The Neighborhood Listen - Loud Polite Megaphone Lady w/ Mitra Jouhari

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Back at the table, Joan + Doug continue their bizarre home renovations while Burnt regales of his first night out with his co-workers. Plus, special guest Jenna (Mitra Jouhari) explains why she was outside of a neighbor’s home with a megaphone. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHap app and us. Bird. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. All right. And we're rolling. You are. You have a very low, low register today. Oh, I didn't mean to.

I didn't mean to. No, I love it. Well, you know, we haven't been in person in such a long time. That is true. You know, we've been, it's great to be back at the Kitchen Island and seeing you face to face and what fun we're having. You look really great. I sometimes forget what your bottom half looks like.

And you know what? I forget how toned your calves are from all that bike riding. Well, yeah, it is. It's a happy accident, a result of all the bike riding that my calves are impenetrable. You could kick one.

I wouldn't feel it. I've never thought of impenetrable as a way to describe a calf. Well, that's how it feels. You know, that's how it feels. Oh, wow. That's how it feels. Like just rock hard. May I?

Sure, go ahead. Oh, you're right. Right? It's like a walnut. You can kick it if you'd like. I don't want to kick your calves. Go ahead. All right.

Did you do it? See what I'm saying? Oh, Bert. I walked right into that one. I kicked right into that one. You kicked right into that one. I sure did. Anyway, welcome to the Neighborhood List, everyone. My name is burnt me a payday i am one of your hosts for this look into

the neighborhood of dignity falls and with me of course it well i'm with her because oh maybe not not that slogan but but i but uh it counters up some bad memories but um but i am with uh joan pedestrian uh here in her home. Joan, of course, is the number one realtor in Dignity Falls for I don't even know how many years running. 26. It's impossible. That's 26 years you've been. Okay, 26 years you've been number one.

And you've been doing this for how long? I mean, I've been doing it literally half my life. So you're just a real estate prodigy. Yeah. You know, I'd like to, and to be honest, I am getting a little bit tired of the game. It's for young people, you know? Is that true? I just, I might just get into consulting because, and just bringing up new, new, new kids because it's just getting, you know, I brought it up last time time last episode about all of these reality shows and i'm just looking at sound son i was like i gotta look like that

i gotta look like that to set you know it makes me feel less than as a realtor you know back in the day you just had to have a pleasant smile and a three-piece suit that's right then you had you had your sign and a plate of muffins and a plate of muffins cookies perfectly capped teeth and a and a and a scandal on the side you didn't have to look like yeah you were going out clubbing exactly that's right and as there's only one club in dignity falls anyways i you know what that's it's funny that it's taken all comers and has shut them down uh but uh stardust is the name of the uh the club the only club in dignity falls if you can call it a club, you know, because it's a portable.

Go on. Yep. It's a portable, you know, like at a high school. It's a portable full stop. That's what I'm saying. That's right. It's a portable.

And I mean, they really dressed it up and it's a double wide. But I mean, in the end, it's lipstick on a portable. You know what I mean? It's true. I mean, with all the's lipstick on a portable. You know what I mean? It's true. It has I mean with with all the

with all the sound equipment and the bar it has a capacity of seven people and So it makes it feel exclusive. Exactly. But you know

not in the right way. You know what's funny? Two security guys out front. I mean Yes. Yes. Come on now. Come on.

Stardust come on. A little bit extreme and they really do they actually sometimes they turn people away it's true can you believe it they just go drink out back yeah that's true there's more people i mean drinking out back and the music is loud actual yeah it's basically like you're there yeah and it's cooler to be honest i mean there are people bring their own you know

they're tailgating and you know charcuterie stardust is losing a ton of money even a concert that happens sometimes right behind where the music is louder than the music in the club yes yeah yeah so we got to work on our club scene a little bit but there's there i mean i don't know anytime somebody tries stardust just manages to lure them away we what do you mean everybody tries what anybody that tries to open up a club oh Oh, yes. Because we've had so many. Yes. Yeah. We had the, well, for Halloween last year, they tried a haunted club. Yes.

And the twins loved it. But they started in July, which I think was, and you know, they were saying Halloween is coming. They wanted to get a job. They, but Halloween. They're like those spirit Halloween stores where they're like open in, they'd start advertising in March. Exactly. Exactly.

But they're not open. Are those places ever closed? I think they do close. Those places creep me out, man. Because of the Halloween angles? No, just the classic thing of like, this store was here yesterday, now it's gone. Was it ever here?

But see, I guess I like to look at it as this store wasn't here yesterday and now it is. Now that is a glass half full, Bert. Right? Good for you. Good for you too. Why, why me? I was half empty. Because you could recognize that there's a better way to look at it okay well all right now i'm half full and together we make a full glass speaking of half full how much wine have you been drinking

lately oh well now i don't know why you'd ask that because you were you were i remember you were saying that you were gonna you were gonna like uh pull back on the wine intake um because you know during during quarantine and everything we were all drinking like mad men fish yes mad fish um I mean well you know I think that I sort of saw you know that I went to Nancy Meyers kitchen tour that's right right last a couple weeks ago yes and that was kind of my last hurrah. I was like, okay, let's dial it back. Right. You know, after that, because we were on a bus shaped like a wine bottle. I mean, it was like, it was all wine all the time. And so I kind of like had a little moment of introspection when I got home and I was like, like, would you, would you, would you call it a moment of clarity? Well, well, no, because actually

what I found was I had a great time. Oh, that's tough. And so I was like, well, I don't want to stop having a good time. But maybe it's just, I'm going to have a good time a little less of the time. Oh, I see. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Less is more. Yes. In this case. Right. But we'll see how long it lasts. I mean, if you mean, have I had any glasses today? Yes, I have. Okay.

And I mean, you're in your own house. I want to be transparent. Sure. Like a crisp Sovi Bee. Well, I'm sure I appreciate that. And I'm sure the listeners appreciate your transparency in this matter sure um and uh i i'm gonna say whatever gets you through the night or the

afternoon yes it is 11 i believe okay it's 11 a.m and uh of course we should introduce doug my husband hey babe how you doing hello welcome back burn doug thank you doug it's it's nice to hear from you and uh you know doug of course is the engineer of the podcast as well as being joan's husband. And Doug, where are you today? Where are you engineering from today? I'm in the hatchery today. The hatchery.

Okay. Now, this is a room we have not discussed before. Right. I've been working on this one. It's a little risky, too, because it could be very noisy in there. I mean, how many... Oh, when they're all hatching. Yeah, sure. Oh, just many, what do you feel? Oh, when they're all hatching, yeah, sure.

Oh, just the noise of the eggs breaking? I didn't think of that, that the actual animals would make the noise. What are we hatching in there, Doug? Oh, well, that's the fun of it is that I, you never know. I mean, you really never know. I go around town and collecting eggs

and I bring them back. But now, okay. Babe, this is not what I thought the plan was going to be. Wait, I thought we, cause I always wanted to coop just a little bit of backstory. You've, you've been very upfront about this.

I've been coop crazy. You've been coop crazy. That's right. Thank you for saying that. You've gone coop de loop. I sure have. Oh, that would be just a great,

maybe we should do a little sign that says coop de loop on the outside. I love that little burnt wood. Sure. Is it weird when you hear your name said like that? Honestly, it is. It honestly is. And I, my ears perked up and I realized, nope, that's not me. I know. I saw the recognition. He's like, Oh, nope. Yep. Not me. Just a sign. I always find that so interesting. Yeah. It gets my, it gets my attention for a second. And then I realized, Oh no, I can tune out again., it must be weird when someone's like, do you smell burnt toast? Because also, that's like, oh, now I'm doubly worried that you're talking to me and I'm having a stroke. I think this person's having a stroke because they meant to say, do you smell toast burnt? You haven't developed your own burnt-style toast, have you?

I mean, not for lack of crying. No, but there was. But you know what's interesting about this? Boy, I'm not going to remember this correctly, but there was, there was, but you know what's interesting about this? Boy, I'm not going to remember this correctly, but there was a snack that your mom made and it was just like, it was about toast being burnt to an absolute crisp. An absolute cinder.

An absolute. Just black as night. Oh, I hope one of our listeners remembers that. Yes, I believe that was the phrase, black as night. Just absolutely hard to the teeth. Just absolute carbon. Just a real molar cracker. So anyways, I've always wanted a coupe.

