The Luke and Pete Show - Halfords, probably

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

Pete opens up his sexual sound effect catalogue for the world to endure, while Luke revels in being the bad boy of garlic pressing. Just a normal show, then. Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. One of my favourite sounds in the whole world is when you're on Pond5 looking for unlicensed music. Pond5.

It does that in between every single sound. We've got a company, an app, by the name of Soundly. Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show. I'm Pete Donaldson, joined by Mr Luke Moore. How are you? Hello. It's Thursday the 25th of January. We'll be talking about battery brands and all kinds of stuff in a bit.

But we start the show talking about library music. And apologies if you can hear the sound of a little doggy pulling up some carpet next door. Sammy followed me in because I was eating a delicious sausage sandwich I just made. Oh, I had one of those for lunch as well. Did you? Are we the sausage sandwich guys? Well, I think we might be the sausage sandwich brothers.

Oh, I love sausages. And maybe we could solve crimes and stuff. I've had four sausages, two from different packets. Have you cooked them this time? Because everyone who listens to this show will know that you enjoy them frozen. Frozen sausages. Well, I had what can only be described as an Aldi version. I mean, I've had three in the last

24 hours. That's bad, isn't it? I've had three pepperamis, but like Aldi knock-off versions. And the most worrying thing about them, Luke, is that they don't come with the little condom down the top. Why? I have no idea. And I don't come with the little condom down the top. Why? I have no idea.

And I don't know what I'm supposed to chew after I've finished the pepper army. Well, you know that you probably might have heard this, but when we had Jack... Do you remember Jack May? Yeah. Jack May talks about it, and he was roundly ridiculed. Yeah. Soundly and roundly ridiculed for chewing on the condom wrapper

after he finished the pepper army. But I'm team condom wrapper I stayed quiet when they came for the jack mate and now I'm eating Aldi sausages

and don't even have the condoms I've heard rumours of you at very very successful old fashioned pop star

celebrity house parties just sat in the corner with a load of pepperoni wrappers and the people are just chucking them at you

and you're just eating them because they're entertaining. And you've got that. Someone said that you had a little tent pole in your pants while you were doing it as well. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a version of Elton John's. Actually, not really getting into that. Let's ignore what I just said.

That's why I didn't say it. That's why I didn't say it. I've had such a week of dealing with legal stuff as well. Good God. They always come at you from the weirdest places, aka my mouth. And true of the other story as well. Luke, we've got a company called Soundly

who make sound effects. And there's a button on the app that allows you to kind of like open out and load a different database of sounds in that they've kind of curated. Not curated particularly well right but you go from having like say three or four sound effects of a dog barking to maybe a hundred but if you're like um perusing the aisles of the sound effects on soundly um

there are like there's a database called the free sound database i believe this is getting very nerdy uh but then it becomes incredibly not nerdy i like it um well well if you're looking for someone shouting the word fuck like that which i was for a project quite recently um there's quite a lot of recordings of men recording themselves masturbating so it's basically so i'll get to that point in a minute anyone listening don't think I'm ignoring that my experience tells me when you do engage with Pete

on these things it's first to establish the facts because what my father-in-law LC would say is that I am a type of guy who's a

ready fire aim kind of guy and I need to always just take a step back so basically this is a place where you can

upload your own stuff for other people to use in a kind of library type vibe no it is a place where you can upload your own stuff for other people to use in a kind of library type vibe. No, it is a library. So how is the masturbation? I don't think I'll be saying this when I wake up this morning. How are the masturbation sounds getting on there? I don't know.

But the sound, basically, there have always been. I remember, I'm going to stop saying, I've probably told you this before, but I probably have told you this before. I'm going to stop saying, I've probably told you this before, but I probably have told you this before. There used to be a CD collection, Wilhelm Scream style of sound effects that used to be available to radio production houses. And for a nominal fee, you could use their sound effects or sweepers or noises, designs, whatever, to add to your radio production but along with that there was a few cds that had sound effects of for example people having sex people masturbating etc etc it was very funny stuff and i remember exactly entertainment back in the day that cd6 track 17 i believe it was a man just going like that um for about five minutes it was a good good old session it seemed and you could hear the hands pumping and he was definitely doing something down there anyway

but um this this this soundly has a few of those kind of things like people having sex and stuff like that we know which which is your standard but then you click this button that opens out to like a bigger database that is not quite so well curated. And some of them are just blokes going, like, written, the final name is, me having sex with Ariana Grande. And it's them just having one off the wrist and then going, oh, you like that Ariana, don't you? You like that?

