The Luke and Pete Show - Got any grapes?

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

Do you think Pete would be a good spy? Today, Luke amazingly explains why he backs Donny for a career in espionage.Elsewhere, Pete shares his fears that he is addicted to grapes - which admittedly isn...’t that 007 - and a listener tells us about the sequence of events that lead to him buying a “vasectomy advent calendar”. It’s just another vintage edition of The Luke and Pete Show.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson, still living a life full of grapes. I'm like a Roman emperor, Luke. Still eating my grapes. It's like when you don't get stabbed to death. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. I'm very much a lover of food. It gives me a, I don't know, like a sensation, I suppose, in my mouth, so to speak.
Starting point is 00:00:31 I don't care about the taste of it. I just want something to pop, burst, explode. That's why I like the bubble tea with the passion fruit popping candy stuff. Very nice. I just want something to explode. I love squeezing spots. I love filling carrier bags full of cottage cheese and just punching them i love all of that normal stuff that does normal guys get up to i love it and i just want more grips in my life and i also i'm
Starting point is 00:00:57 shitting myself quite a lot based on what we talked about on thursday with um the fraud stuff i just don't think any fraudsters confident to take you on i think um well i think the banks never bother ringing me anymore saying that something weird's happened to your account are you doing what you've paid um four grand to someone in japan yeah that's fine they probably would call you if he stopped if he stopped i was buying nappies or something you haven't bought £600 worth of Nando's for a while is everything okay in your account
Starting point is 00:01:27 I've got a black card you've got a black credit card Peter that's different you have to pay for that stuff we just noticed
Starting point is 00:01:34 that someone not you but someone on your account appears to have taken out a gym membership get out yeah
Starting point is 00:01:40 do you remember the Nando's black card being a big thing I think they still exist but I think they've become the preserver very, very well.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Rick Edwards had one. Yeah, Matt Dyson from XFM had one, and my God. Because he is like a world class. He can get freebies. He can just get any freebies. The guy loves a freebie. He's very good at getting them, and he has been for a very, very long time.
Starting point is 00:02:00 And he had, when they first started that scheme, a black card at Nando's. And, oh, God, we had a couple of nights out that scheme a black card at nando's and oh god we had a couple of nights out in like covent garden nando's and we must have spent like 150 quid in cocktails like we weren't like eating all that much food but they had a bar so we were just absolutely rinsing the cocktails i mean they they tidied up that loophole very very soon oh yeah because you're the exact you're the exact kind of reason why it doesn't happen exactly yeah well you know it's very i'm much got to get it done now because tomorrow
Starting point is 00:02:25 it's better £10 in the hand today than £100 tomorrow. That's why I say it. Speaking of grapes, you know that people take grapes to people who are recovering in hospital because they've got an anaesthetic quality. Is that true? What, it calms you down? Is that why I'm so sleepy all the time?
Starting point is 00:02:41 There's some kind of chemical in grapes that gives, I think it's very mild but like a mild anaesthetic quality which is why you feel good when you eat them is that like is
Starting point is 00:02:50 this like a are they retconning just people bringing grapes to people in because they're easy because they last for ages and they stay pretty
Starting point is 00:02:57 well I thought it was originally that and they're easy to eat and the rest of it but actually a lot of it's to do with the anaesthetic quality of them
Starting point is 00:03:02 am I addicted am I a fentanyl head just absolutely smashing back as many grapes as possible um and pineapple is the only fruit that eats you as you're eating it as well you know that uh have we not talked talked about this reason oh no i think i might have um i i bought a new mobile phone and it um it only has like a fingerprint reader and um yeah i think i've started losing my fingerprints. I can't open it. What's that got to do with it?
Starting point is 00:03:30 Well, my point was that I might have been, because pineapple pickers don't have, they reportedly don't have any fingerprints because it rubs them off. It's an apocryphal kind of urban myth, but I think because of the, is it acids? I guess it's acids, isn't it? It's called bromelain. It's the enzyme that kind of...
