The Luke and Pete Show - Conspiracy People
Episode Date: June 22, 2023Pete’s decided that he wants to start his own conspiracy theory. So, Luke helps him brainstorm ideas on today’s show.In an unlinked conversation, we also start a campaign to get Pete a job in the ...House of Commons and the two lads once again lock horns over Pete's favourite band, Pulp.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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big girl big girl remember that oh yeah what was that kevin and perry go large oh that's a shame
that's a shame you bring up that i reckon that might be all right if you watched it now
you reckon yeah but you're an in-betweener Stan so I don't trust you
you like anything where
men approaching their 30s
and above play teenagers
when they're trying to lose
get their end away so to speak
I secretly love the in-betweeners because
I have made a career out of being Jay
right which one's Jay?
the one who tells lies about all the girls he has sex with
nice like it okay well there's a man on Instagram Jay. Right. Which one's Jay? The one who tells lies about all the girls he has sex with. Nice. Like it. Okay.
Well, there's a man on Instagram
that I've sent you a couple of times that
reminds me of your shtick
a little bit. Oh, yeah.
A man who's kind of got a similar sort
of like beard and hair.
And it's basically
an act you used to do about five years ago.
But he's managed to monetise it, Luke. Yeah.
And he's much creepier than I was ever able to be.
He's basically what I wanted to do with that.
Yeah.
The one where I used to talk about making really intense eye contact
with people and then wetting myself and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about going...
Let's name check him.
Say again, I can't remember his name.
I think he's Waif on Instagram.
Waif, yeah.
Because I think people would deserve to hear it.
Yeah, he's very good.
But it did remind me.
I said to you, this reminds me of you about five years ago
when you used to come up to me and go,
yeah, should we go and get some food, yeah?
Mm, yeah?
Eat lots of food, shall we?
Mm, yeah?
Mm, like that.
And you used to creep me out.
He's called waif, W-A-I-F, eight, underscore.
Yeah.
I hope he's very successful.
He is really funny.
When you came across him and sent him to me,
I watched every single one of his videos on this thing,
and I loved all of them.
Check it out, everyone.
It's a bit of David Brent, which, again,
it's kind of what we were all doing around at that time.
But yeah, he's up there.
Yeah.
Enjoy him.
But I think also, just as another point of advent,
before we get into the show proper,
after you check out Waif,
do contribute to our GoFundMe.
We're in support of the Tate brothers.
Yes, yes.
I think they've had a rough old time of things.
Oi, oi.
You boast about moving to Romania
because it's corrupt
and you can pay your way out of anything
and then you get corrupted on
and you're labelled a prat.
What a shame.
Even if he hasn't done it, he's boasted that he loves the corruption.
Yeah.
So, you know, what is it?
You can't just have one side of the corruption.
What?
Like, why do both of those idiots,
bearing in mind they're supposed to be these images of male perfection,
but they all talk in front of their mouth like this and one of them's got severe male pattern baldness yes and
one of them does have i think there's nothing wrong with that but i would tentatively venture
all the behavior might be an extension of the insecurity of potentially potentially it's
normally little little insights of people who don't know the world of the middle-aged man.
I know those guys are perhaps a bit younger, but it's generally speaking.
If a man is obnoxious on the telly, for example, it's normally for one of two reasons.
Male pattern baldness or a failure to achieve erection.
Correct.
Who have we had?
I mean, there's so many spots, people on the telly who are like that.
We saw a lot of them at Champions League finals, if you recall.
I would say that we've got a new hero of the right, haven't we?
We've got a new hero of the robust male anti-vax right, haven't we, this week?
It's not me, is it?
It's not you, no.
It's one of the Kennedys.
Which one killed that woman?
Oh, my God.
You're really opening with that, are you?
Yeah, I'm opening with that.
I don't care.
Who drove the car off the cliff and rolled out before he got dragged into the crevice?
Let's just go back.
Pull back.
Yeah.
And not worry about that part of it.
All right.
Because who you're talking about is Robert F. Kennedy Jr., aren't you?