And it's actually, it's really involved. And then it's sort of like you do outside. Some people do like a garage situation, sort of a more, some people do actual barn. Some people, you know, you have to have the space. Can you do one in the trunk of a car? Don't ask the twins because they tried. This is Matt and Kachou.

Matt and Kachou. And they tried and it was a hatchback. So that's why they thought it'd be funny, right? Right. We're talking like that sounded like a good idea to me. Are we talking like a CRX? They're like, we have a hatchback. We should have, you know, it's like an actual hatchback.

This is an excellent impression. Oh, stop, stop. Which one am I doing though?'s got to be matt oh you were right very good very good choose a little lower yeah a little lower a little adenoidal sure yeah uh so anyways that that didn't work with coop we've had a couple of failed tries and um attempted well one of you could say you could say uh-huh yeah you could say but i think those chickens were in the right But I think those chickens were in the right. Anyway.

So basically what we decided to do is Doug just took over and he's like, I'll do it. But he wanted to call it a hatchery. Babe, can you explain the difference between a hatchery and a coop? Oh, that's a big subject. I wasn't prepared for that. Sometimes a hatchery will refer to fit. Well, I mean, is there a way you could prepare very quickly? We'll make a t-shirt for Doug that says, I wasn't prepared for that. Sometimes a hatchery will prefer to fit. Well, I mean, is there a way you could prepare very quickly? We'll make a t-shirt for Doug that says, I wasn't prepared for that.

Coop is chickens and hatchery is all eggs, right? Well, I... That's an interesting rule. That took me... Coop is chickens. That's how I took it. Hatchery to coop is as... I've never heard of any other creature in a coop. I thought hatchery...

I thought hatchery referred to fish mainly. Isn't that weird? Okay. Like a fish hatchery, like where it was going to be eggs, fish eggs. Exactly. But I could be wrong. Now, you're saying that if it's a coop... If it hatches...

It's chicken and eggs. And you're saying hatchery is just all eggs. There's no chickens in there. It's all hatchery. So you're going aroundery is just all eggs. There's no chickens in there. It's all hatchery. So you're going around. Hang on, babe. You're going around and collecting eggs and then bringing them back to our house. I feel like that's wrong.

I thought we were going to have chickens. Well, there are some chickens. What are they doing? Now, do you know for certain there are some chickens? He sounds unclear. How are you collecting the eggs? I haven't been in there. He hasn't allowed me.

So I just assumed there were chickens. Sure sounded like there were. There's a lot of rustling. Now he has, even though this was your pet project, he is not allowing you in the hatchery. I'm telling you, he totally took over. He's been in a hatchery wormhole. I'm going to make sure it's safe. This is like when there's

a groomzilla. A groomzilla. Oh, yes. Right. You're referring to like when people get married and all of a sudden it's the groom. You think the bride is going to be the one in charge and then the groom is like, no, I want my football cake. Oh, football cakes. All the football cakes I had to bake.

Don't get me started on football cakes. Wait, why did you have to bake so many football cakes, Joan? Because Doug loves them. Is that true? Doug, is that true? I still have my old football phone. Remember that? The sports illustrated football phone.

Absolutely. That was the first one I had to make. I had to make a, it's so hysterical because back in the day, no one knew anything about fondant. There was no, there was no nailed it.

There was no, is it cake? There was no cake balls. I can't even believe that's a show. And you know what? People would have thought that mine was a real phone. I think that I would have won that competition because no one could tell it was cake they

would have thought it was a real phone you said each other yeah i put the phone and you made it i did my own is it how do you made a football phone cake yes yeah in addition all the football cakes you've made and i tried to throw it a phone cake this is how it started i tried to throw it to kachu he got his foot he he wanted he foot. Cachoo. He, he wanted, he want, he got the football phone and then he wanted a football cake for his birthday. And I was like, I'm going to do the football phone cake.

Right. Right. And then I put them next to each other and I mean, Oh, everyone at the party, they couldn't tell we had bets. You could place, you know,

we have two jars, you know, and which one do you think is the real phone? Right. And so Doug, Doug thought he was picking up the football phone cake. Yeah. He thought he was picking up the football phone to throw to his son.

Well, now I realize none of them were supposed to be an actual football. Both options were. Neither one. Neither one. So, Doug, did you think when you got the football phone that that was a football? I mean, yes. Okay, that's a yes. That's a yes.

That's a yes. And there's a pause there. I always feel like, okay. And look, for younger listeners, they have to understand that the football phone that Sports Illustrated was offering with a subscription. Explain Sports Illustrated. Sports Illustrated, the swimsuit magazine.

Oh, right. I guess they are still. This thing, when these commercials were airing. Oh, forget it. People wanted this phone. Lost their mind. They lost their minds and sports illustrated the commercials would present it as as if they knew oh you're going

to want this that's right hey grown man you're going to want this at this this toy phone yes that looks like it's the equivalent the equivalent of a car bed for children that's exactly right that's exactly and they signed right up sent money to that po box remember that remember remember that when it would just be you wanted something on television just that blue screen saying send this to a po box oh i mean you know they they still use that blue screen with the with the yellow lettering at the end of at the end of those kinds of commercials do they still use that blue screen with the with the yellow lettering at the end of at the end of those kinds of commercials do they still have those guys they still do they still do you are up late enough to see them i'm a bit of a night owl uh i usually i usually stay up anywhere from midnight

to 7 a.m yeah i want to talk more about this first first of all your assignment from last week was to sort of get out there and do do a couple oh okay yes you did i did i tell me about that okay so you remember uh i talked about how i would hang with my friends from work yes for five minutes after five minutes after my shift was over still working and they were still working and then um and then uh so so this time i said hey gang uh why don't we go- Is that your cute name for them? I tried it out. Babe, what are you doing?

What is that sound? What is that banging, Doug? I'm sorry, I'm trying to, I need to expand the hatchery. You already, yeah. Okay, so does that mean that there are creatures- Are they multiplying massively? Is it getting out of hand? Did you steal some gremlin eggs?

I'm starting to see some cracks and I'm just worried. I'm just starting to see some cracks. What's the biggest egg you have up there? Probably football phone size. So maybe an ostrich we're talking about. By the way, he uses that metric to describe. Really? Wait, what was, I missed that.

I think it could be an ostrich. Well, if it's the size of the football phone. Of course. It could be an ostrich. And by the way, I was expecting him to say the size of an ostrich egg. He said football phone. By the way, football phone, the size of a football phone is the metric he uses an ostrich and by the way i was expecting him to say the size of an ostrich egg he said football phone by the way football phone the size of a football phone is the metric he uses for things our whole life is that true yeah you know can i get a head of lettuce well what kind do you want well about the size of a football phone or uh oh

there's a there's a rock outside that could you know there's a there's there's a rock outside about a dozen a dozen football phones yeah like a rock or how much do you think that thing weighs oh i think it probably weighs about one and a half football phones. Yeah. Or how much do you think that thing weighs? Oh, I think it probably weighs about one and a half football phones. It's absolutely ridiculous. I don't want to... Could I ask more about this rock outside situation? I was hoping you wouldn't

because it's a thing. Well, it's so specific. It makes me think there's a story related to it. I've never had occasion to say to anyone, there's a rock outside that you need to know about. Okay. Yes.

And you know what? I realize that. I realize that that's weird. And without context, that does sound strange, right? Yeah. But there was this weird year that we had where someone was leaving items on our driveway for a whole year at the at

the front of the driveway or closer to the house it moved they started getting closer and closer it was like some incredible prank and it started innocently enough you know it was like oh it's a feather well i didn't enough. You know, it was like, oh, it's a feather. Well, I didn't even think anyone placed it there. It was just a bird that lost a feather. But then the next day, it was a bigger feather. So the first one was a feather, but you've definitely traced it back to that was part of the prank. No, did you hear me?

I just said that was innocuous to me. I was like, that's ridiculous. But I'm saying later on, you realize. Right, because the next day, it was a bigger feather. I realize. The next day, it was a bigger feather. I'm like, now hang on a minute.'m saying later on. Because the next day was a bigger feather. The next day was a bigger feather. I'm like, now hang on a minute. How did they get the feather to stay in place? That's a great question. Because feathers are famously light.

Yes, and famously float away. They're the benchmark for lightness. I think that's why they moved to rocks. And they're a bit creepier. So then, you know, so now we're seeing different rocks. I never thought about it before. Rocks are creepier than feathers. Yes, they really are.

They really are. Although when they're all on birds, I find birds a little creepy. Just as a species. Yeah, well, as a pet. As a pet. Yeah, I have a hard time with that. Well, it's good.

