The Luke and Pete Show - Tax does have to be taxing
Episode Date: August 3, 2023Luke puts his money where his mouth is regarding an impending pool competition and Pete puts his money as far away from the taxman as humanly possible (into pokemon cards and snouts.) Want to get in t...ouch with the show? Email: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
once i'm booper maiden this right
wow come here in this chat. And I keep getting like emails
which mean well
but actually sound
really threatening.
Yeah.
But the one I got today
was in the subject line.
That lump could be anything.
Yeah,
it's that kind of thing.
Today it's Luke
struggling to sleep.
Fuck off,
I've got to do baby.
Yeah.
Leave me alone.
Are you struggling to sleep?
I would argue that sleeping
is the one thing
you feel like you could do at any moment. You can drop. I'm a pretty good sleeper anyway. Right. My sleep, struggling are you struggling to sleep i would argue that sleeping is uh the the one thing you
feel like you could do at any moment you can drop i'm a pretty good sleeper anyway right my sleep
before the baby came along my sleep hygiene right was excellent okay well i would regularly do
if i was disciplined about it which i regularly was i would do 11 till 7 30 like clockwork yeah
i don't have any problem sleeping.
Yeah.
Now it's a fucking shit show.
So, mate, Sarah wasn't in last night, and that's very rare.
And I was just having insane, expansive dreams
so that when you wake up, you're absolutely knackered.
Oh, right, yeah.
Your brain just won't calm down.
When your kind of life changes just a little bit,
it's just, it's actually a pain in the bum, isn't it?
Yeah, and I think a lot of people do struggle to sleep.
It's an epidemic in this country, apparently.
Apparently, the average amount of sleep that an adult gets is like five hours.
It's not good.
And I've had that realization when I've been away with some mates or whatever for a weekend.
They're just not asleep.
It's weird.
They'll either wake up quite early or they'll just stay up really late.
And I just can't figure out...
I mean, you just need it.
I was away for a weekend with some pals
and the group I was with,
not even like big drinkers or anything like that.
I don't have my drug takers or anything.
And one of them just stayed up
till like 2.30 in the morning
playing Mario Kart on their own.
Got to sleep.
Yeah.
There's nothing in the world of the Rainbow Road
that you couldn't enjoy
in your dreams
great racetrack
the rainbow road
that was the big leveller for me
on the SNES version
it's got no sides
it's got no sides
so that's the proper
it tells you if you're a racer or not
you just fall off
this is a little picture by the way
Booper
the rainbow road
and the science of sleep
there's just a lot of
and that was the first
two minutes of this recording
yeah
and we're just bashing out coming up no planning straight in no retakes no edits of sleep. It's just a lot of, and that was the first two minutes of this recording. Yeah.
And we're just bashing out kind of that.
No planning.
No planning straight in.
No retakes,
no edits.
None of your fucking
No edits because I'm
editing this week.
None of your newfangled
BBC
sound design.
Right.
Just whatever happens,
happens.
Maybe I'll just put some
sound underneath it.
What goes on the
Luke and Pete show
stays on the Luke and Pete show.
And then gets released
onto the internet yeah
earlier we were asked
to do a video
yeah
for a listener
because it's their birthday
yes happy birthday
and we did that for them
yes
it was called Michael
and his
not going to make it a habit
no
no exactly
and his girlfriend asked
us to do it right
and I think that
we did it
and as ever with you and I
we did it in one take someone pulled the camera and we just did it it got quite abusive
it did get it did turn it it turned when i know i know i went along with it yeah so i'm i'm the
richard hammond here yeah but you were the jeremy clarkson it wasn't offensive throwing swear words
at him and it wasn't i said i said i was to shoot him with a gun and spray the wall with his head guts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's mean on a birthday.
I think that's mean it is.
On a birthday.
Well, I mean, you make, with edgy humour,
I think you kind of, I think you make your peace with it.
I don't know his background.
He might have been assaulted with a gun before.
This might unpick.
Might be triggering for him.
Yeah, a lot of work triggering, literally.
This might unpick a lot of work. Triggering, literally. This might unpick
a lot of therapy
that he's gone through.
So apologies
if that was the case.
No, don't apologise.