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. about that part of it. All right. Because who you're talking about is Robert F. Kennedy Jr., aren't you? Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
Yeah.
But there was a Kennedy that rolled out of a car, didn't he?
Yes.
Yes.
Chappaquiddick you're talking about.
Right.
Yeah.
The Chappaquiddick incident you're talking about in 1969.
Which brother was that?
That was Ted Kennedy.
That was Ted Kennedy.
Right.
I knew there was a Ted somewhere in there. Theodore. Good? That was Ted Kennedy. That was Ted Kennedy. Right, I knew there was a Ted
somewhere in there. Theodore. Good.
Alright, fine. But that's nothing to do with the fact
that old Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has been
doing vaccine nonsense for ages.
It's just that he happened to pop up on Joe Rogan.
Yeah, he's
been very busy.
And a lot of people have been sort of saying
it's quite sweet really. They've been saying
to be honest,
I'd usually be against clever people debating idiots.
But to be honest, when I was really right wing,
debating people was really useful
because I had to sort of research my so-called research.
And it turns out a lot of what I thought was a lot of shit.
So actually, even the act of potentially considering a debate yeah enough to shake people
out of their nonsense yeah you just have a look around you sort of go i mean there's a lot of
bad websites saying all this stuff i've not seen a single reputable website say any of this but then
what you got to do what you must do and this is solid advice is you then must double down double
dune never lose face never lose face double doon for crying out loud.
Keep everything exactly the same as it always has been
so that you don't get upset or frightened.
Is there anything,
is there like a conspiracy theory
that I can get involved with
that will not ally me
to the more unsavoury side of conspiracy theories?
Yeah, like a gentle, family-friendly conspiracy theory.
Yeah, is there something
that I could be a preeminent expert on
um a conspiracy theory is not really going to do much harm to anyone like you know all giraffes
are homosexual or something like that like like i have an idea i have an idea in my head
i sort of say giraffes there's no straight giraffes and if they do procreate it's just
because they think they're having sex with a with another um same same sexreate, it's just because they think they're having sex with another same sex
and it's just accidental.
But truly, giraffes are ogre.
I just need something like that
that's not going to offend anyone particularly.
Well, I think that what you've stumbled upon there
is every conspiracy theory has to start somewhere, right?
Yeah.
So you could just start that one if you wanted.
Yeah, all right.
Well, I put that one out my bum, so to speak,
and I
don't want to start with that one, but maybe
we could come up with one.
Hello at lookapete.com. Maybe somebody could come and get in
touch. What's a nice
safe conspiracy theory
that's mental,
but safe enough for me not
to be pulled in with all of the right
wing lot, but make a bit of money off it.
Oh, you want to make money?
I think that changes the dial a bit.
Okay.
I want you to do it just for the joy of it.
I don't want you to make money out of it.
Oh, okay, fair.
Because that's when it becomes a grift, isn't it?
Yes, yeah.
So I've got a list here of conspiracy theories,
and I can think of a couple off the top of my head that aren't um so what about this one the
one that keeps popping into my head is the conspiracy theory that paul mccartney died in
the 60s yeah and was replaced by an imposter now i'm tempted to say that's probably harmless to
everyone apart from paul mccartney but i now quite intensely dislike paul mccartney
so i don't care about that.
Why?
Because of the AI stuff
he's been up to?
No,
because I think he's
a really embarrassing bloke.
But you love music
from the...
We had a little
tete-a-tete
on the WhatsApp
about Pulp being
the best band ever.
No,
you were obnoxious
and I sent some laughing emojis.
That does not constitute
a tete-a-tete.
A tete-a-tete a tete-a-tete
mano en mano
on the WhatsApp group
in front of our
colleagues by the way
what's wrong with that
I posted a picture
of Jarvis Cocker
playing Rolf Harris
what are you going to do
why did that picture
you shared of Jarvis Cocker
look so much like
Rolf Harris
because he was
playing Rolf Harris
in that show
wasn't he
he was singing
two little boys I have no idea that happened oh yeah he did stars in their eyes he came out and he sang playing Rolf Harris in that show, wasn't he? He was singing Two Little Boys.