How is this made on there? I don't know. We pay an amount of money to use these sound effects every month. And, you know, I produce spots on them and I use a lot of these sound effects. I don't think Ariana Grande would be happy with that. Oh, Ariana. I don't think she would be either, to be honest. I'm not happy on her behalf.

But we will be playing them at the end of the show. Yeah, right, exactly. Oh, Ariana. Oh, Ariana. Oh, Ariana. Let's do this. Let's do that. It's like...

Oh, Ariana. Wow. Who is uploading's do this. Let's do that. It's like... Oh, Ariana. Wow. Who is uploading this? Let's be absolutely clear here. These men live alone. But imagine... Which man with access to a cabin-based recording studio is uploading these things?

It's a great bluff this by you. Yeah. It can't be me because I wasn't the one who discovered it. You can't... Is it double jeopardy where you just admit to the crime and then you can't be done for it in advance

I am no barrister at law I do not have my silks but I'm fairly certain that's not how it works alright yeah everyone yeah sorry I did it he admitted it

see you later where do you want me to sign I'll see you later I don't need it bye while I concede that the punishments for people who've played

guilty to a to a crime are normally less severe because it's like an admission of guilt and remorse and all that kind of stuff i don't think they just let you get away with it no no no no it's it's not i don't think there's a no there's not really a fair cop gov no in most crimes so so glossing over the sound effects of people doing that type of stuff. Weird thing to say. Going back to the pepperami thing when you talked about what to do with the wrapper. So do you remember a couple of weeks ago

we talked about how to crush garlic in a garlic crusher? It's part of our continued non-sponsorship by HelloFresh. And you said that you weren't peeling it and I had a go at you for not peeling it because you've got to peel it first. Yeah.

And you were like, no, you don't have to do that. It's fine. It's a difference of opinion, blah, blah. I still do peel my garlic before I put it in the crusher. I got an inordinate amount of abuse online from people who were saying not only that you didn't have to peel your garlic before you put it in the crusher,

but that I was absolutely outrageous in my treatment of you. I was actually bang wrong and I treated you with disdain and contempt. I don't even notice it anymore. I know. And the thing was... I don't even notice it. Someone said to me, someone said, one of the comments was,

never has a man been so sure that he's, but so wrong so often. It's annoying because I haven't, I don't really recall the veracity and ferocity that you I think I called you a moron. Right. But can I just make the point because I really want to get to the written down, read out in court. That's rough.

Someone said no one has ever been so wrong so often yet so sure of themselves. The instinctive thing that I felt when I read that was like an so sure of themselves. And the instinctive thing that I felt when I read that was like an overwhelming sense of pride. Wow, I must be, like, much more confident than I think. Yeah.

It's quite a good thing. Because you're a man wracked with self-doubt, but I don't get to see any of that. The way I'm being described by that particular listener, he makes me sound like the kind of man who gets things done. No, I don't get anything done. But that's the kind of thing that Rishi Sunak would do, and he's Prime Minister.

Yeah, I'm kind of like, I spend a lot of my time, like Google Mail has started doing this. Yes, guys, I Google. Google Mail does every day, they'll sort of have a little top of your message box. They'll say, listen, you haven't opened any of these messages from Neom Organic Candles. Do you want to stop receiving them in this particular folder? And I, even though I've got no interest in Neom Candles, unless it's two days before a certain person in my life's birthday or Christmas.

I am wracked with guilt sort of going, yeah, but like the person who sent that out has probably written that mail shot really carefully. And I'm, you know, and I'm by that bouncing back on me unsubscribing, that's going to affect their job satisfaction. Don't be going down that road. I know. I feel like exactly the direct opposite to that. I get so much stuff in my inbox now,

and the way they do it is they're very clever, these types. They'll make it look like an email you might like. Yes. And it makes you even more angry. And then they say, and then they say, oh, if you don't want any more emails, just reply to this with unsubscribe,

or click the unsubscribe button. Too many clicks. I don't want any more emails, just reply to this with unsubscribe or click the unsubscribe button. Too many clicks. Too many clicks. I don't fucking walk into your fucking house and say, make myself a dinner, and then go, oh, if you don't like me there, you don't want me in your house eating your dinner, just ask me to leave. Don't come in. Don't come in.

