The Luke and Pete Show - Vasectomy flowers

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Elon Musk is putting microchips in people’s brains and the anti-vaxxers are okay with it… I wonder why?Today, Luke and Pete discuss that, hear why fish pedicures have been cancelled and get told that a listener recently listened to the show while having a vasectomy. It’s all part of the service!Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. It's the Lukeca peach show i'm pete donaldson and on recent shows we've spoken about online catalogs of sex noises um luke gets abused about criticizing me for my conduct in the kitchen and also i've been telling everyone that ai doesn't exist and it's really not a new concept

I'd like to distance myself from one of those things I think what is interesting about the whole AI thing, you just reminded me, I'm Luke by the way, I'm the Luke part of this equation Hi Pete, nice to see you again is that, you know when

I mean this has been kind of made clear in a meme that made me think, do you know what? I'm going to read, I've enjoyed that meme. I could send it to Pete, but I'm actually going to bring it up on the Luke and Pete so we can talk about it.

You know that Elon Musk has started putting microchips into people's brains? He has, yeah. He can barely get Twitter working. It's not really a big deal because apparently companies have been doing that for a long time and obviously they're just getting a lot of press because it's Elon Musk but actually I think his company which I believe

is called Neuralink are about 15 years behind some other companies doing a similar kind of thing so it's not actually a big deal but usually a story like Musk gets the attention because he's big in the media so it's talked about and I guess that's a good thing on one level for the whole for the whole endeavour but

the one thing I did think is that hang on a few years ago you lot were fuming about the idea that people might be putting microchips in you and now Elon Musk is actually explicitly saying he is doing it and now that's a good thing

apparently so which is it it's easy to have these opinions when you never leave your fucking mum's bedroom but what actually is the problem because apparently when people were talking about vaccines it was all microchips and that was a bad thing and now someone's specifically talking about microchips and putting them in people's brains. That's a good

thing. Yeah but it's Musk's microchips it's the Musk-chip It's the Musketeer. It's the Musk-chip Do you reckon what happens is as soon as you activate it you just become racist? It's a very very very good chance It's the musketeer. Do you reckon what happens is as soon as you activate it, you just become racist? It's a very, very, very good chance. I've been, I've been, I've had a few days of it, let's say. On the, I mentioned that possibly some of the hard men

who lead countries around the world may be emboldened by the idea of a Donald Trump presidency once again on a bronze Japan being a YouTuber a lot of the fan base are insane so again incels? well not incels

but like you know I think like it skews very American and me even mentioning and so all of the comments are just peter ever since trump left office this has happened this is that i'm like so it's not not really what happened though is it it's not really do you engage uh no no because that is a slippery slope that you're never going to win um ever unleash ever unleash the beast within on them? No, it's really not worth it, is it? But I'm just always surprised.

When you hear from these people who are very, very pro-Donald Tump, you sort of go, wow, I mean, usually you guys can't form sentences, but fair play, you've done two paragraphs there. I don't see... Are you talking about Twitter or is this YouTube? YouTube comments,

because that's where the best stuff is. Right, that's where the real problematic stuff is, right? That's where the real stuff is. So is it fair to say still that YouTube can really bring the hammer down on you with some algorithm that tells them that you've used half a second of licensed music, but they can't stop you being racist? Yeah, that's certainly my take on it. Yeah, they're very open to sort of hand-w wringing and sort of go we can't really not even hangering and that's

complete opposite one i mean sort of going we can't do anything about this and when it comes to um uh you using something that is legitimately fair use uh but but they can allow just people to be absolutely terrible and bury your videos just when they feel like it. So yeah, it's a really great place to earn your crust, I tell you what. Because I don't really YouTube. Is that what people say? Is it a verb to YouTube? I don't really YouTube.