I have no idea that happened.
Oh, yeah, he did.
Yeah, yeah.
Stars in their eyes.
He came out and he sang Two Little Boys
dressed as Rolf Harris.
Was that before what was known about?
Obviously, that was before.
Yeah, I mean, that would be,
even for ITV, that would be mental.
Yeah.
So I want to give people the full picture here.
So there was a kind of adjacent conversation
happening in the Team Stack WhatsApp group.
Someone mentioned something about music
and about Sheffield.
And I think it was because the Arctic Monkeys
cancelled the show because of laryngitis.
And so we were talking about that.
And then someone talked about Sheffield bands
and then you piped up.
I thought actually it was,
what was quite interesting was the whole thing was quite a role reversal between you and I.
Because you came in with a massive tout, which is like me.
Right.
And then I laughed at you, which would normally be the other way around.
That's fair.
So you just came straight in, two-footed, and went, best fourth, fifth, and sixth albums in rock history.
And then left the chat again.
I think so.
I'm always in the chat.
I mean, me not being there, it's just I'm not posting.
It doesn't make any sense.
I would say that, I mean, there can't be that many bands
who hit their stride four albums in.
Yeah, there must be.
There are.
Really?
I mean, there can't be, really.
I mean, to go from where Pulp were, awful,
to where Pulp got to, excellent.
Awful.
I'm very much in, because I'm going to see them next week, I think.
I'm very much in the, I'm very excited about seeing Pulp live kind of thing.
No, I think it's great.
I don't wish to bestow any ill feeling towards them upon you.
I like that you like them.
I've not got an issue with that.
You're presumably talking about his and hers different class
and this is hardcore, right?
Yeah, yeah.
And you're saying that's a great album run.
That's a great album run.
Now, there's a wider conversation some of my friends and I have
about has any artist ever done five 10 out of 10 albums in a row, right?
That's so rare.
I don't think anyone's even done four.
I think it might be non-existent.
Now, a lot is very subjective. I don't think anyone's even done four. I think it might be non-existent. Now, a lot is very subjective.
I don't think there
is an artist out there
that has done five 10 out of 10
albums in a row, and
instantly you're thinking, okay, what about
the Beatles? I don't even think the
Beatles have done it, and I don't think Bob Dylan's done it, and I don't
think David Bowie's done it, and I don't think Neil Young's
done it either. It might be something mad
like, yeah, but it's 10 out of 10 don't think Neil Young's done it either. It might be something mad like, yeah but it's
10 out of 10 for them though isn't it?
It's 5 out of 5, 10 out of 10 albums
for them. But if you look at the Beatles as an example
if you go through what would
be generally, I think generally
considered to be their golden period
from 1965-ish to
you know, to whatever
they did Rubber Soul, fine, people would
say that the following albums are
10 out of 10s rubber soul revolver sergeant peppers magical mystery tour isn't it's an
album now and that's where the that's where the road stops and it's very difficult to find
um an artist that's done that the only one i could potentially think of this is going to get
me a lot of trouble with both with you and with the listenership at large is i wonder if the super furry animals have
done it i think they might have i think they might have you maniac no i think i genuinely
think they might have made you were playing you'd be saying primal scream have done it next what
was wrong with you no i like the sort of animals but even like even you've got to sort of go right
even for british pop music of that genre and that era that two that you've got to sort of go, right, even for British pop music of that genre and that era,
that two, you know, double decade sort of period,
that's not up there.
It's just not.
I think if you ignore,
and this is potentially problematic again,
I'm turning into Andrew Tate myself here.
If you ignore the Welsh language album,
which I don't necessarily...
Fuzzy Lodge
and Radiator Gorilla
rings around the world
and Phantom Power
are all fucking brilliant
they're all fucking brilliant
but they're not like
they're just not
they just can't be up there
they're not 5 out of 5
10 out of 10 albums
Jarvis Cocker is not fit
to smell the exhaust fumes
of the fucking bus
that takes Super Furry Animals
laundry to the fucking
laundrette
good
good good stuff anyway why would they take a bus to the laundrette. Good. Good, good stuff. Anyway, why would they take
a bus to the laundrette with their stuff on?
