The Luke and Pete Show - Tax does have to be taxing

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Luke puts his money where his mouth is regarding an impending pool competition and Pete puts his money as far away from the taxman as humanly possible (into pokemon cards and snouts.) Want to get in t...ouch with the show? Email: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 once i'm booper maiden this right wow come here in this chat. And I keep getting like emails which mean well but actually sound really threatening. Yeah. But the one I got today was in the subject line.
Starting point is 00:00:30 That lump could be anything. Yeah, it's that kind of thing. Today it's Luke struggling to sleep. Fuck off, I've got to do baby. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:39 Leave me alone. Are you struggling to sleep? I would argue that sleeping is the one thing you feel like you could do at any moment. You can drop. I'm a pretty good sleeper anyway. Right. My sleep, struggling are you struggling to sleep i would argue that sleeping is uh the the one thing you feel like you could do at any moment you can drop i'm a pretty good sleeper anyway right my sleep before the baby came along my sleep hygiene right was excellent okay well i would regularly do if i was disciplined about it which i regularly was i would do 11 till 7 30 like clockwork yeah
Starting point is 00:01:03 i don't have any problem sleeping. Yeah. Now it's a fucking shit show. So, mate, Sarah wasn't in last night, and that's very rare. And I was just having insane, expansive dreams so that when you wake up, you're absolutely knackered. Oh, right, yeah. Your brain just won't calm down.
Starting point is 00:01:19 When your kind of life changes just a little bit, it's just, it's actually a pain in the bum, isn't it? Yeah, and I think a lot of people do struggle to sleep. It's an epidemic in this country, apparently. Apparently, the average amount of sleep that an adult gets is like five hours. It's not good. And I've had that realization when I've been away with some mates or whatever for a weekend. They're just not asleep.
Starting point is 00:01:40 It's weird. They'll either wake up quite early or they'll just stay up really late. And I just can't figure out... I mean, you just need it. I was away for a weekend with some pals and the group I was with, not even like big drinkers or anything like that. I don't have my drug takers or anything.
Starting point is 00:01:55 And one of them just stayed up till like 2.30 in the morning playing Mario Kart on their own. Got to sleep. Yeah. There's nothing in the world of the Rainbow Road that you couldn't enjoy in your dreams
Starting point is 00:02:06 great racetrack the rainbow road that was the big leveller for me on the SNES version it's got no sides it's got no sides so that's the proper it tells you if you're a racer or not
Starting point is 00:02:15 you just fall off this is a little picture by the way Booper the rainbow road and the science of sleep there's just a lot of and that was the first two minutes of this recording
Starting point is 00:02:24 yeah and we're just bashing out coming up no planning straight in no retakes no edits of sleep. It's just a lot of, and that was the first two minutes of this recording. Yeah. And we're just bashing out kind of that. No planning. No planning straight in. No retakes, no edits. None of your fucking
Starting point is 00:02:30 No edits because I'm editing this week. None of your newfangled BBC sound design. Right. Just whatever happens, happens.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Maybe I'll just put some sound underneath it. What goes on the Luke and Pete show stays on the Luke and Pete show. And then gets released onto the internet yeah earlier we were asked
Starting point is 00:02:47 to do a video yeah for a listener because it's their birthday yes happy birthday and we did that for them yes it was called Michael
Starting point is 00:02:56 and his not going to make it a habit no no exactly and his girlfriend asked us to do it right and I think that we did it
Starting point is 00:03:03 and as ever with you and I we did it in one take someone pulled the camera and we just did it it got quite abusive it did get it did turn it it turned when i know i know i went along with it yeah so i'm i'm the richard hammond here yeah but you were the jeremy clarkson it wasn't offensive throwing swear words at him and it wasn't i said i said i was to shoot him with a gun and spray the wall with his head guts. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's mean on a birthday.
Starting point is 00:03:28 I think that's mean it is. On a birthday. Well, I mean, you make, with edgy humour, I think you kind of, I think you make your peace with it. I don't know his background. He might have been assaulted with a gun before. This might unpick. Might be triggering for him.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Yeah, a lot of work triggering, literally. This might unpick a lot of work. Triggering, literally. This might unpick a lot of therapy that he's gone through. So apologies if that was the case. No, don't apologise. Alright, never apologise.
