The Neighborhood Listen - Parrots, Whistlers and A Carrot-Haired Woman w/ Maria Blasucci
Episode Date: June 22, 2020On the very first episode of The Neighborhood Listen, local CVS pharmacist / host Burnt Millipede (Paul F. Tompkins) and local realtor / host Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker) discuss a lost gr...een parrot, a mystery whistler, and all things Doug (Brett Morris). Plus, we meet Vanity (Maria Blasucci), a suspicious "carrot red-haired" woman who was caught snooping on potted plants.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character
using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is.
All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website.
Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.
And that's all you need to know.
And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen.
This episode's guest, Maria Blasucci.
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Your neighbor.
Good. In Dignity
Falls, you're never alone.
You've got the NeighborHalf app and us.
Bert. And Joan. From coyotes to
mail theft to weird things to sell.
We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors
as well. We'll chat about any
posts you're missing.
So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.
Hello and welcome.
Hello and welcome.
To episode one of The Neighborhood Listen.
The Neighborhood Listen, yes.
Joan, you text up like you were going to say it with me, but then you didn't say it with me.
I'm a little nervous. I'm going to be honest. I've never podcasted before. Is that a verb? Do I use it as a verb?
Yes, it is. Podcasting. Yes. Oh, great. Exactly. You say, I'm podcasting now.
Yes. Well, you know, we wanted to start this podcast based on, of course, the NeighborHap app that lets us all know.
Joan, I'm going to stop you there. Maybe we should explain who we are.
Well, I was getting there. My name is Joan Pedestrian. Of course, I'm your local real estate lady. You know you've seen me drop off flyers
at your house. I know I've seen you all. You have seen Joan. You've either seen her picture on a
bus stop bench. That's right. Or you've seen a flyer slipped under your door. Or you've met her
in person. Or you're related to her. That's right. I do have a shocking amount of relatives right here in Dignity Falls, which is where we are.
Do you know what's also funny to think about is somebody who may have seen you but didn't
know who you were just in passing.
Well, and you know what we're finding out?
This is why we kind of wanted to do this podcast is we're kind of wanting to get to know, you
know, the old song, getting to know the people in your neighborhood.
Yes.
Because sometimes people that we don't know seem scary.
But maybe if we just actually bring them in here and talk to them, then it's not.
So my name is Burnt Mia Payday.
That's right.
I am a pharmacist at the CVS on Racleid.
You sure are.
You sure are.
And it is pronounced Racleid.
Did they finally pass that?
Did we decide that?
Yes, that was settled.
The city council did determine.
That was settled.
It was.
Okay.
An overwhelming majority that is now pronounced R-C-L-E-D.
R-C-L-E-D.
And again, remind me, Mia Payne, what an amazing name.
What is that from?
Of what descent is that or provenance?
You know what, Joan?
We've known each other for years.
You've never asked me that before.
I've never asked you that before.
And it's funny.
This is what comes out.
Right.
Because this is about getting to know your neighbors.
That's right.
And I think it's also about us getting to know each other.
Oh, isn't that nice?
Anyway, it's Corsican.
Corsican.
Yes.
My father was Corsican, and my mother is from the U.S. Virgin Islands.
That is just wonderful.
And see, now I know so much more about you.
And Joan, your name is pedestrian.
It is pedestrian.
And I did hang on. Joan, I had more to say. I Joan, your name is pedestrian. It is pedestrian. And I did hang on.
Joan, I had more to say.
I'm sorry.
This is the part of me learning.
Joan, when I first saw your name, I thought, well, it can't be pronounced like the word pedestrian.
I know.
I thought it was pedestrian.
Oh, well, now I'm sad that it's not.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
That's okay. I'll get over
it. You could pronounce it that way if you wanted to. Well, I, you know, I, I considered taking my
husband, Doug's name. We should of course introduce Doug. Doug, who is my sweet husband, who is our
engineer. Hi, Doug. Hi, honey. I did not take Doug's last name because I had already really
cemented myself as the top realtor in Dignity Falls. And I just didn't want people to get confused.
There's no reason.
Who's Joan Harper?
She doesn't sound like she knows how to put me in a home.
No, but Joan Pedestrian sounds like someone who's pounding the pavement.
Walking right in.
That's right.
That's right.
Oh, you remember my very first motto, pounding the pavement.
That was what I had on the very first packets of paper that I dropped off at people's houses.
When you dropped off those paper packets, I remember it being quite a stir in the neighborhood.
Those pedestrian paper packets.
The triple Ps.
Yes, that's right.
That's what we started calling them.
That's what we started calling them.
Around Dignity Falls.
So, Joan Pedestrian, burn me a payday.
We are here to host what we call the Neighborhood Listen.
Now, everyone knows the phrase Neighborhood Watch.
Of course they do.
But because it's a podcast, you listen.
Isn't that clever?
I thought that was fun.
It's fun.
That was Burns' idea.
I thought it was fun.
I think we came to it together.
Oh, that is very nice.
I think we came to it together.
I wasn't doing anything.
I was just in the room when it happened.
Oh, Hamilton.
It's like that song from Hamilton.
Sorry.
As everyone knows, I do
have a background in theater and I have showed up in some of the community Dignity Falls plays.
Some? Well, I think all. I'm being modest. You are being modest and you shouldn't be.
Don't hide your light under a bushel. That's what scripture tells us.
Oh. Joan is quite a talented actress. Oh, please. Or is it actor? Should we say actor now?
Joan is quite a talented actress.
Oh, please.
Or is it actor?
Should we say actor now?
I prefer entertainer, actually.
I like that a lot.
Thank you.
Because you don't say entertaintress.
Nope.
It's just entertainer means whoever entertains. And it doesn't limit me, you know?
Entertainment can be all sorts of different things.
It can be this podcast.
Oh, I hope so.
Oh, I sure do hope so.
Here's what I hope for.
We should have drawn up a list of hopes for the podcast.
Oh, shoot. Should we start over? We can do it now. Doug's what I hope for. We should have drawn up a list of hopes for the podcast. Oh, shoot.
Because, well, we can do it now.
Should we start over?
Doug, can we edit that in?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
He can do anything.
He's so smart.
Isn't he adorable?
He's cute.
He's missing golf for this.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Doug.
I'm so sorry.
He's fine.
It's okay.
Yeah, see, he says it's okay.
I know Doug is a golf maniac.
Oh, my God, please.
Can't get him off the links.
Is that what they say?
I don't even know.
I miniature golfed once in the 90s, and I was like, that's it.
Goodbye.
I know.
But Doug is fanatical with miniature golf.
Loves it.
And he loves it.
Oh, my God.
Loves it.
