The Neighborhood Listen - A Fog That Smells Like Chemicals with Betsy Sodaro
Episode Date: December 5, 2023Joan recalls a betrayal from the reviled local theater critic Mitch McNutt, Doug tries to multitask, and Burnt explains a local superstition. Joining the show is special guest Dr. Koucou (Bet...sy Sodaro), a doctor of every kind of science you can imagine, to explain the mysterious fog over Dignity Falls.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to the entire ad-free archive as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your neighbor. Good. neighborhood listen knock knock who's there your neighbor good indignity falls you're never alone you've got the neighbor half app and us burnt and jode from coyotes to mail theft to weird things to
sell we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well we'll chat about any posts you're missing
so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.
Welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen.
Hey, babe, were you ready?
Were you ready for that?
Sorry.
Because I can't see, Doug.
I didn't know.
I know.
You know what?
We should have a-
Doug, are you all right?
What are those noises?
Are you okay?
He's in the gym. You know, we realized all this time that we never built a gym room.? We should have a- Doug, are you all right? What are those noises? Are you okay? He's in the gym.
You know, we realized all this time
that we never built a gym room.
You did not have-
Never did.
We got a bean room and a history room
that's just called history the room,
but we don't have a bean room.
I mean, we don't have a gym room.
I think we could just call it the gym.
Is this displacing any other rooms
or is this a brand new addition no this was this was
supposed to be a fifth bathroom it's small and maybe that's fifth bathroom and it's just the
two of you here there's still a toilet in there so it is yes well no i mean we still because the
kids come and go the kids come and go the twins have not revealed themselves yet they're still
they're in their halloween prank and they're still hiding in the walls. This is Matt and perniciousness. Matt and perniciousness. Yes. So, so aptly named Matt.
Um,
and,
uh,
and so this was,
this is tiny.
And so there's a lot of equipment in there.
The space,
the gym.
I'm sorry.
Because it was only ever supposed to just be a bathroom.
Joan,
I honestly thought you were introducing me to someone.
Tiny.
Yes.
Tiny.
That's an acceptable nickname for a big person.
Uh, well, no, I was introducing you to the gym
and I don't mean a guy named Jim.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, well, but that's all right.
I mean, I thought we were just-
I think we did have a-
No, I know.
I'm teasing, of course.
So it's a little tiny in there, tiny, re, the adjective.
And I think maybe, are you okay? Because it's hard to get around in there and there's a little tiny in there. Tiny, re, the adjective. And I think maybe, are you okay?
Because it's hard to get around in there
and there's a lot of heavy stuff.
Are you trapped under something heavy, babe?
Have you already been trapped under something heavy?
It's a fair assumption, but I'm not.
Because there's barely room for the equipment.
I said to him, I don't know, babe,
I don't know if you should work out and record.
And he was just like, no, this is going to be
great. Oh, so he's also working out.
He thought he could
multitask. That seems like a lot.
And no one is spotting you?
Not even Tiny?
I don't need a spot. Oh, Doug,
no. Wait, do you know what's...
I just want to make sure that he knows what spot means.
Okay, good question. In terms of
working out. Good question.
It's the logo where you put your hands, right?
It's like a spot on the...
Okay, this is why I'm very glad I asked.
The logo where you put your hands.
No, it's not the spot where you put your hands
when you bench press, babe.
It's when you are dealing with heavyweights.
How do I know that?
I know this because the twins were super into CrossFit
for like a week.
Oh, but they were a terror when that, that was a tough week.
It was a tough week.
It was a terror filled week.
Oh my God.
And.
They literally kicked sand in people's faces.
They did.
They thought, I told them that wasn't one of the exercises.
No, but they were, they became bullies.
And they were going around town.
They gave themselves Icelandic names because it's a bunch of Icelandic people that do it.
They were just dumping sand on the ground and then kicking into people's faces. They town. They gave themselves Icelandic names because it's a bunch of Icelandic people that do it. They were just dumping sand on the ground
and then kicking into people's faces.
They were.
They really were.
And so that's why we have some of that leftover stuff.
But babe, what it means is
when you're dealing with heavyweights,
you need someone, a person called a spotter
to sort of help you in case
what I think might've happened,
which is the weight got on your chest
and you couldn't move it.
Is that what we heard?
Burnt just started the show so suddenly that I collapsed.
Oh, I see.
I see.
That you collapsed.
Yes.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay.
All right.
Well, so are you okay?
That's very, boy, I didn't realize I started it.
That's okay.
I'm realizing I have been spotted before when Teenie took that piano off my chest.
So there is someone named Teenie.
I guess so.
And there was a piano on your chest
what
what I actually
don't think he's well I think he did get hit on the head
yeah it does sound like
yes teeny's my friend
oh boy you know teeny
oh now when you say that to
me well now that really puts me on the spot
and I don't mean helping someone with a weight.
It's what we call Toneal.
Toneal.
That's his real name.
Toneal's real.
Okay, so Toneal's nickname is teeny.
Yes.
Not Tony.
Or Neil.
Tony's short for Anthony.
Tony. Well, that's true's true but that's just true i will not dispute that doug i honestly will not dispute that but i think you could get away i i
feel like there are some nicknames that are common to two different names oh yes you know the one
that's always weirded me out tell me me. Is Jack being a nickname for John?
Please explain that.
Don't understand.
This makes no sense to me.
Why isn't the nickname for Thomas Tack?
You, sir, are no Jack Kennedy.
I remember that.
Yes, that's right.
Oh, yes.
I knew Jack Kennedy.
I worked with Jack Kennedy.
You, sir, are no Jack Kennedy.
What is this from again?
I know the quote, but I can't think of what it is.
Well, okay, Bert.
No, I'm just telling you.
I decided to stick my neck out there
and ask for clarification instead of
just silently pretend like I know what we're talking about.
No, I appreciate that. I said that because it's
not like from Battlestar Galactica or something.
It's from... Which you know, that's what all
my references are from. Well, I don't
know. If you don't remember where it came from... It is a I don't know if you don't remember where it is a good show
though up until the end is a good I had a
diorama for that in history the room
for the
Jack Kennedy no the Jack Kennedy
that made it
what
made it into the history room is very questionable
it was the vice presidential debate
between Dan Quayle and I believe it was
Lloyd Benson.
Okay.
Yes.
Now I remember this. Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
All right.
Well, now we settled it.
That is old business.
Should we?
We haven't even introduced ourselves, but babe, should we come up with something?
I was about to and then Teenie dropped the ball or something.
Apparently.
We need to come up with a way for that not to happen again.
Should we have some sort of system where we count ourselves in or we just say to Doug, are you ready?
Because, you know, that's true.
We didn't do that.
And that's fair.
Usually, Doug will tell us when it's time.
And I, for some reason, I thought it just felt like time.
I hear you.
And I was going, you know, you and I can just start talking.
He has to press a button unless there's more to it than that.
It's very true.
I don't mean to minimize.
Well, there's more.
I got to set up.
But is it that simple?
This is of course,
Doug, my husband.
And you have to tell us.
As you might remember
in one episode,
he,
but when we asked him
to choose between husband
or engineer,
he chose husband-eer.
And so that's what I like
to call him sometimes.
I don't remember that.
And is that truly a thing
that we discussed?
Yes, it is. Okay. I will take your word for it. A humble husband-eer. Well, that's what I like to call them sometimes. I don't remember that. Our husband here. And is that truly a thing that we discussed? Yes, it is.
Okay.
I will take your word for it.
A humble husband here.
Oh, that's new.
Now you're adding things.
A hum-huzz.
A hum-huzz.
Humble.
I am Joan.
This is my name.
I'm trying to get us back on the rails here.
I know.
I'm Joan.
Let's not make it sound like an AA meeting.
Welcome to the Neighborhood Listen.
This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, USA.
And it is hosted by myself and my co-host, Joan Pedestrian, whose voice you just heard saying, I am Joan.
Multiple times.
And I am Burnt Me a Payday.
I'm a pharmacist here in dignity
falls joan is the number one realtor in dignity falls as well as a terrifically talented uh
amateur thespian that's very kind i'm doug is our engineer doug is an engineer a humble husband
dear humble husband dear and uh and i i just want to clarify i'm the top realtor in dignity falls for now and this is
why i'm taking the drastic measures that i'm taking that we discussed oh no well before we get into the
tfc no before we get into that tnf totally new face no it's total face change no total face
change is that what it was yes total face change i've been change. Is that what it was? Yes.
Total face change.
I've been thinking about it so much that I've changed the acronym
because I think totally new face.
Total acronym change.
Totally new face.
You pull a TSE.
Totally new face feels more hopeful to me
and less negative than total face change.
Either way.
Either way, Joe. if you need to be reminded
i've been watching so much selling sunset and so many reality shows about realty it's maybe very
self-conscious and feeling like i don't even fit into this industry anymore everything about the
industry is telling me i need to look entirely different right but i don't i i think that's the very specific industry of TV realty.
Sure, but that's...
As opposed to just realty.
Yeah, or I mean, now it's a whole new thing.
It's reality.
How do you say that?
I wouldn't even take a swing at it.
I think it's a trap.
Well, I fell right into it.
Okay, well, we don't have to talk about it right now.
Now, I do want to ask you about something.
Okay.
We haven't talked about this.
This was the topic of much discussion last season.
Oh.
Which was your one-woman show.
Oh.
About the women of Dignity Falls.
That's right.
Past, present, and future.
Yes.
We got into some future yeah and
then let's tell people i mean we haven't mentioned it at all this season so far and i think we should
tell people what happened oh when i did it yes well uh let's just say it was a brief run
i don't know if you remember but for a brief recap one of the uh snags i ran into right
uh was wanting to uh do the character of kiki dragon that's right that's right
who uh well who as you know let's see so she's she's no longer with us uh no she's long dead
yes and the curse is that if you speak her name or just imitate her, right?
If you imitate her, yes.
Then your cuticles bleed.
Yes, that's how it starts.
That's right.
She had a very distinctive and extremely unpleasant voice.
And she knew it.
But what a character to play for an actress.
Of course.
And so I could not get away from it.
It absolutely was my white whale.
And I had to. Wet whale It absolutely was my white whale. And I had to.
Wet whale?
That was her wet whale.
What?
So just whales, I guess.
Yeah.
No, my white whale, babe.
You know, like Moby Dick.
Remember that book?
I see, I see.
I think I see, I see means he doesn't see.
I don't remember when it came out.
