The Luke and Pete Show - Slippery nipples

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

In the most Pete Donaldson story ever, today he tells Luke about the time he deliberately drank undiluted cordial. Listen to find out the amazing reason why.After that, Luke and Pete discuss their favourite viral videos, which both contain men displaying their nipples and a listener makes the mistake of asking us for medical advice. Brave!Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke of P-Shot. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Mr. Lukey Moore. We've got loads of operation emails to get through. Well, we've got one, at least, anyway. We've got one. Is loads one? Is one loads? I mean, if you're not fancy in it it is too many it feels too many

it's nice to see you again Peter it's alright how are you yeah what's new what's popping that's the thing

in small talk chat again we were talking about this and making you better at small talk and I've just said how are you and you just went yeah

you're not doing that to people you don't know are you no I just yeah I don't really talk to many people anymore you just head down I've I drove past I don't really talk to many people anymore. You just head

down? I've, I drove past my neighbour who had a big axe and he was hacking something into bits.

What, you didn't get involved? Oh, Damien, not seen Kirsty for a while, what are you

doing over there? Nice. It was a little joke. That's good stuff. And I was like, good small talk. What did he say?

He went, fuck off and chased me, chased me, yeah, chucked the big axe, big old axe.

So you've driven past your neighbour, neighbour Damien the guy who makes you rum yes he makes you rum he makes everyone rum yeah well you're part of that aren't you I'm part of the rum consuming community yeah you're part of the local community and you've shouted a joke at him

through the car window yeah that's confidence that is confidence yeah exactly yeah proper builder stuff that did you say it right did you deliver it

were you happy with it yeah happy with the delivery yeah all kind of worked window down I mean to be honest I was getting back because everyone was laughing at me because I fell

I fell on my bum walking the dogs in the muddiest day of the year yesterday what in front of everyone no but I did that kind of

like ha ha ha ha ha ha that's funny isn't it even though nobody saw and then I was just covered so muddy. Covered head to toe in mud. It's so silly.

If you take a tumble in public, and by the way, I think this Damien bit of banter is great development for you, so well done. Thanks. But this idea that if you fall over in public or you stumble, is that your instinct to kind of laugh at yourself? That's what I do as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think if you look annoyed or blame something else, stumble is that your instinct to kind of laugh at yourself that's what i do as well yeah so i think if you look like annoyed or blame something else it looks you look like a penis i think if you the only two ways of doing it you can't go damn it you either stare down pretend to be hurt pretend to be really yeah and how far would you take that three minutes operating table yeah um yeah to pretend you're knocked out then that's a real that's a real people feel sorry for you And how far would you take that? Three minutes. Operating table. Yeah, pretend you're knocked out,

then that's a real, that's a real, people feel sorry for you then. Or you laugh. But, you know, it's not ideal. You've still fallen over.

I've got two things on that. But it's not, but the thing is, it's not that much of a big deal, is it? Who cares? No one cares, actually. People aren't going to remember.

My partner cares. She thinks it's the hilarious-est things. But that's her role. Like her, if you said like, what's her favourite thing she laughs at, it's just me falling over. Yeah, she's a big Laurel and Hardy fan.

No, she's no big me falling over fan. I've got two stories on that note. One is, I told you about this before, I think, there's a guy I used to go to school with called Brian Snowden. Now I'm going to name-check him because I've got no idea what he's doing now. Go on then, mate. Yeah, and I'd love him to get in touch. But we were playing for the school football team.

Right. We were having a really good season and it must have been year 10 maybe, the year 10 football team. So just the year before we did our GCSEs. And we had this game against Bay House, which is a big rivalry school just down the road. And I think we were the road and we were

I think we were we were drawing or we were winning and then we ended up getting a draw or a defeat because Brighton big high ball come over and you know when you're like

14 or 15 generally in the grand scheme of things none of you are that good at football we had some good players but none was really that good it's a big leveller isn't it the big high ball yeah

and he miscontrolled it let the striker in the striker went around the keeper and scored him i think we ended up losing the game he just hit the deck right right like as you know it's not my fault i've actually really hurt myself yes yeah and he pretended that he'd like really badly hurt his ankle but i was like right next to him when it happened nothing happened no. I've done that before but I have actually hurt my ankle but I

had to pretend that I didn't hurt it as much as it actually hurt. Because it looked like I was taking a dive. But he took it to the extreme where like every day he would complain about it. No he'd come in on crutches. He'd be on crutches.

