The Neighborhood Listen - Fish Sitting, Mirrored Tables and "The Incident" with Jordan Black

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

This week on Dignity Falls #1 podcast, Burnt and Joan discuss Joan's daughter Jalliope and her tiny food, guinea pigs in need of a home, "The Incident" and Marian (Jordan Black) joins the show to break down the bad luck with his broken mirrored "sofa and end tables". See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is.

All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest, Jordan Black. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHap app and us. Bird. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing.

So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome to The Neighborhood Listen. I'm Burnt Me a Payday. And I'm Joan Pedestrian. And we are neighbors. We are. We're friends. We're friends and neighbors. live here in dignity falls we do and we love our neighborhood oh we do we really do so we really do so much that we started a

podcast about it we take posts from the neighbor hap neighborhood application which hopefully you all have if you're listening if you don't you should it's a lot of fun the program it's 2019 it's 2019 i think as of this recording maybe probably it's it's it's the future we're in the future we're in the future we're in what everyone used to think of as the future it's happening right now rogers yay you're a big buck rogers. Not really. You caught me. You caught me. Not familiar. From that cheer, you gave that cheer with such gusto.

Well, I am a realtor. It's true. I am a realtor. So look, I guess I know how to sell an emotion. Case closed. You are a realtor. So of course you have a lot of enthusiasm. I do.

And I'll tell you what, I am working on a lot of properties right now. It is just very busy. Business is very good. Things are booming here in Dignity Falls. New people moving here, which is another good reason to get this podcast out there and to sort of help the community connect. And we bring in guests. And we're going to do that again today. Do you, from your standpoint as a realtor, and I'll go from my standpoint as a pharmacist.

Okay. Do you feel that there are just as many people leaving Dignity Falls as there are arriving? Because it seems like a steady in and out. There was an abrupt exodus that seemed to happen. Yes. And that was a little bit alarming. It was a little bit alarming. But I have to say, I think it really helps that we had that incident that happened that got a lot of national attention.

Oh, boy. That was a real black eye for the neighborhood. It did. That's not how you want to be on the news. No, that's not how you want to be on the news. And I'll say that it didn't help the realty game at all. I don't know if it affected the pharmacist trade. It actually was a boom for us.

Was it? Yes. As a result of the incident, a lot of people needed various pills, tinctures, bombs, and salves. I guess it's true. I mean, people are still feeling the after effects of it, and it's something that I don't think we're ever going to forget. Probably not. And you know what? I don't think we should.

I don't think we should forget it. I agree with that. I don't think we should forget it. I think with that. I don't think we should forget it. I think it keeps us humble. I think it reminds us where we came from and how far we have to go. What are the big never forgets? The Holocaust, of course. 9-11.

Bar none. Daily Savings Time. And now the incident. And now the incident. I think that order is correct. Yeah. I do. Joan, let's get right into our posts oh okay yeah absolutely joan and i each bring a post to discuss yeah just

something that caught her eye throughout the week and again please if you want to write in and let us know about a post that you saw that you feel isn't getting enough attention uh uh then you know absolutely and to my daughter to my daughter this is not about your Instagram account, all right? July be your daughter. July be my daughter is obsessed with likes and she wrote into me because she wanted me to say something about her Instagram, the podcast.

She's trying to get to 100K followers and it hasn't happened yet. And so the whole thing. She's like at 98,000. Oh. She is. That's not bad. That's very impressive. I'm not happy about it, okay? I know it is. That's not bad. That's very impressive.

No, I'm not happy about it, okay? I know it sounds like it's something to celebrate. I am not happy about it at all. Well, you're just worried that it's too much too fast. Yes, and I just don't understand. She makes tiny food. That's what she's doing. She makes very tiny, minuscule food.

Right. And you know what? I think that's all she's eating, and it's really frustrating. So she makes it and then eats it. She does. So she makes it, photographs it, then eats it. But I can't get her to eat a regular meal. She's eating all this tiny shit.

I think she's eating something. She makes tiny burgers. You ever seen those videos where it's a hamster eating a tiny burrito? Yeah, absolutely. It's just that minus the hamster. Right. Yeah. And she slides a quarter in for scale.

That's correct. And now I'm out of quarters. She keeps on losing. Why doesn't she use them? She knows that I like to use them. But she could use the same quarter every time. No, she literally keeps losing them. I don't know.

Wow. From the shoot? Yes, from the shoot. To lunchtime, she's losing these quarters. I can't even get her to start sending for the SAT. She's too busy making a tiny pie or a tiny donut. I don't know. I mean, she's having some great success with this. It's popular, but explain

to me why this... Ugh, I can't even get on it. Anyways. So, July P, I can't... And now, look, I just gave her publicity. I didn't even mean to. Well, there you go. Well, there you go. Probably got a couple more followers just now. That's right. Now, this is just a post written by Gabs.