I just feel like I'm being watched I don't know I don't like it do you think it's because the bird is looking for a chance to escape could be I get that look from Doug a lot too he has that same look in his eyes like a bird wanting to escape does Doug ever look at you sideways just out of one eye

and cock his head yes that's how he lets me know he's hungry. Okay. So, feathers to rocks. They're getting closer

to the house. You're not going to get out of this story, but you're going to tell me what you did for your assignment. I'll gladly tell you. So, feathers to rocks.

And that's what we called that year. That year was feathers to rocks, man. And it became a saying, you know, it's like, oh, you know,

I got the whole job done. was feathers to rocks man and it became a saying you know it's like oh you know she i got the whole job done feathers to rocks i need i need a beer as big as a football phone that's yes yeah yep and so anyways one of the days that you know these rocks were praying there was one really big one and that's when i said there's a rock outside the house and it did end up being he went and got his football phone he put it next to the rock and for scale and doug was right for scale and he was right it was right similar so that oh so the rock was as big as one football phone or that one that day was that was and that was then it grew and then there were some structures but didn't grow up i mean like a rock can't grow it was just a bigger rock the next day and then yes it was starting to get creepy like Like signs, you know, like a crop circle type situation where then it was like,

I think someone was just trying to freak us out. You know, little stacks of rocks, you know. Oh, like a cairn. Oh, I don't, that's right. I haven't heard that word in forever. Is that the old Disney thing? Educate us again. What's a cairn?

Are you talking about the Disney vault, Doug? What? No, the Disney thing, Walt Disney was attacked for this. It was controversial. The depiction of rocks stacked on top of each other. Right. In the desert. In which movie?

Oh, I couldn't tell you. Maybe it was- Aladdin, perhaps? Aladdin? No, this is way back. In the desert. Like the old days. I don't In the desert. Like the old days. I don't remember a desert.

Like the old days. But what, Snow White? Yeah. But that wasn't in the desert, Dave. I don't think Snow White had any desert scenes. You know what I mean, though. The stacked rocks in the desert. That looked like a penis.

Oh, well, I mean. Is that what you mean? Well, he said it. No, I just, maybe, I guess. Why else would it be trouble? That that would be a natural. Like a dark magic thing? No, that that would maybe, I guess. Why else would it be trouble? That that would be a natural. Because it was like a dark magic thing? No, that that would be a natural formation out in nature.

That rocks would naturally stand. Are you talking about like Disneyland? Are you talking about like the way that the rocks look on Thunder Mountain? I don't understand where they would have been stacked up. In the old cartoons, you would often see. You would? Yeah, like those plateaus with rocks stacked on each other. This sounds like more like, I have to say, this sounds more like

Looney Tunes, like a Wile E. Coyote Roadrunner sort of thing. Yes, because you're on the Grand Canyon and the desert all the time. Yes, exactly. This reminds me of when that whole thing happened where animators would sneak in all the dirty stuff, you know, like the poster of Little Mermaid was a penis and the guy marrying them on the boat. Did you ever see that? Oh God, Matt. I've heard about

that, yes. Matt and Croutche. Cachoo. Cachoo. I just can't believe I get it wrong sometimes after all these years. Well, when you're a mom, you spit out the names and because you're. That's right.

Yes, of course. Matt and Cachoo would rewind that scene. With that little priest, he gets a boner. It's just absolutely ridiculous. I've heard about that. They thought it was hysterical. Now, do you think, and I, this may seem obvious, and forgive me if this is just so obvious that it's stupid.

It was Matt and Kachou doing all those things in the driveway. Yes, you are right. I was going to lead up to it, but he already guessed it. I mean, I think longtime listeners will just know. That's the sort of thing that they do. It's amazing that no fire was involved. Oh, well, you didn't let me finish. That's how we found out that's how we knew because one day it was oh there's a fire outside it was the entire i mean that's why we did the drive in the shape

of like a pentagram we used to have a straw driveway and then that was straw driveway it was one of the iterations of the coop right oh and then you had that wooden driveway and now it's and now it's made of bricks that's smart

well anyway so to finish up so what did you do we went out to we did a murder mystery dinner you got the whole gang from the pharmacy

to go out and do this absolutely this is incredible this is a big deal but we did it at a restaurant and we were asked to leave very quickly

why what well because you know i so you decided to dress up in let me just paint a picture yeah sure dress that you you had sent out all the information before this exactly you're playing you're playing the movie starlet you're playing the professor that's right and everyone dressed up yes and everyone arrives at which restaurant it was uh la monica's okay the chinese restaurant yes and uh on nixon boulevard on nixon boulevard and uh and so we we arrived there and uh you know i mean we have our we have like the kit you know with the cards and everything sure and so the very first thing is you have to you know somebody has to stand up and yell there's been a murder and i did that and uh you know obviously that got a lot of attention in the restaurant it was it was oh boy it was packed yikes because it was italian

night uh-huh and everyone loves when la monica's does the chinese food but with a red sauce. And you don't think it's going to work, but it does. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. And there was a lot of people were upset.

Sure. And we were asked to leave. So it got shut down pretty quickly. Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that. How was the vibe? Did you guys go somewhere afterwards? afterwards yeah we went out for beers we went behind behind stardust who was playing that night oh god who was it it was um stevie d uh but he's not with stevie j anymore oh i didn't hear that i didn't know that yeah it's just dvd solo but he still does all the same songs but he he does but you know he did the harmony oh that is very so the songs sound weird oh it's so weird yeah just all low it's because he's got the low part yeah oh man that's tough

girl i'm gonna tell you everybody's gonna know and you know it, it sounds ominous. It does. Yeah, it was hard. It does. But again, boy, there's that low register again, Bert, and I really liked it. It's the only way I can kind of carry a tune.

If I go way down. Just channel it. Right down in the pocket. Yeah. If it's a monotone, I gotcha. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, so it was a fun time and I'm glad you encouraged me to. Well, because now you guys sort of have that bonding thing, right? It's like, oh, that was a trauma bond. A trauma bond from getting kicked out of the restaurant.

Who was the murderer? It was. Oh, gosh. I think we left the cards at the restaurant. Oh, dear. So we never found out. Oh, wow. So if you.

Hey, that's really a mystery to solve. If you were at LaMonica's last Friday and you saw that scuffle with a bunch of people in elaborate costumes being asked to leave, if you happen to see those cards on the table, please tell us who the murderer was because we'd really like to know. Well, I just love, Bernd, that you've gone from almost not leaving your apartment to going to the most crowded restaurant with several strangers you don't know in a big, huge costume. And that is just, it's like zero to 100 and I support it. Thank you. I just have one more question before we take a break. Who was your character? I was the starlet. Oh, I had a tiara, the long gloves, I had a cigarette holder, the whole deal. Oh, I love it. Good for you. Everything from rocks to feathers. Feathers to rocks.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Rocks to feathers is a whole different thing. Oh, there's a football phone size lump in my throat with my embarrassment. All right. Well, while Bert has a glass of water, we will take a break and be right back with a guest. Absolutely more when the Neighbor Listen returns. Hi, this is Michelle and I just wanted to come on here

to clear up some things about my post for sale, Baby Alive and Carrier $25, great condition. It is not a live baby, okay, it is a doll called a live baby, and it creeps me out, quite frankly, it creeped me out the entire time my daughter had it, my husband hides it in places around the house to terrorize me, there is no need to call the authorities, please stop DMing me that I am a monster. It is not a live baby,

okay? I just want it gone. In fact, if you just, I'll throw it in the trash, but I'm worried about saying that because someone's going to think I'm actually throwing a baby in the trash. I have three children. I love children. I don't like this goddamn creepy baby doll. Take it away. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. The show is still going on and we're still doing it. Yep. We haven't been told that we're canceled or anything. Why did I?

I don't know why I said that. Well, because I think that when you told me that last time that when you start talking, you float above your body. Yes. And you start observing. And I didn't do it in the beginning. I felt like- You didn't, but is that what happened just now?

It happened just now. I saw myself and I was like, what are you doing? Why are you still doing it? And then you had to say, no, we're still doing it. Exactly. Even though I don't know why. It was like I was having a little argument with that man floating above me. With that man floating above you.