Starting point is 00:03:51 Double down. I'll shoot him twice. Double down? I'll shoot him in the balls. When I was doing a little bit of rudimentary reading ahead of today's record,
Starting point is 00:04:02 I was speaking of edgelording, Pete, which I think you kind of alluded to there. There was quite a serious right-wing political figure in the u.s um who did an op-ed piece uh saying we need to ask the guys in our scene need to be able to be better identify the difference between edge lording and earnest racism yes yeah yeah he's got to, and a lot of people start saying, you've got to be thinking, why do I have to do this?
Starting point is 00:04:29 Yeah. You know what I mean? Why do I have to do this? If I could give one tip to people in the public sphere. Don't shout the N word. That's the big one. I don't feel like I needed to say that one. But you do though.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Really? You do though. You do. But when you come, when you, what I would say is this, is a bit of advice. To people who are still there, the people who aren't completely lost to us, I would say, next time you take a position on something, look at the people who are with you.
Starting point is 00:04:53 Yes. That's how you should judge the take. Are they, do they look like? That one's got a hood on. Exactly. I would say you're, who's that fellow, we speak about him almost every week, little squeaky boy, tiny.
Starting point is 00:05:08 Oh, Ben Shapiro. You're always talking about Ben Shapiro. This is like Lynn in Partridge and Benjamin Netanyahu. Never going to meet him. Ben Shapiro. He did something like two and a half hours of Invective on the Barbie movie.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Yeah. Longer than the runtime of the film itself. I don't think he cares that much about it. I don't think he cares that much about it. It's just grift. But you do sort of go,
Starting point is 00:05:30 right, if people who look like him, little wormy boys, you've got, where are all the handsome guys? Where are all the, like,
Starting point is 00:05:38 look for the handsome guys. Where are they? They're elsewhere because they're fucking. His biggest. Those guys are fucking. The other guys are fucking yeah
Starting point is 00:05:46 yeah there's a reason it's in in incel yeah in yeah stands for involuntary doesn't it
Starting point is 00:05:51 yeah exactly but he also Ben Shapiro did an amazing job of making Joe Rogan almost sound reasonable for two and a half hours as well Joe Rogan couldn't understand why Ben hated
Starting point is 00:06:00 gay people so much yeah he just couldn't understand why I don't get it yeah he doesn't get it. Last week or so on the Luke and Pete show, Pete, just a little kind of recap, a little roundup. You told me that you've been to see Oppenheimer.
Starting point is 00:06:13 I did, yeah. By coining the phrase to me, it's timer to Heimer. It's timer to Heimer. Which I think they missed a trick on the poster for that. I talked a bit about competitive free diving. I've still not done any. I probably won't. Oh, by the way, and we talked about darts we did talk about darts the dart the most darting week ever
Starting point is 00:06:32 check this out right you talked about darts last thursday on the friday completely coincidentally uh the wi-fi of access who bought me a dartboard and put it on the wall you've just had a kid i know we've just had the house decorated as well. I was fuming. But I was also very grateful. Yeah. So we had, we played a game of darts last night.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Nice. Which was fun. Have you got like a protective thing for the water? Yeah, we do. And then, according to producer Rory,
Starting point is 00:06:57 he's on holiday at the moment. I don't know where he's gone. Where's he gone? I don't know. That's how much of an interest we take. Terrible colleagues. Spain. Hope he's having a nice time anyway.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Won't be Spain. He's very pale skinned. Very pale skinned. And then how much of an interest we take. Terrible colleagues. Spain. Hope he's having a nice time anyway. Won't be Spain. Very powerful. Very powerful. And then the official PDC got in touch. Yeah. Saying that they want you and I to play a leg against each other at Ali Pali. Well, the PDC stands for Pete Donaldson Championship. I'm the holder.
Starting point is 00:07:18 I've got no chance. I'm the holder. The odds are stacked against me. Well, they seem to sort of be quite wise to us doing loads of different disciplines. Yeah, but they've got no jurisdiction. I know. I wouldn't trust them on pool. I wouldn't trust them to set up a pool table properly.
Starting point is 00:07:33 I was thinking about... They're the darts guys. I was thinking about the pool thing. We'll definitely do the darts thing, because you and I don't mind going on stage and making dickheads of ourselves in front of people. That's fine. Is anyone going to... I think you'll just be in deserted.