Starting point is 00:03:46 Bromelain. ...eats your kind of... Eats your skin, right. ...mouth with. Apparently, the old fingerprints thing is a myth. All right. Oh, well, never mind. I mean, that would be really weird, wouldn't it?
Starting point is 00:03:56 I mean, that would be a real problem. If you dry your hands... If your hands are too dry, I can't get them off. My fingerprints are completely unreadable. Which is annoying. Oh, right. She's got to do some burglaries. Yeah. I'm not a slender man. I'm the
Starting point is 00:04:14 forgotten, the grey man. I could be anyone, couldn't I? Brilliant. I'll tell you that a while back I was, I've got a friend who's like the grey. I've got a mate who he doesn't work, as far as I know, in any kind of spycraft industry industry but he is an quite a senior administrator right quite a big well-known company right okay yeah and he's a he's a lovely fellow he's one of the funnest guys i know but he's like outwardly the straightest guy you will ever ever meet like he always wears like understated smart clothes,
Starting point is 00:04:47 nicely kind of dry cleaned, kind of longish coat. And he has like a pretty generic briefcase and a really almost like very, very normal pair of glasses. And he is exactly what George Smiley would be like in real life. It's amazing how
Starting point is 00:05:07 you'll be in a pub with him and so you go to the toilet and come back. And I mean this in like an amazingly positive way. I know it sounds like I'm digging him out but I'm not because he's a great guy. You would never notice he's even there. He could do such an amazing job as a spy. He's the grey man. He is the grey man
Starting point is 00:05:24 at all times. He can the grey man. He is the grey man at all times. He doesn't stand out anyway. Would he be the first to admit that? That's what people say. I always call him George Smiley. Clean his glasses with the thick end of his tie. Brilliant. That kind of thing. Although he doesn't wear a tie because that probably would stand out these days.
Starting point is 00:05:42 I like to think that I would have out these days. Yeah. I just think, I like to think that I would have the, I have the, certainly not the demeanour, but I have the looks of a grey man who could be the perfect spy. No, you're too expression, you're too extroverted
Starting point is 00:05:56 with your clothing choices. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah, but if I didn't do that and just wore normal clothes, I think that would be absolutely fine. But I just think as soon as I'm tested, I would start to sweat, panic.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Crumble. Just absolutely, I've never been tested, Luke. Never been tested. How would you be tested, do you think? What's the likelihood? How does that manifest itself?
Starting point is 00:06:16 I don't know. I mean, I mean, I don't know. I mean, the former Yugoslavia. I'm in Yugoslavia. It's back in the day.
Starting point is 00:06:23 I'm in Yugoslavia. I'm here to, I'm heading Yugoslavia it's back in the day I'm in Yugoslavia I'm here to I'm heading for a dead drop and if I remember my spycraft books from when I was a child a lot of spies they take bricks
Starting point is 00:06:34 out of walls and they hide bits of paper in the mortar between the bricks and so I'm going to grab a bit of paper but a contact
Starting point is 00:06:43 for the Russians has found me. He's got a gun under his big coat. And he says, come with me, sir. And then I immediately spin round, shit my pants, get on my knees and cry. And that's the end of my spy turns out he wasn't very good at this
Starting point is 00:07:07 no he thinks it's a double bluff and he just lets you go yes he's like no spy would act like that he can't be a spy no spy would do
Starting point is 00:07:15 like could you just you know like if you're approached by like a lunatic you just out loony them and you get away with it like if I started doing
Starting point is 00:07:23 fucking air guitar or something so I had a a friend at and you get away with it. Like, if I started doing fucking air guitar or something. So I had a friend at uni when I went the first time who lived in the hall room opposite me in Halls of Residence who was an absolute psychopath.