Alright, never apologise.
Double down.
I'll shoot him twice.
Double down?
I'll shoot him in the balls.
When I was
doing a little bit
of rudimentary reading
ahead of today's record,
I was speaking of
edgelording, Pete,
which I think you kind of
alluded to there. There was quite a serious right-wing political
figure in the u.s um who did an op-ed piece uh saying we need to ask the guys in our scene
need to be able to be better identify the difference between edge lording and earnest
racism yes yeah yeah he's got to, and a lot of people start saying,
you've got to be thinking, why do I have to do this?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Why do I have to do this?
If I could give one tip to people in the public sphere.
Don't shout the N word.
That's the big one.
I don't feel like I needed to say that one.
But you do though.
Really?
You do though.
You do.
But when you come, when you, what I would say is this,
is a bit of advice.
To people who are still there, the people who aren't completely lost to us,
I would say, next time you take a position on something,
look at the people who are with you.
Yes.
That's how you should judge the take.
Are they, do they look like?
That one's got a hood on.
Exactly.
I would say you're, who's that fellow, we speak about him almost every week,
little squeaky boy,
tiny.
Oh, Ben Shapiro.
You're always talking about Ben Shapiro.
This is like Lynn in Partridge
and Benjamin Netanyahu.
Never going to meet him.
Ben Shapiro.
He did something like two and a half hours
of Invective on the Barbie movie.
Yeah.
Longer than the runtime of the film itself.
I don't think he cares
that much about it.
I don't think he cares
that much about it.
It's just grift.
But you do sort of go,
right,
if people who look like him,
little wormy boys,
you've got,
where are all the
handsome guys?
Where are all the,
like,
look for the handsome guys.
Where are they?
They're elsewhere
because they're fucking.
His biggest.
Those guys are fucking.
The other guys are fucking
yeah
yeah
there's a reason it's
in in incel
yeah
in
yeah
stands for involuntary
doesn't it
yeah exactly
but he also
Ben Shapiro did an amazing job
of making Joe Rogan
almost sound reasonable
for two and a half hours as well
Joe Rogan couldn't understand
why Ben hated
gay people so much
yeah
he just couldn't understand why
I don't get it
yeah he doesn't get it.
Last week or so on the Luke and Pete show, Pete,
just a little kind of recap, a little roundup.
You told me that you've been to see Oppenheimer.
I did, yeah.
By coining the phrase to me, it's timer to Heimer.
It's timer to Heimer.
Which I think they missed a trick on the poster for that.
I talked a bit about competitive free diving.
I've still not done any.
I probably won't.
Oh, by the way, and we talked about darts we did talk about darts the dart the most darting week ever
check this out right you talked about darts last thursday on the friday completely coincidentally
uh the wi-fi of access who bought me a dartboard and put it on the wall you've just had a kid i
know we've just had the house decorated as well.
I was fuming.
But I was also very grateful.
Yeah.
So we had,
we played a game of darts last night.
Nice.
Which was fun.
Have you got like
a protective thing
for the water?
Yeah, we do.
And then,
according to producer Rory,
he's on holiday at the moment.
I don't know where he's gone.
Where's he gone?
I don't know.
That's how much of an interest we take.
Terrible colleagues.
Spain.
Hope he's having a nice time anyway.
Won't be Spain. He's very pale skinned. Very pale skinned. And then how much of an interest we take. Terrible colleagues. Spain. Hope he's having a nice time anyway. Won't be Spain.
Very powerful.
Very powerful.
And then the official PDC got in touch.
Yeah.
Saying that they want you and I to play a leg against each other at Ali Pali.
Well, the PDC stands for Pete Donaldson Championship.
I'm the holder.
I've got no chance.
I'm the holder.
The odds are stacked against me.
Well, they seem to sort of be quite wise to us doing loads of different disciplines.
Yeah, but they've got no jurisdiction.
I know.
I wouldn't trust them on pool.
I wouldn't trust them to set up a pool table properly.
I was thinking about...
They're the darts guys.
I was thinking about the pool thing.
We'll definitely do the darts thing, because you and I don't mind going on stage and making
dickheads of ourselves in front of people.
That's fine.
Is anyone going to...