I've not asked you in. I've not asked you in. It's absolutely outrageous in my view, and I think you're well within your rights to not only do that, but send them some abuse abuse which I sometimes do to other podcast companies. Alright, you know what? You know what? AliExpress, you're going. Calm, you're going. Calm, what's that?

I've never signed up for that. At one of your lowest ebbs you've signed up for that. Oh no, I've been in trouble with the wife again. Alcoholics Anonymous, you're going. Do you know what you've done there is with calm, I'll tell you exactly what's happened. I'll tell all our listeners

what's happened. Yeah. You've had a tantrum, a big explosive tantrum and the same way that people might say, oh, rather than get in trouble

for getting too pissed again, I'll say that I've got a problem and then people, rather than reacting to me with anger, will react to me with sympathy. I will not have you recycling stuff that Finn made you take out of the Ramble on Monday. Well react to me with sympathy. I will not have you recycling stuff that Finn made you take out of the Ramble on Monday.

Well, you are having it. I'm not having it. Pick your poison, listen to it, or take the time to edit it out yourself. I wonder which one you'll choose. It's not getting edited out. Exactly. We're not even doing a video on this recording

because the storm knocked out your broadband. Rory's off for the week, everyone, by the way, just so you know. But Peter... The lunatics have taken over the asylum. It's just off for the week, everyone, by the way. He is, yeah. But Peter... The lunatics have taken over the asylum. It's just going to be three minutes of me jerking it. You've had a massive rant at someone and then you've gone back into the living room

five minutes later and gone, I know I was out of order there, but I've signed up to the Calm app and that's why you did it. I actually think we did have a legitimate business meeting with someone from Calm whose name escapes me. But I don't think I'm the best person to help them out. Is it a great endowment of our business

that you felt the need to put the word legitimate in that? Does it imply that you have loads of illegitimate business meetings all the time that aren't real? A man... You walk into a big potential partner's office and go, wow, brilliant, a legitimate business meeting. Usually this is just on some waste ground. Yeah, we've got our tops off.

A man with a carrier bag on his head. Brilliant. I once got zoomed in. And I can have a cup of coffee. I once got zoomed into a meeting you called me in, and you were in the abandoned theme park with a hammer in your hand. It's a meeting. It's a meeting, great. We're crying out loud. I said. It's a meeting. It's a meeting, great.

We're crying out loud. I said, it's a meeting. It's a meeting if I say it's a meeting. So you're angry with all these different companies. I was meant to say to you, actually, I was chatting on the Discord for the Football Ramble, which people get access to when they sign up to the Patreon. So it's patreon.com forward slash football ramble.

And because there's a bit of crossover in the listenership, the patrons themselves decide this. It's nothing to do with me. They opened up a Luke and Pete show channel on the Discord. And in there, they were talking about something that I basically don't think I was even aware of, even though I'm a co-host on the show. They were talking quite a lot about why don't think I was even aware of, even though I'm a co-host on the show. They were talking quite a lot about why

they think you hate Louis Theroux so much. I can't remember. I can't remember you saying that. I think I may have I think I said there's a reckoning. I think there's a reckoning coming for him. I think. But that implies that you know something. Is that why? No, no, no, not

at all, not at all at all Jesus this is a legal mindfuck is this like your Jeff Goldblum thing as well what was the Jeff Goldblum thing oh yeah

I just think he's not as charming as you yeah I think his vibe is not as charming as you yeah

as people would think and I think and I think we'll get quite bored and there might be some revisionists of like a quite a

quite a lechy man who are you talking about here um no i mean clearly not louis through hello you like to take your top off please um like no i'm saying like lou through it's kind of like i just think that we might i think we might have reached peak through and we and you know i think the decline starts here they are everyone gets them we'll get them but there's a certain type of woman, isn't there, that really is attracted to the Louis Theroux types.

Is it? Or is that something that Louis Theroux types tell themselves? Because I'm a Louis Theroux type. No, I remember my ex-girlfriend and her friendship group back in the day, maybe like mid-2000s or whatever. They would talk about Louis Theroux being like a sex symbol quite a lot. But do they mean it? Probably not. I don't think

they mean it. It's trying to sound interesting do you reckon? Yeah I think if he was the last you know if it was three last men in the world he would definitely be at the back of the line he just would be. Surely that depends quite a lot on who the other two are.