Starting point is 00:07:36 He was a good friend. I like him still. He's a really good lad. But he's mental. None of your colleagues ever get reviewed. The grey man, the psychopath,
Starting point is 00:07:44 just everyone just, they never get reviewed the gray man the psychopath just everyone just they never get reviewed well do they i'm just i'm just trying to describe them for people okay you know i'm just trying i'm just trying to you know give people a picture i'm not illustrative that's all it is um and you know me there's no way i would say this to everyone else and not say it to them anyway no because and also you would always say, you repeatedly on the show do say, I can't say that because he's not here to defend themselves, etc. etc. So, yeah. Yeah. So
Starting point is 00:08:11 this guy's a storm on second pass, I was like. So, yeah. And I think I am also very kind of generous in praise for people who see their face as well. I never feel awkward about saying that. You're fucking brilliant at that. You've done really well. I love how you do this. I'm kind of an equal opportunities insulter, I think. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Yeah, okay, that's fair. That's fair. So this guy, he liked fighting. And the reason he was a psychopath is because he actually, he's the only person I met who actively liked to fight. Yeah. It's just a guy who had like a cut on his head. He'd come back from university and he was like,
Starting point is 00:08:41 and he'd been in a big fight and they were kicking him in the head. Yeah, he had the pillowcase stuck to his head with blood. Yeah, the pillowcase stuck to his head with blood. And they had to help him soak it off in the sink. Yeah. And that was troubling to me, but to him it was like... Is that the same psychopath?
Starting point is 00:08:54 Yeah. But one piece of advice he genuinely gave to me once was that if you're surrounded by people and you're outnumbered, you know it's going to go off. Grab the nearest person you can and bite them in the throat as hard as you can. Yeah. Because then they'll think you're outnumbered, you know it's going to go off. Grab the nearest person you can and bite them in the throat as hard as you can. Yeah. Because then they'll think
Starting point is 00:09:08 you're mental and then they won't want to fight you. And I was like, yeah, but you will be mental if you do that. Yeah. I mean, you're occupying the thing that you're pretending to be there. Luke, I mean, we're talking about people who are mental. You said that on the last show. Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:23 I'm loving, I'm loving I'm loving Loki dad brain It's very enjoyable Listen It was big news actually In the Luke and Peach Community people I'm not sure if you're aware of it
Starting point is 00:09:32 But if you look At a photograph That our friend Greg sent us In the document That we very generously Call a running water He has spotted A guy
Starting point is 00:09:42 He's not been more Geographically specific Right Than in the South West London area Yeah He spotted a guy he's not been more geographically specific than in the South West London area he spotted a exactly identical Toyota Century
Starting point is 00:09:52 to yours parked outside a cafe parked outside a cafe what are they having the whole
Starting point is 00:09:57 where is this picture I can't find it in the runner it's from Greg is this Pete I spotted in South West London
Starting point is 00:10:04 or is it a rival Yakuza boss well i am the leader of the yamaguchi clan um yeah so it's quite disappointing for you to see that isn't it why is that disappointing because i thought you wanted to be you want to be special you always want to be unique all your all your decisions are informed by you trying to be a bit of exceptional you know what i'm looking at that it's a good example of the form it's a good i imagine that um i imagine that the wing mirror hasn't been abused with what looks like, I think, Glazer's putty that the man in South that you can get a chicken escalope at any time of the day. And they're always dry and they're always absolutely cooked within an inch of its life.
Starting point is 00:10:59 And it's always a bit brown. But you could walk into any cafe and order a chicken escalope because they're just always there. They put them in sandwiches as well. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice. I like it. Nowhere else do you see that available for purchase, really. Well, it's just kind of like you get,
Starting point is 00:11:16 like there's just nothing really that fancy. Like you just have your normal kind of lamb and mint sauce kind of sandwich filling and then you've just got a stack of escalopes for no good reason and they're just drying out and they're miserable. You still buy them?
Starting point is 00:11:28 But you can always get them. Still buy them. Do you buy them? I put them in with my lamb and mint sauce. I'm a lamb and mint sauce sandwich man from that place for some reason.
Starting point is 00:11:35 What Italian cafe are you talking about? Just any, there's one over the road from Highbury and Islington Station that I sometimes go to, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:42 I like to support that because like, it's in a really busy area. There's never anyone in. Yeah, you've got a Waitrose next door. You've got a Sainsbury's. You've got a Pret. You've got everything.
Starting point is 00:11:52 I'll tell you what, you've got Benita's, which is like an independent place just down the road, which is very good. Is that the one with the bread? I think I bought some homemade Piccadilly from that.
