The Luke and Pete Show - Vasectomies “R” Us

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

A song that takes over 500 years to finish, a giant fibreglass squid, can you think of anything better for rich people to spend their money on?Elsewhere, Luke tells Pete about a recent meeting he had with a reality TV star before the lads compose their own vasectomy themed love story. You’ve been warned…Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All right, it's the Luke and Pete show. It is Monday the 12th of February, and you are welcome to it. The Monday, the Luke and Pete show. You're welcome to it. You can have it. You can keep it. No, put the money away. It's free.

It's completely free. What are you tapping on your keyboard, tapping away, tap, tap, tap? What are you looking for? What do you mean? I'm just catching up on some stuff while you're doing the intro. Catching up on stuff. Busy bee, are we? I've got a lot of demands on my time.

A lot of demands on my time. Don't be stitching me up with the listeners. I can hear you. Well, the listeners can hear you tip-tap-tapping, and I'm not getting blamed for it. Okay, look, I'll let him in behind the curtain alright yeah

a very loose approximation of what people call the running order i.e. sometimes when people get in touch we put it on the document

so we can read it and we did some stuff on Thursday and I was just getting rid of the stuff we'd done just getting it down because your brain

is addled and you will repeat yourself you make that sound like it was in any fit state at the start and it's become pockmarked over the years it was like like it was in any fit state at the start and it's become pockmarked over the years it was like that it was like a fucking tea bag anyway yeah true tea bag what do you mean by that it just lets nutrients out just lets delicious

nutrients caffeine rich nutrients you mean it's the sweepings from the floor of the factory exactly yeah yeah i bet what would you what's the what would be the delicious most delicious factory sweepings? That's a really good question. Some kind of sherbet, maybe? Coconut factory? Coconut's good. Coconut would be nice and rich.

It would be so evocative of a nice glass of Malibu. I mean, that is a weird sentence. A nice glass of Malibu. A nice glass of Malibu. Malibu, I just see Malibu as like probably the most basic alcoholic drink. Yeah. There was, I was

watching True Detective Series 4 and one character at one point pours a Bailey's in a gas tank and goes, fuck you. They don't like that person. Spoiler. Big plot point, that. Fucking terrible. imagine if it was a big Bailey sponsorship

you spoiled 10 years of Game of Thrones for me no I didn't 10 years of investment I said there was one I edged towards explaining there was one dragon and he started screaming

and that was like pouring Baileys in your gas I don't think I went fair enough at the time Luke thinks dragons actually exist though that's the worry that's the worry

I think he went to DragonCon twice, and he was disappointed both times. I've only been once. I do think the world would be a better place if there were dragons. I think we can all agree on that. Depends on who had them, I suppose, innit?

Well, that's true, actually. Perhaps a metaphor for the modern world. Anyway, it's a true Detective Season 4. Carry on. That's it. Somebody puts up Bailey's, and I just think of how delicious that looked and what a waste of Baileys it was.

And when I see that, when you see men on Instagram making big sort of party-sized kind of like tropical cocktails with Malibu, big bottle of Malibu, I just think no one's going to drink all of that. You're just wasting the Malibu. Malibu's of Malibu. I just think no one's going to drink all of that. You're just wasting the Malibu. Malibu's delicious. No, it's crap. It's crap.

It's a load of old shit. And I'm a bigger juice man. I love drinks from out that way. You are a bigger juice man. No one can deny that. You're also a big nourishment guy, aren't you? No, we've been before. I used to drink nourishment when I was on the Breakfast Show

because I didn't have enough time. I used to be a big fan of, know like um leicester square tube you have those kind of underground um off licenses that just sell pop and uh they'll always like have a pastry section that i don't know and all of the pastries bright yellow there used to be a lot of um a lot of those types a lot more of those types of establishments yeah and and And it's just all pastry, very little filling. Yeah, yellow pastry. God knows who's eating them. I have no idea.

Me, for one, obviously, but I'm, you know, I'm an idiot. But like, who else is buying these? And the vegetarian ones would have a little sort of red, like someone bingo market them with like a dobber, like a mega dobber with green to indicate that it was vegetarian. And I'd be the and I'm eating them.

