no I was dreaming of a show called Chandler's R Us

it's like okay but what are we selling what's happening in this shop Chandler's and Chandler related goods things that the Chandlers enjoy yeah yeah

I thought not quite right was like things like products that had been cancelled. Like it's not quite right. Like they still sell gollywogs and that. Oh, yes. That would be an amazing thing. Phil Cosby DVDs.

That's good. The Dr. Seuss book that's cancelled. Like aprons with boobs on them. Yeah. The DVDs of Song of the South. Is that not crap? No, you can say the N-word. That's weird.

Instead of a bell ringing when you walk through, it's just the N-word. And the cash register goes cha-ching. Yeah, it's all good. That's fine. Hey, come on down for Blackface Fridays. It's just staffed by the Chaser Boys in Blackface. Yes. Man, that's all good That's fine Hey, come on down For Blackface Fridays It's just staff By the Chaser Boys In Blackface

Yes Man, that's great Instead of Black Friday Blackface Friday Yeah, yeah, yeah Yes Because there's that There's that cafe

That's near here in Carlton The Karen Cafe Have you heard about this? It's like a What? Jay Leno? Pardon? Go on, Jay Leno

You heard about this? It's the The staff are all rude to you. It's like a deliberately like, you go in and you get antagonized. And it's like... Why haven't I been headhunted? It really seems like it should have been a pop-up that's just there for like... I don't really know what the shelf life of this is.

Like, it's going to end up in NQR. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, there is a market now. Can we go there? Yeah. We could do a live... Let's do a live... Let's do a Patreon there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a hoo-ha about it recently, wasn't there? Or. We could do a live. Let's do a live. Let's do a Patreon there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a hoo-ha about it recently, wasn't there? Or was that in the States? Because it's based on an American original store, I think, too. You know, like the hot dog stand, you go there and they abuse you. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I believe it's somewhere. Because some people got offended and they're taking the diner to court or whatever.

Awesome. Some guy walked in with his daughter and one of the attendants basically implied that he was a pedophile fucking his daughter and he thought that was a bridge too far. Wow, that's great. And a hot dog stand. It's like... I bet you I know what you're doing with this hot dog.

Hey, Daddy. It's too much already. All right. There's too much to play with. Leave it out. Leave it out. Now, I'd like the smallest Frankfurt you have

Thank you No bun I'm just going to Slowly suck on it Oh I've got some buns for you But yeah we could If the Karen If the Karen Cafe

Can get off the ground Then surely the actual The NQR The cancelled Megastore Can for sure Get off the ground Yeah But the Reject Shop

Didn't sell actual It wasn't like NQR You But the reject shop didn't sell actual... It wasn't like Inkwell, was it? You can't sell... It couldn't sell new... Ink... Neither of them... You can't sell anything that's not right. There's a...

It's just off-brand kind of... Yeah. It's just... It's a way of saying, all this stuff's cheap. Right. And instead of saying it's all cheap, people have used that language

so that it makes people think, I'm getting a fucking massive discount here because I'm going in there and getting the off cuts sort of thing so i would dented cans and stuff no no no that's because that's what i picture i don't think i've ever been into an nqr but that's what i picture when i picture nqr shelves upon shelves of cans that are just battered to within an inch of their life yeah yeah you might get a little bit of that but it's like some like Like, I remember that, like Chandler's Rejects, and people would come in and go,

oh, where'd you get all this stuff? In the toilet or something? And it's like, no, it means it's cheap, all right? These are bought in bulk, although at the end of the run or something, it's like, no, no one took a shit in this can of soup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It hasn't been rejected by anyone.

No. Oh, well, that is false advertising rejected by anyone. That is false advertising. It is. People were desperate for it to be faulty goods and it's like, it's just cheaper than other shops. I'm so sorry. Or it's like, I think sometimes you will see it's like, here's an advent calendar

and it's January. You know what I mean? The chocolate's still good but I swear I've seen stuff like that in there. It's like, this stuff isn't expired or anything, but it's just like some other shop bought too much of it and it didn't sell, and now they've just offloaded it to us. It's shit like that. You can't – you're not allowed to sell.

It's not like you go into the reject shop and there's milk from January or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not allowed to do that. Let's go in there and give them a real spooking. Let's go in and go to the cashier and go, give me the most rejected thing you've got. Give me the most rejected item on the menu.

I want King Reject in here. What have you got? Yeah, why don't they have a little mascot? That seems like a lot for having a little... We don't sell this sort of stuff to normal people. Oh, yeah. We've got some stuff out the back. The off-menu rejects.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got some cheese from 1978. We've been waiting for a discerning customer like you. Man, imagine doing dumpster diving at the back of the

reject shop. That's ultra-rejected. It doesn't get any more rejected than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you call your ex-girlfriends

Chandler's rejects? Yeah. Nice, nice. If I'd have been the one rejecting them, I could, I guess. Yeah.

It's the women Chandler rejects that makes Don't Say Her Name the best. Well, boys, something that certainly isn't a reject. At the moment, the internet has gone crazy with Oz Comedy Hall of Fame fever. Do you guys know about this? Have you heard about this? No. See, it's spreading. It's funny to just make a very average phrase your catchphrase, that it's like anytime anyone

on earth says hello, it's like, ah, you're just copying old me. It's like Larry Emder, where the game show hosts have sort of all gone, you know, good night, Australia, or see you later, and it's like, that's fucking mine. See you later's not anyone's, all right? You can't fucking claim that. Yeah, thanks for watching, TM. Yeah. Nobody else has got, I guess we found the pedophiles.

That's an original. That didn't really catch on as much as I thought it would on our socials. That's fine by me. Maybe best catchphrase could be another category in the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. And what is this? Dot com dot, no, no. Just dot com.

Just dot com, that's right. Because couldn't get the dot au, had to do too much paperwork for that. But here it is right here, guys. Paperwork. Well, it was. You had to prove all this shit. And I was like, what the fuck is this? Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to prove that you're actually an Australian citizen. Yeah, in some business. Which I think yours is being revoked because you don't spend enough time in this country. That's it. That's it. Yeah. So, AusComedyHallOfFame.com is online.

If you guys listened last week and got on the website and had a look, it's been rebooted even since then. It's been redesigned. Joel Goodman, our webmaster at Ox Design. Ox Design? Ox. Auxiliary Design. As in Ox Chord? Yes. Up in Townsville. Joel Goodman our webmaster at Ox Design Ox Design Ox auxiliary design as in Ox cord

yes up in Townsville beautiful Townsville yeah Townsville isn't it beautiful fun off Queensland look he's designed what we've done to catch up

Tom Ballard you listened to the show I listened last week Ben Knight you're a fucking heathen you wouldn't know your fucking ass from your elbow sorry busy pumping iron yeah yeah yeah

too cool for podcasts yeah yeah too busy listening to Olivia Newton-John in the gym to be listening to podcasts or anything like that. Absolutely.

We bought the domain OzComedyHallOfFame.com. We've set up a, very briefly, you know, anyone can, just some random hit up the, made up the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

So we've decided we're going to be in charge of the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. Hell yeah. So we've got this thing. We haven't put our names on it or anything like that. It's up there.

We've got like a little explanation about what it is. We're going to have a permanent location of the Hall of Fame in Albury-Wodonga. There's a special ceremony. The winners will be announced on Saturday, October 22 at a live show of ours that we're not mentioning. It's our live podcast. Yeah. And then we've got,

here's the members you can vote for. The inaugural members, potential members, Will Anderson, Carl Barron, Fiona O'Loughlin, Hannah Gadsby, Dame Edna Everidge, Dave Hughes, ostentatious Dickie Knee, Sam Pang on Nick Capper. Some of the all-time greats. Yeah. Oh, fuck, that's so dope. The top fives. Great. Top ten, top ten. some of the all time greats

oh fuck that's so dope the top 5 top 10 so we're putting it out there and really hoping that it catches on around the place not knowing that it's

sort of like a bit of a joke from us and having people take it seriously I think some listeners of ours put up on Reddit and already have started a bit of an outrage

of people going who the fuck are these people some great comments on the Reddit thread let me just go back through this but you know what I was thinking and already you've started a bit of an outrage of people going, who the fuck are these people? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great comments on the Reddit thread. Yeah. Let me just go back through this. But you know what I was thinking? Just to quickly rehash an old story briefly for 90.

Yeah. Years and years and years ago, a friend's girlfriend were out, and she said something to me, and I was like, you don't know my name, do you? And she goes, yeah, I do. And I go, well, what is it then? And she goes, Peter Warsaw.

Yeah. Which looked at his face and guessed what his name was. And just had a stab. Peter Warsaw. Which I love as a game, just looking at someone going, what do I reckon

your name is? I love that she's so confident she went for the second name as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and also, there's no need for a second one.

Yeah, she's like, I reckon I can nail both of these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and also there's no need for a second one. Yeah, she's like, I reckon I can nail both of these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should start that as a game. Send us a photo of your friend and we'll just look at their face and take a stab at the name. And what they should be called.

What we think they should be called. But so what, we talked about this years ago when it happened and then we came up with an alias for Carl too that was just based literally on nothing.

Yeah. Which was Jeff Kiev. Yes. So I reckon this is a good opportunity to bring this back. This should be Peter Walsall and Jeff Kiev are the CEOs of the Australian... Oh, okay. They're the heads of the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame

because that way we don't have to put our names on it. It's still clear to people who listen to this that it's us. Right. Well, you know what I'm doing is... What's being added to the website is... So we're doing the live show... What's the URL again sorry

Oz Comedy OZ Comedy Hall of Fame Comedy Hall of Fame sorry who came out with Jeff Kiev Danny McGinley

I think it was Danny yeah just off the dime just off the dime can you give me one right now just if you didn't know well I think that's

because it's Peter Warsaw so I think that was the equivalent Jeff is the equivalent of Peter yeah looking at you if I had to guess, Reg Slapper. That's it.

I don't mind it. Reg Slapper. Yeah, yeah. That's what I named my penis. I can't believe you crushed that. Graham Tuttle. You're real good at it. This is a fun game.

You're really good at it. I like that fun game. You're really good at it. I like that. I like that. Doing crowd work. What's your name, mate? No, don't worry. I'll get it. That's your show this year.

Yeah, I name you. I name you. Instead of you doing the what's your name, you have to somehow encourage the audience to say, what's my name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got this. My show, Tommy Dasolo names the entire crowd

with no prior knowledge whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Reg Slapper My show, Tommy Dasolo names the entire crowd with no prior knowledge whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Reg Slapper and Graham Tuffle. So what it is, we're going to induct the winners. So it's a voting process. We're going to induct the winners. We haven't decided how many we're inducting at the moment,

but I mean Peter and Jeff have decided. Peter and Jeff haven't had that discussion yet. Yes. So that's on sale. Graham has some very strong views. Yeah. So you can go to littledumbdumbclub.com. No, I don't know.

And get the tickets to the show. But it doesn't say anything to do with the Hall of Fame. It's just like our 12th birthday show. We want to keep it separated so no one knows that we're in charge of this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then on oscomedyhalloffame.com, there's going to be a link to tickets to just the Hall of Fame ceremony with no mention of us. So what I want to see is how many people buy tickets off that website thinking they're purely going to a Hall of Fame.

Yes. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just a listener to this podcast. Where are you doing this one, the 12th birthday one? The Comic Slams in North Melbourne. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is lucky for us that it is. That is a venue that the AusComedy Hall of Fame induction would, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is lucky for us that it is. That is a venue that the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame induction would take place. Yeah, I mean, they've got a lot of... There's a bit of a Hall of Fame on the stairway on the way up there, isn't there? Yeah, there sure is. Pictures of comedians drawn by someone.

And out the back, there's all the signed ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of headshots. Some young Danny McGinley's on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Young Harley Brain. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some young Danny McGinley's on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Young Harley Brain. Yeah, there's some greats in there. Young Hughsy. A lot of people who stopped doing comedy about 20 years ago.

Yep. Everyone's like, who the fuck is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, very exciting. It's kicking off. A lot of, I will say this, I've been given the updates, and a lot of votes have come in, and there is a very clear winner at the moment. Okay, interesting, interesting.

We can decide who that is. Well, yeah, someone put us on Reddit slash Australia and just was like, hey, have you guys seen this? The nominees are out for the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. Like it's a thing that we all knew was coming. Like, hey, the date's here, guys. You've had it in your calendar for six months. Yeah, exactly.

Can I nominate the person who wrote that nominatrix? Because it is the funniest fucking thing I have seen for a long time. Someone's saying, why aren't Clark and Dorr on there? I know some of the guys behind this. It's legit. And going forward will be the official Hall of Fame. Heard a rumour there will be a big comedy museum built in regional New South Wales. And this will be one of the key features.

Big federal government grant involved. Nothing makes a rumour sound more legit than claiming that you've got the inside track that there's federal funding involved. I want more people hearing things about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. I love that you can hear these things

and then it'll give us ideas of how to fix this thing and make it better. I heard this. Candidates are an absolute joke. Was this put together on a whim by someone with only a vague awareness of Australian comedy? Yes. Barry's a legend, though. Barry is a nominated cunt.