Yeah hugely but I think through definitely be at the back of the line. He just would be. Surely that depends quite a lot on who the other two are. Yeah, hugely. But I think through is closer to the person who wouldn't be much use on the island and then someone who could make a shot. I think... Interview a tree with a coconut. Looking back on it what's probably happened was they were probably in my company and thinking

it would be a nice refreshing thing to have a quite intelligent bloke with glasses still tall though still tall oh yeah it's gigantic how tall is he massive very long very long and big yeah he's huge i find him i find that he always serves as a reminder that even the people that you think are um kind of outside of that mainstream broadcasting and entertainment thing in the UK, still went to Oxford College and had the advice that everyone else has had because that's just how it works.

And whether it's Alexander Armstrong or someone else, they've all gone to some kind of Oxbridge College. And that's what i think that the journey is i can enjoy through stuff on his own terms i enjoy adam and joe stuff on their own terms but i think when adam buxton continues his career and he becomes the darling of that kind of six music guardian easter kind of lot with which i am very much part of yeah i just find it very comfortable that you know your theroos and your Buxton's who went to the same school. They they're kind of I get the sense that like they it's comfortable for us middle class people to sort of.

They're not Oxbridge guys, are they Adam and Joe? I don't think so. I think the University of Warwick, which is Merchant and one or two others. Peter, just make another point so I can feed my cat because he will not shut up otherwise. What are you going to feed him? A lovely sausage. Well, I think I had an issue with Thru and I basically,

if I don't get out the points that I think I need to get out on one podcast, I will cross-pollinate, just like Luke did with his point about someone we can't get into that he wanted to get into on Monday's Football Ramble show.

I went two-footed into Theroux on the WrestleMe podcast that we do over on the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Resume. Louis Theroux did a show back in the late 90s, I think, about WCW. I'm back. All I heard was WCW.

What were you saying? I started at WrestleMe. I continued my thoughts about Theroux I'm back all I heard was WCW what were you saying? I started at Wrestle Me I was just saying that I continued my kind of thoughts about Thoreau over on Wrestle Me because over Christmas we do a Wrestle Me

Oh he was in a wrestling battle wasn't he or something like that? He did a show about WCW back in the 90s when like I guess like Macho Man, Ronnie Savage and Rowdy Roddy Piper

were over in WCW and Hollywood Hogan and stuff and he was kind of like pottering around doing the same sort of stuff like asking wrestlers oh it's just fake though isn't it and it's like and then the wrestlers get annoyed and he goes it seems the wrestlers are quite annoyed about me saying that their sport was fake he's gone yeah because a lot of them die because they get dropped on their fucking heads you know what i mean and you're just a posh prick with waving your bbc pass around I find that a weird thing because you wouldn't go to the theatre and then go

well everyone do you have a nice time in there that wasn't real you know that that man the woman in black wasn't real that man isn't actually half a horse I love going to watch half the horse

do you mean like a pantomime like a pantomime horse yeah okay what else would I mean what else do you live in I was thinking like I was thinking a centaur

because that is half a horse isn't it yeah you're not pretending to be half a horse you're pretending to be the whole horse if you're in a pantomime

so you know like in I don't know if it's still the case now but on like Facebook back in the day and when chat rooms were a thing you get a certain type of person who would have like a mystical but attractive witch as their avatar

and they would talk about like and then their background picture would be like a wolf howling at the moon and they talk about like what life is a gift and everything happens for a reason and buy a necklace that i've made out of crystals. They all find centaurs attractive, don't they? Isn't it like a weird kind of attractiveness thing? I think certain people find horses quite attractive anyway, don't they, I suppose? Big, magnificent specimens.

