The Neighborhood Listen - Sheldon the Scrabble Boi, Peet Street & Tijuana Dentists w/ Carl Tart

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

Sheldon (Carl Tart), a self proclaimed "Scrabble boi", joins Burnt and Joan on this week's "neighborsode" to talk about loving words, his grandmother Sheldra and the heroin business. Plus, asking for help with a murphy bed and Burnt dreams he's drowning in a pool of his own blood!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is. All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.

And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest, Carl Tartt. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHalf app and us. Burn. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to another episode of Neighborhood Listen. Hi, everybody. Hi, I'm Bert Mia Peite. I'm Jo Pedestrian. And we are your hosts for this look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. That is right. We hope you've had a wonderful week.

Have you had a good week, Bert? I feel like I have. As you know, I live alone. Yes, you do. And I've been having problems with my Murphy bed. Oh, you have a Murphy bed. I have a Murphy bed. It comes out of the wall. It's a wall during the day. And then at night, with my Murphy bed. Oh, you have a Murphy bed. I have a Murphy bed. It comes out of the wall.

It's a wall during the day. And then at night it becomes a bed. Which is great because you have space. I have to open it up and pull it down. Of course, of course. Because I have space, yes. And so the problem is it's catching just before it hits the floor. Oh, dear.

So I've been sleeping at an angle, just a slight incline. But with your head, with your feet above your head, that kind of angle. I've tried it both ways. Oh, you switched around. I switched around. I tried it where all the blood was just going right to my head. Oh, my goodness. And let me tell you the dreams.

Oh. I had dreams where I was, well, I had dreams where I was drowning my own blood. Right. You might have, that might've been just reality. I think that was, you know. I think that was reality. I think it was me. It's like you have a dream where you're trying to find a restroom and it's because you have to go to the bathroom.

Exactly. And you wake up and you take care of business. Right. And so, yeah, I had this dream where I was swimming in a pool of my own blood. And like in the dream, the sort of the camera pulls out, you know, and I could see that the pool was my own skull. Oh, there's a pool. The pool of blood was. It was a swimming pool full of my own blood.

But then when you when you pull back, we see that it's it's my skull and the top has been sheared off so you can see me swimming around in there. Oh, this is so graphic. It was it was something else, Joan, I'll tell you. And there was a diving board and then I started doing fancy tricks. Interesting that you were still able to pull those off. I know. And the whole time I was like, no, no, no, I can't breathe. And I did a cannonball.

I mean, I was having a, I was, for a guy drowning in his own blood, I was having a ball. I know. Now I'm not sure it's a nightmare or not. I don't know. It sounds like it ended all right. Then I switched it around the next night where my head was where my feet normally go. Right. In the bed.

Sure. I don't mean, this isn't another dream I had. I understand. And then I had a dream that I was just sliding. Like I was on a slide. Oh gosh, that really is a wild difference between, between the two. Yes. They were both, I got to say, they were both kind of fun.

Like the second night more so than the first one because I wasn't drowning. But I never got the satisfaction of getting to the bottom of the slide. Oh. Do you know what I mean? I absolutely do. Look, when I was pregnant with my three, especially with the twin boys, boy, did I have some crazy dreams. That's a real thing. And I was always running from the law.

Really? I was always very violent. I was always committing crimes of some sort. And I was a real badass. I gotta say. You're not like that at all. This is very, what a dream life you have. I know.

I'd wake up and I'd tell Doug, I'd be like, I just escaped from a woman's prison. Maximum security. So they did catch you at some point. They did. They did. But I got out. I always got out. I always did. Oh at some point. They did. They did. But I got out. I always got out. I always did.

Oh, boy. What were your crimes? Do you remember what your crimes were? Oh, I mean, they went everything from just stealing an apple to genocide. They really ranged all over. It was, I'm telling you, the brain does crazy things. Now, I will say Murphy Bed is in real estate right now, one of the number one things that's sought after. No.

Especially by families that are looking to downsize. Grandparents who want sort of an office slash place to put the grandkids. But we got to figure out. What is it they want? You know. Grandparents who want an office. When the grandkids come over for like Christmas and holidays, then they can put the bed down. But then they don't have to have the bed up the entire time for space, like you said.

Right. So it's their office. That's right. And in their office, there's just a great big unused space where the bed has to go. Yes, because, you know, men like to either practice putting. You know, they got one of those. They got those putters in the office. That's what they do most of the time.

You know what? Especially grandpas. Exactly. What else have they got to do? Exactly. They're at the autumn of their years. They don't care so much about their grandkids as much. Exactly.

They probably get mad when they have to pull that Murphy bed down. Probably. Now, here's a little announcement. If anyone can help Berndt with this situation, if anyone's got a Murphy bed and knows why it's sticking like this, because we can't have you having these dreams. Yeah. I mean, I'm not a structural engineer. You know, I don't know. I know that the bed goes up, the bed goes down. That's all I know. Yeah. And in this case, it doesn't. It doesn't go all the way down. Now I know that. That's a third thing that I know. You're right. Exactly. Oh, gosh. So that's our first, I guess that's our first little moment that we can have to the neighborhood on this episode is asking for help

with a Murphy bed. Does anyone know? Let's consider this our first moment. I like to do that. You know, I've been listening to these new meditation. Well, I won't say CDs because we don't want to use those anymore, but they're on YouTube and they talk about having moments. They talk about celebrating moments, you know, like when you're upset, it's just a moment. When you're happy, it's just a moment. But everything passes, you know, but if it's a good moment, enjoy the moment. You know, so it is sort of a moment situation happening in the house right now. We live moment to moment.

You know, the young kids say, I'm having a moment, you know, or it's a mood. Yes, or someone's having a moment. We live moment to moment. Do you know what's- And you know, the young kids say, I'm having a moment, you know? Or it's a mood. Yes, or someone's having a moment. This is a so-and-so moment. Yeah, big mood. This is my vibe. Yes. Yeah.