Yeah, Superman's nominated, not Clark Kent, fuckhead. Followed up by the opportunity to vote for the funniest Australian podcast where you get to choose from a list that contains only

one Australian and Joe fucking Rogan. That's one of my favourite elements to it. I've got the vote for the

comedy podcast hall of fame, vote for your favourite Australian podcast and then I've only put us as the only Australian podcast

on this. The rest are all No matter who you vote for, unfortunately they'll and then I've only put us as the only Australian podcast on this so no matter who you vote for they unfortunately they'll have to be disqualified yep and then someone else Scott Morrison

Lydia Thorpe Tony Abbott can I have more than three votes I think you can have as many votes as you want yeah so yeah oh you can vote as much as you want

I think so I don't know it's not in the spirit we didn't look into it too hard we just asked Joel to set something up for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, that's about it. As long as we had a nice little logo and a good picture of Dave Medina.

That's great. How can they find out more about our nominees? Dave Medina, man in dress. How can they see that and go, oh yeah, this is a legitimate award. I don't think everyone's kicking through to that bit. I mean, it is. You're telling me someone on the internet isn't looking that hard and getting outraged immediately. Holy shit.

Well, look, exactly. If you click on the bit that says more about our nominees, and if you read beyond the first four, good work for doing your research. Because the first four is Will Anderson, stand-up and podcaster, Carl Barron, laconic legend, Fiona Lachlan, first lady of comedy, Hannah Gadsby, Netflix superstar. Then you stop reading. If you want to keep going, then it says, Dame Edna Everidge, man in dress. I reckon even after four normal sort of synopsises,

I think you're still going, oh, well, it's okay. Even that, that's not inaccurate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ostentatious sang the hit single Australia. You're still sort of going, that's sort of what happened, I think. Which again, there's only a couple of letters left off there. Like at a cursory glance,

you could look at that and think that that's correct. Yeah, Dickie Nee, Hey Hey Funny Man. Well, what's wrong with that? Absolutely correct. Nick Capa had cancer. Where's the lie? That's just a fact. Yeah, you can't argue with that.

Sam Pang, best stand up in Australia, dash Brett Blake. So that was his quote. Now this is where the hands sort of being given away a bit. Well, not really, because no one really knows who Brett Blake is. Yeah, they might assume he's some famous reviewer or something. Exactly. Except that last week. Yeah, exactly.

So I think that's all fine. It is good to see that on a small scale it's already annoying people. Like just a couple of Redditors getting fired up is good. I'm going to start sending out press releases is the next move. Now this is when, because Joel has redesigned the website that looks super legit now. It is a schmick site right now. It looks excellent.

So now I think that's cooked. That's ready to be sent out. To fully go public. Yes. To the broader community. This is the point where we start hitting up people, like some of the nominees on this list, and going, can you share this legitimately and say, please vote for me.

Yeah, I need... I want to be in the Hall of Fame. I need to go and get a... I need to go and get like a burner mobile phone from like a 7-Eleven, like a drug dealer. Yes. Just so that I can put PR contact. Yeah.

Peter Walsall on 04, whatever. Send this out, please, on your socials and go, why aren't I in the nominee? Can you add more nominees? Can you add more in? Maybe. This could be a thing. Or look at the true screen on Mortal Kombat,

like a heap of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally everyone who's done an open mic in the last year ends up on there. Oh, that would be good. And then as the comp goes on, we start crossing people off, putting crosses on people's faces and stuff. Mortal Kombat's a good shout, though.

That's a good person that would have annoyed people. Kano from Mortal Kombat. He's Australian. Played by Josh Lawson in the film. Australian comedian Josh Lawson. So, again, we could have put him in. That would have really ruffled some feathers. Any names missing, Tom Ballard, you think?

Well, I mean, you know, the obvious. I feel like next year in the future, you should really expose people. I like that you think that we're doing this a second year. That's the racist accent. Yeah, sure. You want to send out emails to certain comedians and be like

we are considering you for induction into the Hall of Fame please send us a show reel of your best work yes and see who replies and $500

yeah the rest of these scams work like this why didn't we do that we could have yeah we could have cashed in we could have had like instead of the Kappa spot

we could have got some some desperate open like like, man, like right now we could probably name five people that would probably pay $500. Just chuck it straight in, yeah. We could have made it like the Edinburgh best joke list where we're like, send us your best bit for consideration in the Oz comedy Hall of Fame.

And then we're just getting an email back from Barry Humphries at gmail.com that just says, hello possums. All right, well, the check's cleared, you're in. That is funny, we're just getting an email back from barryhumphries at gmail.com that just says, hello possums. All right, well, the check's cleared. You're in. That is funny. We're not possums. Why would you address people like that?

It's so weird. Say hi to your mum for me. You fucked my mum. All right, John, you're in. That was a rejected one. We're going to have a photo of Rove and just have John as the official entry. Full name John Live. Yeah. Alright, so now

we're ready to go broad with this to really ruffle some feathers and... Get some, share it out there guys. I love that you've got it on Reddit, get it on Twitter, get it on your Facebook page. I want your aunties voting on it. I want your aunties kicking off about why, I don't know,

Ricky May wasn't on it or why... Who's Ricky May? You know, one of those people that used to be on Hey Hey It's Saturday all the time

back in the day. Get Fifey on there. Oh yeah, Fifey, yeah. Was there any discussion about Kevin Bloody Wilson or Rodney Rude being... Yeah, we did think about Rodney Rude

but you don't want to give too much away. You just want to have a couple of funny little ones in there. You want a couple enough left off that people are going to get angry about. I mean, I would love... We've talked for a long time about how we're legitimate fans of Rude,

and we'd love to have him on the show. This being the thing that got us Rude, if he kicked off about it, it would be so good. Well, this week we got a submission. We don't usually get this, like, people asking to be on the show. Like, it's always it's us hitting you guys up going

have you got anything on in the morning and you're like oh fuck and I guess I can go to the gym in the afternoon and then like

then coming on the show Tom Ballard fell off his bike on the way here yeah so for this week

we got this is more painful than normal we got hit up by the promoter or the publicist, probably, of

David Strasman. Oh, the Strasman! An American ventriloquist. Yeah, I've seen that shit. I don't know, how's a ventriloquist? American ventriloquist that, when you were growing up, was just on the TV here all the time. One of those guys

where it's just like, does this cunt ever leave? Yes. The Archbarker of the 80s. Exactly. The Archbarker of comedy. And how's that going to work on a podcast? That was mentioned in the spiel. It was like, he touches down in Australia on this date

so he could do it in person and he could bring the puppets along to the podcast. It's like, that would fucking rock. It's just him doing the voices and then you guys going like, just to confirm, his it's like, that would fucking rock. Him doing the voices, and then you guys going like, just to confirm, his lips aren't moving. Yeah, totally. Well, man, to be honest,

we had an episode years ago with Sammy J and Randy, and it's like, you know, Sammy J and Randy were Randy the puppet, and then it was like, Heath who does Randy, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but he just came along, didn't bring the puppet,

and just talked as Heath, but just only answered to questions as Randy. And it's like, what's happening here? Did it fuck with your head a bit? I was just a bit like, what's the point of calling you Randy? He brought the puppet, but he just did the pod by himself. And then we get to the end where we take the photo for the socials

and he's like, alright, I'll get the puppet out. It's like, unbuckling. And then we're like, was that the puppet talking the whole time? what's happening here yeah we've just been having a conversation with this thing that's just like

mangled up crushed up into a suitcase you guys are really trying to get you know that like yeah it's a human being

operating a piece of cloth I guess so I would love to I don't know there's something about the idea of having Strassman where I just think it could be pure magic I don't know but it's like do the idea of having Strassman where I just think it could be pure magic.

I don't know. But it's like you put it. Do it. It'd be awesome. Would it be though? I don't know. I don't think I'd enjoy it. I don't know.

I think he'd be weird. I think he's a weird man. Isn't that the story that you told on this podcast about him and his wife? I couldn't remember if I told that story on the podcast. Someone on social should bring that up very briefly is this one of the Carl Chandler rejects

no Strassman's wife I heard a story that he threw a party at the end of a tour and all his staff

were like at the party and was like I've got a treat for you and he brought out a stripper with a mask on and was like oh cool this naked woman

and then she took her mask off and it was Strasman's wife. That's the story I heard. No way. Imagine we write back to that email. Then he stuck his head up her ass. Teddy Bear Bun. Imagine writing back to that email and being like, we'll have him on on this condition.

Here's a story that we heard. Can we bring it up? And we just want to talk about that for an hour. Yes, yes. If you say yes, then you can be on the show. Yes, yeah. It's like the only two things I know about him. I've never seen the show.

But no, there's three things. There's three things in my head about David Shresman and Ventriloquist. That story, the fact that someone else told me that, you know where he makes his money? Selling teddy bear dolls after the show because they're like fucking 50 bucks or something in the foyer. No way. It's like he's absolutely minted off the back of the merch. Yeah, right.

That's all right. The only other thing is there was a guy I used to play soccer with and we'd go around to his house and he had a roommate that looked just like David Strasman. And we would just go to our mate, how's your mate fucking Strazzy going? Like all the time. And then it got to a mate fucking Strazzy going? All the time. And then it got to a point where we just started going around all the time and we just started openly calling him Strasman every time. And he was like, okay, I guess I look like a ventriloquist and just never argued against

it. See, that's heaps. We got heaps for this guy. So I tell that story to David Strasman. I used to know a guy who knew a guy that looked a bit like you. My insult to him was, you look to David Strasman. I used to know a guy who knew a guy that looked a bit like you. My insult to him was, you look like David Strasman. And then Chuck Wood goes, you sound like a bit of a cunt. It's going to be magic.

You know how the Logies and the Arias and stuff, they'll honour an international. I think he's here in time for the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. There is nothing more Australian than getting a foreigner in at your awards ceremony. Yeah, who could not be. It's like, and the aria for best international performer, John Galecki from the Big Bang Theory, who just happens to be in the country at the time to impress for some fucking movie,

and him coming out and being like, oh, what an honour to know that people on this side of the world like what we do. He's like, you could not give a fuck. He could be Matt LeBlanc at the ceremony. Nice to be here in what you allegedly think is a casino. Actually, just any venue where I come from, just not grand or opulent at all. Man, when is he? And I'm trying to look up his tour dates and see if he's actually here. I mean, it is a good idea if we get an international inductee,

someone that would be in the country that we could put in. Well, Jeff Green, UK. Jeff Green, UK. Yeah, that's not bad. Someone who's been in the country for, yeah, 20 years. Dave Callen, Scotland. That's not bad. Arj Barker, USA.

Yeah. 20 years. Dave Callen, Scotland. That's not bad. Arj Barker, USA. Yeah. Yeah. What's, I don't, his tour starts a week after the ceremony. So maybe he's not here. What's the... His first show. They set a date in the email. Right.

Of when he touches down. And we're doing promo for this cunt. He's not even on the fucking podcast. Is he the dude that does the dead terrorist? No. Is that a different one? Come on, mate. That's a different absolute freak.

That's Jeff Dunham. Is it? Oh, okay. Got you. He'll be arriving in Melbourne on the 25th of October. Damn. Yeah. Too late for that.

But alternatively, he can take calls before this time. So we could get him to do one of those pre-taped, Hey, I'm really sorry. I can't be there in person to collect my award at the last comedy hall

of the game cameo we've got a big screen there we do at the comics lounge wow fuck

that's good and the best award for best erotic performer David Strathclyde's fine oh I don't mind that he's not here

but his wife is and to collect the award... Hey, Jeezy, guess who it is under the mask? Nelson Mandela. Is it Moses? Oh, you've got to have a guess. You've got to have a guess. Oh, you got a kiss? You got him again? Ah, yes.

Okay. The master stripper, surely that has to happen. That is great. The master stripper is very good. That's fucking excellent. Oh, man. That's, he could, I mean, yeah, he could sue. He's kind of, you know.

The master stripper is insane because there's got to be a conversation every week going, yeah, those boobs do remind me of someone. It's just the person on the – it's outing the huge, like, Mr. Skinhead on the panel. Oh, right. He's just like, I'd know them anyway. Yep, get it immediately. The producer's having to go, we need a bit more theatre. You've got to have a few more guesses in the mix.

I got it from the feet. And this producer's going, no, we really need – I need I mean Danny Minogue We could get back We need someone more perverted Who's someone We need someone hornier Okay keep using But who else are we gonna have around But there's like no famous people

Want to do it So it's just straight up like You know it's just all girls From like Goldfingers It's like Oh it's Christine I'd know that I think it's

It's Crystal It's a pretty good guess I'd know that bush anyway Fuck we've had so many good ideas on this podcast we've got the cancelled shop we've got the masked stripper we've got Davis Chasman's

wife stripping at the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame Awards it's like we always talk about how this show doesn't have a theme or anything and we're always trying to work out like if we were launching it now like what would we say this is it's like we always talk about how this show doesn't have a theme or anything. It's just we're always trying to work out like if we were launching it now, like what would we say this is?

It's a workshop. Yeah, yeah. It's just an ideas forum every week. Imagine the podcast. Imagine Strassman's wife. Imagine Mrs. Strassman's days. If we could, should we do this? Should we do this?