So, it must be a shortened name. Hey, neighbors, which he spells with a U. She does the British. Oh, my word. This is. Should I read it in a British accent? Maybe? Do that for fun.

Okay, okay. Do that for fun. Hey, neighbors, I am going on vacation soon for three weeks and was wondering. It's kind of like, it's like a long post. I don't know if I can keep it up the whole entire time you probably shouldn't okay okay thanks um i was i was going on vacation soon for three weeks and was wondering if anyone who has fish care or aquarium maintenance experience could help feed my fish and check to make sure my tank is running smoothly and someone actually underneath said i might know someone and underneath that, someone asked saltwater or freshwater,

which I didn't realize would make a huge difference in terms of what you had to do. I guess, I mean, it sort of raises the question in my mind, what type of fish are these? Because freshwater is goldfish, right? I mean, they put them in tap water at the county fair. I think that's right. That's all we ever had. This sounds like

someone with a major, major aquarium. And do you know, for a while here in Dignity Falls, when the carnival would come through town, you could win those goldfish. You'd throw the ball in the milk jug or whatever. Sure, yes. My boys loved that. We had so many goldfish and so many died. Well, because there was nowhere around here to get

a fishbowl. So you had to just keep them in that bag. Right, we did have a fishbowl. So you had to just keep them in that bag. We did have a fishbowl shortage. Yes. I don't know what that was. It was very strange. We couldn't get them into the town. It seemed like the tri-state area had an issue with getting fishbowls. It was a tri-state area problem.

You're right. It was beyond just Dignity Falls. Yeah. So you just have to keep them in that plastic bag and you'd untie it to put fish food in there. Yep. And then pray you didn't get a hole in the bag because the game over. Absolutely. 100%.

And so this, this is clearly someone I got to say, I don't know if I trust people who have major aquariums. I mean, who spend that much money on that. Is, why is it, why does it, why does it freak me out? There's something about it. I feel like they belong in Vegas and a dentist's office and nowhere else. It seems like if you have that in a private home, you're probably a drug kingpin. I think so.

Or just a creep. Well, not mutually exclusive. Well, I don't know. I mean, he does use the British spelling of neighbor. Do we think this is a man or a woman? It's unclear. Ooh. I say man.

You think it's a man? I think it's a man. For some reason, I thought it was a woman. Gabs. Gabs. I thought it was for Gabriela. You know it's a man? I think it's a man. For some reason, I thought it was a woman. Gabs. Gabs. I thought it was short for Gabrielle. You know what? Gabrielle.

With the you and neighbors and the shortening of Gabs. I'm going to say this person's Australian. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. And he's going to Australia for like three weeks. That's why he's gone for so long. I think it's a woman. She's going to Australia for three weeks.. That's why he's gone for so long. I think it's a woman. She's going to Australia for three weeks. Okay.

So then it's probably saltwater. She's probably got exotic fish. And also, that's a long time to take care of someone's, a stranger's fish. It really is. And it seems like no one will do this. I agree. I don't think anyone will do this. I don't think they should.

Because you know what else is happening? Gabs isn't offering any money. That didn't come up at all. It didn't come up at all. That should be the first thing that you say. It should be money for fish cities. Yes, because. Always lead with money.

Because it seems like the taking care of the fish part is the least attractive part of fish ownership. And he seems to act like it's the reward. Sorry, she. Well, we don't know. We're not sure. We're not sure. I wouldn't. Hey, here's a great opportunity for you to clean the fish shit out of my tank.

Exactly. Exactly. And while you're at it, why don't you, you know, call my mom for me and deal with the problems that I have communicating with her. You know, it's like just move in and live my life. I mean, people, come on. Come enjoy the smell of my unclean fish tank. Exactly.

And then get the smell out and then leave. And my clown collection, because he's probably got one. A clown collection? I don't know. It's just another creepy thing. But is it a collection of, what are you picturing? I got to say, I didn't think you'd hold my feet to the fire on this, Bernd. I thought I could just say that.

I didn't think so either. I didn't think so either. I didn't think so either. Well, now I gotta get specific. I'm picturing porcelain masks. I'm picturing dolls. I'm not picturing an actual clown. So not just limited to one specific clown iteration. No, just like an annoying collection where it's like anything where there was a clown.

A painting of a clown. Plates? Sure. Yeah. The more different surfaces, the more creepy. Pencil erasers? A clown pencil eraser? Well, when I was a kid, they used to have pencil erasers.

Can I tell you something? Please. When I was a kid, one of my prized possessions was, I can't remember what this was a mascot for, but some, maybe a potato chip. They used essentially a cartoon of W.C. Fields, the old comedian. Oh, okay. Film comedian. Yes.

And I had a pencil eraser. It was shaped exactly like him, with a little top hat and a bulbous nose, presumably with the gin blossoms, because he was a horrible drunk. Is that what that means? It was like the gin blossoms? Yes. That's horrible drunk. Is that what that means? It was like the gin blossoms? Yes.