Where did he get the crutches from though? Because you only get those if you've been seriously hurt. His mum probably had them at home or something. You reckon? Yeah, probably. No, he wasn't hurt.

It sounds like he was hurt because where would he get crutches from? I admired that he just took it through to the extreme. It's almost like outsider art

after a while, isn't it? It is. But you know that when you used to fake to your mum that you were sick so you couldn't go to school? When you're that young, by mid-date, it's wearing thin, isn't it? It is. But you know that when you used to fake to your mum that you were sick so you couldn't go to school? By, when you're that young, by mid-day it's wearing thin, isn't it? You think, I wish I'd gone to school.

I'm fucking bored here. Yeah. I can't do anything. I'm stuck in bed. It's like when I gave myself, I went to the hospital because I wanted to get back in the hospital because I was in the hospital for a bit and they just installed a new ball pool.

I loved ball pools when I was a kid. And so I drank loads of unwatered cordial. And it gave me, it would tighten my chest. You've never told me before. I have, yeah. How old were you? Not 10.

What were you in that hospital for in the first place? Asthma. And then so you got discharged, but you got discharged just as a new recreational. Well, yeah, because I spent like spent like my first two or three years at christmas and birthdays in hospital right of asthma yeah now i mean you wouldn't know because i'm such a hunk these days i don't look like the like chest issue boy do i um tiny little little me. Pigeon chest man. That's the one thing

I don't have, to be fair. I've got absolute honkers. But I'd gone through the sparse... How long were you in there for? Kind of like... On that occasion?

It was only like... You'd only be in there for like a week, I would say. That's a long time I was in the hospital. It is a long time, but you're a baby

and they look after you, don't they? Because they're worried about you. But you can't have been a baby. You can't have been a baby then. No, no, but when I was a kid, I was in and out. time, but you're a baby and they look after you, don't they? Because they're worried about you. But you can't have been a baby. You can't have been a baby then. No, no, but when I was a kid, I was in and out. Anyway. But I'd gone through like quite sparse, you know, nothing to do

kind of wards. Quite austere. Yeah, austere hospital environment. And then the last time I visited for a couple of days, they'd installed a ball pool and like an amazing new little kind of like thing where all those toys and video games and stuff were. On the children's ward and I was like well that's not fair

I want to go and play in the ball pool so I chopped your hand off no I drank the cordial and made my chest very tight and said

ma'am so they took us to hospital and I stayed in for a couple of days but again do your parents know that you did that

now I don't think they do they do now they do now they don't but I remember on the first day I jumped in the ball pool and I had like a cannula in my hand that you did that now? I don't think they do. They do now. They do now. They don't. They still don't. But I remember on the first day I jumped in the ball pool and I had like a cannula

in my hand and I hit it really hard and it really ached for ages and I thought I'd done some real damage to my veins on the ball pool.

So I was like, look, that is very much the universe giving me one back there. So I'm tempted to say that you were a drain on NHS resources then.

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's absolutely fine. But one, the NHS... I paid my taxes. It was probably well funded by that back then. Yeah. Secondly, I think that you've earned the right to have a little stint in the ball pool.

Yeah, I think so. But presumably they didn't just say you can go in there whenever you want. Yeah, I found myself in there. I think I should just get out. That's not the same thing. They left it unlocked. Yeah, imagine that.

But imagine making yourself ill with cordial, just so you can get a brand new... Well, I don't need to imagine it. You've done it. I've done it, yeah. I'll tell you exactly what it's like. Can you play with the other kids, or were they too fragile because they're sick?

Yeah, I think I was pretty much alone in there, to be honest. But yeah, the cannula really... I have to think about cannulas quite a lot now. Can I just check one more thing? Did this definitely happen? What do you mean? Because it sounds like it's a dream.

No, it definitely happened. I don't know. I don't think I stayed in there very long. It was only a couple of days, I think. Because they found out there was nothing wrong with me. When my son was... Yeah, you just pissed it all out. You've got to listen, Dickham.