Should we email this lady back and be like, look, we're going to be away. We're not going to be able to do it in person, but we have this event that we're going to, you know, we would like to play a video message from him at. And we'll plug his dates out. And we'll plug his dates. If you can get him to, can we get him to record? Here's what he's won. Here's a few things about the event. He's definitely on Cameo. You could just get him to do it. But then we've got to record here's what he's won here's a few things about the event he's definitely on cameo

you could just get him to do it but then we've got to pay yeah exactly you fucking idiot we're trying to get money from people

for inducting them sounds like someone's got a job fuck it up I'd like to brag I could probably afford David Strassman on cameo yeah I'm doing pretty well

how much do you reckon he is on Cameo? He'd be three figures. He'd have to be. Yeah? He'd have to be a hundred. A few hundred, you reckon? Easy.

Oh, well. Imagine a way we could find this out. Have a look. What if you're like, I just want the bear. Don't worry about Strasman. How much for Mrs. Strasman? Is there a Mrs. Strasman?

That's only fans. That's not Cameo. I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Straswoman. I would almost think maybe he's not on. Yeah, I wonder if it is a thing where you get to like, it's more to get one of the,

because when you got the soup Nazi cameo, it was more for him to be wearing the outfit. Yes. Right? Yes, it was. Was it to do the catch Strassman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the soup Nazi dude. Yes. Right? Yes, it was. Was it to do the catchphrase? From Seinfeld. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the soup Nazi dude.

Yes. Yeah, he's got a... He makes, I would say, 95% of his money on Cameo. Because where the fuck else would he be making his money? But it is funny, like the distinction of

you can pay this much and not have him in character. Oh, the famous whoever the fuck that cunt is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just talking normally. What are you talking about? Wasn't it like it costs...

It's like literally like a 50 buck no soup for you tax. Great. To get him to do that. But wasn't it like it costs more to get him to wear the costume because he has to go and hire it? He doesn't have his own. And it's like... Dude, walk out.

Wasn't that written in the description? Yeah, something like that. It's like they're just chef whites, man. Just go and buy... And also, yeah, this is all you're doing all day. I reckon you'll own a copy of that shit. Just imagine, like, every second day he's going into the Costume Hire shop and just being like, the usual, thanks.

You know, when we did the big 500, 600 show, like, we had to pay extra for my car. It's like, oh, this theatre that has three shows on a night, do you guys have to run down the road to fucking Tandy and grab a few mics? Normally, it's just like a speaker's corner. We just have poets get up here on the soapbox and just shout out into the bleachers. A lot of acoustic shit going on in here. Have we got Strassman on cameo?

Strassman. Are we getting Strazzed? Yeah, he's part of the... No. No. He's not on there. He's part of the... No. No. He's not on there. He's not on there. I would have thought at the very least during the pandemic.

Who's the most expensive? On Cameo? Yeah. Fuck, good question. Be like, I don't know, Shaq or someone like that. Yeah. I'm impressed I've still got Cameo on my phone because it's a real lockdown app.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you guys ever bought one yeah we did for a few when we did zoom shows I bought a bunch for Tommy's birthday including the soup Nazi and we got

Chappelle Corby I got Chappelle Corby for the 500th episode it was worth it it was worth it it was I didn't say it 50 bucks

what did you say I can't remember what was the thing Joe it was good couldn't hear over the laughs it was something to do with I got her to say something like you know I'm with remember what was the same joke it was good couldn't hear over the laughs it was

oh it was something to do with I got her to say something like you know I'm with you I'm more of a fan of Thailand rather than Bali these days so that's it

yeah that's good yeah I got one for my girlfriend for her birthday in the first lockdown we'd been watching this reality show called Too Hot to Handle

oh yeah I watched that one yeah the Bryce guy one of the guys that yeah she that we both were like this guy is a cunt yeah um got it got her a cameo from him great and it was we were about to come out of the lockdown i think and we were gonna go or we were gonna go away and then we were in lockdown or

something like that and so i included that in the notes like hey you know a bit sad that we can't do this and he's like yeah you know your boyfriend uh you know said you're gonna be going away yeah wish i could come. You sound really great. I wish it was just us going. It's like, he's trying to fuck my girlfriend in the cameo tour. It's like, I don't know how I feel about this, but also it's like, that's awesomely on brand. Yeah, yeah, you are a piece of shit.

I do find it funny, like any comparison in this sort of stuff is so funny when you go, why is this this much, but this is this much? Like, so you can get Gregreg wiggle for 125 bucks right great you know that'd mean a lot to a lot of people a lot of people growing up with that sort of you know the wiggles and whatever yeah couple of generations under the name greg wiggle greg page brackets original yellow which what color wiggles yellow yellow Yeah, the yellow one. Gotcha. Piss Wiggle. So, that's 125. Beverly D'Angelo, 330.

Who's that? Well, if you ever sat around and thought, gee, who would be a good cameo for my girlfriend for her birthday? Oh, I remember the wife from National Lampoon's European Vacation. Yeah, well, that's who it is. That's the major credit. 3.20. Yeah.

3.30. 3.30 for Beverly D'Angelo. I reckon that's overpriced. When you can get 48 bucks from Chappelle Corby, you get a sweet little barley joke out of her. Like, what are you getting Beverly D'Angelo to say? Oh, I wish I could bring you to Wallywood. End. I reckon you'd go all right on Cameo 90.

Absolutely not. No one knows. You know, you're Chris Hemsworth's bodyguard in Netflix's Spiderhead. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's funny. There he goes. What's the minimum you can charge for on Cameo? Can you do a $2 Cameo?

That'd be good. No one's getting my Cameo. Absolutely not. But for two bucks, maybe. Two bucks? Yeah. It's not worth it. It's so funny to me because I'm like, it's really sad.

You just pay a performer to do a little thing or whatever as a person. But it's like, well, how far away is that from people paying to come see you do a stand-up comedy show? Right. Yeah. It really is kind of the same. And that's because it's personalised. I guess personalised is different. Or being on a Patreon where one of the rewards is you get to be in a Facebook group with the podcast host.

It's like this kind of personalised but very impersonal content. And in the same way that the only times I've bought them have been for jokes. Like as a joke birthday gift of like, hey, this is funny, isn't it? I got this guy that we hate from this TV show to say your name. It's like no one is genuinely going like, yeah, I just want you to pump me up. Like. Well, it's funny. I was at Spleen, comedy at Spleen last night and hung around for a drink at the end

and a couple, there was a few Dunlop listeners that came to the show and then wanted to come and have a chat. And it was funny because they come and have a chat, chatting for five, ten minutes or whatever and nothing really was happening in the conversation

and then the guy goes, and the guy goes, oh, it's sort of funny when you meet a podcaster like this because it's like, it's like you're in your own set, you know, individual episode with the podcast and I'm like, is this what you think of our show? Because it's five minutes of conversation and it's like it's like you're in your own set you know individual episode with the podcast and i'm like is this what you think of our show because it's five minutes of conversation has been pretty dog shit see it's just like the show carl's comedy friends well nighty yeah you

were just telling us off air you know know, you're going to have another credit coming up soon that might, I don't know, you probably can't name it. really going to kick us off. But it might, you know,

it might blow up. That might be the thing that makes the demand for Gideon. Well, last time we talked to Tom Ballard, he was filming in Tasmania. You're currently filming a different show in Tasmania.

Yeah, the Mask Stripper. No one's going to work out who it is with this big red bush. Oh, in the freezing cold Tasmanian winter. Yikes. Oh, wow.

Luke McGregor's on steroids down there. Yeah, great. Nice. Yeah, we were shooting a show called Bay of Fires down in Tassie. Except where were you?

You were in Hobart, you said, Tom. Yeah, I was in Civilization, mate. Fires down in Tassie. Except where were you? You were in Hobart, you said, Tom. Yeah, I was in Civilization, mate. Oh, the Hollywood of Tasmania. Indeed. I was in Queen... I am shooting in Queenstown, which is on the West Coast. And it's fucking... There's a lot of Queenstowns going around, isn't there, around the world?

It's a bit confusing. Yeah, I typed it into Google Maps. It was like the third or fourth one down. Yeah. Queenstown, Tassie. And it's just where people go. It's lovely, but it's fucking wild. Like, people are hiding.

See, that's... I've always thought of Darwin as like, that's where you go to hide out in Australia. That's the place where something's gone wrong. Yeah. You go and hide there. But what you're saying is there's a lot of sort of... No, man.

...feeling down there. They're all old mining communities. So it's like Queenstown. There's like Zeean, which used to have all old mining communities. So it's like Queenstown, there's like Zeean, which used to have like 27 pubs. Now there's like two. Yes. And it's just like everything's desolate.

It's this theatre at the height of opulence. Any Australian town where your phone goes onto global roaming when you're in there? People are on the run here. Some people don't want to be found. We get a text from an optoscope. You seem to be in fuck knows where. If you need to walk around with a flare gun, you're out there.

You're in Antarctica. Yeah, basically. But it's wild, man. Yeah, like Houdini went from this fucking theatre across the road to one of the pubs. Hang on, what? Houdini, the famous escapologist. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the 1920s or something.

Totally. Yeah. He went to Tasmania. He was there in Zan and he walked across the theatre to the pub. He put a tightrope. I thought you meant across the road. Mid-show, he's disappearing. He was like, I'm bored of doing this magic act.

I'm going to go have a pint. Fuck this guy. I'm going to punch him in the stomach. Good international inductee into the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame, Houdini. Gary Houdini. Are you going to have it in memoriam section? Oh, yes. Great idea.

All the people who've died on stage. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People who've died of spleen this year. We just need to start filming. Welcome aboard, T-Bella. We just need to start filming every gig that we're at and just playing clips of a joke dying in the in-memoriam

with sad music. Yeah, yeah. A midi instrumental of Candle in the Wind playing underneath. Instead of it like being Arnold Schwarzenegger dying and you can just hear I'll be back or whatever

it's just them going oh well that's new actual silence he's just out of me reading my notes on stage what did I say yeah

yeah that's good fuck yeah yeah I like that and something for the Queen as well I think it'd be nice to just mention the queen

in some way in the award ceremony oh look I'm sure there'll be plenty of minutes of silence within our show don't worry so yeah you're down in the I'm talking about the freaks though

because yeah in Darwin like it's actually rude to ask someone like where you're from or what happened or whatever what? like in Darwin generally consider like there's some people

this is what I've heard anyway people that live there it's just sort of you don't someone doesn't volunteer their backstory is Darwin sort of a little bit like

Melbourne is for comedy because no one's from Melbourne there's about two people from Melbourne everyone's from somewhere else you know what I mean

it's like they've come here to make it but in there they've come there to hide yes very much that kind of vibe

I didn't know that about Darwin but Queenstown was like that. So one of my drivers was just like, he's doing 140, 150 on the straights. It's like there's these padamillan things that are flying across the road. I thought we were going to die.

Crazy. Anyway, I got up. I had to get up at 5am. He was going to drive us to the airport. So I'd fuck all sleep. And he's driving. He's going, telling me about how I used to be in the airport. So I'd fuck all sleep. And he's driving, he's going, telling me about how I used to be in the army.

Did three tours of Afghanistan. Meanwhile, I've got all this front loaded thing, stuff of like, hey man, you go there to hide. So it's just me and him in the car. And he goes,

hey, we're making real good time. Do you want to stop off and I'll show you this gorge? And I'm like, I'm like, yeah. And the gorge is a big hole in the ground? Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. But anyway, I'm going like, he goes, it's beautiful. I'm like I'm like Yeah And the gorge is A big hole in the ground

Yeah Well yeah But anyway I'm going like He goes it's beautiful I'm like Alright At what

5, 6am The sun's just coming up Right So I'm like I had three hours sleep This guy's telling me About his tours in Afghanistan Everyone's like

Yeah they go there to hide Right We pull over We start walking Through the bush He's Oh you've What You've gotten out of the car And you're walking In the bush Oh you've What you've gotten

Out of the car And you're walking In the fucking Semi darkness With a vet Basically Yeah anyway He's got one hand

In his right hand pocket The whole time And I'm like So I'm staying On his right hand shoulder It's okay You could just be Masturbating

Nothing to fear Don't worry I hope he's waking Just a big Hemsworth fan Just joking I'm trying to look In his pocket To go like He's definitely Got a gun in there He's like Anyway Just a big Hemsworth fan Just joking I'm trying to look In his pocket To go like

He's definitely Got a gun in there He's like Anyway Just stare at his crotch That'll That'll ease the situation Oh yeah

No Because he's walking first So I'm standing On his right hand shoulder And we're walking Through this bush And I'm like Oh this

I'm going to be The next Netflix series I'm definitely Fucking getting killed out here and then we get you're making two shows at the moment

paid for one this is like what's the doco about apocalypse now heart of darkness yeah and I get so we're walking

walking walking and we get to this shit creek it's like the worst thing ever and he's like so this is it. And I'm like, oh, okay.

Like, this is the gorge. It's so shit. I'm like, I'm definitely dead now. Yeah, yeah. And then he goes, give us your phone. I'll take a photo of you. What? And I was like, fuck.

This is happening. Yeah, wow. I'm going to have to try to tackle him. Yeah, wow. I was in my head. I'm like. Because if he's got your phone, then you've got, you know, no matter what happens,

like even if you try and run away, you've got no contact with anyone. Checking the bars. Just to clarify, this is a driver booked by the production

to take you to set? Yes. Okay, all right. No, take me home from set. So he picked me up 5am. Oh, okay, great. So no one's expecting you on the other end of this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so we go, and he goes, yeah, give us your phone. I'll take a photo. I've got the photos. I'll show you. And I'm just like, closing my eyes. Just, so we go and he goes, yeah, give us your phone. I'll take a photo. I've got the photos I'll show you and I'm just like closing my eyes. Just crying in front of a shit little dad. Shit little Craig.