Starting point is 00:12:00 You may have done. It's like a family-run place. They're doing so well. They're doing so well. I love to support them. You're doing so well. They're doing so well. I love to support them. You're doing so well. I always get my hair cut in the same place
Starting point is 00:12:09 and it's a little bit more expensive than anywhere else but I like the people in there. It's a nice family run place. There's a lady and her husband and their son and they run it together
Starting point is 00:12:16 and it's good service. You're supporting a local business. I don't mind it. I prefer that than going to some generic chain. Well, you just get something different, don't you? Because you just than going to some generic chain i've um well you just get something different don't you because like you just you just get the same thing everywhere these days like
Starting point is 00:12:28 every like everything is the same all of the time and you just i don't know man one of the things about yeah it's all homogenized now but one of the things some lemon pistachios oh well speaking of that i found a fucking i found another pistachio shell this morning in the office how do you know it was me? It's stank of lemon. You don't know that. You didn't lick it. You didn't detect.
Starting point is 00:12:54 You didn't run a piece of chalk around it like a crime scene. One of those little yellow poster boards. You're like the wet bandits. You're calling someone's pistachio shells wherever you go. The problem is you try and be careful, but they are quite playful, the way they carry themselves with pistachio shells wherever you go. The problem is, you try and be careful, you try and be careful, but they are quite, they are quite playful the way they carry themselves with their pistachios. I just think that
Starting point is 00:13:10 if someone said to me, what's it actually like working with Pete Donaldson? Pistachios. That's the answer. Access to pistachios any time. Pistachio shells
Starting point is 00:13:17 wherever you go. He's always got something in his bag. I think there's going to be a problem with the studio at one point. Pistachios. And we're not going to get
Starting point is 00:13:23 to the bottom of it. And someone's going to take some kind of panel off something, and in there's just going to be a couple of the studio at one point. Pistachio. And we're not going to get to the bottom of it. And someone's going to take some kind of panel of something, and in there's just going to be a couple of pistachio shells. Well, it's like, yeah, the engineer's going to be called in, and it's like, we're saying, the sound of the podcast, they all sound pistachio-y. And he's like, hmm. Because there was that bloke who brought a computer technician
Starting point is 00:13:43 round to his house, which is risky, because you could get a punch in the face. And he was a big guy, the computer technician as well. And this guy had filled his PC with beans. And he went, sorry, this computer isn't working. And so the guy opened up the side of his PC, and it was just full of beans. It's a nice gag. It is a nice gag, but I mean, yeah, it's kind of...
Starting point is 00:14:03 Did he film it? Yeah, of course he did but the guy was like someone's put beans in this quite weird behaviour it's quite weird behaviour isn't it isn't it
Starting point is 00:14:12 yeah it is it's no different to some of the the Ramble Live videos you've made yeah no no
Starting point is 00:14:19 I've decided no the only difference is yours are animated because you haven't got the strength to do it in real life. Yeah, but I would never bother anyone else. I'm scared of everyone else,
Starting point is 00:14:29 so I would only use friends, colleagues, or countrymen. Speaking of friends, colleagues, and countrymen, should we have a break? And then when we come back, there's another vasectomy email. They're coming in. They're coming in. They're getting cauterized, and then they're pulling out again. It's the Luke and Pete Show
Starting point is 00:14:49 with your host, Luke Moore. He's got an email about a cock. Is it about a cock? It's about a cock's friend. His two testicular friends. Yeah. You going to keep this up? No.
Starting point is 00:15:04 No, I am not. Okay. So Ben's been in touch. And he says, hi, guys. Long time listening to The Ramble. But if I only just start on the Luke and Pete show. So my sincerest apologies for that. Listen, better late than never, Ben.
Starting point is 00:15:17 You're very welcome here. He says, imagine my joy getting a few episodes in and there being chat about vasectomies. Finally, a subject I can contribute to. I lost my snip plates a couple of years ago. A few years after the birth of my second child. It was a much more pleasant procedure than I'd imagined. A 20 minute
Starting point is 00:15:35 in and out job that was slightly surreal but wasn't painful in the slightest. The information about the tight pants was very helpful but I was given some extra details about what I had to do afterwards. I was told that I had to wait a week to 10 days before I started to empty the tubes a minimum of 24 times over the course of the following three months. Hang on, 24 times? So how many is that? How many is that?