When my son was born my wife had a cannula in the top of her hand and for some reason they were amazing in the hospital I've got nothing

but good things to say about them they were incredible but they did forget to take the cannula out yeah yeah that's always the thing that you get discharged but

fine you get discharged but they still need to take that out because I can't be walking around with that it's a big old thing as well it's painful right I had it in my arm a recent trip to the showers but they still need to take that out because I can't be walking around with that it's a big old thing as well it's painful right I did my arm

a recent trip to the emergency room and I couldn't they took it out and it just started spaffing blood everywhere and it was getting and I looked like

I'd been in a horrible fight yeah and the other thing I was going to say around the old publicly hurting yourself or falling over

do you remember when we went to our mutual friend Andy who makes like independent movies? Yes. And he made You bashed your head on the tube

I remember. Yeah. I'm trying to tell a story. You fucking spoiler. Only because you said it loads of times on the show. Have I? I'm helping you.

Anyway the worst thing about that was I had to sit on the tube for quite a long time with the people that saw it and my head was bleeding. Yeah, because that's like, it feels like a bigger deal than it is, isn't it?

When you start bloodstuffs coming out. So for those who don't remember, and the head bleeds a lot as well. For those who don't remember, I stumbled on the little raised bobble bits of the platform. Yeah, the thing that's supposed to keep you safe. Yeah, because I'm tall, I headbutted the roof of the tube carriage.

It must have been some hit. Well, I looked like a fucking human piggy bank because of the big horizontal cut across my head. And the worst thing about it was, we'd had a few beers, I didn't actually know it was bleeding. Right. And so I felt it,

and then this lady was handing me a tissue. And so I was to hold the tissue to my head, but every single person on the tube carriage had seen me do it, and I was on there for about eight stops. So it's just, it's just mortally embarrassing. Yeah.

Luckily I didn't need to have stitches or anything like that, but you can, you can, you can laugh it off. But if you laugh it off when you've got blood pouring down your head, it looks a bit maniacal. Doesn't it? Have you seen that?

Have I mentioned that guy? Um, I mentioned it on pretty much every podcast I've done, but that guy gets a chair thrown at his head. The Israeli vlogger, blogger. Vlogger? Is it when he's kicking off in the bar? It's all kicking off in the bar

and he gets one on the edge. I didn't know who he was, but I've seen the video. Yeah, he's a nightmare man, which makes it better, makes it sweeter. It looks like such an impactful hit as well. Well, he just sort of,

what, when he opened, but it's not about the hit, it's about when he opens the man's clothes. I haven't seen that. I've not seen it with Sonny Kidd. It's a man. He looks like sort of, you know when before Justin Hawkins

had like the hair plugs and the teeth and stuff fixed? He looks like that. Justin Hawkins looks amazing. He looks amazing, yeah. And he looks, and he's like, I didn't know this, but he's like an anti-trans kind of like,

anti-walk kind of like reactionary kind of grifter, basically, in Israel. And he gets hit in the head with a chair. And it starts to bleed. It's a bad hit. It's a bad chair shot, so to speak. What's he done to deserve that? I don't know.

He's doing some kind of something in his body. I mean, he's probably just done something. He's probably just upset someone with the things that he said. Anyway, he gets a chair in the head. And mean, he's probably just done something. He's probably just upset someone with the things that he said. Anyway, he has a shirt at the head. And he's so dazed, he falls into a much bigger man, larger man. And his hand accidentally just opens the guy's shirt, revealing a tit. And it is the funniest thing I've seen in ages and it makes it sweeter

that I know the guys to see word so it's good stuff and what's the what's the prognosis on his head I don't know but it was

it was a bad hit and blood started coming out and every time I think of a man with a head with a nose I think of a man opening his head well the title is you get hit so hard

you turn gay because that's the that's the mean thing but it's just it's good stuff. Have you seen, speaking of that, slightly related, you know how obsessed I am with darts? Yes.

Have you heard of a dartist slash dart player? What's a dartist? He's a dart player. All right. Called Bobby George. No. He's the guy who's got the big bad taste mansion with the dartboard stained glass window.

And Sandro, the Spurs player, went to his house. Right. It was a meme a few years ago. Sounds awful. He wears big chains, loads of jewelry. You definitely know if you saw him.