Yeah. And the man below me that I was floating over. It's so complicated. It really is. Anyway, we do have a guest in studio. And as you know, we scour the social networking platform NeighborHap, where people post about their neighborhoods. And so we look at the Dignity Falls one,

and we find interesting people that we then invite on the show. And sometimes it's the person who made a post, and sometimes it's the person who is the subject of the post. And this time it's the latter. Correct. Emphasis on the latter. So this is. What does that mean? Oh, it's well, I was quoting a song from, you know, a little brains, a little talent with an emphasis on the latter. It's a song from Damien Keyes. Oh, that's the satanic musical. Yes. Well, I mean, that's it. Or the baseball. Yes.

It's the satanic baseball. I feel if your musical contains Satan, that's that's the headline there. I know. And yet it's such a happy, fun, you know, jumpy musical. Exactly. And the Yankees gave their they allowed their name to be used. Nope. No bad publicity.

I guess that's true. I guess that's true. I guess that's true. What were the famous songs from Damn Yankees? Well, that one. Which is called? A Little Brain's A Little Talent. A Little Brain's A Little Talent. Whatever Lola wants. Oh, of course, that one. Lola gets. The sexy song. And who is Lola in the musical?

Gwen Verdon. Oh. No, right. I mean the character. Lola. But what is her? Sorry. I see what you were doing She's like the devil's henchwoman Okay So she's a demon Correct

But a hot one She's a sexy Like a succubus She's a sexy Yeah she's a sexy succubus She's a sexy Succubus dancer And she's going to take

The Yankee's sexual energy She's gonna seduce Joe Hardy And who's that? He's the guy who sells his soul to the devil because he's an old man. And he's like, boy, what I give anything to go back and hit a homer for the Yankees. And the devil appears and he's like, hello.

Is that an actual song from the musical? Yeah. Sort of. You get the picture when I say that, right? He's singing. It's musical theater. He's not so scary. Tell me there's a puff of smoke, please. Oh, for sure. Definite sort of, you get the picture when I say that, right? He's singing, it's musical theater. He's not so scary. Tell me there's a puff of smoke, please.

Oh, for sure. Definite puff of smoke. And he says, that can be done. You just have to sell your soul to me and bam, you're going to be young. You're going to be this guy named Young Joe Hardy and you're going to show up on a TV. Legal name, Young Joe Hardy?

Correct. I don't remember what happens. I think it's the same name. So I don't know what happens when I think it's the same name. So I don't know what happens when the wife realizes her husband's disappeared. And now there's this young guy named Joe Hardy playing on the Yankees. Anyways, yes. So he decides to, now he's immediately this young star player and he gets to join the Yankees. And so those are two of the big songs.

And I think another one is called, I can't remember it. Right, right, right. And so those are two of the big songs. And I think another one is called, I can't remember it. Great. Big song. Okay. Well, now we do have a guest. Now let's get to the guest. Joan, why don't you read the post for us? Thank you. All right. So this post was submitted by Jane and Kennedy. Yes, that's right. Thank you, Jane and Kennedy. Okay. And this was posted by Mary Kate. And it says, loud, polite lady with megaphone at 7.30 a.m. Did I have a weird dream or something? I was woken up by a woman on a megaphone or loudspeakers. She was thanking

people or something. Truly bizarre. And this is exciting because we have the loud, polite lady with the megaphone. And here she is. Let's see. Could you introduce yourself, please? Oh, is it my time? Oh, wow. Okay. So she still has the megaphone. She still has the has the megaphone. You know what? I think that Mary Kate was right about the megaphone. Yes. Since Mary Kate, we can confirm it is a megaphone. Yes, it is a megaphone. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much for pointing that out. It is a megaphone. And you are very polite. Thank you. Now, could you explain what you were doing outside Mary Kate's house? Oh, yes. And also what is your name? Oh, my name is Jenna. Oh, yes. Hi, Jenna.

That's important. Thank you. Thank you for joining us on The Neighborhood Listen. Thank you for joining me, for joining you. Oh, you're welcome. It's a privilege to be here. Wow. That's very kind of you to say.

Too much. But okay. So please tell us a little bit about yourself and what you were doing. Okay. My name is Jenna. I am recently unemployed by choice. Okay. Mutually. Mutually. Mutually unemployed by choice. Okay. So everyone who could have employed you mutually agreed, no, we will not employ you. And I said, yes, great. I took it to me that you recently were perhaps fired and you were happy with that.

Well, it could be that too. Sure. It was sort of a meeting of the mind. Everybody wanted me gone, but I felt that that was a good choice too. Okay. Okay. Well then that's good. It's great that it works out. It's great. Yes.

I realized that I'm not destined to work in a bagel shop and everyone at the bagel shop found me repellent. So I went to the bagel shop. Did you, may I ask, did you use the megaphone when you were working there? The megaphone is sort of a recent discovery now that I have a lot of free time on my hands. I see. So this is a new hobby. Should I call it a hobby?

Passion. But yeah, you can diminish it to that if you wanted to. Oh, I don't mean, oh, there was a little bite on that. I did not mean to diminish it. She's so polite. And yet I got the message. Yeah, it was. Okay. So, so, okay. Let's talk about this particular morning at 7.30 AM. Tell us it was. Yes. Okay. So, so, okay. Let's talk about this particular morning at 730 AM. Tell us, walk us through what happened. Well, so what's hard about that is that it really could be any morning because I do start every morning this way. Okay.

Okay. Which is, which is what? Have you ever heard of a positive? Okay. Have you ever heard of a positive affirmation? Yes. Sure. Sure.

Absolutely. So a positive affirmation for those who don't know what it is, it's when you say something really good. Well, that's it in a nutshell. To yourself, right? Yeah, but also sort of to the universe. Okay. Okay. Okay. And I was just thinking about like how good it feels for me to say that stuff to the mirror. And then I thought, it's so sad that I'm the only one hearing this. And I'm all about community. There are people that are in my life who would say that I may be not, but I'm sort of going through a radical transformation right now. And I thought, what better way to sort of share the journey that I'm on then as loud as possible. Absolutely. Okay. So you, so you, was this the

first day that you chose to do it outside? Yes. Take it to the community, as it were? Yes. I thought it would be a really good idea to be touching a tree or touching grass while doing it. Just something where you're really grounded in nature. Okay. Right.

So I was sort of grabbing my neighbor's tree with a lot of force while I was doing that. Okay. Like one-handed, I would imagine. One hand for holding myself onto the branch. Right. Kind of dangling there. Oh, I see. Oh, you were hanging from the tree.

Yeah. So there's like some urgency to it. That is a forceful grab. I see. Absolutely. Yes. Yeah. So I was sort of dangling from a neighbor's tree, just saying things like, I am loved.

I am cool. Right. I am tall. I am loved. I am cool. Right. I am tall. I,

so, so you're saying these things about yourself, but are you hoping that they'll hear it and feel it about themselves? Or you just want them to hear your positive affirmations. I want them to hear my affirmations and hopefully think of some of their own because I really, I don't think it's good to copy me. Okay, sure.

But so these are, these are suggestions of affirmations that one could have be inspired by these and maybe come up with your own yeah and if you know if you am tall also great but if if you am tall so great so great that's great right you don't need that one you're all set yeah you can have that one if you want to if it applies to you but you don't have to do it right so polite so now i was struck by something else something in this post so so you you have one hand uh uh holding on to the brand and the other one is holding a megaphone and and you and it says mary kate says you were thanking people or something yes i was see burt i was just about

to ask that question this This happens with us often. Yep, it does. Wow, cool. I wish I had a friend like that. Well, you ain't never had a friend like Joan. Ain't never. Okay, so go on. Yeah, so I also was just, I was feeling a lot of gratitude.

I'm really trying to practice gratitude. Okay. Do you practice gratitude? You know what? It's important to practice gratitude. And I must say, I don't do it often enough. Oh, that's a nice, honest answer. And you know what? I'm going to go ahead and say, I don't do it enough either. Babe, do you do it enough? Well, do you think I do? Oh boy. I'm very grateful for all of you.

Oh, that's very nice to hear. Me also? Yeah, I love the way you sound. I'm just hearing you from the hatchery and it's incredible. That's my husband, Jenna. Oh, cool. Love is so awesome. Love is awesome. A true multi-hyphenate. Well, indeed.

So what would you put first, babe? Husband or engineer? Husbaneer. Husbaneer. Husbaneer. Wow. Speaking of Walt Disney. I know, right? Exactly.

What's the heaven? I was thinking modern day Mouseketeer. Modern day Mouseketeer. We're all vibing. I think it's the megaphone, Jenna. I really do. There's like a real synergy going on. It is contagious.