Boy, that's not when I think of a book that I don't.
First thing I think of is not when it came out.
It was a while ago.
I think about whether I've read it or not.
Right.
I've never read it.
I'm not sure I have either, to be perfectly honest.
I think I'm good.
Yeah, I don't know if I need to.
No.
I don't.
I mean, I feel like we get the gist.
Yeah.
I don't need to read some immersive book about how they raise the jib and hoist the mizzen mane and all that stuff.
Sounds like you did read it.
Sounds like you maybe are curious.
I know that I'm always curious about boats.
Are you maritime curious?
I'm maritime curious, yes.
I'm not curious about boats. Are you maritime curious? I'm maritime curious, yes. I'm not even a father.
Well, to get back to it, that was my white whale.
And I came up with what I thought was a great idea,
which was to channel the impression through another character.
I came up with a Boston stand-up who had a puppet. There were many layers. with what I thought was a great idea, which was to channel the impression through another character.
I came up with a Boston standup who had a puppet.
There were many layers.
You were trying to distance yourself from the voice.
Look, in hindsight, I realized it was never gonna work. So that you couldn't get in trouble
with the vengeful spirit of, yeah.
But then we decided,
of course we talk about him all the time, Mitch McNutt.
He's the town critic.
We hate him.
He wears turtlenecks.
Disgusting.
He's a real prick.
He comes to hate something. No, exactly. That's literally what he arrives's the town critic. We hate him. He wears turtlenecks. Disgusting. He's a real prick. He comes to
hate something. No. That's literally what he arrives
at the theater for. He's a true piece of shit.
Yes. Burnt really
doesn't like him. I can't stand him. And we're
thinking of having him on the show.
Well, I won't be here. I don't know. I can tell
you that much. If he gets back to what we said
about him, I'm not sure he's going to come on and be a guest.
Of course he will. He loves to be
hated. Well, I want to talk to him about this experience
because this is why we need to bring him on.
Because what I decided was perhaps I could get him up on stage
and do a section where I sort of teach an audience member
how to do an impression or how to do a character.
Right.
And bring him up and have him do the character of Kiki Drek,
trick him into doing it somehow, then he would get the curse.
That's right.
Then it's on his cuticles.
Yes.
But what he did instead to me,
what he did instead,
have you ever seen Eight Mile?
No.
Oh, wow.
Well, it's better than Moby Dick.
That's worth the watch, I think.
It's good to know.
Well, I think our listeners will know.
Babe, do you remember Eight Mile?
I remember when that came out, yeah.
Okay.
He remembers when it came out.
Okay.
Most of you do that for movies, too.
Okay.
Right.
But do you remember the big battle in the end?
The big battle?
Yeah, the rap battle.
Oh, the rap battle, sure, yeah.
Are you thinking of a different 8 Mile?
No.
Okay.
Are you picturing five armies having this big rap battle?
Some eagles come in and start rapping?
Yes.
What happens is Eminem, right?
He's white kid from like the wrong side of Detroit
and he's up against this guy.
Marshall Mathers.
He has to play on Eminem's.
Yes.
Hardly.
Nobody talks about.
Oh, oh, oh, the name Marshall Mathers.
It's very taboo.
The name Eminem.
Yes.
So at the very end, he's up against this guy.
It was just the two of them.
And he knows he can't beat him.
He knows he can't beat him because the guy's just going to destroy him.
You know, he's white.
Because he's very good at rapping.
He's very good at rapping.
So what Eminem does, or Rabbit is his name in the movie.
Rabbit is his sort of, I don't know, not call sign.
Named a rap call sign.
It's his stage name. It's his stage name.
That's his stage name.
That's his MC name, if you will.
His handle.
Anyway, so he gets up there.
That's his airport code.
You know, you get to sort of choose who goes first, right?
You do like a Rochambeau and whoever wins gets to pick if you go first or, you know,
I go first, right?
If you and I were in a rap battle, Bert, can you imagine?
Can you imagine, Joan? Oh my goodness.
I mean, it would be easier for me than singing, I guess.
The only thing I can rhyme your name with is
turnt, which kind of helps, but other than that
I got nothing. Ernt?
What is ernt? Like, no, I ernt.
Like earned. Okay.
But just sort of. Learned.
Learned.
Oh, learned is good. All right.
It's turnt.
I just made that up does rhyme current like current
events current events exactly anyhow let me explain this so electric current
i mean that's the dignity falls accent it is it is. Yeah. It's very shortened. We say current turnt.
Mm-hmm.
Going to the restaurant.
Restaurant.
Restaurant.
So what happens is-
It's hot as hell in here.
Yeah, it's pretty hot.
He comes out on stage.
He wins and he decides that he's going to go first, which is sort of shocking.
Usually people want to go second.
Right.
So they can sort of have a comeback.
Exactly.
And then who would go first?
Because then the guy who goes after you can use can reference the things that you did
and destroy you.
This is what he does.
He takes away all of that power because he says, I know everything you're going to say
about me.
And he talks about how he's white trash.
He does a self-roast.
Yes.
And it just leaves the other guy just devastated.
Now the tides have turned.
Indeed they have.
Indeed they have.
And so that is exactly what Mitch McNutt did to me.
He ate mild me.
No.
He wrote a review before seeing my show
and he put it in print and he said i already know what happens
that was the headline
and then he did he read this review on stage during the show no he didn't come to the show
i never got the chance because he didn't come he wrote a review without coming do you know what i
was saying i couldn't yeah okay joan well i'm very angry about it still listen you brought this up
it's true it's very true and i was wondering what 8 Mile had to do with anything. And... Well, we got
a little distraction on earned
rhymes. It's true.
It's true.
You thought you were going to understand the connection.
I couldn't control it. You thought you were in there, but you weren't.
Oh, you and I were both trying to do the same thing at the same time
just now.
But I 8 Miled you. You sure did.
So, okay.
So he didn't even show up.
He didn't even let me have the chance to.
Well, first of all, I mean, talk to Doug.
I didn't come out of my dressing room.
Doug, what happened?
I have a dressing room in the, in the, in home.
Of course.
I took that for granted.
I didn't come out of my dressing room.
I took that for granted.
I, I locked myself in my dressing room for a full evening.
This is classic diva behavior.
Well, I'm sorry, but that was, it warranted it.
I'm not saying it's unwarranted.
Absolutely.
The night before opening night is when he published this.
I can't see Doug, but I felt like he just shook his head.
I could hear it too.
I didn't even get the night before opening night.
And he puts this in print and it was, I mean, who does that?
The night before opening night.
Yes, this is what I'm saying.
I can't believe you don't know all of this.
We really haven't talked about it.
You're right.
Well, I meant for the, yeah.
But I guess I thought it was opening night he released it no
again that he wouldn't opening night is when you usually do release you know a classic back in the
day the reviewers were at all you go to sardis that's right now nowadays yeah it's all different
now it's not as it's it's not as traditional as it was and now people review the show days ahead
yes in this case he didn't see it. He didn't do anything.
He just wanted to hurt me.
Yes.
He had heard the rumors that I was going to pull him up on stage.
Hurt.
He was so hurt.
And so I was almost not going to go on with the show.
And Doug had to, yeah, he sat outside my door.
God bless him.
And tried to get me to come out.
Tried to get me to eat.
He tried to put food.
He did, but he, yeah,
but he just, he pushed really thick things under
and I was like, babe.
Like what was the thickest thing he pushed under?
Like a steak.
He tried to put it in.
Oh, no.
Well, who would want to eat that
after it's been scraped through the underside of a door?
And also, I'm just not in the mood for steak
when I'm grieving.
Oh, what a terrible guy.
So I've yet to confront him about it.
I ended up, of course, as we know, doing the show.
I was able to do it three times.
And then you were out.
Yes.
Well, we were, unfortunately, what ended up happening is I encouraged,
I thought it'd be fun to in um
have everybody uh do some impressions um on the last everyone in the audience everyone in the
audience you know instead of single out anybody i said let's all stand up and i'm gonna teach you
how to do an impression of yeah uh because remember i was gonna do like the sheriff i was gonna do a
bunch of different people and then i just lost my i forgot my place i didn't i was i went back
into my rehearsal mode which is where i was going to do kiki dragon slayer and i unfortunately did
the impression and the entire audience did it yeah so much blood everywhere yeah bleeding cuticles
fast it was instant yeah i mean that curse is real yeah and so i uh i obviously that's why we
had to shut down because they had to um
i was a it was a biohazard and they had to clean the theater they're still cleaning it they're
still cleaning it now um so it didn't uh go well and i blame mitch mcdonald and i would like to
confront him about it i blame him too uh i i feel like he's lost all journalistic integrity by saying
i mean did he have any i already happens. Yeah, was the point of the
article just to brag that he had
seen it? He was like, Joan's gonna come out.
She's gonna do a song. She's going to do some
she's gonna do some audience
work. She's going to
try to throw in a bunch of different wigs. She's
going to try to sing. I mean, he nailed it. Okay, well
alright. That's beside
the point. It is beside the point.
He did predict blood would be spilled.
He said that he closed it by saying there will be blood.
He said, what's black and white?
And read all over.
He said, this review after you've seen the show.
How did he type that out?
Because I knew I could hear it so perfectly in my,
in my mind.
It's a powerful ending.
It was a powerful.
That was only for the app. When you can go and listen to the part of the audio of the review,
that's the only place that was available.
That's right.
Um,
and,
and,
and,
uh,
yeah,
you know,
there will be blood as a,
as a movie.
I enjoy.
Yes,
it is. Uh, babe, do you remember when that came out? a movie I enjoy. Yes, it is.
Babe, do you remember when that came out?
Do you remember when that came out?
Absolutely.
Which character is it that you love, Berndt?
He's a character named Mr. Prescott.
Ooh.
And he is trying to keep this meeting on track early on in the film.
It sounds like an important role.
I think it's a very important role.
It's almost the inciting incident.
Yes.
Of the film. I would say so. The fact that this It's almost the inciting incident. Yes. Of the film.
I would say so.
The fact that this fellow cannot keep Daniel Plainview from leaving
is what makes Daniel Plainview go on to the rest of the movie.
Wow.
The movie doesn't happen without him.
It doesn't happen without Prescott.
And it's a shame that he did not come back at the end of the film
to say something like, remember me, Mr. Plainview?
Is that what you would pick
for him to say? Yeah, I think so.