And they always had loads left over. Like, where were they going? There was a legendary kind of period around that time in London where you'd get a lot of those. You'd get a lot of those kind of underground concessions that sell like chocolate bars and sodas and stuff. Yeah. Which don't really see much of anymore.

And you also get, and they have started to make a comeback. And I've seen one, I've seen it once or twice. That's on Brixton station, which is my local tube station now. The guys who used to wheel their hot dog stands. Yes, that was a big, that was a big Leicester Square.

That was a big 2am job. That smell, that smell for me is the smell of coming out of a nightclub. Yeah. Every single time. Every time I get one. And I never fell foul of the illnesses that everyone... I mean, because at the end of the day,

the only thing that's going to get you ill is probably the onions, the cold onions. That's not simply incorrect, isn't it? But yeah, you're right. You didn't see them. And then where have they all gone? So they're starting to creep back in, are they? I've seen one at Brixton a few times recently.

And also, there used to be a real phenomenon in Londonondon back in the day as well late 90s ish for just essentially i mean and these obviously this is astonishingly dangerous and i think they made it illegal and now it's kind of irrelevant because uber's around but they used to be blokes who would stand up and stand around with their cars and say i'll drive you home for 20 quid or whatever yeah and obviously for completely unlicensed and totally dangerous, particularly if you're a vulnerable person. Yeah. But that used to happen all the time.

And we always used to think that like, well, he'll get four of us in his car, right? Yeah. He's probably not going to try and mug four of us because we're four blokes. And it's like a third of the price of a black cab. We'll just do it. Yeah, and also, and you'd sort of go, and'd sort of say um uh and you could you could you could barter with them as well like you'd sort of go i'll give you 50 they'll go 20 quid you go

and you start walking and then you play the game and then you know you get the ultimate barter peter would be it's unlicensed i pay my money i take my chance you drive me home you take your chance i'm legging it down that alley. Yeah, exactly. It's unlicensed. It cuts both ways, big boy. Yeah, good point. But joking aside, you should absolutely never take an unlicensed cab.

It is really statistically very dangerous to do so. It is very dangerous. I mean, the last one I took, he did give me some of his bifta. You don't want that. Ah, there you go. I mean, there you go. He's not going to me some of his bifta. You don't want that. Ah, there you go. I mean, there you go. He's not going to be driving fast, is he? Legalise it.

Legalise it, baby. What's wrong with you? Pretend I could actually smoke it. The thing is, I can imagine you absolutely jacking up a rig into your vein out of social politeness. Yeah, I would, yeah. With a cab driver on the back of some bins. How did Pete get his blood-borne illness?

Well, got on a licensed cab, was just a part of it. Did I tell you, my mate, somebody who, can I, is this identifiable?

A friend who was working for a company who was working at a festival was, they were, there was two of them who I knew and they were going to a festival and they, I think they'd...

Do I know them? No, you don't know them. You don't know them. Good lads. But anyway, they were coming back from working the festival and they had some drugs on them. And the driver was getting involved. He was like, oh, yeah, give us some of that.

Anyway, he's an older man, and he was absolutely bashing it back, apparently. And then they found out on the way... Yeah, that was the way into the festival, I think, and on the way out of the festival, they found out that the guy had had a heart attack. I mean, that's got to weigh heavy on the old soul, isn't it? That's an awful story.

What an awful story. Yeah. I also know some people who went to Glastonbury back in the day. And I actually saw them at this festival, so I know it to be true. Yeah. It's not like a friend of a friend type thing. I genuinely saw the evidence of it,

where they were like, oh, we're in glastonbury they're like teenagers i'll really buy some buy some weed and you know smoke our first kind of joint type thing and um they went around and found um it's like the late 90s it's far less regulated than it is now it's proper like people there saying you know pairs of five or jump you over the fence kind of thing. Yeah. And they went to go and find someone who would just be selling stuff. And normally those guys would be maybe standing a little bit back from the main venues as the act finished. So they get a lot of footfall

and they'd be just surreptitiously saying... I remember it. I remember being in Glasgow in the 90s and there'd be guys there just going, pills, whiz, weed, coke. And they just keep saying it and keep saying it. Anyway, so these guys went and bought from this guy