I want this handsome actor to tear my guts out from the inside. Which one's that? Which mood is that? That's, I don't know. That's, I feel like a lot of young ladies on social media say things like that. Oh, God. Jaliope probably does that kind of thing.

They'll say, oh, you got to be careful. She wants a man to rip her insides out? Yeah, it's like, I want, you know, Keanu Reeves to take a Steve Adores hook to my throat. Oh, God. Because they think he's handsome wow that is that's too violent for me whatever happened to just I got a crush on him you know what I mean is this because of Game of Thrones

it's probably because of Game of Thrones but I stopped watching a couple of episodes ago it just got it got too upsetting you were so close to the end I know well I just you know I've seen enough I've seen enough of people getting their guts ripped out. Yeah. But that's probably why. This is why that's become the new language of love

or attraction. Yeah. Oh, I tell you what, I don't understand. You know what else I don't understand? What don't you understand, Joan? I understand. I don't understand this woman. All right. Now we're into it. It's our, oh, okay. Should we announce it? Now we, as we do every week, we are taking a look at the NeighborHap neighborhood application, where it's a sort of community message board for Dignity Falls.

Everyone has this for their own neighborhood. That is right. And we repost from there, and we try to maybe help people or try to warn people or whatever is required. Whatever is required. And as always, be on the lookout for coyotes, everybody. Always. Coyotes? Number one. They are trying to take over. That's right. They really are. It's

unbelievable. Hide your small pets. Hide your big pets. Hide your big pets. Hide yourself. If you have a pet coyote, hide that. Now, if you have a pet coyote, I have to talk to you about that. I feel like if you have a pet coyote, you're ahead of the game. I guess in some ways you could be. I guess in some you have a pet coyote, you're ahead of the game. I guess in some ways you could be.

I guess in some ways you could be. But you're right. Burnt is helping me with the segues because I'm still learning how they work. In every sense. In every sense. In life. Because we'll just be talking. Not just conversationally, but also the machine. And I'll just say bye.

You know. And then all of a sudden, he doesn't realize that was the end of the meeting. Yes. You do a very, it's not so much an Irish goodbye. It's just a practical, literal goodbye. It's very sudden. Yes. It's very in your face.

Yeah. It's a whiplash goodbye. That's right. Well, there's a post that really caught my attention this week and concerned me. So I'm just going to read it right now. Yes, both. It says, first of all, well, wouldn't this concern you? Tijuana dentists. Oh, dear. It says, first of all, well, wouldn't this concern you? Tijuana dentists.

Oh, dear. Come on. I have to get some major dental work, and the quote is close to 20K. Root canal crowns and veneers. I heard that it can be half price in Tijuana. Has anyone gone to TJ for dental work? If so, what procedures did you have? Were you satisfied with the outcome, and who did you go to?

And I can tell you, there's about 25 comments from everybody saying, don't go. What's wrong with you? I am not at all surprised. Get a second opinion. You're not surprised? Listen, I. Also, Tijuana is pretty far from Dignity Falls. I have to say, it's not a hop, stay, and a jump.

No, you're not going to get on the J. It's a plane bus and an Uber at least. That's right. You're not going to get on the J. You're not going to get on the J You're not going to get on the J What are they going to finish the construction on that J by the way You know what I'm worried that they are going to finish

And I'm not going to be able to get to sleep Because the noise has been so soothing It's been such a white noise machine That's right, Burns lives basically right on the J I live right on the J It used to be great You're a huge fan of Blues Brothers. And for a while, that got you through the first decade of living there.

You thought I can do this. This is cool. Exactly. Exactly. The house would rattle. Well, my apartment, of course. I don't live in a house. Sure.

No. And you know, the worst is when it would happen during the winter months because of my sad. Oh, that's right. His seasonal affect disorder. Yeah. Do you have the lamp? I've got, Joan, I've tried so many of those lamps. No, no, no.

I've tried so many of those lamps. And I don't know what it is about me and those lamps, but it actually makes it worse. Oh, you're kidding. I've tried every brand. A lamp specifically designed to make sad better. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I've tried Sharper Image. I've tried Brookstone. I've tried Jay Peterman. I've tried Sears. I didn't even know Sears was still around. They have downsized to just... Mostly lamps. Lamps.

Specifically those designed to help people with seasonal affective disorder. Well, I'll tell you what. I mean, whether it's a lamp that doesn't help your sad or a Mexican doctor or dentist who's going to treat your mouth. You know, I would always get a second opinion. Always. And you know what? I don't want to sound jingoistic or like a Yankee Doodle Dandy here, but get your teeth fixed in America if you're American. Oh, no, that's nice.

That's nice. Aside from the fact that it also could be wildly dangerous and perhaps unsanitary. Yeah, they might put donkey teeth in there oh now come on burn now you're being silly we're gonna hear about that we're gonna get some comments it's a play on the famous we're gonna get some comments i know we will but everyone relax it's a play on the famous tijuana donkey show all right here's a post i have and this is this is a warning i think i wanted to more about that, but I guess we're moving on. That's a quick segue.

I don't know if we want Doug to talk about the donkey show. That's the first time I saw him look up when you saw donkey show. I thought he was sleeping. All right, this is definitely a... Hi, Doug. How are you? Say hi to everybody. I'm good.

Have you been to a donkey show? I've not been. I've only heard tell. I had good. I'm good. Have you been to a donkey show? I have not been. I've only heard tell. I had friends who were in the Navy. What did they say about it? Well, they said it's something to see. That's it? Yep.

That's all I can say at this time. This is a real PSA, okay? Everyone needs to be safe. Suspicious activity. Francesca posts this. Suspicious activity. Someoneca posts this suspicious activity. Someone run after me with a large stick on Clint Cairn road. I ran and hid and saw a guy with Adidas training pants trying to catch his breath.