If you could have one more line of dialogue, what would
you pick? You know what? I always pictured him
coming back and just bowling a perfect strike
right after that scene.
That would have been a great
post-credit sequence. Yes!
Yes, it would have been. I finished!
And then you go through all the credits,
and then at the end, yes!
And then he does the, who do you think
you are? I am!
That would be great.
To retcon it into
that bowler quoting
Daniel Plainview.
Now that's a funny clip. Oh boy, is that a
funny thing to say? It's just funny.
I admire it so much.
What could have been going on?
You know what?
I feel like I solved it once
and you can
help me out with this to make sense
of the quote. Okay, yes, yes. Let's break it down.
Because he's expecting an
answer, but he doesn't leave
enough time for the
answer. Correct. And if you don't know, listeners, what we're talking about, just simply Google who do you think you are? I am. They might answer, but he doesn't leave enough time for the correct.
And if you don't know, listeners, what we're talking about, just simply Google.
Who do you think you are?
I am.
They might not know.
So your line is.
OK, yes.
OK.
You think this is what he was.
He was thinking someone would answer.
Yes.
OK.
Your line is the greatest bowler.
Oh, OK.
Let's do it.
Who do you think you are?
The greatest bowler.
I am. Works perfectly. Well, I don't know about know about perfectly i mean it's very scary still what's wrong it's
but i think you're exactly right about that there's a part missing from that entire uh
missive but what would anyone ever answer if someone just won a bowling tournament and they're
pointing in your face saying who do you think you are?
What possible answer could he be expecting?
Maybe what?
Here's another theory is that he didn't finish that thought.
Right.
Because it just came out.
He's just pointing at everybody.
Almost as if like to me, it felt like, yeah, that's right.
I fucking showed you.
I'm I'm the greatest. Right. Like you were doubting me. at everybody almost as if like to me it felt like yeah that's right i fucking showed you i i'm i i'm
the greatest right like you were doubting me so so i feel like he's saying who do you think you
are to have doubted me that i wasn't the greatest bowler well i am i am that's right yes that's a
lot it's a little more shakespearean tiny little amount of time
that's right it's that's what happens sometimes in shakespeare that's why all the wars happen
off stage because you know you can't do that on stage no that's why someone just comes out
with one big monologue yeah like there were horses and there was blood yeah the one the
bravery and the courage oh i wish i could find a horse there's none around here
well anyways if you haven't listened to it just give it a listen it's fantastic
uh and always funny always funny always funny uh and what was always funny by the way i don't
remember who do you think you are i am yes oh absolutely yes oh boy yes maybe we should take
a break and and regroup i think that's a great idea and uh babe i just want to make sure that
you're safe in there so if you need to move or if you need one of us to come up and spy you okay
did you how long have you been stuck I didn't want to say anything but I swung my t-ball bat
you know because I'm working out wait for what is that you're doing t-ball I'm in an adult league
oh that's right he's an adult that's right I that. Yes. I swung the T-ball bat.
The space is too small. I got caught between a wall. The T-ball bat is
just jammed on a wall. You know what I mean?
Almost like a bone
in your throat.
In a cartoon?
Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to draw
sideways where you see the outline
of the bone.
I bring home those just baked chickens from the store, and he just doesn't.
Just baked chickens.
He just doesn't discern between the meat and the bone, and it's a real problem.
That is a real problem.
He doesn't discern between the meat and the bone.
He just bites into it like an apple.
Doesn't discern.
Yeah, you can't do that.
No dessert?
No dessert. No desert.
All right.
We should take a break.
We'll sort Doug out.
And when we return, we will have a guest here on The Neighborhood Listen.
This is LW, and I'm selling a large pecan tree.
Large pecan tree for sale.
Condition is used.
Good.
For sale, as in tree is for sale.
Not looking for tree service.
Thank you for all your offers and advice. As you can see in the picture,
it is a pecan tree on its side, uprooted from the ground. And that is right. I am selling this tree.
I'm not looking for someone to just haul it away for free. I'm selling this uprooted tree that's lying on its side.
Just don't try to tell me that I need the city to come get it.
I wouldn't call anybody from the city if I was on fire and they had the only water.
I despise the city.
The day I step foot in the city is to buy a casket and climb inside.
You city people, you make me sick to my stomach.
One day a real rain will come and wash away the scum.
That's from Taxi Driver. I do love the movies.
from Taxi Driver.
I do love the movies.
And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen.
And Joan, as you know,
in this segment,
we invite a guest onto the show,
someone who lives right here in Dignity Falls.
And we interview them as a way to get to know our neighborhood
and share it with the world.
And what we do is we go to the neighbor app.
We all know the neighbor app.
It is about the comings and goings in your neighborhood.
And so we find posts that are interesting.
If you'd like to send us a post, you can.
If there's something that you think we've missed, scan your own neighbor app and send
it to us at burntandjoneatgmail.com.
Just take a little screenshot and send it in to us
and we'll read it on the podcast.
Just like we're going to do right now.
You're having fun today, Burnt.
I guess I am.
I guess I am.
I'm full of beans today.
You're being a bunch of different DJs. I like it.
Being a bunch of different
DJs. Yeah, you just kind of switched.
You did one version and then
you did that thing with your voice.
I love it when you do that.
Is this person supernatural?
Alright, so
this is a post from
Mishki. What a fun name.
Oh, I like it a lot. Mishki. What a fun name. Oh, I like it a lot.
Mishki.
This is in the crime and safety segment.
Mishki is in Dignity Falls East, and the headline is,
Fog Tonight.
Mishki continues.
Dignity Falls, what's up with this fog that smells like chemicals?
Is there a fire nearby?
Can't find any info.
Well, we do have someone here with the info, and it is not Mishki.
But it is someone who can explain the fog that smells like chemicals.
Oh, fantastic.
And we welcome this person.
And what is your name?
Oh, hello.
My name is Dr. Cuckoo.
Dr. Thanks for having me. I'm sorry. Did you say Dr. Cuckoo. Dr.
Thanks for having me.
I'm sorry.
Did you say Dr. Cuckoo?
Cuckoo.
Oh, Dr. Cuckoo.
Yes.
How is that spelled?
Oh, boy.
K-O-U-C-O-U.
K-O-U-C-O-U.
Cuckoo.
Cuckoo.
Cuckoo.
That is a, do you struggle with having that name?
Because what kind of doctor are you?
Let's first get to that.
Every kind of science you could imagine.
I got a doctorate in it.
Oh, a doctorate.
Okay, so you're not a medical doctor.
Oh, no, but I do surgery.
Oh, dear.
What kind of surgery?
Check it out.
Oh, my goodness.
There's a, I'm not sure that, I think that's an open wound. It, check it out. I did it myself. Oh my goodness. There's a... I'm not
sure that... I think that's an open wound.
It's a... Wow.
It is bleeding a little bit more than
I planned on. I had to get
my spleen out of me.
Why is that? Because I
fell hard and I'm pretty sure I ruptured
it. I fell down the
stairs. Okay. And you... And so you
did a self-spleenectomy?
Yes. Alright, and
how do you do that? I mean, is a local
anesthetic enough to cover
taking out your own spleen?
Yeah, pretty much. I
just, you know, put a little thought
in my stomach and can't feel anything
and I go for it. Okay.
You've done this more than once.
Oh, yeah. Look at this, my right side.
Oh, heaven.
Yeah, appendicitis.
I don't have it anymore.
Right, but it looks like someone took an actual bite out of you.
Yes.
Oh, yes.
That's my dog.
I'm sorry.
My dog took a bite out of me.
You employed your dog in the surgery?
No, this is a whole different
thing. Oh, I see. Yeah. Do you live
alone other than just with your dog, doctor?
It's me and my dog, yes.
Is that
weird? Oh, wow. Is that
a freak thing?
Am I a freak? Dr. Cuckoo is looking right
at me. Dr. Cuckoo,
I think Joan was just
gathering information. Okay. I don't think you're a freak. I will say you have to forgive me. I don't. Dr. Cuckoo, I think Joan was just gathering information. Okay.
I don't think there was any judgment. I don't think you're a freak. I will say
you have to forgive me.
But not for that. You do have
to give me, you have to allow me some
moment to have a reaction to what you're
showing us, which is sort of
forgive me, terrible looking scars. It's gruesome.
Yes, I'm sorry. I get very sensitive
about it. Sure. Everybody thinks
I'm such a weirdo.
Now, when you say everybody, who are these people that you encounter from day to day?
Do you have friends?
Do you have colleagues?
What is it?
Please give me a day in the life of Dr. Cooper.
Oh, great suggestion.
Oh, okay.
Well, it all starts when the sun rises.
Sure, classic day beginning.
This might have been a mistake. And I
have a machine that when
the window gets a certain
temperature, it
will burn a string
that will then release a
bucket of water and wake me
up. Oh, you love those kinds
of... This sounds like a contraption.
What's wrong? You have a Rube
Goldberg machine. Okay. She's got you there,ption. What's wrong? You have a Rube Goldberg machine.
Okay.
She's got you there, bro.
There's no issue.
There's no issue with that at all.
What?
Is that weird?
Nope.
Is it weird?
Am I a big freak?
It's unusual, let's say.
Why?
How do you get up?
I would say it's...
I'll jump in here.
I'm just going to jump in here and say
I do think it is more unusual
to perform surgery on yourself
than it is to maybe have a Rube Goldberg machine.
But...
Okay.
Whatever.
But I think we're just...
This is a lot of...
You're asking the question.
Is this weird?
We're saying it's unusual
and then you're dismissing it.
Oh, see, you know, and there's no comeback to that.
There's really nothing we can do.
There really isn't.
Because obviously I don't want to say that she's a freak or that this is weird, you know.
But it's sort of at the exact same time defensive and offensive.
Yes, exactly.
Yes, it's an interesting response.
It's defensive and dismissive. Okay, Dr. Cuckoo. Yes, exactly. Yes, it's an interesting response. It's defensive and dismissive.
Okay, Dr. Cuckoo.
Yes.
Let's, I don't know where to start.
I do want to know about the fog that's coming.
We kind of started at an 11,
and now we really need to...
I get told that a lot.
I start very...
Again, where do you get told this a lot?
Who are these people?
The grocery store.
Okay.
Let's go back to the day in progress.
Okay.
I mean, okay, all right.
So you wake up.
Wake up.
Do you want to hear more about the machine?
Sure.
Because it's a long process.
Sure.
Okay, so water spills on me.
But to wake me up...