Big, magnificent specimens with big old hogs. Yeah, I guess they would. I guess that's the case. But yeah, I think horses are kind of like they're quite magical animals they got long sort of flowing locks haven't they i mean i guess the whole kind of interspecies thing is quite big in in sort of magic circles as well i want to i want to change myself into a big rabbit and have sex with another rabbit i don't know i don't know how it works but you talk about the cabri's caramel bunny again i just want it yeah i want to actually my wife's about to come in the wife i have access to because she forgot to get a packet of doritos out the cupboard before i

started recording can we talk about something else when she walks through um no i think i mean i mean i'll talk up right i'll talk about the sexy stuff you have to flat back away and pretend that you're not talking about that anyway Luke would you like to sort of ride at the back of a lovely steed with a big old hog and stroke his lovely hair and then reach underside

and give his big old baggage at Willy a beautiful stroke to fruition Luke would you like to do that? Halfords, probably. Or maybe... Luke, what is the sexiest part of a tortoise? I'd say probably...

Would you like to rub yourself on the back of a tortoise? Probably the Lake District, maybe. Probably the Lake District. Okay. Scotland is nice as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good.

Okay, she's gone. The penis. The penis. The penis. as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Okay, she's gone. The penis. The penis. The penis. The throbbing, veiny penis. Rory is going to be so upset with this. Can I... Why?

I think he just... Because he's tall. No, because I'm tall. Can I ask you... He's taller. Can I ask you a completely different question, which I had at the top of my kind of little mental mind map to ask you about today?

Mental mind map. And I think it's something that people would better relate to, particularly in the UK. It's basically about how often you like to fuck a horse. Have you been affected by the storms? My friend messaged me the day before yesterday saying he doesn't reckon there's ever been more storms in such a short period in the uk that he can remember

as he said that literally the news came on they said oh there's another one storm jasmine coming down the track yeah which is different to live jasmine i think um some of the same characteristics no one ever talks about live jasmine i'm gonna add that to my uh i probably talked about it myself but um yeah it's just it's it's not something that I... My pornography viewing has gone down so much. How would you describe live Jasmine to people who didn't know? I'm finding it even harder. I think it's a Cam Parsons site. But I think my pornography consumption, it will astound you to learn, Luke,

has gone down so much, I can't keep up. That was the one thing I thought, you know what? At least I've got grot, But I've just haven't got it. I haven't got it. I've left it behind for crying out loud. It's busy, isn't it? Storm Jasmine. Storm Live Jasmine.

Has done a number on all of the boxes, my EU cardboard mountain. Oh, I forgot about that. And what about your donut boy? Donut boy is probably still in packaging in the factory. Did it blow away all your boglins? Didn't blow up. My once solitary boglin is in situ behind me.

But yeah, the cardboard is just basically... It's done kind of a lot of work for me. Even a touch,, haven't you? Because that's just gone. Yeah, some of them have definitely gone. It blew away. Set up a massive wind machine in your back garden. What do you want me to do?

I should have just gone out in the night. But we're kind of in a... We sleep in a converted barn. No, a converted loft. And so it's very exposed. We weren't designed to live in the loft. And there's basically, it's nice to be able to see the old tankers coming up

and down the Thames, but tankers down the Thames. Were they still sailing out there during the storms? Yeah, I mean, it's not only the Thames. I mean, I guess if you've already got to the Thames, presumably you're alright. But I would say that we have got like a free just kind of wind tunnel that just attacks our

exposed kind of wood construction, just attacks our uh our our exposed kind of um wood construction uh the eaves and all that so it's kind of um yeah it's it's not been great to build i had to put i had to put some heavy white noise on to get through the night yeah to be honest i think that's that's a tip anyway really i mean i i used i'm actually a pretty good sleeper overall um so i'm very fortunate but i did used to take earplugs wherever i go and that was fine um occasionally but it does get a little bit puts a lot of pressure in your ears and it can get a bit of a wax builder because you're not really supposed to be putting anything in your ears and it's not always um possible and of course they fall out so what i've actually

started doing is just there's a great couple of white noise or different types of white noise kind of playlists on Spotify you can use on a loop and um that's much better I would recommend I wonder if um I'm not an expert in this at all but insomnia is a big deal and there's a lot of different reasons for it I'm not trying to trivialize those things but if people did a few different things a few things differently they might find that they'd be all right I think one of them is definitely getting as much exercise as you can and changing your diet.

I've changed my diet over the last three or four weeks. It's made such a massive difference for me. I mean, I wasn't feeling that bad anyway, but I feel so much better and it's certainly helped my sleep. And white noise is a really good thing. It must be something it does

on the level of your brain where it makes you, for some reason, you just tune into it and you're far more relaxed. I found it. I can even sleep on planes now with white noise. I never used to be able to do that before.

So it's definitely worth doing. So we kind of do that anyway. But I was thinking of you when that storm hit the other day because we've got like a bay window at the front. So part of the living room is out there, if you know what I mean. And the wind whips through that and it's really noisy. But actually where we sleep at the back was quite a lot more sheltered. But where you are, the wind just must rip straight up off the river

or the sea straight up your road, right? It does. Straight up. I mean, we have like so much visual of the Thames, which is lovely. But on days like that, it is quite epic to have that kind of like, we are just like at the end of a big, long tunnel of houses, and we are absolutely attacked. And it's not just...

I'm just looking at things that we'll need fixing. There's a bit of guttering that's kind of split. I'll have to sort of climb up on the sort of concave roof sort of thing. Don't Ken Dodd it, mate. It will be concave if I slip. I'm not going to... No, is it Ken Dodd? No.

Ken Dodd. What did Ken Dodd die of? Is Ken Dodd dead? Good question. I'll look it up. Who am I thinking of that fell off the roof? You're thinking of E.M.U., Rod Hull. Rod Hull, that's right.

Weirdly enough, to look at their names, they're very similar. Three letters, then four letters, two syllables and stuff. Ken Dodd died in 2018, apparently. In Notty Ash. He was born in Notty Ash. That's hilarious. 90 years old he was yeah

hated paying his tax didn't he absolutely hated it oh dear apparently when he did his when he did his when he got caught

he had 350,000 pounds in cash in his house right and and when he got caught and sent down for it, when he came back out to do

his first live stand-up show, he walked up and said, hello everyone, I'm Ken Dodd, failed accountant. Jimmy Carr should have taken a leaf out of his book. How does Jimmy Carr get away with so much? What do you mean? He's just insulated himself with the sheer amount of panel shows

that no one will criticise him. I just think he's got... He's kind of feathered his nest accordingly. He punches down. He doesn't pay his tax. Yeah, but he's got one foot in that American kind of shocky kind of camp, I suppose. So that's why.

What camps are your feet in? Well, I mean, they're two cold camps because I'm in the cabin. It's absolutely freezing. The apology cabin. The apology cabin. Let's have a break, Peter, shall we? Let's have a break.

When we come back, we'll do batteries and maybe we'll just... What do we do when we get back from the break? We'll do batteries and then you can round us off with a quick car update and then we'll get out of here. Okay, then. Go back to school with Rogers

and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. It's the Lookabee Show

and every single Thursday we talk about all things batteries. Not a submission this week but a follow-up from Chris Carter about his depressing carpet. We had a go at Chris Carter's carpet. Oh yeah, terrible carpet. You cast conspersions at Chris Carter's carpet.

Yeah. Hi, Lookabee Pete. Christopher Carter here, not the famous ones but from Magic Power, triple A fame. To explain, the battery is found in the garage and the depressing manky piece of carpet is in said garage

and hasn't seen any kind of sordid action that I know of. Although if it had, I would say that, wouldn't I? The shout of Bosnich was indeed from a game of going for Gould. Pete was in that horrific muscle football shirt and i think genuinely hurt himself doing some kind of dance move oh that's right we used to get you to do dance moves on the stage for a ramble live show and um sometimes you do massive knee slides like really big ones and the friction burns must have been extraordinary i think they i think the kip

up was the one the kind of uh the sort of wrest's kind of kip-up from a lying down position. The karate kid thing, right, where you flick yourself back up again? Yes. But you're not even close to being able to do it, but you just kept trying it every night to see if you got better at it. Yeah, I didn't want to practice off stage, but just decided that I'll just practice on stage.

You didn't practice any of it off stage. Never managed it. I remember once getting up on stage with you in front of a braying Glaswegian audience and you had left every single note you ever had back in the dressing room

so you just left the stage. Yeah. I mean, what are they expecting? What part of that is not part of my brand? No, it's very much part of your brand.

It's nice to know that when we're all together up there and we've got to take on a big enemy, which they were, you'll just leg it. I'll have left me nuts. Yeah, but I can just bring up the rear, can't I?

I can check for snipers. Now he's being shoddy. Right. We carry on with Chris Carter's email. Well, I mean, that was it, yeah. He was just defending some manky carpet. Is it acceptable, though? And if this isn't the place to do that sort of thing,

I don't know what is. I don't know if it's acceptable to just use an excuse that all of the carpet's in the garage so it can be covered in absolute shit and have bits cut out of it. I don't think that's fair. You need to treat your garage with respect. Some of the people's best work is happening in the garage.

Yeah. My old man treats his shed slash garage, because they're adjoined to each other, like the palace that it is.'s a palace to his hobbies yeah well the problem is like it's also like when we go out for extended periods of time and we need sammy safe um from eating the carpet and stuff that's where i put sammy in in the cabin and it's furnished and stuff but he will insist on pulling up the mats the old floor mats so it's in a real

state of disarray and I've been so busy I just haven't had a chance to clear it up so I'm just looking around just looking

I feel like I'm I don't know I feel like I'm in a hoarder's house yeah I feel like that in my own house for reasons I won't go into

so no batteries this week just a a follow-up from Chris Carter. We'll get back to batteries next week. People will be champing, because the phrase is champing at the bit, not chomping at the bit. Champing, yeah, people said chomping. Yeah, it's champing. Champing at the bit for a car update from your good self, Peter. Yeah, let's have a look.

I am just, I'll type in, what's the name? Let's have a look. I am just... I'll type in... Yesterday. Hello. Fog light went in okay. No rush. Just interested.

We'll start to fill out that big V55 form for the registration. If you're confident, it'll have a chance for the MOT. Bilal says, hi, I'll update you tomorrow. That was yesterday. And it's now two in the afternoon, Luke I don't mind admitting So he's still not put it through an MOT? Why not?

What's he doing? I don't know How many Japanese import cars has he got to deal with at one time? Well, it sounds like mine was a more difficult job Because you couldn't get in the boot I meant to ask you this last time actually What's Bilal's actual job? I don't know

How have you found him? The more layers I peel off this onion I meant to ask you this last time, actually. What's Bilal's actual job? I don't know. How have you found him? The more layers I peel off this onion, the more unprofessional it all looks, to be honest. But don't worry. I googled his company's house record, so I know where he lives. I think it's in Reading. Oh, yeah.

I bet he's really frightened of you going around there. You hate going around anyone's house. You don't have to go around his house. Oh, yeah. Fuck it. You never leave your own house. Can I put my car back, please? Yeah.

What is the process to finding someone like him and what does he do day to day? What's his list of companies? I just Google. Let's not go into that. No, but I mean, what's his company stating that it does? I think it's... I just don't understand what the job is.

I think the company might be called Star Cars with a Z. He's no surprise that he's attracted the clientele that looks like you. Oh, yeah, that'll get us sorted. Luke, if you can't trust Bilal from Star Cars, I don't know who can. Oh, yeah, I'm going to get my open heart surgery done by a private surgeon, actually. Operates under the trading name of... Dr. Funkies. Super Sturgeon...

Super Sturgeon... Super Sturgeon 1969. What is Star Cars? Star Cars! Come on, I don't know. He's a star and he's got my cars. Yeah. Oh, there we go.

You'll be fucking seeing stars. So there's no update. He's not done the MOT. Nothing's happened. No, he's still not done anything. This has been going on for too long. Yeah, I know. But look, I'm in no perishing rush. Are you still paying every day?

No, no, no. He's got it. So he's, you know, wherever he's got it, he's, you know, all good. Yeah, I think if you get into that kind of game that he's in, they're all going to be difficult. Yeah, never mind it's like obviously it feels a bit like hiring a debt collector you're not going to find one that's

not a wrong one because if they weren't wrong it goes with the trail I guess yeah good luck anyway good luck let's get out of here Peter why don't we come back and chat to our lovely Luke and Peter family on Monday, as we do normally.

Have a lovely weekend. Do hit us up on all the different social medias. I mean, search for Luke and Peter on Instagram, because we did the Instagram live. Yes. When would it have been? On Monday. Because Pete had a sensational pair of trousers on,

and I wanted to treat everyone to it. So if you've not seen that, do go check it out and give us a follow on there as well. Hit subscribe on your podcast app if you haven't already. Leave us a five star review because it does help us and it helps other people to find us. Have a great weekend and we'll see you on Monday. Say goodbye, Peter. Goodbye, all. That's goodbye from me

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