I do not know ethnicity or anything. I just saw his pants and his hands holding a stick. I have reported this information to the police. Well, there you go. Be on the lookout. There's someone wearing pants and their hands are holding a stick. You know, I've had a recurring dream very similar to this. Please tell us about it. I mean, some might even say it's a fantasy, but.

Fine line. But the only difference, it's Nike training pants in my dreams. So it's very strange. So I can't quite connect with this one. Right. But this is very odd, isn't it? Because he's obviously also not in shape because it doesn't sound like they ran for a very long time. Unless he's been doing this all over the place.

Sure. You know how some zombie this all over the place. Sure. You know how some zombie movies have the fast zombies? Yes. And they just love to run. I know. I don't know how to make that decision. And so if he's running like a fast zombie with a stick, he's just going after whoever he can see. And so somebody gets away, he keeps running to see the next person, and then he runs after that person with his stick.

Gosh, you know, that's interesting. I'm just wondering why a stick. Is it meant to be medicine, or is it part of his workout? Or is it because of coyotes? He might, you know what, this guy might be a coyote vigilante, and he's out there. Maybe this woman, she doesn't say what she's wearing. Perhaps she's wearing a coyote skin coat. Correct, correct. She could. She should. She should. out there, maybe this woman, she doesn't say what she's wearing. Perhaps she was wearing a coyote skin coat. Correct.

Correct. She could. She should. She should. But, you know, it's interesting because I think that I like this idea that there's someone out there protecting us from the coyotes at night. I just wish she was in a little bit better shape. Coyotes are a cowardly, superstitious lot. And this man said, I will become the daytime.

I will take my shirt off, grab a stick. I will become the daytime i will take my shirt off grab a stick i will become the daytime yes well joan we have to take a break we do we do that was a good segue what was it i don't know i'm aware of what's happening. It's very clear. You are aware of what's happening. So in that way, it's successful. Well, let me say this. Okay, okay, okay. Speaking of sticks, we should stick to our schedule and take a break. Uh-huh. And also, you listeners, stick around because we'll be right back. Bye, George. I think you've got it.

I did it. Hi, it's Ben. I'm selling Star Wars Revenge of the Sith novel. It's a book, a Star Wars book, written by Matthew Stover. And it's a novelization of Star Wars Avengers the 6th movie. And I think it was perfect for Star Wars fans and collectors, especially if you also collect Star Wars stuff.

Gold. It's an enjoyable read. There's no highlights, no missing, torn, or wet pages. All of the pages are bone dry. I'm asking $20 for this, but I'm willing to lower the price if your price is reasonable. So, like, if I say $20 and you say, you're like, we'll give you $18 for that. That's reasonable. But if I say $20 and you say, you're like, we'll give you $18 for that. That's reasonable.

But if I say $20 and you say $2, I think you can agree that that's an unreasonable offer. So again, Star Wars Avengers The Sith novel by Star Wars author Matthew Stover. Thanks, Burn, Joan. Love the show. Welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Hi.

We have our guest, Joan. That's very exciting. Yes, we always like to have a guest from the neighborhood here in Dignity Falls. Who's posted on the app. Who's posted on the neighbor app. And we saw this post and we thought, this sounds like an intriguing person. Yeah, and we kind of wanted to help him out.

Yes, let's learn more. His name is Sheldon. Here's what he posted. Scrabble anyone? Fun title. Sure. I have been feeling a desire to play Scrabble and I need to find other word nerds around me

that also enjoy the game. I'll play Scrabble with anyone. When I was a teen, I used to play with my 90-year-old grandmother and her friends. And that's the end of the post. And please welcome Sheldon. Hello. Sheldon, thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me.

Are we ready to play? Oh, no. We're not actually. Oh, shoot. Oh, I think he misunderstood maybe. It makes sense that he's probably just wanting to play Scrabble. Because we did contact you through the app. It's true.

Well, this is a podcast, Sheldon, where we're trying to actually connect the neighborhood more via the app. And so bringing you on, we're hoping you could find somebody who might listen to the podcast who would like to play Scrabble with you. We're giving you a signal boost. So you guys don't want to play? Well, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say. We just can't right now. Not now.

Not now. We just can't right now. But tell me what you love about Scrabble. Why Scrabble specifically? You know, I love words. I love speaking them. I love spelling them. I love points.

But I mostly love my grandmother. And is your grandmother still with us? She is. And how old is she now? Wow, because she was 90. Yes, I'm 37 now. She's 107. Good for her.

That is amazing. Yes, when I was a teenager, I would play with my grandmother. That's right. And we had to stop eventually. Once she kicked me out of the house, but I keep coming back. Why did she kick you out of the house? If that's not too personal a question. Well, it was last year.

This happened last year. So you've been living with your grandmother up until. Up until last year. But I go back. She's getting a little senile. And she lives here in Dignity Falls. She lives here in Dignity Falls. Yes.

And I go back every day. And she kicks me out every day. So why is that? She says I'm too old to be there. But she still only thinks I'm 23. Oh. She's very old fashioned. Every day it's like new, her kicking

you out. Yes. Every day she kicks me out one more time. Does she say the same thing every time? Every single time. I told you I. Yes. Every day, she kicks me out one more time. Does she say the same thing every time? Every single time. I told you I love words. It's like a script. I feel like an actor. You must have it memorized by now. Oh, yes. Are you ready for it? Yes. Oh, absolutely. Let's do it.

Okay. So, I walk through the door, and she says, What are you doing here? And I say, Grandma, I'm here to make you lunch. You're 23 years old, Sheldon. Get out of my house. You're too old to live here. And I say, Grandma, that's

not nice. I'll leave. And then I just go away for about three hours. But when you come back, she says, what are you doing here? And I say, Grandma, I'm here to make you dinner because by this time it's dinner time. Oh, you switch the meal. I see. And that I'm here to make you dinner because by this time it's dinner time. Oh, you switched the meal. Yes. I see.