And, you know, the reason why, well, here, I'm just going to say a hope right now.
I hope that this is something that entertains people, but also feels, well, what I got to say is what's going to be a very empty nest soon.
I've got two boys in college, but my girl, she's going to be a senior next year.
Oh, boy.
And it's just going to be me and my rescue pets.
Right.
Bananas.
My cat, Bananas, who has acid reflux.
Who has acid reflux, yeah.
Real problem.
And Escrow, the dog.
Yes.
And I'm hoping to get more.
But boy, the two of them but boy the two of them between the
two of them in the podcast you know and your daughter jeliope is uh what grade is she in now
oh yeah she's going to be a senior so she's finishing up her junior year she's studying
for finals right now at least i hope she is i haven't seen her in a day
it's it's it's crazy to think that the kids are that big. I know. And that they're going off to college or they're going to be in senior year of high school and that soon that they will not be living at your home anymore.
They'll be living at my home and I got the menopause countdown clock going, you know, any minute.
And you've made the actual clock.
I have an actual clock.
Yes.
I have an actual countdown clock.
And as it counts down, the air gets cooler in the house.
Can we next time, can we bring it into the room where we're recording?
I know it's in the, do you keep it in the bathroom or the bedroom?
Can you move that?
Because I know you bolted it in pretty good.
I bolted it in.
I did make him move it several times.
In fact, it's been in five different rooms in the house.
I feel like you know.
I made him move it five times.
Is it a feng shui?
Yeah.
Or I just am sick of seeing it. And then I forget that I go into every room because I live in my house. And so I'm like, oh, God is it? I made a move it five times. Is it a feng shui? Yeah. Or I just am sick of seeing it.
And then I forget that I go into every room because I live in my house.
And so I'm like, oh, goddammit, there it is.
Oh, I'm sorry to swear.
I forget that.
No, you can do that on these.
That's okay.
I'm spiritual.
Oh, okay.
But I think I'm kind of laid back.
So I don't mind.
And on a podcast, you can swear.
Bert, I'm kind of excited for everyone to get to know their neighborhood pharmacist a little bit better.
Well, I hope that, you know, it's the push and pull because on the one hand, of course, I'd love to get to know everyone better.
Sure.
On the other hand, I hope they don't get to know me better as a pharmacist because that means something's wrong.
Well, right.
There's more to you than just being a pharmacist.
Is that what you're saying?
There's not a lot more, but.
I think you're not being generous to yourself. I don't know. I mean, I'm just, I'm just me. And, uh, you know, I,
I work at the pharmacy and then, uh, I'm single as you know, and, uh, and I'm not looking to mingle.
Um, yeah, I don't know. I don't, I don't know. I feel like.
Do you mean literally just not mingle, but you'd love a relationship?
You just want mingling, don't want mingling involved? Or do you really mean it in the way that you are not involved?
It is literally, I don't want to mingle.
You just hate mingling.
I hate mingling.
You know what?
I hear that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's something about mingling that it's the, it's the constant moving forward like
a shark.
And I don't like to think of myself as a shark.
Do you know?
Think of mingling like a shark, like a circling shark.
I feel like there's movement.
I feel like there's movement.
Like you're moving through a crowd of people.
You're usually holding a drink.
You're usually holding a drink.
Yes.
I don't mind that part.
You never see me not holding a drink.
That's true.
That's true.
Probably by the second episode, I'll already be drinking during these, but it is too early.
And I, of course, will drink 12 ounces of gin every Friday night.
That's my letting my hair down.
Oh.
And what lovely locks you have.
Thank you.
Well, I've been growing my hair out.
I was thinking about donating my hair to Locks of Love.
Oh.
And then I thought, no, I'm just going to keep it.
I just, I think you have very beautiful hair.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Doug's dad lost his hair early.
So we're kind of on, we're kind of on hair watch right now.
You know, it looks okay now.
Holding on tight.
Holding on tight.
Have you seen the back?
I haven't seen the back, Doug.
No.
There it is.
Oh, wow.
I told you.
Wow.
Boy, I told him not to show anybody.
It's weird.
It's receding from the bottom up.
The doctor said that was stress, possibly.
Sounds like it.
You know, what's interesting is that both your sons are bald.
From the back.
They both have just the horseshoe of hair.
They have early male pattern baldness along their neck.
It's a horseshoe.
It goes the other way.
Yes.
It's very unfortunate.
And my daughter has more hair than she knows what to do with everywhere.
She is a uniquely hairy young lady.
She's very hair suit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But she pulls it off. Oh, isn't that young lady. She's very hirsute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But she pulls it off.
Oh, isn't that nice of you?
I think she's lovely.
I think it's been wonderful
to watch them all grow up.
They're wonderful kids.
Oh, you know, they're good.
Except for the fact
that they will not help me
with any of this new stuff.
Yeah, they're not just lazy.
I asked them for help.
They refused to help you.
No, they said,
no, mom, get out of my room.
You know,
and that was at their dorm room. I can't stop visiting them. They're just at the local college here. And I just can help you. No, they said, no, mom, get out of my room. You know, and that was at their dorm room.
I can't stop visiting them.
They're just at the local college here.
And I just can't stop.
You know, they're just right there.
It's just too easy to pop by.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, should we start with a couple of basic posts?
What we do, what we're going to be doing?
So you know a little bit about us.
Let's get to know a little bit about the neighborhood of Dignity Falls.
So you know a little bit about us.
Let's get to know a little bit about the neighborhood of Dignity Falls.
Joan and I, the reason we started this podcast, because we are both obsessed with the NeighborHap phone application.
A little bit.
Who isn't, right?
Come on. Late at night when you can't get to sleep.
Everyone has a neighborhood.
And you hear that helicopter.
What's that helicopter?
You want to reach out to people.
To your neighbors.
What's that helicopter?
What's that sound?
Yes.
Yeah.
And so what if nobody ever gets back to you?
Sometimes they don't.
Sometimes they don't.
And then also then sometimes you get called out for needing to be going to sleep and you should be getting ready for the open house that you're doing for me tomorrow.
Joan, go to bed.
And I've gotten in trouble a little bit.
Right, right, right.
But I think that it keeps us connected.
And also it gets the information out.
And you might not have seen a post because
there are so many. So this is another way that we can reiterate those for you. So, you know,
always you can write into us or send me an email. And if you'd like me to bump your post,
is that what it's called? That sounds dirty. It does sound a little risque. A little bit,
right? Do you want me to bump your post? Just kidding. That was maybe too far. I don't. Oh,
Oh, I don't know.
Just kidding.
That was maybe too far.
I don't.
Oh, okay. I don't.
I'm sorry.
We can cut that out though, right, Doug?
If you like anything.