That's when the capillaries break in your face. Never knew that. Just knew the band. And I love this eraser. I just used it as a toy. I didn't use an eraser, because to use it as an eraser would be to destroy it. Of course. Yeah, that is true.

It's an eraser you can't use. Yes. That's impractical. But I can't remember what he was a mascot for. I don't know. Do you remember Doug? Zero memory of that. That's impractical. But I can't remember what he was a mascot for. I don't know. Do you remember Doug? Zero memory of that. Doug wasn't paying attention.

Doug wasn't paying attention. He wasn't paying attention. He was still thinking about the gin blossoms. He's thinking about that he did love the gin blossoms. Did you know that fact

about the gin blossoms? That was one of our first dates was the gin blossoms concert. Is that real? Is that so? Yes, it was. It was. And did you know

that piece of trivia about gin blossoms? I didn't. That's where the name came from. That's where the name came from. Oh, WC Fields. Hey! That's where the name came from. That's where the name came from. That's where the name came from.

Oh, W.C. Fields. Hey! That's where the name came from. Not a thing he said, but a thing he could have said. Absolutely. What if you got burned? Let me tell you, this is a post that I think a lot of people need to see. If we could just, Doug, if you could throw that up on the board there. Not that one. Doug, this one.

In order of appearance. That's how we like to do them. Okay. There that one. Doug, this one. In order of appearance. That's how we like to do them. Okay. There we go. Oh, no. Again, every time I turn around to look, I don't know why the screen has to be behind my back. Well, it's just because that's where,

that's, yeah. I mean, we could probably use a laptop next time. We'll work on it. Again, this is a work in progress. We're still getting the kinks out. Headphones out of alignment. Yes. Still getting the kinks out.

Still early days. Just learning how to do this. At least we're on swivel chairs at the island, at the kitchen island, so you can just swivel around. That's right. Okay, here we go. Man, this is Dana posted this. Man stole from porch. Young man in his 20s, about 5'6", who was collecting cans, soaked and looked homeless, came onto my property and took a broomstick.

Not a huge loss, but I don't like strangers on my property. Just a heads up. And then she lists some identifying features. Person, one. Hair, black. Top, blue. That is...

Is she talking about his clothing? Or does he have a blue head? A blue... A blue torso? Is she talking about his clothing? Or does he have a blue head? A blue. I picture a blue torso. His hair is black. His hair is black. The top is just a blue top.

I assume she meant his clothing. Sure. He was wearing a blue top. But it is an odd way to describe it. It's also, to point out one item of clothing and no others. I agree. A lot of questions and no others. I agree. A lot of questions begin to form. So many questions. Was this gentleman, you know, porky pigging it around Dignity Falls, wearing just his blue jumper.

Right. Blue top and no bottoms. And that would be, to be honest, more upsetting than the broomstick going away, I would say. Well, let me say this. I'm surprised she didn't mention that. If he was indeed soaked. Yes. The top could have, if it's a sweater, for instance.

Oh, it pulled down. It could pull down. And was covering his. Just the weight. Sure. You know, this is a very, and I don't like it when people say someone looks homeless, you know. Yes. You know, I feel like that's a judgment that we don't. Anyone. That we don't, that we don't need. Anyone could look homeless at any time. I mean,

look, exactly. And, and, you know, what I also hate is when, this is what my daughter does when, when young girls are now saying, oh, this is my homeless look. And it's like, oh, is it really, huh? A white girl who lives in a nice house, who has everything that she needs and is holding a Starbucks cup. And just because you have a goddamn scarf on, oh, you look homeless. Stop that, July. That's that's stop it. Do you know what reminds me of a sketch I saw once on a late night sketch program? OK, where it was a group of ladies and they're sitting around and there's there's using the term ghetto and they're saying, oh, that's so ghetto.

That's so ghetto. But then the one person, the one young lady was saying she was saying things to the effect of that she actually does live in a ghetto. And that was the premise of the sketch. And what was curious about it was the person who was saying all those things was white and there was a black person, a black young lady also at the table.

And so I couldn't quite figure what the sketch was trying to say. Do you remember what the sketch was on? It was on a late night comedy, sketch comedy program. You just don't remember the name. Okay, well, that doesn't help us. One of those decades long running comedy shows that comes on late at night.

They all do. Once a week. They come on late at night. Yes. Because they're very edgy. Oh, Bert is doing sort of a robot dance to describe that. I like that. Sort of a risque robot. That's funny.