To tube. But I do watch some, I've got some channels saved that I like, that I go to sometimes, but I don't create content on YouTube knowingly. I mean, I know the guys do it for the ramble and everything but I don't get involved in that but on Twitter on that kind of stuff I very much have got into the mindset of it's a

send not receive medium yeah what do you mean people tweet me if people want to get in touch with me my email address is widely available they can drop me a line if they want to and people do occasionally do that and it's normally very nice if they want to pay to be a patron um to the ramble they can and they'll always reply to people on discord uh people who kind of committed to being a fan of the

stuff we do and supporting us they get all the support in the world back from me i always speak to people on discord but i ain't getting involved in that fucking cesspit i've got shit to say uh sometimes it's conducive to the job i do sometimes Sometimes I just want to get something off my chest. That's what it's for. If people want to interact, that's up to them. But generally speaking, I've learned my lesson over the years. I end up just muting 15 people a day. It's a waste of my time.

You're making Twitter better for yourself. No, I don't. It's just too many people. I mean, to be honest, like nowadays, anything kind of social media wise is just you. You are just dealing with sex bots. It is just you you are just dealing with um sex bots it is just like every i you can tweet anything within seconds um a sex bot will be going do you like my bum it's just so in which case maybe i will start reading never getting done never getting done

and and what's also quite interesting now is that you've got a few people who have um done started to engage in what i call what people do call the kind of fuck around and find out type sentimentality where right um where um people like lawrence fox and joey barton have started to realize that just because elon musk has emboldened you all to say whatever you want on twitter it doesn't get you around the libel laws of england and wales yeah i mean i i very much enjoyed uh just like a lot of these guys getting getting theirs when they've come up with somebody come up with somebody who's got a bit of um money behind them to sort of go well i mean you can't

i mean i will happily fight you on the fucking beaches with this one buddy and by the way barton i know you've got money because you had some of that sweet premier league contract yeah he's in love don't be coming back to me with your bankruptcy nonsense. I'm taking you for all you've got. And that was interesting because Barton's podcast found its way as a prospect to my desk a few months ago. How many eps are they in?

I can't help but think... I think it launches this month. Good God. But there's not really been a big appetite for it or a big take-up. And actually, I never wanted to do it anyway. how many eps are they in I can't help but think I think it launches I think it launches this month good god but there's not really been a big appetite for it or a big take up and actually we never wanted

I never wanted to do it anyway but I did get someone in the industry who I speak with and respect and came to me and said by the way

don't do this because this is what's going to happen and it did happen right and now Barton's piped up and said oh I've been sued

I've been sued twice already this year who reckons Elon Musk should help me out what's Elon Musk going to do? Elon Musk said in a tweet he's going to make your life worse because he's going to amplify the slander he's going to amplify the libel I think Musk was probably on his usual kind of Sunday night

mescaline binge and tweeted oh anyone who needs help with legal fees for stuff on twitter freedom of speech stuff on twitter let me know and i'll help you out but he's not going to dig you out of a fucking libel hole in this country mate i like he was also you can't just go around calling people pedophiles and expect that you're not going to get fucked for it i like that he had he took a picture of him watching some commentary on the tech. He's on this anti-women's commentary bollocks.

Yeah, that's what it's like. He took a picture and somebody pointed out that he's watching an illegal feed. He's watching a dodgy Amazon fire stick. Lovely stuff.

Idiot. Idiot. It's so obvious that there's real stupid people that are kind of fine because they don't really get involved. It's the people

who've got like a modicum of intelligence. But as soon as they get out of fine because they don't really get involved it's the people who've got like a modicum of intelligence but as soon as they get out of that comfort zone they're a million miles out their depth like you can't just it happened with um i'll tell you another example of it it happens quite a lot with this idea of like online people who are extremely online coming into the real world yeah and having their asses handed to them and i'll tell you another example of that with the january 6th riot where essentially a load of fucking like weirdo

right-wing incels who hatched something on the internet and the thing they happened to hatch on the internet ends up being something that happens

in real life. And then they all kind of collapse into tears and are actually really surprised that actually, you know,

you've actually committed a crime there and now you're going to jail probably for eight to ten years for this because serious it's a serious crime i mean it's not like kids stealing um trainers in the london riots is it it's grown men doing this and going oh i didn't know what happened oh i just thought because um we hatched it on the internet and it was a bit of a laugh that everyone we could just call everybody soy boys and cucks and get away with it. But no, you can't do that.