Well, Burnt would apparently like it, so.
What a doormat.
Excuse me?
What's that?
I thought I heard something.
I don't know what you thought you heard.
So, we have now, I should say, quick caveat.
These posts will just concern the neighborhood of Dignity Falls where we live.
If you, this does go out to the world.
Oh, God, it does.
I forgot about that.
Yes.
Does it have to?
It's available to the world.
Okay.
Yes.
It's not like a U2 album that suddenly everyone has and didn't like.
I don't need paparazzi following me.
I think we're not quite there yet, but look out, Joan.
Oh, boy.
This could take off.
We don't know.
Talk about pounding the pavement again.
I'd be running from them.
Because they're chasing after you.
On the pavement.
Yes.
Yeah.
So this is, these will be posts from the neighbor hap specific to Dignity Falls.
Joan, would you like to go first?
I'd love to because now I've got a lot of questions about this.
Sure.
So the title just says Lost Green Parrot with a Very Distinctive Laugh.
Hmm.
Which I also really need to know what that sounds like.
Can he talk or can he just only laugh?
You know how some parrots can actually speak, but that's not what this person says.
Maybe it's that the voice is not distinctive at all.
Right.
And then it sounds like a horrifyingly human laugh.
That's what I, I don't think I'd like that.
What if it sounds like a witch's cackle?
Oh my God.
Well, then you'd think he'd be able to easy, he'd be easy to find.
But it says a few months back, which also is odd because is this the only time you're posting about him?
You know, we lost our green parrot.
It does seem a little bit of a lag.
We lost our green parrot a few months ago.
He opened his cage.
Now, again, a question.
He opened his cage and flew to a neighbor's tree.
I mean, this parrot sounds amazing.
He opened his own cage.
I am new to NeighborHap and I'm pleased to see how many people have joined in.
I think that's separate to this.
I think that's just something else that he's observing.
That's just praising the app, yeah.
I will keep posting in different places.
Now, I don't know what that means either, because again, like we just said, the best place to post is right here, if he's from Dignity Falls.
Hopefully Paco is well, and we can see him again.
Please let us know.
He has a very distinctive laugh.
Now, here's the part that concerns me.
More frequent when kids are playing around him.
Huh.
And that just makes me concerned.
Well, now, I don't know a lot about birds, okay?
I know that they fly in the sky.
That's true.
I know that some of them talk, like our friend Paco here.
Well, he laughs, apparently.
Right. That's all we know is that he laughs near children. Some of them are flightless. I know that some of them talk like our friend Paco here. Well, he laughs apparently. Right.
I know some of them.
All we know is that he laughs near children.
Some of them are, some of them are flightless.
I know that.
Oh, is that right?
Well, penguins.
Oh, right.
I'm sorry.
I was thinking of parrots specifically.
Yes.
You're talking about birds in general.
Yeah.
I think.
Right.
Exactly.
Right.
Okay.
Let's narrow it down.
Let's narrow it down.
To parrots.
What I know about parrots.
A lot of times they're green.
Right.
Um, they have curvy beaks. True's narrow it down. To parrots. What I know about parrots. A lot of times they're green. Right. They have curvy beaks.
True. They love crackers.
Polly want a cracker. Yes.
Yes. And they can
mimic human speech. But they don't
know what they're saying. Is that right?
Gosh, it seems like they do sometimes.
Birds terrify me. I'm just going to get it right out there. I'm sorry.
I will not rescue a bird. Do you know what's funny?
No matter how... No kind of bird? I don't know. Well, now I'm going to to get it right out there. I'm sorry. I will not rescue a bird. Do you know what's funny? No matter how.
No, no kind of bird.
I don't know.
Well, now, now I'm going to probably eat my words.
A sparrow?
A sparrow. Fine, fine, fine.
I just, these kinds of birds that talk and they're in your business and they're opening their doors and they're getting out and they're laughing at children.
That's, you know, it's a pedophile parrot.
Do you think he's, well, is he a pedophile or is he mocking the children?
I guess either way, it's disturbing.
No, it's not good.
And if that, if that parrot laughs a lot, how did you just notice he left a few months ago?
Maybe if this parrot is clever enough, he left a recording of himself laughing.
That's right.
He could have.
I mean, good God, he probably has the abilities if he's able to get himself out of his own cage.
He sounds very clever.
Well, anyhow, ladies and gentlemen, if you're out there and you hear a terrifying laugh near children, hopefully it's not a human being.
It is a harmless parrot named Paco.
Say hello.
And I guess say hello.
Say hello.
And and let this person know what where Paco is.
Yes. And let's let's get Paco is. Yes, please.
Let's get Paco home.
Let's stop the madness.
Let's stop the madness and stop the laughter.
All right.
Now I have a, well, Joan, I'm sorry.
Does that conclude your post?
Thank you so much.
It concludes my post and now I'll be quiet.
I learned my lesson, didn't I?
This one.
Doug, are you so thrilled?
And now a man's in the house telling me to shut up.
It's probably the best day of his life.
Oh, dear.
I hope I don't.
I didn't want to start some sort of marital.
It's better than a birdie or an eagle or whatever you call it, right?
Isn't that a thing?
Is it the same in miniature golf?
I have no idea.
I don't think so.
Doug, is it the same in miniature golf?
I like that you pronounce all of the syllables.
Do what?
Miniature.
Miniature.
Miniature.
I didn't know there was another way to say it.
Well, I get lazy.
I just say miniature.
Yeah. You got par. You got birdie. You got bogeature. I didn't know there was another way to say it. I get lazy. I just say miniature. Yeah.
You got par.
You got birdie.
You got bogey.
Double bogey.
Eagle.
Triple bogey.
I'm turned on.
Eight is the maximum.
Okay.
Sounds good.
I've reached the maximum
of my interest.
All right.
Pierce, this is an
intriguing one.
This comes from Bambi right here in Dignity Falls.
Oh, Bambi.
It is a person I checked.
Okay.
Whistling is the title.
I hear someone whistling loud and clear.
Do you think it's a kid or someone?
Or a disabled person who is in trouble?
Oh, dear.
I hope not.
I hope it's not that one.
Now, there was no follow-ups.
There were no replies to this.
That's terrible.
Here's my question.
I will say, if you are handicapped and you're stuck, I don't know why you wouldn't yell
help.
I don't know that I would go for a gentle whistle.
Maybe their disability is that they cannot speak.
They can only whistle.
But they can only whistle.
That is a specific disability.
But they're trapped under a beam or something.
But they're able to whistle.
They're able to whistle they're able to it requires such control and lung capacity though to whistle as opposed to help but you know
do you know of the superhero character daredevil i have heard of him yes i resist a new guy who
does it on netflix is hot that's all i know oh joe i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't know what we're
talking about really got me going.