Well, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help this woman. She doesn't like things being taken from her property. I would say why did you have just a broomstick on your porch? Exactly. And also really weird to call. I don't call it a broomstick. Or was it just a broomstick? Did they just take the stick? I'm gathering

like did this bottomless man. He only needed the stick. He just unscrewed the broom part and took the stick? I'm gathering. Yeah, unscrew it. Did this bottomless man. He only needed the stick. He just unscrewed the broom part and he took the stick. That's right. And so, you know what? It really isn't a huge loss. Because you could still use that.

You could still use the actual sweeper part. That's the most important. It's true. It becomes a dusk, a whisk broom at that point. Yes. I wonder if, do you remember our post from last week? The guy with the Adidas running with a stick? Do you think? Do you think?

Do you think? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. In that post, he had no shirt. In this one, yes, no bottoms. So it's one of the two. He's either wearing bottoms or a top, and he's running with this stick. These guys.

We found this guy. Here's what I think it is. It's two guys. They're going to meet in combat to determine who gets the full outfit. Yes. Yes. In stick combat. I can't wait till determine who gets the full outfit. Yes, yes, in stick combat. I can't wait till next week. This is exciting.

Oh my goodness. I hope there's some follow-up. So do I. All right, well, we have to take a break. When we return, we will have a guest from right here in our own neighborhood, Dignity Falls.

More when the Neighborhood Listen returns. When the Neighborhood Listen returns. Reduced bridal shower wedding supplies. $25 for everything shown in pictures. I can give you a price for one or some. The mugshot signs are double-sided. Most items are used, but in excellent condition. A few items are still in packages.

If you're wondering why they're still in packages, ask Chad. Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Bermia Pate here. And Joan Pedestrian. And it's time to meet our guest for this episode, Joan. This is very exciting. He is here. He is sitting right here across from me. And this is his post. This was just a couple of days ago. And boy, I just had some questions. also maybe we can help them out. So his name is Marion and his, the sort of headline says need repair of two mirrored tables. I should point out mirrored is in quotes and I do not know why. Intriguing.

He says, I have seen many recommendations for other needs, but not this one. Still unclear as to what the need is. Or what the other needs are. Or what the other needs are. Or what the other needs are. Have a sofa table. And I also don't know what a sofa table is. I'm going to have to say. Is it a sofa and a table?

Okay. I have a sofa table and end table, all mirrored. All mirrored. Wow. In need of repairs. Need to lose the bad luck from all the cracks. Thanks. Now, we've got them right here.

We can't answer our questions. Please welcome Marion. Hi, Marion. Marion, welcome to the New World of Music. How y'all doing? Good, thank you. How are you? I'm pumped to be on the show.

I'm a big, long-time listener. Big fan. You've heard all three episodes? Yeah, I don't miss one. I do not miss one. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're't miss one. I do not miss one. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're so welcome.

My goodness, our first fan. I mean, y'all are like local celebrities. Give me a break. I don't know about that. Give me a break. Is it okay if I get a picture? Oh, sure. We'll do it afterwards.

We'll do it afterwards. Yeah. My wife is going to flip. Oh. I didn't tell her I wanted it to be a surprise because we listen to y'all together. She listens as well this is wonderful she'd rather be doing other stuff but I'm like

as a family we need to do more things y'all know what I mean she's a reluctant listener can you first explain to me why mirrored is in quotation marks and what the sofa table looks like and also and also.

And also everything. Everything. Also everything. How did you come by these items? They just sound like, if I may, they just sound like some broken furniture. Okay. I'll start with the first question about the quotation. Thank you.

Thank you. I'll be honest with you. I don't know a lot about, you know, how to put it, where a quotation goes or what it means. I was trying to say, hey, it's mirrored. Like, that's the important part of this sentence. Emphasis. I was emphasizing that know that mirror is the important part. You don't get nothing else out of this sentence. It's mirrored.

It's like when a business will put up a homemade sign that says, we will be closed, in quotes, for Memorial Day. I try not to read business signs, so I'm not sure where you're going with that. That's a specific practice. Why is it you try not to read business signs? I don't like to feel like I'm buying

something because somebody's selling it to me. If I buy your product, it's because I wanted it, not because I've been, you know, hypnotized by your fancy signs. Right, right. Well, I will say you actually succeeded because Mirror did stick out. Absolutely. You know, it did stick out, so you did it. All right. So now what is a sofa table? Okay. So you know how you have a sofa? Yeah. Sure. And you know how sometimes you have a table by your sofa? I'm with you. That's your sofa table. Oh, it's just as simple. Okay. It's just as simple as that. Some people call it a coffee table, but I don't drink coffee.

Oh. You know, it is true. I mean, so often we don't put coffee on a coffee table. It's so strange. But my sofa, I would never have that table not next to a sofa because then it's just crazy. What's that table then? I also feel, if I may, coffee table usually goes in front.

Yeah. And so your side table would be your sofa table. He calls it an end table. I have an end table. So there's a few tables in play. And they're all mirrored. Completely covered in mirrors? They're completely covered on all sides in mirrors. I did the work myself.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew I pictured. I pictured just I picture a house of mirrors. Am I correct? No, no, just the tables. OK, just the table. And just the two. Because what I learned when I was gluing the mirrors on is that the glue was getting everywhere.