Starting point is 00:07:43 Well, that's even better. I'll be able to focus then. So we'll do the darts competition and hopefully we'll get roy to film it or whatever um but the pool thing i was thinking about playing pool against you yeah and i've decided right that um i think across 10 games of pool right every frame you beat me yeah the amount of balls are left on the, my balls are left on the table, I'll give you £10 per ball left on the table. So you could seven ball me every game, across ten games,
Starting point is 00:08:12 and you could earn yourself 70 times, 700 quid. Right. That's how confident I am. That's how confident you are. I'm not going to be extending that same thing to you. No, you have to give me, I don't want any money from you.
Starting point is 00:08:21 I don't want anything from you in return. That's how confident I am. You're very confident on the old pool aren't you there's two reasons for that one is my irritating personality and two is I know that'll annoy you and you won't be able to resist it and you'll get yourself in a right old tiz about it
Starting point is 00:08:34 yeah but you know what I'm like about money I don't really care until I've got none of it and then I'm like fuck tax bill shit oh you paid it by the way tax bill was you you paid it last week it was you I paid some of it. It was you on Monday. I know.
Starting point is 00:08:47 I got a text saying, you forgot to pay your tax on time last time. Just reminding you, I've got two texts. Fuck you, I'm going to do it again. Chaotic energy.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Fuck you. I booked an holiday, I can't afford it. Fuck off. I love the idea of people at HMRC going, right, and we've got,
Starting point is 00:09:02 next person on the list, guys, is a crisis meeting Pete Donaldson what do you think text I think we should probably send them two texts
Starting point is 00:09:09 did it lads I thought they loved you not paying your taxes then they get more money out of you yeah they get if it's 30 days 31 days late
Starting point is 00:09:17 they get it's 5% of the tax bill isn't it of whatever's outstanding fuck a duck that is a duck fuck that duck's getting fucked so what so for the benefit
Starting point is 00:09:26 of our listeners, what position are you in? What's happened? What's your tax position at the moment? What have you done? Have you paid or not? I've paid just under half.
Starting point is 00:09:34 That's what you've got to do, isn't it? Because the other half goes January. Nah, they asked for a certain amount of money and I gave them half of that money.
Starting point is 00:09:41 What, without saying anything? Yeah. What do you mean? What do you think this is? I'll pay it next month. It's like a medieval bartering system. I'll pay it next month. It's the revenue.
Starting point is 00:09:50 You have to pay them. I know. I will pay them next month when I've got more money. This is how it works. It's how wages work. It's not how it works. You're supposed to put money away every month.
Starting point is 00:09:59 I know. Why haven't you done that? Why are you surprised? Because you've been to too many Airbnbs this year. Too many Airbnbs too many airbnbs is that tax deductible or not oh my god
Starting point is 00:10:07 drove up to york at the weekend right um the the the the really um you know cost effective jaguar
Starting point is 00:10:14 i've got um is is unrelated uh is uh is can't pay the tax i bought a jaguar
Starting point is 00:10:20 fucking leave me alone i look fucking cool yeah it's got a little when you turn on the thing The little vents rotate round I'll tell you what guys Here you go
Starting point is 00:10:30 Here you go I owe you ten grand Can you put a price on me being a badass How about I drive up to your offices In the Jag And give you seven grand Photos available Photos available
Starting point is 00:10:39 In fucking pennies Yeah The battery was going There's something wrong with the battery. So I was like, right, I'll sort that out. Fix this myself. I'll fix this myself. So I rang around, but we were on the way up to York for my partner's, the partner I've
Starting point is 00:10:56 access to's friend's birthday. And we got, and so I was like, right, well, I'll just hire a car. Whatever car hire company that's in Brentwood in Essex, I'll just find, I'll drive over, I'll just pick us up another car. And, I mean, it was a random Saturday. Why are you treating cars like pints of milk? The only car that they had was a nine-seater minibus. So I had to drive a nine-seater minibus up to York.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Yeah. And it was, it's big. It's a bit, they're big. They're big lads. Sarah's got to be the most patient human being in the country. She has to be one of them. Not even that. No, I think you've got to sort of go, look, I'm thinking laterally, I'm throwing money
Starting point is 00:11:37 I don't have at a problem and just getting a minibus hired. Yeah, but when the tax collector comes. The tax collector comes... When the tax collector comes, knocks on the door. They ain't going to have time for your excuses, mate.