And that calms her down a little bit because she does like dinner. Oh, so she can do without lunch. She can. But she will not do without dinner. And she has been that way my whole life. Always, always can do without lunch. Always. I would say, Grandma, it's lunchtime.

And she goes, I can do without lunch. Now, is her confusion part of the reason why you don't play Scrabble with her anymore? Yes. That's why the Scrabble ended. That makes sense. She eats to pieces. Oh, no. And I think it's because she's hungry from not eating lunch.

I think that's a good deduction, Sheldon. I think that makes sense. She probably should be eating lunch, I would say. I make her a sandwich and a bag of plain lays, and she refuses to eat them. She's just got a stomach full of 10 point Zs. Exactly. But dinner, when I make her the stroganoff. Stroganoff?

Just stroganoff. She loves hamburger helpers beef stroganoff. Oh, okay. So I just go and buy those by the case. Okay. So who used to- It's a miracle she's still alive at 107. She does eat lunch.

She eats Hamburger Helper Stroganoff every night. I have a Costco membership. So I buy them by the case. Now, I want to know who used to win the most when your grandmother would play Scrabble? Who was the best? Oh, my grandmother would win. Oh, she would. She would win.

And also her friend, Mertis. Mertis. Oh, Mertis. Yes, he did play with her friends. That's right. That's right. He did play with her friends. What was Mertis as old as your grandmother?

She was an elderly lady? Mertis was also an elderly lady. And she passed away, unfortunately. Oh, I'm so sorry. She drank rubbing alcohol and went and laid down on the train tracks. Good lord! Murdis had a drinking

problem. And she had exhausted. The liquor store had stopped serving her because there was Murdis. Certainly. She's 94 at this time. 95. This has been 14 or 15 years. And she had nothing in the house, but 90%, 91% isopropyl alcohol. And she drank the bottle down.

Drank the whole bottle. Went and laid on the train tracks. I can't believe it didn't kill her and she made it to the train tracks. I know. And you know the train tracks are not. We live over on Pete. Oh, okay. Yeah, absolutely.

Pete Street. We live on Pete Street. Pete Street, sure. And you know Pete Street is not. We're on Pete and 14th. That is far from the tracks. Yes, that's far from the tracks. And she walked all the way.

She walked all the way. Walked all the way. She probably floated. Full of rubbing alcohol. Oh, my word. Yes, exactly. That is dark. What did she, what was her drink when she was alive?

What did she like to drink? I remember she, see, she taught me how to make her drinks. Of course. Because that was the job of the grandson. People from that generation. Yes, absolutely. That's right. So I was 10 years old mixing her up some white Russians.

Oh, boy. Just little Sheldon mixing the Kahlua. She was a white Russian drunk. And then they cut her off at the liquor store. The liquor store said, no more Kahlua for you. No more Kahlua? Get off the hard stuff. Sounds like the Kahlua not to you.

No more creamer. They wouldn't even let her buy creamer at the grocery store. To substitute for the Kahlua. So it's an add to the white Russian. Oh, what's in a white Russian again? Kahlua. Creamer at the grocery store. To substitute for the Kahlua. No, it's an add to the White Russian. Oh, what's in a White Russian again? Kahlua, creamer, and a little love. Now, how old were you when you started living with your grandmother? I started living with my grandmother at three years old.

And what were the circumstances that led to that happening? My parents were on off-Broadway. Oh, they were? Yes. Oh, my goodness. This is so exciting. As you know, I- Joan, she loves the theater.

I work at the community playhouse sometimes, and I dabble in theater a little bit. You haven't seen me. I haven't done it for a while. I haven't trod the boards in a while, but I'm looking to get back up there. She's getting ready to mouth a comeback. You got to get back up there. Tell me all about it. Yes.

My mother and father were traveling linguists. This is another reason why I. And so they had a play called Don't Say That. And it was on off-Broadway. It was on off-Broadway. Right? That's what they say, on off-Broadway. So hang on a minute.

So what was the show about? And they traveled the country and ended up off Broadway? Yes, they traveled the country. Well, they were traveling linguists. Yeah, they were traveling linguists, so you have to. They went around being lingual, and they ended up on off Broadway. And the play, I'm sorry, I just get a bit emotional. Of course, of course.

Oh, no, that's absolutely fine. They got caught up in the lifestyle of New York in the 1980s. Oh, well, it was a heyday. Yes, absolutely. Especially Off-Broadway. Yes, before Giuliani cleaned things up. And the scene that got him was they asked for a suggestion

from the audience on a word to spell. And someone said, heroin. And they did it in their rhythmic H-E-R-I-O-N. Try it.

And the man gave them some heroin. Oh. And they got hooked them some heroin. Oh. And they got hooked immediately. I mean, did they do the heroin in front of the audience? They did. Oh, my. Wow.

And everybody wanted their money back. So the show got kicked off because even the guy who gave them the heroin. Well, they fell asleep. And he wanted to see what the show was. They fell asleep on stage. Wait. They spelled the word and then they immediately got the heroin from this gentleman live in front of the audience what would happen because usually they would do

that with like they would tell people to bring snacks and bring things like that right so i'm saying whatever they would whatever they spelled would be provided for them what were some other examples that was just heroin but regular thingsanas. So it was always a snack that they had to spell. Mostly fruits. Those ones are fairly simple to spell to be fair.

Yeah, but during this time Apple. I think everyone knows. But that is probably the toughest challenge. P-L-N-E. Crunch. And they would eat it.

