The Neighborhood Listen - Violin Syncing w/ Kimia Behpoornia

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Joan and Burnt break down the unique Dignity Falls accent while Doug reimagines the back yard. Plus, Meredith (Kimia Behpoornia) joins the show to prove she is not fake playing the violin for money.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHap app and us. Burn. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. And once again, it's time for the Neighborhood Listen. And I am burnt me a payday. I'm a pharmacist here in the neighborhood of Dignity Falls.

And joining me is... Joan Pedestrian. Oh, top realtor. You can say it. I like it when you say it because then I feel like I'm bragging. Well, you could just say realtor and then I could correct it. Let's try it again. Okay, so here's what we'll do. And we'll cut this out later, of course.

We never do. I will intro... Is that true? It never does. I never true i never listen every time you don't all the things we asked to be cut out they're never i listened to them like three times is that obsessive that i have it in the car on a loop what do you think is going to happen the third time oh that i'll say the right thing oh joan you're being too all right okay so here's the thing we will cut this out but i'll start again i'll say who i am and then you say who you are. And you say, I'm a realtor here in Dignity Falls.

And I'll say, the top realtor. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So then the burden is not on you. I appreciate that. Okay.

Welcome once again to the... This is your face. It got so animated. And I just liked it. I liked seeing the light. I liked seeing the life in your eyes burn. I think I instantly realized you were mirroring my energy. I do that a lot. You know, because I'm liked it. I liked seeing the light. I liked seeing the life in your eyes burn. I think I instantly realized you were mirroring my energy. I do that a lot.

You know, because I'm a theater, I have a theater background. Of course you do. I'm just doing that with you. Of course you do. Okay. Alright. We'll cut this out too. And then here's the real start. Cut back in. Thank you, Doug. Is that what you have to officially do, babe? Yes. I think that's what's been missing. That's what's been missing. That's what's been missing.

Okay, all right. Okay. And this is the real one. This is the real one. And welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen. I am Bert Mia Payday, a pharmacist here in the town of Dignity Falls. I won't say the city. It's not really a city.

It's more of a town. Oh, Bert. Okay, we'll cut this part. You're floating above yourself again. I am floating above myself. Looking down and judging yourself. It's true. Guilty. Guilty. judging yourself. It's true. It's true. Guilty.

All right. This is the real part, though. Is it? Okay. Yes, this is the real one. All right. Doug, do you want to do your thing? Cut out before.

Okay. That's not what you said. Cut out before? Is that what he said? Cut out before. It's not like that went to like engineering school. You know, it's just he's trying. Of course.

He has his own system and it works for him. Homespun methods. That's right. Homespun methods. Okay. He's doing the best he can with what God has given him. And we will make this the real part. And here it goes. And welcome once again to the Neighborhood Listen. I am Bermuda Payday. I am a pharmacist here in this

almost city again. We'll cut that part out. And this is the real beginning. Okay. And welcome once again to The Neighborhood List. And I am Bert Mia Payday. I'm a pharmacist here in the town of Dignity Falls. And with me as always is...

Joan Pedestrian. And I'm a realtor. Well, not just any realtor. You are the top realtor in Dignity Falls. Oh, stop. And you're not just any pharmacist. I think you're the top pharmacist, if there was such a thing. There isn't.

And I'm just a pharmacist. But I think there there should be i thank you what do you get like employee of the month do they do pharmacists we do we have we do do employee of the month and it's it's hidden from view only we can see it back in the pharmacy they don't let the uh the public see it because what's the point of that just to generate competition around it creates mistrust in the public with whoever's not in the picture and then they you're gonna give me the wrong pills this is like a it's a wonderful life situation and i'm gonna be poisoned wow i don't know that i would jump to that but uh you you it went if you are a pharmacist you hear that reference all the time you it's the most famous the most famous the famous the most famous pharmacist The most famous.

Famous. The famous. The most famous pharmacist reference in all of cinema. No kidding. Yeah. There's got to be another one. I don't think so. I think there's even movies called The Pharmacist that people don't know about. But the pharmacist, Mr. Gower, in It's a Wonderful Life, who in the alternate reality where George

Bailey was never born, he is a man. I love it when you do your movie voice. A manslaughterer. He didn't intend to poison those people, but he did, and it turned him into an old rummy. So have you ever been pharmacist of the month? A few times, yes.

Well, good. A few times, yes. Not always. I think Pat Foley is probably the one who's gotten it the most. Oh, yeah. He's handsome. That has nothing to do with anything, but I'll just say when I see that picture up,

I'm just like, he's handsome. A lot of people think he's the owner of the CVS. Oh, interesting. Yeah. When they see him behind the pharmacy desk, they're like, what are you doing here? You must be the owner. Are you pretending to be a pharmacist? And he says, no, I'm a pharmacist.

And they say, well, you're so handsome. I don't know why people assume a handsome man. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that stupid? It's so stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid.

It's the stupidest. Oh, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make my mistake. It didn't work. See, and you know what? On the third playback of this episode in my car, I'm going to get mad every time I do that. I'm going to say you're stupid, Joan.

And famous is, of course, that's a little bit of a dignity falls accent uh you know people of a certain age we haven't really talked about the dignity falls uh sort of very briefly we talked about local slang yeah and the sometimes it sounds like we're making a mistake but what it actually is is it's our accents coming through right and we And we don't make mistakes. And there's no consistency. It's really, really hard to sort of like nail down what all the colloquialisms are. Exactly. They couldn't do a mayor of Dignity Falls like they did of East Town. They could not.

Kate Winslet could never master the accent. It's too hard. No, it's too hard. It's too difficult. There it is again. See, that's one of them. Yeah. Difficult.

Yes. Difficult. And how do you say tooth? Oh, I say tooth. That's right. Yeah. Sometimes we say tooth, and it's just... I got a toothache.

I got a toothache. And then sometimes, if you're from Old Town, then you say toothache. Toothache, yes. And it's just... Backache. Again, it's so complicated. Yeah, I got a headache. Yeah.

Or that weird thing we do where we just cut off the last or the first letter of something. You can never tell. Right. So we're going to the arc. We're going to the par. And it's so confusing. Because it's interchangeable. And I've never been able to figure that out.

And you are a lifetime resident of Dignity Falls. I know. I am. Yeah. Which is sometimes Dignit Alls. That's right. Sometimes they take off the first letter of something. Sorry.

See, even explaining it is just, well, not that interesting, frankly. Should we cut this, Doug? Yeah, we'll cut this part out. Oh, is that up to me? I like it. Well, I don't know about that. I think it's a good lesson.

I mean, okay. Well, then we'll keep it in. All right. Then we'll cut this part out. Oh, is that up to me? I like it. Well, I don't know about that. I think it's a good lesson. I mean, okay. Well, then we'll keep it in. No, sorry. Then we'll keep it in. So we were talking last time about how you tried to talk with your fellow pharmacists. Yes, the gang at work. The gang, that's right. You call them officially the gang.

Do they know that? Oh, I mean, I did say hey gang once. Okay. They're probably on board. I don't know if they took that to mean, hey, we're the gang now. And you had a murder mystery party at La Monica's, the Chinese restaurant. It was very crowded and people thought that. On Italian night.

On Italian night. It was crowded and people were upset when someone stood up and said there's been a murder. Yes, they didn't. We hadn't told anyone beforehand, hey, we're playing this game. You probably should have. Oh, we definitely should have. To be honest. And how many of there were you?

There were six of us. I mean, you were just like A waiter's nightmare When y'all showed up In your outfits In your cravats In your cigarette holders Yes

And obviously not With lit cigarettes But you know You can buy those Well you know Because you're in the Show business Of course

You can buy those Prop cigarettes That look like they're lit They have like a little Fake ember on them You sure can They're disgusting Boy do they smell bad

They do smell bad Do you remember The kind of cigarettes You could get that was gum And They have like a little fake ember on there. You sure can. They're disgusting. Boy, do they smell bad. They do smell bad. Do you remember the kind of cigarettes you could get that was gum and you just do a little puff? Of course. The little sugar would come off. They were a lot of fun. Oh, I would just walk around the house

as Betty Davis. Oh, it's not cool anymore. I guess kids can't pretend to smoke now. So have you had any more activities with the gang? We went to the amusement park. we went we went to diggity and uh we had a wonderful time it was pouring rain so we were the only ones there i've never understood the name ever ever diggity i mean i guess it's it's a play on dignity i know but

that's it and we had the hot diggity dogs we've had the stand for a long time it's a play on dignity. I know. But that's it's only Diggity. And we had the hot Diggity dogs. We've had the stand for a long time. It's just It's not even Diggity Park. It's just Diggity. I know. And I guess that would explain

the one ride that's Diggity which is just the shape of a hot dog and it just goes like that. But it's like a very low In some amusement parks it's the pirate ship. Yeah, but it barely

it's the pirate ship but it barely but the arc of it is very It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Honestly, it makes me throw up more to go on something like that because it's just barely moving really yeah so you you get cars backing out of a driveway but on the open road you're fine it's a bad combo for me so i hate the diggity i never ride the diggity i always made

doug ride it with the kids you won't ride the diggity. I never ride the diggity. I always made Doug ride it with the kids. You won't ride the titular ride. I will not ride the titular ride. Right. But then they do have the falls part. This is what I don't understand because then there's the falls ride. The fall, which is the roller coaster.

And they call that Dignity Falls. And they call that Dignity Falls. And that's the roller coaster. And we went on that thing. It's a roller coaster slash flume. We had so much fun on that thing because- Love that one. It loops and loops

in the water. You have to sign a form. Oh, you have to sign so many forms. You have to hold your breath. You have to promise to hold your breath. You have to promise to hold your breath. You have to... The wait time is so long because everyone has to swear in the Bible

to the ride operator. And he's kicked out a few he or she you know those kids are sharp and they will kick you out for lying they'll say i don't believe you i don't believe you get always tell the ones who did it because you could always tell they get off and they look not well yeah uh and they're they're they're soaking wet yeah uh you know you don't get off that ride dry. No. But what was great was because it was pouring rain, we were wet anyway. And we were the only ones in the park. The only ones?

I don't know why they kept it open. They should have just said they should have closed. But we got there early. And so I guess they were like, maybe we'll close after these people leave. But we were there all day long. And we had a wonderful time. So you just rowed everything. We rowed. That's your accent coming out.

See, it's that thing. Again, the tenses are crazy here. We rowed. That's your accent coming out. See, it's that thing. Again, the tenses are crazy here. We rowed that thing. We rowed every row. And what was fun was like sometimes we'd all sit together. Sometimes we'd spread out, you know, in the whole, in all the cars, you know, on all the rides. And, you know, we had the most fun, of course, the one indoor ride, which they call a dark ride, which is where you get on a little cart and then you, you know, you just go through various like artworks or whatever, little stands and things like that. Like in Disneyland, they have the Mr. Toad.

Oh, sure, sure. So this is a ride like that. And it was the history of Dignity Falls. It takes you through the history, the present and the future of Dignity Falls. Yes. It's kind of cool. It's kind of throwback. I'm surprised they still have it.

Well, they've updated it. So they've taken some things out from the past which were questionable. Oh, which ones? Oh. I mean, I think you'll remember which ones. Fair enough. From the lens of today, they're no longer appropriate. Yes.

And so they have been removed. And does it just say that? That part is very short. Does it just say that? From the lens of today to the lens of today, they're no longer appropriate. Yes. And so they have been removed. And does it just say that? Does it just say that from the lens of today to the lens of tomorrow? No, they have, they do not acknowledge it. Oh. And that the past part is very short. Very short. Are they sticking to the future? Because the future vision was

horrific. They've changed the future. It's not as horrific, but there are a lot of fires everywhere. Oh, no. They've added chuds. Well, now that just seems a little ridiculous. And the present, what they've done is they've just taken out one of the walls. So you're just looking at the park and it's like, yeah, this is now. Like it's just a side of the wall opens up and it's just the parking

lot yeah but fun still fun so much fun the chuds were a nice touch you see him coming out of the man like a manhole opens and closes opens and closes and there's like a little guy in there cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller there he goes well done well done

well done diggity well I'm glad well diggity done because you know He's like, oh, cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller. There he goes. Well done. Well done. Well done, Diggity. Well, I'm glad. Well, Diggity done. Because, you know, I used to do the stage show when I was growing up. Yes. You know, and I was part of the Diggity players. I never got to see. Yeah.

You were part of the Diggity players? You never saw the Diggity players? No. My parents, they forbid me from going to the park. Again, this just sounds so on brand for you, Burt. But why wouldn't they let you go? I think it was a weird association with the movie Pinocchio where they thought I would be abducted

by a fox. You know what? I'm sorry, but I hate that story so much and I've never cared for it. Pinocchio? It's so upsetting. It's weird and there's too many things happening. Well, the idea that someone's conscience could be a bug is just sickening to me.

Sickening? A dumb cricket telling you about right and wrong? No, they can't even get out of a house. They just sit there and make a bunch of noise. I just feel like, again, I just feel like there's so much to keep. What story are you going to tell? I mean, because otherwise, focus on the cricket that talks. That is enough for one story.

Or focus on the fact that your nose grows long when you lie. That's enough for one story. Like I always forget that that's another detail Pinocchio. They do pile a lot into Pinocchio. He's a puppet who came to life. Any of those things spin one story from one of those facts. That's it. Not all of them.

No one's surprised to meet him. No one. That's those facts that's it no one's surprised no one's surprised to meet him no one that's the part that's just taken for granted geppetto is like somewhat surprised but he accepts it immediately because this was his fondest wish yes but then everybody else is like oh hi right and now there's two pinocchios coming out two pinocchio movies did you know this i did not know dis Disney's and there's one by Guillermo, okay, Guillermo del Toro. Oh, well, that one's going to be terrifying.

I can't wait. Yeah, that's not going to be, that won't be IP. Oh, that's right. I like what Disney does where they take a movie that already, a cartoon, and they say,

what if we just made this a real life looking? Isn't that fun? And not change anything. Nope. We'll just do it. Not improve it, do not change anything nope uh we'll just do not improve it really not improve it we'll we'll just make a pinocchio where it's a it's an actual gigantic fox wearing clothing walking around make it somehow creepier than the original ones which is really yes exactly you know what this needs it needs to be in an uncanny valley let's do that

yes yes okay i'm glad we agree on that i I love they do it. Really quickly. Where are you today? Oh yeah. Doug, Doug, our engineer who is also Joan's husband. Uh, where, where are you located today,

Doug? I am outside today. Actually. I'm, I'm by the sinkhole out back. Oh, you have a sinkhole. I'm sorry.

Yeah, no, it's on purpose. Oh, you, you've, you've built a sinkhole. Yes.

Yes. It's sort of like, um, speaking of amusement parks, Doug has this sort of idea that after the kids are gone, he's had this long-term plan. Because we have so many rooms. Yes. So many. So many. Because we have all these different themes.

And again, your house is very deceptive. It looks like a nice two-story home. Yes. From the outside, but inside it's, oh. It is. You could go mad. No, I'm not saying it's still nice. It's still nice. It's great. I didn't mean to. It's still nice. It's still nice.

I didn't mean to imply it wasn't nice. It's just great. For fans, you know, fans, right. And they talk about how in the world they tried to figure out the schematic of the house and how it would work.

And we have a lot of things underground, which again, just like an amusement park does. And, and he has this grand plan that maybe we can turn our home into some sort of not amusement park. I don't want to say, but I don't remember the word you used, but pleasure town. Yes.

Yeah. Oh, like pleasure Island. But you didn't pleasure town. That sounds. So I don't know why pleasure town involves something a little unsavory pleasure town. Well, we're definitely not sticking with that title, but it's what Doug calls it right now. And it's sort of like, it's sort of like,

speaking of your friends, the gang, this is a- Yes, my dear friends. There are some corporate spaces. And when I used to perform, you know, and do corporate shows and stuff like that, there are some corporate spaces where they're sort of themed. You know, you can have a corporate event in a room that seemed like

a circus on a room that seemed like the it's true. And so he's thinking, oh, we could rent out the house, various rooms. You have your party in this room and this room and that in the backyard. Maybe there'd be like a stunt show or like a Hollywood moment. So that's where he and he's starting with the Hollywood moment. Yeah. Hollywood yeah hollywood moment right what what does that mean you know for those of us not in the biz you know where i think you see something otherworldly and it makes you feel like you're in a movie like either a disaster movie which would be a sinkhole right right and there's gonna be like you know you either have like a universal studios almost like you go on that tour right right which doug loved it he talks about that tour i mean we went in the early 90s he does not stop talking he just thought it was the most he just loves movie

magic is that true doug i i love it those the golf cart shuttle thing that you ride in excited oh that's incredible oh i see Just the tram itself he thought was fascinating. He just thought it was great. Unbelievable. All right. Okay, Doug. That thing turns on a dime. Is that true?

They let him drive one. Yeah. It was really weird. They let him drive the tram. He would not stop talking about it. And the guy doing the, you know, announcement. I think he was just having a board. He was bored.

He was having a board experience. That's a good old dignity phrase. That's a dignity phrase. Yeah. He was having a bored. He was bored. He was having a bored experience. That's a good. He was having a bored phrase. That's a dignity phrase. Yeah. He was having a bored. He was having a bored. And yeah, he let him drive around for a little bit. Wow.

But yeah, so if the other passengers were okay with that. Yeah. They honestly. It was so early in the morning. Yeah. It was very. Yeah. See, the lesson of this episode is get to these theme parks early in the morning.

Sorry. What were you going to say, babe? I was just saying for Pleasure Town. Which we aren't going to call it that. You don't have to groan every time. Pleasure Town. Oh, that's good.

No, we're not going to do it. We're not going to do it. We're going to have an animatronic sort of say that. It's just not. It's not a good choice. I do not grant you the use of my likeness, if that's what you were thinking. Right, well, like if they come in the back and they're all

they think that's like a smoking section or something you know they're coming in the back of what the backyard backyard okay okay

oh you're talking about the sinkhole right now I'm getting to the sinkhole oh right excuse me getting to the sinkhole step out of the room I apologize

they're in the house. Okay. And they're touring the room. Yes. And then there's a smoking section in the back. They think that's not part of the experience. Do you mean like it's actually smoking or people are smoking? I don't want a smoking section in our house.

No. Dear. He's never called me dear. I think he's really mad. This is having a smoke. It's like when someone uses your full name. What did you say? Having a smoke. Having our house. No. Dear. He's never called me dear. I think he's really mad. This is having a smoke. It's like when someone uses your full name. What did you say? Having a smoke.

Having a smoke. Okay. Having a smoke. So for people, so you're, you're, you're designating a quarter in my yard for people to go have a smoke. I think legally,

if you're running a thing like this, you need an outdoor courtyard. We certainly haven't looked into all the logistics of this. It doesn't sound that way. No. Yeah. You need some exits and you need a place for people to, you know, get out of the house of this. It doesn't sound that way. No. Yeah. You need some exits and you need a place for people to,

you know, get out of the house. Yes. Anyway, if they're in the backyard and they don't think they're part of the experience and then a sinkhole forms.

Oh, so it's going to be a reappearing and disappearing sinkhole. It's going to be like a hydraulic situation where you're going to make that ground open.

Wait, how did I do this? comes out at the Universal Studios Tour. Yes, he loved it. Oh, you see that man, the little man? He's fishing in the boat. And then, uh-oh, look out. Here comes this incredibly plastic looking thing. Very much so.

That is destroying this molded man and boat. So let me ask, the man-made sinkhole, is that legal? Again, not looked into it. It's on our property. I'm not sure that matters.

Babe, I don't, I mean, depending on how far you're going to dig down, listen. No, we own all the way,

we own all the way down to the magma. Yeah. The magma. we own all the way down to the magma. Yeah. The magma. You know,

there's so much talk about airspace rights. People don't think about it. Gotta go down. Gotta go down. Gotta go down. Past the earth. No, everyone's sleeping on that magma. People could build a house right under your house.

You gotta be careful. You do. Oh my word. So if I pull up in the golf cart shuttle, like, Hey everyone, this is what this is about. He wants the shuttle.

He wants to have people park down at the bottom of the hill. He goes and picks them up. He does a little walk on to, it's not going to be pleasure town. And, and then he goes in. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing every night when he does this because we haven't discussed it.

I'm not sure I want to be around when people are going. There must be some kind of show. Yeah. Well, we talked about it. Because when you said Hollywood moment, I thought you'd be recreating a scene from one of the famous motion pictures. Well, that's a fun idea.

And also your realty business will be branded everywhere. It's like if you like this house. Like at a baseball stadium. Yeah. Just all over the place. But one ad. Sounds overwhelming. Yes, it does. Well, that's a good idea, Bert, and you know what? I'm going to think about that.

Because I just, I don't know, I guess I don't think about performing in my own home. That's's that's a separate that's for a separate right exactly separate building but that's your sanctuary your sanctum you know your sanctuary right either uh and i now think maybe that would be a good idea because hollywood moment maybe i could create it all right okay try to incorporate that sinkhole because i think that sounds expensive to hollywood moments it also sounds... Two Hollywood moments. All right. Okay.

Well, look, I think this is a discussion for another day. Anyway, my shuttle goes into the sinkhole in front of everyone. They panic. That's not... Who are you? How... That sounds like a lot of work.

We called him an engineer and now he just thinks he can build a sinkhole in the backyard. It's just a blanket over the hole. It's just a blanket over a hole. That's all you need. So you drive the tram over the blanket. Yes, which collapses and it looks like a sinkhole forms and swallows me up.

You are not doing this in our backyard. Is the blanket at least grass colored? That's what I was going to ask. Or is it just some old comforter? All right, we should take a break. We should. We really should. When we return, we will have a guest right here on The Neighborhood Listen.

This is Phyllis. This is Phyllis. Fireworks are illegal. No more explosives. And we're back. Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. We do have a guest now. If a first-time listener should be listening to this.

Get back in your body, Burns. Get down from up there. Here's what I almost said. I almost said, if a first time listener you are, as if I was the famous sorcerer Yoda. Yoda, that's right. There's nothing wrong with that. Can you give me a Yoda?

If a first time listener you are. Okay. If you are a first time listener, what we do here on the Neighborhood Listen is we scour the social networking application, the NeighborHap, where people, Joan,

you're looking at me in a way I was not prepared for. I made eye contact with you and I became extremely self-conscious. Burnt, why can't I look at you? This is happening to you a lot. I look at you because I love you and you're my friend. I appreciate that.

I don't know what you're going to say, so I'm excited. Thank you, thank you. I'm wondering what you're going to say. This part should seem familiar though. If you are a first-time listener, what we do is we scour the social networking application,

the NeighborHap, where people go to talk about their neighborhoods and we look for people talking about Dignity Falls. And then we find people from the posts, either the person that posted or the poster subject. And we invite them onto the show to tell their stories.

And listeners, I want you to know, Bird did that all with his eyes closed. I had to shut them. Because I guess he doesn't want to look at me. I had to make the words. I looked at him and he shut me out. It's not because I didn't want to look at me. I had to make the words. I looked at him and he shut me out. It's not because I didn't want to look at you.

Don't. It's because I had to print the words on the inside of my eyelids so I could read them and not think about them. I fully understand. And I just want to say,

I think what's happening when I look at you is I'm with my eyes helping you to helping that you stay in body. I think it's the idea that I need help that makes me very self-conscious.

I'm very sorry about that. Because it is true, because it is true and I should accept the help, but I turn to the self-loathing. You know, I coach people a lot. I do a lot of self-loathing, you know,

and so it's like when you're leaning toward, you're coaching a singer, you know, and you kind of move, you want, you're singing, you're moving with them,

you're breathing with them, you know, and that's, and sorry, so that took over and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. No,

I think we spent just enough time on it. And so we have a post submitted by a listener. If you would like to submit a post to us, screenshot it on your neighbor app and send it to us at burntandjone at gmail.com. And this one comes from a listener named Corey Stage. And Corey sends this post from Chen.

Chen says, violin lady in front of target, semicolon. Interesting choice. Hello, neighbors. If you go to the Franklin Pierce Target and happen to see a lady with a violin and a sign, she is fake playing for money. I know because the movements of her fingers and the bow, the stick used, don't align with the sounds coming out of her speaker. There has been a rise in these kinds of scams. So beware. Wow. Now, here perhaps to defend herself is the Violin Lady from Target. Hello, please introduce yourself. Hello. Hello, everyone. everyone hi thank you for having me my name is meredith willow hello meredith thank you for joining us oh thank you for having me

it is so nice to be here to be able to confront my bully thank you so much for having me here so now you are meredith i gather you are saying that you are truly playing the violin and it is not a scam i play the violin okay and you play it so. I play the violin. Okay. And you play it. So she, but she's referencing a, uh, just for clarity, she's referencing the radio or speakers that you have. So what you're playing is just, is it just like a background track that you play violin to, or is there violin in the, in that track as well? Well, it depends on the day. Okay. And on that specific day I was playing to a track that did have yes, violin on it. And I was just, you know, as people lip sync, I was play lip syncing along. Okay.

You were violin syncing? Yes. Oh, you were. I was. But you were not playing the violin on that day. Nope. Not that day. Okay.

Okay. But the song coming out of my speaker system, I did play it on a day. So it was one of your tracks it was one of my tracks oh right yeah so i was playing um okay it seems like an interesting choice yes i think my and you might have the same question okay is why do you bother with the pre-recorded track yes when you have the violin why don't you just and you can play the violin you can play the violin why don't you just play the violin okay this. This is exactly, this is lovely. This is a form that I wanted. What are you, are any of you musicians? Because I've been playing violin. Well, I, I, yes, I'm a singer. Oh,

okay. Do you ever get tired? All the time. You ever get tired? You get tired, right? Well, you know, that is true. Yes, I do. I can't just be a dancing monkey in front of the target for all the customers every single day. Some days you're tired. You guys ever heard of Naomi Osaka? Yes. Yeah. Very famous violin player. Nope. She plays tennis.

Oh. Is that true? Yes, but there is. You're thinking about the shape of a violin. No, I am. What's that, Doug? She's confusing the tennis racket for a violin, I believe. No, there is a joke.

Strange. I just have to check with Joan real quick. Is that what was happening, Doug? It's not what was happening. Okay. No, there is a Jeff. I just have to check with Joan real quick. Is that what was happening? It's not what was happening. Okay. Oh, Doug. My fault. I was thinking of a famous violinist.

And yes, of course I know. Yes, of course I know the tennis player. I'm so sorry. Doug, just cut that. Now I'm embarrassed. Don't cut that. Leave it in. Look.

Willow. I'm so sorry. I just got here. I just met you guys. I'm a little spicy. Sorry. I'm just saying. I just got here. I just met you guys. I'm a little spicy. Sorry. I'm just saying she gets tired and she doesn't play. People get mad.

That's true. If I get tired and I don't play, I'm not trying to make people mad. The people in the Target need Meredith Willow to play outside of the Target before they go in and buy more things than they need. Okay. But if she doesn't, if the tennis player doesn't play. Yes. than they need. Okay. But if she doesn't, if the tennis player doesn't play, she doesn't pretend to play in a match. She just stays home.

Is it pretending if I played it once at one time? Well, yes. It's still pretending. It is. It's still, it is an isolated event. Yes.

In that moment, you are not playing. And I do think it, yes. Okay. Well, have you heard of Ashley Simpson? Yes. I. And I do think it, yes. Okay. Well, have you heard of Ashley Simpson? Yes. I have.

I've heard of Ashley Simpson, yes. The violinist? And I know. Well, no, I haven't. I was so afraid that there was a violinist named Ashley Simpson and looks like there is. Looks, there it is. Yes, there is. But I tricked you.

I was actually referring to the musician because... Oh, you were. Sorry, I get spicy. You are spicy. The second incidence of spiciness. It's a good description. Just a little. Well, you remember the incident when she lip-synced to her own song?

Yes, I do. I mean, you just reminded me of it. That was a very long time ago. They played the wrong one. They played the wrong one. That's right. And then she did a little hoedown dance. That's right. And that's not her

fault. And that's not on her. In a way, you're right. I mean, she's not the one who pushed the wrong button, but I do think you set yourself up for possible failure if you're going out there and leaving it to the whims of a sound guy. She was tired. You think that was it?

She was tired. She didn't want to sing that day. What about Milli Vanilli? They don't know how to sing. No. So, so on average. Yes. How often are you actually playing in front of Target? And how, so not only A, how often are you playing in general?

Is it every day? And then when you play, how often are you actually playing? Yes. Because you did say it depends on the day. It does depend on the day. It does depend on the day. What's the schedule? Well, if I, what am I, what are you,

if I tell you this, what's going to happen? Why? You're going to show up with this guy who wrote this post and be like, boo, today's a fake day. I understand. I understand. I'm not trying to put you on the spot.

I ask questions sometimes that I'm only trying to achieve clarity and get to know you better. And I really want people who post about certain individuals to maybe have some context. Because like you said, perhaps they have it wrong. And we're all here. We're here to just understand. Okay. So my question is merely seeking to understand.

Okay. Since you said, like Bert mentioned, you mentioned, oh, it depends on the day. I just want to know more about that. You're seeking to understand. Okay. Since you said, like Bert mentioned, you mentioned, oh, it depends on the date. I just want to know more about that. You're not on trial here. Yes, Meredith, we are grateful for you being our guest today. Yes, thank you. And we just want to set the record straight.

Okay, well, I've been tired for the last five years. Okay. So I said, so five years ago was the first time or the last time I ever played Actually Live. Okay. Can I still play is that can i do i still know how to play do i okay uh we'll get into the maybe the medical ramifications in a moment but let me let me ask you this yeah when chen says that he knows that the uh the fingering

and the bow movement the bow is the stick that they use. Of course. Rude of him to define that. It was a little condescending. I agree. Bowsplaining. Yeah. He must have been wrestling.

Do I just say stick or do I say bow and then explain that it's a stick? He was saying that those fingerings and the bow movements did not match what was playing on the speaker. So is it possible that you don't remember how to play anymore? I mean, this is a question that you just brought up. Yes. And I don't know if you wanted us to answer it, but we're just trying to help you with it.

Did I come here to confront my bullied chin or did I come here to confront my inner demons about whether or not being a fraud for the past five years though i do play to my own track does that make me still a violin player or can i not play i mean to quote the famous gif why not both you think both i am a fraud and also i cannot play i'm saying you can confront both your bully and your own inner demons boy i took that the most negative that's the head space i'm in been tired for five years.

Well, that's informative. Okay, here's my question. Another one is when did you record the track that you play to? Good question. Yes, I recorded it when I went to Juilliard. Now, wait a minute. Wow. This is a big deal.

Maybe the first person from Dignity falls to ever attend juilliard well i auditioned but there was it was a paperwork thing sorry what does that mean a paperwork thing just paperwork thing like you didn't i did say attend yeah my mom didn't fill out the right paperwork we didn't send you know it just there was a is a paper looking for ufos it's a beautiful wonderful perfect audition and i just don't know um it was that that's that's anyways um it's fine it's fine uh tell me what julia was like because i would have loved to have gone well i did get in you said i did i did get in

okay no we i think we assumed that yes because you said when i was at juilliard i did get in i did go for for a day or so oh only a day a day or so. Do you mean like you just went to the building, Juilliard? I went to the building of Juilliard, yes. So you're saying you did get into the building. I got into the building and went to Juilliard and I went inside. I see. I did.

Were you a student at Juilliard? I sure tried. And I did what I did in front of the target at my Juilliard audition. That was the actual recording. That was what I recorded to go in to go to Juilliard. Why did you record it? Because when you record it, then you have the most perfect version of the thing that you made.

Now, listen, I understand this as a live performer. You know, you want to just it's easier when you can do a thousand takes and get the but doing it live. I understand there as a live performer. You know, you want to just, it's easier when you can do a thousand takes and get the, but doing it live, I understand there's pressure. I would assume for Juilliard, they're not, and you're tired. I would assume for Juilliard, they're not going to let you just play a recording.

Of course they're not. I'm just saying I empathize with the sentiment. We're not arguing. I just empathize with the sentiment. Doug, I get it now. Oh, come on now. Listen, you know what? If you two will finally start getting along

and it's just to be to complain about me, then I will take it. I will take it. Okay, deal. I mean, don't run with it. So, okay. Meredith, you... More questions?

I know, I feel like we're... Maybe we should just let her talk a little bit. Sure, yes. Is there anything you'd like... So Chen has said this about you, and obviously you do this for money. People give you tips. And he's trying...

They should. They should. He's essentially trying to steer people away from doing that. Yes, he's calling him a bully. So does this mean there's a past? Have there been other type interactions with chen i i feel as though calling this a scam is pretty rude you know because i did at one time play the song that i am sure pretending to play to play sinking lip syncing they don't have that for fingers and in bows but they should. And, you know, what level of entertainment are you looking for outside of a target?

Yeah, none. It is fair. I'm not expecting it. And here's another thing. If you are visibly, if it's obvious she's not playing, then how is it a scam? Because you know what's going on. No one's getting tricked. I know that gold painted man isn't a robot.

That's right. And I know that, although Doug didn't the first time we saw one of those. Oh my God. What happened? He was blown away. He wanted to take a picture of it. He was going to do like a funny, you know, so, and I, and I'm just thinking, oh, this guy's going to, he's waiting for his moment, you know, because Doug's got his arm around

him, you know, and and he goes and then he turns to kiss him on the cheek when he takes the picture and doug punched him just like instinctually oh like i love those videos those hello videos oh yeah someone on youtube yes when it goes wrong well he went to punch it didn't land don't worry the punch didn't land he just sort of like got him on the chin anyways he was blown away spent the next 10 minutes telling him how incredible he was. You know, he can't really talk and he's just asking him all these questions about how he does it, asking about where he learned, where he trained, could he do it?

You know. Where he trained. Well, we went through a phase where, of course, he would just go down to the kitchen and he'd be there, all gold. Like a statue. All gold. All gold. All gold. All gold. Did I do it again? I don't know't know it's i don't know if he'd be all gold

but okay we're getting away from eric i'm sorry okay so um so i'm not sure that it's have you encountered chen before yeah yeah that was the question i don't know i i don't think i have because i assumed everyone was just enjoying me the question. I don't know. I don't think I have because I assumed everyone was just enjoying me outside there. They don't look at me. They don't give me any tips. What informed you? What made you think they were enjoying it?

Or you just think you didn't bother them? Yeah, there was no negative feedback up until now. There was no backlash. There was no feedback at all? There was zero feedback. I was going to say, did you ever receive a single tip? Not a single, no, no. No.

No. Sounded like there almost was one, but then- I thought, no, no. No. No. Sound like there almost was one, but then. I thought, I was hoping there was. No. Was there something you mistook for a text? I'm wondering,

I was gonna say, I was wondering maybe like a cat fell in one time and she got excited and thought it was a quarter. There are, yes, instances.

You know, like a bottle cap? I'm assuming, yeah, I'm assuming that maybe you had an opening, oh, you meant,

you thought I meant like a baseball cap. First I thought I heard cat, then I heard cap. I should have said bottle cap. No, a bird poo. Oh, a bird poo? Just fell in your highland face?

Maybe you just saw the motion and you thought, oh, I got a tip. Oh, no, you got excited. Yep, I did. Oh, boy. Yes. I'm sorry. It's okay. That's kind of a metaphor, isn't it?

Does it have to be that way? Do you know what I mean? Go on. Well, just a messy splatter like that does it always is that the only speed they have with that function i think it's because they're so high up and then it falls so far down no i do think that is you know come down to the ground to do that then you're right we all use a bathroom why can't they land and go and then get back up and off everybody else is doing it on the ground that That's right. Bert has just one of these weird things where every time he goes out, he gets just shit on.

It happens a lot. He has to put on special epaulets that just sort of, they're plastic. They always go for the shoulders. So that when he gets to work, he can take them off because he looks like a statue, but the different kind of statue, you know, the one that all the birds poop on. And it's a real problem. So in some cases, I don't know that you're experiencing what everyone else is experiencing. That's true. That's true. And it's a real problem. So in some cases, I don't know that you're experiencing what everyone else is experiencing.

That's true. You're like a magnet. That's true. I shouldn't impose my experience on everyone else. I'm sure everyone else is fine with the way birds shit. I didn't mean that. Oh, go tell Doug about it. Come here, brother.

Now that you're best friends. Doug, I got another Joan classic for you Are we gonna call it that? So Meredith Yes You say you've been tired for the last Five years Now have you seen a doctor about this?

Yeah why are you so tired? What happened? Woke up one day or what happened? Well I would go to the doctor, but no one's putting any tips in my little violin case. Oh, no, it's a catch-22. No, no, no. It's a catch-22. But what happened one day? You just woke up and you were tired?

So tired. There's nothing you can think of, nothing in the world that changed in between the day you weren't tired and the day you were tired. Well, I recorded my one track that i play to constantly so you play this you mime playing this one song is it just on a loop it's just over and over on a loop over and over how long are you there in front of the target uh i treat it like a nine to five oh wow

nine to five at the target that's a long time i have to get to the doctor oh i have to five at the Target? That's a long time. I have to get to the doctor. Oh. I have to go to the doctor. I have, okay, now I need to know. You're wondering, did you forget how to play the violin? When's the last time you tried to see if you could actually play the violin? Not in front of the Target where it's scary. At home?

I mean, have you ever actually picked up that violin and tried to put bow to string? Have you heard of imposter syndrome? Of course. I have it really bad. And I can't go to the doctor. Wait. You have imposter syndrome about being a patient? Imposter syndrome.

Am I really a violin player? Okay, sure. Yes. Right. But you can't go to the doctor. I can't? No. News to me. Okay. That's what I was wondering. You can't go to the doctor. Yeah, the doctor. I can't? No. News to me. Okay. That's what I was wondering. You can't go to the doctor for imposter syndrome. That's just going to be you having to realize.

Well, there's a certain kind of doctor you can go to for that. Yes, that's true. Yes, that's true. That's right. So yes, you could go to therapy. See, you talked yourself into a circle there. It looks like Meredith was right this whole time. I do need money to go to a doctor for both my tiredness and my imposter syndrome.

I certainly can't work on a thing. Do you think, Meredith, if you went to a doctor for the imposter syndrome, maybe the tiredness would clear up? Do you think they're related in some way? They possibly are. Oh, sure.

I mean, all that worry that you're not, that you don't belong, you know, or you can't do something everyone thinks you can do that's exhausting i worry so much okay let me ask you this too so you're putting in eight hours pretending to play the violin but you're too tired to actually play the violin right so is it possible that the pretending is so obviously pretending that it's preventing you

from getting the tips. Oh, right. I mean, perhaps Chen is not the only person to notice this. But he's the first person to say something. Yeah. True. Wow. This is tough.

So you're saying, oh, you're saying everything I've been doing to this point is not working. It will never help me get to the doctor. No. Well, yes. I don't want you. I know. We just don't want it to spiral. But yes. Okay. This is great. It's a little tough get to the doctor. No. Well, yes. I don't want you. I know. We just don't want it to spiral. But yes, okay.

This is great. It's a little tough love. This is amazing. You guys are just what I needed. Oh. I'm glad to hear that. This sounds really good. So your suggestion is to, this is the part you haven't filled in yet.

Oh. Go to the doctor. Right. But. I mean, there's free clinics, are there not? Oh, is there a Diggity Falls free clinic? Yes, you could go into the free clinic and say, I'm tired all the time.

And then see what they say. I guess that's step one and step two. They might do some tests, you know, do some blood work. Sure, blood work, for sure, they'll do that. Are you afraid you have any issue with needles? I'm okay with needles, but I'm not sure what they're going to find in my blood. Well, it's usually just a deficiency.

You know, just maybe take a supplemental vitamin. That's all you have to do. You know, all this sounds good because then I can get healthy enough and maybe I can finally move. You know, my house is full of leeches. Okay, this is new information. And I feel like this may have something to do with the tiredness doug what was that doug sorry i almost slipped into the sinkhole uh

no no problem that was a close one yep it's very close another reason why we shouldn't have this so please how many reasons do you need before you say the single is a bad idea 100 oh it's just something i say it's one of those joan classics uh okay so you have a house full of leeches please explain when you say how long have they been there yeah and and also i'm just surprised i don't know leeches to exist in sort of what is not a swampy area. Exactly. So could you just elaborate on it? Are you in Swamp Grove? I'm in Swamp Grove.

Oh, okay. Well, that would explain it. All right. Which is sinking a little more each day. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes, I'm the modern day Shrek, but a woman. I live in Swamp Grove. They've evacuated everyone except me.

I'm the one because I can't move. No one's giving me tips. Where am I going to go? I hadn't heard that they'd evacuated. I mean's good but why why stay you've got leeches so are they are they on you a lot well they're not on me now okay but have they been on you throughout the day every day for the last five years i i don't know what happens when i sleep i do you know i don't know what happens when i sleep so i assume the leeches but you could if you if you're seeing marks on your body if you're feeling depleted in the morning i am so

tired and depleted and i do bleed do you do you wake up with leeches on you in the morning no they're gone they're gone but so you're saying so so you you suspect at least that they have been leeching, literally leeching your blood. Look, Occam's razor would say that the leeches are sucking my blood and so I am so tired. Right. So I'm living a life of catch-22s, I suppose. Okay. It's really tough out there and this person comes out here and tries to call me out. Now, no one's going to ever drop anything in my tiny violin case.

Okay. Why is it so tiny? It's because the other one, my original one, got so heavy after I got so tired throughout the years. So I downgraded to a child's violin. All right. So you're playing a tiny violin. I mean, is it made of wood or is this a plastic item that we're talking about yeah it's made of no it's made of plastic oh no

it's okay so you're playing presumably a brightly colored plastic violin you've seen me at the target i haven't i'm just imagining yeah you're right yes so i i think that people are on to you yes that is probably it if it doesn't really look like a real violin and if the shape is small and it's obvious that you're not actually touching the bow to the violin, I think it's possible that people pass you by and they see what's happening. And they see what's happening

and they're not bothered by it, but they're also not going to give you money for it. And they might even be scared of you. They might, it might be a little freaky, might be a little scary, a little off putting, um,

very pale person pretending to play. Yes. We haven't talked about it, but Meredith, your coloring is very, you look very, uh, pallid and,

um, and like, like it is, you know, you really probably are deficient in, well, anemic, I would imagine at this point. Right. If you really are, if you really have leeches attaching themselves to your body every night, I think we found the problem. Does that track? It sounds like that could be the simplest thing that is going on here. I'm glad to hear you agree. I do agree. But, you know, agreeing is what?

What do I do? I've agreed that that's the problem, and then what? She can really take the rug out from under you with any word, and now I don't know which end is up. Let me ask you this, Meredith. Is there anyone you could stay with? Do you have any friends, family that you could just sort of

stay with for even a week just to get some of your blood back? That would be lovely. That would be so lovely. But my parents left Dignity Falls five years ago. Oh, I see. They didn't want me being a musician. And they thought leaving.

So they left me and they said, if you want to be a musician, fine. You stay in this town and you figure it out. We're going to Florida. So they moved to Florida. I don't understand this reaction. Yeah. I mean, that's extreme.

They left you in the sinking swamp house and they moved to an extreme part of the country. Yeah. Another swamp. Another swamp. I guess they're just swamp people. We're a swamp clan. Yeah. I mean.

It's a lot of hardship for one person absolutely so so tired community again i still didn't get the answer to whether or not you've ever tried to play again in the last five years you never answered didn't answer that i haven't never answered it i haven't you haven't i have not okay i haven't i You haven't. I have not. Okay. I haven't. I think you should. Well, we asked her about that many times. So to be fair, she had to answer it that many times. She's saving it all up. She's just trying to cook. I can't.

I can't. I haven't. And I can't. No, no. Don't you say that. I can't. You don't know that you can't. Because again, how would you know you haven't tried?

Okay. I really want you to go home or I don't know. I don't want you to go home ever again. Honestly. Yeah. You should. Of all the places you should go, don't go I really want you to go home or I don't know. I don't want you to go home ever again. Honestly. Yeah. You should, of all the places you should go, don't go there. You should not go home. Absolutely. You should not go home. I still think you can get help at a free clinic. And then I think you should find a unique community. You know, I think that, let's say we've got the diggity community orchestra. And I think that that could be a place where you could show up and, you know, they do free concerts,

but there's a lot of musicians that I know that teach classes and because it's supposed to be, it's because it's a volunteer basis, you know, it really is sort of an outreach situation for people. And I just think you need to go, first of all, watch someone play the violin. Yes. You know, remind yourself, maybe if you see that happening, your body will remember. That's great. And maybe I can audition for the orchestra. I have the perfect song. Oh, what is it? Yes. Oh no. Are you? Oh, Oh, what? Well, Doug, what was that? Is this it? This is it. You guys see me playing? Well, I mean, you're I can see that you're

Yes You're also holding your phone in one hand And the music is clearly coming out of your phone Shh, I'm playing violin Wow, this is even I mean, she doesn't even have the violin now It's actually not good No, it's

This was the most perfect I ever had it Oh, boy Oh, dear Hey, Meredith, we're going to ask you to stop We're going to ask you to take five Okay She's going to fade it out This was the most perfect I ever had it. Oh, boy. Oh, dear. Hey, Meredith, we're going to ask you to stop. We're going to ask you to take five. Okay. She's going to fade it out.

Had to fade it out. I understand. Okay, so you were how old when you wrote that and played that? Five years ago, I was, what is that? Auditioning for Juilliard. I was around and then we go to 27. You were 27. Okay. Wow.

I would say the first thing you need to do, Meredith, is get yourself at least for one night to a leech-free environment and then take it from there. And I know you don't really, you don't seem to, you don't have any friends? No.

Well, what is a, in what context are we? I guess someone that you could say, hey, can I stay at your place tonight? Hey, can I stay at your place tonight? No. Well, that was a test, and no. So I guess no. I didn't expect that to happen so quickly.

Well, she really did. She called you on it, you know. Absolutely, she really did. She called you on it. You know, she really did. You said no way faster than I thought you would. Oh, dear. You all seem super nice and worried about me, at least today. That's so true. No, I shouldn't do this.

I shouldn't do this. And I mean, even though I. You don't. Well, I do have keys to the pharmacy. And I could let you in there just to spend the night uh i could give you some tablets um to maybe get you back on track well what do you think john i think i think that's i think that's a a recipe for uh a true trouble that's amazing spend the night in a house full of medicine this is perfect it sounds like it's answering my prayers.

Can't you get in trouble for that? I mean, they have cameras. I mean, they're going to see that someone. Yeah. I mean, I could spray paint over those cameras.

He just has a plan already. You know what? I'm thinking on my feet. I'm thinking on my feet. I, I, I just, I worry.

I'm very worried about you, Meredith, because I think these leeches seem very smart because they, they know when they have to skedaddle. Um, and they, they don't take all of your blood because they're like, well, we'll have more tomorrow. Like if we, they're working smarter and not harder. And, um, you know, I think. Do you think they've absorbed my power?

Power meaning? Violin playing. Okay. I don't, based on that recording, I don't think so. Yeah. Vining. Violin playing. Okay.

Based on that recording, I don't think so. I think they got there a little too late. But I do think they're taking your power of a different kind, right? Your power over your own health and your power over your own happiness. And so I do think it's still a problem. I also don't think it's too late to start violin lessons and if you want to do that, that's something you could look into. You could join my band.

Yes. Would you like to join Doug's dad band? Rhubarb Caravan. You changed the name again. How many dad bands are you in? That's true. He is in a couple. So that could be.

One per season. And Rhubarb Caravan is the latest. Yes. One per season. What do you mean? Season like winter, spring, summer, fall or the dad band season? Like if it was a reality show, you know, it's like he does a different, he does a different band every season. Various dad band seasons. Just him another a little hollywood event just you and your mind having

another another little moment so doug do you think meredith that's such a lovely you've heard her play yeah would you guys like to write a song to my track oh is that all sure you can sample it and you can just sort of see what comes, see what comes out of it. What an amazing sample. Then you could have... Absolutely. And then just kind of remix it.

Yeah. Can we hear it one more time? Yes, of course. If you don't mind, Meredith, thank you very much. Here, let me set up my bow. You don't have to go through the whole charade. You could just... Let's just listen to it.

I mean, conserve your strength. Conserve your strength. I must play. We are caravan. Oh, he. Oh. Should there be lyrics? Maybe the theme song of the band.

Maybe the theme song to say we are caravan. The Maruban caravan. There it is. Wow. Wow. But I can kind of hear a hoedown. That could be cool. Like if you give a little oompa oompa to that, I think you could really.

And then, you know, you're kind of like a folksy. Were you guys already a folksy band, Rhubarb Caravan? Because I think that's the way you're headed. More sort of psychedelic gang vocals, everything. Psychedelic gang vocals. Psychedelic gang vocals. Hmm.

Every member of the band sings at the same time. Oh, gang vocals. Not group vocals, but gang vocals. Gang vocals. Yeah, like your gang. Oh, sure. All the gang. Of course, my famous group of friends.

So that is one option for you, Meredith. I've really run into so many riches today a place to stay a new job i don't know if we hit on a place to stay yet but um if you want it if you want to do the pharmacy hey it's not it's your job not mine i just worried just please be careful i mean if only there was a house in town with a thousand rooms look if you would like to stay in the sinkhole. The sinkhole. Yeah, we can set up a hammock. I mean, there's a blanket there already.

That's true. That's perfect. Then I roll out of bed and go straight to work. With my band. It's not that deep. No, not yet. Thank God. You're not going to get the heat of the magma yet. It's just going to be basic. And that's one of your songs, right? The Heat of the Magma? Yes, I love that one. I'm glad you've heard it. In the heat of the magma yet. It's just going to be basic. And that's one of your songs, right? The heat of the magma? Yes. I love that one. I'm glad you've heard it.

In the heat of the magma. All right. So Meredith, are you willing to stay in a hammock suspended over a sinkhole? Does that not sound better than where I came from? Going once. It absolutely does. I'll take it. I'll take it. Oh, this is great news. All right. Well, Meredith, thank you

so much for joining us. And I'm glad we could take some steps to improve your situation. So many steps. Thank you so much. I wish you the best of luck. I think you're a sweet girl. And I think you have a lot of potential. Wow.

And a bright future ahead of you. Thank you. That means so much. You're welcome. And we all hate Chen, right? Is there any final? Oh, sure. Yes, we hate Chen.

We hate Chen. We hate Chen. Chen. We hate him him that's right uh any any final messages to chen before we let you go uh yeah i hope next time chen walks into that target you know what's the season coming up i guess it's fall right i i guess he gets he gets nothing that he wants huh and then the then the Starbucks that's also inside of the Target, I hope he gets no sweet PSLs, no pumpkin spice lattes going to Chen. You know what I mean? And then when he goes to pay,

I hope that card is declined. That's right. And I hope all of that just for Chen. Well, she had that in the chamber ready to go. She's been thinking about that speech. Chen is on blast. Okay, you heard go. She's been thinking about that speech. She was on blast. Okay. You heard it.

You heard it here first from Meredith. Well, thank you so much for being with us. Thank you, my new friends. And I look forward to hearing you maybe in Rhubarb Caravan. Oh, yeah. Welcome. Thank you. Welcome to the club.

Happy to be here. We'll be right back with more of The Neighborhood Listen. Hi, this is kelsey surfboard 150 dollars nine foot three foot long board never in the water was used as a lighting fixture in the house every night every night my husband would go to bed Every night, every night, my husband would go to bed saying, good surfboard, babe. Sounds like the waves are going to be just killer, just popping off. And then every morning, I don't know what happened. He'd just say, oh, no, it turns out the waves are mushy.

It's no good. It's not good. Mind you, I have never seen my husband swim. He bought this surfboard. He bought it for $2,500 on my birthday. And he was like, hey, isn't this going to be cool? Because, like, this is so awesome. Happy birthday, babe.

You know, we always talked about how we wanted to go down to the beach. And I never talked about how I wanted to go to the beach. I'm from Colorado. I like to skate. I like to skate. I like to skate. But he bought a surfboard for $2,500. And when I say it was used as a lighting fixture in the house, what I mean is my children decorated it in Christmas lights. Okay?

I have had a surfboard Christmas tree in my house for nearly 15 years. Somebody please come and take this middle-aged crisis away. Happy holidays. And this stays in. Just do it gang style? Come back

to the show gang style? Gang vocal style? Yeah. I don't know what that gets us. I mean, I guess I'll defer to the majority. Joan, what do you think? I'm just surprised that this is the first time that we've come back from a break and Doug jumped in.

Yeah, and he's requested to be part of the throwback to the show. That's interesting. Doug, why don't you just bring us back in? Okay, I think that's really what this is about. We have done that before. I think he wants to do this. Oh, we have?

Yeah. I feel like that sounds familiar. And I came into this. Boy, we're already just repeating ourselves. We really got to freshen it up. We got to freshen it up. All three of us caravan style. I don't know what that is.

Burt, just do it. We only just learned. He's not going to is we only just learned we only just learned of the existence of this band and now it's already its own style we're supposed to know this style pretty narcissistic i have to say i don't know that you can call it a style caravan style jonah back on your side talking about doug oh my god it's another doug classic it's narcissistic to try to include the whole group okay it's not really the word I meant. It's just the first thing that came out. I was talking about the song style, not us singing together. I understand.

I totally understand. And I understand. Oh, you guys. I totally understand. And I understand. So what is it? It's like, welcome back. No,

it's just all of us. And. Oh, oh, you just mean talking. Yeah. At the same time, we all do it together.

Yeah, I knew it. No, I knew. Oh, I thought you didn't want to say. No, I thought that was even weirder.

Oh, okay. Well, I misunderstood. All right, let's do this. He was more annoyed for different reasons. Let's do this gang vocal style.

Okay. And what are the words we have agreed upon? And welcome back to Neighborhood Listen. Okay. All right. The's do this. He was more annoyed for different reasons. Let's do this gang vocal style. Okay. And what are the words we have agreed upon? And welcome back to Neighborhood Listen. Okay. All right. The Neighborhood Listen or just Neighborhood Listen? Oh, God. The Neighborhood Listen.

Okay. And welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Correct. All right, here we go. Doug, do you want to count us off? Yeah. You count us off, Doug. A two, a three, a four.

Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Well, we don't need to do that again. All right. So you're going to let Meredith stay in the hammock over the sinkhole. Let's be honest. I'm going to put her up in a sweet room. I just didn't know which one. I'm just going to put together a nice little spot for her.

When you say a sweet room, do you mean S-U-I-T-E or sweet? Oh, isn't that fun? I thought you just meant because, you know, we have a couple of sweet rooms. Or the sweet room. S-W-E-E-T, you know, where we have candy rooms. I forgot you had literal sweet rooms. Yes. After the Willy Wonka factory.

Well, you wanted to put her in the pill room, which I just don't think was very safe. Well, you mean the pharmacy. Yes. That's what you call the pharmacy, the pill room. I guess when you have as many rooms in your house as you do, other buildings become rooms. The pill room. I guess when you have as many rooms in your house as you do, other buildings become rooms. The food room.

That's a supermarket. Yeah. So I'm going to put together a nice little spot for her. I'm not going to make her sleep out in the yard. Of course not. I mean, it's still an improvement. Even if she gets bitten by a hundred mosquitoes. Absolutely.

Right. As long as leeches are not sucking her blood, she's already got a leg up. We didn't used to have mosquitoes here in Dignity Falls, and now we do. And I guess it's just, you know, climate change. We didn't used to have fireflies. We have those now, too. And I love that.

I love that, too. It's very, it's very... And we have some glowing mosquitoes. We have some glowing mosquitoes. Which is concerning. And the tarantulas we didn't used to have. I know! And now they're all over is concerning. And the tarantulas we didn't have. I know. What is up with that? Now they're all over the place. All over the place.

And they are eating good, let me tell you, because those glowing mosquitoes are easy to spot. All right. We have time for just one more post from the NeighborHap. And I have it right here. And I'm going to read it. Or would you like to read it, Joan? Oh, sure. Why not?

I'll read it. Okay. Well, I've lost it. Okay. And I found it well this is uh comes to us from uh someone named kim and it's a picture of another another listener uh submission nope it's not a listener submit oh yes it is actually i'm sorry i missed that it's submitted by matt huston or houston i don't know h-u-s-t-o-n planet houston that's what uh

general zod said in superman 2 oh i don't remember that H-U-S-T-O-N. Planet Houston. That's what General Zod said in Superman 2. Oh, I don't remember that. But that's my favorite one. Is it really? Yes. It's just something. That trio. Very sexual.

Very sexual. And they're very compelling. And I just like them. I love the woman. Why? I wanted to cut my hair like that back then. Oh, sure. Susanna York?

I don't even know. Look at you. No, that's a good reference. I could be wrong. But also, why would the yellow sun, I understand the gravity would affect Superman differently, but why would he be able to shoot lasers out of his eyes? Oh, right.

I did forget. Yeah, that was that movie, wasn't it? That's a bit of a reach, right? Also, the one, the main one, I guess the main one would be Zod. Who's that actor? Was it... Terrence Stamp. It's Terrence Stamp. That's right. I didn't come up, I wanted to say Malcolm McDowell and I knew that was wrong it's i mean that was a coin flip but uh the way he blew you know when they're all blowing wind yeah it was a little weird because see the other the big guy he got he kept his cheeks the big dumb guy what was his crime he

was so stupid they still they still sentenced him to an eternal prison in space he looked like a gentle giant he couldn't have known what he was doing he was clearly led astray by the other two and great hair great head of hair beautiful hair but but i feel like he was more convincing in keeping his cheeks puffed you know it was i always laughed when i saw terence stamp he looked like he was whistling he did it cool he did it a cool way yes well he was a general he was sure enough so so here's this is a picture of a piece of pizza do you think those were their prison uniforms that they were wearing those those low-cut silk black the deepest v you've ever seen i mean you know they, they're space uniforms. Space prison is more fashionable than ours.

They put you in a square and then you're done. They put you in a square. All right, we don't have time to re-litigate Superman 2. I apologize. Listen, I will talk about that movie all day long. It really is one of my favorites. Maybe we'll do a special episode where we just talk about Superman 2. Let's do it.

Sounds good. So this is a picture of a piece of pizza a slice of pizza i'm just gonna say it's cheese looks like cheese i think that's a fair assumption on a windowsill and it says it's leaning it's leaning it actually looks like a still life yes it's very rustic this is a thomas kinkade slice of. Whoever keeps putting pizza slices on our windowsill, please stop. You're ruining our curb appeal. Thank you. That's a term of art for you.

It is. It sure is. You're right. You're right. And I do have a question, though, how she would define curb appeal, because I don't know. Is it the worst thing in the world? What does she mean about curb appeal?

Like, if you're driving by. For her as a homeowner. Let's say this house is for sale. Oh, now see, then I might understand. But does she mean that? Or she just mean on any given day, it's ruining the curb appeal. Oh, I thought curb appeal only applied

to houses that were for sale. I thought it did too. And I would say that. It just seems strange that she doesn't specify. I feel like she's acting like just putting the pizza on her home is just ruining it in general then people hate my house when yeah they drive by and they're like oh there's that pizza house which how would you even

self-involved it's like i don't think people care as much as you do i mean unless unless their windows are very small from from the scale of this picture it seems like it's a regular size piece of pizza that i think you'd really have to be looking for it to see it. Yeah. And there's no, we have no idea what the distance from sill to ground is. So, you know, maybe it's also the S to G ratio. Yes. And so it's, it's a little hard to tell how really obnoxious it is. And the thing is, there's worse things than having just a piece of pizza put on. I'm not saying that it's not sort of creepy. Look, we don't want anyone putting anything on our house that we didn't want put there. I get it. All right. Let me ask you this, Joan. Let's say you're inside the house. Okay. And you see through the window, the back of a piece of pizza. And if you open the window.

Okay. And the pizza is hot. Oh, do you eat it? okay and the pizza is hot oh do you eat it i mean we know doug would but me yeah well that's why i didn't ask i know but that's all i can think of is that he'd get to it before i did but uh but you know i don't think so i'm too... If it looked otherwise unmolested. An unmolested slice of pizza. I'll admit it would be kind of hard to pass up. Especially if I was really hungry. Because it's kind of like, oh, this was just left here.

This is a clandestine slice of pizza. Right. And it's okay. You know, it hasn't fallen to the ground. It doesn't look like there are any white marks. Is it from Clandestine Slice? I don't know. Are they still open? I wasn't quite sure.

I thought they went down during the quarantine. Right. I thought that they just went strictly online and they were just making them out of the owner's house. Oh, okay. I thought they shut down all the franchises. For people who don't know, it was a speakeasy pizza parlor

that you wouldn't be able to tell from the know, it was a speakeasy pizza parlor that never, you couldn't, you wouldn't be able to tell from the outside that it was a pizza place. Sometimes it would be a furniture store, sometimes it would be a barbershop, lumberyard. One time it was a dumpster and then you open it up and it leads down into a wonderful pizza parlor. But nobody wants to walk into a dumpster.

I loved when they had the little slider thing and you just see the guy's eyes. Oh yes, you had to have a password. Pizza, pizza. Which was weird because... It was the slogan of another pizza place. Yes. They got sued.

They did. Big time. Even though... I don't think that's against the law just to have people say... If anything, it's advertising for your pizza chain. Indeed. But they did lose a lot of money,

and that's why I'm shocked that they're still around. Where's their latest location, Doug? Do you know? Yeah, so are you saying they opened up one of the locations again? Yeah. I did not know that. Yes, it's near the Swamp Nook, that. Yes. It's near the swamp nook, actually. Oh, that's right.

Because, of course, it's, you know, secretive. So I guess there is one out there. No, thank you. Yeah, you have to take one of the swamp boats. We should have asked Meredith about it. Oh, it's not on that weird little island, is it? Yes. Oh, God.

Who would go there? I hear that people do rituals there. I have heard that, God. Who would go there? I hear that people do rituals there. I have heard that too. Oh, God. I don't want any part of that. You know, I'll get my pizza other places. But now, speaking of, again, the windowsill. Yeah.

Yeah. Here's the thing. Here's the really. Let's get down. Here's the nub of the issue. Here's the really answer. Here's the really answer. As they say in Diggity Falls. is that i would do it one time if it comes to this if it's on the windowsill the next day

not eating it because now now it's something's fishy yes right and you feel like it's a trap i feel like it's a trap and now i am worried that it's poison or i'm worried yes like it's right so this is like i said if this is just a once a time, like once a time. We are talking about pizza. Once a time pizza slice. A once a time windowsill pizza slice.

Then yes. Okay. I'm going to go for it. I'm going to YOLO. You're going to think, hey, this is Boo Radley leaving me some pizza.

Exactly. Yes. And then the next time, now it's creepy. So I understand what I would like to ask Kim is how many times this has happened. You know, then the next time now it's creepy. So I understand what I would like to ask him is how many times this has happened. You know, when someone says, please stop doing this. Oh, has it been a week? Has it been a month? But do you know what I think this is?

What? I think this is a little prank post. You think it's a prank post? I think somebody, I mean, clearly it's a prank. That's what I just thought. Someone's leaving pizza, but you think it's a fake post. I think this person that posted is pretending this is an ongoing thing and it's not a real thing. Oh, I hate it when people do that. No one's going to do that. No one's going to waste a pizza. That is true. I mean, who would do that? That's a costly prank. It's a costly prank. It's just, I mean, you want to eat pizza. You don't want to use it for pranks. Right. Unless you were sending a bunch of pizzas to someone's house and then they have to pay for it. Sure. But again again that's like a one-time thing you're not doing that a ton of times that's a one-time thing it just doesn't seem like um i don't know

kim doesn't seem like she would be into prank posts if kim is her real name i know i know we don't know we forget that the neighbor app is not a secure place and anyone could be in there as anyone, anytime. I know. And that's the problem with all of these apps and these kinds of things where it's just, sometimes it's very uncertain whether it's real. You know, it's like, and that happens with Doug a lot.

Like he sent this video of like a gigantic snake wrapped around a bus, you know, and I think he thought it was real. And then I was like, is it real? And then you're just sitting there wondering if it's real or not. And now, and then I feel like a fool, you know, and I think he thought it was real. And then I was like, is it real? And then you're just sitting there wondering if it's real or not. And now, and then I feel like a fool, you know, and I've wasted my time. You know, I feel so stupid having used so many of these apps, you know, so I used some app where it made your face into a painting.

And then somebody said, congratulations. Now Russia has your face. And I was like, oh no, oh no. I just gave it to them. They're so good at making it. Because they couldn't have gotten it any other way. They missed all the other pictures of me. And now that I've put online and now they found this one.

Oh, no. And Russian Alvrusha will impersonate me. Oh, I'm sorry. I know. I know. What happens when the Russian burnt comes here to take my place? I don't know that that's what's going to happen. What else could they be doing?

Why would they be taking just random people's pictures? They're just going to replace us. They're going to replace us. With doppelgangers? With Russian doppelgangers. Now, I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this is what I think is happening. Okay. All right.

Well, hey, listen, if you like to- Oh, we're going to just stop there. Okay. Did you have more to say? No, no. Honestly, it's probably best that we don't go down that that that sinkhole, that particular sinkhole. Duh.

Okay. We we do have to go. Thank you so much for listening. If you would like to send us a neighbor had post of your own that we've maybe missed on the on the on the app, screenshot it and send it to us at Bert and Joan at gmail.com. And we thank you for it. Thank you for listening to the neighbor. Listen, until gmail.com. And we thank you for it. Thank you for listening to The Neighborhood Listen. Until next week, goodbye.

And bye. All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Meredith was played by Kimia Bepornia. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.