I just don't know.
There's something about Doug being home and he's recording, but then he's saying all these terms that I don't know.
And you can only see the front of his hair?
It reminds me why I married him in the first place. Yes, exactly.
And I can see him from the first.
I'm a good angle.
Is that your hall pass, TV Daredevil?
Well, I've got a couple.
Do you really?
Just a few.
He knows.
He knows.
Went from one to a couple to a few.
To now it's dozens.
It's not dozens.
There's really just, there's just like top three.
He knows.
Tom Brokaw, Conan O'Brien, and Tim Oliphant.
TV Dare doesn't even crack the top three.
Well, I just haven't spent enough time with it.
It's just in passing.
If I sat down and watched it, he'd probably get added.
Anyhow.
Mine, of course, is foiled presidential assassin get added. Anyhow. Mine, of course,
is foiled presidential assassin,
Squeaky Frome.
Oh, of course.
Something about her.
Well, and you remember,
I played her in the Sondheim's
production of Assassins
that was done here at Gravity Falls.
It's a musical all about assassins.
Sondheim's production of it.
He came here.
He did.
Stephen Sondheim.
Stephen Sondheim actually came.
It was the first, it was the first production. They did previews here. Most did. Stephen Sondheim. Stephen Sondheim actually came. It was the first production.
They did previews here.
Most people don't know that.
They did a preview in Dignity Falls.
That's right.
You know what?
Sometimes it's good to get out of town where the papers will not tear that thing down.
True.
You know?
True.
You know, test it out here before you take it to the blue hairs.
That's right.
That's right.
you take it to the blue hairs.
That's right.
That's right.
So my concern is that we don't have a description of the whistling.
What type of whistling was it?
Was someone whistling a tune?
Because generally when someone whistles, they're in a good mood, right?
It's hard to think of it as an urgent, dangerous emergency situation.
Oh, that's very good, Bernt.
I cannot whistle. I'm just making that up.
But if you heard that,
you wouldn't think danger.
Definitely would not.
I wouldn't think someone trapped under a beam.
No.
You know.
But were these like sharp staccato whistles?
You know the kind of whistling that people,
that people can do that you don't like,
but they're very proud of being able to do?
Like a taxi cab whistle.
Yes, exactly.
I can't do those either.
No, and no one should.
And they want to do it all the time because they can do it.
Oh, do they ever.
It is obnoxious.
It is beyond.
Joan, I'm glad we agree on this.
It is beyond obnoxious.
See, this is something I never knew.
Look at us bonding already.
I absolutely can't stand it.
Get your fingers out of your mouth.
Then there's the people who can do it without eight of fingers.
And they are the most insufferable.
Yes, they are. Insufferable. Yes, they are.
Yes.
Insufferable.
Oh, at sports, you know, I tell you, my daughter, she does volleyball and she does swimming,
and there are some parents who just can't not stop whistling loudly.
It surprises me that she went into swimming because she's got so much hair.
Believe me, it has been a problem.
But she's still doing pretty good.
She's doing pretty good.
I mean, luckily, they added those suits where now you can wear them.
You know, there's like a foot goes down to the knees
almost that they're wearing and the Olympians are wearing
it. That covers up a lot of it. Very modest.
There's so much concentrated around her ankles.
And so we're still really struggling with that.
She's almost like a hobbit.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Well, she still does.
She's really persevered. She's a sweet
girl. Yeah. Yeah.
God love her.
My July.
So if we knew what kind of whistling it was, I feel like we'd have a better idea of this being either a kid who's just having fun.
Yes.
Maybe he's got a slingshot in his pocket.
He's trying to catch frogs.
Or is it a disabled person doing perhaps a Morse code of whistles?
Oh, gosh, perhaps.
Do you know?
Perhaps, yes.
An ex-merchant marine.
Right.
Who is, he's done his time on the sea and now he's living here in Dignity Falls.
Oh, God, and I'd love to meet him.
We should have him on the show.
Well, I don't even know if he's real.
Let's go get him.
Everybody, look, listen.
Joan, I feel like you've fallen victim to the hysteria of this neighbor have post.
Well, it gets me very worked up that there might be a merchant marine out there with great stories and he's trapped under a beam and we can't talk to him.
I know.
And then Paco's going to fly over him and he's going to just start laughing.
Be on the lookout.
What a disaster.
Be on the lookout for both Paco the parrot and a disabled merchant marine who is whistling to beat the band.
Indeed. All right. Well, weistling to beat the band. Indeed.
All right.
Well, we have to take a break.
We do.
When we return, we will have our first guest.
Very exciting.
In studio.
Woo!
More when we return.
In my kitchen.
Do I just?
Okay.
Hello. My name is Mercedes. I'm looking for a toddler tutor.
Wondering if anyone knows or is interested in tutoring a two-year-old two to three times a week.
We just had a new baby, and I want to make sure our two-year-old is getting enough education time.
I would like someone to come for an hour and teach the alphabet numbers,
what have you. We do this as well. But again, with the new baby, we want someone dedicated
to coming a few times a week and making learning fun. PM me for more info. Mercy,
you can call me that. You don't have to say Mercedes whole thing.
Okay, Doug, that'll do.
Oh.
We're back.
He's just got so many good jokes.
We're back.
Hopefully there will be an ad in there.
Sure.
Because we're not just doing this out of the goodness of our hearts, although it's mostly that.
But there is also the idea that we could get paid.
And so at the time of recording, we don't know if we have any ads or not.
Sure.
But hopefully we will get some advertisements.
Absolutely.
Maybe local businesses.
And if there is anything you'd like us to advertise, I'm very good at, you know, back in the day I used to write jingles.
I really would love to get back into it.
Joan, I didn't know that.
I'm quick with a rhyme.
Oh, well, see.
There's so many, oh, so many layers.
Well, women are mysteries, you know.
You're just like a walking onion, Joan.
I like to think of myself as a rose, but either way.
Yeah, okay. But you have the layers thing as well. I know. It's just that, rose, but either way. Yeah.
Okay.
But you have the layers thing as well.
I know.
It's just that, well, but the petals have layers, right?
Too.
You know, you can, it's just, it's just a prettier image than an onion.
You don't pluck the petals off.
That's.
I know.
Do you know what it is?
Do you know what?
This is my own hangup.
I hate onions.
And so that was me responding to you calling me something I don't like.
And you know what?
I just made it about the wrong thing.
And I apologize. I'm very sorry.
No, I apologize because I should have, I should have, I should have thought that would be a
possibility that someone could hate onions because they're not the friendliest of foods.