Starting point is 00:11:49 I don't give a fuck about the nine-seater minibus. I'm not tax evading. How much do you pay for that? I'm not tax evading. I just don't have
Starting point is 00:11:56 enough money. So I'll do it next month and pay the 5% bollocks. How much did you pay for the nine-seater? 80 quid. Fuck off.
Starting point is 00:12:06 For a weekend? Yeah, yeah. No fucking way. Because I wanted a car. They didn't have a car, and the only automatic they had was a nine-seater minibus, so they just gave me that for that. I mean, it was an absolute wreck,
Starting point is 00:12:15 but we got up there all right. What even is your life? So your car breaks. Right. Even though it's on the warranty, presumably, because you only bought it recently. It's 10 years old. Yeah, but you should get a warranty when you buy a car. Yeah, that's what my
Starting point is 00:12:28 neighbour said. Shut up, yeah? Okay, so you didn't get a warranty. You couldn't fix it yourself or get anyone to fix it, even though you've probably just gone to a quick for a new battery. I would have happily just driven it with the warning, because it's apparently they just haven't chipped the thing. Blah, blah, blah. Why didn't you do that then? Because
Starting point is 00:12:42 me and my partner have different standards on whether cars are going to break down or not. Understandably, she's the one who'll be stranded
Starting point is 00:12:50 in York and you're making excuses. That's why. What an eventful weekend. Did you have a nice weekend? I did have a nice weekend. I met a lad who I think might listen
Starting point is 00:12:59 to the Ramble. Lovely lad. He told me the best story. His dad sadly passed away and he don't start it like that don't start it like that he's going to be gutted listening to this
Starting point is 00:13:12 yeah I think he listens to the Ramble and he said he went to I presume he took care of his father's affairs or whatever so it was back in his hometown back in the street the best story. And the man,
Starting point is 00:13:26 and the man, one of the neighbours of the family came over to him, the lad. Yeah. And like, this lad's in his thirties, I presume. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:35 And he said, uh, hello mate, I'm really sorry to hear about your, your father. And the guy's like, oh yeah, yeah,
Starting point is 00:13:40 you know, it happens. and then he goes, um, just while you're here when you were seven I didn't steal your cat isn't that the best thing ever
Starting point is 00:13:56 what did he say to that I don't know I just sounds like you fucking did mate yeah sounds like you fucking did why wait until
Starting point is 00:14:02 it was like 20 years later or something just just good god it's like in didn't steal your cat sounds like you fucking did why wait it's like 20 years later just just good god it's like in steal your cat sounds like you did it's like when
Starting point is 00:14:09 Tony Soprano finds out from his late father's mistress he goes to visit her because he feels like she's been hard done by right
Starting point is 00:14:16 because she was just the mistress she didn't get any of his money so he goes to visit her on the mantelpiece he sees a portrait of his dog
Starting point is 00:14:23 that his dad said had run away that he'd just given to her oh no that's a wonderful similar thing similar thing going back to the
Starting point is 00:14:31 indoor olympics which would probably be darts pool and maybe something else I'd like to play some of those old school like pool games
Starting point is 00:14:38 not billiards but like swing the what about what do you see in America quite a lot it's really simple to do and I don't know
Starting point is 00:14:45 why mob bars yeah a mop do you have a mop in the school yeah I just throw coins at the wall yeah I get really
Starting point is 00:14:51 close to the wall what's that one where it's on a string you see it in like I saw it in Nashville a few times like it's a string off the ceiling
Starting point is 00:14:59 and like there's like a ring and Americans will know what it is and there's a hook on the wall and you've got to swing it like a pendulum
Starting point is 00:15:06 and hook it onto the thing. I'm up for that as well. I love that game. Why is that not done over here? Should be. Bit of fishing wire and a ring, that's all you need. Beautiful. There's probably a trendy bar in London somewhere that does it.
Starting point is 00:15:18 No doubt. Anyway, according to our Twitter poll, which is at Luke and Pete Show, who would win an indoor Olympics? Do you want to Guess what the results were, Peter? I presume you edged it. Wow. 63.8% said me. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:33 36.2% said you. Alex, our friend Alex, said Luke's competitiveness would get him over the line. I could see Pete giving up after he lost a game or two. Which I think is spot on. Which I think is a great reflection of our personalities that come across on this which i think is spot on yeah which i think is is um is a great reflection of our personalities that come across on this show because um because alex is spot on there and then um just finally pete just to round up the recent stuff for our for our listeners um
Starting point is 00:15:54 i was talking about that neighbor near me who um has been doing some annoying things with the car parking space we talked about fried egg flavored crisavoured crisps. Oh, and actually, the reason I'm bringing this up is because I actually read the war movie dissertation that our listener friend sent in, and I've got his name to hand. I'm going to find it very quickly. And I bloody enjoyed it. I absolutely enjoyed it.