Oh, dear. Especially on my fingers. That's what you learned. Yes. And it was hard to get it off. And I spent a lot of time, a lot of hot water and soap trying to get that glue off my hands because it's like, you know, like the crazy type. Absolutely. I know we can't say products, I assume. But it's a type of glue that's crazy.

It's a type of glue that's crazy. Sure, sure. C-R-A-Z-Y. Crazy. Initially conceived to bind wounds. That is correct. On the battlefield. Oh, wow. That is true. That's good. Oh, wow. That is true. That's good.

That's why it only works on skin. Yes, that's right. Now, you refer to all this bad luck. So, Marian, I need to know what's been going on. You have cracks, and has it been like a seven-year situation? Are you superstitious? What has been the bad luck? Well, I mean, honestly, I wrote that part as to be humorous.

Oh, you did? Oh, I'm so relieved. But at the same time, I am superstitious. Okay. So I thought I'd share with the people who may share that superstition, like, oh, let me help Marin out right now because I don't want him to have any more bad, because bad

things do happen. I don't know that it's because of the cracks, but I don't know that it's not. Exactly. You'll never know for sure. And what is it that you exactly want someone to do? You know, Joan, may I call you Joan? Of course you can. Joan, I just need somebody to come in and take a look at it

and just tell me what the realities of the situation are. Is this savageable? Can we fix the middle? Is there a crazy glue for cracks or do i gotta start from scratch get all new mirrors somehow you know i don't know how you get a crazy glued mirror off and i mean crazy in quotes yes um mirrored off the uh off the table and start with some new mirrors right if only If only mirrors would have a war, we'd probably have a good glue for that.

Yeah, because that's what it was for. Great mirror war. I'm only half kidding. So. Yeah, I want to ask, I just want to be clear. The entirety of the tables? Yeah, I thought, and I don't know if you guys are aware of the television shows that's about how to make your house look nicer.

Oh, sure. Anything on HGTV? So I watch those shows a lot. Yes. So you have seen those shows. I have seen these shows. How to Make Your House Look Nicer. So a lot of times they go, oh, this wall is mirrored.

It makes the room bigger. So I said, well, if I put a lot of times they go, oh, this wall is mirrored. You have mirror. It makes the room bigger. So I said, well, if I put a mirror table and a mirror side table, that's going to add so much square foot to my living room. So I thought people come in, they go like, wow, your living room's so big. You must be very successful. So I thought, you know, yeah, let's do that. But then the problem is, you know how you go for a snack in the middle of the night and the light's out.

Love it. And then you stub your toes sometimes. Oh, yes. You know, your knee. Every time. You know, or you just fall over because you drink too much. Yep. Then you crack your table.

And most times if it's wood, nobody's going to notice that. But on a mirror, you notice that. True. So over time, it got a lot of cracks between me, my wife, the kids, visitors. Everyone getting up in the middle of the night. Everyone getting midnight snacks. Oh, well, we keep our house stopped. Oh, I want to come over to your house.

That sounds like a good time. Just don't come at night. I won't. I won't. There's too much traffic. I mean, yeah. It's like. Yeah.

Now, have you considered perhaps, and I know this might be, I don't want to upset you. I don't want to say something crazy. That's a great start. In quotes. What about buying new furniture that doesn't have mirrors? Joan, you are preaching to the choir. Oh, okay. Okay.

You're preaching to the choir. Okay. Okay. Okay. I can't wait for my wife to hear this. When she hears this. Uh-oh, am I going to cause a problem? No, you're going to help solve a problem.

Because I've been telling her like, baby, I think we need to start over. You know, just like, you know, go back to when we first bought the house and everything was like, you know, a mystery. You know, like, what could it be? Right. Anything you want it to be. It could be anything you want it to be. So, but she's like, no, let's save money. Let's work with what we got.

Well, how many cracks are we talking? You ever seen that picture? It's at that museum everybody go to. The museum, yes. The Louvre? Yes. Oh, okay. Well, that wasvre? Yes. Oh, okay. Well, that was easier than we thought. Good guess.

You know that picture with all the cracks in it is old. It's like that. Oh, you mean like an old painting? Like a Mona Lisa painting where if you get really close, it looks like it's painted on a crocodile. You're talking like when my daughter drops her iPhone, which has happened three times. Thank you very much. A shattered iPhone screen. It's a scam.

That's how they make their money is on the screens, you know. Is that right? Mm-hmm. Wow. Is that what we're saying it looks like? The surface of a shattered? Yeah. And I mean shattered.

Well, I mean, the pieces are stuck on there because we use that glue that's kind of crazy. Right. On it. So they're on there, but it's a lot of jags. I'm just worried about this. I mean, wow. I'd be worried about the safety of that. It's not safe.