They do have a strong odor. They do. They make you cry. They do. Yeah. So there's,
there, there are problematic. You're describing half my boyfriends in college.
It's when you're a bunch of onions. Well, I'm sorry. The onion is a problematic food.
It is.
I think that we can all agree on that.
And we have.
But I do appreciate the compliment.
I recognize that.
I'm glad that came through.
I think this is good for me, Burton.
I think you're really opening me up to sort of a different kind of way of thinking.
And I think it's really good for me.
I hadn't intended to do that.
But if that's positive, then I'll take it. Well, you did. Well, good. Now we have someone
right here in my home. It's very, very exciting. It's very exciting. One of our neighbors. Yes.
Yes. One of our neighbors. Well, that's, I'm pretty sure. I'm just going to read this post
because again, this was interesting. I read this post and then I swear the very next day,
I saw someone that would fit the exact description of this woman here. And then I will tell you what happened, but I'm going to keep you in suspense.
So let me just read this.
So this says, suspicious woman on my porch.
I know this isn't a good picture.
And I do want to point out, I know this isn't a visual medium.
It truly is not a good picture.
You're not missing anything.
The picture that someone has provided looks like the camera is upside down and you're looking through a picket fence at what you can barely make out to be a face.
So I know this isn't a good picture, but my neighbor spotted this woman on my steps checking out my potted flowers, even lifting them to see how heavy they were.
She has shoulder length carrot red hair.
Please message me if you recognize this woman.
I'm worried she'll be back to steal my flowers. Now, here's the thing. We are now going to answer that question
because the very next day I spotted someone at the farmer's market near the farmer's market down by
Old Town. Yes, I do. And I'm telling you, at first I thought I was just looking at carrots,
you know, because I was near the fruit stand. But it was actually a farmer's market. Right.
Carrots are everyone's favorite. These were on a farmer's market. Right. Carrots are everyone's favorite fruit.
But no, these were on a woman's head.
I have to tell you, when I first saw carrot red hair, I thought, well, this is a terrible description.
That's not a thing.
I got to say, there's no other way I could describe this woman's hair than carrots coming out of her head.
She has dreadlocks.
Dreadlocks, right?
They look like carrots.
They look like carrots.
Thick dreadlocks.
So I approached her and I showed her the post.
I said, excuse me, ma'am, but I think
there might be something that's
going on that was probably very innocent.
But people are kind of getting worried
in the neighborhood. Who are you?
Would you come on?
All she gave me was her first name,
which is Vanity. Is that correct, Vanity?
Yeah, that's correct. Oh, you know what, sweetheart?
You're going to have to speak a little closer to the microphone. Thank you, Doug.
Is this your first podcast? Yeah. Oh, okay. She is so soft-spoken. How can, and I have to say,
I, you know, you are striking. I mean, this, these, I don't know what is up with your hair.
I've never hurt anyone in my life. Oh, okay. Oh, we didn't ask you that yet i i i just you had you had said you'd be
willing to come on and explain what was going on with with uh with the the pots you know people
were repositing that perhaps you were looking for a hide a key um uh which uh i never recommend by
the way because it's so obvious when you've got a hide a key you know you've got a bunch of gray
rocks and then there's one brown rock and it's clearly all fake. All my keys on a chain that I keep with me.
Oh, I don't think people were suggesting you were looking for your key.
No, no.
They were worried that you were looking to get into someone else's house.
Do you remember that day when you were looking in the flower pots?
It is you.
I can barely make out.
The picture is so poor.
It's me.
But it is out of focus.
With my hands, I'm making a sort of knot hole in a fence.
And then if you half close your eyes.
Yes.
Right.
And pretend as if you're drunk.
And then look away.
Yeah.
And then look away.
And there she is.
There she is.
So can you explain what you were.
Yes.
I, you were talking about flowers before and onions and that kind of stuff.
And that's, can all be grown in the ground.
and that kind of stuff.
And that can all be grown in the ground.
And so, you know, I just,
I don't think it's a crime to be interested in that sort of stuff.
So you're just interested.
In botany.
You're just curious about the plants.
I mean, you were digging into,
in the comments below,
I will say that you were digging into some of them.
The neighbor said that she spotted you
sort of digging your hands.
They're scared on my hands.
Oh.
To stick your hands in the soil.
Into the soil.
I have an arthritis problem in the soft soil.
Oh, what is the problem?
It's early onset arthritis.
Oh, I see.
Early onset arthritis.
That is problematic, yes.
Yes, and it's...
The onion of diseases.
Right.
You get people coming in to see that all the time.
Burnt, right?
Isn't there something you could maybe prescribe vanity so she doesn't have to shove her hands into people's pots?
I tried it and I have a bit of a do not prescribe thing on my chart.
Just do not prescribe, period.
Nothing ever.
Like a doctor wrote on a chart, do not prescribe medications.
Yes.
So I have to find alternative ways.
Why is that?
Are you allergic to all prescriptions?
It's not an allergy.
It's an addiction.
The arthritis.
No, no.
She's addicted to any kind of prescription.
Oh, I see.
I see.
Even ointments.
Anything that I can use again and again.
You will. I'll do it and again. You will.
I'll do it.
You'll abuse it.
Yeah.
Abuse is a strong word, especially in my case.
But yeah.
Okay.
I was getting that from you.
But so like let's say if you were to apply some Bengay to your arthritic.
Who's Ben?
Oh, it's. Oh, no, it's okay.
It's an over-the-counter topical pain relief cream.
And I always pay for the things I buy at the, you know, at the counter.
No one said otherwise.
That's an interesting thing to volunteer.
We certainly support that.
How old are you?
I'm 45.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
I mean, I would have gone 30 years younger or 30 years older.
It was, it. Yes. I mean, I would have gone 30 years younger or 30 years older. It was, it's wild.
You're very, it's difficult to pin you down in time.
Yeah.
You get that a lot?
Yes.
But I went to college, so.
Oh, where'd you go?
Did you, were you born and raised here in Dignity Falls?
No, I moved here about five years ago.
I was running from a problematic relationship. Oh, dear. Oh, I moved here about five years ago. I was running from a problematic relationship.
Oh, dear.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
And I lived in the big city for a couple years, St. Louis, and it wasn't my cup of tea.
What was it about St. Louis?
I've never been myself.
It's on my list, though.
It's on my bucket list.
I do want to see that arch.
Oh, the arch.
Too many people. Too many people. You's on my list, though. It's on my bucket list. I do want to see that arch. Oh, the arch. Too many people.
Too many people.
And everyone's trying.
You get that a lot in cities.
Everyone's trying to pin you down.
And I won't.
What does that mean?
It means they're trying to put you in a box.
What does that mean?