Holding up today's newspaper. Missing one finger that's in an envelope already. Trying to mouth, I love you, mom. Pretty much, man. I'll show you these photos later. What did they say what did they say on that flight going towards the Twin Towers

that time that got quoted a lot what should I say it was fucked dude get a photo and then he gave the phone back so I was like oh okay maybe I'm out

yeah this is great and he goes you're just crying as you get your phone back thank you so much for my phone and he goes

yeah we'll just go up around the bend a bit further. And I'm like, oh, no. Can we go? I really want to get to the airport, basically. And he goes, all right, you go first. And I was like, I don't know where to go. I just said, you go first. Just for me, is this guy hot?

No. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's what you're getting out of this. I just, you know. I'm not getting killed by a hot dude. I'm just imagining. Thinking about the different ways this could go.

Go on. What are you wearing? You're thinking if you're dead and it's like in the newspaper, the photo of like who killed, like most people are going to go, well, I can see why he went in the bush with him. He's really hot. I'm just saying. Yeah.

Ben, spoiler alert. Ben was not murdered. Yeah. Maybe he got sucked off in the bush. Oh, okay. All right just saying. Yeah. Ben, spoiler alert, Ben was not murdered. Yep. Maybe he got sucked off in the bush. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. Yep.

Okay. Fuck, you wrecked my ending, bro. I know. I'm sorry. No, fuck. No, no, not at all. I just followed him. Fuck, you have really not thought that angle through, have you?

It's all making sense now. I didn't even know about that. Come on, bend over and have a good look at that gorge. Oh, it's so hot out here, isn't it? I'm just going to take my pants off. It's winter. All these pictures on my phone are of my groin. You can't see the gorge at all.

Now it all makes sense. Does this smell like chloroform? Wait, is that the gorge? Oh, no. Oh, no. It's a hole, I Wait, is that the gorge? Oh, no. Oh, no. It's a hole, I guess. It's a gorge. It's gorgeous.

I didn't even think about that. This is really rattled in. I don't think it's a gorge. Yeah, this is awesome. I'm trying to think, did he want to fuck me? Which is kind of nice. This has scared you more than the idea of him killing you. No, I'm flattered.

That'd be awesome. But he's, yeah, no, I genuinely thought I was going to die. And you didn't think he was hot, so. And I didn't, he wasn't hot. Yeah, exactly. That's why you didn't think that way. But yeah, man,

like, and I've seen this dude before. He wears like this big pimp jacket around the town, like full fur. Yeah. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm dead. Yeah, right.

Ex-vet. But yeah, sorry, the ending to that story is very unclimactic. No, no, please. And I got sucked off. But you didn't come, so it's anticlimactic. I can't believe I didn't think of that angle. What is the ending?

He didn't kill you. He just wanted to take you to some nice gorgeous. That's really lovely. That's the thing. He's just a lovely, I think he's just a lovely old man that was very proud of Tasmania and this river.

Or was he rolling the dice and just taking you down there and going, well, whatever happens, happens. If he wants to not fuck me, I guess that could happen too. Could be. Now there's three options in my head.

Before it was only Beth and get it out. You're getting in touch with the production company now. Can I have the driver's email? It's been like, hey, look, water under the bridge. But were you trying to fuck me that day? I have to know.

I'm consumed by this mystery. At the very least, were there any thoughts of fucking or killing and which one was stronger? Yeah. I have had moments like that in my life where I've been in an isolated... Like, I happened in Bali once. I was getting driven to... I was doing, like, quad biking and they pick you up and they're like like I happened in Bali once. I was getting driven to, I was doing like quad biking and they pick you up and they're like, I was getting sucked off.

I was like, is this guy trying to kill me? He's sucking really hard. He's trying to get my life force out. Where I've had moments where I've been in the middle of nowhere. We're driving for so long. There were meant to be other people in the car. There's no one else being picked up.

Yeah. And I, and I have a moment where I'm just like, it's now or never. And I came so close to just like pulling the door open and just waiting.

And the irony is that would have been the thing that killed me. Because then I'm in the middle of nowhere with no phone. But those moments where you're like, it's literally now or never.

And the coin toss where you just go, just imagine that poor guy just trying to do a nice thing for you. And you just fucking leg it or you tackle him. You the coin toss where you just go, just imagine that poor guy is trying to do a nice thing for you and you just fucking leg it or you tackle him, you just leg it out of there.

I did think I was telling some of you before the show, but like, and I think maybe I've mentioned this on the show, but last time I went to Phuket, I got taken back to the airport in a taxi

in a very odd way. Didn't go near the major highways or anything like that. Went through residential, tiny little one-way streets. Absolutely no need to go this way, end up going through a jungle. And I'm looking on Google Maps,

I've still got a little bit of reception, I'm going, this is fucked. Like, this is, there's no logical reason to do this except for this guy's going to fucking kill me. Yeah.

And I've picked it, and it's not Uber or anything like that, it's a beaten up old taxi off the street. Yeah. I'm in the middle of this jungle, and I'm going, what do I fucking do now? Like, I can't jump out in the jungle, it's like, it's seven o'clock at night, it's dark the street. I'm in the middle of this jungle and I'm going, what do I fucking do now? Like, I can't jump out in the jungle.

It's like, it's seven o'clock at night, it's dark. And then I'm starting to think, well, how embarrassing is, like you go, if I know I'm going to die, I'm going to send messages to my wife or my family or whatever it is and definitely go, oh, guys, I love you, I miss you, I'm sorry that this has happened, whatever it is.

But then when you're still like a bit like, oh, I'm not sure what's going on, I don't want to send that too early and get embarrassed by this. Landing home and then going, what's all this about? So then I'm like, well, who do I... Confessing to all your sins. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All this sort of stuff. So then I'm like, well, do I send a message to... Who do I... And then I'm just literally trying to think of someone that I'm not super close with that I could get away with just

sending a silly message going ah looks like I'm stuck in the jungle and I might die lol sort of thing where if I get out alive

I can go that was sort of funny wasn't it like you can't hang they don't know me well enough to hang shit on me for it or whatever yeah yeah

what a lark yeah yeah yeah yeah but it's not that there's that third option I think that yeah Tom really highlighted for us

so like yeah yeah maybe so next time you're in like a life or death situation just think you might just be about to get sucked off

yeah yeah that is terrible advice I just be sending a message to my wife I love you but I am about to get a blowjob

from a man. Remember me as I was. That's fucking horrible, but like, yeah, is that like all the people on 9-11? It's like, well, I could just be getting sucked up. I'm just about to join the Mile High Club for the last time. There has to have been at least one, right? On one of the planes or in one of the buildings. Oh, to have been at least one, right? On one of the planes

or in one of the buildings. Oh, just like... Just like... Oh, yeah, in the building. Let's do it. At least one. At least one. What?

You see the plane coming towards you. You go, hey, Jerry. That's phallic. Exactly. It's like in the old movies, the train going under the bridge. Yeah, yes.

Or the plane going into the building. You know what that symbolises? Yeah. Hey, Kerry, I'm the plane. You're building one. Let's go for it. God, you'd have to be working overtime to get hard in that situation.

That's what I always thought, like in those situations. How do you get hard? There's no way you can get hard. Oh, I swear to God. How do you get hard on 9-11? I've always wondered that. Oh, I swear to God, this has never happened before. Last time there was a terror attack.

I was able to get rock hard immediately. But right now, I'm more 20 hours on September 12 than I am on September 10, if you know what I mean. Sorry, I must just be tired. Might be the stress of work. It's bloody ground zero down there at the moment. Well, hey, yeah, speaking of travel, I just went to Singapore for a week. I was hanging out with a friend of mine who's over there doing a bunch of...

This is all in a bit of weird order. So we're about to hear next week's episode about... I went to Singapore first and then you went a couple of days later. No, we're recording these in order. copied me oh okay sorry you got inspired by the story and then you went as soon as the recording finished and then next week you're going to talk about uh going there with your wife that's right after i hear this whatever you're about to say this ripper story um so i went over there and uh yeah a friend of mine was over there. Yeah, he works for like a pop-up like company, cooking chef thing here.

Yeah. What's the fucking event? Kind of a pop-up restaurant, I guess. Just three of them. The Reject Restaurant. The Reject Restaurant, yeah. Just all crabs that have gone off. Yes, yeah.

They do like small scale events and stuff. And they went over to Singapore to do pop-ups in little bars and restaurants there for about a month, right? So I went over there to hang out with him. And on the Friday night, they had their big event at this place called Amy's Wine Bar. It was them taking over the place, doing the whole menu. I was there with another friend of ours came over. So we got a table. We're at this wine bar.

Been hanging out with these chefs all week. Got to know them pretty well. You know, the guys that my friends... So these chefs, so that means that what are your hours in terms of hanging out with these chefs all week. Got to know them pretty well. You know, the guys that my friends... So these chefs, so that means that what are your hours in terms of hanging out with them during the day? And when's your free time? During the day, the first couple of days I got there, they had a couple of days off. And then the last two or three days I was there, they were doing prep days for the chef

stuff. But going out with them a lot at nights. After they finish work? No, they were only cooking on the final night that I was there they were just doing one event a week and then the rest of the time was them right being taken out to places and me tagging along to all that kind of stuff so they had one night of work the last day i was there and so yeah they had this great menu of stuff that they put together all awesome food and uh we're sitting there and they had this they had this special for because they'd advertised what the menu was. It was like a set menu. You paid per head.

You got the six courses. But then they had like an off-menu special, right? And their plan was – and this is – Chicken and rice. Yeah. Hmm. This gives me an idea. Singapore noodles?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or as they call them. Yes. Noodles. Yes.

I'll write that down. They – yeah, I think this is like a... Imagine doing that at the Singapore Comedy Club. That's so good. Had some Singapore noodles today, or as you guys might call them, noodles. Noodles. Boo. The government arrested you for horrible comedy.

Get him. He did some chewing gum comedy. That was a bit I was doing in conversation to people that was just no one ever got. It's just like, God, I could go some chewing gum right now. People are like, we actually don't sell that here. So you thought I didn't know that

and that I was just offhandedly saying I'd love some chewing gum. You must be fun to travel with. And that I was just offhandedly saying I'd love some chewing gum. But so, yeah. You must be fun to travel with. Try and fit all the time. You didn't even love my chewing gum material. That country's fucked. That's like the equivalent of someone coming in and going,

oh, I might just murder someone. You can't do that here. Duh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to get the death penalty. That's the joke! I want to get the death penalty for bad the joke I want to get the death penalty for bad comedy yeah

so yeah off menu special right right so basically the way they were wanting to do this which I think happens a little bit in restaurants it's like

you don't tell people that it's on you have a couple of friends that are there or like other chefs that are coming in to visit yep and you just kind of

you wheel it out and give it to them and then you're hoping that other people see it and go, hey, what's that? I want that. Is this the triple cheeseburger at McDonald's? Yeah.

Wow. David Chang from Momofuku talks about this in his book. This is one of the things that they had this... We all know people through books. He had this thing on the menu that no one would ever buy it. They took it off the menu. Other chefs would come in and they would just make it for him. And then people would be like, what is that?

And it's like, oh, it's just a little secret special dish. People go, oh, I want that. So they've got this dish, right, that they're trying to build. If they're so special, put them on the menu. Let's do this at the next live podcast. Just go up there and do our normal show and then have people go, can we order the funny? Waiters coming around.

There's actually a hidden joke. Yeah, yeah. In the set list. Good content actually if you ask for it. That you have to really, really want. Yeah. So these guys, because they know, you know, the chefs at this point, they know me and my other friend pretty well, right?

So they're like, they come over and they're like, hey, we're trying to get the hype going for this off-menu item. You're the trendsetter. Yeah. Do you guys want the special? Do you want to be the guys to set it off? Yeah. And we go, oh, okay.

Yeah, it sounds good. All the other food's been so good. What's the special? Yes. I swear to God, duck sandwich. No way! I fucking swear to God. No way! I fucking swear to God. No way.

Yes. And it's off menu which means it's not written down. You can't show me it written down. I have no way of verifying it. I'm pretty sure I got a photo of it. I think I was too I was genuinely starstruck

to see one in the wild. So you would have been bombing over there with your chewing gum material. I would have been killing with my off-menu fucking giga. Off-menu duck sandwich. Did you pinch Carl's joke and use it over there? Yeah, did you do it? Did you use it? That's why they offered it to me.

Well, no, because I'd already tried a bit with this. Again, I'm just trying bits constantly over there and bombing nonstop. They had this prawn toast that's got their they kind of make their own version of Vegemite so it's like

prawn toast and then a bit of their company's called Nama you know the tragic thing about prawn toast is when they're in an opportunity

to have it if prawns have finally wanted to be around semi-burnt bread they'd love and now and now they can't. And now they can't enjoy it.

They're in no position to enjoy it. No position to enjoy it. That's my bit. You know how prawns always love a big toast. Boo, doing the chewing gum gear again. Hey, do you know what prawns called prawn toast? What? Toast.