I thought they'd run around with an AR-16 or whatever it is, AR-15, I don't know, and do whatever I want to be honest, stand your ground and all that. I very much enjoy

the new kind of, as, you know, politics has gotten more, I'm going to say tribal, more kind of black and white and more kind of just, just shit.

There's a lot of people who make a lot of, not a lot of money, but they certainly, I think nowadays like Twitter and stuff, you can make money by doing really open-ended questions and making a bit of a... Is it actual coin or is it like just... I think you can,

I don't think there's any Dogecoin on offer, but I think you can make a little bit of money, a very small amount of money. But I'm not saying that that's what this person is doing, but Bilal Zafar is not doing this but he was um he retweeted a there's some absolutely tepid fucking pro labor or certainly anti-tory takes on twitter and you know we've all done them we've all done them it's not it is like shooting fish in the battle barrel when we talk about the cruelty of the tories but i there's this there's this woman who um

it's got you know way more way more followers than either of us. And this is her level for me. Millions will watch a TV show called Traitors whilst ignoring the Tory traitors in power for the past 14 years who have destroyed public services, yada, yada. And they've got like a quarter of a million followers. And you go, oh, that used to be quite tepid stuff, didn't it?

That used to be hoisted to be quite tepid stuff didn't it that that used to be hoisted as being quite tepid but as as kind of the two parties not to be honest the two parties have not kind of uh gone in separate directions um they've very much gone in you know similar directions but um as the right have gone further right um and become even more um fringe maniacs um the the the more kind of stuff is very tepid, like proper A-level sort of level stuff. I've talked to you about that before. I find it absolutely baffling that like,

you know, whatever you think of, say, 80s comedians, like that alternative comedian movement that came out where it was like genuinely quite anarchic. And it was a real kind of, it was a real kind of kick against the kind of working men's clubs like entertainment stuff wasn't it it was a lot of it's quite surreal a lot of it

very political you know you had like alexis sell mark steel all those kind of guys and that was like seemed like quite an interesting time like i find the commentary out now around that whether it be comedy or twitter it's so fucking boring like you get i saw a guy the other day doing saying he's like a twitter comedian or whatever and i think there are some good ones out there i've told you before i like a few of them i'll see on instagram and stuff but there was a guy the other day he was like a twitter based comedian i suppose he's on tiktok as well doing a joke about brexit right it's like what's your joke like seven eight years on that brexit was shit everyone like that's not satire that's like that's like you could speak to an old lady in a fucking

grocery store and that would be the joke they would do like no one does anything that's actually really interesting i don't think people enough do people do stuff that's really interesting i really like alistair green on instagram because his stuff is like full of pathos like he's like he's like properly like living it and really kind of the pathos in his work i think is amazing but i just think there's been a real character but there's been a real like kind of um say if you take a really successful ones now they're all quite establishment aren't they they'll do like 15 panel shows and they'll make they'll make a kind of odd risque joke but that's really as far as it goes like no one really fucking challenges stuff like and the ones that do challenge stuff you've

got like really powerful ones like gervais and chapelle doing like stuff about vulnerable people basically like imagine the platform gervais has got to do stuff about like the governments and the corruption and all the fucking shit that's happening but he can't be fucked because he's just fucking lazy i don't think he's uh he's just fucking lazy I don't think he's he's got the capacity I don't think he's got the faculties anymore to do that yeah he's just been

what he's just fat off the land basically yeah of course that's how they all end up that's what I'm saying we've got no money and we're still

we're still fat off the land alright then let's take a short break and we're back with some well we're back with some emails we've not done some emails for a little while I'm going to use the word

vasectomy flowers coming up next. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you.

Rogers. It's the Lugapetra. I'm Pete Donaldson. visit rogers.com for details we got you rogers it's a little peach i'm pete donaldson i've realized that i've left the door open for the dog uh in the apology cabin i've got the air conditioning on to warm up the place and uh they're battling actually to warm up the place yeah yeah because i've got my little um my little two bar fire um has given up the ghost. £30 from Tool Station. Bit annoyed about that, to be honest, a couple of years ago. It's given me two years, but now it's just e-waste. I can't do anything with this. Like a lovely little heater.