Bert, I think it means that you just don't have the chance to explore your own personality.
They just want to point at you and say, you're this person
and then you don't get another chance, right?
Is that right? Yes. They want to say,
you didn't do this, you did this.
You didn't do this, you did this.
Can we get some concrete examples
of just a thing you didn't do that people said you did?
There was a cat that went missing
in the
apartment complex I lived
in. I always had a problem with the cat.
As soon as it went missing, there was just a war that began.
They said, you did this, you killed it, you struck it.
You struck it?
But you struck it.
You struck it?
I said, I can't believe what you're saying.
And I reported them and no one believed me.
And it was just horrible. You reported them?
Yes.
Okay.
And the cat, was the cat ever found?
Yeah.
And had it indeed been struck?
Yeah.
And was it had been had indeed been struck?
Yeah.
So now I'm OK.
Well, now I'm hearing that maybe you were running also from the fact that not only were you in a bad relationship, but you used to not.
It sounds like it sounds like you were in trouble with an entire apartment building.
It's not trouble if you didn't do it.
Well, that's an interesting theory.
Fair point.
I'm I'm curious about this.
You said that.
Well, what happened in a city is people say, you didn't do that.
You did this.
So that's a thing that people said you did.
What's the thing people said you didn't do?
Paid my taxes.
Oh, so an actual federal crime.
They said you didn't pay your taxes.
They said, well, I did for the money I made.
But then you actually didn't. No, I didn't pay your taxes. I said, well, I did for the money I made. But then you actually didn't.
No, I didn't.
I did it.
You did pay your taxes.
I paid some of the taxes, yes.
Some taxes?
Yes. You usually have to pay them all.
Not in my case.
Why is that?
The early onset arthritis is disability.
There's some sort of disability claim and, and I can,
I have papers to back that up.
So that this,
let me ask you this because you said you moved here five years ago,
but the early onset arthritis EOA you said was an issue even then in St.
Louis.
Not yet.
So what, not yet.
What, at what age you're 45 now, what age did you, if I may ask, I hope this is not an ungentle then in St. Louis. Not yet. So what, not yet. What, at what age, you're 45 now,
what age did you, if I may ask,
I hope this is not an ungentlemanly question.
I'm sorry, I asked her how old she was already.
I broke the ice on that.
Fair enough.
But we now are working with information.
She's 45.
Yes.
When did it, when did,
when did the early onset, early onset?
13.
Oh, that is early onset.
That's very early.
But not, but you say it's not part of the
no okay i'm trying to really struggling with this timeline so because it went away for a little bit
oh oh because i got it so it's also i got a good job at the time and i didn't want to let them know
so it's that i had it so it's eoa but it's also oa oa on again off again
arthritis so it it balances back between both yeah that's tricky i've never heard of that before
yeah honey so you have uh sorry are you okay no i'm just i'm just getting more i'm getting a
little bit stressed out you know it's just i take off your coat i feel like i oh okay i think it's
i'm i'm do you feel this is part of the menopause yes I well
I think it's that but also I I'm just I I'm like I guess I'm worried for you according to the clock
it's it's still weeks away is it is it weeks oh god I hope it's longer than that good gravy maybe
I misread oh it could be that it's a combination of the menopause probably also but but I I just
I guess I'm worried about you I I feel like you've run from a
lot of things. I feel like you're still not telling us everything. I feel like in order for our
neighbors to feel better, would you maybe at least agree to not digging your hands in that lady's
soil again? Is there perhaps a time where you can go to a nursery, get a big bag of soil and do it
at home? I don't want kids.
Not that kind of nursery. Oh, I didn't ask about.
Oh, that's right.
I see what I understand.
It has more meanings.
You're right.
She meant, if I may speak for you, Joan, for plants, nursery for plants.
Like at Home Depot or Lowe's.
Yeah, I don't have a car.
So I just have to.
I have to, you know, and also, you know, I where I grew up, you were allowed to just kind of like, you know, walk on to people's.
It was friendly and you could walk on to people's lawns and you could just pick flowers.
And so I don't see a problem in that.
And, you know.
No, that was not St. Louis.
No.
Yeah, where was that?
I would rather not say.
Now, why in the world would that be?
That's very suspicious.
No, it doesn't exist anymore.
Oh, my word.
The place where you grew up doesn't exist anymore.
It was demolished.
Oh, dear.
My goodness.
See, I'm worried about her.
This is someone with a story.
Everyone got out.
Was there advance warning that this was going to happen?
Was there a war?
There was two years of warning.
Two years of warning?
Everyone was given a two-year heads up.
What demolished it?
Were they buildings?
A big wrecking ball.
Right, but why?
The whole town.
Just one big wrecking ball.
Yeah.
And why was it demolished?
It was no good. It was no good.
It was bad news.
That's what the newspaper said.
No, they did not elaborate.
The newspaper said.
They didn't get rid of the printing press just in one time so they could get that headline out and then that was it.
Town demolished due to bad news.
It was bad news there.
And, you know, it's good that it happened.
You know, we went underground for a couple
years and then we came out
and that's... I'm sorry, who
all are we talking about here? Me, my
Aunt Jane, and
two of my second
cousins. Is that your
only surviving family? Lauren.
She's naming them. Jessica.
And then there was a boy
that lived in the town that wasn't related to us.
He snuck in there.
We found him in a cupboard about four weeks after we had locked the doors.
An underground cupboard?
Was this underground?
Yeah.
Okay.
And his name was Josiah, and he's no longer with us.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
What happened?
He's in Florida.
Oh, goodness gracious.
Well, we wish him all the best.
Yeah, I don't know what else to say, sweetheart.
We wish him all the best.
Yeah, I don't know what else to say, sweetheart.
I just, if anyone sees Vanity, the carrot-haired lady, just let her touch your plants.
I'm not meaning any harm.
I haven't hurt anyone.
I haven't stolen anything.
I have a couple problems that are personal and don't, you know, it's not your business. Can I ask, the lifting of the pots and putting them back down, what purpose does that serve?
I like to feel the weight.
There's not a lot of things in my life that I can pick up that have any heft to them.
And so I like to find things that I can pick up, I can feel the weight.
I mean, you would love a gym.
No, no.
I see what's happening again. G-Y-M? a gym. No, no. I see what's happening again.
G-Y-M?
A gym.
Gymnasium.
A place where people go to work out.
To exercise.
Yes.
I guess with the arthritis.
I just think actually maybe that would be a good word for it.
Because to be honest, it's combining the two.
No, it's arthritis.
Sorry.
Well, I've been to a gym before.
Oh.
If that's what they're called.
That is bowling.
The word just didn't ring a bell.
Well, bowling.
You've been to a bowling alley.