Oh, my God. That's it. I'm going back. I think we've done it guys In the lab We've perfected The worst comedy set Of all time They'd still have to specify

The specific kind of Fraud toast That they want So it doesn't make The track Guys I'm adding all four of us As nominees

In the AusComedy Hall of Fame The SG Comedy Hall of Fame AusComedy Hall of Fame. The SG Comedy Hall of Fame. AusComedyHallofFame.sg Why don't they make the whole prawn out of the toast? That's what I thought it was. It's just Turkish bread with some

shit smeared on it. So Vegemite involved. Of course, you flexed your arms and gone, here we go. Well, this is their knockoff version. This is actually mine. Yeah. This is my property. That's my people's word.

My dad invented Vegemite. Exactly. This is their own version of Vegemite that they make called Namamite because their company is called Namamite. Oh, because they don't want to pay you any money. Yes. Any royalties. So this is what I tried on.

Their head chef, he's explaining this to us, and I go, well, a little fun fact about me. My great-grandpa invented Vegemite, so me and the family will see you in court. And he just deadfaces me and goes, yeah, bring it on. And just leaves. And then I find out that, like, ten years ago, this cunt was in jail in Japan for two years.

And I'm like, oh yeah, what is... And he's like, yeah, you had to bribe the guards to be allowed to sleep lying down. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, why would this cunt care about like a copyright claim in the Australian court? This guy does not sound like a happy little narmite. Oh, that sounds like a slur.

You little narmite. You little namite. You little namite. But, so yeah, I could not believe it. Duck sandwich taken Singapore by storm. Oh my God, that's great. And did it work? Was everyone like, oh my God, look at that duck sandwich. Look at those cool guys eating that duck sandwich.

Yeah, it did work. It genuinely did. Like people all around us being like, oh, what are those two hot guys having? Yeah. Right. What are those two studs eating? Yeah. It's like the top buttons on the controller.

Yeah. Like the secret little move. Yeah. X, Xero, I don't know, fucking video games. Tell you what, they went through so much. Like they. Oh, really? Boom immediately.

And then I saw, saw some people order it. None left. Oh. And it made me sad in a way. Because finally that person was surrounded by duck sandwiches and they weren't able to enjoy it. Yeah, it's good stuff. I like that.

It's funny. It's like if I had never have met you and we didn't do this, it's like the butterfly's wings effect of the alternate universe where I still go on that trip and that menu, that comes up, I just think nothing of it. I'm like, I don't really like duck. Probably won't order it. Not for me, thanks.

That's the butterfly effect. That's the influence I have had on your life. The only difference. You just eat a sandwich quietly. That's the only difference. I'm not bothering to take a photo of it. It's just a sandwich. It's not particularly photogenic.

You don't speak up. You just have it and go, thanks, everyone. What a multiverse that we live in. The incredible possibility. Into the Chando-verse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or it's just in every single multiverse that exists, I still meet you and still know what duck sandwich means.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never have a duck sandwich without knowing what it really means. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So shout out to Nama. When they come back, they're going to be doing a residency at Austin's Wines just out of Geelong. So let's campaign them.

Let's get the duck sandwich on there as a permanent fixture. Yeah, let's get them to cater the Comedy Hall of of fame they would they would do it yeah they'd probably do it i just that would be so funny if you did that and then they pull out the menu and everyone goes pass okay who wants you know what me uh well guys we better wrap it up for another week on the little dum-dum club ben knight tom ball, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having us. Ben Knight, things you would like to plug? Your driver's asshole. Yes. That was good.

That was really good. Oh, me and Dad do a podcast now called Teacher Yarns. Otherwise, it's just gigs. So you used to be a teacher and you do, I don't know,

maybe you still do a little bit of teaching? Yeah, still teach. Still do substitute teaching. You do a lot of teaching based stand-up comedy festival shows and stuff like that. So you've got a lot of teacher gear. There'll be teachers that listen to this show get stuck in there. And you don't even need to do that.

You need to, I mean, you could have given us a bit of teacher story right now. Obviously, you've taught little cunts before. Well, yeah, it didn't come up, did it? That ripper story about almost getting murdered. No, let's clarify that. You had a story about when nothing happened. When nothing happened.

Basically, that's it. I mean, potentially every day is a day where you almost get murdered. Yeah, if you look at it. That is true. I could tell this story today of this podcast

and go, three cunts were surrounding me the whole time. I'm like, I'm going to fucking die or get fucked. Oh no, we just recorded a show.

Trust me, Carl, when it happens, you'll know. I can tell you a kid's story. We had book week the other week. Oh, yeah, nice. Just for any parents that are listening, with preps, don't send your kids in a fucking... They struggle going to the toilet enough, right? Right.

And so this kid came in a zip-up Iron Man onesie. Right. And the zip's at the back. No. Shit himself. Of course he shit himself. Yeah. The onesie went home

full of twosies. It was like, it was fun. A lot of iron in that diet. Yeah. Pulling the zip down and the levy's broken. Well, that's it.

Like, what am I meant to do? I couldn't help him, really. He's like, hey. Like, he gets a substitute teacher. He's like, hey. Didn't have gets a substitute teacher. He's like, hey. Didn't have any superpowers. Barely had any powers to fucking pull his pants down. Yeah, just shit himself.

So many kids shit themselves in prep. But like, yeah, book week is the next level because they're all in these costumes. Yeah. And they're hard to get off. And it's like, you can't really help them with them. That's very funny because you, by the time, you know, like you get to about three o'clock in the afternoon and all of a sudden half the class are not in costumes anymore. It's like, well by the time you get to about three o'clock in the afternoon and all of a sudden

half the class are not in costumes anymore, it's like, well, we all know what this means. Someone needs to

write a kid's book with a really famous character that's just a toilet and then you dress your kid up as the toilet for book week

and when they shit themselves they're just all ready to go. Captain Brown Pants. There you go. Or just put a safety zip at the back. There's a few of them. A little go. Yeah, or just put like a safety zip at the back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a few of them. A little flap. Yeah, those old school. You used to see them in old cartoons. Little butterflaps, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a flap on your arm.

And you can't help either. Like maybe if you're a lady teacher, but when you're like, when you look like me as well and they go home, it's like, yeah, Mr. K is awesome. He helped me take my... He almost murdered me. He helped me take my clothes off because I needed to go to the toilet. It's like yeah Mr. we had Mr. K he was awesome he helped me take my he almost

murdered me he helped me take my clothes off because I needed to go to the toilet it's like what the fuck this bloke

yeah so anyway three kids shit themselves three Iron Man and who else one of the

elephants well that would have been a big one one of the elephants and Babar shit himself I can't remember what the other one was. It was late in the day.

No, you're right. I did prefer hearing the murder story. You picked the right one. Don't want to be riffing on kids' shit for 15 minutes. As long as you weren't wiping the kids' arse and thinking, does he want to suck me off? Bad news. You go ahead.

I'll follow you. Balar just closed. So So was the kid hot? Hey That turned me Into the cream I just want to clarify He asked me Into the toilet

So you know So Teacher Stories Is the name of the podcast Teacher Yarns Teacher Yarns Yeah Dad's a primary school teacher With Ben Knight

And your dad Yeah Dad's a teacher as well Did your dad ever teach you? No, he didn't. No, no. He became a teacher after I sort of left primary school. Because he was like a warrant officer in the Air Force.

He was like an old school dad. Fucking hell. Badass, yeah. And now he still terrifies kids. Right. Yeah. Just in his spare time. Just in his, yeah.

Old school dad. Check out T.G. Yarns wherever you get your podcasts. T Ballard. Yes. You and myself are doing shows. We're doing shows. This week in Sydney. This very week at the Sydney Fringe Comedy Festival.

Fringe. Yep. Three nights only. Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Because that makes total sense. Yep. At the Factory Theatre. Check out our socials. You can find them there. Or if you go to the Sydney Comedy Fringe website. We're trying out some new jokes. Saturday and Sunday because that makes total sense yep at the Factory Theatre you can check out

our socials you can find them there or if you go to the Sydney Comedy Fringe website we're trying out some new jokes greatest hits pending

yep see some future classics live on stage take shape love to see some listeners there the Singapore Noodle Gear bit of

working out material to one day be inducted into the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame why'd you take the Friday off what's going on great question great question that's what they offered us yeah even though we explained it would be much better to one day be inducted into the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. Why'd you take the Friday off? What's going on? Great question. Great question.

That's what they offered us. Yeah? Even though we explained it was much better to go all the way through. The people that run the Sydney Comedy Festival have got that great thing where, you know, down in Melbourne, Melbourne Comedy Festival, you do a month of shows at 7.30 every night, Sunday 6.30 up there. It's like, you can have Wednesday at midday, Thursday at midnight, and the next Friday night at fucking 12.15.

All at four different venues. It's impossible to do a run of nights all in a row. But anyway, come check that out. Looking forward to those. I went to set up a Facebook ad for the gig, and Facebook will do this thing where it kind of predicts based on your page and what you've typed

in, like what interests it should target with the ad that it's going to put out. So people that are into this stuff, it'll show them the ad. Here's what it thinks our show is going to feature. Hell yeah. For fans of rugby league, Kmart, comedy movies, surfing. Comedy movies because they just looked at the content and went super bad?

Is that what's happening right. Surfing. Comedy movies because they just looked at the content and went super bad. Is that what's happening? Nice. And the final one. Oh, my God. And the final one that if you're a fan of this on Facebook, you may have seen an ad for our show, Bunnings Warehouse. So that's what it's gotten from these two rugged outdoorsmen in the poster. Right.

So, yeah, you better work on some surfing and Bunnings and sausage sizzle here, Tom. Come and get a big fucking sausage between bread and these two boys. These surfer boys, aren't they? Shockers, bro. Woo! Surf's up, y'all. Bodacious.

Cowabunga to us all. Oh, God. Cowabunga to all who celebrate. Cowabunga to us all. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening. Thanks very much for listening. as we say thanks very much for listening

and as we always say Hey vote! Vote for the vote! Go to comedy Oz comedy O-Z comedyhalloffame.com Go and vote

and get tickets to Saturday October 22nd and you'll see who the first inductees are and who's dead. Yeah. I can't wait to put together the In Memoriam. This is going to be great.

Can we vote on who's going to be dead? Is that something? A comedy should... Well, the nominee with the fewest amount of votes. Yeah. It should be In Memoriam. Who should be dead? Yes.

We'll put that together. Yes! We can't say this because I'll have to go back to Joel and get him to make more changes. I've got him to make so many changes already. I keep having great ideas. It should be in memorial. Sentimental music. We, unfortunately, we know you very well.

Instead of we hardly anyone. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. They sure have. That's true. Bernie. Big sore toe from that one.

Really? Yeah. Damaged the toe. Done a toenail. Ooh, that's a hell of a kick. Done a toenail. Should have probably kicked it a little bit better. Didn't come off the boot properly, but still got there.

You'll like this. Speaking of Bernie kicking a big one, I did one of the most obnoxious things you can do as an Australian tourist in Singapore. Went and watched the footy. What do you mean? Went and watched the AFL. Oh, in a pub.

In an Australian bar. Oh. Just a little. Is there an Australian bar there? There is. We had a bit of time to kill before the, we had a booking at that wine bar at 7.30 and with the time difference it was like

footy's starting at 5 you know what let's go let's go get a beer watch the first half $34 VB yep drinking Coopers

and oh really touching stone and wood yep come on you gotta give me the price fuck I actually don't remember

now but loved this the name of the you know because calling up a lot of sports looking up sports bars on Google and it's the Australian, you know, because calling up a lot of sports, but looking up sports bars

on Google and it's like, yeah, they play every sport. Me calling up, you gonna be showing the AFL this afternoon? No. Like a very pointed

no. Not just a, we don't get that one. Just like, how dare you even ask? I did a bit of this when I was looking for a pub to watch the

Premier League and ah, such and such sports bar. And then me looking up the images on Google Imaging and, oh, such and such sports bar, and then me looking up the images on Google Images going, oh, you've got an A4 TV stuck fucking seven foot in the air. That looks like

it's shit. Yes, yes. There's two of them in Singapore. They're called the Boomerang Bar. Up there with the title of the walkabout, the famous London chain of Australian-themed pubs. Dodgy stuff. But you know the funny thing about an Australian-themed pub, what makes it an Australian-themed pub?

They play AFL. And literally that's it. Right. Like culturally as a country, we have nothing else to offer. You know, you go a German-themed bar, it's like, cool, I'll get a schnitzel. You know, I'll drink a Stein. The big poster in the boomerang bar for their meal special. Come in for breakfast and get bacon and eggs.

That's it. That's how we do it down here. Man, it works. You know, we've been talking for ages, my whole idea about, you know, you get a bar in Thailand, it's like anything you read about a bar in Thailand is always like, yeah, I guess you could set up like a Thai-themed bar in Thailand. Yeah. And you could have, you know, green curries for, you know,

a hundred baht, whatever. Don't do that. Just do some overpriced, pommy fucking dog shit food. That's where everyone will go. That's the way to make money. Yeah. Like just on purpose shit bars. Yep.

I mean, it worked on us. Literally, we were like, yeah, we just want to, you know, we're doing our, we're engaging in Singaporean stuff later tonight. Yeah. We just got a little two-hour window. We want to have a little pre-drink. We want to see the footy. Let's chuck it on.