So the window gets to a certain temperature.
The window gets to a certain temperature the window gets to a certain temperature
and then it burns a string
that's holding a bucket of water
the window gets hot to burn a string
yes
how is the string
taped to the window
is it a magnifying glass
oh yeah that's a good idea
oh it's a good idea
but it's not in practice.
No, it's...
Okay.
I've just been...
The string just burned.
The window just gets real hot, burns that string.
Well, I guess the window sure is the magnifying glass.
Wait, do your windows not get crazy hot?
That's not the question that I'm asking.
It's another deflection, really.
It really is.
I mean, she's getting us to go on a deep dive about windows and their temperature.
We can't do that.
We just can't do that.
All right, so window burn string.
Yes! Window burn string. Bucket of water falls on me
while I'm in bed. Like all
of the water? All of the water.
The whole pail, including the bucket
or no? No. The bucket remains suspended.
Don't be ridiculous, Burnt.
Are you making fun of me?
Oh, you know what? I was making a little joke
and I apologize, Dr. Cuckoo. Thank you.
Thank you for pointing that out.
You asked me to be on this
thing and I'm here
and now you're making fun of me?
To be fair, you volunteered.
You actually wrote to us several times.
Yeah, I threatened you and your family.
There were notes left on my door.
I said, you better have me on
or else I'm going to blow up your houses.
Can I say that the threats were, they weren't as effective because they were so involved and very long.
Yes.
Because you described the machine that you would use to blow up our houses.
Yes, that's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And it just seemed like, oh, well, this is going to work.
But now doesn't it make much more sense?
It does.
Yeah.
Now.
So, okay.
So now you have water and then what?
You don't wake up yet?
No.
I really thought that would be it.
Nope.
She said it was very long.
It's very long.
Okay.
So then I have these robots that I made.
What?
Yeah.
Why can't the robots just wake you up?
Oh my god,
that's a good idea.
What do they do? So you're covered with water.
Yes, so I'm covered with water
and the robots have to wait
five minutes after I
get dunked with water.
Why? Like a snooze effect?
Yes, like a snooze. Then why not just
an alarm clock if I may?
I don't trust the government.
I don't trust them.
I see.
That's how they get you?
That's how they get you when you're sleeping.
When you're sleeping.
Because clocks are, you know, essentially you're syncing up with the atomic clock.
We know this, yes.
This is what time the government tells us it is. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Is that the weird?
Is that the weird?
Did you say is that the weird?
Did you say is that the weird?
Is that the weirdest?
Is that the weirdest or what?
Anyway, so my robots
come over. How many robots?
Oh, they don't live in house. They come over.
No, they come over to my bed.
From their apartment?
They're in my bedroom.
Oh.
They're in my bedroom watching me sleep.
Like standing sentry.
Yes.
Watching you sleep.
And they breathe heavy all night long.
Why do they have to breathe?
I programmed them to breathe heavy.
So why?
That helps you sleep?
Like white noise?
Oh, I could never sleep with that.
Oh, it's making me a little sleepy, actually.
See, it's working on you.
It's working.
It actually was making me a little drowsy.
I can make you one of these robots.
Getting a little drowsy.
I don't want to know.
I need to hear more about them, I think.
Okay, okay.
So then they come over.
They come over to me, one on each side of the bed.
And they rip the sheets off.
And they rip my clothes off. The soaking wet sheets
and clothes.
Yes. And then
they pick me up
each by one arm and they
drag me out of bed.
Like you're a drunk
getting kicked out of a bar. This is terrible.
This is terrible. What?
What do you mean? Okay, sorry.
It's just not how I would like to be woken up.
Please go on.
How do you want to get woken up? Oh, wow.
Dr. Cuckoo.
Dr. Cuckoo.
So what?
Dr. Cuckoo.
How do you want to get woken up?
Now, we're not talking to you that way.
No.
I think I'm pretty close to it.
All right, fine.
Sorry.
I get defensive because everybody thinks I'm so weird.
Oh, boy.
Oh, my gosh.
If I may, I mean, if you're telling other people this, you should be used to these reactions by now.
Oh, that's a fair point.
You should know that you do things a certain way that other people don't typically do.
Come on.
There's no moral judgment on it.
No.
You promise?
I promise.
He gives you his word.
Trust me.
Okay, good.
What about you?
First of all, I want to apologize if I made you feel as if I was judging you because I
am not, okay?
What I was doing was I was putting myself in the scenario.
I was centering myself, and I'm sorry, in your story.
So easy for us to do. And I just decided that,
especially when it comes to waking up.
Too true, Joan.
I decide.
Tell her how you like to wake up.
Yeah.
Let me know how you like to wake up.
Well, I like,
well, this is, I feel so vulnerable. I mean, this is a very personal thing. You know like to wake up. Well, I like, this is, I feel so vulnerable.
I mean, this is a very personal thing, you know, how I wake up.
For some reason, Doug prompting that made it seem extremely private and personal.
Yeah, let's hear it.
I don't know why that was.
I just meant.
Just the way you said, tell her you like to wake up.
Relating some unusual.
Doug sings to me to wake me up, okay?
You must know. First you asked me
to blow you some kisses.
This sounds freaky.
Y'all sound freaky!
So what do you typically sing, Doug?
Yeah, what's the song?
Or does it depend, like,
does it depend on
how you want to wake up?
Like if you're like, I want to be pumped.
Are you like, sing me Sandstorm?
You're exactly right.
Sing me Eye of the Tiger.
Eye of the Tiger.
Sometimes he'll just do Sandstorm, which is really.
Sandstorm.
Now I know what it is.
Yeah, I know that song.
That's it. You just nailed it.. No. Yeah, I know that song. That's it.
You do that.
You just nailed it.
Sandstorm.
Sandstorm.
That's it.
I promise you.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's nice.
Can I?
This might be weird.
This might be a weird request.
Can I record your husband singing that and put it into one of my robots?
That seems like the most personal thing. I can send you that recording.
Yes.
I'm recording it right now.
Okay, but I'm not sure I want this.
Send it to me.
Your voice in this person's head.
That seems like a betrayal.
One of these heavy breathing robots?
No, it'll help me get up and get pumped.
Okay.
Or you could just program like if you have an Alexa.
Well, of course you don't have an Alexa.
No, it's probably.
She has two sentient robots.
I know.
I was going to say you could program any sort of device to wake you up with Sandstorm.
It doesn't need to be Doug singing Sandstorm.
But I liked it when he made his name the notes.
When he went Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug.
Why is it called Sandstorm?
Because when you hear it,
it really does feel like a Sandstorm.
Especially when the beat drops.
I really do.
Because then it goes...
It's awesome.
It's awesome.
You're going to hear it.
It's going to be your favorite song.
Did I just hear a scream?
I don't know.
Oh, see, it begins.
Yes.
Okay, I'm in the desert.
You are in the desert.
I go...
That's what he does.
The sun is beating down on me.
Right?
Here comes the sin.
Dude, it's coming from afar.
Oh, here, wait.
Listen.
Here comes the do-do-do-do.
There it is.
Were we joking?
We were dead serious.
What a perfect replication.
No, no, here comes the sandstorm.
Now here comes the sandstorm.
Here it comes, here it comes.
And now you're in it. Oh, shit no, here comes the sandstorm. Now here comes the sandstorm. Here it comes, here it comes. And now you're in it.
Oh, shit.
You're in the sandstorm.
Oh, this has a name.
You've never heard this?
I think, I mean, I feel like I have.
You definitely have.
It never occurred to me that it had a name.
Of course.
Yes, of course it did.
Of course.
By the way, the more it goes on,
the less it sounds like a sandstorm.
With that electronic sound.
If you had gone to an American theater that does improv and comedy in the Netherlands in the early 2000s,
you would have heard that song intro every show for two years.
Oh, I see.
Every show for two years.
Almost.
I see.
Wow.
Wow. Wow.
Wow.
You know.
It really gets you pumped for comedy.
There was a friend of mine who was a stand-up comedian in the 80s.
And in these suburban rooms that he used to play, it was a chain of suburban rooms.
And before the show, they would have a preset sort of playlist.
And the last song that they would play before the show was about to start,
this is how you knew the show was about to start,
was a novelty song by the Jump in the Saddle Band.
Oh, I'm not familiar.
Oh, you wouldn't be.
And the song was called The Curly Shuffle.
Oh, that's cute.
And it was a song that was all about the Three Stooges.
What?
Yes.
And when my friend would hear that song,
his bowels would fill with ice water.
Yes.
Because he knew he was going to go up on stage
and not be liked.
Is that it?
There it is.
Doug, you are so fast.
That's cruel.
To this day, my friend is chilled to the bone
Oh my gosh, I can totally picture that, yes.
We're out of the town. We can't sit still. We can't sit down. Oh my gosh, I can totally picture that. We're out of the town.
We can't sit still.
We can't sit down.
The sweaty palms before you're
about to go on stage.
Oh no. Oh yes, I hate that.
Because as an audience member,
I hate whoever
is about to walk on.
Yes, absolutely.
Do you enjoy stand-up?
Well, each successive act, they're further away from the curly Yes, absolutely. That sucks. Do you enjoy stand-up? I'm sorry, go on.
Well, each successive act,
they're further away from the curly shuffle.
So of course you like them more as the show. Of course.
But that first guy, you blame him.
You don't play someone on stage with that song.
He's the reason we heard the curly shuffle.
Oh my goodness.
How dare you?
Dr. Cuckoo, we're not so different after all.
You're being very rational right now.
You're responsible for the curly shuffle.
I know, it seems like we all forgot who we are for a minute there.
I know, we bonded over Sandstorm.
And then our hatred for the curly shuffle.
That's okay.
That's okay.
So, Dr. Cuckoo, I really do want to,
while we can sort of pepper in details about your home.
Well, that's my first question is,
is this your given name?
Is Cuckoo your last name or your first name?
Or is this a nickname?
I need to know.
It's my last name.
Okay, what's your first name?
My first name?
Brenda.
Okay.
The most offensive telling of a first name I've ever heard.
What did you think it was supposed to be?
Like tomato?
No, we just did it. No, I just.
We just did it.
Dr. Cuckoo, your name is Cuckoo.
You must have experienced.
It's French.
It's French.
Oh, okay, okay.
But I mean, you must have encountered
some sort of incredulity before.
Of course.
At your whole thing.
She's constantly saying that.
Everyone's always saying she's so weird.