Resonating through my body. I'm sorry. Oh, was that too much? Like you're feeling it in your chest cavity? Yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah. That could be all the hatching. That's true. I'm so sorry, Jenna,

but I am curious. How many hatchings are we up to now, Doug? Well, they all seem to be kind of quivering right now. He sounds a little afraid. None of them have emerged from the show. No, no. Okay.

But they're shaking. It's nerve wracking, but exciting because it could be anything. All right. Well, keep us posted. We'll check in with you a little bit later, Doug. So when you asked about thanking, sorry, it's a two-part thing. So we want to get back to that. So were you thanking people?

Yes. I compliment myself and then I acknowledge others. So I'm thanking neighbors on things that I think that they have done for me or could do for me. What would be an example? Oh, so like future suggestions? Future thanking. Okay. Thanks so much for helping me jumpstart my car.

No one's done that for me, but I might need that someday. So I just want to put it out there that I'm already grateful. So I mean, forgive me, but this sounds like maybe this could be like a passive aggressive affirmation. You know, it's sort of like, are you kind of, are, is there any underlying feelings that people haven't done enough for you in this neighborhood? Well, first of all, I do forgive you. And second of all, second of all, yes.

We are an increasingly disconnected society society which is why i have opted to use something analog like a megaphone sure because people are not looking at my instagram they're they're just not they're just not and that is that like another thing that you thanked people for like hopefully in the future like thank you for following me on instagram because you want them to do that thank you for your future engagement on my page. Okay. Okay. Thank you for liking the way that I look. Thank you. So it, you know, it really does. I think what you're trying to do is manifest more affirmation for yourself. Is that fair? That's fair. Okay. Okay. Now, is it fair to your neighbors? I guess that's the question for a segue right because

she didn't sound annoyed this lady but maybe did you get anybody kind of shouting shut up or you know oh that was i like any muppets okay that was actually an amazing impression of my neighbor down the hill uncanny actually wow yeah frightening um um down the hill are That's uncanny, actually. Wow. Yeah, frightening. Oh, down the hill. Are you on Franklin Pierce? How did you know? Well, because of that hill. Oh, yes. The hill. No hill like that one. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm on sort of the hill, capital T, capital H. Hill. Yeah. Not to be confused with the hill as in Washington. Exactly. Crooks. Crooks. Crooks.

I always run up that hill. Or what? Okay, Doug. I like running up that hill. Right. Yeah, he loves running up that hill. Yeah. Yes.

He makes a deal with God every day. If I only could, I'd make a deal with God to stop these interruptions. All right, please go on. Oh, so the nice thing about the protests, or if there were protests. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, wow, wow. The protests of the neighbors? Yes, they have been organized.

Oh, okay. Oh. Which is beautiful. I mean, how often you get to see people come together in person. It's true. Against a common enemy. Unfortunately, the enemy is me. Oh, that is sad.

Yeah. Now, it is interesting that you said protest because you hear that sound of the megaphone and it does sort of invoke these feelings and memories of a protest. You know, normally you might hear a megaphone used in that way with a chant or something. And I'm just wondering when you were doing your morning affirmations, did you sort of do it? Did you have any chance like, you know, hey, hey, ho, ho, whatever. But it's about, it's like a positive one. Yeah. I go, I'm going to be one less, one less from the Gardasil commercials.

Now I'm not, I'm not familiar with the product or the ad. What is it advertising? Oh, Bernie wouldn't be because it doesn't really affect you. It's for ladies. Yeah, it's sort of an HPV shot. Yes. Gardasil? Correct, Gardasil. Okay.

And I'm going to be one less person with HPV? Is that the idea? I'm going to be one less person with HPV. One less if the lyrics continue. Where would one see these? Like what, where are they advertising mostly? TV.

No, I know that, but, but, but like what, during what sort of programs? Like Wendy Williams or. Yeah,

maybe like, like Gossip Girl. Okay. Selling Sunset, probably. Oh yeah. Okay. No,

no, it's, I, I, I'm actually, I'm not, I don't have a, really a teen girl anymore. July, he's about to graduate from high school. And so no. It's, I, I, I'm actually, I'm not, I don't have a, a, really a teen girl anymore.

July, he's about to graduate from high school. And so we already got her, her garden. She is aging in real time. A while ago. Yeah. So I'm not really watching. I don't know where the commercial, I, those were just wild guesses, but it's whatever teenage girls are watching.

Yeah. Um, so it's, yes, it's now, it's a great thing because now you have a little, do we call it a vaccine that you could, that will prevent it. And you'll see like girls doing double dutch in the commercial. Yeah. And it's like a little animated butterfly, right? I believe.

I'm pretty sure that these are, are these children in the commercial? I don't know. Lunesta is the animated butterfly. That one I've seen. That one I've seen. One time I saw it fly out of the television. You might've taken too much loot.

I was up too late. I was up too late. Yes, it is. It's double dutching. too late yes it is it's double dutching and it's like it's probably just like someone texting on their phone but just not having HPV texting on their phone right doing like a backhand spring which is now easier to do than ever without HPV they're not weighed down with HPV but now I I heard that we all have HPV is that true um who told you that to be fair if you have a frank conversation with anyone you're a pharmacist i yeah i am a pharmacist

doug i am a pharmacist but i i forget where i read this but it said well everyone has it now well it is called human papilloma virus so you know human is it's all of us if you're human you have to have it everyone's got a papilloma, just a matter of when. So your chant was, I'm going to be one. Can you just explain the idea behind chanting that jingle? Well, for me, when I saw that commercial, that's the last time I remember being happy. Oh, my. What do you think made you so happy about it?

Well, I was sitting in my house. Okay. Period. Okay. I was with family. Oh, right. I was getting good grades in school at that time. Oh, sorry.

So, wait. Can I ask how old you are now? I'm, um. So wait, can I ask how old you are now? Um, I'm, um, I heard sir in there. I heard either way. I'm 39. Yeah. Okay. So then I'm understanding that maybe the last time we were happy was when you were a very young girl. Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like my life is sad. Well, no, I'm just, I was just, you know, we, yes, we do ask sort of deep questions and we just try to get to know people and and i'm just connecting the dots because you said that

song was the last time you were happy but then you just described being it would sound like your childhood home yeah oh it burned down oh no i'm so was that part of the happiness or no it was it was it was it was after the happiness after the happiness happiness, sure. It was post, it was PH. PH, sure. Capital P, capital H. Neil post happiness. Post PH, pre HPV. Did you say Neil post happiness?

Yeah, like Neil Patrick Harris. My God. NPH, Neil post happiness. We're all having fun with initials. Joan, you can do it too. Neil Papaloma Harris. Right? There we go.

Now we're having a good time. Ladies, am I right? We. Neil Papaloma Harris. Right? There we go. Now we're having a good time. Ladies, am I right? We're having fun. We're having fun. I think we are having fun. Well, I don't know, Jenna, are you having fun? Because now I'm a little worried. Listen, I'm a mom. So now it's going to be my mom energy coming at you right now. And I'm so sorry. Mom or G? But are you okay? That's right. Do you have friends? Do you have family still? Are you close with your family? No friends. Yes, family.

Very far away from family. Very far away from family. Where is your family? They're not in Dignity Falls? Nova Scotia. Oh, wow. That's pretty far. That was a no and a location.

It was like all the same thing. Nova Scotia. And why did they move to Nova Scotia? To get far, far away from me. So you did grow up in Dignity Falls. Is this where the house burned down? This is where the house burned down. And then I reconstructed sort of my house situation on the remains of the house.

And what does that look like? It's sort of tent adjacent. But it is brick and mortar, but it has a tent feel to it. Because it could come down at any moment. The walls of the foundation it's just sort of all kind of what i was doing i was doing my best jenna this has the potential to sound like a rude question but i don't mean it in that way oh trigger warning tw but when you said um that your family wanted to get very far away from you yes uh were you in any way responsible for the house burning down um in the sense that

i did start the fire yes oh right so there's a connection but i did i did try to put the fire out ah okay so it's not completely my fault so the fire was not intentional well i didn't i didn't get that i actually didn't get that yeah when when jenna said she tried to put the fire out i assumed that perhaps it was an accidental fire. But again, assumptions. Jenna. You know what happens.

I know. I know. Are we to understand that you started the fire on purpose? I started the fire on purpose, but not in a mean way. Why? I started the fire on purpose because I was reading a lot of sort of books that took place in like Victorian times. And they always had these like really nice fires stoked in the house. Right.