Yeah. We want to see them pay their respects to the Queen. Was there many there? Yeah. Many of your type? Yeah, packed. Many of your type? Yeah, packed. Really? Disappointingly packed.

But I've got to say, not the worst. I mean, that is the thing, because I know you had that sort of stuff of like, we go and do the Koh Samui stuff and people are just hanging out at a British bar or whatever. I mean, at least the one in Singapore, the boomerang, it was along the river. They had the front bit completely open. So you still feel like you're like, ah, you know, I's like it was along the river. They had the front bit completely open. So you still feel like you're like, ah, you know, I'm not just in a box inside. I'm getting the weather. I'm getting a bit of a nice view.

I still kind of feel a bit like I'm soaking it up in some way. If you're outdoors, yeah, that's the thing that would get me in some of those other places. When you go into a British-themed thing in Thailand, it's never like, oh, it's outside and it's cool still. It's like, no, go inside a fucking dark, damp box. Yeah. Because that's the proper British experience. Yeah, yeah. It's not hang out in a fucking beer garden, is it?

Right, right. At least, I mean, yeah, at least with the boomerang being kind of outdoors and, yeah, being along the river, it's like, well, it doesn't really remind me of Melbourne, but, you know, it felt a bit Cairns. You know, it's still... It's got a little bit of, you know... There's some parts of Australia that feel like this.

Yep. It's also funny because it is, you know, it's one of the few countries that's, like, quite close to Australia, so it's like, I can get away with this because we're, you know, a pretty short flight. We're not that far away. Right. Really.

Yep. But, yeah, I did feel disgusting and very embarrassed going in there. Doesn't hurt if you're watching the AFL stuff only three hours away because the time difference makes it quite decent. It was good. Yeah. You can watch stuff like that at a decent time. Like I said, yeah, pre-drinks, you know, starting at five.

Great. Watch the first half of the match. These are ahead. Ahead significantly. All right, we can leave here. Doing a little Google halfway through dinner. You did it. Like, what the fuck happened here?

Yeah. Oh, well. The curse of Dastler. Yeah, exactly. Big shame. I've done that in Samui before. Watched AFL football at a, a not quite an English theme bar but something

not too far away because that's who had it on and just just having a beer like just because you don't get to do this

but having a beer at midday and watching the footy that's a thing you don't actually get to do watch it that early yeah that was

apart from grand final day but yeah well they don't kick off till three oh right grand final day is three o'clock.

Well, but, you know, if you take it seriously. Yeah, but I was watching. If you're taking day drinking seriously, you get there at midday. I know, but I was watching the game at 12, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing. Pretty good. Pretty fucking good.

We've got the big live show, of course, Tommy. We've got that. If you want to get tickets, you can go to littledumbdumbclub.com and you'll find tickets to the wink wink Little Dumb Dumb Club 12th birthday show of course you know it's more

than just a 12th birthday show that's the smoke screen yes it is of course the the first inductee session of the

Oz Comedy Hall of Fame if you want to buy a ticket to that show yep you can always go to Oz Comedy

dot com Oz Comedy Hall of Fame dot com now are we going to be able a ticket to that show, you can always go to OzComedy.com OzComedyHallOfFame.com Now, are we going to be able to get like separate reports of where people, what site people bought the tickets from? Absolutely. It's split, so we will know the numbers. Two different tickets. Great. It'll direct

you to do two different things. So I want to see who, maybe we're going to see a bunch of industry people buying tickets. I wonder if we'll get hit up for comps. Yeah. From some of the big players. Yes. That would be good.

I would love that. So guys, don't forget to share it on your platforms and, you know, even if you need to tag some of the unsuspecting nominees into it to let them know that they've been nominated. Even if you need to tag some of the unsuspecting nominees into it to let them know that they've been nominated. I'm honestly amazed that we haven't had word from Tatius HQ yet. Yeah. We haven't. Well, you know what?

We'll do it this week. Or Blackman HQ. We haven't. I mean, when he... If you get John Blackman as an Uber driver, maybe bring it up. And John Blackman finds out he's been nominated, his jaw's going to hit the ground. He'll be so surprised. Yeah. Google. Have a see what he looks like nominated, his jaw's going to hit the ground. He'll be so surprised. Yeah. Google.

Have a see what he looks like at the moment and see if you enjoy that joke. So. All right. I'll have a look. I can't wait. Nice. So, yeah, yeah.

Do that. Or, you know, tag someone who you think should be nominated. Fire them up. Get them fired up. Fire them up for it. If this gets us into contact with Rude, I would love that a great deal. We just want any interaction with anyone, you know, like we've been talking about. A bit of a hoo-ha on Reddit.

Let's get the discussion happening on Twitter, Facebook, Insta, whatever. Get some people. I want some people arguing. I want some people arguing. I want some people complaining. There was a huge debate in the comments on that Reddit post about Clark and Dawes, whether they should be in. I was like, well, you know, they're New Zealand. And then this person was like, yeah, but, you know, they did a lot of their work on Australian TV and about Australian politics and all this kind of stuff. And it's like, oh, God, debating the's like it's so good yeah it's really fucking

great yeah we want this to be the new vaccine we want this to be an issue that tears families apart yeah yeah debating whether or not someone qualifies and especially i want to see who what comedians turn up to the to the show to see if they've been, you know. Oh, if they might be a late. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we need to set up a separate email account to invite all of those potential inductees along. I do think after this I'm going to sit down and create PeterWarsaw at gmail.com. Okay.

Just to have as my cover. Look, we'll hit up Joel Goodman our webmaster and see oh we get Peter and Jeff at at Oz Comedy Hall yeah yeah yeah alright yeah great

we better see if we can do that great great that might be a bit more official yeah yeah now we got now we got the the Schmick website

we can I feel confident about about getting the Daily Mail involved and you know some of those other you know would Junk those other, you know, would Junkie, would we get on that, Junkie.com?

I think we'd be a chance, yeah. I think we'd be half a chance. Those sort of affiliated places. Yeah, yeah. Those pop culture-y places. If we can get like a look in on Pedestrian. Yeah. They might smell a rat, but...

Will they? Yeah, I don't know. I know someone who works for a site that's affiliated, that's under the umbrella of either pedestrian or junkie, that I could maybe ask to kind of get us in the back door. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Let's have a go.

I don't know. All right. We've got to get on to thanking some of our patrons. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. You can get on there. You can get two bonus episodes a week. And you can also go into the draw to get your name read out

on this part of the program. Very exciting stuff. Who knows how many names we're going to read out. Although I'd love it to be not many because my dog has been a complete cunt for the entire time we've been recording here today. Well, look, alright. You know what? We'll cut it down to five this week just to make sure

you've got time to look after him. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. First cap off the rank this week. Thank you to Kara Asom. Kara Asom. K-A-R-A-H. Yep. Space.

E-A-S-O-M. Yeah, this is a name I recognize from the socials. Pretty active on there. Okay. Probably got her top fan badge on Facebook. Oh, really? I don't know. I assume.

Maybe. You know, look, it's a name that you remember because you go, what is going on there? Isam. Kara Isam. Yeah. Hmm. It's like, it seems like she's got both of her names

slightly wrong. Yeah. Is it Kara or Kara? I don't know. I always assumed it was Kara. Maybe it's Kara. Maybe it's Kara. Kara Isam. You might be completely right there. Yeah. Is it Cara or Cara? I don't know. I always assumed it was Cara. Maybe it's Cara. Maybe it's Cara. Cara Eason. You might be completely right there. I've got no idea. I think it has to be Cara.

Well, look, I'm looking her up on Facebook and she has two mutual friends and they are... Do you want to guess who the two mutual friends of mine are? Nick Capper? No.

Close. Brett Blake? No, not that close. Okay, hit me. Nick Cody, Tommy Little. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

What's going on there, Cara? Yeah, she's eating an oversized donut in a picture I'm looking over there. Okay, yeah, good for her. Yeah. Looks yummy. Looks very over the top yummy. So congratulations, Cara, on the friendship of those two people. Mm-hmm.

I mean, I think both those people would take whoever on Facebook, I reckon. If you want to just find them, they'll accept your friendship. They're not too fussy. Yeah, there's a lot of comedians that fit into that basket, though. So you'd have to assume that if she was one of those people that just wants to add a comedian

that she knows, that she'd have a few more in there. But having said that, I'm looking at her profile. She hasn't requested my friendship, so maybe... Ah, interesting. She's not that fussy.

Yeah, okay. That's fine. I will absolutely not accept it anyway. Sorry about that. Yeah, I have to say, I'm past the point. This was interesting, okay. That's fine. I will absolutely not accept it anyway. Sorry about that. Yeah, I have to say I'm past the point. This was interesting though. While I was in Singapore, it was like I felt like I was 21 and traveling again because I felt like this had gone away for a bit, but now it's kind of back.

Meeting people, having a chat, pulling the phones out and doing the mutual Instagram app. Like, you know know 15 years ago when facebook was new and you'd meet someone for half an hour and then 10 years later you're like who is this person going off about the vaccine i don't recognize this name at all right and just already two days after being back just these people coming up in the instagram feed being like i mean why am i tethered to this person's life now? I'm not, I don't really, I don't, I had like half a conversation with them. I'm not really invested in where they're going on a holiday next week. Yeah.

Good for them, but nice people. It does upset you. I've done that a few times where late at night and you meet friends of friends or whatever and then you wake up in the morning and go, what's happened to Facebook? Facebook's broken. They're showing me all these fucking cunts I couldn't give a fuck about. Oh, that's right. Is this someone I met last night?

Yeah. I've been genuinely confused by that. You're going, there must be some... I've been hacked. Someone got in and added all these people and then put my status as I am gay. Someone's hacked me to be friends with me. Yeah. Diabolical devils out there.

Just needed my internet friendship. Not my bank details. Just wanted to look cool by being friends with me. Just fake friendship. Yep, absolutely. Yep, so that's what's happened with Cara, I'm sure. That's what happened with Cara. Yeah, Cara.

Sorry, Cara. Cara. Get it through your skull mate Kara Kara Kara Kara Kara

Kara Well yeah Give us a request Kara Not me We'll knock it back Not me No I mean

Do it I'm not going to accept it either But you know Just Hold us to our word You know Kappa and Blakey They'll take you on

Don't they care They will definitely They're pretty desperate Yeah they're definitely Wey, they'll take you on. They don't care. They will definitely. They're pretty desperate. Yeah, they're definitely. We're not very desperate, that's all. Yeah. We don't need to... Look, I'm always a bit...

You know, I did a big fucking unfriending of every cunt I've met that I don't really... I met once and that was it. Or people I don't talk to anymore or, you know, people I don't have anything to do with. I just always thought, I don't need them connected, or, you know, people I don't have anything to do with. I just always thought, oh, I don't need them connected into my old photos and, you know. It's also like, yeah, someone caring at this point, it's like, no one's really using Facebook anymore, are they? In, like, the public-facing kind of way.

You might be in some groups or you use it for Messenger, but in terms of getting on there and being like, hey, everyone, here's 50 photos from my trip. Yeah. No one's doing that. No. No one's posting that. I'll plug a festival show when it's about to start, and that's basically trip. Yeah. No one's doing that. No one's posting that. I'll plug a festival show

when it's about to start and that's basically it. Yeah. I'm just not really ever posting statuses. I'm just in groups looking for news and using it to book people

for gigs and yeah, that's about it. But it is funny because like, I do do a day a week for the project, TV show The Project

and there was a new writer starting there like a week at uh uh right for the project tv show the project and there was a new writer starting there like a week or two ago where you know you're pitching jokes for some certain oh that's right facebook had that weird algorithm a couple of weeks ago where remember that thing did you see that thing where uh for like a couple of hours or whatever it was you, whatever you're a fan of on Facebook, you just saw everyone posting stuff on their page. Did you see that bit? So if you liked Eminem, all your feed could possibly be was like one million African people going, I love you, King, you are the best, and then just posting a picture of...

Yeah, no, I didn't see that. But I feel like that sort of stuff, every now and then you just get... Because it's gotten so broad. It's like, yeah, like a thing that you like. Here's someone you're not friends with replying to another person you're not friends with. Right. It's like, why am I seeing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, that happened. And... Yeah, for an afternoon, that's all you saw. Right. Like it was, and, and anyway, point was that happened at the last minute, the project went, right, we're going to run that as a story. I'm like, okay. Um, and there was a newer writer pitching jokes on that.

And, and the basic of the joke was, you know, oh, as if anyone's on Facebook anymore. And it was sort of, it was just that, that moment of going, oh, as if anyone's on Facebook anymore. And it was sort of just that moment of going, okay, is that the kids' view of Facebook now? It's like, oh, yeah. I think the kids' view of even like Instagram is that. It's like that's the old person's view. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to be TikTok-ing.

Just a funny point in history where it's like if anything on the internet is considered uncool, it's like my mum and dad don't even fucking know how to turn the computer on let alone be on a fucking social platform yeah remember when we were cutting edge and now we're fucking dinosaurs yeah poor old zuckerberg is uh you know what's hot and what's not yeah i'm afraid you better get your jacket on there, Zucks. In the chill-o-meter. Well, thanks, Cara. Thanks, Cara. See you online.