And you have not yet answered my question
as to who is everybody.
Do you work someplace during the day?
Do you have friends you see every day?
I work at my house because I invent stuff.
But I go to the grocery store a lot.
Yeah, you mentioned the grocery store.
Do you have any family?
Do you have people you see every day other than the grocery store?
I have some sisters, but I haven't talked to them in a while.
Oh, how come?
Because they don't want me to be around their families.
Oh, no.
Why?
It's fine.
I just try to use all.
I practice all of my inventions on their kids.
Oh, dear.
And they don't like that so much.
I don't even know if I want an example,
but I feel like I have to ask, but I don't want to.
Are these inventions that have something to do with children and their day-to-day lives?
Just humans in general, you know?
Well, some have.
There have been a couple.
One was a bouncy house.
Okay.
Sounds innocent enough.
But, you know, a lot of inventions are just like fixing something that's already fixed.
That's very true.
Like Twitter.
Like Twitter.
Oh, yeah.
He fixed it.
We fixed it.
Oh, I love Elon Musk.
Just so you guys know, I love him.
As an inventor, of course, you must look up to him.
He's so cool.
He invented that car.
Oh, yeah.
He invented how to not go to space good.
He's so cool.
He did invent putting a car in space.
Oh yeah, that's pretty big.
And he invented jokes when he carried that sink out of the building.
Anyway, I made a bounce
house and the idea was
to have every time a kid
lands, a funny
noise would come out.
Well, that sounds kind of fun, actually.
Right? Kids would love that.
It was very hard to pull off.
Like a whoopee cushion, but several different...
We got squeaks, we got hunks,
we got arugas,
we got zoos,
we got slide whistles.
You know, I didn't know that was the official name.
An aruga. Something that made that sound, specifically didn't know that was the official name. An aruga.
Something that made that sound specifically.
Like something that makes the a-ooga sound?
Yes.
Yes, I didn't realize it was called an aruga.
Me neither.
Aruga.
Aruga makes the a-ooga sound.
Yeah.
Yes, Doug.
Yes.
Doug gets it.
So I tried to do that.
But with that comes, you gotta put speakers in it.
So I put speakers in. Oh But with that comes, you got to put speakers in it.
So I put speakers in. Oh, with funny noises come speakers.
But then the kids kept bouncing onto the speakers and getting hurt and stuff.
Oh, but why couldn't they be flat speakers that were sort of flush with the, are you
talking about actual speakers, like big?
Huge.
Okay.
Huge.
Fill up the back of your car.
Like Marshall Stacks.
Also, why couldn't the speakers be outside the bouncy?
Also a good question.
Okay, these are great ideas.
I should have done it for you guys instead of my stupid nieces and nephews.
Oh, no.
And I mean, did they get...
Babe, are you okay?
Did you just drop a weight?
Is everything okay?
I figured out what the issue was.
I unstuck myself, but then I fell
immediately because
my legs were asleep. Wait.
So the issue was your legs were asleep?
No. The issue
was my arm was straight out with
the t-ball bat. Wait, so it's been
stuck this whole time still?
Yes.
I thought...
Is that so weird?
Yes.
Yeah, is that so weird? Yes. Yeah, is that so weird?
A little Dr. Cooper running off a thug.
Is that so weird?
Yes, I've ever heard.
He's absorbing this.
I feel like he's transforming into Dr. Cooper.
That was a Dustin Hoffman.
That's Tootsie, yes.
Is that so strange?
Yes. It was a Dorothy Hoffman as Tootsie. As Tootsie, yes. Is that so strange? Yes.
It was a Dorothy Michaels, yes.
I punched out my elbow to unstraighten my arm.
Was your arm stuck or the bat was stuck?
I would love to explain this.
Would you?
All right.
Yeah.
My arm is straight out with the bat, straight out.
Okay.
Because I was mid-swing.
Pointing at the wall?
Yes.
Or parallel to the wall.
At what point in a swing is your arm ever completely extended?
Oh, well, that's his T-ball 101.
So you give him like a Frankenstein swing.
You never bend in the elbow.
You don't have to bend.
There's no bend.
You don't want to bend your elbow.
It's right there on the T.
Just twist. You just twist. It's just There's no bend. You don't want to bend your elbow. It's right there on the tee. Just twist.
You just twist.
It's just a weather vane
that just goes like that.
That's right.
So I'm swinging it
and then the bat
catches into the wall.
Right.
There's not enough room
so I'm completely stuck.
You mean like
because it got caught
like the drywall
so like the bat is stuck.
Why couldn't you
just let go of the bat?
That's exactly
what I just said.
Oh, I didn't hear. That would have been a good idea. Why didn't you just let go of the bat? That's exactly what I just said Oh I didn't hear
That would have been a good idea
Why didn't you just let go of the bat?
It's because I was trying to
The real answer is because
I'm recording this
I didn't even understand enough to ask that question yet
My brain wasn't there yet
And I didn't hear you say it but my brain wasn't even there yet
That's what happened
Here's the thing, the recording button is on the bat I see, I see. My brain wasn't there yet, and I didn't hear you say it, but my brain wasn't even there yet. That's what happened.
Here's the thing.
The recording button is on the bat.
Why? So if I like off the bat,
I'm letting go of the recording button.
That's a great invention.
Yeah, right?
Is it?
Yeah.
I can think of one flaw.
No, no.
I think that's great
where you have to hold it
the whole time to record.
That's so smart.
Uh-oh.
I feel like that
review, I feel like praise
from Dr. Cuckoo in this instance is actually
a mark
against what I can get.
Dr. Cuckoo.
What?
So I punched down my elbow and I fell
because my legs were asleep. Oh, okay, babe.
He finished the story. Sorry.
Sorry.
And my legs were asleep at that point which I babe. He finished the story. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. And my legs were asleep by that point, which I didn't realize.
Why were your legs asleep?
I don't understand that part.
Were they also trapped under a weight?
They were dangling.
How?
Wait, you were suspended?
What?
My back is to one wall.
You swung so high.
The tip of the other.
That you were dangling?
That is nearly impossible to figure out.
I jump when I play t-ball. I see it now. I jump to take the swing. That you were dangling? That's nearly impossible to figure out.
I jump when I play t-ball.
I see you jump.
I jump to take the swing.
That's adult t-ball, man.
It gives you more leverage and power.
That's adult t-ball.
I think that's objectively untrue, but look.
Whoa, he doubled down.
I feel like we're taking valuable time away from our guest, Dr. Koo.
Definitely.
Dr. Brenda Koo.
No, I drew a diagram.
I think this is what happened.
Is this what happened?
Oh, look. You are an amazing artist.
Thank you.
You know what's crazy? She's never even seen Doug
and it looks like him. It looks exactly like him.
Look at the shading. It's so beautiful.
Thank you. With just a pencil.
She got his receding back hairline just right.
I can hear it in his voice.
I'm never sure if that was still canon or not.
Well, that's incredible.
Listen, have you ever thought of doing art?
Do you draw?
Do you paint?
I draw stuff for my experiments and stuff.
Well, that's fantastic.
I'm trying to find a way that we can sort of...
You want me to paint you?
Is that what you're saying?
I mean, I didn't mean that.
I can paint both of you.
But is that something you do often?
No.
I'll give it a shot.
You would be trying it for the first time?
Yeah.
I'll give it a shot.
Here, I got an easel.
I got a canvas.
How does she have all of this stuff?
Do you want to paint me while Joan asks you some questions?
I'll paint both of you.
At the same time?
Yes. Do you want to be on a horse asks you some questions? I'll paint both of you. At the same time? Yes.
Do you want to be on a horse?
I don't need anything.
I just want to be.
How about I'll be on stage?
Can you draw me in a beautiful, bathed in a beautiful spotlight?
Joan's a gifted actor.
Okay, you'll be on stage.
Where do you want to be?
Where do you want to be?
Is it going to be the same painting?
I'd like to be behind the counter at the CVS in Paris, France.
Oh, that's good.
It could be like. Oh, la, la. That's real. Burnt at the CVS in Paris, France. Oh, that's good. It could be like.
Oh, la, la.
That's real.
Burnt, I love that.
Done.
Okay.
I'm going to start painting.
Have you dreamt of being a pharmacist in France?
Oh, every day.
Oh.
Really?
Could you imagine?
Oh, I mean, where they have the little, they have the pharmacies there have the little green
neon plus signs.
And it's so charming.
And it doesn't mean weed.
It does not. But you'd be there in the seventh arr neon plus signs and it's so charming. And it doesn't mean weed. It does not.
But you'd be there in the seventh arrondissement. Oh. And you're
just giving people things because it's all
for free. Yes, it is.
It really is.
So romantic, Francais.
Uh, no.
Oh.
Me neither. I know that one.
We had
someone who loved, loved, loved France and French.
But every time I spoke French to him, he got very angry about it.
So I'm not going to speak any more French.
He didn't seem to know much about France at all.
No, he got angry every time I brought something up that he had not learned before.
He mainly knew about berets.
He did.
That's weird.
We're free.
So why are the paintings done? What? We barely got to ask you. That's weird. We're free. So why are the paintings done?
What?
That was fast.
We barely got to ask you.
That's incredible.
You like it?
Look at the detail on the Eiffel Tower, Burns.
It's unbelievable.
Merci.
Look, you can tell by the shapes of the audience's heads who they are.
Yes.
Wow.
Just from the back.
That's incredible.
I mean, can I keep this, Brenda? Of course.
Can I keep mine, Brenda?
Of course. Thank you, Brenda.
I feel like, here's
what I feel like. I feel like things were very
chaotic
when you first got here. And I think the
description of your life is
chaotic. We still haven't gotten to the fog,
which we do need to get to.
Very true.
But what I just want to say, and we're going't gotten to the fog which we do need to get very true yeah but what i just want to say and we're going to get to that next but i just want to say that once you started
talking about and doing art i feel like you got more focused and things have been more calm there's
a shift in your energy brenda and i just want to point that out to me i think it means you're an
artist i think it means you're meant to be an artist you think i do look at this paint look
at look at this evidence beautiful i think you have an artist be an artist. You think? Look at this paint. Look at this evidence.
I think you have an artist's soul.
Yes.
And I think with the experiments, perhaps you're trying to fit yourself into something that you think you should be doing.
Oh, absolutely.
But I think your calling is art.
Really?
Yeah.
You think?
Well, I do.
Now, let's just get to the bottom of how you know about what the fog or the chemical smell was.
Oh, yes.
Obviously, you were the cause of it.
I started it.
I did it all.
Forgive me for cutting to the chase.
No, that's fine.
There's no way that wasn't.
But we still needed to address it.
Yes, we did.
Right.
We did.
Yes.
The whole reason we had her on.
So, can you explain to us what happened?
Yes.
So, I'm trying.
Oh, God, yes.
That's why I'm here.
So, I'm trying to make myself a boyfriend. OK. Oh, dear. And and I was combining some chemicals to make his insides
and then they kind of erupted and I caused a stinky fog. Now, when you say to make his insides,
what chemical
would make his insides and why did
you need to give him organs?
Are you trying to make...
What?
Dr. Cuckoo. What?
Have you been removing your own organs
to put into the boyfriend?
No.
That's so boyfriend? No. What? No. That's so weird.
No.
I mean, exactly.
Why would you even give him
two of the organs
he doesn't even need?
Yeah, why would I do that?
Spleen helps, though.
You need spleen.
I mean, you can get by without it.
You can lose it.
You can lose it.
I'm just saying,
if you're going to give
a boyfriend two,
if you're going to...
I definitely wouldn't
go to the trouble of...
If you're going to reanimate
something or someone or animate it in general... I definitely wouldn't go to the trouble. If you're going to reanimate something or someone
or animate it in general.
I definitely wouldn't
go to the trouble
of installing an appendix.
True.
That was very hard
for me to say.
Well, it was even harder
for her to do.
And I don't understand
why you did that.
Is that what you're doing?
Are you saying yes?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay, I'm putting
all of my insides
into my man's insides.
What does the outside look like?
Or do you have, please don't say you have actual skin.
Is this a robot?
Is this a robot?
Please say it's a robot.
He's going to be half robot, half man.
A cyborg.
Oh yeah, sure.
A cybernetic organism.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you.
On behalf of all of us.
Thank you.
You want to come be my assistant
or something? No. Come on.
Look, as a
somebody who works in the medical field.
Wait, what? I'm a pharmacist.
He's a pharmacist. That's why you just painted him
in the pharmacy. Oh, I didn't realize
you were one.
My dream is to do it in Paris.
The French part was the fantasy. The pharmacy's real.
I can't think of anything I'd rather do.
Yeah, I mean, it's just,
CVS is just not as magical as a pharmacy in France.
It's just not.
It's just not.
It's just not.
You don't want to be my assistant?
I'd rather not.
Why not?
I feel like it's,
we're talking about things that are perhaps unlicensed,
perhaps unethical,
and perhaps against God.
And I will say that And I will say that perhaps
is doing a lot of heavy lifting
in that instance.
Because I'm terrified of upsetting you.
Because I don't know what you're going to do.
I wouldn't get mad at you
and steal stuff from you
to put into my man.
Okay, but wait a minute.
Can you walk me through the chemical part?
So you were working in the lab
late one night.
Late one night.
Yeah. Did your eyes behold anything? Yeah. me through the chemical part so you were working in the lab curious and terrible I'm sorry I would think I was thinking of the Christmas one I don't know. Is it? There's so many Christmas songs.
That sounds better.
No.
Yes, I was working late one night.
And you were putting chemicals into, what chemicals were you putting into your boyfriend? To make organs.
Yes, I don't understand.
To make insides.
You mean like blood?
Were you sort of putting in a synthetic blood?
I was putting some blood in.
I was putting some bile in.
But not real.
Like stomach acid.
Like synthetic or real?
Real.
Oh, Lord.
So this boyfriend, there will be blood.
Yeah.
All right.
And these things, what are the chemical constituencies of?
Oh.
Is that correct?
I mean, it's further than I could have gotten.
I don't know.
What does that mean?
Like what chemicals do you use to make blood?
No, she's saying it's real.
She was saying it was real blood, real bile.
Real bile, real stuff.
Real bile.
Yes.
Yeah, real bile.
And where are you procuring these things?
Some from myself.
Some from, what's, what?
I'm just afraid for you.
You scared?
You know what I am,
and I'm not going to fall for that sort of
dismissive aggressive way of talking.
I will not be bullied
into not feeling scared for you.
We know where there's a lot of blood.
Where? In the theater.
That's true. It's true.
It's still being cleaned up. Oh right.
I read that review of your
play. You did? Well it wasn't a
review. It was
it wasn't even a preview.
It was an assumption.
It was exactly that.
I love everything McNutt writes.
What?
No.
Dr. Cuckoo.
I tell you what.
We don't speak about McNutt.
This is a McNutt free house.
This is weird.
I'm not going to back down on that.
I'm going to tell you.
It's weird that you like this writing.
I'm going to tell you.
This is a McNutt free house. Okay? It's that. I'm going to tell you. It's weird that you like this right now. I'm going to tell you, this is a McNutt-free house, okay?
It's McNutt-free.
We don't like Mitch McNutt.
No.
Wow.
We do think blood should not be.
Yeah, keep listing.
I think you got like 10 more.
We do think stomach bile is something that you kind of need.
We don't like
to be woken up
by robots when we're soaking wet.
And we still salute the American flag.
Ah, alright.
You should make those
into little things to put on your front lawn.
We appreciate the lake. Those aren't creepy.
So, basically,
I want to know
how did it turn into a fog?
Well, when you combine all of them into one.
Sounded like one of her creations, Bernt.
You really did.
Go back and listen.
That's going to be good.
I think you've got to come work for me.
No, I don't.
Please.
I do not.
Wait, wait, wait.
Brenda, okay, I really want to hear how to turn into a frog.
I combined all of those into a bowl.
Into a bowl.
And I added some dry ice and stuff.
Sounds scientific.
Hold on.
You're so.
You want me, okay, into a cauldron.
What?
I don't know.
It wasn't a cauldron.
Is that better?
Dr. Cuckoo, wasn't a cauldron.
Is that better?
Yes, it was a cauldron.
Okay, so you're just pouring blood, bile, stomach acid.
Yes.
And you're cooking it over a fire.
Yes, what's so weird about that?
And so that must have caused steam,
and this is what the fog was that people smelled?
Well, no, I then added some stuff that made it explode.
Why?
What?
I didn't know what I was doing.
Oh, my goodness.
Why?
That's not a good answer.
I'm an inventor.
You gotta break some eggs, you know?
Well, in this case, you're taking out some appendices.
I don't think that that's comparable.
Oh, no, it's fine.
I'm doing fine.
I don't know if you are.
I'm doing fine.
You do have an open wound.
You have lost a lot of color since you've been here.
I know.
I know.
And you two are like turning green.
You know when your
vision gets all green?
I don't know.
That must happen to everybody when your vision gets all green.
That's a symptom I've never heard of
before and it's chilling.
It's more concerning than one I know of.
Absolutely. When your vision goes green.
Yeah, you know when it's like
feels like almost like, you know,
in like 70s movies.
Like a horror movie.
Exactly, yeah.
Like that.
Oh, like where it's actually clearly shot during the day,
but they just put a filter on it.
And then as the film stock ages,
it just sort of becomes this sort of,
this gross olive drab.
Yeah, that's what you guys look like right now.
Well, that is not good.
You've never had that?
That's not good.
No, you've never had that.
I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling good.
Okay, well, I think we need to clear up a few things.
So for people who are listening, that was the smell.
Can we please let everyone know that's not going to happen again?
Well, I can't promise anything.
I'm trying to make the best man I can.
Well, where are you at in the process of the construction?
How much of a percentage of a boyfriend do you have at this point?
A lower half.
And I mean all of the lower half.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, dear.
You know what I'm saying?
Did you start literally from the ground up?
Yes.
Like the feet?
Yeah, the bottoms of the feet.
The bottoms.
And the toes.
You mean you need bottoms on the feet?
Graphic.
Okay.
That's the most important part of the foot.
You've got to have bottoms.
No, I know, but you just, I just, okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Wait.
Is that so weird?
I'm just having a hard time.
It's not weird.
You know what?
Having feet.
Now you're cherry picking.
Yeah.
Now you're cherry picking.
I'm having fun.
I'm having a good time.
I love you.
I'm glad you're having a good time.
I'm not, I'm not.
The problem is not having feet. I'm wrapping my head having a good time. I'm not. I'm not. The problem is not having feet.
I'm wrapping my head around the fact that you started with just the bottoms and feet.
What that meant.
What that looked like.
That's what's giving me pause.
And they were not filled with blood, apparently.
No.
No, not yet.
So they're just empty feet, legs, thighs.
Yes.
Made of what?
Made of what?
What's the skin?
Skin.
Oh, no.
Human skin.
Human skin.
Where are you getting the human skin?
Where do you think?
Oh, that is not an answer.
That is not an answer.
That's not.
Oh, well, now I'm terrified.
Nah, you don't have to worry about it.
It's fine.
I go to the crematorium before people get burned.
The crematorium?
And I peel their skin off.
You can't do that.
Yes, I can.
I'm good friends with the crematorium guy.
Doesn't matter.
No, just because that person's allowing you.
If Barry's allowing.
Barry still works at the crematorium.
Barry?
It's still Barry?
I thought he retired.
He's got to be in his 80s.
Yes.
97 actually.
Wow.
Oh my gosh, time flies.
Well, he looks good.
He looks, doesn't he look great?
He looks great.
I would have thought 83.
Because his face burns off. I would say, yes, he look great? He looks great. I would have thought 83. Because his face burns off.
I would say, yes, he gets a chemical peel.
He gets a chemical peel.
Every body he burns.
That's what keeps him so young.
But now hold on.
So he's letting you take the skin and then he throws in the skeleton and the meat?
Yeah.
This is terrible.
This can't be.
We don't even, people are going to be furious
when they hear this.
People have loved ones
who know that their families
were skinned.
Because this is,
and Dignity Falls
is the highest rate
of cremation
of any,
of any place in America.
We're a real cremation
happy town,
I guess.
People really love to do this.
They love it.
They love it.
People love to put it in their,
people love to know they're going to be cremated.
I do.
You do?
I can't wait.
I see it's not for me.
I think maybe because my entire life,
my boys have almost cremated me anyways.
Oh, that's true.
That's a good point.
There are.
Let's call it.
They're part of the maniacs.
Oh, they're arsonists.
Tomato, tomato.
Arsonist makes it sound like it's more of a calling.
Right. We always say
let's cream. What?
We always say let's cream. Let's cream?
Yeah, it's like let's get
cremated as a family.
Let's cream.
No, we don't say that. He and the boys say that.
I don't think we've had a full
stop down like that in a long time.
Well, not only Absolutely everyone was confused. I don't think we've had a full stop down like that in a long time. Not only was it a shock because we heard correctly.
That's right.
It wasn't a mistake.
Normally you don't hear me.
Yeah.
No, he said we heard him crystal clear and that stopped everything.
Let's cream.
Let's cream.
I like that.
I like that. No that I'm gonna put mine
it is cute
it is not for me
it's cute
it's not for me
it's just not what I want
I haven't thought about
what I want
I don't wanna
I don't wanna be
in a little jar
well I'm gonna be
in a little jar
and I hope you'll take me
oh of course
I will take you
I hope you don't
we're assuming
you're going to go first
I don't want you to go first
I probably will
I mean I'm a man.
That is true.
Statistically.
Yes,
that is true.
Which I guess would be a great thing for Brenda because she's making herself a man.
So I guess he's not going to die.
I guess that's smart.
Right?
Yeah.
He's going to live forever. You might.
You might.
It might cost you your life.
Hold on.
Why is he immortal?
Because he's going to be.
Are we saying the trauma of birth is what causes us to die eventually?
No, because she said he's half cyborg.
Oh, that's true.
No, Bert, she said he's half cyborg.
He's not a full human.
Well, he's full cyborg.
Because he's a cybernetic organism.
Oh, okay.
So that is already half and half.
Okay, so then there you go.
There we go.
Okay.
I don't want us to argue.
I don't either.
Yeah, you guys need to calm down.
I just want him to live. I want him to live for Brenda. I don't want us to argue. I don't either. Yeah, you guys need to calm down. I just want him to live.
I want him to live for Brenda.
I don't want him to live.
I want Brenda to live, and I'm very worried about you.
Are you sure we shouldn't call a doctor because you just don't look well?
I'm fine.
You're slumped over.
I just need some, like, I don't know.
I just need some, like, steak or something.
You know?
You know what?
I'll slide you a steak.
I have a package of crackers. Here's some crackers. I can slide you a steak. I have a package of crackers.
Here's some crackers.
I can slide you a steak.
Thank you.
That's one package of crackers.
Yum, yum.
Oh, you chose club.
Oh, hell yeah.
They're buttery.
They're buttery.
They're so buttery.
I love the one package.
So buttery.
Those are crackers for company.
You should get with my friend, Tony.
He's single.
What?
You have a single friend and you didn't mention it earlier?
Well, listen, that might be something.
Tony?
That might be something.
What do you call that?
You can call him Teenie.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
You can only call him Teenie for short.
You can call him Teenie.
Teenie.
What's Teenie's favorite song?
Oh, that's the most important thing.
Great question, Dr. Cuckoo.
That's what I need to know in order to make a move.
Unfortunately.
What did she say?
That's what she needs to know in order to make a move.
Yeah.
So typically.
Okay, so let's say I'm teeny and we're meeting at a club.
Yeah.
And Sandstorm is playing.
Yeah.
You're at, what is it? St You're at Stardust,
which is the only club in Dignity Falls
that is in a trailer.
It's in a double white and it only
fits seven people.
You might be meeting outside
of Stardust because that's where everybody actually congregates.
That's right. Okay, so we're outside of Stardust.
Sandstorm is playing.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely everyone is dancing because who doesn't get on the floor?
Yes.
For Sandstorm.
And so you come up to me.
I'm teeny.
Yeah.
All right.
And I go, so do you like this?
Oh, wait, wait.
So you have to know what my favorite song is in advance, right?
No, no.
She's going to ask you, right?
Well, I guess, yeah.
I don't make a move until I know you.
Oh, you're right.
Exactly.
All right.
I'm going to be looking at you, waiting to see if your body moves.
Okay.
So Sandstorm.
Sandstorm I'm dancing to, but everybody's dancing to that.
Okay.
When I come alive is when Billy Joel's Allentown comes on.
And I'm doing the robot to all the clinks and clanks.
I'm out of there.
What?
That's it?
Oh, no.
That's it? I'm bailing. I'm out of there. What? That's it? Oh, no. That's it?
I'm bailing.
I'm bailing.
All right.
Then what is a song that would work for you?
Sandstorm.
Okay.
So, all right.
I love Sandstorm.
This is why she was acting so strange about Doug.
Okay.
This is now why she was...
Maybe.
She likes Doug Storm.
Sandstorm.
Doug Storm. Doug Storm!
All right, this might be getting into a weird area for me.
I hope you can understand.
Doug, let me in.
Oh, no.
What?
Let me into the gym.
It's like a vampire.
No, you don't.
Come on, let me in.
Yeah, invite me in.
Brenda, please.
What?
Please, that is my husband.
Okay.
And it makes me a little uncomfortable
you know
I don't really
jealous
so reluctant
okay alright
what I'm listening
listen first of all
that scenario
was not real
we have no idea
what Tennille's
favorite song is
okay
maybe there's a way
to text him
or to find out
it's the Star Spangled Banner
oh hell yeah okay so I love that song I'm teeny out. It's the Star Spangled Banner. Oh, hell yeah.
I love that song. I'm teeny.
I'm dancing to the Star Spangled Banner
at Stardust. Okay, okay.
And then here comes Brenda.
Hey, my man. Oh, hello.
Did you fall from heaven?
Did it hurt?
Wait, what?
And then I'll just grab you.
I'll grab you and I'll slam you into my charger.
And I'll drive you up to my castle.
What?
I live in a castle.
Oh, of course she does.
Yeah.
Wait, not that castle at the top of Poplar.
Yes.
What?
You live in that castle?
That's me.
I thought it was a movie prop.
No!
Because they shot Van Helsing here.
Yes, they did.
Not many people know that.
No.
I know.
We don't even use it as a claim to fame.
You should!
People did not care that they were shooting Van Helsing here.
It's the only reason we have a yoga studio, because Hugh Jackman insisted on it.
That's right.
So they built one for him, and now we still have it.
That's why it's called Jackman's house.
And you know
what's funny? They left that castle here and they said
you could use it for tourism.
You know, like Lord of the Rings.
And everyone said, no,
we don't care. And then they just
left. They just shrugged. And then there were
squatters there for a while and it took a long
time to get out. And then I guess until you moved in.
Then I bought it. Yeah. You bought
it from the city.
Yeah. Good for you.
Isn't that how it worked? Yeah. No.
So you live in
that gigantic castle. Yeah.
You know, I just don't
I just don't think this is safe.
I think that, I think that I want a couple of things to happen.
I want, I want us to actually get Toniel and Brenda together.
I want, yeah, because I think that, I think Brenda needs to be around people.
I think she's been, I get the sense that she's been up there on that hill in that castle alone.
We don't know Toniel, so who cares?
You're right. Well, I didn't know Tony also, who cares? You're right.
Well, I didn't know about him until just today.
Exactly. So he's expendable.
So...
That's assuming the worst. Maybe this is
going to be great. Maybe it is.
Exactly.
You never know. Yeah. I need you
to stop building the half man
half robot
atrocity.
Well, it's not.
It's not safe.
It's not sanitary.
You can't take skin off of other people's loved ones
no matter what.
You just be here about to get cremated.
But you mustn't do it.
It's an ethical issue.
No, that is just what I am thinking.
I'm thinking that, A, we need to get you medical attention.
We need to get you medical attention.
I'm taking you to an urgent care immediately after this interview, which is almost over.
Doesn't matter.
I'll pay for it.
I don't care.
Wow, really?
You need to.
That's a lot out of your pocket.
I mean, this seems like it's going to be costly.
Oh, they're out of pay.
Well, listen, I'll pay for an IV drip and a blood transfusion, okay?
We'll get her that far.
Let's not go crazy.
Wow, that's so nice of you.
That's so nice of you.
Well, it's the least I can do.
I don't, like I said, my mother instincts kick in,
and I feel like maybe, I don't know what your,
you have these sisters, and they don't want you to be around them.
I feel like you don't have a lot of family.
I feel like you don't have a lot of people.
Okay.
You felt like you had to create somebody to be
with you. I mean, don't we all want to
like create our like... No.
No? We don't. You don't?
No, we don't. You've never like
dreamed of like the perfect partner?
Look, of course I did. I saw the movie
Weird Science. It scared me straight.
Oh, no.
Just because you can
do it doesn't mean you should. Oh should and then they later stole that for Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park owes a lot
to weird science
really beyond that
yes okay
watch them back to back
we'll do that do it at home
yeah
Lisa goes on a big killing rampage.
She does, yes.
She kills a lawyer on a toilet.
She kills a lawyer on a toilet.
Eventually, she goes to Japan.
Yes.
That didn't happen.
No, she goes to San Diego, where a lot of Japanese people are there, and they're running
away from her.
Oh, yeah.
Gets really weird.
And she drinks out of a pool she like drinks out of a pool.
She drinks out of a pool.
Yeah.
She's defeated by a gymnast.
Yes.
I never made it this far.
All right.
All right.
So Dr. Cuckoo,
we do have to let you go,
but we urge you to,
to,
to make,
if you,
if you do have this killer move that you make where you go up and ask
someone if it hurt, are they from heaven?
I would say do that
with, try that with
Tonil. Tonil. Okay.
And yeah, it's not good
to, if your scientific
approach is literally what you said, and I'm
quoting, I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't think you should be building a new life form.
Really? No. No.
No, instead, if we want to sort of appeal to your scientific sensibilities, just think of this as yet another experiment, okay?
And it's just-
Expert.
Expert.
It's an expert.
It's an expert.
It's a classic Dignity Falls expert.
You know, so you're really just doing research.
You're just there to get data, okay?
So don't, there's nothing to be afraid of.
This is just one more search for knowledge.
Oh, okay.
Great.
Okay.
Just before we let you go, you said you have several doctorates.
Yes.
Oh, right.
Could you say one?
I got to get out of here.
Okay.
I'm going to get out of here.
Thank you. Well, Dr. gonna get out of here thank you
well Dr. Brenda Cuckoo thank you so much
for talking with us
I'm gonna go drop her off at the urgent care
and then I will be back to finish
Doug will probably need help
just go check
thanks for coming
Dr. Cuckoo
and of course we wish you the best of luck
thank you we'll be right back with more Thanks for coming, Dr. Cuckoo. Thanks for having me. And of course, we wish you the best of luck. Thank you.
Okay.
We'll be right back with more of The Neighborhood Listen when The Neighborhood Listen returns.
Hi, this is Carrie.
I have got a corner shelf for $35.
It's a corner shelf decorated with beautiful shells from Florida.
Do you get it? It's a shelf.
It kills me.
It's a shelf with a shelf.
It's a shelf.
Honey, did you hear what I called it?
Did you hear what I called it, honey?
What?
I called it, it's this shelf I have, but it's got shelves on it, so it's a shelf.
Yeah, it's a shelf.
Yeah, no, no, no, I don't think you understand.
No, see, it's a shelf, but it has shelves on it, so it's a shelf.
What is it?
I can't deal with this right now.
Oh, God, Barry, you never laugh at my jokes.
I don't know.
You just drop me in the middle of this.
I don't know what's going on.
It's not that hard, Barry. It's just, it's a pun. Haven't you ever heard of a pun?
I've heard of a pun. Or are there, are you, do you not like fun or whimsy? I was reading a magazine.
Oh, of course you were. What does that mean? Was it how not to have fun? Was it, was it unfun magazine? Guys, how to get divorced monthly. Oh, how dare you? How dare you?
Well, I'd like a subscription.
Come get the shelf.
On your mark.
Hey, babe.
Oh, should we do that?
You're going to do on your mark, babe?
Yes.
Does that help?
Really?
It really helps.
On your mark, get set, go.
Well, no.
It's on your mark.
And you say, get set. Oh, it's a call mark and you say get set
oh it's a call and response
alright I say and
I just got myself in trouble over here
Joan are you okay
Joan what's going on I got really wrapped up in the tour
see this is why I insist on this
because it's like a horror movie it's like a final
destination
I'm gonna just wait hang on a second
wow you really it's like you tried to do it final destination. I'm going to just wait. Hang on a second.
Wow.
You really,
it's like you tried to do it.
This is why I insist on the starting routine.
Cause you never know who can get stuck.
Boy,
Doug,
that's true.
It's like the old kitchen telephone.
You know what I mean?
Oh yeah,
I do.
Not everybody does.
Not everybody does. Okay does okay sorry it's
just because i got that was chaotic and i'm sorry i'm late getting back from dropping uh dr cuckoo
off um i had to wait with her because there was a line and um she was trying to draw everybody
and uh they were horrified when they saw her wounds of course so um i think she's gonna make
it though just so everybody knows she's gonna be fine okay well i'm neutral on that and if she's going to make it, though, just so everybody knows she's going to be fine. Okay, well, I'm neutral on that.
On if she's going to make it?
Yeah.
Oh, birds. If she does, great.
Again, as we always say, oh, now, come on.
Her art is brilliant.
Her art is brilliant, but she does seem to be criminally insane.
Okay, well, yeah, that part, she is really, she's doing a lot of awful things.
If Dr. Frankenstein was a real guy, did those things for real, and he died, would you say, oh, that's too bad?
Did you ever read that book?
Yeah, I did.
What did happen to him?
I don't remember.
I do think that the creature kills him.
Oh, wow.
That's poetic.
He should.
Yeah, absolutely.
But then eventually he goes out, the creature goes out on an ice floe. Really? Yes. That's poetic. He should. Yeah, absolutely. But then eventually he goes out, the creature goes out on an ice floe.
Really?
Yes.
That's sad.
Who pushes him out?
Oh, it's sad.
I think he pushed himself out.
Oh, with his foot?
Yeah.
I guess he would have to.
Yeah, with his big clawed off.
Pushed himself off.
Oh, I can't remember. I did that book uh when i was in college oh you did yeah i think i was probably supposed to and i might have been one that i it's a slim
volume you know you could read it now and you probably enjoy it it is starting to scare me
that i am getting to the age where there are times i'll think of something like that and go
maybe i did read that book. Maybe I didn't.
Exactly.
There's no way to know.
Do you know the book, The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen?
Yes, I actually do.
I read that book cover to cover.
Could not tell you a single thing about it.
I didn't read The Corrections.
I read the other one.
What's one of the other ones he wrote?
I can't remember.
It was very depressing.
It was about a marriage.
I can't remember.
I probably read that one too i used to read the the books that sarah jessica parker suggested it was she she always
had a reading list and when i was really in the city where was she posting this uh she i think
on facebook or i can't remember she would talk about again i can't remember where i saw that
isn't that scary that's not. Maybe I'm making that up.
Oh, yeah.
Then that's not scary at all. Maybe I'm making Sarah Jessica Parker up.
No, she's real.
Unless you're making me up.
No, oh, burnt.
Oh, this is getting scary.
What, you wouldn't make me up?
I'm getting defensive like Dr. Cuckoo.
Well, why wouldn't you make me up?
Dr. Cuckoo was her name.
I have my doubts about that.
She said it was French. She spelled it pretty about that. She said it was French. She spelled
it pretty quickly. She did say it was
French.
Well, we have one last post here,
and it's just because we're a little bit post-Halloween
here, and I've always wondered about this because
in my lifetime, I have not seen this
happen. The only time I saw this happen is
when my boys tried to do this. Oh, okay.
But I know that this is apparently
a problem, and it's just, and I just, okay. But I know that this is apparently a problem
and it's just, and I just, you know,
I'm not even sure I've seen a post
on the neighbor app about it
because this feels like Halloween mythology
and you're going to have to tell me.
So this is from Megan and it just says,
my 11 year old received this
while trick-or-treating in Park Lincoln.
Not Lincoln Park, it's Park Lincoln, right?
But the band Park Lincoln did come out of Park Lincoln. Not Lincoln Park. It's Park Lincoln, right? But the band Park Lincoln did come out of Park Lincoln.
Yes.
And look at this.
It's a Kit Kat.
And what's in there, Bernt?
It looks like a USB.
Right?
Is that what it is?
I think it's supposed to be a razor blade.
Is it a USB?
I mean, that's what it looks like but i guess if you zoom in wouldn't that
be funny if that was the modern day that was the modern day razor blade that the prank is just that
it's a kit kat usb it's square also i mean obviously this is uh extremely fake right i
think it's probably extremely fake but the reason okay but the reason I wanted to read it is because did you ever experience
that?
This whole thing we always hear about razor blades and candy.
No, it has never happened.
Has it never happened?
It's never happened.
There's just no documentation, babe.
There's absolutely zero documentation.
No, I believe that was debunked.
Oh, it was?
I believe so.
The amazing Randy debunked it.
He offered a million dollar prize.
He put a bounty, bounty which you know it then
of course people started doing it so he caused it to happen the amazing randy is responsible
for millions after the debunking it happened many times yeah why why who starts that and why does
that happen because i'll tell you as a, it's very frustrating to worry every year about, oh, the candy is going to.
Now, now, now we've gone from razor blades to like fentanyl laced Skittles.
And it's ridiculous.
And how does this start?
I think it is old wives tales.
That's how superstitions started to keep people safe.
So don't put your hat on the bed because it's bad luck.
Well, don't put your hat on the bed because everyone's riddled with lice.
And if you put your hat on there, then you're going to give lice to somebody
else. Oh, I never thought about it that way. Yes.
Well, that was a superstition
that I used to adhere to.
And then I said, why don't I look this up?
And then I looked it up and then I was not afraid
to put a hat on the bed anymore. And that's why?
Yeah. Because people were riddled with lice.
Yes, exactly. And everyone wore hats.
Why would it be bad luck?
Who's causing the bad luck?
Do you have any superstitions, Bernt?
Well, you know, I won't.
This is embarrassing to say because I'm a grown man.
Okay.
But I will not walk past that blue house on Jackson and Poplar.
Okay.
I know the one you're talking about.
I don't know.
But why?
Well, because they say don't walk past the blue house because something bad will happen to you.
And it's very, it's the vaguest.
You believe that one.
It's one of those things where I don't really believe it, but I still won't do it. I still won't do it. I can't bring myself to walk past that one. It's one of those things where I don't really believe it, but I
still won't do it. I still won't do it.
I can't bring myself to walk past that house.
Where do you think that story
started? Because I will tell you what, in the realty
world, you know, it's a real problem because
almost nobody
wants to touch it to sell it.
I mean, do people even go in there
for open houses? Have you been in there, Joe?
It's impossible to know if anyone lives in there.
Right.
Because every time, if you get too close to it, it disappears.
Are you just looking at the sky?
So when you ask me if I've been in it, what, babe?
Well, the house is so blue.
I'm just wondering if it sort of disappears into the sky or if it you.
I don't know. I wouldn't describe it as that. All right. You won't get sky or if it, you, I don't know.
I won't get close to it.
You won't get close to it.
I know.
It's funny because of the superstition,
I've never gotten that close,
but you're saying the closer you get to it,
it disappears.
That's the blue house.
It's the blue house.
You think the blue house is here because we were talking about it?
No, I freaked out.
All right.
Well, I, yeah, I did not know that.
Well, it's a little known fact.
Now everybody knows.
It's a little known fact that that house doesn't appear the closer you get to it.
And so that's why no one can get any answers about that house because that's what happens.
Right.
So if anyone has any information, we're going to sign off with that.
Yes, if you have one.
Let us know if you've walked up to that house before that close.
Yeah, because then I can let go of that superstition if I know what it's all about.
Yes.
What you should do is go up to it and see if it happens for you.
I can't do that.
Okay.
But yes, so just so you know, nobody's putting razor blades in or USB drives in candy.
No, you would.
There's no.
So they got it in there.
How would they do that?
It's like a David Blaine trick or something.
It's too much work.
It didn't happen.
It didn't happen.
But people are having fun and that's good.
All right.
Well, we do have to wrap it up.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
And we'll be back next week.
Of course, if you want to hear ad-free episodes,
you can sign up at cbbworld.com,
where you'll also get access to the bonus room.
Where we will post additional content
that is not these episodes.
It will be something completely different
based on our neighborhood here in Dignity Falls.
And now we have to say goodbye to you
because the episode is over.
All right, so.
You got a little Dr. Cuckoo at the end, Bert.
I did get a little.
We're a little inspired by our guest.
I hope I didn't catch whatever brain worm she has
that made her the way she is.
All right, so until next way she is. All right.
So until next time, goodbye.
And bye.
All of the posts used in this episode were real.
Only some geographical specifics have been changed.
The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins.
And me, Nicole Parker.
And me, Brett Morris.
This episode's guest was Betsy Sodaro.
The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World.
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