Well, okay, that's lifting up heavy things.
I love to bowl.
Well, you could join a bowling league.
We have a great, the Dignity Falls Bowling League.
The Dignity Falls Bowling League.
Huge championship every year.
I've never seen it.
Where is it?
Well, it's at the bowling alley, believe it or not.
I don't go in
alleys. It's not because
they're not safe. It's because I'm not safe in them.
Understood. What?
This is not an alley like
between buildings, though. This is a very wonderful
bright place where you can get
a hot dog and families have birthday
parties there. I think she'd love bowling.
I'd like to examine this distinction that she just made.
Okay. You say it's not that you find to examine this distinction that she just made. Okay.
You say it's not that you find alleys unsafe, but that you're unsafe in them. Yeah. What does that mean? It means that I go a little nuts. Okay. That's, that's how I took it. That's how I took
it. And I, I frankly didn't want to pursue it. Yeah. You, like you backed off. I did. I sure did.
There's something about the two walls close together, the narrow path, that makes me just turn into like a rabid child.
And I've never hurt anyone, but I've definitely scared people, so they said.
And so I don't do that.
Well, you'll be pleased to discover that a bowling alley is not really an alley.
Yeah. It's actually quite spacious. I've only bowled outside. that well you'll be pleased to discover that a bowling alley is not really an alley yeah it's
actually quite spacious i've only bowled outside really yeah well lawn bowling you mean no oh
bocce ball no okay just concrete just taking a bowling ball on some concrete and just put it
between two cones you know the old the old put it between two cones
like you guys know they like the orange cones for parking yes aware yeah yep familiar you've
seen the orange cones yeah we know we know what they are we absolutely know what they are you
take two of those orange cones that you'd get for like parking we know what the cones are we're
down with the cones and you grab some sort of ball, bowling ball, that maybe someone left in their, you know, unopened door or whatever.
And then you go and you just, you let it, you let it rock.
So there's a fair bit of theft involved.
You have to steal the cones and the bowling ball.
Yeah.
Okay.
She had said that she's never stolen anything before.
That was, I think, the first thing that she said.
I will say I've watched her.
We're at my kitchen island.
Yes.
And I've watched her pocket five oranges and also destroy two others.
They're just a mess on the table.
I thought you were going to eat one.
But watching this happen has been.
Okay.
Then why did you just steal five?
I mean, they're very obviously in your shirt.
I want to throw them at.
There's this bird that lives in a tree.
I'm not throwing it at him, but I want to throw it around
the bird. Oh!
Does that bird by any chance laugh?
Not when I'm around.
Well, Vanity,
you're an interesting person.
And thanks for coming in.
Did she clear things up?
I guess what we need to know, everybody, is that if you see Vanity, don't be afraid.
Just let her do what she needs to do, and it sounds like she'll be on her way.
She's not here to harm you.
If you don't want it touched, then lock it up.
Well, that's what I've tried to tell my daughter.
You have a daughter? Oh, I do, but, you know, we don've tried to tell my daughter. You have a daughter?
Oh, I do.
But, you know, we don't need to talk about that.
We don't need to get into personal details.
Yeah.
In fact, we probably need to take a break now.
Isn't that right?
I think we do need to take a break.
We're done here.
I need a ride home.
Oh, how did you get here?
I walked.
You can't walk back?
No.
It took me two days.
Oh, what?
Where did you walk from?
A bus stop somewhere.
Outside of town?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right, we'll call you an Uber, darling.
There was a river.
Oh, you were all the way out there?
Yeah.
No one goes out there.
Yeah, this is something very spooky to me, and I don't...
And I'm really trying to help you out.
I feel like the hairs on the back of my neck rising.
Trying to end on a positive note.
No offense to, no offense to.
Oh boy.
Oh, now you've done it.
Well, Vanity, thank you for being here, I guess.
Yeah.
And please leave.
Okay.
Thanks.
More when we return.
Hello. My name is Loretta Klink.
Do you need shrub removal?
Do you need a refrigerator removal?
If you need removal of any kind,
my son has been doing odd jobs for people after he works for years.
If you have any questions, please DM me.
Again, he's very sweet.
He will carry heavy things, and he even does it with a smile.
Let me know.
My name is Loretta Clink.
Thank you.
Well, welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen.
Ooh, that was, I've got to say, right out of the gate.
You know, when I said that I could open up my home to people that I don't know from my neighborhood, I did not realize how real that was going to get.
I mean, we might have to think about a dedicated space.
Doug, did she go? Did you check the Nest Cam? Is she gone? Is she in our pots right now?
She's still in the front of the driveway.
I knew it.
I called her that Uber.
Are we?
Well, she did say she wasn't doing any harm.
She was just sticking her hands in the store.
She's just staring at it?
Oh, that is creepy.
Oh, don't show me.
That's eerie.
Oh, God, why?
Good Lord.
That hair, though.
It is beautiful.
It's striking.
It is striking, right?
I meant to ask her what she uses on it.
I probably wouldn't have gotten a straight answer.
Or probably not.
You probably wouldn't have gotten a straight answer.
I probably wouldn't have gotten a straight answer.
We have to wrap things up. We just have time for a couple more posts.
Joan, if you'd like to go first.
Oh, yes.
Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this,
tell your neighbor.
Again, we're here for you.
We're really hoping that this
is gonna really uh jump off i don't know is that what we want to jump off i wanted to jump off it
sounds like a thing people say right we do want this to jump off we do want this to jump and be
one of our jumpers maybe that's what we call our fans oh i like that jumpers well hey jumpers
maybe we'll try it out we'll see. We'll see if people liked being called that.
Yeah, well, you let us know, okay?
Yes, you let us know.
So these are just, again, a couple of things, items of business.
I know that there's constantly posts about people trying to get rid of things or sell things.
Now, I just want to say, I just have to say something, because this post is someone trying
to get rid of what is truly just a poster of apples.
It's a poster, and it just has a bunch of different apples on it.
They're very well drawn.
They're very well drawn.
It almost kind of looks like they're trying to do like cross sections of apples, almost
like one of those medical diagrams, making it look sort of clever.
Or like the bodies exhibition, where they take Chinese prisoners and cut them in half.
Right.
Yes, yes.
Right.
Kind of like that.
And it says underneath, it's nine feet long, which is, that's, I mean, I would call that a runner, not a poster.
That's long.
That's even big for a flag.
Thank you.
I think so.
And it says would make a nice county fair decoration. I'm just
thinking, I think this
person just is trying to get rid of it. And I wonder,
here's my question for everybody out there.
Why not just throw it away?
Why not just throw it away?
Because to me, it kind of feels
like, you know, you're going to
deal with it yourself. I don't have time for this.