This time during this portion of the show they got offered heroin and they did it it. This time, during this portion of the show, they got offered heroin, and they did it on stage. You know what? I'm going to be honest, Sheldon. This sounds like a setup to me. This sounds like they were set up. Oh. They probably

were. I mean, if it's common knowledge, come to the show, bring an item you'd like us to spell. That's true, because by now, they've been everywhere. You've read the reviews. You know what the deal is. You bring an item. We'll spell it and then consume it in front of you. And some heroin kingpin reads that. Who would bring heroin? Do you think it was an ad for his heroin

business? Could have been. He did take off after that. That's a real sad story. Take off meaning like really blew up. Yeah. His business. His heroin business. Well he got to take over the show on Off-Broadway. No. Now come on. He had his own show. Well, he got to take over the show on Off-Broadway. No. Now, come on. He had his own show.

What would he do? What was that called? You Can't Take It With You. Heroin on an Airplane. It did not fit on the playbill. That was a long title. Well, I mean, if a funny thing happened on the way to the forum fits on a playbill. That's true.

You can't take it with you in big letters. Right. And then in small, a little parenthetical, heroin on an airplane. Sure. Yeah. Okay. T-shirt, front and back. T-shirt, front and back.

You can't take it with you on the front. Like when we did it, we just said forum. We just called it forum. Of course. You shorten it to forum. Well, that's, you know, that. We just called it forum. Of course. That's what you do. You shorten it to forum. Well, that's very inside baseball. That's inside baseball. That's inside baseball.

Oh, Sheldon, you have had quite a life. Quite a life. 37 years old. And now, this is interesting because you think that words, because of your dark past, would haunt you. And yet, it's what you keep seeking out. What do you think about that? I think words for me are something

that are ingrained in me. My parents being traveling links. It's just in your blood. My grandmother being the one that instilled that in them. Oh, of course she did. Of course, that makes sense. First, and this was your maternal or paternal grandmother? Maternal grandmother. So first, the boy,

my father, they called him the boy. The boy. Yes, him and my mother had known called him the boy. The boy? Yes. Him and my mother had known each other because they both grew up on Pete. Really? They were neighbors? She was literally the girl next door. Mertis is, that was Mertis' nephew. So Mertis is sort of my aunt, if you will.

Okay, so. Okay. All right. How does that? So she married her cousin? No. Mertis was a friend. Oh. So. Okay. All right. How does that. So she married her cousin? No. Mertis was a friend. Oh, Mertis.

I'm so sorry. Oh, Mertis is the one. I'm so sorry. What was your grandmother's name? Oh, my grandmother's name. Sheldra. So you were named for her. Yes, I was.

And so Mertis' nephew was your father. Yes. So it's a very tight-knit community. Very tight-knit community over on 14th and Pete. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you had to choose, would you prefer just one-on-one Scrabble? For our listeners out there, anyone wants to play Scrabble with you? Do you prefer a group?

You said you will play with literally anyone. Literally anyone. There's no one you won't play Scrabble with you? Do you prefer a group? You said you will play with literally anyone. Literally anyone. There's no one you won't play Scrabble with? There's no one I won't play with. All right. What if people are intimidated? I mean, it sounds like you're probably very good. What was one of your best words that you ever put down on the board?

It's sort of your crowning moment. Here's the thing. I'm not good. Oh! Oh! Isn't that funny? I just assumed that you were. I assumed you were very good at Scrabble.

One of the best words I've ever put on the board in Scrabble. Get this. Okay. One of the best words I've ever put on the board in Scrabble. You, Sheldon. Me, Sheldon. One of the best words I've ever put. In the history of your Scrabble playing, given that you are not very good at Scrabble, this is one of, if not the best, word you've ever put down in the book.

If not the best. Moin. I mean, that's pretty good. It's not an everyday word. It's kind of a funny word. It's kind of a funny word. It's funny and a little dirty. It's a little a funny word. It's funny and a little dirty. It's a little dirty, yeah.

That's fun. I was trying to spell lion. Oh, so you didn't realize. I didn't realize it. I was playing with my grandmother and Mertis and a few of their other friends. So this was years ago. Yes. Grandma was there.

Mertis was there. Amitha. Amitha. Yes. Grandma was there. Murdis. Murdis was there. Sheldra. Amitha. Amitha. Amitha was there. Ruth. And we were playing all in the living room. I had mixed up some white Russians for Murdis.

And we were watching the television. This is the early 90s. We were watching a brand new episode of New York Undercover, which was our favorite show. Certainly. And we were playing. I put loin on there. And I said, lion. And the ladies got a kick out of that.

Oh, I bet they did. I bet they did. That's a sweet memory. Yes. And then my grandmother burned me with an iron. Oh, what? Because I had embarrassed her. Sheldon. with an iron. Oh, what? Because I had embarrassed her. Sheldon, oh dear.

Oh, my word. I really just, for the life, you can't figure out why you want to keep playing Scrabble, I have to say. It seems like so many things would put you off of it. Yes, old wounds, and I don't know. Perhaps maybe try a different game. The wound is healed, but the scar is still there. Oh, my God. Wow.

That's a perfect shape of an iron. It doesn't look healed. It doesn't look healed. It looks a little weepy. Sometimes it gets weepy, but that's because I've gained weight. Well, I certainly hope that someone takes you up on your offer. I mean. Just because we're running out of time.

Will you provide the Scrabble board or is that something that you would like your opponents to do? I have four Scrabble boards in my house. Oh, great. I buy them every time

they're on sale. How often is that? Surprisingly, a lot. Target is trying to get rid of Scrabble boards. Really?

I don't know why. I didn't see that. Like in the little dollar section in the front? Is that where you're finding them? In the game section. In the game section. I like to hang out in't know why. I didn't see that. Like in the little dollar section in the front? Is that where you're finding them? In the game section. In the game section. I like to hang out in the game section.