In fireplaces. Well, okay. So that was not clear to me upon reading. I thought it was kind of like a metaphor. Do you know what it's true that if you books written in that time they would take it for granted that when they say there's a fire in the house that that the reader would know there's a fireplace sure or you know i always suppose they would use the word hearth or something like something like that yeah but if you didn't if you don't if you grow up in modern

times you don't have a fireplace you might assume so did your house not have a fireplace no no and hearth to me it just seemed like an idea. Like it was sort of like, that wasn't a word that I was familiar with at the time because like I'm not part of like the coastal elite. So it just didn't, it didn't resonate for me. So wait, you, so you wanted to, you wanted to make, to set fires in the house

because you thought that would- Okay. So you really meant it, you meant it to connect the family. I meant it in a nice way. Right. That's what she means. She did explain it. She meant it in a nice way. That does make sense. How many fires did you start? How did you start them? One in every room. And your family was just all home? They were out in the yard. Okay. Hanging. I'm sorry. They're on the yard hanging out. Really missed that last word. Okay.

Wow. I just don't know. Jen, I don't know you. And the house is on fire. I took it as hanging out because we did know that they moved far away. So I assume they survived this backyard event. Okay. Yes.

Yes. Sorry. They were on the yard hanging out. Okay. I was like trying to get everybody back in. And I thought, what better way to get them into the attempting place to roast marshmallows inside. I'm sorry.

I was being British. Yes, exactly. Yeah. I was being British like the books and yeah, one in every room and it just went up in smoke so fast. Yeah. Everybody lived, of course. Right.

Sure. Luckily they were outside the house. They're outside the house. Yes. Where you could have roasted marshmallows outside the house i hate to tell you this now but that's generally where it's done but you wanted people to come back into you were in the house you wanted to come back into the house i know i'm trying i'm trying to get it back okay i'm trying to win her back so you're trying to get people back into the house because you wanted them to be in there what were they doing they were just hanging out was it was it like a a picnic sort of thing? Like a barbecue? They were projecting

a movie. They were projecting a movie. Oh, this was nighttime. Okay. This was night. I'm assuming. I'm assuming. Yes. Exterior night. Speaking of movies. And what movie were they watching? They were watching Rugrats movie. The Rugrats movie? The Rugrats movie.

And why did you not want to join them? I'm sick of that cartoon shit. Okay. To be frank. Even as join them? I'm sick of that cartoon shit. Oh, okay. Great. All right. To be frank. Yeah. Even as a kid, you were sick of it.

I like people. I like stuff that I can see. I like people that I could meet one day. Okay. I like knowing that I could run into Brad Pitt on the street at any moment. And I can't meet Chucky and Tommy and Angelica. Right. And all those little fucking freaks on that show.

I mean, you could meet the people who voice those characters. Yuck! Oh, okay. I'm with you there that I think people that do voices for cartoons are disgusting. Me too. I think they're perverted and weird. They should be deported.

And yet, I wish I could be one of those people. Really, Joan? Yes, I just would love it. Well, you know, I always wanted to be a Disney voice. Absolutely. I mean, I auditioned for the Gardasil jingle. Did you really? I did.

Were you just saying this now? I didn't like it because I opted up. And they were like, stick to the notes, please. Can we hear? Please, I'd love to hear it. What's the original key? How does it go? I'm gonna be one less, one less. Right. But how does it go I'm gonna be one less one less

right but I was like I'm gonna be one less one less and they were like boo they're fools like no thank you because it's gonna alienate people now we're gonna be focusing more on the voice as opposed to the message but I would feel that people would hear that voice they would say I want to feel like that voice sounds and so I will get that shot or whatever it is. Just side note, because I know you always want an update, but just so you know, all of the jingles that I

have auditioned for, which is many, is going to be a whole medley in my one woman show. Okay, so we'll get to it. And you're going to do the jingles the way that you feel they should have been done. The way they should have been done. Thank you. This is terrific. Thank you. This is terrific. All right. So to get back to the house, I want to know how soon after the fire your family moved?

A few days. Okay. That's what I was afraid of. I did not want you to say that. And quick thing. Did they let you know or did they just disappear? Well, they let me know after disappearing. So I knew where to find them, but at that point, the bridge had been burned.

Yeah. As well as the house. Good one. Wait, you them, but at that point, the bridge had been burned. Yeah. As well as the house. So. Good one. Wait, you had a one quick, sorry, Jenny, you had a one quick thing. Yeah, you did have a one quick thing.

I would love a comp to your one woman show. Not expecting that. Yes and yes, absolutely. Gracias. Wait, she's a, she's a treasure trove of voices and accents. She's a very complex person.

You're a delight. I have to tell you. Absolutely. I'm not understanding why your family left you. Well, I mean, she burned the house down. She's got me. I don't know. She's got me turned around.

I keep forgetting about that detail. Don't get me wrong. I think Jenna is an extremely charming and interesting person. Yes. And I get why I'm being drawn in, of course. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome.

So, okay. So you live in a tent adjacent. That worries me. I feel like we need to get you into a safer place. How are you supporting yourself because you're unemployed? Great question. Yeah. How do you eat? How do you...

Well, I live off the land. So a lot of my neighbors have gardens. So I'm eating a very clean diet. So definitely don't worry about my digestive health because I'm eating a lot of sort of produce and just whatever I can kind of find. Do the neighbors know you're doing this? Well, they know someone's doing it. I would have to imagine. Do you think they're narrowing down? You probably subject some other posts on the neighbor app. I would imagine. Do you think that their suspicions

are narrowed down to the lady that lives in the tent? Well, it's not a tent. It's tent adjacent. Tent adjacent. Forgive me. Which again, I'm having a hard time picturing. Okay, so picture a house with all the walls, but then there's a lot of stuff around it. It looks like it could fall at any time but it hasn't is it is it is the material canvas there are bricks but there are there there is fabric there's bricks and fabric i'm picturing kind of

a loose igloo of bricks yes oh okay okay i got that now and then and then like a tarp over the rest of it tarp over the rest but there is stuff under the tarp. Tent adjacent. But you mean by your stuff is under the tent. I mean, where you live is under the tent. Where I live is under the tent, but there is more than the tent. Oh, like what? There's more than the tent.

Bricks. Bricks. Oh, okay. Yes. I thought you meant like an extra room or something. A radio. A radio, fun. Thanks.

I agree. You know, I love your ability to take almost anything as a compliment. Even just a factual statement. It's positive. It's very positive. It is. You know, I feel like it would really work. So, okay.

All right. Well, then I guess you live off the land. Do you have... Oh, and as for work, I am unemployed. There is no cash flow at the moment. Zero. I understand. So, that's what I'm worried about. why well because eventually eventually you're people are going to find out about you

know their gardens and they will probably in certain parts of this town you know they'll call the cops you know they'll have someone looking for someone eating out of their garden hire a private detective might hire probably so cool to get to talk to one of those. I agree. I agree with that. No, it is true. I mean, they just seem fake, don't they?

Yeah, but they are apparently real. They are. I know. It's a real job you can have. What about that? What about being a PI? Oh, too stinky.

I feel like all those guys smoke inside. Stinky. Well, but you can be a lady PI if that is how you identify. mean the thing is we could like vi warshawski yes that's right what was that again i think she was a private detective and she was played by kathleen turner in the movie but it was based on books wow oh it was yes i love reading

do you like sue grafton and her alphabetical murder series? Yes. A is for arsenic or what have you. Yes, B is for bloody. So you sit at home and you read a lot of books. Is this what's happening? I love reading. Okay. I love being transported to another world. Sure.

Well, sure, because that's not surprising. Because my world is so dark. Well, I didn't, you know, it does sound a little dark, but you have such a way of spinning things into the positive. It's hard to get a read on how you are doing emotionally. A quick detour into, into passive aggression. And then you turn it into something sunny and light. Yeah.

It's really, it's fascinating. Yeah. Go ahead. Say thank you. I know you're going to. Thank you. That was a close one. If I don't say thank you, my head falls off.

So like the old story with the ribbon around the neck. Which now? You don't know this story? I don't. Oh, it's a famous old ghost story where the wife says to the husband, I love you, but you must never remove this ribbon from around my neck. And then, of course, you say that. That's all you want to do.

Of course. And then later he does it and her head falls off oh carmen machado just did a version of it in one of in a book anyway that's real wait so it's real oh this actually happened it has nothing to do with thank you in the ghost story it's just that it was simply an annoying husband who was like i want to do it and then he just did what his wife told him not to do. And she died. Right. Well, because Jenna said that her head would fall off if she didn't say thank you. Right. I see. I see. I see. In this case, it was just the husband not listening. Literally her head was kept on with a ribbon. Yeah. He didn't respect her boundaries. A lesson for us all.