Anyway, he's an older guy now. He's retired, of course. But when he was playing, he was a real character. He used to walk on with a crown and a cape on

and a staff like he was the king. And he's like, you know, you think about the aesthetic of darts. Yeah. Really gaudy, really kind of like bad taste, but in a kind's like, you know, you think about the aesthetic of darts. Yeah. Really gaudy,

really kind of like bad taste, but in a kind of funny knowing kind of way. He's like the epicenter of that. And there's an amazing video of him playing and he's got a gold dart shirt. You know, they wear those particular types of shirts. It looks a bit like a short sleeve work shirt,

but it's always in really gaudy colours. Right. He's wearing one of those and someone steps up and hits a 180 and the guy he's playing and celebrates so he steps straight up there

hits a 180 back and everyone cheers and he starts celebrating he goes and gets his darts from the dartboard as he turns around and walks back he just pulls

a secret flap down of his shirt just reveals his nipple and then puts it back up again and carries on like nothing's happened yes it is an absolutely demented brilliant celebration just reveals his nipple and then puts it back up again and carries on like nothing's happened yes it is an absolutely

demented brilliant celebration got a lot of time for that for a dance class we have to share that on the socials as well Rory you have to get on

the case for that when the rest of this politics talk about stuff that's visual they talk about every newsletter right we just talk about the the twill

am I looking at this now yeah may as well there's a man there's a man who they're doing some sort of interview he gets a chin it's a bad hit it's a bad who they're doing some sort of interview. He gets a chance. It's a bad hit.

It's a bad hit. He's knocked out there. He's knocked out there. He leans over, gets a bad hit. Why does he do that? It looks like he's doing it deliberately.

He just needs help. He needs help. He's being hit by the chair. He's doing it deliberately, surely. He goes straight for the nipple. It's brilliant. It looks like he is.

But the physical dynamic is a little, like, it would be like me doing that to you. Even though this guy's really fat. Like, this guy's about the height of you. It's Bobby George doing the old nipple. It's the 180, look. He's wearing like, he looks a bit like a sort of a 1980s kind of

why was he making his nipple go up and down like that I don't know he just flips it out he just flips it out he's planned that he's planned it

in the before hand the way he turns around he's got a beautiful sort of gold llama shirt on as well. He's an amazing character. I've got a lot of time for that. That's a lot of fun.

I met him when I was about six or seven, right? My mum was working at Asda's. Right. As you're legally obliged to call them. And there was like an away day for all the Asda's employees

up in London. Which was exciting. I was like six or seven years old. I don't think I've been to London before. Maybe I had, but not very often. And it was like a big sports day for all the asda employees and um my mom would have been only about 30 then so she was probably involved and my dad was involved and they're doing this stuff and there's a big

thing for the kids as well and the kids had like um a load of like um activities but they also had like famous people they brought out right and all the all the famous people were shit. It was like, I mean, I guess they're quite big for the time, but it was like Fatima, Whitbread. That's pretty big, isn't it?

Yeah, I think so. That's as big as it gets. But one of them was Bobby George. Right. And I remember getting his autograph, not really knowing who he was, but because he was like a big guy with all this gold jewelry and stuff. He was like a character.

And I remember getting his, what's it called? Autograph with my dad. big guy with all this gold jewelry and stuff. He was like a character. And I remember getting, um, getting his, um, also, his, um, what's it called? Autograph with my dad. And,

um, he said to me, um, you tell your old man, I'm better than Eric Bristow. I always remember that. It was always a bit like, if you had the story of the kid,

you meet, cause you know, Mark Haynes got an amazing story of meeting Roger Moore in an airport. So there's a, have you heard about the kid who meets Joe Pesci? Uh, no. So the kid goes up kid. He's about the same age as Macaulay Culkin at the Moore in an airport. Have you heard about the kid who meets Joe Pesci? No. So the kid goes up, he's about the same age as Macaulay Culkin at the time in Home Alone.

And he sees Joe Pesci and he just wanders up to him. He's quite an intrepid, curious kid, so he just wanders up to Joe Pesci and starts talking to him because he's seen him in Home Alone. And he goes, can I have your autograph, please, Joe? And Joe Pesci apparently goes,

who's your favourite actor, kid? And the kid goes, it's you, Joe Pesci. And he goes, that's the right answer. Gives him $100. Ha, yes. Gives him $100 bill.