That's a carbon monoxide thing wanting to happen now. I don't know what's gone wrong. There's a couple of prongs that have gone black and big. I think that's probably what's gone wrong with it have you seen that um have you seen that video of that guy on um i think it's on tiktok who he's trying he's a scottish guy and he's trying to show you how to do really easy cheese on toast have you seen that no so basically to do cheese on toast he basically gets his toaster tips it on its its side. Right. Oh, nice. That's a good idea.

Is it? Is it a good idea? Nah. He ends up almost burning this fucking house down. Do it in the air fryer. Yeah, I'm sure you can. But he was trying to do that

and the whole thing caught on fire. It just went right good. It just went. Absolutely went. But those little electric heaters, they give me the fucking creeps. Like, it's going to be some kind of fire caused

by that at some point. I mean, you've got a lot of electrical equipment in that apology cabin, mate. I mean, I have, because on more than one occasion, it's probably broken because I've left it on

for about 24 hours by accident. It's not good stuff. Right, it's overheated. Overheated. Overheated. Anyway, listen, before the break, you promised us, quote-unquote, some vasectomy flowers anyway listen before the break you promised us quote unquote

some vasectomy flowers so why don't you tell us about it Andrew here fellas just a funny bit I wanted to share the wife I have access to

and I have two children and that is more than enough so I had a vasectomy two hours ago ask me anything two hours ago guess who kept me calm through my headphones

wow I mean I would very much like a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. However many stars you wish to give, if the doctor touched your stars, do write that in. And do let us know precisely what review you would give it

while having a cauterized kind of operation, a cauterizing of the tubes, so to speak? Can I ask a kind of pretty basic question? Yeah. How do they actually do it? I think they cauterize. I think they usually, when you're stopping something from going through, I think melting it is the best way to do it.

But they have to go into your pipes, basically. They go in through, yeah. I think they go in quite high in the scrotum. I remember my mate had one done and he sent a very graphic picture to the lad's group chat. And I do think about the kind of... It looked like a kind of...

You know, like the entrance to a wasp's nest. It was absolutely disgusting. It looked like it had done... And I think people talk... Because they don't want men to sort of be fearful of these operations. Everything I've heard about those operations I'm fearful about. It's not a... It seems like it should be a small thing, but it looks really...

Not dramatic, but it looks painful. It looks like it absolutely yucks for days. I would need... I would need a good old blister pack of tramadol to get me through that's just a day though isn't it for you ok well apparently Peter according to the NHS website you can choose a conventional vasectomy

or a no scalp vasectomy which would you like to choose and I'll tell you how it works so a no scalp must be no scalpel right ok no scalp the doctor will be bald um um i would are you stealing pubes doctor yes i'm glad for my hair um he will steal your pubes um no i think that so it must be so the scalpel one must be a cut and shot and the non scalpel one must be the burn and turn you do have

it says here actually you do have to pay the surgeon excess in pubic hair right if it's a no scalpel vasectomy

you have to pay 25 pubic hairs and for a conventional vasectomy it's 10 pubic hairs lasers maybe I don't know I don't know

so the conventional one they just you know okay I'll read it to you so you get your scrotum numbed. You'll be pleased to hear. Yeah. They make two small cuts in the skin on each side of your scrotum to reach the tubes that carry sperm out of your testicles.

Each tube is cut and a small section removed. The ends of the tubes are then closed either by tying them or sealing them using heat. I just won't go near a woman. I just, I just, I just, look. I'll just shake your hand now and I'll, I'll, I'll give up. I'll just give up.

All right? So, so I think the other one is that they then, the no scalpel one, they obviously, they numb you again, but then they make a tiny puncture hole in the skin of your scrotum to reach the tubes so they don't need to cut the skin. Well, obviously I'll choose that one then.

Yeah, but like... Why am I choosing the other one? What's the difference between that then? You're still getting it. Hang on. So a hole punch and a scalpel. Like it just sounds like... He does it with a hole punch.