What do you think people who've never heard the show before
are thinking right now? Give them an intro, Pete.
Very new to two men talking
about stuff.
It's just two lads talking about
batteries and stuff, I reckon.
And I know there's like a meme thing
now where two white men talk about nothing
on podcasts and it's like a thing and it's a bit cringe.
I want it to be known for the record.
We've been doing it longer and worse than all of us.
Yeah.
And we used to be both better and worse at it.
So, you know, we've got tired of you, if anything, I would say.
I'm a dad now.
I can't do anything.
You're a dad now.
I've noticed actually when Father's day came around uh last week um i realized that you've absolutely maximized the amount of father's days you've got
absolutely cynical move to have a have a have a have a burn like mere weeks just before father's
day so that you maximize every last father's day Day, you get out of that little guy.
Depends when I die, though, doesn't it?
Well, not really,
because you're giving yourself the best chance,
because you could be waiting a whole year, almost,
three, four days to get there,
and then you would, yeah,
so I think it's just well done.
Well, when the wife I have access to was pregnant,
Mother's Day came along.
Right.
And I got her some Mother's day stuff anyway yeah that's fair but
and then also the our baby's due date was on the american mother's day oh yeah i guess being it's
a different one does so my wife i've actually two mother's days every year double um passports you
have dual nationality yeah but that's nothing to do with mother's day pete yeah but i think you
should be able to legally have two mother's days if you're
because you're not getting one because you're not american but like i think having two no the baby
will have both yeah and also i think there's an international baby's not mother stop this
no the baby will have two passports what i mean oh just like uh um uh the prime minister's dad
um stanley johnson stanley johnson yeah my baby my baby that was only born last month actually Prime Minister's dad. Stanley Johnson. Stanley Johnson.
Yeah, my baby,
my baby that was only born last month
actually voted for Brexit as well.
So if that annoys you,
don't listen.
Don't listen to the show.
He's basically a better citizen
than both of us
because we've not got dual passports.
He's not apparently taxed.
When I sort of go to,
when you fly on British Airways now
and you go west,
they do like to flood you with adverts for, I think, St Lucia and maybe Bermuda,
where you can pay like 20 grand and get a passport there.
Oh, I've seen those adverts.
It's obviously more useful than having an American passport.
It's Bermuda, isn't it?
Is it Bermuda?
I think St Lucia do it as well.
But I think it's one of the more useful passports
and you can get it wherever you're from, I suppose.
Because our passport used to be quite useful,
less useful now,
but still in the collection of different passports,
very useful.
I think the most useful one is Japan.
You can go anywhere.
Right, so the global passport power rank,
aka the passport index,
is a thing, isn't it?
Yeah.
And it used to be that the UK and the US were number one.
Yes, yeah.
It's not the case now.
Yeah.
Would that, would the,
I mean, presumably it's more difficult for british
people and american people to travel to places like russia and belarus so like so that would
notch it now and notch it down a little bit as well wouldn't it so there's like for some reason
and this is passportindex.org and i weirdly enough when i was thinking about looking into something
else i um i looked this up before i'm pretty sure it is it is legit
yeah
I think so yeah
because it's just how
difficult it is to get
into different countries
and obviously
we used to be up there
yeah so
basically now
Japan
you're right
Japan's number one
in 2023
Singapore is number two
really
South Korea's
joint number two
with it
Germany's three
with Spain
and you have to go
all the way down to
sixth now for United Kingdom
and seventh now for United States.
Right, okay.
So do you want the most useless passport in the world?
See if you can name any of the bottom five.
Bottom five.
North Korea.
Do they even have passports?
Weirdly enough, they're not in the bottom five.
Really?
Okay, all right.
Would it be one of those...
Would it be like a disputed territory of issuing their own...
Yeah, Scotland is.