I think you'll just be in deserted.
Well, that's even better.
I'll be able to focus then. So we'll do the darts competition and hopefully we'll get roy
to film it or whatever um but the pool thing i was thinking about playing pool against you
yeah and i've decided right that um i think across 10 games of pool right every frame you beat me
yeah the amount of balls are left on the, my balls are left on the table,
I'll give you £10 per ball left on the table.
So you could seven ball me every game,
across ten games,
and you could earn yourself 70 times,
700 quid.
Right.
That's how confident I am.
That's how confident you are.
I'm not going to be extending that same thing to you.
No, you have to give me,
I don't want any money from you.
I don't want anything from you in return.
That's how confident I am.
You're very confident on the old pool aren't you
there's two reasons for that
one is my irritating personality
and two is I know that'll annoy you
and you won't be able to resist it
and you'll get yourself in a right old tiz about it
yeah but you know what I'm like about money
I don't really care until I've got none of it
and then I'm like fuck tax bill shit
oh you paid it by the way tax bill was you
you paid it last week it was you
I paid some of it.
It was you on Monday.
I know.
I got a text saying,
you forgot to pay your tax
on time last time.
Just reminding you,
I've got two texts.
Fuck you,
I'm going to do it again.
Chaotic energy.
Fuck you.
I booked an holiday,
I can't afford it.
Fuck off.
I love the idea
of people at HMRC going,
right,
and we've got,
next person on the list,
guys,
is a crisis meeting
Pete Donaldson
what do you think
text
I think we should probably
send them two texts
did it lads
I thought they loved
you not paying your taxes
then they get more money
out of you
yeah they get
if it's 30 days
31 days late
they get
it's 5% of the tax bill
isn't it
of whatever's outstanding
fuck a duck
that is a duck fuck
that duck's getting fucked
so what so for the benefit
of our listeners,
what position are you in?
What's happened?
What's your tax position
at the moment?
What have you done?
Have you paid or not?
I've paid just under half.
That's what you've got to do,
isn't it?
Because the other half
goes January.
Nah, they asked for
a certain amount of money
and I gave them
half of that money.
What, without saying anything?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
What do you think this is?
I'll pay it next month.
It's like a medieval bartering system.
I'll pay it next month.
It's the revenue.
You have to pay them.
I know.
I will pay them next month
when I've got more money.
This is how it works.
It's how wages work.
It's not how it works.
You're supposed to put money away every month.
I know.
Why haven't you done that?
Why are you surprised?
Because you've been to too many Airbnbs this year.
Too many Airbnbs too many airbnbs
is that tax deductible
or not
oh my god
drove up to york
at the weekend
right
um
the the the the
really um
you know
cost effective jaguar
i've got
um
is is
unrelated
uh is uh
is
can't pay the tax
i bought a jaguar
fucking leave me alone
i look fucking cool
yeah
it's got a little
when you turn on the thing
The little vents rotate round
I'll tell you what guys
Here you go
Here you go
I owe you ten grand
Can you put a price on me being a badass
How about I drive up to your offices
In the Jag
And give you seven grand
Photos available
Photos available
In fucking pennies
Yeah
The battery was going
There's something wrong with the battery.
So I was like, right, I'll sort that out.
Fix this myself.
I'll fix this myself.
So I rang around, but we were on the way up to York for my partner's, the partner I've
access to's friend's birthday.
And we got, and so I was like, right, well, I'll just hire a car.
Whatever car hire company that's in Brentwood in Essex,
I'll just find, I'll drive over, I'll just pick us up another car.
And, I mean, it was a random Saturday.
Why are you treating cars like pints of milk?
The only car that they had was a nine-seater minibus.
So I had to drive a nine-seater minibus up to York.
Yeah.
And it was, it's big.
It's a bit, they're big.
They're big lads.
Sarah's got to be the most patient human being in the country.
She has to be one of them.
Not even that.
No, I think you've got to sort of go, look, I'm thinking laterally, I'm throwing money
I don't have at a problem and just getting a minibus hired.
Yeah, but when the tax collector comes.
The tax collector comes... When the tax collector
comes, knocks on the
door.
They ain't going to
have time for your
excuses, mate.