And I'm sorry, and I'm going gonna get a lot of flack for this.
I'm sure.
Watch the comments come rolling in.
People do get upset about snark.
I'm trying not to be snarky, but boy, you know, the day is long and it's busy.
And I don't know if I have time to, does anyone have time to take these apples off
your hands?
Why do you even have this?
It bothers me.
It's just the poster of apples bothers me.
Joan, Joan, if I can be a Apple poster advocate here for just one moment.
All right, all right.
Maybe county fair parties are a big thing.
And so this would qualify as a declaration.
Are they not?
No, they're not.
Well, you would know more than that.
Don't try to make it be that way.
I apologize.
I apologize.
I'm sorry, Bert.
I just did what I said I wouldn't do.
It's quite all right.
It's quite all right.
You know, if you have something that you think anyone wants, people, you know, then post it.
But just stop and think.
Does anyone want this piece of shit?
I mean, who, Joan?
Sorry.
Joan.
I'm sorry.
I am really worked up from our guest.
I'm just.
I understand.
She's outside my house.
I think it's symptomatic of this gig economy we're in that people think they can't just
throw something away.
They have to sell it.
That's right.
Well, it does say free, to be fair.
But that makes me even angrier.
Because you know what?
It's trash.
Then if it's free, it's trash.
Let it be trash.
Throw it away in the trash.
Let it be trash.
Give it to Vanity so she can lift it up and down a bunch of times.
Maybe she'll stare at it.
Maybe she'll stare at it.
Maybe it'll bring her peace.
You know what?
In fact, that's exactly what we should do.
Just put it out on the street.
Vanity will find it.
And you'll get rid of your poster.
Probably a good rule of thumb going forward.
That if there's something you don't want in your home anymore, put it on the street.
Vanity will find it.
And I'm sorry.
That got more emotional than I thought it would.
But look, we're talking about things we're passionate about.
We're passionate about this neighborhood.
It's real life, Bernd.
This is real life.
Now I feel like you're yelling at me. I'm not. I'm so not. We're passionate about this neighborhood. It's real life, Bert. This is real life. Okay, now I feel like you're yelling at me.
I'm not.
I'm so not.
I'm not yelling at you.
It's not.
I have, speaking of peace and real life, I have a, this is sort of a plea.
This is Amanda wrote this.
Please be kind on the bike path in Dignity Falls slash along the river.
Living in Dignity Falls for almost a decade
and seeing how much the area by the river has changed
has been welcomed in certain regards.
Starts out pretty positive.
That being said, this is where the term comes.
Some of the cyclists on the path need a lesson in kindness.
I'm 35.
I was struck by a vehicle on my bike in Chicago many years ago.
Doesn't surprise me.
Chicago.
Big city.
Came close to being run over.
Oh.
And I'm just now trying to, quote, get back in the saddle, end quote.
The path seemed the best place, so the fear of vehicles would not be startling or distracting.
Very wise.
At one point, I needed to stop and some lady flew past me and said,
and this is a direct quote and I do have to turn away from the microphone.
Oh.
Get out of the way, idiot!
And deflated all hopes to be back on my bike on the street.
I need to boost my confidence again on two wheels,
but the pretentious, fully clad in cycling gear, rude individuals should possibly take a moment to remember that cyclists on every level of ability and age range are riding the path too.
And there it ends.
Oh, wow.
And I really love sort of the metaphor of riding the path too.
That person has a lot of poetry in them.
I don't even know. Do you think she intended that part about the path?
That's how it struck me, but maybe not. Maybe because I didn't get it at first. I feel like she didn't understand what she was doing.
You're right. Possibly she didn't. That happens sometimes.
But I think you're probably right that she did that on purpose.
I think she's trying to say, look, we're all walking a path. Let's not yell at each other.
And now I'm feeling bad about yelling about the apples.
Well, but you didn't yell,
get these apples out of my face, idiot.
Yeah, I'm trying to remember
if I've ever yelled that out of my car.
Get these apples out of my face, idiot?
No, no, no, no, no, not that specifically.
I would say that would be very unusual.
Now, was it a driver or was it another cyclist that yelled it?
It was another cyclist.
Right, it was one of those cyclists who,
but like a hardcore cyclist,
the ones you always see.
With the gear, rude individuals.
I will tell you.
Sometimes they think they own the road.
Oh, my word.
When those people get off those bikes and they come into a public place and they click, clack, click, clack like a dog whose toenails are too long.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, like escrow.
When are you going to, why won't you trim escrow's toenails?
escrow's toenails.
Well, because again, the way that we handle everything with escrow is, is we, we put it off and we ended up putting it off about 30 to 40 days, which is about how long an escrow
lasts, which is how he got his name.
He looks like Howard Hughes.
Well, I mean, pee in jars.
If he could, I'll tell you what.
Oh my God.
He is kind of a weirdo.
I mean, I don't look, I take in these pets.
I don't know what their history is.
I don't know what their history is.
You know, it's, it's like.
You take them in, you care for them,
wait for them to die,
and then you bring in some more.
Correct.
But you're right.
Cutting toenails, it's very, very stressful for a dog.
And I haven't found a place that does it well.
So I'm sorry, I will do that.
But yes, they're stupid shoes.
And I'll count spinning too.
I tried to do that thing.
I cannot. I absolutely cannot. I asked Doug for one of those Pel, too. I tried to do that thing. I cannot.
I absolutely cannot.
I asked Doug for one of those Peloton bikes.
He didn't do it.
It's fine.
And you know what?
In fact, I'm glad he didn't because I'm not built for it.
It is just madness, I think.
Well, I tell you what.
If you want to be on a bike and have somebody yell at you, why don't you join this lady down by the river?
Exactly.
That's right.
I'm not a fan,
but I,
I do,
I do think that,
you know,
they have,
they have an ego.
I think they have a real ego and I'm sorry to hear that they're yelling at
someone who's just starting out.
I am as well.
And that takes us to the end of this inaugural episode of the neighborhood.
Listen.
And I,
and I think the takeaways be kind.
We don't know what path anyone is on,
especially vanities.
And it might be your path that she's on, but just wait an hour and she'll go away. And of course we takeaway is be kind. We don't know what path anyone is on, especially vanities. And it might be your path that she's on.
But just wait an hour and she'll go away.
And of course, we will now close with a spiritual affirmation from me, which Joan will beautifully hum over.
Great spirit of the universe, as we all make our way through this neighborhood called planet Earth,
please help us remember to be kind to each other, to mind each other,
to rewind each other back to a simpler time when people were nicer.
The time of VHS tapes.
Thank you, neighbors.
And we'll see you next time.
See you next time. See you next time.