and the way they said it was like, oh, the reason it happened was because the guy was inundated with customers, right? And they had this guy running back and forth with it for him, giving him the stuff and he wasn't really checking it properly

because he was just hand over, it was basically hand to hand, hand to hand, hand to hand. And he he bought they bought um i think they just bought like something like an eighth of weed or something like something pretty basic and they end up getting like a accidentally getting a massive bag of mushrooms right yeah and uh that's a weekend loser in it that's it so they were so they were like um oh well we've paid the money right weekend loser in it that's it so they were like

oh well we've fucking paid the money right gotta do him probably on a budget gotta wait him and there's no cash point at Glastonbury back then so basically they started

brewing him up and the reason I know this story is basically because I saw one like a day later at Glastonbury and I was like what the fuck

is wrong with him I saw him like two weeks ago he's never like that what's going on and they basically told me the story so you know you can get a bargain

if you want to call it that if you're lucky at Glastonbury if you get a busy drug dealer yeah he's just way too busy you've got no quality control so yeah anyway and Peter I was going to bring to your attention

on today's show that you may not remember this but quite a long time ago now we talked about a composition a music composition by john cage called as slow as possible remember it oh no it started in 2001 john cage uh the late john cage is of course an avant-garde um composer of you know very very interesting or challenging music and he started this piece which is an experimental piece of music in

2001 at a church in germany and he set it all up and it's a slow to say the least it's basically a slow piece of music it's designed to be the slowest piece of music ever written and it's been set up to last i think something like 650 years something like that right so if everything goes well and the world doesn't end or people honor his wishes the final note will be played in the year 2640 and the reason i'm bringing it to the table is because um on monday of this last week so a week ago today, it finally, loads of people went down there to watch because the note changed.

Right. The note changed for the first time. Wow. I think in... It's like a tar drop experiment. Yeah, basically, because, yeah, it is a bit like that

in musical form. For 18 months of this composition, which started in 2003, there was silence. It was a pause between notes. But people apparently booked tickets years in advance to be there.

The note finally changed last Monday and it was, you know, basically, yeah, a big moment because you're not

going to be able to get a chance to witness another note changing for a long old time. So the world's slowest ever composed piece of music changed notes on a specially

designed by john cage and built mechanical organ in a church in germany i don't know when the next note's going to change but it's not going to be for some time it's only had 16 chord changes in i think 21 years so far that's amazing i mean that that is exactly what people should be putting their money into it's boundary pushing honestly like you sort of

under Covid situations a lot of the prefectures in Japan got money got money from the government

and they I will have mentioned this guy before but they got like I think 4 million 54 million, $5 million or whatever. What was that for? For COVID relief, you know, just getting your ducks in order, you know, just general kind of upkeep for your investment for the prefecture.

And this one prefecture just decided, we're going to buy a gigantic squid. Yeah, that's nice. And they just made this massive resin statue of a squid and it's bigger than three houses and it's just fucking stupid. And everyone sort of went, sorry, this money was, I presume like fiberglass, something big. And they just made this massive squid.

And what I liked about it is they were criticised for spending this money that should have gone into helping the community. Helping morale. It's morale, isn't it? Well, it's morale, isn't it? It's a morale thing. And it turns out that loads of people in Japan really want to visit this fucking big squid

and get the picture taken with them. So they made billions out of all these people visiting to see this big stupid squid. And that's what I like. That's what art should be. Silly, stupid. So that is like an interesting version of what used to happen quite a lot all over kind of the quiet parts of the United States, right? Yeah, they'd have like a massive, I don't know whether it's actually true, but like a massive ball of string or something. Yeah, the world's biggest pair of trousers or go and visit and get your photo taken with it and stuff like that. That's kind of how I used to get people in, right? So it's kind of string or something. Yeah, the world's biggest pair of trousers. Or you go and visit and get your photo taken with it

and stuff like that. That's kind of how I used to get people in, right? So it's kind of a similar version. What I like about As Slow As Possible, which is the John Cage composition, is that like, you know, everyone gathered around for the call to change. It was for the quite earnest people

who were kind of nodding along. They like art and all the rest of it. And it was in a church, in quite an austere environment. And it's quite a quite earnest but but i think almost like a a heavy thing like a kind of a meaningful thing and it wasn't you know it wasn't an official tv program counting down presented by romesh ranganathan you know it was like a proper thing a piece of art that was to be respected people went there because they wanted to be there for no other reason.

And the chord changed. I presume everyone just went home again afterwards. And it feels like it's a proper artistic project, you know. I think if that was in the UK, it would be, you know, Paddy McGuinness would be doing the official reaction show. And, you know, it would be, oh, what does the guy who just got kicked out of Traitors think?

You know, it wouldn't be like, oh, speaking of that, by the way, I completely forgot to tell you. I just reminded myself. Holy shit. Have you seen Traitors? Not a single lick of it. Right.

But I understand the phenomena. Right. So fine. So I will explain this to you without spoiling our good listeners. So if you've seen the Traitors, you will enjoy this little section I'm about to embark upon, unplanned. If you haven't seen the Traitorsitors but you plan to watch it, I won't spoil you.

There was a contestant in the second series called Paul, right? He is a really, really charismatic guy, like properly like maniacal, very kind of scheming, all the kind of things

you want from a contestant in that type of show. Yeah. And that's as far as I'll go saying about what he got up to because I don't want to spoil it. But anyway, so I'm in the office the other day

and I'm with our colleague Tommy about to go and get a sandwich. Yeah. And I walk into the can, because in our office, as you know, Pete, you have to go through the canteen to get out. So I'm walking through the canteen

and I fucking see the guy. Right. And I'm like, hero, fucking hell. through the canteen and I fucking see the guy. Right. And I'm like, hero. Fucking hell. So, you know me, I was straight over there.

Yeah. Um, I was like, I was like, get in the car. Is that Paul? I was like, Paul.

And he was like, yeah, all right, mate, how you doing? Like, and turns out he was there to guest on another podcast that's been recorded in our building. Ah,

I see. And he said to me, are you the podcast guy? And I obviously went, yeah. But he thought I was the podcast guy, but I wasn't.

I was just a podcast guy. I see. And then we had a little chat and we got to the bottom of it. But everyone in the office loves the

Traitors, right? Yeah. And he was a really kind of fun guy. So I was like, are you up for coming to meet the team? Because he said that

the guy he was supposed to be meeting is running late and so he's just kicking his heels. Do I know that person? Hey? Do I know that person? did i know yeah you do that person he's very very familiar to the uh to the previous uh to the start network um uh and um so i took him through to the office and you know a little corridor bit in our office before you get into the main office i said to paul wait there and i went And don't be traitorous. I said, everyone, everyone.

So they all took their headphones out and looked around and I went, guess who it is? It's Paul from the Traitors. And Paul jumped out and went, alright guys. And everyone was like, no fucking way. Well, bless his socks for doing that. It was great. He was loving it. Bless his socks. And then, he actually messaged me. Stole a printer.

A few hours later saying, can you print something out for me? No, saying, do you fancy going, I'm back in London in a couple of weeks, do you want to go for lunch? I was like, yeah, all right. Lovely.

Good to go for lunch with Paul from Traitors. Well, there you go. I'll let you know how I get on. Because I'm unfamiliar with the show, I'm scared he might do something to you. This might all be a long gone. You will hate him. Do you want to know why you'll hate him?

He's charismatic, tall, sexy. He's about six foot seven. Cunt. Yeah, yeah. You why you'll hate him? He's charismatic, tall, sexy. He's about six foot seven. Cunt. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you think you can play about my hand shelf. My goodness me.

He's six foot seven. I want to see him hand shelving you. He's taller than me. Better beard than me. More confident than me. Nice. Probably more successful than me.

Like it. So he's like me, but much, much worse for you. Anyway, I can't remember what I was saying, but that just popped into my mind, so I thought I could much worse for you. Anyway, I can't remember what I was saying, but that just popped into my mind, so I thought I could share it with you. Right, brilliant.