No, I'm just joking.
It's Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Pakistan and Yemen are the bottom five.
Isn't that interesting interesting because you meet people
from those places
all the time
it's great stuff
yeah
I don't know
you live in Leon C
so I don't know
if you meet them
all the time
I hear people
complain about them
all the time
that's not the same thing
but I guess
maybe I suppose
it has to be
officially recognised
by the international community
to be an official passport
perhaps right okay you don't get them they're not observed that maybe I suppose it has to be officially recognised by the international community to be an official passport perhaps.
Right, okay.
You don't get them from,
they're not observed for some other reason.
But yeah, so the UK and US used to be top.
I remember that because I read about it a few years ago,
but obviously that's gone to shit now.
So it's probably since Brexit for the UK, to be honest.
Yeah, I think we got notched down a few
because it's just more difficult to get into places, isn't it?
You've got to get in the different lines and stuff. But you know, all joking aside, I would we got notched down a few. Because it's just more difficult to get into places, isn't it? You've got to get into different lines and stuff.
But, you know, all joking aside, I would also say this.
If people weren't so beset upon doing the country down,
Brexit would be more of a success
and the passport power rankings would go up.
Yeah, I just think that if we back Britain a bit more,
this guy would...
I just think if we ate out to help out more
if we jingle the jangle what was it jingle jangle jingle to mingle jingle a mingle i'm more of a
uh jangle to mangle uh mrs mangle from neighbors and jimmy saville that's kind of where i am
emotionally yeah jingle i'm also more of a uh a to Kurt Angle. I hang out with the wrestler Kurt Angle and he mangles me.
He mangles you, yeah.
To help out.
Yeah.
As he's getting older, he's kind of like resembling a bit of a,
like a baldy sort of Stretch Armstrong kind of figure.
He's just looking very sort of stringy and weird.
I haven't clapped eyes on the man for a long time.
I'm going to look at him now.
He does some good social medias with his little daughter,
which is quite cute.
Does he indeed?
He does indeed.
He looks really old now.
Bloody hell.
He does look really old now.
But like bald guys kind of stay,
stay kind of young looking for quite a while,
but Angles just kind of like hit that 55 year old.
He looks a bit like Wilco Johnson.
Wilco Johnson. the drummer guy late the late got the load the dr feelgood singer oh yes okay yeah that's it yeah which you
spoiled for me famously did not know that but yeah i mean kurt angle is the first time i looked at
the mouth rage speaking of um eat out to help out yeah i don't want to i don't want to say this in
an offensive way so just stop me if this is like
an offensive way
of putting it
and that's me asking
you to do that
so that's where we are now
eat in to what?
yeah
you're the worst
is Rishi Sunet
like a really
weirdly small bloke?
he's got
so I'm not having to
go just for being short
because obviously
he can't
but he just seems
like to every other person
he stands next to
he seems
like almost disproportionately
small. I think he's
quite,
he's just, I think he's in proportion
though, so you don't really notice it quite so much.
No, I think you notice it more because he's in proportion.
You reckon? I think
he looks, I think he's got the
Tom Cruise kind of
algorithm, you know, he's got slightly bigger head than his shoulders, you know think he's got the the tom cruise kind of um um algorithm you know he's got slightly
bigger head than his than his shoulders he you know he's just he's just doing doing his thing
yeah i'm very well out of that to be compared to tom cruise i just i just i'm not i'm not
unused to seeing people shorter than me of course because you know but he just seems
like he photographs very badly.
He looks like an action man.
I think when he got caught on a hot mic talking about...
When people say
the trans debate, it's just
some people are being cruel and other people are saying
don't do that. It's not really a debate, is it?
Someone's just been a cunt somewhere.
Like you and me and pulp.
Exactly. That could be part of my conspiracy
theory, maybe.
I don't know.
The world is trying to keep pulp down.
Yeah, I think the new world order.
We need a great reset so we can enjoy his and hers on vinyl again.
I think that you should start a conspiracy theory
that Jarvis Cocker's actually really young.