That's right. So, okay. So what is your plan? What's your short-term plan right now? My short-term plan is keep doing what I'm doing. Right. I love myself. I love what I do. I love myself. I love what I've got going on.

I think eventually I want to get a boat at some point. It would be so cool to have a boat. I feel like I've always imagined living on a house boat at some point. It would be so cool to have a boat. I feel like I've always imagined living on a, like on a houseboat at some point. Yeah. When I was little, I used to draw my ideal pontoon boat. Sweet.

And that's true. I used to draw my ideal pontoon boat and it would just be a really realistic pontoon boat. Right. Can I just interject? When you say that's true every once in a while, it makes me wonder why you're indicating that because is everything else not true?

Good catch. Well, thank you for that question. You're welcome. Most things I say have been true. And if something was untrue i don't remember what okay fair enough uh and a pontoon boat is what again it's sort of a flat boat like it's just like you're kind of you're you're just on like a it's on two sort of like uh floaty float floaters though okay it's a yeah a pontoon boat is sort of like long tubes yeah like two long tubes so

that you could actually swim under it. There's actually space under it. I think it allows for a smoother ride. What's that, Doug? It's like a floating deck. It is like a floating deck. That's true. It's like a smoother ride out on the lake.

What would be the ideal pontoon boat? Well, there's not a lot of variety. There is no ideal pontoon boat. Well, she would draw her ideal pontoon boat, John. I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have an issue with pontoon boats, but I'm not going to bring my judgment into that spill queen spill that oh never mind you remember there was a whole commercial we did on a boat don't you remember i did a jingle and then i was asked this it's because it's another jingle thing it's a

pontoon boat uh local a company here and i was supposed to do the jingle i was yes it was fritz's and you know it's like my god i was driving to school with fritz okay yes and doug was driving but that was the yes that was the other driving the pontoon boat yes yes he was but then they said doug could be in it and he was going to be driving the pontoon boat and i was going to be singing off the end of it much like the other one that went badly and uh and so we you know if it puts me through all of this yes and then he's like okay i'll call you can you believe that he gave me and i'll call you oh then you took it jansen who like i had watched had to reckon like tell him that he had dandruff on his shoulders every every time in their period

i helped him out no it's not a spill i I was helping him. I was very quiet about it. But you are like people know he had dandruff. Well, listen. If you're giving me the jingle, then yeah, guess what? I wouldn't have shared that. And then he put himself in the commercial. I know. And he can't even sing.

No, and he has dandruff. And he has dandruff. In the commercial. It's all in the commercial, too. You can see the dandruff. Yeah. I mean, TVs are too unforgiving these days. Ocean's free, et cetera.

I wish you didn't take that out on the pontoon boat though. I didn't take what out? That whole ordeal that he got. You took it out on the pontoon boat. Oh, oh, oh. You mean, oh, oh, when I stabbed the two floaters with an umbrella. Right. And then have this resentment of pontoon boats ever since.

I just think they're dumb. I get it though. I'd rather have a boat. I'm sorry. A pontoon boat is not a boat. I feel as if we're taking a little too much time away from Jenna at this point. Sorry, Jenna. No, I asked. Well, I don't like pontoon boats and that's true.

So you drew your, what is your ideal pontoon boat? My ideal pontoon boat. And then we'll go around the room. A built-in cooler. I love you. Oh, heavenly. A built-in cooler for sure.

So you don't have to lug it on and off. Of course. Important, I think. Fully stocked. Okay. Fully stocked with Okay. Fully stocked with just Capri Sun. Can I suggest also,

if you haven't thought of this already, since it's built in, plug in the bottom so you can let the melted ice out. Yes, I thought you meant electrical plug

and I was about to be like, have you ever been on a boat? Right. Makes it less difficult to carry a heavy cooler on a boat. You just have to get ice on there. That's right. And then you're done.

Yeah. Okay. So, so far the ideal pontoon, wow. Poon-ton boat. Which is how Fritz kept saying it. There's this whole,

like a blooper reel on, on YouTube that became famous for a while because he couldn't say it. He was like, poon-ton boat, poon-ton boat. Calm down to the poon-Ton Boat. Can I just say, since you're being so polite,

he sounds dumb. Thank you. Thank you. He's dumb. He's not smart. So, so far, Ideal Pontoon Boat is about the cooler. Built-in cooler.

Masseuse. Oh, shit. I don't know that these are connected to a pontoon boat. These just sound like things you'd like to have in general. I do have horrible carpal tunnel. Oh, I'm so sorry. From holding megaphone all day.

I was going to say, you've got, I'm watching her. She's got this finger crank for how long has it been now? Do you need to take a break or switch fingers? It's got to hurt. I really didn't expect you to use it the whole time. I,

why? Because, I guess because the whole time. I, why? Uh, because I guess because we're indoors. Oh. That's one thing. Touché, mon frère. See you now, French. Merci.

She's got so much in her. Oh. And that's true that's true thank you all right so uh okay so your your short term your short term plan is to do the exact same thing that you're doing and then somehow end up on a pontoon boat maybe that's what that's what you'd like to live on? With a masseuse. With a masseuse. Who hopefully is my boyfriend. Oh, okay. That's convenient. It is convenient. Don't have to charge him.

Just floating down the river like Huck and Jim. Yep. But except different because you've got a private masseuse. Exactly. And a cooler. And you're in a romantic relationship, which is presumably sexual. Fingers crossed. Once I get the carpal tunnel fixed, fingers crossed once i get the carpal tunnel fixed fingers crossed

well gosh i mean uh this is just uh what what a treat it's been to talk with you you are you are a delight i just have to tell you you're a ray of sunshine and i thank you for bringing it into my go ahead thank you you're welcome um would you guys like to do some affirmations yes i was going to suggest before we let you go, if you could leave us with some great affirmations and if we can help in any way. Do we just sit and listen or how does this work? I'm going to say it and then you're going to say it back

and I'm going to think of some stuff that I think could apply to all of us. Great. And so this is something that the neighborhood could be doing. If they hear you on your megaphone, they could in their own homes be repeating it back. That's very helpful, Bert. Yes.

So if anyone had been following this post, here is your information and this is how to, because she's not going anywhere apparently, so this is how to deal with it. Definitely not going anywhere

they can't do anything about me. Okay. Well, one of those is true. I am Jenna. I am Jenna. Okay. Oh, Doug's doing it too.

Oh, hi, Doug. Hi, am I allowed? Of course. Of course. All are welcome. I am beautiful. oh hi Doug hi am I allowed of course all are welcome I am beautiful I am beautiful I am 12 I am 12

spiritually and I love everything about myself even the stuff that other people tell me is bad and I love everything about myself, even the stuff that other people tell me is bad. And I love everything about myself, even the stuff that other people tell me is bad. Thank you.

Thank you. Wow. Jenna, this has been a treat. I feel better. I do feel better. Even the last one, it worked. It helped me. I really felt good about it. Yeah. Well, no complaints, Jenna. I don feel better. Even the last one, it worked. It helped me. I really felt good about it.

Yeah. Well, no complaints, Jenna. I don't know. If you came in with your megaphone, you know, in my yard, I'd shout it right back to you. Maybe after a week, it'd wear off. But I think I really enjoy it for a little while. And we certainly enjoyed it for the time you were here. Jenna, thank you so much.

What a blessing. Thank you for sharing. And best of luck. And best of luck to you. Thank you. And also with you, Malfre. We love to Malfre. More when The Neighborhood Listen returns.

This is David. Dogs barking nonstop. Hello, everyone. I'm a dog lover, animal lover in general. I have a dog as well. Am I asking too much that other dog owners tell their dogs to be quiet when they start barking? And the barking goes on for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, and bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. And the dog owner, you know who you are, seems oblivious. Please, educate your dogs.

They're lovely friends and companions. They don't need to be a nuisance to the neighborhood. Thank you. David. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Wow, that was Jenna, and she is an interesting person. She was. She makes an impression, you know?

I guess anyone would if he had a megaphone. I do. It sort of becomes an extension of the personality, you know, and makes you think you're. What's funny is she was she was pointing the megaphone at the microphone. So she understood that the microphone was there to record her voice. Yes. But she just couldn't not speak through the megaphone. No, I mean, I think it's an extension of her now.