Let's have a break and come back and do some emails about vasectomies. We're back with a look at Pete Shaw, and have we got some emails about vasectomies for you? Have we got some vasectomies for you? Have we got a vasectomy for you? Vasectomies are us. Did you get cauterised?

Did you get notarised that your bits had been chopped in tether? Something like a love song about how she didn't just tie your tubes in a knot, she tied your heart in a knot as well. Exactly, which is probably more dangerous. Never tie those tubes. Never tie a vent. You would never... Never tie a ventricle. But you knew you could never give her what she wanted

because ironically, she wanted a child. Yes. Take it out another way. Can we find another hole for my sperm? Can we find another hole for my sperm? My tubes are tied, but I do believe it's still in there. The legend is that she will, she will one day,

she will one, the legend goes that she will one day meet the man that she will have a child with. Yes. And outwardly and famously

refuse to tie the tube. Yes. So no, my heart cannot bring me to tie these tubes. Tie the tube, yeah. And then cannot bring me to tie these tubes. And then everyone clapped. They're untieable because they're steel reinforced.

What tubes could you tie in your body and not have too much trouble? The vasectomy tie is fine. Tear ducts? No. That's a hard one for me. Why?

Because you're always crying. Stop crying for a bit. Just give it up for a bit. I'd have to. You don't think they're a tube. Well, for a bit. Just give it up for a bit. I'd have to. You don't think they're a tube? Well, how does the water get there then? Everything's a tube. No, I don't know.

But the thing is, this is the problem. That's not the point. I don't think you know either. And that's why I'm saying it. If you got into an accident where, say, half your leg was sliced through the femoral artery and it was hanging out. Yeah. You'd want to be tying that quick.

I'd get my finger in there, yeah. I'd get my finger right in there. I'd get in a good old-fashioned reef knot. There was a guy, I think, who... There was a horrible story last year of that skater who sadly died coming off the... Was it Nottingham or something? It was a British...

No, he wasn't actually British. He was Canadian, I think. Playing ice hockey. Yeah, playing ice hockey. Anyway, he died. Very sad. But I think someone had survived a similar injury where a doctor just happened to be watching

and he was straight on the fucking ice skedaddling over to the guy who'd had his fucking artery sliced out of his neck and he just jammed his finger right in there. Jamming your finger right in an artery. Well, imagine the accuracy you'd need for that. So I think, so that was back in the day in the NHL, right? Yes, I believe so.

And he survived and he was playing hockey again. It was Clint Malachat, wasn't it? Not a clue, not a clue. The reason why, because LSU a clue not a clue getting your finger in an artery is as far as I was willing to go I didn't need to know

the story around it well LC told me that he he actually I didn't know the bit about the doctor but obviously it makes sense because he was saved

and he was playing hockey again pretty soon after but what he actually said was afterwards I thought I was going to die and I knew my mum

was watching the game on TV and I didn't want to die on the ice so I tried to do everything I could to get down the tunnel and that's basically what saved his life because there was someone there who could help him quicker jeez oh jeez the fuck anyway that's the section that Screamish people

normally skip so welcome back and I have bigged up the vasectomy email section and I would like to make it an official permanent section but I've now realised that actually the one of the emails we actually read before so we've only got one vasectomy email here today um which is about this is a guy a guy who listens to the show called joe who says um it's more of a tip really more than a health tip yeah um and he's actually it's a ragged tip it's a ragged tip it's a rag-a-tip it's a rag-a-tip it's a

but there you are but there you are but there you are he's basically emailing us from the beautiful town or city actually of Edwardsville

Illinois oh come on Philly Illinois I don't think so no I don't either I've only been to Denver I'm just trying to see if there's any

kind of notable people from there quite a few by the look of it bloody hell whoa never heard of any of them there's a wild West Lawman from there called Quite a few by the look of it. Bloody hell. Whoa. Never heard of any of them. There's a wild West lawman from there called John Hicks Adams.