Yes, even though people will point to the fact,
as discussed on this show,
their first appeal session was 1981.
point to the fact as discussed on this show their first appeal session was 1981 he was apparently he was in his first band in um 1978 it seems mad that they would be
doing that sound at a time when the sex pistols were doing their thing you know what i mean
around the same time yeah well yeah i mean like we give or take a couple years but you do sort of go it's very different to what everyone else i think he's five years older than ian brown
yeah and he and and has he got any nunchucks that's the question has he got any covid he
uses the nunchucks to fight the covid carry on carry on what you're gonna say about rishi soon
those little balls sort of float over he knocks them out um i think um i think opinions like that
uh that he got caught on hot mic sort of saying this he knocks him out I think I think opinions like that that he got caught on hot mics
sort of saying this and that
about trans people
about biology lessons and stuff
that makes him sound like
the nerdiest little child
who's trying to impress
some bigger boys
and it's those kind of things
that makes me sort of go
oh yeah yeah
when he tries to sort of
when he tries to sort of
fit in with
the bigger boys it just makes me think oh everyone's a bigger boy you're actually quite
petty aren't you actually quite petty and small you pretend to be this david cameron kind of like
a populist but you're actually just a small little idiot aren't you i wouldn't say david
cameron's a populist but is he well i mean i say he's a he's a um sorry an everyman rather than a
populist oh sorry okay right yeah so so say he's a he's a um sorry in every man rather than a populist oh
sorry okay right yeah so so my issue with that would be that you know ultimately if you think
about it the most recent leaders we've had in the uk they don't really have any opinions at all
and so these things can come up can't they because they are either playing to the crowd or trying to
impress a bigger boy or coming out with the latest thing.
Like Rishi Sunak, I promise you now, a man of his means,
with a family of his means, with the career he's had,
he has zero interests whatsoever.
He's never had to form any kind of opinion before in his life.
Yeah.
And so it's just a gaping black hole where a policy platform should be because he doesn't have any opinions.
So you could say that about Boris Johnson in a different way.
You could say about Boris Johnson, he's the arch manipulator,
the arch kind of shapeshifter, and he'll just go with the flow
and do what he thinks people want, and that makes him a populist.
I would say that, for better or worse,
the best politicians stand for something there's something
that you can take them on and say i think that's fucking bullshit um i would say it's kind of
that's kind of a trend around the western world you know i mean you know donald trump doesn't
have any opinions no and he doesn't know what he thinks and and you know we've had eight years of
just very little governance because no one's got anything that they really want to get done, really, isn't it?
Would you have Jarvis in there?
I just think he'd make it a bit dirty.
He's got a dirty mind
and I just think he'd start legalising, like,
I don't know, he'd legalise, like,
a lot of saunas and stuff.
I don't think saunas are illegal anyway, are they?
I mean, I guess it depends on illegal anyway, are they? I mean,
I guess it depends
on what you get up to,
I suppose, yeah.
How would you rate yourself
as a dirty boy
if 10 is Jarvis Cocker
and one is like...
Oh, I'd be...
Oh, what do you mean?
Oh, I thought you meant
if he was going to call me up
as a frontbencher.
I mean, happily.
Where's that come from?
I'd happily take a position.
I'd love to see you
on that frontbench
in the Commons.
I'd love to see it.
Minister for Internet.
What does he do?
He just plugs the cable in.
He just plugs the cable in. Correct.
But that's actually a really interesting point as well, I think.
Because when I was on paternity leave,
I watched an episode of
Question Time. And one of the
questions was about the danger
of AI.