Right. Okay. So you can't touch this table. You shouldn't. And I'm just thinking that at that point then to fix that, I don't know that she would save money. I think she'd save money buying new furniture. Is this crazy?

You all over the map, Joan. Why? Is that not... First you was like, let's save it. Now you're like, let's throw it out. You're right. You're right. You know what? It's because now that I'm hearing more... More information. I hear more information. You're right. I don't mean to be all over the place. No, you're fine. I'm going to do whatever y'all tell me to do.

Oh, my. That's a heavy responsibility. I mean, I believe in y'all tell me to do. Oh, my. Wow, that's a heavy responsibility. It sure is. I mean, I believe in y'all. I mean, you guys have a lot of good ideas. Marion, I do think, and I hope your wife will agree, that it probably is time to get rid of that mirrored furniture and maybe start with some new pieces. And you could even go the mirrored route again. Yeah, that's what I was definitely planning. But put those little rubber things, you know, sort of put a rubber bumper around.

Like the baby bumpers. A rubber bumper. A rubber baby bumper. A rubber baby buggy bumper. I don't know what y'all are doing. Oh, thank you. It's a vocal warm-up. You know, Joan is in the theater, and she told me that rubber.

Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. Give me the gift of the grip top sock. Oh, that's a good one. That is good. I'm going to start doing some of that. Why? Nice. Oh, it sounds fun.

It is. You could do, I don't want to step on you, Burnt. No, not at all. Okay. How about mirrors on the walls? Because I'll tell you what, that also will make,

sorry, this is realtor talking now, but a lot of times when my clients are unhappy with the size of a room, I suggest a mirrored wall. You're not going to be stubbing your toe on a mirrored wall. And that really opens up the space. That's true. I mean, I do, just to be forthright, I do have mirrors in the bathroom. Sure, sure. Most people do.

That's not unusual. Most people do. So then you know what I'm talking about. It's just like that. It's just in another room. Okay. And bigger. And bigger, yeah. Most people do. That's not unusual. Most people do. So then you know what I'm talking about. It's just like that. It's just in another room. Okay. And bigger.

And bigger, yeah. A bigger mirror. Now the problem is, if you do get a crack in a bigger mirror, you have a bigger problem. You do. It's much harder to get a crack. How much crazy glue you think I need for the whole wall, though? I mean, I'm sorry that you're just assuming there's going to be so many cracks in that wall. That's a bleak outlook. It really is. My hope is that

there's no cracks because the midnight snack situation, you're not going to be stubbing your toe on a wall. Can I ask, is everyone for these midnight snacks, are people awake or are they walking in their sleep? That's the name of the problem. You get up in the middle of the night, you feeling nausea, and you half sleep, half awake.

I mean, you awake, but you ain't awake like you was when you was at work. Right, right. Correct. So you a little stumbly. Yes. And then you bump into something most times. Who cares? Big deal.

But then you bump into a mirror. That's made out of glass. Right, but I guess what I'm trying to determine is, are people so sleepy that they're going to be stumbling into a wall? Man, if I could answer that question, I could probably figure out the lottery numbers. I don't know what's in

people's heads. There we go. That's true. That's fair. Fair enough. Fair enough. But for me... We assume there'd be a sofa in front of the wall, so it'd be very, very hard. It seems like you'd strike the sofa first. True. Which is made out of sofa material, correct? Oh, definitely. It's just a regular sofa.

Well, that's good. Now that's a plus. Yeah. That or perhaps maybe get some snacks on your bedside table. Joan, I think you've cracked it. Well. Oh, speaking of cracks. Because that's the ultimate solution.

If everyone has a little, if they have like a little dorm fridge. Yeah. A little dorm fridge. Or like at a hotel. Like at a hotel. Like a hotel. Yes. You know, you'd like put out some Kit Kats.

And, you know, and then maybe I could charge like if I had guests. I could charge. Absolutely. Sure you could. You'd charge your children. Charge your children. Absolutely. Why are they getting a free ride?

Yes. Right. That's like, you know, a little added income. It could always use that. That could pay for the new mirrors. There you have it. I feel like we've really actually solved a problem here today. Thank you. I mean, I don't want to pat ourselves on the back, but I do.

I do. All right. Well, go ahead, Bert. Do it. I mean, this is the whole goal anyways, right? This is the point. It's helping out our fellow neighbor. What we want to do is not just help you in particular, Marion, but anyone else who's in this exact same situation. Right. Here in Dignity Falls.

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. It's probably a few other mirrored tables in this town. Oh, probably. People probably listening going like, oh, yeah, thank you, Marion. Yeah, I'll just buy a dorm fridge. Yeah, buy a dorm fridge. No mirrors on that, Marion. I know you're going to

want to do it. No promises. Good catch. You're going to be sitting there staring at it going, you know what this needs? It needs a mirror. And don't do it. No promises. And Marion, what's your wife's name? Oh, it's Marion. Oh, well, that's fun. Or is it? Maybe it's what? I don't know.