Right. Major league baseball player. Yeah, anyway. I'm getting sidetracked. And he says, guys, I had a vasectomy done years ago. The wife I had access to

said she was sick of taking birth control and it was my turn. For anyone out there who's planning on doing the same, the key to avoiding the pain is getting tighty, whitey underwear. You don't want anything hanging. If there's any hang,

you're definitely going to be in a lot of pain. Thanks for all the fun. Joe. So the rhyme is if it's going to hang, you've got a hurting thang. Tight to hang, you've got to hurt and thang. Tight and bright, you'll have good night. You'll have good night. Don't let your wang hang, you'll feel a pang.

A pang of pain. You went thang. You went a lot more urban. You went thang. Thang, yeah. It's a pang thang. You went a bit Cisco. You went a bit Cisco there.

It's a pang thang. What? Does the word hysteria come from hysterectomy hysterectomy is it a female thing don't know I'm just thinking

not sure really have I read that somewhere before just women getting getting fucking the shot into the fucking stick again because like hysterectomy because I used to sing

when I was a kid I'm not half the man I used to be since I had my hysterectomy doesn't make sense Doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. Why'd you sing that? What?

I don't know. It's a bigger boy. You never had a girlfriend and then you used some of this stuff. A bigger boy told me to sing it and I sang it. And that was my rhyme for a bit. But obviously not.

So like, what is hysteria from the, yeah, hysterectomy. It's got to be female, hasn't it? So yeah, again,

women just getting the short end of the stick. It's an to be female, hasn't it? So yeah, again, women just getting the short end of the stick. It's an album by Def Leppard. I like that. Speaking of bigger boys, Peter, I had a terrible, just an awful bigger boy experience recently.

Not for anything anyone did, but just, I just, basically, I had a really kind of rough night with the son, with the boy, um didn't get much sleep and stuff like that and the next day i had to go to um get the car serviced at the garage yeah and i was booked in for quarter to nine and i went along obviously quarter though with the car but then of course when you go there the place i go to is in the middle of fucking nowhere and it's on a

trading estate yeah exactly and they say alright take the car in it's next in line it'll take a couple of hours

so you know what's it an MRT it's like a service it's quite a new car so you just get the annual service you get a freebie right yeah

nice and so the only you get your oil changed you get your spark plugs looked at fuel injectors. Yeah? Talk to me about pollen filters.

Beautiful. Oh, are they sticking out? You can do that yourself, can't you? Pretty valid. That's the warranty if you don't use an approved thing. That's how they get you. Get yourself a filter.

Yeah, I don't want you near my car. Let me near your car. And we'll finish the show there with a Toyota Century update. But anyway, so you've got a choice of basically

Alan parturing it down the A road and trying to find somewhere to go for a bit of lunch or something. Or breakfast in this case. Or hanging around. And basically, when you hang around, which I decided to do because I was so tired, it is the last place you want to be when you're tired. It is so bright.

Bright, yeah. They were playing a fucking latter-day Tom Jones album. Yeah. And it's full of salespeople, right? So every single one of them, because they've been trained to do this, as soon as they see you, oh, do you need any help with this, sir?

Can I trust you in this? Can I sell a car? I'm just here for a service. Oh, okay. And then, and so every single one of them comes and speaks to you, but fine. You've got Tom Jones pumping in your ears

and you've got this bright, just really shiny stuff everywhere. Water fountain? Oh, you get magazines. To be fair to them, it's unlimited tea, coffee and biscuits. Right, okay. And there's Wi-Fi.

Nice. Not that you can get any work done because everyone's trying to talk to you all the time. And I thought to myself, what I'll do is I'll say to them, you should have a section just for servicing and a section for sales. Right. Because if someone's coming to get the car serviced,

maybe let them sit in the service bit so someone tries to sell them stuff. But I just thought, you know what, that is probably the most Alan Partridge idea I've ever had in my life. And I can never utter that to anyone. But they're probably, I mean, you've done a podcast, but would you not think that there will be some people getting their car serviced, potentially being open to being upsold, you know, by a plucky salesman? That's what they think, isn't it? Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean,man. Well, that's what they think, isn't it? Yeah.

Well, yeah. I mean, and also like... That's what came out of there with three cars. Could you not just have a little lie down in the back seat if it's just a service? They don't even check the seatbelts. All they're doing is doing the oil change, aren't they? They film it, though, and they send it to you.