See you. See you. I'll see you online. I'll see your request online. And I'll see you later. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Ellen Carland. Carland. Yep.

C-A-R-L-A-N-D. So you know what her ancestors, where they came from? Car City. They were, well, that's the capital of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They came, they were Mitsubishi Magnus and they emigrated here a couple of centuries ago.

Yeah. That's now... Beautiful lineage. Yep. Now they're just a tiny little hatchback called Ellen. And now she subscribes. A little car called Ellen subscribes to this show. Beautiful. That's the riff off that name.

That's the riff off that name. It's that time of the week, Carl. Oh, no. I'm getting hungry. I'm hungry Not me 2pm, Hughesy I'm hungry Got myself a little

You got a little cookie Egg and sausage muffin on the way And a cookie Love that Love that I wish there was a McDonald's a little bit closer to your house, I'll be honest There's been many hungover days where I've had that same thought Love that. Yeah. Love that. I wish there was a McDonald's a little bit closer to your house, I'll be honest. There's been many hungover days where I've had that same thought.

I've got to make a special drop-off, stop-off on the way here. Oh, there's one not too... The Smith Street one. That's where I go. You could go via that on the way to my house. I do that. You're not really detouring if you go via there. No, but I... I...

I... PT'd. Okay. So that's a pain to get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, but I PT'd. Okay. So that's a pain to get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. But, you know,

if you want it, you'll move heaven and earth. I did it. Gave myself an hour to get here. Did pretty well. Yep. If I had been driving

an Ellen Carland, I would have got here a lot quicker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Carland. The land of cars. I think I...

Have you ever... When you bought your car, did you... Have you ever driven a car? Did you buy yours from a lot? Did you buy yours from a... Or was it a private purchase or...? No, it was from a lot. Pre-owned.

Bought it out near... Got it from out near Nick Cody County. Oh. Where he grew up. Out in the backwaters of Melbourne, out near Werribee. Yep, driving out there and just traded in my old car. Weird feeling of just driving out in your old car and just being like, this is it, old girl.

Yeah. The end of the road and then driving home in a completely different car. I know. That's what blew me off. My wife is like very strong on me getting rid of my car. And it's that thought of like, yeah, just go and trade it in. It's like, by trade it in, you mean give it away. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. You're just going to leave that car there and then come back with a different car. Well, you know. It makes me feel a little bit odd. And they get you because it's like, they'll offer you fuck all for it. And you know you could probably get a fraction more if you did it yourself. But all that hassle, all that like dealing with people,

and also just the convenience of driving in and then it's gone. Yeah. You fucking little cunt. This dog, I'm at my wits' end today. Really? Yeah. He's got a little shoe of yours right now? He's got a little shoe.

I've had him, when we've been doing the pod, I've been having him in the lap, and he just kind of generally sits there. But now he's decided he wants to chew the cords. I was going to say, him with your shoe at the moment, that's the highlight of today so far, because what I've already seen is him chewing through a headphone cord of yours and pissing on this couch. Pissing on the couch and then...

This is genuinely good behavior from him. Chewing my fingers before, which obviously we don't want him to do, but it was just like, oh, you know what? If this keeps you away from the cords, then fucking I'll just tolerate this. Now my fingers have little pockmarks all over them from his teeth. Oh. And then him getting up and walking around and being like, this is the thing is that you just go, you've just got to pick your battles. It's getting up and walking around and being like, this is the thing is that

you just go, you've just got to pick your battles. It's like he's walking around. I know he's probably going to do a shit inside while we're recording this, but you know what? As long as the mic isn't being chewed through, I can live with you, you know, destroying my shoe. Oh yeah, he's doing a little bit of a number on your shoe there. I was getting annoyed at him taking my stuff and, you know, taking my clothes and, you know, socks and stuff and running around with them. And then watch this YouTube video about signs that your dog loves you.

And one of them is stealing clothes. Because it's, you think it's just like a little game to them and they're just doing it to be annoying. But it's because you have your scent on it. And it's because they love you and they want to keep being close to you. And so then it just recalibrates it in your head. It's like, I can't stay mad at you. I love you and they want to keep being close to you. And so then it just recalibrates it in your head. It's like, I can't stay mad at you. I love you. That being said, give me this fucking shoe.

It's not happening. It's just like two knots of a shoe to abandon to a dog to show up. Yeah, they're pretty new. And they're my gym shoes as well. Oh. Yeah, it is tough stuff. It is constant. Kewpie.

This isn't happening. How about you come back in my lap and go back to chewing on my things? You'd like that. I should keep you in the car land. Yes. We go down. Put you in the car land, take you out to the farm land. Yes.

That's it. Yeah, there's got to be some fucking changes around here for pod days. Because you can't put him in his little pen because he'll just fucking cry the whole time. I don't really know what to do with him when we do the pod here. Oh, you seem like you've done a good job. It's annoying you. But in terms of the show itself, apart from this bit now that we've talked about it for two minutes, which is a little bit boring.

I've got to address it. I've got to get it out. But yeah. Maybe I just need, because he wants to chew your fingers, maybe I just need to get some fucking big gloves that he can just fucking honk on. Pass him on to me for a minute. I can play with him. Yeah, all right.

See how you go. Go over there. Come over here. Come and bite me. It's fine. Get his little, his little right hand. Hey. Well, thanks, Ellen Carland.

Thanks, Ellen Carland. I'd love to come out there and I would like to get a new car at some point. So if you've got any deals, Ellen. It's a good feeling, although you kind of do have the cheat of like your wife has a nice-ish car that you'll get to drive from time to time. Yes. Whereas my old one, I kind of felt like I ran it into the ground. It was the only thing I ever drove.

And then just the experience one day overnight of like, oh, driving's fun now. Yeah, yeah. I'm in a car that's like a little bit higher up. I've got the – I can have my music playing off my phone and the Apple Play. It's like, yeah, this really has made my days so much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do drive my wife's car way more than I drive my own car. Right.

So that's taken the sting out of getting a new one for you a little bit. Yeah. Write her car off and then you getting a new car will be a nice event. Yeah, yeah. Sure. Well, Ellen Carlin, let me know. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Malin Lindahl. Malin.

M-A-L-I-N-L-I-N-D-A-H-L. Malin. Is it? Malin? I think it's Malin. Malin. Malin? Malin? I don't know. Malin? Malin?

I don't know. No idea. I'm not backing myself this week. Between Cara and Malin. We're getting a lot of curveballs here. You're giving us a tough one. And Tommy's hungry. He hungry.

Tommy be hungry. Yeah, yet again. We started at 10. Just kind of thought, it's a bit, it's also, yeah, I'm never really hungry when I wake up. I was like, I don't want to cram something in at 9 a.m. just for the sake of it. And as we always talk about,

I kind of did the maths of what we had to do in my head. I was like, we're finishing roughly around lunchtime. That's okay. But then, of course, one of our guests comes off his bike and we start half an hour late. Carl's about to sneeze. It's fucking all happening today. Bless you.

Bless you. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry. The dog looks freaked out. Yeah, sorry about that. No, the doggy's all right. And look, this is behind the scenes, but this is what happens. If you record for, say, like we've just done a normal episode.

Yep. We're doing this. We did two bonus Patreon episodes that you can get if you sign up to this Patreon. Yep. If you count all the hours in that, that is roughly two and a half hours. Of course, that takes us about four hours because we have to sit around and talk shit to each other in between and before and after all of that. Someone runs late.

Yep. It always blows out. I don't know how many times I have to do it. A lot of stuff we can't talk about on the show. A lot of bitching about other comedians. A lot of talking about how bad gigs were or whatever it is. Getting it all out of our system. The whole kit and caboodle.

Yeah. Before we hit record and go, oh, I was in a cab yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. We'll have to record one of these first, so we don't have to bitch and sook about this shit one day. Yeah. It'd be just at a feast, so neither of us are hungry.

Oh, yeah. We'd be just chewing in between saying, Mail in, Lindle. A big, like, end of Asterix comic book style. Oh. We're just tucking into some wild boar. Succulent wild boar. Succulent wild boar.

Always looks so good, doesn't it? Before we sit down and do the pie. That was one of those things where as a kid you're like seeing it and going, oh, wild boar would be the best. And then me growing up going, I don't think I would like wild boar at all. Like when I was a little kid, looking at hamburgers, like cartoon hamburgers and cartoon pizza going, this looks the best. But as a kid, it'd be like my parents would go, okay,

then well here's a hamburger. And me going, no thanks. That looks like best. But as a kid, it'd be like my parents would go, okay, then, well, here's a hamburger. And me going, no thanks. That looks like shit. I like the cartoon one. Man, I've been watching that show alone. Do you know what this show is? It's like Survivor, but they're not in a group. They're literally people by themselves in the wilderness.

They can bring 10 things with them, and they have to just survive. They have to hunt for their own food. they've been given their own little cameras that they have to set up right and do these little journals to camera and they just it's basically last one standing wins but they have no context of how there's no challenges or anything like that it's just literally you have to just build a shelter and they're teaming up or they just do no no they're all by them they're all solo right so a big part of it is like they start like day 30 they just go on mental because there's no one else around like They're all solo. Right. So a big part of it is like they start, like day 30, they just go on mental because there's

no one else around. Right. Like they're all completely isolated from each other. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's impossible to watch and not be like, could it, you know, the start of it, you're like, I reckon I could, you know, chopping down a tree, make it a little shelter. I could do that.

And then it's like someone shooting a squirrel with a bow and arrow and like cooking the entrails and eating that. And that's their one meal for the two weeks that's not a berry and you go yeah i'd be like yeah having a fucking gut a shit animal and then just eat its insides it's like yeah i'd be fucking absolutely tapped out at that point i'd be starving to death yeah yeah no not for me i've got a friend that's having a birthday weekend coming up. Camping. Come and camp.

Me and my wife. Absolutely not. Not a camper? No. No. No way. No way we're doing that. No interest in the great outdoors.

Not so great shit outdoors, personally. So, yeah. Have you ever camped? You know what? I've camped when I was a teenager, when you do that thing of going, oh, all my friends and girls are doing it, so let's do it. And then a little bit older. No, fuck that.

I can find girls different ways. Yeah, yeah, okay. I can meet up with my friends when they come home. Yeah, I like camping. I've never thought of it as a way to meet girls. Yeah. No, well, you know. Groups go into a thing, so it's like, yeah, No, well, you know. A group's going to a thing.

So it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. So you're not a camp guy. It's not like I was going out camping going, I hope some girls walk by. In the middle of the bush. In the bush, yeah. So you're not a camp guy. No.

Not what I've heard. There we go. There we go. Woof, woof. Very nice. Got me. That's me. Yeah.

No, not for me. Not for me. So unfortunately, that birthday will remain uncelebrated. Sorry about that. That's me. Yeah. No, not for me. Not for me. So that, unfortunately, that birthday will remain uncelebrated. Sorry about that. Yeah, damn. Yeah. That is like, what age is this friend? 40.

40? Must be 45 or something like that. Wouldn't have picked that as a 40s birthday activity. I guess it's like a thing of like, oh, like they're treating it like a festival and they're just going to go down to, I don't know where it is. Is this just's just at meredith no yeah where is it i don't even know where it is but it's like yeah we'll just go out and get pissed all weekend and we'll do this and do that it's like i don't know i got pubs near my house i could do that yeah yeah yeah i don't know i know it's a certain way of thinking and whatever i'm like nah nah i don't want to do that. Yeah. Unfortunately, no.

Not for me. No. I can't see a way that I could find camping. I did have that, like, I did have an idea a while back. I don't know if we ever talked about it seriously, but, you know, the live show that we did in Mirabar years ago, there was a point there where we were going, yeah, doing a show in Mirabar would be a good logical step for the pod.

I was thinking we'd do a festival, like, no, a mini festival, like an overnight thing. We'd do it on my parents' farm. Oh, yeah,

yeah. We, we set up, you know, tents in the, you know, they've got a big, big paddock down the,

down the hill from my, their house. We do a little stage there. Logistics of it would just be so much work to do it this is i mean that's how meredith started yeah just at the guy's parents farm yeah and then like the next year he was in a car accident oh really yeah well just so hey fingers crossed yeah well just the idea of like you know 100 plus people coming up going sorry mrs chandler can we come and use your toilet oh yeah yeah yeah no absolutely i'm going yeah. I can't do that. No, absolutely.

I'm going to a wedding in November and it's at one of the people's parents' farm. And they've said, hey, you can camp if you want. And I was saying to my girlfriend, so what are we going to, because one of her friends. And I was saying, oh, what are we going to do? Do you want to do the camping? I don't mind either way. Like, it's your, it's your friend's thing.

You can decide how we do it. And she's like, I guess we probably should camp because I think it's, it's not really near like a calm is not going to be anywhere near where the thing is. And then getting to and from is going to be a pain in the ass. But then you go in like, well, the logistics of this getting ready for a wedding when you're in a tent.

Yeah. And then, and then also going, it's just, it's not, I don't think they've opened it to like everyone who's going to the wedding. It's just to the crew of like close friends. If you also going, it's just, it's not, I don't think they've opened it to like everyone who's going to the wedding. It's just to the crew of like close friends if you want to pull up a tent.