Starting point is 00:16:20 It was basically arguing that when the US pulled out of Vietnam in 1975, they actually carried on the war in other ways, and war movies being one of them. I personally found it a very convincing read. Cheaper. Financially and emotionally, I would imagine. I suppose so, yeah. I suppose it probably was. Just making films.
Starting point is 00:16:37 It's Tim, sorry, not Tim, Tom. Tom. Tom Waller sent it in. Thank you very much for that, Tom. I bloody enjoyed it I did actually read the whole thing that's how pathetic I am but that was good that was good
Starting point is 00:16:50 I felt like I learnt something there which was pretty cool so there we go Peter let's have a break when we come back we'll do batteries because I think Rory's left us some
Starting point is 00:17:00 has he? he has he has left us in the battery daddy that's like he's out of office he's got a lot of batteries. So when we come
Starting point is 00:17:06 back we'll do those and then we'll get on to some more of this. We're back with the Logan Pete Show and every single Thursday we
Starting point is 00:17:11 bring you a load of descriptions of batteries because that's what we do. That's why we're tip top of the tree. That's why we are pulling the big
Starting point is 00:17:19 bucks because that's what we get up to. That's why we're ignored by the British Podcast Awards every year. That is true. We can't handle
Starting point is 00:17:24 this power. There's too much power're ignored by the British Podcast Awards every year. That is true. They're like, we can't handle this power. There's too much power in these batteries. Too much power in these batteries. Yeah. British Power Awards. Battery Power Awards. I said that half a phrase. I was so excited.
Starting point is 00:17:34 I was drinking tea at the same time. Why aren't we the most beloved podcast of, I don't know, renewable energy companies? Actually, probably not that renewable, is it? I guess most of them are disposable. I think we should have had a sponsor for our batteries by now. We should be. Yeah, why have we not advertised?
Starting point is 00:17:50 Why has not Duracell got in touch? Yeah. Give me one of those big power banks. That's what you're doing for. You don't want the money. You don't want the money. You just want that shit. I just want a big power bank that I can not take on a flight.
Starting point is 00:18:02 Yeah. Oh, dear. Hello, Pete and Luke. I hope you're doing well. As a recent listener to the podcast, could you please explain the origin story for the battery submissions? I think I was in a hotel years ago
Starting point is 00:18:13 and I was mucking about with the remote and I opened the remote and I was like, fucking hell, I've never seen these batteries before. Actually, that is weird. Why do you see so many different types of batteries? And I messaged Pete about it and then we just started talking about it and then it just became a thing
Starting point is 00:18:26 I think that's basically what happened it's very much like Dylan's exploitation of early folk music isn't it really yeah folk traditions
Starting point is 00:18:33 like the William Burroughs cut up movie what is the William Burroughs cut up movie well he would just like do lots of different phrases right and write them on pieces
Starting point is 00:18:43 of paper and arrange them and try and tell a story like that. Just tit in the piss. Tit in the piss. Famously taken on board by David Bowie in the mid-70s. Have you seen the documentary film
Starting point is 00:18:53 Cracked Actor? No, but I'm sure it's something to do with David Bowie. It's the one where Bowie's completely off his face and so totally paranoid. There's little videos where he's sort of in a kitchen
Starting point is 00:19:03 and he's doing lines and he comes up and he's like, Hello, everyone. Hi. Yeah, that's from it. Hi, great. He looks really thin. He's a thin white duke. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:19:11 There's a scene, a famous scene in Correct Actor, where he is in the back of a cab, worrying about the cars that are following him and stuff. I mean, to be fair, though. To be fair, people would be following you. No one's following me, but if I was Ariana Grande or Dave Grohl, people would be following you. I would have, like, no one's following me, but if I was Ariana Grande or Dave Grohl, people would be following you.