I don't get it. Oh. Well. We have to take a break. That's a press. And we'll be right back with more of the Neighborhood Listen. Hi, this is Adrian. Free 300 to 400 used bricks.

Come and get them! This is approximately 300 to 400 used bricks. I haven't counted them, or did I stop after 300? I'll never tell. Anyway, keep in mind these bricks are used. They're not brand new bricks, but they're lovingly careworn by being part of something at one point, and now

not that. So what can I tell you? 300 to 400 used bricks? Free! Come and get them! Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. We just have time for one final brief segment. These are just some sort of

bulletin board posts things people should be aware of out there yes and again if you have anything that you would like us to talk about please just write in and oh is this are you going to go first yeah I'll go first this is an intriguing post

it's titled I think is this a typ is this a type well we're about to find out oh i am very intrigued it's entitled guide pigs need home guide pigs need home then there's a picture of a couple pictures of guinea pigs they're eating lettuce which they love to do they're regular turtles we are still trying to find a loving home for our two female guinea pigs. After two years of trying to keep our dog from getting them, we've realized our terrier is

just way too prey-driven to learn to accept them. If you are interested, please contact me. Thanks. Now, when it says guide pigs, there's no information in the body of the post, but I wonder if these are for sightless people. Well, I mean, you know, any kind of animal can be a therapy pet at this point.

True, but not everyone can guide you. Not everyone can guide you. So you're picturing a little leash on a guinea pig and that guides a person who has a hard time seeing. Whether they're blind, legally blind. You know what's weird is it's really hard to spot a guinea pig on the street. So the only thing that makes me worry about a guinea pig guiding a blind person is people being blind to seeing the guinea pig. Can I do the other side of that? Oh, yes, please.

Because the guinea pig is so small. Yes. You don't have to be self-conscious about being blind. It just looks as if you're walking on your own. Because a dog, nobody can see the guinea pig. Yes. You don't have to be self-conscious about being blind. It just looks as if you're walking on your own. Because a dog, nobody can see the guinea pig. A dog says, I'm blind, I'm blind. Yes, definitely.

You see that dog coming. Might as well be screaming that. Yes, and people are scared of dogs. No one's scared of guinea pigs. I thought you were going to say people are scared of blind people, and I was going to say burnt. What are you thinking? Well, because they think that could be me. Oh, well, perhaps. And it might be.

I mean, our dog Escrow is going blind. Oh, no. Escrow, really? Oh, it's terrible. I don't know what to do. How has it manifested itself? Is he just bumping into things? Bumping into things.

And if you literally hold a treat in front of him, he just stares at you blankly as if he's gone to another world. He looks like a soldier come back from war. is it possible he doesn't like the treats there's no there's no possible way he used to break into our kitchen to get to get them i mean break into the kitchen yes he used to break into the kitchen we have we have locks because one of the twins had a sleepwalking issue in fact i was going to bring this up with marion but we had to actually put locks on everything because they would get up in the middle of the night. And in this case, it was. They were asleep, and they just tore through everything.

Now, the kids have been on Ambien for quite some time. Yeah, the boys have been. Yes, they have. And it's helping. It really has helped. I mean, although I don't know. They're at college now, so I don't know what they get up to. But this is, it's just a if you type in guinea

is there any chance that guy comes up instead because i really can we try that out on my telephone which i love the phrase prey driven that's how i used to refer to doug back in our dating days doug i bet you're blushing i'll tell you you what. I'm right here. I know. No. It just comes up guinea. Right. So, you know, I really like the idea. Guide pigs is just, that's just a fun term.

I mean, we'll never know unless we talk to this person. We'll never know. But they sure do look, they look pretty adorable. They look pretty easy to take care of. I got to say. They look easy to destroy with your jaws. They do. Guinea pigs have never really done much for me and they make strange sounds. Yeah.

And I've never, we never got them for the kids because I just couldn't make a case for it. I just didn't. It just seemed to me like they took up a lot of space. They're a hard animal to make a case for because they don't offer you much. No, they don't. I don't, I don't get anything emotionally from them. Right. I mean, you would if the dogs tore them apart before your very eyes.

Oh, dear Lord. Probably. That would be awful. Yes. I mean, you would if the dogs tore them apart before your very eyes. Oh, dear Lord. Probably. That would be awful. Yes. I mean, and they've been trying for two years. So please, anybody. Two years. If there's any blind listeners and you're thinking that you'd like to try this guide pig situation, perhaps.

have to admire this dog in a certain way that after a year of them trying to keep the dog from just picking these things up and thrashing around to break their necks he won't stop doing it and then another year goes by and the dog has made his feelings plain i want to destroy these things what i imagine is that in this picture they're on top of a bunch of sawdust, is that the terrier is lying in wait underneath the sawdust, just waiting. Yeah. He comes up.