Not necessarily the danger, but the kind of ramifications of ai and um for those people listening outside the uk question time is basically
a panel show which is chaired and there's an audience you get to ask questions it's normally
a broad set of pundits from across the political spectrum so you get a conservative mp at labor mp
you'll get some kind of business leader you'll get environmentalist and you'll get i don't know
like a fucking writer or a broadcaster or something and the question was about the ramifications of
as i've said and what i found really interesting and this i think something that will pique your
interest as well is that not one person so the alternative panelist was billy bragg that week
he's obviously old and quite left wing
but like he was the kind of light relief type character and the rest were all our mps and
business leaders not one of them could even accurately classify what artificial intelligence
actually basically just answered questions about the internet they basically answered about questions
about they thought it was like they thought the question was what are the dangers of the internet like they were basically saying oh yeah we've got
to sort out trolling and we've got to sort out you know fake scamming and misinformation and stuff
it was nothing to do with the question i thought to myself that's completely weird because it's
one thing to have a different opinion on how to approach a topic or a subject or a problem it's another thing where every single apparently thought leader in the room can't even engage on the actual
question honestly no one's got any clue what's happening we spoke about this about two years ago
um on the looking pitch show where um a frontbencher and minister for something quite um
relevant to what they were talking about said um got the, said got the idea of a hashtag mixed up with a hash
in cryptography and cryptocurrency and stuff like that.
Like they got it mixed up because they had no idea.
When was the last time a technocrat was found in the House of Commons?
Like no one's got a fucking clue
how most of the things happen in the world these days.
They've just not got the first fucking clue.
And how long have we had the internet?
And no one's got a fucking idea about how it all goes.
At least a year.
In my house, doing my fucking BT net.
Don't get me started.
I literally had to start an email today with, hang on, let me get it up.
This is about as forthright as Donaldson ever gets.
Ever.
Not in my experience.
Not in my experience.
Cameron, can you get this moving, please?
I can't spend more time on getting your team to do their job.
Can you not use a different provider?
Not really.
I've put the wires in now.
Let's have a break so you can calm down.
Then we'll come back we'll do batteries
alright then
we're back
with the Luke
and the Pete
Shaw
I'm Pete Patterson
I'm Luke Moore
and I know for a fact
that producer Rory
is absolutely delighted
when we do about
28 minutes without a break
yeah I know too
and also
you'll have to go back
and bleep out everyone's second name
on that last diatribe about BT.
Keeps them busy.
He's off to Glastonbury tomorrow as well,
so he'll be gutted.
Extra work.
I want to come down on Sunday night.
In his tent.
Dirty.
Rory, take your laptop to Glastonbury with you, mate.
You'll be able to tether to your phone.
All right then.
It's time for some battery brands.
I've not actually got the running order up.
That's how full of pep, vim and vigour I had.
I didn't even bring up the running order.
Outrageous.
So we've got some battery brands
that people have been getting in touch with.
Johnny has come in with, well,
Omasa Ultra Power.
Has a new player entered the game?
All the best, Johnny.
The picture that he's appended to
his email, it's on some kind of
tea towel or possibly t-shirt, but
more importantly, the
batteries
are a real old kind of
smash to the side. So, I mean, that's not going to
work, is it? The battery looks like it's been
some kind of accident. It certainly does.
Johnny, thanks for sending that Omasa Ultra Power
in. You are the secondmasa Ultra Power in.
You are the second person to send those in.
Right.
Our friend Jamie Williamson sent those in in January of last year.
Just so you know, Jonathan, as well.
Well, he signs it off Johnny,
but his email address is Jonathan.
It took me ages to find that
because you misspelt the word Ultra in your email,
so my search function didn't work as well.
I've put the extra work in there for you,
but can you please make sure next time you check on your detail?
Yeah, but what did they actually write?
Did they write the word ultra incorrectly?
Yeah, U-I-T-R-A.
Look at the battery picture.
Look at what that says.
That's not going to help me on the search, is it?
I'm just saying, look at what it says on the battery.
The actual battery is ultra power.
It's not ultra.
It's ultra. Isn't that amazing? Oh, that's weird. Well, look at what it says on the battery. The actual battery is ultra power. It's not ultra, it's ultra.
Isn't that amazing?
Oh, that's weird.
Well, hang on,
I'll take it back.
Well, so that might
be a new player then.
If you're typing
ultra power
and you're not
finding anything.
Well, this is the thing.
It's clearly supposed
to be ultra power,
but somebody fucked
up somewhere
and that's your branding.