Starting point is 00:19:29 People would get in a car and follow you. HMRC might be following you. You know what? It's interesting, isn't it? Because that similar thing is how I feel a little bit when it comes to Sid Barrett, who has had these mental health issues, obviously original guitarist and songwriter for Pink Floyd,
Starting point is 00:19:44 had mental health issues, you know, brought songwriter for Pink Floyd had mental health issues you know brought on by drug and juice but then people by them yeah but then he wasn't cut out for it
Starting point is 00:19:52 he wanted to go home and just live a normal life or a quiet life and his paranoia was accentuated by the fact that people just kept going to his house and having photos taken outside
Starting point is 00:20:01 and he was mentally ill it's like that obviously exacerbated it so I think there's probably a little bit else at play there. But anyway, Peter, you were talking about a battery brand. I was, yes. Mothafart has got in touch with these bad boys. As for my submission, I found this GP Alkaline Battery Mower Work Mouse,
Starting point is 00:20:18 where you could notice the bite marks, which is something we do when the battery's empty to elongate its life a little. Do you do the same thing? I've never done that. I give it a little shake and put it on a radiator. Yeah, warm it up a little bit. Good stuff, Mothafar, for messaging us. Appreciate you're a recent listener,
Starting point is 00:20:35 so I'm not going to be harsh on you here. I'm not going to check GP Alkaline. I mean, that actually caught on the battery. It's not even worth my time. GP Alkaline is the one that Samsung uses in all of their bits and bobs, I believe. Or GP Ultra, it might be. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:48 But thanks, Wafafat, Jordanian living in Saudi. I just like the different cultures of people biting batteries to elongate them, whereas we put them on radiators. If you do something strange between the radiator and the biting in your part of the world, do let us know. I feel like... At lookbiture.com. I feel like biting a battery would be something I would be told not to do as a kid.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Yeah, yeah. And something you definitely would have done as a kid. Sammy had one and a half quite recently. That was worrying. Just biting it. It just chomped, chomped, chomped. I split it open. I was like, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:21:22 Because there's just always stuff around. You know what I'm like I'm a scoundrel I'm a mess and so like I'm just constantly worried that like and ibuprofen's terrible
Starting point is 00:21:31 for dogs an ibuprofen tablet is going to find it too on the floor why are dogs who in my mind as a kid would eat anything
Starting point is 00:21:38 they could out the bin why are they allergic or why is so much stuff deadly to them it's chocolate ibuprofen like why are they batteries
Starting point is 00:21:44 yeah have a bit of respect for yourself cats eat anything I know something sells out or why is so much stuff deadly to them? It's chocolate, ibuprofen, like why are they... Batteries. Yeah. Have a bit of respect for yourself. Cats eat anything. I know. Sort themselves out for crying out loud. Foxes. Foxes are the best ones.
Starting point is 00:21:52 Foxes are incredible for that. Foxes can eat anything. Yeah. That's why they're so prolific as a species. Fox stole my shoe. Did it? Yeah. They do take shoes back to the den
Starting point is 00:22:02 to, I think, to protect against bigger animals. I think. I know they don't have that many predators. And this happened recently. Yeah. I think Sammy had taken... Sammy's got an obsession with football boots.
Starting point is 00:22:13 And I want to do a review YouTube show. You know how people review football boots and footballs and stuff that they got for AliExpress? I'll just have football brands just send me football boots and Sammy just runs around with them because he absolutely loves
Starting point is 00:22:29 a football boot. But he took my shoe out to the garden and then a fox stole it. How do you know that's what happened? Just know it
Starting point is 00:22:37 would be found. This fox clearly stole it. Sammy's not the hiding type. Terrible. Anyway, we've got two submissions from
Starting point is 00:22:44 Dean Chu. Dean's always been there. And to be fair to Dean, he should know better than to do two at once. It's cheeky. Hey, Luke and Pete, it's me,
Starting point is 00:22:52 Chewy from the Philippines. Despite not being at all confident these will be my fifth, sixth, and seventh new players, I'll submit them regardless and keep this email short.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Yesterday, I tarnished my good name on the Luke and Pete show after all these years. Sounds like Luke's already got your number, mate. Akari. I believe Akari only operates in the Philippines, so I'm hopingished my good name on the Luke and Pete show after all these years. Sounds like Luke's already got your number, mate. Akari. I believe Akari only operates in the Philippines,
Starting point is 00:23:08 so I'm hoping despite the simple name, these guys made the cut. He's heading for the Harry Kane of the battery brand section of the Luke and Pete show. Louis Max. Very likely to have been submitted before. I guess they've shipped out thousands of these with torches over the years. Ace. Quality since 1924. Well, the design years. Ace, quality since 1924. Well, the design
Starting point is 00:23:26 certainly looks like it's from 1924. Did someone beat me to this submission 99 years ago? Even if all three fail, I shall never give up on my quest
Starting point is 00:23:34 for new players. Always living the show. Dean Chewy Chew. Look, I don't mind that because he's put the effort in. He's clearly a big
Starting point is 00:23:42 battery aficionado and he's had three tickets to the lottery there. Yeah. And he sent these in, this email on July 26th. Right. But he was beaten on all three of them. Oof. By someone else emailing in on May 11th.
Starting point is 00:23:58 What? In the same email? And that person was also Dean Chu. So technically they're not new players because you've seen them before. You've sent them in twice. Good stuff. Yeah. So, I mean, they all would be new players.
Starting point is 00:24:11 I think they're all new players. Fine. Look, he clearly loves the section. He does. We've turned everyone else off. We've got to cling to Dean like a lifeboat. And Michael, whose birthday it is. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Yeah. Right, finally for now, Top Run V batteries. Top Run. Hey, look at Pete, this is from Dean. I don't think it's Dean Chewy Chew. Fucking hell,
Starting point is 00:24:31 if it is. Hello, look at Pete. It fucking is Dean Chew. Is it? What's he, the man's obsessed. Look, that's not even his fault. That's Rory's fault.
Starting point is 00:24:39 That's his quality control. Dean Chewy Chew. Carry on. All right, we've got a second Dean Chewy Chew section. We may just call this the Dean Chewy Chew memorial section. The battery, we've got a second Dean Chewy Chew section. We may just call this the Dean Chewy Chew memorial section.
Starting point is 00:24:47 The battery section. He's not dead. I'm going to kill him. Hey, Luke and Pete, while I keep my fingers and toes crossed that you finally read out my last email,
Starting point is 00:24:53 originally from May 12th, that's the one with the other one. It's actually May 11th so the joke's on you. Which contains three battery submissions. I'm also sending this submission of Top Run V batteries
Starting point is 00:25:02 which I found in a TV remote in Godzilla Hotel which I assume are at Pete's old stomping grounds in Kabukicho in Tokyo. Depending on the status of my last
Starting point is 00:25:11 email this submission could potentially be my 8th new player. They do seem a little too common to make that though. All the best Dean. They do look a
Starting point is 00:25:18 little bit like something you would see in England in the 70s. Top Run darts. A drink you have with your darts. Top Run. It's good shandy.
Starting point is 00:25:29 Terrible beer. Even worse lemonade. Together at last. It's shit shandy. It's Top Run V. It's better than bass. Surprisingly and astonishingly, this submission of Top-run V batteries
Starting point is 00:25:45 is also a new player. Oh my God. Dean's the Lionel Messi of battery submissions. He is. And look, he works harder when all the other players
Starting point is 00:25:54 go home. He's, you know, whacking balls around, training as hard as he could. Where are you going with this analogy? I'm just saying he's not a natural.
Starting point is 00:26:03 He's just made the most of his talent. It's Gary Neville versus Phil Neville, isn't it? He's had not a natural. He's just made the most of his talent. It's Gary Neville versus Phil Neville, isn't it? He's had eight new players. He's had eight new players. Which of the Neville brothers
Starting point is 00:26:09 in this analogy are the natural talent? Phil Neville's a natural talent, isn't he? And he didn't have to work that hard. I mean, he gassed out
Starting point is 00:26:19 as soon as the playing career finished. He gassed out around about the time he moved to Everton, didn't it? We just saw that he's worked hard intellectually.
Starting point is 00:26:26 He certainly makes me work hard intellectually. Do you think... Listening to his absolute trollop... Trollop? Tripe. Tripe. Do you think that... What is a trollop before...
Starting point is 00:26:36 Before, like, you know, the misogynistic word trollop. Is trollop like a... Like tripe? Is it like a thing? Was it a thing before... I don't understand. Like, cause it's such a, it's a word that doesn't cause Trollope would presumably be applied to, um, a woman who, uh, is, um, uh, is, is, is, is, is, uh, help me Luke.
Starting point is 00:26:56 You usually help me out. You usually help me out. Stop Googling. Stop Googling. Trollope is like, it's kind of someone who is, um, promiscuous. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:27:05 But the word doesn't sum that up for me. It sounds like a carrier bag full of sick. Trollope. Blah. Carry on. It's this noise. Blah. Trollope.
Starting point is 00:27:13 The automatic peer quality of it. Yeah. So while you were doing that frankly nonsensical bit, which I didn't see coming. Find out what Trollope comes from, please. I did. I looked at the etymology of the word trollop.
Starting point is 00:27:26 First recorded in 1605. Sounds like dollop. Yeah, it does a bit. Yeah. Have you finished? We'll see. Okay. Watch this space.
Starting point is 00:27:34 First recorded in 1605 to 1615. Perhaps akin to troll. Comes from troll. Oh. Apparently. That doesn't make any sense. Words related to troll. Floozy, harlot, hussy, prostitute. Floozy. I love floozy. Oh. Apparently. That doesn't make any sense. Words related to troll.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Floozy, harlot, hussy, prostitute. Floozy. I love floozy. Prostitute, slut,
Starting point is 00:27:51 streetwalker, whore. Would you like some examples of it being used in a sentence? Well, as long as you don't use the ones that you just used, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:01 The one day, oh, I'll do this one instead. And one day, when he said this, his trollop replied, the king is here, old fellow.
Starting point is 00:28:11 There you go, you brought that up, you started it, Peter. It's good stuff. It's disrespectful, that. What? It's just disrespectful. He's the one,
Starting point is 00:28:18 presumably that was some great literary Tom. Don't blame Dean Chu. Don't blame Dean. Dean did this. Dean's, as far as I know, Dean is very respectful of women Dean. Dean did this. Dean's, as far as I know, Dean is very respectful
Starting point is 00:28:25 of women. He took this. Oh dear. There we go. He takes them to the Godzilla Hotel in Kabukicho. Why is there a hotel man with a Godzilla
Starting point is 00:28:34 who decimated Tokyo? There's a good one in... It's like naming fucking, you know, a hotel in London after fucking Hitler or something.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Right, okay, yeah, fair. Not fair at all all one was fictional character and which one and that's a different podcast yeah really successful
Starting point is 00:28:54 really successful that's the thing about it isn't it this is the thing what we don't understand and accept is the uncomfortable truth that the people
Starting point is 00:29:02 who do this quite racist bigoted stuff, right? And let's not call it racial language, quote unquote, or racially charged content. It's racism. It's not even edgy. It's just racist. But it does numbers.
Starting point is 00:29:15 And I'm asking you why it does numbers. Because there's a load of racists around. There you go. They can't get enough of it. He's like, yes. Answer the question about Godzilla, who, as far as I know, was an equal opportunities tyrant. Yeah, he'd knock over any building
Starting point is 00:29:25 there's one in Shizuku that roars unwelcome if you're trying to get your head down it just roars it just roars
Starting point is 00:29:34 yeah you don't want it I can't get on board with that why have they done that to just celebrate a beloved character but you never see
Starting point is 00:29:42 Mothra do you no I never heard from Mothra there was a cute video on Instagram of a little kid. He couldn't have been older than about three. He's in bed and he named a moth. His name is Matthew and he named a moth, Mothu. That's good.
Starting point is 00:29:57 And his mum was going, what, are you going to call him Moth? And he's going, come on, what, are you going to call your mother? And he went, Mothu. It's a good pun. It's a good pun. It's a good stuff. It's a serviceable pun for that age, isn't it? Made me very clucky. Did it?
Starting point is 00:30:11 Clucky? Yeah. Is that all right? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Is that all right? I don't even know anymore. No, no one does. Hard, difficult.
Starting point is 00:30:16 Don't worry about it. Anyway. Let's get out of here, Peter. All right, ta-ta. We'll be back on Monday. Have a lovely weekend. I'll tell you what, it's getting through August now. It is.
Starting point is 00:30:24 We've not really had a summer, have we? No. A couple of days. It's June. I'll tell you what, it's getting through August now and we've not really had a summer, have we? A couple of days, June, June, nothing in July. No, good. Well, the heat wave last year was terrible.
Starting point is 00:30:32 Everything was on fire. Yeah, it's true. Everything in Europe is on fire. So it's very, very much a local weather report there for me
Starting point is 00:30:37 sitting in the studio in North London. All right, we'll see you on Monday. All right, we'll see you on Monday. All right, peace. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

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