So what a bit weird. And I can't lie down in the back seat anyway because I've got... What, they film themselves doing the service? Yeah. What? And they send you a video. They, they film themselves doing the service? Yeah. What? And they send you a video. They do not. I want to see that video.

All right, I'll forward it to you now. What, so they put it up on a lift and they film themselves, like police camera action, while they do their oil change or do the pollen filter change or whatever. Just send it to you. Do they commentate it? Do they commentate? Yeah.

Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. I'll just send it to you, big they commentate it? Do they commentate? Yeah. Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. I've just sent it to you, big boy. All right. I'll watch it then. Have a watch ahead of next time. Is it on an email?

I'll just forward it to you on WhatsApp. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Anyway, I just wondered whether you thought salespeople counted as bigger boys.

No, because I think, I don't think you need any qualifications to do sales, do you, necessarily? Well, you don't. I'm sure you don't. You just pop in and go, you know, can you sell some... Oh, my God.

It's just an Audi cam. Audi.co.uk. Just do fucking them filming them. He's commenting on shit. I told you. I told you. See? Oh, he's written five does that mean five centimeter i'm watching it in the um without any sound on but he's written five on the bottom of your of your um tires when you finish this and you can enjoy it i presume he's saying that's got

five centimeters of tread which is good or five mil five mil on the um on that note before we go oh you break this spotless luke lovely just need to let everyone know this doesn't need any servicing does it peter hello just let everyone know that i share with them on instagram and on twitter but if they haven't seen it then you are apparently bringing the 20th century back to your father-in-law's driveway he'll no doubt be delighted to hear absolutely delighted yeah absolutely cock. Absolutely cock-a-hoop, yeah. His wife is going to be going through physio for a broken leg while I tell a Polish man which part of the drive to put a... What can only be described as a land yacht.

It's really chaotic stuff. So have you got a date? Have you got an arrival date? Tomorrow it's going to be arriving on the... I mean, it's... You've got to film that. It's got... We've got very little to do on it,

which is pretty good. I have managed to source some official Toyota parts from Southampton. A full suspension arm, which has cost me, ironically, an arm. And it's all looking like it's going to pass MOT. Look, I am... I mean, there are electrical issues that

I will have to look at later down the line but I'm fairly certain I'm getting all brush fixed but yeah I think everything's sort of coming together it only failed the MOT on the gas struts in the that hold the hood up tyres are a bit worn

needs a windscreen wiper and just a couple of suspension arms so everything else i'm cock-a-hoop luke it's a two-ton car the tires are a bit of warm because bill al's been spinning it around for the last fucking two months i've been doing he's been doing donuts no fuel in the tank no tread left on the tires lots of effluvia on the back seat he's having a rum all time it's what it's all time. It's what it's built for, baby. It's what it's built for. Right, well, listen,

on that bombshell, make sure you film it, mate. Yeah, I'm going to do a little hello from Audi, South London. Fascinating. It's just so that everyone knows that they're doing the job they say they're going to do

and they're still having a key effort, you know. Anyway, get us out of here, Peter. Report, all okay. Your technician, your service advisor, they're all up there. They, all okay. Your technician, your service advisor. They're all up there. They've got a little kind of...

It's almost like this is the sexy cam girl you're watching. He's got a picture of the technician and stuff. He's quite handsome. Yeah, it's not OnlyFans for cars. Anyway, right, we're out of here. Audi cam fans, if you've got an Audi cam, you want to forward us? I'd very much like to see a man under your car.

I want to get up close and personal with your struts and your sills and your rusty exhausts. I want to see it all. God damn it. So send it in. You can also send in

battery brands as well at hellotlookandpeachyote.com. We'll be back on Monday. No, Thursday. We'll be back on Thursday. Every time. You've got a 50-50 chance. Every time.

And you get it wrong. Get it wrong every time. We'll be back soon.. Every time. You've got a 50-50 chance. Every time. And you get it wrong. Get it wrong every time. We'll be back soon. Ta-ta. I'm off for a phone call with Andy Brattle. Oh, what a treat. What a treat. See you later. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production

and part of the ACAST Creator Network.