Starting point is 00:15:56 Like, that is... Well, one through three days, isn't it? Isn't it? Oh, cutting down everything. He said, I then had to send a sample in the post so they could determine whether there was any sperm present in the semen as my procedure was towards the end
Starting point is 00:16:09 of November I joked with the doctor and nurse that I might as well get an advent calendar and at least get a chocolate after each time which actually brought
Starting point is 00:16:17 quite a decent laugh from them both always pleasing it's a very professional environment very pleasing well I tried my testicle you know remember
Starting point is 00:16:24 when we got Sammy's balls off and I would say to anyone who would listen, I sort of said, I might get mine off as a joke. And 99 times out of 100, people laughed. Did it in the street last week. They just looked at me weird. Too intense, I think. I was just talking about my balls with people who I don't know.
Starting point is 00:16:42 And what you shouldn't be doing is taking the balls out before you make the joke. Well, then they know I'm lying and I'm just showing me balls off. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. I haven't had them done. Look. And then whip them out.
Starting point is 00:16:53 You can't do that. And then Ben says... And I've written, it's just a joke on them. It's just a joke. Really small font, so they have to look really closely to see it. Yeah. Ben says, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a great idea. So I ended up getting an advent calendar and gave myself a little reward
Starting point is 00:17:09 after every ejaculation. I highly recommend it for anyone who's going to have the snip. What I don't recommend, though, is going to a football game two days after. As a Watford fan, I thought I'd be safe from having to jump up and down too much as it was a May night coming to town. Fast forward to the end of the game. We'd won 4-1. we'd have retaken penalty in among that, and it turned out to be one of the only exciting games of an otherwise dull season
Starting point is 00:17:31 that culminated in relegation. Keep up the cracking work of keeping me entertained in my postie rounds, your dulcet tones genuinely help me walk in 10 miles a day and make it slightly more bearable. A lot of posties listen to this show, I think. Yeah, I like it. But Advent Canada per wank, interested or nah? Wash your hands first, I would say. Yeah, I'd say so.
Starting point is 00:17:51 Yeah, because, yeah. White chocolate only? That kind of fit with the theme, I suppose. I mean, the way that you sort of have to sort of pump and dump, so to speak, to kind of get your pipes cleaned of any, like 24 times. It seems like a very specific number. How do you come up with that number? Yeah, and like 25 too much.
Starting point is 00:18:09 23, not enough. It just seems... What, you've only had 23 wanks? Well, good luck. Drop trow. Good luck. Drop trow right now. But yeah, it's like an oil change a little bit, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:18:21 A little bit, yeah. It's a little bit like getting under there and changing the oil. But you don't get a video like you and changing the oil but you don't get a video like you do at Aldi you don't get a video like you do at Aldi
Starting point is 00:18:29 well if you do it's up to you don't send it around David Rowlands there's an email here from David he says hi Luke
Starting point is 00:18:34 and Peter first time emailer although I did email into the ramble before to give Pete some jip and he got me
Starting point is 00:18:39 entered into the Dean Wynne that's hall of fame it's good stuff after the discussion about the barber photos on the last ep that's when I talked about how a friend of. After the discussion about the barber photos on the last ep,
Starting point is 00:18:45 that's when I talked about how a friend of mine was a model and he signed away all his rights to a barbershop photo and they're in every barbershop and he sees them all the time. I drove past the barbershop down the road and I took the picture of the picture that was very famous in our household. That guy there, it's that fellow there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I reckon I know him. He's very sort of like 80s look to him.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Yeah, I think so well look this email is on the same theme he said David says look I thought I'd direct you to a story about
Starting point is 00:19:12 the US office and Inglourious Bastards star BJ Novak yes in short Novak now has his picture on random products all over the world
Starting point is 00:19:20 due to it being available on a public domain website and he shows the link and you can see available on a public domain website and he shows the um link and you can see him on um the range of the range of electric razors uruguayan uh face paint just and he's got pj novak's face and he's got the flag of uruguay so annoying he's also a poncho in los angeles apparently he plays ryan in the office doesn't he, if you guys know that show. Yeah, he used to go out with, not Kimmy Schmidt. God, I watch this show
Starting point is 00:19:48 every fucking night. But yeah, he's Ryan in The Office. He's the one who comes back in a more senior position and they don't respect him, right? He becomes a sort of prodigy in corporate. That's right.