I don't give a fuck
about the nine-seater
minibus.
I'm not tax evading.
How much do you
pay for that?
I'm not tax evading.
I just don't have
enough money.
So I'll do it next
month and pay the
5% bollocks.
How much did you
pay for the nine-seater?
80 quid.
Fuck off.
For a weekend?
Yeah, yeah.
No fucking way.
Because I wanted a car.
They didn't have a car,
and the only automatic they had was a nine-seater minibus,
so they just gave me that for that.
I mean, it was an absolute wreck,
but we got up there all right.
What even is your life?
So your car breaks.
Right.
Even though it's on the warranty, presumably,
because you only bought it recently.
It's 10 years old. Yeah, but you
should get a warranty when you buy a car. Yeah, that's what my
neighbour said. Shut up, yeah? Okay, so
you didn't get a warranty. You couldn't fix it yourself
or get anyone to fix it, even though you've probably just gone to a quick
for a new battery. I would have happily
just driven it with the warning, because it's
apparently they just haven't chipped the thing. Blah, blah,
blah. Why didn't you do that then?
Because
me and my partner
have different standards
on whether cars
are going to break down
or not.
Understandably,
she's the one
who'll be stranded
in York
and you're making excuses.
That's why.
What an eventful weekend.
Did you have a nice weekend?
I did have a nice weekend.
I met a lad
who I think might listen
to the Ramble.
Lovely lad.
He told me the best story.
His dad sadly passed away
and he
don't start it like that
don't start it like that
he's going to be gutted listening to this
yeah I think he listens to the Ramble
and he
said he went to
I presume he took care of his father's
affairs or whatever so it was back in his
hometown back in the street
the best story.
And the man,
and the man,
one of the neighbours of the family came over to him,
the lad.
Yeah.
And like,
this lad's in his thirties,
I presume.
Yeah.
And he said,
uh,
hello mate,
I'm really sorry to hear about your,
your father.
And the guy's like,
oh yeah,
yeah,
you know,
it happens.
and then he goes,
um,
just while you're here
when you were seven
I didn't steal your cat
isn't that the best thing ever
what did he say to that
I don't know
I just
sounds like you fucking did mate
yeah
sounds like you fucking did
why wait
until
it was like 20 years later
or something
just just good god it's like in didn't steal your cat sounds like you fucking did why wait it's like 20 years later just
just good god
it's like in
steal your cat
sounds like you did
it's like when
Tony Soprano
finds out from his
late father's
mistress
he goes to visit her
because he feels like
she's been hard done by
right
because she was just
the mistress
she didn't get any
of his money
so he goes to visit her
on the mantelpiece
he sees a portrait
of his dog
that his dad said
had run away
that he'd just given to her
oh no
that's a wonderful
similar thing
similar thing
going back to the
indoor olympics
which would probably be
darts pool
and maybe something else
I'd like to play
some of those
old school
like pool games
not billiards
but like
swing the
what about
what do you see in America
quite a lot
it's really simple to do
and I don't know
why mob bars
yeah
a mop
do you have a mop
in the school
yeah I just throw
coins at the wall
yeah I get really
close to the wall
what's that one
where it's on a string
you see it in like
I saw it in Nashville
a few times
like it's a string
off the ceiling
and like there's
like a ring
and Americans
will know what it is
and there's a hook
on the wall
and you've got to
swing it like a pendulum
and hook it onto the thing.
I'm up for that as well.
I love that game.
Why is that not done over here?
Should be.
Bit of fishing wire and a ring, that's all you need.
Beautiful.
There's probably a trendy bar in London somewhere that does it.
No doubt.
Anyway, according to our Twitter poll, which is at Luke and Pete Show,
who would win an indoor Olympics?
Do you want to Guess what the results
were, Peter? I presume
you edged it.
Wow. 63.8%
said me. Right.
36.2% said you. Alex,
our friend Alex, said Luke's competitiveness would
get him over the line. I could see Pete
giving up after he lost a game or two.
Which I think is spot on.