Yeah. And the holes just hold his hand out for you to play him in pubes. And that's it. So you open it up with a... Why is a scalpel... I think a scalpel, it's tried, true and tested, that it's been there for years. It's been there for centuries and it makes the smallest hole. Why do we need a holes button punch's tried true and tested that it's been there for years yeah it's been there

for centuries and and it makes the smallest hole why do we need a holes betting punch left right center i don't want any of it i ain't a fucking capri son you get your hands off my straw i remember um my dad having one done and um it was like it just seemed so painful yeah a lot of frozen peas on the lap. And I think the tying of the tubes means it can be reversed, right? Yeah, yeah. So if the...

Is it tied or is it clamped? I just think... How does it... I think they tie each end. And I think... But I think it can be reversed because if, you know, you go through that procedure

and then your better half kind of kicks you out the house anyway, entirely possible for me. You can start an army to take... Start a big army to take over the home again you can start yeah exactly um so look anyway good luck to um good luck to you andrew but he said um his wife bought him flowers for having the procedure i hope you get the chuckle i did i don't really get the joke what's the joke um and, Andrew Siggins, so well, I mean, just buying, I think just buying generally

flowers is it's scant consolation, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Is it because some of the flowers look like penises? Yeah, maybe. And the other ones don't look like, I mean, yeah, they're interesting flowers. They look like something off of Avatar. Yeah, they do, actually. They do look, they look a bit like

Dr. Seuss-y, don't they? They do, they do. Sorry, not Dr. Seuss, Dr. Seuss, who's been cancelled now even though you've got some tattoos of him. Well, I mean, I think if I get a tattoo

of anything, it's going to cause problems, isn't it? You should get a tattoo of that picture that kid tried to airdrop you. Yeah, so I'm going

to get that, didn't Ariana Grande get one of those tattoos where it was like, we mention Ariana Grande a lot on this show for some reason. You did. You did. You mention her all the time.

I don't mention her all the time. You're like an old divorced dad. No, she got like, I think barbecue written on her hand. I think she got like some kind of Chinese, sort of Japanese kanji written on her hand because it looks cool. And I think she speaks a little Japanese, but not enough clearly to know that she just had the words barbecue written on her hand. And it really upset her. And I think she stopped learning Japanese because of it.

Don't blame the Japanese for it. You're the one who wrote it on there. I've got one more email to squeeze in from our friend George. I think it's George who sent the email. Are you going to get in via a hole punch or a scalpel? He sent this email in when he sent his batteries in on Thursday, so I thought I'd include this as well. He says, I've got a toenail story,

obviously following up on my dad having his big toenail removed. He's doing fine now, by the way. Talked a lot about my dad's medical procedures recently. Brain surgery, vasectomy and toenail. Yeah. Which is what he named his children. Every major system fucked about with. Each geographical area of the body.

Yeah, exactly. He just needs hands now. He's done the trunk. Now let's do the funk. George says, I've got a toenail story for you from 2005 2006 i had a horribly ingrown toenail it involved lots of pain and pus uh after a couple of years of occasionally going to podiatrist to clip tiny bits off and make it more sufferable i went to my gp he said it was absolutely shocking and referred me to a specialist a few weeks later my aunt who works in

the hospital came to visit the family when she saw my toe she asked what had happened and if i'd seen a doctor i told her it was being looked after two days later my auntie rang me and said can you come to the hospital on friday your doctor friend fatima has arranged a doctor to fix your toe brackets fatima was a doctor i met while working in immigration in dublin i helped to get her mother and daughter into the country wow all legally i rugged up to the hospital mum and daughter into the country. Wow. All legally. I rugged up to the hospital on Friday morning. The doctor sat me down,

injected me and started cutting my toe with a scalpel. When he finished, he ordered me to sit on the lounge for the next two weeks with four feet with your foot up. Best part. This was the first day of the 2006 world cup in Germany. After those two weeks finished, I had three weeks planned leave to welcome my girlfriend that I didn't

currently have access to for six months to Ireland. So all up, I had five weeks off work completely to watch the 2006 World Cup. It was a great time. Cue up the great work, George. So basically, this is a kind of angle of getting a serious procedure done so you can have

five weeks off work and watch the football. I'm sure many, many people have considered that in the past. I think so, yeah. I completely agree. Would you take a big toenail being lopped off for five weeks off in the summer? Five weeks off? I wouldn't.