That's the right answer, kid. And back then, that would have been worth twice. Why didn't Bobby George give me 100 quid? It's a good point, actually. That's what I'd like to know. Saving it for his shirt.

Probably is. Let's have a quick break. If he got his nipple out then, who would have been? Apparently we're not having a break. actually. That's what I'd like to know. Saving it for his shirt. Probably is. Let's have a quick break. If he got his nipple out then, he would have been... Apparently we're not having a break. We're just talking

about nipples. Carry on. Well, if he got his nipple out there, he would have been in big trouble. Not in the 80s. People would have

thought it was banter. Jimmy Savile wasn't large. Well, other darts players were. I'm telling you now, Bobby George getting his nipple out at

an Asda sports day in the 80s is not even making tiny ripples in the pond. What if he had a donut? One of Asda's famous donuts on the nipple. I think people would still have written it off as a bit of hygiene. In the 80s? I don't know, it's just a bit sinister, isn't it?

Why are you getting your nipple out, mate? I think you'd have to do a... You'd get his house burned down. You'd have to do a... No, not in the 80s. Not in the 80s. A lot more then. No, but like,

it always sends into nonce chat. I think back in the 80s, that was your only retribution, though. You'd smash the windows, you'd burn the house down. That's how you dealt with wrong-uns. But now it's become like a cottage industry. People have become famous on Facebook

for being pedo hunters and all that stuff, don't they? I prefer like the rough justice of a dad and his brother burning someone's house down. And his brother-in-law brother-in-law

can't run to buy a power tool ends up having a few cans of tenants burns down the house of a bloke they think might might be a nonce.

Yeah. So he gets the guardian. If anything, I thought it was a lot, it's a lot more permissive back then. I remember in the 80s, there was a bloke, looking back on it now, was a wrong one. I've told you about this before.

It was about a road or so away. We lived adjacent to quite a big, rough council estate. And the only real difference between where we lived and where that was, was that my parents owned their house. But it was exactly the same, basically the exact same house, in terms of how it was made. And there was a guy who lived in the council estate a bit. He was an old fella.

And everyone called him Popeye. Right. Because he wore like this old, I guess he was an old Navy veteran. He used to smoke a pipe. I don't know if he did the spinach thing, but he did the other stuff. A-ka-ka-ka-ka. Yeah. And he had a kind of nemesis the other stuff. A-ka-ka-ka-ka. Yeah. Did you ever do that? Yeah. And he had a

kind of nemesis. A baby that was a nemesis. With a big beard. No. And he used to be I'm not saying

he was a nonce but he used to invite kids do you want to come and look at my pet budgie or whatever? Right, yeah. Because everyone had a budgie

in the 80s in working class houses. You would occasionally get a monkey. No way, not what we are. North East you would. I never knew of a monkey. You'd occasionally have monkeys. Always budgies.

Right. Which is interesting because Hartlepool's a port town, right? So we would have been getting the same stuff. Yeah. I think, well, ports was more of a naval port, I suppose. Yeah.

Anyway, if you live right near a commercial port in the 80s, you're getting pet monkeys. You get all kinds of stuff. Monkeys, DVDs, monkeys, VHSes. You're getting all kinds of stuff, aren't you? Yeah.

It's a lucky dip. You either get a monkey or a VHS. Monkey or a VHS. Either way, it's going to be a great Saturday night. And he used to be like that. And I remember all the parents being like, yeah, just don't go near him. They won't call the police.

No, no, no. Don't go near the guy. It's a Chris Rock. Walk it off. I told you not to go near him. I think the late 90s, early 2000s were all kicked off. Anyway, look, people listening

will be annoyed that we didn't go to a break. Right. So let's go to a break now and then when we come back we'll do a bit more of this and then we'll probably just leave you alone. Pompey are mourning the death of Brian Snowden. No, they're not.

It's just an ankle injury. Who passed away at the age of 88. It's just an ankle injury, my Brian Snowden. How do you spend not. Who passed away at the age of 88. It's just an ankle injury, my Brian Snowden. How do you spell Brian there? Just the normal way. Yeah. How are you spelling it? With a Y?

No. Sickles. No, with an I. People who have the Ys in Brian, sickles. Yeah. One I find particularly difficult is... Aoife. Well, that is tough.

Aoife's a wild name. But is... You get... So Marie is a tough one. M-A-R-I-E. Can be Mary, can be Mary, can be Marie. Yeah, and someone who lives near me who's got a Scottish spelling in that name

and it's pronounced Vary. Vary. But can't there be like, I mean, Sarah could be Sarah and stuff. I don't know. So Sarah's just no H, isn't it? I think you'd have a Sarah that was no H. No. You sure?

Not on my watch. Is this going to be your garlic press thing? I'm going to die on this. Die on this hill. No, but the garlic press, the jury's still out on that. The jury isn't still out. One angry bloke on Twitter kicked off. But I mean, that's my life anyway.

Yeah. I'm muted. Look in the mirror. I muted him anyway. I mute everyone who's my life anyway. Yeah. I'm muted. Look in the mirror. I'm muted him anyway. I'm muted everyone who abuses me on Twitter. But we haven't, we should solve this in the form of a Twitter poll. Do you peel the garlic before you put it in the garlic press?

I say yes, you say no. Don't bother. Let's find out. Why bother? Why waste your time? Let's finish off with this email from Lewis. No, you're going to be mine. Let's finish this.

Peter. What? We're going to finish this episode off. I can't. I'll throw a chair at him. And reveal a tit. Reveal a tit. Hello at the Luke and Pete show, says Lewis.

I was wincing through your recent episode, Vasectomy Flowers, and I'd just bitten into a fried egg sandwich as Luke mentioned the word pus. It can happen. Be careful. I wouldn't recommend you eat anything. So on OTC, one of our sister podcasts about European football,

they talk quite a lot about the type of food you have while watching a game or while listening to the show because it's a continental, very, very urbane podcast. This is not that podcast. Don't eat anything

while you're listening to this. No, you'll choke because of the murph. Don't even um any non-diluted cordial um and lewis says all this now chat recently has got me thinking about a random pain i sometimes suffer but can't be bothered to get checked out for as long as i can remember the nail on my little finger on my left hand can really hurt when any sort of pressure is applied to the base of the nail if i apply the same pressure at the very tip of my finger, there isn't any pain at all.

Interestingly, the finger also hurts on really cold days. I often forget about it. And then when I one day randomly catch it on something, it is a stark and sharp reminder that the problem persists. Maybe against my better judgment, does anyone from the Luke and pizza community have any idea what this is? Because frankly,

I cannot be bothered to join the never ending NHS waiting list for what seems like a trivial issue. I don't know what to tell the guy. I trapped my finger in a door once and the nail came off and the nail was stuck in the door. And that's all I've got to offer on this. I knocked my toenail off on the

bike, remember I told you before. I don't know, but maybe someone who can let us know help Lewis out. I mean, Lewis, you probably will get a better answer and a quicker answer in on the luke and pete show uh community yeah i mean just uh it just could be um very sharp nail in in let's head into like an ingrown nail that sounds like doesn't it it's one of those things where like the nhs says if you are having experiencing a mystery um pain do do get it checked out. Always. Yeah, but you get it checked out. I went for a blood test not long ago.

I waited like a month for anyone to get back to me about the blood test, right? They say that my local care trust, they say we'll text you if there's a problem now. I don't even get in touch with them. Yeah, I didn't know that. I was at the doctor's for something completely different with someone else, and I was like, sorry, I did a blood

test about a month ago any any and then they just got the lady at reception just going it came back fine yeah they don't tell you

I was like that doesn't feel doctor-y to me I know what you mean you know what I mean follow through

I understand I understand why they do it I mean like why waste a doctor to sort of go yeah you're fine um but you just want something official don't you it wouldn't be that it would surely just be an automated text message wouldn't it well yeah why haven't they texted me yeah they should have yeah

but i think they didn't well where i am they already didn't there's a bit uh there's a bit of the kind of it's a bit too frivolous isn't it yeah it's a bit kind of like oh no news is good news yeah so how do i know you. Yeah. How do I know you've missed it? How do I know you've missed it? What now? You might have missed it. Yeah, exactly. I might have a massive

blood-borne disease. When they talk about these secret waiting lists in the NHS this morning, I heard on the pipeline, they're talking about these secret NHS waiting lists that don't show on the

national statistics of the secret waiting lists. If you see them, don't go on a different list and just go on the main list and nobody sees the list. Was that Rick saying that? That was Rick saying that.

He was actually speaking exactly like that. Yeah, Rick. I like was Rick saying that he was actually speaking exactly like that yeah Rick I like when Rick when something weird happens and you know for a fact Rick wants to say

something because he has to be a bigger boy he can't and he's also and I mean this with love and he's been on

this show Rick so everyone knows that we mean it with love he's one of the most opinionated men I've ever met and that's me

saying it and he can't get stuck in can he on the old five live he's got of the most opinionated men I've ever met. And that's me saying it. And he can't get stuck in, can he, on the old Five Live? He's got to be neutral. If it were me on Five Live, they would never give me a gig. But if they did, my career on there would last about five minutes. I'd get stuck into a conservative MP and that would be that. I don't think you would. You've got a job to do, haven't you?

Nah, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it I'm not doing it alright I'm not going to be supporting Taylor Swift on tour there I've said it I'm not sure

because I'll insist on doing Blink-182 covers oh sure I'll Pete I'll walk into the wild west town like a sheriff

yeah and I'll just shoot everyone shoot everyone yeah don't care bang bang bang speaking of the old

Taylor Swift thing right before we go I read speaking of the old Taylor Swift thing right before we go I read it's not really what's that Taylor Swift it's reminding me of it I read an interesting interview with James

Blunt in the Guardian which I know is a depressing sentence to say you know those kind of Guardian kind of deep dive interviews where the journalist will make it very clear,

like, almost like transparently clear that they've just gone to interview James Blunt in like a two Michelin star restaurant and they talk about all the food they've eaten and you sometimes just think,

you're not helping yourself, Garlian, are you? No. You're just not helping yourself. You don't have to say that. Go on a roller coaster. Or just don't say where you're going.

Right. Just interview him. It's fine. It could be a press junket. No one knows the difference. And James Blunt, I didn't actually know how good friends

James Blunt and Ed Sheeran were. Did you know that? I could see that. They're both singing Troubadours, aren't they? James Blunt is the godfather to Ed Sheeran's kids. Okay.

That's how close friends they are. Yeah. I just thought it was interesting. And James Blunt always comes across as quite a funny bloke, doesn't he? Yeah. Music's boring. Go and get away from that.

He was on Saturday Night Tele last week doing his song. Was it bad? Fine. Fine for what it is. Absolutely fine. People go over the top, don't they, about that stuff? They do. It's performative, isn't it?

It is. Needless. Do you think it's performative? Yes, I do. Why? So why are you doing it then? No, I'm not. I'm not saying that.

Why can't we all just listen to the Mad Caddies and get along? Oh, damn right. Monkeys, the little monkeys. Good band. Monkeys again. Let's get out of here, Pete. That's enough for us, I think, for a Monday. We will, of course, be back on Thursday.

All right, then. And so do send your emails in. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. We'd love to hear from you on there. We'll do a couple of tweets probably Pete a couple of tweets on text

a couple of tweets on text I might do another Instagram or something we'll try to do an episode from your car but you won't let me I will let you the listenership wants it

it cannot be resident on my father-in-law's drive that would be unwelcome you won't know it'd be a far-flat it'd be at work wouldn't it how old do you think my father-in-law is no idea never would be unwelcome. You won't know, but it'd be a far-flat. It'd be at work, wouldn't it?

How old do you think my father-in-law is? No idea, never thought about it. He's a retired electrician. He's been retired for like 20 years. Well, when he goes out

for a round of golf, we'll do it then. Round of golf. So how long is the... He's a ballsman. How long is... Oh, is he? Good for him.

How long is the century going to be parked on the father-in-law's drive? Next three days. And in that time, I've got to do quite a lot of stuff to it. So then we could have planned it already. Go, go.

I'm going to get Roy to plan it. Get Roy to plan it then. We might have a new producer soon anyway. What's Rory done? Has he been caught? He's been upped. He's been upped. He's done his time.

He's been outed. And so we'll get that organised so we can do it. I can do it like, you can take me on a tour around the car. We don't have to drive anywhere. We just have to look at it. All right then.

We'll get half an hour out of that. Lovely. 20 minutes minimum. Sounds good. See you later. Bye. Bye. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.