But Jamie,
you sent them in
in January last year.
He's called them
Omasa Ultra Power
and his are the same
with Uitra Power
and Rory's categorised
him as Ultra Power
in the running order
so I don't know
either way you slice it
they've been sent in before
they have
but I mean
but we put in an Ultra Power
where it should have been
an Uitra Power
yeah so basically I agree
so I apologise to Johnny
it's not his fault
it's not his fault
he did the right thing
as I've got on my high horse there
and I've embarrassed myself
I apologise for that
but you're still not a new player. Well luckily
I mean because the battery is so crushed we could
actually probably fit two A's in one hole
in the battery daddy because it is
quite squished. Andrew
Leonard. Hello to Luke and Pete
I'm hoping to enter my second new play
into the game but my hopes remain very low
with the Raiden Extra Power Alkaline
or is it Paiden that I found
in the remote out of my new air conditioner
I must have in the UK summers.
Thanks you, as always,
for all of the wonderful content
across the Stack Stable.
It's provided me with a lifetime
of entertaining commutes,
especially during the dark days of COVID.
Not a problem, Andrew.
So yeah, Raiden Extra Power Alkaline,
or is it Paiden?
It's very reflective.
The logo is awful.
I think it might be Payden.
Yeah, regardless of what it is,
Dave Height sent them in in July of 2021.
We're having a stinker here.
Absolute stinker.
You're only the second person to send them in,
but you're not a new player, I'm afraid.
I'd love to know what job you have, Andrew,
because you shouldn't be commuting during COVID,
technically speaking, unless you're a key worker.
I'll assume you are at this stage,
unless you tell me otherwise. Right, okay.
Well, I mean, I think
if they're not going to start
prosecuting people who are
doing it in number 10, I don't think they're going to start
doing it in number one, Andrew.
Prosecute the
people with no power. Right, okay, yeah,
you're quite right.
And if you are going to be Minister of Internet on the Tory front bench going forward, Pete, you're going to have to start towing the party line, I'm afraid. Right, okay, yeah, you're quite right. You're quite right. And if you are going to be Minister of Internet
on the Tory front bench
going forward, Pete,
you're going to have to start
towing the party line,
I'm afraid.
Well, I've got my spad,
Luke Moore.
He can't even type in
whatever it was,
Utrecht.
If I'm your spad,
you're in fucking big trouble,
pal.
Johnny Dunn's got in touch.
Have I stumbled across
a new player in my daughter's
second-hand music box?
I hope so.
Congrats to Luke
on entering fatherhood.
Johnny Dunn. Hey, Johnny Dunn uh says at the end of his email which uh is that in reference to here
johnny park the foo fighters song for the first album probably not might be might be so i find it
very difficult to search for nevolution because there's no um there's basically no... He's not typed the word Nevolution in his email.
Right, okay.
So it doesn't appear on the search.
Right.
So basically, I can't find anyone who sent in batteries with Nevolution on it before him.
Okay.
So I'm going to assume it's a new player.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm looking.
It's Japanese as well, I think.
So well done them.
So if you can email us in
and prove that you sent
Nevolution alkaline batteries in
before Johnny Dunn,
I would love to hear from you.
Otherwise,
Johnny gets the plaudits.
It's Revolution, not Nevolution.
Well, this has been
a most excellent Luka Piccio,
even if we say so
ourselves
we'll be back on
Monday here on
Luke and Pete show
and we'll be just
talking about stuff
what's happened over
the weekend and
through the week I
suppose
yeah and I think
what's happening is
we're recording the
Monday one slightly
in advance so Rory
can go to Glastonbury
so let's try and
make the next record
really difficult
yes yeah yeah
so he has loads
more editing to do
okie dokie
lovely stuff
alright
yeah
I just don't really
think people should
be having fun on our dime.
No, I mean, technically not fun.
I'm not having any fun on or off dimes.
That's what I would say.
No.
All right.
We'll see you next time.
Have a good weekend.
All right, baby boppers.
Bye-bye. the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network