Starting point is 00:20:02 And then he gets fired for defrauding the company. And then he comes back after working at Balling All right. And then he gets fired for defrauding the company. And then he comes back after working at Balling Alley. And then he launches an app called Woof. And then, what else does he do?
Starting point is 00:20:12 He does loads of stuff. Don't tell people the whole plot of the series, Pete. Why? You're terrible for this. It's like Game of Thrones all over again. It's 2013.
Starting point is 00:20:18 It's like 10 years ago, for crying out loud. If you don't watch The Office. People might like to watch it without getting like a... Michael Scott dies. Michael Scott dies. Bye.
Starting point is 00:20:27 He's like Game of Thrones all over again. It was a good one last night. It was when when the next set of bosses start getting introduced which I quite like. I do like the bosses
Starting point is 00:20:40 after Michael Scott. I'm quite rare in that. Yeah. Will Ferrell. When Will Ferrell gets introduced. Will Ferrell's not really making anything worse, is he? No, but I think people were so into Michael Scott, there were very few people.
Starting point is 00:20:52 And they didn't do a lot of stunt casting, but Will Ferrell, that could have been terrible. But it's quite funny because he's he had an eating disorder and he had a bash on the head and he went mad. There you go again.
Starting point is 00:21:06 What? Stop telling everyone. You're pathological with this. Stop telling everyone everything that happens in TV shows. The best ever, the thing that cracks me up of Will Ferrell more than anything else is that outtake reel of him. I forget what film it is now, but it's with two racing drivers. And he's standing between them going going I feel it in my plums that one
Starting point is 00:21:26 it's so fucking funny it's always so funny why is it Tommy Speed or something I can't remember now it was Speedway not Speedway it was
Starting point is 00:21:32 Talladega Nights Talladega Nights there you go good stuff and there's also one of the other videos I always return to time and time again
Starting point is 00:21:39 is there was like a limited series called Off Script and it was sponsored by Grey Goose Vodka on YouTube. And one of the episodes is presented by Jamie Foxx and his guest is Denzel Washington. Right.
Starting point is 00:21:51 It's just fucking amazing. It's just so fucking funny the whole time. Jamie Foxx is doing Denzel Washington impressions. And Jamie Foxx says that before he was famous, he saw Denzel Washington, who of course was massively famous at the time, and ran up to him because he loved him so much, and grabbed him.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Apparently he maintains that Denzel Washington is like a kung fu on him to fucking get him off him. Isn't it really embarrassing? And Denzel Washington's like, yeah, I remember that. I know a little bit. You know. Anyway, Dave finishes
Starting point is 00:22:23 the email by saying, saying also I once met you both outside Wembley when Sunderland lost to Manchester City I think that was probably in the League Cup final a number of years ago
Starting point is 00:22:31 I told Luke he was my favourite and I told Pete that I hated him and it's haunted me ever since I don't hate you Pete you just say mean things
Starting point is 00:22:39 about Sunderland sometimes I might have to bray you a little bit to get back at you peace watch out mate I've already put the kung fu on you
Starting point is 00:22:45 don't worry about it yeah exactly come at me you best not miss because you did miss because you ran ran away if he just came up to you
Starting point is 00:22:52 and hated you and ran off is he won there I think anyone who comes up to me and says anything to me is not going to get any physical violence
Starting point is 00:23:00 because I'm very small and scared of everything and also if he even tried some physical violence he'd win because I find very small and scared of everything. And also, if he even tried some physical violence, he'd win because I find the technicals of fighting very difficult. Every time you see a fight... I don't want it enough.