And it's like, it's exactly that. It's like, are you going to get some portaloos in for that? Yeah. Or are we going to be just going into the house in the middle of the night? Yeah. It feels a bit weird. Yeah. No.

We'll find out. Well, thanks, Malin. Thanks, Malin. Malin. Malin. Malin. Malin. Malin. Malin. Lindahl.

Dal. Dal. Do you miss your... You used to live next door to a nice Indian restaurant. Do you ever miss walking out the door and getting the waft of a dal? Had it the other night. Oh, you went back there? Got it delivered. They delivered to here.

Got it. Just had a craving because they were great. They were, I feel like a butter chicken. It's pretty, you know what you're in for. But theirs was a little, I don't know what they're doing, but a little, a bit distinct. Not as heavy as a curry's normally are. I like their bread. Yeah.

Their naans were very nice. Yeah, really good. Although they have a, they have like a dinner deal that's like a heart, because their curries are so big and they're rices. So it's half curry, half rice, which is like just the perfect serve for one person with a bread. And you go, all right, that's what I want. But then also a samosa and a can of drink.

It's like, well, I don't want either of those things. I don't need the samosa. I'm having bread and rice and curry. And the drink's like, if I want a drink, I'll get a drink. You know what I mean? I can go to the milk bar. I don't need the samosa. I'm having bread and rice and curry. Yeah. And the drinks like. That's a lot. If I want a drink, I'll get a drink. You know what I mean? I can go to the milk bar. I've got stuff here.

Right. It's like. How much? Having to like be forced to pick. It's like. How much? Sprite, I guess. I think it's like 20 bucks.

Fuck, that's a great deal. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Must be more. That's too cheap. That's too cheap. I could look it up right more. That's too cheap. That's too cheap. I could look it up right now.

That's too cheap. Shout out to, we've talked about this before, but I love that you can name the name of the restaurant that was next to your house. Yeah, Two Fat Indians. Two Fat Indians. Yep. And I got to say, not once in the times I've been in there have I ever seen what I would qualify as a fat Indian.

Even I'm looking out the back in the kitchen, I'm like, I mean, he looks, he's a little chubby. I wouldn't call him fat. But also, this weird way of Indians having restaurants and being negative towards themselves. Yeah. Because there's that, and then there's the one that's closer to my house, which is called Three Idiots. Yeah. Yeah, it is really weird. I still haven't been called Three Idiots. Yeah. Yeah, it is really weird. I still haven't been to Three Idiots.

A couple of fucking head Indians. There's a name for you guys if you want to open up a restaurant. Yep. Okay, dinner for one. Yeah, you're getting your curry, your rice, your samosa, and your can of drink, $24. Yeah, there you go. Still a good deal.

It's all right. Yeah, not bad. Not bad at all. Given that just a full-size butter chicken by itself is $24. Yes. So, you know. Given that just a full-sized butter chicken by itself is $24. Yes. So, you know. It's a good deal. Yeah.

Big fan of both of those restaurants, by the way. If you're plenty of people near Richmond and East Melbourne that listen to this show, big fan of both of those. All surrounds, because I don't know about Three Idiots, but Two Fat Cunts is on Uber Eats. Oh, okay. So, you might be able to get them. And they, you know, they're not one of these, they having gotten it delivered a fair distance now from where they are,

held up, still good when it turned up, you know, not one of these places that sucks shit when you get it on Uber Eats. Do you know what, though? I like to order cheap shit on Uber Eats because if you're going to pay that, they're both, like, reasonably priced places. If you're going to pay that much, I want to fucking, I want to order cheap shit on Uber Eats because if you're going to pay that, they're both like reasonably priced places. If you're going to pay that much, I want the fucking, I want to eat in. You want to eat in. I want the experience.

But then don't you feel like getting something cheap and then paying the Uber delivery fee on top of that sort of then negates the fact that it's cheap? Whereas at least if you're already spending a bit, it's like, ah, what's a delivery fee on top of this? Maybe. I mean, yeah. ah what's a delivery fee on top of this maybe i mean yeah i i kind of i kind of feel like nice food tastes differently on uber eats because you're like uh no for sure yeah yeah yeah i um when we had i got rock pool we probably talked about at the time but i got rock pool in the

middle of lockdown it was fucking suck shit yeah yeah yeah it was awful i was when we had covid i was getting a coffee in the morning and just getting it delivered on Uber Eats. And just like literally that $5 coffee, $3 delivery fee. But just doing the same order at pretty much the same time of day, every day for seven days in a row to a local cafe. And then you wonder if they're clocking on and being like, I reckon this guy has COVID. And then on the eighth day the order doesn't come through it's like yep he's free yeah no covid anymore yeah yeah well thanks malin thanks malin uh thanks very much to patreon

subscriber james brennan james i reckon i've nailed that one finally finally. Yeah. This one I've got right. Yep. Jimmy Bren. JB. He's done it again. Yes. In fact, we are hungry. James Brennan sounds like... I don't know.

What does he sound like? He sounds like some sort of... Accountant. Yeah, no, not that bad, but sounds like some sort of decent guy. I reckon he sounds like a decent friend. Yep. But one of those guys that's like a decent friend, but you actually can't talk too much shit with. One of those guys, do you know what I mean? Like, you can't...

He's not that funny. Oh, yeah. He's a he's a guy's like yeah he's a solid guy it's like would you ever have a great night with him not really yeah could you sort of talk a bit of naughty stuff that you shouldn't really be talking about with him right he's maybe he's good for a pre-drink yeah like if he's at something and he's bolstering out a group yeah he's good to have around. He's always good for his shout. He's good if you're catching up with him, you might do a like, hey, I've got something. I'm going to a dinner at 7.30. Do you want to meet at like 6 for a drink? And then we'll head off.

I reckon I could, him and me could take our kids to the playground and talk about our week while they're on the slides and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh, you're a nice one. All right. See you next week. Have you found that interesting and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh, you're a nice one. All right. See you next week. Have you found that interesting, the recalibrating of friendships around having a kid? Yeah, there's a little bit of that happening at the moment.

Yeah. There's a few new little relationships happening at the moment. Yeah. Where we're through children and such. So it's interesting making new friends as a fucking grown-up. Yes, yes. And friendships of convenience and so forth. It is funny because I met a few people through a friend recently,

well, a few years ago now, but I was talking about one guy in particular who I get on really well with. And I was saying to this kind of friend that introduced us, it literally was like that Seinfeld episode. I was like, I don't know, I'd kind of like to just hang out one-on-one with him. We get on so well when we're in group things, but it just feels weird kind of just like asking him out.

I don't know if he'd think that's too much. And then the next time we're all out together and drunk, my friend just has absolutely thrown me under the bus and gone, hey, Gibby, Tommy wants to hang out with you. Tommy likes you. Tommy likes you. Would you – and he's like, yeah, I like you too. Let's – do you want to go to like Bodriggy and have a beer sometime?

I'm like, I'd love that. And we've both still been too cowardly to follow up on it, but, you know, love that guy. Yeah. You're going to fuck that guy. Yeah. That's cool. More toot roll.

Do you think I'd like him i think you would like him he's um he's a good guy he's a yeah funny dude he's someone who someone else pointed this out to me he's very good as a he's a bit of a social chameleon i've seen him just like multiple people that he's in front of he He has enough interest and knowledge in enough different things, even if it's very minimal, that he can sit in front of someone and just glide right in and ask them about stuff that he knows that they're interested in, either finding out more or like...

Who do you reckon is the best guy in comedy? Who do you reckon is the best guy in comedy? As in person to introduce to what I'm talking about? That sort of thing, yeah. The best hang? Not even best hang because you can hang with people and you can... There's people I like to hang with, but they're not necessarily the best person. And you can, there's people I like to hang with, but they're not necessarily the best person. Okay.

They're fun and whatever, but they can be, you know, a bit of a menace. Yeah, okay. Who's the best guy? Yeah. Who's someone pretty bulletproof where you could say, you could definitively go to someone, hey, hang out with this guy, and then never hear a bad word back or. Okay. Of people that have been on the show genuinely,

Kappa is someone who, anytime I've introduced him to people outside of comedy, just friends of mine, he can get on with anyone. He's pretty easy. Yep. Yep. I was going to nominate Oliver Clarke. Yep.

Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. They're people that if you intro them, if you, if you intro them to someone, you'd be like, yeah, you know what? I'm not going to get a complaint out of this. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I'm going to get a hundred percent. Um, yeah. We'll, we'll five stars. We'll, we'll use again. There does need to be an app for other people's friends, doesn't it? We have talked about this. There was, remember, oh, oh, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm about to say. Yep, yep. Someone did try and set up a,

an ex-comedian did try and set up a website that just rated people. Yep. In general, out of 10 or whatever it was. I just thought it was an ingenious. I think the idea was that it would be almost sort of like a resume thing. So when you went to another job, you've got like a,

something of that nature like a linkedin but for just people rather than the skills of the other jobs that they've done yeah and then people or you know it's that thing where people have this what they think is a great idea and when you look at it on paper um you know what their view of what it would be is was you go yeah that actually does sound like a good idea but then immediately it just being abused in ways they could never have imagined or some people could have imagined. But like immediately just like someone getting on and slamming their ex being the fucking stalker bitch one star.

Yeah. Just real cunts having their way with it. I mean, look, I just got my equivalent. I just got my equivalent of you being distracted because you're hungry but i've i've got my laptop in front of me and uh just an email saying overseas sale jetstar right now boom god damn now i'm distracted could have a look yeah so if there's uh anyone that wants to if yeah, I shouldn't do this, but a lot of Phuket here. Phuket, Phuket not bad.

All right. I'll have a bit of a look at this. But James Brennan. James Brennan. I'll put him up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a regular. Great hang.

Well, not great hang, but safe hang. Safe hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, safe hang. Great hang. Well, not great hang, but safe hang. Safe hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, safe hang. No 10 out of 10 nights. Because the best hangs... No 10 out of 10s, but no 3s either. Absolutely.

The best hangs, they're people who could go either way. You might get an all-star night out of them, but the gamble is, you know, there's a bit much tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not really feeling it. You know, not really suiting the vibe. They've come in late from something else. They too drunk they're not matching the energy it's

all off i'm gonna i'm gonna brunch with my child well i can't bring him along yeah yeah exactly exactly james brennan happy to thanks james thanks james uh all right let's just do uh one more um yeah let's just do one more. One more name. Then you can go and get your lunch. What are you thinking this week? Fuck, I have no idea. What time is it?

Is it late? Nearly two. Okay, that's all right. Yeah, honestly, no idea. I might make something here. See how I go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll continue my voyage home.

I might grab some lunch down Smith Street. Oh, yep. Yep, yep, yep. You know Smith Street. A few good little spots down there, yeah. Yeah, Smith Street. It's what Brunswick Street was 20 years ago. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Did you just come up with that then? Yeah, I did, actually. That's sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's mine. Brunswick Street's the land of the lost is it it's it's insane there's just so many there's one little strip where i swear every

building there is cursed it's like it's down a way that i don't go very often like maybe every three months i want to talk about this one week okay and let's not talk about it now because we don't have time but i want to talk about the cursed shops. Like, have you got this where there'll be a shop and it just, every six months, it's a new business? There's one of those was next to my old house. Yeah. Was two in the space that I lived there. And then I met someone who used to live in the area and she was like, yeah, it used to be.

When I lived there, it was every couple of months. Yeah. Changing hands. I don't know what I'm going to talk about, but there's definitely a couple of them in my neighborhood where I'm like, every six months. All right, let's have another crack. Yeah, it's weird. And the one changeover that happened while I was there happened quite dramatically too. Yeah.

Something's going on. Yeah. But thanks, James. Thanks, James. Yep. Thank you very much. Last one. Last one.. Something's going on. Yeah. But thanks, James. Thanks, James. Yep. Thank you very much. Last one. Last one.

Fifth and last this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Ellen Comedyland. Ellen Comedyland. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That reminds me that your ancestors, you know, it sounds like a place you'd go and trade in your comedy to get some better comedy. Take your busted up old comedy. Like, say, for example, it sounds like a place you'd go and trade in your comedy to get some

better comedy. Take your busted up old comedy. Like, say, for example, this Patreon read. Yeah, yeah. Take this in and get something better. Take your duck sandwich in and get it and sell extra small contracts. Yeah, yeah. Well, next time you go to Singapore, maybe that might be offered to you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully. All of our, that's our curse from now on. All of our jokes come back to horses. All of our material. Just in you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully. That's our curse from now on. All of our jokes come back to horses. All of our material. Just in person. Yeah. It's like weird science.

We manifest it into real life. Well, thanks, guys. Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting the show. And yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com. Get on the Patreon. Get the tickets to October the 22nd. Yes.

It's going to be a ball. This snowball is running downhill and gaining more snow by the minute new ideas every week it's going to be heaps of fun it's going to be a big show we'd love you to be there and have a and whatever the fuck we we end up making this thing into whoever we can lure upon lure down there whoever we can trick whatever fucking dumb result we can get out of this whole we can trick, whatever fucking dumb result we can get out of this whole thing, we would like to be doing that in front of as many people

as possible, if only to stop us from being bashed by someone. You can form a barrier in front of us and whoever we're going to get in trouble with. Yeah, any rig pigs

that are out there, built guys that want to come in the crowd, that'd be great. All right, guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, man.