It's just become part of her. Is that healthy? I don't know that anything about what she said was healthy. It's true. In the moment, I got caught up in her charm but now that she's away same she's a she's an insane person well now let's not go that far i'm just concerned about her let's just say because of the insanity okay the insanity is cause for concern let's check in with doug real quick because i would imagine several things have hatched now that is that is nothing short of disturbing I think the reverberation is causing a mass hatching Doug it sounds like hatch city in there what are you getting what animals are I'm hoping this one's a cat or something. I'm sorry, babe.

Now, come on. You know a cat doesn't hatch out of an egg, babe. Right, right, right, right. Thanks for reminding me. It would be birds or reptiles. Right. This one is just yolk. Just yolk. Okay.

An egg hatched. How did it hatch? The shell cracked, split open, and there was just yolk. Okay. An egg hatch. So then an egg hatch. How did it hatch? The shell cracked, split open. The shell cracked. It was quivering. I think it was from the megaphone. I think the megaphone was vibrating all these. Doug, correct me if I'm wrong. You just have a bunch of grocery store chicken eggs in there?

There might be some mixed in. Right. I guarantee you that he's hoping that one's going to be a dinosaur. Oh, you think so? I do. Absolutely. That wouldn't be a dream. I can hear both of dinosaur. Oh, you think so? I do. Absolutely. That wasn't to you? I can hear both of you.

Oh, I forgot. Sometimes I forget. I know you can hear me. All right. Well, we have time for one more post. I got to say that hatching was a little disappointing. Really? I thought it was terrifying.

I thought there was going to be... There's more coming. Oh, you mean the sound or the... The result. Oh, the result. Oh, yes. I'm still stuck on the sound. I think he just has a dozen eggs in there from the fridge? Oh, the result. Oh, yes. I'm still stuck on the sound. It was deeply upsetting to me. I think he just has a dozen eggs in there from the fridge.

You're probably right. Except for he says there's one gigantic one. What the hell is that? That's an ostrich egg. Or it's a football phone that's been painted white. Or it's a cake. Oh, it could be a cake. Anything could be a cake these days.

That's right. All right. We have time for one more post. And this was submitted by one of our listeners, by Joy Spann. And this is a post from Joseph. And Joseph writes, did anyone happen to notice a UFO around 515 to 520 this early morning? Having my cup of tea, looked out the back window and saw the saucer shaped UFO with lights all around it.

Just basically cruising slow, scanning the area. Then it stopped. It went up. Then it went down went sideways a little more and then disappeared frightening oh boy i think we've had one ufo post before and uh not not one as casual as this one now this one is yeah because i think the last time the person was pretty spooked if i remember correctly i mean you know joseph does put frightening at the end but i don't think his heart was really in it. I think he was very calm about seeing this thing.

Yeah. And he depicted it as being very calm, just casually hanging out. Also, I think the last post was, you know, questioning, is it a UFO? Joseph is 100% certain. Yes. Oh, well, I happened to notice.

Literally a flying saucer with lights all around it. Yep. And was there for five minutes. And boy, does he get up early 5 20 having a cup of tea he's a go-getter already and we don't know like so what time did he get up did he get about five and then he's having his tea by 5 15 maybe if more of us were up i guess the early bird gets the ufo i guess the the the ufos know our our sort of general work schedules and they say probably most people won't see me at this time. It went up and then it went down.

Oh, he repeated himself. It up, it went up. Listen to this sentence, Bernt. It went up, then it went down, went sideways, and a little more, and then disappeared. Wow. Sideways, a little, went sideways a little more. It just, it doesn't sound very dramatic.

It really doesn't. But I mean, when you picture it, of course, it's it's much more dramatic a ufo hovering there in the sky classic flying saucer true but he does make it sound boring how did he manage to make a ufo sighting boring is that a possibility do you think this was a drone that he saw i think it probably was yes of course it was it was a toy drone yeah uh some kids you know probably messing around trying to look they could have you know outfitted it like a ufo that's what i would do i mean why wouldn't you you know what i mean why

wouldn't you and and you know what i wish more people do because i'd love to see that and what was the i don't remember the the uh your response from last time but i'm sure i asked you about your opinion well unfortunately i went out and i shot a water tower like like in the the orson welles uh broadcast of war of the worlds back in the 30s yes wait this was your response the last time better be safe yeah the last time i heard about that ufo i was like well just to be on the safe side maybe i better go shoot a water tower got it in reference yes so then you are afraid of them you do a believing uh extraterrestrials exist i can't remember what i said before but here's what i'm gonna say now um i do believe that aliens exist i don't think that they have visited this planet

uh because i don't think they're interested uh that's fair then how do you explain all all the sighting is it just we see what we want to see i think people want to see these things and that's why they seem i think the people abducted by aliens want to be abducted by aliens and they sort of pretend that it's a hardship uh you know and i and i guess that's true because it's like if you you could just you could if you have a good tell tale to tell then you can get a lot of attention for it if you've got a good tale to tell you want to tell that tale and you also want to make it seem like it's kind of like ah it's no big deal because that makes it more uh uh you know that makes people jealous more that this person doesn't even appreciate the story

that they have i think i'm trying to decide if i'd be more scared if i saw a ghost and i know you can't participate in this part of the conversation i know i know or if i saw a ghoul i don't i don't know which one would be worse, a ghoul or, or UFO. Because I feel like I would be really, I feel like I'd be more of a combination of excited and scared to see UFO because they could be good or bad. Ghouls are only bad. Ghouls are only bad.

I'd be more frightened of a ghoul. And I guess an alien I just met, just be awestruck. Yes. I think that there would be a little bit more of that, you know, and it's just so, unless they were gross.

It's so interesting that unless they were gross. And that's so interesting that there's so few movies. I think that there would be a little bit more of that, you know, and it's just so much. They were gross. It's so interesting that unless they were gross and that's so interesting that there's so few movies. I think that, that let that pause it. Oh, maybe they're, they're good. The only one I can think of is cocoon.

As a good alien portrayal. Well, no, no, no, no, no. Oh,

sorry. You're right. Yeah. But not, not, not hostile. Right. He was gross.

And he only got grosser as the movie went on. He got very gross. He got very gross. And then when he was- He was really upsetting. He got all like white and pasty. Yes. And then he was restored-

And then Elliot got pasty. Yeah. And he was restored to his former glory. And you're like, well, not much of an improvement. And he never came back. Isn't that funny? Never. Not that we know of.

Had this one- Well, I mean, I didn't think we'd see a movie about it. Yeah, you would. You would think. But, you know, it's such a classic. Why would you? Why would you ruin we know of. Had this one? Well, I mean, I didn't think we'd see a movie about it. You would. You would think. But, you know, it's such a classic. Why would you? Why would you ruin it with E.T. 2? Two Steven Spielberg movies where, you know, the character goes off into space and never comes back. Richard Dreyfuss in The Closer to the Counter

was the third kind. Had children. I know. Never returned from space. Do you know that my own mother used to talk about that? She would say that. Doug knows this. She'd say, when we were kids, she'd say, if a UFO comes, that's it, I'm leaving. And we would just cry. But mom, why would you leave us?

You know, she'd go out in the field and wait for them. I don't think she was happy. And that is true. So I don't know. I should check in with my mom because... I think she wasn't happy. Just staring up into the sky like please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please, Oh, well. And you know what? That's what we have to say after this episode. Oh, well. I mean, what else can you say after an episode of The Neighborhood Listen? But oh, well. Hey, thank you. Oh, no. Wait, is that the big one, babe? What's coming out of it?

What is it? Yolk. Yolk. Yolk. Yolk. Yolk. Yolk. Yolk.

Yolk. Yolk. Yeah, you were right. Oh, there's a lizard. Oh, there's a lizard. But was that already there? I think so. That's a good question.

He skidded across. It's exciting, though. It is exciting. It is exciting. He better get something good in there or else it's getting a redo. It's getting a remodel. It might just be the old egg room. Yes.

Which is called my body. It smells like old eggs. which is called my body smells like old eggs well on that note we'd like to thank you for listening to the neighborhood listen uh again if you if you uh would like to submit a uh neighbor post to us uh do a little screenshot and uh send it to us at burnt and joan at gmail.com and uh we will read on the air and give you credit, of course. And we thank you and what else? I think that's it, right? That's all we have. Goodbye.

And goodbye. All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced

and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Jenna waskins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug.

Jenna was played by Mitra Juhari. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.