Starting point is 00:23:17 No, what do you mean? Fighting is the ultimate competition. You've really got to want it, haven't you? You've really got to want to have a fight. If you defend... I don't think the defending yourself law should exist because if you're defending yourself truly, you don't want the fight so you shouldn't be able to win.
Starting point is 00:23:34 I don't think so. It's like that famous Special Forces guy in one of those interviews and he says the best, most potent weapon you've got in a fight is your feet. Use them to turn around and run away as fast as you can. Because nothing good can come out of fighting in the street with someone you don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Yeah, but he's a hard knock. Yeah, but he says that. He says, people expect me as a special forces guy to get some kind of death grip out, put someone on the floor. But I don't, as a special forces guy, I don't like to go into situations where I've got no control. Yeah, but like, you've got, yeah, but like, yeah, but your girl's watching.
Starting point is 00:24:08 The only thing about that clip of that guy better, do you know what, the only thing about that clip of that guy saying that better because it's done with this amazing music and he looks really hard and he's got his beard and stuff. It's just some like, beta cut guy to walk up to him and just really badly punch him in the face.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Yeah, give him a backhander. Yeah. But, you know, most fights in real life, when you see them, they last about 10 seconds and they are embarrassingly bad. You see, like, even, like, there's this underground fighting network where they're just blokes who'll have a scrap in the street and they film it like it's the UFC or something. And these lads, they're in the business
Starting point is 00:24:45 of fighting and I think you see one punch gets connected and one eye goes up like a fucking like you wouldn't believe and then it's like oh I feel sleepy now
Starting point is 00:24:55 because most fights nobody ever connects with punches do you remember the Kimbo Slice videos I remember Kimbo Slice yeah the late great he got his arse
Starting point is 00:25:04 handed to him in UFC didn't he it's weird street fighting is quite fighting people in random backyards for a couple of grand
Starting point is 00:25:11 he was frightening yes yeah one fight in UFC against a retired policeman he's getting whooped less frightened
Starting point is 00:25:18 that's the level funny isn't it that is the level why is that because you know why because those big guys they gas bad yeah it's knackering
Starting point is 00:25:26 fighting it is tiring there was an amazing incident where um there's a guy called Bernard Hopkins he's an amazing boxer right and he's got the I think the world record for the oldest
Starting point is 00:25:37 world title holder as a boxer right oldest world champion he was 46 we won the belt right which is ridiculous given how competitive boxing is and uh all the way in the build-up to the fight he's fighting this guy i think he's early mid-30s and the entire build-up of the fight um the guy was saying you're too old you can't stick with me i'm a younger man you're over the hill granddad get out you get beyond
Starting point is 00:26:01 forget it kind of thing and uh not did Bernard Hopkins win and won the title after the seventh round when they're knackered and they go and sit in the corner and have their corners talk to them and put Vaseline on them he just stays in the middle of the ring
Starting point is 00:26:14 doing press ups in between the round and then gets up straight away and keeps fighting him and he beat him absolute flex it's a flex like that yeah he's a absolute flex. It's a flex.
Starting point is 00:26:25 I like that. Yeah, he's a big bad boy. Nasty bastard. Big nasty bastard. You've got to be. Right, on that note, Peter, I can see the clock ticking over and I think we should get out of here. Thank you very much
Starting point is 00:26:36 if you emailed and then we read it out. Thank you very much if you emailed and then we didn't read it out. We may get to it at some point soon. We will be back on Thursday.
Starting point is 00:26:43 You will know us by the trail of pistachio shells. And we will see you next time. Say goodbye, Peter. That's goodbye from me. Don't forget hello at LukeandPeteShow.com for your emails. At LukeandPeteShow for your Twitter and Insta and at TheLukeandPeteShow for the TikTok.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Lots of extra content on there. Lots of stuff involving actually seeing us as well as hearing us. So if that's your thing, get yourself over there. If not, no worries. We'll call it quits and we'll see you next time. I got a grape for us. You've got four grapes in his mouth. It looks great after you.
Starting point is 00:27:13 Bye! the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network

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