With camouflage. Yes. Or just out of frame, just staring, you know, just looming. Do you want the smell of sawdust in your home?

I just hate it. I hate it. They're a tough sell. They're a tough sell. They're a tough sell. I'm really sorry. We are not helping in this case at all.

Yeah. We're really not helping. And not one, but two. The lettuce, are they going to need a whole head? Do you know what I mean? You have rotting lettuce now in your home because you're buying more than they can eat in a reasonable amount of time. That's true.

Gosh, I don't know. This is a toughie. I just have to say. It's a toughie. I mean, look, the bright side is they're probably dead by now. Oh, Bert, that's terrible. Well, I mean, better that than living in constant fear of this maniac dog. They are probably traumatized.

Absolutely. I mean, look at the one. Look at the one, the black and white one. The one is right in front of some lettuce, not eating it like escrow. That's right. He's got a look of, it's harrowing. It's like he's seen some shit. Yes, that's what's going on. Oh, dear That's right. He's got a look of, it's harrowing. It's like he's seen some shit. Yes, that's what's going on.

Oh, dear. All right. Well, we have this other post, which is, oh, gosh, this is concerning. This says, beehive removal. Susan says, I have a beehive in my tree. I need to have it removed. Bothering neighbors. Anyone have any suggestions for me?

Thanks so much. I have to tell you, we had a real problem with hornet's nests back in the day. But there was a period I went through, Doug remembers, when I really wanted to make my own honey. Right. And do you remember this? Of course you do. Well, because it became, so what you have to have is an apiary. Do you know that that's what it's called? I didn't know. Yes. I've heard the term, but never knew what it was yes it's it's a it's a place to keep bees uh and uh i thought you know some people have chicken coops i thought maybe it'd be fun to sort of have uh on my own bees um and then uh of course this is not a thing you should do when you have teenage boys at home uh so we had

that and it was going quite well uh but um they came home drunk one night and they had no idea what they were doing. At least I think they don't. This was well before they were in college. Oh, yes. Well, yeah, they were in high school. I'm sorry to say they did drink. We had some problems. Okay.

This was before they were taking Ambien. Kids are kids. Yes. And they did. They slept walked out. They were drunk and they slept walked outside and they thought that they were. They were drunk and sleepwalking. Yes, they were drunk and sleepwalking.

It was a bad combination. Terrible combination. Drunk, well, I'll tell you what the terrible combination is. Drunk sleepwalking apiary. There we go. That's, need I say more? The triple crown of terrible. So I would not recommend the way it was removed, which is by my son's hands just swatting furiously in terror.

But that did get rid of it. And still sound asleep. And still sound asleep. Still sound asleep. They weren't quite sure. Well, when they got to the ER, they woke up. Luckily, they were fine. Neither of them was allergic.

Thank you. But there were 60 to 100 stings on each of them. That's more than you want. It's more than you want. That's more than you want. That's about 100 more than you want. Burnt, I'll tell you what. So I have to say, I'd be very, very careful because this is

a very dangerous situation. I noticed she said it was bothering the neighbors. Yes. She seems fine with it. Doesn't mind the beehive. I think that this post is more of a passive-aggressive comment on how neighbors can be very nosy. Yes, it's true. And comment.

Oh, I see you have a beehive in your tree. Yes. I see that you haven't cut the grass. Did you want that there? Exactly. Exactly. So passive-aggressive. Oh, are you making your own honey? You sound exactly like my neighbors are they

still giving you a hard time i don't want to talk about it oh fair enough we can cut that out this is about this is about bringing people together it's about bringing people together which is which is what i think we uh did today hopefully absolutely uh and um i just hope that uh marion and marion have wasn't that funny how he thought that he as if i felt bad for laughing that they had the same name i assumed he would think it was a cute thing but he seemed to not recognize what an odd coincidence it was that they had the same first name interesting yeah yeah okay well if you're listening marion and marion we just love you we love you we love you this is moving very fast well Well, I mean, neighborly

love. Neighborly love. Love thy neighbor. Love thy neighbor as they say. Love thy neighbor, yes. Well, we're about out of time. We are. And so, how should we close this one? Oh, well, perhaps you maybe could give us something. Maybe, oh,

you know what I would love? I would love, just say goodbye to us with a little WC. I would love a little bit more in that WC field. Absolutely. Absolutely. Exactly. Well, that's all the time we have for the neighborhood listen. Tune in again next time when we have more neighborhood to listen to.

That was fantastic. Thank you. I could see the gin blossoms. I died. We'll be back was fantastic. Thank you. I could see the gin blossoms. I died. We'll be back next time. Bye-bye. And goodbye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Hero Hero