Sure. Okay. Absolutely. But the dollar game section, so you're half right. Did you, thank you, Sheldon. Did you know that also have you explored playing it online? Online? Yeah, yes.

Yes. Online? On the computer? Like on the computer. It's on the internet? Scrabble on the internet. Yes. Sure. Like, you know, where you go to the computer, you can on the internet? Yeah. Sure.

Like, you know, where you go to the computer, you can check your email or whatnot. And I'm sure there's even an app for it, actually. You can probably play it on your phone. I'm sure there's several apps. Probably a real one and then a bunch of fake ones. Yeah. Yes. We never got a computer at Graham Graham's house.

So I don't know how to use the online. Have you thought about taking some computer classes at the library? Classes? No. Oh, no. Oh, you eschew classes? I don't do school. I left school when I was 14 and I haven't looked back. Well, fair enough.

Now, do you have an iPhone? An iPhone? No, I have Sheldon's phone. Oh. What's this? Oh, that looks like's phone. Oh. It's this. That looks like a Motorola Z10. It's got a massive antenna. It looks like a flip phone that you have modified

yourself. It was my grandma's. Oh, really? She passed it down to you. She passed it down to me. She asks for it every day when she kicks me out. So she's missing it. She's noticed it's gone missing. She's noticed it's gone missing. I'm going to wager only at lunchtime. Am I correct? There you go. Not when she's missing it. She's noticed it's gone missing. She's noticed it's gone missing. I'm going to wager only at lunchtime. Am I correct?

No. There you go. Not when she's eating that stroganoff. If you guys want to come over to Pete Street and play some Scrabble, I would love it. I don't get over to Pete Street that often. Pete Street is not on my regular route. It's on the wrong side of the tracks. Oh, no.

That's what you say. It's on the Pete's side of the tracks. It's on the Pete's side of the tracks. There's no. That's what you say. It's on the peat side of the tracks. There's no wrong or right. That's something else we'd really like to do here on the Neighborhood List, and it's to kind of tie the community together a little bit more. There's no wrong side. There's no right side. There's just the peat side of the tracks

and then there's the side of the other places. I guess Mervis was on the wrong side of the tracks. Yes, Mervis was on the wrong side of the tracks when she laid down right in the middle of them and was crushed. I tell you where you don't want to be tracks-wise, on the wrong side of the tracks. Yes, Mervis was on the wrong side of the tracks when she laid down right in the middle of them. Indeed. And was crushed. I tell you where you don't want to be, tracks-wise, on top. Definitely not on top. Yes.

Either or. Crushed by a freight. Sheldon, thank you so much for being here, and thank you for sharing your story with Dignity Falls. If you want to play Scribble with Sheldon, what's the best way to get a hold of you? You can find me on this. However, somebody posted this for me at the library. I was going to gonna say how did you post on it if you didn't know about right right right someone did it for me at the library that's nice okay they're very helpful there at the library i'm not allowed to use the computers at the library i this there's a reason i was looking at some things during uh

summer reading program and the kids were facing the computer that I was on. I see. And let's just say it wasn't pleasant for the children. At least that's what the librarian said. Okay. These were probably grown-up things. Grown-up things. Probably grown-up things.

But I'm a grown-up now. True. True. True. True. But maybe another reason to get your own computer so you can look at the grown-up things, not at the library, in front of the children. I didn't mean to look at them in front of the children. But that is what happened.

Just the children came in and I didn't stop. So I guess just comment in the comment section and your friend will hopefully get back to you. I think you're delightful. Thank you. get back to you. I think you're delightful. Thank you. If I can dust off the old Scrabble board set in the garage,

I don't know where it is. You might as well buy a new one for a dollar. I can come over and help find it. That's right. I can come over and help find it. What's your address? Well, Doug's got his... Oh, this is my house.

Oh, you're at it. Wow, I'll just go out in the garage and look for it now. Okay. Well, just good luck through all of Doug's gym equipment because he's got a bunch of it now. So he's super into CrossFit. Hi, Doug. Hey, how's it going? Good.

Well, that's all the time we have. Sheldon, thank you for being here. Thank you, Sheldon. Thank you. And we'll be right back with more of the Neighborhood Listen. Hi, anybody who's listening out there. My name is Margie Cowan, and I am looking to sell or just give away a book. It is The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. I bought it for my stepson, and he never cracked it.

So it's in excellent condition. The spine is completely intact. So it's about $7, but I would really just like to get rid of it because, to be honest, just when I see it, it's becoming just upsetting because it's sort of like staring me in the face. You know, the only way that he used it was as a doorstop for the bathroom. So he's gonna have to find something else. And I've also got lots of other books for sale to including a bunch of children's books, and every single cookbook that Paula Deen has ever written. So I'd like to just get those off my chest. And also, if anyone has work for a man who doesn't shave and only knows how to work a basic lawnmower, just please let me know. Thank you very much.

Love the show. Burton Jones. And welcome back. It's time to wind it down here at the Old Neighborhood. Listen. Yeah, Sheldon's still in the garage looking for that Scrabble board. I don't know how he's going to find it. I don't know how much success he's having.

No. Woo. What a story. Actually, is he, he might be asleep. Is he? Doug, can you go check? Should I check on him? I would just go check on him.

I mean, his hands are folded on his chest. Is that right? His feet are crossed. He's got his hat over his eyes. Oh, he's just taking a nap. I think he might just be taking a nap. Okay, well, he's probably tired. He must be exhausted. Alright,

as we wind down here, this is just sort of a community bulletin board kind of thing. Sure, sure. Some posts that you might not have seen. Just, yeah, be on the lookout for this. Justine posted this. Excuse me. Oh, Burnt, are you alright? Yes, I had a little tickle in my throat. Oh my goodness. Justine posted this. Excuse me. Oh, Burge, are you all right? Yes, I had a little tickle in my throat. Oh, my goodness.

Justine posts, lost sulcata tortoise. I don't know if there's a brand name of tortoise. My goodness, I've never heard of a sulcata. It sounds like a small Toyota four-door. The new Toyota sulcata. Hard top, of course. Oh, sure. Because of the turtle.

Yes. Remember, folks, every tortoise is a turtle, but not every turtle is a tortoise. Is that right? That is absolutely correct. Always get them confused. And it's always nice to see a turtle. Sure. Of course it is.

Look at him eating that lettuce. They love it. They love lettuce? They love it. Justine writes, hello, folks. They love it. Justine writes, hello, folks. I have a seven-month-old sulcata tortoise who has climbed past our gate.

She spelled past wrong. Well, I didn't want to. Sorry, I'm a stickler for grammar. We should do a whole episode one time about grammar and spell check. The theme of this one was words and spelling. First, we want to help people. But then eventually, we should do an episode really helpful to tell people how to spell things. Sure.

Sure. Boy, Sheldon were here. I bet he has. He sure would. Hello folks. I have a seventh month old, seventh month old sulcata tortoise who has climbed past our gate.

Very curious about that. And been missing since noon, May 18th. Very specific. That's a while ago now. If anyone has found or seen him, please let me know because he has a family who are very

worried about him. You have to make sure you get all the words in. Also, you know, these posts happen a lot when people are drinking. I think that's right. Well, they could have been in grief. Sure, but you know, it's kind of like when you sort of just start feeling lonely and you text, you know, you just decide, okay, I'm just

going to put this out here on the app. Exactly. Exactly. So there's a picture here of the tortoise. And I can say that there's nothing necessarily distinguishing except for the fact he has a very lovely shell. Although in the other picture, it appears he has a red bow on it. Was he perhaps a Christmas present? Yes, he's got a Bath and Body Works bow tied around him. How can you say that it's a Bath and Body Works? Does it say it on there?

Well, I can see the little writing on the side there. Oh, OK. Why a Bath and Body Works bow? it say it on there? I can see the little writing on the side there. Oh, okay. Why a bath and body works bow? Did they have some sort of promo giveaway that I missed? Maybe they took the tortoise for a spa day. I think that what would have been helpful is if they included the tortoise's name. I agree. Because what if you see a different tortoise and you're calling?

Yeah. Yeah. Come here, boy. Come here, tortoise. What are you going to say? What are you going to say? Exactly. What would you name that tortoise? What I would name him. Well, look at that face. Come here, tortoise. What are you going to say? What are you going to say? Exactly. What would you name that tortoise?

What I would name him. Well, look at that face. I mean, it's too bad Sheldon is taken by our guests. No kidding, right? Yes. Yes, he's an older. That looks like an Ernest to me. Hmm. An Ernie.

Ernie the tortoise. I want to say it looks like a Christopher. Oh, okay. That's a different direction. But here's a quick quick thing to point out. Make sure that you post within, I would say, hours of when your pet is missing. Absolutely. Not days.

Absolutely. Because then I think your chances of finding them go way down. Even if it takes you, even if you say, I'm going to look first myself before I ask other people to look. Get that post out there. Get other people looking. Get them looking. Because better to have to take down a superfluous post. Yes.

Because you've triumphed and found the turtle. Right. Than to have to take down the post with an RIP Christopher, you know? Yes. And the thing is, he can't have gone far. He can't have gotten far. Right? But he did climb past a gate.

How did he do that? What sort of... I don't know. Great escape did this tortoise pull off? I don't know. I mean, I wish that they had a nighttime camera so they could have seen when it happened. No, it happened at noon.

And that's the thing. How do they know that it happened at noon for sure? Exactly. Were they with him at 1130? And then just stepped away for a moment? And then within that half hour he bolted? That tortoise just bolted? You know, he sounds like he's faster than the Adidas guy.

You know what? Tortoise and the hare. I mean, I'd like to see a race between this tortoise and the shirtless Adidas track pants guy. Well, I sure hope that when he's out looking for coyotes, perhaps he finds Christopher. And you know what? I hope whatever coyote. Oh, burnt. You're being dramatic.

Well, I'm thinking about this and I'm thinking, you know, all of our tiny pets are vulnerable to coyotes. They sure are. And thank God he's got that hard shell. And I hope a coyote breaks his teeth on this little guy. Oh, yeah. Just as long as he doesn't go on his back. You know how they do that. And I hope a coyote breaks his teeth on this little guy. Oh, yeah. Just as long as he doesn't go on his back. You know how they do that. And then it's so hard.

That's how I felt when I was pregnant with the twins. I was basically like that the whole time. And Doug would just laugh at me. He wouldn't really help me. Is that true, Doug? And also, I was always wearing a backpack. What did you say? He said, yes, I'm back.

Was Sheldon still there? He was sound asleep. Yeah. I picked him up. Oh, CrossFit. And carried him to bed. That's impressive. Sheldon was a tall man.

He was tall. Extremely tall. Wow, Doug. I guess that CrossFit's working. Had to slink him over my shoulder. How tall would you say he was, Sheldon? Maybe about 6'11"?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Maybe 11 and a half. Just south of 7 feet tall. Just shy. I noticed. Or just south, like I said. I prefer shy. That's fine.

Well, maybe you could be a little more shy and not get on mic so much. Oh, he's just teasing you, Doug. I'm just teasing, of course. He's just teasing you. It's a roast. That's what comedy is now. It's all roasts. That's right.

It's all just sort of, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Don't take anything so seriously. Let me pick out your most self-conscious feature and make fun of it. And then apologize. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You can't take a joke. Yeah, exactly. out your most self-conscious feature and make fun of it. And then apologize. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You can't take a joke.

Yeah, exactly. I didn't mean it. I take it back. I'm sorry. I apologize. I'm taking some time off and just leaving the country for a couple years. What happened at the end? Well, I started thinking of what actually happens when people actually are getting caught these days.

And they're just disappearing because it gets too hard to keep apologizing for all the silly things that they keep saying. Do you think that's what happened with this turtle? Do you think perhaps he said some things that he couldn't take back? I think that's possible. In his turtley way. Right, in his turtley way.

Yeah. I don't know. We never considered getting a turtle, but now maybe I'll look into a rescue turtle situation. Maybe you want to wander into your life very soon. Is there a tortoise? A tortoise? Now, see, that's a fun thing.

Mertis would be a great name for a turtle. Oh, Mertis the tortoise. Oh, that's a great children's book. Absolutely. Oh, you put dollar signs in my eyes. Well, when I retire, maybe that's what we'll do. Indeed. Maybe that's what we'll do.

All right. So now, did you have a post as well, Joan? I did. Just a quick one. Just a shout out to anyone. This was called Taco Guy. Not Taco Die. That's something else.

Taco Guy. And Judy just asks any recommendations for a taco guy for a small party of about 32 in the area. I don't really understand this post. I just, it sounds to me, it kind of sounds to me like you should either have a potluck and just say it's Mexican themed and have everybody else bring the food. Or, you know,

to be honest, one of the easiest things to make is tacos. It's not very hard. It's not very hard. So I guess I just, and again, oh boy, do I keep on having this problem?

I get a little judgmental because now I'm just thinking, Judy, make your own goddamn tacos. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's all right all right. It's a podcast you're allowed to curse. But I do think that a certain amount of judgmental-ness, if that's a word. I don't know. Ask Sheldon. I wish you were here. He is. We could go wake him up. Should we? Maybe. Sheldon? She's in the bedroom.

She's in the bedroom. Sheldon? Oh, that's right. Sheldon. Hey, Sheldon. Yes? Yes? Would you say judgmentalness is a word? Judgmentalness. Yes.

Let me spell it. Okay. J-U-D-G-E-N-M-E-N-T-A-N-S. Oh. I think we might have lost the plot there for a minute. Oh, wait. You said judgmentalist. Judgmentalness. Judgmentalness.

Judge the mentalist. Judge the mentalist. To be a great show. On CBS. Simon Baker. Well, thank you. We were just talking about. You can go back to sleep.

There's a lot of asbestos in your roof. Well, you're probably the only person whose head has hit the top. So that's probably why you've discovered it. I went through one of the. I mean, your hair is completely white. And I'm really sorry about that. You look like you're scraped raw up there. You look like a flocked Christmas tree.

I went through one of the roofing panels. Oh, dear. And I looked around your attic. Do we haveing panels and I just poked her in it. Oh, dear. Do we have rats? Do we have rats? They're dead. Oh, well. Well, win, lose? Good news, bad news. Good news, bad news. That's one of those good news, bad news situations. I think they all ate too much Owens Corning

fiberglass insulation. They probably think it's candy. True. Well, in any event. Well, my point is, being judgmental to a certain degree, I think, can be helpful to our listeners because you do need to put out more information when you're saying taco guy. Yes. And, you know, if it's a party that small, are you just looking for someone who considers

themselves a taco guy? Like, I love tacos. Yeah. Or why wouldn't you just get a taco truck then in that case? Yes, exactly. You know? Exactly. So I don't mean to judge this post.

I just, what I mean to do is maybe offer Judy a couple of other options, which is either just make your own, have people bring a lot of different food and a lot of different casserole dishes, and also maybe a taco truck as opposed to a taco guy. Can I put out another solution, potential solution? Put out the taco fix-ins because I think everyone likes a fix-ins bar and then you can make the taco to your own specifications. That's right. People like to have the choice. It's 30 people for God's sake. It's 30, yeah.

I mean, specifically 32, but for God's sake. Yes. Give or take. And you know some people are going to cancel at the last minute. I mean, specifically 32, but for God's sake. Yes. Give or take. And you know some people are going to cancel at the last minute. Of course they are. Because they always do. Yeah. And I, you know, I try to, we try to have our barbecues, you know, for the neighborhood.

People cancel all the time. Doug gets all the stuff. He gets all the brats. He gets all of the meat. But Doug also promises. And then I'm stuck with a thousand potato salads for about five weeks after that. I think, first of all, I think you make too much food. Well, it could be that.

But then also. I make a lot of potato salad. Doug always promises a live performance that I think you make too much food. Well, it could be that. But then also, Doug always promises a live performance that I don't think people are into. He does. He thought it'd be funny to say we'd have

the Jonas Brothers last year and people took it seriously. And then it was Doug dressed up as Joe Jonas with two life-size puppets on either side of him

on a bar. The kind of thing where the strings attach to his hands and he can move them. Yeah, no one was fooled. I don't think he was trying to fool anyone. No, it just became a thing. It became kind of a thing.

July P was horribly embarrassed because all of her friends came because they thought it was real. That's right. And so that's that. We're not going to do that anymore. We're not going to have any live performances anymore. Less potato salad, no live performances, less judgmentalness. I think that's a good point. Is that an end of an era and also the end of an episode? This was a great segue, Joan. Thank you. I did it. Ow. I just hit myself in the face with my headphones. Oh, I thought you cheered so loudly you hurt your own

ears and headphones. No, but that happens too sometimes. Sure. Well, Joan, another great episode in the books. Absolutely. Go us! And we're going to close with Joan

singing an ode to Mertus the Turtis. Oh. If you're out there, Mertis, this one's for you. Oh. Whether you're in heaven or in hell, we hope that you're protected underneath that shell. We know that you are lost, not found,

but we still have your memory around. And when we're feeling like sad sacks, we'll know that you're just on the peat side of the tracks. We got to get you back on the stage. I know, I know. Can't wait. All right. That does it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen

We'll be back next week Bye-bye And goodbye