I mean, people can handle not having a toenail though. The problem with me is I am someone who probably wouldn't be able to keep it clean and i'd have an mrsa i'd have my ankle off like almost you'd be doing a um a foot spa in bigger juice i'll be doing a foot spa in bigger juice oh yeah it's not that carbonated it's fine it's not that carbonated yeah by the way those little fish that nibble on the old feet they've been cancelled as well haven't't they? They've been cancelled? Or people just sort of thought, I mean, this isn't great.

I mean, you're going to get skin-borne illnesses. What's the reason people don't like it anymore? I think it's because they are literally munching into your skin and then the next person puts their feet in and they're munching at their skin and transferring whatever coughs and sneezes, spread diseases, head from one to the other. Apparently the fish pedicure has the potential to spread zoonotic diseases,

whatever they are. But apparently the overall risk of infection is very low. Speaking of infection, I did not mean to sniff right into the microphone there. A little bit binaural sound design. I meant to mute it, but instead I just made my headphones really loud

so I could hear it really well. So PETA, the people for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, who, I mean, although do mean well, are quite regularly quite risible, aren't they? I think they're a little bit like people on Twitter who have messages. Sometimes they can be a bit heavy- and that upsets people but fuck it. You've got to break a few eggs to make a few omelettes. Apparently according to them the animals used

don't want to eat your dead skin. They do it because they're so severely starved they'll try to eat human skin for sustenance. I mean that is sad. I mean that is really sad. That's really upsetting. Especially as there's no real need to do it is there? It's just a bit of a gimmick, isn't it?

Yeah, I mean, just get a pumice stone for crying out loud. That's not going to complain. I'd say you can have the fish pedicure and you have a hundred

of those little funnels, I don't know what they're called. You've got to take them on with you. No, you get one piranha. Oh, you've got to kind of

move your feet around avoiding the piranha and getting it interested in yeah it's a good point actually I reckon it's a good policy yeah

my son's got a book of animals that I read to him before he goes to bed sometimes and he absolutely loves the piranha page it's like his favourite page

I love that kids books now are more willing to mess about a bit more i bought for markings they're more self-aware now yeah yeah little and i i bought her a little sort of game because like whose poop is this and it was like different kinds of poops yeah yeah i match them to the animals and it's like if i was a kid like the most kind of naughty book we had when we were kids were like

you're all dolls and also like the stinky cheese man and stuff and it was like what i've never heard of that what's that it was a big stinky bit of cheese big wheel of cheese that would run around the town um getting into hijinks but i love the great smile robbery was a bit naughty as well i think i seem to recall just things i was just a little bit naughty The little animal poo book has got the wallaby poo, right, which is square. Is it wombat poo? Square. Wombat, I think, yeah. Yeah.

Fascinating. I don't know why that is. It would be so efficient. You can make a little, play a bit of Tetris with it. Put a little house. Yeah, you could play Tetris with it. Shitty Tetris.

On that note, playing Tetris with animal shit, should we get out of here, Peter? All right, then. Do the shout-out. Do the shout-out for emails and all that kind of stuff. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com is our email address. You can choose to airdrop Gay Pornography, do it if you want,

or you can just send us just all kinds of normal stuff if you want. Tell us stories. Let us know how your little snip, snip, snippy, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, cauterize, tie, went, and all kinds of other stuff if you've yeah if you've had major surgery on your bits let us know maybe you've had something lopped off or added to Simon Cowell if you're listening

get us and talk to us about your procedures procedures yeah we have a lot of questions certainly certainly alright then take it easy guys speak to you soon farewell Certainly. Certainly. All right, then. Take it easy, guys. Speak to you soon. Farewell. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network. Go back to school with Rogers

and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers.