The Neighborhood Listen - Choo Choo Pam w/ Mitch Silpa

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

In the season 4 finale of the Neighborhood Listen, Burnt and Doug both manage to surprise Joan in a big way. Meanwhile, Joan shares her unique solution for dealing with a local theater critic in Dignity Falls. Plus, special guest Pam (Mitch Silpa) explains why they are in search of raw meat from a game hunter. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us, Bird, and Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.

And once again, here we are, The Neighborhood Listen. One more time. The last time for now. I thought you wanted me to do it again and I missed it. No, I thought it was great. I was just adding on that it's so momentous because this isn't the end of another season. I understand now.

The way you said it was so emphatic that I thought surely I had done something wrong. I have that. I get that a lot about my voice, the way I say now. The way you said it was so emphatic that I thought surely I had done something wrong. I have that. I get that a lot about my voice, the way I say things. Doug says it all the time. I'll be like, dinner's ready. And he's like, what'd I do? Do you know, can I tell you something? And we haven't, first of all, let's get the introductions out of the way. This is the Neighborhood Listen podcast. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, USA. Yes. He's decided to add that we're specifying we are in the USA. We don't say where in the USA.

I thought it was obvious from our accents, but some people thought maybe we could be in Canada. Could be. And we're not. We are here in the United States of America. And this is a podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls and the people that live in it. I am one of those people.

I am burnt me a payday. I am a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls. And with me is. Joan Pedestrian. As always, a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls. And with me is... Joan Pedestrian, as always, the top realtor of Dignity Falls. That is correct. And anyway, and of course, our engineer is Joan's husband, Doug. Doug, how are you today? I'm good. Thanks for asking. Hey, babe.

Now, let me tell you something. And you don't know this. I think you forgot to say something. Surprise? It's kind of a surprise. It's not an intentional surprise. Oh, I'm so excited. Doug and I hung out last night. What? We ran into each other

at the Dignity Falls Tavern, TTF, and we got to talking and we had a blast. Are you serious? You guys? We played Golden Tee for hours. We had a blast. Are you serious? You guys? We played Golden Tee for hours.

Which is that? Hours. That's the golf video game. Oh, yeah. Where it has like a ball. Oh, that is a fun one. Yes, yes. That is a fun one. Is that the only one that happened?

They still have the Frogger? Nope. They still have the machine, but it doesn't work anymore. So it's just a cocktail table? Well, there's raccoons in it now. What? Yes. And they've made it sort of like the mascot of the tavern. But like, can you see them?

Oh, you can see them. Oh, so like the screen isn't there? Are you just looking through the glass table down? There's still the burned in image, after image of Frogger, but you see those eyes. Whoa, that's kind of eerie. So wait, let's not skip over this amazing thing here. You two decided to, you ran into each other. Where were both of you going?

We were both going to the bar. Yeah, going to the tavern. I don't remember you telling me you were going to the bar last night. Did you think we ran into each other at the tavern and then went someplace else? I thought you ran into each other in the street and decided to go to the tavern. Oh, I see, I see, I see, I see. Because he didn't say he was going to the tavern then went someplace else? I thought you ran into each other in the street and decided to go to the tavern. Oh, I see, I see, I see, I see.

No, I don't think- Because he didn't say he was going to the tavern last night. He said he was going for a walk. What's up, babe? Well, both were true. You just only told me one of the truths. You walked to the tavern. I was walking.

But you, all I knew was the walking part. How do you use the bathroom? As Doug usually does. He has his own personal internal map of all the bathrooms he can use at any point. And Doug told me that anytime he stretches his legs, it activates his bladder. Yeah, and if you've been listening this season,

you know he has a very overactive bladder, especially if he drinks Tang. And I always forget that before I go on my walk. He always forgets it. Yeah, the second I take my first step, it's just, oh boy. He has real amnesia

about it. It's just, oh boy. As soon as foot hits pavement, oh boy. And you could go just turn around and go back in the house,

but. Yeah, but then, yeah, lose all my memory. At this point, I feel like I should do that thing in that movie,

Never Been Kissed. Remember that? Nope, nope, not that one. Let's start over. But it's another Drew Barrymore movie. That one with Adam Sandler where she has amnesia every day, so he has to make her like that video.

50 First Dates, I believe. Thank you very much. Never Been Kissed is the one where the teacher falls in love with the student. Yes, which is really, when you think about it, terrible. Yes, it's terrible. But then it's okay because she says, I'm of age and it's fine. And then he has like a moment where he's all salty sullen about it and he's just like all right all right i mean i did want to have sex with you so so now it's okay you got me

uh anyways you know she wakes up and she sees a video that explains everything there i need to make a video for doug every morning he gets up and I say, babe, you have an issue with your bladder and don't drink Tang. And then he'll remember before he steps outside. I should do that. You should. You really should. But now, Doug, and correct me if I'm wrong, he was telling me this last night, is that it's not that you have to go before you leave for the walk. Not at all.

It's that as soon as you begin the walk, step one, you have to go to the bathroom. It's like just hearing water or like getting in a hot bath or something. Yeah. It's just like an instant. That is very strange. So wait a minute. You two, so you were both heading to the tavern. You were heading by yourself?

Yes. Right. Yeah. And you were going by yourself, I guess. I didn't know. It's fine. Bert was just standing outside when I got there. Okay.

What were you doing? I was supposed to meet the gang. Oh, the gang. The pharmacy gang. The pharmacy gang. And we were going to meet the gang. Oh, the gang. The pharmacy gang. The pharmacy gang. And we were going to, we were going to do trivia night. And then I got there

and I realized the trivia night was the following night, which is tonight. And so I called everybody and I said, it's not tonight. Don't bother coming. And then I was just standing there

thinking, what do I do now? And I thought it was strange because you had, you had a nice outfit on. Yes. But it was all turned backwards. Yeah. You guys were doing your, your, Oh, were you doing a murder mystery too? Or you were just doing a theme? No, it was was all turned backwards. Yeah. You guys were doing your,

your, Oh, were you doing a murder mystery too? Or you were just doing a theme? This was a theme. It's crisscross. Crisscross. And so we decided not just our jeans,

we'll turn all of our clothes around. Crisscross trivia. Yes. Really? I didn't know. All about the band, the musical hip hop duo, crisscross.

I didn't know that like teams could dress up for, bar trivia stresses me out. I will tell you right now. Really? Why is that, Joan? I do not care for it. Why does it stress you out? Well, there's a lot of jockeying for position and there's a lot of, there's a lot of. What positions are they jockeying for?

Like they get mad about what seats they sit in. It's like a whole thing. Oh, that's true. What table they get. That's true. You know, the proximity to the person calling it. Who controls the pencil.

Who controls the pencil. Well, Doug and I, we had a brief contretemp last night. Do you know what that means, babe? Context cues means, I think, context cues. We're off to a rocky start.

Some sort of hubbub. Yes, exactly. Yeah. yeah well because both of us uh we like to uh be standing slightly to the right of the ball at the golden tea machine oh and so uh that was that was an almost an immediate bonding thing right there can you do two player on that game i don't know you cannot know oh so you guys were just taking you can create your own two-player though yes which we did create your own create your own pizza so much better create your own two-player you get five toppings yeah i do the back swing and then he would do the the front swing yes we had we had to time just right yeah how long did you play it for he said over an hour right yeah yeah yeah that's what he said three hours we closed the place down oh come on now did you ever sit at the bar and then drink actually uh we would go to the bar get drinks bring them back to the machine i mean and we

drew a crowd after a while i gotta tell you right now i'm so happy and i'm also it's bittersweet because i would have loved to have seen this. Yeah, you should have seen Burnt when somebody tried to take the golden tea machine when we went to get a drink. I tried to take it. Well, someone walked up to our spot. We walked up and I, you know, I was going to give it up, but Burnt was a hit for us. Really? We were waiting for our beers and then out of the corner of my eye I saw somebody moseoseying up to the machine. And I said, uh-uh, not on my watch.

And I zipped over there. Yeah, you said, watch this. Burnt. Wow, this must have been a few beers in. I walked in front of the machine and I said. No, you blocked it with your body. I was hard. Oh, wow.

And the way you were walking with the backwards suit was added, really added to it. I think it really helped confuse this guy. Right, because when you stood like this blocking your body, if you kind of look to the side, maybe you look like a man with standing facing and playing already. And I said, hello, Earthling. And this guy turned white and he ran out of there. Oh, wow. I said it in a weird way.

Hello, Earthling. Classic alien voice. So did you guys talk? Still works. Like, what did you talk about? We talked about everything under the sun. Oh, come on. Give me a little sample.

And nothing at the same time. And nothing at the same time. Which sounds about right. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about golden tea for probably a good 90 minutes. That's what I'm figuring. Yeah, then. Probably mostly that.

Sort of the mechanics of it. We were telling stories of past Golden T play sessions. Okay. Right. Golden T 98, Golden T 99. Yeah. Which one was better? There was a year I went backpacking around Europe playing all the Golden T machines.

Bert, I never knew you went backpacking all over Europe. I love the European Golden T. The same guy who flew all the way to Disneyland, walked in, and five minutes later turned around because just the entrance was too much for him to take. I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed by those flowers. But you went to Europe.

Did you go by yourself? I went by myself, yes. Wow, where did you go? This was before I went to pharmacy school. Sure. I went to England, France, Germany, Italy. I went to Scandinavia. You went everywhere.

I went to Iceland. I went to... But where didn't you go? China. Okay. Well, I never guessed that that was going to be involved in your European trip, but yes. I figure that didn't make it in on that one. Well, my mind is just blown by all these revelations, but you two, I am proud of both of you. And this makes me so happy. We know if listeners have been with us from the beginning,

sometimes there'd be some tension between Doug and Bernd, but it sounds like you two really hit it off. I don't know. Oh, oh, okay. Do you feel that there was tension between Doug and Bernd, but it sounds like you two really hit it off. I don't know. Oh. Oh. Okay. Did you feel that there was tension between us? Oh, I... Doug, did you feel this? I never picked up on it. It might have been, you know, I've always been at a distance,

so I can't see your expression. Doug's always at a distance. It's true. We're never in the same room. He's always at a figurative distance. And a literal distance. Yeah. And you never see my face. true. We're never in the same room. He's always at a figurative distance. In a literal distance. Yeah. And you never see my face. Never. This is one of the only times.

And Doug, where are you today? Because we record in Joan and Doug's house. Sure. I was on my way to the apiary, actually. This is a controversial room. I wouldn't call it a room. Is this an indoor? No, it's because it's got... I wanted a sunroof.

I wanted a new sunroof. And he was like, no, let's do an apiary. A sunroof? Yeah. You know, a sunroof. A sunroof? A sunroof. A sunroof.

I associate that with cars, I guess. Oh, no. I mean, I guess they're called different things now. But, you know, it's just a panel in a ceiling. Skylight. Oh, yeah. Wow. This episode, my luck is really turning. Well, the realtor in me is very embarrassed.

Oh yeah. Well guys, it's the last episode of the season and I'm forgetting my words. Wow. I forget the second time I've forgotten. I've missed up a term. I've missed it up. Okay. So I wanted a skylight.

All right. Yes. And he said, well, if we're gonna do that you know we should but bees that was the immediate next thought it 100 was i'm telling you right now it was the very first thing out of his mouth and mean, is this just a room with a bunch of loose bees in it? Right now it is. I'm trying to build it out. Are you wearing the suit, babe? Because you really shouldn't be in there without it.

Oh, yeah. It's so funny. My beekeeper suit is homemade. And the way I do it is. He has a colander over his head. I take a hoodie. Yeah. My first one was I took a hoodie and I do it is. He has a colander over his head. I take a hoodie. Yeah. My first one was I took a hoodie and I wore it backwards like you.

Yeah. So that the hood covered my face. Yeah. Your entire face. But you wouldn't be able to see? As he said, that was the first one. Pinholes in the eyes. Pinholes.

Doug has tiny eyes. He doesn't need much to see. But then did you. I have very tiny eyes He doesn't need much to see But then did you I have very tiny eyes Did you pull the hood tight in the back So that they couldn't get in there Yeah And I

I don't feel much on the back Okay Oh okay Remember because he has The receding Back hairline Which is probably related Right

Probably Totally numb back there So I don't mind You might have gotten hundreds of st Right. Probably. Totally numb back there. You might have gotten hundreds of stings. They can go to town back there. No, they really shouldn't, though. That would still be dangerous. It's true.

It's true. You don't want bees to go to town on a person ever. So, yeah. We need to get some infrastructure in the apiary. Right now,

they're just going all over the place. Wait, sorry. I just needed the details of Doug's current beekeeping suit. Oh, yes. Sorry. So it's a colander.

Now, yeah. Full stop. Joan said they shouldn't go to town on my neck. Right. So I put a colander on my head. It was either that or a sifter, you know, but the sifter is only going to protect his face, not his back. And the colander can go all around.

Right. But does, I mean, maybe it's been a while since I've looked at a colander, but they don't go all the way down. It wouldn't go all the way down to your neck, right? Well, it's a big one. It's a big one. Like a, like a, okay. It's a big one. And then I had to put the hoodie front ways over the colander.

So his neck is like double A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you got to pull the string tight because you don't want them crawling in there. Very tight. Extremely tight. Yeah. Okay. And so when we got a mental picture, I mean, it's wild.

Then you double knot, you know, the strings. Yeah. Yeah. And that's it. And then. So what are you doing? What are you doing right now in there? Socks over the pants.

Continuing with the. Socks over the pants. Okay. Over the pants. I use Jones. Second base. Jones, really nice gloves, you know, like you're, yeah, well, I didn't say yes to that. The opera gloves. Yes.

And I need them. I am in tech right now for my show, you know, so it's just like, I need those back. Oh yeah. How was your show? How's it coming along? Uh, it's good. It's almost there. Uh, there's, how is the marionette working out for you?

I don't want to talk about that. Oh, no. What happened? Did I do a bad job? No. I've just been getting letters. Someone, even though I don't, I mean, the last episode we talked about, about how I'm going to be portraying one of the most controversial women

in Danny Fall's history, Kiki Dragon Slayer. And she has a voice that is so, I thought I had solved it by coming up with, you know, this Boston comic, Deanna Dugan, who, you know, she would do an impression of Kiki. And then Bernd very kindly made me a marionette because he thought, well, if it's not a hand up into a a face and rather distance

from my body then maybe that's even a better way to distance it because here's the thing is that kiki comes in well there's a curse everything is you do an impression of her stuff in your world starts falling apart mostly it's your cuticles you're like that's right the bleeding cuticles that's right so i don't want to be caught doing that. But I mean, as an actress, it's such a challenge. And I just can't get away from it. And I know I've got it down. But you thought that just my Boston comedian sounded too much like her. Well, when you started the voice,

I got a chill on my spine because it sounded like the classic Kiki Dragonslayer. I know. The Bray. From the wax cylinder. Oh, right. Because it's the first ever recording of a woman making sound in Dignity Falls. First ever recording of a woman making sound in Dignity Falls.

And so, weirdly, I've been getting some letters anonymous letters oh yep with just sort of you know warnings like don't do it oh or i'd be careful if i were you who do you think it could be i don't know i could it be carol might be carol dragon slayer she's the uh what great great great i don't know how many greats so great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great granddaughter of Kiki. And, uh,

I don't know, maybe she's afraid I'm going to go after the legacy. You know, it doesn't, it doesn't, here's what it is. It doesn't feel like it's a warning about, it feels like it's,

um, someone doesn't want me to do it for a different reason other than protecting me from the curse. Does that make sense? Oh, it definitely sounds like a threat rather than be careful. Right. Yeah. So, uh, all I can tell is it looks like it's written by someone who's left-handed. Okay. That's my only lead. That's good to know. So I've just been focusing on, I don't know what I'm going to do. It might be like a game day decision. You know what I'm saying?

Um, and I have to worry about it because Mitch McNaught, I asked him not to come to the dress rehearsal preview and review it. He takes that as a challenge. I know. And you are not supposed, there's supposed to be a moratorium until, you know, it's open.

You're not supposed to go. Of course. There's supposed to be a, what is it? A grace period. Gag order, embargo, whatever you want to say.

I, you know a sunroof boycott anyways he's gonna come at my dress rehearsal which is only for like you two and some of my friends ask him not to come and he announces that he's going to come he now he yes he let me know he said i'll be there with bells on i hope he he dies. I hope Mitch McNutt chokes on a grape. Maybe we can trick him into doing Kiki Dragonslayer. Wait. I just thought of it. What?

So there's going to be an audience participation moment. You know, everyone loves audience participation. Everyone loves it. And because it's going to be dress rehearsal, it's going to be so few people to pick from. That's right. And you know what? He'll just raise his hand immediately.

Yes. He'll just be like, oh, now I can really get her and I can write about how this part was terrible. Right, right. And her audience work was awful. So I say, I'm going to teach someone how to do an impression. You know? And I get, he's going to come right up like the sap that he is.

Right. And I'm just going to. That pompous vein popping. That boil of humanity. I hate that vein. He says, he's a running sore on this town. Yes.

So if he gets up there and if I started taking through a few like basic ones, you know what I mean? Like we'll just do the police chief, you know. That sounded just like him. It's so,

it's so easy to do. I mean, you don't even have to say words because it's mostly the beard doing the work, you know. Marsh Rothschild is his name. Marsh Rothschild.

And he'll have a trunk of like wigs and moustaches. Like a photo booth. Sure, but more have a trunk of like wigs and and and moustaches like a photo booth sure but more like a trunk oh well i was gonna say you know photo booths now uh you know if you go to a wedding or something no no they've got all the props i'm sorry i didn't mean to interrupt i'm really excited about my idea i'm sorry i just i just wanted you to know that i didn't think a photo booth was something that is you know container for and i know that you know okay that a photo we're on the same track we're on the same page so just you know a bunch of uh props in there and then i'll sort of dress glasses on a stick glasses on a stick mustache on a stick and then I'll just and then I'll just dress

him up as like as Marshall first and then do like a second one. Yeah. Like Preeny Featherton who does the who works at the post office. That's right. The one who always hates getting people's packages when they show up at the slips. Big sigh

turns around like she takes a I want to say it's like a 128 point and just the shuffle yeah low is the address you know and so that's just what i'm going to teach him to do right so he's not he's not he's unsuspecting right so i'm going to give him the cat wire, the rim wire glasses. On a stick. The wire rim glasses. And on a stick. And with cat ears attached for fun. You know, because she's always wearing cat ears. She's going to do cat eyes, why not cat ears?

Sure. Yeah, why is she always wearing those cat ears? Oh, because I mean, you know, when you ask her, she's like, I'm fun. And it's like, okay. What's your name? Preeny? Preeny? Preeny. Yeah. So I'm going to have him do those two. And this is a big

get because I mean, I had a whole Preeny Featherton song. Right. And it's about... I shuffle back and forth. I do all my slow walks. And none of you shut up. You just want your box.

But when I go home at night i am not what i seem because i have a dream and then it turns into this whole ballad about what she actually really wants to do to be a country singer oh she wants to be a country singer yeah because i think it's nice to sort of think, we don't know what's going on inside someone's heart and soul. And, and maybe it's going to kind of lift her up a little bit. You know, I,

I think that's very nice. And I think it is, uh, you know, you may look at someone and you may have an opinion of them, but you have to remember we're all human beings. You never know what somebody is going through. Well,

unless you're Mitch McNutt. Mitch McNutt is the one exception, of course. He is not human. He's a disgusting pustule so so so yes he's the vesicle on the tongue of the triceratops in jurassic park couldn't have said it better myself so um i pulledicle out, but couldn't figure out skylight. Anyway. So, uh, that one really hit your heart.

He's the, stayed with you. Really did. I'm a realtor. No, I know. I know. Absolutely.

I might have to have, it's like if I forgot aspirin. Yes. It's like, I might have to have Doug cut it out. I don't know. Anyways. So we take him through those two impressions.

And then without even realizing it, I just put like a slight, you know, sash. Cause Kiki was always known for wearing a sash. Yes. And, without even realizing it, I just put like a slight, you know, sash. Cause Kiki was always known for wearing a sash. And, uh, and, and just sort of like, oh, here you win. You win prize. First prize for doing impressions.

And I'm like, just do one last one. And if I can trick him into sort of doing the voice, then maybe he's the one who's done it. He gets cursed. I win. This is how you win. This is how you win. This is how I win. Exactly.

So that was a great moment of inspiration. And I'm glad that we got to that because I might have to make a last minute call there. If you could get. Which means you won't get the preemie song. Well, that's all right. But I mean, it'd be worth it if you could get Mitch McNutt to curse himself. And just to see his fingers bleeding like that would be, oh, my mouth is watering.

How's he going to type up his reviews and file them? His nasty, his nasty vile reviews. So, so there you go. I think that that's a really good plan. And well, now I feel less nervous, actually. I'm pretty excited. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. Well, you should be excited.

It's going to be a terrific show. I'm amazed that you're including Preeni there. Well, because I bring you all the way up to the present. She is the most important woman in Diggity Falls today. Well, I needed some local color, you know? Yeah, of course. I want to make it interesting. And quite honestly, like, I just wanted some good characters that I know would sort of

break it up and make and make it sort of give it some comic relief. Exactly. Because most of the females that I'm doing, it's just they have such a dark past. It's very true. Who was the lady that started the Spanish American Witch Trials? Yes. Spanish American Witch Trials. The Spanish American Witch Trials happened right here in Dignity Falls

where women from Dignity Falls went over the border of, you know, the country essentially and they went all the way to Spain brought back some women that they thought looked witchy. It was mainly women that had moles. I mean, everything about this story

is wrong. And they brought them back to America. Can you imagine just scooping up a bunch of people and then sending them to another place? To a small, quiet town. Just to make some weird statement. But yeah, that was a dark, grim part of our history. You know, we don't have a great history when I think about it. No, we don't.

We don't, but we just keep on trucking. We keep on trucking, and that's what I love about Dignity Falls. Amen. It's a beautiful place. It trucking. We keep on trucking. And that's what I love about Dignity Falls. Amen. It's a beautiful place. It truly is. And filled with beautiful people. Oh, and we're going to get to one of those beautiful people after our break. What an excellent segue, Joan.

Thank you. And I mean, we're ready for a break, right, Doug? My new best friend. Sure. Yeah. I do want to continue our story last night, maybe in the last segment. That sounds good. I didn't know there was more.

Oh, there's more. Oh, oh. Way to hear. Okay. I didn't know there was more. Oh, there's more. Oh, oh. Wait till you hear. Okay, I can't wait. Whatever you're picturing, it's crazier than you can even imagine. All right, well, we'll take a break and more when the neighbor

listens returns. This is Hugh. Subject line, Dignity Falls Reservoir Master Plan. At the last Dignity Falls Reservoir Master Plan workshop, I was reluctant to be corralled into the tidy, moderated discussion groups prepared for the attending hundreds. I doubted that this format could ensure the survival of the tiny wildlife refuge we have been given the honor to protect. But when the people at my table agreed with my points of view, I thought,

Hey, this ain't so bad. Hey, this ain't so bad. And when my neighbors paraded up to the stage and voiced concurring conclusions, I was converted. They agreed that nature should prevail. They demanded there be no ego-driven education center constructed. They scorned the idea of a water sports emporium. I had misjudged the forum and the community. And I admitted it by applauding loudly like a trained seal.

After the confetti settled and the democratic tide ebbed toward the doors, I approached some of the campaign managers and queried, a bit smugly, I guess there is not going to be a education center. I don't know, they replied. You don't know? How do you not know? Every table voted against it. They answered honestly. In parenthetical, they were off the clock.

A lot of powerful people want this to happen. Who are these people? I pressed. Those people with standing and seats at the table with the DWP. So much for the years-long extravaganzas. The meetings, the confusing checklists keyed to ten competing maps, the promenades around the lake, and the tasty donuts. Just pro forma, due diligence cover for the entrepreneurs and their perception managers to calm dissent and to claim that we were given plenty of opportunities to weigh in. Food again!

And welcome back to Neighborhood Listen. We have a guest here with us as we do every week. Here's what happens. We scour the NeighborHap social networking application. We find interesting people from our neighborhood in Dignity Falls and we interview them on the show. If you

would like to send one that perhaps we've missed, then you can write to us at you can screenshot it and write to us at send it to us. You're doing great. I'm going to start over again. Okay. If you would like to send one that perhaps we've missed, why don't you screenshot it and email it to us

at burntandjone at gmail.com. There we go. Well done. How are you doing, babe? I just have to check because, I mean, you're in there with hundreds of bees. Oh, wow. Listen to that. Oh, boy. You've gotten really close to them.

I mean, it feels like they're in my ears. It's not okay. I think they got in the colander. Why are you so calm about it? You seem very calm. I know the front of your face isn't numb. I think they got in the colander. I can tell because it's my face is stinging a lot. Oh God. All right. Could you just, you know what? Yeah. Could you just turn that down? That is just awful. Do you think that noise

is soothing to anyone? Like is that an ASMR for some people? Maybe. I can't imagine. It is just doom to me. It just spells doom. Oh, I've got to go to bed. I better just put on my... Just can't imagine.

Okay, so we do have a guest, and you're going to read the post, Joan? Yes. Now, just so everyone at home knows, there's a picture of a very happy German shepherd with his tongue hanging out. He looks just delighted. He looks just delighted. And it was just like taking a Christmas.

It's like there seems to be festive decorations behind him. Red leaves behind, I think. It's a very nice photo. It's a very nice photo. And there are two more and I'll get to those in a minute. So this is the, this is the post. Weird post, but please read. And there are two more and I'll get to those in a minute. So this is the, this is the post. Weird post, but please read.

I need to find a big game hunter in order to source organ meat for my dogs. Muscle meat, if willing to give up. There's a lot of exclamation points in this. And almost every sentence, just so you know, is an exclamation point. Venison, bison bison elk whatever all organs including reproductive systems spleens lungs intestines everything liver is especially important all other secreting and non-secreting organs that one gets two exclamation points. Don't know when hunting season is

exclamation point for those of you, for those of you that do not raw feed your dogs. I apologize. I apologize. please call Pam and the numbers below, uh, and, or private message. And, and what there's two other bridges. One is a,

is, is it the same happy dog? This, the third one is just like a closeup of what looks like his paws. And so I don't know what that's all about. So we're going to have to ask Pam, everybody, please welcome Pam.

Oh, thank you for having me. Hi, Pam. Thank you. I gotta say. Pam, you seemed relieved when we introduced you. I feel so stressed. Why? I really am going through it. And I'm so glad I have this opportunity

to get help. You sound very, you know, there's so many, there's a real intensity to your posts. Thank you. Well, I didn't mean it as a compliment. I'm just happy that I'm being seen. Okay. You know, we're not licensed anything, you know, other than, you know, pharmacy and realtor.

We can't help, you know, we'll see how we can help you. Even if it's emotional. Okay. It's help. Sure. Okay. So first of all, I do, you said it's a weird post. To me me it was

I am not familiar with raw feeding especially you list you seem to list basically almost anything you can think of that exists in a body

mostly liver if I may it's too late for notes because you put the post out there I would have put liver first yes if it is but I also will take all these other

blah blah blah all these other secreting organs. That's a great note. Could you get into... If I could rewrite it, I would do it. I just, I'm in a panic. Why are you in a panic? How long have you had this dog? Why does this seem like all of a sudden it's a panic? I've had this dog

for one month. Oh. A month. Yes, my neighbor. Maybe you know Beatrice Baxter. Oh, I do. Yeah, I'm familiar. Not a nice woman. Well, she has her moments. I woke up one morning.

This dog was in a basket on my porch with a note from Beatrice. Said she was going off the grid. Here are some items from my dog. He only eats raw meat. There was a freezers. There were freezers filled with raw meat. She supplied me. Freezers, plural. Good lord. More than one freezers. Freezers? More than

one freezers? More than one freezers. Take care of this dog and I will be back. No notice of when she No dates. I have a question right away. So the dog in the photos

seems pretty big. Very big. And you say you've had the dog for a month. One month. But Beatrice put this dog in a basket? Yes. It's a very large basket. It's a very large basket. Was he just sitting in the basket? He doesn't even stay in the basket.

He just stood in the... He's nothing but well-trained. Well, he does look like a really happy... What's his name? Begoldi. Begoldi. Oh, Begoldi. That's a nice name.

It's a big Goldi. Begoldi. I thought he was a German shepherd. He's a German shepherd named Begoldi Okay That's allowed I mean there's nothing in the rule book Do you think he should be

Like if he was a golden retriever Sorry sorry It'd be like naming him Begerman It's Begoldi Okay So he's Begoldi Begoldi Begoldi sorry

Begoldi yes And so what made you, did you, you felt compelled to take him apparently. Of course. Why did you do that? Well, it's a neighbor in need. She's a mean woman. We all know her. Okay, sure.

And she, yes, let's be honest. When I walk by, I say hi to her and she just normally throws a spit at me. Throws spit at you? Yes, with at me or throws a spit at you. With her words or her spit. And say hi to the dog. The dog seems friendly enough, but then she just took off. She said she was

going off the grid. Did she give any more info than that? No, it's just a mystery. Has anybody seen her? I haven't. I haven't seen her in a while. I haven't. No. I'm running out of the food. Okay, so hang on a second.

I see. So you, the reason you're panicked is because you're just about out of all the freezers. All the freezer stuff, which is just raw meat, livers, secretions. Yeah, what are those? What secreting and non-secreting organs? I can't say that I'm aware of, I mean, I could make guesses.

Well, yeah, certain organs secrete certain vital enzymes, things like that, that we need. And others just sit there and absorb things, and then they become a ticking time bomb in your body. Right. I need any of those. The dog reacts to those. I'm telling you. Very sweet dog. But recently as I'm rationing this stuff, because I know it's coming to an end, I see the dog looking at me, licking its lips.

Oh, no. Thoughts. You know those cartoons where they have a bubble and they see me as meat or bones? I really need to get a move on. You think Begoldi is looking at you and then you transform into a big liver. Exactly, a liver.

Just a big secretive organ. A reproductive system. A reproductive system. You turn into a big ovary. Right. So why the third picture of just the paws? I don't understand that. What's going on there?

That was for just cute. that was for just cute. It was for just cute. Don't you find those paws cute? They are. I mean, I found the initial picture of the whole face with the tongue out cute. What was the middle picture? I didn't see.

It was just the same, almost. It was just another slightly other, you know, slightly different angle, but the face and just him smiling. You remember those school portraits where it would be you and then a ghostly image of you looking over? Has anyone done that with their pet? Oh, yes. When I was a child growing up, I had a goldfish.

And I did one of those with my goldfish. A ghostly goldfish looking over you. A goldfish looking over you. And weirdly, that goldfish's name was Goldie. Oh, now look at that. Isn't that strange? It is a little strange. That's a common name for a pet.

That seems like it would be a sad picture to have. I did see some service that, and this is wild, but the picture, and I'm not kidding, I saw this ad. If you have your pet crematedated the picture is a man throwing the ashes into the water but then the artist drew the dog leaping into the water yes which you know it's i mean it's half and half for me for me because you know what's weird you know the reason i think that's weird wait what'd you say babe it sounds like he's dropped it sounds like he's drowning the dog in that case he's throwing it into it but what if he's a water dog and he's drowning the dog in that case. He's throwing it into a lake.

Wait, but what if he's a water dog and he's happily jumping in? But there's a... But I see your point. It implies permanently throwing him into the lake. I understand. Doug, you might want to get the smoke out, buddy. Yeah, get that smoke out. Oh, this is...

They actually all collected on my beard. I have a bee beard now, finally. A bee beard. Take a picture. Are you sure that it's not just all bees on my beard. I have a bee beard now, finally. Take a picture. Wait, are you sure that it's not just all bees on your face? What else would it be? Are you saying they're stuck in your beard? But I don't remember you really have a very thick beard. So is it just a beard of bees?

Burnt, can you decipher this one, buddy? Oh, now they're ganging up on me. Burnt, can you decipher this one, buddy? I don't know. Oh, now they're ganging up on me, and it's that whole thing again of like, oh, this one, sunroof over here. Listen, let's just skip it. Sunroofs are those things in the ceiling, right? Okay. Of a car, yes.

All right. That's what I meant. Oh, darn it. I mean, you'd have to be a fool to think it was the ceiling of a house. That's a sky meant. Oh, darn it. I mean, you'd have to be a fool to think it was the ceiling of a house. That's a skyline. Boy, oh boy. I mean, that's basic.

Well, glad I revisited that. Here's the way to find out. Joan, one second. How come sometimes in a car they call it a moonroof? Oh, yeah. Is it somehow more enticing than a sunroof? Is it darker than a sunroof? That sounds like something that only a really expensive car would try using as an option.

You can only open it at night. It can only be used for the moon. I think because they don't want people staring at the sun. Oh, that's a good point, Doug. Because that really encourages it. Wow, listen to you telling me his good points. I need to know what happened. You got a good point.

Even a broken clock. So it's not like any joke from last night. Oh yeah. It'd probably be hard to explain. We broke a clock last night. Oh, okay. So,

um, uh, no, all I'm going to say about that picture is that about the dog is that the way you know, it's weird is you couldn't do it for a human. You wouldn't show someone throwing the ashes of a human and then the human

actually is diving into the water. Yes. What if a swimmer dies? Mark Spitz, the first swimmer I could think of. Esther Williams. Yeah, and she's just diving in. She's diving.

Probably would be beautiful. It would be beautiful. Exactly. See, Michael Phelps. No splash. And then the water is all just like a gigantic breakfast. It's 50 pancakes. It's three dozen eggs fried up.

Wow, we're really spitballing here. All right. He was in a swimmer, but I thought of Billy Zabga in Back to School. Was he diving? Weren't they diving? There was diving in that film. There was diving, and Ronnie Dangerfield did it. He did a big half gainer off of the thing at the end.

What a wonderful movie. Wonderful film. It was some fun. Lessons were learned. Sally Kellerman. Sally Kellerman. Sally Kellerman. Okay.

She's in my show, just for fun. I have a quick celebrity round. She went to college here. She did for one year. Wonderful voiceover work too. Pavilions in Pavilions Place. That's right. Hidden Valley Ranch?

Hidden Valley Ranch. Was that Elizabeth Ashley? No, no. That was Sally Kellerman. What did Elizabeth Ashley do? I mean, probably poise. Evening shade? Overact?

Oh, Pam. Sorry. Meow. Here come the claws. Well, that's why I put the paws in. I'm into paws and claws. So here's the thing. So you, here's my one question.

Does anyone know, can we just start feeding Begoldi regular food? What's going to happen to him if you don't give him raw organs? I have tried giving him kibbles. You did. And he rejects it. Takes it, just spits it out like his mother. What if you just went and bought a steak from the store? Spits it out like his mother.

Yeah, what does that mean? Because his mother spit, remember? Oh, Beatrice. Beatrice. I thought the dog's actual mother. Oh, I've never met his actual mother. His birth mother. Yes.

Okay. Most of us have not met our dog's mothers. It's very sad. I thought you were going to say most of us have not met our birth mothers. Well, it depends on your- Well, I haven't. Oh, okay. Are you adopted?

I don't know what I am. What? You don't know what? This is what's really weird. I also was left on a doorstep. In a basket? With freezers of organs? Yes.

Think about that for a second. But you do remember that there were freezers of organs? Yes. Well, I don't know if there were organs. There were freezers of organs. Who told you? What's your origin story? Who found you?

Well, my adopted parents. Okay, so you are adopted. Yes, I you are adopted. Yes, I guess I am. Something's wrong with me. Join the club, Pam. Join the club. So someone left you, your biological parents left you on the doorstep of a specific family.

Moses-style in a little basket. What's the reason? Did they leave a note? They left a note. All they said was, please take care of my son. Oh, gosh. Name him something interesting. Oh, no. Pam.

Right. Like the cooking spray. But it was signed the Roosevelt's. The Roosevelt's. The Roosevelt's. Huh. It sounds familiar. Yeah, it does. I mean, there's there's the Roosevelt's. The Roosevelt's. Huh. It sounds familiar. Yeah, it does.

I mean, there's the Roosevelt's street. There's Roosevelt's, the corner where both Roosevelt's meet. Yes, that's right. Yes. The corner of FDR and Teddy meet. And Eleanor. And Eleanor Lane. Eleanor Lane.

Yes, it's a trifecta. Yes. If you stand in one place, you're standing on all three Roosevelt's at the same time. People do love to take a picture there. Yes. You're standing on all three Roosevelt's. I'm just realizing how this story is all connecting to me.

Oh. With the dog and me. Really? Well, how? Explain. Well, we were both left on connecting to me. Oh. With the dog and me. Really? Well, how? Explain. Well, we were both left on a doorstep. Yes. Beatrice is sort of a mystery in this town.

She comes and goes. Oh, okay. She's not always nice. She goes off the grid. Okay. My parents disappeared. Uh-huh. Could Beatrice possibly be my mother?

I mean, I feel like that's a logical assumption to make. Thank you. So you're saying she's Beatrice Roosevelt and not Beatrice Baxter. Interesting. Do you think she changed her name? Well, this was your theory. Well, it would be. If you were known as Pam Roosevelt until, I don't know,

you took your adoptive parents last name. Yeah. Then be it, which is sorry, what? It's Yesterd. Yesterd. So your name is Pam Yesterd. Yes. No, yes.

No, yes. Pam, you don't seem sure. No, my name is Pam Yesterd. You seem so unsure of everything. I'm really caught off guard. It's affecting my job. Oh, no. Where do you work?

I'm the local train conductor in Dignity Falls. I'm surprised you haven't seen me going around. I don't get on the train much more often. You're Choo Choo Pam? I'm Choo Choo Pam. Well, I never take the train myself, but of course I've heard about Choo Choo Pam. But you've seen my posters.

I have seen your posters. Vote for Choo Choo Pam, local train director. Yep. You have to vote on our train director. We do. That's one fun thing

about Dignity Falls here. Yes, it's an elected position. I'm very honored when I win. Sure, and you've been going for a long time now. Absolutely. No term limits. 37 years.

Sorry I didn't. Just like the Roosevelt's. Sorry I didn't put... Just a long time now. Absolutely. No term limits. 37 years. Sorry, I didn't. Just like the Roosevelt's. Sorry, I didn't put. Just like the Roosevelt's. Right. No term limits. I'm sorry. I didn't put chew and chew together, Pam.

I just didn't know. Did you say you didn't put chew and chew together? Okay. I just wanted to make sure. I love, no, I love train jokes. Let's not get derailed and tell more. Ah, there we go. Choo-choo Pam.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, caboose. That's her song. That's what I sing all day long when I'm going around. That's how you end all your announcements on the train. She sings just all about

the caboose. Ladies and gentlemen, the train's in motion. Please take your seat. Do not get up until we stop. Caboose. They love it. And I love it too.

It's weird that people have to be told those things before the train. You know, it's not common for most trains, but in Dignity Falls, you're not allowed. It's sort of like a plane in that way. That when the train is in motion, one of the selling points of the train is that it's less confining than the plane. And we should say it is just a circular track. It is just basically within the... It's to go around and see the sights. There's no stops.

There's no stops. You get back, you get off the same place you go. It's like a ride, really. It is really a ride. She gives a tour. Choo-choo Pam talks about the local. Yeah, the local. Everything that happened that we're passing by. We serve popcorn.

Yes, you do. You sound defensive. I know. You say it like we didn't say you did. Well, I don't know what you're saying at this point, but I wanted you to know that I make popcorn every morning. Oh, you make the popcorn. Oh, it's such a joy. Oh, and again, he said it

like he was, Pam said it like it was a task it's such a joy. Oh, and again, he said it like he was, Pam said it like it was a task. I'm so sorry. I might be just exhausted from the dog. I think you are. You're at your wit's end. I need to find a game hunter. I don't know that you need to find a game hunter.

Speaking of the game hunter, I wanted to ask this because you seem very well versed in all the types of organs that the dog can eat. Sure. But you don't know what hunting season is. I have no idea. Okay. So I would,

I would imagine, is it that the, the organs came labeled? Yes. Oh, she left a descriptive note. Yes. I'm just following her,

Beatrice's descriptions. And so you, you put two and two together and said, I need a big game hunter. I need it. I, cause nobody sells these things. Yeah.

I was going to say butcher. If you go to a butcher, can it. Because nobody sells these things. Yeah, I was going to say, butcher. If you go to a butcher, can you not find some of these things? Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Well, I guess that's what we're here for. Yeah, butcher. Okay. The butcher would have all these items. Maybe not all, but a lot of them, yes.

Let me look at the list again. You could go to Frank Pazuki, and he can show you all the organ meat that he has. Okay, can I be dead honest? Please. I knew the butcher. Frank and I have had a past and I'm afraid to go talk to him. Oh, I see.

We've had words. Oh. What was it about? If you don't mind my asking. He was on the train. Okay. And he had a little too much popcorn.

And we were running out of popcorn and I said, Frank, you have to ease up on the popcorn. Is this because you make your popcorn alcoholic? Yes. I put a little alcohol in it. We all know Frank has a problem, you know, issues. He loves his drink.

So he's lapping up, lapping up the popcorn. There's children on it who want the popcorn. Yes, I know I give children alcohol popcorn. But it's their vacation. They're going in a circle. Good for them. They have to learn. And he wouldn't stop. He just wouldn't stop

eating up. He's like, you know how he's like, I'm not. You can't tell me what to do. I'm a butcher. That sounds exactly like him. Thank you. Wow. You're welcome. Thank you. Okay, so then these were the words that were exchanged. Did you have to kick him off?

I had to kick him off with my foot. Oh. And you know what I said? What? You're a fucker. Oh, in front of the children. No, I did. I had them go in the back of the train. It was a scene. The kids were drunk anyway.

They were drunk and doing that thing where people like, you know, when they take their finger. Right now he's just swirling his fingers. He's pointer finger in circles. You know, they're like, ooh. Is that a TikTok thing? We got to that point last night. Oh, yeah. You know when you're really drunk and you're like,

fingers work. Fingers work poorly. It's a true sign of We got to that point last night. Oh, yeah. Oh, brother. You know when you're really drunk and you're like, you wave your finger. Oh, that's, yeah. Woo, woo, woo. Fingers work poorly. Oh, now I get it. It's a true sign of drunkenness. You don't know you're drunk until the finger goes up and it circles and you're saying, woo.

And you're just doing a Fosse. Fosse. The kids were doing a Fosse finger. Anyway, I kicked him off the train with my foot and said he's a fucker. And so, and now you're afraid to go back in. Why? Just because he'll retaliate.

You think he probably doesn't even remember it, Pam. If he had enough popcorn, he probably blacked out. I'm saying he didn't remember. He did not remember. This is Kepnery from The Butcher for years. Oh, when did this happen? It happened a long time ago. It's like three years ago.

Oh, wow. I don't know why I thought this happened recently. I thought so too, but no timeline was established. No, there was not. I know, but you know what? Everything's recent in the whole span of time. Well, yeah, that's true. I mean-

It's been millions of years. Yeah, it's true. Since three is what is three. Really? You sound like the Sandman. Ooh. An immortal creature to whom time is nothing thank you might be the nicest thing anyone said to me wow ever i thought it was kind of neutral well i haven't had a lot of compliments

pam seems to take a lot of things as compliments you know or validation more like right it seems like a great way to live actually yes it Yes, it really does. Anyway, speaking of wanting to live, I've got to get this dog these meats. So you're saying to go to Frank and maybe work it out. I do think that would be a start, you know. Also, I mean, couldn't you just buy a steak? What about just a steak?

Would the dog eat a steak? Well, I could try. No, but they don't all have to be secreting. Steaks don't secrete. I know. Well, they do. Well, I mean. They do leak blood.

They leak blood. That's true. They secrete blood. And we eat it anyway. Isn't that funny? Disgusting. I'm so glad we're talking about this. I was very upset.

I put all those exclamation points in it. I was so upset. No, it can read as desperate, but also it can read as very kind of like excited. I wouldn't have guessed that you were, well, I guess the more it goes on, the more you think that you are kind of like reaching your limit.

And I really am falling in love with this dog. Oh, that's my next question. Do you have a good relationship with him? Yes, I don't want the dog to eat me. Right, but we also don't want the dog to go hungry either. No, it's just a dog. I mean, it's just a dog. I'm not saying that. I'm, it's just a dog. I'm not saying that.

I don't know where. Yes, I'm not sure where you stand now. It's just a dog, so it doesn't have to eat. That's what it feels like you're saying. You're falling in love with the dog, and yet, who cares if it dies? It's just a dog. It's just confusing, Pam. You know what?

I get it. I completely get the confusion. Because as I was saying it, I doubled down and said it the same way. You did. Absolutely. What I meant was, it's a dog and they're sweet and they don't know a lot. Oh, now I understand. Oh, an innocent creature.

It's just a simple dog. It needs help. We made them helpless. We did. It's kind of our fault. Joan, do you think we should adjust Escrow's diet? She's not doing well. I know, but babe, she doesn't need kidneys.

I've been afraid to ask about Escrow because I hadn't seen her move in such a long time. She hasn't. And I thought, oh, they've stuffed her. She is not stuffed. I will not do that. I will have her cremated when the time comes, but I'm not going to do one of those creepy pictures.

Why not? What if you do it where she's coming out of the water? Back to my arms? Let's just... Like you put her... It's like instant dog. You pour her ashes into the water. And she just makes a U-turn right back to me.

Her spirit. I just don't know if I need the physical validation of that because just seeing a picture of it, it'll just make me sad. I think what it is, is just, I think she's very depressed. I haven't been home a lot because I've been at the theater putting in long hours, rehearsing, writing, rewriting, re-rewriting, videos doing research so um i think she's just depressed and i do think as soon as i'm done with this process i think she'll feel

a little bit better she's also in her 30s true she is she's in her 30s 36 years old wow that's wonderful pam i think you have a couple options here. Okay, option one, and this I think is maybe kind of ease you into it. Why don't you try calling Frank's butcher shop first? Call. Call him first to feel out the situation. A little easier to know if he's still angry with you, if he even remembers the incident. Hello, Frank, this is Pam.

How have you been? How have you been? And then if he says, how would he react? Well, he could either go, I've been fine. How have you been? How have you been? And then if he says, how would he react? Well, he could either go, I've been fine. Where have you been? You haven't come by.

That'd be nice. Yes. But if he went, I'm not so great ever since you kicked me off your train and called me a fucker. Exactly.

So then you'd know where you stand. It is uncanny. Thank you. It is like you walked into the room. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, and you know what you walked into the room. Yeah. Thanks.

Yeah, and you know what? What's the worst that happens? So what's the worst that happens? You're on the phone. You're in your home. You're safe. If he gets a little confrontational, you could always just apologize.

You could say I was having a hard day. You know, in the end, he's still going to want the business. Listen, if he hears that you have a dog who monthly is going to need these organs, this is great business for him. And he's a businessman first and foremost. Because a lot, he loves money.

And a lot of people don't want that organ meat. You know, some weirdos do, of course. But there's a, most people are like, I'd rather not have that part. And I, cause I see sometimes I go in the butcher and he'll say, do you want the heart as well? Like somebody orders like a pork chop or something and he'll say, you want the heart? And they'll say, no, thank you.

And he, he acts surprised. Like, really? You don't want the heart? He like, he's, he's trying to Tom Sawyer them. He always holds it up and acts like it's beating. Yes. One time I saw it, he took a bite from one and said, mm, mm, mm. Oh boy.

There's more where this came from. Well, I'd be open to taking that. I'm gory. And you know, here's the other thing you can do. Go get yourself a turkey because they put all, you know, here's the other thing you can do. Go get yourself a turkey because they put all, you know, the legiblets like when you give, like what you use to make the gravy. I thought you meant as a pet.

I did too for a second and I was very confused where you were going. And I thought this is perfect. They don't eat organs. Just give them grain. They just have them. Oh, they're simpler pets. They're very simple pets. Turkeys are simple pets. Listen.

I have a pillow, actually, that says that. Really? Where did you come by that? I bought it at the local gift store. Oh, it was pre-made. Yes. Oh, well, have you been to the Dignity Fall gift store lately? Not since I was a kid.

Okay, you should go. They have a whole pillow section that is just about different animals saying it's a simple pet. You can go, dogs are a simple pet. Turkeys are a simple pet. Octopuses are a simple pet. Husbands are a simple pet. That's one that gets taught a lot.

Right, Doug? Guilty as charged. We're friends. I always think that chimpanzees are a simple pet. That's a lie. There's no way that's true. Those can't be selling. Chimpanzees are drama queens.

If I ever saw one, heard one, looked at one. What's more dramatic than ripping someone else's face off? Nothing. Not even alligators. I'm going to bring us back for a second. Okay. Nothing.

Not even alligators. I'm going to bring us back for a second. Just to clarify that I meant a non-life trick. Wait, would chimpanzees trick you because they look cute? Yes. But they're really. Absolutely. And they're so intelligent. Listen, they know what they're going to do before you know it.

Thank you. I guess there was no need to interrupt you for that. They know when you're sleeping and they know when you're awake. Santa? Nope. Oh, him too, I guess. He's scary. Don't like it.

It's like that Sting song, the Please song. I'll be watching you. I'll be watching you. Or Private Eyes. Those songs. All those songs. I'm going to watch you. I wear my. Those songs. All those songs. I'm going to watch you. I wear my sunglasses at night.

Yes. I always feel like somebody's watching me. That's the other end of it. Yeah. She's got Betty Davis eyes. Yes. Similar thing. Terrifying.

Terrifying. These songs about people watching us. Took her eyes. Took her eyes and put it on another body. What a disturbing song. It's just a wild song. And Betty Davis was alive when it came out. Yes.

Cruel. Who the hell took my eyes? How would she, Joel, how would she react to hearing that? How would who react? How would Betty Davis react to hearing the song Betty Davis Eyes? I don't care. Oh, not that. It was a stroke Betty Davis.

A little earlier. I was thinking a little earlier than that. She might have been Stroke Betty Davis when the song came out. I only know how to do Stroke Betty Davis. You only know how to do Stroke Betty Davis? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You only know very late Betty Davis.

When she was barely in the public eye, Betty Davis. Two years before the end. Not like All About Eve? Or like Baby Jane? I only know, yeah, Blanche, yeah. Well, then you do know. I don't feel like it's as in the character as when I do her older. Okay.

Sorry, I just don't. I didn't mean to disappoint you all. You're the artist here. I just remember her being on The Tonight Show and Johnny asks her what actor she doesn't like and without missing a beat, she says, Faye Dunaway. And I just thought,

if I were Faye Dunaway, I would just go walk into the ocean because what an insult, you know? That would make me so sad. One of the greatest actresses in the world. She had that ready to go. Right. Well, Faye seems sweet.

Also, what a weird question to ask someone on television. Who don't you like? You know, it was the 80s. It was the 80s. Johnny Carson was drunk the whole time he did that show. Absolutely. Yes. Yes.

Okay. So if I could just take us way back. Yeah, sure. To the turkey. Oh, yes. I want you to go buy a butterball turkey in the grocery store. The giblets, some of the... You can make the turkey.

Why not? You can use it for sandwiches. Maybe Begode and I can eat it together. You could eat it together you could eat it together but also there's a lot of little uh organs that are right in a little bag all already set up for you okay right and you could give those to him see how that works and if you do sort of like a you could maybe start doing every week like maybe you're just doing a turkey you do some of the turkey meat you do some of the turkey organs and it can be sort of like um like a bridge to a

gateway to right just regular meat. Right, right, right. Yeah, you could wean Begoldi off of organs by making him smaller and smaller organs. Yeah, smaller and smaller organs. I love this idea and I think it's a bonding experience for me and Begoldi too. Absolutely. Can I be very honest about something? Please.

I don't want Beatrice to come back for a multitude of reasons. Okay. I mean, the spitting. Even if she's your long lost mom? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I forgot about that too. Yeah. Well, you know what? Maybe I would like to have her confront her. Like the next time she spits at you. Should we practice that?

What have you called her? Real nice, mom. Real nice, mom. I'm taking this spit down to the DNA office. The DNA office. Getting it checked out. What if you just called her? She came back. Say she came back tomorrow.

You call her on the phone. How would that conversation go? We sort of rehearsed the one that you did with Frank. What would that be like? So if she called me, how would it go? Well, maybe she's wanting to know how... I'd have to find where she is. She's off the grid? Well, maybe she's wanting to know how, maybe you're calling her. I'd have to find where she is.

She's off the grid. No, I'm just saying, say tomorrow she comes back. What if she came back? Would you confront her? Yes. You would. Can we practice this?

Will you play Beatrice? Yes. You're the actress. Oh, you can do her voice, yes. Remind me how, yeah, but what is it? It's like a, it's like hi.

It's that, but like you've smoked a lot. Right. It's like hi. Like a horn. Hi. Great. It's like, hi. Like a horn. Hi. Great. Ring, ring, ring.

She sounds a lot like Preemie. I didn't want to say it. Wait, am I remembering her right? Maybe she's like this. That's it. That's Beatrice. Oh, that's Beatrice. That's Beatrice.

Okay, that's right. That's right. How did we get it so wrong? Why were we thinking it was ha? I don't know. It's been a long day. Sure has been. We're all in our wits end.

Ring, ring, ring. Hello. Oh, I'm calling you. Ring, ring, ring. Hello. Who is this? Hello, Beatrice. This is Pam.

You had like an accent just then. You said hello. You sounded like a British TV presenter. Well, that's how I answer. Doc, it's just start conversations on the phone Hello Who is this? This is Pam

Your next door neighbor How's my dog? I want the dog back And I want my mother in my life You're my mother I don't know what you're talking about Now you have an accent. She sounds like Patti LuPone in Penny Dreadful.

Patti LuPone. Mother, I know it's you. I figured it out. You gave me up for adoption as a child and put me in a basket like you did Begoldi. All right. It's true. You found me out. I miss you, son.

Come back to me. I'm next door. I don't know if that's how it's going to go. I don't. That seems too good to be true. No, it seems ridiculous. I would have asked about the Roosevelt connection. Yes, I have a lot of questions.

Oh, I forgot, yeah. You think I should just do this out of the gate? All my questions? Why did you give me a Roosevelt? Okay. You have literally nothing to lose. Nothing. That is true. I'm me a breast? Okay. You have literally nothing to lose. Nothing.

That is true. I'm keeping the dog though. You should. I think it's lovely that you've bonded with the Goldian that you really care about him

and you don't want him to go hungry. After all, he's just a dog. He's just a dog. And I also, do you have like a partner

or any friends? Someone who can... God. Do I seem like a partner or any friends? Someone who can. Do I seem like someone who has no friends? I mean, that was, I mean, I'm stunned. I have friends. That did seem blunt, John. I mean.

It's sort of a question we ask a lot on this show. It kind of is, yes. It's true. There's a lot of people that we've had on the show for whom kind of is, yes. It's true. Pam, you're like a friend of us. There's a lot of people that we've had on the show for whom that question absolutely applies. Well, and it's really, again, it's just me sort of trying

to get to know you. If the friends or the partner hasn't come up by a certain point in the interview, I do feel compelled to ask it. Not because I think you're someone

who wouldn't have a partner or a friend. I'm just trying to get the information. That's all I'm ever doing wouldn't have a partner or a friend. I'm just trying to get the information. That's all I'm ever doing. I have a partner and I have friends and my partner is my friend. Oh, isn't that beautiful? That's the best of all worlds.

That's another pillow you can get. My partner is my friend. Yeah. Is a simple animal. That's a big pillow. And I'm ready to put my head on it Now tell us about your partner My partner's name is Leo Okay

He is a Leo Oh, that's fun He's a dentist Okay He is a dentist He is a dentist We've been together for 23 years Wow

We don't live together Oh Maybe that's the secret. Yeah, could be. That's wonderful. What, how often do you see each other? Oh, like a few times a week. Okay.

Yes. Fantastic. Well, what does Leo think of the situation with Begoldi? Can I be very honest? We only want you to be honest. I haven't, I know it's been a couple of months. I haven't. I've kept a dog from Leo. Oh, wow.

How do you do that? I just I've been going to his house the last couple of months because I keep saying my house has fleas. And did he ask any questions about that? He's like, yes. Why don't you get the fleas taken care of? He doesn't wonder where the fleas are coming from? Maybe. He hasn't asked that question.

I make up excuses. The fleas are late or just didn't come or it's changed the day. I just, I just, I, it's, I've been. For a month you've been doing that. Two months. Oh, okay. I thought it had only been a month that you'd had him. Okay.

It's been two months. Okay. I thought a month too, but. I thought it had only been a month that you'd had them. Okay. It's been two months. Okay. I thought a month, too, but... You're not on trial here. We were just trying to get the timeline right. Now I'm remembering my POV. Can you be perfectly honest here? I'm going to be perfect.

How many months has it been? Two. Okay. Okay. All right. I had enough food for two months. You had enough freezers for two months. Okay.

So now this is another thing that's causing you anxiety. You're keeping a secret, a big one from someone you love very much. And that's also your friend. Who's also your friend. He's a good friend. And that's, I should hope so. I've been lying to him. Yes.

And that's not good for how honest you like to be. You need to be honest with him. Yes. The reason I did this, cause he's always saying I'm, I'm helping people too much and extending myself too much. And I knew he would say that. And so it just snowballed. He thinks you're a soft touch.

Ta-sas, ta-tas. Ta-sas. Ta-sas, ta-tas. That's, of course, a Dignity Falls expression. Like, you know, people, some people like have oof-da or oop or whatever. We have ta-sas, ta-sas, ta-sas, ta-sas, ta-sas, ta-sas. That means I agree. The problem is you never know when to end.

Yeah, exactly. It can go on forever. But it basically means that is the situation. Toss, toss, toss, toss, toss, toss, toss, toss. The fun part's when you go to town meetings and someone says something that everyone's doing. Everyone's doing it. It's a sea of toss, toss, toss, toss, toss, toss, toss. Talk about ASMR.

You could go to sleep to that. It's beautiful. I do sometimes. Right? I record town meetings and then I listen to it. Toss, toss, toss, toss, toss, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da I knew Pam was going to get upset with that. I do apologize. In some way or another. I do. Yeah. Have I been getting upset? Well, in some way or another. Just a little bit.

Mostly at me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. So, okay. So, your other friends. That we sometimes have sex together. Sometimes have sex together. It's not the same. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Do they know about stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Do they know about the situation? Are they helping you out? Is that another secret you're keeping? No, they know. They come over to play Monopoly and have sex. Okay, but then does Leo know that they're coming over to have sex?

Yes. Nothing puts me in the mood like Monopoly. Yes. It's amazing you're still in the mood two hours later when it's over finally. Oh, God, you're heated up. You own so much property. Putting that money under the board. You've been in and out of jail.

Go directly to jail. Yes, sir. You can pass go. You can just pass go. You're a shoo. Lock me up. Oh, you're a thimble. Boardwalk.

Park place. That's not doing it for me, I gotta oh no just boardwalk i was into the jail stuff what about the utilities there's the railroads the railroad oh you must love that do you sing your famous song when you play Monopoly? About my caboose? Yes. You know I do. Wow, this is, I'm getting very heated. Oh, I'm so sorry. Okay, okay. This is uncomfortable.

Let's change gears. Here's what I want to say. This is the third time we'll do this, but what about if we practice, what about if we, what I do think you should do is you need to almost immediately be honest with Leo about the dog.

So what about Bert? If you told Bert what Leo sounds like, maybe you could practice a phone call with him. Give me an idea of his voice. Yeah, just kind of give like a sound alike. I mean, I'm no Joan, but I'll do the best I can. Oh, he can do it. It's a little more like very sort of

I'm a dentist and let me look at your He sounds uptight. Yeah. Yes, I'm the fun one. Obviously. Choo-choo Pam, of course you are. Okay, so you're calling Leo. I have to call him? I can't see him in person? Oh, you can see him in person.

I can't, but I... Oh, sure. You can try this one in person. Go ahead. I'm going to go to his house. Okay. That's the scenario. Okay, all right, all right.

Knock, knock, knock. He doesn't have a doorbell. Oh, ding-dong, knock, knock, knock. Hello, who's there? Oh, who do you think it is? Oh, Choo-choo Pam, come on, please. Hi, honey. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.

Should I get the Monopoly board out? Oh, yes, of course. But before we get to Monopoly, can we sit down on the chaise lounge and speak? Yes, of course. I have something I need to discuss. Wait, I got a new couch that has a little bed for the feet. Oh, this is so much more comfortable than your previous couch. Isn't it?

My feet feel like heaven. Can we get to some point I need to speak about? Yes, of course. I haven't been honest with you about something that's been going on for the past two months. Pam, why? I don't know. It'll come out. I have had a dog in my house that's from my neighbor Beatrice. Is that

where the fleas came from? No, I don't have fleas. The fleas was a ruse. I'm very confused. I've been lying to not get you over my house to see the dog. The fleas was an excuse. I never had fleas. So to hide the fact that you have a dog, you said your

house had fleas. Absolutely. I'm very confused. Sorry, I didn't clear it up. I'm going to just stop here for a minute because it does seem like that would not be a good way for it to go. You're just confusing him. Should I lie and say the fleas came from the dog?

Yes, it sounded almost like he was ready to accept it. Or the flea circus. Babe. What? They could have come from the flea circus. It's true, but I i still think i don't know if adding another lie is going to help but i also think that it's definitely confusing when you hear dog and i'm gonna lie it's a wild lie that you came up with that for what's actually going on

it is interesting of all the things to be honest if someone told me they that i couldn't come over to the house and then they were like oh i have fle have fleas. I'd be like, so then you have a dog. Exactly. Or an infestation. Sure, but an infestation just doesn't, fleas just don't show up in someone's house. There's no animal that they can ride in on the backside. Amityville Horror. Well, that was flies.

And it's also fake. It's also what? Fake. I know it's real. It was with James Brolin. It was a real movie. Oh. Yes. That wasn't a documentary? They claimed it was a true story.

Right. But I don't believe that it was. They're always based on true stories. This whole time I thought there was Jodi the Pig. Remember Jodi the Pig? I didn't see the movie because I do not like horror movies. I do not care for them. Jodi the Pig was the pig that would come at 3.15 in the morning.

The eyes. Ew. The kids say it was Jodi the Pig. That's what I remember. at 3.15 in the morning. The eyes. Ew. The kids say it was Jody the pig. That's what I remember. Jody. Jody the pig. I might be remembering that wrong. You keep saying it.

Like every time you say it, I might get a better understanding. As if Jody the pig is famous outside of the interview. Yeah, you know Jody the pig. All my friends know Jody the pig. We talk about Jody the pig while we're playing Monopoly. Was Jody the pig the character or the pig actor? Was it a pig pet? It was like the devil, but it was Jodie the Pig.

So the kids thought it was the devil, but it was just a pig. It's been a long time since I saw this movie, but I remember 315s when the shit went down in the house. Right. Oh, okay, okay. Wow. Get out. Remember that?

My mother used to say that. Nothing good happens at 315. Oh, she did? Yes. Was it true? She meant both. PM and AM? Yes. That's interesting. I've heard of the witching hour, but not 3.15. It's so specific. She hated it. 3.15 PM,

you know why? Because you get hungry. You do get hungry. It's true. It's between meals. It's true. Nothing good happens when you're hungry. And I think you're also, your condition, it's like you're going home from school, you want your snacks. Or at the work day. At 3.15, it feels like that's when the day stretches out the longest. Yeah, that's true, I suppose.

We'd catch General Hospital after school. Oh, yeah, me too. That was the one. Then Edge of Night was right after that. Edge of Night was too scary for me. Oh, I love it. The title was too scary. It is scary. Of course, also, a lot of times during the winter, we'll have the sunset at 3.15, and so that might also be why she said that. That's scary. Of course, also, a lot of times during the winter, we'll have the sun set at 3.15. And so that might also be why she said that.

That's right. Because it gets dark very early here. Then she would take to her bed. Dark. At 3.15 p.m. Yes, with a cold cloth on her brow. She's a dramatic woman. So, Pam, I think that you do have to,

as confusing as it's going to be, you do have to come clean with your partner whose name I've forgotten. Leo. Leo. Because he's a Leo. And he's a dentist. And he is a dentist. And he is a dentist.

Yes. Leo has been honest with you. Those are his local commercials. Have you, maybe you've not seen them. Oh, wait. My name is Leo Anderson and I... Sorry, did the voice wrong. Hi, my name is Leo Anderson and I am a dentist.

Come on. Yes. Come on. It cuts right there. He says, my name is Leo Anderson and I am a dentist. There's a long preamble before he speaks. Yes.

That's just a beauty shot of every tooth in a human hand. And with beautiful music playing. And then it gets in the last tiny bit of the commercial. It's him saying, my name is Leo and I am a dentist. Come on. Come on. And then they flash the number. So they've had to add a fast crawl at the bottom.

And the number is like a split second. It's subliminal. Yeah, it's a fast crawl. Like the end of some TV movie. You know what they do? It's so fast. Why do they do that? Who's watching?

Oh, you mean nowadays they do that because the next movie is ready to go on some channel. And so the critics just fly by. But nobody's mother can see their child's name. That's true. That's all I think of. It's true. Everybody's mother wants to see their child's name. That's right.

Everybody's mother wants to see their child's name. That's right. Everybody's mother wants to see their child's name. I hope Beatrice is one of those. I hope Beatrice Roosevelt. Did Beatrice give any indication that she may be coming back at some point? She said she was coming back in the note. But she didn't give a return date. Not even a range of dates. Off the grid.

Off the grid. Off the grid. OTG. So her house is just abandoned? Abandoned. Does someone take care of it? No. It's just overgrown.

Mail piling out the... Overgrown, the weeds, everything. It's only been a couple months. But it already weirdly looks like a ghost town. It already looks like a ghost town. Like it just immediately started aging without her. Just brown dead grass. Dilapidated.

Is that the word? Don't ask me. I think it's dilapidated. I do think it is dilapidated. Dilapidated. Dilapidated. Dilapidated. Dilapidated to make your acquaintance.

Oh, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, back to my post. I haven't found a game hunter. Oh, yeah, that's right. The only person I know of is Guy Brawl. He's the only one I know. Is he still around? Yes. He, this guy, for people who don't know, if you're not from Dignity Falls, Guy Brawl would walk around town. He would be wearing the safari jacket, the hat, the breeches, the whole thing. 24-7.

You never saw him out of this outfit. Yes. And sometimes he'd be walking around with something slung over his back in a sack and you were like, what is that? And it'd be dripping. Always. Some fluid. And he would say, better you don't know.

And he put his hand up like that. Like, miss, don't come any further. One time I remember he said it was long pig. Long pig. Yes. Jody the pig. Jody. I don't know if Jody was long. What is long pig?

Well, I looked it up. Oh. Are you familiar with the most dangerous game? Oh, is it supposed to be warthog? John. Supposed to be warthog. Are you thinking that warthogs are longer than regular pigs? I didn't know if your question was going to be related to the actual animal of a long pig.

I just had heard that warthogs can be really, really aggressive. Oh, yes. I'm sure they can be. Yes. I mean, look at them. Not as bad as chimpanzees, though. What? No.

Chimpanzees. You know, you asked me a question. I answered it. I'm sorry I didn't answer right. Jonah, I'm not upset. Go ask your best friend, Wynn. Go ask him. Are you familiar with that question, I answered it. I'm sorry I didn't answer right. Jonah, I'm not upset. Go ask your best friend, Wim. Go ask him. Are you familiar with that phrase, Doug?

I am. No, no. Ask him. Okay, well, what is the most dangerous game? Are you familiar with the most dangerous game? I am. Okay, say it. It's a wonderful short story.

Oh, my God. And it's been made into a movie. But what is... Has it? What is the... I promise. And what is the titular most dangerous game? That's

an island that people go to. He is avoiding the question. Are you asking what the animal? What animal? Human. Human. I know you're not a Star Trek person, but that's a Star Trek question.

Oh boy. No, I just like to talk like that. Like I have big fake teeth. Long pig is human. Is man. Ew, what? So he wanted people to believe that he was killing human beings. That's gross. Like as a sport. I had not heard that. Then it was actually a long pig.

Yeah. It was literally a long pig. Like a stretched pig? Like a very stretched out pig? Yeah. He just found literally a long pig. Like a stretched pig. Like a very stretched out pig. Yeah. He just found a very long pig. He found the longest pig he could find, just so he could say that. Walk around town with that bag.

That's exhausting to be him. He was exhausting. He's exhausting. But you're saying he's still around. Yes. And we remember his name. Say again? We remember his name.

Yeah, Guy Brawl. Guy Brawl. Yeah. Guy Brawl. I'm just saying we all remember. Yeah, Guy Brawl. Guy Brawl. Yeah. Guy Brawl. Oh, I'm just saying we all remember. Yeah, we all remember. And everyone at home now remembers. And yeah, I had a colleague who sold him a cabin way up in the North Hills.

And I know. But you know, if there's anyone who can handle it, it's Guy. The North Hills, we went there on a school field trip one time. And not all of the kids made it back. And I'm not saying that they died, but some of them are still up there living as... It's like Lord of the Flies. Well, we don't take the train up there, I'll tell you that.

Oh, I should hope not. Yeah, you can. I mean, that track is in a circle. No, it's a circle. It doesn't go up and down. That's a great point. There's no way I could handle that. We don't go into the elevated parts of Dignity Falls

no we just go on the ground level just a flat lane flat it's so slow sometimes I just wish you would speed it up

a little bit well then the popcorn would spill we want people to enjoy their I want people to enjoy the popcorn that I've made

what if you change the receptacle that you serve the popcorn because from what I understand it's in these crystal these shallow like they're champagne coupes like oversized champagne coupes that's bad and you pile it up well it I understand, it's in these crystal, these shallow, like they're champagne coops,

like oversized champagne coops. That's bad? And you pile it up. Well, it's not that it's bad, but it's that- They don't hold a lot. If you just gave them a bucket, you know,

then you wouldn't have to worry about it spilling so much. Oh, now I have to find buckets. I don't think they're that hard. It's not a problem. Is there a bucket store? You don't really, just like, you know,

cardboard buckets, paper buckets. You haven't been to Bucket? Yeah, Bucket Brigade. Bucket Brigade. Great bucket store. You don't really, just like, just, you know, cardboard buckets. You don't, paper buckets. You haven't been to Bucket, yeah, Bucket Brigade. Bucket Brigade. Great bucket store. I haven't been there.

Maybe I drove by. It's an old dig. It's terrific. They have a great rewards program. You got to become a Bucket Brigadier. Oh, maybe I'll check it. I tell you,

it's a store that you, you'd be much more likely to walk past, but when you get inside, you are hooked and you cannot believe that the varied buckets that they have in there. You know what?

I'm going to go there and I'm going to get buckets not only for the train, I'm going to buy it for my friends when they come over and play Monopoly and put little treats

in their buckets. That's perfect. That's really cute. And it looks like a thimble. Yes, but they're going to be sex toys for later on when we all have sex.

One stop shopping. One stop shopping. They do have a sex bucket area. They do? Cordoned off or whatever. Behind the curtain. Behind a velvet curtain. A bead curtain.

It's like old school. When you go to a video store. There's a velvet rope. There's the swing saloon doors and a bead curtain. All three. You have to really want it. That's the swing saloon doors and a beaded curtain. All three. You have to really want it. That's the deepest part of the sex bucket. The twins always want to go back there.

Of course they do. I let them peek one time. Babe. Doug. Well, they have to learn. The twins, of course, Matt and Tenoosh. Yes, Matt and Tenoosh. They loved it.

They loved trying to go back there all the time. All I'm going to say is that I can help you get in touch with Guy Brawl through his realtor. And he's an interesting personality, but I do think that he would probably be the guy, the only guy to help you in this town. And short of that, I would say get a turkey.

If I decide to give up the dog. No. No, no, no. If you need a big game hunter. He said that you could give the dog to him. Rehome it. But I think you could rehome it with Guy. But at first, ask Guy.

Make a deal with Guy. Yeah, exactly. Okay. I'm determined to keep the dog, though. I understand that. We're trying to help you keep the dog. Thank you. That's all we're trying to do.

And Guy is the only big game hunter in town that I know of. Yeah. So he'd be your best bet. Thank you. Thank you. We should have said that in the first place. Oh, but this has been delightful to get to this point. Pam said he needed a big game hunter.

We should have, me, I said, well, Guy Brault. But did you realize how, you know, you almost forgot his name. I almost forgot his name. It's so true. I didn't remember. He has become more myth than man at this point. And I think that's why maybe we didn't think of him.

But then I remembered my friend sold him a cabin. That's right. Basically, soft squash. Yes. Soft squash? Soft squash. Soft squash. Soft squash is soft squash's gay younger brother.

You don't know about soft squash? Oh, I do. Oh, you do? Okay. I was just wondering if you've seen soft squash or not. Yeah, I've only heard rumors. I've heard of soft squash. I thought he liked to be seen.

I thought he liked to be seen. He made himself very available. He gets seen when he wants to be seen, as opposed to his brother who never wants to be seen. Soft squash is like, every day is Halloween. That's why I've heard at the gift shop, the soft squash memorabilia does not move because he's already so visible.

People are like, so what? Why should I buy? I saw him. Why do I need a pillow? Yes. You don't want to hang. The soft squash is simple. Here's the thing about him.

You don't want to hang out with him. No. No. He's just a lot. He does. Who has the time? Not I. Who has the time? All right. Well, choo-choo Pam. Well, speaking of time yeah ours is up with you our time with

you but uh as we say to so many people we wish you the best of luck yes i think but i think you found a solution and i think that's wonderful and now you have a a great companion in uh bagoldi i have a lot of lies i have to correct yeah it's true you do have a lot of lies it's like a therapy session. Well. But in a good way, I hope. Oh, they're always good. Well, I mean, unless I'm Sybil.

Right. Remember that TV movie? Oh, yeah. It actually came up in one of our previous episodes. You'd be surprised. Oh, we cover everything. We surely do. Well, thank you, Pam.

And I really hope that it all works out. And we'll see you on the train. Hi, everybody. This is Rose. I'm selling Elf 6 in the package for three dollars and underneath that it says one dollar listen I don't know what I'm doing okay if you can see in the picture

I guess my eyes were bigger than my stomach I've measured the elf as you can see in this picture I've measured the elf and what's strange is the elves have been growing also I have 300 available

now let me tell you something I swear I only had 100 to begin with and I think they're multiplying because I did a count today and I counted 300 so you'll see in the picture their eyes look like they've been blackened out with a sharpie

I bought these at a Christmas market, uh, from a, from a very mysterious woman. And the next day I went to the Christmas market, her tent was gone. So I, I honestly don't know where these elves are from. And I, and frankly, I don't want them in my house anymore. So if you want to just come, please, and get, get... What was that? Oh, my God. Okay, please come and hurry. Have a happy holiday.

I'm going to leave the house. And if you just want to come and... Never mind. In fact, no one should have these elves. I'm just going to burn the house down. Happy holidays. Well, Pam. First of all, very exciting to meet Choo Choo Pam pam it was cool to meet choo-choo pam yeah after hearing about him for so long um and then to have such an interesting uh issue um yes that was definitely we've had a bunch of firsts on this show a lot of times we'll have very similar

we've had several chicken posts before several Several chicken posts. You know, we've had some recurring themes, but this time, every single one was just newer than the last and stranger than the last. Everyone was newer than the last. Like you get one to be new and then the next one will be even newer. Well, speaking of new. Speaking of Newport. I hear Doug laughing. Why didn't you tell me what that hilarious thing was that happened? Because there's more to the story.

Oh, last night at the Tavern. Oh, man. Was it more golf tea? There was more what we talked about. We broke a clock together. And then we both pointed at it and said, broken clock. It'll be right twice tomorrow. Yeah.

Wow. Because they normally say broken clock's right twice a day. And then we both said, you know what the problem with that is? It's really once it's right in the day and then it's right at night. Exactly. So it's not twice a day. Oh, I see.

Unless, and you know, we pointed out if you break it at 11am 11pm technically that's contained in the same day but if you break it at 5pm and then 5am that's not the same day so this was the hilarious joke that you did

you laughed so hard the Chinese New Year and then we were kicked out of the town. Kicked out. You can't break a clock in there. So that's the crazy thing that you had to tell me. Or was something else happen? I took burnt to the tree of woe.

Oh. Now I swear I'd never go there. He'd never been. He'd never been. He'd never been. For listeners, you know, a lot of people in Dignity Falls,

if you're a Game of Thrones watcher, a lot of people think that game, this was stolen. Oh. It's another clock. I just broke your clock.

I apologize. Well, it'll be right today and right tonight. Did I do it right? I don't know. You did. Okay.

Well done. A lot of people think that, you know, that tree, that white tree with red blood-like leaves that's called like a weirwood in the Game of Thrones show, it looks exactly like that. A lot of Dignity Falls locals think that that's where, what's his name? George R.R. Martin. George R.R. Martin got the idea from. And I have to say, it looks a lot like it.

But it's a much different kind of tree than it is in the books. Yeah. And the main thing is you can't help but say, whoa. Yeah. When you see it. That's why it's called. It's very huge. And I did it.

Its leaves are always blood red. Yeah. And you said, whoa. I said, whoa. Wow. I said, whoa. When I saw it. I'd only ever seen it from a distance, you know, and to be that close to it and to really look at it,

I just, before I even knew what was happening, I said, whoa. And then I had, I had snuck in some red cups into the tavern and I,

and I broke them out at that point. Why, why had you brought, why did you sneak in plastic cups when you thought you were just going by yourself? Oh, I always have plastic cups on me. For what?

Well, he has the duo cups, which are half the size of the solo cups. Oh, okay. Right. One in each pocket, you know, on my coat. But if I get thirsty somewhere or, you know, I mean, it's just good to have. I'm full of, I always have, you know, tools. That's why he calls it his coat of cups. And I call them my chalices sometimes.

Yeah. Oh, that's fun. So we're at the Tree of Woe. We had a little bit. So Doug in his amazing Technicolor cup coat. We had a couple, we had a couple red duo cups full of Jägermeister. Oh Lord.

And you know, we told the tree our woes. Uh-huh. Yes. And I didn't get an answer. Did you? No, I've never gotten a firm answer.

You never got a firm answer. Is it, do you hear a voice? Do people say they hear a voice or is it the way that like, is it how many leaves fall? I can't remember if it's like a code. How does it work? People say it's a voice that you hear as the leaves fall and each leaf is a word.

Oh God, it's so involved. Yeah. Then you look in the veins of the leaf and it's like palm reading at that point. Yeah. Then you look in the veins of the leaf and it's like palm reading at that point. Jeez. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot of work. It's a lot. We tried to do that. For a magic tree, it's a lot of work.

You pointed that out last night and I realized, what are we doing? Yeah. I mean, Bert was bored. Did you still get a t-shirt? The merch for the tree has just skyrocketed since Game of Thrones what are we doing? I mean, Bern was bored. Did you still get a t-shirt? I was disappointed. The merch for the Tree of Woe has just skyrocketed since Game of Thrones came out.

You know, the tourism has actually gone up. Everyone goes, they get a Tree of Woe sweatshirt. We asked the guy how are sales and he said they're a little down since House of the Dragon.

Oh, right. Because they don't have the, do they have it in? I don't watch that one. I don't either. He tried to carve a face into the tree. Yeah, a lot of people tried to do that. It looks so stupid.

It's terrible. It looks like Charlie Brown, honestly. More than anything. It looks like Charlie Brown. It's just like a circle. The weird squiggle. Yeah. Well, I'm glad that you guys had.

Was that it? Was that the end of the night? You guys were so keen to tell me all about it. I don't remember all of it. There's more stories we'll tell you later. Did you guys wake up under the tree? Did you guys wake up and home? Because here's the thing.

I slept in late, so I wouldn't know. When did you get home? And I was covered in leaves when you saw me. And that's not new. I mean, listen, that's not new. But that's just another day, but I wouldn't have guessed that. We passed out under the tree. Yeah.

Wow. I had weird dreams. You were in the tree. I was, wasn't I? I had to collect my senses in the morning. Yeah. And I remembered you were with me and I looked around, you weren't there. And then I looked up and you were way up in the tree. Were you actually in the tree?

I was in the tree. I guess I did. And then Doug called up to me and I looked down and I, I fell right away. It was like Wiley coyote run off. And I tried to catch him. I tried to catch him. To his credit. He tried to catchile E. Coyote running off the cliff. And I tried to catch him. I tried to catch him. To his credit,

he tried to catch him. Did you get really hurt? Oh, yes. I'm pretty banged up. So you two did a walk of shame, basically, back through old dig home. To hear,

to do the recording, yeah. I should have gone to the hospital, but I didn't want to keep our guest waiting. Anyway, we have time for one more post. Okay. This has been quite, quite have time for one more post. Okay. This has been quite,

quite the day. Quite a ride. Yep. This comes to us from Jackie. Jackie is upset. Jackie writes, okay, why do people feel it's okay to blow their nose while eating in a restaurant?

Two exclamation marks. It happens all the time and it's gross. End of post. Once again, don't know what Jackie's attempting or hoping to accomplish by posting this because what is anyone supposed to say? I mean, she just wants to gripe. Yes, and is this an epidemic?

Well, I mean, interesting word to use. It's like, you know, of course, I can understand a sensitivity to different sounds of coughing and sneezing after what we've been through the last few years. But the thing is, first of all, it implies that someone thinks it's okay and it's great. I don't think anyone's looking to sneeze inside. I don't think anyone likes to do that.

Does anyone enjoy blowing their nose? No, no one likes blowing their nose. If my nose is stuffy, I'm not thinking, ooh, I can't wait. I can't wait. This is going to be great. I can't wait to blow this nose and I can't wait to annoy everybody. No. It's actually one of the more discreet things you can do.

You know, it's very true. Cough can be a sneeze, you know, is worse. If you're just blowing your nose, you know, I'm more bothered by a sneeze,

frankly, or a cough than just a subtle, you know, what if somebody gets, if they get a hanky out in time, they know this and then they get the hanky out and they sneeze into the hanky. So it's all contained.

Is that better? I am so creeped out by hankies like come on for the love of god yeah i understand back in the day before we had kleenex or tissues but so you mean to tell me that that thing that silk thing which by the way is not absorbent at all no No, that silk thing is just got pooled snot. And then it goes back in a pocket. Then it comes back out and then you're just recycling. I mean, like what? I think most handkerchiefs like that, that people use to blow their nose would be made of cotton. Not, not a, not a pocket square. I understand. I'm not sure it's that much better, but fair enough. Fair enough. That detail. And they keep it in their pocket out of sight. They

don't display, but I agree. It is kind of a, I would, I would. Fair enough. That detail. And they keep it in their pocket out of sight. They don't display. But I agree. It is kind of, I would sooner. And some people still use them. That's the problem. Some people still use them. It's true. As a tissue.

Now I'll tell you, I keep in the summer months, I keep a handkerchief in my pocket for perspiration. That I'm fine with. And I'm fine with it as a decorative thing. Absolutely fine with either one. But I have used it in an emergency. Well, if you do have. As its intended purpose. it in an emergency well if you do have as its intended purpose only in an emergency when i ever use it for the thing that's designed to be wild to me that that was what they had to do and i get it i get it of course

it's wild of course especially if like in a movie or something some woman's crying and a man offers it i'd be like get that out of my. That is a germ filled snot rag. Well, you might, but he might be offering it. You might be the first person to be using it. Oh, but that's not true. You know, it's not true. That man didn't wash it that morning. You think they buy it.

They use it. They never wash it. They just continue to fold it. If I told you how many times I watched Doug, Matt, and Tannouche just turn the same pair of underwear inside out and wear that, it is not different to me. If you're going to recycle your underwear, you're going to recycle your handkerchief. I'm sorry. I guess that's true. I guess that's true. Sorry. Now that was when you went on the laundry strike, right? I did. You said it's not always going to be me. Yes. The laundry is not in the laundry room

waiting for me to clean it. Anybody can use the machines. Right. And it worked. It worked without in a day, half of our house was filled. Like it was flooded with laundry. And I just screamed, I'm not going to take it.

Within half a day? Yes. You would not believe. And yet so much dirty clothing. The twins love to change clothes though. They love to. But again, it's like you watch them, they've changed, they go outside, they come back in head to toe dirt. Yeah. And ashes.

And ashes. So anyways. Well look Jackie, you know I would say toughen up. This can't be happening so often that you need to post about it. Sorry. Yeah.

I think that you just, I think you said it all burnt. And what a one to go out on. I know. And I guess we've said it all. One thing I do have fun doing, I can suggest for all the listeners out there. Okay.

To make blowing your nose a little bit more fun. Okay. When you, when you go to blow it, you, you push air out of your mouth and so it flares up it flares up like a cartoon yeah we yeah i think you're courting danger though i think you're courting danger there really yeah i think that's a lot to manage not the most danger you're not courting man. Well, uh,

that doesn't danger. Well, everybody, Doug and Bert and our best friends. It's amazing. Hopefully it lasts. Hopefully it lasts. And,

uh, you know, stay safe out there. Send us fun posts. Be nice to your neighbor. Take care of yourselves. Yeah. Be,

be, get to know your neighbor and, uh, and maybe the world will be a better place. Oh, that's nice. And come see my yourselves. Yeah. Get to know your neighbor and maybe the world will be a better place. Oh, that's nice. And come see my show. Sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, sa. Yes.

Do not miss the Women of Dignity Falls as portrayed by Joan Pedestrian. You will not believe your eyes. That does it for this season of The Neighborhood Listener. We'll be back next year, I guess, with some more neighbors and some more fun and some more weirdos. And until then, goodbye. And goodbye. All of the posts used in this episode are real.

Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Pam was played by Mitch Silpa.

The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.