Which I think is a great reflection of our personalities that come across on this which i think is spot on yeah which i think is is um is a great
reflection of our personalities that come across on this show because um because alex is spot on
there and then um just finally pete just to round up the recent stuff for our for our listeners um
i was talking about that neighbor near me who um has been doing some annoying things with the car
parking space we talked about fried egg flavored crisavoured crisps. Oh, and actually, the reason I'm bringing this up
is because I actually read the war movie dissertation
that our listener friend sent in,
and I've got his name to hand.
I'm going to find it very quickly.
And I bloody enjoyed it.
I absolutely enjoyed it.
It was basically arguing that when the US pulled out of Vietnam in 1975,
they actually carried on
the war in other ways, and war movies
being one of them. I personally found it
a very convincing read.
Cheaper. Financially and emotionally,
I would imagine. I suppose so, yeah. I suppose it probably was.
Just making films.
It's Tim, sorry, not Tim,
Tom. Tom. Tom Waller
sent it in. Thank you very much for that, Tom.
I bloody enjoyed it
I did actually read the whole thing
that's how pathetic I am
but that was good
that was good
I felt like I learnt something there
which was pretty cool
so there we go
Peter
let's have a break
when we come back
we'll do batteries
because I think Rory's left us some
has he?
he has
he has left us
in the battery daddy
that's like he's out of office
he's got a lot of
batteries.
So when we come
back we'll do those
and then we'll get
on to some more
of this.
We're back with
the Logan Pete
Show and every
single Thursday we
bring you a load
of descriptions of
batteries because
that's what we do.
That's why we're
tip top of the tree.
That's why we are
pulling the big
bucks because that's
what we get up to.
That's why we're
ignored by the
British Podcast
Awards every year.
That is true.
We can't handle
this power. There's too much power're ignored by the British Podcast Awards every year. That is true. They're like, we can't handle this power.
There's too much power in these batteries.
Too much power in these batteries.
Yeah.
British Power Awards.
Battery Power Awards.
I said that half a phrase.
I was so excited.
I was drinking tea at the same time.
Why aren't we the most beloved podcast of, I don't know,
renewable energy companies?
Actually, probably not that renewable, is it?
I guess most of them are disposable.
I think we should have had a sponsor for our batteries by now.
We should be.
Yeah, why have we not advertised?
Why has not Duracell got in touch?
Yeah.
Give me one of those big power banks.
That's what you're doing for.
You don't want the money.
You don't want the money.
You just want that shit.
I just want a big power bank that I can not take on a flight.
Yeah.
Oh, dear.
Hello, Pete and Luke.
I hope you're doing well.
As a recent listener to the podcast,
could you please explain the origin story
for the battery submissions?
I think I was in a hotel years ago
and I was mucking about with the remote
and I opened the remote and I was like,
fucking hell, I've never seen these batteries before.
Actually, that is weird.
Why do you see so many different types of batteries?
And I messaged Pete about it
and then we just started talking about it
and then it just became a thing
I think that's basically
what happened
it's very much like
Dylan's exploitation
of early folk music
isn't it really
yeah
folk traditions
like the William Burroughs
cut up movie
what is the William Burroughs
cut up movie
well he would just like
do lots of different phrases
right
and write them on pieces
of paper
and arrange them
and try and tell a story like that.
Just tit in the piss.
Tit in the piss.
Famously taken on board
by David Bowie in the mid-70s.
Have you seen the documentary film
Cracked Actor?
No, but I'm sure it's something
to do with David Bowie.
It's the one where Bowie's
completely off his face
and so totally paranoid.
There's little videos
where he's sort of in a kitchen
and he's doing lines
and he comes up and he's like,
Hello, everyone. Hi.
Yeah, that's from it.
Hi, great.
He looks really thin.
He's a thin white duke.
Exactly.
There's a scene, a famous scene in Correct Actor,
where he is in the back of a cab,
worrying about the cars that are following him and stuff.
I mean, to be fair, though.
To be fair, people would be following you.
No one's following me,
but if I was Ariana Grande or Dave Grohl, people would be following you. I would have, like, no one's following me, but if I was Ariana Grande or Dave Grohl,
people would be following you.
People would get in a car and follow you.
HMRC might be following you.
You know what?
It's interesting, isn't it?
Because that similar thing is how I feel a little bit
when it comes to Sid Barrett,
who has had these mental health issues,
obviously original guitarist and songwriter for Pink Floyd,
had mental health issues, you know, brought songwriter for Pink Floyd had mental health issues
you know
brought on by
drug and juice
but then people
by them
yeah
but then he wasn't cut out for it
he wanted to go home
and just live a normal life
or a quiet life
and his paranoia
was accentuated by the fact
that people just kept
going to his house
and having photos taken outside
and he was mentally ill
it's like
that obviously exacerbated it
so I think there's probably a little bit else at play there.
But anyway, Peter, you were talking about a battery brand.
I was, yes.
Mothafart has got in touch with these bad boys.
As for my submission, I found this GP Alkaline Battery Mower Work Mouse,
where you could notice the bite marks,
which is something we do when the battery's empty to elongate its life a little.
Do you do the same thing?
I've never done that.
I give it a little shake and put it on a radiator.
Yeah, warm it up a little bit.
Good stuff, Mothafar, for messaging us.
Appreciate you're a recent listener,
so I'm not going to be harsh on you here.
I'm not going to check GP Alkaline.
I mean, that actually caught on the battery.
It's not even worth my time.
GP Alkaline is the one that Samsung uses
in all of their bits and bobs, I believe.
Or GP Ultra, it might be.
Yeah.
But thanks, Wafafat, Jordanian living in Saudi.
I just like the different cultures of people biting batteries to elongate them,
whereas we put them on radiators.
If you do something strange between the radiator and the biting in your part of the world,
do let us know.
I feel like...
At lookbiture.com.
I feel like biting a battery would be something I would be told not to do as a kid.
Yeah, yeah.
And something you definitely would have done as a kid.
Sammy had one and a half quite recently.
That was worrying.
Just biting it.
It just chomped, chomped, chomped.
I split it open.
I was like, Jesus Christ.
Because there's just always stuff around.
You know what I'm like
I'm a scoundrel
I'm a mess
and so like I'm just
constantly worried
that like
and ibuprofen's terrible
for dogs
an ibuprofen tablet
is going to find it
too on the floor
why are dogs
who in my mind
as a kid
would eat anything
they could out the bin
why are they allergic
or why is so much
stuff deadly to them
it's chocolate
ibuprofen
like why are they
batteries
yeah have a bit of respect for yourself cats eat anything I know something sells out or why is so much stuff deadly to them? It's chocolate, ibuprofen, like why are they... Batteries.
Yeah.
Have a bit of respect for yourself.
Cats eat anything.
I know.
Sort themselves out for crying out loud.
Foxes.
Foxes are the best ones.
Foxes are incredible for that.
Foxes can eat anything.
Yeah.
That's why they're so prolific as a species.
Fox stole my shoe.
Did it?
Yeah.
They do take shoes back to the den
to, I think,
to protect against bigger animals.
I think.
I know they don't have that many predators.
And this happened recently.
Yeah.
I think Sammy had taken...
Sammy's got an obsession with football boots.
And I want to do a review YouTube show.
You know how people review football boots and footballs and stuff that they got for AliExpress?
I'll just have football brands just send me
football boots
and Sammy just
runs around with
them because he
absolutely loves
a football boot.
But he took my
shoe out to the
garden and then
a fox stole it.
How do you know
that's what happened?
Just know it
would be found.
This fox clearly
stole it.
Sammy's not the
hiding type.
Terrible.
Anyway, we've got
two submissions from
Dean Chu.
Dean's always been there.
And to be fair to Dean,
he should know better
than to do two at once.
It's cheeky.
Hey, Luke and Pete,
it's me,
Chewy from the Philippines.
Despite not being
at all confident
these will be my
fifth, sixth,
and seventh new players,
I'll submit them regardless
and keep this email short.
Yesterday,
I tarnished my good name
on the Luke and Pete show
after all these years.
Sounds like Luke's
already got your number, mate.
Akari. I believe Akari only operates in the Philippines, so I'm hopingished my good name on the Luke and Pete show after all these years. Sounds like Luke's already got your number, mate. Akari.
I believe Akari only operates in the Philippines,
so I'm hoping despite the simple name, these guys made the cut.
He's heading for the Harry Kane of the battery brand section of the Luke and Pete show.
Louis Max.
Very likely to have been submitted before.
I guess they've shipped out thousands of these with torches over the years.
Ace.
Quality since 1924. Well, the design years. Ace, quality since 1924.
Well, the design
certainly looks like
it's from 1924.
Did someone beat me
to this submission
99 years ago?
Even if all three
fail, I shall never
give up on my quest
for new players.
Always living the
show.
Dean Chewy Chew.
Look, I don't mind
that because he's
put the effort in.
He's clearly a big
battery aficionado
and he's had three tickets to the lottery there.
Yeah.
And he sent these in, this email on July 26th.
Right.
But he was beaten on all three of them.
Oof.
By someone else emailing in on May 11th.
What?
In the same email?
And that person was also Dean Chu.
So technically they're not new players because you've seen them before.
You've sent them in twice.
Good stuff.
Yeah.
So, I mean, they all would be new players.
I think they're all new players.
Fine.
Look, he clearly loves the section.
He does.
We've turned everyone else off.
We've got to cling to Dean like a lifeboat.
And Michael, whose birthday it is.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Right, finally for now, Top Run V batteries.
Top Run.
Hey, look at Pete,
this is from Dean.
I don't think it's
Dean Chewy Chew.
Fucking hell,
if it is.
Hello, look at Pete.
It fucking is Dean Chew.
Is it?
What's he,
the man's obsessed.
Look, that's not even his fault.
That's Rory's fault.
That's his quality control.
Dean Chewy Chew.
Carry on.
All right, we've got
a second Dean Chewy Chew section.
We may just call this the Dean Chewy Chew memorial section. The battery, we've got a second Dean Chewy Chew section. We may just call this
the Dean Chewy Chew
memorial section.
The battery section.
He's not dead.
I'm going to kill him.
Hey, Luke and Pete,
while I keep my fingers
and toes crossed
that you finally read out
my last email,
originally from May 12th,
that's the one with the other one.
It's actually May 11th
so the joke's on you.
Which contains three
battery submissions.
I'm also sending this
submission of Top Run V batteries
which I found in a TV remote in Godzilla
Hotel which I
assume are at
Pete's old stomping
grounds in Kabukicho
in Tokyo.
Depending on the
status of my last
email this submission
could potentially be
my 8th new player.
They do seem a
little too common
to make that though.
All the best Dean.
They do look a
little bit like
something you would
see in England in
the 70s.
Top Run darts.
A drink you have with your darts.
Top Run.
It's good shandy.
Terrible beer.
Even worse lemonade.
Together at last.
It's shit shandy.
It's Top Run V.
It's better than bass.
Surprisingly and astonishingly,
this submission of Top-run V batteries
is also a new player.
Oh my God.
Dean's the Lionel Messi
of battery submissions.
He is.
And look,
he works harder
when all the other players
go home.
He's, you know,
whacking balls around,
training as hard as he could.
Where are you going
with this analogy?
I'm just saying
he's not a natural.
He's just made the most
of his talent.
It's Gary Neville versus Phil Neville, isn't it? He's had not a natural. He's just made the most of his talent. It's Gary Neville
versus Phil Neville,
isn't it?
He's had eight new players.
He's had eight new players.
Which of the Neville brothers
in this analogy
are the natural talent?
Phil Neville's a natural talent,
isn't he?
And he didn't have to
work that hard.
I mean,
he gassed out
as soon as the
playing career finished.
He gassed out around
about the time
he moved to Everton,
didn't it?
We just saw that
he's worked hard intellectually.
He certainly makes me work hard intellectually.
Do you think...
Listening to his absolute trollop...
Trollop?
Tripe.
Tripe.
Do you think that...
What is a trollop before...
Before, like, you know, the misogynistic word trollop.
Is trollop like a...
Like tripe?
Is it like a thing?
Was it a thing before...
I don't understand.
Like, cause it's such a, it's a word that doesn't cause Trollope would presumably be
applied to, um, a woman who, uh, is, um, uh, is, is, is, is, is, uh, help me Luke.
You usually help me out.
You usually help me out.
Stop Googling.
Stop Googling.
Trollope is like, it's kind of someone who is, um, promiscuous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
But the word doesn't sum that up for me.
It sounds like a carrier bag full of sick.
Trollope.
Blah.
Carry on.
It's this noise.
Blah.
Trollope.
The automatic peer quality of it.
Yeah.
So while you were doing that frankly nonsensical bit,
which I didn't see coming.
Find out what Trollope comes from, please.
I did.
I looked at the etymology
of the word trollop.
First recorded in 1605.
Sounds like dollop.
Yeah, it does a bit.
Yeah.
Have you finished?
We'll see.
Okay.
Watch this space.
First recorded in 1605
to 1615.
Perhaps akin to troll.
Comes from troll.
Oh.
Apparently.
That doesn't make any sense.
Words related to troll. Floozy, harlot, hussy, prostitute. Floozy. I love floozy. Oh. Apparently. That doesn't make any sense. Words related to troll.
Floozy,
harlot,
hussy,
prostitute.
Floozy.
I love floozy.
Prostitute,
slut,
streetwalker,
whore.
Would you like some examples
of it being used in a sentence?
Well,
as long as you don't use
the ones that you just used,
yeah.
The one day,
oh,
I'll do this one instead.
And one day,
when he said this,
his trollop replied,
the king is here,
old fellow.
There you go,
you brought that up,
you started it, Peter.
It's good stuff.
It's disrespectful, that.
What?
It's just disrespectful.
He's the one,
presumably that was
some great literary
Tom.
Don't blame Dean Chu.
Don't blame Dean.
Dean did this.
Dean's, as far as I know,
Dean is very respectful of women Dean. Dean did this. Dean's, as far as I know, Dean is very respectful
of women.
He took this.
Oh dear.
There we go.
He takes them to the
Godzilla Hotel in Kabukicho.
Why is there a hotel man
with a Godzilla
who decimated Tokyo?
There's a good one in...
It's like naming
fucking,
you know,
a hotel in London
after fucking Hitler
or something.
Right, okay, yeah, fair.
Not fair at all all one was fictional character
and
which one
and
that's a different podcast
yeah
really successful
really successful
that's the thing about it
isn't it
this is the thing
what we don't understand
and accept
is the uncomfortable truth
that the people
who do this
quite racist
bigoted stuff, right?
And let's not call it racial language, quote unquote, or racially charged content.
It's racism.
It's not even edgy.
It's just racist.
But it does numbers.
And I'm asking you why it does numbers.
Because there's a load of racists around.
There you go.
They can't get enough of it.
He's like, yes.
Answer the question about Godzilla, who, as far as I know, was an equal opportunities tyrant.
Yeah, he'd knock over
any building
there's one in
Shizuku
that roars
unwelcome
if you're trying to
get your head down
it just roars
it just roars
yeah
you don't want it
I can't get on board
with that
why have they done that
to just celebrate
a beloved character
but you never see
Mothra do you
no I never heard
from Mothra
there was a cute video on Instagram of a little kid.
He couldn't have been older than about three.
He's in bed and he named a moth.
His name is Matthew and he named a moth, Mothu.
That's good.
And his mum was going, what, are you going to call him Moth?
And he's going, come on, what, are you going to call your mother?
And he went, Mothu.
It's a good pun. It's a good pun.
It's a good stuff.
It's a serviceable pun for that age, isn't it?
Made me very clucky.
Did it?
Clucky?
Yeah.
Is that all right?
Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Is that all right?
I don't even know anymore.
No, no one does.
Hard, difficult.
Don't worry about it.
Anyway.
Let's get out of here, Peter.
All right, ta-ta.
We'll be back on Monday.
Have a lovely weekend.
I'll tell you what, it's getting through August now.
It is.
We've not really had a summer, have we? No. A couple of days. It's June. I'll tell you what, it's getting through August now and we've not really had a
summer, have we?
A couple of days,
June, June, nothing
in July.
No, good.
Well, the heat wave
last year was terrible.
Everything was on
fire.
Yeah, it's true.
Everything in Europe
is on fire.
So it's very, very
much a local weather
report there for me
sitting in the studio
in North London.
All right, we'll see
you on Monday.
All right, we'll see you on Monday. All right, peace.
The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.